The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 475 - Cabeza de Vaca - Part 2

Episode Date: April 6, 2021

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Spanish explorer Cabeza De Vaca.Source - Reséndez, Andrés. A Land So Strange: The Epic Journey of Cabeza de VacaTour DatesRedbubble Merch

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is a

bilingual American History podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to me Amiko. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Do you want to do any of your you know like sipper of iced tea, cologne owner do you want to do any of those things? You're not doing those. Should I start doing them? Where are we at with those? No I mean we could bring them back. I just don't I'm just not in the mood. Just not in the mood. I'm not feeling that particular aspect of things. Is that because you don't have hobbies? I have really shut everything

down to the point where I'm just a guy sitting in a chair. So that's what you do. Yeah guys sitting in a chair you know then surely I mean bowel mover you've probably moved your bowels air breather eyelid user these are things that I'm there's options there's options it's pretty disappointing opening there's options I think it's it's it's it's because you're not giving it sometimes people say we're coming in hot but this is the opposite of coming in hot when we are frozen it's not you shouldn't be saying that about our own it's a free thing this podcast is freezing you're playing the sport you can't also ref it

it's not cool and called it quote is jam-packed jam-packed I'm the fucking hippo guy okay my name is Gary let it go wait is it for fun and this is not gonna come a tickly podcast okay now hit him with the puppy you both present sick arguments well Dave we should promote a couple of things for ourselves the first is that we will be coming to Australia in October on October 11th we'll be in Perth then we'll be in Adelaide then we're gonna do Sydney then we're gonna do Brisbane then we're gonna do Melbourne then we're gonna do Canberra then we're gonna do New Zealand and yes Dave I said we're gonna do Adelaide

tickets on sale for that you can go to our websites and find all the ticket links for your city also we are doing a another live virtual dollop on May the 14th through looped live we're doing another one of those so you can get tickets again you can either go to loop live or you can go to our social medias or our websites and check all that out so this episode is part two and we had some issues with part one with the name of our main character now his full name is Alvar Nunez Cabeza de Vaca so some people were very kind to inform me that I should not use Cabeza I should use Cabeza de Vaca or de Vaca and some

people are great some people are like hey by the way or hey gringo haha okay how you do it which is totally cool I actually don't need there's a way to do it there's a way not to do it saying cringe you make me cringe I don't you know you're supposed to be a fan but I just learn how to talk to people so some some people like maybe take a moment and realize we're in a pandemic not everyone's feeling great and maybe just temper what you're doing a little bit maybe that's why I bailed on Twitter partly let's just treat you a little bit of respect like there's a way to have a conversation and if you if you

enjoy someone's work maybe being an asshole is not that's just not the way to go I think sometimes too I think people think because if you're in comedy that I mean I've had it happen at many shows you know or someone will just be like say something you're just like I don't know who you I don't know yeah so but I would say usually that sometimes it happens but this isn't the case of people trying to be used with just people being mean and so I don't just frankly I don't need it Gareth doesn't need it nobody needs it I figured out a way to have constructive criticism and everybody will get along a lot

better I mean it's just very simple I'm a fucking white guy who grew up in Marin County sorry I've never heard the name Kibiza Devaka which apparently is a very common name down south okay okay so so when we let's just get into it so when we last and I'm gonna call him Alvar also I don't use last names talking about the main subjects I was called them by the first name that's what I've always done so all right let's just get into it so his name is Alvar Nunez Kibiza Devaka and also I'm not I'm losing the fucking lists because people got on me about mispronouncing the E I just I can't such a good bit though such

a good bit comedically it just don't way of course it was it wasn't it was a fucking great comedic bit it's gone it's gone because people like it's it's not E I just can't okay all right so when we left off in part one Alvar who is what we're now calling okay and three others had it had escaped and we're going to try to make their way to Pinucco which is the Spanish stronghold in Mexico it's the place they originally wanted to get right when they left Spain right it was that place way over in Mexico and they ended up in so they're headed they're getting to their final destination which is nice it's just taken yeah that's

right they're down they're down to four guys from 300 so they've they've you know it would be just a little super tramp long way home playing for this part it probably really set the scene nicely so the three guys who are with Alvar and who escaped with him at the end of the last episode are Estebanico, Andres Dorantes, and Alonso de Castillo. So those three had previously attempted to escape if you remember part one Alvar was with the this tribe and he heard that everyone else had all the twelve guys taken off and he was like oh my god I'm alone so they were originally part of that group of twelve and they

headed south and the trip did not go well for the twelve okay a few of them didn't know how to swim and that that part of the world is just full of water ways and swampy sure lakes and just all kind of stuff rivers and so sort of where someone should be able to swim would be helpful right yeah yeah super helpful to yeah so a few of them drowned and others were killed by local groups who were like no we don't want you coming here sure and then after a while there were just three of them left Estebanico, Andres Dorantes, and Alonso de Castillo and they're starving at that point and they asked a tribe for food

and then that tribe re-insleeping. Maybe they just had different terms of what food means. So basically they made a trip to have a bunch of guys die and ended up in the same condition. I mean the turnaround in the moment of being like let's ask these guys for food only to realize they're like damn it it's worse than they're not giving us food we now what we work for them now. But these are nomadic tribes mostly and so they would go north and so then they all that's when he that's when they came across Alvar because because they're all the prickly pear or the pecan orchids and so that then they meet up and that was the

end of last episode they meet up and they're like how do we escape and then they all Alvar must let us see those three guys he's like hey and so they're all gonna try to make their way to Pinucco again and then so Estebanico is a slave and he is from Morocco. He sounds like he's mixed race he was a Muslim who was forced to convert to Christianity when he became a slave. I couldn't I couldn't figure out if he truly believed but it seems like he may have come around at some point so he was eventually when he was a slave he was bought by Captain Andres Durante's and so that's how he got on the okay cuz the

captain was put in charge of stuff so Estebanico he's from a wealthy town in Morocco so he's like sort of above other slaves I don't know how to call it he's a fucking top-notch slave like it's such a weird strange like you how do you like it so so so he was quote vivacious outgoing and curious okay okay some things that probably fade with the circumstances he's found himself in as of late and he knows he picks up languages really easily which is really helpful right oh yeah I'm gonna be seeing so many try because then you can be like what did they say he's like they're also gonna enslave us so that's the

translation they said no to food and yes we work for them so any quotes that I use are from Andres or Rizendez so Captain Andres Durante's he's in his mid-20s which is crazy to me that these guys but of course they are like what you by the time in mid-20s that's like yeah again you're forgetting like yeah like 13 it was like this is my son Carter totally I mean seriously so he was one of the leaders of the expedition named by the Emperor as the captain of infantry and then Alonso de Castillo was from Salamanca and his father was a doctor and so he was around and at that point a

doctor would practice in the house he's probably around it a lot and he understood it he was around other doctors so Castillo went to university join the expedition how great is it that like I mean again but like the bar for medicine is so low there's like he's been around a lot of doctors like well that's pretty good that's pretty close to a doctor in my opinion I don't know about you guys but I think pretty much you're our doctor oh my god I am I am yeah I mean at this point being a doctor is like okay put this beetle on your eye we're gonna have to take one of their hearts at her so Castillo goes

university he joins the expedition to raise his social status and to get rich I mean at the end of the day they all want to get and they're getting it want to find gold yeah oh they're killing it Alonso is also a captain so you got two captains you got it's that's the weird thing to me is these higher-up echelon guys survived right yeah it's the yeah he's the royal treasurer two captains and then and then a slave it's such an odd combo so after years so they've been suffering for years right in America and the three Spanish Christians believe that this this thing they were going through this

experience it's a religious God to to atone for their sins and even possibly martyrdom like they to them this has become like a worst case God's gonna kill us went when they were digging up roots in the last episode and their hands were bleeding they were like our hands are bleeding like instead of a crown of thorns we have gloves of roots similar it's a little different but it's a similar biblical test same it's same as blood man he's testing us right now and then when they were beat by the Native Americans which happened off in mysterious ways don't he boy he sure

