The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 495 - Jedediah Smith

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine explorer Jedediah SmithSourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

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podcast for each week I David Antonio read a story from American history to me amigo. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about there's some notes on the new Dave Anthony. I don't think you speak enough Spanish to do this. Me gusta basketball. I don't know a lot but that's not right. Huh? Yeah no. Donde esta bibliotec. There's a few of them you need to go we're recording a podcast. See. Yes I don't think it's a good time to go to the library. Donde esta la bibliotec. You can find it but you can't go there now. We need to do. Donde. Left. If you go left you'll run into it. The fuck is going. No.

No. January 6th 1799 year of our Lord. Was every year the Lord of Jesus? Every single one is the year. Do we need to say it then? All years of the year. Do we need to say it then would be my question. Well yeah because we this is a Christian podcast podcast. Right. Yeah. We need to talk off air later about a couple of things. I forgot to do the music. Oh great. So what does that mean? We don't do it this week. We're not going to do music this week. Okay. What a rogue call. It's the whole things in shambles. Yeah this is a nightmare. This isn't the show. Now maybe we are a Christian podcast. Is it a shambles or in shambles? It would be in shambles.

It's not a shambles. It's not a shambles. It's not a shambles. No. A shambles is a clown. So if it's a shambles it's the clown and you don't want shambles coming to your party. He's not good. I got us a bunch of receipts ma'am. Don't worry. I'll talk the hard on before the party. I'm going to look at you on the screen over here and set it directly at you. Great. Much better for me. Have you seen a hundred foot wave on HBO? Why don't we start? Have you seen it? Let's go. January 6th, 1799. Fucking awesome. Great. January 6th, 1799, Jedediah Strong Smith was born in New York State. Jedediah Strong Smith. Yeah. I mean look, name him as dumb as you

can. I've always said that. Yeah. Jedediah Strong Smith. Well he's going to be very religious and very strong. If you need your strong fix to go to Jebediah. One of those babies that are born with muscles, have you ever seen those babies? Yeah, there's that Russian kid. I've got my eye on him. I haven't seen him since he was eight. There was a German kid when we were young too that was like all buffed and crazy. Yeah, it's just, I mean really that I feel like the authorities should just really be on watch and that's like to be like, it's genetic. It's like, what are you forcing him to do? Genetic. Move in. Move in on that. Yeah, exactly. Why don't we start

testing him? Yeah, exactly. Get him in the lab. All right, now it's time for 45,000 push-ups before oatmeal. That's right. So Jedediah was born in New York State and a little while after that they moved to Erie, Pennsylvania, as you do. And then to Ash-Tabula, Ohio. Ash-Tabula. Yeah, all right. I'm a fair enough. Parents crank out 13 kids all together. There you go. Keep it moving. There's a line back here. Keep it moving up front. That's a lot of fucking... That's a lot of babies. It's like a conveyor belt. Yeah. A neighbor took interest in... Our newborn's pregnant. Well, that seems strange. You're coming out like that now. We've done such a

good job. Oh boy. So a neighbor takes interest in him. I don't know what that means. A neighbor takes interest in Jedediah. Yeah, he's like, oh, he's an interesting boy. Okay, sure. I think that's what the conversation went. Yeah, you can't do that now. And Todd... I'd like to have dinner with you soon. He taught him the quote, resumance of an English education and smattering of Latin. Okay, so he taught him. So Jedediah was just gonna go through life uneducated and then this guy was like, you should be able to read. Yeah, he was like, what if you're not a dummy? Right. Yeah. Okay. So this neighbor probably gave Jedediah his prized

copy of the journals of Lewis and Clark. Okay. So we've never covered Lewis and Clark, which we probably will at some point, but it's a very famous story. But you know, the guys who went across first, basically. Yeah. Well, the first white guys. The first whites. Yeah, really. They were like, boy, so lucky that there's another hot fire here. We really are doing well. So this got him really interested in exploring the American West. Okay. Now when he's 13, he got a job as a clerk on a Great Lakes freighter. Sure. So he's working at 13, as you do. Yep. He did that. He used to be weird. He's not in there anymore. He's not very conditioned to it now.

We're gonna get back. Why'd he start so late? Yeah, that's what I say. At 23, he moves to St. Louis. Sure. And what? Go-karts? Yeah, go-karts. What's happening right now? He loves the go-karts there. Oh, in St. Louis? Yes, they're Aaron's favorite. Aaron likes the go-karts in St. Louis? He loves riding them. So, Jen and I writes that his life goals were to, quote, become a first-rate hunter, make myself thoroughly acquainted with the Indians, trace out the sources of the Columbia River, and make the whole profitable to me. Well, the last one is why we're hearing about it, obviously. Because it is a sweet list to start off

with. But then, at the end, it's like, sign Jeffrey Bezos. So, here's what I want to do. I want to be a really good hunter. Great. That's important. I want to meet the people that live out there. You know, not enough. The people that have lived there for hundreds of years. Now, let me tell you this, because I love it. Not enough people are doing that, because what we find a lot of times here is that people really have no interest in the culture. Oh, I do. And the white man has been really unfair, I think, in ways that they've sort of taken and not learned. I think there's so much tolerance. I think that's a great instinct for you. So, hunt, to meet the...

Get to know the people. Find out the source of the Columbia River. Where does it come from? Where does the Columbia River begin? So helpful. We actually were just talking about that the other day. We were trying to figure out, well, I mean, it's helpful to know that. Current-wise, that's going to be, you know, for as far as beaver trapping and things of that nature. And I guess the fourth one is, I want to make some money! Woo! Okay, so that... First of all, it is... What, turn it into cash? It's 8 a.m. Meeting those... Meeting those Native Americans. How do I turn that into fucking money? No, no, no, that's not the idea. Find out where the Columbia River starts. How do I turn that into money? No, no, no.

Hunting. Ooh, you know how to turn that into money? No, no, no, that's the wrong... So every goddamn thing on that beaver, every single thing on that beaver, I'm going to tell you, the pelts, the skulls, the eyeballs, the fingernails. Well, they don't... That little tail thing! That's a tail. Sell it! Money, money, money, money, money! All right, okay. I'm going to bring it out in cash. A lot of blood coming out of your ear. Yeah, very exciting. The hell's happening? The profit! Oh my God! In February 1822... Great to meet you. Oh, nice to meet you. How can I turn this into money, this meeting? William H. Ashley sought a 100 quote, young men of enterprise to ascend the Missouri River to its source. Okay. This is right up our boy's alley. Yeah. It would take three years, going west through what is now Kansas,

and then up through the Dakotas in Montana. What a fucking thing. It's not worth it. It's three years. What about... Here's what I hear that. And if I'm around that time, I'm thinking, what about me sitting on a porch with a rocking chair? Well, the truth is it's that we're like... It's just impossible to wrap your mind around that concept, because if you were to put three years into something now, the immediate benefit you would have to be guaranteed in order to invest it, but they were just like, there's nothing going on. It's like, we're going to find out where this river starts. Okay. That's life. That ought to be our life for a while. That'll be a wrap. We'll put some years in. I think that could take three to 15 years, but it'll be worth it. We literally have fuck all else to do. Okay. It's either that or just die. Eat and shit and die. I'm kind of leaning towards the dying part. I'm not hating that pitch neither. It's not that bad.

All right. Well, then we won't look for it. We'll sit here and we'll just eat and we'll just die. I'm fine with it. Yeah, I'm going to bring in the yellow fever. Great. That's great. I've always wanted to die for something along those lines. Hey boys, can we get the yellow fever in here? We got a bunch of it coming down in buckets. Okay. Let's do this. That's how favors work. So that's bring Jedediah heads up river on the Kielboat Enterprise. Captain's log. Well. Connected to another captain's log. I think the Enterprise. And a fourth captain's log followed by. Fifth captain's log. A fifth tied together. It's all captain's logs. This whole vessel is captain's logs. Okay. Three weeks in its sake. Oh, that's pretty good. That's a good run. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's better than most of the voyages we hear here. So they're stuck there. They got a hunt and forage while they're waiting for a replacement boat to come.

