The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 496 - The Essex

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the journey of The EssexSourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

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This is a bi-weekly, oh shit I gotta do next one a week, American History podcast where each week I, sunglasses wear, man who likes peanut butter, lover of dogs, Dave Anthony. I bet the last two are related. From American history to my enemy. Carith Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about and I'm not your enemy. You're right but you are not my friend. That is not the case. You're someone who hurts. Hurts you? I'm very good to you and very understanding to you. You attack me. You are full of outbursts and rage and oddity and I hang in there always. I try to hold and hug. No you are a psychopath. You fight

and fight. No because you'll text crazy things. Never has happened. Can't wait to see my honeypot tomorrow. I didn't say honeypot. Whatever you said. I said special boy. Yeah, see it's weird. And there's nothing wrong with that. It is not normal for you to do that to me. What, to call you my special boy? Yes. My special guy. Can't wait to see you my special guy. It's like what a dad would say to a kid. But like the kid would be like six. And then you said don't talk like this anymore and I said sorry my boy and you said no and I said my sugar pot. Yes, there you go. So that is all just me being nice. No it's you just for whatever

you're angry and aggressive. You could be doing other stuff. No, there's no stopping any of it. Doesn't matter if I encourage you or not. You're a tornado. It doesn't mean you happen. What? Because of the finger. I'm sorry I gave you the finger day. 1791. George Pollard. The year of our lord. It was born in. Dave, it was the year of our lord. Nantucket, Massachusetts. The Tuck. Sure, yeah. Tuxville. Oh, ship. That's not gonna work. There you go. His father was a ship's captain. Okay. And what's his name? George Pollard. George Pollard Jr. technically. And so this is the time when hunting sperm whale for oil was a huge industry. Like I mean to put it in like

modern-day terms they would get VC funding to get ships to go murder whales. Like it was. And then turn the whales into oil. Turn them into oil as you're supposed to. How much oil do you get out of a whale? I mean barrels. Tons of oil? Yeah, so you turn that blubber into oil and yeah, barrels. Is that where we're headed when we've sucked all the oil out of this? Well, eventually turn people into oil. I'm amazed we haven't figured out how to do that yet, but we will. We'll figure out how to turn people into oil. And then you can sell yourself for like 50 bucks when you die. That'll be an exciting phase. When you can finally throw your

own hand into the gas tank. That's right. That's when I'll be like, this country's right. Let's do it. This worked. So Nintucket is at the center of the whale you know murder scene. Sure. He started working on ships as a teen and when he was 23 he had served on the ship Essex for four years as both second mate and then first mate and then he was made captain in 1819. Okay. So he's a super young captain. He's made teen. Go ahead. So he is preparing to take the ship on a long, long trip to the Pacific Ocean to do some whaling in August. Okay. It'll be hard to bring a whale back to shore. No,

you don't. They deal with it right there on the boat. Oh really? They'll put it into barrels on the actual ship. Yeah. Crazy. George, oh sorry, the crew was 21 men. Okay. George's 17 year old cousin Owen Coffin was on board. No, it's the other one. C-O-F-F-I-N. A little darker. Let me out. George promised his aunt that he would keep Owen safe. That guy got this. He can't make that promise. I'll try real hard. What can go wrong on a boat in the middle of the ocean? Should be fine. Should be fine. We've really worked out most of the kinks. Yeah, so there's eight men from Nantucket and then there's a bunch of guys from Cape Cod in Boston. The

Nantucket guys are super experienced. The other guys pretty inexperienced. But they talk so much shit. I know more in my pinky finger about finding like whale oil than you know in your whole stupid party. The fucking talking about. You're an idiot. You're a fucking idiot. We're supposed to be on the same team. Yeah, that's right. That's my guy. Special guy. So the men from Nantucket called the other guys Green Hands. The Essex is an 87 foot long ship. Nice. Pretty big. So it's that sail on August 12th, 1918 on a two and a half year voyage. Just catching whales and killing whales. Wow, okay. Things went south in about two days. Okay,

that's good. That's good. Yeah, so that's good. The Essex got hit by a squall. So squall. Giant wind comes through. Sometimes there's lightning and rain, but it's like a mostly a wind thing that really fucks you up. Okay. It was knocked down onto its side. The boat. And you do not want to be doing that? No, no, they're supposed to stay up. If boats are sideways, it's not as good. I guess with the sail. Yeah, you don't want to get the sails wet. That makes a lot of sense. So it almost sinks. They lost two whale boats. So right, so a little boat, they have, there's like a 27 foot or you know, 25 maybe go out there, right, that you get in to go hunt the

whales. And then you, yeah. Super cool. So the third, a third well boat was damaged. The top gallant sail was destroyed, which is like the top square one. Right, the baby sail. Yeah, baby sail up top. Okay, we'll go with that. Baby sail. Baby sail. And then there's the Mama Pappas. And then there's the Pappas. They also had issues not just from the squall, but also the officers had miscalculated. Good. And also because the crew had little experience. We're still on land. Idiots. We're in Boston. But the crew had a little experience so they didn't turn fast enough, stuff like that. Right. So George thinks the damage is too much. And he's like, we should go back to

Nantucket and fix his shit and start over again. But the first and second mates talk him into continuing on, going to the Azores where they could get hopefully more whale boats. So they've lost like two of their hunting boats, essentially. They've lost the sail. And people are like, it will be fine. Yeah, it will be all right. Okay. We got this. Yeah. Okay. So George does not turn back and he keeps sailing. Sure. Sure. Yeah, it's a whale sail. And now they landed on the island of Floros on August 30th and they got some supplies of vegetables. They got some pigs. Okay. But no boats. Sure. There were no boats to be had. Right. Were they expecting to find boats? Well, they were hoping to find boats, yeah.

So they thought they'd go to this land and there'd be like a boat store? Yeah, boat. Boat shop. Okay. Damn it. Another island with just pigs and no boat shops. Damn. I gotta say, I'm thinking about opening up a boat shop here. It's very strange how this started as a whaling expedition and now we're hunting boats. So they sailed on and they stopped at the Cape of Veritas where... Any boats? Hello. Well, now they see a whaler, a whaling boat like their boat. Okay. And it is stuck on a beach. Oh, this is perfect. Right. So I told you we'd find a boat. I mean, that guy's lucky. Three guys. Boom. No boat. Three guys come out at a whaling boat. Okay. And they're like everyone else bailed when the ship got

stuck. Everyone left except for us. And so they bought the whale boat from them. The odds are just... And they got some more pigs. Jesus. Very good. Very... It worked out really well. I would be in the back like, we're gonna die because of this move. Yeah. So we have a new boat and a bunch more bacon. Yay! So they sail on and they round Cape Horn at the bottom of South America about five weeks later. Okay. And that's on the 18th of December. Okay. And they did some whaling off of Chile. They killed eight sperm whale. Nice. And converted them into 250 barrels of oil. Perfect. So there you go. That's how many... That's nature. Yeah. That is nature. That's nature. That's finally... Nature's understanding our way.

