The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 459 - Sir Walter Raleigh

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Sir Walter Raleigh. SourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

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American History podcast where each week I, former pickle store worker, lover of cats and dogs. Occasional tree trimmer Dave Anthony reads a story from American history to his friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Okay so a little more insight into you. Oh Jose's here. Hey Jose. Hey buddy you haven't been on the show in a while. What's new with you? How's the pandemic? How does he get around with the seal fee? Don't understand the question. The question has no bearing on reality. The question is not grounded in any sort of actuality. Therefore it is foolish and not worth

even answering. Not even worth dignifying by speaking about it now. Is that not a seal? You know for a fact that it is a cat and you know that and you've created this whole narrative and now someone on my Wikipedia page has said that I'm a seal trainer or some shit because of you. My name is Gary. No no no listen you shut up for a second. You have inserted all these little things that are just ongoing bits that you just like the fuse of and then you walk away to not even stick around for the explosion because you don't care because you're an empty you're empty you're soulless and by the way you started this one off without a

shirt on so you have problems. That was me preparing for comedy and I don't even want to all this attack is and it's it's a it's this is a baseless attack all this attack is it is a base attack is to distract from the fact that you have it's a base full attack you have a pet seal in your home which I believe is illegal I don't which I believe it's illegal it would be illegal but I do not have that I do not have that I have a cat in my home if that's a cat then we're in a very strange world yeah yeah we are does and it is does it eat fish just start go to the theme wow go to the theme wow theme of me me ow and called

it quote is jam-packed I'm the fucking hippo guy okay my name is Gary let it scare away is it for fun and this is not going to come to Tiggly podcast okay now hit him with the puppy yes Dave you're fully aware that you know that very well yeah you having a good little time over there huh you intoxicated this is a daytime recording you are like wedding early reception giddy right now yeah and hopefully we'll be announcing a tour soon it won't be America because America sucks ass oh America you are you are really the piece of shit if reality shows became a nation America oh this one is very

tangentially this is probably the least America involved body when I've done yet okay I thought there was more but then I was getting into it and I was like oh this is a lot less than I thought anyway January 22nd 1552 USA year of our Lord Jesus Christ shouldn't of the year shouldn't actually the way the year the year's work the calendar is that they should start the day America was born Dave they do here hmm yes BA and AA which yeah yeah it should be really what it is and then of course AA Walter O'Reilly Jr. was born in the South Devon England there's a Devon Devon Devon so okay he had four older brothers his

father was a member of the Gentry so he's a fancy boy mm-hmm family was always low on money but respected they were very Protestant and were almost killed more than once during Mary the first rain can you imagine holding on to your religion that strongly you imagine like like if I no matter what I believed in if someone would like had a gun to my head and was like or I'd be like yeah for sure I'm into that that's great I'll do that that sounds great whatever whatever God you want me to believe in I'm fine with I can I know yeah I'd love to leave leaving is a big part of what I'm looking for yeah can I just tell you

whatever I want to walk away from the situation because that'd be great that be great oh I completely believe that yeah seven days what a saint anyway I'll see ya so at one point Walther's dad was actually actually had to hide in a tower to avoid being killed so he hid in like a castle tower okay searching the castle for him so all this led to they don't check the tower they never check the tower you gotta check the tower all right well we're good should we check the tower no nobody's going all the way out there we're going to our nobody would go to the tower it's all the way up them stairs no we get all the way up there and

we find that there was nobody there and we'd be exhausted no nobody's ever gone to the tower now he's bloody right what was that was that accident okay he went to Oxford I'm gonna do a lot I'm just you know I'm just gonna break out terrible English accents is whole so you mean you're gonna do your English accent yes he went to Oxford but did not get a degree because he left and joined oh by the way I should I should say he really hated Catholics see that's how he grew up so he fucking hates Catholics okay so he goes to join the Huguenots who are fighting against Catholic oppression in France as you know now is it true that

I a lot of people believe that that was just a group of astronauts named Hugo and that's not true you're saying that that is not the case that you're thinking of the ones in the 70s okay right these these guys are way before any sort of space travel okay thank you thank you so he goes down there to fight with the the Protestant against the Catholics and when he returned to England he went to England and he's only like 15 years old or whatever 16 oh but at that time that's when you start fighting yeah that's when you fight yeah that's completely but it's time so he returns England and he goes to the ins court in London and learned

law so now he's got a law degree or whatever it is back then okay sure and while he was there he also became a little bit known for writing romantic poetry writer romantic poetry like get some he wrote he wrote the famous poem get some oh he's the get some guy he wrote he wrote finding that hole oh okay right he wrote he wrote climb on this shit this is so this is the guy I mean I've heard a lot of these did he write bang factory he wrote bang factory he wrote bang horse bang horse was I that's when I stopped liking it when he's getting into bang horse now you're thinking of the you know you're thinking

not the horse the banks you're thinking about when people ride around a horse and they pick up ladies and they fuck up on the horse yeah well because you don't have to do much I know personally no I think that that just the horse does too much the work you're doing you're at you're fucking at a gallop I don't like that's the whole no I don't like a gallop okay I like to fluctuate between a gallop and a trot I just something a horse can't replicate especially with the saddle burn well you know what you're thinking you're looking for like a bang mule I would I I meant what's the APR it's about 45 I'm in I don't know

what it is but that's a good number I don't either but it's great I'm in yep no questions so in 1578 his half-brother who was this murderous monster he just killed tons of Irish people Humphrey Gilbert was given a grant to explore and colonize okay what a great grant so just go do whatever the fuck you want in another land yeah yeah basically the queen is like hey just go fuck shit up in my name and it's cool just go be the worst and do whatever and then say that it's yours it's legal because you have a letter you told the letter if anyone has a question show them the royal seal the cat I mean his expedition was headed

for the Caribbean and then North America I don't know why that was the route that's the route so Gilbert gave Walter command of a ship in this Armat whatever you're gonna call it Armata know what it is fleet yeah but does he have is and that's just pure like you're just hooking your brother up because he just has a law degree and has no he's looking his bro up and and I I I I try to find it but there's so much different information by this guy but his father definitely had some sort of ships connection to something so they they are from a family at own ships or you know had to do right okay not like gross

sailor types like the owners not like disgusting people and work on the ships right like a normal human who owns a ship like a great scurvy scurvy purse of people that's right so so Walter gets a ship called the Falcon and Walter came up with a motto for himself for the journey quote I neither seek out death nor flee from the end I neither seek out death nor flee from the end okay so he's sort of he's open he's open to death he's yeah he can die or not maybe could take it or leave it yeah take it away here's my ship the Falcon that is not airborne oh no so Falcon boy so expedition doesn't go well okay the ship

is the Falcon is 75 feet long there are 70 crew members anyone anyone who's above the basic crew slept below deck but the practical crew slept on the deck on like folded sails and just rolling around all they was gruel so God gruel salt beef flat beer and biscuits full of weevils what is a biscuit full of a weevil what does it even mean we was a little you know like it's a larva larva type situation it's a little so they're eating bug biscuits yeah yeah yeah but they're eating bug skits it's protein we will be back we will this it's coming this will happen again so dysentery typhus and scurvy hit hard hard then he

