The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 432 - John Mad Jack Mytton - Live

Episode Date: June 2, 2020

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine England's John 'Mad Jack' Mytton. Recorded live in Birmingham.

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wasn't gonna do this. Hi everybody, sir what the fuck are you drinking right now? Can I show people this? This clearly is. Oh my god. Good night. Yeah I mean that's a blackout in a picture. Is that for one person? Yes, hi. Yeah it's all over your shirt obviously. Things are good over here. Thank you guys for coming out we appreciate it very much obviously. How many people are disappointed so far? Someone wooed. I know I know I either you're very honest or weren't listening either way. Love it. You look really cute tonight. Love your mustache. I don't know what else to say. I got nothing. Are we done? I'm done talking to you. I was on a

person-to-person level. I'm ready for you to talk at me. You're listening to the dollop. This is a bi-racial American history podcast each week. I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American, sometimes English history, to my friend, Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. No, no, no, no, no. Now we got away. We already, we've already started the show. It doesn't happen now. You guys, sir that's quite a torch bearer over there. Someone's blazing a new trail. You got a shit seat. You're in the front row though, yeah. Yeah, I mean if you ever wanted to watch a podcast and look at a guy, like the back of a guy's

ear. This is gonna be like listening to a podcast for you which will be normal. It's good that's there though, right? Can't back up. That's all you get for the whole show. September 30th, 1796. Year of our Lord Jesus Christ. John Mitten. John, nice. Is this the story of Mitten's? Yes it is. It's exciting. Was born in a Shropshire. That was weak. What happened there? You're kind of into the area but not. Okay. It was born to John Mitten and Sarah Harriet. His family were Squires whose lineage went back 500 years. Sure, great. That's traditional. Yep. So they were very wealthy but the good times could only last so long and John's father died when he was two. Mm-hmm. As is to be expected. Yep. So it's time for him

to go work in a factory for a while. That's right. Well what happened was John inherited the family seat at Halston Hall, Whittington. It was worth 60,000 pounds. What's happened? A jailbreak effect with one of the lights going on my face just sort of keeps... I'm adjusting. Okay, wait, what does that mean? His seat? Yeah, I think that's... What is he? A new disquieter? What does that mean? Or he just... He's a Lord. Dave, you're supposed to do that part. You're not supposed to outsource that part. I just read that shit and I'm like, fuck off. Just have a person be a person. So he's a Lord. Okay. Okay. I figured he'd be...

He was the new squire, which again, as far as I know, a squire helps a night with a horse. I don't know anything else that happens. Sure. But apparently squires do more than that. It's very accurate so far. They're rich. Whatever. Squires are rich. Sure. So basically, he inherited what would be 4.3 million today. Oh shit. A two? A two. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. That's right. That's how you grow up relating to people. That's how you like a man of the people. That's right. Yeah. It also brought in an annual income of 10,000 pounds from the estate lands. So he had tons of money and was making a lot of money a year. Right? A million a year

basically. Yeah. A two years old. That's great. When Horatio Nelson was killed in Spain, sorry, John's bereft and weeping nurse showed seven-year-old John a portrait of Nelson and told him she would make him a sailor's hat, even though she had never seen one. Is she the voice on how to make these? That's my question. Is she... Here you are. It's a boat. You were on your head. Don't think... So wait, he's two? Well, he's a little older. Now he's seven. Now he's seven. He's seven. Okay. He's a millionaire at seven and she's like, I'll make you a navy hat. I don't have ever seen one. So when he was a boy, Napoleon's war was

raging and his nurse would use Napoleon to scare young John. She would yell, quote, Bonnie will eat you. Bonnie will tear your eyes out. She like made Napoleon the boogie man. Yeah. Like he was like, he's under my bed. That's right. He is. He's tiny. Bonnie's coming. Yeah. But Napoleon wasn't that small, right? Like he was like, no, he was like taller. No, I don't think that's true. He was like not... He was like of average height. Like I think it was like propaganda to like make him seem like a shit. Don't try to make Napoleon bigger at this point. He was a good guy. He was a great guy. Have you seen Bill and Ted's excellent adventure? Napoleon was awesome. He was very cool.

Why are you trying to help out Napoleon? Hey, that guy needs a hand. He's got one in his shirt. He needs another. I'm the only guy doing Napoleon stuff. John went to the prestigious Westminster School. A former student, quote, at Westminster, the boys fought one another. They fought the masters. The masters fought them. They fought outsiders. In short, we were ready to fight anybody. Wait, they... Isn't there supposed to be like a echelon of authority? Yeah, but they're all... But instead the teachers are like, we'll beat you up. We'll meet now back to fought later. Yeah, they're kicking the shit out of each other. Alright, normal.

Then John was kicked out after a year for fighting with his schoolmaster. He was then sent to Harrow School and he lasted three terms there before he was expelled. Why is he going to school? What do you mean? You're a child millionaire. I think it's just expected if you're a lord. No, I would change that right away. But would you do it at seven with millions of dollars? I don't think you're seven anymore because you're beating up the schoolmaster, so you're probably in your teens. Great, that's fine. Yeah, I would I would like pay to torture that man. I'd be with his family money and I'd be like, I'm going to torture him. I'll throw money

at this problem. Don't let Boney know. He is under my bed, the Boneyman. So after that he was then educated by tutors, which is I think what you wanted. If that, but okay, I'll take it. He would harass us tutors with practical jokes. Nice. One tutor spent a night in the house and there was a knock on the door in the middle of the night, quote, which he opened to be confronted by the alarming vision of his young pupil mounted on his black pony having ridden him up the stairs. This is this is what I'm talking about. This is the sort of stuff when you grow up with a million dollars this like a teen. You just got to be like,

yeah, I got an indoor horse and an outdoor horse. I keep it real. Quote from Madcap's progress by Richard Darwell. All quotes not otherwise mentioned will come from that book. A frequent visitor to Halston was Sir Richard Poulston. One of your favorites. Poulston? Poulston. He nicknamed John Mango King of the Pickles. That stuck for a while. Sure. Is there do we know why? No, that's it. I mean there is there was a book called Mango King of the Pickles. At no point did anybody say why? Well, that's the fact that there's a book called Mango King of the Pickles also just opens a lot of questions, but okay. Like any rich kid

in England, John started hunting foxes with his own pack of hounds when he was 10. Yeah, most people here did that. Yep. He would go hunting in any kind of weather. Okay. When he was 16 in 1812, John was commissioned as a captain in the local Yeomanry. In the local what? Yeomanry. It's like a volunteer regiment of landowners. Okay. Militia of landowners like rich guys, plan army. Sure, right. Yeah. To be an officer, you had to be nobility or landed gentry. Okay. Even though he had done very little academically, John was admitted to Trinity College in Cambridge in 1816. Nice. Yep. Why not? Earned. Let him.

