The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 48 - The Past Times with Katie Halper

Episode Date: October 20, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and guest comedian, podcaster and documentarian Katie Halper. Redbubble Merch...

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Starting point is 00:00:38 All right everybody, welcome to the Pastimes Podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Katie Helmer. Hi Katie. Hi. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. This is exciting. This is big. This is big for you because you're doing well but but people should go follow you on social media at KT helps. Yes.
Starting point is 00:01:10 That's a PES at the end, right? H-A-A. No, it's, it's, it's a letter K letter T H-A-L-P-S. Oh, P-S, sorry. P-S. That's okay. Like, post-crypt. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:24 And your YouTube, what's your YouTube? post script. Yeah, and your YouTube. What's your YouTube? You have a lot of followers on YouTube YouTube. YouTube.com slash the Katie helper show. Okay. Yes. And and it's exciting. And this is exciting. This is big for Katie though, because she she loves me and hates you, Dave. You know that. Yeah. I'm not supposed to tell him that. It's a mixed bag. It's totally fine. People.
Starting point is 00:01:48 That was told to you in confidence, Gary. Well, one of the things I think you like about me is my renegade etchitude. That is true. It's cool. I'm blue right now. Everybody knows how to like blue.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Yeah, you always you should be blue because you just heard some sad news. Yeah, that's not true I do like you now you're getting blue or now you're like the girl from your smirking. You're fully smirping You look like the very girl. Yeah, yeah Violet Beauregard Yeah, Dave. Yeah, when I'm back Jesus Christ. You're very blue I'm and we should note that he looks blue Even though he's wearing blue. Yeah, I think it brings it out. What's making a little blue? Yeah, I don't know what you've been eating blue stuff
Starting point is 00:02:38 Are you still doing that blue diet? I'm doing the autopilot Oh, yeah, right the only blue ones. Yeah, only blue the the autopilot. Oh, yeah, right. Only blue ones though. Only blue, the blue autopilot. It's an expensive blue diet. Yeah. Yeah, your tongue does not look healthy. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:02:52 It looks like a fish. Is your chair blue also? No, it's white. Well, that's weird. That's why I do and blue. But the blue is coming off you so strongly that it's literally making your chair look blue What's going on with you and blue did you don't worry? Are you a blue man? Are you doing blue man again? I am auditioning later today God well first of all the makeup is far too subtle and second of all they told you stop trying
Starting point is 00:03:20 Can you hear the dog? Yeah, oh? My god your dogs are so cute. What are they called? Snicker doodles or something? Doodle. What are they? Labyrinth doodles. Labyrinth doodles.
Starting point is 00:03:32 Labyrinth doodles. Labyrinth doodles. Yeah. They were made in a lab by a noodle. To be that cute. Yeah. See, this is where Dave's shouting and he's me and it is Mike. And it works.
Starting point is 00:03:40 It's crazy effective though. Yeah. All right, Katie. So we, uh, we like to start each episode with a guess. Well, guess when what year this newspaper Dave is about to read is from. It's low stakes. You don't get anything if you, you get it. Maybe Dave will whiten at some point if you get it right.
Starting point is 00:03:58 I will guess, I go for a sense as our show. I will guess that. Yeah, I'm trying to think, I always think of what he's going to do for the guest. I go first since this is our show. I will guess that I always think of what he's gonna do for the guest. I think for you. He's gonna try to Irritate you and I think you like 20th century So I'm gonna guess I'm gonna guess 1928 because I think he's sorry 19 I'll do 19 29 let's be on the nose about it All right, don't worry. I'm gonna give two dates. How does this is so I guess I Is like we've never set rules. Well, I know and I wish we I wish I knew that
Starting point is 00:04:37 I'm not gonna guess that many of that would be annoying all right 1939 or 1954 Those are both great guesses so close 1940 oh So I really get well, I don't know if we did it's not a definite yeah closest to anyone's ever come she got two Wow, she got two guesses that's all right But even if you average them even if you average them. Yes, it's close better. Yeah But I actually was gonna do 39 then I throw up 54, but we can average them. I'll take that hit. All right fine
Starting point is 00:05:09 Whatever I still win you win both showcases technically. Yeah It's corpus Christi, Texas The date is July 29th 1940 it's the corpus Christi times nice very exciting Page one in the cooler 1940 it's the Corpus Christi Times. Nice. Very exciting. Page one in the cooler. It's a good start. This is a story out of Fayetteville, North Carolina. While the temperature
Starting point is 00:05:36 hovered around 100 degrees, a man sought on an assault warrant, wrapped himself from head to foot in heavy blankets and tried to sneak out of town in a two-horse wagon. Wow. Wow. What? As always, the, I guess, I guess. Yeah, I feel bad. It's not good. I feel like there's a thousand better disguises, but it is technically a disguise. It's as like a carpet. As a Michelin zombie, a mummy man of some kind. But I mean, really, it's blankets. He's trying to go as blankets.
Starting point is 00:06:12 It's blankets, just so you're trying to look like a pile of blankets. You're not hiding because everyone's like, who's the blanket guy? Like everyone is. It's also if it's 100 degrees, you're like, oh, wow. It's a lot of weighting your ass off. Yeah. Everyone's like, what's up with this guy? There's something on with the point is they don't see him. Well, they did see him
Starting point is 00:06:31 because they found out that there was a man under the blankets. And this he's not riding. He's not, I assume, on the horse. He better not, if he's riding on the horse, this story gets a lot better. Yeah. I mean, he should be on the horse because it's a better story. But, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, hello, officer. Big huge, huge caterpillar. Yeah, he could be driving the wagon.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Also, like he, we know, or, but I mean, it's probably him back under the blankets. I think he's hiding as a pile of blankets. Yeah. That's disappointing. Well, you got a shade bluer. I, but buddy, don't a shade bluer. Buddy, down. Uh, British Ministry of Food releases storage eggs.
Starting point is 00:07:18 The eggs have been released. That's coming back. The storage. Yeah. You've never seen that A and E show storage eggs. Really bad. It smells. It's really bad. What are storage eggs? I'm guessing this is going to be I guess it's like our like our gasoline. Yeah, it's like our oil supply. Yeah, it's for, okay, so there's an egg shortage. British, I mean, I've been in England for three weeks. This is very possible. Yeah, there's probably a big up and like Newcastle, there's a big egg storage vault. There's probably a minister of egg. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:08:00 New York Ave or something. Yeah, right. Duke of Duke Ave. The Yoke Ave. Yeah, Yoke here. He's in Yoke here. Yoke here. That Yeah right. Yeah. Duke of Duke of egg. The Yoke of egg. Yeah. Yoke here. He's in Yoke here. Yoke here. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. We all read it who released the emergency eggs. Wait, is this a okay? Is this storage for eggs? Is that what we're thinking? Okay. Are you getting hungry? Okay. The Ministry of Food released a supply of home produced
Starting point is 00:08:29 cold storage eggs yesterday for sale at maximum price of two shillings, a dust to help beat a shortage of fresh eggs. It's 40 cents. So these are two eggs? So they're eggs that you store? They're like rainy day eggs. Yeah, because in Europe, they're normal. They don't put their eggs in. Yeah, we keep them out over here. Yeah, they're out. So your eggs, your eggs out. Yeah, they're like, look, here we have cold eggs, which last longer. And we're going to release them because there's a neck shortage. And if there's a neck shortage in England, the gun thing worse is a T shortage. Yeah, right. Yep. Yep. I've had been seeing a lot of what are they going to let the the English breakfast? Yeah. So it's nuts. I really have been like astounded by the bridge. It's not nuts. Is it? No, it's not actually actual I feel like in your honor, Garroth I'm really gonna
Starting point is 00:09:25 know for it I'm gonna pull my punches with you. You got you pun you're you're you're Jesus Christ Puns holy shit Katie never systems on try I'm always so happy when I hear you're here during puns I'm like thought of that he's your opposite you're your pun foe I'm like, thought of that. He just gave your opposite. Yeah, your punch. Oh, my soul.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Dave tries to move on and he gets angry. There's a session. I should have to be. We do post game stuff after each show where Dave will really kind of break down his thoughts and his problems with how I handled things. Right. And a lot of negative feedback on the puns. Mainly negative.
