The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 510 - John Sutter (live)

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine California legend John Sutter. Recorded live in Sacramento, California. ONLINE SHOW DECEMBER 16SourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

You are listening to the Dala podcast on the All Things Comedy Network, where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my friend, Gareth Reynolds, who's not actually here right now, and there's a reason for that. He's going to be in the episode. But the sound guy accidentally cut off the first 10 minutes of the show, so it turned out to just be the first, like, line of the entire script. So I'm just going to say the line, and then we'll kick over to the live recording. Sound fun?

And today we announced tour dates for 2022 in the United States of America. The tour dates are Boston, May 12th, New York, May 13th, Washington, May 14th, Philadelphia, May 15th, Madison, Madison, June 2nd, Milwaukee, June 3rd, Chicago, June 4th, St. Paul, June 5th, Seattle, June 17th, and Portland, June 18th. We're going to be adding on other cities as we go on. But these shows go on sale tomorrow, the Patreon presale Tuesday, and then the Venue and Artist presale on Wednesday, and then everybody else on Friday. And called it, quote, his jam-pad.

Jam-pad? I'm the fucking hippo guy! Dave, okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly Clot, guys.

Okay. I'm a five-part coefficient. My rules of play! Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. Don't sleep, don't hip-hop. That's like, don't hip-hop. Actually, part.

Hi, Gary. No. I sleep done, my friend. No. No. Ronda. Ronda in the car. Okay.

So now I'm going to do the little intro, and we're going to kick it into the live show in Sacramento. Okay, so just to keep you up to speed, we come out on stage with crowd cheers. It's mayhem. People go nuts. The Throne Monkeys. And they're chanting Gareth. And then I sit down, and I say this, February 15th, 1803.

John Augustus Sutter was born in Canderne near Basel, Switzerland. His father, Johann, was a paper mill foreman. His mom, Christina, was a clergyman's daughter. And John grew up in Canderne. Yeah. That's right. That's as far as it was. And then we'll pick up the sound from the live show.

So the town saw Napoleon's army coming and going, like during the war. Sure. It was a town they kept marching through. Sure. It was a marching town. And some historians think that's where John got his love for military and wearing military uniforms. Okay.

So let's just, that's an interesting detail to hear. So as a boy, very into military, he's the boy seeing this? Well, yeah, he's a boy. But also, like, I realized there's been a lot of guys on the dollop that like to wear military uniforms. Yeah. No. And a lot of times it's actually not a good influence on them.

No. Yeah. No, it makes them, right. Yeah. It's not the sign of a healthy person. No. No. No.

Okay. Great. So I feel like that's a clue. So when he was 15, John left Canderne to go to school, and then he started an apprenticeship with a publisher, bookseller and printel in Basel. Okay. He was in Switzerland. Now he's in Switzerland.

Oh, the dream. And he's pretending like he's Swiss. Yeah. I've been here all along. I'm just a little Swiss boy. Yeah. God, I hate those Germans, huh? Yeah.

They're the worst. All they do is eat leeks and shout, unlike here where we have chocolate and snow and skiing. Haha. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. It's pastry-based economy.

That's right. Oh, my God. Unlike the Germans. Sorry. I'm just thinking of a pastry-based economy now. Oh, my God. Right now, I'm like Homer Simpson in the chocolate world. Honestly, that is exactly like what came to mind.

It was like a Homer Simpson thing. Yeah. Just me running through pastries. What is going on? Just... I don't think I'd ever have to say this to you on the show, but focus. Well, he doesn't like working for the publisher, and he quits, and then he got to work as a draper.

A draper. And at the time, he met Anna Dubeld. Is a draper just someone who hangs drapes? Yeah. It's that heavy of an industry that you could make a living purely on drapes? I think back then... Drapes and capes. Welcome aboard.

You want it for your wallet or your back? Sure. I'm going to a Swiss-based company. That'll be 30 pastries. 30? Well, all right. 25. You know my dad.