Could you imagine a time when rich people just got to do stuff without? It'd be weird. I mean, yeah, it's weird. Yeah. Now it's just like you got to earn everything. Yeah. By this time, John really, really liked port. So it's a fun detail. So when he arrived at Trinity College, he brought with him 2000 bottles of port. My God. Yes. By the way, this is who you want a room with. Oh, shit. This dude's a millionaire? You love port. I love port. This guy's awesome. We're doing port stands. We got a port funnel. A port hat. A port hat? What is that? With the port and then you got the two tubes coming down. Oh, right. A port. A porty hat.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a porty animal. Yeah. He expected the 2000 bottles to get him through his time at Trinity, but he... What? And that would be expected. I would think that that would be enough. 2000 bottles? Well, you never know. A couple of parties. Uh-huh. Down to a thousand. Sure. But he bailed on university finding it boring and went to Europe on what he called a grand tour. Mm-hmm. When he returned, he was commissioned into the army and served in a Calvary. Okay. He spent a year and occupied a Combury after the defeat of Napoleon. Whoa. Yeah. That's... I know. Can go to sleep again. Yeah. You're learning history

right now. Napoleon ended up losing. And he was super tall. Six foot seven. Yeah. He used to dunk. He was a starting center. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we're saying the same thing. Oh, give me the rock. I'm ready to pound it. Yeah. I'm in the paint. Give me it. Yeah. Sorry, that's netball here. I'm sorry. That's probably confusing. He was really good at tossing the ball in the floating net with nothing around it, just equally as thrilling as basketball I found. Do they call it netball? Well, netball is a different sport than basketball. They call basketball basketball, but they have netball, which is sort of like, what if

you were to like take a lot of the good parts out of basketball? What would that look like? You're like, oh yeah, it's not very good. It's really not... It's sort of stupid. I was going back there. That's your popcorn. Okay. Hey, buddy. So while he was there, he mostly just gambled and drank. That's all they really did. Colonel Sir Henry Smith said, quote, our life in Combury was an excessive gaity hunting and chases. What is it? Gaity hunting and chases. What is the first word? Gaity? Gaity? Gaity? Gaity. You ever heard the word gaity? Yeah, did you? Yeah. Let's play the game where one of us defines it. Rock, paper, scissors, you do it. I think it probably

comes from the word gay, which means happy, fun, having a good time. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. Okay, keep going. This guy knows. Having sex with other men. Huh? Having sex with other men. Sure. Yeah. All those things. I'll be the colonel tonight. Sure. Right. Yeah. That kind of thing. John also gambled like crazy. One night he lost 6,000 Napoleon's to a captain. What is a Napoleon? I think it's a coin. It's probably like a dollar, but Napoleon was really into himself. So he was like, what about money? Unlike our politicians now. Oh, God. Yeah. Don't say it out loud because he might name it Trump. Trump dollars. Yeah. Puts his face on the front. Yeah. And his

face on the back. Yeah. So John's horse in Combrie was a one-eyed small male named Baronette. A year or so after being there, John resigned. And on the night before he left, he jumped Baronette over a mess table where the officers were sitting. This is Richie Rich. This is what I'm saying. Like, you just got out. There's no rules. I don't know why he's going anywhere. The officers were quote alarmed and delighted. What is with the officers? Well done. Good work, Mitten. John returned to the Yeomanry in Shropshire. Okay. Did you get his duties as a squire? Whatever the fuck that means. I should have looked that up. No, no, no.

That's fine. We'll just keep it super big. As he was about to get his full inheritance. So at 21, he had a large house, Halston, with more than enough money to run it. Tons of game and racing stable. He owned thousands of acres in Shropshire and rented farms. He also owned a manor that has a fucked up Welsh name. I think we'd all love to hear you go for it. All right. Dennis Amadeus. There it is. Well, it has two Ds. Sounds like you're anesthetized. So it would be a T-H, right? The Ds are T-H. Sure. Yeah, of course. Dennis Amadeus. And that's a Gremlin? In a Maranethshire. But Dave, it's like I'm

there. It's like you're the town mayor of Davos, of Davos. It had 32,000 acres. In 1818, he married Harriet Emma Jones, the daughter of Sir Thomas Trewitt Jones. So, you know, Lord Marisa, I guess she's probably a lady, right? Well, yeah. I mean, I guess we're good. Is there a female, sir? John, very quickly, bored of his marriage. Okay. As you do. Yeah. Harriet thought he would settle down after the wedding, but that was not the case. More than anything, John loved hunting. Though he was not a normal hunter, sometimes he would show up for a hunt, quote, clad, even on the coldest, wettest day in the thinnest of clothes and boots, and once appeared to delight with his legs encased in

black and white silk stockings. Okay. So he, I mean, yeah, this guy has too much money to care about anything. This is a pattern. GF Underhill described John. He's like a Kardashian in like the 1800s. GF Underhill described John in a hunting book, quote, he was five feet nine inches tall and weighed 11 stone, but he was a man of abnormal development. His biceps were thicker than those of Jackson, the pugilist champion. Hold on a second. Everybody put your phone on ring. We just want to get them on ring before we keep going. We want those interruptions. He measured over 40 inches around the chest, yet his thighs were so small and so weak that it was a marvel to his hunting companions. So he's just like the circus strong

man, essentially. He's just like a big upper body and then he's just got these little wiry legs. Yeah. Like the guy is just like leg day. I don't do leg day. Chest back buys every day. Chest back buys. That's right. Okay. So he could it seems like he could fall over at any time. Right. Yeah. He's not constructed properly. Harry got pregnant, but John was still out having fun. She saw little of him. He hunted all day and partied all night. And this became society gossip. One lady wrote to another quote, the young mitten marriage sets out as was expected, but unpromisingly. He is living with unbounded expanse in the midst of every little company which leaves her to perfect solitude. I mean, this is like

shows you how like the intelligence of gossip used to be so much higher. Like read that again. The young mitten marriage sets out as was expected. That's just not how gossip starts. You know, you like you hear what this bitch did. But unpromisingly, he is living with unbounded expense. Oh my God, he's living with unbounded expense. Grace, get over here. You're not going to believe this shit. It's about mitten in the midst of low company which leaves her to perfect solitude. Oh my Lord, perfect solitude. So gossip began to flow. People said when he was drunk, he locked her into a kennel with the Foxhounds. Well, now I think it's a good time to check in. So he would get drunk and lock his pregnant wife?

