The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 490 - Periwigs in America

Episode Date: July 20, 2021

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Puritans and wigs.SourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is not a

great start. This is a bilingual American History podcast for each week. I, Dave Anthony, read a story in Spanish to Gareth Reynolds who listens in English. That's right. I translate the words in my head and this is Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what this topic will be about. I don't either. We got there. That's gonna be a problem. What? We're breaking form this week. Dave hasn't read it either. Yeah, so neither. I don't have a story. All right, so let's start with the ads and then let's we'll get into it. I have a plan on how to get us out of this. Ow! We'll just alternate every other word. Like, what's that called? Like a fire drill? What does that call when

people tell a story to each other? No, I'm not. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I'm asking you to leave the show. We do a shoelace. Leave the show. We're gonna do it. I'll handle this. It's called, oh I remember what it's called. Hot shoelace. You're listening to hot shoelace. Oh my god, this is not okay. Oh, I should hit the music. Jesus, God. Well, now the phone went away. The phone didn't go away. What an old person thing to say. Oh, the phone went away again. It's not playing. What the fuck? And a five-part coefficient. Would you like it louder? It's what we call a hot shoelace. Is that good? Best part? The volume? It was too low. It's done. All right, well, I hope you enjoyed that. How are your ears? It's not been a good episode so far. You have a cold? This guy has COVID over here. I just love the way that the world works out. They just slip. People just slip in. Oh, by the way, I have a cold. Yeah, it's like a name drop. People's knees drop now. Yeah, no, that's cool. Yeah, I was sniffling because I had a cold. But do you understand what I was saying about traffic? I'm not done. I can't handle colds. Look, he deserves to be branded with an eye. Yeah, yeah, we'll do that. Hey, Aaron, where did you go? Oh, so you're in the throes of this. This guy's really going to kill us. Sort of. Sort of. That is the right thing. 15-8. Whoa. Whoa. All righty. Year of our lord, Jesus Christ. Syphilis became the worst epidemic. Oh, wow. Hello. Good morning. Coming in hot. Hi. Hot.

Syphilis became the worst epidemic in Europe since the Black Death. Take that Black Death. Yeah, Black Death. I mean, honestly, they were like, look, the last name was kind of a downer. Yeah. So we're just going to go with something a little more rhythmic. The thing about the Black Death is, I mean, maybe you could get it fucking, but at least Syphilis, you're like, yeah, I had one good. Syphilis was 100% fucking. Yeah, Syphilis is fucking. You don't get Syphilis. I guess you could get it maybe from a blowy. I think they call it a medical term, blowy. Medically speaking, you had a blow job. Maybe you could get it. Maybe there's other ways to get it. No, I think it has to be an exchange of fluids. I think you got to get it. Yeah. But could I go buy a fellow's fluids and drink them? Wait, what's happening? Let's say I was to go down to the, you know, go see the comm monger, you know, and go down to his little shop. Yeah. Well, there were a lot of comm mongers back then. Boy, we're a comm family. Yeah. Okay, you know what? Let's go from the top and back. All right, go ahead. We're dark early. Go, baby. So in London, hospitals are just packed with just syphilitic patients. Obviously, there's no antibiotics, so it just runs rampant through your body, really, no matter what you try. And you sort of missed your potato head, basically, right? Like, the pieces start falling off. But it's worse than that. You lose a nose, an ear. Yeah, but that's like part of it.

Yeah, no, that's part of it. Pieces fall off. But so they have open sores, they have terrible rashes. You go blind, you can get dementia. Sure. And you go bald in like a patchy bald way. So very potato heady. It's sexy. Yeah. So baldness. It sucks that when you're at your hottest, you can't screw. Right? Nexing. So baldness sweeps across Europe because of syphilis. Okay. And a lack of hair isn't just a bummer. It's also an indication that you could have STD. So if you're just a bald dude, people like, nah. Wouldn't bang him, Sheila. Wouldn't bang that one. Be very careful with that one. Oh, I'd have him. No, I wouldn't if I were you. He's got no hair on his head. That's how I like him. I like him with no hair, no eyes, no nose. You're about to go through a bit of a dry spell, I think. Shouldn't be doing that. So long hair became a thing. Like long hair was in. It was like you're healthy, you know. Sure.

Baldness really damages your rep. Okay, okay. I feel, Pepis wrote, quote, if my brother lives, he will not be able to show his head, which will be a very great shame to me. Wow. So you're bald brother. You feel great shame due to him. Yeah. So syphilis leads to wig making. It's just, it's early and very bizarre. Right. But that makes sense. So yeah. Okay. So because you want to shag, you know, you put a little thing on. Yeah, people want to hide their, their science shiny syphilitic, you know, dome up there. But even if you're not syphilitic, you're just, it's a lot harder.

Yeah. The wigs could also be used to hide sores on the face. So some syphilis people are going undercover as regs. And then some regs are just like, why the fuck can't I have sex? I hate to say this. So we've got what we call saw wigs. This is a new thing I've got. And it's called the saw wigs. And what it basically is, is you put a wig upon your saw. Yes, you make it look more like, say, a bit of a mullet or a bit of a shag look, something like that. And if anyone asks what the problem is, you just say, no, I just grow a bunch of different fancy hairstyles. This one's a beehive. And then you've got your regular wig too. So to be like nine different wigs, essentially, you've got your head wig.

Well, by the way, that could be a show. Put a pin in that. And then you've also got your saw wigs. You know, your wigs for your sores to cover them up. So there's someone says, sorry, mate, there's a bit of a saw there. You can go, saw? I don't know what you're talking about. This is just a hairstyle growing out of my gin. Si, what's a show? No, no, no. You said put a pin in that. Oh, well, I just have always been thinking of this one idea for a musical. Oh, musical.

No, no, no, no. I shan't. I shan't. I should not leave the path of the family business. We make saw wigs. Although, when I'm alone at night, I often think about how great a musical could be. Just head wig. It's always just come to me. I just see this image, this blonde hair, this larger than life character. But every time I'm writing one of my songs, my father comes in and burns it. Anyway, are you interested in any of the saw wigs? I'm sorry I came in here. Yes, of course you are. It's got to be weird, didn't it? Yes. I just wanted a spot of tea.

Oh, I'm sorry. There's tea shops next door. Where's saw wigs? Oh. Yeah, sorry about that. But would you like a musical? No, I'm scared. Okay, I understand. I understand you. Sorry as you are. So, this meant that wigs aren't a style. They're there to hide your chain, right? Sure.

They're also called periwigs. I'm not going to call them periwigs, but that's what they call them periwigs. So, in France, the only people who wore wigs were people who were balding, fancy sex workers, like elite, you know? Sure. And then, obviously, people with red hair. Because we're talking about shame. You know, it really feels like the arrow turned upon the shooter, didn't it? But then that changed in 1655 when Louis XIV started going bald. The Sun King.

Yes. He's 17. Wow. And he's probably a syphilis. That's why he's going bald. Because he ends up dying a syphilis. At the end, he's just like a body ravaged by syphilis. And for those of you picturing at home, it would be king potato head. That's right. With holes in it. Yes. Well, that's the potato head.

So, he is 17. He's been king for a while. Sure. And by the way, if anyone ever wants to make a case against the monarchy, right there. Boom. It makes sense. It makes total sense. Who's not going to listen to a four-year-old? That's your boss, goddammit. This is essentially what we always have running America anyway. What? It would be a little freeing.

It would be more understandable. We'd be like, come on, he's four. I understand. So, Louis hires 48 wig makers to make a ton of wigs for him. Why not get some doctors there too? Wouldn't the doctor too couldn't hurt the problem, right? Spend the whole budget on the wig makers. Well, you go...

You're still dying of syphilis. It's not, you know what I mean? But you look so hot. Yeah, that's true. You do. Hello, ladies. It's me. Easy ideas. It's a big bald. Can you imagine? Would that not be with our larger football? Me, I've got so much hair, I don't know to do my nose.

Fuck, my nose is... Oh, no, it's fine. Here. Okay. Oh, you said the fuck are your nose? No. Oh, very funny. My tongue fell out. Hey, look at how cool her hair is.

Hey, look at how straight her hair is. You like her hair stills? No. Oh, my throat. My throat is throat like a transmission. What? My throat. So, because the president, because the king is wearing wigs,

they take off. First, they start, you know, the people in the court start wearing them. Well, then people who know you're bald. Yes, people in the court start wearing them. And then, you know, it just trickles down that everyone starts wearing wigs. In Paris, the number of wig makers went from 267 to 83 to 835 in 1768. Okay. I mean, that's a big...

