The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 462 - Elizabeth Patterson Bonaparte

Episode Date: December 29, 2020

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Elizabeth Patterson BonaparteSourcesTour datesRedbubble Merch

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is a

bi-lingual American History podcast for each week. I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about and just because we're bi-lingual we should point out that we will, we know how to say cucumber. We know, well we know, yeah how to say it because when we see a cucumber and we were both raised here in America and and also when people bring us on their shows to discuss cooking because that's what we do, we also know the names of the items in America because we have, how you say cucumber? Boy, I don't know what's going

on in the Baldwin house this week but you can be sure there's a little voice in the back of Alec Baldwin's head saying, oh my god, who did I marry? What has happened? Okay, disaster! Oh, just the the awesomeness of creating an accent at some point years ago to market yourself and having it take off. Wait, can I just, just as I'm thinking about this through properly, yeah, we shouldn't pick what ancestry you want to have shame. You shouldn't, there's no picking, there's no don't you don't don't shame fake ancestry. We're about to get into the shame wars in the next 10 years and that's yeah the shame wars. Those things

are gonna be crazy. I could see countries fighting over shame. Oh, that'll be great. You are shaming. You have shamed us. We are taking your water. Please don't joke shame. And called it quote, is jam-packed. Jam-packed? I'm the fucking hippo guy! My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not gonna come to Tigglypocket. Okay. And a five-part coefficient. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. No sleep, no hippo. That's like no hippo. Actually, pardon me. Hi, Gary. No, I see you're done, my friend. No, no, no. Ronda, Ronda are in the corn. February 6th, 1785. You have our Lord Jesus Christ. Do we say a prayer at this word? Is that what you usually do during the podcast? No, no, it would be the first time that that had happened. You sure? Yeah, it's just that I pray so

much during the rest of the day. Sure. Well, not here. You don't, won't start. Elizabeth Patterson was born in Baltimore, Maryland to Dorcas and William Patterson. Do you have anything to say right now? What do you want? What do you want? Let me guess. You just lay out the name Dorcas on a silver platter and you just take it and just devour it, do you? You think that I'm so juvenile that I can't hear the name Dorcas and just let it go and just say, hey, so what? So there was a time when calling someone Dorcas was not a put down in a Dungeons and Dragons event. It was the name, it was someone's first name. Sure. Yes, does it sound like the Wizard of Nerds? Sure it does, Dave, but it doesn't mean that I'm just going to sit here and feast upon it because you've laid it before me. Dorcas is a fine name. Have I ever heard it before? No. Does that make it wrong? No. It's just a name. It's Dorcas. It's like Nerdly or Geekson or fucking Dweebis. It's just a Dorcas. That's all it is. It's not, it's not there to be

mocked or worried about. It's just a simple name. So what? You named your son Jerko. Big deal. Move on. They were one of the wealthiest families in Maryland. What was the other one's name? I've completely forgotten it. William. Dorcas is the lady. Lady Dorcas. So, I'm sorry, can I get the name again? I'm William. No, not you, your lovely wife. Oh, this is Dorcas. Hello. This is me. Would you like a book? No, Dorcas. Not now. Maybe they should have a page from a book. No, Dorcas. Settle down now. Settle down. I've got beakers in my socks. Dorcas. So, William was a merchant and property owner. Dorcas had 12 more babies. Okay, it's going to be a thing. No, it's not. Okay. Okay. I can handle a few then. Eight of the babies lived to be adults. That's a pretty good rate. Two thirds made it through. Elizabeth was the eldest daughter. Not much is known about her childhood. She read a lot. She probably was educated to be just like a wife as they were back then. By the time Elizabeth was 18, she was known for her incredible good looks and was one of the most sought after ladies in Baltimore.

Okay. So, she's a full on hottie. She's also very witty and well read. She read a lot. She really wanted fame in a cosmopolitan life. Right? So, she's a rich lady. She wants the fancy city life and wealth. So, in 1803, Jerome Bonaparte came to America. Jerome is Napoleon's brother. Okay. Younger brother. Jerome apart. Okay. Jerome apart. He's a lieutenant in the French Navy. He was also a frivolous youth. A little bit, not as serious as Napoleon would like. He's a reckless, reckless spender. Okay. So, Napoleon grew up poor, but the brother came later and he had a little more money. So, there's a difference between the brothers. Right. Okay. Okay. So, Napoleon sends him to stop a slave revolt in the Caribbean and then he's put on, goes on to Martinique on a patrolling brig. And then in the summer of 1803, Napoleon orders Jerome home. And Jerome doesn't want to go back and be caught by the British just sailing across. So, he decides to go to Virginia first. He's going to do a little sightseeing in America. Okay. Meanwhile, while Napoleon's like, where is Jerome? He's supposed to be home.

That's right. He's taking so long. Once he's there, he goes to DC to ask for money from the French chargé d'affaires, Louis Pechon. Nice, David. And Pechon gives him some money, but tells him to... Excuse me, I'm a French citizen and I'm in need of money. Well, of course, you come to the repress. We are technically a soil of France. Here you go. Here's your money. Run about. Okay. Excuse me. So, run about. Run about? Have a fun. Hello, you're like a spicy meatball. This guy is not French. He keeps hiding in plants and other outfits. So, the chargé d'affaires tells him to travel incognito. He's like, don't make a big fucking thing about this. You're here. Your brother doesn't want you here. Just lay low. Right. I'm French, of course I will. Could they have nine bottles of wine and a whole pig? Lay low, exactly.

So, soon he is dining with President Jefferson in DC. I am so French. I am the best French. I'm having the best time, Tommy J. He is with Aaron Burr in New York, who's the VP. He goes to tons of balls, tons of parties. And after a while, he leaves New York, he goes to Baltimore to catch it. He's finally going to catch a ship to France. But his heart got in the way. He goes to the horse races one day in Baltimore in September 1803. He sees Elizabeth. They just see each other. They don't talk. Just a couple of attractive people see each other across the party or whatever. They don't meet. So, days later, they're in a ball together and they dance together. Something happened where he got like his hair, his ring caught in her hair or something.

Oh, excuse me. This is so awkward. The enormous gem on my pinky ring is fucking their beautiful locks. But she has targeted him. As soon as she saw him, she's like, this guy's my ticket. He's young. He's good looking. He's the brother of the ruler of France. Center of attention wherever he goes. So, she pursues him. Center of attention wherever he goes. Meanwhile, the guy's like, to be clear, the walking orders for you to be very subtle. And here she's pining for you because of how big you go. That cannot be subtle. I am a Frenchman. This is me at four. French, French, French, French, France, France, France, France, France, we are French, French.

So, that's not really normal for the times at all for a woman to pursue a man. Her uncle, Samuel Smith, said her quote, conduct to be abominable as she seemed as anxious to possess drum and when a baby to possess a rattler doll. The wording of that is weird, but basically he's saying she is going after him like the way a baby would go after a rattle, like it's crazy to watch. By the way, that is how any, that's what a man does. That's what you do. 100%. You like someone, get on it. But fortunately for her, she doesn't have a penis and she's not allowed to decide. It's disturbing. It is just a vagina. Her behavior has been just, she has a vagina

and she's been outright clear about who she, I'm sorry, I might be sick again, who she, who she like. Oh, oh, these women, something wrong with them. They are becoming satient. Her parents also tell her not to do that, but she does anyway. She defies them and it works. Screw you, dad, and you too, Dorcas. By the end of October, they're engaged. Wow. Okay. Yeah. So pretty fast. Now her ring is caught in her own hair.

I got that. Pichon tells Elizabeth's family, Jerome cannot get married. Right. So he goes to William and the family. He's like, look, they can't get married because French law doesn't allow it. Anyone who is under 25 has to ask a parent's permission. Oh, wow. So he has to get permission from Napoleon and the family to get married. So the man that she's like, oh, he's just so big and important. He's like, and my love, once I can go talk to mommy and daddy and see they all accept this, then I can come back. But first I have to go play with my mom and dad, my daddy.

Also, Napoleon hears about it and he is fucking pissed. Okay, right. It's not what he said. He was just like, come home. Come home. But you know, he's also an emperor and he wants, he wants to marry to make some familial connection and expand the empire, right? It's not like. And how much land does she have? So then an anonymous letter is sent to William and the letter says that Jerome has ruined women across continents.

Like he just fucks and ruins women. And it also said Jerome was just going to marry her to get some goods, a place to stay. And then he would go off to France and just blow her off. Okay. So William calls the wedding off. He says, that's it. And he sends Elizabeth to Virginia to live with relatives. This only makes her more into Jerome.

The further away is she is the more she makes right. Okay. She says, quote, I would rather be the wife of Jerome Bonaparte for an hour than the wife of any other man for life. Oh, so she is. Yeah. All right. So she's ready. She says she's going to elope like they can't stop her.

Okay. So William gives in. And look, I talked to Dorcas upstairs for a while and we decided you can get married. This way, as long as you figure out what basalt is Dorcas enough. Jesus Christ. Love to marry your mother for an hour. Isn't that a volcanic rock that comes from the lava? Oh my God.

He's perfect. Dorcas relax. Jesus Christ. So William gives in. And one of the reasons he gives in is because he can cut her out of his will. So he agrees not to cut her out of the inheritance. Wait. William says yes because.

Well, one of the things he can do, one of the reasons she needs his permission is because he can't cut her completely out. And he agrees not to cut her out. He says, I will, like they talk about, he says, I'll still keep you in the will and everything. So they get married on Christmas Eve, 1803. This quickly makes her a bit of a celebrity. Okay. They go afterwards, they go to DC and now everyone wants to meet them. They're the fucking hot, hot couple.