Well that, yeah, that was a rumor. In a Fox kennel? That was a rumor, but then later on it was like no, she accidentally locked herself in the... I mean, as one does, no, as one does for sure. Yeah, I know a lot of women who create themselves. Yeah, it's just a regular thing you do. Oh dear, look at me. I've locked myself in the dog case again. Foolish me. People also said he tried to drown her in the lake? Well no, no, to be fair, she tried to accidentally drown herself. I think that's what we learned. And that once he threw her dog into the fire? Oh my God, this is like making a murderers shit. I don't think any of that's real, they're just making stuff up. Oh, alright, sorry. He was big into practical

jokes and liked to scare people. Hey, have you ever seen the one where I throw your dog into fire? Prank over. In the crate. You just got burned. Well, not as bad as... The sound of a dog crackling on the fire. Mmm, reminds me of the holidays, David. He drove so fast so many times in his gig that she refused to ride with him anymore. What's his gig? It's a good... The one-horse carriage, you know, which is like two people sit in it. Okay, right, right, right. He's peeling ass, okay. He became friends with Charles James Aperly, who was a writer. He wrote for a sporting magazine, of course he was ashamed of that. So he used the pen name Nimrod. Sure. Nimrod, local sports page. Quick question

about the rebounds. But Nimrod became a very popular writer. Aperly and John were often together. John spent heavily. He paid 1,500 for pheasants and boxes. He had three square miles of preserves and 50 workers working on it. They were standing orders for gamekeepers to bring stroats, badgers, polkats, and anything else they could catch. His annual killings were 1,200 pheasants, up to 2,000 rabbits, and an insane amount of partridges. That sounds like the 12th day of Christmas sort of thing. And he would just basically pay to have them put on his land and then he'd go kill them, is that what you mean? Okay, so that's... It's fun. It's like enclosed hunting, which is always fun, like when rich people go to

Africa and they're like, holy shit, how did I kill this elephant? It's like, well, because it was in a cage. It's like, man, I'm good at this. He owned 2,000 dogs. What? No, he didn't. No, he didn't. He did. No, he didn't. Yes, he did. He owned 2,000 dogs? Yes. What? Well, you buy one, it's so hard to stop after that. I mean, that is... It's like a tattoo. He's like, Jaja? 2,000 dogs? Did he name them? No, is the answer. No, I'm sure he named some, but not all. Like five, yeah. That's a lot of... Yeah, that's 2,000 to be close. The ones that were his favorites lived well. They were fed steak and champagne. What? I don't know how well they lived. Some of his dogs had to wear uniforms. I now believe this

man had 2,000 dogs. Some were uniforms. While others were put in costumes. So, to me, a uniform on a dog is a costume, but he was like, no, it's just formal wear. Uniform. Where do I go to the opera? Yeah. Uniform means that they're in service. Right. But a costume, you know, it's something else. Yeah, you put them in a little chef outfit, like, ah, you met my cook. Is that one of the servants? No, that's a dog. That kind of thing. Just good times. Yeah, yeah, for sure. He was a fan of dog fights and bread for that. Oh, boy. I mean, if you have 2,000 dogs, you run out of shit to do. You're like, what am I going to do? Yeah, have them fight each other. John trained differently than other fighting dog trainers.

Sometimes he would fight the dogs himself. You mean... Do you mean he would physically oppose two of the canines, or you mean he would be like, that's it. It's me versus the dogs. It's him versus the dogs. He would fight the dogs? Yes. He was seen... Well, one of them probably had boxing gloves on. He's like, all right. He was seen fighting bulldogs and mastiffs. He would bite them to toughen them up. I mean, someone has to step in here and stop this. His favorite horse was allowed to roam around both inside and outside the state. Where are we going with this? What is happening? So he had like a cat horse? Yeah. Okay. Did it have a little horse door for everyone to want to go out? It could just

walk to it's little like pony door? Sometimes Baronette and John would lay in front of the fire together. It is cute, but let's pump the brakes a little bit. He also loved the racetrack. He spent more on his race horses and they're stable than he did hunting. Harriet had her daughter. Harriet Emma... Oh, right. The family. Yes. I forgot. Harriet Emma Charlotte was born on April 23rd in 1819. After the birth, the doctor went to tell John, quote, on my telling him it was a girl, he swore he would have it smothered. But throwing himself on the sofa, he gave vent to his feelings in a flood of tears. Wait, so he... He was like, good news. It's a girl. He was like, I'm gonna kill her. No, I'm sorry. I'm so touched.

This is amazing. Miracle of life. So exciting. Essentially. Yes. Rides emotion. He soon came around and began to enjoy his new daughter. Oh, awesome. Well, what a cool pop. At first, you want to kill your child. And then after a couple of months, you're like, oh, she's all right. Yeah, right. No, I think you went through that as a father. You said, yeah. No, I had Finn under the water. Yeah. And Heather was like, give it a month or so. All right, I'll give it one month. And I was like, I wanted a girl. All right. But John did not slow down with the birth of the child. In 1819, he decided he wanted to be in parliament. It's time. It's for sure time. He's ready. It was family tradition, and he would run

as a Tory. Surprise. No, they're great. He used his wealth, quote his method. Wait, to really? A man used his wealth to get into public office? If you can believe that. Quote, his method of canvassing was to ride along the main streets of a Shrewsbury attired in a brilliant colored coat trimmed with gold buttons and a 10 pound note intended for voters to snatch at attached to each button. Relatable. Super relatable. Okay. So and this was effective campaigning. When someone grabbed the note, he replaced it. He ended up giving away 10,000 pounds. Now, to some, that would be considered bribery. But I think the loophole is if you wear it on your buttons, it isn't. It is not. People are taking it. Right. You're not giving

it to them. Right. No. So they'll be about 830,000 pounds today. And it worked. Yeah, it worked. I mean, if that I would, I would vote for this person. If there was someone who like, I mean, they're all such dog shit now that like if there was someone who just had 20s on their jacket, I'd be like, yeah, he lets you get it. He's like one of those little cash machines with the fan, but he's a human. So John Mitten was elected MP for a Shrewsbury. Okay. To celebrate, he threw a giant party in the town, quote, the populace had been presented with a Durham Heifer, which accompanied by a drum and five band and several butchers in white frocks was being drawn to the town in a wagon decorated with laurels

and ribbons. So what, what's happening? So there's there's a cow. It sounds like a bang a bus to me, which is what my family took here tonight. They're a bang bus. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no website. At least they hope that's not what they took. They lied to me. So there's a cow and then there's a band, right? In that order is interesting. We got a cow, we got a band, and then a few butchers in their white hell of a party, and then and then a wagon ribbons on it. And then the animal was slain, roasted whole, and distributed to the poor supporters of John Mitten. Wait, what animal? The cow. Oh, okay, right. So

the butchers killed the cow. Roasted whole. That's how I like it. Treat it like a big potato, just throw it on the fire. So he arrived at the House of Commons in June. But he very quickly realized that the debates were boring. Well, Dave, yeah, he left after 30 minutes. What? And went back to Shropshire. Is that allowed? That was his only appearance in Westminster. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Does his term 30 minutes? No, he still is in power. No, I mean, he is, but he laughs. So yeah, what is the protocol there? There's no protocol. They can't make him come back. Okay. This loopholes. And he just went back to his life in good times.