Sure. Replacement boat comes in October. They make it to Fort Henry in southeast Montana. Okay. Major Andrew Henry was in charge of Fort Henry. Okay. So you see how. Yeah. It's just like when you discover. Yeah. This is better than discovering. You're building something and you go, I'm going to name this after me. Yes. Because I'm pretty fucking rad. Well, it's like, I mean, really, white's just HGTVed the country, right? They just went everywhere and they were like, oh, this needs to be a mall. Yes, St. Louis. Let's put up some go-karts. That's what we'll be known for in this town and nothing more. Stupid little cars with bumpers racing each other with stupid helmets while tires buffer around the rink. I don't think they're stupid. They're dumb. Okay. So Jedediah heads up north of the Fort Trap. He's very religious, as we can guess from his name. Sure. He always carried a Bible and he sang gospel songs while riding through the desolate territory. Oh, what a dream partner. What a dream, what a dream partner. Yeah, nothing better.

Well, the Lord had blessed us once again and now we're singing, now we're singing, the Lord had blessed us, blessed this land. Can we sing at something else? Well, the Lord had blessed us, blessed this land. I just liked it. Let's sing a song about being. I don't know about tributaries, but the Lord art work in mysterious ways. The Lord blessed this land. Can we do a song? The Lord blessed this land. Not about the Lord. The Lord came down one day, said, boys, this guy's my baby, he Jesus Christ. That was the way it was in two. That's the way we're going to live a lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. The Lord did bless it. He blessed this land. The Lord did bless it and he blessed this land. The Lord did bless it and he blessed this land. Let's wrap up the singing for a little while. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. You've been singing these religious songs for 400 fucking miles. Have you ever thought about shutting your goddamn God hole? I'll tell you what I had thought about, though. Well, the grass came down from the sky, same with the rain, if you think about that. What if you were an atheist? I can't imagine being an atheist at this time, just when a nightmare was. Oh my God, actually. I mean, it's even tough now to pose questions. Back then, you were like, I mean, you really think? Yeah. What if there's no?

There's no garden of, no garden. So, Geneticism Methodist. Sure. He doesn't smoke. He doesn't swear. He doesn't fuck. Unlike other mountain men, he was clean shaven and he bathed regularly. He used soap. Shame he didn't fuck. He's like one of the most well-groomed man of the time and he won't fuck. The only guy you'd really want to fuck. He's got no beard and he's bathed. Yeah, it's really crazy. Unfortunately, I just do that for passage to heaven. His fellow trappers called him Bible toter or old jet. Sure. Local natives at some point stole about 50 of Major Henry's horses. Okay. So without horses, the trappers can't move very far from the fort, hence probably why they stole them. Right. So, General Ashley is at this point, he's on his way from St. Louis. So, Jedediah is sent to meet him on a canoe down the river and tell him to get more horses from the Sioux or any other people around if you can when you're coming up. So, he meets up with Ashley in May of 1823 and so Ashley stops in barters with the, I'm going to say this now, Arikara for horses. Okay. And they had built a timber structure on a sandbar in the river to block boats from going up. So, it's a red flag situation. Okay.

Like, if you're, say, a white guy on a big boat. Now, you, this big wall here is a bit of a bother. How am I going to coordinate around that? It's a bit tough, isn't it? Excuse me, open the door or whatever. It's like Indiana Jones shit. It's just so dumb. Well, they seem friendly except for this giant pile of shit in our way. It's almost like they put it there on purpose. Ah, it isn't it. So, Ashley exchanges gifts and then buys 19 horses from them and 200 buffalo ropes. Right? Okay. And then, is that just like thick rope? Ropes. Right. Rope. Buffalo ropes. Rope. Rope. Rope. Better. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's way better. Yeah. Although buffalo ropes seems like it would be cool. Yeah, buffalo rope would be great. I hope someone made buffalo rope. I mean, something, there was a lot of buffalo that would be great if someone could make shit out of. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, there's a lot that are laying around. Yeah, it would be really important. So, they tie up the horses. The way they tie up horses back then is they would tie their legs together. Awesome. And so, they wouldn't run away.

So, it's like a three-legged race for your life. It's a three-legged horse situation. Right, okay. Would they put them in sacks and make them carry an egg on a spoon? Oh my God, I would pay to watch that. So, that's how they kept horses running away. So, they have all the horses lined up on the riverbank and then they go to sleep on the boats or on the keel boat or the riverbank and they're going to leave the next morning. Okay. But it turns out the, I'm going to say it wrong again, are you cara? They again are like, boy, more horses. Well, it turns out they've been screwed over by white guys before. And they're not really interested in having white people around. So, 600 at attack that night. Oh, okay. And Dave, as far as battles go, that's a big number. That's a large number of people. It sounds like a lot for a sleep attack. Well, actually, it has 40 guys. Oh, okay. Which is less. No, hold on a second. Can we get a pen and paper here? You're not good at math. No, no, no. But that's close. It seems like a dominating force. It's much more than 40. 40. Okay. 600 is much. And the 40 are sleeping. Yeah. Okay. 12 die. I mean, you literally could just be like, we're just going to put 10 on each person and just beat the fuck up. That's our plan. That's it.

12 die and 11 are wounded. Okay. And the next morning, Ashley orders his party to try advancing up the river again. Smart. Hey, boys, let's get up there. The problem is we haven't made it. Perhaps you didn't hear me when we started from St. Louis, but this is about money. Yeah. So we got to get up there even if all you have to die. Okay. Everybody refused to go. The reason being, I don't know, probably because now there's like 16 of them. Right. The numbers of dwindles. Right. 600 of the other guys. Right, right, right. Only one was like, I'll do it. I go. Jedi. Oh my God. I got this. With the Lord on my back, I'll be able to figure it out. So obviously you can't advance with one person. So he actually then asked for volunteers to ride 200 miles to Fort Benton. And again, only one guy volunteered. I'll do it. So Ashley gets a French Canadian trapper named Bautiste to go with Jedi. Okay. What's the plan? We're just going to go find a spot for him.

Hello. I am part of the story now. The idea is we go together where we're going. We go to the Fort. You're French too. We are doing this. Well, I was told you are from here. It's the only accent I do. But you could just be the guy who speaks regular. Yeah. You've chosen the same guy. I guess they matter you. So they head off on two horses. They're going at night as to not be tracked. Perfect. Because there's bands of the locals trying to kill them. Sure. No, the night pitch would work great with me. We're worried about the 600 guys getting us. So we'll go when it's darkest. So one night they came across three warriors asleep by a campfire and they killed them as they slept and took their horses. As you're supposed to do, it's very brave. I mean, it feels like if you're them, you've got to kind of just assume everyone's going to try to kill you.

Yeah, everyone's going to try to kill you at this point. What's the plan? We just slit their swords and take the horses. You're from France? Yeah, it still makes no sense. But when I'm around you... It's quite insulting to be honest. I would rather you be authentic you instead of pretending to be me as well. It's confusing. But when I talk like myself, I sound fucking dumb. Oh my god, this thing's your real voice?

That's why I'm talking like this. Much better, yes. Okay, we should change your name too. Your whole thing is dog shit. François! Yay! So, now when they killed the warriors, Jedediah was pretty upset because Baptiste took their scalps. And he was like, okay, that's... Disrespectful. That's not, that's weird.

We don't agree just. Well, just thinking about it from a, it's weird. Yes, for sure. Perfect. Look what I got. This is great. Now we've got these too. So, eventually... Where's your head bag? What? Where's your bag for their heads?

Oh, I don't have a bag for heads. I'm actually not into that. Like, that's not our thing. That's actually a Native American practice and they probably do it. They've probably been doing it for centuries and so it actually means something. Yes, but you were doing my accent, I figured that you. But to you, it's just like, what am I collecting here? But you did the accent, I thought, the whole thing is we're doing different cultures, no? So I just, I thought, yes, okay. No, it's, it's, it's... Am I supposed to just sit here and eat French fries and look for a ranch dipping sauce the whole time and be like you?

What the fuck does that even mean? It means you're a pesettek, huh? Disgusting, huh? No, you're, you're just fucked up. You're out of your fucking mind. Like, you're... No, I tell you, it's out of their minds. The guys who said that just got off. See, that's a good joke, huh? No. Come on, where's your head bag? Put their scaps in there, huh?

No. It's, it's got the smell after a little while. Okay, I gotta go. Just put them down the front of our parents. That's not. Okay. So they eventually make it to Fort Benton and they get help and whatever the men get out of, Ashley's men get out of there.