So he knocks up Anna. He what? He knocks her up. Okay. Wow. You are really... What a romantic. Yeah.

Hey. He finished indoors. Front doors. He went to the baby tunnel. So they got married the day before the baby was born. I like that style. That is... Yeah.

We are doing it. Fuck. Okay. Yeah. Let's go now. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.

So they went on to have five kids. Okay. Sure. And so his mother-in-law financially backed him to open a dry good store. Okay. But she did, and then it failed. Right. And so they got married immediately.

People wanted wetter foods. Yeah. People love wet... Well, people love a wet market and just a wet... Yeah. Well, people got a little weird in here. Yep. Absolutely.

Well, that's... It's an interesting time, Dave. Yeah. They like wet markets now. Yeah. I know. It's... It really is disgusting how people hate on those things.

It's like, come on. I mean, that's just... It's just... It's like a sprawling field for the animals to play in. What's the... It seems like heaven. So, he joins the Reserve Corps in 1828. Okay.

And he rises up to First Under Lieutenant. First Under Lieutenant. So not the Lieutenant. But good. Not the First Lieutenant, but the First Under... The First Under Lieutenant? Wow. Under the Lieutenant.

That's like... That's like Dwight on the office. Yeah. It really is. I know. I'm actually legally... It's like, what? Yeah.

So, for the rest of his life, he would tell people he fought in Spain and served under French King Charles X at Grenoble. That never happened. Okay. And he was just lying. Right. So much easier, though, than performing the service, to just say... Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what we used to say in Vietnam when I was there. We just always would be like, man, you could just make this up. How old were you? And we were like, some guys probably are. How old were you? When I served in Vietnam?

Yeah. 17 years? Oh, man. I was a kid. Yeah. That's right. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I was a kid. I didn't know any better. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Sure. So, from that point on, he always was getting titles like Captain or General, but he would just tell people he was a Captain or General.

Okay. Right. So, again, it's the doctor thing that we've established on his podcast, where it's just very simple. Okay. I'm the Sergeant. Okay, Sergeant. Yeah.

So John Sutter was very bad with money and always built up debts by continuing to borrow. I mean, the elements that are in play right now are a little dangerous. In May, 1834, he had so many debts that he was facing debtor's prison. Okay. Fuck. Shit. So, he sold everything he had and jumped on a ship to New York. I like how he waits until the last minute to do the shit.

Yeah. It's like right before, he's like, they're going to throw me in jail? Here, do you want an ottoman? Come on. Let's barter. You're having the baby? Let's get married. Let's move.

You feel like it's going to be tomorrow? So he jumps on the ship to New York and he leaves his family and Anna behind there. What an awesome... This guy's awesome, man. He's just lying about his services. Traitor, enjoy the five kids. And then he doesn't have debt because he just left it. Oh, it's great.

What a... That's the American dream. Yes, it is, actually. To leave your debt. So he went to America and he became a trader and he moved to St. Louis, Missouri, Missouri. And there he met Johann August. He met another Johann. Lofcata.

I'm you from the future, Johann. Okay, so I've got a couple of Johanns. I've got old Johann, young Johann. So these two guys hit it off. Sure. They traveled together for the next two years. Wow. All right.

They're traveling Johanns. They hung out with a lot of German immigrants and this is when John really gets into lying. Oh, well, it felt like he was already pretty good. But now... He's really diving. He's out. They're out drinking every night. He's telling stories about his wars and that he fought in and all this stuff.

We had a guy like that in my platoon. He had a line for everything. Still one of the best things I've ever seen was when they did that Oregon wildlife take over the Bundy people. And there were eight guys in a circle and they were all talking about their military service and not one of them had ever been in the military. It was the eight guys and they were just like, no, no, he didn't. And they were just all saying their name.

It's the best though because one of them was probably like, that's when I started driving a tank and the other one's like, okay, yeah, I should probably add that in mine. He's like, I think I got away with it. So yeah. Then I ate the landmine and it popped in my tummy and then smoke came out my ears. I heard that happen. Yeah. No one can tell you're lying.

