The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 439 - John Brown - Part 2 - Bloody Kansas

Episode Date: July 21, 2020

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine John Brown and the fight over Kansas Territory.SourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

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bilingual American History podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my acquaintance. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Hi. Hi acquaintance that's tough to hear. You've been downgraded. You know I don't know who raised you but that's just not how things work. Often when someone is downgraded they don't blame it on the person who was forced to do the downgrading. A lot of words. There's just a lot of words in there that make me feel like you're biased. The person should ask well why did this happen and how can I make it better? What can I do? Yeah to

get myself out of this hole this dangerous dangerous hole that I'm in because I don't know what's I don't know what's next the person should say. Well well you're dealing with the wrong person ass wipe so. Okay you've been downgraded from acquaintance to nemesis. Well I thought it was already there to be done. Well it seems like you had gotten yourself out of the hole and now you're right back there and guess what I was right I was always right to call you my nemesis and now everyone has seen why it's just laid out laid out. Nobody saw anything pal. Frank play the theme song. Float. And called it quote his jam pad. Jam?

I'm the fucking hippo guy. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tigglypod guys. Okay. This is like an up-five part coefficient. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. No sleep that's like a hippo. Actually partner. Hi Gary. No. Is he done my friend? No. No. Rona. Rona in the corn. Gareth. I feel like everything got back on track during the theme song. Yeah no I feel fine. I feel fine. I'm used to this and I feel fine. Is it weird that you're wearing a Green Bay Packers shirt and I'm wearing a 49er shirt? I mean I would

love to I would love to fight you. What do you mean? Well we settled it on the field and we settled it on the field the last season didn't we? Yeah yeah one game away from settling it all but sadly just couldn't settle it. Another team settled it with you. Gareth this is part two of the John Brown Odyssey one of the greatest Americans in American history. Now is this part two of three or part two of two? Well maybe you'll find out later. Whoa. You little son of a bitch. You little devil. Eight. Okay. Eighteen. Yes. Go. Go. Go ahead. Well we when we left he was he was about to go to Kansas with his plan of

what is he gonna take over? Well he's gonna start shit up. I mean the idea is that pro-slavery people want to go to Kansas to make it a pro-slavery state and abolitionists want to go to. And he's gonna he's gonna go there and kick up some dust. He's got a bunch of little plunders. All right. I'm really amazed at your memory. I've listened to it. I had no choice. The Kansas Nebraska Act was passed. You didn't even shout the data. Officially. Oh shit. 1854 year of our Lord Jesus Christ. The Kansas Nebraska Act was passed. It allowed each territory to decide the issue of slavery on the basis of popular sovereignty. And that

summer tension between Northerners and Southerners what was at an all-time high if you can imagine. The Southerners were convinced if the new territories became slave states a domino effect would lead to future Western states to vote pro-slavery what a nightmare scenario that would be. In July pro-slavery groups headed to Kansas to try about any abolitionist settlers. At the same time abolitionist groups like the New England Immigrant Aid Society made plans to flood the territory with anti-slavery people who would vote against slavery when the time came. Now when you say vote I mean they're gonna be because they live there

they're just gonna be this is what Trump fears this illegal voting. Yeah this is his yeah this is his nightmare antifa. But this but this truly is like where you could just you could just go to a town. It's not illegal. Right okay right. Well by the way that's also legal in the United States. You just have to live somewhere for a month and then you can vote. So you could potentially go to any place in the country check in a hotel at Airbnb on October 1st and then you can vote in their in their election for president. Great idea. It is a great idea. I'm gonna get 3 million my best to do it in this coming election. Perfect. John

Brown's family was obviously one of those who headed for Kansas. His three oldest sons Owen Frederick and Salmon. Now I'm sure that but I'm sure it's said a different way but there's no fucking way I'm gonna look this up. How is it spelled? There's S-A-L-M-O-N. Well Dave you're within your rights we're all within our rights to call this person Salmon man. This is the Salmon man. Thank you and I guarantee it's probably I guarantee you it's Salmon but who gives a shit. Well sorry his name is spelled salmon. Sorry if your son's name appears on a menu I'm not gonna go Salmon. You've lost the war. Absolutely. Yeah sorry

you got a word late. I guarantee you Salmon preceded this guy. If your name is spelled T-R-O-U-T no one's calling you Trute. Hey Trute. Yeah it's pronounced Ray in Bo. Trute. So the three oldest sons left Ohio and went to Kansas. It took them seven months but they finally set up. Real quick was Salmon the one who was like hey boys if we swim up this stream we can get there faster and they were like Salmon what are you talking about you ain't gonna swim up a stream you swim down. I don't want to go over land because of all the bears. So they set up a campsite in Kansas and then two more brown sons John Jr. and Jason joined them

decided to join them but on the journey there Jason's old the son died when cholera broke out on the ship they were on they took a ship. So most of the people on the ship were Southerners and after John buried his son alongside the river the Southerner captain left them behind before they could re-bore. Oh man that's not that's. You know what and I've always said this you oh you have to take advantage of a child dying if you can. Yeah no how are they grieving super hard. Yeah they're still really upset. Hit it. Gun it. Gun it now. Gun it. I don't know if there's gunning it. Gun it. Gun it. Floor it. Floor it. Okay we're

going we're going a mile an hour. We're not moving fast enough they're gonna be able to catch us. Floor it. Well I'm scared one of those guys is a Salmon. Oh well we will not be able to outrun him trust me unless he's gonna berth near those rocks where screwed. They ended up taking much longer because of this to reach Kansas obviously. Sure. John John was desperate to join his sons in Kansas but believed his calling was elsewhere. He wrote to his morning son quote if you or any of my family are disposed to help defeat Satan and his legions in that direction I have not a word to say but I feel committed to operate in another