paying us a lot of attention lately isn't he I'll tell you one thing I've never felt more connected to my Lord he is great and when we get through this if we get through this you know I can go really give us a bouncy yeah I mean this is oh yeah thank you God my guts are out he doesn't love me so I'm gonna go see him now bye guys so yeah so when they were beating there this is like the flagellants this is like the guys who hit themselves with the you know you see it and you know that was a big thing in medieval time they'd walk through towns and beat themselves but you'll see in movies still like the guy who's the

weird Christian guy he goes in a back room and hit himself although they're like you had a costals yeah but where do you think you would fall in the medieval times like what would because I feel like I would look at the guy beating himself I'd be like that's not what is up but you never know cuz I would what would you would you be doing that I feel like you'd probably be killed by the royalty and now I'd probably be a soldier I would probably they would be like hey do you want to go kill some people yeah okay what would I be what would I be label me court jester I mean do you really think so yeah it's a

pretty good chance you also just might you just also might work in a pub yeah I could see that easily or or you could be you could be a you might be a farmer with a bunch of goats or something I could see you and being a cheese maker I see you being a cheese maker I am of Wisconsin I am Gareth of Cheddar so they think it's all happening for a reason right this is all God and then they're the four they're four of the 300 so they're like we are the chosen guys by the way I would if you were four out of 300 I would probably start to be like I mean that's pretty crazy that we made it yeah I mean come on so at some point you got

to be like we're pretty fucking he kind of like I mean we're like definitely the favorites yeah I mean God's into me he's yeah into certain certainly not turning his nose up at me either I'd say so now another reason they thought that was because the islanders that they had been with for a while I think off Galveston had pushed them to heal the sick they were like you guys can heal the sick now it might have been because they were from another place definitely shaman at the time are very unique and special amongst Native Americans they saw they've also survived so much shit that they might you know you might be like this might be

special people sure now the Spanish when they were told there when they're like you guys have to heal our sick they were like that's fucking ridiculous like we're not that sounds like a recipe for getting sick okay Alvar said quote we laughed at this and said that it was mockery and then we did not know how to cure so they're like come on we don't know that shit we're just dudes I'll tell you I would I would yes and the shit out of this yep I'm gonna need a bunch of tools to add some food to get the bugs out of them so so they basically said no and then the islanders refused to give them food until they did

it you know what we are medicine men yeah give me some of that yeah just realized I after being hungry for a while I am like we just realized we are magic yeah give me a couple oysters and I will heal any fuckers I'll heal the shit mmm mmm good oysters hey how do we smell I'm pretty bad right so they did it and then they kept doing it the whole time that they were slaves for those different groups and they basically just made a crop the cross and then blue and then blue on the people they blew the people all right now we're just gonna suck this man's dick so if you have like a weeping eye he comes over and he does

the crosses himself and then blows onions like alright good luck buddy all right that'll be $30 unless you have a copay yeah I mean it's strange that they were still like they're held in the regard high enough to be healers and yet they're still slaves you know right it is definitely a weird like you'd be like they're magic and they belong to us they're smurfs they are yes we have smurfs Castile for some reason became the most sought-out medicine man I assume that was because he had experience with his dad and he must have done some sure yeah

he's super low-key his healing sessions were prayer and a very gentle blowing not as strong I'm the one who gives a whisper blow we're like a blow quartet now once the four head out on their journey once they get together and they escape yeah they learn they already have reputations everywhere as medicine men they're well known sure when they hit the ground running they're like infamous like people are like oh here's the guy these guys blow on you these are the blow guys I was telling you about yeah they blow on you and then you get better I think yep that's awesome yeah yeah they're the blow guys

well so my my penis I know I was just gonna say I could see to do not heal this man he is fine he it's really nobody is no nope so we're not gonna allow that nobody's getting their penis is blown on out of all of us all right I think it was I think when it's up like this it's that is not okay to do it's messed up pull it it's something wrong with the cloth down a little bit to cover the I heard about you guys though I heard about you okay to be honest he's not even part of our tribe he he goes from tribe he's just this guy's just a pervert okay so just don't blow on this guy especially his penis and we all

have a place in this world all right let's not turn it into a big thing now they're pretty sure we're ready to move on my father taught me what did he teach you what did he teach my father taught him what go go from village to village yeah with with this what I have should learn how to build something that's a skill this is not actually to get rid of you people take care of it just to get rid of someone jerk him off to get him out of here for God's sake okay so he like he would do this he the first the first group they go to he does it because you does the sign and blows and these people had headaches and their

headaches went away boy and someone's been eating oysters so they give him food and you know it's all happening and then the native custom is to give everything you possessed to a medicine man after treatment yeah hey look I blew on this lady and now I got a dinette set these people they're with are nomads it's about October 1534 and the people are called avivaries so we're the blow Mads so over the course of quote over the course of a few days with the avivaries the four outsiders received so many pieces of venison that they didn't know what to do with all the meat wow so every person that they cure or get

treatment to gives them food they're just like they've gone from they're healing street performers so they're bleeding yeah right starving and now they're just getting just guys we have too much venison yeah now they don't know what to do yeah yeah it's just it's just crazy okay so and again they're just blowing on people so they're just making the cross and blowing on people yeah and I I feel like Castile might be doing a little bit more but but really who knows I'm the closer I do the big blow at the end I do six mini blows and then one big piercing blow so winter's coming so they decide well this is a good it's let's

just hang with these guys because we'll get food and we'll get taken care of and they end up anyone need to get blown on I'm a little peckish and have a pain anywhere maybe need me to on you I'm ready to blow on someone for dessert anyone have any cherries or anything we're looking to blow on them to just get a little swiveling craving for something sweet now these so these these four start becoming more religious during this time I get it you I mean how I get it to you you've got to start I mean look you've gone through something like crazy and then you're starting to blow on people and people are going yeah

my headache did go away you're starting to get you know showered and meets you would be like guys I mean we survived out of 300 people yeah we're the Beatles of God now look you had me a showered and meets you had me then oh venison baths so they're now seeing they're seeing the devils presence everywhere which is a part of you know especially at this time sure it's part of the whole Christian thing one day as if it stopped I mean the fucking people are screaming about little nauseous shoes so what do you see that it's amazing one day a group of one day a group of so solace came asking to see Castile because he

had a reputation and it had spread to nearby groups and they asked him to come to their village where a guy had been wounded I don't I don't blow them out of show I don't blow I've never been a big wound blower if you know I'm more of a head cold back a you know I'm going to the bathroom a little too much in the night I blow on those sort of things I'm not really a remove arrow head blower you need a sucker what you need is a sucker you need a sucker and we do not have any suckers with us so what sorry that that guy is that the man I'm a sucker get out of here you were jerked off and asked to leave so this is not

okay but also I give and I receive get go go go go we don't this is not about this is a wound all right we should move far away so Castile is like he thinks that his he thinks he's sinned so much that he's not gonna be able to cure someone with that extent of an injury so he's like I can't that's just beyond what I have going now I'm curious what he really I mean that's that seems very I think because his dad was a doctor he's like good chance this guy dies I don't okay okay all right that makes sense so Alvar Dorentes and Estebanico go to this village and they get there and the guy looks dead the tribe can you

blow on him a bunch he's only been dead for two days we you took forever could just all you blow real hard try to inflate him well the tribe is already taken down his house which is a sign that like that guy's gone feels like you guys have moved on to honestly I don't want to just start blowing on a man who his home's gone right you took down the house around him yeah it's just we're very late in the process also his eyes were turned up and black and he had no pulse so the things that I'm seeing lead me to think this man's not blowable so I'm good I could at some stuff like I can help with headaches and you know he

has a headache a lip he get you got a lip thing like he has a little thing to please hurry well this guy's got like no he's like no anything yeah it's gonna take a lot of blowing his eyes are black you'll really have to blow yeah I would start on the eyes they're look they look gone blow hard there's nothing really blow okay well all right guys let's just inflate him treat him like a raft so Alvar prayed and did his blowing stuff and then and then other people were sick in in the village or whatever and he healed they healed them what about me and I mean dude oh shut up dead guy no gets up and starts not only