You're an American. You can start over. But he's also going broke and just bragging in beer halls doesn't pay the bills. Right. Sure. I've learned that. So he sees the American West as his way to make a fortune and the first thing he does is he joins a caravan that is a trader caravan that's heading for Santa Fe and he goes there

and I guess he had a bunch of Swiss clothes and he sold a bunch because they're like an oddity. Everyone's like, oh, that's not normal. Yeah. Wow. You got suspenders on your shorts. You can't take them off, huh? So and what are they?

What are the other people trading? I feel like the other people are trading like, I think it's just normal stuff like pelts and other shit. Yeah. That's what I would imagine. But he's like, hey, you want some German boy clothes or Swiss boy clothes? Have you ever seen a pointy hat? Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. That's good. We got a lot of beaver pelts and stuff like that. What about some shoes that have sort of elfie tips? You had no mood for that at all? I guess it would be hard for hunting, sure. But when the day's over, nothing better to put on the knees.

So he comes back to St. Louis and all the Germans are like, how'd you make all that fucking money? You know? He made a lot just from selling his Swiss clothes. He made a good amount. No, not a ton, but he made a good amount of money. He did well. Okay, sure.

The guy who got him was probably like, I don't know what I was thinking. You all right, Ted? Yeah. So I just was drunk the other day shopping for pelts. God damn it. Oh, boy. Oh, what's happening there? Yeah.

Blow through this. So he talks a few of his German friends. Oh, here we go. To Santa Fe. Sure. Okay. And they buy $14,000 worth of goods. And $14,000, their money, no.

Our money. Well, so the Germans all put in seven. He gets the other seven on credit. Wow. And so, yeah, they put in, I mean, that's a lot of fucking money back there. Yeah, fuck yeah. They put in, it sounds like everything they had. It's a billion dollars today.

A billion dollars. They buy oxen. They buy wagons. Everyone's very excited because they're like, John, this guy knows how to make money. And he has no clue what he's about to do. Not at all. Right. All he's done is hawk his Swiss clothes.

That's right. Right. Okay. On someone else's wagon train, he just hopped on someone else, so now he's going to do his own. And he's going to lead them? He's going to lead them. He's the leader.

Oh, man, I feel like. What's the problem? Well, it's just that, you know, when we've gone this way before, you know, the lost leader thing normally ends up in some guy like, we have to eat Chad. It's time. We ate all our horses. It's time for Chad. Well, so everyone's very excited because they're going to make a fortune.

Now John, John hasn't put down a dime of his own money. Well, good. He's nor shitty. He's the leader. And then they take off and they, the entire time they're just getting shitfaced like they're just plowed the whole time. They're all just Germans in a caravan just fucking stigning it up. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't really understand because Joe Yohan knows exactly what he's doing. So let me tell you another thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's yes. Oh. Now he forgets to tell them that they're not taking the wagon train the whole way that they're just going to a river where there's a steamer waiting and then and then they have

to pay to put the stuff on it, the steamer to take it down the river. So they find out they're like, oh, we owe more money being like, we're going to do the Oregon Trail. And then when we get to it, there's a Hummer limo. That's right. We'll go that way. You have to rent. Yeah.

Yeah. So they didn't know they had to do that. So they have to cough up money. And then he, and then he forgot to bring flour. Okay. So which is what they eat out there a lot. And so straight up flour. No, they make stuff with it.

They're not. They're not. Yeah. God, we're really fucked up. Water would have been good. Water would have helped. So yeah, to make the basics, they don't have flour, so they have to buy flour for the trip. So people are starting now at this point to worry that he might not be the right guy for

the job. Right. Right. So some sell their shares and they bail. Nice. That's great. Oh, but they don't sell them. He just gives them credit.

Oh, good. Right. Credit. Right. Right. Right. Right. Well, this guy's good for it.