part of the field. His wife his wife had just given birth to another daughter so he stayed in North Elba with his family. So I don't know how many I didn't check how many kids this guy has at this point but I mean it's fucking crazy. He's got he's got five adult sons. What do you guess. Yeah yeah guesstimate what are we thinking. I mean it's got to be like 20 at this point. Oh my god. Really. Jesus Christ. It's really great. And again they don't all live like what half live or something you know but who knows. This makes me think that they might be part salmon with the amount of eggs he's laying. John's sons frequently

wrote to update their father with news of Kansas territory. John Jr. predicted quote a great drama will open here and requested that John give them arms to ready for the contest. OK. All right. So indeed John went and raised money for weapons at an abolition convention in Syracuse. He bought the guns and left to deliver them to Kansas himself. So he's too. He's too busy to go there because of his new baby but he's he can go drum up the arms. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it's important guns took two weeks to get from Ohio to Chicago along the way he made speeches and and they would get more weapons. So he made speeches got more

money. So he's he's he's getting weapons as he went. Sure. Is he just everything like giving a speech and then passing around a hat and people are just putting steel in it. I think that's probably what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe someone has enough money to buy a blacksmith. That kind of thing. I've got to put a blacksmith in the hat. Hey you stay in there Charlie. He got everything from double edged broadswords to revolvers. But when John finally reached his son's campsite he was shocked at the conditions that they were living in. All but John Jr.'s wife and child were sick with malaria. The crops they had tried to grow were now rotting

in the fields. So things are good. So that's like all right well. Plants some of these guns. Yeah. Just go ahead. Let's put a sword in the ground and then we'll eat it when it grows. It's sword fruit. So by November the Free State Party in Kansas was drafting a constitution. And John was optimistic that quote the great victory will follow before long. But then a slave owner named David Rice Atchinson convinced fellow slave owners from neighboring Missouri to move across the border and force slavery upon Kansas. Now Atchison was known as Old Bourbon because he loved bourbons. Old Bourbon. You've got to in this time for

your nickname to be Old Bourbon. I mean you have to just be like it just has to be in an IV in your arm. Oh no. Oh god. To get the nickname Old Bourbon in a time of bourbon. Old Bourbon in this time. Imagine what you had to go through. This guy really likes bourbon. We all really like fucking bourbon. But this guy's name's Old Bourbon. Oh. Oh. He used his political connections and talked Stephen Douglas into repealing the Missouri compromise which had maintained the balance between free and slave states. Okay. So interstate voting was illegal but Atchinson still encouraged it. Interesting. So he's encouraging people

to run across the border and vote right. Backing Atchinson's plans proslavery general B.F. Stringfellow said in a speech quote to those who have qualms violating laws state or national. I say the time has come what's when such impositions must be discarded. Since your rights and property are in danger every election district in Kansas and vote at the point of the Bowie knife and revolver. I get most of what he's saying. I mean he's basically saying go do it. It's so important and do it at gunpoint. Like bring your business. Geez. Yeah. He's saying what he's saying vote but also kill people. Right.

Okay. Great. So it's a two pronged attack. So Missourians crossed the border on horses and wagons while armed with knives, shotguns and pistols in a mass migration. A member of the free state party described that as quote groups of drunken bellowing bloodthirsty demons. Okay. Great. Good. Great. Good. So that's a good electorate. Yeah. So we have a villain. Right. Yeah. A group on November 29th, 1854, a pro-slavery candidate was elected to represent Kansas in Congress. 1,729 fraudulent votes had been cast. So people who lived in Missouri but just walked across the border and voted. How do they know

they're fraudulent? Was that just like one of the questions? I don't know. Do you have identification? Yeah. Will this be fraudulent? Yes, ma'am. All right. Go ahead and get it. Go to the fraudulent booth over there. All right. Thank you, sir. Yeah, I don't know how they knew they were fraudulent, but they did because they have a very specific number. The next election on May 30th, 1855, was even worse. Pro-slavery groups made up over 80% of the recorded votes when they terrorized polling officials who tried to stop them. Okay. The Southerners then established a legislature which passed expected pro-slavery laws such as two to

five years labor for anyone caught with an abolitionist publication. Oh my god. Five years labor for writers or publishers of anti-slavery writings. The death penalty for anyone who helped slaves revolt. Now speaking against slavery became a felony. Yeah. Thought crimes. The laws were almost impossible to enforce, but their existence created a very tense and violent environment in sure. That's the idea, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got a freak people out. Free state advocates held a convention in Lawrence and Kansas to pick anti-slavery candidates, oppose the new laws and form a committee to ensure a fair vote. That

fall, a border of Ruffians, which is what they called these people coming from Kansas. That was their nickname. Coming from Kansas or coming from Missouri? Yeah. I'm sorry. Missouri. The people coming from Missouri got the nickname border Ruffians. So a border Ruffian shot a free state settler without cause. He just shot him. The witness described the Missourians as quote a horseback people. A horseback people? A horseback people always off somewhere drink a great deal of whiskey and are reckless of human life to shoot a man is not much more than to shoot a buck. Well, I like how drunk they had to get for this very important

mission of this. It's you can't take like a minute. Like if your mission is this valuable to you to just not go be like, we should get drug. Let's actually, let's not drink because this is actually really important. We're trying to, you know, sway the vote. What whole state may as well take his horse away. My name's old whiskey. You think old whiskey is not going to drink? You think old whiskey is not such a mouth. I'll have a whiskey. And guess what I have to face it down with? A whiskey. And guess what? I'm going to get my horse to drink a water. I'm not a monster, but I have a whiskey to celebrate it. My good decision. I'm just what you

just what? No, no, I'm fine. Yeah, I just wanted to go out to piss your pants, Jack. Do you know what that is? That's where I put my pecker down your fucking pants and I piss, pissing your pants. I have half a mile to do that. Now, somebody mentioned getting a drink and that person was a genius. Yeah, I really just wanted to talk about voting, but I'm going to go ahead and just not. Oh, no, if you want to talk about voting, let's talk about voting, man. What do you want to talk about? How about we have a drink? I vote in favor. What do you vote? I vote go away. Like I just go away. I'm voting for that. Yeah. Well, I forget how we started

talking, but it was probably sports related, right? Yeah, you were talking about the Buckeyes. They can be good this year. They can get the defensive line sorted out. That's right. That's right. Hey, man, you pissed your pants. You pissed my pants, but I'm going to go ahead and take off. How did I do that? That's impossible. Okay. Bye. Good bye, sir. Physically impossible. Good guy, though. At the same time, Northeastern anti-slavery societies sent low and lower middle class settlers to balance out the population in Kansas. Southerners ridiculed these people for being, quote, the lowest class of rowdies and for being

