The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 50 - The Past Times with Maggie Maye

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and returning guest comedian Maggie Maye Redbubble Merch

Alright everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Maggie, May, with an E. Hi Maggie. Hey, how are you doing? Good, thank you for joining us. This is actually our second time

starting this episode with four days in between, because we were in a hotel. And the last time I was not doing it, yeah, the Wi-Fi was trash. You want me to go further, Dave? Like, be more aggressive? Yeah, no, go ahead. It was dog shit. I'm pissed off about it and double tree. You could suck Dave's ass. Um,

so Maggie, if people want to follow you, you're at Maggie, Mae with an e. Ha ha on the socials. Yeah. You have a special coming out. So so much go follow you to, to see what's where that when that's coming out, but it's going to be with 800 pound gorilla. Yeah, you someone stole your title, a time traveler, but you're at Maggie with i e and may with an e ha ha. Yeah, M a y e. Yeah, that's what I mean. Don't you don't don't you. But it is that, but if you say with the e, they'll think it's ma. But don't you say, but it is that, now, but if you say whether E, they'll think it's M-A-E. Maggie, me?

Maybe. OK, listen, you've had your name longer. I get a double R in mind, so I hear you. Well, last time we guessed, I actually don't even know if Dave's doing the same paper. I would imagine he is, but let's just guess again. Let's see if we can even remember what year. I don't remember.

I'm doing a different paper now. Oh, damn it. OK. All right. So let's just guess. Let's guess. All guess. I'm going to guess.

I'm going to guess 1911. I'm going to get it. You move May with an E and an A. I mean he has 1924. Good to. I like that. It is 1941. I went. Jose, Daddy says no. Hey!

He didn't stop what he was doing. Okay. What are you doing? He's clawing at the couch. And a way that is it's an unacceptable gesture, but one that he just continued to do. I've been gone a lot, so he doesn't even listen anymore. You get a day of it's like.

Nobody listened to you before or after, it's all the same. You're an ignored person mostly. By animals and humans, audiences especially. It's taken a top. January 6th, 1941. Boise Idaho, the Idaho statesman. You know, I lived in Boise for a year, Maggie.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. What was that about? No, nobody read that. It wasn't that bad. Not even me, and I did it. I needed to seek, he needed to seek out some safe time with his fellow whites.

And boy, how did I find them? You probably got it. Got helicopters rolls. Oh, and boy howdy did i find them ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You have blonde haired whites and brown haired whites. And really got a good color swath of hair styles in here. Yeah. Got some red heads in there. Yeah, I was that's I was considered. And they were like, oh my god, minorities. I was like, me?

I'm a what? What? I'm the most white. I was like, I am the widest. OK, the Boise statesman. So on the first, remember, this is, this is December 6, 1941. So December 7th. Right, okay, so right. It's the day before Pearl Harbor. right okay so it's the day before Pearl Harbor. Man that is.

Is the headline everything's pretty good. Well here's, especially what they thought was important. Yeah. This word isn't offensive but it sounds offensive. Nipponies. Yes. We shortened that to, that's where we got the offensive term nip from. But Nipponies is essentially just describing a people from a place

So I don't think it's pejorative like I haven't I Looked and no one says that it's bad like historians to use a people okay people who discuss For safety, I'm not gonna use it. That's fine. I don't I want to preserve what I have Especially my boys the audience Yeah, no, you don't I want to preserve what I have, especially my boys, the audience. Yeah, no, you don't want to. Nipponies seek to continue peace, partly. The Japanese return to soft answer to President Roosevelt's point of question, question asked through the purpose of their large military concentrations in into China and proposed Friday appointment of a commission to iron out

the Pacific deadlock. Oh my god. I wonder what happened. So one day I went out. We need to actually figure this out. Oh my god. Get them. It's just like the equivalent of just being like, look, we shouldn't fight these guys at the bar. Let's go over there and talk to them. Ah, sucker punch. Japan's envoys told the US State Department that their troops were in the French colony of Indochina by the agreement of its Vichy master and that reinforcements had been required there because China was a menace to the colony and to Japanese interests in India, China. This all appeared to open the way for more negotiation. It was accompanied by polite expressions of belief by a government spokesman in Japan

that Tokyo and Washington would, quote, continue with sincerity to try to find a common formula for a peaceful solution in their Pacific. Oh my God. They must have been laughing their asses off writing they're just putting out these quotes. Oh yeah. Yeah, there's just like sn- yeah, there's a lot of snickering going on. I mean, it- it's also like I would love to listen to this column the following day. Yeah. Kill the Japanese! Absolutely. Now this shows just how this was the day before Pearl Harbor because the biggest story on the front page is Japanese our friends three-sided duck battle still rages.

What? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha care of itself. Yeah. The three corner duck battle of Lake Lowell raged in status quo Friday and so did the ducks. Melba farmers protective association, continuous campaign for relief from flocks of migratory foul, which they reported were ruining seed crops. All right. You know, now this is going to ruin your seed crops. Exploding ships and fire oil, oil spilling in your oceans. Federal officials maintained as before that no permits to kill ducks after hours may be granted under regulations after hours duck like killing after dark. No dark duck killing

because it's too easy because there's because they're not flying. They're sitting. So you're not supposed to be able to shoot them. Sounds like a darkwing duck origin story a little bit too. And and the ducks flew back and forth from the refuge to the cultivated lands as usual. So they can't shoot the ducks at night. So the ducks are like, Oh, okay, we got it. And they're just coming over neat in the seeds at night smart and the farmers are mad Right, but again we're on the precipice of Big right now we're focused on the ducks. Sorry. Sorry sir We're in that nice calm area where we don't think that we have anything to worry about. Well, we're just like these ducks are night eating.