They actually... By the way, why couldn't that be the oil we spill in the ocean? Wouldn't that be great? The whale oil? Yeah, just be a little bit better than the... That'd be a little bit better. Black tar oil that we then pour corrects it on to the bottom. It's pretty good also. It's really good, obviously, for the ocean. Yeah. So at this point, they need more food. So they stopped at... Well, I wish we had some whale. Really hit the spot, huh? So it's sludge now. So they stopped at Hood and Charles Islands in the Galapagos. Okay. And I remember the huge tortoises from the Darwin. Yep. So there's a bunch of those cruising around. Okay. So they're like, perfect. And they grabbed 300 of those. Just the right

amount. From Hood Island. And then they go to Charles Island. And they get 60 more. Sure. Now, after they've grabbed 60, they have to... Well, first of all, they can... Here's the great thing about these turtles is they can stay alive without food or water for like a year. So it's just like this thing living there that you can crack open every once in a while and eat. That's great. Yeah. Well, it's so strange to me how, and this time, it feels like you would be much more connected to land and nature and more understanding of other beings. It feels like now... I mean, we are worse now because we do it in this... We don't even know where the fuck the food comes from, you know? But I would just imagine

that in some way you would be like, that is torture. That is... You are creating a torturous situation. It is absolute torturousure. But it's religion which gives them the belief that they... Land is... Everything is for them. Yes. Yes. Yes. So they only got 60 from the second island instead of more because there was a helmsman named Thomas Chapel, and he thought it would be really funny. He's pulling a prank and he lights some underbrush on fire. Okay. That's a fun... Can't pull that prank anymore. And the underbrush just goes up and pretty soon the island is burning. I'm goofing. Hello. It's a classic fire prank, guys. All right. Now here's the thing with my prank. It is unending. This is a terrible

nightmare prank. My prank ruins this entire island. You should see your faces. It's worth everything. I mean, the other thing I was gonna do is I have a pack of gum and when you take out a piece of gum, it like stings your finger. Permission to live on your ship. But instead I burned the island. I burned my home horribly for your benefit. So they have to run and they grab what tortoises they have and they get back on the boat and it's pig dry season. So... Did you guys notice something different about the island? Well, I see it's on fire. Every part of it's on fire. Was that us or was that a tortoise? That was me. I was having a bit of a goof. Oh, fun. That's fun. And you remember your

first mate? Yes. I took his heart out as a bit of a goof-goof. You're very bad at pranks. It's very bad. I have an angle I'm working and it's fantastic. It's not good. I've put a big hole in the ship. Oh, Jesus. You should see the look on your mouth. It's aghast. I would only label it as aghast. So yeah, so the fire just keeps burning. It's funny. Quit being so negative. And it just sweeps across the island. So the next day they leave because the island's on fire. And George doesn't know who lit it. They don't tell him at this time. And so he wants to kill whoever did it like he's furious because all these... Everything's dying. Yes, yes. The island is burned. So they head back out and they go back to killing

whales and they kill whales for a few months. Can you believe the way they damaged nature just for nothing? Now, let's go yank a bunch of these whales out for oil, huh boys? Let's get some lamps lit. Let's go. They did very well. It was a very prosperous voyage. They're kicking ass. They're killing a lot of animals. They would harpoon the whales in the whale boats, right? A guy would sit up front and he'd harpoon it. And then they would hold on to the rope or whatever. And it would drag... They would just wait until it tired out. It's supposed to be water ski out on the back? Yeah, well they called it Nantucket Slay Rides and they would just... That's cute. That's a fun name. It really... For me, it's great

because it brings up Christmas, which I love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it would tire out and then they'd have it, right? Oh. On November 20th, 1920, they saw a pod of whales and the guide. The mass said literally yelled, quote, there she blows. Oh. So that was the thing. Was that the actual saying? That's what they did. That's what they were talking about, whales. Yeah. So they lowered down the whale boats. There's three whale boats. The first mate, Owen Chase, who was 23, was in one. And he harpooned a whale, but the whale was not so into it. He was like, I don't actually enjoy this. The whale did not understand. He did not like the big metal thing going into his body. Does the whale not understand

that it's a sacrifice for oil? Oil? No, he didn't. He didn't get that. Nature's always seemed to resist us in that way. It's not cool. It's not... This is better for everybody. Yes. Make a sacrifice. This is the Lord's path. You just have to make a sacrifice. Just send your kids back to school. Thank you. So... Oh, nice triassole. Nice triassole. Yeah, yeah. Stay focused, Jerk. So the whale's on into it, and the whale turns and hits the boat with his tail. Now that isn't bad. Well, it depends who you're rooting for. I'm rooting whale 100%. That's good. Oh, great. Because he knocks the boat over. It has a big hole in it. They managed to get over and plug the hole with their jackets and then head back

to the Essex while bailing water out, and they make it. Okay. The other two boats... Jackets weren't so lucky. No, the jackets are very wet. Sorry. I'll be okay. So the other two boats keep going. George is in one of the other... So the way it works is the three whaling boats, the first mate, the second mate, and the captain go in those. Okay. So George is in one of those. By the way, that's so different now. By the way, you'd be like, you, you, and you. You're what we call heroes. You know the dangerous thing? That's your job. You're front line whalers. I'm staying here with the pie. We will clap so much when you're done. So he's back on board. He chases back on board the Essex, and he looks out at

the ocean. Then he sees a very large whale. It's about 85 feet long. Okay. Line quote, quietly in the distance. Yes. And it's facing the Essex. Okay. So almost like the whale's like, I don't trust you. I got my eye on you. Yeah. Chase quote, he spouted two or three times and then disappeared. In less than two or three seconds, he came up again. Yes, whale. About the length of the ship off and made directly for us at the rate of about three knots. It's a lot of nuts. It's hard to undo. Hey, I'll tell you, there's so many nuts, you might want to get new laces. So Chase gives the order to turn the ship to avoid him, to not get hit head on. I love the idea that you're like, we now need to run from

the whales. We're now running from the whales. There's a reverse thing going on here. They will turn us into oil. Let's move. Quote, the words were scarcely out of my mouth before he came down upon us with full speed. Yes. And struck the ship with his head. Oh, yes. He gave us such an appalling and tremendous jar as nearly threw us all on our faces. So he hits the boat fucking hard. So this is a whale who's like, I don't take shit. I'm not into what you guys are doing with the whole killing us thing. Not cool. So the crew, they can't believe what happened. This is just totally not something that occurs. Sure. And the whale passes under the ship, grazing the underside, and he comes up on the other side.

I expect him to talk pretty soon. And he goes, hey, motherfucker. Yeah. Dude, maybe you fuck with the wrong whale. I'll be humpback. So the whale then sits there for a minute. He's just kind of laying on top of the water and Chase, Chase thought it was stunned from the collision, like he hit himself so hard, he's just kind of, and then the whale headed off. Now the whale had made a hole in the ship. Right. And Chase. There they blow. Chase tells him to get the pumps going. He looks at the damage. He comes back up top because he's going to signal the whale boats and he looks out and he sees the whale again. Yes. Quote, apparently in convulsions on the top of the water, about 100 rods to leeward. He was enveloped

in the foam of the sea that his continual and violent thrashing about in the water had created around him. And I could distinctly see him smite his jaws together as if distracted with rage and fury. That's a lot of projection to put on the whale. The whale's mad. I mean, is that, okay, because when you take convulsions, it feels like the whale's having reaction to like heading the boat. It sounds like. But he's saying that the whale is out there like a bull snorting and fussing. So the whale seems still really pissed. Well, let's send out the apology vessel. Oh boy. Yes. So mad whale. So. Mad whale is my skateboard line. And then the whale moved across the bow of the ship very quickly. The ship's in bad

shape. So at this point, Chase is like the ship's lost. Like it's taken so much damage. But he he still says keep the pumps going so we have time to get whatever we need to get off the boat. And he lowers two boats in the water in preparation for abandoning the Essex. And a crew member, a member of the crew yells, quote, here he is. He is making for us again. Oh, God, damn, this is a great whale. The whale is about a hundred rods right in front of the ship and he's coming fast. Well, Chase said he was coming with the junior say out of whale. Chase said he was coming with, quote, tenfold fury and vengeance. It's amazing. He hit the ship again and smashed a hole in the bow. And then the whale took