storms with 40 foot waves caused the other ships to turn around but the Falcon continued on and made it to the Cape Verde islands okay so they fought through the scurvy the bug biscuits the waves the gruel the salt beef the waves the weather now by the time they landed at Cape Verde they were completely out of food and a lot of the crew had died okay cool so great really good okay so when they return to England the Privy Council forbid Raleigh and Gilbert from ever sailing again because it went that poorly yeah so the Privy Council is like the Queens like you know they make the decisions or like a group of assholes

called sure her think tank yeah her think so Walter now he spends time in London for a while it is it's assumed he's around the Royal Court we're not really sure in 1580 he had to appear before the Privy Council three times for brawling sure sure once with Edward Wingfield quote besides the tennis court at Westminster what's this so this is kind of like an upper echelon like excuse me you that was out that was not out at all that was in it touched the line did not touch the line at all well we need to get a line judge well unfortunately we only have the ball boys where then I have half a mind to slap

you across your visage oh do you where then I recommend you do it or you wouldn't like it if I did well I wouldn't hate it if you did would do it well if I do it then I retaliate well you'd have every right to well then come on then he was like my face I told you I would well that's it where we will talk to the Privy about this and then Betty Hill runs by chasing three ballboys oh god if nobody I mean there might be people too young to know what Benny Hill is, but just look it up on YouTube. It's really amazing. It's amazing. It was on. It was on. It was on. It was on. It was on. It was on.

So besides the tennis courts, Westminster was actually a place where people went to brawl. Like you would... Oh, so they had like... Excuse me, we wanted a little dusty area for three. We're going to have a brawl in a bit. Unfortunately, we've got no three tops. One of you could sit out and you could have two brawls. Maybe find another few friends. I could get you a six-top. If you're willing to wait, you could take this page and we'll page you when your brawl section's ready. Yeah, all right. All right, there you are. All right, well, it'll light up and vibrate. That's how you know it'll be time for you to have a brawl then. Yeah, yeah, all right.

You're fucking... All right. You're fucking... What's your problem? Fuck you. What is your... Look, I just work here. I'm not looking for a brawl on my own. So I appreciate it. I am actually not. If I were to brawl, I would brawl on my own time. Well, you're going to get one, aren't you? I'm working now. Look, I've got a break in a bit. If you've dived for a brawl, I could give you one then. But for right now... All right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. All right, well, where about are you from then? Fuck you, Wanka. All right. All right. I'll see you at my lunch brawl. Hello, Governor! Oh, God, that guy's here because he's always wanted brawl for one. It makes no

bloody sense. So he was actually jailed briefly for fighting, but it didn't hurt a standing. He was promoted to extraordinary Esquire of the body to the queen. What a dumb title. Extraordinary Esquire. Yes. I'm an amazing lawyer. As you can see by my sash and my cape, I'm an amazing... I'm outstanding. So around this time, rebellions are breaking out on Ireland. The Irish leader wanted to remove Queen Elizabeth, who he called a she tyrant. Sure. How free Gilbert was sent to patrol the south coast of Ireland, but he did not pay his crew. And so they took off with two of his ships. Okay. So there we go. We've got a good lesson there. There's a good lesson. That's capitalism.

So then Walter was sent as a part of a force of 2,000 men in the summer of 1580. So he's now a captain. Spanish ships full of Spanish and Italian Catholics invaded Ireland in September 1580 at Smirwick Harbor. Sure. You're going to believe in the version of God that we believe in and none of you are on a version. How dare you? We've got our own bloody version that we believe in. Nah, your version is crazy. Matter of fact, your version is out of line. It's blasphemously terrible. It's crazy. The idea that you bloody Catholics, don't you attack a tourist like that, you're a Protestant fool. You're a foolish Protestant. Now, kill them until they believe in the man in the sky that we believe in. You want a spicy meatball? Oh, this guy here.

We found a stowaway. He only speaks by saying that the stereotypical nonsense. I like a spicy meatball. He's saying it's a nice to meet you guys, but he hopes that when we're done imparting our religious findings, you will understand that Catholicism is the way to go. Okay. It's a big spicy meatball. He was hoping that you guys would be open minded. He says, please have an open mind, open heart. It's a spicy meatball. He's emotional. He believes that you guys are maybe open to this and that's exciting because he wants to get you guys in the heaven. Okay. Hello, governor. That guy, we had another stowaway. This guy only communicates by doing that. Okay. And he's going to cover you as well. Okay. So the Spanish and Italian Catholics take the garrison at

Smirok Harbor and Elizabeth sends more men. There's a three day siege and then the Catholics surrender. Okay. The English promised the Catholics they would let them live. Instead, they were all immediately executed. There we go. England. Come on out. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Yeah, you're all good. We're going to let you be. Yeah, just come on. Slice, slice. By the way, that's also like validating for your version of religion when you're like, oh, I knew it. You see, I promised they'd have a no heart, you know. We promised to not kill you if you surrender. All right, we give up. Kill them all. No way. You said, are you not a hunter? Yes, but I have no morality. Ah, that's why we come here to kill you. You're so bad.

I sound like a John Travolta and Saturday Night to Fever. How we ought to do? So the executions were led by Walter. They took place over two days. Geez, that is the word. That is great. Like for that, for you to have that many to do. Boy, we're going to, I'll tell you what, we're going to have to take a night break. This is disgusting. They were beheaded in a field and then their bodies were thrown into sea. Can you imagine going for like a swim that afternoon? Come on. Bring the kids. We'll make a day of it. Oh my God. Oh my God. Afterwards, the field became known as the field of cutting. And a nearby field is called Gortnagowan, the field of heads.

So what do you got? A bunch of lettuce over there. Yeah. No, they're my ancestors. It's not a lettuce. It's a tie in head. Well, if I can put it in a salad, I'll give it a shot. Oh, it's a nice and a salad. Walter is quite the dude. He is tall. He's good looking. He has a sharp wit. He writes poetry. He's charming. So while in Ireland, he has a daughter with Alice Gould, who obviously he doesn't marry. So that's one of them kind of kids. Sure. He also offered to serve the queen privately in letters to the head of intelligence. So he's trying to get out of Ireland. He's writing letters and being like, I will devote myself to the queen. Get me out of here. Right. Okay.