Okay. So on its next expedition, Jedediah leads a small party to South Dakota and Western Wyoming. Sure. They're the first known white people to go there. Okay. In the Black Hills. In a way, by the way, is that, that's kind of an advantage in a way, right? To be the first white guy?

Yeah, because you, because you know, the evil... They're not sure... Right. What you are, yeah. You'd rather go in unsure than people knowing what a white person is. Yeah, yeah. Once, once the white secret's out. Right.

Then it's bad. Right. Because they, they, they learn like, oh, these people can't be trusted at all and they're murderers. Right. Yes. So in the Black Hills, a grizzly bear surprised Jedediah. Holy shit.

Am I still here or did I? I'm not... You're gone. I'm gone. Okay. Yep. They come out of a, the bear comes out of a thicket, like just springs out of the, and Jedediah is on his horse and he gets knocked off his horse.

Read a hand at it. And the bear grabs Jedediah by the head. Oh my lord. Not, okay. And Jedediah fights back and, and beats the bear off until it gives up and runs off. Jesus Christ. He beats a bear up? Well, I mean, he got the worst of it.

Yeah. He beat the bear off of him. He beat the bear off. Difference. Okay. But Jedediah is a mess. Okay. See, I mean, it, I guess it doesn't, it takes very little bear contact to be ruined.

Yeah. There's like one swat. Yes. It's just like a, I mean, they grab your head. Yeah. Yeah. They grab your head. I mean, they're not grabbing it.

Freddy Krueger took a volleyball. The bear's not grabbing it and being like, I'm just trying to get you with the palms. It's like... Now put your hands on my paws. It's called stage combat. So several of his ribs are broken and his scalp has been ripped off to the bone. Okay. I'm still here.

I'll come back. One of his ears is just dangling from the side of his head and nearly torn off. Okay. Sure. Jesus. So the other guys he's with, they're pretty horrified. Like it doesn't look great. Right.

It's hard. And there's no mirror. It's hard. There's no mirror. How bad is it? It could be better. It's your, a lot of your head is off. A lot of my ear hurts.

Yeah. Well, the ear is not really there. Most of the side of the ear is bad and pain wise. Yeah. It's, it looks more like an ear ring right now because the way it's hanging. So kind of cool. No. Oh, okay.

Yeah. It's not. Woo. Woozy over here. Yeah. You should be because there's all your head. I don't even have the choice to lay down, but now I'm laying down. You should definitely lay down.

I would lay. Yeah. Sleepy. So they all think he's going to die because he's head open guy. Sure. And then Jededi asked him, he goes, can you guys give me some water? Cool water. Simple water.

So thirsty. And then he talks very calmly and he talks to fellow trappers buddy, James Climon. He talks him through cutting away the blood-soaked hair. You know, I need a trim right now so you could, if you could just get some of the, well, it just feels like with my head off that the hair sticks out. I mean, it doesn't look great aesthetically. I think we just, I, but I just feel like, I feel, I feel like an idiot. I wouldn't worry about that.

It's really. This is a good time for a cut. Okay. We'll just take a trim. Just take that like a half inch. That's all it is. Sure. Sure.

And then they get, he gets a needle and thread from his saddlebag. Who? The butt. Jedediah. Okay. What? He's up? I'll do it.

And he, he talks Climon through sewing his scalp back into place. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, I'm not even pizza. I just, oh. And climb, climb, and his sewing his ear back on, which Climon doesn't even believe he can do.

But he did it. I was like, he really got to try to put the ear back on because that, that, that thing's hanging and it's really, and then he does it, he finishes and it's all kind of sewn back into place. Not, not like a surgeon would do it, but more like a random guy. Like if you, if you went to a, if you went to a truck stop, somebody show my head back on, put my ear on. Yeah.

That's more like, it's more like a, go-to-pay-less. So it's pretty haphazard. And when it's over, he takes a- How do I look? Ready for my close-up, Mr. DeVe? Ow. I ripped it off by accident. And when it's over, Jedediah takes, he takes a long drink of water and then he gets on

his horse. What? Buddy, do you want to take the night? And they head back to their camp in the hills. He's like, let's go. Let's go boys. I'm good. Oh, God damn.

Now the guys he's with, they're like, he's, we don't think he's gonna make it. They're like, placating him. They're like, sure. Yeah, this all good. Sure. One last big ride, buddy. You look great. You're fine.

So they go- The rocking of the horse's hooves is not feeling great. So they go off to get help a bunch of them. And the two trappers stay with Jedediah and they help him heal for a few days until they get surprised by a band of native. The natives are like, all right, one of them's dead, these two. This is easy. And somehow Jedediah, when they get attacked, he manages to hide in some bushes.

Good for the wound. I fell in some dirt. And the native American, they take everything, everything that's there in the camp, they grab it all. Sure. The only thing he's left with is a rifle, knife, flint, and his Bible. Now the other trappers dead. They're dead.

Okay, so he has- He's alone again with his- He has the Bible, a flint, and a gun, and some- A Bible, yeah. Very compromising wounds. Yeah. Okay. So he opens it and reads his Bible.

He opens what, a scalp? Oh, sorry, the Bible. Sorry. It's a good time to read your Bible. Yeah, for sure. What are some words of wisdom for this moment? Focusing my eyes is tough. He read, quote, he is chastened also with pain upon his bed and the multitude of his

bones and strong pain. Yes, his soul drawth near to the grave, and his life to the destroyers. His flesh shall be fresher than a child. He shall return to the days of his youth. He shall pray unto God, and he will be favorable unto him. So he's like- If I pray hard enough, I'm going to live. He's like, I got this.

Okay. So the next morning, he is in incredible pain, because his members head got, his scalp got ripped off in his ear. His head still hurts, but when the bear ripped most of it off, and his buddy stitched it on kind of. And he can't walk, so he drags himself over to the river, because he remembers that they put beaver traps there and the- Don't fall in them, bud.

The American Indians did not find the beaver trap, so he goes over there and he finds one beaver in a beaver trap. Poor beaver. And he cooks it, and he eats it. And on the third day, he managed to shoot a buck, and he ate the meat until it goes bad. Jesus. Now, he couldn't clean or dress his wounds, and obviously that means infections are big,

because you're out- For sure. How many of you have ever had your scalp ripped off, and then sewed it back together, and you're out in the woods? I just imagine it's- I mean, in today's day and age, this gentleman would be on anti-biotics. Yes. That's right.

He'd be looking out for those infections. Yes. So he reads from his Bible, and- I wish there was a section in here about what to do with the sutures. Tup-tu-tu-p. Tup-tu-tu-p. Tup-tu-tu-p. Tup-tu-tu-p.

Tup-tu-tu-p. Tup-tu-tu-p. Tup-tu-tu-p. Tup-tu-tu-p. So he's a lot- He's kicking them like that, three days go by, and then the other guys come back with a party of trappers that they'd come across, and they feed him, and they dress his wounds, and then they head down the Bighorn River to Yellowstone, right?

These guys have boats. Sure. Now, a crow had told them of a place- Excuse me? A crow. Had told them? Not an actual crow, a Native American. Okay.

Of the people. Okay. Different. Had told them- Yeah, they're not talking to crows yet. Well, listen, I've talked to a crow. I know you have. A raven does my taxes.

But he tells them there's a place nearby that's just got tons of beaver. Okay. So- Uh-huh. Aaron, grow up. Yeah. Jesus. So this place is a lot of pussy.

Wait, hold on. So he's now okay, and they- like, he's clearly not infected to the point where it's sewed back together. He doesn't look great. Does he want to take a little- like a little time? No, he's a trapper. He wants to jump back in. Yeah.

His bones, man. No, I know it's in his bones. Money! All right, he's still thinking. Um, yeah. So, but his- his- it's like tilted, sort of weird. Sure. And his- one of his eyes is kind of squinted because of the way they sewed it together.

He's basically got a toupee, but his scalp. Yeah, and for the rest of his life, he has a big comb over situation going on. Well, I mean- Which became like his look. Oh, sure. Well, for sure. Well, I don't know if that's necessarily for him to determine if that's his look. I think his gimmick is sort of everyone knew him by that.