off and was never seen again. They're a thousand miles from where he is so busy, like at the base of the ocean, accepting awards and whale of the air. No big surprise here. If whales had done this from the beginning, there would never be any. Oh, I mean, well, I just you. I mean, I am at the point where I just crave the animal revolt instead of the nature revolt, you know. So they're a thousand miles from land and Chase, he orders them to stop pumping and for each man to get what he can and get what he needs. Oh, it's great that his name Chase and he just completely lost the chase. He did not chase. The steward goes below deck and grabs two navigators and the captain and Chase's trunks. Let's go for a swim. I need

all my things. I have a little nitty hat. I have these kind of flowery trunks that I would love to wear for a quick dip. Do you know it's like a it's like it looks it's like a gun handle, but you grab it and then it has a vice grip and you can pick. It's a grabber. It's a grabber. I have one of those. I need a grabber. I didn't know the name. It's a grabber. I have a fly swatter shaped like Charlie Brown. That's what else do I need in there? I need my globe. Ball waxer. Yes. Make sure to get the thing I wax my nuts with. I have other stuff. Some yarn. Oh, the puzzle. Oh yes. I don't want the puzzle disturbed either. Bring it up here. That's a great puzzle. In full form. I love that

puzzle. There's a game of Yahtzee in there too. My butt pillow. His bottom pillow. Yep. We have other stuff. Yes. A lot of bottom stuff. Honestly, if you're comfortable grabbing the bottom stuff, can we give you a litany of items we'd like from the bottom doors? There's a secret area. There's a whole thing we have for bottom stuff. So that stuff's put in the boat. Chase grabs two compasses. So they have two navigators, which is basically sounds like a map. Right. They got two compasses. Now water's just fucking pouring in at this point. Sure. Yeah. No. Whale's head butted to the boat twice. All the men get in the whale boat and they push off and then the Essex just falls over sideways in the water.

Anyway. Just how it started. Chase quote, not a word was spoken for several minutes by any of us. All appeared to be bound in a spell of stupid consternation. So that whale was mighty, huh? Yeah. That. I feel like this was a bad idea, this business we got into. So wild, wild whale out there. Fucked up whale. Any. You guys remember that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On the whale. No, it's gonna be hard one to forget. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, we're not on the boat. We're on little boats. Wait, was that a prank? Nope. No, that was the fire. Oh, all right. Okay. Yeah. That was funny. Yeah. Oh, God. Chapel, you remember when you said the, did you set up the whale thing? No. Ta-da. I did it. So the other criminal

not grabbed anything and they just basically had the clothes that was on them. We were grabbing stuff. We didn't know that we were going to go grab a bunch of this stuff. That's the chile brown, uh, fly swatter. Oh, cool. My jacket's filling the hole in the Essex. So now the two whale boats returned with George and the second mate and one of the men in George's boat yelled quote, Oh my God, where's the ship? Hey, dumbass. Jesus. Late in our little thick, aren't you? George is speechless. Quote, he was so completely overpowered with the spectacle before him that he sat down in his boat, pale and speechless. He asked what happened and Chase responded. Quote, We have been stoved by a whale. Stove means

to like smash a big hole into. Sure. It's, it's boat guy talk. I'm gonna start using that. Yeah. Stove. Do you mind if I stove your door? May I stove it through here, ma'am? No. Hey, can I stove the glass? No. With my body? No. Let me stove through you. Not through me. Well, maybe. Would you like to get a drink later and we'll stove? Yeah. No, we're on. After a few minutes, George said, uh, they should get some food out of the Essex. And so they broke through with hatchets because now it's like, it's like the top is like down. So they have to go through the sort of cap size. We'll go through the bottom. They found 600 pounds of hard bread that wasn't wet and they got as much fresh water as they could

carry, which is in kegs. Uh huh. Each man had about 65 gallons of water. Okay, good amount. So that's a lot of water. Yeah. Quote, We also got from one of the lockers, a musket, a small canister of powder, a couple of files, two rasps and two pounds of boat nails and a few turtle. Those turtles are like, wait, what? No, we want to live here. Really? We live here. I was on an island. Now I'm in the ocean only temporarily. Some of the men being inexperienced didn't really get how horrible of a situation there. So this happens every time. Is this part of the deal? Like what do we do guys all the time? When does the, uh, nobody told me that whales were like that. Yeah, no, I never seen it, but that

was funny. I mean, if you think about it, it's very funny. That guy was not kidding around, right? When are we getting picked up? Yeah, what's the pickup time? Do we have another Essex? Are there two? A couple of crewmen slept very peacefully that night. On what? Just laying in the boat and having a sleep. I think nobody back then ever slept in a good place. I mean, that's true. Fair enough. Well, I'm going to go to the ocean and a nap. Chase, however, said he didn't have the words to describe how horrible the situation was. I like that he's still like... It's big, big, big, big, big, big, big whale. He mean, he mean, mean, mean. I can't wait till you find words again. He big, splushy,

and smashles, stove, and then blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. He big, he mean, he big, he big, big, big, big, big. No big. He large. Okay. Big, big. Thank you. He go smashing. Thank you. I'm going to crush your head. Oil from him, no. So the next morning, they took sails off the ship and put them on the boat, so each boat has a little sail. That's cute. Each boat has two mast. They built two mast. These are like 27 feet long. Yeah. I mean, it's decent size. That's probably good. I mean, the sail's big. Yeah. Yeah. They look at the navigators and the nearest land were the Marquisus Islands and then the Society Islands. George wants to go to them. Okay. But the crew thought that there were savages

and cannibals on the island who would eat them. Okay. And so they talked George out of going to the islands. Okay. That's going to be a big mistake. Okay. That's a really bad call. Was that what would have awaited them on the island? No, because other people went there a couple years later and they were just like, hey, man, we can give you food until someone picks you up. Right. Okay. So they decide they're not going to go to the Pit Stop Island. And they're going to head for Peru. Okay. I don't know how many miles away. It's like a thousand miles away. Okay. As compared to like whatever, a hundred or something. So a lot farther. Yeah. So they could use the sails to catch the trade winds

and then hopefully they'd be spotted by a ship out there. I just can't get over the whale still. Yeah. No, you shouldn't. It's the greatest. It'll come back. Not the whale that won't come back, but that'll come back up. We meet the whale again. His name's Frank, it turns out. Hey, I'm behind the half of the ocean. So off they go. They split themselves into two groups. One would sleep. Half of us will die and half of us will live. Let's split them now. So one while one group's sleeping, the other one's awake because there's shit to do quotes such as bailing, setting, tacking in and trimming the sails. So they actually have to fucking work. They estimated the food and water would last 60 days and they figured

they could reach the coast of South America in 56 days. Perfect. Well, by the way, I mean four days feels like plenty. Feels like plenty. Now they had some other stuff. Some guys grabbed fish hooks. There were candles, a musket, two pistols. So they got some stuff, not a lot, but I mean. Not very useful on the ocean. Yeah. The wind picks up and the waves start crashing into the boat. So they're constantly wet for the first few days. Salt water drenches the bread. Wow. And the sun is brutal. They'll dry that salt bread out. They give up on the idea of trying to keep the three boats together. Like at some point we're going to get separated and that'll be that. Okay. Feels like things are bad. Sometimes

they have to quickly bail water out of the boats as they would come close to sinking. That's why you do it. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. On November 28th, the other boats heard George yelling in his boat. When they got close, the captain said, quote, and it's at nighttime. When they got close, the captain said, quote, I have been attacked by an unknown fish and he has stove my boat. I mean, floating in the ocean at night is just, I mean, Jesus, does it get scarier? No. I mean, the jungle at night is scary, but like you can feel a little. Yeah, no. I've been stoveed by an unknown fish. He stoveed me. So the unknown fish had attacked with his jaws and they couldn't figure out what kind of fish it was, but it

