The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 427 - Gouverneur Morris

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Founding Father Gouverneur Morris.SourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

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bilingual American History podcast. Each week I, David Anthony, read a story from American History to my friend. A Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Why are you dancing? Because I had a rhythm to it. Didn't you feel the rhythm? No, I didn't feel anything. Did you feel that in your bones if you the rhythm of my intro now we got to use our phones if you the rhythm of the intro. Nothing? Come on. No, absolutely nothing. I just what I think is happening is a lot of people turn off turning off a podcast. Well, I think a lot of people and this is impossible but I think a lot of people who didn't have it on heard

that and turned it on. Okay, so you you understand that you're an idiot yeah like you don't know how anything works. It's been a tough pandemic. Yeah, I mean for a lot of people. For me it's very hard. It's for you it's been very almost not hard at all. I've suffered more than anyone. You're just sitting in your apartment eating vegetables playing with a cat and working out. That's that's the extent of your nightmare. And I'm shocked that I'm getting through it. I mean we all are and disappointed. Thank you. Did you understand that? Did I? Yeah. Yeah. Everybody's proud of me. Roger Dodger. All right. Well, this is a good talk. Great

podcast. I will talk to you next week. I can't believe how easy these are getting. Farewell, friend. So a couple things. First of all, we both have other podcasts that we do. I do a podcast called the West Wing Thing in which a screenwriter Josh Olson and I discuss how the West Wing has destroyed American politics. So you know, check that out. And then you have another podcast, although you don't do it. There's a long point which retired, but yeah, sometimes in current events, this world needed the our look at the news. So point versus point is now having putting out special episodes every other week. See, you're doing something for

America. Oh, and then Thursday nights, watch me on Instagram live at Reynolds Gareth, garriffs, send suggestions to garriffslive at gmail.com and I will rip on them. You also have a video series. And I have videos you can watch with me in my cat that are, I don't know what to call them, but I think we're on the way to dystopic. So I think they're called, I think they're called micro movies. They're micro movies, but there is, I think there's a something's happening in the world. I think they're getting, they're getting a little, I'm becoming Martin Scorsese with my cat videos now. There's so much time. I'm like, I need this

shit. Yeah. When you're trapped in your house with the cat, the videos are gonna become very, very artistic. Yep. Yep. And called it quote, his jam patch. I'm the fucking hippo guy. My name's Gary. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly podcast. Okay. This is like an up five part coefficient. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. That's like a hippo. Actually. January 30th, 1752. You're by Lord.

That I, this is... Is that the year of our Lord? Yeah. Lord Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. This episode is, I found, because when we were going through last week's episode, there was a character in there and I was like, what's this guy's story? Now, now we're gonna hear that story. So it's kind of a... The last one, the high voiced fancy man who ended up having beans for balls, right? That's right. Govenir Morris was born in the province of New York. His father was Louis Morris Jr. His mother was Sarah Governir, which

is how he got his first name. They used her maiden name as his first name. Okay, right. Always a pleasure. Yeah, that's what you do. Yep. To really fuck up your kid. Well, this is a time when there weren't a lot of names to go around. There were hardly... You and your family would be splitting a morsel of name. Yeah. I mean, they had seven names. They had seven names to go around to Earth. That's right. He was given his mother's maiden name as a first name. The Govenirs were Huguenots or French Protestants. I don't have to tell you, you know that. Obviously, yeah. They're not astronauts named Hugh for those of you at home thinking that.

In 1663, they fled Europe to New Amsterdam. Morris became hot shit, or the Govenirs, sorry, became hot shit. His grandfather was a governor of New York and his uncle a governor of Pennsylvania. This guy becomes governor Govenir. Get out of here. Give me more. He was raised in Morrisiana. Morris... Sorry, say that again. Morrisania. That's what they named their estate. They named their estate Morrisania. So they were willing to come up with a new name for their estate. Their son, they're like, yeah, what do we have laying around? This? This'll do. Well, their name is Morris. The last... What's Morrisania? That's just... That's what they

just... They just named it after the last name. Sure. They just used the Transylvania technique. They're like, Atavania. That's right. It's a 1600 acres state in what is now the Bronx. Oh, my God. Hey, what would that place cost now, Dave? So, Lewis, his father, wasn't thrilled with the first batch of boys he had with his first wife. Sure. Treat them like muffins. Love it. That's right. She kicked it. She's gone. He married Sarah after that, and then he had a young Govenir, and he really saw something in this kid. He thought this kid was the cream of the crop compared to the other brothers. Okay. This kid actually had something. He

had a kid. He found a kid he liked. He got a keeper. That's right. He's going to cherish and support him and nurture him. He had pulled his other sons out of Yale after not liking the school's connection to religion and saying everyone in Connecticut was, quote, low and cunning. This guy has a heart. He's hard to get a read on. This guy, he's doing some good. He's doing some bad. He wanted the best for Govenir. Quote, it is my desire that my son, Govenir Morris, have the best education that is to be had in Europe or America. If you love your son, you just, you don't name him Govenir. He came to this point. If you

love it, you're like, he's going to get the snot kicked out of a school. You're Billy. In 1671, when he was nine, Govenir was sent to the Academy of Philadelphia, which had been founded by Benjamin Franklin. Okay. Former president. President. That's right. We've learned on this show. He was indeed a leader of the country at one point. The next year, Govenir's dad died. Okay. Thank you for cutting into my joke with a death. Appreciate it. Okay. So now he's got no mother, no father. Or no, he's still his mother. I'm still alive. In his will, Govenir got a slave, his father shaving box, a seal ring, and a pair of gold

buttons his father wore every day. How old is he? He's 10. Dave, it is beyond comprehension for a 10 year old to be willed another human being. Yeah, no, it's human being. Yeah. It's not great. Tell you what, it's really made me forget the other things that were on the list. Those are, what else was on the list? You could, like my mind exploded when you said that he left him a slave. He's shaving a box, a seal ring, and a pair of gold buttons. A seal ring? I assume it's a ring made out of steel. Oh, okay. That's what I thought what you said. So three years later, Govenir went to King's College in New York. He was really great

at math. He would quote amuse himself with rapid calculations in his mind. Oh my god, it is mind. Oh boy. That's what we call a fucking weirdo. Hey, so you're laughing about numbers and your name's Govenir. Do you want me to beat the fuck out of you or do you want me to just give you want to give me everything right now? How do you want to handle this? Now, go ahead and beat the fuck out of me. All right. Pleasure is mine, loser. He and his classmates, torture teachers, if they didn't respect them, they threw books at the head of the Latin master. They made fun of the morals of the math and science professors. So all around shitty,

shitty kids. Right. I'm not knowing children, right? In August 1766, Govenir was home from King's when he accidentally knocked over a kettle of boiling water. Oh dear. The water landed on his right arm and side. The burn was brutal. He would forever be scarred. And years later, his arm would be described as having quote all the flesh taken off. It was looking like all the flesh was taken off, which is cool. Yeah. So his arm for the rest of his life looked like all the flesh had been taken off, which I assume it had. You've just completely changed boiling water for me. That is no longer a thing where I'm going to go, got to do that, then

get over here. I'm going to be like, all right, we've got a bomb on the stove. That's great. I want there to look like there's flesh on my arm later. Have you heard about Govenir? I haven't. Oh, well, I don't know all of it, but basically. That's a good story. Yeah. And I think there's three quarters more. After the burn, he took a year off college to heal. And then he returned and graduated at 16 years old. Okay. Are we getting any follow up with the fact that he was left a human being? Is that is that left a left a human being? He was given a slave as a child. No, that's that's gone. That's just a thing. Just a thing he has now. All