By 1581, he's frustrated by the guerrilla warfare. They are waging against the Irish because the Irish just seem to grow in numbers as opposed to going away because they're fucking country. Right. So he hated life in Ireland and wanted to be part of the royal court. And finally in December 1581, he was sent back. So Walter's family connection to Elizabeth's the first childhood nurse led to an introduction to the queen. Right. So he's got it in through his childhood nurse. So now the queen's in her 40s. And by the way, I know most people keep in touch with their nurse from childhood. I do. I do. Both my childhood nurse and the wet nurse. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. What do I keep in touch with her? So the queens in her 40s,

she immediately takes a liking to this good looking charming man and decides your nurse said you were lovely. She was right. Look at you. She decides she wants him around. So so as the months go by, Walter is in in the in the crew. He's becoming more and more powerful. Many in the court don't like him because he wasn't born into the world. He's not a noble born into it. He's just worked. Sure. Well, that just means he can't get made. He can't be a good fellow. That's right. So Walter is given royal monopolies for tin and playing cards and licenses for taverns for 30 years. Okay. So he's getting hooked up. Yeah, he's getting the royal treatment. Ah, so he buys a ship in 1815, 82 named the Bark Raleigh. That's right. It's the Bark Raleigh.

One of the best named ships we got out here, too. So while there's half brother, we've talked about before Gilbert and Humphrey Gilbert, he's big on colonization, making the argument it would reduce the number of vagrants and poor in England. Nice. Nice. Cool. Right. So he's like, let's let's ship these fucking losers out. Right. Right. He still has to let's have them handle COVID better than we do. That's right. He still has the patent and he plans a journey to Newfound Newfoundland. Okay. Newfound land. I just realized that I never put that together. Even I put that together, David. It's called Newfoundland. It's catchy, isn't it? I want you to take the Bark Raleigh to the Newfound land.

And then I want you to go see the tidal wizard. So the Queen tries talking about it and said that he should stay on land. He's not good in the sea. She said, quote, of not good half by sea. What? So she's, and then she, how annoying, how annoying, like it's actually time travel back then you'd be like, wait, what's going on? To have you not then buy it with it? No. Could you say it like a normal way? Like a normal if inside of course, but the opposite is approached. Just fucking say what you mean. Say the thing. Thrice in the fortnight, we must wage our times. No, that's not what about it. It is indeed a conundrum. However, the upside is the outside. If we're careful, luxury bestowed. Oh, that makes sense. Yes. My clothes are off. You can see.

So, uh, so she forbids Walter from going and Gilbert sets out with four ships and was in Newfoundland for two weeks in 1583. On the return, he sails in his, the favorite of his ships, the HMS squirrel. The powerful vessel, is she? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But there's storms. The squirrel goes down with all on board in a storm. Man, the nuts off the nuts are weighing us down. Tail up. Get the tail up. So men on another ship were watching and said Humphrey was reading a book. That's how I want to go. So, uh, he's dead. Only one. He's died. Yeah. Only one of those ships made it back to England. I wonder how far he read underwater. Oh my God. I just hope for a long time. So in 1585, Walter is knighted. He's now Sir

Walter Raleigh and he, uh, he was the steward of the duchy of Cornwall and Lord Warden of the Stannery's. And I believe governor of Jersey. So two years later, he's given land that belonged to Mary Queen of Scots after she was executed. Later that year, he got 42,000 acres of good land in Ireland. Elizabeth gave him a palace, Durham house on the strand and Sherbourne Castle. Wow. So he's just fucking getting just rolling in it. Tons of shit. Yeah. And of course, the other nobles hate this because they don't think he deserves it because he's not of the blood of the incestuous weirdness. Yeah. So we have no, who are we? We're not, I mean, hey, didn't fuck his sister. Yeah. Yes, I did. Well, you didn't have a baby from it.

At the time, scientists, writers and thinkers were given positions in wealthy households. You'd get a room and food and most importantly, access to books. So you would just live in someone's house just because you were an academic, essentially. Yeah. And then it was someone that they could talk to about lofty things and be intelligent around. But essentially they wanted to do it because they couldn't get access to books because only rich people had books. Right. Yeah. Right. It's a cool stuff. We're almost back there. I was just going to say, it's very similar to where we are now in a way, like where it's just like the people who are able to afford the things don't give a fuck. Like there's no help. There's,

yeah, anyway. Yeah. So Walter brought in a very impressive man. Thomas Harriet was one. He was one of the greatest scientists of the time. And so he would teach Walter in a spare time, which a lot of people thought was sinister, right? Having a scientist. I would say it definitely is. Yes. That's where the facts come from. Yeah. So the empire needed money to achieve its military goals. So Elizabeth sanctioned piracy, right? So privateers. Okay. Taking ships was an effective way to fight the more powerful enemy of Spain. And Raleigh put a brother and a cousin in command of a ship he owned and they went out and did pirating. Okay. Yeah. So he's got a pirate ship that he. So just your foreign policy was pro-pirating? Yeah. Pirate. Okay. The ship was called Job.

Of course. Hello. This is Job. Off they'd call it a gob. They took several Spanish ships off Newfoundland and author Anne Beer, quote, most historians consider this to be one of the first overt English acts in the war with Spain. So his ships kind of kicking off the war with Spain. Okay. Around this time, the Kreen granted Humphries old patent to Walter to explore, colonize, and rule any, quote, remote, heathen and barbarous lands, countries and territories, not actually possessed of any Christian prints or inhabited by Christian people. So basically WMDs. That's right. You could just anywhere you wanted to go. You could be like, we've seen them. Yeah. They got heretics. It's our land. So he would get a fifth of all the

gold and silver that was mined. My God. What a deal. I mean, this is just, okay. Another reason was to establish a base in North America from which privateers could attack Spanish ships. Now Spain's already set up shop in North America and that's a Catholic situation, obviously, which is very upsetting. The English see themselves as kinder doing God's work by even jealousing the poor as the poor savages in these other countries, while the Spanish were more conquistadors. And Walter really, really just wanted to take on Spain, like he wanted to fight Spain. Okay. So he sponsors an expedition to Roanoke Island off North Carolina. Yeah. It left England on April 9th, 1585. They arrived. They muck around for a bit.

Doesn't go well. Sure. And there's two, there's two versions here. One is that they, they, they leave and they leave 15 men behind. But then I also read that they leave the ships leave and then the people are there. They're having a hard time. And then Sir Francis Drake stops there and a bunch of them get on. But anyway, there's 15 left. Okay. So the captain who led the journey brought back a couple of, I like to call humans, native human beings. Sure. Sure. Right. To England, Montao and Juan Chis. Montao was a leader of the Croatowan. Juan Chis was from the Roanoke. And then their presence just helped convince parliament to get behind the colony at Roanoke. So they're based... Well, I wasn't going to vote for the

colony in Roanoke, but after seeing these two, it's very compelling. My vote is yay. Sorry. Why is that? Just seeing them is... Yes, that's plenty. Well, now I can understand something. You know, not sure what it is, but there's something about this that's just extremely compelling. My vote is pro. Yay. Yes. But it's just a couple of fellas there. Yes, it is. And you're right. Might be strange to you, but I am the one governing. And something about that just says to me, yes. Yes, this is what we're supposed to be doing. This is the destiny. The idea. Yes. This, yes. I'd like to vote twice if I could. Is there any way to use a dead person's name and vote again or something? Just from these two blokes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's very compelling. Very convincing.