Hair. Now, hair is... And we don't need to get the word out about the syphilis. No. Just let's wig it up. That's right. And hair is harvested from the heads of rural working class people as it should be. As it should be.

As it should be. You should go cut that. Let them live with the shame of baldness. That's right. Yeah. I'll have his hair and a bit of his. Thank you. And then you give him just like a penny or something.

Good luck with everything. There you go. Fuck off. Fuck off. Sorry, that hurts so much. Charles II of England also gets into the French wig fashion. He did it to cover his prematurely gray hair, also probably from syphilis. Okay.

Oh, you're great. Wow, syphilis. Yeah, you go gray from... Syphilis just is fucked. Cool. It's like... It's COVID-y. It's cool.

That's awesome. No, that's great though. You see, you got that raiden hair. That's awesome. That's right. So, he then brings the trend to England and they're the same thing. The nobles, the people in the court, they start wearing them, then the merchant class starts wearing them.

They cost about a week's worth of wages for just a normal dude in London. So a week's worth would be a week's wages. That's why they call it a wig. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And so, most people can't afford that, obviously, but British nobility would spend over like 800 shillings on just crazy wigs and that led to the term big wigs.

That's where the term big wigs come from. Hot shot royal family. Hot shot big wig. Yeah. And now, 800 shillings then is about 10,000 today, so these people have spent $10,000 on a wig. Wow. So, wig guilds.

Wow. Got a union eyes. Wow. With a dubia GA. So wig guilds forbid anything but human hair wigs. Forbid... Okay. So, they're...

So, they're basically like, we will take them off of other citizens and other people are like, would you like this one made from dog? That's right. Well, not everyone could afford that, so they also would, people would make them from horse or goat hair for, or they'd slip it into... So, that sweet goat hair. Imagine a horse, like if you didn't go to the main... Well, I feel like, yeah, yeah, right, but I feel like I've seen wigs or like things made

from horse hair. Oh, really? Yeah. I've seen goat hair over the years. Goat hair, I don't think... Because when you... It's not that bad. Goats aren't the goat hairs in the bed.

Have you ever seen goat with long hair? It's not that bad. I guess. I'm picturing these kind of little... I mean, I only hang out with shitty goats. Yeah, yeah, I mean... I like those shitty goats. I like those shitty goats.

I like an alley goat. Sure. I'm more like... Oh, you're hobnob and with... Yeah, elite goats. Yeah. Most of the goats I hang out have syphilis. Okay.

How'd they get it? Okay. So at this time, people didn't bathe. This is pre-bathing. So cities are filthy, people are filthy. Now people think that if they... That they get sick... It's a good thing to hear.

I'm so down on society now. Like, this is so refreshing to hear that everyone's walking around in horsewigs, syphilitic, that pieces are dropping off and they don't bathe. That's right. It would probably be a no better time to be bathing than right now, it seems. So people thought they could get sick from bad smells. We've talked about that before. And the wig would trap all kinds of odors.

Sure. So you walk around the city, there's the smell, and it's just going into your wig. It's like when you go to a club and they're smoking and you have a jacket on and then your jacket smells. Except it's different. It's the smell of the death in the city. So people start senting their wigs. This is fucking nuts.

What the hell? God. Violet rose, jasmine, orange lavender, just pumping it in there. Nobody thought to wash it. No one was like, we should wash this. Yeah, that's the first thing I was like... Yeah, you can't because it's hair. You can easily wash it.

Yeah. Yeah. Take care of yourself. Nobody thought of that. No. So people are just lavender-ing up these B.O. By the way, that smell, that B.O. scented smell.

Yeah. You know, you threw some rose water on a fucking B.O. It's like, guess what? It still smells horrible. Oh, it's the worst. People did rub their hair with a napkin to, quote, dry it from its sweatiness and filth. And they're just, they're just in private, just sort of dabbing around with a napkin while they're just sitting there with their weird patches and sores, open sores.

Yeah. Oh. It's nice. So periwigs took on their own sort of social things. Specific styles were appropriate for some professions but not others, right? So it kind of becomes a thing. And the same went for... Would have like a hairstyle association with your occupation.

Yeah. And the same went for people's place in society, right? So what is it like? Like the fancy long ones were for the tip-top guys. And then what are the shitties? The shorter... You'd have like a shorter, normal-looking one and that would be more, you know, your lower...

Right. ...your merchant or whatever. Sure. You're okay. So there's a wig-ash on, sure. A goat would be like the guy cleaning out trash. Got any more rubbish? Phew, don't mind if I do.

Where are we all clubbing later then? Yeah, there's nothing. We're not. Yeah, it's not. I'd love to hang out a bit. No, it's no. If you smell that smell of Milton shit, that's my wig, but it'll get better as the day goes on.

No, it won't. It's just you can't wash hair, you know. Why are you talking to me? Oh, like to be friends, you've got a lovely wig and I really would love to be hanging out with people in a wig circle of this nature. No, absolutely not. Yeah, I'd love to be your friend, maybe. Wrong.

Look, you might have fun dabbing inside of my wig for a minute while we're having this quick. I do. Wait, hold on. Let me just take it off for a minute. Oh, fuck me. Don't worry. It's a bit of brain.

Bit of brain never hurt anybody, did it? There we are. It has, and it does. Can't remember which way I was supposed to put this on properly. Is it like that? Does that look right? Hello. Yes.

So what we do later than dinner? Yeah. I've got syphilis really bad. No, I know. I know. Yeah, I'm dying a lot. I know. But you can't tell, can you?

No, I can. Let's see. Yeah, you barely know what you're saying. No, it's very obvious. Yes, you've got syphilis. You. Yeah, you wouldn't know by looking at me, would you? No, very much so.

I've got to have another dab inside of this sweatsuit bloody match. Oh, Christ, the worm's in my hand. All right, got to go. I'm going to remember your home. Come back. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, no.

Syphilis knows where I live. Yeah, that's my name. So, you know, the fancy ones, they became like the rich people, the fashionable ones become bigger and more decorative. Right. It's kind of like what happened to hats. Yes. But with wigs.

Curls and bows and they're harder to keep up. Also. Introducing the wig wig. A wig for your wig. Also, a very nice place for insects. Oh, God, so it is like buggy? People who wore wigs had a lot of lice. Oh, my God.

So you're like, if you have syphilis, your life is just a walking nightmare. It's not great. Your skin already hurts, your hair's falling out, you have sores, and then there's bugs involved. But I also feel like everybody. By the way, what a great situation for a bug. It's just like, hey, cool, look at that, living tissue, right in here. I also feel like everybody probably had lice.

Like I know that, I mean, it just, I would think that everybody would have lice and everything. Like how would you get rid of it if you're not bathing? I mean, you'd shave your head, but then the status. Yeah, you can shave your head. And there were lice combs, but whatever. Lice combs. Historian and they still have those. Do they?

Yeah, yeah. Did they work? Yeah, well they, well now. Probably in conjunction with other trees. You know, you can't get rid of, lice have become immune to the stuff you used to put on to kill them. So now you have to go, there's lice, it's called hair fairies. There's a franchise where you go if you have kids that get lice and they comb and I've

had, I know a couple of people's happened to and they, and they have to take them out by hand. I would just go to a capuchin. Why not suicide? I'll keep doki. That got dark. Um, yeah, I know someone that they have two kids and twice they got lice and they had to go to that place.

Twice. And once one person in the house gets it, everyone in the house gets it. That's what's cool about it. Yeah. Everyone gets a rip anyway. That's modern day. Yeah. Let's get back to the gross times.

Yeah. Uh, quote, this, uh, historian Andrew Duncan, quote, the existence of lice was rife within a wears wig, coating the hair in such disgusting numbers. It was recommended people use combs to get the lights out, but the hairstyles of wigs were so fancy it made combing them impossible. On the other hand, their actual hair was so full of grease and dirt that it was much easier to style a wig. So it's a real big trade off going on.

It wasn't a good time. Oh my God. Pre soap, uh, pre regular baths, everything is in toothpaste. Everything is horrendous. It's all horrendous. How would you? I could not imagine getting syphilis because there's no chance I'd want to bang. You would though, because it would be normal, you'd be like, ah, it's just what we do.