Yeah, no, because he was attacked and mauled by a bear. Yeah, and then he sewed it back in. So, it's not like he was like, you know what? I'm going for a new hairstyle. He was like, you know how my scalp provides me with little? So I guess what I'll do is just put it all in one area. So he's a deformed area. He has a squint.

He has the long ho- long, long to one side. Whispy, long to one side. Nobody's doing it long to one side like that. No, that's a good look. We've reserved that for undertakers in films. So they end up spending the winter at a Crow Village, and they would join the Crow on Hunts. Jedi estimated they killed over 1,000 buffalo that year, which is totally unnecessary. Yeah.

From where? Yeah. Like, if you're bragging about that, someone should be like, that's actually like way over the top. Really messed up, honestly. Yeah. We'll show them. So, in the spring, the men learned of a Crow route across the continental divide over

the South Pass in Wyoming. So they took that. What are they still trying to, what are they going for now? He's still trying to get to places where no one's been, which is sort of explore. The South Pass route, they didn't find it, but they sort of rediscovered it, and then tons of people would end up using that route. That sounds like the weights. Immigrants, yeah.

So, in the summer of 1826, they go to Rendezvous. Rendezvous is a place? Well, yeah. So, Rendezvous is an annual fur trading... Furcon? It's a furcon. They go to Furcon? It's 100% furcon.

That's what it is. It's furcon. Okay. Okay. So... Oh, yeah. So, it happened once a year. I can't believe what you're doing with peltz this year.

He keeps reinventing the wheel over here, Scratch. Thank you. Unbelievable. Yeah, I also got coffee. And look at what this guy's done. He's made a bowl out of teeth. Yeah, no, he's that guy. He's...

He's crazy. Keep your lanyards on, you boys. That guy lost his mind. He's out of his fucking mind. I can hear you well. Okay. No, I forgot I was talking to you when I said that. Anyway, you're out of your fucking...

Want a tooth hat? No. No. Yeah, no. Are those... What animal are the teeth? Humans. Okay.

That's what I was worried you were saying. Relatives. Okay. Every one of these teeth is from someone I've met. We should not do that. Do you have any friends, people that you... How long have you been out? This here is an ashtray made out of my uncle's teeth.

I have to go. All right. So... Where are we headed? It's... I'm gonna... Not... I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Same here. Nope. Yeah. Different one. You got one or two. Best friend. No. So, here's what Ronneville is.

All the trappers come together. The traders, the trappers, they buy furs, they sell whiskey. E3, but for beavers. It's supplies, right, and it's a drunken, crazy... Totally. ...of it. It's hookups. It sounds like one of the worst places to ever go.

I want to go there. Oh, the smell. So trappers... Take that, Sturgis. Trappers could go and sell beaver pelts, and then they wouldn't have to go to St. Louis to sell them. Right. So they sell them for less, but the trip isn't happening.

Sure. So it's a wash. Whiskey, tobacco, coffee, all very expensive. Everything's expensive. This is... I mean, yes. Because it's where it is. It's in the middle of fucking...

Other supply, other supplies trappers would use, they get marked up 200%. It's just... Starting to lose the thread on why people are going a little bit. Because they can sell. I mean, basically it's just a fucking party. Right. It's a con, right? You get to go hang out with your bros and talk beaver business.

Right. Get hammered. They spend a whole season's earnings on whiskey, and women, and good times, and just party. A bad thing to do. The more I hear about it, you want to avoid fur con. Well, I lost my year's wealth at fur con. I hope I'm happy.

But I got shit-faced and some coffee. Oh, the memories I almost had. A really good trapper would go there with 300 or 400 pelts after a season. In 1825, Jededi rolled in with 668. Damn. And then he formed a partnership with two trappers. One was William Sablette. Where's the other one?

I don't know. I didn't put it. I'm the one who comes up in the future with the idea that when you don't want to break your lease, someone moves in for you. Yes. Yeah. Okay. I don't know what that means.

It should be named after me. It's called the William Sablette. Huh? No. My name's on the lease. You pay me? Nobody's the wiser. So.

They ended up buying out William Ashley's share of his trapping operation for $16,000. Now. Jesus. They didn't buy it all, but they were going to pay him off over a couple of years. It's sort of. It's an acquisition. Yeah. So the partnership goes great the first year.

His partners go north or in the area and Jededi is going to go south. Sure. They're like, well, fan out, we'll get a bunch of beaver pelts and come back to rendezvous next year. Okay. Now. Sablette's party goes north and there they quickly learn horses cannot make it through the frozen plains on the little bit of vegetation that's around.

Okay. Great lesson. So those horses don't make it. Okay. They're eaten. Okay. Great. They ate the horses.

What else are you going to do with it? How was the mission? Well, I'll tell you. I don't feel like eating horse for a while. Yeah. It's a nightmare out there. That's terrible. It's an absolute hell on earth.

So they end up walking and barely surviving. They had a dog which eventually they killed an eight because, well. Well, at some point. Some nights they had to just keep walking to avoid freezing to death. Right. Keep their temperatures up. If you've ever been in that area of the country, I cannot explain how fucking cold it is when there's a fucking cold air blowing down from Canada.

Oh yeah. Yeah. So they just had to keep walking. They couldn't sleep. Yeah. So luckily they come across and made them Americans who saved them and give them shelter and food for the winter. Wow.

Once again, too nice. Yep. You'll, you won't regret this. Got to come back to haunt you the whole helping people out thing. Trust me. You can trust us forever. So meanwhile, Jedediah is exploring this shoreline of Great Salt Lake. Okay.

And he would always name places ignoring that they might already have names. Yeah, so Dave, he was a white. He named a river Adams River for President John Quincy Adams, although today it's the Virgin River, which is named after one of his companions, Thomas Virgin someday. I want to have sex, but only when it's right. I'm drowning. Yeah. Okay.

If you've been fucking, you'd be all right. Well, I guess he's not going to say anything cause he's dead. Anywho, are there any beavers? There are no beavers here. Not in the Salt Lake area and in mid-September, they're almost out of dried meat. That's what they're surviving on. Okay. So one day as they're setting up camp, they notice over a dozen Paiutes are watching them.

Okay. Again, another group of Indian local people are watching them and Jedediah walks out alone to invite one of them into camp. And one Paiute man comes and he's holding a rabbit out, which- Who is the- The Paiute. Okay. And he's like, that means becoming his friends, right?

And Jedediah accepts it and he speaks very kindly with them and soon other Paiute people come down and start approaching, they'd have like an ear of corn, all like, hey, we're here to be friendly. There's a lot of rabbits. I don't know if I need all, quite all of these. This is over 30 rabbits, which is fantastic. No more rabbits, though. Can I-

Too many. It is a rabbit. You keep- Thank you so much. Yeah. Literally can't do enough with these. I'm going to start handing them back to you if you- We're really trying to get rid of these.

Yes. Okay. So we have a lot. So we just want to get rid of- All right. Great. Bring them down. Here's another four.

Holy fuck. Is that a wheelbarrow? Yes. No. Uh, bring in the truck. Oh no. Well- Jed and I give them gifts in return, a rubber, an eraser, knives, gunpowder, some lead balls,

that kind of business. These are my lead balls. And they sta- I was not expecting that. They're big. It wasn't a good joke. Gotcha. So they stay for a while.

Okay. And they trade iron for produce, corn and pumpkin, so that these people are giving them food and in return they're getting iron and shit to make weapons. But the pines could not tell them much about going south. There's a desert down there and they don't know much because they've never been like, hey, let's walk through that fucking desert. We're good here with the food. We got a bunch of rabbits.

So after a while, Jed and I's group goes south. It's hot. It's super fucking hot. The men, the horses are having a really hard time. Great. So now they're in a part of Zion National Park, which is fucking the best place in America. But I said he, quote, learned what it was to do without food. So this is the Bible man's way of saying I'm dying from starvation.

Holy fuck. I'm hungry. There's almost no game. There's hardly any fresh water. It's taken two days to get from one water hole to the next. And then when they reach the Colorado River, the horses are dying. And they end up eating the horses. Sure.

I figured the horses were eating them. Yeah, they're not going to. Yeah. The river water's muddy, so it wasn't like good. Mm. Water. Mm. Grainy.

When they moved on over half the horses are dead, so a lot of the men are now on foot. And then they enter the Mojave Desert. Oh, and then, I'm sorry, and then they enter the Mojave. Great. So they're like, I feel like it's about to cool off a little bit, son of a bitch. What about the worst part of this? No. They're into the worst part now.