right. Thank you, buddy. It's just a kid who owns another person. Thanks for the closure, man. Thank you. So he then became a lawyer as his father and grandfather had been. He apprenticed as a clerk for Williams, Jr. in New York City. He made a lot of a lot of money. It helped. It helped that his family used him for services. He made 200 to 300 pounds for some jobs, which is about nine to 13 K today. Wow. Okay. The moot of fancy lawyer society invited him to join. Oh, the moot, the moot. Someone fucked up with the naming, but yeah. Right. Brentman, the colonies were heading towards war and Goveneer's family

was split on who to support. His half brother, Lewis, was one of a group of men who signed the Declaration of Independence and elected delegates for a provincial Congress. Wow. Was this before superdelegates? Yes. Okay. Way before. Goveneer Morris was picked to be a delegate. His mother and sisters chose to support the British. So Goveneer was still hoping the sides could work it out without going to war. So, you know, his family. So this is when you were voting, they were voting for? They picked delegates for a provincial. So like the first Congress, like to figure out how to do the country. Right. Some guys just

got together and picked like the dudes who they thought would be best. Okay. Got it. The best minds, right? Right. So the provincial Congress met in New York in May 1775. Goveneer was just 23 years old. Wow. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. 23 I wasn't as well. We're near. Yeah. You think you could? Yeah. I was a lawyer at 23. So 16. One delegate there said Goveneer understood tough issues quote as if it were by intuition. In the fall of 1775, New York sent an army to invade Canada. Right. Sure. We've all heard of that. Right. Yeah. It's just one of the things you got to do. Yeah. Yeah. The plan was to stop. Yeah. The truth is when you are,

when you are as aggressive and as like as stacked with weaponry as we are, Canada's like the little brother. So it's just every now and then you got to go over there and give a couple nookies. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Cross the border. Come on. Let us be the worst. Go on. Let us get away with all the war crimes, you fucker. Yeah. I love you. So the reason they were, they want to invade Canada was to stop the British from using Canada as a base. That was the idea. Sure. So Canada was really a chew toy essentially at that point. They're like, well, why can't, okay, we won't let them. It's like, no, unfortunately to make

sure you don't get invaded. We're coming in. So it didn't, it didn't go well. And Governor argued against doing it. He thought it was a bad idea. Invading Canada? Yeah. He said, quote, well, not that reason. He said, quote, for the most part, the soldiers from this town are not the cream of the earth, but the, but the scum. So he's saying the reason why not to do it is because he is a shitty army. Yeah. Right. Okay. Right. A bunch of New Yorkers. He's like, fuck, didn't me? Finally, someone has some morality. No, it's not that we're going to get the shit kicked out of us. I should know. My name's Governor. I've had it beaten out of me many times. The attack failed. He was right. He

tried to join the army in February 1776 as a colonel, but he was not accepted due to his arm. Instead, the position he wanted was given to a army. They're like, sorry, didn't you understand the deal? It's not what it means. So sorry about that. It's not called the arm, but it's not called the two army. It is. And you just changed it. Well, we're doing stuff on the fly. We're a brand new country. So it's called the two army. The guy, I heard you talk to the guy. I heard nothing of this. If you look at all the forums, you'll see that we've drawn two in front. It just, it's been there for a while. I'm going to keep my ear open. And if I find out that this is not that this isn't on all the

stationary, I'm coming back and I want to be a colonel. We'll all be on all the stationary by the time you get back for sure. Your arm, this skin, skin and bones, no skin, no skin. I don't think I want to be here anymore. Colonel, no skin arm. All right, this party's over. So he tried to join the army, but this, this other guy got the position that he wanted and the guy was a shoemaker. We're only hiring one colonel guys. So we're going to go from the top. All right. You guys know all the moves. We're just looking for one. We're filling one replacement today. The guy was a shoemaker, which offended Govaneer. And then he was offered to be his Lieutenant Colonel, but he refused. Hey, I understand

that you could work for me if you wanted. I was, I reckon we throw a bunch of heels at him. What did you reckon? I'm out of here. Why? Never mind. No, you got to stay here. That's an order. No, I'm not. No, you weren't paid now. I don't eat this shoe. Oh, piece by piece. You're not good at this. Please. I'll eat it. Just tell me it's an order. No, I have a fetish. I know you do. Cause you're fucking a shoe right now. So he was reelected to the provincial Congress in May 1776. And in June, he sat on an investigating committee to hear evidence of a loyalist plot to kill George Washington. Holy shit. It turns out one of Washington's bodyguards, Thomas Hinckley, was planning to kill him by serving him a

bowl of poisoned peas. And by the way, who's great, great, great grandson would later kill John Lennon. Whoopley. Easy. So you have a bowl of poisoned peas? That's how you do it. That's how you kill the greats. Oh, man, it's just seems so easy to turn that meal down. What? No. Give me some frost flakes, maybe. Not even poison pie. Yeah, like, yeah, exactly. Be like, would you like some razzleberry pie? Well, I would love a little razzleberry pie instead of like, here's a bowl of peas. What? Here's a bowl of peas you'd eat. Excuse me. What did you have? These are plain peas. Have them. I'm good. Eat just two. I don't want any. Try to eat as, try to eat it half a handful and then see if you can eat a bigger

handful. I don't feel. I'm not interested in peas right now. And I'm not sure why you brought them into the boardroom. I'm not eating right now. I'm actually just planning. All we're doing is give peas a chance. No, no, I'm not saying I'm not saying anything. They're not poisoned. I'll take them away, but they're not poisoned. They seem like they're poisoned now that you've said that. These peas poisoned. Well, if they're so poisoned, my friend, why would I take a handful and eat them? Mother of God. Are you okay? Are you allergic to peas? Yes, yes. That's entirely what it is. I'm having an allergic reaction as I always do to peas. Now I'm going to die. I don't want any coroner near me. This is purely a regular

pea death. You actually acted it out. Again, baby. Hinkley was hanged in the bowery in front of a huge crowd. The others involved. How did they find out the peas were poisoned? I don't know. Interesting. That's another story I might have to dig into. Next week. The others involved were rounded up. Half-brother Richard was one of those brought before the committee. Because he's a part of the plot? Yes. That brother was a loyalist trying to kill Washington. Richard just pledged to support the provincial Congress, and that was enough. Off he went. Okay. Great. Good. So party loyalty still effective. The British were going to attack New York, so the provincial Congress moved 25 miles north to Kingston

in February 1777. They met in a 100-year-old stone building that had a prison in the basement. It smelled so bad that Gov. asked everyone else if he could smoke to get rid of the smell. Wow. How bad it is. That's pretty good. Boy, it smells like shit in here. Does anyone mind if we make it smell like cigarettes? I've been in that position, though, where you'd rather cigarettes than what's going on. Yeah, I'd never have. At least as a smoker, I would say. That's what he said. That never... Come on. Get another cigarette. That'll help. It's not remotely anything that anybody would want. I'd rather smell shit. Really? I don't know. Yeah. It's awesome. Gov. and two others were chosen to write the New York State Constitution.