Negro lovers who had a quote, sickly, sycophantic love for the Negro, also known as wanting them to not be owned. Yeah, it is. That's just how it works. They like, they find good ways to make you feel bad for a compassion. Now, free staters, they called them, the reason they called them Negro lovers is because free staters actually hated being associated with Northern abolitionists because they were also racist. So Northern abolitionists were actually racist. They just weren't blatant about their racism. Right. So when they said free state, when they said free state, they meant free of slavery and black

people. So what was there? Well, like we had in Oregon, remember? Oregon made their only state to make black people live in there illegal. So their plan is to free them, but then also dispose of them in some way. Not dispose of them. They just have to go somewhere else. That's what I mean. So you're just basically like, congratulations, you're free here. Now, here's not for you anymore. Go find a plate. What? What? What, like, what favor have you done? You're like, no, that puts me in more danger. So in other words, the abolitionists were the Democrats. It's, you know, it's racism combined with wanting to not be

completely horrible. Like it's just a fucking mishmash of nonsense. It really is crazy. The way that we, like, is who else has a variety? We're like a snack box of the amount. It's like a chocolate box, the level of nuance in the racism. It's really amazing. I mean, how specific can you get? We can't, this country can't even agree on how to be racist. So at the next free state convention, the government drafted a constitution that included a quote, Negro exclusion clause. It passed with an overwhelming majority because most settlers were aspiring businessmen, not abolitionists. In time, the state became

split between free state and pro-slavery towns. Unlike most free staters, the Brown family stayed outspoken abolitionists and word spread about these quote, anti-slavery warriors, the Browns. And then one day, a group of armed border ruffians approached the Brown campsite and asked about their political views. And John Jr. said, quote, we are a free state and more than that, we are abolitionists. Now, John Jr., like his father, was particularly outspoken. He was VP of a free state society. He had broken several of the pro-slavery laws that have been passed. His wife also did not fear the

consequences of her beliefs. She wrote, quote, perhaps we shall all get shot for disobeying their laws, but you might as well die here for a good cause. That's a pretty good attitude. Yeah. This kind of bravery wasn't, that is how you win. This kind of bravery was necessary for free state settlers because many were being hunted or humiliated by the border ruffians. One lawyer named William Phillips was told by the legislature to leave Kansas for being an abolitionist. Okay. The legislature was like, yeah, we can't have you. We just voted on it. You specifically. This is the William Phillips law, specifically about William

Phillips. And all of the eyes have it. William. I mean, I feel targeted. This is very for anybody named. It's for anybody named William Phillips. Well, then how in the back? That's another William Phillips right over there. And I don't see anyone roughing him up now. What's his? Why is he doing the full? If you read the full law, it says who lives on 3rd Street in Lawrence, Kansas. Oh, come on. I mean, this is so specific. This is about me. This is about it's pretty. Well, there's a lot of William Phillips is on 3rd Street. Well, some, some language got included that we're not really sure about. But again, we voted on it. So not everybody

read it before they voted. Oh, come on. I mean, I'll go. But this is it's, you know, laws happen. So what if another fellow name with that name moves on the street with my name moves on the street when I go? Well, hopefully we can change the law soon after I go or before I go. Yes. Oh, come on. This is just I'm sorry. It's actually illegal for you to be here right now. Oh, God, it takes it's already being enforced. It's it's retroactive. It started a year ago. Come on. Oh, you're you're a felon. Well, I got to go to 3rd Street to get my stuff. It's a death penalty. Well, come on. You didn't even say that before. I actually I get to shoot you in

the face. Can I pick which part? No, come on. Okay, bye. Bye. As you as you just saw acted out, William refused to leave Kansas. So he was kidnapped, taken to Missouri. There he was tarred and feathered. And then the guys who tarred and feathered him forced a black man to conduct an auction in which they sold William off for a dollar. Well, I'm sure that everybody felt really comfortable. Now, William, I'm sure it was very funny. Oh, was William was was of the John Brown mold and he returned to Kansas where he was murdered by Miss Oriens. All right. In 1855, freestader Charles Dow was shot in the back by a pro slavery settler. Their dispute began when the shooter was cutting timber on Dow's

land. But even though it was all about land and not a slavery issue, rumor was the shooting was due to a slavery related argument. And a pro slavery enforcer, a sheriff, Sheriff Jones arrested Dow's roommate. The roommate was the only witness to the murder. So he was arrested on false charges to prevent your arrest for having all the answers. Get over here. Then a group of free state guys came and broke them out of jail and took them to the free town of Lawrence. So then the sheriff asked for 3000 troops from the Kansas governor to enforce pro slavery laws in Lawrence. And the governor said, yeah, let's do that. You know what I love about the country, Dave of ours is that you get 50 independent governments.

It's just such a great feature. You can see how it works well all the time. I can't see it as being a problem at any point. No, neither can I. So in November, 1200 pro slavery settlers who were, you know, border, border ruffians gathered along the Waco Russo River in the south of Lawrence. So it's basically just a drunken mob of guys with no experience at war or military. Good. Good. Perfect. Lawrence residents, Lawrence residents formed an army of their own. The John and several of his sons tried to ride to Lawrence to help free state leaders. Charles Robinson and James Lane tried to negotiate with the pro slavery governor at the free state hotel in Lawrence. That let me guess it went well. It went great.