Yeah. He's like, you know, the money's gone. Unfortunately, it went to the flower budget. But what you have instead is called Yohan box. These are fucking great. You're going to love these. Oh, it's unbelievable. These are as good as money.

You come back whenever you need them. So in New Mexico, they get there and he sells a lot of the goods. All of it for $2,000 and 40 mules. He sell. Okay. So he. Okay. It's hard for me.

You know, I just am not good with the exchange rate of mules. Yeah. Yeah. So that seems like a good amount of mule money. 40 is a lot of mules. Arguably too many. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Unless you're like, we live here. You're like, all right, we got to take them back now. Like what? Yeah. I don't know. That guy is, he was just kept offering them. He said, yeah.

Also once you have mules, what do you, you got to park them somewhere. That's what I mean. You're just like, it's like a curse. Yeah. You can't just be like walking around town. So okay. We got it. Now we got 40 mules.

So, um, yeah, we're going to need to, uh, here we go now. So, uh, look at miss, you're having a great time. You're not in your living room. She's like, yeah, the dollop shows on throw a beer at it. So a lot of the Germans are pumped. They're pumped. Oh, bummed. I was like, yeah.

Okay. That makes more sense. They were thought they were going to make a bunch of money and they got two grand and some mules. Yeah. It's like Jack and the Beanstalk. So a bunch of them returned to, they go back to St. Louis. Okay.

And with, with nothing? Well, he's supposed to get credit. He's supposed to turn, sell the mules, I guess, or whatever. So he's right. He's like, once I find a buyer for these four, once I find a fucking me, hopefully there's another me out there. Yeah. One more idiot.

Yeah. Okay. So he says he's going to stay while the Germans go because one of the party members is ill. Okay. He's going to stay with them. Now that guy wasn't just a member of the party because on the way at some point, Sutter met four guys and they became secret investors without the German guys knowing.

What? So wait, he's, he's, what did the Germans think when there's these four? They had no idea. Where are the four dudes? They just, they must have just been traveling with them on the wagon or whatever and like at some point. But like, hey, can we get a ride? Like they didn't know.

Okay. They have no idea. Okay. They were so drunk. So what? But one of the guys is one of, he's the ill one, but he's faking it. Okay. Wow.

So the Germans will leave. Oh my God. Whatever he has, I think it's contagious. One of the secret investors, a Frenchman, then told the other secret investors, so there's a game being played. Yeah. It's like reservoir dogs. He comes back and he goes, I gambled away everything.

We don't even have the mules anymore. And that's true? No. No, that's a lie. Jesus Christ. So that German is like, what? So Lofkater is still there and he'd been with John for all this time and he's fucking livid.

Yeah. He's livid. And two of the secret investors, when they hear that they leave, they are walking back through the desert and one kills the other one. What? Okay. That's a throwaway detail. I couldn't find anything else about it.

Just that one killed the other one. Okay. You talk a lot. See, I was there saying, not the German, not the French guy. Right. Right. So now it's John and so the French guy is just, I don't know where he went. He's just gone.

And now it's just John and Lofkater stuck in Santa Fe with arguably no money. And how many mules? Well, that's what the French guy said he lost gambling. But he didn't. But he didn't. What were the fuck are the mules? Well, hold on. Okay.

So they get jobs and they're working as dishwashers and store clerks. What? This guy's like, hey, good plan, asshole. So what we'll do is we'll work in a truck stop for a little while, you know, get internships for the summer. That'll be great. Then yeah, I don't know, maybe open up a little B&B or something. I don't know.

Fuck. We ain't got anything. Right? I don't know what we're doing. And then gold was discovered nearby and Lofkater takes off and goes to mine. Okay. So now, okay. Now John's alone.

Right. And somehow at this point he has money. Okay. I feel like he maybe has a genie lamp that we don't know about. Well, he clearly had the scam going. Somehow he got the money. Right. Okay.

And he was waiting for this guy to leave. Right. He was like, they'll discover an element at some point in this to the fuck off. So then he gets into the illegal horse selling business. I feel like he's just like, like, yes, anding every situation that comes his way. Two grand and I give you 40 horses. Yes. And I take a deal.