Oh my God, the smell. Can you imagine this? No, I can. Oh my God. Dave. I've bottled that. Dave. Fashion was a big deal in King Charles court, everyone wore boots and fancy leather circle

ribbons on the toes, just all kinds of giant hats, huge collars, cuffs, slash sleeves, and of course the wigs, right? And Puritans hated this. Okay. You know, they've been pretty consistent. And when Puritans came to America, they brought that hatred to America. Right. Cool.

But the Massachusetts colony, as it became more established and more non-Puritan people started arriving, like that, that became an issue. The weight culture became. Well, they're like, so the Puritans first get there and we're like, we hate all the fancy dress, we hate it all, and then other people start rolling and going, ah, it's not that bad. Right. So they don't like it.

And the Puritans came, you know, they got upset by this, these new people, and they wore things like wigs. The Puritans, I mean. Yeah. Puritans are always, still are. It's so annoying. Johnny Elliot considered wigs to be an attack upon his religion. Oh, can you imagine?

A wig, it means a slap in God's face. Yes, that's what. As they grew in popularity. God would have given you hair if he wanted you to have it. He said, quote, the lust has become insufferable. Insufferable? Like you just can't get rid of it. Like it's just.

Right. Okay. Right. Okay. They said insufferable. It was insufferable. It's not insufferable. Insufferable, which means you're not going to be able to beat it.

It's just. Okay. Insufferable is like. Yeah. It's also insufferable. No, I have. Fuck you. Okay.

So he's mad about the screwing. Yeah. Right. So wigs. Wigs are also like a symbol of growing a consumer society. Right. It's like blue jeans. Yeah.

I mean, it's kind of like blue jeans. Right. Yeah. It's as people move to the colony, it becomes, it also becomes harder to know where neighbors and acquaintances and business partners are from because they're supposed to be a social hierarchy. And now people are just dressing the way they want. Right.

So. Lines are blurred. Before. You used to be able to basically know someone's deal based on appearance. No, before, before you knew someone's deal because you had personal knowledge or your family had personal knowledge of that person, but now people are moving around the globe and a lot of people are moving in a lot of places. And so you're meeting new people.

Right. And it's like the world was going to college. And so, but then, then people are coming in and, and there was a way that you recognize everybody how, what their status was, was through clothes and possessions. Right. But if you just as a way you could, you belong to a certain group in the appropriate social circle and all that. And then you, I'd also met the poor and other unworthy people, you know, look like that.

But now with wigs and fancy clothes, you could come to America and roll in and be like, no, I'm rich. Yeah. I'm a rich guy with a wig. Right. So. A lot of people still do that. Yeah.

I mean, and so this became a big concern for the Puritans are like, what the fuck is this shit? Because now you don't know anyone's deal. Yeah. Right. So the Puritans in New England wanted to put an end to all that nonsense. And in 1634, the Plymouth General Court banned many of the fancy fashions, but wigs were not banned.

And this is in America. Yeah. Okay. So they've come to this land for all their freedom right away. They're like, yeah, no, they'll be a uniform. That's right. And so they don't ban wigs, but they hate them like they're all against them. And then in 1649, the General Court of Massachusetts passed an order condemning the wearing of long

hair by men because it was contrary to God's word. That's true. Yeah, no God. What do you think of Jesus? Think of how short that crop. Oh, no. That he was like, he had like a buzz cut. Yeah.

Like he was like, Jesus. Yeah. When I see Jesus, I'm like, is he in the Marines? Like, what's this guy's deal? He was very, when I think of Jesus, I picture Oliver North picture all of it. Yep. Total all over North ripped a shit. Yeah.

Rip. Tats. Bullet like nice bullets. A bandolier. Yeah. He's got a bandolier, oozy. Knife in his mouth. Yeah.

Yeah. So how easy an argument to win though, what about Jesus, that's, I think that's the worst argument to religion. You're like, but what about Jesus? Yeah. It kills everything that they were based around how he's giving and like non-judge. Remember that? Yeah.

So right. So long hairs out, it's contrary to God's words. The court and treated all elders of the jurisdiction to manifest their zeal against it. So they're like, okay. Everybody go out. Let's sit in a circle and really shoot mind lightning at their hair. That's right. Yeah.

Or get them. No, it's mind lightning. Get mind lightning at them. Or eye lasers either way. Eye lasers. Do it. No, so they're saying get out there and give everybody shit. Yeah.

Who's fucking wearing wigs. Right. Come down hard on these dudes. So they're, it's peer pressure to get out the wig, right? In 1654, Thomas Hall wrote a, a, a treaty's titled, the loasomeness of long hair. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, you worry about what happens when people don't have anything to fixate on, but this is not one of those situations.

He said it was against the civility of America and it followed the Spanish and French quote, who are yet known papas and idolaters. So he's just, I mean, I mean, again, it all kind of forms from this biblical like, you know, you've got to be true to, it's religious. Yeah, it's religious. And there are a couple of places, while we're in the other couple of places in the Bible where it says men should have short hair. It's actually in there in a couple of places. But who knows?

The way the Bible usually works is another place where it's like, did you have long hair? Like it's all, the things old thing. I can't imagine being, here's your human uniform, the Bible, a fashion guide. Harvard became a concern because many of the students were going to go on to be ministers and they'd be setting moral standards for the next generation. So in 1655, Harvard forbade students to quote, wear long hair, locks, or foretops, I have no idea what that is. That was a band, the foretops.

Right, the foretops, nor use curling, crisping, parting, or powdering their hair. So very, so really, I mean, this hairstyle is whatever Jesus picked that morning. Yeah, they want everyone to look like Danzig. This is a Danzig. Everyday bedhead. Yeah. You don't look like you look like for the day. What about brushing your teeth?

Well, they said there's no, didn't God want that yellow, we filmed a form and that sticky tongue to exist? The only thing you could do is rub, or no lick your palm, and rub it on your hair. So live as the Lord's Paul made, I've always said that. God's witness. God will decide what you look like. If he wants you to have stubble, you'll have stubble, a beard, a beard. Let him form you.

We are all God's Barbie dolls. God likes a very short trim with a crack in tubs, if you will. When it comes to pubes, he loves a big old bush. Oh, God loves a big bush. Let it roll, boys and girls. And I like to put my face in there and just... It's taking a turn biblically. Sorry, I said aye, didn't I mean to say aye?

It's still weird either way. Okay, let's all hold hands. Well, I think we maybe need a better segue. Let's touch each other's... That one first one works, actually. Special part. Nope. I feel alone.

All right. So the people of Roxbury, Roxbury is right near... Is that in Boston, Roxbury? Yeah, but Roxbury, it's in Massachusetts, yeah. The people of Roxbury petitioned the court because the Harvard College students were gallivanting around in their long hair. So in 1972, it doesn't matter, like they passed this thing at Harvard, but still the kids are like, I fucking like my wigs.

Right. Okay. Yeah, who doesn't? And they said all the students quote, lust for long hair, first took head and break out at the college. I don't know what head and break means, but it sounds... Wait, what is it? What they want?

They first took head and break out at the college. They first took head and break out at the college? That's right. Okay. You got a problem with that? Big time. What does it mean? I think you give someone head and then you go, whoa.

Whoa, it serfs up. And then they said from there, their long hair bullshit was spreading out to pulpits and causing grief and offense in the area. What is the year when religion learns to not put things in the spotlight because it makes people want to do it? That's not gonna happen. Okay. Puritan's like Samuel Sewell, a judge and printer in the mass.

Justice Colony believed the wearing of wigs to be a gauge of moral character. Sure. Sure. He attended Harvard. He graduated in 1674 and the wigs, he saw it as a reputation of the corrupt world that Puritans hated. Right? It's everything.

It's corruption. It's everything. It's everything bad. Right. Normal. Everything seems fine and normal with this person. Yes, he's totally normal. When wigs first came to New England, they're not the flamboyant version that's in the latest

England at this point. They're more modest. They're smaller. Okay. But still many Puritans are upset by them. But years later, right now, they've been in America for a while and they're becoming more fancy. Is there any association to syphilis anymore?

Is this now just purely automatic? There has to be, but it became a fad when the kids started wearing it. Right. They are very unsophisticated, very political dudes and they seem ladies. You can throw it around. But now everyone's doing it. But I would think those things have a weird symbiotic relationship, right? So many people are getting syphilis.

Still, at this point. Yeah, of course. Everyone's such a ram. Syphilis is not gone anywhere. I was hoping it would gonorrhea. I wish there was a bell we could ring. I would love a bell. I've been requesting a bell.