Yes. Yes. I don't know what I was looking for. I feel like you think I do. I don't. But there's something that just answered the question I didn't know I was asking by seeing these two. I'm a yes. I'm a yes. So Walter sends a second wave of English colonists. This one includes entire families. There's even two pregnant women, which is... All right, let's do this then. Who gives a fuck? Come on. I've got... Yeah, I'm fighting for two. I mean, just the insanity. Oh my God. Yeah, it's just like, yeah. So the plan was to create the city of Raleigh and build Fort Roanoke. But when they arrived, they couldn't find the 15 dudes they left before. All right, that's a bit of a problem. But they were also... Where did you last leave them? Well, if I knew that, I think we'd be

finding them, wouldn't we? Yes, fair enough. But it's three years later than they said they would come. Like, they said they... Tell me, where would you run off? If I told you to stay port, and I was gone just to say mere three years, 36 months later, I returned, and you've moved? What compare these men? So the new soliders try to make a go of it, but it all comes apart. They head inland, but the locals either ignore them or shoot arrows at them. Well, cold shoulders is what I want. So they all are... They're going hungry. They decide to send their leader back to England for supplies. So the ship comes back, and then the queen orders, no ships can leave England because the Spanish are threatening to invade.

So that ship doesn't come back for three years, and they find nothing at Roanoke. I'm starting to think three years is too long. Feels like people give up. It's today known as the Lost Colony of Roanoke. They spent a lot of trying to figure out what happened to them, but I think the latest thing is that they believe they were absorbed into a local tribe. Oh, man. I thought you were going to give me some more sci-fi stuff after that. They were absorbed into a moss. So there's a giant lichen. So you're telling me we got haunted moss? That's right. Here, put your ear to this moss. Here, boss. So Walter sent more expeditions to find any trace of them. Never did.

He continues to move up the court all this time. In 1587, he's made Elizabeth's captain of the guard. So his job is now to... He's like her head of secret service, right? He's there to protect her from... Okay, head of security. Right. By 1591, Walter was openly talking about being a privateer. So before this, it's kind of a secretive, but now he's just writing it in letters and he's... He's open. Yeah, about being a pirate. The English are horribly defeated by the Spanish in AC battle. And the queen asked Walter if he could turn the loss into a moral victory. Okay. So he writes a story called The Last Fight of the Revenge, which is about an English captain, his last stand against a Spanish fleet.

Ships lost. The captain's killed. But in it, England and the queen get glory and it's just pure propaganda and it works. Yeah, that's crazy. It really is... I mean, it just has worked for so long. Yeah, it never stops. It never stops. No. So in the summer of 15, that's what we call fake news, which is only, which is only new. So in the summer of 1591, Walter got Bess Throckmorton pregnant. Okay. Now she is a gentle woman of the privy chamber, which means... He's shitting where he is. He is defecating where he lunches. So Bess's father for years had been Elizabeth's trusted fixer while she was dealing with Mary, Queen of Scots. Bess is of a higher rank than Walter and she has blood ties to the monarchy.

He doesn't. Okay, right. Yeah. Elizabeth just has a standing rule. She doesn't want any of her privy chamber getting married. That's for political reasons, right? She doesn't want them being biased by somebody else. Okay, right. Yeah, she doesn't... You're right. Factions can be created. Right. She wants them to be neutral in that area. So anyone... But you may pork. Anyone married... Give her the royal pinky. Anyone married without her permission and greatly offends her, right? But they could still do it, so she's just like upset. Well, she doesn't know. So the men she wanted devoted to her, so she doesn't want anybody in Walter's place also getting married unless she gives permission. She wants them completely

devoted to her. So Bess and Walter marry secretly and hide the pregnancy. Hide the pregnancy. Well, I love ham. Ham's so good. If you guys had ham, I personally can't get enough of the stuff. Try ham. It goes with everything. Every meal I have, I have a little bit of ham too. I just assume based on all the clothing that they were wearing that you could hide it better, you know? Right. Yeah, right. My course, it's broken again. And look at the beer guts. Gosh, I've got a real ale tummy. So Walter is made an admiral. He's going to be made an admiral and given command of 13 ships. So he's looking... He's just getting higher and higher. So that's on the horizon for him.

And then once that happens, his plan is to attack the Spanish in Central America and plunder Panama. That's his game plan. Okay. So the ships are set to leave in early 1592. Bess goes to her brothers to have the baby and hopes she can pull it off quickly and get back with nobody knowing. All right, we need this in and out in a half hour. Let's push. All right, we've got this guy here. He's a jumper. He's going to jump on the thing. It'll squirt out. And then Gary over here is going to catch it in the catchment. So she, she's hoping for two weeks. She hope she's hoping in and out in two weeks. So Wow. She has a baby boy on March 29th. His name was DeMerry. Walter had to stay away. He couldn't

go near it at all. And he keeps just working on his expedition plans. So Beth comes back to the Royal Court a month after the birth and Walter set sail right around the same time. So she successfully hid this pregnancy. She just did a, she just popped out and then came back. Made up some excuse why she had to be gone. You know, have you guys heard of this Royal Atkins diet? I quit ham. I quit ham the day I left. I don't know if you guys are looking, but I quit ham. It was great. I had a great run with it. But by the end I was sort of like, this is silly. So Walter set sail, but I think the way it works is they just kind of leave the port, but they, they're not fully going out yet. I couldn't really understand it. But anyway,

Sir Martin of Fraubischer comes out and catches up with him and tells him the queen is ordering him back. Uh-oh. She knows. Now, Walter thinks it's because of the pregnancy stuff and he blows off the orders and says he has to stay with the fleet until it's at sea. So then he does return a few days later, but the queen doesn't seem to know anything about the birth or anything. So she just wanted other advice and wanted him there. She didn't want him going on the trip. Uh, it's like, I mean, it's one of those situations where you're glad you didn't say, I remember like you're glad you don't go, look, oh no, you know about a baby, but listen, you know, you had a baby with who? Uh, nothing. I mean, I've got a dog and it's my

baby. It's Ireland one. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you mean the one from earlier? Yes, of course. Well, that's not a baby anymore, is it? For a second, I thought you were going to say that you had a new baby, which I forbid. I had a spicy meatball. If you met my new translator, he needs to be fired. So I remember one time I got pulled over by a cop and I thought it was because I was talking on my phone, but it's because I blew through a stop sign and I was so glad I was like, you know, I pulled you over and I was like, why? But I was so glad I was like, yeah, I was on the phone. All right. Well, that's two tickets. What? So Walter then has best bring the baby to London and she moves into her brother's house. Three days later, officers of the royal household

questioned Bess's mother and brother. So once she brought the baby, the fucking secret's out. Right. On May 28th, just Bess is completely tired of all the lying and hiding. And she formally, whatever formally means, she formally takes the baby to Walter's house. So they spent 20... A child is about to enter there abound. Just to drive... Ring in a bell. The child is entering the house right now. The door is pushed open somehow. Here's your baby. Look at his eyes. Gosh, the queen will have killed surprise. Hello. And now the dancers. Hello, governor. Oh, damn it. Who said that around it? So they get a full 24 hours together before the queen's men come and put Walter under house arrest.