walking around but he's eating he's snacking I thought I was gone I felt this little blowy blow right my ear and I was like wait a minute so I'm it so I'm here just fucking listen to this so I I I see up in the sky just a giant light right and it is backening me it is fucking backening me there's buffalo everywhere there's tons of fish like it's just come right this is it and I'm going up I'm floating up and then I'm almost there I can almost touch this don't tell me I feel this little blowy blow right in my ear that's little that was me I was that's me I was yeah I blow on your ear I didn't mean to take you

out of God what can I say yeah yeah I know I know it's awesome I didn't want to do it I was buffalo and fish I know fuck yourself I didn't want to me I didn't think you'd survive I just have never you didn't think I said I was dead I was going to an awesome anyone back to life so this for me is also transformative now you fucked up man well what you need is a sucker they'll get you back up there just hand me some maze there you go hard to hand one of our harder foods to hand but here you are and there's nothing sorry so this is huge news it spread this spreads all over the region and so on so their reputations go up so

now they bring people back from the dead to yes that's the oh god so local start calling the four the children of the Sun groups thought if the four stayed with them that no one in the village would die and so and then the four are really like they're like yeah this is our thing God gave us the power to heal so everybody's on board they're on board our natives are on board everyone's on board did I did I leave out the part about shamans I think I did you alluded to shamans but I don't think you got too deep into it I think I cut it and meant to move it and I forgot but basically they're super important and they're very

special some are raised since their kids but some are just like yeah you get lucky it's really lucky if you get a good shot right and and that's why you give up all your possessions like it's a really big fucking deal they really believe in them some of them use herbs some are spiritual but they're they're like really really important yeah to a tribe or a group or whatever yeah so they once again like I said they're on the move and they had to put it go it's late spring 1535 okay they avoid the coast because they were told there were some groups there that are pretty hostile one of the good examples of that

is that the one of the member of the five rafts 50 dudes well one of those rafts had gone to one of these islands and that's where they were one of the coastal people and that and they were all killed immediately so it's actually good that was good advice that's what we call testing the waters so while they were walking through this area somehow Alvar got separated one day and he got lost in some woods so he's he's now he's just alone in the woods he's naked they're all naked they have no I like the way this is a bled out so he's alone in the woods he's naked he's naked okay I think you'd be excited about that I am

very excited by that yeah it's amazing but it's just this is the first episode it's just okay so it's and by the way a tough spot to be in you know yeah do it alone the law alone not a good one oh dear well I literally have nothing I have nothing I mean what can I can I get my penis to help me what am I gonna do like I don't know how you get lost in this oh what you you turn around and you're like oh guys like how it's anybody yell well what happens you probably are like you know I mean you're probably well first of all you're probably you know getting high on your own supply so you're just kind you're like I'm a man of God so

you're probably a little bit like you know a little confident but you know you're probably just looking for some stuff and then you just go oh I think they're back that way oh it wasn't that way oh I mean I could see I I see myself dying nude in the woods that's how I see myself going very simply yeah I see that too I don't like that piggyback I see it almost every alright let's just get back into the I would describe it as a vision let's go to the story please pass so it's almost winter and so it's getting cold like I could die tonight I'm gonna have to blow myself to keep myself going well quote oh no but it pleased God

that I found a tree aflame and warmed by its fire I endured that cold night so he found a fiery tree that God the fire tree God put there and now he's like wow this is continuing to validate everyone's like where were you he's like I don't know but God gave me the Moses treatment in the forest by the way does anyone need to be blown so so hey guys I think I'm the top of I think I'm the head of us because I got pulled beside fire tree God pulled me aside said I'm the fave gave me a fire tree in the woods last night and BD so he he's away from them for a while for five days he keeps the fire going with a torch while

he carries firewood I don't understand I assume that there was like not a lot of firewood around so he saw he would pick it up but he just walked around with a torture firewood sure every night he would take it okay so he's gone on a bit of a holiday the first time like he was just having a night but now he's sort of like no what I mean this place really has grown on me and he so every night he dig a pit put wood in it quote and around that pit I placed four fires like the points of a cross so he's just all religion all the time sure sure well it's also gives you central heating too so that's nice he didn't eat for the

five days his feet were raw and bleeding thank you lord they really hurt they're really hurt that's right like any bad that I'm he's like oh thank you God I get it I get it I'm very clear very clear Lord thank you which one of my two let me keep all the toes but you are mysterious but I'm a pick it up on what you said it out the other guys gave up they thought he was dead for some reason they thought he'd been bitten by a poisonous snake well by snake got him yeah that's the end of that let's move on any questions what kind of snake big one all right big well yeah it makes sense yeah well for sure there's no

other way to die not that I've seen at least it's got to be a religious thing you know the snake snake got him soon serpent got a serpent ate him but anyway they I think God asked him to build an arc all right Charles enough pitching for somehow they found each other again it were reunited like after five days hey hey look at God ruined my legs but also God brought them back together so validating the land now became really hard to cross they were in cross what's what's known as the Monty which Alvar quote the land is so rugged and impassable that many times when we gathered firewood in the dense thickets

when we finished taking out we were bleeding in many places from the thorns and brambles that we encountered oh thank you Jesus you are magic much I'm bleeding he loves me it hurts so much your love very little water but they would get help from groups because again groups are helping the man or the medicine guy hey do you guys have any water that venison isn't getting the quench of the thirst you know I mean it's the medicine isn't very it's not a juicy meat we're so thirsty these people don't these people don't have much food because it's this is a rough area and it's winter they did trade some nets and

skins for two dogs which then became food the dogs were eaten cool cool cool cool awesome dude thank you so much for putting that in yep it took them a month to get through the dogs name were Larry and maple maple did you forget your dogs name for a second no I was gonna say Larry and the other one it took them a month to get through the Monty and then they reach the Rio Grande and now if you're from another country the Rio Grande or if you're just American you don't know which is pretty I'm from America and let me just tell you I'm not into learning about other rivers yeah the Rio Grande is a river that is

basically the border of Mexico United States God's wall God built a moat we built a wall that's right like I said every village welcomes them in this area so this this is a lot more plentiful area okay the reaction is huge now Alvar said at one village the locals came rushing out quote was so much shouting that it was a fright and vigorously slapping their thighs they're gonna kill us crowded they crowded us too much that they nearly could have killed us and without letting our feet touch the ground they carried us to their houses oh my god yep we had a good run here come the thigh slappers oh my god

and then they just whisk them into their houses thighs bleeding so what we need you to heal are our thighs for some reason we all are very damaged in our quads always bruised bruised blood blisters the whole thing palms to very biblical very strange what's the link so this is around when when people sort of following okay so they would leave a village and they'd pick up some stragglers so people are starting to walk behind them and follow them okay interesting quote along this entire road we had very great difficulty because of the many people who followed us and we could not flee from them although we

tried because the quickness with which they came to touch us was very great and so great were the demands about this that for three hours we could not finish with them so that they would leave us alone so they're trying to kind of get away but they can't because the people are so amped up that they're there yeah and everyone wants to touch them and keeps keeps touching them they're being mobbed now it's like it's like being a really famous person yeah no they are they're the Beatles like I remember I know I had a friend that went to eat with Jim Carrey at the height of Jim Carrey's popularity he didn't he

didn't know Jim Carrey but it was like Jim Carrey's girlfriend was friends with his girlfriend and so obviously he's just in the weird situation and they got a table right by a window oh god the New York City and they he said it was the craziest like just people banging on the window the whole time and and that's what this feels like like it's like this sort of type of yeah they just released Medical Ace Ventura so now with these crowds following them they came to a river running east west so they had no idea but they were about 80 miles from Rio de las Palmas which is the river that they originally were trying to get

to okay when they made a right when they made a right turn instead of a left and ended up in Florida but they were now which by the way is that something that Bugs Bunny does in cartoons yeah it is okay just want to make sure and then they were very also very close to Panuco like they're they're so they're and they but they don't know they have no clue they don't but they but they also could just keep going that direction like that's right they know what they want that these are the places they want to get to right and then I mean it's what they've been trying to get to for years but now for some reason no one knows why