Aaron, come on. So Puritan said wigs were, quote, many times used for disguise by the worst of men as shaven crowned popish priests, highway robbers, et cetera. Popish pri- You know, Catholic priests. Right. Because they're not, they're Protestants. Yes, but still.

I mean, bury this hatchet. There's not too much. There's not enough arguments about the invisible human in the sky. It's not going anywhere. Come on. Yeah. Okay. So they're very, it's a slippery slope with the wigs soon.

You know, you're putting on one or two just to have a little fun next thing you know, you're Catholic. Right. That's how it works. And that's not good. Now, this, this quote I just read, the shaven crowned popish priests, that was of course from the famous Puritan, nickel, Nicholas Noise essay titled, an essay against periwigs. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Nicholas Noise? Yeah. Okay. He wrote, he wrote a really great essay against wigs. Sure. Okay. Cool.

Well, yeah. I just left some guys sitting down. All right. I'm so pissed off about wigs. Fucking wigs. Disgusting. No. Do you think they've been rat war wigs?

He also said, quote, the hair of women is suitable to their soft, moist, cold constitution, but not the masculine, hot, and dry constitution of men. So he's like the Ben Shapiro of the 1600s. Yeah, that's right. So to him, women are wetter and softer, and so, and so hair works on them better. Women are obviously soaking wet fish, and men are dry husks. I'm Nikki Noise. This wig-wearing would create, he said the wig-wearing, the man wearing the wig, which

shouldn't be on him. Of course not. Because it doesn't jive. Obviously. He's dry, Dave. What's he going to do with a wig? He said it would create an unnatural inconsistency between the face and the hair, and that it was like the monstrous locus in Revelation 9.7.

Wow. And again, I'm not saying the other arguments I've heard are cogent and good, but this one is particularly not anywhere close to good. This is like, I mean, this would be a disappointment. This would be a flop. This flop. Yeah, this is not great. And also, if someone says this, you're like, what about just like calming the fuck down?

Like what about- I can't calm the fuck down. Think about it. No, I thought- Listen to me, a dry man wearing a wig, his face embryos are going to bleed up into that, and then that will cause him to have a moistening, therefore, metamorphosis is happening. Next thing you know, your friend is no longer a man, but he is a wet woman. Okay.

So I just, we just, we talked about, we think you should take a- Like a break. I'm not taking a break. I think you need a break. It's fine. Listen, this is all your ass work. I- You've never seen Nikki Noise this hot.

Tic-a-tic-a! Yeah, no we saw you this hot before. It was when it was the shoe, the shoe. I am sorry. I just can't believe men would wear laces. What are they, foolish idiots. It will turn them into trolls. Okay, but we went through-

Nikki Noise on the ones in Tic-a-Tic-as. We went through The Shoe Rage. Yeah. That was great. Shoe Rage is not done yet. It feels like- I've seen some laced boys out here today I'm not happy about. It feels-

Unfortunately, there's bigger fish to fry and these ones are made from goat hair. It feels like you're getting just as hot as shit. Nicky Noah's getting just as hot in the book of Chikapa. Yeah, I am. That's right. I'm hot and I'm pissed. Okay? You are supporting a movement that is terrible.

I'm not. They are gonna, listen to me dumb shit. Okay. They are gonna have hair locusts. Am I the only one here who's reading revelations? Is it Nicky Noah, Chikapaka? Yeah, no, we're all reading it. Are you?

Yeah, yeah. Are you fathoming it? We just don't. Because I'd love for you to fathom it. I don't see the connection between wigs and locusts and revelations. They are gonna put, I walk you through it. Take my hand.

Through the valley is stupid where you live. They are gonna put on the wig and then they're no longer gonna be dry guys. They're gonna be wetties. And then that's gonna create a condition where the locusts, much like in revelations, come out and start eating on them. If you want your friend,

you're gonna need him to be like cool, okay? Chiky one, Nicky Noah's. Just go ahead and send him in. Wait a sec, yeah, we'll just go ahead and take him away now. Okay. Take me away. Nothing, just hang out here for a sec. I would love to hang out here.

Plenty of men to shout at. There's one now. Some gentlemen gonna come in and help you. Great, oh hey, what's up fellas? It's me, Nicky, what chikabah, what noise? Now, Sue will help to get the writings of people like noise out there because he was a printer. He soon became the official printer of the colony.

So he held sway, but he was also like really- The MyPillow guy, let's just say. He's also really against weeks. Yeah, he's the MyPillow guy. We got our MyPillow guy. He's on Harvard's board of overseers. He's on the colonies. Oh, what a great, by the way, Harvard.

Bravo again in the name department. What? He's on the College of Counsel of Assistance, which is like, it's like judges and legislators together. Sure. And he's also a judge in his own. He's very influential, right? He's a big, he's a big week.

Whoa. Erin, where's the bell that we requested months ago? The, so to the anti-Wig Puritans, the fight. Anti-Wig. There are times when we'll be in the middle of these and I'm like, just think about what just got said. It's been normalized because you've led me here, but I mean, the anti-Wig Puritans.

Yeah, it's, it's, by the way, think about how much they eventually wear wigs. Oh. I mean, they just go crazy. No, I know. So, I mean, they're not winning this battle, they're fighting, so to them, it's mostly about age and gender,

which they thought had to remain very defined, couldn't be disrupted or the entire physical, social, moral or order of society would just be destroyed. They're like the Wigsboro Baptist Church. That's right. So, Wigs are serious business to them, like it's a real fucking concern. Sure.

Dave, Dave, I did not mean to downplay it. It's a problem. I didn't mean to downplay it. I think it's serious. Well, you did, you did downplay it, didn't you? I've had some fun, but obviously, I think it's a serious thing. Well, it's, it's no fucking different

than the communists. I agree. Getting into fucking Vietnam. I agree. Domino start goddamn falling. There we go. It's the same thing, but it's Wigs, isn't it? I agree.

Let's just go back in, okay, the character of Gareth is gonna have fun, but I agree, this is serious shit. Okay, thank you. Thank you. So, Richard Godbeer. What? Who is?

The best named person ever. Who I am, Dick Godbeer. Dick Godbeer. Hello. You know what you just should make? What? Potato chips? What's the deal?

Fruit. I'm Godbeer. Yeah, I mean. Drink ale upon me. I would never stop walking around doing that. Hello, Godbeer, getting some water. Should be Godbeer. So this is Godbeer's quote.

Wigwares upset indispensable hierarchies and threatened to confound the distinctions between men and women without which a virtuous and orderly society could not survive. So that's really what they believed. Right. Wigwearing was seen as a unique threat. Also, God had made man with hair

and putting on a wig was to say God's work is bad. Right, right. Yes, we cannot note him. No, no, you do not note God. He is the publisher and the author. That's correct. But not all Puritans are on board. Especially the first generation of Puritans

who came from England were super against wigs and fancy dressing, but then the second generation, their kids actually started to embrace these degenerate ways, wigs and clothes. Cotton Mather was a Puritan minister. His names are really getting spicy. Cotton Mather? Hello, I'm Godbeer and I'm Cotton Mather.

We're Puritans. He's a minister. He's born in the colony in 1663. So he's second generation. His father was a well-known minister named Increase Mathers. Increase Mathers, sorry. Do we want to take a break? Increase Mathers.

His name was Increase Mathers. Increase Mathers? That's right, Moore Mather. Moore Mather. Moore, give me Moore Mather. Oh, I was like, and I'm Moore Mather. No, his name is Increase Mather. Uh-huh, that's right.

Increase it, give me Moore. Take it up a notch, Increase Mather, one Moore Mather, give me another Mather. We're breaking. Can you increase that a little bit? I don't want to. Can you give me Moore? It's shaking.

Take it to 11. It's shaking. Increase Mather. Oh my God, so. He is Increase Mathers, really against wigs, which he called Horrid Bushes of Vanity. That's right, he was popular. Increase Mather.

You're a wordsmith. Decrease it. Increase Blame the recent burning of. Who was like, who, like someone like her to increase? I was like, that's actually a pretty good first name. Names? We need to increase the agriculture. Hey, I'm going to go for a walk for a minute, boys.

I think I know what I'm going to name Baby Mather. Increase. Do you think they named him that because he was going to grow and get bigger? It will increase. You can't go wrong if you name him that. Yes, impossible. And this is growing sharp.

