The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 444 - Earl Long

Episode Date: August 25, 2020

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Louisiana's Earl Long.SourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is a

bilingual American History podcast for each week. I, David Anthony, read the story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Just fun. Do you like having fun? Are you a fun guy? They don't call me mushroom for nothing. What does that mean? I'm a fun guy. No, but why mushroom? Fungus. Fun guy. Keep up, baby! From the top! I don't know if you know what from the top means. Oh, I sure do. Places. This is the big one.

Places? Just remember the Q2Q. So, there's a lot of things happening right now and none of them are good. It's something started and it was just a very simple, be like fun. I don't know what happened. Don't look at the audience in the eyes. There's some critics from the times there tonight. Are you in a Broadway show from the 50s? Did you hear? Rose tripped. The whole number was thrown off. But don't worry. We can recover. Just stick the landing. What's the landing? The end, baby!

Sometimes I just forget how much of an idiot you are. Same here. We get into it. Yeah, I know. It just kind of comes out. Let's just put out there that if I really can't get a haircut for like another six months. You are going to take on full wizard status at that point. If you can grow that beard back and do that, that would be epic. It's completely out of control. It's great. I feel like in the next two weeks, you're going to reveal that you've got a time machine to me. August 26th, 1895.

The birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. Earl Camp Long was born in a wind field, Louisiana. It's a poor farming area. Though the longs are better off than most. They were also connected to local politicians. Earl was the eighth of nine kids, two years younger than his brother, Huey. Oh, Huey Long, okay. Earl had a very happy childhood. He was pampered by his sisters. He was doted upon by his mother. When he was five, he swallowed lye, which I don't know if you're familiar with lye, but it doesn't say eat this.

Right, yeah, right. It's what used to disappear a body, so it probably shouldn't go in your body. Yeah, no. From the inside out, though, it's fine. Do you tell me you'll take that right down at five? It's like bleach. Five years old, you have a pretty solid stomach. So you're fine. Yeah, it's pretty much done. His mother saved his life by inducing vomiting, but his vocal cords were permanently damaged. And for the rest of his life, he had a very raspy voice.

Wow, god damn. Nothing like a six-year-old with a raspy voice. Hey, you guys want to play? You guys want to play ball? I believe that you dropped one of my marbles. I thought that was one of my marbles. Excuse me, Thomas, I was wondering if at recess you would be interested in taking a bicycle ride around with me. I kind of want this to happen to all kids now. So he also loves, you know, his dad's a farmer. He loves farming.

He was very, he brought a mind for business. After his father would slaughter hogs, Earl would grab the tongues and intestines and sell them to sharecroppers for 15 cents a tub. Okay, so walk me through this real quick. A five-year-old is out on the street sounding like he's Bruce Valanche selling tubs of tongues and guts. That's right. Hey, do you guys want to buy some pig belly? Who wants pig tongue?

You want to see it look at some of these pig tubes. They're from the inside. I'm five. Get yourself a tub of pig insides. 15 cents. Also intestines. Yeah. Well, people eat that. I know. People eat everything. They actually have a name.

Entrance. No, there's like a fancy name for it if you eat it as a food. So you don't think you're eating the thing that shits inside. Yeah, right. We should just do that more often. This is the tasting item in the shit tubes. In 1906, when he was 11, his brother Julius ran for district attorney. He got them, Earl and his brother, Huey, their first taste of politics and working on a campaign.

Earl would follow Huey everywhere and Earl had a bit of a crazy side. A historian wrote, quote, Earl fought for the sheer pleasure of combat with savage and joyful passion. He delighted in the clashing of bodies and he battled with every weapon at his disposal, including his teeth. Wow. Okay. So he was a biter, which is, that's a tough one. Yeah. But that's how you win. Scrap. Yeah. People don't like a biter. And he just did this for the sake of combat.

Yeah. He just, he liked to fight. He was a scrapper. He just enjoyed it. Okay. Okay. All right. Their older brother said, quote, most of my early memories of Huey are how he called persons insulting names and then ran away and left Earl to do his fighting for him. Smart. I like that. That's my move. Yeah. That's called the smoke bomb. Earl was two years younger, but he did all the fighting. Okay. Yeah. Once when they were 14 and 12, Earl saved Huey from two boys who were attacking him.

I think they had like a broomstick or something. Okay. And then Earl thought that together they would fight him, but as soon as he broke it up, Huey ran off and Earl had to fight them on his own. How do you do? I assume well. He's alive. I think when you're 11, it's to the death. Right. I believe it is. And hopefully it's one of those situations where the other guy watches until you deal with the one guy. That's right. Yeah. You mean rules?

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Movie rules. That's right. At 17, Earl quit high school. He just wasn't into school. It's pretty far for that time, though. Yeah, it is. Or as they called it back then, David, college. He said he had horse sense and that was more important than book learning. He had horse sense.

Uh-huh. Meaning he had the sense of a horse or he was in tune with Pony. No, he had the sense of a horse. He had a horse sense. Is that something you like to make your room smell like horse? Well, I feel like it's something that someone who hasn't been learning from books would say. Okay, ma'am. I have horse sense and then you just drop down under your hands as well. Goodbye. I would assume at the time common sense meant horse sense. I'm sure at the time it meant like, yeah, you would just be like, I got no, I got horse sense.

They'd be like, all right, well, good luck in the world. Three to day. So Earl moved to Memphis to work for Huey who was working at the Faultless Starch Company as salesman. Earl was very good and he moved up super quick, but then a bad economy led to the office closing. So Earl's older brother Julius offered to pay for Earl to get a college education. So he was like, okay. But he's got horse sense. Yeah, but he was, you know, I think he was just like, I don't know what am I going to do?

That's the thinking of an equine. That's right. Not a lot of podcasts use equine. Not enough. He went to the Louisiana Industrial Institute, but he's still not interested. He's like, I'll try it. He doesn't like it. But he did spend every night playing poker and craps because he joined a gambling club. Oh, cool. So he found a group. Yeah.

After one semester he dropped out and then went back to work as a salesman. He got a job at another company Huey was at. Okay. Again, they once again had to shrink that business and he lost his job again. So now Julius will send him where? Well, in 1915 he enrolled in a non-credit courses at Louisiana State University, but he didn't study and he dropped out before the semester was over. Okay.

I feel like school is not for him. Dave, he has horse sense. We've been through this. What is he doing? That's right. Get out there. Rome, baby. Rome. He's also really good at, he's a really good salesman. Not at keeping places open. He's not. That's right.

He's 21 years old now. He goes to work again with Huey and then, and then he quits and he gets a job as a shoe polish salesman. Great. Very specific item. But back then, it was like, but back then that was a huge component, right? Yeah. A shoe polish you mean?

Yeah. The shining of your shoes. I think that when people had less time to stare at their phones and fuck off, they spent more time like, I'll make my shoes look good. Yeah. Yeah. Now, like, I mean, I've probably been to like four airports in the last couple years where there is actually a shoe shine person. Yeah.