You can wash dishes. Yeah. Yes. And we work here now. So basically what's happening is the Apaches, they steal horses from the Europeans and then they sell them to Mexicans. Okay. And he's getting in on that business.

Okay. So now he's got a bunch of money. It's a little while later and he goes to, he goes back to Missouri and, but he doesn't go to St. Louis. We're all the angry German guys, right? He goes to where Kansas City is now. Okay. It's a very small town at this point.

And he rolls in with, quote, a retinue of Mexican greasers as servants, a wagon or two and 40 or 50 mules. He must be so stressed out all the time. Like he must be living like Bernie Madoff where he's like, man, I don't even know what the fuck is happening anymore. Just wanted to be Swiss when I was a child. I had a pack of Mexicans working for me at 40 mules. How are you?

Pretty good. Yep. Everything's fine. What sort of horse hotels do you have here? So he sells all, it just feels like there's no real plan, right? I think he's got a plan. He does. It's just not great.

Right. Okay. But he has an idea. It's 40 mules, which is something. It sounds like a 40 mule. Right. It's not like ideal. Yeah.

It's like having like poker chips in the real world. Well, now he sells them and with that money buys 320 acres. Okay. And then he builds a stable, a house and a hotel. I got no horses. Let's build a stable. Okay. And then he bought a store.

And then he bought a store. So he had a lot of money. Yeah. It feels like a monopoly. It's a very good location. It's 200 miles from all the angry guys in St. Louis. So he owes money to sure who were actually having their lives ruined because of the debt they were in because of all the money they gave to John Sutter.

Oh man. One lost his farm. Another lost his home. Some went to jail and then a few of them had to go back to Germany. Holy shit. So he's ruined a bunch of lives. Okay. Cool dude.

Cool dude. His farm, guiltless somehow. Yeah. So, Lofkater hears John is prospering and he goes to sea and it's true. And he finds out that John is illegally selling liquor to American Indians. Okay. And Lofkater said he was also having sex with many Shawnee woman women. Okay.

And, but then being John Sutter, right, he's got this life that's awesome. But then it all, it all collapses. Because he owed over $3,000 to creditors. Because he built, he went ahead and he built a hotel, stables and a store. And he did, he must have done a lot of it with credit. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

He went big. Now he owes tons of money because it's not paying off. All right. Is anyone going to his hotel? I don't think so. Right. So he just opened a hotel. I mean, normally if you open a hotel on your own 300 acres, you're like, I think I'm the

only one who wants to stay here. So he starts selling the property. Anyone want to buy a hotel? One. Super popular. One piece of property he sold twice to two different guys. That's right. All you.

Now get out of here. I have a 330. And he had never actually paid it off in the first place. Okay. So the two guys are just like, hello. Hello. So this is yours? Yes.

Yes. We both. All right. Hello there. I just bought it. This is my new place. This is my plot. You're the owner of this area.

Gentlemen. I just bought it earlier today from a German gentleman, actually. Oh, I bought it. Yeah. I bought it from a German. I bought it from a Swiss gentleman. Oh, maybe my guy was Swiss, but anyway, you bought it from him. I paid him.

So I paid him cash. Well, I paid him cash too, and I gave him two mules, so he begged for it. So get off my land. He gave me. No. I didn't change. Did they have KWs on their asses? Yep.

Those are my mules. Well, they're mine now because I got them. Well, you may have the mules. Yeah. They're in currency. The land is mine. So. Yes.

I bought it. It's mine. I'm not. I'm not leaving. Well, but normally the only way to settle it is how most people settle things now. Two guys living together? I was going to say. I was going to say thumb war, but I think you're right.

We should probably let's just put tape down the middle of the property. Have you seen Brokeback Mountain? I don't even understand the word combination you just used. Well, tonight's going to be weird. Okay. Kind of look at this as a bit of a blessing now. You'll see. 44 years old.