Halston was the scene of amazing dinners and no man was allowed to go to bed sober. Okay. He was constantly seen in a Shropshire, jumping his horse Baronette over gates, brooks, and anything else he could find. And weren't people like, aren't you in Parliament? Aren't you supposed to? I was. I am still. Ha ha. Pick money off my coat. We're gonna roast a whole cow. At the line in one day, he let in two foxes and they ran around where some women were sitting, quote, and pursued them around the room with a view. Hallows. No, no, no, no, no, no. That is an attempted murder. At the Bedford Hotel, he made a bet and then he rode his horse upstairs into the dining room and jumped over

a table where his friends were eating out onto the balcony and then galloped off down the street. Is okay. So he just has the amount of money where like everybody's like, oh, very good one, Mitten. God damn it, Mitten. Like when he could just ride his horse anywhere. Yeah. No one's going to say anything to him. Power. It's weird. The money gives you power. So hey, it had never actually recovered from the birth and she became weaker and weaker. She was now a shell of her former self and she died on July 2nd. She was buried near the lake at Halston. They had been married for two years. John's mother then came to live at the estate in response to Harriet's death. John began to drink more.

This sir, of course, you're into that drinking a gallon of rum is like, yeah, I like this guy. This guy's cool. He started to get injured often when hunting. Sorry, when drunk hunting, he's drunting. Yeah, he's drunk. He's drunting. One day he fell and broke his arm, but was back hunting the next day in a sling. He had 60 injuries in one hunting season. What? Is he being hunted? One day he fell and broke three ribs, but the next day a friend brought a fox, quote, swabbed and bandages. He was lifted from his couch and placed in the saddle. Okay, so this is like, this is like, okay, so this is like sad. This is where people are going like,

good job, John. Why is that? Like he's like, got his like crutches and he's just got his rifle and they're like aiming it for him. Yeah, it's not great. Right. He was lifted from his couch and placed in the saddle of the devil, one of his prized hunters. When parliament dissolved in 1820, he decided he was not going to stand in the next election because of the injuries. Yes. Yeah. He then became high sheriff of a Maron Neftshire in 1821. I think you're just rich. So you're just like, I'll be the sheriff. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But it doesn't sound like he's sheriff material. It doesn't sound like he's human material to be honest. Yeah, it's not great. In the summer of 1821, he met 17 year old Caroline Gifford. Sounds like a real Prince Andrew. Congratulations on

your prince. He really knows how to keep it together. Yeah, he's really, he really knows how to it's nice. Not sweat doing an interview. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, could we do this in a pool? No, I've never met a person who's an actual woman person. Whereas in America, we're just like, Oh, it's so funny that they killed him. Anyway, what's the next news story? So Caroline's hunter father was also a hunter. So they bonded and they fell in love and they were married in October. Okay. For the first few years, John was actually a good husband this time. Well, that's quite a actually. But after some time, he started hanging out with his old

mates and drinking. Caroline was thrilled the first when he became high sheriff of a Shropshire. So he became another high sheriff. He became a higher sheriff of a different town. Yeah, I guess it is a higher Shropshire town or is it a place? Well, there's a lot of different answers. It's a town county of a state in the country of its own. It's landlocked. It's a landlock country. It's an archipelago near the ocean. It's a bit like that. It's underwater. It's like Atlantis if it were on land, but it wasn't land. It was actually a trash island. Yeah. And it was its own state that had its own statehood, but it's its own country, which is actually a continent. Yeah. Think about it. Yeah. Anyway, he's the high sheriff. He was now in charge of 140 prisoners.

Perfect. I'm sure he relates to that position. A man who can do no wrong. The eyes of society. He also became a major in the Shropshire Yeomanry Calvary. And this is exactly what Caroline wanted. She thought he'd settle down and things were looking up. She thought she was pregnant in the summer. Uh-oh. Get ready. Better be a boy. Yeah. In November, they had a son. Oh boy, that doctor was like, good news this time. Yeah. To celebrate, 25 sheep were killed and cooked for people. Well, cigars are nice. In the 1820s, it was a fashionable time in England. Men gambled and frolicked. Sounds about the same to be honest.

Quote, they strutted like gay parrots for their hour upon the stage. Wow. That is... Do parrots strut? I feel like there's a lot of other things that strut. Yeah, they strut. Yeah. Have you ever seen a parrot strut? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Many times. That's what I think of when I think of strutting. Yeah. Yeah, just some cool parrot. Like, yeah. That's right. Yeah. They wore mauve jackets, canary, waistcoats, and speckled pants. John had 150 suits of all colors that he mixed regardless of whether they went together. Okay. I kind of relate to this guy a little bit for a moment. John decided Caroline had, quote, two play things at home so he could start going out

and having fun again. And the play things again, just to be clear, are his children. Yes. So he's like, well, you'll be fine. You've got the play things. He's like, these are, these are our families. Like, all right. Have fun, you lot. There's port everywhere. Everywhere. Literally. Find a place where it's not. All right. I'll be back in a fortnight. Woo. I'm shit-faced. Let's eat a horse. So he started hanging out with the fashionable men and his drinking came back. John got into the habit of... It had gone? Well, he slowed down. Okay. John got into the habit of riding his horse up the front steps of his friend's houses when he stopped by for a visit. So this is what had

to happen at some point. At some point, somebody had to be like, you can't ride horses wherever you want. But now it's like a disease where he's just like, do whatever I want with my horse. When they opened the door, he would ride the horse into the house. No, John, Jesus. How funny is this? I'm fucking hammered. In his own house, he would often ride a baronet around the billiard table. I mean, there were people who, he definitely had a guy who was like, very funny, sir. Good job. You've knocked everything off the walls again. That'll take us a week to clean up. Very droll. Very droll. John was actually very good with horses. Quote, he...

Well, sort of. Quote, he really appeared to have a sort of magic influence over their tempers. There was a touch of genius there. I think whoever said that. He's like a horse whisperer. He's like a horse. How else do you get a horse to ride around a billiard table and sleep with you in front of a fire and make love upstairs? Is he dating a horse? You're right. She can't know about us. Nobody would understand. One day the lake was frozen to amuse himself. Oh, here we go. He made 20 stable hands put on ice skates and go out on the ice. None of them had ever skated before. Yes, funny. Technically funny. Just too much money, but technically funny. I mean, he's just hammered just barking orders. Yeah. He watched them until it became boring,

and then he pulled out a bag of rats. What? What? Every time I'm over this guy, he drags me back in. Yeah, it's... He pulled out a bag of rats. Yeah, so pre-planned. Bro, obviously pre-planned. Yeah. No, you don't just go, oh, no. Yeah, you're like, oh, it's time for sweeps. Go boys. He put the rats on the ice, but the ice was soon covered in blood. Oh, no, Dave. Because the rat catcher had cut off all their tails, because that's how you got paid as a rat catcher. You would show the tails. Couldn't in this situation the guy just show a bag of rats? Like, that's proof enough. Yeah, that's... I mean, that's a good point. Truly, if anything, I'd be pissed. I'd be like,

dude, there's blood all over this bag. This is going to be terrible. John was then sad, and he ended the fun. This is like a drunk fox catcher. The Dupont guy. Oh. Yeah, who started the wrestling team. It's an American thing. John Drake, five to six bottles of port a day. Jesus Christ. He started drinking in the morning while he was shaving. By the... Oh, my God. I'm liking it again. I mean, that is great. When you just have no responsibility on any level, where you can just be drinking port, shaving every day if you drink that much port seems crazy, too. Yeah. I brewed his own beer, aptly said in the cellar he had, quote, wine enough in wood

and bottle for a Roman emperor. Okay. He continued to have dinners at Halston. When the women retired, the men would get drunk until they passed out. One day a showman was passing through town. Really? A showman. Yeah. And John bought a bear and a monkey from him for 35 pounds. What's a showman? To me, it's like somebody who's like entertaining, but this guy just has exotic animals. Probably like a circus situation. Okay. And he was able to transport monkeys and bears at the same time? Look, I didn't get into the transportation of animals. I'm just saying that's a difficult order. Yeah. I mean, you would cage a bear and then you'd, you know, roll them around a cage. Okay. And so he bought these two. The monkey,