That's the biggest problem that could be and it's on pre-page. Action that will bring the issue into sharper focus was indicated by the announcement by Jensen that a committee of farmers would bring the problem before the Idaho Wildlife Federation, probably in early February, a resolution to the National Federation Expressing opinion of sportsman and farmers will be sought. They're talking about night hunting permits.

Right. Right. So this story goes on forever. Well, I mean, there wasn't anything happening. Tomorrow, there won't be as much real estate. This guy, you know what, all this guy was probably like that night, probably like, I'm doing a follow up because we were center stage with the duck story.

So now I'm doing a little piece where Pearl Harbor exploded. All right, fuck it, all right, fuck it. Okay, I'm still having problems with my ducks. Yeah, that was still going on. I want to say the guy wanted to push the duck story on Pearl Harbor day yeah it was like no no I mean I get it but like the ducks like what are we gonna do about them what happened to Pearl Harbor is what's been happening to my seeds this every single day. Excuse me, this is a duck problem more than anything. Chad get out.

Are the ducks working with the Japanese? I believe so. I believe so. So Archie Cole, who's a former president of the Idaho Wildlife Foundation said, giving the farmers permits to scare the ducks away will no more solve the problem than the crow problem can be solved by a few blasts of dynamite. I think that guy's not doing a great job. Honestly, you see, crows can't be hurt by dynamite. No archie, they can, oh, they can. Okay, different idea.

There are several loony-toon cartoons that will let you know they can absolutely be hurt by some dynamite. One hundred, some including ducks. Yeah. And crows. I want to know what happened with the people trying to bomb the crows.

Yeah, listen, I, this story is lead, there's a lot of interesting leads in this story. And yes, the crow bombers who were like, that didn't do it. And Archie said it all casual, like business and kind of work, like then when we try to bomb those crows. Yeah, blow down. It's like when we tried to grenade the owls or explode the hawks.

We've been through this before gentlemen. Birds don't die. Archie, shut the fuck up. All right. That's so crazy. Well, we'll never know the end of that story. Well, yeah. It's a little bit like when,

remember the story before 9-11 was like Gary Condit. He had like that intern. And like everyone was like, where's Chandra Levy? And everyone was like, what is going on? And then like 9-11 happened and Gary Condit was like, I'm not saying I'm happy about 9-11, but okay. I just have to say though, it led to the greatest lyric of all time. What? Eminem lyric? all time What am an emm lyric. Yeah What is it? How can one shot how can one chambre be so leaving? It's

It was true. Fuck it exceptional. It's I was also Yeah, yeah Mules resentful of army tanks That's how do you get inside the head of a Mule. His Mules are all, they're jealous. You just sell the good classic guy who's never had a jealous Mule. True. That's a drink, right?

Yes. This story is at a Fort Lewis, Washington. Amazed take officers discovered Friday, there was at least one branch of the service that no fear of fire-spitting mechanical monsters, that had no fear of fire-spitting mechanical monsters. Sorry. Okay.

Sounds like truck of Sora's shit. Fire-spitting mechanical monsters, at a performance by ZZ Top. Wow, how'd they get there? Boys, the Idaho, they're from here. They just emerged from the floors. In a pre-arranged attack at Don, a tank group swooped upon. Hey, save that clipping for tomorrow.

You're going to need it. I know we've been famous a lot, but listen. save that clipping for tomorrow you're gonna need it and it would be a lot but and it would be a lot but listen in a pre-arranged attack at dawn a tank group swooped upon a long column of mules headed for the hills with guns of the ninety-eight mule pack artillery strap to their backs. The Mules march peacefully onward. So I don't know what's happening. The story is not good so far.

There's Mules headed up a big pack of Mules headed up a hill, I guess, with a bunch of weapons on them. And this guy's like, look at how and that fucking mad they are at cars. These things and then tanks and then no tanks and then tanks came upon them. And then they look, oh my god, a mule tank war. This is like grove bomb. Okay, this is the whole story. There's one more paragraph. And then you guys can try to figure out what the fuck just happened. When one tank became a little too irritating, a mule loaded with 300 pounds of gun parts started an offensive of

its own. The clanking of metal resounded as Mule Shoes met tank. AAH! So the Mule kicked the tank? The Mule kicked the tank. The Mule kicked the tank. The Mule Donkey kicked a tank. That's right. Got explosive on his back and his Donkey Kick a tank.

And reporters like, well, you hate to see jealousy eat up the pony community. But it's just tell the story. I like, like, this is all so horribly written. You don't know what's happening. But it's, it's right. Well, you know, that's so true because they're what they're trying to do is they're trying to put like some narrative to a story about it, like a donkey kicked to tank. But it's okay. That's kind of fun. Like you could. Yeah. That's what I mean. If you if the headline was donkey kicks tank, you'd be like, I like this. I'm reading it. Muse jealous of their fiery machinery counterparts. I don't try this into a soap opera. Yeah. No, you don't, we don't need soap operas. No. Is this on the front page? This is all the front page. Yeah, we're starting a front page. A lot of animal

news on the front page. Yeah. Oh, cuz a pearl hard Well, if you think Tommy Manville was a animal then there's more Bride to divorce Tommy Manville Wow, I loved it that is front-page news. I'm here for it i love that that is froth age news i'm here for it i'm here for it i love that she doesn't get named that they're like yeah woman woman did but anyway woman has feeling man Tommy oh it gets worse Tommy manville said friday that he in his fifth bride all right i mean dude how's it going, Tommy? Means he's Catholic.