was 12 feet long. Big, big, big, big fish. It was 12 feet long, believed to be a killer whale. Okay. Quote, this is what Chase said it was, quote, one of the killer fish species. It was what I would refer to as a killer fish. I thought we called it murder fish. Killer fish. So after hitting the boat once, it toyed with them and then it hit it second time on the bow and then they started hitting the fish with the, they took the poles that they were using to hold up the sails and they started hitting the fish with it, the fucking killer whale and then it took off. It was like, okay, this isn't fun. Where are the, like killer whales are known to be violent, but this, this mentality of going after these poachers

is great. Killer whales. They're very violent. But they're not just violent. They're a whale that will fuck with other animals, not even for food. Like there are some scientists that saw a group of killer whales hitting a stingray and they were just knocking it up in the air and they did it for about 45 minutes and then they killed it and then they didn't eat it. They just swam off. They're like, that was fun. No, like, so they're just, yeah, they're, they have a good time. Yeah, that's why they're part white. Yeah. So in the morning, they made repairs. They could, the boat was still, gosh, he's really had a stovings boat was still able to go. Okay. Now the boats as the days went on were

becoming more frail and water was flowing in more. How close to Peru? I'm hoping super close better than the answer. And they notice over time that more and more water was getting in as each day passed. That's bad, right? Yeah. Right. You don't want less. Yes. Yes. And now they also realize that the bread they were eating was making them dehydrated. Oh, you mean the salty bread? Yeah. Interesting. What do you think it was? I don't know. Salt water bread. I don't know how bread works. I'm not a breader. Hmm. I wonder what the salt is. I'm not a breadman. You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. So they killed the first turtle on November 30th. Chase quote, I need not say that the proposition was hailed with the

utmost enthusiasm. Yeah. What do you want? A fucking medal? Everyone's dying and you're offering a meat. Let's just say everyone thought it was a pretty good idea to eat something before we died. They drank the blood. Oh, that's good. Turtle blood. And they cooked the rest in its shell. So use the shell as a little. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Nature's pot. Work with what you got. It is nature's pot. A storm hit on December 5th, but the boats managed to stay together. Put some bread over your head, boys. The leaks increased on the boats quote to an alarming degree. Who's pissing in these? It's me, but that's I've always been a piss on the boat guy. All right, we don't need you to change. They were constantly

bailing now. So it's just sure always bailing to keep the ship up. Right. They're running low on food and water. Okay, that's good. Right. Chase said he now always kept his loaded pistol with him in case anyone made a move for the food or water. Okay, so we're in a good phase. This is where we know we're in a good phase where someone's ready to start killing the others over rations. It's good. One day, their boats went through a school of flying fish and four hit the sail and fell in the boat and they ate them alive. Oh, Jesus. They weren't so big. Do you think it fit a whole one into their mouth? Oh, that wasn't huge. It was like a bite sized fish. Yeah, still don't need to cook it. That's how hungry

they are. They don't even split the fish in any way. It's just. No, just get in your mouth. Yes, just get in your mouth raw. They killed the last tortoise on December 11th. That's a Bruce Willis movie. The last tortoise. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, slow. Yeah, I'm sick of this tortoise. What? That's a clip from it. Now, around this time, the winds died down. Okay, and now they're just coasting. Yeah, they're just in it in a boat and boats just drifting along. They ran out of water. Okay, they had so much water. Yeah, they drank it all. Okay, I mean, they've been out there for a little while, thirsty. Sure. Not actually, they haven't been out there for they've been under a month, but they're you know, the more

they they were getting more and more thirsty. Sure. Yeah, another bread. So every man tries to put saltwater in his mouth and hold it, but it just made them thirstier. That's how you desalinate it. They drank their own urine. Oh, yes. Finally. Good. I drink someone else's just to feel like, yeah, let's come come on. I'd rather drink mine. I mean, I drink mine for a while, but then after a while I go, guys, look, let's roll the dice. Come on. Let's do it. Who wants to spit in my mouth? Let's have some fun. Hey, who's pissed am I going to drink tonight? The sun is just brutal. It's just beating down on them. One day they they hang off the boat. Would you be directly into your mouth or pee into a receptacle? Well,

I would want to pee into a receptacle because I feel like peeing into my mouth would I would miss so much. You mean you'd miss so much about your old life? Yeah. God, I miss just cups themselves. I'm just yearning because this stuff hits my eyes. I miss root beer. I would definitely, I would definitely be a lay down sort of. Oh, lay down and pee in your mouth. Yep. Yeah, it's interesting. Yep. You're right. I mean, you sacrifice a lot, but if you get it going. Yeah, I know if you get it. If you get it. I think that's pretty cool. But if you miss, you just got like pee in your eyes and your nose. Big deal. That's the big problem is your nose. Big deal. Okay. So then one day it's so hot that they

need to get in the water to cool down. This is an absolute nightmare. Just absolute hell. So they hang off the boat and they hang their bodies in the water. Quote, no sooner had one of us got on the outside of the gun whale than he immediately observed the bottom of the boat to be covered with a species of small clam, which upon being tasted proved a most delicious and agreeable food. There's a bunch of barnacles. Yeah, there are little clams on the bottom of the boat. I think they were barnacles. Yeah, they must have been right. I mean, that's what barnacles do. What else could it be? I don't know. Or a small clam. Sure. It's just a bunch of new clams. But yeah, but either way, so they're like dinners

on the boat. Yes. Another eating barnacles off the boat. Cool. Living the dream. But that is not much in a barnacle. They were hungry again after half hour. But they got something in them. Sure. Seems like it's going well. And then there was a lot of water coming into Chase's boat. Good. And then they found there was a hole in the keel. Something stoved it again. Like they moved some stuff around there. Like there's a fucking hole here. All right. So someone saw a hole and just put some stuff over it, which is not cool. So one man tied a rope around his body, went under and hammered a board on the bottom to fix it while they're floating along. Pretty cool. It's tough. Yeah. Wouldn't be me. No. On December.

I can't. I peed in my eyes so much I can't see. It's still? Yeah. Yeah. That's still the pee from earlier. That was a week ago. Not a lot went in the old mouth. Lot went in my eyeballs. All right. Well, I told you to use a cup, right? I can't find a cup. I can barely see. I got piss eyes. You used to be able to find cups before you pissed in your eyes. That's why I said, get a cup. Yeah. But then the piss stoved my eyes. The piss stoved right into me. If I'm going to be honest with you, we all peed in your eyes. It was a... I didn't think all that was me. Yeah. I thought it was a lot coming from random directions. Yeah. Well, jokes on you guys. Why? You wasted all your pee in my eyes.

Stupid. Prank. Got you. The long con. On December 20th, after a lot of days of this no wind, they see land. It's an island about six miles long and three miles wide. Peru. Peru. Look at this. So much smaller than expected. So now this is like right in between New Zealand and Peru. Okay. And it's called Henderson Island, or it was called Henderson Island. There's vegetation they can see, but not a lot, but there's vegetation. They're 30 days in to their journey in the boats. Sure. And they look like, you know, skeletons. They're just, yes, good. They look ripped. They look like they've been on a bit of a barnacle diet. That's right. Boy, you guys don't smell good. Well, we've been eating barnacles and drinking

piss. It's not going to be the best. So they get out on the island and they couldn't find any water right off the bat. One guy found some dripping from some rocks and he put his mouth against it for like five minutes, but he said not satisfying at all. Like not enough. It's just a drip. So there's food there. They're catching crabs. They're catching some fish, but they're also fucking thirsty out of their minds. I mean, what they need is water. They found birds, eggs. The birds are like going into holes and they take the birds out and the eggs and, you know, suck on them and eat them or whatever you do. Maybe cook them. They don't know water. So they really can't explore far because they don't have shoes.