Maybe. We'll see. I was going to tell you a little bit about myself. I felt like you kind of steamrolled when you weren't really someone who pays attention to me when I'm talking is really important when I'm sharing land with someone. Sure. All right. Don't just sure me and just kind of get me to shut up because I'm sort of right now

emoting, letting you know this is a complicated set of emotions that I'm trying to unpack. And while I'm doing that, you're not even looking at me anymore. I'm thinking of sex. What? I barely see who's human at this point. How do you think that makes me feel? In? Sexy.

This is one of the weirder arrangements I've found myself in. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've ever been a property owner before. This is very much what it's like. This is, it happens anytime you buy property. Oh, yes. Okay.

Sorry. I guess I've just been hurt before. That's all right. I'm the top. I don't know what, again, that's just some of these terms. So he still doesn't have enough money even though he's selling property twice and the creditors sue him. Now as a con man, John has a way of making people think that he's a really solid guy.

Sure. He's got a great personality, his schemes sound good, and on March 1838, the sheriff of Jackson County gave him a summons to appear in court to face a creditor. Okay. And he has no way to pay and it would just ruin him. So he's... Let me guess. He runs away.

No, he's depressed. Oh. He's very depressed. What does he do? Well, he goes to a friend. So down lately. He goes so low and so lonely. He tells the friend he's considering blowing his brains out.

Oh gosh. Well, there goes the fun. And his friend feels really bad for him and offers to loan him money. Okay. That's nice. And then John went around town and he wrote... Hey, gosh, don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, but I've been so down lately. Only thing they could fix it, it'd be a little money.

I don't even want to ask anybody, will you stab me with a sword? No, here's... No, no, no. I don't want your money. It's pathetic. Can you please put a sword through my neck, please? Okay. Wait, wait, wait.

How much money was that before? It's $300. Oh gosh. I don't know if I could. It's a lot of money. Yeah, either way. I mean, I've always wanted... I'll take the money, I guess.

I'll take the money. Okay. Yeah, I've just always wanted to... Don't tell anyone about this. Can I still do the sword thing? No. Are your neighbors home? It's what?

Are your neighbors home? Yeah. Okay. Don't tell anyone about this. Okay. What? Are you going? Uh-huh.

Oh, it's shutting your door. What did you see? No, I just didn't know what was happening. Well, you don't have a door, so I thought I'd make a sound to... Well, you were... Because I was leaving without the door, so I... You were whistling like you were gonna get... You're getting to work or something, like you were gonna...

That was not... No, that was a... That was not a... It sounded like, hey, I'm gonna start painting whistle. No, that would be like a... But I was going like... It's different. Yeah.

You gotta listen to the sort of tone, you know? That's how... The rhythm out of it. You know? You know, the other day I was so depressed I couldn't even sleep and I just... I thought I'm just gonna whistle some Christian rock and just go to the woods and just fucking... So I did. So...

Like I threw a log on the Lord fire. So John, besides taking this guy's money, he then goes around town and writes in cash's bad checks. Oh, okay. And then he takes off. Okay. Good. This time, further west...

Sure. I mean, yeah, there's no point in coming back to that area. No. Yeah. And he joins the American Fur Company wagon train. Sure. He's on the Oregon Trail. He constantly finds himself in the back of the wagon train, always with a woman.

Okay. What do you mean, the back of the... Like the last wagon? The last wagon. The fuck wagon? Or even further back, like... Oh, past the fuck wagon? Ooh, the Vegas wagon.

Miss Eggles wrote, he told her stories of, quote, Swiss dogs digging men out who are buried in the snow. And he... I mean, this is like he's fabricating his... He's hitting... Yeah. ...Swiss heritage again, yeah. Yeah, he's hitting...

Oh, it's a little... It would be not uncommon to find your uncle from two winners ago when a dog would just dig him up in front of you. And a lot of times, if you just put, like, fire on him, they'd come back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. So that's the story about dogs. Oh. And, um... Hi. Some of my uncles. Oh. Well, you seem tickled.