Robinson appointed John Brown as captain of the first brigade of Kansas volunteers in a company that were called the Liberty guards. Okay. Now John had a plan ready to attack the Missouri and army, but Robinson and so they're about to have a big battle. But Robinson and Lane came to an agreement with the governor after getting him drunk on brandy. Okay. Sure. So without alcohol, what did this time look like? Just everybody hanging out in utopia farming and right. Yeah, right. Yeah. Governor Shannon agreed to disband the border forces and stopped trying to enforce the pro savory pro slavery laws after the agreement. A terrible winter arrived and this pretty much shot all the, all the political fighting, all those

slavery anti slavery was shut down. It's always amazing how horrible winter, right? It is amazing how we bicker and argue all the time and then earth steps up and then we always go, Oh, sorry. John's family suffered quite a bit during the winter. Food ran out, snow completely enveloped their cabin. John's children and grandchildren were afflicted with a grew insanity and frostbite. His father own was now 85. He sent the family $50 and some prayers just before he died. Imagine opening that car somehow. What did he send? It's $50. Anything else? A bunch of prayers were screwed. Somehow everybody in the Brown family survived the winter. In the new year, John served as a chairman of a free state

convention. John Jr. was a legislative candidate for upcoming election and election day in 1865. Violence broke out in the town of Leavenworth. Border Ruffians used hatchets and knives to hack a free state leader to death. Oh my God. I mean, I love how we just lived with it. Well, we got Border Ruffians that like, like they're just like locusts. Well, they're here. What are we going to do? Enforce laws? Nope. So they, well, they hacked up Tommy. Yes. So they had, they literally hacked a dude up. Well, he didn't want people to own other people. So you have to cut them into pieces. That's right. Yep. Well, that'll teach him. They then left his mutilated body at the front door of his house where his wife found it.

Oh my God. When John heard, he wrote to his wife, quote, we have just learned of some new and shocking outrageous. We may soon again be called upon to buckle on our armor, which by the help of God, we will do between January and May 1856, tensions reached a new high. President Franklin Pierce officially supported the pro slavery government in Kansas. Executive backing for slavery in Kansas was controversial. And President Pierce stated that nothing illegal or immoral had occurred in Kansas since the legislature's founding. What? What is he talking for all the? So there we go. So, yeah. So listen, in not real world, I'm going to make stuff up. Was that a tweet? So on January 24th, he declared opponents of the pro slavery

government, treasonable. And on February 11th, the president publicly denounced the free state government based in Topeka. Okay. So he's clearly taken aside. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. This obviously thrilled the pro slavery forces. The New York Chabrune, quote, the border ruffians have been raised entirely off their feet by Pierce's complete endorsement of all their past outrages and an incitement to preserve in their diabolical work. Many assume Kansas was officially a slave state now, but the Browns just thought President Pierce was making war inevitable. Okay. So the Browns see this as not, they're going to fight back. I love how they're like, they always, anytime there's like action violence, the threat of violence,

they're like, don't you do that now? And it's literally the only thing that's ever changed anything in our history every time. Yeah. On April 16th, settlers of the free state towns gathered to discuss how they should respond to President Pierce's statements. One attendee, Reverend Martin White, argued that since the federal government had picked a side, they would have to start abiding by pro slavery laws. Well, John did not like, by the way, what else do you expect from Reverend White? Reverend White, what do you think? I think we should fall in line and do what they say. Alrighty. Who's with me? John was not happy. He stood up and said, quote, an abolitionist of the old stock and that Negroes were his

brothers and equals. He would rather see his union dissolved and the country drenched with blood than to pay taxes to the pro slavery government. Now, the Reverend White very much disagree with John on race. And so he just left and joined the pro slavery side. What a prick. I mean, what that's how MSNBC hires its anchors. I mean, what sort of that's pretty amazing. I mean, so MSNBC. All right. Well, if we're not close on this thing that we're pretty close to, I guess I'm for it. At the end of April, a pro slavery judge named Mr. Linkado issued arrest warrants for John and his family on charges of overt abolitionism. Blated empathy. How dare you like people that aren't white.

You're under arrest for clear compassion. So John sent his son, salmon and his son in law Henry to investigate by the river. Go boy, go, go get him. Go down to the courthouse, boy, go. Yeah, that's my fish son right there. Oh, a bear guy, a bear guy, a bear's eating it. Oh, my Lord. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, back first. That's not how he wanted to go. I didn't know he was pregnant. So he sends salmon and his son and law Henry to investigate this. These arrest warrants and salmon and Henry appeared before the court and tried to provoke their arrest. They tried to get arrested by, because they knew there was a warrant for him, but nothing happens. Wait, wait, wait. They know there's a warrant to leave the room.

Wait, hold on. Sorry. They know there's a warrant for them. So they go down there to get arrested about the warrant and they want to arrest them. Yeah. Then the judge won't do it. The judge is like, I have other stuff going on in the courtroom. I can't deal with you today. I'm dealing with other cases. No, are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand, but I'm swamped. So come back tomorrow and we'll throw you in jail. Well, and he had other things before the court that day. There were three German brothers who were accused of capturing local Native American women and forcing them into prostitution. There was James and Mahala Doyle who were an illiterate couple from Tennessee who thought black people

were brainless brutes. There was Alan Wilkinson, a district attorney described as quote, the most evil looking man who abused his wife shamefully. So there's a lot going on. Okay, fair enough. He's swamped. These people would all be people that the Browns were on the other side of. Sure. Right. It sounds like. So now remember. Yeah. So now remember the pro-slavery sheriff who falsely accused a witness to the murder. Remember the guy, the witness saw the murder and he was like, you're under arrest. Yes, Sheriff Jones. So he wanted a revenge against the free status who freed his witness. Sure. Right. He was still mad about that. Sure. On April 23rd, Jones got into a fight with an anti-slavery settler