Starting point is 00:10:01 Yeah. Well, it's a punitive. Yeah. It's a punitive. There you go. Yeah. Well, it's a punitive. There you go. Britain. Oh, here's, here's why Britain got most of her pre war egg imports from the Netherlands in Denmark. But now with their overseas market shut off, the Dutch are having to slaughter their laying hens because of a scarcity of chicken feed. Jesus Christ. Yeah. It wasn't, it was also chickens
Starting point is 00:10:26 that suffered during the war. People think it was just people, but the chickens all over the world. This could very easily be a Brexit headline too. Yeah, they're really good actually. It will be. The poor chickens. Wow.
Starting point is 00:10:39 Wow, I don't know if that's how I get sad at the end. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't know unless you knew about the chickens that they were sad ending to the new or two stories. That's exactly right. I mean, happy, ultimately. I think it takes a turn there. And Dave is a shade bluer.
Starting point is 00:10:53 We should just point that out. Yeah, we should have a blue ominer. Yeah. Hmm. Really? What happens if I do this? More blue? I think even bluer, that's weird.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Like, it is true. I was right. The blue of your hat is a contrast. It's a foil for your blueness. It's very disturbing, right? So maybe, are you dead? Maybe I am. Maybe I am dying.
Starting point is 00:11:15 Maybe I am dying. There's a possibility that you guys can tell me. I think you're dead. It was one pun too many. Yeah. I think you died because of all the puns. Yeah. Is it always one pun too many? No.
Starting point is 00:11:26 God. So this, it's also then you start dying. And you're like, it's really too much. There's the line. Yeah. I'm trying to see if there's a, uh, not dead filter. There are, there are different colors I can, I can change the color. I will do. You're going to want orange because that's the opposite of blue. I like blue. If there's a darker blue, get that going. Oh, it's great. Now, Dave, come fully. Magenta. Yeah, pink. New gerbil. And now your beard looks really great. This is not good for audio. We should just get into the next. Now he's black and white. That's pretty good for this. the next. Now he's black and white. That's pretty good for this. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let us be thankful. We Americans would do well to take time out occasionally to counter our blessings as citizens of a great republic. Wait, counter or count? Oh, count. Sorry. I say counter.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Yeah. That's me. That's me. That's me. That's me. Yeah. Self sabbiz. If we did so, we'd learn to appreciate more and more what it means to be American. Now, see, so this is a very, this is really where our problem stem from. The, just the step and enjoy how great everything is while everyone is just looting us and the rich are just slowly starting to retract the things that we value and that matter. But it's very corpus Christi to just be like, yeah, aren't we the greatest? Well, this is 40 right 1940.
Starting point is 00:13:04 Yeah, 1940. So America is not in World War two yet. I guess we haven't come into bail amount yet, right? Yeah. So that's like there is a lot of blessings to be counted. Yeah, it's actually not it's not it's not it's not wrong, but it's also like we keep, I guess, I guess it's okay if things were good in the country, but things weren't even really good then. Where are they? I mean, there was still a tremendous amount of awful, I mean, America was still, you know, had a tremendous problems, Dave, stop with the filter stuff.
Starting point is 00:13:41 But, but yeah, we still do that though. We still are constantly like, yeah, we just take a minute to just enjoy the freedom of this country provides us. Yeah, it's just American exceptionalism, right? Constant. How great are we? Let's take a moment out here
Starting point is 00:13:57 for something we never do. We never do this. Let's take a moment out to appreciate America. Yeah, yeah. Take our political system, for instance, and our election manners particularly. It is true that our politicians cuss each other and predict dire things in case the other fellow wins, but seldom do we have anything more serious by way of an outbreak than an occasional fist fight. Man. Not only they knew. I know. know. Just be great. Just be like, I don't take you
Starting point is 00:14:28 to 2023 for five minutes and just show you around. These disagreements usually grow out of personal rivalries rather than from any serious disagreement over policies and methods. When the ballots are counted, the losers accept defeat gracefully. Oh my gosh. Be freeing from growing over their victory. No. The individual counts for something. His ballot is just as important as anybody else's. Are they gaslighting us? It's also bullshit from like, even this like, okay, so there may be a little period here where you can say this,
Starting point is 00:15:05 but like American elections have always been a fucking nightmare, just a shit show. It's just assholory and it's incredibly, I mean, we've talked about it at the very beginning. We're like gangs. We're like beating the shit out of people and voting 20 times. Like it's just been a disaster. And we're going to break your vote in thumbs. Yeah. The point is that we take our elections in stride and don't go in for rebellion. I mean, are they seriously just like, hey, 2023, you can suck our dick.
Starting point is 00:15:39 Yeah, you are real bad at all this. They're really the loser leaves. Also, this is the time when they had poll taxes and stuff. Oh, right. Right. There's that. There's the whole most enfranchising country. Isn't it good to be white? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:59 Paul tax is a phenomenal, a phenomenal phase. Yeah. Yep. No, we believe in the freedom for, but by the way, you will be paying a voting fee. So. Yeah. Man Hagen by George Tucker.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Is there a book in the middle of the paper? This is weird. New York, we were having the Veal pie in Sam's at lunch yesterday when Monty Prozer dropped into the joining chair. I think I think the guy who researched this just dropped this and it was like, this is what they wrote like. Can you keep that? I got distracted by this. Having a Veal's pie at Sam's when Matthew McBougill walked in. We were having the Veal pie at Sam's at lunch yesterday when Monty Prozer dropped into an adjoining chair adjoining chair. adjoining chair.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Just say sad. Maddie fancy his life of young cow. Monty is a young man with horn rim glasses, a sad smile, add a conviction, add a conviction that disappointment is the inevitable reward for those who expect too much from life. That is, whoa, this guy's a real man. This is like Dave Terrentori. Yeah, this is what? Fifty shades of blue Anthony. This is by no means the melancholy philosophy of a young man who has been frustrated by life.
Starting point is 00:17:32 No doubt at times he feels frustrated, but a careful analysis of his deeds and experiments reveals something of the salt of variety, of changing color, of sunny days, as well as glum ones. Hey, Katie, I'll ask it. Hey, what's happening? Monty used to be a hobo. Oh. Oh. Monty is a form of hobo.