Oh, boy. You must wear this anklet and if you leave your premises, we will be notified at headquarters. So he's interrogated for two days. Bess is taken to a separate house, which is owned by Elizabeth Spymaster. So she's basically... I am the Spymaster. She's basically being held in house arrest at someone else's house. Right. Bess's brother was forced to make formal statements and somehow he cleared himself. Like, he was aware of... Like, you know, she stayed at his house and had the baby. She came to his other house in London. Like, he's aware of it all, but somehow he skates. Nobody knows what was in what he said or what was in the letter. I know what he said. Spassimidabao. So... You make a good point.

Walter writes a letter and says that punishing him didn't make good financial sense because he would be more valuable out attacking Spanish ships. Okay. So months go by and then suddenly one day everybody knows it's the talk of London. All these nobles are just thrilled. A year after the birth, Queen Elizabeth signs a warrant for the arrest and imprisonment of Bess and Walter and they're put in the Tower of London on August 7th, 1592. Back to the tower. Okay. So Walter ships arrive in Central America and they make a huge haul. Okay. They took the Spanish treasure galleon, Madre de Dios. It was the richest ship ever taken by the English. Half a million pounds worth of treasure. It has diamonds. Is the treasure called Mother of God? Is Dios God?

Isn't it? I don't think it's God. It might be. It might be. It would just be a great name of treasure. Mother of God. Amazing. So diamonds, rubies, gold, silver coins, pearls, spices, it's got everything. It's triumphantly sailed. Sounds like some Prince lyrics. It's triumphantly sailed into Dartmouth on September 9th. But then they get into the distribution of all the loot because there's tons of investors involved. Sure. Here we go. It's not handled well. There's pilfering. There's fights between the investors. When it's all done, the cargo is only worth 150,000. Okay. There we go. So some come out and said, look, Walter's the guy that should be handling this. So Walter offers the Queen a deal if he's released. Hard cash. 80,000 pounds out of the ship's cargo.

Okay. So the Queen releases him and he delivers the money. So he buys his way out. Right. Yeah. Okay. He's not allowed, but he's not allowed to appear in court and see the Queen for an entire year. Dave, sometimes I feel like Queens have ego. And he also can't see me for a year. See how he likes that. Welcome to hell, Walter. So he's still really wealthy. Best. She's not having as good of a time. Walter completely ignores her. He never, she's out, she's out of the tower too. No, she's still in the tower. She's in the tower. He is acting like she doesn't exist. He's not running by by acting like she doesn't exist. You mean like he is not seeing her. She's just in the tower like, hello, he's not seeing her. He never mentions her

in letters. He never talks about it's like she doesn't exist. It's I'm calling it ghosting. Something I'm trying out. So she's just in prison. A terrible drought hits. The Thames dries up. A plague, the plague comes. So it's, this is a bad cycle. Sure. Baby, uh, de Mary dies in October. Now he's the way this works back then is he's in prison with best, right? So he dies. Jeez. So maybe that solvents up the queen, but that winter best is released. I feel bad about your dying with your baby in a room. You can go. And they say I don't have a heart. Best goes to a shearborn. And they're together. Now, now he's acting like, you know, now he loves her. Now that she's out.

Wow. I mean, Dave, if I may, men. They have another child on November 1st, 1593. Walter the third. They nicknamed him Watt. Okay. That's what they've been calls him Watt. What? What? Yes. No, I couldn't hear my friend. What? What? Yes. What are you talking about? What? What? God damn it. Walter had not mentioned, like I said, best in letters forever. And he finally does in 1594 when the plague returns because he's worried about her and the new baby. He sends them to separate locations. So in case one gets it, the other one won't die. And baby, you'll live in this barn. Do you understand, baby? Watt, look at your father when he's talking to you. You're nine

months old. You're going to need to cook your own food out here. So now he's an outcast. He has really no chance of reclaiming his past status. So he focuses on, he focuses on exploration. In December 1594, the queen gives Walter permission to quote, offend the king of Spain. So Dave, I want to be granted that permission. I want someone someday to tell me I could, I grant you permission to offend the queen of England. Well, thank you. So he quickly starts planning a journey to South America to find the treasure of El Dorado, the golden city of Manoa. He'll be so offended. Now El Dorado means gilded man or golden one. It was named after a coronation ceremony for kings of the Moisica people in what is

modern day Columbia. Okay. So during the ceremony, the king was covered in gold dust, and then he would dive into a lake. But Dave, yes. Yeah, I want that. So, but the tradition, when it was translated, turned into something else. And the Spanish thought burning man, there's the Spanish thought there was a city paved with gold in the Andes, and they just hadn't found it yet. Oh, dear. So that's quite a, that's quite a, quite a game of telephone there that they, you know what I call that Dave? Religion. Looking for my golden road that don't exist. Religion. So Walter wants a shot at the finding El Dorado. Okay. Best begs him to stay. But he's like, no, there's too much,

there's too much chance of just cash here. So who are you? So Guiana is where he's going. He said, quote, the nobility of Guiana would cover themselves in gold when feasting. So he kind of knows, he kind of knows the reality of it, but he still thinks El Dorado, the whole thing is just so fucked up. So he, he knows of the reality and believes the lore. Yeah, it's, yeah, right. It's weird. So El Dorado is still there for the taking and he hopes the locals would just accept English supremacy. And if not, you know, conquest is the backup. Right. Sure. Oh, the, oh, England. Well, I think once they see us, they'll just give it to us. Hello, we're better than you. Oh, please take everything. We didn't know you guys were from

England. Have everything here. It's ours. Please, please, please. Thank you. Yes, please. And let us know if you need more. Some of this will grow back surely. You are good shit people. Oh, what an honor to be looked at by you, even whether it be down or up, it's still a damn pleasure. Gosh, those people were fantastic. Oh my God, we didn't give them our babies. Please. So he also had a little plan to create his own kingdom called Raleigh, Raleigh Anna, Raleigh Anna. So the ship set off in 1595 and they were in Trinidad on March 22nd. Now he needs to take control of Trinidad from Spain because that it's just a where it's located generally if they want to take gold out of the river in Columbia, then they have to have control

of that. So he tells the Spanish governor there that he had been blown off course and was just sightseeing on his way to help Virginia colonists. It will mainly just be sightseeing, maybe a little pillaging, but really only if I have time. It's a sight reconnaissance information gathering accident thing. Yes, I'm coming. Yeah, I can't wait to see all the great sites of here. Look at that, a body of water. Whoa, now I can die. So Walter attacks, quote, they abode not any fight. No, no, no, do not fight back. He's simply sightseeing. Maybe this man doesn't know how to do it properly, quote, they abode not any fight after a few shot and all being dismissed, but only Barrio and his companion. I brought them

