The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 497 - Jeffrey Fowle

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine traveler Jeffrey Fowle.SourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

You're listening to the dollop by Lingual American History Podcast. On the All Things Comedy Network. On the All Things Comedy Network, where each week I wear watches. Man who likes sandwiches, lover of cheese, Dave Anthony, who reads a story. Quite a picture you painted of yourself there. From American history to a guy I know. And Garrett Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Hey, congrats on that cheese.

That's quite a credit. In Wisconsin you could have your own theater. There's, you guys have so much cheese that you put wet cheese in a bag and pretend like it's good. I'm sorry, if you're trying to hurl curd accusations this way. It's not a curd accusation. Save it for a better battle. It's a...

Save it for a battle you can win. Reality. It's a cheese reality. What's your problem? You don't like a... It's fucking disgusting. You don't like a watery cheese? Not in the bag.

Have you ever, you've never played pool cheese? Is your whole country a... Where you throw a piece of cheese in the pool and then you eat it like Pac-Man? Is your whole country like a carnival? Like why the fuck would you walk around... Like country do you mean state? Why would you walk around the bag... Is your whole state a country?

Get it in your head out of your ass. You don't know what a state is, you don't know what a country is, and you sure as fuck don't know what's good about cheese. It was meant to be in water. It was discovered in water. And called it, quote, his jam patch. I'm the fucking hippo guy. Okay.

My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly Podcast. Okay. This is like an... And a five-part coefficient.

My room's a place. Now hit him with a puppy. You both present sick arguments. No sleep, no hippo. No sleep, no hippo. Action, partner. Hi, Gary. No.

They sound so much happier when they're in the studio as opposed to on Zoom. Yeah. Yeah. It's a better experience. Yeah. It turns out when you're trying to do comedy improv together, it helps to be in the same room. The timing, the no lag in time helps.

Yeah. It really does when you're pausing to see if the other guy's saying something. 1958, year of our Lord Jesus Christ, Tezucristo. Okay. Sure. Jeffrey Edward Fowle was born in Winter Park to parents Edward and Virginia. Okay. Now Edward was in the Air Force at an Air Force base there in Florida.

And then he was transferred to a base outside Dayton, Ohio when Jeffrey was young. Okay. So that's where Jeffrey grew up in Ohio. They built a house in nearby Beaver Creek, which I'm sure in which all of the Beavers have been killed. I think there's a Beaver Creek in every Midwest... There has to be. State.

Yeah. Beaver Damer Creek. Yeah. Yeah. Or Beaverton. Sure. Beaverton. It isn't where the Beavers were.

There were a lot of Beavers here. We killed them all. Now we have coats. We got a bunch of Beaver over here. So we named this whole town Beaverton and nobody's done anything like this except for the other seven states that surround us basically. Where can I see the Beavers now? Well, unfortunately, you're not going to be able to see much of that.

What you're going to do is you're going to see... It's a regular town. Now, it used to be riddled with Beavers, but not anymore because, well, many reasons. Mainly, we were looking to open it about like 30 houses that look identical. So we opened like 30 houses that have like minor tweaks to them for the most part. But yeah, so there's no Beavers. But some people say at night, if you listen closely, you can hear their screams. Why are they screaming?

Because they were murdered. They callously passed. Oh. Yeah. Two in order to take over the area. Uh-huh. Yeah. So...

And you still kept the name, though. Well, of course we did. It was filled. It sounds like everywhere else. No. But some people say, if you close your eyes, you will see an apparition of a Beaver and he will haunt you perpetually. I don't want to live here.

Yeah. No. A lot of people... It's because we don't have a gym. So they regularly, the family regularly went to St. Mark's Episcopal Church. That was their church. Good. But then Edward started having like a wandering religious eye.

He's checking out other religions. Oh, okay. I thought this was going to be like he was thinking of sleeping around, but no, he's... No. No, he's sleeping out with other churches. So, yeah. Right. No, he's the deity bachelor.

That's right. I'm open. Hey, what's going on over there? We're back to baptism. How are you? What's up? I had a great time with you the other night. I'm just hopeful that you would love to be a part of this because it's really good.

I would love to. I know that you and Lutherans have been talking. Yeah, we've been chatting. I appreciate that connection. But I don't have the same kind of hotness that I have for you. I agree. I agree. I want to take upstairs and just rip everything off.

Oh, I'm wetter than a bull. You'd put a baby. Yeah, that's... Then I'm going to get super Baptist right now, you know what I mean? Great. That's great. Fucking holding snakes and shit. That's...

Oh, sorry. That's... Excuse me. I think you're talking about us. What's that? I think you're talking about us? That is not... They do not do that.

That's what we do. We're Pentecostal. Hey, what's up? Let's get crazy. I get so confused when it gets to the snakes. Well, I am the snake one. Got a snake thing. I'm the snake one.

Right. So what are we doing? Are we fucking...? Well, sure. We will after the venom courses through us. And that's how we know that our connection to the Lord is strong. You don't need to put your hand up. You're the charge of the show.

I have the venom. Well, yeah. Well, I think... Technically. I think... From a biblical perspective. So, here's what's happening. Go ahead.

You're talking about your trouser snake. Yeah. You're talking about actual venomous snakes that we'll put onto our arms and necks. And then when they bite us, we'll be okay. Because if there's one thing that this particular religion gets rid of, it's poison from bodies. So I just wanted to fucking tell you I had an orgasm. That was my sort of... Totally in the cards for us.

Okay. After the snakes have it their way. Can we cut the snake? Absolutely not. You know, there's another religion over here. I'm going to go check out my Lutherans over here. Hey! We're pretty similar, but sort of crazy.

So he gets into this church called the Worldwide Church of God. There we go. And the reason it was worldwide is because the guy who started it used TV and radio to get to people all over the world. Okay. Commercials and radio stations. Sure. Sure.

So the religion was based on the Old Testament and British Israeleism, which said that whites of Britain were descended from King David. Okay, sure. I mean... Pretty specific. Of course. And why would it not be? Of course, again.

I mean, there we are. It's just... Hey, we're British Whites. We gotta have something really fucking awesome, right? I like the idea that if there is God, she put us down here and basically made our skin Star Trek uniforms. And so we're a tiered world of people who are like, Whites are the captains and we're charged.

We're the Whites. We're the Picards. We had a board meeting, our school board meeting yesterday and three dudes called up to discuss CRT, critical race theory. Oh, Jesus Christ. None of whom are parents in the district. Oh my God. Just random white bros.

Hey, so I just felt like my kids to live near any other schools that are teaching it. One guy's from Orange County. He's like, I might move there. Orange County. Yeah, can you believe that? Shocking. Yeah. So I'm going to have a rebuttal at the next meeting and it's going to be tremendous.

So Edward dives into his new church. Okay. They're not the same rules as a lot of other religions and no Christmas. So he bans the family from enjoying Christmas. Oh, it goes over well with children. Instead of a lie. And even if it wasn't, he's dead. So instead, they were just going to celebrate New Testament celebration.

And that's fun. Days. Yeah. Those are the best. That's fine. So then in late 1967, he takes the kids out of school one day and drives to the Poconos. I like this religion where they celebrated the Feast of the Tabernacles. Sure.

Yep. Which we all know. Yeah. It's a big one. I think Jewish people celebrate that, but I'm not really good. But anyway, that's what's great about this religion. It's able to, it's a bit of a potpourri. That's right.

It's like a charcuterie plate of God. What? What's this? It's when you eat different pieces of shark with cheese, which reminds me. The best kind of cheese. Hey, it's me from earlier. It's not good. Okay, I'll go away.

So this trip did not go over too well. One son, Jamie, ran through a window and cut his eyelids open. I read that four times. He ran through a window. When I read this. Well, blinking ain't in the boys' cards anymore. That's fine. How do you, because it doesn't, it sounds like he didn't cut the eyes.

He just cut the eyelids open. You're getting for, there's a lot of, there's going to be some dehydration because you need moisture in there. So if you have problems with your lids, I don't think it's here. It's not great. It's one of those things we take advantage, like we just take for granted all the time where it's like. Eyelids?

Eyelids are costly. Like there you go. That'll keep the eye going. And we're like, gosh, something in my eye. All day. It's like, perfect, perfect. You lose those. You know, it's not great.

Yeah, it's fucked. Yeah. So. He's got what's called clockwork orangitis. Or rockyitis. Or rockyitis. So another daughter, Lynn, while they were in the Poconos came down with pneumonia. So not a great trip.

Sure. Maybe this religion has given us some red flags. I believe that a good religion challenges you. Okay. So when, when that was over, Virginia is just done with Edward's new bullshit religion. She goes back to St. Mark's. Okay. So.

Well. With the kids. With two kids. Okay. So the leader of the world by church. I'll keep the eyelids here. So the leader of the world by church now tells his flock that they can either serve God or the government.

Oh my gosh. Now Edward, Edward's in the Air Force. So he leaves the Air Force. Wow. And he'd been a member for 13 years. He pinched and he built up as God, but then he goes back to work on the base as a private consultant. So he's doing the same fucking job without the benefits.

God. God hates benefits. Made him get rid of the benefits. God hates benefits. God hates benefits. Yeah. People don't realize that. So weird how God's like that.

God hates benefits. Healthcare should be attached to your job. Yes, Lord. We understand. It is confusing and seems like you're adding far too many layers, but we shall disperse your language, sir. Pensions are for Satanists. Okay.

Certainly strange. People love us security nets, but understandable. Your eye care plan is bullshit. You said eye care plan. That's right. Okay. I guess a lot of us were, didn't know we had an eye care plan, so. And you no longer have Delta dental.

Oh, come on. Our teeth are terrible. Are there still a copay? There's no copay because you don't have it. It's gone. It's a benefit. Christ, no likey. That's just James in a tree.