Starting point is 00:18:00 So this is nice, a reformed hobo. A reformed hobo. With horn-ring glasses. That's right. What did he wear when he reformed hobo with horn-ring glasses What did he wear when he was a hobo? Did he not have glasses? two bottoms of coat bottles. Yeah Wow, he's trying to jump jump from trains Yeah, well Really dangerous to jump into the train right as it's passing you Yeah, Jesus my date Well, boys, I'm off to the train. There's no train
Starting point is 00:18:31 He just fell into a river Really hard to be as he's pulling at his scrotum, right He's still in heart a hobo He has been known to Broadway. He's been known to Broadway since the early days of repeal. You know the Broadway, the two step, the box step boy. You never heard of the counter crack. He has been a press agent. He has shipped on cattle boats and slept in open fields. He once worked for Herbert Hoover. What's it like? Like madlibs.
Starting point is 00:19:07 This is very, it is pit fields. It doesn't feel authentic. Yeah. Once he was a guy at Yellowstone Park, I mean, this is the hobo life. They would just travel around and do shit. And he was just in parks. Yeah, you could just do it. Back then you could just do it.
Starting point is 00:19:22 You didn't. You just walk up. I know. I know. I know. I know. In no way. Am I shaming the unhoused, but I'd be like, You could just do it back then you could just do it didn't I know In no way am I shaming the unhoused, but I'd be like wait what? Yep What are going to tour um with my kids and stuff you work here no I live no they could live there. I live here come on They could live there. I live here. Come on Wanted a squirrel turd? What do you want to eat a squirrel turd squirrel turd? Hi
Starting point is 00:19:55 Goes well with a wheel of ill pie. I don't You people How it yes, you want to leave one of your kids here? No, okay? Can I be one of your kids? Do I give you money something something to make you go ahead and make you? Well yeah yeah that will work if you want to do that. Here's money. Okay. All right well enjoy Yellowstone. It's weird you're wearing a burlap sack but have horn rim glasses. Well you're not moving you're just still standing here. I know. Where are we going, Dad? Dad?
Starting point is 00:20:30 Pop. Papa? If someone gives you money, it doesn't mean they adopt you. Uh. Depends. So, slippery slope. What's, uh... Pie?
Starting point is 00:20:51 Pie? Love a bit of pie. Boy, boy pop you sure know the rate of my heart. He is a restaurant owner now or rather a nightclub owner and in recent months he has been rather wildly widely heralded as the father of the zombie. Nice. Nice. Almost everybody in New York knows what a zombie is. It is an after dark beverage so powerful that not more than two may be sold to a customer. Oh man. Amazing. That's awesome. Is that like an old school roofie? Well, it's like a really hardcore drink. It's like a long island ice tea. You're not of that more than two of these zombies. Where's my kidney? Someone banged my mouth. That's why you're not allowed to boy. A man's capacities is own business. Though personally, I would be afraid to travel in the company of people who could or would want to carry more than two of those tall rum inspired concoctions under their belt. Hmm. I feel like that's all bluster. I feel like, you know, the, like, I feel like I could put away four zombies.
Starting point is 00:21:57 Yeah. I mean, it just goes on and on about the zombie. What's in it? I want to know what the the recipe. It doesn't, it doesn't say rum. Are we allowed to Google things during the show? Yes. But then you have to read us your Google search. Oh, I will, of course. I mean, it's definitely rum. Yeah, yeah. The zombie is a rum filled notoriously powerful drink. It said that beach limited each customer. Oh, what beaches is. Oh Don Beach created it in 1930 when he opened America's first polynesian theme Tiki bar. That's not what we got from this article. Whoa, whoa Dave. Well that's they're lying. They are absolutely disrespecting. Monty. Don Beach. Oh, listen, you're on your team Beach, Katie.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Well, this is what they're saying is that it was created by Don Beach, D-O-N-N. Dave, you Monty or Beach, which side do you find? Monty, Monty, all the way. This is my Monty. I'm on the Mon team too. Monty, I'm on the Mon team. Monty, this. I'm on the Mon team too.
Starting point is 00:22:58 Monty, this. I'm on the Mon team too. Monty, this. I'm on the Mon team too. I'm on the Mon team. Monty, this. I'm on the Mon team too. I'm on the Mon team too. I'm on the Mon team. I'm on the Mon team person. My name is Don Beech. I know. I would be in my team to develop a teaky bar when your name is Beech. Mm, that does sound fake.
Starting point is 00:23:10 That definitely sounds like a save by the bell thing. But apparently it has, it must have a base of both light and dark rum. Sometimes it's 151 proof rum. Cache and fruit is common though an array of other fruits, including grapefruit, orange, papaya, and pineapple have been used in and zombies. Well, the one so you don't you don't need you don't need roofies. Now, the one 51 is the one 51 is fully flammable. So yeah, that'll set you on fire.
Starting point is 00:23:37 We're dealing with something. This is a this is this website I'm on is like an eats what it's like a the spruce eats. And it's very good. Are you doing ads? If you're not allowed, you're not. You can. I love the spruce eats, you know, when I'm tired, I don't want to cook a meal. Quick, Dave, do Hello, fresh.
Starting point is 00:23:58 Hurry. Come on. We've got to come back. Hello, website is saying that it was developed in the 30s by Don Beach, but then the same website goes on to say, oh, it's adapted from adapted from one To the Fulmonte, but he uncovered it in a 1950 self-published book. This makes no sense. It's like time travel Well, the truth of the zombie is it's mom now I'm team Monty because this is a real zombie. Nobody knows. Do you think Monty is the pile of blankets from the first story? Yeah, I like to think that.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Was there any more about the pile of blankets guy by the way? No, that was it. It's all we know. So much to fill in. Yeah, a lot of a lot of the newspapers and back in the past give you a taste and then they stop. This is when the editors had ADHD and they would be like halfway through an article and they'd be like, oh, I love butterflies.
Starting point is 00:24:50 Hey, let's do that zombie thing. Right. I want a drink right now. I don't like day drinking, but. I'm drinking one. Get the zombie. Yeah. Shot as she prays.
Starting point is 00:25:04 Oh, He's having a Columbus Ohio. I'm a stereotype the salient shot miss Bula woffered While she knelt in prayer at home a bullet pass through her hands raised in worship. Oh shit I thought he had a head. So did she survive? She just got the stigmata. Yeah, she's got a stigmata or not even the stigmata. She avoided the stigmata. Well, that's the stigma of the stigmata, which I think has actually been on earth right. I mean, nothing else on her hand. That's a that's it. That's the whole story, but that's really God saying don't pray. It's not wait. Is this God saying don't pray. It's not. Wait, is this God saying don't quit a prayer or saying praying? Yeah, no, I mean, she got shot through the hand. So it's God going like was she shot like physical so it hit her. She did get shot. It went through her hands. Okay, I went through her hands into her right. I thought maybe I'm going to go into it. I just went through her hands. She's praying.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Oh, yeah. So she did. So I feel like that what God is saying, certainly if I were religious, I would want to spin it this way, which is like her prayers protected her. I do not have the same interpretation. I don't see that, because I think that's the reason that this is the reason that this is the reason. I'd be like, I'm done praying.