Okay. They're written about in all the gossip papers, all the newspapers. So it's good. So when he was like, hey, while you're here, Jerome, keep a low profile. He's like, what if I have the wedding of the year? That's right. Okay. Now she also dresses in a French style, which is pretty rare for this time in America.

It's super scandalous. What does that mean? Does that mean? We'll get to it. Okay. She arrives at her uncle's house, who is the secretary of the Navy for a ball in a sleeveless, backless dress that is super thin. Okay.

Rosalie Calvert wrote, quote, so transparent, you can see the color and shape of her thighs and even more exposed were her, quote, back her bosom, part of her waist and her arms and underneath the rest of her form was visible. So it's basically a very thin see-through dress that she's wearing. Right. I mean, for now, if this, if the time is now, I'm fucking loving it. Like the, the titillation of men at the time period in America must have been through the fucking roof, right?

It's still a puritanical bullshit society. Right. We're talking about like, she's just, she's showing, she's showing it off. Just go off into the work shed to bang their boots at this time. Yeah. And in France, it's not a big deal, right? In France, she's just taking French fashion and wearing it here. Yeah.

But I mean, it's, so it's such a big deal that a mob of young boys have gathered to watch her walk into the ball. Once she's inside a crowd gathers outside and they're looking through the window at the, quote, almost naked woman. So they are just losing their fucking mind. Oh, okay. So. And she's, and again, remember, she is super fucking hot.

This is like a glamour model or something. Right. Of which, in a, which a world in which it doesn't exist. Right. And then she, of all people, you can see part of her bosom. Yeah. So obviously men and boys do the logical thing and they set up camp outside where they can study her and keep an eye on her and watch her and gawk at her.

And really, we're talking about side boob, but back then, side boob is like, you know, just an explosive situation like you make your balls erupt. Yeah. I should try to show you the, her, her wedding gown because it's not actually that scandalous. It's just like, but people are like, Oh my God. You look at it. Let me see if I can do this here. Oh, good Lord.

So that was considered. I mean, that just looks like a smock almost like it's, but not, that is not a revealing dress. But that's, that's a bit scandalous because it's, you know, when it's back lit or whatever you can see through it a bit, I think that's what they're talking about. Right. But still it's just, it just looks like a, like a really. Oh yeah.

It's a dress that's in Los Angeles. I mean, I don't think anywhere you would even know it's all the way down to her ankles. There's a little bit at the top. It's nothing, but her, but again, her arms aren't covered. Right. The arms are out. Like that's a big deal. Oh, look at her elbows.

Dandy, can you imagine getting a nibble on one of those bows? You know what we should do? Stand outside of where she is. But still at this party and where she's going out to parties, it's a lot crazier than that. Right. She's really revealing a lot for the time. Women leave the room. They're so offended.

The women. Goodbye. Good day. Good everything. I'm done. Come on, Dorcas. Famous DC poet Thomas Law was so inspired that he wrote poetry about Elizabeth, though he bagged on her for her clothes, her morals and her lack of Republicanism.

Right. So she's because of her fashion. She's showing an allegiance to France, which is not a democracy. Oh, I've always loved conservative poetry. Correct. That's great stuff. But he added to it when he heard that she wanted to read the poem and he softened it a bit.

Yeah, but there's also the poem makes its way over to Europe and she becomes a little bit of a celebrity in Europe because of the poem. Okay. When Napoleon heard about the marriage, he fucking loses his shit. He said it's not valid because it violated French law. He didn't ask for permission. He orders drone. But he did not ask for mama or pairs permission.

Aren't you in charge of the country? Yes, but still before I do anything, I must ask mummy and daddy. So he orders Jerome to return to France without Elizabeth. Okay. But the newlyweds, they believe once Napoleon meets her while he's going to love her, he's going to think it's great. He's going to be all for it. Right.

Sure. He's 18. He's not much older. They're young. They're not... Right. They're thinking with their hearts. Right.

Which, by the way, you could see through her dress. Yeah. Her heart. After weeks, Elizabeth is a celebrity across the U.S., marrying a bonaparte, wearing revealing dresses, and then there was this new portrait of her that came out. Okay. I got to show you this. A new portrait, not nude.

Yeah. A brand new portrait came out of her, and it just made the fucking world go bananas. She is... Okay. Oh, okay. Sure. I mean, it's a portrait. So honestly, she looks like she's got three heads in it.

She looks like a therapist. Yeah. I mean, it's a three-pictured portrait of her. She's attractive. Yes. But I guess this is it for the time, like you're not getting photographs, so you see a painting, and you're like, whoa, holy shit. Yeah.

This is crazy. The amount of painting beating off. Oh, insane. So it's rare to be a famous woman, particularly in America. There were some, like there's Martha Washington and Dolly Madison, but they were first ladies. Martha is famous just for being famous, which is crazy rare, if it's ever happened. Like, I don't know. So Napoleon threatened to cut off Jerome's cash.

Oh, man, that was... Part of me was hoping you were going to say penis. I don't know why. I just... Well, you're naughty. His brother, Jerome's brother, says, look, you should just become an American citizen. That's how fucking mad Napoleon is. You know that you have fucked up when someone is like, it's just better for you to never

come home. Like, just be American. You should just be a different country guy. That's how I think this is going. Just don't forget everyone you know and like and all the things you're familiar with in your stuff, just because he's past. Listen, listen, Gareth, regarding the situation with your dad, I think you should become a Hungarian.

Okay. Great. That's easier. That's better. That's better. That's easier. I don't think talking out is going to work. I think just be a whole different, you know, person.

You know what I'm going to give him? I'm going to hand him a, how do you say, a cucumber. So he considers it, but Elizabeth's like, absolutely not. I want to live in Europe. That's my whole fucking jam. No, he doesn't. He's like, apparently Napoleon is very, I write and make more sense for me to potentially not go back.

Not go, but what do you do? The whole thing is that I could go to Europe. Why do you think I'm so dressed like this? I'm ready for Europe. Yes. Okay. I knew you'd come around in May, 1804, Napoleon declares himself emperor. Soon after the couple learns that Jerome is not part of the line of succession, they

still think that if Napoleon meets her, he'll come around. They're like, well, she is so awesome. And she thinks I'm so awesome that once he meets me, he sees us together in the room like everyone else. He will be hypnotized. Yeah. So the newly, just think of what happened with Dorcas. So they're still your stupid, your stupid mother.

They're still traveling around and the US, they go to New York, they go to Philadelphia, people throwing parties for them everywhere. And that might be why she thinks Napoleon will love her because she's a fucking celebrity at this point. Right. Yeah. She's in the spotlight. She's carefully picking her clothes, wearing revealing French fashion, thin fabric that

literally clings to her. Her dress is, quote, disgusted the admirers, even of the naked figure. What? That's not possible. That's what the prudes think. You know, I really like naked people, but if they wear a shirt that I can see through, that's fucking porn. Well, that's what, you know, that's what the American, you know, prudes think.

So look, all the quotes from this are from Charlene Boyer, Lewis's book, Elizabeth Patterson Bonaparte, an American aristocrat in the early republic. So they try to go to France now. Now they're trying to get to France. They try to go three times in the eight to four, but they get pushed back by storms. There's a British ship. They're worried. So they can't get there.

Napoleon tells his minister in the US not to talk to Elizabeth at all and to send Jerome on a ship alone. He doesn't want her coming. He also goes to the Pope and asks the Pope to annul the marriage. It sounds a little bit like the Trump election scenario right now, you know, listen to Mr. Pope. I have a favor to ask of you. So you have a paper request.

So can we wrap up the marriage? I'm sorry. What it is with the question with that now we'll start talking in Italian accent because you're doing. Okay. I can talk to friends. Let me do that. Can you ask, can you just wipe the marriage off?

You're getting a very closer to my accent now. Just to wrap it up and like a meatball. I knew it was a him. It's always that it's no, it would be like this, it would be like, excuse me, your excellency is lipo. It is so important to me that, you know, there's so many things that God works in such mysterious ways. Yes, indeed he does.

He's the Lord that works so mysteriously. Most of the times I sit up here and I think, wow, how is it that I'm the only person who can talk to you? Yes. Well, not to bore you, but do you think you could talk to God about killing my brother's wife? Is that cool? Would he like entertain some sort of scenario on that way?

So it sounds like Napoleon lied to the Pope and was like they got married by Protestants when the Pope checks it out and he finds out that a high bishop, Catholic bishop married them and he's like, yeah, no, I'm not going to lie to the Pope. The whole that's like, you can go there with a dumb request, but you can't start like like, I mean, Jesus Christ, he's fucking, he's Napoleon that still don't go to the Pope's home and be like, there's some bullshit. Yeah. I mean, that just shows you how Napoleon probably did not believe in God because he would think

he would be like, that's not a good place to lie. That's right. That's like God's son. So the Pope finds out the Pope is not going to know it. This causes a huge fissure between the Pope and Napoleon. Now they're fucking, now they're having issues. So they'll never form into the Napoleon figure we want. Well, yeah.

We want it, but, but look, you know, that just shows like this marriage is already causing fucking world ramifications, right? Right. Right. So Napoleon has the French state declare the marriage invalid. Okay. So Jerome and Elizabeth are getting starting to get very concerned. Her brother is in France and he, he writes her and says, look, you might be arrested

if you come here. That's how upset Napoleon is and everybody knows it, but she's still determined to go. She's like, well, if he meets me, it'll be, it'll be great. What is she doing? No. So they take an American, wouldn't it be great to have that level of self confidence to believe in yourself on that level? Yeah.