it's not that none of them wrote it in their journals they just turned and they headed northwest mmm they had they had no idea how close they were but also they knew where they were going they've been going this direction for 1200 miles and dying and so is so okay so it's a super dangerous decision because sure because it's they're just going into the complete and total unknown and they could be saved why why well why is it because you're loving is it is it fame it's I it's so I think that's part of it it's very possible that they're emboldened because everyone is treating them like rock stars yeah and giving them

food and goods like they're not hard we get to Pinocchio people probably won't be handing us venison all the time true true it's another marble on the scales for staying but that's all guests you know at the end of the day we we have no clue but it is crazy to have gone 1200 miles in one way and then make a turn like that I don't know that seems strange yeah no I agree I agree anyway they stumble across this thousand-year-old trading route that that people use it connected the Gulf Coast in the American Southwest so they start stuck in it unfortunately some stupid shit so shallow ruining everything so they meet

trading parties walking along this route and one trade group gives them a copper bell okay this is the first time that they've seen copper in the new world and this this changes everything this is the game changer man it's advanced right it's melting it means it means riches it means metals it's like oh here we go man I can't it's so crazy to try to put yourself in the position of that like seeing copper a big like oh my god what we're advancing we're advancing you know like but it's true I guess it is like the first kind of easily malleable metal yeah I mean if you if you were smelting at that time

period it meant number one there was a lot of metal to do that yeah learned how to do it and the only way to learn how to do that is there has to be an abundant source right so they know there's a lot of metals there but then they also know well these people are advanced enough to do that so they just think well these these people are gonna have that right if they're like it's like taking walking into Apple's headquarters and 88 you're like I'm getting a good getting a good vibe from the creative juices well if you could also take everything without if you could just walk in and take all right well thanks for having us so they

keep going they're stopping at tons of communities everyone's greeting them as healers Alvar becomes super confident he wasn't just praying and belonging anymore he wants he treated a guy with an arrowhead in his shoulder right another guy who has an arrowhead quote and with a knife I had I opened his chest to that place and I saw that the point so first he felt and felt where it was and then he opens to that place and then I saw that the point had passed through and was very difficult to move I again cut deeper and I inserted the knife point and with great difficulty at last I pulled it out it was very long and with a deer

bone plying my trade as physician I gave him two stitches and after that he bled a great deal and with scrapes of hide I stopped the bleeding Jesus so I mean that's he's doing surgery yeah they're now doing surgery oh full-on surgery wow I mean I'm starting to wonder so they're way past blowing right I mean they're that clearly yeah well he's getting cocky now yeah he's he's gone from blowing the fisting it's way different so the arrowhead uh-huh gets passed around villages all over the area okay like holy shit this is the arrowhead people are in awe locals now are trying to get the four to go in a

specific direction toward their friends and away from their enemies to they're trying to get them to go so they're so when when they're in a village and they're like okay we're gonna go they're like we'll go that way not that way oh oh get them to go to a friendly tribe right as opposed to right okay they hate okay which makes sense yeah yeah there's negotiations there's deception they're trying to trick them sometimes to go in a certain way sometimes they only just ignore the advice and go the way they wanted other times they didn't they listen to the people in each village they get lodging food and gifts okay

and then when they left the people from that village went with them to the next village and this and then the old hoe the old the old people from the old village would basically loot the new village and just take all their shit they go at huts just take whatever they food stuff they could carry it's like a theft conga line and then the new village would in turn get the medicine man and it was like yeah this is what we're doing and this would go on village and then you go and then you leave and then you go take a bunch of shit so right cool they would take your shit and then you go take the neck I shit right so

it's a it's a Ponzi scheme it's first of all it's it's worse than our medical care system it's like we found a worse yeah I mean it's close though it's neck and neck it's not that much worse yeah it's pretty close so after sure after when this was happening the four were like okay this is they didn't like it they're like this is too much and as the journey goes on the looting is just increasing all right everybody this part's really crazy do we need this part it's like we don't need this part and the four were like this is gonna lead to fights like they're gonna start killing each other this is really bad but

I didn't quote they consoled us by saying that we should not be grieved by that because they were so content to have seen us that they considered that their possessions had been well employed wow and that farther ahead they would be compensated by others who are very rich so it's an investment so it's an investment so like don't worry about it we're gonna get healed and then we're gonna get a bunch of stuff at the next place yeah it's faith in the system it's perfect it's a fake yeah it's a system and it's faith in the system they're like this works yeah although some villages did start hiding stuff before

yeah we don't have a bunch of stuff like some of the other villages we never have anyway what's ours is yours what what's your skin I've never heard of a deer skin what is that we don't have those oh yeah we don't we're not big eaters we don't have a bunch of food or possessions yeah we have this pile of dung that's our main thing that's our favorite grab the dung grab it's ours now thanks suckers yes this dung is awesome it's magic or whatever got magic dung we're all the possessions they didn't have any but we got a bunch of magic poo so let's just wish for new possessions with this stuff I done good no I done

good absolutely you absolutely not done I didn't think you'd grab that one I thought I'd sneak that out of the radar you done bad I don't know so each went one of the things that happens is when when the old group got there they would tell the new village like this is how you handle the this is what you do these so they're gonna blow on you a bunch and how make you better than you follow them to the next village take a bunch of shit come back then that's the end of the tour for you one instruction was to never anger them just don't make them angry sure because people also believe that shaman as much as they could heal

they could also kill sure yeah if they wanted to yeah so more and more people are following them more the crowd is just growing behind so these people are gonna take all your shit but it's part of it I guess I don't we're not sure yet sorry sorry so much quote the four wanders were no longer a mere castaways they had become explorers once again heading west to find the settled peoples who knew how to cast metals but theirs was the most peculiar expedition for naked in unarmed outsiders were led by hundreds and even thousands of Indians wow that's so crazy it wasn't odd to see them walking with three or

four thousand people that's crazy following them just cruising with them it's just so we're the healers and then these are just some people they're our friends kind of so hope I hope you're ready that's it the deal that's that's the deal so that's it that's the total deal sorry see your ticket um that the huh ticket can I see your ticket please we're doing general admission to these now yeah you should have if you just have a phone please just let us in it's just it's gonna be there's so many of them you don't want to this was all I don't think the movie is to say that they can't come in this is done through

ticket master oh shit Jesus I know it's the only way we could get the venue I know but it's just it's still predicted their practices are just abhorrent so we're there's a huge there's a huge dung fee I understand that well the dung fee is crazy yeah look we it's not I don't know what the problem is I don't wish you would stop I'm done obviously having three or four thousand people with you creates logistical issues how many beds do you have what's your venison count no one would drink until the four gave the okay for them to drink you may now drink some men hunted deer and brought back their kills at night good quote and

everything that the people killed they put before us without daring to take one single thing without first making the sign of the cross over it and even though they might be dying of hunger oh my god so so that's that means that they have to basically you know what do you call it bless that they have to bless yeah each piece of food yeah they're now spending four hours a day blessing and blowing on every piece of food so we talked to God earlier and he said we could bless piles now so it doesn't even need to be one everything we're we're able to do bigger piles at this point yes I don't think that's true I'm gonna need you to well

bless my my specific plate okay all right well you have a guy he has a gyro he wants his gyro we're not gonna do plates she we're not a burrito she has a burrito she's like that strange choices but we're not fried chicken fried chicken we can do a hole you can do the bucket you could do the bucket he said well I think we can do the whole event they want to separate that they want to do the whole event we can do the whole on hold on the whole event seems very if I get high enough elevation wise the it'll the blessing will cast out pretty it's like a net it's like dropping a net so so I I talk these guys yeah wanted to talk to

you about pasta because they're thinking I just know God look whatever we've done pasta before it's been bowls but we're certainly not gonna go to strands now and what I'm actually saying is we could the whole table can get a blessed we could sort of maziano's it you know we're sort of talking about the blessings family style if you think about it it's just sort of a big so why don't we just push the food together I have two words I'm not say you could talk or drink so I just don't even know to popcorn shrimp well each one no Jesus Christ I mean is here and magical and a friend of mine and no no no no it's not how it works