And so they can't go climbing up into the island, but they can't find us. There should be a spring going into the water. So for three days, they're looking for water. And then finally, they finally find a spring. They filled two kegs. And then they discuss what they should do. Let's die. Should we? I feel like we should. Do you guys want to play Gilligan's Island? Let's die for sure.

Okay, let's die. So they're like, should we stay here and wait for a passing ship? Sure. Should we keep going? So they stay there for four or five days and then they realize they've eaten pretty much everything on the island. So that's kind of a hint that they have to go. Right, okay. And at least the stuff they can reach. And they're getting hungry again. I mean, there's

guys that are now on the island at the fifth day and he's like, I literally couldn't find any food today. So they can't stay there, at least not all of them. And they decide they're going to head for Easter Island. Talk about eggs. Oh my God. The best. Yeah. Hard to find.

Very hard. When you do. When you do. Giant Easter egg. Three men decide to stay on Henderson Island. We like the vibe here a lot. It's pretty chill. So they go. I'd stay.

I'd stay too. But you all can't stay. But that was, you know, those guys, I would have stayed. Yeah. Yeah. There's a way, even if it's vegetation, you could probably. I mean, better. I'm like, I'm not going back out to the ocean to drink my piss anymore. No, I'm done with this. There's water here.

There's water here. And yeah. We had the baby clams off the bottom of the boat. Yeah. Like it's not. We've gone through all our options. We jizzed in our pants over barnacles. So just keep in mind where we were at. But they did take some, they did manage to get some fish and stuff. So they do have some

stuff on the boat. Okay. That they can eat. I hope those fish just stove right through it. Oh God. Damn it. Our dinner fish have stoved again. So they go out and on January 10th, the second mate, Matthew Joy, dies. So another guy takes over the third boat.

Okay. He had been sick the entire voyage. So it wasn't just some starvation. He clearly had something going on. Right. They tied a large stone to his feet and dropped him in the ocean. That's nice. Such a sweet farewell. They had brought a large stone on the ship to cook on it.

Right. But okay. But what a great... They didn't really need to cook anymore. No. Well, these... Yeah. So...

Can you just throw them overboard? Yeah. But... Save the stone. Yeah, you probably would have. Yeah. Eat them. I'd bring them along for potential eating. Interesting.

Yeah. I'm at that point. Okay. So they're all pretty bummed. You know, a guy died. Yeah. Like it's kind of kills the mood. I hope he stoves right through one of the ships. Two days later, the boats were separated at night when a strong wind blew. Okay. But they keep splitting up and they're able to get back together for a little while.

Is this where that ends? No. They're not... I don't think they are. Are they... I think what happened... Okay. So on Chase's boat, the rations are getting super low.

Okay. You guys want to do a boat switch? Yeah. What's in the box? Just to see what it's like to your boat. You'll see what it's like in our boat. It's a quite swap, but with environments in the boat. It's good.

So a crew member eats some bread while Chase is sleeping. He takes some bread. Okay. And then Chase... He shoots him. Well, he does. He points to his lab. He's about to fucking kill him.

I didn't do that. But the guy was just like... I couldn't take it anymore. I'm so sorry. It does the whole thing. You weakling. Just die like the other guy. And he says he'll never do it again.

And Chase is like, I can't fucking kill this guy. Okay. Five days later, that man gave up. Me? He refused his food. Oh. And he said he wanted to die. And then he laid down in the boat and he died.

Wow. Is that how it can work? Yeah. That happens more than... But it just shows you the level of exhaustion that you are. Starvation. And at some point, you have to fight to live. Yeah.

It's the will. We hear about it on this show all the time and I'm always like, yeah, I would not make it to this... No. The next part, I would not make it. Right. I would be the guy who's like, no, I just... I'm good.

I'm good. I'm gonna do the forever nap. Wrap it up. I'm it. So they put him in the sea. Now Chase's boat is the one that went off George and the second mate's boat are still together. Even though the second mate's dead.

Okay. On the 14th, the second... The late mate. What? He's the late mate. That's right. The late mate. On the 14th, I think the guy's name is Hendrickson.

So on the 14th, Hendrickson's boat runs out of provisions. Okay. And on the 21st, George's boat runs out of provisions. Good. Then, on the 23rd, Charles Shorter died on George's boat. Okay. And so they ate him. See?

What did I tell you? You knew that was coming. What did I tell you? Yeah. That's what you called it. Yeah, you do hold on to the other guys. Yeah. But that's in Chase's boat.

Make yourself a spicy Italian. I think Chase's boat has a little more food. Sure. Okay. But they make the awkward decision to eat a pal. And they divide the meat up between the two boats. So awkward. And the man, George, what's it called, Charles' meat?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. A little ground chuck. Yes. That's right. The rations of human meat didn't last long between all the dudes. I mean, just like, if you eat another dude and it's not fulfilling, you're like, this

is really kind of the worst of both worlds. Now, you really want to be done with a toothpick and just lean it back. Yeah. Yeah. So sad as well. It was worth it. I'm still so hungry. Let's drink his piss.

Piss life's not a life. So like I said, the rations didn't last long. And then also this weird thing happened where the more they ate, the hungrier they felt. Oh, girl, I've been there, Vegas. Vegas, Vegas, Vegas. I can't get full. I'm crazy. Two days later, Isaac Shepard died and they ate him.

Oh, we are, we're on the SS Yum finally. For each guy that dies, there's more food for you because there's your less one guy. Yes, it's great in many ways. Yeah, it works. I mean, it's not great, but when you know, you don't want to let good be the enemy of great. That's right. So yeah, one less mouth to feed and one more mouth to eat.

That's right. Sanu read died the next day and they ate him too. Jesus Christ, I'm starting to get full. I'm not. I'm still hungry. I'm starving. Yeah. The day after that, those two boats separated.

So now all the boats are completely separate. Okay. Things aren't as bad on Chase's boat, though he had become so hungry, he tried to eat some cowhide strapped to the oars. Why was there cowhide strapped? Oh, just it was like, I think it keeps the ore from slipping. Oh, so he was like at the point where he's like, well, let's eat shoes. Yeah.

Quote, it only served to fatigue my weak jaws. Oh, yeah. Cause he's trying to chew. I mean, seriously, that's not the part you want to try to eat. All right. Who wants a little cow skin? I'm exhausted from chewing. Eating a couch soon.

They became too weak to steer the boat. So they're just drifting, right? The wind was also switching back and forth. So they want to go, they're trying to go east, but then it would blow west and blow east and. That's cool. On February 8th, Chase quote, our sufferings were now drawing to a close. A terrible death appeared shortly to await us.

Hunker became violent and outrageous, and we prepared for a speedy release from our troubles. That's where we need you. In George's boat, there's four men left. Yum. And they realized without any more food, they would all die. Yeah. You know what I'm starting to think, we're dying.

Yeah. It's not going great. No, this is not good at all. I feel like this is bad. Suddenly, it's become pretty clear to me that we've been eating other guys. That's desperate. No. It's not great.

I mean, when you think back, like that was Charles. Remember the island we were on? Yeah. There's water there. There's water. And crabs. And crabs. And crabs.

Yeah, fuck. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, I think I would have made some shoes. We could have taken the cow hide off of the oars and made some shoes out of them. Yeah. I could have seen if it was plants or animals or whatever. Yeah.

Ted was pretty good though. Ted was good. Ted was good. Ted was good. I would like a sauce. I liked his ass. I didn't try the ass. Yeah, I ate a lot of that guy's ass.

Yeah, I liked his biceps. Yeah. Ted. You look good. You look good too. Your eyes are really jaundice and your skin is leathery. I'm just thinking about the meat on your lips. Oh, yes.