Starting point is 00:26:16 I'm not praying anymore. I'm not praying anymore. I'd be like, yeah, this is your Kami camp up bringing. Yeah, I just, you were praying. I would never be like, I just, yeah. You were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, I would never be like, I would never be like, I'm going to keep praying. Look at the holy in my hands. So her hands were shot, okay. Her hands were shot. Yeah, yeah, I went through them. I don't, you know why, I don't, you know why, I for some reason thought, you thought in between the fingers, which makes no sense, because no one prays like that.
Starting point is 00:26:49 But I thought, Oh my God, how did your brain go there? I know. I don't pray. So she did get the stigmata. No, that's why it made no sense when I was saying, it was like,
Starting point is 00:26:59 well, she didn't get the stigmata, because in my weird work brain, it went through the fingers. Yeah, you've got some, you have some. I'm doing such a bad job representing Jews. It's like they think people pray like this. They think people pray with their fingers is played. Spread.
Starting point is 00:27:15 Yeah, that just like wet like yeah, yeah, the goiim hand. Yeah, going web web. Exactly. Yeah, the ducks. So you're a webbed, exactly. Yeah. Hey, on the ducks. So you're right, it's anti-prang, because if she had her hands down, she wouldn't have suffered anything. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:32 She shouldn't have been in church. I mean, I guess we're actually putting a little on her. I got to shoot her hands. Yeah, I know, we're guys in blaming a little bit. That guy's a bit of a problem to her. Yeah. So he went into a church. He went into a church.
Starting point is 00:27:44 No, she was at home, I think. Oh, she was at home. There's no indication she was a church. She's praying at home. Yeah. She's getting on the street. She's getting a street prayer. Yeah. All right. A street preacher. I do a lot of that. We can all agree she deserved it, right? 100%. I'm on the guy side. I'm on the gun side in most of these. Those prayer beads that day. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Mayor Leeds Rades, Atlantic City, New Jersey, with a sick shooter tucked in his white linen suit. It's amazingly of a gun problem. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:20 In his white linen suit. All right. The first story on the news in England today was that a kid was stabbed. Really? Yeah. As a bad kid. I think maybe to death, which isn't great. But I was still like this. This would not make the news.
Starting point is 00:28:37 Yeah, this would this would never. There was the lead story. I wouldn't do a raid in a white suit. I know. I would do a raid in a white suit. I know I would do a raid in a white suit either. That's the best way to raid. That might be the dumbest thing to wear in a raid. I don't know. Pile of blankets.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Dumber. Okay. That's a great summer. Mayor Tom Taggart led 40 policemen in raids on four local nightclubs early yesterday. The raid. All dragons zombies. The race produced 32 prisoners and several truckloads of gambling paraphernalia.
Starting point is 00:29:11 Police chief James moment, moment in him. Momentum. Go ahead. Moment, momentum. Momentum. I'm on a knees. Momentum, was home, sound asleep, as were other high ups in the department.
Starting point is 00:29:29 The clubs were just ready to begin floor shows to pack houses when Mayor Taggart and the rating parties descended. Photographers took pictures of each gambling device under the mayor's direction. I'm not taking chances on any of this evidence being stolen before the trials start. Taggart explained. Asked why he staged the raids personally. We recently like him tagging gambling on any of it. Oh, right there.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Oh, yeah, that's disappointing. It's hard. It's hard. Is it too late to fix that? I know. We need to do there. It's past. It's a speechwriter.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Yeah. Okay. Sorry, Dave. I know. He needed you there. It's his speech writer. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, Dave. Keep going. Ask why you staged the raids. Personally, the recently, recently elected tagger to certain, certain guys around this town have shown themselves to be peculiumune to arrest. Oh, he didn't tell the police chief. It's a corrupt police department. And he's going in there now because the higher ups are asleep. And he's basically being like, this is the only way to get anything done in this town. Yeah, it's to not tell the cops.
Starting point is 00:30:33 And yet I'm still on team gambler. Isn't that weird? I'm against the guy in the white linen suit with the gun. No matter what. It's the only thing bringing me back to his corner. So he went in there with 40 police. Yes, non-corrupt police. But not the high-rops.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Not the high-rops. So he's like trying to... He's sending a message. Cut out the middle man kind of. Yeah. Yeah. And he wears white night suits. Who is the top man?
Starting point is 00:30:57 Yep. Just... Where in the way it is. The rank and file police. I like it. Dave, get off the outfit stuff. I'm really, I don't care as much about the corruption is the white suit like the white linen suit is more upsetting. It's great. Get up. Word. It's awesome. Also, where's this fall in relation to Labor Day? I guess it's okay. It's July. We're in July, right? Yeah, we're in joy. He was definitely like don't don't overturn those tables with wine on it But come up. I'm a the sustain this is stain Hey, what if we all wear white suits. Yeah, what are we all?
Starting point is 00:31:35 Everyone maybe a little white We got a palmo. No, no, no, we're just gonna go no no no. This is purely we're breaking up some of these rings boys We're just gonna go no no no this is purely we're breaking up some of these rings boys Might be nice to do a hole I think we could go to pan him after might be nice to kind of guys and dolls are way in there a little bit to You know sort of today. Hey, we're coming in. Yeah, what's like what what can I wear spanks? Absolutely not listen officer spanks. We've told you get out of here. All right. This is Christ. She, she, she, that's him walking away.
Starting point is 00:32:11 How Collins, president of the crazy water company at Mineral Wells? Uh, Katie, wanna jump in? How do we wanna, what's going on? The crazy water company? Yeah. What? At Mineral Swells? Crazy water.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Mineral Wells. Mineral Swelves. Crazy water. Mineral Wells. Mineral Wells. Crazy water. This so much of this does really sound like adlibs. Madlibs, madlibs, I mean. Yeah. That's the game adlibs. Water company.
Starting point is 00:32:34 Yeah, Crazy Water Company. The name finally came to me. It's insane, like Crazy Eddie. Yeah, what are you settling? Huh? What are you selling? Milk. Baaah! Crazy water. What are you selling? Huh? What do you sell in milk?
Starting point is 00:32:45 Crazy water. Zombies are crazy water. A president of the crazy water company, Mineral Wells, said tonight, Corpus Christi will have to get busy with lots of work and advertising if it hopes to capitalize on the health giving minerals of water from the recently regrialed artesian park well. So who's side would you be on in this because part of me is like not his. Well, part of me is like, okay, great.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yeah, people should be drinking water. We got it. But then yeah, he is a bottle or basically, right? He's a bull. It's bullshit. He's also lying. He's saying it has like healing properties. It's just fucking well.