and he was punched in the face. So Sheriff Jones then convinced 10 men to drag the guy into custody. Okay. Just how, just how it's supposed to work legally going through the right legal platforms, avenues. And then that night while he was sitting his tent, Sheriff Jones, I guess lived in a tent. This plot is weird and thick. He was shot by Charles N. Ryler, a free stator. He only had a minor wound, but that was enough to rally the pro-slavery forces to avenge the sheriff's attempted murder. A local paper called the squatter sovereign wrote, quote, we are now in favor of leveling Lawrence and chastising the traitors there should it result in the total destruction of the union war to the knife, knife to the

hilt. Jones murder must be revenge. Okay. Wait a minute. So even though he wasn't right. Okay. That was my first point. He was not murdered. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So fake news. So that's a big, that's a big part of it. Avenging a murder. Yeah. Huge one shot and lived. And then, uh, I don't get all my information from the squatters tribune or whatever it's called. No, it's not a great one. The squatters sovereign squatters sovereign. I wonder which way they lean a free stator reverend Barty Butler was tied to a raft and stoned then tarred and cotton, quote, they stripped me naked to the waist, covered my body with tar and then for the want of feathers applied cotton wool. Having appointed a committee

of three to certainly hang me the next time I should come to Atchinson, they tossed my clothes into the buggy, put me there in and accompanied me to the suburbs of the town and sent me naked out upon the prairie. Okay. So they were going to tar and feather a man, but one of the guys was like, Oh, shit. Ted, Ted, Tom, did you get the feathers? I didn't. I did not. I saw a bird. No, you were supposed to get a big bag of it. So we could feather him. You know what? Here's the thing. I went, I went there and I saw the birds, right? And I was like, man, that's just, that's a beautiful animal. We already put tar on him. So we're just going to sit him there. He's going to have tar on him. Yeah. No. Okay. So here's

something that's great. My uncle has a cotton farm. Well, what is great about that? Does he have a feather farm? Well, we put, we put cotton on him. Oh my gosh. And then he looks like you ever heard of tar and cotton in? Have you ever heard that? Sure. They do. Get sure they do. What about this? What about we're groundbreakers? Maybe it's a new thing. Maybe you just try to convince me of the opposite. I didn't patent it. I don't know why you brought that up. We are going to put cotton on him just because we're in a huge pinch because you're dumbass, but we're going to pretend like it's not going to cost you any money. Not that much. We have a feather budget. We're willing to blow it on events of this nature.

I mean, good Lord. It's just, it's just 10. It's just 10 cents. 10 cents for what? That's all. And then you can, and then you can charge me to cotton him. Well, I did. I do have a pet. So, oh, this is some major bullshit. All right. For those of you who have not heard, we are now going to tar and cotton the man. Now I understand that don't you jump, don't you? You're the only one who had the idea. Don't you jump in? Sorry. Sorry. I got excited. We know you think it's a great idea. It was your idea because you were afraid of getting feathers off of birds. So we're going to cotton him. I understand it doesn't have the cash that we were all looking for. But I love it. Here we are. What? Here we are. I love it.

Yeah. Of course. Yeah. It's your stupid fucking. It's not even sticking on properly at the bases, but the rest falls off. Oh God. He looks ridiculous and not in the way that I wanted. It's going to be warm. Oh, great. Well, good. Because we're going to put him in a lift in a minute and send him to another town. Like free state or John Stuart was murdered just for saying he was an abolitionist. Charles Lenard, who investigated the crime, was then also murdered. So people are starting to get killed all over the place. A pro-slavery judge ordered a jury to indict members of the free Topeka legislature for treason, arrest warrants for free state party leaders were issued. This allowed pro-slavery forces to justify a full attack against the

people of Lawrence, since most of them were now legally considered traitors. So the free staters now can rebel openly because they've already been kind of castigated as... Well, they can, they can, they can, but worse than that. They're basically, I mean, the comparison would be just like labeling a group of leftist terrorists in America right now. And then you can just, then everyone can do whatever they want to. Right. Okay. Right. On May 11th, a federal judge ordered a law abiding citizens of the territory to organize an invasion of the town of Lawrence. Okay. 750 border ruffians mobilized. Small armies

from Alabama and South Carolina arrived soon after. They had banners that read, the supremacy of the white race, Yankees, tremble and abolitionists fall. Our motto is Southern rights to all. A majority of the attackers were drunk. So everyone's just drunk. What would our history be like without, like we took a brief knee from drinking and we couldn't handle it. But then outside of that, we've just been like painting the corners with these wild, ambitious, intoxicated swings. Yeah. On May 21st, a shit-faced pro-slavery army entered Lawrence. But it was too late. Almost everyone had fled, including leaders Lane and Robinson.

So the price pro-slavery forces ransacked everything. Newspaper offices, they destroyed equipment, they threw things into the river, they burned and looted homes and destroyed the Free State Hotel, using 32 shots from their cannon. In total, the damages, yeah, in total, the damages would be about 6 million today. Holy shit. But I mean, if you were wasted with a cannon, like, you could do some major damage. Oh, I'm delighted. But I mean, God, talk about, like, some Tom Foolery getting those cannonballs in there. I guarantee you, they were like, we lost 30 men. Just trying to shoot your own cannon. Yep. It was a bit of a shit show.