You look good in that way too. If I die, eat the ass. When you're about to die. You've got to try my ass. I've eaten your ass before. No, no, the skin. Oh. Yeah.

Yes. That'll have that. That'll be better. It's not a salad though. No. You know what I mean? They call it a salad? Well, you're not doing it right if it doesn't feel like one.

That's what I always say. That's the point it takes on a greenie consistency. So Charles Ramsdale is a teenager, he's 17. He comes up with that idea. He says they should draw lots to see who will be eaten next. Oh my God. That is not a game. That's horrible.

That is terrible. Well, this is actually considered a custom of the sea when things go wrong. So why get in the sea? If you're worried about the customs of the sea, what are you doing getting on a goddamn boat? If you have a job and part of that job is if things go wrong, you have to eat other guys. Yeah.

You're drawing straws for cannibalism. It's a bad job. Yeah. Okay. So he's drawing straws to see who they're going to actually eat. They agree to do it. Oh God, what a nightmare. And they draw and George's cousin Owen Coffin gets the short stick.

Oh, well, we saw this coming. I remember George had promised his aunt he was going to take care of Owen. Not him. I said he'd be fine. When I said take care of, I mean like, braise, the meat of, sun cook. So George shouted at Owen, quote, my lad, my lad, if you don't like your lot, I'll shoot the first man that touches you. And George offered to take his place.

He's like, I will take a place and no one's like, no, this is my fate. This was fair, quote, I like it as well as any other. So Ramsdale was Owen's best friend. And they drew lots again to see who would shoot Owen and Ramsdale was chosen. And then there's a very long process of pause, a very long time, awkward, yes, the awkward moment where you're about to kill your friend. It's that feeling we've all had where your best friend's about to kill your nephew. You promised to have no harm done upon him.

And eat him. Devour the flesh of the boys. It's that kind of awkward moment. Yes, yes. So it looks like, you know, nothing's gonna happen. So Owen takes his head and puts it down on the gun well. So he puts his head down, like as in, fucking do this, dude. Stove me.

And Ramsdale shot him in the head. Okay. Ah, you missed the big part of the brain. Oh boy, go again. This is a nightmare. George, quote, he was soon dispatched and nothing of him left. It was soon dispatched. He ate his cousin.

Just, just, my dear aunt, all I can tell you is you raised a delicious man. Eating him. You mentioned eating, like eating someone you were just talking to. I bet this, this is how you make vegans. Just you have to kill your friend and eat him. Well, yeah, that'll work. Just sucking like a rib, rib meat off of your buddy. Well, now I'm, now I'm back into it again.

Getting a little bit of Chad's femur, flesh. The thing is, I wonder if they have anything to cook with, they, I mean, they do have. Well, they have the rock. They have the flints and the rocks. They're probably cooking. I would hope. Okay. I would hope.

So on Chase's boat, crew member Isaac Cole is slowly going insane. What's his deal? Hey, there's mental health issues in the family. So sad. Yeah. Little things will trigger you like. And he doesn't have his pills. He's dying in the ocean.

Yeah. His medications out. Oh, okay. That makes sense. Express Scripts doesn't know how to get it to him out there. Well, they keep looking. Yeah. So he lays down for a day.

I'm going to lay for a day. Calmly waiting to die. I'm going to be, today I'll die later. I'm going to die a little later today. I'm going to do a givey-upsy. I'm doing givey-upsy. Trying to die about five, five-thirty. It doesn't die.

And then all of a sudden he stands up and demands a dinner napkin. Now I'm ready for my supperware. Going the other way with this. All right. So instead of dying, now I'm ready to eat. Where's my dinner napkin? And then he collapsed again. Where's my dinner napkin?

Goodbye again. They covered him in old clothes to keep him warm, but he died a few hours later. They were preparing to put the body in the sea, but Chase came up with another idea. Eat him. I addressed them on the painful subject of keeping the body for food. Yeah. And no one disagreed. Yes.

What? Guys, come on. Let's be honest now. The pleasantries are out of the way. We're eating the death. We're eating it. Yeah. So what kind of funeral should we give him?

One that his family would find, yes. No funeral. Yes. That's right. We will give him what we call an intestinal destination to the heavens. I'm going to shit him out. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to eat this man.

Oh, I just, it's one thing to eat. Your cousin, but I'm shitting your cousin out later. You don't know. Could be a cousin, someone else too. Come on. That's nature, baby. Also, so they quickly began preparing the body. Now here's our description of preparing the body.

Hmm. Quote, we separated his limbs from his body and maybe when he was alive 30 seconds ago. That's crazy, huh? And cut all the flesh from the bones, after which we opened the body, took out his heart and then closed it again, sewed it up as decently as we could and committed it to the sea. So they basically took all the flesh through the bones and guts in the ocean. Yeah.

They took all the organs out and stuff. I would be fishing with the guts. Yeah, that's fair. We now first commenced to satisfy the immediate craving of nature from the heart, which we eagerly devoured and then start with the heart and then eat sparingly of a few pieces of the flesh, after which we hung up the remainder cut in thin strips about the boat to dry in the sun. I mean, it's just honest to God.

I would just be like, eat me now. I'm done. Honest to God. Start. Keep the knives out. Let's go. Just seeing the dude strung up there. It's not great.

It's not great. I'm going to call this a bummer. It's a bummer. It's just really not good. And are they cooking it? It does not sound like they're cooking it. We made a fire and roasted some of it to serve us during the next day. So the only reason they cooked it was to make it last a little longer.

I don't know why they didn't cook all of it. Yeah. I don't either. I'm not hungry. But even then, you would think you would want to like... I mean, is that how you make beef jerky by drying it in the sun? I don't know. Is that a thing?

I guess you would know. You would more be like a smoker. You would more smoke it dry. But maybe you can't... Yeah, I'm sure. That's sun-dried. It's like those tomatoes. Yes.

So it's sun-dried. More natural. Devon. Yeah. Unfortunately, the sunning the man meat didn't go well. I've been there. And the next morning, they discovered the flesh had turned green. So like you wasted him?

Well, no, because they made a fire and cooked it, which allowed it to keep for seven days. I can't believe you're like eating green man. Yeah. Well, let's cook the green ham. So yeah, it's not great, is it? No, no, no, no, no. But look, you're starving. Things are far from great.

You're starving. It's fucking whale. If this whale's following, he's just got to be like, it's as good as it can get. It's like, boy, you really wanted that oil, didn't you? Now you're eating your green boy. Well, there was clearly something wrong with it because when it turned green, because their limbs swelled over two days. Boy, look at how good we'd be to eat right now.

Like a green Michelin man. I think I'm at the Incredible Hulk. I feel like we should have eaten green Tommy. Did someone make me mad? On February 18th, they saw the sale of a ship. By the way, if you're that ship, keep going. Yeah, fuck these guys. Hello, like a bunch of white Michelin dudes.

Hello. We got this way because we ate our green buddy. Hello. The ship was about seven miles away, so they sped to cut it off and soon came alongside the English ship Indian. Of course. And they were rescued. Of course, the Indian ship.

I mean, of course, the English ship. Of course. Yes, we just creatively just called this one Indian. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've stopped pitching, really, yes. So they were rescued. They've been at sea for 89 days.

Oh, my God. How close is Peru near? Fuck, so George's boat is 300 miles away from them, now only two are alive, George and Ramstell. All they have left to eat are the bones of the last crewman. By the bones of the last crewman, great Bruce Willis movie. So they're smashing them. All these bones. They're smashing them against the bottom of the boat in order to get at the marrow.

Oh, my God. It's marrow time. Yeah. You know, this is the delicacy. Not very filling. Days go by and they become obsessed with the bones. Dude, this is like that KFC commercial. Okay.