Starting point is 00:33:23 That back back. Shasta. Come on, buddy. Shasta. What? You never had Shasta? You never had a Shasta animal? Come on, buddy. What? You never had a Shasta animal? The crazy one. You never had you never had crazy water with both. Yeah. Yeah. Did you? I'm sorry. Did you say crazy water from both ends? Yeah. Have it meet in the middle You never done it what you never been tube you never did double tube
Starting point is 00:33:50 You never No, you never been water set you never been human water peded. Oh my god. No Waterboarded from both ends. Yeah waterboard water. Believe me. You'll talk. Yeah, I'll tell you anything I'm both man. I'll tell you my pen number if you water both me Why reward me at both ends? Oh, it's called water both thing. Oh my god. I'll give you every I'll let you know when I lost my virginity and now it went 15 not great Go ahead. Just oh Talk about great. I made crazy water that day, milk.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Go ahead, Dave. Artists, Bala, resident of Corpus Christi, announced today he would leave this city August 4th in an attempt to ride a burrow to New York. What? He predicted it would take him until late in the autumn of next year to complete the trip. What's he writing?
Starting point is 00:34:46 Is that a donkey? Cause that's how donkey in Spanish. Yeah. He's writing a burrow to a burrow. Oh, he need a bee. Fuck, burrow. Fuck you. Can you ever talk to me like that day?
Starting point is 00:34:57 Fuck you. Dave, your dogs are present. Stop it. Some goddamn respect. Have some dog gamma respect. Wow. Donkey. Yeah, the poor, I mean, some goddamn respect. That's some dogdam respect. Wow, it's a... Yeah, the poor, I mean, truly. That's the thing about something like that is people like,
Starting point is 00:35:11 wow, this guy's a hero. It's like, this donkey is a hero, but no. Not the guy. No, don't. That donkey was like, hey, he's from Texas. To New York, that's like requires a lot of different clothing types of apparel for the weather. For the donkey. You're talking about for the man.
Starting point is 00:35:33 For the man. Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah. He would need the donkey just keeps the same hat. We're talking. Yeah. And glasses. We're talking about a lot of a lot more stuff for the, I see what you're doing. We're talking about a lot more stuff for the donkey to have to carry if we're doing outfits right right so Or you could just like you could also do that chip in just a poncho. I like that too. Yeah, I like that to sort of a donkey Hote Oh nice. Yeah, yeah, I don't know about nice. Come on. Fun. Jack White and Franklin right left orders tonight, not to be to start this morning. Hey, no. Oh my God, the poetry. Yeah. Jack White, Franklin night, left in the night.
Starting point is 00:36:20 Tonight. Shut up, Dave. Left orders not to be disturbed this morning at one 30 o'clock when they completed their 300th hour of tree sitting as as they did not expect to be sitting at that time, but lying on their beds in the Chinaberry tree of sleep and the right backyard on second street. What? What is happening? You don't have anything Dave.
Starting point is 00:36:44 You don't know what's going on. We don't. There was a whole there was a whole pole sitting. Are you doing the thing now? Are you doing rhymes? Don't you do rhymes? There's a whole pole sitting thing now around this time. So you think tree sitting is tree sitting to me would be a much less enjoyable version. Well, they have beds in the tree. So what the I would not go to I'd be like, there's another guy is going to do polls tomorrow. Lying on their beds in the China buried tree. So they are just being a little bit more. So these guys put out basically these guys put out a press release.
Starting point is 00:37:22 And they're like, Hey, when our 300 comes, I know everyone wants to celebrate, but we're going to be snoozing at that month. This is like the wackest David Blaine ever. Yeah. Sleep at a tree for a while. I assume these are adults. Half the thing. Do not disturb.
Starting point is 00:37:39 Yeah. They're saying, don't wake me. I'm obviously sleeping my tree bed. That people were like, this is pretty good. Do you see that? Don't wake me up to celebrate the tree sleeping thing. Right up there. Sounds like a crazy person. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:56 Like, thinking the crazy, the crazy part isn't even this tree sleeping. It's the like expectation that there's going to be a celebration completely. Right. Yes. Yeah, there were watching your crazy. I know. I'm not sure. I be celebration completely. Right. Yes. Yeah. If you're watching, you're crazy. If you're doing it, please, no pop rats. Guys, please, we're regular people. Yeah. Come on. Regular tree sleepers.
Starting point is 00:38:11 Now, if you leave, I'm going to give it to the Mrs. Real Quake before we crash out. Um, the stars are down North Carolina. Okay. Filling station operator gives 25 years extra meets death at a pointed time. What? That's what I was gonna say. Carson Searle's 59 year old Filling station operator who kept a 25 year rendezvous with death
Starting point is 00:38:44 was buried yesterday in the small cemetery lot he had prepared three days ago. He called the shot I think. I think this guy called the shot. He 25 years ago was like I'll be gone in 25 years, prepared his grave and then three days later went in it. Yeah, I know, killed himself, right? Well, yeah, I mean, that is, that's, that should not make it legal. For 25 years,
Starting point is 00:39:09 Seryld had been preparing for his death in the month of July, 1940, and he was ready. Wow, so yeah, so this is 25 years. He took him five. He knew the month, and he knew the month. Yeah, he has. He had an advent. Funeral arrangements were made a year before he died and a minister was really weird meeting when he like, so next July I'll be going. How do we want to do it? I'm thinking some wreaths, then just maybe cold cuts afterwards
Starting point is 00:39:40 with some sort of, maybe that Martin Ellie's dry side or stuff. What do you think? Sorry, I just mean this is for you. This isn't for a lover. Yeah, next July. I'm thinking July 19th. I'll probably be out of here. So I want to do something nice. Casket wise Pine is where my head's at, but I wouldn't mind a maple Yeah, whatever shine.'t mind a maple. Yeah, whatever shine, I want a little mahogany. And then afterwards obviously, Vialpies. I'm trying to think of this.
Starting point is 00:40:14 Sorry. We actually don't serve Vialpies. I'll be new at all. We actually don't serve food at the funeral. A few days before, I'd like to see the plot and lay in the hole. Try it out. Sort of see how that feels. Kind of see what's up with it. I'm going to want to do installments over the next 12 months. So I don't have to just do one lump sum a couple days before because I'm going to be doing I'm just going to be loaded with
Starting point is 00:40:42 good vibes. It's okay. We don't do blue ice. I'm gonna be swamped. Do you guys do the suits? What do you mean, do we put them on you or we make a suit? That'd be perfect, exactly. Thank you so much. So we'll do that. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:40:58 And then I'll be buried. And yeah, awesome. You guys are the best. You're the best in the biz. I will want a autopsy. Oh, the government, we don't handle the autopsy. Take all the fluids out of you. That's good.
Starting point is 00:41:19 I'll be doing that a couple days before I myself, but if you can follow the train you. Yeah, we train absolutely people I'll be ex I'll be train you before with crazy water that doesn't sound bad yeah you want to do a double do one of those kind of like airport pendulumy things that's fine sure that sounds good sure slosh it out of me brother my brother owns crazy water so that's easily no that's awesome some water awesome Yeah, give me a little water
Starting point is 00:41:45 Pintessent bringing back to life, you know, I don't think this isn't a laughing matter fuck face. Sorry Christ have some respect I'm terminal Throughout last week Surles visited his friends and relatives and told them goodbye I like this. I like this. I like this. I like this. I'm not going to lie.