Okay. Now, they get to what is like around Needles, California now. Okay. And they run across the Mojave Indians. Okay. And they give them shelter for 15 days and let them recuperate. Wow. Because they're a fucking mess.

And they feed them melons and vegetables from their garden. And they tell. Make note, we should come back and ruin this. Let's put a pin in this. They tell Jedediah that there is an old Indian trail across the desert that goes from the Spanish missions in California to here. Okay. And so he's like, well, can you take me?

And so two guys. I'd like to discover it if you could show it to me. I would. Could you show me where that is so I can discover it for everyone? I would like to name this trail. Yes. I'm after things. Yes, please.

So these two guides know the way because they had fled from the mission San Gabriel to the Mojave. I just stood in the back of my head. This too is just after money. It's just. Yeah. He's wants cash. So for 15 days, they try to follow the Mojave River, but it keeps disappearing because it's

a river in the desert. Yeah. So it just vanishes. All right. Well, that was. Takes another break here for a while. The river is again dirt. So he tried to name the Mojave River the inconstant river, but it never stuck.

Yeah. It's a great name. Yeah, it really. It's an inconstant. What about Mojave? No, it feels made up. Oh, well, it's actually the name of the people and the land. Mostly river.

We'll call it. Great. It's not. Those are all bad. We'll charge $5 to look at it. Great. Perfect. We're good people.

Money. So it's really hot. They're fucking thirsty as shit, but they make it to California following this trail. And they're the first white man to make this overland southwest crossing the Mojave route. Yeah. They did it so independently. It's remarkable. The spirit of the white.

The first white guy to follow a couple of non-white guys. Yeah. Yeah. The first guy who needed to be melon fueled. I'm the first man who needs a lot of suntan lotion to go this way. I did it all by myself, except for when they fully carried me and filled me with melon for a fortnight. Other than that, I did it all and they discovered it already.

What an amazing feat when I did this thing where people had to feed me melons for 15 days. So many people to thank, mainly me. So now they're in the San Bernardino valleys. It's like paradise compared to where they've been. Sure. There's cattle, there's horses grazing, green, green streams. We call Bakersfield or Victorville today.

So the half-starved men meet some friars at Mission Ranch and they escort them to Mission San Gabriel. Okay. It's about nine miles east of downtown Los Angeles. Now. I think I want to act. All of a sudden, I feel like pretending a bit. That's strange.

Hello, I'm here to make films. I'd just like to look at the camera and say things like, we'll be right back. So there's a Padre in charge of everything, Father Joseph, and he allows Jedidai's men to eat and rest there. And then in response to that Jedidai, named mountains after him. Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever.

It's like. Thank you for the biscuits. Yeah. If you look over there, that one's named Father Joe. I'm going to do that next time I'm at the store and be like, and instead of paying you, that McDonald's is now Kathy's bill. Okay. Thank you so much.

I can't give you money, but that McDonald's is yours. Just don't even worry about it. So California is Spanish territory. Right. It's, uh, so that means Jedidai and his party are there illegally. Right. And he's taken because of that. When the whites were illegal in California.

That's just fucking amazing. Oh, this topsy-turvy. So he is then, because of this, taken to the governor in San Jose. Okay. The governor wants to see him. Okay. San Jose, what about Petersburg? My friend.

I've renamed your city. It's now Jeff. It's now Jedidiah. So the Spanish colonizers, they know nothing about trapping beavers and in a report written for the governor, they called Jedidiah a fisherman because that was the close thing that they understood because he was like, no, the wet animals. We're looking for wet, wet animals. He catches furry fish, sir.

He's rarely catching. No, it's a, it's a wet, it's a, it's a wet animal that eats, eats trees. It's a tree eating fish. It makes dams. He made a dam. He's swearing at me for some goddamn reason. He's got like a, he's got like a hammer tail. It's a hammer tailed fish tree muncher.

Not a fish. It is a fish. He's getting extreme confirmation. This is a fish. It's not a fish. It's big teeth. Big teeth fish. Got, got tree teeth.

Tree teeth and a hammer tail. He's got three teeth. He's got a hammer tail and he's a fish, but he's into trees. Not a fish. He's definitely a furry. Yes. Animal fish. Yes.

No. Dish. Almost. Okay. He is. Is a dog. Okay. Are we close?

Wet dog. He's a wet puppy. Yeah. With a hammer tail. So, uh, so the governor, he's like, what the, what the fuck is this guy? He's suspicious. And then, and now they're like, these guys are spies. Okay.

Good. So they're the fucking spies. They're, they're here spying for whatever, uh, England or France or, right. So Jen and I can't commit some that he was quote, only a hunter and that dire necessity had driven me here. He can't commit some of that. So he's put under house arrest in, for some reason they put him in house arrest in San Diego.

Boy, give me that. They are moving around the state for, no, it's amazing. And he's, and he, it was easier to get around the state than I know. It's really crazy. The bummer. Okay. He's under arrest and take him, I guess, to San Diego. They took what they called a light rail.

It's really nice there. The weather is really just sort of 75 all the time. Oh, it's perfect. Beautiful views. Have you seen Simon and Simon? Yes. Yeah. It's like that.

It's a, so if you want to be a detective, it's a good place to be. It's great. Yeah. And that's a, yes. A thing. So they're there for six weeks under, under lock and key. Sure. And then there's, there's three American merchant ships that are anchored in the bay and they,

and they vouch for him for some reason. I don't know what happened there, but they're like, no, he's a good guy. Without knowing him. They talk to him or something or found out about him. So. Sure. So Jen and I and his men are then released because of the word these guys give. That's crazy.

On the condition that they leave California. Okay. And they have to leave the same way they came. What? That's a bullshit. That's like, that's like where you're just being like, vindictive and you must go back through hell to get home. Mwah.

Mwah. Mwah. So Jen and I agrees because what else is he going to, what is he going to say? But he's also like, there's no way I'm going through the fuck I'm a hobby again. Absolutely not. Or really even leave California. Right. It's pretty big.

So he, he wants to try instead an unexplored route because that's his whole gym, right? He's all about that. So he heads north and he goes across the Tachapi mountains and he goes into the San Joaquin Valley, which is rivers and very nice. And they go north and they're fishing and trapping in Monterey and the San Francisco Bay. So they're kind of going all over. So they're having a little California adventure.

Yeah. They're doing a little thing. And then they get to the American River, which is near Sacramento. Okay. Their horses, their horses now are packing over 1500 pounds of beaver pelts. So they're scoring. It's amazing that the, that the Spanish in charge didn't know what beavers were, didn't quite understand what they were talking about because there are beavers around.

Yeah. And, and they rest. And then in May, 1927, horses must be exhausted. They go east over the Sierra Nevada mountains and five horses die in the snow because it's snowing heavily. So they have to retreat 70 miles, 75 miles back to the Stanislaus River. Okay. And Jed and I, I think takes two men, uh, names Evans and Goble, and they, he tries

to cross with them just again to, and he's going to return with supplies. He's like, you guys stay here. I'll go get supplies so we can make the journey. Sure. And he says, it's four months. I'll be back in four months. What? I, I don't know what happens.

Well, that's just life back then, but that's a nightmare. I know. It's just how it worked. Can you hang on for four months? I know we're dying. Do you have four months left in the tank? If I don't come back in four months, go ahead and I guess just die. After four months, no, it's your turn to leave and try to survive.

So wait, wait for a pin and dying for four months and then let's decide. So he leaves behind 11 guys. Now they build log cabins and just start trapping where they are on the Stanislaus. But Spanish authorities at this point, no, they're like, Hey, you didn't go back through the Mojave at all. That's not what we said. Now they've heard Jedidiah has violated the, his agreement to leave. Which he has.

Yeah. And that he's still in California. So these soldiers come to the camp, but Jedidiah is gone. So they're like, what do we do? They, they talk to the men, they believe the men are going to leave in, when they get a chance after winter's over. He's, he's, he's literally coming right back. It'll just be about four months.

And so, uh, so they let him stay there, but it's a little iffy, right? Yeah. Okay. So Jedidiah's party crosses this year as it takes them eight days and now they're in the Great Basin, which is, it's hell. Greatest. We're back to dried, nightmarish, unbelievable. So they have four pack animals.