And you're just like, I want this, I don't want this person fired, but this is a job still. They're just like, how are you doing? Can I, well, I'll put you, I'll wash your shoes in the sink. It'll take a while. Hey, sir, sir, sir, stop. Yeah. What? Let me, let me, can I shine your shoes?

And I'll wash your, wash your pants a little bit to take your shirts. These are converse sneakers. Okay. Then let me, let me shine your pants a little. Maybe we can change the color of your pants a little polish. That's not, nobody wants that. That's not a thing. Maybe just take it. What do you have? What do you have in your carry on? Maybe some sort of computer.

Give that computer a beautiful shine and you see yourself riding in it and you're not being used in your FaceTime camera either. I don't want anything shined up. Maybe. Okay. Well, maybe how about this? Well, read the paper and I'll just, I'll look at your shoes for a little while. If I see any flaws, I'll just bring them up to you and then you'll just have those. So that just, that's all that costs us a dollar an hour.

How the, how the fuck are you living right now? Like what? I've been, I've been living in this area. This is where I'm living now and this is, that's it. So if you maybe want to. You're living at the shoe shine business? This is at night. I sit in the chair, take my shoes off and I sit in the chair to pass out. I have scoliosis. What would you like me to do with your shirt, sir?

May potentially change the cuffs? No, nothing. I... Good to hear. Not, not something I'm comfortable with. All right. There's a lot of other stores here in the airport that you get a job at. You don't have to just work the shoe shine one. Ah, but unfortunately it's only a job I'm suited for, sir. You see?

No, no. My father was a shoe shiner. His father before him. No, no, don't get up. Just stay here. Was a shiner too. His father before him was a whale salesman. Okay. So that's two generations of shoe shining.

Pretty interesting story, isn't it? No, it's not. It's just a lot of people's parents work to jobs. The jobs don't exist anymore and they do something else. I mean, you're 25. Atops. So this is a weird choice for you. It's weird.

Why? Why, why? It's weird. Sir, may I cry and do a crash for a little while? No, no, no. I don't want to. No, would I have to pay for that? I also... All right, I'll come with you on your flight. I'll just come with you.

No, that's not a thing. Don't be a jerk off. Okay, come on. We're going to Fresno. Oh, I hear they got the dustiest shoes. They do. About those jobs that he had, the last two, he spent a lot of time working in rural areas, which like we said, he loved farming. So he would actually help farmers plant and harvest their crops while he's a shoe polish salesman.

Sure. So that's the kind of salesman you want to come to your door. The guy who, when you say no, he's like, do you need me to help you plant your corn? So one sales rival said, quote, Earl would spend three hours with a farmer talking about the best way to grow watermelons just to sell him one can of shoe polish. Good. All right. So he's got horse sense in the salesman business as well. But then all the farmers love him and he's making money.

At 26, he's making over $10,000. So he's making about 140K a year. Just from chewing the fat about watermelons and shining shoes? Yeah, not even shining. He's just selling. Selling polish. Wow. Okay. So he's good.

He's very good at being a salesman. So Huey ran and want to see on the state rubber commission, Earl worked very hard on the campaign. And then in 1923, Huey ran for governor. Earl worked on that campaign. He actually put in $5,000 himself, which is like $70,000. Half his salary. Yeah. Huey lost and Earl started thinking himself like I should go into politics.

He also knew being a lawyer helped out seemed to be a step up for a lot of people. So he moved to New Orleans and he went to Loyola University to get a two year degree. During the day he worked as the shoe polish guy and at night he went to school and studied for the bar. But you didn't need to graduate from college or go to law school back then to become a lawyer. So that was the same deal with doctors. We've already been through this. It's basically like you're just like, I declare. Yeah, nothing mattered.

So he just took the bar exam and passed it. And in April 1926, he opened a law office in New Orleans. I believe it's pronounced na, na. Huey decided to run for governor again and Earl sold his shoe polish sales route and worked full time for Huey. He's all in. He's all in on the Huey train. Right. There was a local real estate investor, Robert Meistry, who helped run VICE in the city.

He was part of the crew that did the bad stuff. Okay. Worked stuff. Okay. So Meistry told Earl, because Earl's trying to jump up business, he said he'd donate to any candidate who would give him an appointed office. That Meistry would get an appointed office. Yeah. Right.

Okay. Perfect. Nice little corruption. Huey promised him the conversation commissioner job. Oh boy, really? That's right. If there's a lull in the office, you got to run in there and throw out a topic we need. Oh gosh, that's a bigger role than I thought.

Oh, zing, zing, pop. Here's 7500, mister. Meistry gave him $40,000 for that. $40,000 to be the, what is he, the conversation committee? That's what conversation commissioner. Conversation commissioner. Excuse me. No.

Stop talking about that. That's all. No. We're just talking about dogs. Stop it. You're not talking about dogs anymore. You're talking about puzzles. Who the fuck are you?

I'm the conversation commissioner. Now, talk about puzzles. Wait, is that the thing? Yes. Of course it's a thing. As a matter of fact, I don't believe I've agreed to this conversation just yet. Now you two, finish your conversation, but only talk about puzzles. I don't want to come over here and have to do this again.

This is not a conversation I look forward to having. I'm in charge with what everyone says and what everyone, every dialogue. That's not a thing. That's not a thing. It's not a thing. It is a thing, and I do not care for this dialogue with you, mister. I can either, I can have your larynx cut out. That is what I could do.

Now, I don't even want you to talk about puzzles anymore. Now you're going to talk about water. Why does it feel like that? Go ahead. You start. You start. Start talking about the water. Why does it feel like that?

Do it now. It's cold and wet. It is very cold. It is very wet. Now we're going to talk about what are my knees. It's bad. You start. Boy, that guy's knee is bad.

My knee. Yeah, that guy's knee is bad. Me. Yes, you. Call me you. You. Your knee is bad. It is bad.

It hurts a lot. Sometimes when there's a storm coming, it hurts. It clicks a little bit. All right. Well, you guys just finish your conversation there as you talk about puzzles. Don't make me come over here again. Thank you so much. You guys over there.

What are you laughing about? No. We need to get out of the city. Puzzles only. So Huey won the election. Well, it was made the state attorney for inheritance tax collector, which is a very sweet position. I bet it is. It's got a nice little ring to it.

Death tax. You have almost no responsibility and you just get commissions of up to 15k a year. So you just, you're just rolling. You just get money. You get money. And he's getting 15k a year total. Yeah. Which is a lot.

Right. Okay. That's 210,000. So Huey used Earl as an unofficial legislative whip, a liaison between the governor's office and local officials as a political golfer. So while he's doing this job, he's mostly just working for Huey to get his shit passed. Sure. In Congress.

Huey decides he wants to tax oil to pay for all the social programs he wants to do. Okay. And this, this led to the oil, the legislative, if you can imagine this, there were actual senators that were basically owned by oil companies. What? Yeah. It's a different time and, and they induce, introduce impeachment resolution against Wow.

Huey. And that, by the way, that's the last time we tried to stop oil. Yeah. And Huey's charged with everything from blasphemy to murder. Like they just got like. Blasphemy. How are you blaspheming like an oil? How is that?