He's only 25 years old and he's writing the New York State Constitution. That's crazy. Is this one they put in that you can cancel elections? That's right. One of the others, John Jay, kept on trying to put in anti-Catholic stuff. I love a guy who's just like, yeah, but then also, don't forget. Fuck the Pope. Don't forget, the Pope's a huge jerk off. Gov. was not big on Catholics himself. He thought the clergy was corrupt and the followers were superstitious, stupid, and their beliefs, quote, absurd. All right. So this guy's out of his mind, huh? Talk about not aging well. Get a position that will look good in the future, dummy. Thank you. But as far as the New York Constitution, he pushed back to allow

Catholics to worship as they wanted. He also tried to get anti-slavery language put in, but it was rejected by the legislature. The New York Constitution, Gov. helped write, was ratified on April 21st. So that's pretty good for the rest of my 25. By the way, nobody has a problem with people being religious. Go do it, but just treat it like weed 10 years ago, do it in your home. Shut the fuck up about it. In May of 1777, Gov. was picked to be one of New York's delegates to the Continental Congress in Philadelphia. So he's moving up, moving up to higher Congress. What does the Continental Congress mean, Dave? That's the first, it's going to be the first

Congress and they're going to, they're going to write a constitution and come up with how the government should operate. Okay. So that is, that's the big one. Yeah. They're forming the way the whole enchilada is going to work. Right. And by the way, I got good news for them perfectly. Yeah. It never goes wrong. Never. That's the cool thing. Thank you. Nailed it. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. No, now it's starting to feel like our, like our constitution was like when you sign

up for the iTunes licensing agreement so blindly. Yeah, yeah, it's fine. And now you're like, wait, what the fuck did it say? Shit. He could do what? But before he went to Philadelphia, the Revolutionary War kicked off. Instead of going to Congress, he was sent to look at, look into the loss of Fort Ticonderoga. The British had captured a fort way up north. That's right. It's made out of pillows. Try to get inside if you wish. After looking the area over, a governor wrote that they should get rid of all Northern settlements, boat, drive off the cattle, secure or destroy the forage. It's very rough terrain. It's wet, wooded and steep. He figured it would make the wilderness harder for the British

to cross. I mean, he is just saying torch it. Yeah. Basically. Not torch it, but just make it a nightmare. Right. Okay. Get rid of roads. Get rid of all that shit. But the Council of Safety just wanted info that would calm people down because they were freaked out about losing the fort. The Council wrote, quote, we could wish that your letters might contain paragraphs for the public. The people suspect the worst because we say nothing. And they should be expecting the worst. Yeah. The British have attacked a fort, but it's not great. And they're like, what about good stuff?

Yes, but if we focus on the time, we wouldn't let any Chinese people into the country. That seems to be when we really peaked with our decision making, wasn't it? Peter wrote back that he didn't know he was supposed to, quote, write the news. He was quickly called home. Wow. Fuck me. He's like, sorry, I was up here thinking. Yeah. That's it. Send him home. As far as using the wilderness to stop the British, he was right. Trees were cut down, streams were dammed, anything that could slow them down. And it worked. British advance turned into a nightmare. In October.

What's up ahead? It's another thing of wood. Oh, fuck God. Take. What should we do? Well, I say that we just set up base because we've been climbing over logs all day. It's absolutely absurd. I've got tea. Of course you've got tea. You're the tea boy. Now, give us a round. Where's Lumpy? Hello, Governor. Yes, I suppose in a way we all did expect you to show up in some capacity and didn't know where or when, but pretty low hanging fruit, if you ask me. But at least it's been plucked and we no longer have to stand on pins and needles. So yeah. Yeah, you like that?

That's good. In October, 1777, Governor left for Philadelphia to go to the Continental Congress, but the British moved to attack Philadelphia so Congress had to flee the town of York 90 miles. But if they just cut down all the trees, do you like that? Do you like that? Try to climb over those trees all day. All the leaves and the dams. Back at you, mate. Right. Back at you. Governor arrived in January after he had stopped to visit friends in New Jersey. Governor was

not impressed with the city of York. Now, he was at this point a lady's man. His scarred arm did not slow him down with women. He was tall, smart, and good looking. He wrote that he rarely paid for sex, quote, I like, oh, you know, is that not what you write? Is that not what you write? That's too much. And to be clear, I have never paid for sex. At least not a lot. Dear, dear Diary, I am not paying for intercourse with women. Dear Diary had another fornication session last night, free of charge, might I point

out? Quote, I only like the yielding kiss and that from lips I love. Interesting. Okay. Wow. But York did not have much to offer. He wrote his friends Jay and Livingstone that there were, quote, no fine women here. Wow. Okay. So he was very much motivated by that. Yeah. He was the kind of guy who needed a woman with him. And he was usually able to get it, but York obviously a disappointment. He was 25. He was one of the youngest members

of Congress. The people in Congress who were opposed to his beliefs called him the tall boy. Whoa. Brutal. Go have a field day with that. You're on a gold mine and you're like, let's go treasure hunting. He was on a committee to meet George Washington report on the condition of his troops. Colony forces were suffering from disorganization and incompetence. And when the committee arrived

at Valley Forge, they were shocked at by what Washington told them and what they saw. Governor wrote, quote, our troops alas for the wretches, the skeleton of an army presents itself to our eyes in a naked, starving condition out of health, out of spirits. Oh, where the hotties at? Where the ladies at? Can I get a where the ladies at from the troops? No. Governor using his math skills, a re organized and fixed supplies. The governor in Washington became close. They were both over six feet tall, which at the time was like being a giant.

And they also had the same political beliefs. The British abandoned Philadelphia to control the age. You understand that I, because of this show, I can never think of any George Washington to me no longer exists as a figure other than every time we talk about him. I'm just waiting to either hear about his mouth pain or I'm just envisioning him everything he's doing under the guise of, huh, like he just sighs at the end of every thought because he's like, yeah, it'd be great. But then the mouse. Yeah, I know. I just always think of him dying, just bleeding out.

That too plays a part for sure. The fact that his friends just, you know, killed him and drained him like a Guinness tap. The British abandoned Philadelphia to consolidate their troops in New York. Too many batteries. And they left that off. He was a mess. So great. It's great now. The state house had been used as a hospital and smelled like garbage and corpses. Someone like a cigarette. Not a great hospital if it smells like garbage, but okay, well, we'll get back there.

The city. Salt Lake and we sort of, where were we? Maybe it was no, it must have been Minnesota. We saw the outside of the Mayo clinic and it had an enormous Jack, Jack's beef jerky linker. It was like the hospital was sponsored by a cancer stick. Jack's beef jerky. That was a tough moment for me. Had I been on mushrooms at that point, I would have run away. So the city wide bill for property damage and theft came to over $6 million in today's money.

Oh, thank God that was in today's money now. What is that now? Philadelphia at the time was the biggest US city, although foreigners didn't think much of it. A Frenchman wrote that the ladies quote, although very well shaped, lack grace and make very bad curtsies. And they pride them. We are in the middle of the most French review of all time. And they pride themselves on a scrupulous fidelity toward their husbands.

Scrupulous fidelity. What I would call disgusting, see a bunch of women with their husbands and talking to them, they are engaged with them. They are communicating with them, kissing with them in public. It's hard for me to, how do you say, pride them away from them. Really? They say, well, not let me have sex with the parts? Yes. This is Heinrich. He is a German friend of mine. And he's come along with me. And we travel together. I'm probably a friend of mine. And then he's a Germanic. And he's very bad at curtsying.