Starting point is 00:42:08 The downside is obviously you got to take it, take your own life. But the getting your stuff in, or this is like packing. It's just like getting it ready, and then you zip the suitcase when it's time to roll. Yeah. Uh, he invited them to his funeral,
Starting point is 00:42:24 which he said would be sooner than they expect. Don't worry. And then went to this cemetery where he scraped the weeds from his future grave and put everything in order. Oh boy, this is a pigstie. Saturday, Sir Elizabeth told Russell Godwin, his employer, that this is a typo, that he must go home and get ready. He became ill, apparently, without cause, and died at 220 p.m. He poisoned himself. Yeah. He poisoned himself. He had to.
Starting point is 00:42:58 He had to. He had to. Yeah. I'm going home to be sick and die. I will be back. I'm going home to be sick and die. I will be dying shortly. Sirals oh Dr. Jare Johnson who arrived as Sirals was dying said he could find no cause of death and said suicide was
Starting point is 00:43:19 Impossible what no this impossible is nothing This is the worst doctor ever. This doctor is terrible. Well, there's nothing going on here. The man is fine and dead. There's that big gunshot to the head, but other than that, I can't put my finger on it. Certainly wasn't poison. Someone killed him. He might have been praying.
Starting point is 00:43:40 Uh, Sir's story was almost unbelievable. 25 years ago, he lay dying of typhoid fever, but miraculously recovered. And for ten years, his friends and neighbors were amazed at his recovery, and Sirles finally told them his story. For the last fifteen years, he has insisted he would die this month, but no one believed that. It's a weird one. The Lord came to me in a vision.
Starting point is 00:44:06 He said, I asked the Lord to prepare my life. He said he would spare me, but that I had to go before I became 60. What a weird Lord. That's just a God. God's all about 60, like he's like, okay. Well, I don't think that's what he originally was going let people live with 59 like that was just like that Norma Donald bit where it's like the guy who like killed it like the devil told this guy to kill his neighbor and then like at the end He's like and then that guy takes off the devil mask and he's just like hey, it's me 10
Starting point is 00:44:41 Hey, I was playing a prank on you. Yeah, hey, I'm not the Lord at all. You can live way past 60. He just unwalls himself to live. I guess. Still even then I feel like I could not be like next Monday. I'm going to die. I'll just keep thinking about it. Yeah. He could put a little little stock in his tail and said it surely must have been hallucination. Oh, sorry. I really heard that way differently. I know. I knew you did.
Starting point is 00:45:14 I knew I was just picturing like broth up his ass. This is what he would have wanted. Yeah. Yeah. But as the years passed, they all began to wonder. Sirals put all his affairs in order. He seemed peaceful, although those around him were worried by financial troubles and the wars abroad. By the way, he's like, it's all chill because I know what's going to happen on a red dead anyway. I may be before we enter World War Two. That's true.
Starting point is 00:45:43 What I wouldn't do is like get my finances in order. I wouldn't be like, if I have a week left, I wouldn't be like, I'm doing 2024s taxes now. I just want to pay that down before. A year ago, he visited an undertaker in order to cough and engage full directions for his burial. Dr. Aaron McQueen, pastor of the Presbyterian Church, uh, officiated at yesterday's services as Sirles had asked them to long ago. Wow, I like that part too. I would love coming up with the soundtrack. You know what I mean? That'd be fun. And the pictures they use.
Starting point is 00:46:21 The flowers. There's a lot of good plant. The equid sign. There's a lot of good stuff you could do here. There's a lot of good. You can really. Oh God, parking. Jesus. I can't believe I almost left without having that figured out. Services were held at the Chromite Chromite Frino home as planned. He was buried in grave in Greenwood Cemetery that he picked out himself. Weedless grave. The Lord said, I must go before my 60th birthday, Sirl told his wife and children surely before he's dead.
Starting point is 00:46:59 I was picturing a single. I just see my mind. I'm picturing me. I'm picturing me. Can you imagine being his kids? No. I'm picturing me. I'm picturing me. Can you imagine being his kids? No. That's so fucked up.
Starting point is 00:47:08 But wait, what's going on, Dad? Well, listen, about 25 years ago, I should have died from typhoid, but I didn't. So the Lord made a deal with me that I could have a life, but I had to go before I'm 60. So you're not going to have a dad anymore in this era where I'm probably the one who makes the money. So it's just going to be you and your mom and your brothers and your sister. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:47:35 That's how it was foretold. I got to go. I owe some guys some money. Yeah, is he like a dad? Is this all about dad? Yeah, I mean, no, this is the whole story. There's nothing to take my thumbs if I don't give him the 50,000. I lost the pony track. 20 years later, is that dad?
Starting point is 00:47:58 Yeah. Whoa, whoa. Holy shit. Well, how are you? I have a while, little addendum. Addendum. I have a look at the time for jokes. No, it isn't, but what a miracle. By the way, I literally woke up yesterday, aged everything.
Starting point is 00:48:23 Don't think I've been out here living and having a second family and stuff I have a family yeah Well who are the people with you? That's my wife Sheila and these are you know three well, these are your brothers Honestly, if I'm gonna tell you these are younger brothers they I'm trying to think how this could make sense. They were formed out of me After my death and I came to yesterday I was on my way to your house where you guys all live because I'm fucking fired up to see y'all
Starting point is 00:48:56 Okay, for starters Run into Sheila. We get a couple cocktails Get to talk and I decide I don't want to show up tipsy after all this time. I can see, by a puzzled look, you're a little concerned. I would understand that. And I decided, I did not want to show up tipsy. I want to show up sober.
Starting point is 00:49:12 On my way to you today, turns out Sheila's pregnant. We got into it last night. I, a dead man has needs and I had just been really, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, what? No, it's a different guy. I don't know you. Yeah, get out of here. Get good out of here now. Leave. I don't know who you are. I'm not even a, I'm not a dad. Boy, that was, I don't even know what to say about what just truck. Well, that's what I really talk for you because clearly took poison. I I don't know I don't know I don't know what I maybe paid the doctor It also could just be one of those things where you've said something so much and it's just so Embarrassingly you just got to do it, you know, I mean like you maybe but still they're saying this is natural
Starting point is 00:50:23 Well, the doctor said that but the doctor sounds crazy the doctor Lee showed up and he's like this guy's dying It can't be suicide like we haven't done any tests. What are you talking about? Yeah, I just still can't get over the wife and kids part that is very great I really like you think they like tried to give him the silent treatment to like try well I mean your father's in the dog house. Yeah, he's gonna die next Tuesday For making them so yeah, they did have a lot of time prepare like they were ready They should have been ready for I wonder if this happened before he met her Do you think this like this was like deal?
Starting point is 00:51:00 Even then you'd be like she'll catch but there's one thing about me Why are you single? How come you're still single? Well, it's funny story. A lot of people aren't into this. Well, there is one thing I didn't leave on my tender profile for a reason. It seemed to turn a lot of the women off. You're under 57?
Starting point is 00:51:18 No, no, I'm 5'8. I'm 5'8. No, no, no. Yeah, I could definitely sit. Well, you know, he's actually really sticking to this. He's going to die within 25 years thing. God, that's ridiculous. Crazy.