Get him. I'm your boss. So the family, family's split now. The, like I said, two kids are, like an island, two kids are going with Virginia to St. Mark's. Two other kids are going with dad to the World Wide Show. Well, which Jeffrey is one of those. Jeffrey goes with dad. Good.

Go with this guy. I like him. I like the vibe. But then when he turns 12, he's like, I'm done. I'm done. Jeffrey's done with churches. Okay. He's like, I'm out.

Okay. So he stops going to church completely. But he's still religious and in high school, Jeffrey's in the photo and chess clubs and also the Bible club. It's amazing. But it's like, it's also like, it just shows you how wrong his dad, like his dad was just making terrible decisions because he's like, look, dad, I love God and religion. You're just fucking it all up.

Yeah. You're going with the crazy shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What about God, but without the fun shit like Christmas? I mean, really? Yeah.

And also, by the way, what's great is even if you don't go to church, you can really celebrate Christmas. Yeah. You can knock that shit out of the park. Otherwise there's a war on it. Wow. So... I'm pulling out the troops from the war on Christmas.

I did not. So a neighbor said that Jeffrey was nerdy, quiet, but friendly. Okay. Now, the Cold War is really happening now and Jeffrey becomes very fascinated with communist countries. Here we go. Here we go. And he starts obsessively reading about the Soviet Union.

Okay. As all kids do. Yes, of course. Very, yeah. It's awesome. After high school, he goes to the Agricultural Institute of Ohio and while he was there, he took Russian classes. Okay.

So he's learning how to speak Russian. And then one night in college, he has a dream. Oh boy. Jeffrey, it is I, your best friend. Hey, it's a God. What's up? I'm Russian. Oh.

Lord is Russian. You not know? No. Your picture of the American accent? It's so westernized for you to imagine that God have your accent. What the ego you have, huh? A what? Ego you have.

Do you know there's a God Jr.? Ego? He's a bear. Ego? We do have an ego. We're ego. This is an ego country. No, no, not ego.

Ego. Ego. Ego. Ego. Ego. Ego. Christ, what noise ego make? Hey, are you really great?

So he has his dream when he's in college and in the dream he's looking down on this revival that's happening in this valley and he's not liking them and he's saying bad things about them and then behind him he hears, quote, don't make fun of them. They are sincere in what they do. Obviously that's God. Who else would be behind you talking? It's only one thing. So after God says that, a mist comes and Jeffrey's like, well, I'm being cleansed because that's

all. A dream mist? It's a dream mist. I think he's ejaculating. I've had this before. It's a wet dream. No, no, no. Why does that have to be dirty?

It's just a guy having an amazing religious experience. Okay, so he's having a mist. No, no, no. It's just a guy wet. That's just normally when I wake up and I go, oh, no. Well, he did wake up and his pillow is soaked with tears. Yes, oh, tears. Okay, never mind.

So now Jeffrey's like, well, clearly God has a plan for me. Sure. What else would you take away from that? Maybe that's the kid without the eyelids. He's been walking around and it's like, could be that. Yeah. That's very specific. All right.

I get it. So now this had a big impact on me. He graduates with a degree in agriculture in 1983 and he gives away everything he owns. Okay. He's got some stuff he keeps in his car, but he gives away everything and then he packs what he can into his 88 Rambler Ambassador. I think he just needed to like room for the car, but he was like, I'm being magnanimous. So he's got an 88 Rambler Ambassador.

I don't even know what that is. You know what it is, I know the exact, it's a Gremlin. Yeah, I know, but was it always a Rambler Ambassador? Oh, I don't have any idea what kind of car this is. I'm just picturing a Gremlin. It has to be like, I feel like every car from them was basically a Gremlin. Aaron's going to find a picture of it, but yeah, so I wonder if there's different Rambler types or whatever.

So he packs what he has left and he drives across the country to Death Valley. Great. Yeah. So that's what you do. For sure. It's where you go. So people don't know what Death Valley is. It's the hottest fucking place.

It's just a cool, chill place to live and raise a family, not worry about stuff. That's right. You're away from everything. Do you want to fry an egg in your hand? Yeah. Well, here's your spot. I can give you a great example of how hot Death Valley is. I went there when I was like 23 or something and I was driving around with my hands on

the steering wheel and I didn't realize, but my knuckles were cooking through the windshield and then they were like, they were like all hardened and cooked. I didn't try to. Well, my hand. So he gets to Death Valley and he drives to a canyon. Smart. By the way, that's where you want to be in Death Valley. Get down.

Can't go better. Yeah. He parks his car and then he writes a note and he puts it under the windshield wiper and the note says whoever finds his car can keep it. And then he takes the title out of the glove box and puts it under the windshield wiper too. Jesus. And then he walks off into the canyon, Death Valley.

Sure. Okay. It's also, did I tell, it's called Death Valley for a reason. It's because you die there. Yeah. It's so hot and barren that you'll die there. That's right. Right.

So what he's thinking of was Christ's fast for 40 days. You know, and that makes sense. A lot of people said that was basically the ambassador of fasting. So you're talking about the Rambler Ambassador? The Rambler Ambassador. Absolutely. So has anyone seen the ambassador? No, but that's just how he is.

So he doesn't eat for four days. Okay. All he has with him is a bedroll. I assume a bedroll. A bedroll. I assume he had water, but what's a bedroll? Like a little thing, a little mat. I mean, I would describe it as like a yoga mat.

Okay. Right. It's almost like that sort of version of things. He must have had water or he was staying near plate because there are places where there is water, like where the pupfish are and stuff, but not a lot of water. Right. But someone here, he walks around for four fucking days. He was running into other people who are also on like spiritual walks.

Like it's a... We're dying. We're also dying. I can't find my car. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of a spiritual walk, but why I just want to get to my Honda. Four of my friends died on my wall.

So he walks around for four days without eating. And then on the fifth day, just like Christ, Jeffrey goes back to his car. Yeah. Just like Jesus did. Yes. And there, the note has been removed. The car is there. The Rangers found the car and they're like, Hey man, you can't just fucking leave a car

out here and just say people can have it. And they'd taken the title and put it back in the glove compartment. Crazy. I feel like that would not be done now. No, I don't. I feel like they would tow it in a fucking sandwich. Yeah. I just feel like, how do we make money?

So obviously this is an amazing spiritual adventure and he stays in California for a little while after that, working odd jobs. And then heads back to Ohio and moves in with his parents who are somehow still married. Right. And Jeffrey then decides to take the officer's exam for the Air Force. Okay. Like his dad was a pilot, but he has bad eyesight and he can't do it and they're like, what about working at other part navigation or whatever?

And so he goes, okay. And he goes to Texas to take the officer's training program. Okay. Immediately flunks out. Okay. Good. Good. In 1988, he takes a job with the street department in Morene, Ohio.

Okay. Clearing snow in the winter and fixing cracks and whatever in the summer. Okay. Dream job. Sure, sure. What you do with an agricultural degree? Yeah. Yeah.

In the street. You start, yeah. Yeah. You plow. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then put tar over.

We've got a good haul of tar this. Good harvest of tar. On the job application, he had written that he was familiar with Spanish, German and Russian and then he had a pilot's license. Okay. I mean, is that just basically? I don't know. I couldn't find any.

It's something he said, so who knows. Right. Around the time he decided he wanted to start traveling and to see, quote, the dark corners of the world. Hmm. Now, I'm more of like, hey, what's Hawaii like? What's Costa Rica like? Where shouldn't I go?

For the list of those? I put it in Travago. I didn't find anything. Places not to not visit. Where should I? Where's it tough to see? What's really bad? Where do people hate?

I want to go to a place that's really, really awful. I need a place where I want to leave. I'm just trying to appreciate my bed. Do you have anything that will make me just cry the whole time I'm there and feel dread? How can I live in the ocean? So he sees a commercial for tours of the Soviet Union and then books a trip to let it... Do you imagine seeing those commercials now? I know.

I just can't. I also can't imagine. I mean, I wish, if you weren't around then, how fucking crazy the right wing was about like Russia and Reagan out of his fucking mind. So the fact that there were ads on that you could go there is amazing. So he goes to Leningrad, Moscow... Seek a Reagan? Come to Russia.

Show people around. He's on that bed. See the good... Look at all these things. Way better than your shit hole. What? Your shit hole. Come to Russia.

Learn about the didis finally. After dinner, I did the shit. That's what the didis stand for. Come to Russia, baby. I don't... I don't... How many songs Beatles write about your shit hole? Exactly.

I... Come to Russia. Best place on earth. Mother Russia. You want to feed the bear to a bear? No. It's possible. Sky's limit.

Come on. None of this stuff... You want blue jeans that reap? That what? That reap? That reap? Yes. Like the Grim Reaper?

Sure, whatever you want. Just get in the bus. Come on, fuckface. We don't have all day. I'm scared. Get in the goddamn bus. Okay, I'm going to Russia. Why are we taking a bus to Russia?

Fine. Don't worry. We're going to Russia, New Jersey. It doesn't make any sense. Shut your fucking mouth. What? You are all prisoners. What the fuck just happened?

This is Conair, but Russia, and bus, and jersey. Conair's worse than Russia. What? What movie are you watching? So he goes to Leningrad, Moscow, Tully Fine, and he goes to Turkmenistan, which is really a goddamn nightmare. Okay. Turkmenistan is like, what if Trump was crazy?

Sorry? What if Trump was crazy? I mean, the dude at one point, and there's a new guy who's just bad. Oh, you mean there's a crazy guy. But a guy was like, okay, no more dogs. You can't have dogs in the Capitol. Like, he just did shit like that. Then the next guy came in and was like, I love dogs.

I made a statue for dogs. And was like, everybody has a dog. It's really bad. Now you must all have dogs. I mean, we could do a whole podcast about Turkmenistan. It's really something. Okay. I recommend people to just go read a Wikipedia about it.