I assume, sat on his shoulder. Obviously. Yeah. Obviously. The bear was named Nell. She had a violent temper. No, no, no. She was a bear. She was a bear. She had a violent temper. She was a bear. It's a bear. I don't know. What's gotten into Nell lately? Well, you know, John, it's a bear. And they're wild animals and you've put yours in a cage. I think that's, she's been distant. No, no, no. She's a bear. Something's wrong with the monkey too. He's so wild. The farm hands all avoided Nell, but she loved John. I mean, what? One night he was entertaining and after dinner he excused himself saying he would be right back.

No, no, no. You don't know. Pardon me a moment. Oh no. Quote from the quarter beyond the dining room door, there came odd sounds of scraping and sliding. These grew louder. Footsteps were also audible and the sound of heavy breathing. Then Mitten's voice, open them up now. Oh no. The door's open to reveal John was riding the bear. I just, he's like invincible. Riding the bear? If you were friends with him and he was like, I'll be right back, that's when you're like, all right, let's get the fuck out of here right now. I don't know what's happening. He's probably gonna bang that horse in front of us.

The terrified guest jumped on the table or chairs with a bear as he rode Nell into the room. What? One man leapt out the window. By the way, we now know who the smartest man in the room was. Yeah. It jumped out a window. But Nell was calm, a little too calm. John had spurs on. Oh my god. I mean, they generally don't tell you to do that with a bear when you're riding a bear. But right there, that's not a situation anyone's in. Well, you could be invading Rome and riding elephants and bears. I'm not buying it. So he drove the spurs into Nell while he yelled,

quote, tally ho, tally ho. Nell screeched out in pain and then bit John on the leg. Okay. I think we know where the crowd stands. Yeah. Yeah. Pro bear. Two servants grabbed Nell and let her off. John was taken upstairs and a doctor was called. I mean, okay. Nell ended up living at Halston for seven years until she attacked a servant and injured him badly. They decided she had to be killed, but in the ensuing struggle to take her to her execution, she fought and died. I mean, yeah, I guess. I don't know. That's all sounds pretty terrible. She had, she had a coming. Yeah. No, for sure. I mean, she just couldn't kick that bear attitude. Now the monkey got a taste. Oh, right. The monkey.

It's time for a new wrinkle. What's the monkey doing? The monkey got really into port. Okay. It's like those monkeys. Is it Thailand or the monkeys? Oh, it's, they get shitfaced. Well, it's everywhere. But there's, there's that tropical island where, like, where monkeys are, yeah, they just have basically now it's in their instinct to just get shitfaced. And I'm not saying it's okay, but I am saying if you watch an island full of drunk monkeys drinking like cocktails like this, they are just like humans when they're hammered. They just have arms around each other. Like, let me tell you why. Shut up. Shut up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. You can Google it. Literally drunk monkeys. It'll be like the second or third video. And by the way,

there's not a long video to watch. They grab drinks from tourists. Yeah. It's amazing. It's really amazing. I mean, nature's magical. Yeah. But one day the monkey got so drunk that he became literally blind. Oh my God. What? And he died soon after. Oh my God. But he went out the way he wanted to. I don't think he did. I think he did. No, I don't think he did. I think they both did. I think the bear went out fighting servants and the monkey went out with just like a funnel of port in his mouth. It's just like being out in nature. How do you not cut off a monkey? How are you not like, you've had enough port. You're a monkey. Well, I feel like he's not that responsible. Who? John. John Mitten? Yeah. Weird. I haven't gotten that vibe. We talking about the

same guy still? Yeah. Okay. So John was also not big on boring guests. Sometimes they were people Caroline invited over. If he couldn't take it and was too bored by the conversation. I mean, the other things he's done is when he's like having fun. Yeah. So bored. What? So he would just get up in the middle of dinner and walk away from the table, walk over, jump through a window and walk off. I'm back in. There's the way to handle it in laws. John. One night, two guests bored him so much that when they left on their horses, he ran and got a Carter's smock loaded a hit pistol and rode his horse as fast as he could to cut them off. Then he jumped out from behind a tree pointed a gun at them and yelled quote stand and deliver the two terrified men

sped off and John chased them all the way into town. But that's not a joke. Like they don't know you're joking. Just like a bear doesn't know that like it's this is a this is all in his head. Well, it's a joke of sorts. I know to them it's an attempted murder. No, it's not a prank. No, to them it is a murder. To them they're running away from murder. No, this could be on a prank show. I don't think so. People started calling him mad jack. They said he quote not only did he not mind accidents, he positively liked them. John would drive his carriage at high speed. One time he tried to find out if a horse pulling his carriage could jump over a tollgate. Let me guess. He could not. All right. Now we know. Another time he was riding with a man and John asked him

if he'd ever been upset in a carriage. This if you're that guy you're like I'm getting out. I don't like where this is headed. The man said no and then John yelled quote what what a damn a slow fellow you must have been all your life. He then took the carriage up a bank going full speed tipped it over tossing himself in the passenger act. He liked to drive his carriage as fast as possible. I'm getting that directly at obstacles like rabbit holes. He wanted to see if the carriage would turn over and a lot of the time it would. Okay. He somehow managed to avoid serious injury. John also liked to send local kids to the top of a hill. Oh no. A quote remarkable ascent named. This is another Welsh thing I think fold. He would give half a crown to the kid who

reached the bottom first. It was 182 meters down. I mean this is elaborate child murder. Quote the prime amusement in this marathon was to be derived from watching the falls of the children as they stumbled headlong among the boulders. So he just he has like a blood thirst. This is a dangerous person. When he was bored with that he'd have the boys fight each other for prizes and sometimes he'd have old people race for money. Once again I'm back in. That I like. I like that one. That's a fun one. You know it's just like a bunch of tortoises like racing each other. Now fight the children. Get on the back of that bear. Fight each other. I have no one.