So Increase Blame the recent burning of Boston on wig wearing, so he's like, look, we're wearing wigs. That's why the city burnt down. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Because the Lord kindles fires because of wigs. Wigs are kindle fire. Absolutely.

So Cotton was good friends with Sewell, even though they're on the opposite side of the wig battle. He was born 10 years after him. So Sewell was first generation. OK. Cotton's saying they hang out in the same circles. They have many of the same friends. They eat together all the time, and they talk politics.

But the only place they never agreed. Wigs. Wigs. It's broken up a lot of great French. Cotton wore a long brown curled periwig that emphasized his big nose. So they also were a little. Show that shit off.

Feature, yeah, yeah, I think that's right. I want to showcase the beak. Oh, I have a big nose. What do I do with those? I have this. Big hair. Big. Yeah.

Instead of a wig, Sewell wore a skull cap to hide his bald dome and keep it warm. So Sewell, I mean, but God didn't like. I know. God didn't give you. But they, but they're thinking like, well, it's hair. So you're you're you're your fate. You're fabricating reality.

Whereas this is just sort of a bald hat. OK. Cotton went as far as to defend wigs during a sermon. Oh, my Lord. When Sewell heard. I would say I wouldn't say Sewell heard about it. Sewell, he would read. He thought Cotton was an amazing minister.

So he would read his sermons. Right. And he liked them so much that sometimes he would bind them in leather and give them friends. OK. You should read Cotton. He believed probably strongly in the separation of church and wig. That's right.

And he's not going to like it if you're throwing in a little bit of your wig stuff. So when Sewell read it, he said, quote, I expected not to hear any vindication of pairwigs in Boston Pulpit by Mr. Mather. Oh, decrease, Mather. Decrease. But Cotton's definitely not alone.

So there's a lot of there's a lot of pro-wig guys. And this means anti-wig Puritans would run into a lot of resistance in the Puritan community when they try to rally people against the dangers of wigs. I mean, how hard I like if you're a Puritan, you agree on so much shit. I mean, this is basically like Republicans and Democrats. You know what I mean?

It's just like, look, fucking move on. Talk about something different. Figure out something else. You all agree on tons of crazy shit. Like just, you know, this sticking point, it's a wash. So as far as the age argument, they said wigs destroyed the order of things covering gray hair or baldness could create chaos.

Totally. In a society because they valued respecting the old and wise. Sure. Well, what a great indictment on your feelings on other generations of people. You see, if we don't, we'll accidentally respect people. No, they're saying they wouldn't respect anybody. No respect, yeah.

No respect. Yeah, no, so it's the land of Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, I tell you, there's nobody here who's got a wig on their works. I'm going to tell you, there's nobody here to respect. Everybody's so youthful looking. So all they're just supposed to be revered and they're supposed to instruct the young

and counsel them. But with wigs on, they became, quote, ridiculous and contemptible. Yeah, that's right. You don't know who to respect anymore. I mean, could you imagine if your dad put on a wig? You'd be like, what the fuck? Who is this guy?

Sir, you don't know what to do. You didn't even know who was old anymore. I mean, imagine. It's just so crazy. It's like Beverly Hills. It's just like, well, yeah, you'd still frank under the wig. It's not like there's a fucking 500,000 guys

cruising around Boston. Right, yeah, right. Yeah, you know everybody knows each other. Of course, men wearing wigs was also unmanly. This is the gender part, right? Womanish and effeminate. Puritans worried that if a man became effeminate in one respect, that could spread to others.

And then let's kick that can further. Next, and, you know. I wonder if that's, yeah. Amazing that in 2021, we're still having the same argument just about. Truly. I mean, this is trans people. Yes, but it's.

They literally had the same fucking argument about wigs. And they've lost so much now they're just down to that. They keep doing it. Yeah, they keep. They can't fucking stop doing it. They're like, well, I'll end if this thing happens. And it started with wigs. And now we're down the fucking line.

Never ends. So Reverend Wigglesworth. What? He better be pro fucking wig. Reverend Wigglesworth, if he's anti-wig, then he should not believe in God. The Lord started my last name with wig. He hath cursed me to a life of pro.

He said long hair was a quote, token of women's subjection while short hair was given to men as a natural sign of his rule. And I want to be, I know, I want to go from now on as Reverend Zworth. I want to be known as Reverend Zworth. I'm cutting the wig out. Or no, it would be Lizworth.

I'm going by Reverend Lizworth. We were thinking about calling you Wigsworth. No, fuck off. I mean, no, please don't. Whoops. Yeah, you really, that was, no. You blasphemed. We're puritan.

I'm Reverend Lizworth. You're an ass clown. Well, Reverend ass clown, it is. I hate wigs. No, I said that if it was, if it was, quote, a shame of a man to wear long hair of his own, it was much more shameful to wear long hair of another's body and especially of women.

And I, maybe you mentioned this, but as far as growing your own hair out, also not OK? That's also not OK, but it's not as bad as the wig. The wig shit is bad. But really, they want you to have a nice tight cut. Sure, right. Yes, of course, yeah. Also, women who provided hair for men's wigs

were guilty of becoming more like men. Right, of course. Because they cut their hair off, right? Yes, so they're, look, sorry, ladies, the goal here is to grow it forever. I don't know what your deal is, trimming. Are you going to a dude ranch? Good lord.

And women who had their heads shaved completely were no better than sheep or goats. What if we're losing like this popular shit? Has everyone thought of that? Like going after like things that are, you know what I mean? Being like, we're pro-swearing. Like what, you know what I mean? Like embracing something instead of just being like,

we're the lifeguards of fun. And women who had their head shaved completely were no better than sheep or goats. Noise, quote, a woman degrades herself unto the rank and quality of a beast when she submits to be shorn as the bees are. You know, what's amazing is the person who thinks immediately to start comparing a woman to an animal,

it's probably not the person you want just speaking on behalf of women. No, also it's just to put this out there, it's a fucking haircut. Well, I don't know, it's a little simple. Another Puritan went further and said, a goat's hair was taken involuntarily, so the goat was not as bad as the woman who gave permission.

Hey asshole, ever eat meat? Have you ever eaten meat prick? Have you ever eaten meat, you prick? Have you? Oh, well, I'm prick, we're rip, rip, rip, rip. You know, you're actually taking from the Lord if you think about it's like, yeah, I'm sorry, what are crops, dickhole?

You supposed to just eat your fingernails forever, is that the goal, that's your meal? Life is drinking your own piss and spit and living off your fingernails and eyebrows. Yeah, there's some nutrients. That woman was, quote, more goatish or at least foolish than the goat. Like, I would literally sit there

with a dumb-founded look on my face for two seconds and just walk away. Be like, I just got so much dumber from this guy. That's why the lady is a goat. So in 1675, when war with Native Americans broke out, Puritans wondered what had brought God's wrath upon them. And God's wrath here being the fact that they're- The war.

But the war that they're waging. Well, it's a two-way war, obviously. Sure, it's the white man's renaming tour. It's not a great, yeah, it's not a, when you go to war, you're not like, what if, what if- We're going on- Who did this to us? We're going on a war to discover things

that have been found. So they decided that one of the causes was clearly, quote, men wearing long hair and periwings. I hope you're happy. Well, look what you've done, long hairs! Another fine mess you've gotten us into. Some pointed out that the long hairstyles looked a lot like Native American hairstyles.

I mean, but what is the con- Do you see the both? Well, then wouldn't that be natural? Yes, right. If the Native Americans, it wouldn't that be a natural hairstyle? Yes, but what are they? I mean, what is God? What like-

God gave scissors to people for cutting- But also- Two things, your hair and your bush. But also, I mean, whatever. I obviously, at this time, the version of God is still probably pretty close to what he is now in people's heads, where it's just this white man God. But at some point, you have to also approach the fact

that if God put hair on your head, and that there's also other people here, and it just doesn't seem like- It doesn't work. It doesn't all jive. You keep inventing the rules. It's like when you were a kid and you'd play the shooting game,

and someone would be like, I have a bulletproof face. You'd be like, well, now there's no, I don't even know what the rules are anymore. There's no rules. But also, what you can wear clothes, but not- Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, right, exactly. See, you can wear clothes. You can't take a goat's hair, but you can eat a goat.