So they're, what do you mean obsessed with the bones? Like they're really just all about the bones. I mean, I don't know about bone banging, but they're just like bone, like they're either they're bones. Wow. Um, so a week after Chase's boat was rescued, the American ship Dolphin spotted George's boat. Okay.

Now, when they pulled up alongside, George and Ramstell were completely fucked in the head. Okay. So they've gone mad. They were confused. Sure. And did not celebrate when the boat pulled up. Okay.

Instead, they started stuffing the bones into their pockets. Sure. Sure. Once safely on the boat, they were quote, sucking the bones of their dead mess mates, which they were loathed to part with. So, so something strange has happened on the boat. Oh my God. Well, they've just turned into like, they're crazy.

Yeah. They're, they're base. They've got there in the sun. They've drank seawater. They're eating their friends. They're marrowed. Out of their minds delirious. Yeah.

So, just, all right, now that you guys are on here, you don't need to eat your friends anymore. Oh, yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy.

Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy.

Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. And yet still, this is better than a carnival ship during COVID. Yes. Still, this is your, your chances of survival are much higher.

Or I would just say carnival ship. So, the three survivors from Chase's boat are taken with two Valparoso chili with the two, with, with George and Ramstell and they meet up there. Meeting up with them again. Hey. How are you guys hanging in there? It was not great. So, the bones are our bones.

These are our bones. And we've replaced these bones with our bones. He's still alive. Chase, can I ask you a question? He's still alive and his bones. Chase, can I ask you a question? Yes. What is going on with your bones?

My bones are ready to be eaten as soon as I get them in all of my pockets. Wait. Yes. How was your guys' trip? It was fine. We just floated around for a little while. We had turtle. We caught some fish.

We got some barnacles. When you eat the bones, you become the man that you just ate his bones. Try some. Lick my finger. Bite it off. Hurry. We don't have much time. We're the whale from before.

That's the bird that lives inside of my body now. Hey, quick. I want you to take my ribs out without making a cut on my body. No. Do it or I'm going to kill you and eat your bones. I'm fine. What bones is? You should take a nap.

Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Roomba-da-da-da-da-da-da. Whoa. Best friends. We're the best of friends. Okay, I'm going to take off. Take off. Good reunion.

Let's do it once a year. So they stayed in Chile for a while and they got better and then they sailed back to Nantucket. I would not be getting on another vessel. I'd live where I was. The two men who stayed on Henderson, the three men who stayed on Henderson Island. Put on 30 pounds. Lived on shellfish and birds. At one point they discovered eight skeletons in a cave, which probably didn't boost their spirits.

Those would turn out years later they would realize they were Polypenesian people from like centuries and centuries ago. But after four months an Australian ship passed by Henderson Island and rescued them. So they had a great run. They had the best. Right. They didn't eat any of their buddies. They saw bones and they got freaked out. That's how weird their experience was.

They found old bones. They're like, oh my God, this is a bad sign. Whereas other people are like, these bones are now money. You understand? Do you follow? Now even though they had eaten their fellow crewmen, the survivors were welcome back to Nantucket without judgment. Again, like that's what the rules of the sea are, right? You eat your buddies when you're...

Yep. Yep. Good to be in Nantucket after we just lived on Man's Sucket for a couple months. But it was weird. A crowd gathered on the dock when they came and when they got off, no one said a word. Sure. And then they walked alone to their homes without anybody saying a thing. Perfect.

That's the greeting party you want. Right. Everyone's like, those are cannibals. They eat man. But George had a more difficult time. He had eaten his cousin. We all remember. Who he promised to take care of.

Oh, God, Dave. Quit twisting the knife. We get it. So for some reason, for the rest of his life, his aunt could not stand to be around him. What was her deal? She had a problem? I don't know. She's like, you ate my son.

She had a mental issue too? Yeah. She was just mean. I mean, whatever. Somebody eats your kid. Like, that's a... That happens. It's the sea.

You tasted so good. If that's any consolation. Oh, my God. And I should tell you, we ate him right before the ship crashed. We ate Owen. I cuddled his bones. I... If that helps you.

I still have his bones in my pocket. I saved you some marrow, Auntie. Here's your son. Yeah. Do you want to watch me bite through the bone of him? Would that help your grieving? So Owen Chase discovered that he had a 14-month-old daughter. Oh, God.

Oh, God. A few months later, in December, Chase was back on a ship, the Florida. First of all, if you're him, who wants to get on a ship? Second, if you're on a ship, who wants to bring this guy? Third of all, if your name was ship Florida, you ain't going to make it. I mean, I guess it's because of the economy. Like, everything runs off of... That's how you make your money as you go out on a fucking ship if you're in Antucket.

Like, I don't know. Okay. Move. Yeah, move. Go to Bonesville. He's not the only guy. So, like, he had... So, Chase had three kids, and then his wife died, and then he married...

I'm going to eat her. He married the widow of Matthew Joy, who was the first guy in the whale boat to die, the one they didn't eat, the one they tied the rock to. That's why she was able to marry him. He married his... Yeah. If you'd eaten him, this wouldn't be able to be in a relationship. That's right.

Or what should be like, I feel like you're... He's inside of you, and you're inside of me. I feel like it's like the movie Heart Condition. That you're Bob Hoskins, but Denzel's heart is still in you. When we have sex, I feel like I'm having sex with you and Matthew. Well, I did eat his bones. I wish you'd stop saying that. Why?

I know that. It's the only way I can finish. Look at my eyes. I ate his bones. No! Oh, there she goes! Whoo! Oh, I've never felt more like a woman.

Well, I'm Marrowless. It's the end of the ball, Marrow. No. Chase eventually would become a captain and become wealthy. He ended up marrying four times, two of his wives died. His entire life after the Essex ordeal, he suffered from headaches and nightmares. Yeah. And when he was old, he started hiding his food in the attic and then had to be put

in an institution for eight years. No, no, no. Oh, my God. So he did not go to therapy? No. That's some weird version of the bone. He regressed to bone time. Yeah.

So he was treating meals like bones. He was like, God, his stash hits are the other guys don't find the bones. I mean, they clearly would all have terrible PTSD. I mean, without question. There was no solution. But that might have been why he went back out on the water. Oh, yeah, maybe, yeah. Because it was the only way to deal with.

It's the only place. Sitting still is the terrible. He could scream and his wife couldn't hear it. Yeah. I mean, he could, sitting still in your house is the terrifying part. Yes. But if you're, you know. Alone with your thoughts is the nightmare.

Yes. And so he was institutionalized for eight years. He got out and he died in 19... Ania, where are those meals I hid? I feel way better. He died in 1889. Years later, the third boat was discovered on Ducey Island with three skeletons on board. I think all that food.

George went back out to sea as captain of the whaling ship Two Brothers. So another one. It used to be called The Cousins. Was she called One Brother? Yeah. Or... Edible pals. But the ship wrecked on a coral reef two years later and George became labeled a Jonah,

which was someone who was unlucky at sea and no ship owners would give him another ship. Hey, I'm fine. Fine with this label. Fine with that. Yeah. I'm not going to do it. The thing where I don't eat people on boats? By the way, if he gets coral, I'd be like, he's getting closer.

He's getting better at this. He is. It's an improvement. He didn't eat any of his buddies. So George spent the rest of his life in Nantucket working as the Village Knight Watchman. On the anniversary of the wreck. Did you see anybody walking by her? I'm sorry, I'm just finishing off a rib biscuit.

No, nobody's walked by here in hours. So I'll see you tomorrow. What's on the barbecue? Huh? What's on the barbecue? What are you, barbecue? Just a bunch of deer. Venison.

Venison. Venoman. Venison. Venison. Mandeer. A man. A deer. Oh my God.