with me aboard and at the instance of the Indians, I set their new city of St. Joseph on fire. What a crazy thing. Imagine writing that like and done. So he burns the Spanish city, slaughters the Spanish and he brings the Spanish governor Barrio on board his ship. Barrio is 74 years old, so now he has a captive and okay. So now Barrio has led expositions down the Oronaco River, which is what they're going to go down. So Walter thinks he'll be helpful. Yeah. So they set down the river. They come across a village after 15 days. Now the locals there prefer the English who are just drunkards compared to the Spanish who were cruel and quote lusty. Sure. Okay. So the next village, they go to Barrio previously executed the chief when

he was there. Oh, this could be awkward. So now it is ruled by a topiary who is over a hundred years old. Oh my God. So the last time they was there, Barrio killed their leader and now they're like, we need some young blood. How about this man is 102. It's like America. Yeah, it seriously is. Oh, no. So I mentioned, oh, well, we could make give it to him. Yeah. Oh, oh. Can you imagine 104 back then 104 back then is like, he's two million. Oh my God. So so he get Walter and this guy get along great. He's my best friend. So the rain is getting worse and worse. It's coming warmer often. So they decided to turn back. They don't have any gold that they were hoping for. They didn't find El Dorado. So he takes the old guy's son with him.

I'm 81. I'm the youngest. And he leaves to English crewman behind. Okay. So the crew. All right. One of them joins the tribe and the other end up being ends up being captured by the Spanish. So once the ship gets out of the river and it's back at sea, Walter sails for Kumana to raid Spanish settlements along the coast. Okay. But that doesn't go well. The first one is four of his men are killed and a bunch of a bunch of dive disease on the ship while looking for the settlements during the raid itself. Walter sat and watched with the Spanish leader of the settlement and haggled over the release of Barrio. Wow. Okay. Because they're very very strange. Well because it's like a game to them like they're of a different class.

Right. So if you're right. Yeah. Exactly. Right. So you're yeah. You're an Amazon worker. Yes. So they're just like well we'll sit and watch this carnage while we discuss gentlemanly how to handle the situation. Now, Barrio, I would love to negotiate to get him back. People are just dying. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. So he returns. So he does trade Barrio for some men and then he returns to England empty handed no gold except he had found pineapples but pineapples had already been found. So right. In England, Walter did his best to talk up Guiana and said there was tons of gold there. Quote, we saw all the hills with stones of golden color and some of the color of silver. So he's

basically saying they could see it from a distance. They couldn't get to it. So they have to go back to get it. So but I mean does that not seem crazy if you like hear that? Are you like because if you're a place with all that gold you don't go get it. Yeah. Oh we were just in the land of all the gold. You know. Oh it was amazing. Oh let me see it. Oh we didn't get it. We're going to go back. We're going to circle back. Oh I spent all weekend at this man's chocolate factory. Willie was his name. Show me some chocolate. Oh I don't have any. So he wants to go back. He says he would load a thousand chips full of gold and bring it back but no one is buying it. Right. Okay. And then he says there's also diamonds and pearls like he's

just saying. And he should point out there's diamonds in the diamonds. Poop pearls. Anybody. So he's getting more and more frustrated. He realizes no one in the Queen's court is going to back him. No one in the government is going to back him. So he sends a friend from university to Guiana to explore the coast to see if he could find better access to the mountains than taking the river. But the guy comes up with nothing. And then he decides to seek out private investors. And he wrote what is considered his most iconic work called quote. Here's the title of the book. The discovery of the large rich and beautiful empire of Guiana with a relation of the great and golden city of Manoa which the Spaniards call El Dorado and the provinces of Amira

Aromia and Ampia and other countries with their rivers adjoining. Yeah. So what year were titles invented. Just some years some guy was like what about a journey inside. I don't know. It must have been amazing when someone realized they could. Yeah. Like the first editor was like it's a little long. Isn't it. What about the golden jungle. Well I would be willing to go with the golden jungle which I explored and was enamored with for a short amount of time until I had to come back to supply up but couldn't find anyone willing enough to bet on me once again. That's why this is the story of Walter's

comeback where he gets all the gold and everyone sees he's laughing at the end but nobody's laughing at him any longer. Plus he gets all the girls. Walter's the man. Walter. And then it'll be a little theme song like Walter. I like it. It's catchy. That's the title. Snappy. Thank you. So the book is a huge hit because Walter is a great writer and because if you read the title you're like I already started the book. I want to see where this goes. Three editions were printed just in 1596. Wow. That's crazy. And it's just his tale of the journey. Some of the best stuff actually never makes it in to the book like how his men were eating an armadillo when two jaguars attacked them. Oh God. Because he makes it. He wants to make it seem like a safe place.

So he leaves awesome shit. Right. So he ends up writing about how they ate an armadillo and just leaves out the jaguar apart. And then to bed. He also spent a lot of time on how awesome pineapples and hammocks were. Man. That is. Isn't it amazing that that has stood the test of time? Hammocks and pineapples still rule. It's fucking great. Yeah. He finished quote. To conclude. Guyana is a country that hath yet her maiden head. To conclude. Guyana is a country that hath yet her maiden head. Never sacked, turned nor wrought. I can't wait to see what happens when she gets her maiden head. Thrusting into Guyana. I went down on her. Gave a maiden head. The threat of Spain against England fighting against England had grown.

The English privateering attacks had been decreasing because Sir Francis Drake in search on Hawkins had died. Spain had attacked two cities in Cornwall and threatened Ireland. Okay. Some, including Walter, believed an attack on Spain was needed. And the Queen finally came around and agreed to attack Cadiz and sent 70,000 men. Walter. Send them to Cadiz to wear Cadiz knots. So you're majesty. Cadiz is a big port, right? So on June 11th, 1596, the English roll in. It's a shit show. The Spanish aren't ready for it, but the Lord Admiral ordered his fully armed men onto boats instead of dropping them at the harbor. So they're so heavy the boats flip

over and a bunch of the soldiers drown. Nice. Perfect. Just how we drew it up. Mission capsize. As far as Walter's concerned, a cannonball hits the deck of his ship. It tears his calf into pieces. The Spanish ships escape. The Armada escapes, which destroying their Armada was the whole fucking goal. Sure. But they still sack the town. And then there's a bunch of merchant ships. The British think they've captured, but then the Spanish set them all on fire. Oh, cool. Okay. Great. Well, so they completely. So the mission was essentially to lose a calf. So the mission was to destroy the Armada and capture the merchant ships. And they fucked up all that. I mean, it was a success in the sense that the merchant ships

are gone and the town is sacked, but the overall goal is not achieved. So upon returning, Walter, once again, is in the Queen's presence. I guess that being a part of this battle and he's, everyone says he acted heroically and all this stuff. So it's also partly because the others, like the Earl of Essex had just fucked up so much during this battle. Okay. So Walter is reinstated as captain of the guard. Okay. It's quite a run. But at this point, his fortune is dwindling. The late 1590s are terrible for everybody in England. Rainy summers, rotted crops, people are starving. Now, Walter and the Earl of Essex plot another attack, this one on the port of Feral and the Azores. Is it Azores or Azores? I think it's Azores.