Look, if I can just get in a room with the emperor who loads me, he'll come around. It's just such a celebrity. He's like creating international law, but it's me, daughter of Dorcas. It's just such a celebrity mindset. Like, well, it just has to see me. Once he sees me, then he'll recognize I'm perfect. You know what I'll do? I will sing imagine with my buddies on a video.

Imagine. That would be the best thing if she went into the Napoleon's room. Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try. What is this? No hell below us. Get her out of here above us, only sky, rip our arms off the arms that I can see coming through her dress.

Imagine there's no heaven killer. Stop her now. Stop her right now. Get the guillotine out. See if you try. Oh, my God. Rip her arms off. Oh, God.

Throw her to the dogs. Ah, ah, ah. Jesus. Jesus. Fucking Christ. Okay. So, uh, so the next let's kill the pope. So they end up taking an American merchant ship instead of French ships in March, 1805.

That'll be safe. They're joined on the trip by one of Elizabeth's friends. They have some employees there, a doctor, because Elizabeth is now five months pregnant. Oh, boy. And they also had a baboon that Jerome had purchased. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Keep going, bud. No worries about this situation or, no, no, obviously, it's a normal trip. It's just so, so they just took an American ship to avoid any trouble. And, um, and yeah, and then they brought the regular amount of supplies, a doctor, because she's pregnant, a wild baboon, and a friend. Yep. Okay. Just the normal stuff.

So who will be joining us? A doctor, my friend Sheila, and a baboon. Okay. Yeah, great. Yeah, great. That's great. He is a little hard to understand or his attitude fluctuates a lot, um, and he hates water.

Well, that could be, yeah, as he sees it, he freaks out, he hates it. It could be, you see how fast he is? I don't know what it means when he runs by us at that speed, but I think it, to me, it feels territorial, but Jerome tells me that I'm just the warrior. I just, I'm the daughter of Dorcas, but I would say that some of this stuff is troubling, for sure. But anyway, so Jerome and I get the master, and then you and the baboon and the doctor are going to be downstairs.

Um, that's where you, oh God, I'm sorry, I'm just seeing the doctor's bloodied legs in the bottom of the boat here. So I don't know what, I know it's just him and the baboon down there. I wouldn't even pick a bed, let the baboon just lay and then go in another one. I think that's what the doctor's problem was. So that's good though. There's more food because we don't have the doctor anymore. It's just me, Jerome, you and the baboon.

Can you hear my dog barking? No. No. Cause it's also dogs. So they arrive in Lisbon 21 days later, the French emissary comes down and Dave, am I going to hear any more about the baboon? No, that's it. Okay.

It's all I need. I'm happy. I just obviously would love more, but I'm happy. He says, uh, they, uh, he meets the ship and he says, you can't get off the ship to Elizabeth quote Elizabeth, this is Elizabeth's response quote, tell your master that madam a Bonaparte is ambitious and demands her rights as a member of the Imperial family. That is the message that she sends to a hot eight. This is such a hot 18 year old fucking speed.

She tells that to this guy to go tell the fucking emperor of France who we all know. He, he kind of takes shit out on people. He gets, yeah, he gets aggressive. He's aggressive. So, uh, and she tells him to, she basically is like, this is a direct fuck off to Napoleon. Will you tell him directly to fuck off from me? Listen, once I get in that room, he's going to lose his mind. Get me in the room.

I'm telling you. Get me in the room. Yeah. Yeah. She's an actress. They do, they do get off the ship in Lisbon, they go sightseeing for three days. And then they do that until some men come and take your own prisoner, some men sent by Napoleon.

Okay. So, uh, uh, so everything's going according to plan now she's trapped in Lisbon with a baboon. She's just pregnant with a baboon. Oh, I know he'll be back soon as he's being taken away. They tell, he tells Elizabeth to, to go to take the ship to Amsterdam, uh, where she can have the kid if, if he can't smooth it over with Napoleon in time. But if possible, hold it until I'm back.

So this, this all increases her celebrity now in America, this is all being followed by all, all the press, even in small towns, they are now reading this in little tiny town newspapers. They are reading this. Y'all hear about Elizabeth, the baboon and Jerome. I think she's in a pickle or how you say, um, cucumber. So it's every move is being followed. When they get to Amsterdam, Napoleon, how has the ship surrounded by gunships?

And now they, now they aren't allowed to go on land in Amsterdam or leave the ship. Okay. At all. The ship can't leave. They can't leave the ship. It's just right. So, so, so she just lives on a ship now with a baboon. That's cool too.

And no one can bring anything to the ship. So eight days go by, they're running out of food. Oh, oh, oh. So the American console gets involved and they have a discussion with Napoleon and the ship is allowed to leave. So they sail to England. Okay. And when she gets to England, there are just tons of people waiting for her on shore at

the Dwarf forever, uh, she's a celebrity there already, right? So her baby Jerome Napoleon Bonaparte is born on July 7th, 1805 in London. Swap those names to kiss ass a little more. Yeah. Napoleon Jerome. I mean, really kissing ass. I would have named him Napoleon Bonaparte first, but that might have been over the top. So that kid's a British citizen because he was born in England, right?

She names him bow that his nickname is bow, uh, as in Bonaparte. Get it? Right? Yeah. The English press follows her every move. In France, Jerome is forced to write a letter of apology to Napoleon to renounce his marriage and, uh, he's put back in the French Navy. So he's really handled, he's really stood his ground.

Yeah. He really, he really did a number on back down. No. You understand? She's everything to me. I'm going to tell you right now you will renounce the marriage and get back into the French Navy. I mean, yes.

Okay. Cool. Yes. We, who was someone, someone let her know that our life together is over. I love her. And goodbye. Tell her, tell her Napoleon is actively now seeking a bride for Jerome and Jerome this whole time though is still writing her romantic letters like everything's fine.

Oh God. He's just, he's, he is a dude. He is a man. Uh, no, I wouldn't say that he didn't take it well, but it could have gone better. But I think a little bit of time and he would, uh, thought, you know, he'd be fine. I'm thinking about your thighs. Yes. Oh, do you mind if we have a dirty letter session?

Oh, I'm so hard right now. She's right back as soon as you can, because my God, am I ready to bang you? Six weeks later. Oh, yes. Finally she replied. Oh, my cock has been pasting a hole through my shorts. I have been rock hard for months. Uh, you're getting it.

So it's, but months go by, right? It's November and he hasn't come to see his kid. She hears the rumors out of France, so she bails. She bails. She gets, she gets, she just gives up. She has no more hope that it's going to work. She's just like, well, this isn't fucking happening. So she, she goes back to America.

She said she would now live a life of quote suffering and on we that's not, I mean, that should be nobody's goal. No, I'm going to go back to suffer. So Americans delight in her fail, like her fall, like they just love the idea that this is happening. Right. She's a celebrity for being a celebrity. We love to see those people crash and burn.

Yes. Yes. She hides for a year and then she comes out. She goes back into public life. She comes out and back in her revealing dresses. Okay. At the same time in France, drum and Napoleon reach a deal. He is going to divorce Elizabeth in exchange for being made an admiral.

So it's a great, it's a great move for, it's a great move for him. All right. Get divorced. You can be an admiral. Yep. Deal. Yep. I'll shake on that.

That sounds pretty good. Oh, we. In August 1807, he marries Princess Catherine in Wuttenberg. US newspapers immediately labeled drum a bigamist. This press takes her side because she's an American and he's French and also the bonaparts are low born. So the rich people in America like look down on the bonaparts. Why?

Wait, why? Because they were low born. He wasn't, he was, I think there's a, they're from a low noble Italian family, but, but he was poor and he came up from through the military through nothing. New money. Yeah. New money. And yet her last name does give her prestige in DC.

So it's just complicated, just bullshit thing, right? She's still using Bonapart. She is. Of course. Right. Also many believe Napoleon would take care of Beau's future. She hasn't baptized Catholic to try to make, so she's trying to still take steps to make her son in with the family.

Listen to him laugh. Hold on. See? See? He's got your laugh, honey. There. See? He does that when I take under his little chair.

He sounds like a 45 year old man, but that's a baby. Well, he smokes. See that? That's the smokers laugh we always wanted. I got him to do it. He's just like you. So she hasn't baptized Catholic, which is Bonapart through Napoleon's religion. In 1808, a letter comes from Jerome, who's now the king of Westphalia.

I thought you're going to say Westphalia. He offers to have her sent Beau over so the boy would have the quote brilliant destiny reserved for him and brought up in the rank which belongs to him. So he's offering this kid will have a title and wealth to send the boy. No plus one. Send the boy. Send the boy. So Elizabeth says, no, instead, she reaches out to Napoleon.

Hmm. Counter. I like it. Elizabeth Napoleon start communicating through the French minister in the U.S. Don't you fucking dare. Napoleon is impressed by her. Napoleon's like, well, she's very, she's not like other U.S. women. She's very forward with what she wants.

She's very. That's what I was telling you. I've got feelings for her. She's smart. She's really, she also knows how to play dudes. Like she knows when to take it down, take it up. So she tries to get Beau the title of Prince. So she's working it.