Oh, dear. I cooked a man. Sorry. Oh, man. I've made a deer. There it is. That's what it is. It's deer.

Yeah. Because it seems like. What? Like a man? You sound crazy. Well, that's a foot. I haven't seen a foot on a deer. Yeah, of course it's a hoof.

It's called a hoof, you idiot. It looks like a man foot. Well, it's a man's foot. Okay? That's why. But it's called a hoof when you deal with it like this. A lot of times when you cook up these things, they foot out. Have you ever heard that expression?

A lot of the deer meat will foot out on you. Or in this case, foot out. You know, or hand out a little bit too. The ribs are the same. The ribs are deer. I mean, they're not the same. The ribs are the deer. Yeah.

You know what I shot it with? A bow and marrow. Arrow. What the hell? Screw you. I'll see you. I'll see you around town. Do you eat guy?

No. Yeah. Name it. Name it. Name it. Name it. Let's see. Yeah.

Okay, I'm going to walk backwards. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank us for deer.

Yes. Yep. Yes. Take care. You're following. Yes. It's hunting. It's okay.

I'm running backwards. Yes. So you're on the floor. Just after you. You're putting it on. I was standing around. He put you on the grill. That was on the grill.

Yes, you idiot. That doesn't happen naturally to deer. I don't know why you convinced me. Footing out isn't even a thing, you idiot. I can't believe you convinced me that was a deer. It looks like a human foot. Shh, die, die, die, die, there it is. And come on.

I am full of poison. You're on the grill now. Yes, I'm dare, I'm a mile still eat. So on the anniversary of the wreck of the Essex, George would lock himself in his room every time and fast. And July. It's just, it's just imagined counseling. Like if it existed of a level that he'd be like,

I'm actually able to understand some of these things now. Instead, he's like, well, I'm off to the closet for the anniversary. Won't come out for 24. I'll be starving when I do. Now, the year after they returned, Owen Chase, with a ghost writer, published a book about what happened. And explained it all, the eating, the people,

and like didn't hold back. And then in July, 1852, Herman Melville published Moby Dick, inspired by the story of the Essex. Jesus Christ. And he came that month to Nantucket. And he met his last night there. And he met George Pollard Jr. And they talked. And Melville wrote that George was the, quote,

most impressive man, though wholly unassuming, even humble, that I ever encountered. Was he supposed to be cocky? So I took his life for mine. Wow. So Melville just heard the story. It was just like. Yeah, he read it.

He read the story. It was like, this would be great. Yeah. And actually, it's crazy because, I mean, you think about like Moby Dick, people are like, imagine. But there was a whale that was like. Yeah. Imagine is right.

Yeah. George I had in 1870. And Moby Dick received mixed reviews and did not sell well. He tried to write a few more novels, but none sold. And he eventually lived as a recluse while working as a customs inspector in New York City. Melville drank and two of his sons died. So he had a rough life.

He abandoned novels and wrote poetry. Not a lot of people know the first line of Moby Dick was, alas, poor burgers. They call him yummy. They call him kebab. Sources, a narrative of the most extraordinary and distressing shipwreck of the whale ship Essex by Owen Chase, Smithsonian Magazine, Atlas Obscura, Amazing Planet.

God damn. Can't see. For me, cannibalism is where it's just it is the hardest position to put yourself in to decide if what would you do. I would eat. I would eat it. You, Dave, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me.

I would eat it, dude. Third day. Yeah. Bro, we hung out with kangaroos and within 24 hours, you're like, they're delicious. Yeah. Yeah. So you're a psychopath.

But I'm talking about regular humans. For me, a big part of me feels like I'd be the guy who'd be like, I'm going to die. I'm going to just roll over and die. You'd rather die than eat a bro. I think I would just, I think I don't think I would have that instinct to be like, I think I would be like, I won't be able to live a life when I'm, you know what I mean?

I don't think you're thinking that clearly. Yeah, you're probably not, but I still would be like, I don't. So many people have done it. Like almost in these stories, people always eat other people. I know. And it's fucking crazy. So you would get there. You would get to where you would eat other bro's.

In this story, there are a couple of people who just give in. I mean, there's the guy who's just like, I'm dying tonight. But that was like the first guy. If he had had a chance to eat other people, he might not have. He might have been like, I'll eat a Frank. I just don't think I'd eat him. I think everybody would.

I just don't think I would. Well, we're going to try it out. I would love to be in that position. I really think I would just, I think I would, I'm at the, I just, I think I'm at the point where I'm just, I'm more comfortable dying than going through the pain of the future. I think I'm just there.

I think I want like, well, the second that it all, the second that the major climate collapse begins, I just, I feel like I'll be like, goodbye. You're not going to be like the people who have the house and the road. No. No, I don't think, I mean, maybe I will be. But even then, as soon as my utopia gets smashed to some degree,

I'll be like, just, yeah, I'll be the guy who's like, go on without me. You know what I mean? I'll be like, I'll distract him. I'll be Michael Cain and children of men. I'll be the guy who's like, hello, you thought we'd do this, you know, and I'd just die. Yeah.

For you to come here. You know. Yeah. So I think I'd be that guy. All right, that's fair. Yeah. What about a cat or a dog? No, no, no, because I already see where you're headed.

So fuck it. No, he'll eat me. Okay. Do you understand? He'll eat me. Hmm. Yeah. He'll eat each other.

He'll eat you. I'm fine with it. We're all fine with it. Yeah, that's my, if my fate is to be eight, great. Oh yeah, my dogs would eat me. Yeah, no. I eat dogs. I don't know, people are always,

I always think about the guys who were out in the boat, like, you know, their ship crashed and they got out in their boat and then they ate each other and there was one guy left and then he just starved to death. Either your last thought would be like, well, that wasn't fucking worth it. Or what about like, what about, okay, you're at the point where you're like, okay, look, Todd's dead.

Fuck it, I'm just going to eat him. And you eat him. And then. Hey, we saw some smoke. Oh my God, oh my God, no. What are you doing? Nothing, you know what I mean? It's like, that's what I would fear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, someone coming right away would be the worst. Just as soon as you like. You're just chilling on an arm. Jesus Christ, what's wrong with you? Oh, hi, you got, I didn't, oh my God, is the cabin right there? Yeah, it's right there.

Oh, this is a driveway. We were in a darebell. Oh, fuck me, I just. There's a Lowe's over there. I thought. What are you doing? I have been here a while. It's a parking lot.

And I thought. It's your problem. I just didn't. There's an open Sabaro. I was hard to get it. What's your deal? Brain around what was happening. It's Ada dude.

Yeah, but. That Burger King is 24 hours. Oh, fuck. Yeah. By the way, you're basically eating people if you go there. So anyway, that's the same thing. Well, okay.

Actually, it might be better off eating him. You're better off eating him rather than having the Sabaro sausage, I'll be honest. Yeah. It's actually made from him. I like that. So there we go. Well, normal stuff, always cute to eat.

Is it? Yes. It's my bits, but the mantra that's gotten me quite far. It's always good to eat. So anyway, go vegan, I guess. I don't know anymore. I don't know what the answer is to anything. I don't know.

I'm starting to think we might have to just eat everything and see what's under Earth. Maybe we can eat through the mantle and just find out what's in the core of this fucker, huh? Who knows? Start, just, I think. But if we factory farmed humans, great solution. Yes.

Great solution. We have the numbers. Yeah, let's start meeting peoples. That's how you solve it. It's just like swelling green, just turn them into little bars. Yes. Yeah, I'll for it.

Thank you, Matt. Great to meet you, sir. Nice to meet you. Thank you for coming to our My Ted Talk about eating people. Great to meet you. Yes. It's so good meeting him.