So anyway, he also around this time starts putting his Russian language skills to work by answering ads for Russian brides in the back of singles magazines. Okay. That's how you meet ladies. He's not good with the ladies. I understand. I do. I understand it.

It's just like, come on, that's not good. I knew a guy when I was working at a, I was working at Workman's Comp and there was an older guy there. And his wife got a job at the place and she was Filipino, very young. He's like old and heavy and balding and nothing attractive about him. And she's like young and hot. And she was clearly had a boyfriend on the side. And then it turns out like, yeah, she was a male or a bride situation.

That's weird. It was really cool. And she had three years to go before she could divorce him. And there was like a countdown happening. Okay. You didn't have to put a clock in the bedroom. So, yeah, to me, it's a weird thing, like, sure you could fall in love that way. It's still just, just because of the way we've,

I'm skeptical. The way Americans, the way we do things, it's so alien to us. And yet there's a bunch of dudes that do it. I'd like to order a life. It's also like, like, Jeffrey is a guy who can't meet. He's terrible. He can't meet them. And then you,

There you go. Yeah. I mean, okay. Well, I mean, honestly, like, I don't know enough. I mean, there's these women want out. Like they want to, whatever. I'm not going to sit here and fucking critique it. I just,

I agree. So Jeffrey had, at some point, joined a Baptist church. Uh-huh. And through the church in 1996, he was part of Dayton's friendship force. By the way, they did some great stuff. Good friendshiping. Yeah. Like a, like,

You imagine a friend, like, A friendship force. I would be like, listen, you get, pack your fucking tent up and get the fuck out of my face. We're your friend. They're a force, they're like a space force, but for friendship. Yeah. You're under arrest. You're now our best friend.

The fuck? That's how friendships work. Yeah. Now we're going to hang out. So this friendship. Let's play Rummy. What? Let's play Rummy together.

I don't want to play Rummy. Let's play Connect 4. I don't want to do it. Come on, we're part of the friendship force. We're not leaving until you have a good time, pal. Yeah, it's not. I don't enjoy it. How about some paddle ball?

No. Can you play Connect 4 later? You're very forceful. Connect 4 is full, is what I am. And let me tell you a little something about Connect 4. Have you played it? Yeah. Do you know the deal?

Yeah, I know the fucking- What's the point of the game? What? What's the point? To get the 4. In? What? What do you mean in?

Get the 4 in? A row. Yeah. Yeah. What don't we have in common, pal? Everything. Gosh. I can't imagine my life before you walked into it.

I can, and I do all the time. Let's get jackets. Let's see the other's name. I don't even know you. This is very aggressive. You will go to jail if you're not my best friend. This is crazy aggressive friendship, and I'm not going to jail. No one's going to arrest me.

There's no cop that's going to be like, hey, you're not this guy's friend. Yeah, go ahead. Okay, bye. Bye. You miss me? No. Miss me? Walk the other way.

I was going this way before, so I'm going to go the way I was going to go. You can turn around if you want to go, friend, pal. Okay, go the other way. All right. Me too. No. Let's go to town. So he's part of Dayton's friendship force that went to Croatia and Sarajevo.

Oh, my God. We're looking to be your friends. We don't care when it ends. We're friends. It's friendship. Come on. Grab a hand. Grab a hand and make a friend.

It is never going to end. We're friends. All right, Croatia. Hey. Yeah. Hey. Hey. All right.

Let's get back on the plane. I think we've lost our brain. Well, here's the crazy thing. So the Bosnian war. I was going to say. Peace plan. They did peace accords in Dayton, Ohio. What?

Yeah. That's where it was like all resolved. So, okay. We are at the Dayton Marriott of relieving tensions between nations. Continental breakfast. You walk into a wrong ballroom. We're ballroom three. This wedding.

This one for wedding. This Johnson wedding. This is Johnson actuals. By the way, get the satay. So like I said, Jeffrey is fascinated by their countries and he's obviously traveling places. And then he became very interested in a country called North Korea. When the famine hit the news in the mid 90s. Welcome to Buzzwords.

Now in 1998, he signed up with an agency that paired American women with ladies in other countries. That paired American women or men? American men with women up in other countries. And they sent him a catalog. Oh my God. I mean, again, I'm trying to relate it to like dating apps and it's not that different. It's not that much different. It's not.

So he picked some Russian women and one Iranian woman and started writing them. Okay. And he made a connection. Sure. With one. And for like a year, he wrote to this Russian lady Tatiana Shum. Sure. We'll start calling Tanya because that's what she goes by.

Okay. And he goes to visit her. She's 15 years younger. Okay. So he's about 40. She's about 25. Okay. And then a couple of months later, he goes back to see her again.

And then she flies back with him to the US in July. She has to marry him within 90 days or go back. I'm a fucking idiot and there's surely people who watch that show. I'm pretty sure that's what 90 day fiance is. Oh, is it? I'm pretty sure it's basically like something like that. Yeah. Where, yeah, they fly out and they see how it goes and, you know.

Have you seen Naked and Afraid? That's just me running around with a bat at school. Bro, you don't get to talk about it. You know, I swear to God, Naked and Afraid has a dating show and I was like, guys. Oh, come on. Come on. Remember what made the brand good. They're like, now Naked and Afraid couples.

Cooking. Yeah. So they get married on day 91, September 20th, 2000. She gets a job as a hairstylist. They start having kids. They have three kids in four years. Jeez. They go to church every Sunday.

Jeffrey quote, you don't hear the term male order bride anymore. I guess guys are ashamed to call it that nowadays, but I never understood the stigma myself. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And this seems to work. Sure. And that seems to work forever?

Or for a while? They seem to be doing fine. Okay. Jeffrey started spending hours online looking at human rights reports in North Korea, as you do. What else do you do online? Well, I mean, to be fair, if you're going to look up North Korea, I may as well start around there.

The human rights. Yeah. He read books about the experiences of North Korean refugees like Escape from Camp 14 and Only Beautiful Please, and then, Jeffrey traveled alone to Russia in 2013. Okay. So he also, when he goes on these trips, he likes to go alone. He likes to be alone. And when he's there, he tells Tanya that he's going to try to get into Mongolia.

Okay. Now, Mongolia is a democracy, so I'm not exactly sure what the, at this point it's a democracy, so I'm not exactly sure what the thing was, but she begs him not to. She's like, don't do this, because maybe he didn't have permission. That might be it. Sure. Anyway, guards caught him trying to walk across the border one morning at 2 a.m. Okay.

I mean, I like that that's when they're closed. The borders are the opposite of bars. They open at night. So the guards were like, you could die because you're walking in the middle of nowhere. What? Oh, no. What did you guys, I'm looking for my keys. That's just, just miles and miles of nothing that you're walking into, like it's coals

and- So can I go? No, you'll die. Like we don't want you, you're just walking. You don't have- I'm on a quest to find my car keys. They were here, and I had them here. Well, this is not how you do it.

Have you guys seen a set of keys? Anyone hand in any keys? No. For a Ford? No. Or maybe an ambassador rambler? That seems like it's right. No.

Okay. All right. Okay. Well, I'll just go this way, then. Well, you're walking backwards the way. So the next day, he got on a bus full of Italian tourists and went into Mongolia. Hey, it's a finally time. Okay.

There was no more about that story. It's just like he's determined to do things and he does them. But it also seems like in that circumstance, he's determined to do things like the foolish bad way. Well, yeah, because it's not, you know, like I said, it looked up Mongolia and they had like a democratic revolution in their democratic country. A bus of Italian is going there. Yeah.

I mean, it's not like it's hard to do. He was just like, hmm. They were just like, do you want to take the bus tomorrow? He's like, um, it sounds like a trap. They're like, it's really not. You have a passport. Yeah, you just buy a bus ticket. They're dig.

If you walk, it's like 80 miles to the next, uh, what's that in bus? So he comes back and when he gets back, he's his, his thirst for traveling is not quenched. And he starts looking into travel agencies that do tours of North Korea. Wow. Here we go again. It's just now, it's not on most people's vacation hotspot list, although I am super intrigued and I would do it in a heartbeat. I would absolutely go.

But I mean, it would not, I would never be like, I'm going to get that like someone would have to be like, do you want to go? I'd be like, fuck you. I'll go. Yeah. I would love to go to those grocery stores where you're just like, this is just a picture of soup. And then one day he bought Korean for beginners on Amazon.

So he's thinking about the language. Sure. Right. And while he bought that book on Amazon, the site made a suggestion for another book. Oh no. A Korean English study Bible. Oh, he was like, Bible, Korea, my passions. And it's turquoise colored.

It's an actual translation of the Bible. It is. Yes. Okay. Well, it's, I, it's a, I think it's a way to study English using the Bible, a way to study Korean using the Bible. Wow. Okay.

Right. So. Awesome. What a. Yeah. So. I've got a shop for. It's how you learn.

It's amazing. Do you want a Korean Bible? Okay. So he had read that North Korean school teachers sometimes recruited kids to find Christians who were hiding out because it's illegal to be a Christian there. Okay. Quote, go home and look for a shiny black book with strange writing on the cover. Bring it to school tomorrow.

I wish we did that here. Yeah. Well, we, yeah. Based on what's happened recently, it's time. Yes. Uh, the state department warns Americans not to travel to North Korea, but it's not forbidden. You can go. It's not like Cuba, which would be.

Right. What a horrible thing that would be. If we could go down there and be tourists and, and, uh, disgusting. Oh my God. But then those people would have money and they'd be able to survive and, you know, don't revolt against us. Otherwise you end up on the naughty list. That's right.

Let us do what we like. Yeah. That's the policy. Uh, so North Korea allows tourists, but only an authorized group. If America just shows, like, I mean, if America were a person, it would just show up to parties. It wasn't invited to eat everything. And then when it got kicked out, be like, the fuck is your problem? I don't know you.