Now despite all this he was at the height of his popularity. Who was like yes this guy's awesome. He was eccentric often infuriating and at times a total embarrassment but he was somehow super likable. Oh boy. Boris Johnson. The guy with the picture just went. Oh no. John fell into a routine when he wasn't hunting or gambling he was racing horses and he was blowing through money. Even though his lands brought in and made tons of money he was always in debt. Oh no. Wait. Okay. Kind of like this. He and Caroline now had four kids. Woof. Well she's got a lot of hobbies at home it sounds like. Yeah a lot of fun. But she was unhappy. Why. What part of this distant husband who was out of control and drunk all the

time and leaving her to raise four children alone was bothering her. I don't know. Women. She would give him shit and he'd stay away more. He gambled more and raced more and was slowly wasting his fortune. His accountant told him. His accountant told himself. His accountant told him he was going too far but he was known to answer quote what the devil is the use of having a head on my shoulders if I am made to make use of yours. So his accountant's like you're out of money. I don't feel like I'm out of money. So oh my god if this guy gets poor. He was insanely wasteful of money. Oh yes. Visitors would find baked notes lying around in odd places on the estate. It wasn't known whether he had left them there on purpose or he just lost them.

Sounds like he lost them. That doesn't sound like his prank. Like his prank you would find a 20 and there'd be a snake under it. That's right. He was spending big on hunting. He had 150 pairs of hunting pants 700 pairs of handmade hunting boots a thousand hats and 3000 hunting shirts. So was he wasteful? And yet sometimes when he was really into it he would strip nude and hunt naked. Back in. Even through snow drifts and gorge rivers. Wow. He also got into night hunting. Oh no. He would go out in the middle of night wearing only a night shirt. What is a night shirt like a nightgown. Yeah a nighty. Yeah like a nighty. He would walk out like Scrooge just like

with like a long nighty his little cap and like a candle like I'm looking for bears. That's right. High stakes. He would lay in the snow and hunt ducks. Sometimes he would just go naked onto the ice of a frozen lake and wait for the ducks. Is he immortal? After he was out there for a while and it killed some ducks he returned as if everything was normal. No effects from the cold at all. Then he'd go to bed and go to sleep. Many times he'd get up 30 minutes later strip naked and do it all over again. I guarantee you he forgot he did it. He's like that drunk. We're like I should go hunt ducks. I haven't done that in a while. It's like you're surrounded by dead ducks dude. You know what I've never done is hunted a duck.

No you there's a pot. You did that four times last night. This room is ducks. He apparently had zero issues with the cold because he was now frequently hunting topless. In the 15 years since he had received his inheritance he had spent it all. Oh my god. He was deeply in debt. His accountant said if he only spent 6,000 a year for six years then he would not have to sell the Shrewsbury estate. Well that's not possible. John responded quote I wouldn't give a damn to live on 6,000 a year. He decided to sell the estate. By the way this is also the United States economic policy. A relative begged him not to saying the property had been in the family for 500 years and John said

quote the devil it has then in his hide time it should go. Does he have a terminal illness? This feels like Brewster's millions. Like this is what you do when you've been given like a diagnosis you know you're just like all right fuck it we'll go crazy. Yeah rich people suck so first I've heard of it. So drinking was obviously very normal at the time but John's drinking was excessive. So that I mean that's crazy. If you're a drunk then. I mean this is right in the middle of the gin craze. Let's not open that bottle again. He started acting out more. He picked a fight with a minor who not a kid. Oh with a minor. By the way the way this story is gone you automatically assume he's like what did you say? He's like I said I'm selling papers I'm 10. Let's

see you outside. You're gonna fight a bear. He picked a fight with a minor who screwed up one of his hunts and they had a bear knuckle fist fight. You gotta leave less pauses after bear with this guy. I hear bear and he was going to have a bear fist fight him. After 20 rounds the minor gave up. What? How long are these rounds? I mean back then they were like a minute. That's a long time. Yeah on another hunting trip he took the lead and others slowed the horses when they saw a chasm ahead. John did not. He rode his horse straightforward and yelled quote now for the honor of Shropshire and then crashed into the chasm. Are we gonna find out at the end of this he's a ghost? One rider was following fast behind him and John was hit by the horse. He was bruised and

bloody. This would be the last time John hunted. Okay that's nice to hear. That's reassuring at least. But again what hasn't he done? So there's like no worlds left to conquer as far as hunting for him. He started gambling even more. Smart. So the accountant was like I'm glad you're listening to me. I'm leaving this position by the way. Quote that autumn a wild gambling fever had hold of him. He was often in Birmingham where he gave tremendous rowdy parties. At a racetrack one day an angry John walked by three rough-looking men. He had on a red hunting coat. One of the men said quote devil I will have some of his golden buttons and they blocked John. He handed his horses a bridge to one of them and his hat to a boy standing nearby and then he fought the other two

men. Okay the fight didn't last long and John won. He was now very happy and gave them each a guinea. So if you're him you wake up every day with no plan other than to start drinking when you're shaving and then just seeing what happens. That's right okay. But John was becoming more and more angry. That is hard to say. He was fighting he was yelling at people and people became afraid of him. People became afraid of him? He was now hitting people without being provoked. Well that's that's a problem. Friends distanced themselves. Why? In a drunken rage he fought with Caroline and yelled at the servants. This was during a weak straight drinking binge and then Caroline left. In a legal document she said he committed quote an act about outrageous and injurious conduct.

She went home to her family in Chillington. Okay. What? Just that she's gonna chill in Chillington. Oh okay. John was now alone in his huge house. Oh that's that's good. Over the winter he blew through more money and all of his friends deserted him. So he decided to run for parliament again. What? This is like when Muhammad Ali would like still fight when he was like dead where you're just like no dude stop it's over it's over it's over it's over. The first area to vote was the one nearest where John lived and he actually took the lead but he soon fell behind another area. Who's the other guy? I was like what? Oh my god. There were like five guys but then they had to vote all over and as the other areas voted he

fell more and more behind and dropped out. Okay. He was cheered and laughed at by many people. John now seemed like a beaten man. He began to be hounded by lenders and bailiffs. They followed him everywhere. He fled to London and rented a room in a small hotel. A month later he ran for Dennis Mavena in Wales. What? Nope. One day the locals said they saw him walking quickly quote bareheaded without a coat or boots. He was apparently running from someone. Yeah that's not a look you have when you're like I'm just not a stroll. He went to chilling to see Caroline and the children but she heard he was coming and had armed men waiting. So things are good between them. That's kind of a restraining order. Yeah that is an old-fashioned restraining order. They attacked John.

He knocked eight of them down during the fight. So what is he like? He's got hulk strength? He's got giant top parts. Why doesn't somebody just sweep the leg like in the karate kid? That's a little dry. He's like kicking two matches from underneath him. You can't get close to him with those those giant arms. I mean okay. But they were eventually able to handcuff him and haul him off. Okay. A few days later notice appeared in The Times announcing all possessions at Halston would be sold. John filed for bankruptcy. Aperly aka Nimrod had moved to Calais, France. On November 5th John just showed up there. Good news. I need a friend. This is gonna be great. They had not seen each other in two years but Aperly knew everything that was going on. He said John looked completely

different quote round shoulders decrepit tottering old young man bloated by a drink. Old young man. Old young man. Yeah. John wanted to hide in France as long as possible but the next day he yelled at Aperly quote. I'll have my wife back by God. They handcuffed me but so help me God. I'll have her yet. You're like awesome. You should go now and leave here right away. That sounds yeah romantic. Do anything please. Sounds romantic. Yeah. No she's gonna love that. I love you. That's why I have 20 guards outside the house. I've beaten all the guards. I love you so much darling. How are the two kids? Four. Another miracle. We should pay them to fight each other. Let me ride the biggest one. We should eat the baby. God I missed us.