Because the Lord put it in the earth. Well, no, it's not. They're just going after him for any charge. It's not. Right. Of course. Yeah. The pair, but the paranoia of taking away oil money.

What you're slapping Jesus Christ to the face by doing something like that. This is not only treasonous. This is offensive. This is racist. This is sexist. This is bigoted. This man hates Jesus Christ. This man has no, this man, this man hates children.

This man hates decent society. He's trying to take your guns unless you hate guns that he's trying to give them to you. This man will need needs to be stopped is what he needs to be needs to be stopped. Oil was put in the earth by the Lord Jesus Christ and his daddy God. His daddy God. That's right. It's like a demigod, but it's a daddy God. Now I will be singing a song about God.

Please don't. So in the house, they, while they're discussing it, a vote to adjourn is called. They're like, what's adjourn? And then they take the votes and it's massively in favor of adjourning. And then someone realized that someone had fucked with the voting machine. So the nos were yeses and the yes were nos. Oh, good Lord. I mean, I'm surprised that we have not had that.

Like we're, that's just a little two on the nose, but come on. We're near it. So it starts this, it starts this brawl. Senators are hitting each other with brass knuckles. Right. In the middle of it, Earl, Earl bites a legislator on the neck. There go those teeth again. And then it calms down and then Huey is impeached on eight counts.

And then it's sent to the Senate who then have a trial. They needed two thirds for conviction. And the, the longs knew it could be stopped if they could convince 15 senators to, to sign what is called a round Robin. And a round Robin is a document that states the senators would not vote for conviction, no matter what the evidence. Okay. It's like a round Robin. It's like a Republican. Yeah.

Yeah. So Earl, Earl learned that there was an uncommitted senator at a hotel and so he went over there and banged on the door. No answer. So he crawled through the transom, which is the small window above the door. Oh my God. He woke the senator up and dragged him over to the Capitol to sign the round rob. I'm starting to believe Earl might actually be a vampire. So one night while during this process, Earl sees Maestri in a Capitol Corridor and he's talking to an anti Huey long guy named Harry Bogan.

Wow, which two Australians are like, does that mean he's got a mullet? So Earl asks Maestri why he was talking to that quote, some, some bitch. Bogan then hit Earl and they started brawling after Bogan said Earl had bit Claude and scratched him. And when Huey heard about that, he laughed and said, did he bite him? Earl always bites. Oh my God. Wow. So normalization of vampiric ways.

That's right. He's always sucking people's blood. That's so Earl. With Earl's backroom deals, they got the 15 signatures to the round robin and the impeachment trial was suspended. Okay. So after this Huey started to become obsessed with a national political career and he devoted this time to the state of Louisiana. And he just kind of relied on his political machine to get down what he wanted to get done. Now Earl came up with a way for the long machine to get money, which was called the deduct policy.

Oh boy. So state employees contributed a percentage of their paychecks to the long operation. Lower paid employees were exempt, but anybody who had a higher salary had to give up 10% of the salary. Wow. And it was taken out of their paychecks by the state and then given to Huey Long's organization. Wow. So it's just like a legalized fucking grift. They're just like, what just passed the law that we get money?

Well, but by the way, it's also like, I mean, that's the way to do it. The way to do it is not to show people the total amount they make. The way to do it is take it out and make people look at the back of the check and be like, oh, cool. They took the war tax out. Awesome. By 1930, Earl felt Huey had not given him the recognition he deserved and that he was being pushed out of the inner circle. I hope Huey likes teeth. He's about to get a set in him.

And Huey was worried about Earl's ambition. He didn't want him starting a political career and being a politician. He wanted him behind the scenes. Boy, why did political families not succeed? It seems so easy and stable. It is really weird. So during Huey's run for the U.S. Senate in 1930, a highway commission employee threatened to disclose evidence of corruption.

Okay. So all of Huey's consultant strategists they met and Huey approved a plan to kidnap the employee and hold him until after the election. God damn. Wow. What a crazy. That's like when you're like, all right, I've officially become crazy. Yeah, let's kidnap them. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, I like that idea. It's no other way to handle this. We could lie now. Kidnapping's better. Well, look, the commissioner of conversation already had a talk with him and he's really not listening. He's picking his own topics. So yeah, I guess we'll just kidnap him.

Yeah, that sounds good. Everybody in favor? Yeah. Great. All right, guys. I got a great feeling. Nobody crossed me. Hey.

At one point during this discussion, Earl joked that they should quote, take the sum bitch and kill him. This made Huey angry. Someone said Huey quote, wheeled Earl around and I never kicked a man in the ass hotter than he kicked Earl. Wow. Okay. So he just kicked him in his ass really hard? Well, he didn't, he didn't just kick him in his ass. He turned him around and then kicked him in his ass really hard.

You know what that is? Like a cartoon. It's a cartoon. No. That's horse sense. That's what that is. That's genetic. All right.

That's fair. Earl decided to run for state office. Huey won the Senate race and picked an old friend to take over as governor. When the next election came up, Earl tried to get on the ticket as lieutenant governor, but Huey refused to endorse him and picked someone else. Wow. Okay. So Earl's feeling betrayed and he runs as an independent.

Earl's campaign called for expanding road and highway construction, building new schools, creating a comprehensive hospital system, pay raises for teachers. Dave, isn't it amazing that it's all the exact same? Yeah. That's all the same shit we run on now. Everything's the same. Yeah, totally. We got to get a healthcare system.

What year is it? Oh, fuck me. So Earl's a big showman and he's also pretty big on name calling. He called Huey's pick named John Fournier a gourd head, a wife beater and a snake charmer. Oh my God. The trifecta. Wow. That is, I mean, really, those are options for many different areas.

Gourd head, sure. It was a different time. I guess that was more catchy. Wife beater, I mean, seems like there's probably, you know, probably some truth to it. Yeah. Without knowing anything else. Just the time. Yeah, I got to say with the time.

And snake charmer, I mean. That's racist, right? I would run on that. Yeah. All the snakes will follow me. So when Earl would speak at campaign, you know, events, he'd sit on the stage drinking Coke, swatting flies and doing anything you possibly could to get the audience's attention. He'd mingle with the crowd after he became note for his quote giveaways.

Uh huh. Oh boy. He would have campaign events where he and his staff would give out hams, turkeys, water mounds, bread and other items. Right. Okay. Right. Vote for me.

Here's a ham. It feels, I mean, truly it feels like we're closing in on ham, a ham for votes soon. Yeah. What do you think? Next election? Next election. It's like a turkey for a vote. The campaign always fell behind scheduled because Earl would stop at farmhouses and general

stores to talk and then he'd buy bushels of corn, coupes of chickens, rakes, shovels and so on. Okay. So she's charming everybody, not just snakes. Yeah. One day he and Huey were campaigning in the same town and Earl took everything he could from Huey's limousine and then handed it out to poor people. Sort of a fraternal Robin Hood.