They started with seven. Sure. Well, yummy, yummy. That's less. And crossing, like I said, it's fucking hell. So one by one, as they're crossing the Great Basin, the horses start dying or they're killing them for food. One or the other.

Cool. Then their water runs out. Great. And they're eating the flesh. They're drinking the blood of the horses to stay alive. Yum. Mmm. You can just probably just poke a hole in one and have like a spigot.

Yeah. It's like the Gatorade ads. Eventually you're just sweating the red. That's right. It's working. On June 25th, Evans collapsed from thirst and exhaustion. That's trick is blood. That's where you're at.

You know? Okay. Well, good news, bad news. Evans is dead. Good news we eat tonight and we can finally get some blood. Oh my God. I'm so thirsty. You know what I could go for?

A big cold cup of Evans. Oh, it'll be so good. Oh God. Oh, I can't. Evans, hang on. But if not, we're going to pound your blood. So fast. I'm going to drink it like it's a punch bowl.

Oh, you know what? I might drink my own, actually. Don't you fucking dare drink your own blood yourself, his brick. I opened my knees. Oh God. Look. Well, it's all part of one cycle in you and once you pass, I'll have it too. So after they talked, Jed and I and Goebel decided to just leave Evans and go on without

him. Oh, come on. Drink his blood. Jed and I wrote in his diary, quote, we could do no good by remaining to die with him. Drink his blood. Yeah. I mean, if you're drinking horse blood, let's go. At least suck out an eye at the very least.

Something. Take something. Three miles later. We're going to take your balls for comedy. Sorry, Pat. Only for comedy. We're just going to hang it on the back of our hats like it's on the dash. Three miles later, they come across a small water hole.

Like a urethra. They drink like fish. Yeah. Like a urethra. Like hairy, hairy fish. Yeah. Hairy fish. Jed and I have fills a container with water and he puts a piece of horse meat in it.

Well, that'll keep it better than cork. Well, I'm going to put this in here because I have no idea what in the fuck I'm doing. This is going to be terrible. This is what we call Tupperware. Well, he does that and then he hurries back to Evans. Okay. So he's like, Evans. Jed and I, quote, putting the kettle to his mouth, he did not take it away until he had

drank all of the water, of which there was at least four or five quarts and then asked me why I had not brought more. Yeah. Yeah. So that's it. What was with that dumb horse meat at the end? Have you tried vitamin water? It's like that, except I'm trying to horse.

It's really good. Yeah. It's a nice flavor, right? I'm pumped up. It's tangy, but it's nice. It's good. I like the chunks. It's like boba.

Do you like it right now or what's your deal? Bring more water to me a couple of times. We're going to run. You're going to have to run to the water. There's water there, but you've got to run for it. So lazy. Same way you came in. I'm having one of my lazy days.

Yeah. Well, it's run time. Is it Sunday because it sure feels like it to me. This is a cattle prod. We're about to use it. Gosh, I'm just so tired. Yeah. Here we go.

I just feel like channel surfing. Do you ever watch Bar Rescue? Yes. This show is great. I love it. The host seems like a right-wing lunatic. Yeah. I mean, there's that.

Heaven survives and they move on together. They can now see the Great Salt Lake. They're the first men, white men, to cross the Great Basin over a thousand miles, mostly on foot. Man, the first men who were white to do it. I would imagine maybe the first men because I think most Native Americans would be like, why the fuck would you walk that way? Because we're looking for money, dummy.

We're dipshits. You see, we're motivated by making money. We're like a nightmare for this place and we're not going to rest until it's all fucking gone. Hello. Capitalism's here. We're going to ruin this. Knock, knock.

May we come in? We're already in. Welcome to the Beaver Apocalypse. Did you like having them around? That's over. Let's do that with everything. So on July 3rd. This could be a mall.

On July 3rd, they stumble into Bear Lake, which is where every year is held rendezvous. Oh, no. So they roll in in the middle of rendezvous. Did they don't know they're going to rendezvous? I think they probably didn't know the timing of it all, but they rolled in when fucking Trapcon is going on. So they've discovered something, but now they're just randomly at Trapcon. They're back where they started.

They're at Furcon again. They're back where they started. It's, yeah, it's rendezvous 1827. Everyone just cannot believe because they thought they were dead. They haven't seen them in so long that we thought you guys were all dead. We kind of were. They shoot a small cannon to celebrate that they're back, but then they had also been firing off the cannon all around the booth.

So it's kind of not really. Yeah. Right. It's like the guy who's like, you got to do a shot to celebrate. So he's done 15 already. Oh, we're going to do another round of baby cannon. Now Jed and I's partners who had gone north in the area, they did well. And so they had a bunch of beaver pellets.

He didn't, he, I don't think he had any. I mean, the other guys, he's like, we, we ate them. The other guys, remember the guys you left four months, the other guys loaded with it. So they pay, they use those other beaver pellets and they pay their debt to William Ashley and he advances them supplies for the next year. So their business is making money. So Jed and I is like, I got to get back to my dudes in the Stannislaus River and bring him supplies.

So before he leaves, he writes a note to William Clark, the famous explorer. Sure. And the superintendent, he's now the superintendent of Indian affairs for the Upper Missouri and Mississippi River. So Clark's got. You mean for the white man affairs? Yes. Right.

And he said the pirates and Mojave's were quote, extremely poor and the lowest intermediate link between man and the brute creation and in the mental scale lower than I have yet seen. Extra, extra white man's here officially. The white man's officially arrived. So, so the first, so the, the people saved his life. The people who say it's, it's what we call the whiting is how the white works. Thank you so much.

I'll never forget you. Now you're technically an animal to me and I can do whatever I want. Hello. I mean, they saved his fucking life. They fed him for 15 days. They gave him shelter and the, the pirates did their own thing to save them. And he's just like, man, they're fucking shit all stupid. They are dumb.

Fucking dumb. They are dumb. You know what's smart as a dude who walks through the desert. If I'd known you needed two weeks worth of melon, I'd have brought it. I'd have brought it. So he heads back out and he, he takes 18 men, he takes two, uh, and they, and they brought two of their Native American wives. So two guys in that group bring their wives, slaves.

I don't know what that is. Like, I don't know how the marrying worked back then. Right. Probably. Yeah. Not great. Probably. Well, yeah.

I mean, we don't know. But again, it's, it's, it's just when there's a track record, you can kind of speculate. So he, he retraces the same path. He goes to the same villages. Uh, he's still heading to the Colorado River again. I get lost when I look for my car sometime. Yeah. I can't imagine the idea of being like, yeah, this is right to the confidence.

I think I, I think I went through it was a purple E four. I think what I, it was, which one's an alligator and then some guy in another car saves you for four days. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah. Thank God for your Subaru. You need more ice tea. Do you need more Tiva ice tea?

So here's some more checks mix if you need it. I'm so nourished. He, uh, he gets to the Mojave and this is where most of us die. Right. Well, so this is where, yeah. So he gets to the Mojave and they build rafts to cross to get the supplies across the Colorado River. Okay.

And, um, as Jen, so he, he, I guess they have two rafts or maybe he's taking a raft over and then they're going to bring it back and bring the rest of the supplies. Sure. I'm not sure which way, um, this works, but he gets to the other side of the river. Jedediadus. Right. Okay. And, um, as he, as he just reaches it, Mojave, Mojave warriors come from behind and

kill the guys who are waiting to cross. Oh, wow. So all of a sudden it's just like a slaughter. I think I'll stay on this side. It seems like that side's getting a little precarious. They kill 10 men. He's got 18. They killed 10 and they take the two Native American women and he just, all he can do

with his guys is just watch it happen across the river and then he runs. They run for it. Yeah. Okay. New plan. Go. So they, they hide and they make spear, they make spears from branches and they tie knives to the end of the poles because I guess they don't have guns.

Sure. They must have been with the other guys. I don't know. So you guys hold on to everything and I'm going to shoot over there, make contact, then I'll come back, then we'll start kind of bailing the bucket over that direction. So once I get over there, you guys will have it all. Then I'll start coming back. Yeah.

Great. All right. I can't see anything that could go wrong. See you in a bit, boys. So they fight with the Mojave's, Jedediah's man managed to kill two of them and then they retreat. Okay. Only one of Jedediah's men are wounded.