this one stop this guy is no seriously ruining so much it's hot it's hot it's hot guys of worst Alvar quote this is just about how things were going on the uh-huh the trip with the Ford sure check in when when a hair came out of its nest they immediately surrounded it and threw themselves on it swinging their clubs in a rain of blows and these hunts were a wonder to see because the hair jumped from one place to another and sometimes not knowing what else to do came to in came to rest in the hands of one of the hunters oh dear oh that's a good cartoon it's like whack-a-mole yeah it was a whack-a-mole cartoon so I mean

there's so many people that eventually the hair is like he can kill me with his hands that's fine Indian lords were running the logistics while staying in the background so right so they got these big head honcho guys who are running things Alvar wrote that these lords helped build their reputations the lords called them quote children of the Sun and spread rumors about their abilities now I don't know what advantage they had in doing this but there were big leader guys there who were like building them up I find that very weird that that was happening yeah you would think that that an outside more

force more powerful than you would threaten you yeah that yeah exactly yeah exactly so that's also just how we view everything from our world you know you're like who someone comes in is better they're a threat and must be killed like that's just the prison we've been born into mentally you know why would they accept the healing powers hit him with a rock kill him he's more than you kill him so they cross the desert right now at this point they're kind of they're still they're still on the border of what would be Texas and Mexico they're still in that area right not even like halfway through Texas at

this point okay they go through a long desert in a prairie it's hard times not a lot of food but once once they pass it they meet people who have come from really really far away and had sort of different unique stuff with them so they had a ton of stuff these people okay so much so that the that the group the old group who was taking them to the next people couldn't carry it all they had that much shit they're like so we're supposed to loot but we're overloaded like you we had our loot max see if we could steal some arms so half of it they just left on the ground so it's like a concert in the 70s where

they just leave all this shit and the four are like no you guys should take it I mean they couldn't carry it back so you should keep your stuff and the new hosts are like no that's not how it's done once we make an offering we can't take it back so they just left all this shit just laying around Jesus and moved on now when they were ready to move on from this group the new hosts started arguing about the next leg of the trip the natives were like look west is dangerous and the four started to get angry because that's the way they wanted to go I think this is all because of the copper they're like no the coppers that

way of course we are gods also motivated by goods strongly motivated by goods but it's also very celebrity right they're like no I want to go that way no one tells me no I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure it will be okay okay God's our best friend talk to him a lot so the it seems like they were were irritated but also also purposefully showed they were angry so the four are like well let's put up a show let's put a visible show like this so they're negotiating and then people start to get sick well I've been in the back of my head wondering what happens you deal with some real shit and then eight people

die the next day and blow party of eight so the four are like oh shit this could all come to an end yeah they don't think we can heal people anymore and they start praying for the sick people now the native peeps they stop talking they're not they're not speaking and it and for 15 days well quote quote no laughs or cries were heard so they're they're grieving for their dead ones just quiet no one is making a sound you draw something in the dirt that lets me know just because we're trying it's eerie it's taken on a real eerie sort of and also remember they're thinking like this could all be over they could be turning

on yeah and then a little girl cries in front of Alva and she is quickly grabbed and whisked away and they take her place and they slash her with a rat's tooth on her legs and shoulders who does the not not other okay right okay yeah and Alvar is pissed and he's like why would you do that and they said quote and they responded that it was to punish her because she had wept in front of me they thought oh my the people that died because the four were angry oh Jesus Christ hey so it's actually it's it's not bad news but it's uh I mean I think it's good news honestly we could kill people with our hands and minds okay so that's

just lean into that yeah but so how's it work like so we blow on them and they live but if we suck do they die is that how we don't need to suck or anything I think it's just if we get mad we'll just kill a bunch so just lean into that but yeah we still blow we don't suck let the second for someone else nobody pisses off what hey guys I'm still here Jesus Christ I killed this man this man's to be killed this is the man who killed your friends the man here second just stop up and down showing up here thousands of miles away from the last time we saw you you do not by the way you do not look well I invented something called

porn or as my people call it pays and it is that's a good one that's pretty good but still get that's pretty good but still get out of here but that's pretty good we'll be honest so now now these people are like we're not gonna argue if they want to go west they can go west totally cool okay it is it is actually truly dangerous to go west and they and they have to be led by women because the women aren't warrior whatever they're not fighters and anyway they make it through that area okay really no problems and then they come to just an agricultural oasis like this just farm green they're at the they're at the

where the Rio Grande Grande Rio conscious meat which is sort of halfway up the Texas border I guess is how you describe it okay and these people that live here call themselves the people of the cows they got tons of corn they got bean they got squash like they just tons of food and the four are really really excited to see corn yeah quote and this was the thing that gladdened us more than anything else in the world similar time so good yes oh good more niblets and they stayed there for weeks of course because who's gonna leave corn sure now it seems like that crazy

decision that they made to blow off punico and heads north it was the right genius yeah they're having corn for God's sake they asked the they asked the people the cows what's it like out west and the and they're like it shit loads of corn so much corn corn town cornucopia whatever you want to call it it's a cornucopia of course time you heard a corn nut it's not very good but they have it but hard to very far away hard to get to but that's where the copper bell is from and their little conquistador soul yeah well what makes I mean I don't understand that it is amazing that like I you know stay you got a good

situation going I mean you're like just you're just considered God's I think I think what if you follow God's forever and then you see them holding metal and being like haha you're gonna be like these are not gods yeah and and and they've grown they've gone accustomed to this way of life yeah doing and it's good I mean right here if you're right here I would be like I'm not going to push it I'm happy I I 100% agree I would just be like this place is the fucking shit and it sounds like they were they were getting women like it was like a whole thing like they were they were they never they could write about it in the

books but there was definitely like oh maybe someone down here yeah oh oh they would like okay gloss over any sexual encounters yeah because they didn't want to write down because you got the inquisition going on there God's too it's like you don't you know God had sex with Sheila wait what that seems weird really and God's a little quick that's all we learn by the way God did not make it if you know what I'm saying let's just say the harvest came before the spring if you follow that's how God wanted it sorry sorry my dad he working mysterious ways I'll get it out to go to the next place they'd have to walk 17 miles 17 days I

guess that they that's the way they could do the distances you do in days 17 days up the Rio Grande there's nothing to eat on this on this job I mean we're talking about near it's like near El Paso make this trip for sure do this there's no food except for one tree has a fruit that has to be smashed with rocks to open and even then it was quote very bad stuff not even fit for animals you guys are gonna you'll find the you'll find the gross mush fruit and then you'll know you're near this the only fruit you have to fight to get inside and then and then they had to walk even farther away when they were past that place so they

still decide to do it they took deer fat to eat so they didn't have to eat the fruit don't worry we'll be fine mmm look at all this some guys with some smelly hot deer fat all right anybody want another rip hey can I get a hit of deer yeah there you go dig in there you go it's fatty anyone else want to hit because we're not gonna I'm not gonna take it out of my bag again you know it's great is being out in the hundred-degree weather and just having to fat in your mouth mouthful of fat will help this journey anyone else want to bite of fat so they ended up walking for three months

no they come to they come to the land of maze it is just fucking we're not gonna be able to figure out how to get out of here it's just so much corn it's late 1535 there are tons of villages there are permanent houses which they haven't seen since Florida okay right they walked 300 miles and never left cornfields it's just wow so they're there there are probably around Sonora modern day in Sonora so okay out of Arizona in Mexico very green very lush land right the people here like I said permanent houses they wear shoes the women wore cotton shirts which Alvar was very very impressed by he said they were quote the

most decently clad women we had ever seen in any part of the indies okay he thinks he's in the indies sure that's fine whatever whatever the point is we found women who wear shirts they're still obviously faith healing everywhere they go now in this area they're closer to the ocean right and the people trade with each other so now they're getting beads and corals and turquoise's and emeralds like they're getting more valuable shit sure people are mobbing them in the land of Mace women are bringing babies to be blessed blow on it hurry thousands of people following them wow wow and then the Spaniards start