That's right. A Polish Titian described a campaign incident quote Huey was making a speech in Oakdale and he liked to talk about all he'd done and he made a statement to the crowd that he had done something for every man, woman and child in the state. And when he made that statement, somebody in the crowd yelled, you ain't done nothing for me Huey. And of course that was Earl. Oh boy.

That's Earl that yelled it out. Ah. And then, and then Huey said, oh yes I have brother Earl, I built one of the finest insane hospitals in the whole country and we put a room up there for you. And then Earl went berserk and had to be held back. Oh boy. So that's pretty fulfilling. Yeah.

I mean that's amazing. Well no, we built a room in the loony bin for you crazy man. I will stab you and eat your throat. So Earl ended up finishing third in that race. A respectable third. In 1932, yeah respectable third. In 1932 Earl married Blanche. They had been together for a while, they moved to New Orleans.

He was a big boozer and that slowed down a bit after he got married. He did keep gambling. While betting on horse racing, he got to know a few people in organized crime. And he went back to working with Huey, they made up and in April of 1934 they were working together again. That's nice. Okay. So they calmed him down a little bit and set him back on the right track.

Huey however was shot and killed on September 8th, 1935. Now Huey's crew decided for the upcoming election. Called Huey, you know you're not wrong called Huey. That's right. Huey's crew decided for the upcoming election to pick an official Huey long ticket. So Earl was picked to run for Lieutenant Governor because of his name. They started calling their opponents the assassination ticket trying to not so subtly indicate that they had been a part of Huey's murder.

Wow. God damn, man. That's like, I don't you want to keep it like under wraps a little bit? Earl was the hatchet man. He'd call their opponents any name he could make up. He called Cleveland Deer, Dodo Deer, Clement Moss was Deer's sweet little old Clementine. Oh boy. I mean, it's just great.

Imagine that time when people were like, whoa, no, he did it. You're talking about dear old Clementine. Whoa. Joe Sadlin was Slippery Sadlin. Oh, Slippery Sadlin. T. Sems Wamsley became Old Hooked Nose. How about this? Keep it with T. Sems Walsleys.

T. Sems Walsleys? Because it's not a great name. Yeah, keep it. I would just be like, his name's crazy. I wouldn't be like, I will slander this man for his nose. Jay Sanders Jr. became known as Old Buzzard Back. You know Old Buzzard Back. He's just whipping him out.

So the lechilong ticket swept a victory by a huge margin. In 1939, the FBI, in charge of the New Orleans field office, met Earl at a Louisiana Peace Officers' Convention. And then afterwards, that agent wrote a letter to director J. Gerhoover, quote, long impressed me as being about the dumbest white man I have ever talked to, has very little intelligence, no tact, and not very much common sense. He's stubborn, egotistical, and is the type of man who would not listen to reason or advice from any source.

Okay. Wow. So, yeah. I mean, normally like someone telling J. Gerhoover you were shitty would be like a double negative, so it would be good. But it sounds like there's some pretty airtight points on what we've heard so far. As the 10th governor, Earl did work to improve people's lives. At the same time, Governor Lecce built the state out of millions.

One politician, quote, Dick Lecce was on the golf course most of the time while Earl was on the floor of the legislature pushing bills. How did the opponent not just simply say for all the names that he had for other people, that the guy running ahead of him's name basically was Dick Leach? I mean, that's a good point. Thank you. I have no answer to that. Thank you.

When Governor Lecce had said, he said this right after his inauguration, a little while after, quote, when I took the oath of office, I didn't take any vow of poverty. You know what would be great? This is what would be great would be that if in this country, if you get in, then you have the honest press conference after and you just sort of like say stuff like that. You know, we're like, I know I said that, but I'm not, I know, nope. I agree. They do need help, but that's not going to happen under my administration.

That's not a focus. They've told me I can't do that. You know, just be like straight up. So then we're like, oh, shit, okay. In June, 1939, a newspaper investigation revealed members of his administration were grifting off LSU. So this is a big deal. I was hoping you were going to say LSD, but okay.

So this is a big deal and on June 26, 1939, Lecce entered the East room of the governor's mansion and said, quote, take it, Earl. It's all yours. Oh my God. He was done. He walked away and 40 minutes later, a judge administered the oath of office to Earl Kemp Long as the new governor of Louisiana. Now did he roll because he was just like, he'd just made so much or he rolled because

he was like getting in trouble, going to get in trouble. Well, so what had happened was like the story came out about. Like one guy grifting and then he looked into it and he was like, holy shit, my entire administration is good. Like not only is he grifting, but like everybody's got their fucking hand and something. Right. He's like, I was supposed to be the criminal. What the fuck?

Yeah. I mean, you guys, that's obvious. Yeah. The same day the FBI sent the same FBI agent. He sent a telegram to Hoover, which said, Lecce resigned, quote, so that Long would be put in office now in order that he would make a fool of himself so that party leaders would not back him. So this, this, this FBI agent thinks that Earl is so fucking stupid that he's just going

to make a fool of himself. Right. And no one's going to back him. So, Sure. Right. Maybe, maybe because it could be because Earl was actually also very corrupt. The FBI was following all of Earl's grifts.

Okay. So like there was a brothel that was paying Earl and a mice tree and their partners $8,000 a week. Well, they must have been really good at fucking people then. That's a lot of money. In September, 1939, Earl announced his candidacy for governor. So now he's going to run again. Right.

Sure. Louisiana residents at this point are, are appalled by what had happened with the Lecce administration and thought Earl either knew and was guilty or had no idea and was then too stupid to be governor. So it was one of the other. Right. Either side damning. Yeah.

The outrage from the scandals led to a bunch of like new good government advocates type of people against scandals, against, you know, corruption. Sure. Right. And to be the same politicians who had already benefited greatly from the corruption were now suddenly huge advocates for reform. Uh-huh. Sure.

Yeah. Of course. Yep. Well, good Dave. I already feel really cool and good. Earl's biggest threat was Sam Houston Jones. Jones had never held an electric office, so he's pretty undamaged by Louisiana politics. Isn't that amazing?

Isn't that amazing that it's like the best way to get into politics is to be like, I've never done this before because they were like, well, at least he hasn't been as shit yet. That's right. Like that's all it is. Yeah. So newspaper supported Jones, Earl attacked the newspapers and said they were scandal mug mongering. He called them the lying newspapers.

Just so you know, Dave, I just actually bit through my tongue, but go ahead. Earl attacked Jones saying he worked for corporations and would tax everything, quote, you got your bed springs, your bed bugs, your jackasses, your billy goats, and your nanny goats. So he's going to tax all that stuff. That's what Earl's saying. Wait. What? What?

He's going to tax everything, quote. You got your... Good. I'm glad he's taxing the bed bugs. Bed bugs, jackasses. Yeah, I mean, some of that sounds taxable. No, bed bugs, they're pretty expensive. So if you put it...

Oh my God. Did you hear what they passed? What? Well, it turns out we have to give a sample of everything we make to the government. How did they know about us? Well, apparently there's a politician now who's running a parliament. We're going to get a lot of trouble if he wins. Well, that's it.

I'm going to vote against him. Do you know how to vote? No. We just need more form of ID. Oh. I don't have that. Oh, well, have you voted in the last two elections? No.