Okay. So they eventually wait and then they slip away into the desert, but they have no supplies now. Right. And they're on foot. Right. So they have, I guess they do. They've got five rifles, some bullets and some dried meat.

Yum. Now, there is one wounded guy, he needs help walking. Okay. They don't have guides, so they have to rely on his memory to get through the desert. Sure. So odds of them living are, that's not great. Sure. But they come across another band of Native Americans who trade them horses.

Okay. So they must have traded, I assume, the rifles. Good. Yeah. Okay. Summer's at its peak, right? It's fucking August. Or we could dance for you.

Yeah. Okay. Just the guns? Okay. It's August in the fucking Javi Desert. Yeah. It's hell. It's nice.

And Jedediah keeps losing the trail, as we know, what had to happen before. But somehow he gets them to San Gabriel in late August. Jesus. And there they recover a bit. And then Jedediah heads north to see the fucking guys at the status loss. He arrives two days before the four month deadline. Wow. He's like, what's up?

Hey. I told you four months tonight. Who's good with time? Could have been earlier. Who's good with time? Had some snags. Yeah. Hit a snag or two.

Mm-hmm. So. The men are super excited to see them until they find out that half his party had been killed and all the spies are gone. Oh. And he came. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. I should start with this. Things are as dire as when I left. No. But you brought, you came back with all this stuff. I had a ton of stuff. I had a ton of stuff. Oh, well, yeah.

Let's get it. Well, what I did was I left it with a bunch of my men, our men, men. You guys look good, by the way. Thank you. What are you guys doing? We have been working out. It looks good. It looks good.

We started. The place looks good, too. Yeah. That's what I can see. So I left it all on one. What was I saying? Oh, I left it all on one side of the river. Oh, yeah.

Can we get that? Yes. And crossed the river. Okay. Then was about to go back on the big old. You left the supplies back on the other side of the river? The, well, I'm trying to think which side you're talking about. The side you left.

The supplies were on that side. So you didn't bring them with you? I went on the other side of the river without them, about to go back and grab them all. Yeah. Well, you should have brought them first. I was about to. Uh-huh. Okay.

Then I'm trying to think what happened next. Oh, they murdered most of the guys. Sorry. And took all the stuff. Whose? They? Yeah. I don't remember their names, but they were, you know, they were natives.

Native natives. They were, you know what I mean? They, are you talking about the Mojave? Yes. That's it. They were the guys who gave us the melons and let us hang out with them for like 15 days. Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what. They have a bug up their ass now. And I don't, I'll tell you. There's one thing I just, you can't trust them. I mean, that's how I feel. They just can't trust. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we're the straight shooters.

Oh, clearly. We're the white man. So. Clearly nothing. It's not like, because when we came here before, they were our friends. They were melon people. And then now they don't, they know they don't like white people. They were, oh, on the contrary, they didn't have a melon on them.

It's almost as if white people did something in between when you came and when they killed you guys. Let me think. Because I want to get this right. I don't want to. I don't want to irrationally blame them. I'm trying to. Sounds like somebody did something bad.

I'm trying to think because I should know. It's just nothing is ringing. I'm trying to think. Now I'm pretty sure they were just being jerk-offs. The more I think about it, they just, yeah, if lost, they're cool. Not cool. Again, they didn't have a melon on them. So this was a totally different generation.

It's just different. They've lost the plot. I'm more worried about the fact that we have no supplies now, because you went away for four months and fucked off. Almost four months. What? Here's the good news. I pretty much know the way now, so that's good.

It's going to be hell on earth. But yeah, so do you guys have any food? No. Famished. I really could eat. We eat Bob. I would love to get a piece of him. If there's any of him left.

I'll eat a toe. I'll eat a dick. I don't even give a shit anymore. I don't want to hear that. All right. Well, good to get the band back together. So here's the good news. The trappers now, because they've been there for once, they had a shitload of beaver pelts.

So they head to Mission San Jose to trade the beaver pelts for supplies. Now here's the problem with San Jose. That's where the governor is. And he doesn't like, and there's been an agreement. He's been told to leave, so he's immediately arrested. As he goes there? Yes. Oh, God.

And taken to Monterey and put in jail. Okay. He tries to explain. He's like, this is what happened. I'm dying. Do you understand that I'm dying? Can somebody understand that I'm dying? He's like, this was all to leave forever.

The whole plan was to leave. Yeah, trying to. But they didn't speak English, and he doesn't speak Spanish. So they have no idea what he's talking about. Now fortunately, again, while he was in jail, he became friends with a different American ship captain. Again, this happens again. Sure, of course.

And that guy. What are you in for? That guy and four other Americans post a $30,000 bond for his release. How do you, how charming are you to get strangers to pay a $30,000 bond fee? I just can't understand what's happening here. God damn. Now he can leave on two conditions. Okay.

First, he has to sell the furs to the ship's captain at a very low price. So this guy's going to get his money back and more, I assume. Second, he has to leave California going the way he came. Now this time, we want you to really go the way you came. We don't think you did that before. Get out of here. They were very clear. We want you to walk backwards like that guy from a couple episodes ago.

They're very clear. They're like, that's it. This is your last fucking chance. No more. Last chance. That's it. Leave, don't come back. So he's like, okay, I agree.

And they free him. He doesn't leave California. I love it. He goes to San Francisco, where his men are, and he rejoins them. Hey. Party. All right. And then they head back down to the Stanislaus River.

Now they have horses and supplies. And in January, 1828, they head into the mountains of Northern California. There's lots of game. They trap more furs. At one point, several of bears, several bears attacked the party at once. And Jedidide dives into a stream to get away from them. Oh my God. Yeah.

I think you're mad at seeing a bear again. I've done this before. It's not good. No, I don't like bears. Oh my God. So when they cross the Sacramento River, by the way, I mean the idea that you're like, oh, safety in the river. They're like, we're also down to eat from here.

We eat out of the river all the time. We love it. The river's great. They fear water. They don't. Oh God, that's not good to hear. So when they cross the Sacramento River, Jedidide names it the Buena Ventura, which obviously doesn't stick.

Right. He's always naming stuff. Right. No one's. Right. Okay, buddy. Yeah. In June, they enter Oregon.

So they're going north. You mean Jedidiahsville? Yes. Right. Now, they traded with the Kawatset people. Jedidiah was very friendly with most Native Americans, but he, but then a total dick in his journal descriptions. Okay.

When he tells other people about them, when he writes about them, he's like, well, that's like most people's diary. He said they were impoverished. You're such a good friend of mine. God, Bob is such a jerk, so sick of Bob. He said they were impoverished because they were lazy and had, quote, a deficiency of genius inferior to the beaver. They just want everything, give it to them.

What it is, is that they're not trying to profit on everything, and so he thinks they're fucking dumb. Right. He's the dumb one. They're living with nature. They don't understand. You can sell this rock, you fools. He wrote derisively.

But by the way, take the path of the white men. It ends soon. So good. It's so good. Soon. He wrote derisively that many, quote, live without anything in the shape of a house and rise from their bed of earth in the morning, like the animals around them in a rove about in search of food.

He said they were degraded, ignorant, and miserable. Literally what everyone does every day. Well, also, why? You wake up and you're like, I need food. Yeah. Well, if you've been living that way forever, then why would you, you're like, this is fine. You don't have a house. You need to have bedrooms, a house.

Yeah. So yeah, so he, he's discussed it. They lived very simply when God had given them all this shit to sell. You can make houses and sell the house. Sell it. Make money. Own things. You can put a fence around the lake.

Right. You own the lake. My lake. On July 14th, Jedidiah and two men went out scouting. While they were gone, the calisthe came to the camp and there was an argument over an axe being stolen. It ended with the calisthe killing every trapper except for one guy named Arthur Black. Black runs into the woods after he'd been stabbed several times and he just keeps moving

for four days, completely naked and bleeding until a friendly group of American Indians found him and brought him to a Hudson Bay outpost in Vancouver. Oh my God. Four days bleeding, running naked. I mean, come on. So when Jedidiah had come back to the camp and the other guy, we're back at the picnic party. The calisthe shot at them and they managed to escape, but they left all the furs and supplies

behind. Okay. So again, a friendly group of locals helped guiding them north. So they arrived at Fort... This is Los Angeles. No, no. No, no. They arrived at Fort Vancouver two days after naked and bleeding Arthur Black arrived.