You understand, this is where we live. It's just, so, some point out the long hairstyles look a lot like Native American hairstyles, and wig-wearing had to be stopped, or the nightmare was going to, this war was going to continue, it's, yeah. God's pissed. So Cotton Mather reminded his fellow Puritans

that it was just an innocent fashion and questioned the threat of the wig. He's like, guys, it's actually just something we like. So, can we calm down? It's probably not causing the war. What probably caused the war is we killed some of their people. Foolish Cotton. And then they killed some of ours,

and then that started. Foolish Cotton. Okay, it was more about a certain crump- Fantastic for making clothes. Good to absorb things. Really likes to suck up dumb shit. Cotton. Okay, I'm just saying, me.

Loves to soak it up, doesn't he? Cotton. We killed us, we killed them. That's why we're a war. Maybe it's because you have hair on your body that's not yours. Idiot. This is a good talk.

It's a bit COVID-y, too. That's exactly what it's like when you're debating climate change on Twitter. That was it. Oh, I'll tell you. It's always fun, though. So the Reverend Samuel Stoddard preached in favor of the Perry wig.

He argued, quote, God allowed man by art to supply the defects of nature. So he's like, look, he gave us disability. He's right, but it's also stupid. God is pro. It is. God is pro-ish wig. How he, get the fuck up. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

God's up there like, guys, seriously. Hey guys, guys, guys, seriously. You're so many other things. You're so off base. You're so fucking off base right now. Lord, thank you for finally coming down. Maybe you can finally set some of these fools straight about wearing other people and animals in.

Okay, just hear me out. No, let me finish. No. Oh, okay, I guess you should go. What in the fuck are you doing? You're right, go ahead. Why do you give a shit about fucking wigs? Lord, you would not have put us on earth.

I wanted you to live in harmony with the animals and nature. I'm trying, but some people are wearing wigs. Mucking it up for the rest of us. That's the next goal. The next thing we're gonna do after we get rid of wigs is live in harmony with nature and animals.

But before we do, you got a bunch of wig wearing assholes. I can't believe. Please. Did I have to watch this shit for 400 years until you get to micro dosing? I seriously cannot fucking believe. Oh, Lord, what a micro, is that hair related, Lord? Your words are so wide.

I put mushrooms all over the place. We would never eat anything. No, no, there's good ones. Lord, you wouldn't want us to. Just nibble a little bit every day. You don't want us to eat anything. Nibble a little bit every day and calm the fuck down. But first, first, Lord, please,

set the sinners right about the wigs. But I don't give a shit about the wigs. Lord, trust me, have you even read the Bible? I wrote the God, it's all my words. I want to give it a read. Lord, I don't know if you met noise on the ones and twos, but he reckons that that's how we're going to get revelations out of the wig.

He's a fucking idiot. No, no, listen, Lord, but you made him too. So the locusts will come from the hair. Women are too wet, and you made men a little dry. No, no, we love everything else. But men are too dry for wigs. Tell them, tell them how you made men dry so they can't wear wigs, Lord.

Out to so far that don't meet your deities is what I'm learning. There's a bit of a letdown. Okay. Come back soon. That went pretty good. So some guys just said the wigs were there to keep their head warm.

They're like, no, I just have it because it's cold. And they were like, but the Lord made the temperature. But the woman you do. In November 1675, in response to wigs causing the war, the general court passed laws. It's passed the laws. One authorized courts to proceed, quote, either by ab, ab, ab, I can't fuck this word, it's not.

I don't know, I can't, it's all jumbled. So fine or correction against the manifest pride openly appearing amongst us in that long hair, like women's hair, is worn by some men, either their own or others' hair made into pay wigs. So they're basically saying the reason that we're at war and we have to correct it is the long hair wig thing. And they passed the law.

They passed the law. Good, good. The court, that's good. And see why it's good to lead with religion when it comes to law? That's right. In 1679, three men were brought before the Essex court for wearing wigs and they were convicted and admonished.

That might have been what the word was. Okay, but when you're admonished, are you just, is it simply a public shaming? I think it's a scolding, I think, probably a public shaming, yeah, I would imagine. You've been very bad. You're a naughty boy. You're a bit bad.

But the laws, they still, it did put a dent in wig-wearing. Massachusetts is becoming more worldly, especially after it became a real province in 1691. So wig-wearing is only continuing as the colony becomes richer and more cosmopolitan. So Samuel Sewell and his anti-wig buddies were always at war with wigs. What about a life?

Wouldn't that be fun? Wouldn't a life be fun too? Maybe meet someone and have a life. I mean, think about it, get a plot. Yeah, you gotta have a focus. You gotta have a focus. Yeah, I'll settle down once I get fake hair off of everyone except women.

In November 1685, he scolded a public notary for, quote, cutting off his hair and wearing a periwig of contrary color. So he's just yelling it. Right. I mean, what, I can't, they had notaries then? I know, I don't fucking get it. I mean, I guess it makes sense

because a notary would be more important than it is now, I would think, because a notary's notary, it's just bullshit. I mean, it just seems like forgery and fakery was so easy then. Yeah, I mean, it's nothing you could do. Yeah, I don't know what. I mean, people probably, this is a letter from- He just said you were a doctor and you were a doctor.

I mean, surely being a notary, you were just like, yeah, I have a candle, so I'm a doc, I'm a notary now. Not that everyone wanted to be out front in the fight against wigs, even though they were against wigs. John Higginson, a minister from Salem, gave Sewell a document he wrote called a treatise against periwigs.

Okay, Jesus. At first he told Sewell to do whatever he wanted with it, but then Sewell was like, oh, I'm gonna print it and distribute it. And then Higginson was like, he said that quote, he would not have done it while he lived. He's like, nope, nope, not while I'm alive, man, because this wigs shit is hot.

It is a hot topic. So he writes this thing and it's kind of just for him. And this guy's like, this is great. Yeah, it really takes on wigs, takes wigs to task. Sure, as it is. Hands into the guy, he's the biggest printer in the colony and that guy's like, I'm gonna fucking put this shit out there. And then he's like, no, after I die.

He had a viral wig letter. Yeah, but he was like, it's too powerful, man. And then people are gonna come at me and I'll be a wig guy. So this guy really believed in his stuff too. He's like, man, look, you can't print this, it's perfect. So it's just so fucking... It's cool.

It's really cool. So that's because as much as one group hates wigs and other group loves them and wears them and defended them. But I mean, again, it's not even like anti-religion, necessarily, but when you draw your weird line in the sand, it is going, you're putting a big spotlight on something and you're going to attract people

who don't believe in your theology, that's just the way to get at you. So it's like, say if someone were to change your name and give you a shitty nickname and then that nickname caught on, the thing to do would be to pretend like it didn't disturb you and bother you when in reality, it's just, you hate it.

Yeah, it's your wig thing. It really doesn't matter that much, but you hang onto it so fucking tight and it becomes your wig thing. And it's also one of those things that once you've let someone know that it's a problem for you, they can inflate it and use it to hurt you

because they're demonic. Yeah, that's also a problem. I mean, you've given them power with a word. They've taken power. It essentially has no meaning. They've painted you in a corner. Like you are who you are, a name is actually irrelevant. You as a person.

I agree, but there's this level of respect. Yeah, so, you know, all these other guys are defending themselves. They're saying wigs keep us warm. They look good. Wigs keep us warm is the best one. It's the best. I mean, it reminds me of the like,

I can't breathe with my mask on. Yeah. You know, I'm on their side, but it is. It's kind of, it's a little. Come on, it's a little cheap. When Saul went after John Hayward, he said he wore his wig because doctors had told them to. So it's a medical wig.

It's a medical wig. You know what I mean? Come on. I mean, again, you're forcing people's hand into this. Yeah, you are. Now, I mean, it's weed. It's like, all right, fine. Yeah, I medically need it.

Is that helpful? Can I go get high in my home now, you asshole? Andrew Belcher took a jab at Saul by saying, his was for warmth and nothing else was appropriate to wear to a wedding. What? And what? I mean, come on.

Come on, it's my wedding wig. I don't have a wedding wig. So now we got medical wigs. Medical wigs. Occasional wigs. We got warm wigs. It's pretty good. It is.

I mean, it's weedy. It's very weedy. Some thought the wedding wig comment was an attack on Sewell's velvet black cap, which was considered now a fashion faux pas. The cap. His black little skull cap. People think it looks stupid.

They're like, that's idiotic. And he's like, well, it keeps my head warm. Well, they're walking around in water, probably absurd wigs. They're like, you look like an idiot. He's like, I literally, please, please. And he wore it everywhere for all occasions. It didn't matter. And it embarrassed his friends.