He's like, I got the Lord. I got to do it legally with the Lord. He and his fifth bride, blonde, a bonita Edwards had separated after 17 days of marriage. A wrestler. And then 17 days. Yeah, and she planned to go to Reno Saturday. She is a wrestler. The 47 year old Asbestos hair. So, air, he is a,

as best as fortune. Wow. It could be like, could be, could help the crows out a little bit. I just could be like, could be, could help the crows out a little bit. This is going to be good for another like 30 years. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's now becoming a lot of lawsuits, honestly. They're trying to get this out of every building. The 47 year old air said that he and the 22 year old Bonnie, it's Bonnie's in quotes, a Broadway show girl, a Broadway show girl parted company Thursday after a conference with lawyers.

I bet you that's a real name. Yeah. No, no way. I don't know what happened, but it must have been a matter of difference in temperament, man, Phil said. I don't know what happened. but it must have been a matter of difference in temperament, man, Phil said, I don't know what happened. Well, you're like, you know, you know, okay, so bad do you have to be for someone to be willing to leave the marriage and go to Reno? Like to be like, look, Reno's better than this.

It's got to be so bad. Okay, so he was in the Guinness Book of World records. Oh, the Dave. This is great follow-up thing for his record breaking 13 marriages to 11 women. I mean, so two of them came back. Yeah. Yeah, man, and then went away again. Yeah, and then went away again.

Get some more of that as best of money. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot of, that's a lot of alimony. Like, you know what? This mysterious coffees come back. I got to leave you again. I thought I love you.

What is it about you? Yeah. That's my throat feel like fiberglass. I'm a choky again. It says he gave out large cast settlement. So he was just like, if you could land that, he's just 70 days. He was like an asbestos magnet. But to Maggie's point, that money is not like, that's one of those things.

It's like, you know, the white out fortune or you're like, like, uh, you know, a typewriter air. You're like, don't worry, babe. This money is going nowhere. Oh, oh, here we go. Uh, are you singing? British Lord warns Japan against war. Oh my god. Bristol, England from the APAV Alexander, first lord of the admiralty, Friday warned Japan, even at this late hour, that aggression in the long run will not pay. I had hoped that Wiser councils in Japan would prevail over those who appear to be leading her people into a new war of aggression.

He said in address the threats has in he said in address. No that in and he said in address or in a address. Yeah, he said it while standing in address. Thank you. Does that not make sense? No, no. It does. The threat has not abated and aggression may be imminent.

That is like, that's like the, when Condoleezza Rice was called to the, like, the Senate or something, they're like, was there any, what did that document say? And she was like, I believe it said, uh, been not in determined to attack in the United States. And everyone was like, what, what did you guys do with that information? She's like, what did you guys do with that information? She's like, I don't know, whatever. Well, they didn't, okay, what? It's so, that's so crazy to cut, that's a crazy

date before headline. Day before, they're looking, they look aggressive. Did Japan really, was there, because I can't remember what I was listening to or watching, but where someone was like, they weren't necessarily trying to get Pearl Harbor. Like, I can't, like, they weren't trying to make as big of a statement as they ended up making. Dave, you know things. I don't know.

I do, and you know what, that is one of the one things I've always kind of steered away from because it's so tried both sides tried both sides. I mean, the right and the left try to use it as sort of fodder for what government's ignore or don't ignore or how bad it what you know, it's all not to mention Michael Bay who who gave us a fantastic love story via the tragedy. That's what I always think I want to think of Pearl Harbor like who was doing it you know what I mean? Yeah yeah who has been like banging yeah who got who got who got laid off Pearl Harbor that's the question yeah yeah that's the important question. Yeah, absolutely. I'm still I'm still I

I've always the one thing I don't know much about it, but the only thing I do is I fully support your pan Yeah, you I'm on the side of Japan and Pearl Iberts. You have a habit of always supporting the enemies of the United States Just that one mostly, oh, and some other. But, the other one. Mail stolen 89 years ago yields riches and old stamps. Whoa.

Yeah. I like that. This isn't Philadelphia. Most of them, most of them, they just, looks like this paper, they just take AP news stories and reprint them. Three sacks of mail apparently hidden 89 years ago by a robber. Friday held high hopes for, oh what's that word? Phylaticists, phylaticists, other people of collect stamps, right? And... And... And...

And historians. Yes. And the reason why love affairs and business dealings inexplicably went awry in the fall of 1852. Mr. and Mrs. James Hue, young commercial artist, discovered the cachet among Attic-Eves while renovating an old house they purchased in Philadelphia. Among the 100 pieces of mail was a copy of the New York Harold for November 2nd, 1952 election days.

So, postman's inspectors believe that dates the robbery. All seals had been broken. The letters were not in envelopes, but folded and sealed as was done then. The investment. Well, as was done then the as was done then by regular people. So they would they would and then put it back in there and just shut it. No, I think I think they're saying the envelope was the envelope was sealed as was

the letter. I think that's what it says. Okay. Yeah. Um, uh, and, and best get us ready. The opinion that the robber had hidden his loot after taking any cash. But the canceled stamp, but the canceled stamps. He casually stuffed away. Maybe worth a small fortune. A collector pointed out that catalogs list a one cent blue stamp current in those years at $2,000. Holy shit. So this guy, but this guy buried all the, he took all the cash or whatever,

buried all the mail. Because he's like evident. He's using it in an attic somewhere. Yeah, so he got rid of all the mail because he's like, this is evidence. And then it turns out if he had just waited like 80 years, he would be extra rich. That's right. He blew it. He didn't wait 80 years. He didn't think about, he didn't think long term with his male strategy. So because stamps are, I believe,

I think stamps are more valuable if they've been postmarked. Oh, what? That's what I was going to ask. I think I might be wrong about that, but I think that's what it is. I thought the postmark ruined the value of the stamp. That's what I would think. I don't think so. I think that in some cases it makes it more valuable. If you can get a stamp postmarked on the day it's issued, I think it's more valuable than does that make sense?