Well, then you're taking off too. You can't do it. Oh, it sounds like a lot of bullshit. Let's just eat this mattress. Okay. So... So, of Jones, Earl said, quote, he's high hat Sam, the high society kid, the high kickin', high and mighty snide Sam, the guy that pumps the perfume under his arms.

Oh my God. But, like, Dave, we should have a game show called Compliment or Slander. And we should just take terms from this time and just have people on it and you bet whether you think this was a compliment or slander. Because putting perfume under your armpits, I'd be like, that's a compliment. High kicking? High kicking? I'd be like, this guy's great.

He's high kicking. He's got perfume under his arms. Who is this guy? He's really flexible. So as the election got closer, Sam Jones accused, so it's tightening up. Now Sam's getting worried. So he accuses Earl of, quote, consorting with Negroes. So now he's playing the racism card.

He also said Earl was going to register thousands of black voters and replace white state workers with blacks. And then using that, Sam Jones wins. It's always... Earl? It's just... Let's take a minute and just say it's a fantastic country with a rich history. Earl refuses to concede.

He's like, I didn't lose. He stays in a hotel for a couple of days. He doesn't go to the inauguration. He just goes back to his farm that he has in Winfield, his Pea Patch Farm. He left his farm. He had bought it in January of 1937. It's 320 acres. There was a pretty crude building with linoleum floors and just light bulbs, no fixtures.

Two bedrooms, a storm, a kitchen and a bath. Blanche hates it. Blanche has been a little more accustomed to the finer things in life. She likes things to be a little nice. She called it the tin shack. Sure. Meanwhile, Earl fucking loves it. He grows corn, peas, watermelons.

He raises hogs, cattle poultry, has horses. There's a little bit of... That's going to be a lot of stuff to give away at next election. Yeah, but so Blanche and him are like a country mouse, city mouse, the thing going on there a little bit. They've got a green acres thing happening. That's right. After Jones came singer Jimmy Davis, who became governor in 1944, that campaign was

very dull compared to the last one. I mean, it's great if you have a singer. I would imagine that would make for it to be a lot more interesting. Well, Davis campaigned on a peace and harmony theme and sang songs at campaign events. Oh, yes, he did. Yes, he did. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, to get your vote, I'm going to give you a goat. All right.

Come on, everybody. Come up front now. Sorry. Jimmy, this next talking point is for the ladies in the house. You're all complaining, quote, how are you going to debate a clown like that? All he gives them is music. By the way, I know we're not going to make a lot of comparisons, but shouldn't the Democrats have just ran a singer?

I think that would be enough. What about Maynard from Tool? Sure, let's pick out some other options first. Earl runs again in 1948, so it's been two terms. He hired a Cajun performer, like a comedy performer, to travel the state imitating Sam Jones. What a gig. Earl's campaign paid to transport people to the polls on election day and paid people

to vote for him. Okay, so nothing illegal yet? Keep going. In many precincts, $5 was clipped to the ballot. Earl gave politicians $2,000 to get out the vote. He won with a 65.9% of the vote. That's solid, too. Everything goes on the up and up.

Earl continued his populist governing, teacher salaries were increased, hundreds of schools were billed, five new trade schools were established, universities got increases in funding. To pay for this all, he increased taxes. He even had the... He's taxing everything. He even had the legislator tax slot machines, which were illegal. Interesting. Interesting. Okay.

I mean, it's a little reminiscent of what has happened with marijuana federally in the states, I guess. Yeah, I guess so. The states are taxing on illegal substance, technically. But it's still way different and dumber. People in Louisiana were okay with the taxes because the state experienced an economic boom, which more than covered the paying for the taxes. They were like, great, I'll pay taxes if I'm rolling in it.

While he's doing all that, Earl's, again, like I said, deep in corruption, he started firing government employees, like ones of the work for Sam Jones and Davis, and then at the same time took control of the commission that heard their appeals for being fired. Okay, great. So they have no recourse. Oh, I think they'll get a fair trial. So he had the legislature abolish the Department of Institutions and decentralize the highway and hospital departments.

So it's just finding ways to make money everywhere, right? Wow, okay. In 1952, Earl was voted out again. But he immediately starts plotting to run again in 1955. He already had this long running feud with the New Orleans mayor, who his name was Chep Morrison. That's right, Chep Morrison. Now he thought Chep would make the perfect candidate to run against.

So Earl started having his rural supporters write letters and send telegrams to Chep asking him to run for cover. Oh, God damn it. Go on. One friend, quote, he really made Morrison believe that he had the support of the rural parishes. Oh, my God. Earl also sent two different men with $5,000 each to help get Chep into the race.

So he's funding him. Wow, I'm fully funding him. And the guy thinks he's got tons of support out in the country and he's got no such thing. Right. Now, this is when TV just started to become a thing in politics and Earl's really not into this new fangled TV technology. He thought TV cameras made him look like, quote, a monkey on a stick. Sure, sure.

Most monkeys. He liked speaking in front of crowds. He was very old school that way. Chep, for his part, was trying to get rid of his image as a sophisticated urbanite. So at one point he actually campaigned while on water skis. I hope he had to speak at the time. You got to stick to your stump speech if you're on water skis. It's just such a John Kerry move.

Yeah. I mean, it's like every Democratic nominee move, you know? Sir, we're having trouble hearing you. I know. I'll windsurf. I'm a man of the people, windsurfer. I'm the only politician parasailing to let you know that it's enough. We've been taxing you guys too much.

Trickle down economics doesn't work. I can see turtles from up here. Well, Earl was right about Chad. He won. He crushed him. Right. So he's governor again. Meanwhile, though, the best part is Chad at home, like, what went wrong?

What in the fuck happened? I had the full support of the people. I was funded immediately. I've been water skiing. So Earl and Blanche have been married now for 26 years, but Blanche just never got used to Earl's crudeness. She liked fine things. He did not.

And she was horrified when he would put on overalls and go out into the fields to work on his farm. Meaning she was just, she was just like horribly unattracted to him. Well, especially when he would come back covered in blood from slaughtering pigs. Oh, that's not a hot look. But that wasn't all. He could also spit on the carpets. What?

And he would lounge around in different states of undress and more than once at a dinner party with guests. Earl would take out his false teeth, put them in his glass of water and say, quote, got a clean then got to clean them choppers. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. So she was just, I mean, how did she make it 26 years?

I don't know. What a legend. It's 26 years like we know you're cleaning your choppers. Just coming home bloody, bloody armed. You horny. So Blanche is finally done and she, she moves out and she moves to Baton Rouge in February 1959. Now Earl had never stopped betting on horses, but now that he's separated, he's gambling

more. He's drinking more. He's taking part in more fun things in 1959. He goes to a burlesque burlesque show and he sees show girl blaze star perform her burning couch routine, which is fairly well known. She would set up a reclining love seat rigged with a smoke pot and at the end of the act, she would stretch out over the couch, wiggle and looks seductive. And when she was down to her last piece of clothing, she would set off the smoke pot.