You tickled me. Well, I just am trying to tell you that I like a story. What? Yeah. Hmm. Do you like Christian Rock? I can visit some stuff. Do you like POD?

Yeah. I got a bunch of POD. Yeah. What song do you want to listen? The... I know the one. The hit. Duh.

Uh, Mary Walker fell behind the wagon train, quote, Captain Sutter happened to be with me. And not having on his spurs, he was unable to keep up. So he and I were left alone without a guide. So he's... Yeah. He's... He's working the ladies. Left alone without a guide.

Uh-huh. Okay. Spurless. We've all been there. On the way, they stopped at Fort Laramie and John got a good look at how they made profits at a fort selling furs and goods. Yeah. He said, where are all your Swiss clothes?

A lot of fur. So they drink a lot on the journey, like they're just fucking drinking. It feels like everybody's drinking all the time, right? Yeah. Right. Okay. So they're just drunk. Um, they had...

And what are they drinking? Just like... Okay. So they had two mules. Okay. So the mules had barrels that fit on their backs. Oh, yeah. They definitely fit.

Mules are definitely like... It was like... God was like, and leave a little barrel indentation there for those mules. They'll be barrel care. They're made for ale lifting. That's right. So they would trade for liquor as they made their way west. So wherever they stopped, they'd be like, can we get the barrels from up here?

And they would trade it for liquor? Yeah. They would trade like whatever they got, pelts or goods they had to get the barrels from up here. It feels like what a frat caravan would do. Like, dude, we're looking to get some rum. We got a bunch of sick fucking pelts right here, dude. Can we get that one filled with Jagermeister?

Dude, do you even have a funnel? We will give you like a fuck, whatever the fuck you want for a funnel right now, dude. Dude, two words! Goldschlager! Oh, if you have any goldschlager, dude, that'd be fucking sick. Oh, sick, dude. What the fuck? Ah, just went through the fucking matrix, dude!

Fuck! Do you have any red solo cups and any ping pong balls? All the fucking beaver you want, dude, not in that way. Sick! Yeah! Duke! Love Duke! So, in Wyoming, he, quote, purchased a small Indian boy.

Oh, fucking A, okay. Should I have, get a couple of pelts, yeah, yeah, give me the whip. Okay, whip, couple of pelts. Couple of the dungarees. Dungarees. And then go ahead and give him that little boy over there, okay, would you like a bag for all that stuff? Yeah, go ahead and bag it all.

Okay, dokey. Thanks for coming to Everything's! So he made it to Oregon in early October and went to Fort Vancouver. Okay. All the while, Sutter, he's collecting letters of introduction from important man he meets along the way. So where he goes? So he's getting, what does that mean?

So he... It's basically proof he met a guy? It's like this guy? So it's like name drop certification? It's like you meet an important guy and the important guy vouchers for you. He goes, you're a good person, here's a letter that, if anyone is ever like, you're a fucking asshole, show him this letter from me. Like you go into a town, you go to the bank and you go, hey, this guy knows me, can I

get loans? Yeah, he seems to like you, how much money do you need? All of it! All right, well, yeah, he seems to be a big fan. Yes, that's how the world used to work. And now that's what the bankers do to us. Yes. Oh.

So he figured the fastest way to get to California if Oregon is on a ship, which meant he'd have to, he would have to go to Hawaii to find another ship back to San Francisco. Like literally... There's no ship going from Fort Vancouver to San Francisco, but they're like, there is going to be a ship leaving Hawaii and we are going to Hawaii. That's good. So why don't we go through California, get to Hawaii, then we can get to California. Take a ship?

Was anyone like, hey, it's still, it's still... Dude, did you fucking say Hawaii? Yes, please. Kauai Sack. It's still faster than going on foot through the... I can't fucking... I know. I agree.

It's shocking to hear. Are these land ships? There's no I-5 yet. Oh, this is before the I-5? Yeah. But surely Waze was telling them that this was an off route. I don't know how Waze worked. Like, you know, if it was like...