Starting point is 00:51:33 Oh, Mussolini 57 today. Let's celebrate that. Well, happy birthday, and do you, Jay? Happy birthday. Premiere Mussolini received congratulations from Adolf Hitler and fascist leaders today as he celebrated his 57th birthday happy birthday Mussolini. So you gotta be straight. You're fascist. Happy birthday. You know he started as a socialist. Did it? Yeah, I know. Yeah, I did. And he was named after Benito Juarez the Mexican president
Starting point is 00:52:08 But yeah, it's gonna be weird when Hitler's sending you stuff. You're like my god. What do you think he said? Yeah Like a fruit basket you are so fucking awesome to me. You don't look a day over 56 don't let them them tell you you look any older. I love the way you nod. Let's hang soon You look great without your top on yeah, see oh, it's good. Yeah, he got it. Let's hang soon or go to an underground cafe. Yeah or go to an underground cafe. Yeah. What's the next time? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:52:46 This is a little, uh, Ava just will not get out of my ass about marrying her. Mostly anyone's. I'm not sure. War of such a funny hat. There's girth news. Yep. Luggage of Duke of Windsor arrives in New York.
Starting point is 00:53:00 Ha, ha, ha. Without the Duke. The, the Connard White Starliner Britannic arrived today. Without the Duke? The... The Conard White Starliner Britannic arrived today with 14 pieces of luggage marked in the name of the Duke of Windsor, some of it bearing his crest as Prince of Wales. The ship which left Liverpool 8 days ago, carried 778 passengers. Its capacity is 1500 persons. The immediate destination of the Duke of Windsor's luggage
Starting point is 00:53:32 remained a mystery. Wow. The ship's officers merely disclosed that it was sent unaccompanied in fear of the back. They lost the fucking Duke's back. Jesus Christ. They lost the. I can't imagine.
Starting point is 00:53:47 I can't imagine. But that's so strange for like to be like, well, wait, what? But I'm the Duke. Where is it? You go in on like a pretty woman shopping screen why am I why am I why am I I'm a prostitute sex worker sex why am I sex working how well because you're with kid Deluca and she you guys what how much am I charging? Well, to well, to go out with Lewis, I think is his name, it's going to be like three days and it's going to be like $3,000. And then is it but stuff extra? No, you're not going to do but stuff.
Starting point is 00:54:40 You don't even kiss on the lips. You're not going to do but stuff with him. He doesn't want that from you. Good job, Gareth. His name is Edward Lewis. Sorry. Yeah, interrupt. He doesn't he doesn't even kiss on the lips. You're not going to do butt stuff with him. He doesn't want that from you. Good job, Garrett. His name is Edward Lewis. Sorry. Yeah, he doesn't even want that from you. That's not what he doesn't want sex. He doesn't want sex. He doesn't sleep. He doesn't need what's what's wrong with him. He's really into business. He buys he buys companies and breaks and dies big companies. But guess what? Through your love, he's gonna not feel great about doing that anymore. And get over his hair. You're gonna go to the opera,
Starting point is 00:55:08 you're gonna call it the, you're gonna say you almost pissed your pants and all the guys gonna go what. And then Richard, and then Edward Lewis is just gonna go, she said she liked it better than Pirates of Penseiance. Exactly. Fly by the sea moment to moment.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Yeah. So the second, the sequel has butt stuff. No, no, no, no, no. Pretty woman. No butts about it. Yeah. That's the sequel. Yeah. Jesus. So stop. I guess my favorite quote is, oh, I'm not, you're not attracted to me. Of course he's attracted. Stop. Stop. Stop. Katie, we can sidebar. We'll do the apple side bar. Our two person show version of any woman. We could do a podcast about what Dave just did. Seriously. Yeah. Really good. Without flagpole in Salem, Oregon, the new state capital is still unable to observe flag day properly.
Starting point is 00:56:09 Yes. Although the building was completed two years ago, it has been impossible, despite several efforts to get an appropriation for a flagpole. Oh my God. Can't just have like one dinner. Yeah. Just like one potluck. Yeah, dude. Oh, just someone pitch in. It's a fucking flagpole. Well, we're getting close. I think we're about a year, year and a half away, maybe, if we play our cards right. They can't get the funds. There has to be one billionaire in Oregon.
Starting point is 00:56:48 Yes, but he hates America. Right. He hates polls. It's, yeah, he does. Yeah. And Ukrainians. Yep. Man, you're a Korean. Average housewife can identify only few cuts of meat. Whoa, you had one job, lady. Seriously. meat. Whoa, you had one job, lady. Seriously. What a what a weird article. Yeah, how do they do that? Study. Well, listen, dumb women. We've put out a few cuts and see if you little brains can remember what they are. That's an eye. No, that's a that's a rib eye close. That's
Starting point is 00:57:31 bottom. That's the same one you were just holding. Alright, look, Megan's not going anymore. Okay, this is an arm. That's ham. That's two slices of ham. That's right, the cow arm. No. In every way, no. Nope. Okay. Black. No, it's ham.
Starting point is 00:57:55 It's ham. The back. The back of what? The... The hairy one. Don't answer any more. Okay, listen, I have enough for the article. This has really been dumb.
Starting point is 00:58:09 American housewives spend more than two billion annually for meat, yet a survey shows everybody's yeti. Yeah, the average woman knows relatively little about the commodity she buys. What? I mean, what is what? What is going on with women? So women just go into the butcher shop and they're like two pounds of one of them. Give me the round one. Bage.
Starting point is 00:58:38 Man, I have more beige. What really happens is people who have to cook every night get bored and just go, I know how to cook this. And then they just go in and they just get the same thing. He's getting that. There's also some probably some class to it as well. Yeah, sure. A survey of by the national livestock and meat board. By the way, that sounds like for cutery
Starting point is 00:59:07 The national meatboard He's gonna just sit around and like Okay, boys, where did it? What'd it really do anything? Hey guys, I'm wearing these budget cuts and I do mean cuts might affect us because we are so superfluous. It's crazy Hey, let's do a poll or something, right? Let's find out. No, we can't afford a poll. Takes two years to get a poll.
Starting point is 00:59:29 What state is this in? This is, we're still, I mean, Chicago. So that makes sense. This is a very chic. I feel like, no, the lady, she doesn't understand what the meats are. She don't get it no more.
Starting point is 00:59:41 It's like, the dollar from share. Don't you got no clothes? She can identify only a few cuts by name is generally unfamiliar with the variety of cuts on the market. Usually depends on the meat merchant to make her selections. But those meat merchants were probably raking it in. They're like, yeah, here you go. That's everybody wants squirrel. Thank're like, yeah, here you go. Everybody wants squirrel. Thank you. Thank you, Rudolph.
Starting point is 01:00:10 Judging by their buying habits, the board concludes, most women believe lamb consists only of rib and loin, chops, and legs. And I mean, this is just- Impossible. This is just such a shit. It's like they've literally made up a story. Impossible.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Because some guy on the meatboard is mad at his wife. This is like when the guy said Martin Short was painfully unfunny. Everyone was like, nope. Didn't happen. He said that. That guy from, I forget, but some guy wrote an article. He was like, can we admit that Martin Short isn't funny and everyone was like,
Starting point is 01:00:45 the entire internet. Fuck you, Ron. The entire internet was like, go fuck yourself. Yeah. I can't remember what his name was. Okay, so most women believe Lam consists only of ribbon loin chops and legs and that a beefsteer is mostly rib roasts, loin,
Starting point is 01:00:59 and round steaks. A beefsteer, those are the ropes that go around the cow's neck. That's right. That's right. In one Midwest Midwestern city more than 500 housewives were asked to identify 30 beef pork and lamb cuts none named all 30 correctly only one person in 30 30 30 30 is nuts hey listen beef listen beef fuck back up yeah back your beef shit up like what the fuck you talking about?