That's right. Oh, I was just about to see her hoo-ha and then all the smoke got in front of it. So Earl hits on her after the show. She passes, but he keeps coming back every night for weeks. And blaze finally agrees to go out with him. After two months, she said he made his move. Wow. Quote, he took my hand and said, I'd rather roll in the hay with you than anything I've

ever done in my life. When we were getting undressed. Is he a horse? Yes. Okay. When we were getting undressed, Earl grabbed a bedspread, wrapped it around his shoulders and said he didn't want me to see his ugly body. Then he was too excited to make love and we just went to sleep.

But the next morning he was ready for me. Okay. And this man wrapped himself in a sheet because he didn't want to be seen. Then before the lovemaking starts, he just jizzes. Yeah, that's right. And then the next morning he's like, I got you. That's right. Yeah.

I mean, the morning reset can be helpful, but it's good Lord. What a, what a, I mean, why did she, why did she spend the night? She was like, I'm going to go home. Nothing here happened. What do you mean? I haven't seen you naked and you came on me. Whoa. Okay.

So she's hot and he is old now, right? So she's young and hot. Jesus. Yeah. Wrap it in a sheet. And he is definitely old and not hot. I keep forgetting he's got that raspy voice too. I came.

Yeah. Oops, honey, I came in the sheet. Oh, no, I came in the sheet that I used to cover my horrible physique. Well, whatever happened to not saying that to the press? Sure. Yeah. There's that. So without Blanchard, like I said, he's drinking, he's drinking heavily now and he's smoking.

He's taken a new thing, which is large amounts of dexadrine, which are uppers. Sure. Okay. Cool. When the next legislature convenes in May, friends and his political associates are shocked by his appearance. Were they like, Earl, put this sheet on? He goes to give a speech in Congress, but he's just ranting and screaming at the legislators.

He considers this a speech, but it doesn't make sense. Several friends tried to restrain him, but he pushed them off and continued to scream and swear. By the way, if you look at most like top 10 lists of signs that speeches are going well, it's that people will try to silence you. That's right. That's how you're like, yeah. Great.

Hey, during the speech, he spotted a political opponent from Shreveport and he called him a, quote, damn dago. Good. Good. Good stuff. Good stuff. This goes on for an hour and a half until he looks visibly weakened, like he looks like he's going to fall over.

No, I've also physically exhausted myself. Oh my God. And someone finally talks a minute, stopping. He's taken to the governor's mansion and locked in a second floor bedroom. And then in there, he became violent and irrational. He broke his bed frame. He threw a bottle of milk or magnesium and an astra out the window and then he stood at the window yelling, murder, murder.

And you're, and you're telling me these are indicators that things are going poorly for the man? That's right. That's right. Okay. Okay. Two attendees rushed into the room and restrained him. Oral's cousin is a doctor and he diagnoses Oral with manic depressive psychosis with

a tendency to violence and said he should be committed to an asylum. So they sedate Oral and the next day he's flown to Galveston and admitted it to a psychiatric clinic. Okay. So Huey's son Russell goes in front of the legislature and tells them that Oral had a breakdown and he's now resting. Now Oral obviously wants out of the clinic. He threatens his wife and a Russell's nephew with lawsuits claiming they kidnapped him

and took him across state lines. Sure. So after 17 days he's finally released from the clinic. A National Guard plane flies him to New Orleans where a police car took him to Oschner Hospital. So Oral had promised he would get treatment there but once he arrived he convinced the hospital to let him go back to his farm in Winfrey. Okay. So he, okay.

So that's good. It's like the Epstein deal. Yeah. They just, yeah. Basically he, they were just like, oh, you don't want to stay here? Oh, you don't know. Just go wherever you want to go. It's cool.

Whatever. Yeah. Because, I mean, legally they actually had no grounds for detaining him. I think the first clinic did but this one doesn't. So. Well, that first clinic fucked up. After leaving Oschner's, the hospital, Oral gets into a state police car and he thinks the police car is taking him to the governor's mansion.

Okay. And is that, is that based on, is that based on anything? What the, no. Yeah. They, he was told it was going to the governor's mansion. Okay. Got you. Okay.

Okay. Right. Okay. But the car drives to the courthouse and into the basement parking garage. Boy, they really changed the governor's mansion, haven't they? I wasn't too long since I was last there. It's underground now, huh? It was on the complete other side of town before.

So he is, he refuses to get out of the car. They want him to get out. He won't get out of the car. And then after a little while, two doctors come in and get in the car. What, what, what, imagine, can you imagine a time and a world where the police were like, he refuses to be arrested. He won't leave the car. Like, I mean, how fast is it going, like if you want, if they want you out of the car

now, does not take two doctors coming to convince you? That's right. So the two doctors are actually serving as court appointed lunacy commission, right? So they're checking to see if he's sane. And they, in the car, give him a 45 minute examination and then recommend he be committed to an asylum. And he's like, yes, well, guess what? That's not getting me out of the car any faster.

Still can't get me out of the car. Damn it. He's really not leaving the car no matter how honest we are with him. All right, you win. All right. Go ahead. You're the governor. So a judge signs the order and Earl was driven to Manville, Louisiana and the Southeast

Louisiana hospital. He goes in and he's met there by Dr. Charles Belcher, who says, how do you do, governor? I'm Dr. Belcher. And Earl replies, quote, the hell you are, you were Dr. Belcher. Okay, great. Good start. I look forward to working with you. So Earl calls a close friend and an attorney, Joe Sims, tells him to come to the hospital.

Joe gets there and Earl is just lying naked in his room yelling, Joe Sims, where the hell have you been? And then talk about regretting a trip. You're like, eh. And then Earl tells Sims he wants him to file a suit of legal separation against Blanche. So she won't have the authority as a spouse to have him recommitted if he gets out. Oh, God. This also convenes a meeting of the state hospital board, which had jurisdiction over

the hospital, which Earl controls as governor, right? Because he's taking control of all this stuff. So the parish courthouse is being refurbished. So the hearing for his sanity has to be held in the junior high school gymnasium. All right. Now we all agree, go tigers. But before we get into that, let's get to the matter at hand. The pep rally has been pushed to three defense.

So this means that there is no limit on the number of people really that can come in. I mean, a courtroom, you can get what 40 people in there in a small town. Oh my God. So thousands of reporters and locals come and it's just an event. So his sanity hearing has become homecoming. So there's so many people there that the PTA is selling refreshments to make money to people in the crowd. So during a sanity trial, there's some guy like hot dogs, get your hot dogs, but to get

to two of them. That's right. Also self pretzels, self pretzels. But the hearing only lasted about 10 minutes because there were doctors letters certifying that he was sane and should be released. And he was like all these experts were just like, get, let him go. So everyone's fired up. The crowd rushes to his table to congratulate him.

And then while that's happening, Earl tells an assistant to put his hat upside down on the table. He'll put money in it and he makes more than 2,500 in donations. Wow. Wow. What a world, what a world. So after this for days, Earl holds up at a hotel. He just wants to avoid the press.