Azores. A hundred ships set sail, but Walter gets separated from them and he ends up chasing a not real Armada to the Azores. So he thinks he's chasing an Armada, but it's not an Armada. He's also alone basically. Oh God, it's just a Ramada. Oh. So the Earl of Essex chases Walter and catches him and orders him to meet him where they're going to attack another island. Okay. And then, and they don't hit that together. They get split up or whatever. And then when Walter gets to the island, no one's there. Oh, they goofed me. And then his ship is attacked by the people in the town. So he takes and sacks the town. And then afterwards the Earl of Essex is furious. And once Walter court-martialed and put to death for not, for not showing up for

number one, he, he showed him up, but also like he wasn't supposed to do any of it alone. He'd also, he'd also gotten lost. So they're bickering and then the Lord Admiral puts a stop to all of it. And he says, fucking everybody, just cool your jets. And then they go back to London and Elizabeth is pissed, especially at the Earl, Earl of Essex. She's not happy with Walter, but she's really mad at it with the Earl of Essex. Right. So she banishes the Earl of Essex to Ireland. Whatever he's supposed to do there, some sort of battle, he fucks up royally again. And then he's arrested and sentenced to death for treason. Wow. Okay. Now he's super popular with the people and Walter as captain of the guard is at the execution, but the crowd thinks that

Walter is gloating and they're livid. Okay. So he's showboating at the funeral, not the execution. Well, it doesn't sound like he was showboating, but the people just thought he was in the Earl of Essex. Look at him. The Earl of Essex actually stands up and, and is like, no, this guy's good. He's not bad, but people are fucking so mad that Walter has to leave the execution to calm things down so they can execute him. What a crazy situation. I mean, things are so wild. We might not be able to kill a guy out of control. This place is popping. So Walter's finances are getting worse and worse. Both guys overseeing his showborn estate and his Ireland plantation have been swindling him. Okay. So the guy,

the showborn one, he had put in public stocks. He has to sell the Ireland property. And then the worst thing of all happens. Queen Elizabeth dies on March 24th, 1603. And King James takes the throne. Oh boy. Kim James recalls all monopolies. So this monopolies had over 10 and playing cards and all that shit gone. And he gives the captaincy of the guard to a Scott who he trusts. Walter is removed from his governorship of Jersey and is given only 300 pounds compensation. Wow. So he's just like a regular dude now. Yeah. So Walter's still trying to get in. So he's, he's trying to figure a way to get him with the king and he sends the king a strategy for continuing the war with Spain. What he didn't know is that James just wanted peace.

He didn't want, he didn't want to continue the war with Spain. So, so James has bring him for a meeting. James has Walter kicked out of London. Wow. He takes away Durham house and he gives him two weeks to clear out. And a couple of months later, he tries to get it again and he, and he tries to join the king and a noble on a hunt in Windsor forest. But the noble tells, tells Walter that the king not only doesn't want him at the hunt, but he wants the privy council to question Walter for treason. Oh boy. So he's alleged to be part of three plots against the king, which I, from what I've read, are none of them were real. Okay. But they think they were. So the council then arraigns Walter for trial after questioning him. Okay. Now because of the plague, they have to

move it from London to Winchester. And as he's being taken out of the city, a large mob comes out just to jeer Walter because he's the trader who betrayed the Earl of Essex and they just don't like it. Right. So Walter is accused of plotting with his friend Lord Cobham. Hello. Does anyone have any questions? Do you have any ham? Yes, I've got some cobham. I've had ham from a cob. To make it look like I'm pregnant. Yes, that's no problem. Yes, of course, we could easily do that. You'll need to eat a lot of ham, but I've done this before. That's why they call me Cobham. You're Cobham, right? I am. So my father was a corner. My mother was a hogger. I'm Cobham. Your father was a what? A corner. He was in the corn. He would

shuck. He was a shuck. He was a shucker. What they just called corn farmers. No, he's a corner. No. Do you mean corner? No, no, no, no. Like corner of the room. He's a corner. Father was a corner. Mother was a hogger. Gotcha. How did they do it? How did they what? Do what? The sex. Well, he would just give the old ham a bit of a cob, you know? I get it. Yeah. In out, turn the butter move on. You're right. Yes. So he's accused of rebelling and inviting foreign invasion. And the goal was apparently to kill James, his family, and put James cousin on the throne. Okay. Walter was also charged with taking part in the by plot in which the king was going to be captured and forced to relax anti-Catholic legislation.

Okay. And then there's other charges, right? So there's a bunch of charges. So as he's led in a court, once again, a crowd gathers and they jeer. They throw stones. Oh, look at him. He's so smug. They throw stones and pipes at him. Now the trial is a total joke. Walter denies the charges. He isn't allowed to call his main witness. His witness ends up writing a letter attesting to what he had seen and throws it to Walter in the tower by wrapping it around an apple. Things are good. Things are good. Well, it's a twofer because you get the letter and you get to eat an apple. Oh, score a snack. No. Oh, I got an apple letter. So after Walter submits the letter to the court,

the prosecutor forced the witness to write another letter contradicting and put it a banana inside. So but Walter's defense, he's defending himself. He's very eloquent and it's like a class in law, theater and logic. He just blows it all. He's just amazing at it. Right. Right. He forces only accuser to recant, but it didn't matter. The trial was a foregone conclusion. After 15 minutes, the jury declared him guilty. The sentence was gleefully read. Walter was to be hanged, drawn and quartered. Jesus. One of the trial judges later said, quote, the trial injured and degraded the justice of England. Now the public had been watching the trial. It was everybody was into it and Walter won them over through his defense.

Maybe he's not so smug. Maybe we were the ones who actually smugged the whole time. Yeah, he's all right. I'm going to throw a rock at myself. I'm going to hit myself with a pipe. And he also won over many of the royal court people. So I can't stay bad at him. So this is a problem. So the king takes note and his execution is stayed. So Walter's put back in the Tower of London, though. Right. Congratulations. You get to go back to your tower. Apples? Yes. So in jail, he just starts writing. He wrote war with Spain, instructions to his son and his famous history of the world. He became friends with King James neglected wife, Queen Anne, and tutored her son, Henry. So I guess I don't really know

what the tower is because I figured it was just a tower than a cell. But it sounds like he's, you know, meandering about. Yeah, it sounds like he's got the Epstein Tower deal. So King James now needs cash. And one of his advisors suggested Walter's plan to go back to Guyana for gold. Okay. Yeah. On March 19th, 1616, Sir Walter was released from the tower. Preparing for the expedition took over a year. He had to raise 30,000 pounds. So any money he has goes into it. Bess asks her relatives for money. Watt is now 22 years old and was going to go with him on the expedition. And Watt helped find recruits, but he's also a bit of a problem. He's a bit of a wild card. Like at one point at dinner, Watt declared he had visited a local

sex worker. And that's when he found out his dad had had sex with her an hour before him. Oh, my God, that knowledge is disgusting. But to be like, could you pass the bread rolls, please? Also, dad and I finished in the same lady earlier. But can you give me the butter? That's crazy. Oh, yeah, you finished just like your father did. I now know the one thing I don't want to hear after so. My number one. That mixes with your pause. Oh, no, no. I'll call it a speedball. So, so Walter got his official commission on August. Must run in the family. Hey, excuse me, must run in the family. Hey, what? You know, your buttocks shivering during orgasm, just like your dad.