When Sheriff Jones saw in the burning town, he said, quote, this is the happiest moment of my life. Good. Good. That's what you want to hear the Sheriff say. I determined to make the fanatics bow before me in the dust, and I have done it. By God, I have done it. I bet you someone on his side shot him in that tent. Yeah, probably. By the time the Brown family received the news, it was too late. Within hours, the family learned abolitionist Senator Charles Sumner had been beaten with a cane on the Senate floor by a Southern congressman, which we, if the attacker was set off by some

Sumner's speech, which was the crime against Kansas. So, so Lawrence is burned at the same time Sumner's beaten, like it's all coming to a head. But John Jr. still summoned his 34 man company, which were called the Potawatomi Rifles, and he rode towards Kansas. John and his remaining older sons joined them along the way. According to his sons, John was appalled by the cowardly free status inability to defend themselves against not one abolitionist and fired a gun. So John Brown is just furious at this cowardly response and became, quote, wild and frenzies. He said, quote, something must be done to show these barbarians that we two have rights.

So two days after the destruction of Lawrence, on the night of May 22nd, John announced he had come up with, quote, a radical retaliatory measure that would involve some killing. The next morning, John loaded his wagon with weapons and gathered a group of willing anti-slavery gunmen from the group that he had. He sharpened his double-edged sword. Wow. I mean, in how many ways has he done that? Before he departed, John Jr. pleaded, quote, Father, be careful and commit no rash act. And then John Brown headed to Potawatomi, the home of his close friend. I promise you, I won't do anything rash. Now, if you'll excuse me, me and these sharpshooters

are going to take my double-edged sword to town to try to undo the drunken malicious acts. When they arrived, John spoke to several free state residents and convinced one to give him the names and locations of pro-slavery court members who lived nearby. It's a pretty good talking. At 10 p.m. on August on May 24th, the Brown family man and, quote, whiner, a volatile Austrian man, armed themselves with guns and swords, walked towards a pro-slavery settlement. Excuse me. Potawatomi Creek.

Should we maybe take a vote about who is in the group that marches over, or should we? I'll just do it as a group. Maybe someone stays here and marches the rest of the weapons. Hey, hey, hey, Mr. John Brown, can I ask you a question? No. You're going? I have an idea. Oh, my God. It just came to me in a dream that I had when I was awake. What if one of us, someone, maybe not from America, goes back to make this dinner? Someone needs stew. Someone needs to stir the stew.

No, no, we're good. But you'll be so hungry when you come back. It's just you're going to, you'll come back and you just... We're good. We're good on dinner. Well, should I maybe just make a couple of sandwiches for the road or something for you guys? So here's the thing. If you're going to use the broadsword, I'm going to cut off one of your legs with the broadsword.

Oh, I would use it 100%. The plan is to absolutely go crazy with it. Yeah. But I'm just saying, would it also make a bunch of sense for me to cut some oranges with it when you guys were down there, and then you can have orange slices when you come back, or I could run them down for like half time or something? No. No. There's no halftime. Okay.

No oranges. But then, okay. Well, why don't we do this? Why don't you guys head down there? And I'm going to get them down there right after you guys. But the first thing I'll do is make sure that my shoes are perfect. So I'll just step here, make sure that my shoes are perfect for the battle. Last thing I want is to have these shoes that are just to have holes in them or have laces improperly fitted. You know, when you put the lace through the one hole and then you keep lacing up and you realize, oh, poopsie, poopsie, back there. I did the wrong hole. And this whole endeavor has been useless up until a hole after the second hole.

So I'll make sure that all my boots have the right holes. I don't think they all do. So it might take a minute. And then you'll be there. And then as soon as I've figured that part out, is it come there or we'll have the stew or one? So there are three, there are there are three sides in Kansas is what we've learned. There's anti-slavery, there's pro-slavery, and then there's boring people. Yes, right. Yeah, what have we got? And I think we should kill pro-slavery and boring people. Yeah, well, as a matter of fact, I think we should probably kill boring people before we kill. Yeah. And let's again, put up there on the

board or wherever you're saying that's it to boring people, if you know, not the people with recipes for stews. So because that's a dynamic recipe as far as rustic, something with some, you know, actual thickness to it. It'd be nice. I think you'd be very impressed. Okay, so there we go. You guys head down there. I'll be with the shoes and stews. And that'll be my part. I'll be doing shoes and stews. Okay, go team. I really think we got that something here, everybody. You guys are gonna, I'm gonna blow your socks off with the food. So they go with with Weiner. John bangs on the door of James Doyle's home. And then all the men in the house were ordered outside. And out front, John's men attacked them with

their broadswords. Three Doyle's were hacked, arms cut off and heads split open. Oh my God. And then when it was over, John shot James Doyle in. Holy shit. Okay, so they are not fucking around. They have come down and they have just Tarantino'd the room. Yeah. So we've reached the no fucking around. Yeah. Well, this guy, especially because like we've been with him for a while and we've not really heard this side of it. I mean, there've been some weird, you know, quirks, but going and cutting off arms and splitting heads. And I mean, you know, the death, the death of others. This is so now he's, he's ready. Now he was one of the guys who was in the courtroom that day and thought that black

people were brainless brutes. So James Doyle. So now he's no longer around. Speaking of brainless. They then went to the next cabin and two men were taken out and given the same sword treatment. Jesus, the same sort of treatment. Yes. As the last body floated in the creek, John and his men right nearby washed the blood off their swords. Hey, all right, ready to go. Got the stew ready for when you're back. My shoes are organized. Oh my God. What did you do? Whoa. You should have come. I would have loved to, but the laces for a freaking nightmare up there. John told them it was in accordance with God's will and that it had been done the way it was done to quote a strike terror in the hearts of the pro-slavery people.

Well, I've got pretty good news for you, John. I think some people are going to, well, now that you've conan bar the barbarians, the block, some people might start paying a little more attention. And then they stole the victim's horses and rode back a pro-slavery paper. The border times wrote quote war, war pro-slavery men murdered by the abolitionists in Franklin County let slip the dogs of war. Now, John Brown's involvement in the murders was just common knowledge. A manifesto was written against quote abolitionist robbers and assassins who kill law abiding citizens. It denounced Brown with the blood of the murdered yet cold upon his hands. What it did change was how Southerners began to view Northern abolitionists.