One friend went to see him and said, quote, when I saw Earl in that hotel, he was sitting up in a chair victorious like Henry VIII eaten on a big old bone. Good Lord. So he's up there playing medieval times. Yeah. And then Earl goes to his farm in Winfred. And then after that, he takes a vacation to California to get away from all the reporters. Now in early June, his flight stopped in Dallas and reporters rush onto the plane and he

refuses to talk. So they persist, they won't stop trying to get him to answer questions. So he puts a pillowcase over his head and then put his hat on top of the pillowcase. Sure. Yep. Of course. He's the invisible man. Deal with it.

And then he gets off the plane, but he refuses to remove the pillowcase. Sure. Yeah. Of course, Dave. It's nothing strange here at all. A friend that was with him cut breathing holes into the pillowcase. Yep. Of course.

Yeah. Well, that's why you bring friends to travel with you so that they can make sure you don't suffocate when you put cloth over your head. Newspapers all over the country published pictures of the governor of Louisiana just released from men's institutions just like a child going trick or treating. Is that not a good look? Is it not a good look that he looks like a ghost with a hat and that's the active governor? After swearing at reporters, it's just amazing.

It's fucking amazing. After swearing reporters, he went to the waiting room and took off the pillowcase. What a moment that was when someone was like, Hey, you kept that on for 10 minutes too long. That was crazy. Early Earl was taken to hotel where he was trapped in his room because reporters were sleeping in shifts in the hallway. What kind of hotel is this? He issues a public statement, quote, I'm still a sick man and I need rest.

Reporters and photographers are chasing me like a wild animal and they could drive me insane. All right. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put my pillowcase on my head and that head on a pillowcase. Now he sneaks out on a Sunday night and he talks to some people and he just kind of mingles. He must have worn, he probably wore like a different color pillowcase. They were like, that's not him.

That's beige. He just goes out and he just talks to people and he's out alone on the street and whatever, it must recharge him because the next morning he comes downstairs in the hotel. He's clean-shaven. He's wearing a 10-gallon hat and he holds a press conference. He talks about his plans to change Louisiana's laws about confinement to mental institutions. He's finally found a cause. Quote, before a man can be put in an asylum, they will have to ask 10 close friends and

three doctors who live in the neighborhood to approve. Wow. And are people like, this feels like a U-law. Three doctors in the neighborhood. That's right, in the neighborhood. Three doctors in the neighborhood and then 10 friends also in the neighborhood and they can't be your doctor friends. I tell you, that's a really hard guess.

Well, then you guess what? I guess there's nobody crazy in your neighborhood. There's not enough doctors yet. I don't think you know what anything means. Sorry. Well, I think I do because if you ask 10 of my friends and the three doctors in my cul-de-sac, they'll give you the answer. Okay.

It just seems. I'm good to go. Seems what? Seems like I've got all the answers. Well, you know what? I would actually like to see three of your neighborhood doctors and 10 of your friends. Oh, you don't have them? No.

What? I don't have them. You don't have them? Oh, it's crazy. You don't have them? Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. That's not sounding good. Well, it sounds like I can't be put in an asylum. No, because you don't have, no, no, no, no, because you don't have your three doctor. No. You don't. No. No.

I'm the one who. That means I can't be put in an asylum. It's not what it means. Is it what it means? Yeah. It is what I said? Yeah. Well, then I stand by it and I forgot what I said, but not in a crazy way.

Okay. Because if you think it's a crazy way, I have 13 people I'd like you to talk to and three of them are doctors and the rest are pretty good friends. So later that day, Earl calls an aide. So after Sunday, Brady goes downstairs, does his press conference. Later that day, Earl calls an aide and tells him to bring the lieutenant governor and representative Spencer Merrick along with $10,000 cash to Fort Worth where he is. And they did.

They all came with the money. And then Earl went on a shopping spree and he bought 20 pairs of boots and a bunch of other stuff. He went to a restaurant and showed the chef how to dice Vienna sausage into cream of chicken soup. And the chef then advertised it as Earl long soup. What? And when the guys, like when those guys showed up, were they like, uh, you should have been

specific about why you needed all this. We should have asked, but you should have told. All right, come on. Let's go buy a ton of boots. A few days later, Earl's posse drove to El Paso on the way Earl stopped and bought 20 crates of cantaloupes and sent 18 of them COD to friends in Louisiana. Don't worry. This will be perfect.

Hey, nobody, and I know I see, I hear the murmurs and I see the looks, but, uh, that is a normal amount of cantaloupe to buy. And I'm going to send it to a bunch of my friends, tend to be exact. And also three doctors, they all deserve this cantaloupe. When he arrived in El Paso that night, reporters watched as the governor's black Cadillac drove up with two crates of cantaloupes on the roof. All right, everybody. Who's crazy now?

Anybody want some roof loop? He held a press conference and then shared his cantaloupes with the reporters. Come on guys. Just take bite, bite, pass, bite, bite, pass. Come on. Can you believe that I at one point didn't have three doctors and 10 friends saying I was okay? While he was eating in a cafe the next day, reporters and locals surrounded the table

and then Earl flew into a rage and screamed out, no one left though. And then he said, quote, I'm going to shoot the bastards. Earl also kept a knife in his coat pocket and his aides had to restrain him to prevent him from pulling it out and using it. Dave, I think he might be unfit. He's definitely having a mental issue at this point. It's this point. So that night he crossed the border and went to a war is brothel, his aides bribed cops

to chase off the reporters so he could have privacy. It's just beautiful. That's romantic. Cool. That's it. That's and that is nice. And whatever romantic, then he can simply get in the room, wrap himself in a sheet and just all over himself and get out of there.

That's right. The next day, back at his hotel, he stayed in. He made a bunch of phone calls. The most important was was one was to his farm where he checked on his cows, chickens and hogs. Put them on the phone. Then he took a charter. Hi.

All right. That's you for sure. All right. Pass it to pass it to the next pig. Oh, well, you're not a pig, but you're all the same. Okay. Everything there sounds fine. You promise you're not making those noises now, right, Charlie?

Oh, I guess he wouldn't have heard it anyway. Are you sick, cow? You are sick. Interesting. Yeah. Maybe I should come. You said, yeah? No.

No. Oh, no. Stay and have fun. Is it just? Come in some sheets. Oh, yeah. Well, I have been doing that. And that now when I left, you were talking then?

No. Oh, you've recently learned to speak. Mm-hmm. Okay. And are the pigs talking too? Yeah. Oh, the pigs are also talking. Okay.

All right. Well, all right. I won't be back too long. I sent two metric tons of cantaloupe, so you guys can have those when those get there. Thank you. So everything here is fine. It's good to talk to you guys finally. I knew I knew you'd talk.

Yeah. Good talking to you, man. All right. Bye, guys, cow and pig. Bye. I'm a chicken. Oh, well, that's crazy too, tata. So after that, he takes a plane to New Mexico.

And when they landed there in Albuquerque, he went straight to the racetrack and bet between $12,000 and $15,000. Great. So like over $200,000. He later claimed he came out with a couple $100 bucks ahead. After that, they get in a car, him and his posse, and they drive to Denver, Colorado, and then they get to Denver, and they immediately turn around and speed back to New Mexico while being chased by reporters.