So you can only go and authorize groups if you go to Korea. You can't just travel there and walk around. One, please. I would like to walk around your country. Demilitarized zone. This is cute. So about 8,000 people traveled there from Western countries in 2014. So not a lot, but, you know, still Jeffrey tells Tonya he wants to go.

Okay. She's not surprised based on his past. Well, she's also like, well, when you were reading the North Korean Bible, I was like, it's kinda the yikes flag. So he books a 10 day trip run by choreo tours, a company out of Beijing, awesome. It costs $4,000. Not that much. I know, but still.

That's the problem with my mind and travel booking. I just can't. The idea of parting with four grand for 10 days. Yeah, okay. The way it would work is they'd start in Beijing. The whole group would go and meet in Beijing and then go to, quote, famous ornate Pyongyang Metro. Okay.

To the famous Metro. They would also see, quote, parts of the country never before seen by foreign eyes. And many ways that's horrifying. This is where everyone really lives in the underground cell. We don't normally show people. But obviously not true, because there's other people that have taken the tour. Right, yeah. Right, right.

So besides that, besides those foreign eyes. You're the first ones. So Jeffrey packs. And he's back in his suitcase and Tanya comes in and sees the turquoise Bible and asks him to please not take that. Right. Because it's illegal. Right.

But if he did need to take it, she said, leave it in Beijing. Put it up your ass. And put up your fucking ass. Put it in a balloon and swallow it. And I want pictures. So leave in Beijing before you go to North Korea. Right. Tanya, quote, it was like he didn't even hear me.

He seemed so distracted, so focused, like he was packing for some important mission. Sure. Yeah, I'll take it to North Korea, babe. Don't worry. Yeah, I got you. I'll take it with me. Don't worry. I'm not going to leave in Beijing.

That would be crazy. How would I do that? It's crazy. I get it. Well, he was also focused on something else at the moment, because he was putting a deflated basketball into his suitcase. Honey, you're distracting me. I'm trying to get all the air out of this fucking thing.

Could you just give me a minute? Gosh. I'm trying to... You understand how hard it is to get the air out of a spaulding? By the way, getting air out of a basketball? That's not... The only way to do it is to put the pin in and be like... Yeah, that's the only thing you can do.

Yeah, okay. So that's... I think you can also reverse the way a pump works sometimes, if I recall correctly. I think that's sex only. Welcome to Guy Chat. Oh, God. You listen to all things comedy. Uh-huh.

I mean, all things... So it turns out he had gone to a Harlem Globetrotters game when they came to Dayton a few months before. The guys were so good. And he got them... They beat the shit out of that other team. He got them all to sign the basketball. Hey, guys, I'm 40.

Can you... Will you sign this? Not for my son. This is all for me. No, he told them that the ball was headed for North Korea. Hey, guys, I need you to sign this. I'm going to take it to North Korea. I'm going there soon.

I'll take a Bible. My wife's livid. Guys, we're all the same age. Will you sign my ball? He told them his dream was to present to Kim Jong-un. Ideally, what I'm going to do is give it to the dictator of the nation, the man who is known for imprisoning citizens for any sort of talk that he doesn't like, and killing people indiscriminately.

I want to give it to him. Guys, sign it to Kim. It's a man's name. It's different, I know, but I'm going there. Oh, I love basketball. Baby, I've got a great idea. Not only am I taking the Bible, but I'm taking this Globetrotter ball. And you were worried.

You're such a worrier. So Jeffrey also put a photo of his family in his chair. I'm not going to take clothes. I think it's just the ball, the Bible, and the pictures of you guys, and then I'm packed. And this chair. And this chair. And this rocking chair. It just will not get in.

So Jeffrey puts a photo of his family inside the Bible and packs it. That way they'll know who you are. They could come kill you because you're associated with me if they catch it. There you go. Yeah. Oh, the family? Yeah. Show a picture of the family so Gareth can see how everybody looks.

So that's the family. Oh, that's him, huh? Yeah. Well, yeah. They look the kids look Russian. Yeah. And he looks like he's the kind of guy who takes a Bible to North Korea. He does.

He really, really fucking does. I don't believe in consequence. Well, my impression, and I think you can think about this, is the story goes on. I think he's really fucking dumb. I think he's a dumb man. I don't think he's bright. Nice guy. Let's see where the story goes.

It's not too bright. Let's see where the story goes. I have a feeling once Kim Jong-un sees this Bible and this globetrotter ball is going to be on board. That's what happens. They find the Bible. Then you go, oh, but I all of a sudden they go, well, what the Bible? So he puts the picture in.

He also writes his family's names, their address and phone number in there. His plan is to. Smart. Drop the Bible somewhere in the Northern Territories. He's going to drop it? Yeah. He's literally going to drop it. That's his plan.

He figures that up in the Northern Territories, the area is far away from Pyongyang, which is obviously the main capital and all that. And up there, Christian undergrounds, people who are underground Christians hiding from the government and doing their Christian stuff, well, they would find it and then they could use the Bible and his Bible could be used by an entire community. And because he included his name and address in a photo as a family, the entire community would know who brought it to them. My God.

It's a good idea. I mean, the frogs leap less. That is unfucking believable. And he also is basically just trying to get the Bible experience that's already been had for his own. He's basically trying to be like, I wrote the Bible. Basically. Yeah, basically.

He's basically Moses with the commandment. Yeah, yeah. He wants to be like a guy who did something really important. I talked to God. He said, get this. There's an Amazon receipt in here. Take that the fuck out. Don't come on.

That really takes him to shine off. It's, you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of when you're a kid and you're fantasizing about, you know, making that last shot or hitting the home run. Right. Three, two. Yeah. But for him, this is his fantasy.

Doom, doom. Yeah. Like, that's his version of this. Oh my God, Tom. He dropped the Bible right in between those bushes. There's no way any of the guards are going to be able to find that. That is purely going to be found by the citizens outside of Pyongyang. A whole community is now Christian based on this one guy from days.

This is a seed that will provide harvest for decades and generations. Unbelievable stuff here from our crazy Jeffrey. It's just, it's, it's... He's the Michael Jordan of batshit Bible drops. He's the goat. It's really fucking crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy.

It's all crazy, but it's crazy to have never gone there. Know it's illegal and have this plan that just involves, like, if someone were to be like, hey, don't take drugs into a country and you got the drugs into a country and then you were like, now I drop them. Yeah. Like, wait, what? Yeah. No.

It's... You did the hard part. If someone told you this, you'd be like, what? Yeah. Why? No. No, why would you do any of that? By the way, like, there's not one Bible in the country.

Right. I mean... They've never seen the Bible? I mean, if you're a Christian and you're in these northeastern territories and you're hiding from the government, you guys have got all kinds of shit fucking working. By the way, why don't you do what the Bible did and just rewrite the fucking thing? Just go into, like, mountains and be like, I'm pretty sure I know what it was. Just translate it one more time.

The Bible is telephone. It is. So... Okay. So that's the plan, right? Good. And, like I said, it's insanely illegal to have a Bible. I want to put that out there.

It is insanely illegal to have a Bible. I'm enjoying having the stakes reset just to have a Bible. And so his plan was, if the Bible did... If it was found by authorities, he would just say he accidentally left it. Oh, that's a good plan. Hence the dropping. Oh, I dropped my Bible. Right.

What? Which everybody does. You fucking drop a Bible once in a while. Sure. I dropped on a trip. Oh, man. I don't even think I've ever even held one. So, since he had the Korean...

I'm going to put it in the hotel drawer and start a whole revolution. So, since he had a Korean language workbook, also, he'd say the Bible in the workbook was how he was learning Korean and, you know, oops, I dropped it. Full proof. Right. Full proof. On April, 2014, he flies to Beijing, there's three dozen tourists in this group. The guide's name is Simon Cockerel.

Now, hilariously, I went and looked him up. He's still... Doing it? Still doing it. Okay. He'd been a North Korean tour guide for years. His company was partnered with Korea International Travel Company, KITC, which is run by the North Korean government.

So, they're... Oh, so there's... They're a partnership with the North Korean government. But everything I've ever seen as far as somebody going into North Korea is basically that. You basically have a state propagandist with you so that anytime you're asking a question and it's all, you know, like, well, why is that like that? It's like, oh, well, the dear leader, so it's not like someone's like, well, the real deal is.

Yeah, no, that doesn't happen. So the total rules were, quote, no unauthorized photography, no off-color remarks about Kim Il-sun, his son Kim Jong-il, or current supreme leader Kim Jong-un, and no pushing outside ideas on North Koreans. Right. So basically, probably don't talk. Keep your shit. Keep your fucking shit.

Just zip it up. Just don't talk shit. Just enjoy. Just don't talk shit. Take it in. Talk shit when you leave. So then they all fly to Pyongyang and Jeffrey has the Bible in a leather bomber jacket, which causes the whole jacket to sag to the right.

Well, that's what the Bible did to our political culture. So he's got an, it's an inside pocket, right? Mm-hmm. And they like snap. So he's got it in there and the whole thing is just like leaning one way. In the airport terminal, a security agent looks through his luggage and Jeffrey's like saying to himself, just trust in God, this is what God's plan, just trust in God. And then he walks through the metal detector and the metal detector goes off.

Jesus Christ. He takes everything out of his pockets, except obviously the Bible and the metal detector still goes off. Oh my God. What if he had, what, oh, my knife in the Bible. I mean, if it's like, he takes off his belt, it still goes off. So he thinks, I'm fucked. I have nothing else on me.

And he reaches into the jacket to unsnap the Bible, but then right then the security agent tells him to just go through because, because God is helping him. Right. Sorry, it took so long there. Sometimes people confuse a security agent being lazy with God helping them. Yeah. And in this case, God helped him. So he goes about, he goes on the tour bus.