Yeah, I mean, I guess because it's sort of like, yeah, evidence of the time. It's the oldest, I guess, right? Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, don't let me, I'm sure that like regular philitis is high to sizes?

Know that. Yes, philobus says. Philitis is high news. Boise visitors. Man who lived in half-dozen countries says Boise is favorite city. Hey, man, white. Man, white. I mean, you're the Boise's white now. Sweet mother of God, go back to 41. Yeah, oh my God God Jesus Christ. Is it snowing? No, it's just the

The headlight should be not a black guy says boys he best. Yeah Black man on the other hand says fuck this is fucking weird I bet you that article is just going to be loosely alluding to that. Like, everyone here looked so bright. Yeah, yeah. What an unwarried people. Fair welter poise, he's saying dark-haired Vernon Kaufman at Portland when he turned his car westward Friday morning. Boise is my favorite city at all the places I've traveled that I'm sorry.

I'm not coming back. Kaufman was born in Germany, educated London,. He's lived in, yeah. Six countries, he's 25. Or so he's rich. This is a rich guy. Yeah, he's paid that as best as money. One by one, he is giving away possessions and bidding farewell to his friends. What? Is he dying?

He's dying. He's dying. He's dying. He's dying. He's dying. He's dying. He's dying. He's dying.

He's dying. He's dying. He's dying. He's dying. He's giving away possessions and bidding farewell to his friends. What? Is he dying? No, I think he's like, well, I think I can't defend it, but I would, I would guess moving is a little harder. So since he's maybe he's leaving the country, I don't know. Here we go. Sometime early in January, he will join the army at Fort Lewis, Washington. What a perfect time to be getting involved in the army for, he's probably like,

look, it seems pretty careless. I mean, you'll get three hot, I get into shape, you basically stay in America the whole time. I just signed up and I'm off tomorrow. and I'm off tomorrow. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha he can fight it. But at the beginning of the war, only a native of Britain was eligible. So I became an air raid warden. Now at last, I will get to be a real soldier. What? Yes, he will. He wants to just stab something. Yes, you will. I want to be avoided. He avoided English. The English. At this time, it now is like, look, America's not going to get involved in this conflict It'll be funny. He wanted to fight Yeah, for you want to fight yeah, he wanted to fight in world war two someone let me shoot something. Yeah, god damn it

Let me kill people Well, you're gonna get the chance my man. Oh, you'll get it. You'll get it You know, we just can we can just he died, right? I mean, there's no way this way. Yeah, he died. Let's just write them off. Yeah, the last thing he gave away was his life. Mm-hmm. What are you going to say Maggie? Um, this paper is weird. They keep putting people's hair colors. What is that about? It's interesting, interesting. You've picked up on that. I guess we've moved away from address. The papers we find a lot of times

are very physically descriptive. With a man, it's, I guess, like, beautiful jawline with a woman, it's like, with her busty breasts. It's really like that. Like, her doughy eyes. Thanks for days. Yeah, yeah, and so, but I don't don't know this is it is oddly hair color specific Dave Mm-hmm. I don't know. I don't think we've seen that specifically before

Yeah, yeah, you're right But I think it's that boy's it's that boy's he like careful But I also less white if you catch my drift. Not blonde. I don't love it. I also think it's when hats went away. So maybe they're kind of switching over time. Yeah.

Um, George Bozer first driving award winner. Police hunted for two hours Friday before they found a driver Officers believe worthy of a two theater ticket reward for his safety and courtesy in driving News We saw a good citizen. Major nerd news. If cop can really drive safe. Okay. This is what happens in worlds where it's all about people.

Yeah. Yeah. They just, there was like a surplus. They're just like, we gotta get up. They give people awards for how good they drive. They're just sick of it. It really, oh, they alwaysarkens so far back to like, like the respect for police officers, like 70 years,

when you're like, thankfully an officer was there to help. Whereas now people like, don't call them. Do not call. They will not give you movie tickets. That's not what that's That's not what's happening. They might put in your ass. Yeah. Finally, however, a car driven by joy, George Bussert, Pomemander Road Whitney Beach caught the eye of police.

Bussert was signaling for all turns turns kept well within the 20 mile speed limit during the mile officers followed him and always Shoot a guy shoot this guy if you're gonna just randomly start shoot this man Look at it with his beautiful turd saying oh he's really gosh this glow my god He full stop and there was no other cars around him. You got to appreciate that. Watch him yield. My Lord, this guy is merging in a way that we see rarely. So were they following him from the get-go? Or did they just see him starting? Oh, you was no.

I mean, like the price- You're driving like a son of a bitch. He's probably stuffing drugs up his ass while he's like, cops are on my tail. I better be, it's like, anytime he's driven tipsy, this is how I drive. Imagine getting pulled over like with one pop over the limit you're like uh huh and I'm like you just were just really obeying every law back there like okay

uh uh uh uh uh uh what is this a trap? it's like when uh I used to have a friend who would get really high and he was the one who had a car so he would drive like 12 miles an hour and you'd be like Dominic speed up. I know you're not Sometimes I remember thinking that too where I'd be like that nobody goes the exact speed they know Like you if you ever get a trail by a copy of you just go like every bang every law I'd be like that's a tell you're like oh man what does every they know everything. Uh congratulations Mr. Bossert step up to the sergeant's desk and please headquarters

and receive your two passes to the re-alto theater tomorrow and each day through the remainder of the month a good driver will be named in this space. Watch for your name. Fuck you. I mean, fuck you. Oh, you. Also, like it used to just be like this, like, the idea that a cop would pull you over to reward you

is like feels like something that would happen on an alien. Like that is so far removed from what when you think about cops like this idea of any benefit like any any that brand of act you just I would know I would just start shooting they'd be like sir we want to They be like, sir, we want to, sir, kill him. It's crazy. One every day they're pulling someone over to give them theater tickets way to go. Hey, you again. Did they give it to his boss?