Hey buddy, what's up? I calmly walked away from the scene, fully clothed and not stabbed. Oh. I've been here for a few days. Let me guess, you guys panicked or something? It's good here. So the head of Hudson's Bay operations offers to help Jedidiah. He went back with three of his men, 22 Hudson Bay men and 14 Native Americans to get their

stuff back from the calisthe. Okay. And then they hand her negotiations and it took weeks. Kind of like when your dad drives you over to get something back. It's kind of like... Hey, that kid, Timmy, took that ball from you? Yeah. Yeah, we're going to go back over there and you're going to tell Timmy what's up and

you're going to get the ball back. You talk to his parents, you say, that's my ball. Yeah. And you're going to get the ball back. That's how I get respect. Yeah. Yeah. You're totally going to get respect.

You're going to respect me. I'm going to sit in the car. You go ahead and go up to the front door and just take care of this. Yeah. Okay. Get out of the car. Okay. We haven't driven there yet.

We're going to walk away. Follow me? Yeah. Get out of the car and walk. I'm going to drive behind you. It's not a power trip, man. I'm trying to teach you how to be a man. Okay.

Take your shirt off. Okay. What? Dad, please. Just trust me. Take your shirt off. Okay. Put some oil.

Put some oil on your face. Ah, seems sort of... Well, I don't have it. Is that Crisco? Yeah. Well, whatever you can. It's just some kind of oil. It's going to throw it on your face.

There's a lot of it. And then cut your chest. Why? Wait. What the fuck is going on, Dad? So, um, they negotiate with the Cowacet for weeks. Weeks? They're threatening violence.

And yeah, weeks. And, um... It's like the infrastructure package. Eventually, the Cowacet returned hundreds of Beaver pellets, otter skins, some horses, rifles, traps. The Hudson Bay leader buys, he buys the furs, and Jed and I, in return, tells them everything that he's learned about California in the West. Okay.

They love me there. Bring me up if you get there. Oh, I'm such a big man. Big man. Love me there. Love me. So, he ends up making about 2,400 from that whole situation. And they head out and arrive back in time.

Back in time? What year is this? My God, we've done it again. I told you, this river has some special qualities to it. This is back where it all started. Look at my hair. It's normal. I haven't been attacked by the barrier.

Wait a minute. The hell? So, they arrive back in time for the 19, sorry, 1829 rendezvous. No. The rendezvous? No. What's up, guys? Hey, get the baby cannon.

So now, Jed and I and his partners, his partners have been out trapping. Remember, he made 2,400, so they've got a nice chunk of change. But at the same time, his two trips have now cost the lives of 33 men. Yeah, it wasn't easy. You've got to break a few eggs to make an omelet, hmm? In 1830, Jed and I and his partners sell their business as they foresee that there's going to be a trading problem ahead because all the beavers are being killed. And there's a lot more trappers and there's less demand.

So, he walks away, Jed and I, walks away with 18,000. Okay. It's a lot of fucking money. It's like a million. Okay, it's done well. Oh, 500,000 today. Okay. So, he's rich.

Jed and I then goes back to St. Louis, he buys a farm, buys a couple of slaves, as you do. Get some go-karts. Oh, good, slaves are awesome. Get some go-karts and slaves. Learned how to be a racist. Perfect. It comes pretty easy.

Yeah, no, he's actually got that down. But it's not the life for him. A year later, he's feeling restless. I want to die again. I want to get out there and die. I need to almost die. Watch other men die. You know, it was so great.

Have you ever watched 33 men die over four years? I killed so many men for my marriage. So at this time, some friends are like, man, we're going on a trip to Santa Fe. I'm in. Let's kill those people. You got to come. Yes, let me leave. Yes.

Wait to wear? Santa Fe. Okay. Now, that's in, I believe, Spanish territory. So William Ashley, his old employer, gets him a passport. Okay. So this time, he's legally going. And they leave in the spring of 1831.

25 wagons, 85 men. Two of them are Jedediah's brothers. And they start running out of water somewhere between Arkansas and the Cimarron rivers. Okay. Great. Perfect. Just great to be back out there nearly dying. Now, late in May, Jedediah and the very famous scout, broken hand Fitzgerald, go ahead

of the rest of the group to scout for water. But then Fitzgerald's horse gets hurt and he has to return to the wagon train and Jedediah is like, I'm just going to go on the head alone. And don't worry. He's never seen again. Okey-dokey. So. Now, the wagon train makes it to Santa Fe and there they run into some Mexican traders,

one who has Jedediah's rifle and pistols. Okay. And he says we had, we bought them from the Comanche's. Okay. So. So what happened was around 20 Comanche warriors were waiting for Buffalo at a waterhole and then Jedediah strolled in so they killed him. Let's just kill him.

Wow. As he fell, he shot and killed one of the Comanche's. He was 32 years old. Oh my God. He was 32. 32 fucking two years old. That is so crazy. I mean, you're picturing like a 50 year old.

Yeah. Wow. So he saw maybe more wilderness than Lewis and Clark did, but he's not as recognized. His journals were lost in a fire after his death and in Northwestern California, there's a redwood forest named after him. He Jedediah. So this story was recommended by Dan and Julie DeMundo and it was researched by Sarah June and the sources tragic tragic by Page Smith tragic encounters, the people's history

of Native Americans, John mooring men with sand great explorers of the North American West, Jack Alder, exploring historic California, David Weber, the Californios versus Jedediah Smith and Barton Arbor, Jedediah Smith, no ordinary mountain man. He was no ordinary mountain man. He was not. He really. He was definitely not ordinary. It would be, I bet under that scalp was like Terminator steel.

Just cause. God damn. Just kept going. I just want him. He just, it's so funny that he finally made his money. He was like, ah, it turns out not, it was not my motivation. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like being evil. That's what I enjoy. You know, I don't know if you've ever led a group of guys where most of them die, but it's pretty great. But it's also, it's so easy the way that like our society's mentality is acquiesced into that sort of thinking, like it's the thinking we're founded upon. So of course you see in today's society the same thinking. I mean, the thinking is just get your fucking money and fuck everything.

And that's really what we're founded upon. It's just there was a lot more resources and it was just, you know, very acceptable to murder people for possessions or for land or things like that. And you know, you see where it gets you. Like it's the same. I mean, it is just like, it's like, you know, Jeff Bezos would be this guy in this time. You know, like. Or worse.

Worse. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. But these people can go out, like they can hunt all the beavers because it doesn't destroy everything. But right. Once there's a bunch of people hunting all the beavers and all the things, well then

everything stops working and grinding to a halt because the more people they are seeking profit, the more trouble that becomes for natural resources. Totally. But, but at least then they were going for like a thing that, well, you know what I mean? Like we now will like burn down things to plant things that will make us more money versus the things that will actually, you know, say, like we just, we sacrifice environment so carelessly at this point that it's just like, you know, I mean, it's, it feels pretty unsustainable.

Oh, really? Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. I had noticed that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But what a weird take. It's strange. Yeah. I found it upon that mentality of the white, white people came here with this mentality of we don't give a fuck about anything other than each other and making money and money more than that. And then, and again, if it's resulted in a pretty good, that would be great. I'm excited for where it lands.

Well, America number one, isn't it? By far. Yeah. By far. We're the best at everything. Yeah. Name one thing we didn't do the best. Exactly.

I can't. I mean, we treat people. The best that is acknowledging our bestness, but we're very humble, humble country. Americans are very humble country. That's what they always say in Europe. Yeah. You can't find the Americans. No.

You can't notice Americans. Find one American or something good to say about America. Good luck to you. Yeah. Yeah. They just don't. They think it. We think it at home.

We don't need to put it on jackets and cars and bumper stickers and try to find one truck in this country that's 100% made of flag. You can't. Nope. It's written. Uh-oh. Wearing an America shirt in America is like wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see.

Come on. It would be like buying a t-shirt in the airport and putting it on like, look at this, Charlotte. All right. Fuck it. Okay. Great attitude. Hey, everybody. That's Dave, signing off from the dollop.

I'm Gareth. Another good time. Charlie. Goodbye. Go Cards. It's St. Louis. Cards. I said go Cards.