Earl had read that the sheriff said Governor Long and his party would have to surrender their guns once they got to New Mexico. So once they got to Albuquerque, Earl ordered the driver to go to Santa Fe because he was worried the sheriff would take their guns in Albuquerque. So that's a road trip. OK. Sure. They stop in the house.

It's a regular road trip. There's not a flag on the whole trip. That's right. They stop in Taos, where Earl haggled with the manager of an Army Navy surplus store, and then a crowd showed up, and the police had to be called. One old lady said she wanted to get close enough, quote, to hear him cuss. Oh, God. So yeah, it is.

I mean, it is. It's like you're fascinated by the train wreck, but you forget that it's also a train that you're on. Yeah. Two days later, they've driven back to Denver. He's gambling at the Centennial Race Track. He goes to Western Store and buys four saddles, two straw hats, and two wool shirts. What?

He is a horse. Four saddles. Four saddles. Yeah. It's insane. Yeah. The next day, he goes to Missouri and has a visit with former President Harry Truman. What?

Harry Truman's like, wow, I know what I'm supposed to be around, someone who makes sense. After they had a 45-minute private talk, Earl came out smiling. He then handed a guard $100 bill and held an impromptu news conference. I love that he's tipping guards. He's tipping Truman's guards. Yeah. They're like, what for what? Okay, keep an eye on him, will you?

We are. What? He said he told Truman, quote, a lot of dirty jokes. He didn't tell me any, but he acted like he hadn't heard any of mine. Wow. That's a really, that's a ring and endorsement. Our friends and allies from Louisiana joined him and they took him on a tour through the Ozark Mountains.

Earl stopped at a gift shop where he haggled before agreeing to buy $80 worth of assorted goods, including two hams, a side of bacon, jugs, and over two dozen corn cob pipes, which he then passed out the bacon to the newsmen who were following him. Oh my God. That who he's bacon tipping. Now this is all happening. This is like, it's only been 18 days since he left Louisiana. It feels like six months.

So he returns to Louisiana and everyone is amazed by how much calmer and healthier and heavier he appears than when he left. So in 1960, he decides to run for Congress, quote, I know it's going to kill me, but I just got to do it. My doctors tell me my heart is too weak and I can't stand another campaign, but I just have to make the race. District is all rural. Now, are those doctors the three doctors who validated that he's not insane or these

different doctors? Do you have numbers on that? That's a tough call, but I'm pretty sure that they might be all made up. So the district is all rural, Earl covers it, he does his usual speeches about his opponent. He said, quote, if there is ever a full-fledged faker and anointed jackass, it's Harold McSween. A month later, he was calling McSween old catfish mouth. What? Cause he'd like had a mustache or something or he had like whiskers.

A big mouth, baby. I don't know. A big mouth. Okay. Yeah. Old catfish mouth. Quote, he's a hot house plant. What is happening?

This is like dementia roasting quote. He's a hot house plant born with a silver spoon in his mouth and you couldn't get it out with a crowbar or a screwdriver. He's a plant though with a spoon. You're mixing metaphors too much. Why this man over here is a clogged drain full of sleigh bells or holds a big rally in Alexandria and he went all out to get people to go. He set up a three ring circus.

Earl was the ringmaster in one ring where he called McSween a spoiled brat. In another ring, Edward Coco served free cold drinks and bacon. And in the last ring, two singing groups entertained the crowd. There's a lot happening. The level of bacon bribery. Like when they're talking about putting pork in bills, he's genuinely like shoving ham in bills. They're like, no, not that way.

I mean, if you give me bacon and I'm in a car chasing you in Missouri, there's nothing I can do with that bacon. I guess I could fry it on the radiator, but... Yeah. And there you go. You got a solution. Yeah. So Earl's wearing himself out.

His friends tell him to slow down, quote, no, this is my last campaign. I'm going to die soon and I want to go out a winner. The self-awareness that you're going to die and that you want to just like, I'm dying. That made him look win. So election day is the day after he turned 65. And while he waited for the results to come in, he had a heart attack. But he refused to go to the hospital and told reporters he felt puny after eating some overripe pork.

God dammit, of course he's going to die from pork. You know, it's weird. I think that pork was too ripened and I feel very small. We just want to talk to the doctor because we're just coming from Mr. Long's room. He's been on the road for 18 days buying boots and eating bacon nonstop. The only thing he's had outside of that is cantaloupe. We're wondering if there's anything wrong with him. And by the way, we should warn you, he's jaundiced in having a heart attack.

So he spent, even though he's had this heart attack, he spends the rest of the day phoning voters to get them to vote because it's election day. So he's just calling people. He finally agrees to let his family take him to the hospital after the polls closed at 8 p.m. And Earl beat McSweet. While waiting for the ambulance to take him to the hospital, he said, quote, I've lived a full life and I've done a lot of good things, so I don't feel bad if I don't make it.

No. What? You're like, dude, why didn't you? On September 3rd, Earl gave a press conference from his hospital bed. He said that he looked forward to his new job in Washington and that he, quote, didn't intend to keep his mouth shut. And then he died on September 5th, 1960. Wow.

So he called his death. Yeah. Yes, he did. He's like, I'm dying now. I mean, he said, this is my last campaign. I'm going to die soon. I want to go out a winner. Yeah.

He's like Nick Drake, the congressman. Now obviously super corrupt, but he built more charity hospitals than any other governor. His welfare prescriptions allowed citizens to obtain medications at no charge. The Earl Long Charity Medical Center operated in Baton Rouge until Bobby Jindal closed it in 2013. He had over 1,000 new schools on elementary and secondary levels built and the establishment of several college campuses and vocational schools. He built new institutions for the education of those with mental and physical exceptionalities,

vastly expanded the free school bus transportation system, and instituted free hot lunches for all students. He added thousands of miles of paved roads and highways, constructed hundreds of new bridges and created new roads and rural remote areas. And I think, Dave, the truth is that we have tolerated corruption for so long because we've gotten stuff. We've been given things and there's been benefits and they haven't completely hung us out to dry as citizens.

They've understood that it's, even if it's placating us, there's stuff. There's things, there's improvements, whatever it is, and we'll shut the fuck up if we can be given that shit, but they've just completely stopped. They just are at the point where they're like, yeah, we're done. We're done. You get to see the blatant corruption and now you don't get shit. What are you going to do? These people listen to this show because they like to feel uplifted.

And that's what we give them, and that's what we give them every week. Sources for this episode, socks on a rooster, Louisiana's Earl K. Long by Richard Maccoffin. Earl K. Long, the saga of Uncle Earl and Louisiana Politics by Michael Kurtz and Morgan Peoples. The Earl of Louisiana by A.J. Liebling, Uncle Earl, which is a PBS documentary, Blazestar, My Life as Told by Huey Perry, and this was all researched by Noel Smith. Well, anyway, we signed cars. We signed cars and cats, we signed cats now. Thank you for watching, and I'll see you in the next one.