He sits alone. No one else is like talking, but he's just hanging, they said he sat alone and smiled a lot. So I can't. Oh, that's always a good thing to see. I wonder why nobody sat next to that guy. Can you imagine someone looking, inviting on a bus, like looking like, hey, sit here. It'd be like, absolutely not.

That's the guy who's going to like poop. At the hotel, they all had roommates. So he's paired up with a Canadian. Oh, that poor bastard. This is actually the part of the tour where you lose me. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, for sure.

No roommates. Yeah. Yeah. Especially not him. You might meet someone who's like, hey, man, you want to get drunk and be like, all right, cool. Instead, this guy's going to be like, should we pray together? You know that this is all part of God's plan that you and I would end up in room 902.

Yeah, I don't. I just wanted to not talk. That was my thing about the tour. God's plan involves us communicating. No. Yeah. I'm going to go and disagree. I'm not a God guy.

You know what I mean? Well, I'm not a God guy. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in God. I can't say it. I was going to try to convince you, but why don't you get on your knees? No. Get on this pillow.

Okay. Sit on the pillow on your knees. Are we having sex? Huh? No. Good Lord, no. What? Then no, I'm getting up.

We're praying. Oh, I thought we were going to have a, okay. Be a sin of many ways. Yeah. Fuck yeah, I would. Especially the way I do it. Okay. Let's just go our separate ways.

So they spend some time in Pyongyang. I'll just lay in bed and smile. Okay. So they spend some time in Pyongyang, his plan again, is it? He's going to drop the Bible? His really plan is to just on his walk, drop the Bible in the middle of nowhere. Northeast territories. Yeah.

Right. He's thinking Ham Hung or Xiang Jin, and he read human rights reports about persecuted Christians in Xiang Jin. So they've been sent to prison. They've been executed by having molten iron poured on themselves, like probably bullshit fucking stories. Well, is that going to make you be like, maybe I just don't do the Bible part? How'd they kill him?

Molten. But reading that, he thinks, well, these people didn't deny that they were Christians. So there's probably a serious group of dedicated Christians up there. How about take one tour without the Bible, then come back with the Bible once you get a head full of knowledge? Yeah. Yeah. Now, Simon has specifically told Jeffrey the opposite.

He said people are really conservative in the Northern Territories, and they do not trust foreigners there. Okay. So he, in other words, is he going to the worst spot to do this? Yes. Okay. So his plan was to go to the spot where they would be most open to it, but because he is, I guess, was like just looking at the Globetrotter ball when he was given direction, he's now

going to the place where you don't want to be doing what you're doing. Yeah. He's taking the Communist Manifesto to Oklahoma. Okay, so there's a lot of, they're on a train, you know, and again, he still thinks God's on his side. Sure. And they're taking a train through the country. There's security watching them, right?

There's always people around. Sure. He figured he should drop the Bible sooner rather than later to get it over with. Yeah, like home. Yes. So at a huge railroad station in Wansan, he tried to get a loan to drop, but he could never get a loan. He just couldn't get away from people.

So then the next stop is Ham Hung. Just so I'm clear on this a little bit, there is a picture of his family in the Bible with their addresses. That's correct. Okay. Like the dumbest part of this story is that he put his fucking name and picture in the fucking Bible. So isn't that, and what was the rationale behind that?

He would say, he was, and that was going to help him say, oh, that's mine, I dropped it. That's my Bible, as opposed to just dropping a Bible and going, I didn't bring anything. Right. And is he doing that because he wants credit? He wants the Christians who are going to use his Bible to then honor him, I guess, or to be like, this is the man who brought us. So again, I mean, it is like, it's what's always so fascinating about the religious mentality or even the Christian mentality is like, okay, you want to spread the message

of God, go do it. And he's like, yeah, but I want to be remembered. That's right. Right. You know. Yeah, no, if you, like if you truly believed in this, you would just get the Bible in there and not want any credit. Yeah.

Right now. Yeah. You just, no credit. You fucking heave it off the train when no one was looking. So the next stop is Ham Hung and they tore a fertilizer factory, they went to a lot of really great places. That's awesome. This is where most of our shit is.

And they went to a theater still he can't find a place to drop it. Right. Now the last stop was Zhang Jin and then they were going back to Pyongyang. So this is it. This is it. Like this is. It's time. The tour group went to a pub in the evening called the Siemens Club.

Sure. It had once been for sailors, but now mostly just tourists. Okay. Quote. And the quotes here. By the way, are you proud of me for not making a joke? Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. And let's just say otherwise are by Joshua Hunt in Atavist magazine, which is a really great story on this hero. Okay. Yeah. Right. So quote, with a gift shop that sold delicately, with a gift shop that sold delicately arranged bouquets of dried fish.

Sorry. What is that? The Siemens Club has a dried fish club. No. They have a gift shop that sells dried fish that sells arranged bouquets of dried fish. Right. So you get a sort of like flowers, right? It's the fish situation.

Right. Right. For your honey. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, for sure. Yeah.

I'm just trying to, I'm just thinking of how great. Great gift it is. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Jeffrey sat there drinking order soda and watching all his fellow tourists drink and hang out and have a good time. Well, he's just in his head like, Jeffrey, come on, make him a Bible, Bible time, Jeffrey.

So an hour in, he goes into the bathroom and I'm going to go take the Bible out, put my penis in the urinal. He figures not many tourists are going to come through this area. So it could be a while before anyone came into the bathroom and saw it. Right. He's just going to put it in the, in the bathroom. That's the plan. It's a great plan.

So he checks it out. He checks out the whole bathroom. It's got his, it's. Go ahead. Well, it's just got his personal information in there. Yeah. Yeah. That's a problem.

So, I mean, at this point, I would good fellows the Bible and just like flush it. So he checks out the bathroom and then he, and then he doesn't do it. He leaves and he sits down. I guess to think about where he's going to put it. And a few minutes later, he goes back into the bathroom. It's diarrhea. It's, he goes into a stall and he takes out the Bible. Be cool.

Be cool. God's with you. Be cool. God's with you. Be cool. I'm not, I'm real, but this is a dumb plan. Now he had a newspaper and he took out a page and he wrapped the Bible up the way you would wrap up a gift.

It just, I, you've had so much time to think about what you're going to do. Wrapping it like a gift again. That's just seemed, it seems like it's putting, it seems like it's putting another marble on the scale of predetermination. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a good move. Yeah.

And then he puts it underneath a waste basket. Like what? And walks out. This is God. God's like in the quarterback of this play. Yeah. This is God. So put it under the trash can and wrap it in paper.

All right, Lord, you are mysterious. He thought hiding it like that would give him time to get out of the country before anybody saw it. But it's not really hiding it. Get out of the, I mean, what, like, I don't know. I don't know. It's not a fuse. I don't know what the waste basket situation is, like is it just sitting on top of this

book or it, maybe he was able to slide it underneath something so you couldn't really see it. I'm picturing he just put the Bible under the trash can and put the trash, so the trash can has like about like an inch of daylight. That's how a Bible's worth of rise. So. The trash half risen. And he's going to deny everything if they find it.

Well, it's not like there's a picture of my family in there with their helmet. Oh, oh, oh, oh. So he's nervous, obviously. What is giving him nerves right now, Dave? I don't know. Okay. Because this is all God's planning. He should be doing so.

Right. Yeah, right. So they spent that night at the... By the way, when he did this, there were two sets of footprints. So they spent that night at the Shang Jin Tourist Hotel, quote, providing a great chance to observe nighttime rail traffic and soak up the city's industrial atmosphere and just stress your balls off. So he's just like, it's just a nice night that, I mean, Portania.

So the next day of the group goes to check out a candy and dinner roll factory. Right. And I love the places that just, I mean, it's easy to make both with the same machines and ingredients. So I think it's expanding the candy empire. What are you going to do? Gum? Now, rolls, bread rolls.

But it didn't really seem like a working factory because none of the conveyor belts were working and the candy and dinner rolls were just in piles at the end of the belts. So. Uh-huh. Great. Perfect. Sounds like a North Korean factory. Now I want to go to North Korea.

I am getting closer. I'm getting closer. I'm getting closer. So outside in the parking lot, Simon speaks. He gathers the tour group and he says, quote, did anyone leave something at the Siemens Club last night? Nope. All right.

Let's say Wagon's West. One man jokes, yes, I left $3,000. Gary. They all laugh and then others pile on and make jokes that he had left his Bible. Yeah. Yes, imagine. Simon's not amused and everyone realizes this is actually serious. And after a bit, Jeffery said, quote, I think I forgot my book.

Dude, what, this guy's not thought like, if you're going to do this, you need to, this is locked up abroad with a Bible. So you need to be thinking about every step of this. What is it? What are you going to say? What are you going to do? Yeah. You know, if you're going to put it under a trash can, does that really make sense?

Should you maybe hold on to it? Should you maybe throw it in the trash? Yeah. But instead, and then when it comes to this, I would be like, I don't know what you're talking about. But then again, if you had a picture of your fucking family in a dress and you'd be like, hey, it's mine. I mean, it's just he's really painted himself into quite a biblical corner.

Do you remember when I said he might be done? Moses couldn't part this problem and walk through it. I mean, when I said he might be done, yeah. So a very pissed Simon asked him, what kind of book? I don't know. And Jeffrey says, quote, a turquoise book, my Bible. And everyone in the tour group is like, bro. Yeah.

Everyone in the tour book is like, what in the fuck? One rule. Yeah. This was pretty easy, this one. So Simon, another guide and a KITC rep. That Canadian guy is like, room to myself tonight. No roommate tonight. He's going to die.

So they pull Jeffrey aside and they question him. And the Bible have been found immediately and turned in because anybody who found the Bible is like, fuck, is this a trick? Right. Right. Are they watching me? Yes. Like no one is going to take that Bible and be like, oh, cool.

I'm going to keep this. Hey, I should read this. Oh, what a cute family. Jeffrey was like, I dropped it. I dropped it. Wrapped. I wrapped. I wrapped.