They said, we got these theater tickets we gave to the chief and go get it from your boss. Oh, maybe that That'd be a. That's even more Polly Anna. I think we just tell you to come. Yeah, I think you said come pick it up. Yeah, it would be a great way to arrest dudes. It would be just be like, where are you guys?

You get tickets? By the way, we actually have a warrant, we're like, oh, fuck, I knew it. Don't they do that? Like warrant roundups where they're like, you wanna jet ski and then you show up and they're like, you actually have to pay all of your child support. Yeah, that's not a jet ski at all.

See, obviously, it's an opposite of a jet ski. I'm never gonna get some jet ski if I'm gonna have to pay child support. You said the bitches, I've never been further away from a jet ski now. I spent my money, I spent a lot of that money on life preservers. And jet ski petrol. Elephants in garage lead to complaints. Come on.

Come on. Give it up for your headliner. Give it up for your headliner. Elephants in a garage. This is a story out of New York. I think I got garages. Yeah, that's the real headline in the u.s. of garages uh... the health inspector

to magistrate peter m horn this man is keeping two elephants in his garage awful yeah whether i'd get the regular size of the things i would think how big it get the right. It couldn't have been big. It's back then. Let me tell you, it's no matter what for the elephants, it's cramped. They're not in, they're not loving the habitat.

No, no. When the magistrate was sure he had heard correctly, he told the Frank Roper, he'd have to take his elephants elsewhere. Roper, a sh, a Roper, a show owner said he would try to find Lady and Honey. He, I'm sorry, said he would try to ship Lady and Honey to Florida for the winter. Oh, Jesus Christ. Even back then. He said he tried. Was the destination. He said he'd try. Yeah. He'd say he would.

No, you know what? I'll give it a shot. I don't even get about to Florida. There's poor elephant. You just know it was, I mean, sounds awful. Awful. Yeah. Or great. Like anyway, look at it. Yeah. Just the worst. I can't even go ahead Dave. I just want to tie travel that just curb stop this guy. Yeah. No theater tickets for this man by the way. There is a girl in this city whose lips are so sweet that they stick together every morning by the honey they distill and she cannot open her mouth. This is like... This is like... ...and tell she has parted her lips with a silver knife. every morning by the honey they distilled and she cannot open her mouth.

This is like part of her lips with a silver knife. This is a headlight. This better be a play. No, this has to be a plan. This has to be a plan something you cannot possibly be being like, let me tell you about old sticky lips. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's got to be like, go ahead. Yeah. Listen to where it's going. She will be a treasure to a husband, not only on account of her sweetness, but she can occasionally keep her mouth shut. Oh, Jesus Christ. What does Japan hate about us at this time?

What is Japan hate about us at this time? That was it. That was like the prod of both the camels back. They were like, what the keep her mouth while show you. We moved tomorrow. So this is, this is when you could argue with your wife in the morning, then go to your job and just write massage the shit in the paper. My wife won't shut her fucking mouth. Let me change one.

But page two to three, I think this can work. God, she, oh, God almighty. It's just ridiculous. Uh, well, Dave, can you read it one more time? I mean, this really is absurd. Yeah, yeah. It's just a little tiny brief paragraph at the bottom. Weird little like, Hey, by the way, ladies, if you still read and go fuck yourself,

anyway, there is a girl in this city whose lips are so sweet that they stick together every morning by the honey they distilled. And she cannot open her mouth until she has parted her lips with a silver knife. She will be a treasure to her husband, not only on account of her sweetness, but she can occasionally keep her mouth shut. That's just in the paper. And that's it.

There's no story there. It's just a guy getting... Can I at least get her name. I mean what I'm just as anyone seen a woman with a honey lips stuck together. And she is the prime apart with a knife. There's one broad in the city who can keep her mouth shut. And it's not. You know, the bees make honey for the queen, but also for my wife. So I can put it in her mouth and not have to hear is so much Just imagining the one guy who stayed by the water cooler for three hours so he could repeat this story to You know there's a lady there

Here about the one woman and boys you'll shut the fuck up every now and then That's the whole that seems like a weird like there's something But you got a cutter mouth open You hear about the you hear about the honey lady and boys you can stab in the face. Hey, I'm done with her. You know what I found is a glue mama. She's a horse. She'll kick it, sit out of a tank. She's a horse. She's living in a garage. Ah. Okay, Katanku, she needs to. Yeah. If you get in here, tank. Oh, she hates tanks.

Ha. Ha. Wax legs, masks of film stars to go to soldiers in Alaska. I mean, I swear to God, this paper is just, is simply trying to get men to whack off. I mean, it just, to go, like the guys are already kind of being a riled up when they're like, man, do you imagine a brother who shuts up and things like, whoa, oh, wax legs of style. Excuse me a moment.

Oh, those legs can't even talk. Oh my God, it's better than honey lips. They're not attached to a woman The perfect lady Just legs legs in the hole Hey boy, so just line up the legs are here I mean Japan had to bomb us. Japan was saving us for ourselves for a mere moment. Some lucky soldiers are going to get gift-filled wax legs and masks of movie stars for Christmas because a morale officer way up in Alaska had a bright idea.

Oh, did he. So the legs are filled with and they're actual, they're actual wax. It's like, it's like a porn. It's like a, when they, when they read you the porn generals. Yeah, right. You can buy yeah, you can like buy the actual Real woman's fake vagina like it's just give it to soldiers like well private Andrews Here's your lower half of Maryland Monroe. I Can't wait to eat the candy inside I can't wait to eat the candy inside. All right, that's that Jesus. I want to break it.