According to a buyer for quote, before apotheotomy, the abolitionists were considered laughable cowards who either shirk war or could be whipped into submission. After all, after it, they seemed like ferocious criminals intent on attacking Southern institutions. Border ruffians and federal forces were now in pursuit of John, but he evaded capture by hiding out in the wilderness. Americans deified him until he became a mythic abolitionist warrior that made Southerners fear Northerners for the very first time. It's not the same for John's sons. A group of Missourians led by a Captain Henry Pate captured John Jr. and Jason and destroyed the Brown family property. The two brothers were then tortured so brutally

by pro-slavery forces that John Jr. was driven to the brink of insanity. To get back his captured son, John organized an army of 29 volunteers. On June 22nd, they executed a surprise attack against Captain Pate and his army at Black Jack Creek. God forbid I get some guy's military rank. Oh, someone will be upset. Excuse me, David. I'm part of the Pate lineage. So he goes with 29 dudes and the battle lasts for five hours. Pate finally surrenders. John won a decisive victory. He captured 22 men, including the Captain, and then he held them

for ransom. His demand was the return of his own sons. One of John's army, quote, there was something strangely mysterious in John's manner. Where he was, everyone acknowledged his leadership. No one ever questioned his authority because he spoke and acted as one who was to be obeyed. Okay, right. Yeah. It was a leader. John took the prisoners back. Yes, a leader. John took the prisoners back to his camp. He fed them and drafted a treaty. So he made up a treaty saying, give him back my sons and then you guys can go free.

The captain was forced to sign it. A copy reached a federal office and three days later, Colonel Edward Sumner and 50 Calvary men arrived at John's campsite. The colonel said he was under presidential orders to disband any armed groups within Kansas. And then John said, well, look, I have a treaty with this guy. Captain paid. So then they talked about it. And after a discussion, Colonel Sumner agreed to the treaty terms. He's like, oh, that's sons. Okay, that sounds okay. Okay, that's weird. So John freed the hostages, but then he found out his sons were not going to be released until September. And now he was fucking furious. But at the same time, he was relieved that

the colonel didn't arrest him because he did have a warrant for murder. Okay. So his kids are still not out. And on July 1st, John came out of hiding and rode to Lawrence. He met with an anti-slavery journalist who joined John on his trip and they met up with John's company and traveled to Nebraska city where they met and had strategy sessions with free state leaders, James Lane and Samuel Walker. While there, a commander, Aaron Stevens, who was a Mexican war veteran and a free state warrior, decided to join John for the rest of his travels. Now, John, his reputation was increasing all the time. And he was now

so feared that the New York Times called him the terror of all Missouri and the old terrifier. Okay. Which might be the greatest nickname of all time. Since old whiskey. The old terrifier. The old terrifier. Sometimes in the area, just someone yelling, John Brown is coming would break up pro-slavery meetings. He's got like a William Wallace American vibe. Yes.

Yeah. It's just like the legend continued to grow without him even watering it. Yeah. Yeah. By August, John's group of followers had grown. John organized a smaller, more dismal company called the Kansas regulars within his larger group. So he's got a smaller like unit, right? They were given bylaws that demanded sensible behavior and forbade them from quote, firing guns indiscriminately, lighting fires after nightfall and behaving rudely. Okay. Wow. Really? The laws of this war for him. Also, say please and thank you after

you remove arms. At the same time, John permitted unrestricted pillaging, claiming that anti-slavery man could and should take enemy property. Sorry. So for some of us who feel like pillaging is rude, how do we cross square that circle? I'm sorry. What? Well, it's just, is there a polite way to pillage because pillaging by definition just seems rather rude.

No, it's great. Okay. It's great. Just don't swear. Okay. But the pillaging, take what you want. They're, they're, they're proslating. I have a, I have a quick question. What if when you guys are off their pillaging that some people, maybe two, one, one or three people stayed back at camp and made sure that everybody's shoes were totally organized for

the rest of the battles so that you don't. Weimer, can I ask you a question? Why are you, why are you here? Oh, I, ready. We are, this is, it's an injustice to the Veda laws have been set up to, to, to push down a, a sector to population. I just think it's just, you know, racism in any way is abhorrent and, and not okay. You know, you know, you know that your nickname here in the campus is stew and shoe. Yeah. I mean, I hear people say it. I didn't know. I just, I've been putting stew and shoes.

I just thought it was a direct order, but, but whatever the point, the point is some of us want to go down there, but maybe are a little more, you know, someone, someone, we all agree that someone at some point has to, you know, handle the shoes of it all. So maybe on battle day, I'll just stay here and make sure, and I'll do it. We'll do it. I'll go from smallest to largest and, you know, make sure that the holes are patched up and any miscolor colorizations are, you know, fixed. So I'll be here, but, but other than that, great stuff. Go get them. Leave your shoes. We got those. I'll fight that war back here. But nobody envies me for

God's sake. Should I take into battle of the shoes? It's going to be a nightmare. Talk about flashbacks, but, um, yes. Okay. Well, yes, I'll do that. And I'll make the stew. If I've got the nickname, lean in. This is what we say. Okay. Any more questions? Am I allowed to take them or should I just sit down? I'll sit down. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. You handle the question part of it, John. Mr. Brown, sorry. So John's looting of horses and cattle was nothing compared to the crimes of the pro say slavery folks, which makes sense, right? You are being basically just like I'm in a lawless era. So I will fight up with lawlessness. Yeah. And also people who own other people

probably don't have a great moral code. Right. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Uh, for example, uh, a border ruffian named Fugert was like yogurt was fuck. He was a blackout drug at a saloon and made a $6 bet that he could scalp an abolitionist within two hours. Wow. He then stumbled out into the street, shot a random free state man driving a carriage, scalped him with a knife while he was still alive, then pinned the scalp to a pole and waved it around as he walked through 11 and okay. What was the enter? What was the vibe of the town? Yay. There's there's Fugert. Oh my God. Uh, so in August 1856, uh, the president appointed a Pennsylvania and John Geary to be the next