I wrapped. I dropped it in a newspaper. I tried to pick it up and accidentally wrapped itself. Under. And then I kicked it under a waist. Under a waist basket. I had my back hurt and I couldn't get it. And I didn't want to say anything to anybody.

And I didn't say anything to anybody. Dried fish bouquet. I love dried fish. So the guides go and talk to the KITC people. And after their discussion, Simon tells Jeffrey that what he'd done was really, really stupid, but he thinks it's worked out. And that's a load off Jeffrey's back. He is like, whoo.

Okay. But what a dumb shit. Okay. Like, that's where you're at? All right. I got away. I'm going to live for putting a Bible under a trash can. But not, but not even just from his, but he could have gotten these fucking tour guides.

Right. Sure. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. That night they all go to karaoke and Jeffrey is dancing and clapping along with the songs and having a good fucking time because he did it.

He fucking did it, Gareth. But he didn't. He pulled it off. He pulled it off. They found it. It's like James Bond. No, it's not. Getting the girl and the information.

It's James wrong. Killing the bad guy and getting back to England. But nobody got the Bible. It's yeah. It worked. I don't think that it has. Ask God. I'm not going to do that.

Ask God. Ask God. Just talk to him. She was like, no. Ask her. Yeah. She was like, no. Come on.

I've been asking her. She's shouting, no. I want to hear it out loud. She's shouting, no. Dear Lord, it was a part of your plan to send Jeffrey in there with a Bible that nobody read ever. Oh, yeah. That's blasphemed.

That was God. So at one point during this karaoke night, he saddles over to Simon and he goes, what are the plans for the rest of the door or last day or whatever? What are we going to do? We've had such an eventful day. Am I right? Am I right? Am I right?

Am I right? And Simon cannot believe him. He says, quote. Do you want to sing Time of Our Lives together as a duet? Simon. It's me, Jeffrey. Simon says, quote, you really don't get it, do you? What?

And that Jeffrey scared again. The next day, all the other tourists are giving him dirty looks. I wonder why. And some are making comments to him. Simon asked him what in the hell he had been thinking. Jeffrey, quote, just shrugged and stared back at me with that Alfred E. Newman grin of his. Oh, God. Empty-headed.

Empty-headed. They take the train from Chongjin to Pyongyang overnight. And as they head for the airport, Jeffrey is reprimanded by the KITC man. He's basically saying there's consequences for what you do. There are consequences? Yeah. Okay. At customs, Jeffrey had to go through a metal detector and they made him go through it over

and over and over and over and over again. But he clears customs and they go out onto the tarmac to get on the plane. And just then two large North Korean men wearing black pants and polo shirts walk up, don't say a word, and just motion shoot for Jeffrey to follow. Oh, God. He's put into the backseat of a car sitting between the two men. A man in the front seat turns around and he says he's named Mr. Joe and he would be Jeffrey's interpreter.

Hi, I'm Mr. Joe. It's a real name. So they go to this hotel that's a famous hotel and they take Jeffrey into a back room. This is just, of all the people that be in this situation, the guy's like, yeah. Mr. Joe has the Bible in his hand and he asks Jeffrey if this is his. It's more my wife's. There's a photo of his family sticking out of the Bible. I'm trying to think if that is mine or isn't.

I guess, here's what I'll say. I have one that looks just like it and that's my family. I have another turquoise Bible like that. Not my family. Here's what I do. That's my brother and his family. That's right. I have two others like it.

I've stashed this country and if you want to find out where they are, you're going to let me get on that fucking plane, gentlemen. So look, his plan to say he dropped it is just in fucking ruins because he put it under a trash can and wrapped it in a newspaper. Again, no thinking, no on-the-feet thinking. So I mean, literally the way he did it, there's no way it could be anything but a guy stashing a button. Yes.

No. I mean, even if it was under the trash without the paper or if it was just paper wrapped, one of those two maybe you could, but together, no. So he cops to it. He says, yeah, that's mine. And then they take him to the 36th floor of the hotel. You're going to meet God up here. Two men go through his luggage and they list every single thing in it and then a military

guy comes in and said, quote, you are here under investigation for this incident of leaving a Bible in the DPRK. Another man in a gray uniform comes in and questions him about his work, his family, his life, his life growing up, everything. And then at 30 minutes, it's like a switch flips and he starts interrogating him. He was asked who was paying him. Who paid him to do this? Oh man, the Lord.

Quote, things will be much less pleasant for you if you don't cooperate. Tell us who gave you the Bible. Tanya. She's crying it off. She came from Russia. She's just outbent on getting one. It's been a 20 year plan. Jeffrey said it was his idea and he brought, he bought the Bible on Amazon.

I mean, like it's just, you would be like, I mean, it's such a bad excuse that maybe it's true or maybe he's brilliant. It's from Amazon. He's just so. Who put you up to it? It was my idea. I bought it on Amazon. It feels like we have a rest of it in this game.

Who do you work for? My independent contractor for the most part, I bought that Bible on Amazon. So it was magazine quote, Fowl tried to explain why he'd brought the Bible to North Korea. He told Mr. Joe and Mr. Kim about his dream and about his trip to the desert. All this mist that I woke up covered in cum. When both men seemed baffled, Mr. Kim looked vaguely disgusted. So you had a dream that it drizzled and you brought a Bible here? That's right.

So they're literally just like, this guy is so fucking dumb. Yeah. They're like, sir, you might be able to get out of here on diplomatic imbecility. Okay. Tell us why you brought the Bible. I was dreaming that I was looking down at a revival and I was thinking bad thoughts about them and then God came up behind me and said, no, they're good. Listen to them.

And then I was wet. What we asked you was why. And then I was wet. What we asked you was why. What with tears. Why did you bring it? I'm getting there. And God said to me, I have a plan and you're part of this plan.

So I go to the desert. Are you sure it was God? It feels like you would have a much better plan. And I park my car in a king. What? And I take a bedroll. I leave the title and the note on the car. Of the car?

Yes, the car can happen. Abandoned your car. Happy car, I said. Just so you had a blanket. And I take my bedroll and I take my bedroll and I walk off into the desert. We actually have a factory that makes bedrolls and candy. Four days. Uh-huh.

Four days. Right. Sure. And then I come back out. And what? I got it. And then I'm on Amazon. Did you get back in the car?

Okay. So then I'm on. Was the car there? Yeah. The Rangers had taken the title and put it back and said, don't do this. So they were basically like, you're an idiot? And so I... Does everyone just think you're an idiot?

And listen, and then I'm on Amazon and I'm buying a How Does It Be Korean thing. And then this Turquoise Bible comes up and I'm like, oh my God, who could do this but God? Amazon does. Because all that stuff comes from Korea. That's their whole thing. No, they target you. Because you bought a Korean book, they were like, hey, let's see if this dumb shit wants

to buy a Turquoise Bible. Okay, you said that. In Korea. But how did Amazon know about the dream and the desert? They didn't. They just like, it's their whole thing is they collect data. They've been collecting data on you. What's in your head?

So how did they... Feathers? How did they know that though? You know what I mean? It's part of the... It's what it's designed to do. Anyway, let's say you buy it. Then you brought it here.

You really just... It's like talking to a figurine, it's like a Hubble. Nothing inside your melon, is there? The pillow was so wet. Stop talking. It'd be a great thing for us to say. So these two Korean gentlemen say, look, you're not being forthcoming. And we are going to take you to where, quote, the facilities won't be as accommodating and

the interrogation techniques will be harsher. So his plan is so dumb. So dumb. That he'll get tortured. That's what... They're basically like, we can't believe that anyone's this stupid, so we're gonna find the truth out. I already told you the truth.

So yeah, it's... I mean, look, they don't take him anywhere and they just leave him in this hotel room. He turns on a TV and he sees on the news there's another American, Matthew Miller, who is also imprisoned in North Korea and they're talking about him. And then the next day they come and some worker comes and now there's no more foreign channels on the TV. So the State Department is alerted to what's going on. Sorry, what did he do?

Sorry, let me take you up a speakerphone. What did he do? So the State Department tells Tanya and she is like, yeah, I fucking told them not to go to fucking North Korea and I told them not to bring the fucking Bible. Yes, every part of it I said no. The US government is like, we're gonna do everything we can to get them out, but it's obviously really complicated. Dumb Americans are Americans too.

I mean, could you... Yeah, most of the country. Could you imagine you're in the State Department and someone comes into your office and tells you this fucking story? Sir, we have something, a man might be killed in North Korea. He took a turquoise Bible and he wrapped it and put it under a garbage can. We wanted to save him, but now that I hear it, we probably shouldn't. Is this a prank?

No, no, it's not. The man appears to have no brain, sir. So... Can we just leave this guy? And that's our plan, we said leave him, but it's just, we feel like, you know, it's just like, it's like a six on this hand, half a dozen on the other. I could really go either way. It's like, do I want paninis or Panera for lunch?

You know what I mean? It's like, but both sound fine. Me, there's a peeling. Okay. Yeah, we're just gonna leave him. Sorry, but are you good with Panera? That's kind of the main thing. Yeah, Panera's fine.

We're gonna do that. We're gonna do Panera. Great. So, whatever, they're gonna try to get him out. Operation Dumbfuck is initiated, sir. The family can't tell anybody because they don't want anybody knowing. By the way, the family won't tell anyone because the family doesn't want anyone knowing. Are you fucking kidding me?

Tonya, please don't reveal this to your neighbors. Please you don't reveal to anyone else too, please. Please keep tight lid on it. If people knew, it would be easier for North Korea to use them for propaganda purposes, a bargaining chip and whatever. Plus, we never invited to block party. That's the night. So, a week after Jeffrey was detained, North Korea learned that there was a movie in production

called The Interview in which James Frago and Seth Rogen... Oh, shit. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I don't know either of those actors. Well, it's not good for you, buddy. I don't know what to tell you. You're here at...