I want to break it a mile and then get the candy in there. That's somehow crazier than what we were even thinking, which is totally insane. Lieutenant MW forzman, morale officer at Fort Greenland, Claudia Galasker, drop it, feel better. He made the unique request to Catherine Stoberg who produces wax mannequins and masks for film studios.

Masks. The officer explained that since there are no recreation facilities, it makes me do strange things. What? What? What? What? Uh, uh, if you, if you send me, uh, parts of women that aren't real, I won't have to kill the real ones. Oh, key, dokey.

Uh, that's tough to hear. I mean, what? What? There are no recreation facilities. It makes me do strange things, such as requesting a mask of a good-looking girl. What's about that, man? Like, stranger that gets the leg pinnatus? Yeah, okay, so listen, Bobby,

you wear the Marilyn Rome ass tonight and I'll bang the leg And if I can't find someone to do it, I just put the mask go to where there's a mirror and bang that torso half Hey the army's ready for combat Hey, the army's ready for combat. I mean, that is the fact that in the paper, it's like, it makes me do real weird stuff because there's no recreation facility. Okay, sorry, what? Was everybody getting them? Or was it just like Yeah, sounds like it's okay. I that sounds like that's actually let's go further into that there are six

Losing Man at the camp. There's six thousand men. Oh, they're not giving up six there's dude There's not 12,000 being dropped on these dudes Well, they could just get they could just get three one leg each. So it's gonna be 6000 one leg and a party. I'll take I don't know. I don't know. I have planned a Christmas party. That I'm not attending. I am not attending. I'll just tell you that right now. I am not attending. I'll just tell you that right now. To add a little zest, I am writing to several notables asking that each contribute something. And these will be given to the outstanding soldiers in camp. Okay, so the best soldiers.

It's like theater tickets, but way worse. Remember what theater tickets were weird as a reward? Wait till you see legs. Yeah, do you see what we're given the army? Okay. Wait till you see legs. Yeah, wait till you see what we're given the army. Okay, Miss Stauberg is sending two masks of Heady Lamar and Marlene Dietrich. She also made up a life-size wax leg, dressed it up with a mesh-stocking garter and slipper and a bit of lace at the thigh and filled it with trick puzzles. Candy, woolen socks, playing cards and a shaving set.

And then put a lampshade on top of it. Yeah. She said, I'm sorry. She said A wax leg. I'm sorry. One wax leg with fish nets and prizes Inside candy woolen socks playing cards, etc. You know the You know the type of things you find in a woman's leg when you open up I have to say and I could be wrong But I think that's the craziest thing I've heard on this show. I think this story might be the craziest one I've heard. You are giving people in the best of the best are getting a leg with a kind of like horned

up look to it like a leg we'd be like, hey, that's hot. Going up and inside of what could only be described as an open area, there are puzzles and games and prizes. Yeah. And remember, it's a hot leg. It's just up in garter and yeah, in mesh stocking. It's a, it's a leg you want to fuck if it's attached to a person. I'm more concerned about the masks, because I'm imagining like,

highly concerning. The 80s, like a human mask, the eyes popped out, and like, you know, Greta Garbo, or whoever you said. Yeah, totally. But just imagine, so you're a soldier in the barracks and in hops a really large weird Marlene Dietrich I just imagine like they say that like yeah, you're like if you're in the fucking army and you're in the barracks You are just getting very comfortable with like jacking off in front of I yeah

I would not be easy for me to be in that situation at all, but that seems like a charmed life compared to the fact that I'm probably going to watch one of my buddies just like with a fish-netted, guarded leg hanging out of the bed while he's just for sure banging it. Just watching your friend fuck a leg. Just watching my buddy leg shag. Just watching your friend fuck a leg. Just watching my buddy Leg Shag. With a mask on top. With, with, while. With a, while he's, while he's back in the leg,

he's just holding the mat. I'd be like, man, we gotta get porn in here. I hate to say, we need to get porn outta Shag. And then when he gets deep into the leg, he yells, oh, puzzles. Oh my God. Oh my God. Some cards.

It's fun for everybody. Hey guys, we can play Jacks later. I've dropped a bag in this leg hole. Let me jack off and then we'll play Jacks. Hey. Yeah. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha.

I mean, what? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Japan. Let's go. Well, I said things are getting strange. This one was like, hold my leg. Yeah.

You're about to see strange. You think that's strange? Hold this leg. What? I'll be right back oh my god okay here's the headline I get that for whatever is following that one up I mean

if I'm giving out theater tickets for winners in this paper we've just gifted them the navy gets a bunch of hands shaped like this yeah not to be out done the navy's giving a bunch of hands shaped like this. Yeah, not to be outdone, the Navy's giving a bunch of hands. And the Air Force has carved glory holes into a lot of their jets. What? Yeah, and then like just someone drew a set of boobs above them. All right, you guys will increase your funding. That is really not good.

The Navy is getting Marimland Rose eye. Alright, let me know more. No more. No. I mean, that is like serial killer shit and it's going to like, I bet. Like Jeffrey Dahmer would be like, pump the brakes. That's a little creepy. Yeah, easy. Easy. Saddle horns may disappear. Okay. That handy little handhold on the dude saddle ranch, the saddle horn may vanish for the duration of the emergency. So they're talking about the war in Europe. Oh, but,

I've only been fighting over there for three years. Sure. Denver OPM officials said, nickel bronze and brass used in manufacture of horns on settles employed exclusively in the dude ranch business is needed for tanks, guns, and ships. And ships?

Settle makers ships. Ships, all right. Settle makers are being pressed to design a hornless saddle for dude riders. Though, this is hard. Do you have to make sacrifices for war? People say you don't have a- And listen to technology moves pretty quick.