Starting point is 01:01:26 This whole time I thought it was like they couldn't name two or something same I thought there was basically like five cold cuts. They were having trouble with but this guy's like not one of these women Could identify a hundred and forty different slams? No, they're taking like a fucking test and graduate and beef graduate school like it's crazy Oh, oh foolish woman. That's not a loin at all. Boy It's like they want them to be medical students. Yeah, yeah No named all 30 correctly only one person and four could identify more than six That's actually my right about myself. Yeah The board said that though Yeah. This was insane.
Starting point is 01:02:05 The board said that though, the board said that through lack of information, how's why, how's wives are overlooking many cuts, which could add variety and zest to the family meal. But I think they were going to get, I know it's going here. If they were going to get rid of the meat board, that meeting would be amazing.
Starting point is 01:02:22 Where the, look, we're afraid there's going to be some cuts. Awesome. We have a party. No, no, the government is actually looking to make some really deep cuts. Ooh, little romp, love a little romp. Yeah, what do we do? What are we going to do? A little board, maybe make a party sub out of it?
Starting point is 01:02:38 No, we are worried about some of the cuts. Oh, what are they like on sale clearance, clearance meet or something like that? No, there's gonna be cuts. Hey, we're hungry, I'll give us the fucking cuts. All right, go ahead and cut. Come on, Al. I who on first myself?
Starting point is 01:02:56 Findings indicated the majority believes that the bone retained in the cut adds flavor to the meat. But actually, test prove, this is not true. Retailers say sales of bonus cuts are gradually increasing according to the survey. Okay, so I know what's going on. What? They are, they have a whole cow which they cut up into pieces and then they have cuts that people aren't buying. Oh, oh, they created a story to shame women so that women would start using more of the cow. Right. So they'll buy the interior deltoid cut or whatever. Right.
Starting point is 01:03:32 Yeah. Yeah. It's a shame. Shame based marketing. Right. I love a good dealt. Yeah. Did you see a spark? That is so ridiculous. That's crazy. What happened? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, let's do one last one. All right.
Starting point is 01:03:54 Foreman 91 likes cigars and whiskey. Salt Lake City Utah two Salt Lake men both active in their respective fields give conflicting recipes for long life. Fields just means they're property, right? They're just in the middle of nowhere. That's right. Yes. Yes. The respective fields. A and Fenton who goes by Foxy. That'll do it. Just that in itself. We'll give you a long time.
Starting point is 01:04:19 Pretty good. Pretty good. Is 91 and an active hardworking construction foreman interviewed on the job. Fenton said his plan for longevity could be summarized in a sentence. Smoke plenty of good cigars and drink plenty whiskey, but not too much at one time. Pretty moderation. That is right. You're a politician. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:43 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Opposing the fentanyl theory is Rulon Wells, 86, the senior member of the council of 70 of the Mormon church. Well, good night. Good night. Good night. I was going to say this poor wives. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:59 Mary girls under 14. I just took another wife. All the work. And you know, they're very good at identifying meat cuts. Yeah, absolutely Yeah, for sure On this 86th birthday, well recommended if you want to live a long life shun hatred Excesses and evil and be the kind of person you would like to live with This is the Mormon talking. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:25 And don't let black people into your church. Also, that'll aid you like crazy. Don't acknowledge black. They were like, that's so sweet. And blacks don't exist. Okay. We should we're going to actually pack up and get out of here. We are good to go.
Starting point is 01:05:38 Ditto the boys and then move to another. Tense ball was so sweet. So we're actually going to pack up and get out of here. We really enjoyed that first quote a lot So thanks a lot for having us I think it's safe to say they should probably have a hole in front of the magic underwear. All right, that's Swimming with the lads. No, no, no. All right They're a mood to another city. Is that door does that door go to the street?
Starting point is 01:06:02 Which one they which is the door that gets us out of here? Because I'm actually a little confused as to which one was the original door we came in. Once you in the church, we'll just go through the window. We'll actually go through the window. No one will prosecute you for sex crimes. You know what, we could dig a hole. I think we could just dig our way out of here.
Starting point is 01:06:18 We actually, we're gonna jump out of the, we're gonna go through the church. It's like a pedophile free for all. It was awesome to meet you, ma'am. That was so cool. Jump to the anyway, that's my pitch for the church. All right.
Starting point is 01:06:30 Still here. Well, we went out on pedophilia. As we always do. Go out on a bang. As the Mormons always do. As they do. Yeah. As is their one.
Starting point is 01:06:42 Katie, thank you for joining us. Thanks. This is so fun. Thanks for having me. We love you. We adore you. Dave is blue. I'm West. AT help. It's made adjustment. H a stop a day. You're still very blue. I made H a L P S and YouTube the K helper show. Yeah. And also my documentary you can watch that. Soon it'll be for sale. You can find info on it at Comic Camp Film. Doc Conn.
Starting point is 01:07:11 That's interesting. So you're a, Dave, you're a comic who's so, Dave, Dave, Dave. Yeah, right. That's good. Did you see that? Did you see that? Did I use an iPhone?
Starting point is 01:07:22 You see that on Instagram, Dave, who came with us. For doing what? Living in the capitalist world system while also believing in increased Galaitarian share. Yeah, is this the Eli guy? No different guy. This was on Instagram. This was on the dollop Instagram So I had to go but but either way Katie I've seen I haven't finished comedy camp because I just started it last night, but it is a very heartwarming story and also a story of, I don't know, propaganda, I guess. But yeah, people should check that out. And I guess you'll post information about that on your
Starting point is 01:07:58 socials, so people should just follow you there. To figure that out. I love what you say. You're not going to survive climate change if you stick with capitalism Oh, oh, and also I got a one-north thing to plug. Sorry. No, no Patreon that patreon.com slash the Katie helper show Okay, there we go Yeah, I'm just gonna say really going against what you believe in that's what I have to do Just ridiculous. It's almost like you live in the world that everyone else does and you're Repented and packed it and you're gonna try to survive yourself That's what I have to do. It's ridiculous. It's almost like you live in the world that everyone else does in your dreams. But I have to pay rent in and buy food in it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:27 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:35 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:43 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got a totally up in ARP card so I gotta go I cannot do this anymore. This is this Thank you Katie Hey there people listening to the dollop. This is Gareth, yes this is the same guy. I listen, I have a new podcast called We're Here to Help that I'm doing with my friend Jake Johnson. It's basically a call and advice show where we don't say that we're professionals because
Starting point is 01:09:19 we aren't, but we try to help people with problems that are important to them. You can listen to it wherever you listen to podcasts and it is out right now. So go listen to we're here to help with Jake and Garrett. We're here to help with Garrett and Jake. I don't remember how we did it, but either way, fun, half hour comes out Tuesday, August 22nd, and episodes will be out every Tuesday and Friday. We're here to help. Friday. We're here to help.

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