Yes. And we both, by the way, have taken notice of the curtsies. You realize it's one move. It's not three different individual moves. Curtsies are down and the bay, you know, it's not a head down and leg out. It's in pull. It's all of one fluid motion. But these women that make it like a six-part mini series, you know, which is something I'm working on right now. It's a crazy thing. But it will be tiny installments of one story, you know, but like parsed out so that people are enticed to see what is, come on, say, the cliffhanger. Something utilized during sweeps, which is another thing I'm sort of conceiving in my mind palace. Anyway, been great to see you. Work on your curtsy. Heinrich, carry me.

Did you slip into Spanish? Who knows? It's a long journey. So they're all slippery slopes, you know. So the Congress has turned to Philadelphia in the summer and debated what time a government America should have. Govineer. Standing one. All right. Good. Yes. Yeah. Horrible. Let's do it the worst way. Yeah. It's going to be real bad. Govineer was the funniest guy in the Congress. He always made everybody laugh and smile.

Okay. At one point, Hamilton- He was throwing out funny math equations. At one point, Hamilton bet Govineer a dinner that he would not walk up to Washington, slap him on the back and say, my dear general, how happy I am to see you look so well. Man, oh my God, Dave, we need a prank show from this time. This is the best. Well, I want you to go up to Washington, shake his hand and say, my admire you, sir. Imagine.

Well, Govineer did it. But he said the look he got from Washington was one of the worst moments of his life. What was it? What the fuck? What the fuck was happening? Parliament, British Parliament, gave up on the right to tax the colonies and sent a three-man peace commission to America. And Govineer wrote official responses to the commission and public essays in newspapers that he signed an American. In one, he called for attacking London with a small raiding party's, quote, it is time to turn the headlong current of vengeance upon the head of the destroyer. A small sum of money

would wrap London in flames and the dreaded scalp knife itself may, in the hands of our riflemen, spread horror through the island. Jesus Christ. Not a bad idea, though. Why not send some terrorist groups to London? It is super ahead of its time. So word came that a diplomat, a Silas Dean, was funneling weapons from France through a private company in America. Thomas Paine, who was the secretary of the Foreign Relations Committee, was very upset

and attacked Dean publicly. And then Congress split into two groups. Those who were for and those who were against. During these debates, Govineer said, quote, it gave me great pain to hear the word party made use of. This is a word that can do no good, but which may produce much evil. What an idiot. Dude, have some foresight. I know. The best thing about our country. Yes, that you identify that you can get screwed over because you're part of a gang that you

believe in. Yeah, then you could just follow whichever group has no morality just because they have a... Yeah, they gave you a jacket once. Yeah. In October 1779, Govineer was not reelected by New York. What he had done was he had backed Vermont becoming its own state instead of part of New York, and so then New York was dismissed. Right, okay. So he was retired from politics at the age of 27. Right. Honestly, I keep thinking that we're dealing with someone who's getting older,

but he's staying the same. He's staying in Philadelphia to work as a lawyer, which he had done while he was in Congress the whole time because the salary wasn't enough. Okay. They figured that out. I'll find a way to run that, yeah. They figured that out. Yeah, it was though. I can't remember who I heard say it, but it's... I think it was

Truman who said that if you get rich in government, you're a criminal. Yeah. He had quite the social life. The city was constantly having balls and parties, and he was quite the ladies' man, good-looking, intelligent. He'd listen to women and he treated them as equals. He wrote a friend that he... Sorry, and something about this, they found different and attractive. I don't understand. He would ask about that. Yeah. If you listen to a woman instead of just talking to them and you treat them like they're...

I think a lot of us are lost as to where you're going with this and what you're saying. And you treat them like they're there and they exist and they have stuff to say, then... Sorry, again. We're sorry, we're talking about... I guess we're talking about two different things. No, that's how you... Let's do a phone call after this, because I just think this is a sidebar. This is just wild, but stuff I'm hearing. In May 1780, Govenir was heading to the country, and as he climbed into his horse, John Carridge,

he was thrown, and his left leg got caught in the spokes of a wheel. That was turning. The ankle was badly mangled and bones were broken. The governor's doctor, or Govenir's doctor at the time happened to be... I'm by the Dr. Teer. Hello. Just regular doctors out of town, so these other doctors treat him, and they looked and said the leg had to be amputated below the knee. I was going to guess that in the crazy way, so they saw a broken ankle leg, and they're

like that. That's gotta go. The whole thing's gotta come off, unfortunately. Ah, yeah. So they cut it off below the knee. Jesus Christ. Imagine, talking about wishing your doctor hadn't left town. Well, then his doctor came back and looked and said, oh, I could have saved that leg, which you don't say at that point. Oh, no, you go, oh, boy, gosh, yeah, that was the right move. Can I talk to you guys

in the other room about how you operate when I'm gone? Yeah, this had to be done this way. He recovered for months in the house of ex-Congressman George Platter and his wife, Elizabeth. George is 46, Elizabeth, 29, so much closer to Goveneer's age. Sure. She took care of Goveneer. Uh-oh. Hold on. Are you English-Panish-ing me? They became very close, and he even continued.

Let me get it. He asked about her. They even continued to write and correspond after he had moved out. So it wasn't Facebook that started this? Nope. Well, it turns out Goveneer has a thing for married women who are with dull or vicious husbands. Okay. Right. So he's a rehabilitator. That's right. He made, his friends made jokes about his womanizing. John Jay wrote their mutual friend Robert Morris that he wished Goveneer had lost something else besides

his leg. Let's talk about his dick. Oh, well, well, unfortunately, we're going to have to amputate your cock. What? No, it was not anywhere near the accident. Yeah. Well, ankle's fine. Ankle by two- No, it's hanging by just skin. Well, let's, let's, I'm the doctor, so let's go in order of most life-threatening, at least.

But my dick's just nothing wrong. I just get that that's the, that's the center of the whole problem. That's what's broken in dick. No. We take the dick off, then we can see what's going on with the leg. Okay. So we're going to go in this order of surgeries, going to cut your dick off, give you a haircut, then we're going to cut your ankle. Okay. Wait, what's, what's your wife's name?

My wife, Susanna, but that's neither here nor there. I know. We're going to get the dick off and then we're going to, and then we're going to grill it and then we're going to eat it in front of you while you're in here. Okay. Thanks everybody for this fun. So a Govenir got an oak peg leg. Am I supposed to react to that?

That's a good hardwood. Sure. Absolutely. Not pine. Pine's a shadow on you. A peg leg made a pine. He tried copper and cork pegs, but went with wood for the rest of his life. He's still pretty- I know. Be clankity, clank, clank, clank. And I think Rustin's, I would just think copper- I don't think it rusts. I don't think copper rusts. Oh, actually copper doesn't. But still, I think it's a little, I think you're asking

for more trouble with something like copper. I agree. But he was still pretty mobile. Sometimes he'd slip and mud or on stairs, but it didn't slow him down. He walked, he danced, he rode, he climbed church steeples and shot river rapids on his peg leg. Okay. So this guy now is like, he's like a do-do video or something? Like the ultimate comeback? Pag on Discovery Channel. Yeah. Yeah.

An ex-congressman named Robert Morris was made superintendent of finance, and he asked Govineer to be his assistant. Is there Frick or Intendant? No, I think they're all super. That's a really weird thing to just start with. You want to- Weird for a level. There might be a regular Intendant. We'll have to look it up later.