Napoleon offers 12 grand a year in American money until she could come live in Europe. The title Duchess of Oldenburg is discussed for her, but nothing is settled on. But then some American papers are learning of this and they start referring to her as the Duchess of Baltimore. Okay. Okay. Jerome finds out and he ups his offer. Wait, Jerome finds out that she's being called.

She's talking to, she's talking to Napoleon about titles and money. Uh-huh. And what is his? He ups his offer. And what? He's gonna up his offer. He says he will bring her over to Westphalia. She will get her own house.

The title Princess of Snalcandan, which isn't even a place now, and 40,000 a year. She could visit, she could visit Beau twice a month. So it's dueling. It's dueling offers for titles and money and, and, and it's between Napoleon and Jerome are now in a shark tanky and bidding war with her, who they, who Napoleon originally did not want to see her. And now he's like, please stop listening to my brother's foolish offers. But no, like, sir, I think he's impressed that she doesn't fucking back down and it's

just like, I want what I want, right? But then she passes on Jerome's offer. She says the, uh, Snalcandan title is too small. She called it quote abject and shameful and not quite large enough to hold two Queens. So she's like that place because essentially the kingdom of Snalcandan, which he's calling it, it's just a city. And she's like, no, I'm not a city lady. I am if I'm a country lady, like I get a whole country.

Meanwhile, it's like you literally are just somebody who now has all this power for some reason. Like, yeah, I'm not, uh, I didn't get involved in this life to be a princess. Well, what, you don't do anything yet. So what is it? I'm sorry. Your leverage is where? So she, uh, she agrees to Napoleon's terms, but says she wants a house in a, in France

and a title. So the French vice consul of New Orleans is then sent by Napoleon to watch over Elizabeth and Beau. He moves in the house with them and he was to quote, eat at the same table and in a word never leave Madame and her son, except when propriety requires it. So besides getting dressed and fucking taken a bath, he is always to be with them. Hello, I am your rented husband. Hello.

I will not do anything. And I understand to not watch you pee or poo or base outside of that. I will be here always. No, no, I, yes, this is my job. No, I just, yes, I'm with you now. No, I want to, I want, I want a title. Do you want to have supper? What are you going to do next?

Yes. Are you like duchess or princess or something like that? I didn't want to dude. Well, and while those terms are worked out, I will be here for you. Now what were you going to, what were you going to do next? We can do together. I didn't. Okay.

I was, what were you going to do next? And then you tell me and then we will do it together. I was going to put on this dress and walk around. Oh, well, I can't be there for the putting on part. So do that in your own quarters. And then when you come out, I walk around with you. Okay. That's amazing.

I'm more naked when I'm in the dress than when I'm out of it. Okay. Well then to be fair, I'll stand outside of your home when you wear the dress. So okay, but I will never leave your side and check when you're changing or wearing that dress in particular. Okay. So I'll be out front. If you need me.

I don't. Okay. So Elizabeth is always, always saying how lame America is. She believes in monarchies, she hates the increasing democratization of America. She thought America was insipid, stagnant and lacked quote, imagination, feeling, taste and intelligence compared to Europe. She needs a podcast. It's just, yeah, it's just a way of saying shithole.

Yeah. Right. More and more federalists become concerned. So there's the Republicans and the federalists, federalists are a little more conservative. By 1810, some of the most powerful men in the US were firmly against Elizabeth. They thought she was influenced by aristocrats and royals and was actually a threat to American survival. So she's making connections with Napoleon and they're like, no, this is fucking bad.

Right. She's, and dressing in French fashion wasn't cosmopolitan to them. It was suspicious. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. She also had spent a lot of money to look like she was a bonaparte.

She had a fancy carriage built with the Bonaparte's family crest on it. Oh boy. She dressed her servants in quote, drab colored cloth with scarlet trimmings. Her home is full of stuff. Jerome had bought her that looked like it should be in a palace. So her house has gilded Louis the 14th armchairs, a marble top writing table, silver plated chest, a 200 piece dinner set, a mahogany and brass travel bidet with a silver plated basin. She's now dressing like a queen.

She's wearing travel bidet Dave. We got it. We can't. What an amazing. A travel. And obviously like was just like foot peddling like water in her. Yeah. Excuse me.

I need to have another cleaning. Oh, of course, ma'am. Excuse me, just get that the apparatus and one, two, three, four. Oh, that's better. Oh, your madam made a boom, boom. All right. No worries. Yeah.

I mean, servants. Don't forget your travel bidet, miss. She's now dressing like a queen. She is wearing tiaras that are encrusted with jewels and just tons of jewelry. She's, she's like, it's more than just a leaning into this. Like she's perpetuating the appearance that she is royalty as well. Like she, I mean, I think most people would probably, you know, want to, if you could. Yeah.

I mean, obviously you want to lean into that, but, you know, it's a little weird. Kind of this newspaper's panic, one wrote, it would lead to Napoleon taking back Louisiana and quote, the little limb of the French royalty at Baltimore would reign as the emperor of the West. So they think that Bo is going to become a fucking emperor in America. Yeah. He'll change it to Baltimore now. And quote, all of America would fall into monocarchical tyranny.

So a monarchy, federalists were convinced a young Bo was destined to become a king or even Napoleon's successor. And Bo at this point is what, two years old? If that. Yeah. So they're just like, the future is going to be fucked because of this baby. Like they're living the golden child, essentially. Oh, he's baby four now, actually, I think about it.

But still, they're like, yeah, it's not anything to be worried about. But again, you know, that's what a monarchy is, right? These little kids get tons of power and it's crazy. They actually do mean something. It actually is problematic. So whatever. But the federalists are fucking out of their goddamn minds. So again, but America is also, it's on shaky ground as far as democracy at this point.

It's not like it's solid. Like once it's set, it's set. It's not like today, France had a France had a their revolution and now they have an emperor. So it's it is like, you know, so federalists in Congress responded to this. Senator Timothy Pickering said, quote, the member of the imperial family and his mother pose a threat to Republican government. He was sure Napoleon had, quote, already contemplated the erection of a throne in Washington on

which his nephew is to be placed. Of course. It's not absurd to think that Napoleon already has blueprints and throne dimensions. He's making a chair. He's making a fucking chair right now. Look, some of our intelligence that we've just gathered shows us that there are chair making factories in France. It's a goddamn fancy chair out to one for a really important guy.

All right, relax. It's Jules on it. It's made of gold. Don't make me say the word. We should not be calling it a it's a throne. It's a really good. It's a really good chair. It's a really, really good chair.

It's a throne and I don't know why we don't want to toss that term around because it's a chair. It's a nice chair. It's just I think we're really splitting chair hairs, OK, but he's making, OK, look, some will call it a throne. Some will call it a chair. We tried to work this out on the carriage right over here. We should have figured that out.

We didn't. What we're going to call it is, at minimum, a really nice chair. It's a really nice chair. It's a maximum. It's a throne. OK, so don't know why that is such a trigger point for some of us, but we'll just plow through. Why?

Why? Why is there a throne here? Why is there a throne here? Don't. Don't. What do you mean? What are you talking about? It's a boy throne.

It's it. Yes. It's it. Fuck. The whole thing is fucked. The whole thing is fucked. We agree on the conclusion we need to drop an atomic bomb on France. Thank you.

So even Republicans join them after a while because the uncles of Elizabeth, once a senator, once a secretary of state, and they now want to put distance between themselves and Elizabeth. So now they're doing the democratic thing where they're like lightning rod. We don't really believe in this, but Jesus Christ, she's causing so many problems. Let's back off of what we believe in. So January 10, January 18, 1810, Republican Senator Philip Reed of Maryland introduced a resolution calling for an amendment to the Constitution that became known as the Titles of Nobility Amendment.

Part of this was that one could lose their citizenship if they took a royal title. I would just picture Rand Paul being really in the mix of this. Now some historians say that they said nothing to do with Elizabeth, but there are letters written by congressmen who explicitly say it's about Elizabeth. Because of her. Yeah. That does not surprise me at all. Yeah.

But there's controversy about it. So it's passed, but it's supposed to be ratified by the states. The way it works if we have amendment to our Constitution is Congress passes it and then each state has to a certain number of states, two thirds have to agree to it and then it becomes an amendment to the Constitution, which is why that will never happen again. That's why when people say, well, why is your electoral college so stupid? Why don't you change it? And we're like, we can't.

We can't because it's so many states. We'll never have two thirds of the states in this country believing something rational ever. So Elizabeth is just, this doesn't slow her down at all. While the amendment is being debated in Congress and in the states, she's going to important DC parties and balls dressing the same. Dolly Madison, who is like the top tippy top of DC society sticks by her side. Catherine Mitchell wrote her sister that Elizabeth dress quote exposed so much of her bosom and

laid bare her back nearly halfway down to the bottom of her waist. The state of nudity in which she appeared attracted the attention of the gentlemen. For I saw several of them take a look at her bubby's when they were conversing with her. You mean her old Jewish grandmothers? So dudes are checking out the boobies. Yeah. So other ladies are noticing, right? Which is great.

I can. I can only imagine. She's she's showing side boo. Let's all just have, let's all be honest. Check it out. She likes it. She likes it. It's all good.

I just can't imagine. I can't imagine what seeing like because I remember like when AOL was first coming out and like I remember when my friends and I were downloading and it wasn't an actual topless picture. But when we were waiting for the picture of Tiffany and the feast and to fully download. People don't know it would take like a minute for a picture to come down. It would take two. It would take two minutes and it was just like watching and you would be watching like

strip by strip getting lower and lower closer and and that seemed like we were launching rockets. So I can't imagine if you were like actually just had the opportunity in public to see a boob and then be like able to see it and be like what it would do. I mean, these guys were probably like jumping out of windows. Yeah. I mean, it must have been crazy. She also had Bo start going to balls when he was eight years old to learn gentlemanly

manners to prepare him for his future life when he is a titled European aristocrat. Sure. Obviously. She worried from the time he was a baby constantly about who he would marry. Wow. There you go. That's amazing. It was the focus of her life for years.