Hey, where's the thing I accidentally bang my balls into? Is that gone? Yeah. That was my question. Where are these phones? It's like one horn that you wrap, like I think the, like your whip around, your rope around, it's like right in front.

It is right at genital level, right? Yeah, it's right where you bang your you bang your stuff which yeah well uh the working cowboy can scarcely do without a saddle horn without a horn the cowhand would have to tie his steer to a fence or sagebrush at branding time i love that and we all know a brand branded time gets pretty wild yeah man shot at heart now fully recovered. So new article. Yeah. That's about all they need to hear. I mean, it really is like Dave, your closure was two ago, but then it's like, I'll just that throw it at some punch slides. Man shot in heart, recover. All right. I'm gonna make it.

Coachville, Pennsylvania, Lloyd Landis, who made medical history by living with a bullet in his heart and who further amazed physicians when the bullet disappeared has been discharged from coachville hospital. No, he, no, no, there was no bullet. No. A huge story. No, no, there was no bullet. No. Hey, huge story. Hey, good news, Jeff, the bullet in your heart. It's gone.

Oh, huge news. Did he just get you? You're not dead? Yeah. Okay. Don't want you guys to do that. Anyway, thanks for coming. He got shot. He got shot.

Hit. But with what? A bullet. He got shot by a bullet. In his heart. He sure it's not like a bean bag. And he was the endramatic. It's true.

I mean, I think that the doctors fucked up. And with the x-ray, and they said he had a bullet as hard. And he didn't. And then they were just like, yeah, so it turns out there's no bullet. It's got it disappeared Or they put it further into his heart and they didn't want to say anything. I like that move too Yeah, I like that magic bullet where they started talking about it. Yeah, just push it You know, yeah, that's urgent. Yeah, just see if it'll put push it harder

Maybe I'll poop it out push it harder. Maybe he'll poop it out. Dr. It's what? That's your idea for everything. Push it through. These people will start pooping some of this stuff out eventually. And it's home satan lady who has Dyson or never meant at his home satan a Lloyd said he hoped to soon return to his work with a construction company. Oh, yeah, you'll be right back at work with the half of 1941. You're gonna be fine. I mean what just happened? That is so ingrained in the mayor. That's like the worst. Like would you just take the goddamn break? We're always just like we gotta yeah, the grind of this kind of we gotta we're I'll be my heart I gotta bullet my heart I'll be their Monday bought like milk at

Rice this dude is like I'm gonna join the army just so I could have something to do what the fuck go are you serious? Go lay down That's what it was like before the internet though Yeah, but even then I still think I would like I would never I would not be like I gotta go find guy'd be like Yeah, it's I started with Lynn. I'm with You know what I'd be like I build barrels. I'm making leather stuff or I would just be like and like I would just be like in a pastor with like 800 dogs I just be like listen. I found my calling. I would never just be like I'm gonna walk to Toledo

I found my calling. I would never just be like, I'm gonna walk to Toledo. Just cuz, what's time? Everyone found their thing. Like, some people made wax legs with dice and shit in it. Mm-hmm. Some people... Don't say, well, don't say dice and shit in it.

That adds a whole new element to this game. Well, but I found it's the easiest thing for me to pack in there. Okay, they're Example of how not to win drivers license. Win. Okay. Win is the wrong word, I think. Yeah. Evan's doing congratulations.

You've won a driver's license. It would be a better feeling though. If at the end, instead of being like, you passed, they were like, you've just won yourself a driver's license. Robert prior 19 wanted a driver's license. So J.H. Pedke, an inspector for the state motor vehicle department, climbed into the front seat with him for a test. Again, you're using too many words.

Just say that the driver inspector got in the car. Guy took a driving test so far. About to take a driver driving test. Yeah, right. Pedki ordered a right turn as soon as they started. Prior turned with a wide sweep to avoid a pedestrian. He seemed about to climb a curb and ram a cleaning shop, but straightened out on the wrong side of the street and headed toward an approaching car.

Oh, my God. I might not win my license today. You lost your license. I mean, I would have great way to start a driver's test. Alright, turn right. Okay. And then you're in the wrong, going the wrong way, not going traffic. Not great. First, he sounded the horn, then tramped on the accelerator. Next he wheeled sharply to the right and crashed into the real the rear of a police squad car and a private automobile It was the most exciting ride I've ever had pet pet key said they had written only a hundred and fifty feet So did he pass the story does not know he didn't win he did not win one How how he was fine. He dodged a bunch of stuff.

That's what he said right after. Did I, do I get it? Yeah, you have to, right? I mean, it just, it sounds like it does sound like a slapstick comedy scene. It really does. Yeah. But it sounds like he dodged more than he hit.

Yeah, sort of. And by the way, yeah, cop car, I'd say you want a license personally. Yeah. They were just like, we would every theater tickets. Every, every driver's test should end with you ramming the back of a police car. All right. You parallel parked pretty well.

Didn't have to dock you a couple because your wheels weren't turned the right way. Just in case the parking brake fails you now go hit those cops. I didn't hit a steam to really go at him. Get a good hit of Steve going for you. Track on that accelerator. Red, don't be afraid to trap that motherfucker. Okay. Trapped the shit out of that thing.