By the way, we're gonna make you not believe in God by the end of the month. That's the plan. So, you know, Seth Rogen and James Frago tried to assassinate Kim Jong-un. So Seth Rogen, a great guy, James Franco, like rapy. Yes. So rapy that Seth Rogen is like, yeah, he should go away. So North Korea said there would be a, quote, a merciless response and that the film was an act of war.

Yes. Yes. I mean, I remember very vividly that time being like, things have changed. This is a new, the hack, all that. You were like, this is next level insult. Yeah, that was very weird. A movie that can't be released in theaters. I mean, I don't know if they still are, but for years Sony was not communicating by email

and like their whole system was fucked for years. Yeah, well, yeah, because everything, they were just like, oh, Bradley Cooper can suck it. I'm sorry, Brad. Bradley. I wish there was a sarcasm font. So Sony delays release of the film, weeks go by, each day a Minder would come in and they would watch in the morning, they would watch exercise TV shows.

Who Jeffrey and his Minder? Yeah. And the Minder would exercise and try to get Jeffrey to join in, which is so funny because that's always like almost like stereotypical what you hear about North Korea. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. It's like morning calisthenics.

Yeah. It's like morning calisthenics here. Yeah. Was that a pastry? In the middle of the day, another Minder would come. His job was to get Jeffrey ready for his trial. Okay. Jeffrey was...

It's also mainly exercise based. And exercise based, yeah. Jeffrey was told to confess his crimes against North Korea and they wanted him to write them all down, like write everything he had done down. During these interviews, Jeffrey had to wear a dress shirt. So when this guy came over, this Minder, he would put on a dress shirt, but he wasn't leaving the... he just had to dress nice for this guy. That's amazing.

It's just my room. Please put on a nice shirt. Sometimes discussions with this guy were pleasant. Sometimes they were really not pleasant. And Jeffrey just said over and over and over that he'd come on his own and know what it sent him. Minder, quote, that's schoolboy logic. If you don't start cooperating, things are going to become less pleasant.

I mean, his plan is so dumb, they don't believe it's possible. They don't know what to do with it. It's so fucking dumb. Yeah. It's like a three-year-old's plan. Of course. No way. Of course it sounds like he's lying because it's so fucking stupid.

Yeah, of course. Yes. And they're like, look, he's clearly got great training. We can't break him. And even if he wasn't lying, they would want him to lie. But in this case, they're like, Jesus Christ, dude. Yeah, come on. After a while, it was clear they didn't want the truth.

So that's what Jeffrey says. Right, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, why don't you not have attitude for a little while, Jeffrey? So Jeffrey invents a guy, Mr. Carter, and he said, Mr. Carter ran an underground. Oh, oh, Mr. Carter. Can I take the Bible?

It's so old. Mr. Carter ran. I used to watch it, Nick and I reruns. Okay. Yeah. Mr. Carter ran an underground missionary in China, and he had gotten Jeffrey to drop the Bible off. The miners are like, that's absolute bullshit.

Okay. That's just the dumbest. Then I brought it on my own like I said for the past few weeks. Fun day after three weeks, Jeffrey was done writing his statement of guilt. So whatever they wanted him to write, he wrote up this thing. And then after he was done writing, he was taken to a guest house where he would now be staying. Okay.

And when he first got there the first day, he read his confession out loud and after was told to think about what he would like to write to his family. So they're like, you're going to get to write to your family. So he went over and opened a desk drawer and inside was a piece of paper with no schoolboy written in block letters across the top. Wow. So he's like, is this a message or did another guy stay here who had gone through this? It's a message.

Yeah. They're like. But his thing was like, oh no, someone must have stayed here. It's a sign. Stop finding signs. He generally thought another guy had stayed there and I was like, when I first heard it, I was like, no, they wrote that. I'm going to take this paper and put it in a bathroom.

This needs to be seen. Oh, fuck. So the State Department would talk to Tony and we can fill a room with what was going on. They said it was going to probably. So he has been still an idiot, but this week basically. Nothing. Yeah.

So they think it's going to take about six months to get him out. I mean. She writes to all the ex-presidents who are alive. So Clinton, the Bushes, Carter. I'm no interest in helping. Oh, he sounds like a dumb shit. I see your husband sounds like a dumb shit. Unfortunately, ma'am, your husband sounds stupid and that's coming from me.

I'm also stupid. Okay. Well, I thought, well, if they're going to try and get you hobbit out, but the only way to do it, build a habitat for humanity bridge. Oh, that was Carter? That's me. I thought it was Clinton. No, this is me.

And I'm over here. I'm different. I'm a hammer. Okay. My hands don't work anymore. My hands work great. I'll use them often. He only got, she only got one response.

W's office sent a form letter. Yeah. Thank you for reaching out to president. If you'd like to buy a painting, please attach $30 and we'll send you one of a tow. Now on June 6th, the U.S. government revealed Jeffrey was imprisoned in North Korea. Crimes against thinking. I'm being a fucking idiot. Two Japanese papers reported he was arrested for leaving a Bible in his hotel room.

That just makes him sound totally innocent and smart. Totally. But if you're him, great. Get that out there. Media just come pouring into his hometown. A local Democratic congressman who had been to North Korea a few times said he would look into it. He told Tonya, quote, leaving a Bible in a room is not a big deal and shouldn't be a

big deal. What if he wrapped it in paper, put it under a trash can with addresses in the pictures of his family? Also it is a big deal. Yeah. That's their rule. That's their rule. Yes.

That's their rule. It shouldn't be and it is. Let me, this is what I would relate it to. I love to smoke marijuana. Whenever I go to another country, I don't bring marijuana with me. It's not because I don't want to smoke marijuana. It's because I recognize that there's international law and if I don't want to be prosecuted for crimes I've committed, I'm not going to commit those crimes.

Okay, counterpoint. Marijuana shouldn't be a big deal. Yes. Great. Fuck you. That's my whole fuck you game. Neighbors can't believe that nice, quiet Jeff would do anything to get himself thrown in jail.

Everyone said, quote, a lot of people would put up money if there was a jug at the market. That'll do it. Dear leader, we have the jug. It's like we're reading the story and all of a sudden someone's like, I'm from America in 1840. What the fuck? What in the fuck? Yeah.

Are you raising money for a little league team or trying to get a man out of the North Korean prison? Well we got about $45. How much is it going to take to get him out? Another said, quote, he's such a mild mannered person that I can't imagine anybody not letting him go. That's not how it works. You don't.

That's not. It's like every neighbor of a murderer. Well, he just kept to himself. Can't imagine. So papers interviewed people who had gone to North Korea like a guy, Andrew Lombardi, he had gone in 2011. The Journal News, quote, the trip Lombardi said was eye-opening, compelling, and occasionally fun like when he played in the nation's first ever ultimate Frisbee tournament.

Oh, wow. Hey, Andrew, can I just, one favor? Yeah. One favor. Go. Can you fucking stop talking about you playing in the first ultimate Frisbee tournament? Why? Can you not squeeze it into every single fucking?

They were asking me what, they asked for my opinion on his situation. Yeah. So what you do is squeeze in that you were the first, I barely, I don't even remember saying that. Dude. What I said to him was, let me finish. What I said to him was, hey, yeah, it was a great time. I had a lot of fun there.

I learned a bunch of stuff and, you know, for all, for all, for all. What? For all, for all, for all. What is? What? Frisbee golf. Frisbee golf. Jesus Christ.

What? All you, it was fucking 1978. It was 19, it was the fall of 1978. Okay. It was basically 79, J.O. That was 50 fucking years ago, man. Oh my God. What are you, the human calculator?

Nobody gives a shit about the fucking ultimate Frisbee tournament. Okay. I was answering a question. No, you weren't. About international law. Does anybody, do you have any friends? Yes. The disc.

Jesus Christ. And my dog. Just stop bringing it up, dude. My life is like Mark Harmon in summer school. Another tourist, Cyrus Kirkpatrick, said you were fine if you didn't quote, bring up topics about politics or other taboo subjects and not bring in Bibles or other restricted items. What if you wrapped one under the garbage? Said Strange.

What if you, but what if you took one, you wrapped it in- They're really, really, really clear about the thing they don't want there. Okay, but what if you wrapped it in gift paper and said, to all the Korean people from Lord Jesus Christ and me, Geoffrey Flo. Not good. Again, just don't see it. There's not a loophole. There's no Bible loopholes.

What if I put a ribbon on it? No. Nope. What if it was like a talking Bible and you open it up? I think it's worse. I think the ideas are getting worse. That's worse. Really?

Yeah. What if when you open it, it explodes into like 500 Bibles? Like a Gremlin Bible? No. I don't think that's- Yeah, you get it wet and it just turns into more Bibles, worse Bibles. Well, I mean- Bibles that hurt people.

No. That's the original. It seems very restrictive and dumb, very rules, but you should be able to leave a Bible wherever you want. No. Not if the country says you can't, so. So his kids were writing him letters, but they didn't know that. They're dumb, Dad.

They keep doing it. They didn't know if he'd get them. To try to distract the kids, Tanya bought some chickens. Great. So maybe- You know, your father has a smaller brain than most of the birds. Is crazy? I mean, maybe there's just a simplicity that goes through the whole family.

What's great is mother hands sit on an egg, much like Trashkin, sit on a rep Bible, dumb shit, take to an NK. He stopped talking about Daddy like that. I'm not trying to, but I'm just hoping you don't inherit dumb shit. I know. I'm on your father's side, and the gene seems to be predominant. I don't like the chickens anymore. Well, listen, I don't know what to tell you.

You have a vacuum as far as a parent goes, and I feel the void with a bunch of little foul. Okay. Now, each one of these is named dead. There you go. Jeffrey started writing lists to distract himself. Things I regret. One.