Kansas governor. Everyone thought it was going to be John Calhoun, who was a big pro slavery guy. Calhoun had once declared quote, he would kill an abolitionist with less compunction than he would kill a rat. Cool. So this, this made the pro slavery Kansans lose their shit and they declared war against abolitionists. A group of Missouri natives led by a slave owning senator called for quote, all good as citizens of Missouri and every other state to expel from the territory, traders, assassins and robbers who were waging a war professed for extermination. Okay. Sure. Normal column shit. Normal, normal shit. Uh, on August 26, John's son Owen wrote quote, we hear lately that about 3000 Missourians have gone armed

into the territory. Now this army was led by major general John Reed. Uh, and they were, uh, living off stolen state, uh, free state farms that they would take over. They hunted anti slavery leaders and were inspired by a pro slavery editor who wrote quote, if I can't kill a man, I'll kill a woman. And if I can't kill a woman, I'll kill a child. He just didn't like pro, he just didn't like anti slavery people. I mean, my God. Yeah. Um, the morals are, I mean, I'm not, yeah, war crimes has always been a funny term to me, but, uh, good Lord. Uh, a mass slaughter soon followed, followed any settlers suspected of being abolitionists or even remotely anti slavery were killed. So many people were being

killed that according to one report quote, the roads were literally strewn with dead bodies. Jesus. John put together a group of 12 men to track down ruffians. Uh, his group stole clothing and 150 cattle from property belonging to pro, uh, slavery leaders. John then took several pro slavery soldiers captive, but instead of harming them, he gave them a lecture about how wrong they're pro slavery. I'm going to teach you guys how to paint. Come here. Come on. Thank you, Felix. We're going to do this right. And then he took their weapons and set them free on the morning of August 30th, the Reed's pro-slavery army reached the outskirts of, uh, Ossolotomy. And there they encountered

Frederick Brown and Frederick Brown is one of John's sons. And he was considered quote simple. So Frederick C's member of the Reverend Martin White, the guy who liked the guy who left the church playing fine. If you're not going to do anti-slavery my way, I'm for it. So he's with this group and Frederick sees him and starts walking towards them going, I know you, I know you. Now they ordered him to turn around, but he keeps walking and saying, I know you. And then Reverend White shot him in the chest and Frederick bled out and died. John was eating breakfast when he heard Frederick was murdered and he and his men quickly rode to Ossolotomy. John was greatly outnumbered. He only had 38 men. Reed's army was made of

several hundred Missouri boys. What the 38 against several John took advantage of the natural surroundings and put his men behind trees and shrubs. Once they're in place, John commanded his men to open fire. Reed's men were completely shocked and the camp threatened to disarray. Horses threw horses through riders to the ground and soldiers shot wildly into the woods as John's men remained hidden. John's company killed 20 of Reed's men and wounded 40. By the time Reed regrouped and ordered his men to charge into the woods, John's men scattered. Of John's men of the 38, four were taken prisoner, three wounded and a few killed. The rest escaped by sprinting down the river and then crossing in waist

deep water with the guns above their heads. In the distance, John's men could see Ossolotomy being burned to the ground. A soldier said, John Grimly looked at the rising smoke and said, God sees it. Wow. He definitely is on the William Wallace spectrum now. Good sees it. Newspapers printed conflicting reports of the battle of Ossolotomy. Reed falsely claimed only five of his men were wounded and 30 of John's were killed. One paper stated, one paper said John was killed too. Also, John was killed and then they ate John's brain and then he's back now. So it's a, but he's zombie John.

So despite the technical defeat, John and his men won a moral victory for the abolitionist cops. He was outnumbered seven to one, but inflicted serious damage to his enemy and then got away. Senator John Ingalls declared quote, the battle of Ossolotomy was the most brilliant and important episode in the Kansas war. John was now an even bigger legendary figure to Northerners and living proof that abolitionists could fight. But John felt his work was far from over. He told his son, quote, I have only a short time to live, only one death to die. And I will die fighting for this cause. There will be no more peace in this land until slavery is done for this too. It's got some lines, man.

And that I knew we were getting a three parter. I knew it. Oh shit. God damn. Well, this is my, this is my favorite, uh, American, I mean, so he had to get three parts. This is just I'm along with him. Yeah. Yes. Give me that last line again. Did you already shut the machine down? Sure. Shut the machine down. Uh, I have only one short time to live, only one death to die. And I will die fighting for this cause. There will be no more peace in this land until slavery is done for. And we can't get half of the population to put a fucking mask on their face. Wow. What a badass. Yeah, that's not great. Um, uh, sources, the legend of John Brown, a biography in history by Richard Boyer, John Brown, W Dubois, uh,

John Brown abolitionist, the man who killed slavery sparked the civil war and ceded civil rights. David Reynolds, uh, the great lives observed. John Brown, Richard Warch in Jonathan Fanton, uh, article, John Brown's Dave reckoning, the abolitionist, bloody raid on a federal loop. I don't want to say that. Smithsonian magazine, Fergus Boardwitch, unflinching in the Washington Post by Denine Brown. Well, a three parter. Good times. We're doing a trillip. Good times are a trillip. Here we go. I think it's our first. I mean, the LAPD could be. Oh yeah, that's fair. But that was really four different stories. Yeah. Non-connective. This is our first cliffhangers. That's right. Well, Dave, I can't wait to hear about part

three. The thing about it, when I gave you a two parter is we did it in an afternoon. You're giving me a week in between these things. I am. It's like, it's like I'm listening. It's like I'm a listener. I'm a fan. Uh, all right. Well, fucking stay hungry, everybody. Cheerio. I'm in. Bye.