He had a shivering buttock earlier today, right before. So Walter got his official commission on August 26, 1613. Now, in the commission, under print of a law was crossed out. And in place was trusted and well beloved. This was because Walter was still a trader and officially dead. Okay, sure. Sure, sure, sure. Remember, the Spanish really, they really killed Walter supposedly, that was the plan, was as a gesture to the Spanish. Right, right, because he had gone down there and attacked the Spanish. And so it was like a help, help towards making peace, like saying Walter was a man. Right, right.

So they think Walter's dead. The Spanish think he's dead. Uh-oh. He's legally dead. So, so if he harms ship, if he harms any, any Spaniard during the expedition, his life would be forfeit. Okay, so his plan was to go through Spanish territory, dig a mine near a Spanish fort and take gold without getting into a fight and hurting a Spaniard. So he's going to drink their milkshake. That's right. So enlist the help of the French Huguenots who hate Catholics. Right, and our space hugos. They would take care of any fighting part that happened. It's a fucking ridiculous plan. It is a ridiculous plan. Okay, I like what I hear. So a friend of his goes to get the Huguenot ships and bring them back and, but on their way back,

they're captured by pirates. So the friend ends up in a Spanish jail in Madrid and he gives up the plan and the maps. Oh, man. So now the Spanish ambassador it finds out and he is in London and he's upset and he tells the King so and King James then sends the King of Spain, Walter's itinerary. Oh my Lord. So he's just been betrayed. Yeah, total sold them out completely. So even though he's totally betrayed, Walter just still plows on with the plan because I think the plan is still good aside from no secrecy. I think we've got a shot. Have you ever heard of a little thing called believing in yourself?

He renames the ship the destiny. What is put in command? Author A. L. Rouse, quote, the crew were wild eyed scum. His officers were little better. Walter is given a big send off and Plymouth, the mayor and the corporation investing had a banquet in his honor. And then the destiny leaves port on June 12, 1617. It's a very long voyage. He stopped in Kate Verde for fresh meat because 50 of the men were sick. But death still increased. Walter then become becomes so ill he can't write. After 40 days, they arrive in Trinidad. The journey should have taken 12 days. Here, Walter meets one of the crewmen that he had left behind on the previous journey.

Oh, hey. How you been? Well, he can barely speak English now because he's just... Oh, this is the guy who decided to acquiesce, essentially? This is the guy who, they left at the village. They left two guys in the village. Right. And the one guy who goes away and the other guy stays. So it's the guy who stayed at the village, right? But he just picked up their native tongue and he basically doesn't know English anymore. So Walter is too weak to lead the... We call that a reclamation. By the way, that is best case scenario. I'd be like, this is the best. I know. I read that and I was like, yeah, that guy did the right thing.

Yeah. The guy's like, oh, I could just really kind of like the system here seems pretty stable. Who isn't thinking about that with America right now? Yeah. Walter is too weak to lead the expedition up the Orinical River. So he sends a ship. He tells his captains not to attack the Spanish, but instead to put a force between the fort and the mine. So he just wants to put like a group of men between the fort and the mine and then not have any fighting and then just mine the gold and then that... Bouncers. Instead, Watt and a captain immediately attack the Spanish when they get there.

Nice. Good plan. Watt was shot and killed instantly. It's basically a complete disaster. So Walter writes to the Secretary of State to try to cover up the horrible failure as much as he can. But the Secretary of State couldn't read it because the Secretary of State was dead. Okay. He wrote Bess and told her of Watt's death and then he sailed to Newfoundland and then on to Plymouth but stopping in Ireland. So he's going to stop in Ireland first. Okay. He's met in Ireland by Bess and one of his cousins and a vice admiral and the vice admiral is there to arrest him. Okay. Okay. He had made plans to try to escape as they were on the trip to London

but his cousin refused to help him and his servants snitched on him. Okay. So he's really got a tight circle constantly. Then the authorities... I don't know what exactly happened but when he gets to the Tames the authorities who are sort of watching whatever but they allow the vice admiral and him to get on a boat and go down the river in an escape attempt but they also are watching so they know it's not going to happen. It's like a setup. Right. It's like how a cat plays with a mouse. Yeah. And then they stop him after a bit and the vice admiral had basically set him up. So Walter's put back in the Tower of London and he's going to... Hey. Oh.

Now he's going to be executed. Okay. For his execution he dressed really nice, a satin doublet, black embroidered waistcoat, taffeta black breeches and silk stockings, embroidered nightcap and a black velvet cloak. Nightcap is an amazing decision. Amazing decision. Employed. Yeah. I'm the bed wizard. So the yard is packed. Everyone wants to see it. He speaks on the scaffold. He took off his gown and doublet and then asked to see the axe. He said, quote, this is sharp medicine. That will cure all my diseases. Okey-dokey. That's something that you've been sitting in a tower thinking way too much about what to say. Yeah. You feel like meta at this point. You're like, but then they would

think that. So that's why I should look at it and be like, this will cure all my diseases. Perfect, Walter. You've got this baby. Don't forget your nightcap, Walter. There you go. No. Walter put his head on the block and refused a blindfold. He then gave the signal to swing, but the executioner did not swing. So Walter yelled, quote, strike, man, strike. And the executioner did. His head was cut off and it was shown to the crowd. Looky here. Here's the head. I'm alive still. Later that night, Bess came and got his head and took it home. Oh, wow. In a leather bag. She kept it. She had it embalmed and she kept the head in a bag in the cupboard. And when Walter's admirers came, she would show it

to them. That was a different time. Yeah, it is crazy. I mean, in many ways, it's so similar, you know, like because we've never, I mean, that's exactly, it's our foreign policy. I mean, it is not. It's just, yeah, it's just for oil. Yeah. Sources for this. Anna Beer, the book, patriot or traitor, the life and death of Sir Walter Raleigh. And I'll tell you what, I could get down with Tower Life. Tower Life? Yeah. Yeah. You think so? I could. Yeah. If I'm getting Apple letters, I could hang out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. You know what they call the Apple letter, the eye letter. All right, folks, those are the jokes. What a nightmare that was that you just said that joke. Cut that out. No, that's gonna put that up.

I'm gonna put that up top. Yeah, lead with it. I like it. Yeah. See who the real fans are.