Oh boy. A friend. Lucky. Lucky Bo. That's going to be fun. A list quote of the different princesses who would be available for him to marry. So she is baby matchmaking him. She's finding all of the royals all around Europe who are of age to marry him when they're

babies and trying to figure it out. I do. Baby matchmaking. I do that with shit. Yeah, you've got to. Yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah, keep up with this.

No, that's great. I arranged marriages, people find her weird, but I've never found it weird if you've arranged it since they were babies. That's right. I mean, I live in La Crescenta, so we're trying to match them up with someone in Tonga so we can bring together those two communities. That's great. Yeah.

Get some livestock. Yeah. A couple of horses, maybe a donkey. Right. Now, War of 1812 is on. It seems like the British are going to SAC DC, which they eventually do. So Elizabeth rushes from Baltimore to DC to save her wardrobe. She makes a trip, puts her life in danger to save that wardrobe.

At the end of 1812, five years after Jerome has remarried, Elizabeth petitions the Maryland House of Delegates for a formal divorce. So divorces are not handled in court at this point. The state government body, the legislature of each state has to decide whether or not you can get divorced. So you have to have a bill passed by the legislature saying you're divorced. In the state. In any state.

Yeah. Right. Okay. And she pushes for a full divorce. There's a different kind of divorce. I think it's called on-broad or something, but it's a lesser option where they don't give you a full divorce. You're still married, but live separately in different houses, but you're still...

It's a financial thing. It's what my parents did. It's what my parents did to me when I was seven. They sat me down for the most bizarre conversation, which was like a divorce conversation, but then veiled and like, no, we're still together. We just have different homes. And I'm like, okay, this'll be fine. And I'll turn out fine.

No, you're fine. You're only a comedian. Yeah. That's not a weird thing at all. That turned out great. That should have been what I said right when they ended it when I was seven. Well, I'm getting into comedy. So Elizabeth wants to be fully divorced.

That's what she's pushing for with her petition because of finances. She could then buy property if she's fully divorced. If she's not, if she gets the other kind, she can't. So Federalist opposed it, but it passed the House 43 to 31. Then it goes to the Senate and then the... You're voting against the woman's divorce. I just know I can't fight for this pork barrel. Oh, there's a bridge in Alaska being built.

How'd that get in here? By the way, that's exactly what ended up happening, right? They were like, it's a divorce bill, but in it, we're also putting some construction budget money and then a little aid to Israel. How is there $500 million in here for the Navy? Well, it's, you know, God, writing bills is such a strange thing that for some reason has become so convoluted you can't make heads or tails of it. Don't know why.

But anyway, the divorce bill is now mainly a militaristic act. It passes. The governor signs it. She's officially divorced on January 2nd, 1813. We signed into law that Elizabeth is divorced. Keep that pen, sweetheart, and here's one for you too, guy. We're a very normal country. Everything's fine here.

We've just signed a woman's end of relationship law. Geez, this woman is now free to have sex with others? This is a woman who can now be single, only took a government intervention. It's no problem. I don't know why women are angry. I don't understand it. Sometimes it's funny because I think a lot of people would say we make life tough on women.

See, a bipartisanship law come together to grant her a divorce. It really shows you how well the system's working. I don't know why they're angry when it only took 100 men to agree and vote on the fact that she could leave her husband. What's the big deal? I think what we're overlooking is how progressive the men are to acknowledge that this woman had a non-incorrect thought. Now, I'm going to try to banger.

So it's customary. The tradition is that you go into seclusion after your divorce. Not Elizabeth. Elizabeth just started throwing. Obviously. You're totally damaged and useless to society. Go hide in the shadows, woman. And here's your grave.

I'd get in it now if I were you. This house for spoiled women is over there. And here you go to the island of misfit toys. Elizabeth does not do that. She throws parties. Okay. Good. Good.

And now, 1814 is a rough year. Her little sister, 16, dies. Her younger brother dies. And her mom dies. So. Dorcuses. RIP to Dorcus. Sorry.

Dorcus. As the eldest daughter, when the mother dies, the eldest daughter is supposed to move in with the father and take care of him in the house. Okay. What a good custom. Well, your mom's gone. So your life's gone too. Can you believe two lives ended yesterday?

Sorry about that. Your mom's and yours. So anyway, you're now my daughter's wife and you'll do all my things. Am I supposed to do my own dishes? What am I? I don't know how to do that. I don't have a woman's mind. Jesus Christ.

How would I figure that out? That's a task. Now Elizabeth thought this was bullshit and she did not do it. She's like, fuck off. That's fucking horseshit. It's also great when like these things are really only implied. So it just takes one person to just kind of be like, uh, yeah, no, I'm not going to do that.

Yeah, fuck that. No. And everyone's like, well. Those are the rules. But historical precedence, historical precedence. Do we kill her? What do we supposed to do? What we're going to do is we're going to come together again as a congress and figure out

an Elizabeth law. The only thing that makes sense. Gentlemen, if one Elizabeth escapes from the doing dishes rule, it's a slippery slope to say the least. Let's not go there. Let's just get to billing. So what she does is she decides to go back to Europe. Okay.

She's trying to find Bo a bride. And Bo at this point is how old is she? He's around nine. She leaves him behind. Okay. Okay. So she brings letters, yeah, she brings letters introduction from all of her rich American friends to European counterparts.

Napoleon is in power when she set sail in early June, but then he is. So Napoleon has lost basically he's, he's, he starts a war, loses the war. He gets, he then the, the, I think it's the allies kick him out. He is put on an island. That's right. He's supposed to live on his life on an island. He escapes from the island. He comes back is emperor again.

So the 1815 is a crazy fucking year. So he's in charge for know that that's, that's amazing. Oh, Napoleon, there's actually a podcast about Napoleon, the age of Napoleon and, but it's fucking great. The age of Napoleon is the podcast. And so he comes back and is now emperor again for a very brief period because then Waterloo comes, he is defeated again by the allies and now he's, he's ab, abdicated the throne. He's gone on June 18th.

He's out. So she set sail and he's emperor. She lands in England. He's not emperor. So she goes to Liverpool. She changes her name, Patterson, that's where you're going to find the bride. That's where you're going to find his, his princess. No doubt.

Yeah. A Liverpool. Why not Manchester? Sorry, Scousers, but come on. Um, Patterson, her last name is Patterson, but everyone's still calling her Madame Bonaparte, regardless of his change her name. Elizabeth quickly falls in. She's very well liked in European circles.

All the fancy people love her. The Duke of Wellington gives her a little dog that she names Napoleon. What a weird, that's not a compliment. This little yapping shit that has to do what I say, it's you. He Napoleon is exiled to an island, uh, St. Helena, Helena, uh, uh, in August. Elizabeth is warned that if she goes to Paris, the police are watching out for her, but she goes anyway. She's like, fuck it.

I don't care. Wow. She gets there. They love her. The aristocrats love her. The famous peeps love her. Fortunately, we're going to have to put this woman under arrest for knowing how to dress. My God, sister.

You look unbelievable. Sad, the boob, a red, the side of the boom, a bell. Okay. Uh, during her time of Europe, she became even more convinced monarchies are superior to republics. What a lesson. Her tip. Her shit talking about America goes up a notch.

She said her dog a loop was happier in Europe where quote, he had been used to drawing rooms and fine ladies and too much attention than in Baltimore, where he found only cold floors and black faces in the kitchen that must have frightened him. Did I mention that she's an incredible racist? No. Um, but she's an incredible racist. I don't have to anymore.

But she's also an elitist. So it makes sense that she would be a racist. Can you be an elitist without being a racist? It's probably pretty hard. It's a tough question. Those things really hand in hand. Yeah. Uh, okay.

So. All right. Okay. Good to know. Good to know. She told her sister in law, quote, I hate, I abhor America. I can never exist there. So she's in France, she's loving it, uh, being incredibly hot, smart and witty men.

Men censor divorce constantly proposing to her like tons of men into her proposing to her. Uh, it never stopped after doors. Elizabeth believed women were more accepted as intellectual equals in France instead of just ornaments like in America, women in America, uh, we're just meant to be wives and mothers, but here there's, I mean, look legally, there's probably not a big difference but socially they're, at least in the aristocrats circles, she's treated, they, they respect her mind.

They, they like what she has to say. Right. And she in turn learns and goes, Oh, well, it's nice to like understand that these, you know, kind of the echelon of what the way that people view your status based on how you look or appear is so insignificant compared to the character. Of course that is unless you are black to her and again, remember these are all rich douchebags. So right.

Yeah. Right. So she did not say this publicly about women. She only wrote it in letters to family. She called America, the American situation simply too hopeless. She also turned out to be a very, very good business woman. She'd taken the money that Napoleon had given her over that time and I think it still came all the way through because it was coming through in the government.

So I think it even came until they stopped it all the way through 1815. Okay. So she took it all and she invested. She's living off of interest payments on bonds, dividends from stock and rent from her properties. In 1825, her uncle Samuel Smith said she was worth a hundred thousand. She's an early investor in railroads in Baltimore. She owns houses, shops, warehouses, a factory and a wharf. By 1830.