Like, his friends are like, fuck, dude. The fucking skull cap. But he's bald. I know. But he's bald. But he's running around saying, this is how God made me. Well, then take off the fucking skull cap. Yeah, right.

And they all think the skull cap looks dumb. Right. I'm sure it did. Some said maybe the Puritans who hated wigs so much should focus on things that were more serious. Name one. Name one. By the way, we should never have said that.

We should have always been like, god damn, you guys found the perfect issue. Then they would leave all the other stuff alone. Yeah. Instead, now they're like, meh-hah. Oh, you don't like it when we're in charge of your body, huh? During a sermon, Cotton Mathers said, quote, one sign of a hypocrite was for a man

to strain at a gnat and swallow a camel, to be zealous instead against fashion, taken up and used by the best of men and yet make no conscience of being guilty of great immoralities. Sorry. I literally stopped at swallow a camel. What does that mean?

What is that? I think he's saying you're taking something small and making it huge and choking on it. And we're all sucking a camel's dick. OK, the sermon got weird today. It's in revelations. Sewell, after reading that sermon, wrote in his diary, quote, disposed,

he means the wearing of periwigs. He's like, it's tough to figure out what he's talking about. He's just being sly in his little diary. Privately snarky. I guess he means the wig. I hope I remember how to read sarcasm. Now, I don't want you to think Cotton Mather is a good guy because he wanted Puritans to focus less on wigs

and more on stuff like witchcraft, magic, and devil. Right, that's what I was sort of saying. Right, that's the thing. Like, these wig guys are fucking idiots, but the other guys are like. But it's dumb. It's like a dumb, stupid thing. Yeah, it is dumb.

Whereas the witchcraft thing is dumb. Except for the gender shit, which that's where it gets really bad. It's bad, and obviously that gets way worse. But witchcraft is also gender shit, and they're killing you. And you die. I mean, it's just they've got a lot more firewater crazy in that.

This is more like a, yeah, it's obviously bullshit, but it's like, you always would rather them chase the thing that is the stupidest. Yeah, that's true. So Cotton had a big role in the witchcraft case, a so-called witchcraft case against a Goody Glover who was convicted and then executed. Convicted.

And he was sentenced to a horrible witch. The wig fit on her head. She's a witch. Yes. He also wrote a book that some said was responsible for the Salem witch trials. Right. So in 1692, Sewell was one of the nine judges

at the Salem witch trials. And those were kind of like the voice judges, right? They would spend their chairs around. A lot, a lot like the voice judges. Witch. Yeah, yeah. If you think she's a witch, turn around. I'm sorry.

Adam Levine turned around. She's a witch. I really like your spells, but I am going to have to say no. I'm really evil. I swear to God. I just, I just don't see it. Look at the wart. I, you know, the spells I'm not,

I don't think the spells are there. I could be worse. Maybe next year. You said that last year. Well, I mean, come back with something. Do some magic, you know? I tried to, but the cat ran away. Get a devil partner, you know, do something.

Jesus, it's just like I'm getting older. So. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just not witchy. I don't feel, I'm not scared of you in any way. Okay, okay. Thank you so much for the note. Yeah.

See you next year. Oh, exit this way or this way? Yeah, yeah, the left. Okay. Or the woman said this way. Okay, go ahead. Which way's the writing room? Because my family's out there.

I love the cat. Cotton was not a judge at the Salem witch trials, but he was president of the executions. And he wrote a letter to the Chief Justice congratulating him on the executions. Where'd it go? We really did something good today. Nice job with the kills.

Really good. Sue, Sue would later say he regretted being a part of it while Cotton continued to defend the witch trials for years and sounded like he actually wanted to have more witch trials. Sure. He's like, let's keep doing this shit. So that's who they were, right? Right.

So in June 1701 Samuel Seawall, it might be Seawall, but was informed that his own minister's son Josiah Willard, quote, had cut off his hair, a very full head of hair, and put on a wig. Oh, my Lord. So, and that's particularly offensive. Because why are you replacing what you just had with fake? There's no rationale that actually.

Imagine how fucking angry he is. He hears that his minister's son, he's just putting on his fucking buckle hat and his square buckle and his black pants. Curious, he's going to go take care of some business. He walks down the street to his minister's house. And the wife answers and he, I would like to see Josiah. Give me Josiah, move, move woman.

He then demands to know, quote, what extremity had forced him to put off his own hair and put on a wig. Oh, he goes right to the kid. He goes to Josiah. Right, OK. And Josiah is pretty straight at the point. And he said, well, nothing forced me to do it. Quote, he said his hair was straight

and then it parted behind. So he's like, I don't like how it. I mean, we're not allowed to use product. It's pretty hard. You guys have really created a pretty hard situation to be honest, hairwise. It's God's way. Yeah, but he gave me a butt cut in the back.

It's kind of bizarre. It's totally what's happening here. You may not use product and don't divert from the plan of nothing. He said, look, the wig let me have a more fashionable, elaborate look. So that's his reason. And this guy's like flipping out.

He's like, it's cosmetic. And this guy's like, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. And then he's kind of like, yeah, I'm not really interested in this. He said, quote. It's a bigger conversation. And then he goes, look, men might as well shave their hair off their head as off their face.

He's like, why are you shaving off your face and not your head? Because, uh, it's a great point. It's a great point. Yeah. Or cut your nails. See, while responded, half of mankind never have beard. So he's like, women don't have beard.

Like, he's just. He's got nothing. He's just flailing. Like, he's a dumb asshole. And quote, I told him that God seems to have created our hair as a test to see whether we can bring our minds to be content at what he gives us.

Again, I'd go back to the face. He feels like until you answer that, there's no more arguing. So he's saying Josiah has failed God's test and put on a wig. He's saying God. And Josiah goes, why did you shave yesterday? Yeah. I mean, it's a good, it's hard to come back from that. Yeah.

So Josiah was planning on becoming a minister, just like his dad. And so I told him to do that. He had to set an example and teach men to deny these things. His wig would prove, quote, displeasing and burdensome to good men. And he then reminded Josiah that he knew.

Josiah knew wigs were bad because Josiah had been at a meeting where wigs were condemned by the ministers of Northampton. So what he's saying is he's ignored. He knew he's. He's now playing the employer card. So he's like, oh, you want to get in the biz? You remember all the fucking ministers that said wigs are bad

and you were in that room and now you're going to wear a wig? Right. You want to get in this business? Right. You play it by the fucking rules. Right. Oh, boy. The minister.

Oh, God, it's just, it's just amazing how, like, if you think you're his messenger, the Lord's messenger. Oh, God. It's just there's not. You just get to say all the bullshit. Everything's a crusade. Yeah, everything. You are allowed to do everything and anything you want.

Yeah. So Josiah, after that Josiah backs off. And then he indicates when his hair grows back, he'd stop wearing the wig. OK. Is Sewell done? No. No.

A couple of days later, he goes to talk to Josiah's dad about this crazy wig. So he goes to his minister, the kid's dad, about this crazy wig situation. Two days of stewing over. The problem basically was, I mean, what better resolution could he have? Yeah, it's solved.

His dad. I'd like him to grow his hair back fully today. His dad is super happy by what transpired. He thanks Sewell for waking his kid up about the dangers of wigs. Sure. And said Josiah now says he's going to grow his hair back out long enough to cover his ears.

And then he would get rid of the wig. Great. The minister also said he didn't know. And had he known, he would have forbidden Josiah from buying the wig in the first place. But his mom had known. Oh, this guy. He was going to buy the wig.

It's something annoying, nosy neighbor. But that was your wife. She did know. So he said, quote, but was afraid positively to forbid him, lest he should do it and so be more faulty. So he's like, if she told them and he went ahead and bought it, then he'd be like, stuck at it more and wouldn't want to bail on it kind of deal.

Right. Basically, I have a lot of notes for the family. This is apparently not enough for Sewell. Still? He had a hard time forgiving Josiah for wearing that wig. Buddy, I mean, what do you want? A few months later, Josiah delivered a sermon in his father's church and Sewell refused to attend.

He went to another church for services that day, quote, partly at a dislike to Mr. Josiah Willards cutting off his hair and wearing a wig. OK, really showed him. That was his dire entry. Like, he's riding this shit in his diary. His diary is filled with anti-wig shit. Biblical Karen.