If even if there's an Intendant, super is quite an upgrade for the second one. Well, you got to, I mean, you got to differentiate, like a super, there's like a super- You'll be Chad and I'll be the superintendent. Great. Perfect. And I'll wear a cape. Perfect. So the two men started doing what they could to get America through this financial nightmare. Then the British pulled out and in June 1783, Govineer saw his family's estate, Morrisania

and his mother for the first time in seven years. I can't believe it's only been seven years. It's still a long time. Yeah. So she had allowed, she being a loyalist had allowed the British to camp on the estate and they had cut down a ton of trees and basically just left the whole place a fucking mess. His sister Isabella and her husband were getting ready to move to Nova Scotia because that's where a lot of loyalists took off after the war. Okay. Yeah. Govineer gave up his job in the finance office.

Right. Would they be considered magabas, make America Great Britain again? That's a great joke. Oh, God. So he goes to work for Robert Morris and his private company as a junior partner. He got into land speculation. I bet there could be land over there. I bet he bought land in Pennsylvania and upstate New York, but then his mom died in January 1786. Govineer now is doing well and he bought Morrisania from his other family members.

Now he owns the estate. He can finally put some roller coasters on it. That's right. That's what it meant to be the whole time. Thank you. At six points. He was then picked to be a delegate to the constitutional convention without his knowledge. The Pennsylvania assembly chose him while he was out of town celebrating the New Year

in Trenton, New Jersey, which is where the greats go to celebrate New Year's Day. I love to every nears watching Anderson Cooper in Trenton. Yeah. Anderson Cooper loves Trenton, New Jersey. Again, he was one of the youngest at the constitutional convention. He was 35. Govineer said this was America's last chance, quote, the fate of America was suspended by a hare. State governments were in massive debt. Massachusetts had a rebellion due to property taxes. European banks were trading American securities at a quarter of their value.

Despite all this, six days in, Govineer left the convention. He's like, it's just hanging by a hare. Also, I got shit to do. He had to take care of some estate business and Robert Morris's checks were bouncing. Okay. Still seems like the future of the affair. Okay. Sure. Priorities, whatever. He spent all June away from the convention, but a lot of delegates were late or left. They had to deal with their own businesses and also they'd get ill or whatever.

So that's something that I'll tell you in history is that a lot of dudes just bailed. Right. Right. Right. A lot of senators went out for cigarettes. Govineer returned on July 2nd. He spoke the most out of anybody, 171 times. He argued that the wealthy and poor should get a house each in the legislature and that enfranchising the poor would empower the rich. Ha. Quote, the people never act for reason alone. The rich will take advantage of their passions and make these the instrument for oppressing

them. Give the votes to people who have no property and they will sell them to the rich who will be able to buy them. So imagine. Ha. But he's saying that's a good thing. Yes. But why would... Well, he doesn't believe... A lot of the founding fathers didn't believe in democracy. So he

doesn't believe in democracy. What would he be supporting? He supports... I mean, he's essentially saying give the poor a branch of government, but it won't matter because they'll need to sell themselves to the wealthy to get by. Okay. So, I mean, we're basically there in a... Yeah. We're on the worst... I think we're in maybe a worse version of it, but... The only thing... The difference is just he's saying you're selling your votes as opposed

to just... That's right. He's suggesting they have an asset. Yeah. Instead, they're like, nah, you know, we'll just take the votes too. That'll be easy. Hey. During this, some Northerners asked why slaves should be counted at all in... Yeah. On August 8th, Governor got in on this discussion, quote, upon what principle is it that slaves shall be computed in the representation? Are they men? Then make them citizens and let

them vote. Are they property? Then why is no other property included? And then he asked if his house would count as a person. I mean, it's a good argument. I mean, is that when... I mean, I would literally just jump out the window at that point. Come on out of here, guys. Take it easy. Thank you so much. Should my house vote then? Well, that's a very good question, Governor. Well, is your house registered? Is it? No. Oh.

Oh, it is. No, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. Hey. Smoke bomb. Of course, we all know this ended up as slaves being counted as three-fifths of a person. After it was all agreed upon, Governor was given the job of writing the Constitution. So he's the guy who wrote it out. He wrote the preamble from scratch and came up with a famous phrase, we the people of the United States. When he was done writing it to three

men refused to sign it. My hand is killing me. Such a nightmare. Ah. 39 men signed it. It took a while, but nine months later, 11 states had ratified it. Governor went back to work. It's true that at the picture ceremony, they used a bunch of different quills to sign it so they could hand them off to one weird guy.

That's right. All right. Yeah. Governor went back to work for Robert Morris, who is now leveraged to the hilt. He was juggling a bunch of different business ventures. He had bought hundreds of thousands of acres of land. Being a senator, he planned to push for the US Capitol to be in Trenton, New Jersey, because it would make him wealthy. Also, it's awesome. I support it.

And he got into tobacco and he made a deal to provide tobacco to France for three years, but he was not producing enough and was getting behind on the deal. By the way, anyone who's ever entered a tobacco deal with the French has had that problem. We don't have enough. Come on. He also wanted to buy the United States debt to France, which would be about $450 million in today's dollars. His plan was to pay 50 cents on the dollar because the US was doing so bad, and then

getting the rights to the debt would make him a huge guy in European banking. He's got a big plan. His plan would be that he pays down the debt for half of the money on the dollar, and then because the debt is paid, he will just perfect. No, he takes over the debt, then the US owes him the debt. Oh, the US, gotcha. Okay, gotcha. But to do this, you needed to sound someone he trusted to France, and Govineer went to

France in December 1788. Oh, boy, get ready for those curtsies. They're one motion. I don't know why you had to bring up the curtsies. It's important to me. History war hero Marquis de Lafayette was there. He was a big guy who fought for America in the Revolutionary War. Lafayette and George Washington were super into each other, so much so that Lafayette named his son George Washington and his daughter Virginia.

Okay, Jesus, kiss-ass. At his home in France, he made his family only speak English. Right, yep. And he made his messenger dress up like an American Indian. You gotta throw a flag on this last part, Dave, I'm sorry. That's not good. I'll be honest, I can't even imagine that making sense then. Have you ever seen the video of the Germans who are obsessed with American Indians?

I have not seen that, but I have seen terrible depictions. It's really, just go video it. Just go Google the video and it pops up on YouTube and it's amazing. Okay, so Govineer met with bankers and government officials on Robert Morse's behalf, and he started hanging out with French nobles. The French loved to gossip. Govineer heard many rumors like, for instance, that the King Louis the 16th tortured cats, Louis the 16th, who tortured cats. Another was that a nobleman was the son of Louis the 15th and his own daughter.

Another rumor was a current nobleman was having a sexual relationship with his own daughter. Jesus Christ. How do you enter a noble bee in the title? So these stories were published in porn satires, which were illegal, but could be found everywhere. Oh, that's my dream, my dream. Like porn, just straight up the written word to get off. Oh, hold on. I got to read that sentence.

It's better taking her panties off. Again, holy shit, was that hot? Some of the stories were true because the French loved the sex, but the French didn't care if the stories were true or not. According to Richard Brookheiser, who wrote Govineer Morris, the rake who wrote the constitution, quote, everyone was vile and nothing had consequences. All right. What? Yeah. Now it's just a French quarter.

That's right. Alexandra Sebastian de Flauot de la Beria Day was a 63-year-old who was the keeper of the King's gardens. He did. He did no work. The assistants did it all. He had two apartments in the Louvre. His wife Adele was 28. She was also the- He was 67? Yeah, 63.

She's 28. She's also the mistress of Charles Maurice de Talleyrand Paragon. Okay. So, she's married and she's a mistress to Talleyrand, who is also a bishop. Sure. Yep. Okay. And this is a soap opera you're pitching? But he's not a religious. He's not religious at all. He just got appointed that. No, no, no. A lot of bishops get in it for the hat. Most of them are there just because that hat's so crazy.