talking as little as possible to enhance their authority and they're speaking through estabanico okay so so why this came about but they're they decided like this will be some cool shit if we just start right so right well they probably really I mean if you're getting mobbed that much you know yeah and then there's also time this place there's so many different peoples there's so many different languages that are being spoken Alvar quote and among all these peoples it was taken for certain that we came from the sky because all the things that they do not have or do not know the origin of they say come from

the sky I mean you at some point at some point are you like it's getting a little crazy I think we're like they think we're sky people I'm just saying what's the end here how does this end okay let me ask you something yeah are we sky people no we're not sky people and I really don't know if it's the healthiest thinking to think that like look I mean look guys let's be honest I mean we just been blowing on people and getting really lucky you know yeah it's pretty great I mean but it is great for sure but I mean we know we're not from the sky I mean I have parents I don't I don't want to say that no I don't yeah

you live like right down the street from me yeah yeah I know your parents the sky no it wasn't the sky it wasn't the sky no no it wasn't the sky so that's what I'm saying I'm saying it's like you know I'm look I'm down to say we came from the sky I'm just saying there's a lot of expectation for sky people you know I'm saying which I can meet man look I've done it this far look all the shit I've done so yeah we done really good but again we're just blowing on people yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we're sky people that's what sky people that's okay so we're great we're sky just term is I let's not call ourselves that let's

just run with it let's just run with it let's let's just be fine great good act as if you know what I mean we did come from the sky and it was crazy tell them that I don't talk to them anymore that's all yeah so being Spaniards they were still thinking of how to work this situation in favor of imperialist Spain so sure the whole time they're walking like how do we get all this shit for Spain which is why they're still going towards copper essentially yes so as Christians they believed all these people would be better off as Catholics sure ruled by Spain they're like you know it'd be great for these people is if they

were by a place far away they different idea walked into utopia and we're like they need government don't you think but unlike the brutal savage conquistadors who were operating at the time just slaughtering people and enslaving them these four now thought well we could bring the locals to Christianity with peace and humanly working with them you could very easily bring them to Christianity feels like so one day Castillo sees a guy and he's wearing a belt buckle around his neck like on a necklace like it's jewelry and it's a Spanish belt buckle okay and he he's like where's that from the guy says the

guy says quote some men who wore bears like us who had come from the sky and arrived at that river and who brought horses and lances with swords and who had lanced two of them so he's like well they're these guys they're they wear the same things I don't know what that mean bears but and then they killed a couple of us right and so the Spanish guys like that's us that's all those are peeps they weren't necessarily from the sky though they kind of just regular people no no there's guy people oh okay so yeah they came from the sky to bunch of us with it's like a slide I don't need to get into the details about it exactly

don't actually don't have to explain it but you know we all came at once from a shoot of sorts and popped out into here and so again just yeah we came from the sky came from the skies the bottom line as far as the details it's not a good thing for me to kind of give those out because I don't you know yeah logistics logistics don't matter and that's not what he's asking nobody's asking and so what am I answering a question that no one has asked about where we came from the sky and I am a little nervous keep talking about it I'm done wrapping it up now I'm done basically but we fell from the sky no we flew we fly we

could fly yes we appeared we are merely apparating we just appeared out of nowhere and and it was sky related we went invisible through the sky and then on land we have we appear but if I were to jump you wouldn't see me no don't know but no but don't ask me to hold on but don't ask me to jump or anything and if you see me jump it still see me don't be like hey that goes against one thing you said because I have not really said anything we are sky people we've come from the sky we took a shoot we maybe were invisible but yeah that's it I don't need to say anymore and if I jump I go invisible but you know I'm done I'm done

stop it we're just regular dudes they because the spellbuckle like well there are congeased or fucking yeah there's more dudes close by and that means the four are close to being saved like that's why they're walking but also that other people from Spain are there which they're kind of bummed about so it's like this dual sort of feeling like oh we're not so special we might live but also this is pretty awesome yeah so and they're right they should be worried about the person who's there is named the person ruling the areas Nunu de Guzman and his men are destroying towns capturing people as slaves they are

just destruction personified the four told the locals they would try to get those Spaniards to stop killing and enslaving everyone we're gonna blow on them real hard too but de Guzman is super rich from enslaving and selling people sure that's his jam sure he rules he ruled Panuco and then moved on to other locations he was beyond brutal he had burned a native leader to death he had put thousands in chains he's governor of an area from Jalisco to Sonora quote his megalomania reached such immense proportions that he insisted that Indians sweep streets and roads ahead of him wow so he like wants to

come into America treatment that's right he's a total douche bag wow it's also super religious he hated blasphemy and anyone who kept a concubine was bad but apparently just yeah the stand it's amazing I really is amazing it's like religion is like the mask it really is like whatever you want it to be put it on I mean that's so different than a lot of religious people today in America I don't think that's fair they seem grounded so by the time these four travelers arrive in a de Guzman's territory his reign of terror has caused all these peoples to abandon their villages and go hide in the mountains okay

so different leadership style yeah so one day the four come across a Spanish slaver's camp that had just been recently abandoned like clearly just stayed there okay so Alvar takes Estebanico and 11 native peeps to find them and it took a day but they tracked down four Spaniards who on horseback no horseback is the big game changer right the local people don't have horses it's really hard to fight dudes on horses yeah that's how they're conquering right so that's crazy yeah they they apparently can't believe it when they see Alvar who comes up and starts so this naked dude hello a huge beat his beard's long his hair's

long if I blow on you don't be offended how are you I'm also Spanish yeah he rolls up and starts speaking Spanish they're like what hey it's me don't worry could they remain looking at me for a long time so astonished that they nearly so astonished that they neither spoke to me nor managed to ask me anything so they're just like hello soak it in I've been blowing on them so that's pretty good guys want to so here's what I'm thinking I'll just get into the pitch we're not really sure if killing them is such a good move we've been kind of leading with a bit of a peaceful angle and that's been working wonders so

everyone's looking at my penis I'm not sure what I should say I'm naked I've I've lived naked I'm God has sort of chosen me I don't don't ask me if I come from the sky or don't come from the sky I'm not gonna get into that slippery slide but it was a slide but I just want to say hello and you know maybe a good idea for us to kind of get our heads together see if we're on the same page you know yeah it's a penis and I am now walking around with it out so I don't know what to tell you let me just do the full spin around soak it in sorry I have a bit of a bottom rash I haven't worn pants in a while but I like I say every

rash is God's way of saying he loves me it's probably why he was petting me okay well you boys soak this in again sort of a God but we should definitely touch base and stop killing them because I just think that is such a bad look consistency will be our friend in in this story so I'll call a dope holy Annie who's a diesel bum I should get a musey on all right good to see you guys also fun to speak Spanish but a while a little rusty but fun fun fun all right guys want to give me a ride or I'll walk it's fine I'll walk it's fine so they so they take him to their captain captain Diego de Alcoraz who is camped with 20 horsemen

and he's already pissed off he's having a bad time because they they've been out hunting slaves for two weeks and hadn't found any because everyone's hiding in the fucking mountains wow tough break and then this but then this long-haired naked dude rolls in with 11 potential slaves very exciting oh boy and and then you know they talk and Alvar says well there's two other Spaniards that I'm with and several hundred locals that they're about 30 miles away and then they all agree estabanica will go and bring them all back oh no it's not good is it so now estabanica so he was a slave right and then he came to America on

this ship and it crashed and then everyone started dying and then he lived sort of equally they were all slaves oh yeah they were all equals and then now he became like a fucking demigod rockstar yeah for a while yeah and was treated as a partner and an equal amongst these other dudes and as a god to strangers yeah yes and suddenly oh he's being treated like an African guy amongst Spaniards again oh even the other three as soon as they got into the Spanish lands and realized they were near conquistador they started treating them different when Alvar decided to bring estabanica to find the Spanish