She's got wharf money. She's got wharf money. By 1830, the money from her estate, just owning and whatever, is bringing her an income of 5,000 a year, which is about 140K a year today. So she's just living off of the money. Just off of that. Right. This is why capitalism is bad.

So she moved to Geneva and in 1819, she brought Bo over to go to school. So he's around 14. He learned all the stuff a nobleman needs, dancing, fencing, writing, all the important stuff. All the subjects that will behoove you in a life no matter which way you decide to pursue it. But he's been raised as an American. So he's not really into the European lifestyle.

He doesn't like the food. He just likes a nice fucking steak. He's very American. Bo. Right. Meanwhile, his mother has been searching for his princess. It's all she's doing. That's why she's really there in the first place.

She's pretty much sacrificed her relationship and life with him to find the princess for him. Well, she blew it. She blew there, and I think she figured he'd be better off with his family in America because... But she forgot that they were Americans. She wouldn't have the time to spend with them because she had a network. But yeah, she forgot that they're Americans. So I think she thought that...

Hi, Ma. How you doing? Man, I'm down for a burger. Hold on. So Jerome's sister, Jerome Bo's dad, her ex-husband, has a sister, Napoleon, a princess Pauline, Napoleon's sister also. So they've all gone to... A lot of them have gone to Italy after Napoleon got the boot.

So she brings Elizabeth and Bo to live with her in Rome. Elizabeth thinks that Bo's going to get her inheritance. She hates the way Napoleon and Jerome treated Elizabeth and Bo. So in late 1821, Bo just says he's out of there. He goes back to America. He says he's going to go to Harvard. I'll write you about your princess. Sometimes I worry that I'm wasting my life, too.

Now the Bo parts decide, well, there is a cousin, Joseph, Napoleon's brother. He has a daughter. And for some reason, Joseph has gone to live in New Jersey, and the daughter has gone with him. So they decide that Bo is going to marry his cousin. All that time, all that searching, and you're like, yes, it's his niece. Hey, she's in Hoboken. She's in Hoboken.

Get over here. That's right. Napoleon's niece is in Hoboken. She makes grinders. She works at Jersey pizzas. She makes grinders. She loves the gym. You can't get her out of the fucking gym.

She loves it. She's sitting a princess to Hoboken, yes, and I was wondering, too, could I have a raspberry tart? Lady, you ain't getting no raspberry frickin tart, okay? You want to be Ali or what? A year later. Holy fuck. Look at the tan on this one.

Holy shit. I'm the princess of Hoboken. You see this sprawling landscape is all mine. All right. What do you want? You want the works on that? What do you want? What do you want on your standing?

And just give me a second, did you have a place where I could potentially powder my arms and nose? Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Look at this one. No, no, no. I'll have the cheesesteak with whiz. With whiz. Yeah, just say Johnny's style.

Why are you going to make it all fancy? I'm trying to learn. I've only been a princess of Hoboken for a fortnight. Like Johnny's style, you see, and I'd also like a meeting with your Dr. Pepper, please, as soon as possible. Holy shit. Some boys are taking a wheel off my carriage. They've fully removed one of the carriage wheels.

So this girl, she's two years older than him. She's going to inherit a huge fortune through Joseph. So he goes and he meets her. He meets her in spring of 1822, but it's your cousin. You're going to marry him. It's exciting. But the marriage doesn't happen for whatever reason. We don't know exactly why.

I have a feeling a family friend, however, was very happy. The marriage wasn't going to happen because she, the cousin was, quote, in size a dwarf and excessively ugly. Wait, the daughter, they're saying is a New Jersey Bonaparte girl. She's really short and really unattractive. So they said, and he's Beau's hot. So they set her up with a troll. They're like, what about your cousin, the troll?

And he's like, now they stayed friends forever. Her name's Catherine, I think. Catherine and Beau, they remain friends. They really liked each other, but I think he was just like, I can't. I don't want to. The whole thing, if you're just like a, I mean, either gender, but in this case a guy, and you're just a guy, and someone's like, you're a prince basically kind of, and you're going to marry a princess kind of sort of, and she's your cousin.

I don't need to see her to be like, what is going on with you people? Look, also hot people marry ugly people all the time, because you're in love with the person. Yes. Right. Yes. That's how it works. It's just, it's what I have always found very strange about dating apps too, is like

a full, full, full leaf just forcing someone to decide how they feel about you based on appearance only is just, you know, that's like, it's just not going to help because you're going to pass up on great people because you didn't hear them say a word or didn't, you know. Oh, there have been people that I, if I saw in a photo, I, in my life, I wouldn't think is attractive, but they had something when I met them in person and they were fucking hot. Yes.

Like that's just, yeah. And that's how it works. Yeah. So, the cousin actually goes on to marry a different cousin. So that, that works out. Oh, wow. So they were like, don't worry, there's a lot of cousins left in the ocean. Elizabeth is super bummed.

Bo would have had a title he would have been set for life. So he enrolls in Harvard. Elizabeth now is freaked out that he's going to meet. My loser son is just enrolling in Harvard instead of marrying the princess of Hoboken. Whom he's related to closely. Loser child. She's not worried that he's in America going to meet an American girl in America. Bad news, he might just be an American sounds like a Jeff Fox worthy bit, but that's who

you should send over there. If your boy turns down the princess of Hoboken to enroll in Harvard, your son just might be an American. So she, she keeps telling him he needs to marry a European and all her letters. Bo is a catch, right? He's super good looking. A German princess admitted quote that she had followed him once in Geneva at a ball from room to room to look at him and that he was the handsomest creature she ever saw.

Wow. Okay. So he's got his mom. What happened? He's got his mom and dad's look. They're both good looking people. He inherits it, which is super, which I'm sorry, but it's, it's crazy to hear that royals have.

Yeah. Shocking. Yeah. William told Bo the opposite of what Elizabeth wanted. So grandpa's coming in and being like, yeah, no, right. He said not to marry a European, especially a bone apart and live in America. That's what you should do. Right.

Elizabeth then pays. So she's getting worried. She has, she pays to have him brought back to Rome, Bo. He gets an early, the Harvard is like, okay, you can graduate early. They let him graduate early. He goes back to Europe, but he just wants to be an American now. He stops calling himself Bo. He starts going by Jerome and he, and he, he's there for a little bit and then he just

goes back to the U S in July, 1827 and quickly starts looking for a wealthy American wife and becomes a U S citizen. Okay. Yeah. She is just beside herself, but one, one has to wonder if you had spent your time being around your son, you'd probably influenced him more than being gone and just writing princess letters. No, look, if you want someone to live this aristocrat life in Europe, then you bring

him when he's young and have him get used to it and that's how he absorbs into it. If you leave him in fucking America riding around eating corn dogs and you know, that's what he's going to be. I don't go by Bo anymore, mom. My name's chicken fry. I need to lay down at once. So he's matched up with Susan Williams of Baltimore to marry. She's very wealthy and her father's the king of what now?

Nothing. She's just a rich girl. And what they land they own as far as the they own land and their castle is located. Where did you say again? There's no castle. Castle. What about the moat? What are they?

How do they? Do they have a home moat? Yeah, they have a house on a plantation, that's it. When they travel, how many portable bidets are going with that? They don't have bidets. We have toilet paper and she shits in the woods. And as far as how she gets the bidet in the woods, it's... There's no bidet.

No, we don't know. So she's just wiping her ass with the... Yeah, we don't wash our buttholes. We rub the shit around with paper. Well, I guess this is the conversation I feared for a while now. So you're just going to do the thing where you rub it around? That's right. It really seems foolish.

It's not great. I've got to be honest. It's a waste of paper. It does. And it's not as clean. You can hate Europe, but pinch this idea. Seriously. No, no.

It's like way better. Part of our Europe hatred is making ourselves dirtier and grosser. That's sort of what we are. Seems like it's not good for you, though. Well, I don't want to be French. Yes, but do you want to be scooting on the floor like a senile canine? I would rather be a dirty shit-covered American than some fancy French boy with a clean ass. You don't...

Bo! Bo, you don't mean that, Bo! I do! Bo! I'm a dirty butthole boy! Bo! America! No!

That is really why we don't have bidets here, isn't it? Because we hated the French for a while. Is there anything more American than like, nah, I'll be covered in shit to show you how right I am! So Elizabeth loses her shit, everything she's worked toward. But I cleaned it with water. She's sure that William is behind it. She writes him stating her, quote, solemn, fixed, unchangeable resolution is that he

never shall, with my consent, marry Miss Williams or any other woman in America. She believed and said the Williams family was trying to, quote, ennoble their dirty blood by marrying a Bonaparte. Now, again, she's not... Yeah, she is dirty blood, lady. She's from America. She's just from a rich American family. She's talking about her family.

She's talking about her family! I don't mean to say, and I, this is probably not even worth mentioning, but it is very strange that we've been alluding to this Alec Baldwin-Hillaria thing, because it's very... I mean, she is in love with a lie of herself, and she's kind of perpetuating it because she loves it. Yeah. Right? But it's not who she is.

No. It also isn't hurting anybody. It's just weird. Yeah. Yes, it's totally weird. She also said, let them marry their daughter to one of her equals. Did she hit her head and have amnesia halfway through this? Well, she's a Bonaparte, right?