And then Govineer met Adele and he was super into her. Okay. So, Adele's got the 67-year-old. She's also banged in the bishop and now she meets Govineer. That's right. Right. She had already heard of his reputation as a ladies' man and that just intrigued her. Oh, I hear you always ask the girls how they feel about things. The nobles didn't have any responsibilities. They spent most of their time talking, flirting,

gossiping and playing. The country was almost bankrupt. They couldn't raise money because the nobility didn't pay taxes. I was just going to say, I mean, I think if you're looking for the problem in your country so far, I see a lot with the noblemen. It seems like a group of plague. It seems like there's a parallel. I don't get it. King Louis XVI tried to start a reform movement that he could control, but it didn't work

and the streets of Paris erupted. He tried to orchestrate like a fake report. He was trying to do reform, but how much can you reform if you're the guy in charge? It's that crap bullshit. Well, by the way, look at our country and quite a lot. What are you talking about? Oh, sorry. Go ahead. So it all erupts. The streets of Paris go crazy. A week later, Govineer was waiting

for his carriage at a building next to the Louvre after eating dinner. In this period, the head and body of Monsieur des Fousins, a politician, were introduced in triumph. The head on a pike, the body dragged naked on the earth. Afterwards, this horrible exhibition is carried through the different streets. So is this a good time to have just had a succulent duck dinner and be waited for your horse or carriage? I mean, it's not a great post meal visual. No. No.

It feels like it might be the time to take the top hat off, lose the cape, throw a little soil on your face. The peasants believed the politician had been trying to starve Paris by keeping bread out of the city. His body was taken and shown to his son-in-law, who was then, quote, cut two pieces, the populace carrying about the mangled fragments with a savage joy. You know, 10 years ago, you read me that. I go, wow, that's crazy. Now I go, wow, that's Wednesday.

This is obviously way beyond anything Govineer had seen during the American Revolution. Sure. Sure. Sure. No, he hadn't seen a lot of pike teds. Oh, that's interesting. He probably saw him and he was like, oh, hello, I'm sorry. I didn't realize there was a holy shit. What the fuck? Don't wave to that. Hello. So all this going on, Govineer still lives his life. A week after seeing the decapitated body, Govineer had sex for the first time with Adele at one of the apartments in the Louvre. That's where he saw, that's out, that's where the body, that's where he saw the body dragged. A week later, he's having sex with the lady in there.

I hear you, but come on. He had dinner several times with Jefferson in July. He was also buying stuff for George Washington. He was kind of like his personal shopper. George Washington would send the list, he'd buy it, send it to him. Sure. Amazon wish list. Did they have teeth? Maybe a new mouth? He posed as Washington's body model for a statue. Wait, they really couldn't draw a fucking body from memory back then. I mean, the face is dead. He's going to be like, I'm going to use this other body from another painting.

There you go. That's fine. I think it was just because they were the same size, I would imagine. Dave, I mean, I know, I don't need to go out. That company was not impressed with a king who he called, quote, a small beer character. A small beer character? Yes. Like a hamsbear? I have no idea what that means. Like Kenzie? Yeah, I guess. A small beer character. You're like a bully girl. At the slightest shoe of opposition gives up everything in every person. So the king's just weak. Govaneer thought French leaders were fickle and that they could not last.

They just spoke for a fact, and when it didn't work, just changed their minds. Burkaiser, quote, neither words nor ideas nor rumors were grounded in an experience and they could change in the blink of an eye. Lafette was made head of the National Guard and Govaneer told him the French should invade Flanders and Holland to start a war with Britain and Austria. He stated very plainly, this would be to distract the French people. Oh, wow, Jesus Christ. Even back then. I mean, that is so... God, how many times can you build a house on the same blueprint? It's just insane. Fuck. He and Adele kept their hot affair going. She was very smart. Her husband was probably

going to be killed in the revolution, she believed, and she was trying to keep her options open in different areas. She and Govaneer got really hot and heavy. They had sex at her apartment in his carriage and in the visitor's waiting room of a convent. Wow. Jesus Christ. Who needs the reballed French street stories? Hang out with Govaneer and Adele for a minute. In the waiting room of a convent. I'm serious. I mean, talk about a three-point shot. Game winner. That is, Jesus Christ. I would be very fast. You'd have no choice. I've come a... When he wrote about having sex with her in his diary, he would call it, quote, the right,

the joy or the needful. Right. Jesus. Govaneer went to London for Robert Morris. Robert was now sinking because the United States was getting its finances together, and that kind of fucked up his whole plan. He put everything into land, but the US getting its finances together made the land less attractive, and the debt he wanted to buy was going up at price. So the whole thing's coming apart. Govaneer went back to Paris in November, so he was gone for whatever, nine months, and he went straight to see Adele, but she had a new lover, a 25-year-old British noble. Govaneer and Adele went back and forth hating and wanting each other. He openly flirted with another

married woman in front of her. He was also banging other married women. I mean, he was up in France. They eventually got back together. Adele said she wanted to leave her husband and marry him and move to America, but he was not into it. He didn't want to be tied down. See? Yeah. But, yeah, it's weird to get into psychology in that, but, yeah. I wonder what happened. The king was now being forced to stay in his palace. The mobs were made. But the mobs, like, wouldn't let him leave. Like, when he tried to leave, they'd surround him. Right. That's ill. I mean, oh, herm's here, herm's here. All I wanted to do was go outside.

Louis and Marie Antoinette tried to escape to Flanders wearing disguises. Imagine a king and queen in disguise. He's the pink panther. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. Just like, all right. Just the five rings, I think. We don't want to appear too affluent. I'm going to win the baby crown. I don't want to stand out. The king's escape ruined Lafayette. He was threatened in the legislature by a lawyer, quote, you Lafayette will answer to the assembly on the fate of the king with your head. So they're throwing a cut off the head. I didn't do anything. Objection, please. The king and queen were captured in Varanis, or whatever. 6,000 armed peasants and national

guardsmen escorted them back to the palace. That's quite an escort. It feels like an intense escort. Yeah, overkill. Yeah, a little much. You could get by with 2,000. Yeah, about 150. Then I could do it. What the fuck was that? That's my dog. You have a dog? That was Larry. I had a feeling it was Larry. He's such a scamp. Governor said the king was a, quote, miserable creature. And the only reason he was still in power was because there was no one decent to take his place. But still the king managed to hang on for a year after that. Gov. tried to help him. He wrote advice letters and gave him a speech. He wrote him a speech to address the national assembly, but the king never used it. Gov. also wrote up France a

constitution. Just gave it a shot. What? Look, if you've written two constitutions. Yeah. Right. Banging them out for other countries. Right, right. All of a sudden you're the whale and genics of constitutions. Nothing happened with it. Gov. had a soft spot for Marie. His next one's called the Constitution of France. This one I've never released, but I think you're gonna like this constitutional attitude. Here we go. He had a soft spot for Marie Antoinette. She was relentlessly attacked in political pornography. Brookheiser, quote, she was depicted as a masturbating bisexual nymphomaniac surrounded by lustful officers and lesbian aristocrats with whom she coupled insatiably. A 1790 print showed an awkward Lafayette kneeling before her and

fondling her crotch. Oh, my God. Political porno. The queen was referred to as the Austrian bitch. Yeah. So there's basically a fuck lot of women hating going on in France. Yeah. Well, I mean, it really, really just it, it is like, the first thing I thought of was Twitter. I was just like this is like, because that's really if you are in an authoritative position and you have, you have this many peasant, like they have nothing. All they have, I mean, all they really have is the ability to make you embarrassed. And they're also very angry that, that all these powerful guys have a mistress and all the mistresses seem to have power because of that. So they're also mad at that. But Governor respected Marie Antoinette and asked one of the Queen's friends if, if he could have

a lock of the Queen's hair. Hey, I just want to, I've been watching the Queen lately. She is killing it. She's, I think that's stuff that people say about her that someone found it. I don't know if you know what it is. I've never engaged any of the literature myself, but I'm just from the guidelines, just a big fan. Is she easy to work with? What's she? Yeah, yeah, she's nice. Yeah, yeah. All right. I just want to stop by and say that I just, the big fan. So thank you guys. There's one thing I was going to add, but it's probably silly. Well, no, it's not silly. Can I just get a thing of her hair? Just like a little clip of her hair, big one, not like some loose hair, like an actual lock, some locks or lock. Yeah, you want a head or pubic?