He wrote lists of Beatles songs. He wrote lists of presidents. He wrote lists of Motown songs and Christmas songs. He would just write lists of everything. Another list. Here I go, fun, fun, fun, lists of cars. Fucking idiot. So, on June 20th, he was taken to meet the Swedish ambassador who had letters from Jeffery's

family. So, the Swedish ambassador, it's kind of the country they end up using to deal with situations like this. A peaceful liaison? Yeah. And his sister-in-law, Jeffrey's sister-in-law, sent a week's worth of crossword puzzles cut out from a local paper. Oh, boy.

Move away, lists. There's a new game in town. Only a fucking week's worth? No. Well, I mean... Are you fucking kidding me? I think it'll take him a while to do it. I mean...

Wait. What does it mean, a cross? Why didn't she give me six years of the crossword puzzles? Is that a biblical reference? A cross. A cross. I'm telling you, you didn't write anything. Okay.

I'm telling you, you didn't need to write anything. Two... Yeah, there's something weird there, but also she said it was because she was from Russia and grew up under a government in which people would read whatever you wrote, and she hated that. Sure. But... Also...

What are you gonna say? Jeffrey was allowed to make a call home, so he calls his family, he costs 140 bucks. She had no money because her husband, the breadwinner, was... I don't think he had a good plan. I'm just retrospect on everything. It's fair. It's a fair assessment, so... That same day, June 20th, North Korea began releasing statements about the movie The Interview.

Oh. Quote, there's a special irony in this storyline as it shows the desperation of U.S. government and American society. A film about the assassination of a foreign leader mirrors what the U.S. has done in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, and Ukraine. Let's not forget... Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy.

Hey. Come on. Relax. And let us not forget who killed Kennedy. Americans. Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy. Hey, whoa, whoa.

Hey, I tell you, we made some mistakes, but relax. Huh? Oopsie poopsie. We don't mean to kill Kennedy. We're trying to just puncture the tire. By the way, that's the problem with having to represent the United States. 100%. We are...

We just want to negotiate. So it's like, well, you always kill dictators. Well, you kill heads of state, and you send in the CIA to do, like, coups off the record. Well, but... Uh... Mainly for oil. Well, but listen, we're very awesome in many ways, please. So the Sony CEO asked Rand Corporation for a threat analysis, and Sony was told North

Korea would likely test Sony's computer systems. So Jeffrey's health starts going south. He was having dizzy spells. He was seeing black spots in his peripheral vision. And logic? And logic, and he was worried he was being poisoned. So he started keeping his nail clippings and hairs. He took from his tub drain, and he was putting them in a napkin.

Yep. Okay. Keep going. I'm just... Next portion of the story we're ready for. Because obviously, yeah, if you're being poisoned... You keep that in case you want to test for poisoning. Later, when he goes home.

So did you learn about bringing weird shit in your suitcase? Yes. Well, you test my nails. His four pounds. His four pounds of my hand nails. They gave him a physical at a hospital, but no one asked about being dizzy or the black spots. The Swedish ambassador had given him a Hemingway book, but they took it away.

Uh-huh. We're not letting him have books anymore. Now, this guesthouse is in. The plumbing doesn't really work. The power is out all the time, like 12-hour stretches. TV, on the TV, all propaganda. His interpreter said power was out a lot, but the interpreter was fine because he now had solar.

These people in North Korea are getting solar power so they can deal with what we're dealing with in places like Texas. So Jeffrey was mostly alone. Can you imagine being in a dark place with propaganda and TV all the time? No. No. Okay. No.

No, I can't. No. All right. No. Okay. In early August, he was taken to a press conference. He tried to be positive because he knew his kids would see it. He wanted them to think everything was okay with him.

They gave him talking points, which he forgot, and the interpreter had to tell him what to say. So you're supposed to say that. Right. Now, after that interview, they started preparing him for the next press conference, which was going to be on September 1st. And on that day, he was taken to a sports complex, and there were American reporters waiting for him.

Jeffrey did not seem in good shape now. Okay. He stumbled over his words, quote, there was a panic in his eyes. Yeah. He told CNN, quote, I'm getting desperate. Back home, the city manager told reporters if Jeffrey didn't come back soon, he was going to have to fire him. Wow.

That ought to do it. I mean, talk about leverage. Can you imagine? I can't believe he's doing this job. I can't believe that guy gave that statement. Yeah. We might have to move on. By the way, even if he comes back, move on.

Yeah. Okay. Jeffrey was fired at the end of September. Wow. But they did say a job would be ready, waiting for him if he returned. Okay. If he wanted it. Sure.

On October 21st, the interpreter came with Jeffrey's suitcases and started packing his stuff. In about five minutes, they were in the car. He was taken to a hotel conference room full of North Korean reporters. After 20 minutes, a military guy comes in and says, quote, the supreme leader and first secretary of the workers party, Kim Jong-un has recommended that you be released. Jeffrey turns and starts babbling to this guy who's in the uniform about how much he appreciated.

Please tell him anything. I mean, I'll jerk him off, whatever he needs, I'm really just way in. He's saying this to Kim Jong-un about Kim Jong-un. Yeah. He's really awesome. I love it. And the guy's like, dude, I'm American. Shut the fuck up.

Stop fucking talking. He's a real dickhead, isn't he? You can talk to me again on a plane, but show you fucking mouth. Yeah, right. Before you do something else. Right. So they take him out, they get him on the plane. There's a doctor.

Can I have an aisle seat? I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. It doesn't matter. I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be here. I just love it.

Sorry. So there's a doctor on the plane and he sits next to him and I guess he asked Jeffrey some questions and Jeffrey. What brings you here? I created an international incident for being done. Jeffrey tells him the problems he's been having and then he pulls out the napkin with all the nail clippings and hair. Can you do me a favor?

And answers the doctor. Can you analyze these in your coke? Is that possible? For some reason the doctor didn't want them. Why'd you hit the stewardess? What are you calling over the flight attendant? I'm not sure. I'll just take him back.

Sorry. Gosh. I'll tell you. I think you know a passenger. Tonya brings all the kids to the airport. She doesn't tell the kids why. Interesting. Right?

Well, I mean, here's what I would say. This whole thing is so damn crazy that if he's not there and you set the expectation that he is and he doesn't come because he's put himself in the dumbest situation possible, then that's even more trauma for him. That's not why she did it. Okay. Go ahead. I forgot his name.

Tonya wanted to surprise her husband because, quote, I think Jeff likes surprises. Oh, I don't know if he likes all surprises. I feel like there's something that maybe aren't great. Yeah. But that's not a surprise for him. You're surprising the kids. Yeah. Also, yeah.

Right. Yeah. He's not being surprised at his family. Okay. Okay. A Army guy there said, quote, the children knew something was up when the airplane arrived and there were television cameras. So there's no surprise.

Yeah. The camera snapped pictures of his excited kids hugging him on the tarmac. A family attorney said they wanted to, quote, thank God for protecting Jeffrey during his six months in captivity. So what's your read? No. What's your read? No.

What's your read on this deity? Your read on this deity is what? I can never get past this shit. It's nuts. I can never get past it. It's nuts. It never, it never fails. It never fails.

You know what it reminds me of always is when you're like, hey, the climate is collapsing and we need to do stuff and people are like, but you're talking about getting rid of a whole sector of jobs. Yeah. Yeah. No, Earth will do that. That's part of it. People might be getting included into that now that the thing we've been talking about

is if you don't change, then climate change is going to change you anyway. So yeah, it's like whatever your knock list of values are, it's like, yeah, they don't exist without air. So after a few months as headaches went away, his vision improved, I feel like I should go back. Do it again. Do it again. Two Bibles.

Let's do it again. The city gave him his job back. Okay. He judged reporters that he wanted to go to Pakistan next. I'm kidding. His boss was not amused. All right. Okay.

His new contract forbid him from traveling to dangerous places or he would be fired. Fair clause. The other two detainees were released two weeks after Jeffrey, Sonny released the movie, the interview, was then hacked and tons of their information released. The hackers discussed, quote, the movie of terrorism. Reflecting back on it, Jeffrey doesn't feel like his amazing Bible stunt had accomplished anything and that God must not have wanted him to succeed. That's it.

That's your takeaway? Yeah. He's mysterious. That's why you can't say the Lord works in mysterious ways. It's a cover for everything. It's pretty bad. It's like if an alcoholic, you'd be like, he works in mysterious ways. No, he's just drunk.

He's just drunk. God damn. Like I said, this is mainly based on holiday at the dictator's guest house by Joshua Hunt and Ed Davis Magazine. So the journal newspaper from Hamilton, Ohio and the daily news from Dayton, Ohio. I mean, that is, that should be taught in church. That story. He should have a hymn.

I mean, this is a biblical lesson in how not to operate and the line between reality and your faith, you recognize, you know, it's just, well, it's this weird American arrogance that happens where he's like, I'm religious and not just because it's that thing where like, you know, white guy looks at non-white people and goes, oh, I can really save them. Well, I don't think that's ever happened, but keep going. But you know, the truth is, if you look at this situation, you'd be like, oh, if there's Christians there, they have Bibles already, like they've got him hidden away. And they read them when they can safely.

And this is a really fucking bad idea. They just drop it in a fucking shitter. Well, yes, obviously not the smartest or most tactical move. Guys, I hate to interrupt this, but I do have a picture of a dried fish bouquet. Oh, my God. Let's go, baby. Go. Oh, my God.

What? It's like, it's like a ceviche bouquet. What is happening? Shrimps, sardines. That is crazy. There's nuts in there. I think there's nuts in the head of the person who bought it, too. Salami.

That's right. Yeah. See? It's very much like a... Oh, my God. Tracudary. What a crazy world we live in. Yep.

Yep. All right, everybody. By the way, I've been starting cars lately, so we're back. We're back. Bye-bye.