She married into it, but she doesn't realize when she sends this letter to her family, her family's like, that's what we are, what are you talking about? I know. She orders her father to stop the marriage. He doesn't, because obviously it's what he wants. Elizabeth had all her possessions then sent to Europe and cuts off her family. She also doesn't seem to be able to confront her issues. She just wants things her way, and if she doesn't get them, then she just packs up shop

and rolls. Yeah. Three months later, she calms down a bit and writes and says she won't oppose the marriage, but also wouldn't accept it. Great. Much better. Thanks, Mom. She cuts off both from his allowance.

In that letter, she ended it by saying she would rather have found a husband in the Australian penal colony of Botany Bay than in Baltimore. I like how Australia is just going to take some shrapnel for no reason. I mean, Baltimore is really taking a hit. Yeah. I mean, yeah. They got good crab. So Bo is really hurt by all this.

He just wants his mom to fucking like him and like his wife and right. He gets married on November 3rd, 1829. They're not in love, by the way. It's just purely for connections and wealth. That's it. That's why he's getting married. Right. Okay.

She should be kind of happy about that. Yeah, it is. But if it's not a title, she doesn't think it means anything. He's like, Mom, it's not for love. Yes, but it's not the right way for money. This woman, Susan, she has a dowry of $200,000, which is $5.5 million. So she's rolling in with $5.5 million. It's a great...

Elizabeth's father also gave Bo a bunch of property when they got married. So he just... He fucking scores. It's great. Yeah. He's got a great dowry. Elizabeth thought... She thought the Bonaparte's in Europe would be upset.

But when they told them, they were all fucking thrilled to send him gifts and she's the only one who's mad. Right. Okay. Then Bo has a boy who is named Jerome Napoleon Bonaparte. I think that's the third, right? So Elizabeth keeps sending furious letters to William for over a year. And that stops when he writes back that she's the oldest daughter and she should actually

be in his house taking care of him because his wife died. Oh. Yeah. Right. So she stops writing William. Okay. And then it comes out that William had been fucking a former housekeeper while she was the housekeeper and had an illegitimate child.

Oh boy. And because Elizabeth wasn't taking care of him, he invites the housekeeper back to take care of him. And word gets out and it's a fucking huge scandal in Baltimore. Right. Because... Why... You're not allowed to fuck a lady.

I don't know. I mean, you can't fuck a housekeeper. Yeah. I mean, it's going to be... It's like your wife died. Your dicks have gone forever. Remember? I mean, it worked for Schwarzenegger.

Yeah. It's true. That... The maid that he slept with fixed my elbow when I did his kid's birthday party. I'm not kidding. I had to be a referee there for four hours and I cut it on like his stucco tennis court walls. And it was not for like...

It was just that it was bleeding too much. So someone was like, go in the house and get it fixed. And then that was like his home taker, the maid there. Amazing. So it's a scandal. It goes on for two weeks and then he sends her home. I guess the family's upset. Everyone's like, dude, fucking end this shit.

Yeah. And then Elizabeth's sister, who she's very close with. Elizabeth's sister was taking care of all of her financial stuff while she's away. Her sister is like, if you had come back like you were supposed to as the oldest daughter in taking care of dad, this wouldn't have happened. Right. You'd just be jerking off. So her family's there.

Her new grandchild is in America. The family's mad at her. So she goes back in the summer of 1834, 49-year-old Elizabeth sails back to America. She'd been in Europe for 19 years. Wow. That's a hard change. It's also such a weird... It's like a non-life kind of, it feels like, in a way.

What? Living in Europe or coming back? Well, no, but living in Europe the way she has been living in Europe, to keep up appearances of this reality that is kind of fabricated and then to devote your time to making sure that probably for your legacy that your son is a part of it too. I think life to me has always been like, you're young, you do stuff for you and then you make a choice. Do you want to go into the graduate program, which is having kids and experience that part

of life, or do you not? And if you don't, then you can just kind of keep partying a little bit. A lot of people I know, but a lot of people I know, I watch them and they just get to follow their interests and travel and stuff and it's just a different life and she's chosen that life. She's chosen the... Is that what she was doing? She was...

It's less responsibility, right? Yeah. You know, she says she's trying to find Bo a husband, but really she's just fucking enjoying the fuck out of hanging out with famous people and partying. Yeah, she's in all the famous circles, like she's hanging with the best. So this is a big move. This is a big fucking deal. She's despondent over her, quote, cruel exile from every pleasure and every comfort of Europe.

So William dies in 1835. His will allows him to publicly state what he thinks of Elizabeth. Wow, what a... What? His will? So in your will, you just get a kind of... I guess the will is... It seems like, based on what I read, is that it's public, like everyone hears about what

was said in the will. And so you... So then you can kind of just do like... Yeah, final jabs. You can kind of just like have your grievances and then air your grievances and then just be done. Yeah. And by the way, to the vicar who's reading this, yeah, he got a real weird eye.

I've never been a fan of it. And he had written this eight years before. So it's before all the stuff with Bo and all that. The mate. Oh, okay. Getting married and all that. Right, right, right. She doesn't get equal property with the other kids, which he had promised her when she married

Jerome, right? The will had a long condemnation of her, quote, she has caused more anxiety and trouble than all my other children put together. And her folly and misconduct has occasioned me a train of expense that first and last has cost me much money. So he said he had to spend so much money on her that he does not want her to have an equal share of the dough. Right.

And he's dead. He's dead. He's also rich as fuck. Like he's got so much goddamn money. That's the other thing that is, it is just so clear in this whole episode is how rich they are. Yeah. They're totally detached from reality.

Yeah. There's like not a real problem in here, Nessus. It's like, oh, where will I find my boy's princess? These are not actual issues that regular humans experience. At all. Yeah. But she still landed some sweet fucking property from him. Like she got some downtown Baltimore property that was awesome.

I mean, it's not like she didn't score. Like anybody else in the world would be like, fucking awesome. Yeah. Of course. The will said anyone who challenged it would forfeit everything if they lost their challenge. Wow. She decided to challenge it. Wow.

Who's this guy's will lawyer? He's like, we got her. I will litigate past your passing. Well, she talked to a lawyer who would was about to become the head of the Supreme Court and he was like, no, you got a really good case. So you'd be like, yeah, this guy and worst case scenario, we bring it before you. Bo joins her in the challenge. Then three of the other brothers decide to fight her.

So now there's a fight over the estate. When the brothers here that this judge, such as a good case, they threatened to publish all the letters that she had written to her family over the past 30 years. And she's been talking shit about her friends like she, you know, they're fucking letters to your family. She is just fucking. Yeah. So if it gets out, she's just fucking ruined.

She's ruined. Okay. So the fighting went on until 1836 when she gave it up, decided not to take it to court and dropped it. She had never spoke to her brothers, two or three brothers and one sister again. That was it. Now Princess Pauline, both bone apart aunt, right, dies. She leaves a big inheritance to Bo, a great uncle dies.

He leaves him like 50,000 francs. So he's doing great. Baltimore, it's not what it had been. What do you do for work, Bo? My people die. What about a death tax and a state tax, is that a thing? Nope. So Elizabeth is not living the life she lived in Europe.

Not many interesting people. She's sort of like the people she knew are sort of gone, right? It's DC. There's a big turnover. She thought her boring life in Maryland left her little to write about in letters to her friends in Europe. And after 1840, she barely wrote them at all because she was ashamed of what, yeah, today I went and looked at the water, like she doesn't have anything.

She did visit Paris in 1839. She spent a few months there, but at 54, she said she had, quote, grown too fat, old and dull for Parisian life. In 1854, her grandson, Jerome, went to Paris to reunite with his bone apart relatives. She went with them. That included Emperor Napoleon III. So what has happened in France? It's super crazy and complicated, but it's very interesting.

But basically, so Napoleon was tossed out the second time they became a republic. Then he ran for president, and I think 44, there was a term limit. He was like, look all the awesome shit I'm doing. There shouldn't be a term limit. Most of the people were with him. He then had to have, he then instigated a coup to take over France, and then he was, now there's a new emperor bone apart in charge. And it's Napoleon's grandson.

Okay, so. So he's emperor. Right. And that goes on until 1870 when he starts wars and gets kicked out like his grandfather. Right. So it's genetic. So they go to meet Emperor Napoleon III. The emperor, who is his, fuck, his nephew, offers Beau and Jerome titles, and Beau's

like, no, I don't want a title. That I don't understand. Maybe he's so American now. But it gets weird. This isn't going to make any sense. Okay, great. But I just like any other, like, welcome. You need anything?

You want to be a monarch? You're saying what do you, what's a good, you got fries here? We could, but we have some potato au gratin. Are you sure you want to be a prince? I just like taters, man. Taters and milk is good. Okay. Okay.

Well, we will call you Duke of Taters. I don't need that, buddy. I don't fucking need that. I just want a good fucking plate of potatoes. That's it. That's all I'm looking for. To be only potatoes for a man just called Beau. Well, maybe we say Prince Beau would like a potato.

Please. It would make me feel more comfortable around you if you could. Your uncle's good, man. I got everything I fucking need. We'll call you the king of uncle. Uncle King. I got a hot wife back home. I got a bunch of horses.

I'm fine. I don't need a king. How do you, uh... Yeah, shit. You know what? I get back and I'm like, hey, I'm the Duke of fucking whatever. All my buddies are going to be like, what the fuck happened to you? The Duke of whatever.

That's what you want? No, no, no. I don't want that. I'm like, dude, your bullens dropped off. We could send you, but you could give them some titles too. I just think it's so cool. No, I just think it's weird. The Duke of potatoes.