I'll take it. I mean, I'd like, you know, I'm like the guy who gets the regular fries and the curly fries and I asked for them in one box mixed. Is that possible? Yeah, yeah, we could do that. I treat the heads like regulars and then the, you know what I'm calling the Curly's. So, I mean, a box of regular and Curly's mixed up and I'll just take it to go. Put a bunch of, and then my favorite part is when I'm done and I've emptied them all out, I'll still have a few loose ones at the bottom of the bag I can have. Yeah, great. Okay. Awesome. Thank you so much. You have been so great. Yeah, sure. Thank you. Thanks for coming to Pewps. You're so welcome.

And February 1792, Washington appointed Govineer, the U.S. Minister to France. So, all this time he's been working for Robert Morris, but now he's an official government. Senate not all on board with the nomination. Senator Sherman said Govineer was, quote, an irreligious and profane man. I am against such characters. James Monroe attacked Govineer in the Senate as, quote, a monarchy man not suitable to be employed by this country, nor in France. But still, he got confirmed 16 to 11. Washington told him he had to act more responsibly and Govineer wrote back he would and that he would stay out of French internal affairs, which of course he didn't do. Right. Okay. He still worked behind the scenes to save the king.

That month there was another uprising and the king gave Govineer $1 million a year to hold for him. That to hold for him? Yeah, yeah. I would say it's a really bad sign if a king gives you a million bucks to hold on to just in case shit goes bad. Wait, he gave him a million to hold on to him? To hold on to the money for him. Oh, hold on to them. Okay, hold on to it. Okay, got you. So he's okay. Well, I didn't know what the fuck you had a whole different. Well, I was absolutely confused and lost. On August 10th, the attacks came. Soldiers and French citizens fought with loyalist troops. 600 loyalists were killed, their bodies mutilated, and then burned in bonfires.

That's a hell of a bonfire. Yeah, well, that'll take over. Dudes. Just dudes. Yeah. The French elite were hiding, arrested or being killed. Govineer, quote, another man is beheaded this evening for crimes against the state. He hid Adele and her 10-year-old son in his house. And on August 29th, the militia came to search for weapons and he refused to let them in because then he would have been fucked if they found her, right? Right. In September, the monarchy was abolished. Adele got fake passports and fled to England. Lafayette tried to make for Holland, but was caught by the Austrians and imprisoned. Govineer had Dutch bankers send Lafayette 10K for expenses in jail. He also sent the message that the U.S. would be very upset

if their military hero, quote, should be in want. Govineer was now being searched and arrested often. He bought a house 27 miles outside of Paris and tried to stay there as much as possible. But he also upset the French with new, he also upset the new French government by letting aristocrats stay with him. And he would always refuse to let anyone in to arrest them, which he could do because he has diplomatic immunity. So he basically, I mean, yeah, okay, right. So he's basically allowed to house whoever he wants to house, essentially. Yeah, but it's pissing off the French. The king was executed in January 1793. Marie Antoinette was tried in October.

The hate of woman took part in the trial. She was accused of molesting her own son, sexual promiscuity and high treason. The trifecta. Yeah, the big three. It was an all-male jury. She was executed two days later. The horrors continued in December 1793. So even after the king and queen are gone, they're still going after people. And then in the National Assembly, there's just shifting groups who are at one point, they're the radicals, and then another group becomes radicals, and then they're killing the old radicals. So it's just a fucking shit show. Is it still weeding out kind of the bureaucratic thieves, or is it more... Well, yeah, that's how they've gone completely wild.

The nobility who were really just... So it's rot from the head down, essentially. Yeah, but now all the groups that are trying to take over are fighting amongst one another. So it's... So she's executed. In December 1793, Governor wrote, quote, some days ago, a man applied to the government for damages done to his quarry. The damage done to him was by the number of dead bodies thrown into his pit, which choked it up so much that he could not get men to work at it. So he has... His case got a quarry clogged with bodies? Yeah. And since the quarries covered in bodies, people show up for the help wanted sign, and they're like, oh, actually, I don't need a job. It doesn't seem like a great place to work also.

I don't need a job. It's hard to get rocks out of under all the bodies. Yeah, it's not easy. So the guy was like, hey, can the government give me a little help here? Or can we start using men for rocks? In the summer of 1794, the U.S. accepted Francis' request to recall Govenir. He was no longer minister. He left France and went to Switzerland. He hung out for a little while, exiled French nobles, and then he went to Hamburg, where Adele was now living. Her husband had been guillotined, so she was single. Jesus Christ, she's got a lot of luck. She let Govenir know she was available for marriage. She probably wanted to get married because she had also said she was

bleeding from her breast, which meant she probably had a tumor or something. And she had a kid, so she wanted the kid to be taken care of. He explained that he didn't want to marry her before and didn't now. He didn't want to be committed still. In June 1795, he left Hamburg and went to the United Kingdom. While there, he saw a canal in Scotland that crossed the country, and he thought a canal would be perfect for America. Govenir kept traveling around Europe and having sex with tons of women. He did that for four or five years. In October 1798, he returned to the U.S. Adele ended up marrying a Portuguese diplomat and having a good life. He went back to Morrisiana to fix it up. The roof was leaking, so he rebuilt the entire house.

Sure. Sure. That's how you do it. He spent the equivalent of about $500,000 today. He entertained guests and expected them to listen to him. One guest wrote, quote, on a certain occasion, perceiving the attentions of his hearers began to flag. He suddenly ejaculated, I shall address the teapot. And accordingly closed his argument with that silent representative. I'm sorry. So he wanted everyone to pay attention. And at one point, the guests were not paying attention. So he said he would just talk to the teapot, and then he'd talk to the teapot. Okay. Good. Because you threw an ejaculate in there? I knew that was going to throw you off. Majorly. That's like, there was one word.

It was like, if that was a band, it would have been ejaculate and the words. I hear you. So he was still living the same way he had in France, which was not normal for America. Yeah. One man wrote, quote, upon entering the inn, I found Gov. Morris with two French valets, a French traveling companion, and his hair buckled up in about a hundred paper curlers. This guy's a good guy. His wooden leg curlers, French attendants, and French conversation made the host stare most prodigiously. Sure. Well, look. Yeah. You've gone big. Robert Morris was now in prison for debt. So Gov. started working again as a lawyer. Now, we're at the point now where Federalists and Republicans were two parties and they hated

each other. In 1800, a Senator resigned and New York picked Gov. to serve the remaining three years of his term. He's now a Federalist. Gov. now believed that whichever party had power, the opposing party would act correctly to prevent abuse of power. So he basically believed that from now on, there would always be a check on the other party. That's correct. I'm ready to move on. By being partisan, the parties would create morality and keep each other honest. By the way, in some way, I can see how you would predict that. But I think within there, you would also predict, but at some point, it's going to become wrestling.