horseman he wrote in in his book quote took the black man this was a complete change he'd been calling him like estabanica prior to that yes wow so yes and now all of a sudden he's the black man again what the fuck so super cold super noted change so clearly whatever was happening if it's happening in the book you can only imagine what's happening yeah in person but still look estabanica does what he's supposed to do he goes and he gets all these people and he brings them back he returns with Durant is now when we get over there 600 they're probably gonna talk to me a god still a god a little bit differently

and I'm allowing that as a god I'm allowing that because that's just kind of god I am okay it's a game we gods play so he brings them all back it is 600 native people and no and then when when Alcoros sees this he's like fuck how are we gonna feed all these people and Alvar's like hey don't worry about a man they always bring us food so he sends messengers to up into the fucking mountains and then soon 600 locals come rolling in with all this maze that they had stored yeah and everyone's eating and and then the four and the slavers sit down and they actually start having a conversation and Alvar explains that

the locals had taken care of and farmed this land for years and and there's metals around that they don't even care about we can take and that we could work together with them and we could all prosper if we work in harmony restore it restore the agriculture which we can then sell and he's like as royal treasure Alvar says the slavers were doing everything wrong and because of them land it was abandoned fields are overgrown and locals are hiding in the mountains he goes it's a disaster what you're doing and the slavers are like there's like 1200 guys we could sell right here right now like they're not

hearing yeah cool story but I'm I'm just trying to think of how we're gonna get them all together to get them out of here so crazy so they so they start arguing the two groups are arguing and it's heated they're they're arguing for a long time and Alvar tells all the native people he goes take off yeah seriously but they wouldn't they wouldn't go they still planned to take the four to the next group as they'd always done and if they didn't they thought they would die I'm in charge of life and you won't you won't so whatever happened with this passing on the medicine meant to the next village is

not taken on this life and death tradition yeah right yeah and they're looking as long as we're with you guys there's no way the slavers can harm not true not true very big they have weapons I'm nude and then the slavers tell the native peeps they're like well these guys are Christians just like us we're all Christians and they don't believe it they're like what are you talking about these guys are naked you guys are wearing all this fucking weird ship you're on horses they're on foot they had they don't have any weapons you're all about weapons and you and you're trying to kill us and slave us and they're

hanging out I'll bet you didn't even come from the sky it's no way you could both be Christians yeah how is that possible yeah they stay and then now they're gonna march to the capital city of the territory that de Guzmán controls and it's about 90 miles and there they before me the the province captain milk milk or Diaz and he is just he can he's he's over he can't believe that these guys are here he's just weeping and he's praising God that they survived the trip from Florida and you know how amazing it is yeah they end up spending weeks there they spend weeks they're still naked they're now they

just have like a little a little deerskin over their junk sure because they're they're like closer weird now yeah yeah they've got to this point we're like get closer a fucking trip like I don't why would you do that yeah why would you I'm with them why would you put on clothes yeah unless you're cold that's how you're not supposed to do that like so it's like they've just completely flipped the whole fucking thing right so they spend weeks at this place and they try it they try to talk the locals out of the mountains because they want to do this plan they have come back work the fields where we're we'll

work with you and so they're trying to do that but it's kind of hard because the slavers are fucking raiding and it's a mixed message is yeah right right we are on your side sorry about them they're not really listening yeah right so okay so on May 16th 1536 the forego to the capital of Nueva Galeca where Nuño de Guzmán is and now there's only about I guess a lot of the locals had taken off okay or I can't I don't know or been turned into slaves but anyway there's only about 80 80 people with them okay and those 80 people are are being what on this trip are being watched by 20 horsemen on Spanish horsemen okay and

then behind them are 500 slaves and chains are the people in chains who were just following them yeah right I don't know if they were or if they were people that had been caught in the raids right okay I'm not sure what the what the like if they had enough power to not allow those people to be taken I would imagine some of them had been right but I couldn't I couldn't really figure it out but obviously it's a weird yeah that's a weird weird setup yep so it's also very different from the previous journeys where it's 3,000 people are just like we love you yeah it's a 300 mile march and the area is just fucking devastated

they're saying the devastation that the Guzmán has caused it's just a fucking nightmare Alvar quote the country is entirely depopulated and filled with enemies it was necessary that we should have protection so they've been walking for hundreds of miles and just meeting people and and getting to know people and now well they're the fucking enemy yeah because these people are now fighting for their lives so they're like will kill any Spaniard I see yeah there's still as I said naked and when they arrive Nuno the Guzmán gives them clothes to wear but they're like dude it's just not our thing anymore I've got a deer thing I'm

fine I have my deer patch and they also can't sleep in beds they're so used to sleeping they're just sleeping on that I would adjust to no I'd be like the bed I'll do but I'll do it nude so Nuno the Guzmán is super not into there let's not have slaves talk he's just like oh shut the fuck up enough to Mexico he sends it to Mexico City no Mexico City is more like there's different Spaniards vying for power and control most political games so when they arrive they get there on July 23rd 1536 and there's a big sensation like these guys oh my god look what they went through all the Spanish they're like holy shit they're

paraded around they go to different events there for like apparently a couple generations after people would still talk about the time they went into church just wearing the deer skin stuff over there okay yeah still meanwhile on the cross a man basically nude now our wants to go back to Spain to report to the emperor about what's happened and also talk about the peaceful experience you have with the native people and hoping he convinced the Spanish court to try to have a more humane calm chill yeah so he leaves six months later and arrives in August 1537 he'd been gone about ten years crazy I can't I mean

imagine going back no it's got to be crazy I hate it I remember I was on the road on a tour for four months once and when I got back I was just like this is so weird it's weird when you want it's yeah no it's weird it's weird when you want to go back on the road to as exactly ready to get back out there but but I think that you know I mean I again I mean I'm not sure obviously where this heads exactly but you do think man you had a really good situation going on I mean outside of the God thing just like a peaceful existence with you know you bickered us goods yeah yeah so he he gets there he was hoping to get

Navarra's is commissioned now Navarra's was the original guy on the original expedition it was his whatever commission for land whatever you want to call it right it's called an in Spanish called it all data how Adelaida miento so it's that's like you you get this chunk of land right to turn into a colony right how great is it that guy is a footnote in this story like the guy and I will lead us to land that we will build upon and from it's like I know you're gonna die early and not be a god so he's like I got a great way I can run Florida and the king's like no I already gave that away I mean Navarra's

been gone for a while so now Durante's a Castillo stay in Mexico and take jobs as colonial officials the viceroy of Mexico now has heard the stories of the land they walk through and he wants to send an expedition to the lands that they went through right he's like oh this place sounds fucking great let's conquer that shit yeah that's great oh utopia let's burn it so everything that they didn't want they kind of set up by coming back and telling stories about yeah so they they had accidentally brought this new wave of conquest but he wants the viceroy wants the one of the three Spaniards to go with and be a guide and

they're like no none of us want to do that and so he pushes Durante's he's like well your slave Estebanico I want him to come and Durante's pushes back he's like no and it goes on for a while and finally just for political reasons because he wants to have a good career and stuff he goes okay you can take Estebanico now is you know he's this fucking slave again but he's also like oh cool I can go back to the awesome land yeah will it be the same I mean so Estebanico leaves Mexico City in 1538 guiding this big party and when they arrived he was immediately recognized and people were like fuck yeah rockstar the

first group he gets to they give him all this turquoise they give him women they're like these these ladies are yours now if that really pissed off the friars right we're in the group right and I'm sure it pissed them off too because he was a slave and you know mixed-race dude right so they're upset so he starts distancing himself from the party he starts moving ahead of them really fast so he gets way as Estebanico does yeah in order to avoid them seeing how celebrated he is essentially right you know it just the vibe is fucked up yeah also celebrate it but also like you know he's got he's got these women with

them that they're all bummed about and and he's like you know this is rockstar status shit again like very weird these guys are a bummer right yeah so he's out of them by some distance and in northern Sonora he comes across a group of locals and he's like look I've been sent by some white dudes and a great Lord to instruct the people here and then he's like can I get some turquoise and women a little low on the turquoise and women department and these people and in northern Sonora we're like who the fuck is this guy like sorry it's sorry but I don't I test a bonaco sky sky guy bit of a sky guy you know the