Really tripping now, boy. that motherfucker okay trap the shit out of that thing really trap it now boy oh trap of goods that uh... baby survives wreck of auto train crash this is Baltimore an automobile carrying three men and a baby stalled on a Pennsylvania railroad crossing the third installment. Yeah, three men and a baby train crash. It's a short film. Yeah. 20 minutes. Uh, it's stalled on a Pennsylvania railroad crossing Saturday night. A Harrisburg

Washington passenger train bore down upon it. The men hopped out, pushed frantically, the train struck and hurled the car 50 feet, demolishing it. Out of the wreckage, climbed Michael Burke to an half years old, unhurt. He started back up the tracks, crying, crying quote I want to go home. You have to take a train, son. Well, that's it. That's it. What about the three men? Didn't you set up the three men? They were pushing the car. They were pushing the car. They left the baby in the car and tried to push it out of the way instead of just taking the baby also

They left the baby and the mom would have grabbed the baby The dads are like the fucking car man We could save everything. No you can't yeah, no you can't no shit Yeah everything. No, you can't. Yeah, no, you can't. No, shit. Okay, one more day. Yeah, yeah. Nampan buys air base bear. Mike, the fat furry black cub bear, which changed hands more times than a Dornaub has a new owner. Dad, that was wild for a minute. It's a lot. change hands more times than adornab has a new owner that

that was wild for a minute that's a lot that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that relief only to be like okay wait now what yeah big fat hairy black bear motherfucker there's a bear oh my god I mean wait now wait what oh god Oh God. Corporal John Pots of Gowonfield said Saturday he had sold the bear to Tom Leida, former game warden of Nampa. The bear was caught in the mountains and given to the city Park Zoo through arrangements of the game department. Pots with persuasion acquired the six month old bear from it's a six month old bear. Someone took a baby bear. This horrible.

Horrible. Always. Acquired the six month old bear from Julia Davis, Park Superintendent. For. Is it a personal sleep now in bears? No. I don't think anybody's supposed to be selling bears, but it was a really big thing that happened back then.

There was a shit. I feel comfortable saying not okay. No, I don't think anybody's supposed to be selling bears, but it was a really big thing that happened back then There is a shit. Well, I feel comfortable saying not okay The number of times I like the park wanted by a bear Take it and leave For sale I have a black son of a bitch bastard mother fucking bear. I miss thank God.

Okay. Yeah. Uh, there was a time it seems like in America, where almost any bar you walked into, there was a bear chained in the corner. I mean, bears were all over the place. One of my favorite Instagrams is, I can't remember what it's called, like, look at this Russian.

And I'll tell you, they're still going strong with bear culture. They are? Yes. The amount of times where you'll just be like, this is crazy and then you'll be like, and they're hugging a bear who seems fine with it inside their heart.

Ah! That's really great. That's it. That's it. and they're hugging a bear who seems fine with it inside their apartment. That's until he doesn't until he doesn't for sure, but it's like seems like he was like that country. That goes on track suits and bears. That goes on until you look at your roommate and you go, Hey, man, did you get barefoot today? Yeah, yes.

And the answer better be yes. So, hey man, did you get barefoot today? Yeah, yes. And the answer better be yes. For time, the bear made the Chemical Warfare Service a center of attraction at the air pay air base. Made a hit with the soldiers was trained to stand on his hind legs and drink milk out of a bottle. I hate it. I just.

I mean, that's just classic bear in nature. Just like just like in the forest. Have you never been in the forest? You're camping or whatever. And a bear just walks by. It's hind leg pounding, pounding milk. From a bottle. You've never seen a bear crack open a bottle of milk in front of you?

Nope, nope, that's been a while. But pots just had to let it go. Don't have time for a bear. Nobody out here. I like that. I like that he's like, well, finally, it just came to my senses and realized I don't have a schedule that will accommodate raising a bear. I really thought that a bear would be really easy, but it turns out it's like.

And wherever he's letting it go, not great at all. The bear is now like, where's the milk bottle? It's like, oh my god, he's he's not letting it go. They're just selling it to someone else. Oh, awesome. Yeah, it's not being released. I thought he's getting a refund. Nope.

Yeah, right. Take it back to the. Yeah, I'm done playing with a refund. Nope. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm done playing with it. I want my chair back. This is a fucking shitty bear, right? Like, is it broken? Like, what's the deal with this bear? Of course not. What is it not doing for you? Does not drink it? Well, first of all, it will not ride the unicycle. It won't. It's a child bear. It needs time to learn how to drink beer and ride unicycles. It's not what I bought. If a bear is raised in a loving household around eight

or nine years old, you'll start to see it naturally come around to unicycles and guzzling all the hands you want to give it. Be patient. Nobody out here seems to have time too bad, but he's just got to go with his explanation. So after being, yeah, it's crazy. So after being flooded with phone calls, letters and personal requests, the soldier finally struck a deal with LIDA. LIDA has a ranch with lots of space and will give the bear lots of exercise. What just happened? I was like, ooh, a ranch with space and now I'm hearing exercise.

What are you doing to the bear? I think for madness, this is better. This is better. I would have liked to keep him, but just couldn't be. Anyway, I've got a lot of swell correspondence out of the deal. I've got a lot of swell correspondence out of the deal. Okay. All right. Uh, you got a, hey, good news.

Pen pals. Got some good contacts out of this older deal though. That's the good news. I'm on a bear for now. Run and play it. Yeah, whatever. I got some good business deals. I got some stamps that are going to be.

I got some good, I got some good stamps going. Wait 80 years. These stamps are going to be very follow up. Got some good stamps. Got some good stamps going. Wait 80 years. These stamps are going to be tight. Right. Well, I got to say I'm impressed that even after the army like story, there was still stuff that interested me because that felt like a skull. My heart felt good.

That was nuts. Maggie, as always, thank you for joining us. People follow you, Maggie, IE, M-A-Y-E-H-H-H-H-A, on the socials and keeping eye open for your special, which I've seen some of the material from and some of the fact that you are hilarious truly such a pleasure and great comedian, so I encourage everyone to follow you to team up on my top of that. And thank you so much Maggie. Thank you.