Yeah. The Republicans wanted to reduce the number of federal judges and they impeached a Federalist justice of the Supreme Court. And Gov. was alarmed because he saw the court as independent. If there was no independence of the courts, then the legislature could not be kept in order. What was that look like? If the legislature was not checked, the roadmap was the French Revolution. Quote, by 1790, the only question in France was, who will become the despot? Oh, man. Yeah. I don't understand. We are the most apathetic country. I mean, without question, we are, every other country right now, they would be in the streets. Yeah. And we're like, I mean, yeah, I know it is. But I mean, I think in a lot of countries,

it would already be here. And you would circumvent some of the horrendousness that awaits. So this bill passed. Governor said this meant the destruction of the Constitution. He left the Senate in 1802. He's now just over 50 years old. He traveled the country and had an affair with a married woman in Boston. He really got into the idea of building a canal to connect the Great Lakes to the sea. Though his love of canals had begun with George Washington, who, quote, I confess, completely infected me with canal mania. It's just, it just shows you what time it was. I mean, it's just not a possible syndrome now. Well, I guess there's got a case of the canal mania. Is your cable out? Yes. It's been up for two

weeks. Tell. Canal mania. Oh, fuck. In 1807, Governor was put on a three-man commission to plan for the growth of New York City. They came up with Manhattan's grid to street system, quote, street-sided and right-angled houses are the most cheap to build and the most convenient to live in. He needed a new housekeeper. He didn't want one who started out in a low position in the world, quote, housekeepers of low, bright, and education would not maintain order. Only a reduced gentleman, gentle woman could. What a nice way of putting it. He's saying he, someone of his class who had fallen and needed work was the one to get. In October 1808, he headed to New York to meet Anne Cary Randolph, who was also called Nancy Randolph. The Randolphs

were an early powerful Virginia family, sister-in-law of John Randolph. Nancy had had sex with her sister's husband, had a child, then killed it, or her lover did, or it was stillborn. At the end, no one was found guilty of a crime. Then Nancy supposedly had sex with a slave and was banished. Over the next three years, she drifted around. No one knows how she survived. Goveneer was into women who were having a hard time, so this was right up his alley. After meeting with her, he wrote her a bunch of letters. He was 57. She was 34. In one letter, he let her know that her past didn't matter, and he would pursue her as a gentleman. I understand you have a dark, dark, shameful past, but I'm willing to look past the fact that

you had sex with someone you shouldn't have. Oh, and the baby thing, whatever. So he ended up bringing her to Morsiana in April 1809 to be his housekeeper. He asked around about her and found out there wasn't a definitive opinion in Virginia about her. Goveneer then invited his family over for Christmas and surprised them all by marrying Nancy. Wow, hello. His nieces and nephews were pissed because they would have to split the estate with Nancy. Goveneer was appointed to a federal canal commission, but nothing came of it. He urged New York state to build it alone. He opposed the coming war of 1812 and did everything he could

to stop it. He was furious with New York for supporting the war, and at one point he cheered on diehard federalists who were plotting secession. Goveneer said he hoped the rest of New England would attack New York and remove it from the union. They're still trying, by the way. I hear some of the brethren exclaim, oh, Lord, oh, why this is civil war. Unquestionably, it is civil war. And what of it? The prick of the Yankee bayonet will make you skip like squirrels. Sure. So he's all about New England and New York fighting. Yeah, he's a classic Pat's fan. So he's clearly a bit over the Constitution at this point. Pat's dig. He spoke at many anti-war meetings in New York, and during all of this, he became a dad at 61

years old. Finally. Goveneer Morris II. Perfect. Keep that sweet name going. His nieces and nephews were upset that another person. More people are going to get the land. Take some of the inheritance. And one of them nicknamed the baby Kudasoff. Cut us off. Oh, nice. Nice. Nice. John Renov came to visit Nancy's son, his nephew, and then he was injured returning home. And while I'm going to have to take that penis off. While healing, the nephew had come up with the nickname Kudasoff, went to see him. After talking to him, John sent a letter to a governor, Goveneer, who said Nancy was a murder. She killed both her baby and John's brother and that she took a slave lover. And after leaving the house, she worked as a quote prostitute.

He went on to say she would cheat on Goveneer or kill it. Anyway, sincerely, John. Yes. Did you send that newspaper clipping? I can't find it. Okay. Hope all's well. Nancy wrote a 40 page answer and mailed it to different people in Virginia. Goveneer decided not to sue or do anything else because that would just create a stricent effect. It quietly went away. Goveneer kept pushing for his canal to be built. Congress passed a funding bill, but President Madison vetoed it as his last act as president. But Goveneer could not let it go. He needed his canal and he talked New York into building it themselves and construction was a gun on the Erie Canal. Wow. This mother. Yeah, he's the shit. Soon after, Goveneer came down with a

terrible case of gout. It crippled him and went on through the fall of 1816. In November, he began to experience a urinary tract blockage. Yeah, sure. Like any normal man, he tried to clear it himself using a whale bone he took from Nancy's corset. Holy shit. What? He whale bone on a dick? I don't know if he put it down his dick or if he tried to carve into himself. I don't... He absolutely tried to put it down his dick. He would use a scalpel if he was trying to cut into himself. A whale bone is just like... I just was hoping... No, he was treating it like how I cleaned my pipe that I smoke weed out of. Like that's what I do with a paper clip. He's like, hey, maybe that's how I get rid of this. I don't know much about the urethra,

but my guess is that if I jam a whale bone down it, I'm going to feel some sort of relief eventually. So it didn't work. His attempt at self-surgery led to new injuries and an infection. He died on November 1860 at the age of 64 in the room he had been born in. So he killed himself with the whale bone surgery, penis whale bone surgery. So not a lot of people have killed themselves via the cock with a whale bone. It's a rough way to go. It's not easy. The eerie canal was finished in 1825 and brought more wealth to the... That's a problem. He just looked at everything like a canal. He's like, well, there's a blockage? Well, I just need to knock it down and that'll let water pursue that tributary. Honey, where's my whale bone from? I don't worry. I'm just building a canal inside

my body. Sweet God, my death is near. So it made the area super wealthy. Morrisiana was, isn't now what is the South Bronx, the six train stops on what was the property at 138th Street and Brook Avenue. If you walk a block east and three blocks north, you come to St. Anne's, an old Episcopal church built by a Govenir Morris II in 1841 to honor his mother, Nancy. In the yard behind the fence stands a tablet erected by the new, the state of New York in honor of Govenir Morris. If your dick hurts, don't jam a bone in it. And Govenir's mausoleum is under an elm tree there. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, the kind of life. Yeah. I can't wait to find out which person in the gang we follow next week. Well, we got to get in. We got to get in

on that George Washington assassination. Yep. Yep. I'm willing to learn everything. I'm willing to learn everything we can learn about the P guy. 100%. Well, well, we've done it again, David. We've done another one. Done it again. The main source for this episode was the book Gentleman Revolutionary Governor Morris, the rake who wrote the Constitution by author Richard Brookheiser. All right. All right. God bless everybody. Gobble, gobble. We I've come up with a new sign off for us. It's the gobble, gobble.