He stayed in different hotels in France and ran up bills throwing parties. People started to take advantage of him when he was drunk and had him sign notes for far more than he owed them. Okay. John ended up staying in France for years. One night he went to up to his hotel room shit faced with a swindler. You don't need to tell me this guy's shit faced. Let me know when this man's not drunk. He was swindler was trying to get him to sign a note and then at some point a younger guy joined them and they're all drinking. After some time John dressed for bed but began hiccuping intensely. So he is very ready for bed. Yeah. Quote damn this hiccup. I'll frighten it away. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is a man on this level do to self frighten?

I'm going to kill myself. He grabbed a candle and put the flame under his shirt. Solid. So he's just gonna human torch himself? He's like it just like my hiccup's gone. Oh no. Oh boy. The shirt burst into flames. Yeah. Well, when you put a candle under your shirt, the John was totally enveloped. The two men threw him to the ground and tore the shirt off. The two men were like, John, just drink some water upside down. Burn John staggered into bed and said quote the hiccup is gone by God. What did I tell you? The next day, Aperly heard what happened. The next day, I mean, he's waking up like, whoa,

what did I, we all woke it up and been like, whoa, how did I get here? He's like, oh my God. I was lit on fire last night. My nipples are burned. Let me suffer first. Oh, shit. Where's my shaving get drunk? So Aperly, Aperly sent for a doctor and went to see John quote their doctor. Well, you've got a lot of issues, John. I suggest not drinking. Okay, next. Next. Do you have a bear? Huh? I'll buy a bear. Doctor, you're my best friend. No, you're my only friend. No. Is it what? Come here. Come here.

Thank you. Okay, I'm leaving. Hey, we should both be doctors together. Let me examine you. Put out your hand. No, I go like this. He steals nipples. Dude, I love us. This is so us. This is classic us. And even a million dollars to hang out with me for the afternoon. Lonely. Hey, quote their lay, Mr. Mitten, not only shirtless. He's like a Mr. Man book. He's one of the Mr. Men. Oh, Mr. Mitten. Not only shirtless, but

sheetless with the skin of his breast, shoulder and knees of the same color with a newly singed bacon hog. Wait, so he like seriously burned himself. Like he like cooked himself. Yeah. Okay, so, okay. Aperly asked. It's so funny, but it's darker. Aperly asked him why he had done it and John responded that he wanted to show Aperly how he could bear pain. But that's not what he was doing. No, he was trying to get rid of, like, so this is the drunk thing where like, I want to show everyone how tough I was. They said it was hiccups. I had the hiccups. Huh? Huh? The doctor ordered John not to drink, but he did. Yeah. And that made his condition worse.

Aperly, quote, two weeks after the burning, he came to a certain extent deranged and it was quite evident he would shortly become a maniac. Shortly become a maniac? That is the understatement of the story. I mean, this dude has been a maniac since two. Pretty soon he's going to get weird. I'm worried that we're going to start to see John become strange. It just seems like it might be what's next. Aperly told him to quit drinking or the doctor said he would die in three days. That doctor's like, probably a little crazy too. That's very specific. Yeah, that is. Yeah. I mean, like, I don't think you could predict it on that level. You're like, it's very bad, but three days. Three days. You've got three days to live, John. I'm also not a doctor.

He teetered on the edge for months, once slipping into madness. But four months later, he began to heal. In April, he left his room for the first time. And then one night he went to town and got shitfaced after he relapsed and nearly lost the use of his legs. That's because they were just two needles. But within a month, he was walking again. His situation with his debts and property required that he go to England to sign deeds to sell property to pay debt. After two years in France, he returned and signed the documents in London. The only property left were Halston and Haverly, which were family owned. In addition to property, he had sold off all the possessions in Halston,

but he was still unable to pay off his debts. In today's money, it's estimated he burned through over 20 million pounds. Oh my God. Oh my God. And one shirt. Yeah. Wow. How old is he at this point? He's like 30s, late 30s. Wow. That is quite a run. It's a good run. Yeah. Kind of set a party. Yeah. John then moved into the now empty Halston. Everything inside had been sold. He lived in a small room on the top floor and had one servant. Boy, that guy was like, anything else, Mr. Benton? Yes. I require eggs and a bear. Also, a bed. A bed. You come here. You're my best friend. How's the job going over there at the Halston place? I hate it. It's not good. Why? It's a nice house. It's a great house. The property's unbelievable. But inside lives a

lunatic. The other night, he said he had diarrhea, so he stabbed himself. He's just got a whole bunch of home remedies he comes up with. Does that work? Huh? Does that work? Yeah. No, no. That does not work. I'm sorry. I think he said, is it work? It is not work. But he also, like he's got ferret pants now. I don't know if you've ever heard of those. I have not heard of ferret pants. It's like he wears a pair of tight pants, then he puts a bunch of ferrets in them. Like the truth is, he's kind of adorable, but he's just so drunk. Yeah. Who are you talking to? I should probably go back in. He drinks a barrel of booze a day, so... That's cool. Yeah, no, it's great. You should take this job. No, I'm working for the

king. Oh, what? Why are you here? Stay off. Then I'd like to go for walks. Wrong walks. Think about it. Who's the king? Oh, it's Fred Willard. Fredward. Fredward? The second. But I don't call him by his, you know, he's the king. It's very clear this is already a lie. I say you're highness. I don't call him. Well, your story checks out. Yeah. So, you know, there's a bunch of them. A bunch of kings? Yeah, there's four. There's four? What's a deck of cards? Yeah, they switch. They switch out. I can't believe I'm going to say this. I miss John, so I'm going to roll. That dude gets it. I have diarrhea, so I'm glad I came here. You cut it out of yourself. I've seen John do it.

So, John was now 36 years old. Lived hard. After two months of living in an empty giant house. With one servant who every time he heard the bell was like, servant! I need my toes eaten! A man came to the house and he was arrested for debts owed to Birmingham bankers in prison. Okay. Bell was not allowed. Okay. Oh, no. That's the nugget. Aperly came to see him and said he looked like the same blooded drunk who arrived in France. Quote, he had a leg in his state, nearly approaching mortification. Wait, what? It sounds like a rotting leg. Right. Oh, his leg. Yeah. So, his leg is rotting off? Yeah. Okay. John somehow stopped drinking in prison. I know how. Was that hard to do? Was there like an option? And now you have been drinking and no one drinks

himself. Oh, no. Oh, no. They are allowed to drink in prison. This is like the third or fourth story that I've read where you can just get shit based in prison if you want. That makes it a little better. What are you rolling your eyes? I think that makes it way better. Prison? Drinking in prison. Yeah. Well, they drink in prison now. They get drugs and stuff. Prison is not... Yeah, but it's not like... I mean, was it allowed? It was allowed. Yeah. Yeah. See, that's not what it's like today. No, today the guards sell it to you. Yeah. It's different, exactly. Or you make some toilet hooch. That's really a thing in prison. Yeah. Toilet hooch. Yeah. You go in the sink. Anyway. Or in the toilet. Or in the toilet. Wrong toilet. Oh, God.