He went on, quote, he that condemns the law of nature is not fit to be a publisher of the law of grace. In 1704, Timothy Clark, quote, took up his wig when he met a group at Sewell's house as they prepared to walk to visit the poor. And so he said, there's a bunch of guys meeting at Sewell's house and I guess they're going to go help out the poor. And then Sewell sees the fucking wig

and angry tells him to think about a passage from Isaiah. And the dude's like, I don't know. Totally shocked, like freaked out because this guy's like a big guy in the town to go help the homeless. He's like, before you do that, think about how you're going to go to hell. In 1708, Ezekiel Cheever died and Sewell gave his eulogy and ended it with, quote,

he abominated a pair of wigs. So he's like, that's the last thing he said. I think his legacy will be that he really loathed wigs. He really did not. It's just crazy. He didn't like wigs. And I think that's what he would want to be known for. But remember, wigs are becoming more and more popular

all the time. No, they're not. Not really. I actually think people are wearing them less, to be honest. The ones that are wearing are bigger. So maybe that's what it is. No, they're definitely becoming more people are wearing them. I'm not thinking a lot of people are wearing them.

Everybody's wearing them. I don't think so. Name 500 people who are wearing them right now. What, 500? Well, there you go. It seems like you don't have the numbers. It feels like it's going down to me. I guess I'm doing some good stuff.

Not so happy now, are you, Demi? No, I'm not happy. I just feel weird. Pretty impressed with yourself, aren't you? No, I just don't understand. You're impressed with what I did? Because it's dwindling. It's not.

It is. It's not at all. Well, but I think if you overwrote, if you count, there's less hair on the wigs. And I think that's part of it. What I've been doing. That's absolutely not true. They're getting longer.

Well, what I'm saying is that more people aren't wearing them than less they did before. They are very much. Yeah, they didn't. Look the fuck around. You look the fuck around. Why don't you try looking around every now and then? Are you too silly with all your stumps?

Just don't be mad that the Lord hates you when he's listening to me because he likes me better. OK. OK, I don't want to be here. I don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to be here either. I don't want to go shave my goat. Don't shave your goat teeth, too.

He's not going to do that with that. Put it in piles. OK, well, I just want to come by and that, you know, things are trending my way. So I fuck over. Sewell was, I would say, attacked for not wearing a wig in 1720. Attacked for not wearing a wig.

Not physically attacked, but Peter Townsend commented about. From the monkey? So there's. There's. Other hoos. It's like a town meeting. And at this town meeting, Peter Townsend comments about Sewell's black cap by telling him

that he, quote, should get a wig. So in front of everybody, he's got his little black cap on, which everyone hates. And he's already been mocked relentlessly for this stupid black cap. Yeah. And so he's super just is shamed in front of everybody for wearing a black cap.

Everyone's like. He's the old dude at the country club. He's now the old dude. He's like, man, I respect the golf course. Sewell said God gave him hair, and he was not going to start wearing another hair. But where's his he doesn't have hair? He doesn't have hair.

But God gave him hair and then took it away. Well, now it's gone. Yeah. I assume he said I didn't. I he's probably like I wasn't faithful enough. And now I lost my hair. But right. He thinks it's wrong to get some other hair.

Right. His bald head was his, quote, chief ornament. That's what he said at the meeting of Lord. So he's embarrassed publicly. Right. Days later, a widow that he was courting apparently said she's not down with the black cap. No wig choice.

She's like, I don't like the black cap. And he's like, look, if this happened three days ago, maybe. And yeah, he's a quote was inconvenient keeping out of a fashion commonly used. So she's saying, you're stepping out of this fashion trend, and it's not good. And she's like, come on, quit being a lame old. And he's like, I'm not.

I'm not. I can't give I can't get away. You marry me and the cap lady. So she, she kicks into the curb because he won't wear a wig. But I mean, if he wore a wig, it would have just been like it's. Oh my God. It's just he can't wear a wig. He cannot wear a wig.

He cannot wear a wig. Just roll and. Morning, everybody. Yeah, I just. How are you? What? How's everyone's ale? Everyone having a good ale?

They're on your head. Are you enjoying your ales? I was thinking of having one myself and then. That's a wig. Oh, this. Oh, oh, am I me? You're the no wig guy. Is he saying, yeah, I'm me.

Yes. Yes, it's me. So. You have wigs. You have a wig on your head. Oh, well, I was. It's actually really funny because I'm trying to think when I started wearing it because it's been a while.

Today, you were wearing yesterday. You said you had a black, you had a black skull cap on. I was wearing the black skull cap yesterday. It's funny because time. You've never not worn the black skull cap. Oh, I've. You fucking yell at everybody for wearing wigs. Yeah, I mean, I like animated conversations.

That's not. Is that, is that a sin? If that's a sin, Lord, cast me down. You call me an abomination. Ale, what? You called me an abomination. I'm curious about the ales, but we'll get into that in a second. Yes, you were an abomination, and I'm an abomination.

We're all abominers. No, no, no, no, no, no. What? I don't understand. No. I'm trying to find why you find this inconsistent, and it's a puzzling. You called my wife less than a goat because she gave me

her hair to make a wig. It's a turn of phrase, most. It's not a turn of phrase. Oh, so that's a compliment in some counties. I. I, I, I, a lot of. I wanted to duel you. Again, this is all about fucking wigs.

I mean, I, I, I, OK. If we, and I'm hoping that everyone's having a good ale, because unfortunately, I'm not allowed to get an update on that yet. But what I was going to say was that, yeah, it's one of the, I mean, I feel like, look, ideally we're not wearing wigs, but like I've always sort of said, I'm a little loosey-goosey on parts of it. You know, you can wear a wig from time to time.

It's just. No, you never said that. I mean, I definitely thought it. I definitely. You said men shouldn't wear wigs because God made us in a certain way. If we put wigs on, then we were like ladies. Lady men, you would say.

Look, I'll, look, hey, let's just, let's just do this. Let's just pretend that our lives haven't happened until today. You're fucking 62. I look, do I look 62? Yeah. I feel 31. But look at me right now. You don't at all look 60.

You look very beautiful. Look at this beautiful head of hair. I look like I mean. You look like you're about to die. Come on, what are you talking about? You look absolutely terrible. I look great. I've never looked better.

No, you look, it's like, like a hundred years old. I look like a panther. I've got a beautiful, you know, I mean, and I might wear this skull cap again. I mean, who knows? But for right now, I'm, I'm loving this vibe. I mean, I'm going to kill you tonight. What?

Come on. I want to know how everyone's ale is. And then they all cheer. So what? I look like I'm from Labyrinth. How's everyone doing? So, okay. So he's like, he's lost.

He's, he's, he's widowed. He's wigdoed. Well, it just goes on like that. Cotton Mather dies in 1728. Samuel Sewell died two years later. Wig situation unresolved when they died. Despite what a lot of people believe, George Washington did not wear a wig.

Oh, he didn't. George Washington was a redhead and he powdered his hair white because white hair was in and it was a sign of being wealthy and smart. And then his whole goal was to just never move his gums. Yeah. Perry wig weathering continued until the final decades of the 18th century.

The French Revolution put a serious dent in wigs being cool as they became associated with the aristocracy whose heads were being cut off. Okay. That is a good way too. Yeah. So we're hoping that happens with baldness and bezos. Yes.

So there were, yeah. So people, they're like, oh, that's the bad people. Right. Or, or we just don't want to be those people. Right. Their wigs were right. The Brits turned on wigs when a hair tax was implemented and they wanted to raise money.

So they, they created a hair tax in 1795. That's Biden's proposing that for sure. Unless, unless you had a reason, like being a member of the royal family or clergy or whatever. I like the being a member of the royal family is a reason. I know. One had to buy a certificate to be able to buy hair powder. What?

And it cost the equivalent of $122 today. So you get a license for powder? They use the hair powder and the wigs. Right. So essentially. So they're kind of pricing out. It really quickly just killed wigs and hair powder. OK.

Wig wearing was gone in the early 1800s and soon would come the rise of hats. And then don't worry, gang. We'll get totally crazy on those two. Crazy. It's just, I mean, you know, it, all of these little wedge issues are so stupid. And they're just totally, I don't think that that was,

I don't think this was necessarily rooted in that necessarily, that it's like a wedge issue. But it's a dumb hill to die on. Sources. Richard Godbeer, perversions of anatomy, anatomies of perversion, the periwig controversy in colonial Massachusetts. Mental floss.

Why did people wear powdered wigs? New England Historical Society, a couple of articles from them. You can find on the source page and history.net, shaved heads, and syphilis, a brief history of wigs. We sign gods.