old a half and I'll puff and I'll bring your life back one of these numbering bell you guys haven't heard about the you have any venison love a little maze little maze maybe yeah no go find some no no no no no no no not talk about the finding bring to me I'm from the sky a step on a go come on it's your get the fuck out of here well just shows over shows yeah all right well these guys are gonna be real assholes in a minute but that doesn't that doesn't have fringe upon the god stuff I was just saying okay quick I I imagine they were really upset but he rolled it was like can I have some women yeah I imagine yeah

go over well sure so they end up they end up discussing what to do with them for three days and then they decide to kill no he ended up quote full of arrows well Dorontes and Castillo stay in Mexico they both marry into wealthy families and become very rich okay our lobbies for his own piece of land in the New World to run right and he's given one in South America it's like part of Uruguay Paraguay and Argentina okay there was some guy running up before now he was gonna take it over so he gets there and they've kind of got the set up right they've got the classic Spanish colonialism set up like just fuck the

people over right take what you can and he gets there and he's he's got a different take yeah and he's not he refuses to ride on horseback he walks barefooted in front of his men and he tries to work with the local native people of the area who are the Gurani and he gives them gifts and he makes the settlers pay for goods that they got from him so wow it's a whole new everyone's like what in the fuck happening pay them for the things that I took yeah yeah so they they made this stuff and then you're gonna and so you're gonna pay them for it but I already have it yeah yeah yeah but you you owe them money but

I took it they made it with their labor I'll just kill them I'll kill them and then they then I have no debt to pay no no no it just is so easy to kill I'll kill them with the thing I we're working with them I'll kill you we're gonna create us we're gonna create a system in which everybody is doing okay right rising boats right rising where all boats are gonna rise up together my boat needs to be higher no no yeah I'll kill their boat my boat will shoot into their boat cannons he made his men work through a licensed agent to trade can you imagine these guys like well I didn't know that we were gonna be part of some

bullshit conquist the door army some bullshit he refused to allow the greening to be used as forced labor so he's slavery's gone he's setting up a system where everything's fair wild and the fucking Spanish are fucking I could all day the elite settlers are like fuck this guy the soldiers and the man again to fuck this guy and then on top of that the granny are like yeah your Christian stuff is bullshit we don't want to have anything to do with it so he thinks all everybody will be happy we'll get along and I'll introduce him to Christianity and they're like yeah no he's trying to recreate what he had yes

yeah so I could recreate what he had and they're happy with their religion and so his humane respectful conquering thing is a failure and in the spring of 1544 he was seized by the people there and forced back to Spain where he was charged with a ton of crimes trying to be cool not attempting to be a dick never killing list goes on and on they're basically anti-imperialist crimes like how could you not cut that guy's hand yeah there was one that was kind of gross which was I guess the I don't know if this is true because I always get a little suspicious of cannibalism stuff but the granny were apparently did some

cannibalism stuff and he was also charged with taking 25 friendly natives to the granny to be eaten and that was in this book but I'm always suspicious of that but this you know this guy's a history professor okay so Alvar in Spain faces four lawsuits and 30 criminal charges and he's found guilty in 1551 banned from ever going to the Indies stripped of all his titles and sentenced to a prison five years in Algeria wow he appealed he appeals though and he fights every charge and eventually one by one the charges are all reversed and he returns to the village he was born in

Perez de la Frontera and stayed there and had you know decent end of life and died there on May 27th 1559 now Alvar's book so he wrote a book during his whole journey about the region's people the landscape the flora fauna and it's now considered a cornerstone of history in the Spanish southwest yeah so he's a big deal for that first guy to go through that and estabanico is considered to be the first blacks explorer of North America and the source on this is a land so strange the epic journey of Ibiza de vaca by Andres resendez that's just so crazy I mean that feels like five episodes we've done in one like all

that the do you know do you know how great how many bits you would get out of that what if you if you if you were a stand-up comedian and you and you did that journey oh it's like your next seven hours ten years seven hours yeah I mean it just sucks because you know we we always miss like there's there's just there's just enough evil to never let the good things happen and so it's like you know like in this story there's but there's a time where this could be good this was good but it's a good situation well is it good though I mean it's good if a if if people came or just like hey we want to trade with you what we want

to get to know you and that's one thing but he was still trying to convert them to Christianity he was still trying to conquer them but to me I'm viewing I'm doing that like a timeshare where you got to like sit through the spiel I'm like yeah okay you got to like listen to this bullshit whatever but I'm sticking to my guns like I know what you know I don't disagree I mean look that's stupid I mean the whole thing I mean yes religion in the name of religion so many terrible things happen and continue to happen but when you look at the alternative you do say that's like saying that's like saying Democrats are

awesome because Trump exists Dave have you not noticed that that's what we're saying duh are you talking about it's true it is the lesser of two evils but yeah to some extent you know yeah I mean I don't know it's just like I mean you just use the amount of times in our history where it's just a peaceful not even it's not even a peaceful group of people but a group of people who are not necessarily after war who are just doing their own thing are approached and enslaved by you know people who have better technology better arms and you know I mean that's just that just happening I mean it's just different

versions of that every but still the best guy that we've ever seen that came to America was Thomas Morton who was that guy I think we did the episode in Boston but he was the dude who rolled in and set up a different camp from the Puritans like let's just party and fuck yeah like let's just have a fuck party time yes that guy's still the best guy like that guy was just like everybody be cool great guy love that guy yeah I these guys are not on that level cuz guys like how do we get the shit how do we get the gold how do we get the Christian there was a pocket in there where they had a there was a pocket where

they had it if they hadn't been like let's go get copper and the medals and they hadn't been still going like they weren't still nationalists then you know you have they say if you if they stayed in the land of Maze or that other area or the cows just fucking roll with that should be like I'm hanging here for good there's a lot of beans I mean look what they went back to I mean the second that you were like so I want to take our power and mix it with their philosophy they're like no no no their slaves so you know it's just like I don't know it's just it's crazy it's just crazy that story is totally crazy it's very hard to

it's very hard to compete with those who want to destroy that's the problem yeah destroying is is easier yeah it's it's and that's like a that's like a Buddhist idea it's it's harder to have compassion than it is to be violent and yeah and and that's kind of what we're talking about here like it takes more effort on your part to learn about someone else to find out how they work to find out how you can work with them then it is to just burn down their corn and put them in chains yeah no I mean I think that is true I mean that that's what like I mean again we've talked about so many times but you know the level of like just evil

and corruption just in our government society it's like it's so obvious like we know about it and we live with it it's just crazy yeah and look colonialism is ongoing I mean you know yeah oh every time you hear of us and you'll hear it again you know I'm sure that they'll try to overthrow the the elected government sorry sorry I just want to jump in because I think you had a little bit of a lip-flub there okay bring democracy to say it again yeah so let's try to overthrow and put another fascist government in place the Bolivians and that that's ongoing colonialism and colonialism is ongoing here in the

United States it's it's not like it stopped like until all native peoples are recognized by the federal government and given back some land it's ongoing colonization like this is always ongoing it's ongoing at Hawaii every time people build a new fucking condo or a new it's all ongoing it's the colonialism hasn't stopped no it's just taking a different form but it's it's still basically the same purpose I mean yeah just more I want everything you know like I want everything and I won't be done until I have everything and that's just yeah really good philosophy

dude and then and then I got a some guy was like my my wife's family are could be sedabaca V&B's are pronounced the same in Spanish and I was like he's not they're not that I guess all these people think they're related to him but it's like no you're not he went back to fucking he went back to Spain and it's not like he set up camp and made a family and shit yeah but he might I mean he might have like you know what I mean he might have given like a couple how would you know how would you know no one would know that no one would know I mean some guy tried to trace it he's like there's no proof anything there's no

proof it's not but there's no proof but it's the same thing like when I was growing up like you're related to Susan B Anthony and it's like no I'm not you are oh my god that makes so much sense no wonder we do this show it's your destiny I would always hear that but I don't believe David B Anthony mmm new name DB Anthony Susie Dave there it is all right well we sign cars or something like that