Come on. I'm good, man. I don't... You don't know these guys. You really don't, Bert. Bert will fucking ride me. He'll ride me and put me away wet. You know what I mean?

I don't want it. You mean the Duke of Bert? I don't know. The Duke of Bert don't do that. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. I like it.

It's great. It's great you offered it. I'm good. There are potatoes out here. I'll get the potatoes out of here, but you think about the potatoes. Okay, yeah. All right. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Good. So the Emperor urges Jerome to join the French army, and Jerome does. Okay. And then he's sent to fight in the Crimean War, and there he becomes a decorated captain. But Bonaparte's other kids, the rest of the Bonaparte's, are not like in this American part of the family trying to get in on the action.

So they call a council together, where it's decided Bo and Jerome would not be any part of the line of succession. Okay. So Bo returns to America. Jerome overstays in Europe and serves the Emperor. Now Elizabeth, she's still not giving up the dream, right? Jerome's over there, her grandson. She's now focused on her grandsons, Jerome, and there's another grandson now, Charles,

becoming aristocrats in Europe. Okay. So now she's picking up the torch with the grandkids. That's it. It just skips a generation. But she's also lost touch with a lot of people. So when Jerome dies, Bo's dad, he didn't even mention Bo in the will, right? So Napoleon Bonaparte's brother, when he dies, that's how much they don't want the American

side of the family involved in anything. He doesn't even mention him in the will. But Bo and Elizabeth. And yeah, that's everyone. Okay. Bye. Thanks for coming. What a man.

What the fuck am I doing here then? In the case that someone potentially gets up at the end of this and decrees that they should have been given something, that person is a jack-off and should not be listened to. Okay. Thank you. Now I'm dead forever. A car? No, there's nothing.

I'm dead forever. A horse? A saddle? Bye. I'm off. Nothing. Oh, look. Oh, there's the light.

Yeah, there's nothing. Okay. Please. Some kind of fancy belt. Like a belt buckle. This is mere grand stones. I should not be arguing. I am a document.

I'm merely in the voice of your father because that is the way it would work, but no, there's nothing for you. You stupid American prick. A pair of dungarees? Like his old pair of dungarees in here? A pair of dungarees? What? That's it.

I'm dead. This will is over. The reading is over. Any other materials? That's it. Okay. I'm gone. Don't even argue anymore.

Bye. Bye. Or au revoir. Fucking bullshit. You're a fucking bullshit. Now I'm gone. Now I'm gone. French son of a bitch.

Come out here, fancy boy. I can't. I'm a letter. Show you the what for? Shut me up. Fucking letter. Dumbass letter. Kick your ass, letter.

I'm not a living, breathing document. I'm a will. I don't give a shit. So you can kiss my ass. Dumbass letter. I'm a will. So they sue. Boat Elizabeth sue.

Okay. To get a portion of the estate. But what Bo apparently really wants is recognition that he's a legitimate boat apart. Okay. So he and Elizabeth is like, exactly. Yeah. It's a big deal at France because right, it's the fucking, you know, Bonaparte's, it's yeah, the, the, the fucking Bonaparte.

So most people support Elizabeth, but the court side with the Bonaparte's big hit, obviously. Now Elizabeth was there because she, she goes to Paris for this and she finds that she now hates it. Quote, I detest my existence here. I am too old, too ugly and too stupid for Paris. So she's now a Baltimore lady again. It's so strange because it's like, um, yeah, I mean, she's kind of, I mean, she's reconciling age, you know?

She is. It's not, it's not Paris. I mean, when you're young, you go and you party, you hang out, but now that she's there, what have all her friends done? All her friends have actually moved out to the country. They're not, they're not young cosmopolitan parties anymore. You move out to the country, you have kids, you have a different life. Well, she's, she's still trying to get it going and everyone's like, yeah, we're not

there anymore. So yeah. She's wearing the same dress to the club and she's like, are you sure you couldn't fit just one more in? And he's like, ma'am, no. Yeah. And all the fancy people are much younger. So she just feels, you know, as she should.

Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. She's really beaten down by everything though. Quote, I am fatigued, disheartened with the hard battle of existence with what the Bonaparte's and Patterson's I am tired, worn out mentally and physically. She no longer cares about being a celebrity, no parties, no balls, no dinners.

She had a few friends in DC, but she's still a big deal in America. Anyone who meets her is thrilled that they met her. They're like, oh my God, I met Elizabeth Bonaparte. She would, anybody who met her would, all these people would write about other diaries. I met so-and-so. It's in all people. And so when France, when France kicked the emperor to the curb in 1848, so they boot him out and it became a republic again.

She's upset. Her final hope was now England's monarchy. But again, after that, he does retake it. So whatever. I don't want to go into it again. By the 1850s, by the 1850s, she's still widely known in the US as a woman who hated the American Republic and wanted a monarchy. She was also, because her best life is when she was the rich, fancy person that everybody

loved. She wants to go back to that and she, that to her is connected with a monarchy as opposed to everyone being equal, which is what democracy is supposed to be, but it's not, but whatever. She's also very well known for her business sense. A friend called her a, quote, man of business. I love that they don't have a word for a woman who's good for, ah, she's like a man of business. Well- She said, I have a business man-

I can't. Fuck. There's no word for this. There's not a word for this. She's bizgina. A Baltimore banker said he knew of, quote, no man capable of creating legitimately with so small a capital, the large fortune amassed by Madam Bonaparte. Well, the only thing I compare her to is a man.

I mean, I'm trying to think of different things, but all I can think of is, man, she's, she's better than men. She is a smart man. So- My friend, Elizabeth. So dumb. Yeah. It's like, to not be able to act, like, it's just so hard to associate gender with success.

Do you understand why it's so difficult for me? So her fortune is worth 1.5 million back then, which, so that would be about 45, 50 million today. So good to go. Yeah. She's good to go. She made a hundred thousand a year just off the capital, you know, just money coming in for everything.

She still ran her business by herself in her seventies. In the last years of her life, she lived cheaply in a boarding house in Baltimore. She was known to walk around in a black velvet bonnet trimmed with orange feathers and carrying a red parasol as she collected rents. When she was in her eighties and nineties, she was rarely seen in public. Only would go out to collect rents. White seers often came to the boarding house to see her and she would tell them stories from her life.

Elizabeth outlived Bo and her brothers. In an interview, she said her father was, quote, the plague sore of my life. And her brothers were, quote, ignorant, selfish, uncivilized boars. Her ex-husband, Jerome, was, quote, an unprincipled, mean-sold man. Her hatred for him was 120%. She did not like the way her life had turned out. She wrote, quote, my life appears a horrible dream, a terrible delusion. She blamed herself for marrying Jerome, quote, the circumstances have hung a millstone around

my neck, which I could never get rid of since. Her grandson, Jerome, disappointed her in 1871 when he came back from France and married an American divorcee. Oh my Lord. So that dude was just the whole time kicking it with the bonaparts. And then he fucking comes back and just stabs it in the heart. Yeah, you know what? I kind of like Kathy.

Kathy's pretty cool from next door. She's cool too. So it's either a princess or Kathy. Charles became secretary of the Navy and attorney general under Theodore Roosevelt. He was pretty progressive dude. Elizabeth died in 1879 at 94 years old. She still hoped her grandsons would become aristocrats until the day she died. She split her estate evenly between her grandsons.

The only source on this was Charlene and Boyer, Louis' Elizabeth Patterson, a bonapart. This is like if she had found Buddhism, none of this would have happened. She created expectations and desired just material nonsense. She literally built her own house of unhappiness. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. I mean, you know, the more that we go through this experiment of our society, the great

failure experiment, the more I think you really can recognize so easily that yeah, you know, while money is in our current situation, the solution in a lot of ways, a better world does not have that. You know, does it, I mean, or yeah, it's just such a, it's such a terrible driver. Well, there's also like, you know, so you want this title, you don't get it, but then I just think if you're 80 or 90 years old or whatever she was and you're walking around collecting rents, like really, yeah, really, instead of just letting people live for free, like really, that's, you have $50 million and you're walking around collecting rents.

Like how is that an existence? It's funny. I know you mentioned George Clooney earlier, but did you know what he did with 14 of his buddies? You ever heard that story? Like it's in the past year, I think, or something like it's, it's this fucking, I can't figure out how to feel about this thing. Okay.

Okay. So basically he, he finds out he's getting like a, you know, $70 million back end of some shit George Clooney does. And he just decides that he's going to give like his 14 closest buddies a million dollars each. And so he gives every one of them a million dollars. So he shells out $14 million to 14 of his friends. And at first I was like, that's fucking amazing.

Like that really is amazing. And then every hour that I think about it since, I'm very bothered by it. Well, that's, that's what America is in a nutshell. It's, we aren't evenly distributing resources. We're allowing billionaires to pick who they give money to. And essentially that's what, that's what foundations are. Foundations are set up as a, as a tax loophole for billionaires to give money to who they want to, but not equally shared among society.

Crazy story, man. That, that is some crazy shit. Crazy shit. And the podcast you were talking about was, isn't it called the age of Napoleon yet? He's up to number 72. He really, he really covers a lot. It's a really good, it's an interesting age of Napoleon. That's a lot of episodes, but that story is going to be, I mean, just hearing bits and

pieces. I'm like, wait, what the fuck? Yay. Well, that's the end of 2020 for the dollop. We did it. We got 2021 is going to be so much better. All right. Well, we'll get out of it.

We will be done with 2020 and maybe part of 2021 is salvageable. So maybe happy new year. Happy new years.