Hey, I shit in the hooch. Well, we'll still drink it. So, his debts were paid two months later, probably by cutting down most of the trees that Halston is selling them. Okay. And then he went back to France. France was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're all set. We actually closed France for the year. Yeah, there's no France anymore. So, you should try somewhere adjacent. No, they are preparing for next year's France. Everybody is very excited. Okay. You guys got wine, right? No, no, no, no. We actually, that's such a dirty rumor. We are allergic to wine. No, we drink river water here. That's what we're... So, yeah, we had

wine for a while, but now it's gone. So, yeah, you should turn around. Go to another country. Because France, like I said, France closes at five. We closed about an hour and a half ago. So, this is a... Brandy? Oh, no, no, alcohol. You didn't say, here's the story, France is booze-free. Yeah, quit it. Yeah, no more looking that up. I got one of Napoleon's hats. You know, he was taller than most people on the... I don't believe that. Yeah, no, a lot of people... I don't believe that. No, a lot of people sleep in the starting netball center, whatever the middle one was. So, when he got to France, he learned that he owed more than a thousand francs to a hotel, so he went back to England. No, we're actually closed for the season. We're... Have you tried

France? They're great right now. You should go there. They're way better. Yeah, we're finished. We're not open anymore. We've actually closed England for good. Yeah, we're turning it into a America, so... Well, at least that's what he told the apperly, but he didn't return to England. Instead, he went to Lille. He went where? Lille. Okay. A... Lille? Lille. Yeah, again, I don't care. Okay. A couple of months later... I like Lille, though. Yeah. That's the town of Lille. Everyone's tiny. A couple of months later, he showed up at apperlies, quote, I shall never forget the state he was in. Shirtless, waistcoatless, neck-closeless, and his trousers and a coat stained with blood. Now, okay. Hey, what are you going to do? The first thing is pointing out that he doesn't have

like anything on his neck is weird. You know, nothing on his neck. He looked foolish, but so he's... And no waistcoat, no shirt, no waistcoat. He's got nothing but a coat on. He's got a coat with blood. Wait, he doesn't have trousers on? No, his trousers... Okay, so he is... He is just like a... Oh, no, wait, he does have... He has trousers and... Well, that's a different energy. Trousers and a coat stained with blood. Okay, so he's covered... Still a crazy look, but okay. He had been robbed, then pawned the rest of his clothes for gin. It's the gin craze. Yeah. A couple of days later, he was arrested for debts. Okay. His mother came... And having nothing on his neck, which just foolishness.

Crime. His mother came to France and paid his debts and got him out. And she took him back to England. That's a good look. Yeah. Sorry, mummy. And then she took him back to England, but he owed money everywhere. And he spent his days running from town to town trying to avoid bailiffs and stay at a jail. This guy was a millionaire at two. He's just with his mother and nothing but like a jacket with blood on it. Like, sorry, mummy. This is a good reason why there should be a massive inheritance tax. Yes. You mean the death tax? Yeah. Which is what we call it in America. Yeah.

So, he's running from town to town trying to avoid everybody, but he's eventually arrested and put in a Shrewsbury jail for 2,000 in debts. Okay. He drank so much in prison that two doctors gave him up as hopeless. Okay. It just, it sounds like a different time for doctors. Normally, they'd be like, here's what you've got to do. Now they're like, he's done. Yeah, that's it. Zombie. Zombie man. Go ahead and turn this one off. Dead man walking. Yeah. Done. His mother came to live with him in jail. What the fuck? That's an option?

Yeah. Why would this? What can't you do in jail? Yeah. You can bring your mother in? By the way, that's a good look for the other prisoners. Yeah. Tough guy. Well, I live with my mummy now. We're drinking here. Also, what's she have going on? Nothing? Nothing. Nothing. Well, I think she wanted to try to get him sober again. Yeah, but she's moving into jail. Yeah. Okay. She stayed with him all the time. He died there soon after on March 29th, 1834. Aperly quote, a round shoulder, tottering old young man, bloated by drink, worn out by

too much foolishness, too much wretchedness, and too much brandy. He was just 38. Jesus Christ. Though he was clearly a mess for years, he was remembered for his lack of malice, innate goodness, and generosity. Over 3000 people went to his funeral. Many were his fellow soldiers, former tenants and servants, and then just general well-wishers. Aperly or Nimrod published John's biography in 1835. Many roads and streets to this day are named after him in the county of Shropshire. Okay. Yeah. Well, how do you feel? I mean, I feel like this is the drunkest man we've ever had on the show. So I did it third. Okay. So, yes, it's quite a ride we've gone on with this man.

I think the estate taxes. That's what the message is? Yeah. Take away rich people's money. Because then he would have to earn his way and figure it out. Take away his title too. Yeah. I guess if you're rich enough to own, if you're rich enough to ride bears, ride horses through homes, have monkeys that fight, put servants on ice to skate, and then have rats chase them. You're able to have multiple children, abandon your family, keep running away from your deaths, keep drinking, light yourself on fire by putting a candle under your shirt to get rid of your hiccups. Potentially, you are a little out of touch with the regular person. That's right. That's right.

And in America, we don't get rid of the death tax. God, we should. No, we don't have a death tax. They get rid of it. Right. Yeah. Right. Because that was going so poorly. Right. As you can see, since they got rid of it, everything's going great. Okay. Sources, Madcap's Progress by Richard Darwell. And then, of course, Nimrod wrote... And this guy just kept the name Nimrod forever? Yeah. Proudly? Yeah. Okay. He wrote Memoirs of the Life of the Late John Mitten Esquire of Halston, Shropshire, with notices of his hunting, shooting, driving, racing, eccentric, and extravagant exploits. And when did he come up with the mittens? I don't know. Okay.

Okay. That's probably what they put on his hand so that he couldn't actually grab anything anymore. Eventually, they just gave him like two oven mitts. Also, Mango, the King of Pickles, The Life and Times of Squire John Mitten of Halston by Gene Hallsworth. That is a book written about him? Yeah. That Mango, the Pickle Man? What is it called? Mango, the King of Pickles. Mango, King of Pickles. Okay. I hope you're happy. I feel good. I feel real good. Yeah. Normal shit as usual. You realize now my family's gonna go get on a curry bus and take that back to... I heard it was a bang bus. You heard wrong. Thank you guys very much for coming out. We appreciate it.