I'm pretty sure it was the same as yesterday. Are you going by wagon or by horse? I mean, sure, you couldn't have Morgan Freeman do the voice, but you know, we've, the technologies evolved. So... The prick. It's so icy. At the end of 1838, he heads for Hawaii on a ship.

But when he gets to Hawaii, he had just missed the ship going the other way to California. So now he's stuck in Hawaii for months. Okay. Not that bad. Yeah. Well, what's Hawaii's deal back then? Okay. Do they still have resorts?

Yes. They have a... Yes. They have a king. Okay. And they have a bunch of foreigners who are, you know, hanging around. Okay. And they're all about doing colonial things.

Right. We all know that those are always really positive, cool things. Yes. So he meets... They weren't white, were they? No. Yes. What?

Yes. This podcast is interesting. He meets all the important people in Hawaii. Can I have a letter, please? Nothing is letter of introduction. You see, this guy likes me. Would you give me a letter saying, you like me too? I'm collecting all the letters of people who like me.

That shouldn't be a red flag, not at all. So both the foreigners, the high-ranking Hawaiians, they're all very impressed with John and his fancy Swiss clothes. He still has Swiss clothes. What are they? What is he wearing? He's still wearing Swiss clothes. What does that mean?

I couldn't find any description or picture of it. Just Swiss clothes. I'm picturing what a dumb American is picturing. It's got to be a pointy hat. I am picturing, literally, picturing the Ricola, guys. Yes. Okay. As long as that's okay with you.

Yeah. All right, that's what I'm picturing, then. This, by the way, changes a lot of what's happened so far. Yeah. Hello. Can we get some of your rum? How the fuck is this? It's like a summer Robin Hood.

Hello. Fancy a pastry? John would later tell the Hawaiian, he would later tell people that the Hawaiian King was so impressed with him that he offered him command of the Hawaiian Army. What? It's an amazing letter of introduction. Yeah. Okay.

All right. What he did get was a contract from the governor of Honolulu for eight... The governor of Honolulu with the King of Hawaii, he got eight Hawaiian men for three years. Okay. So it's a contract, and he's supposed to pay them $10 a month for three years. Okay. So he ends up getting space on a cargo ship that's headed back to the west coast.

He would later tell people he actually bought the ship. Okay. Right. So... It feels like he's a lying problem. Yes. Yeah. So they stop at the Russian colony in Alaska, and then from there, they get a ride down

to the Russian fort in Bodega Bay, which is right near where I grew up. So the Russians are abandoning that fort, and on July 4th, 1839, he departed in a ship for Monterey. That's where the Mexican government is, it's like the capital of California to them, all the California. Okay. So the Mexican government was worried about Americans coming into the Central Valley. You should still be worried about that.

Yeah. What a time. We need to build a wall is what we need to do. This is fucking bananas. And they'll pay for it. Fuck them. How about that, huh? So John gives letters of introduction to Governor...

So I'm not a piece of shit. Look at all these fucking letters. So he gives them to Governor Juan Bautista Alvarado, and he asks for permission. He says, can I set up a rancho in the valley? A what show? A rancho. Okay. So he wants to set it up in the valley, and the governor, now he would have wanted some

help securing the area, because the Mexicans are having problems with the local... But he just had so many letters. The locals that have lived there for centuries. But he just had so many letters. I mean, at this point... Yeah, he's so many. He's just got like a file. Yeah, right.

Here's my stack. Anybody going from the king of fucking Hawaii, bro? Oh my God. Hey, check this out. Shaka. Wow. Well, come on. Whatever he wants.

You have the keys to Mexico, friend. By the way, you're going to get cold. Oh. Well, your outfit. Bit thin. Oh, no. I'm from Switzerland. Bit musky, isn't it?

Yes. I am musky. Okay. Just... How long have you been wearing this? All. Do you call it Swiss because of all the holes? Yes.

Yes. It's looking a bit ratty. That's our look. There you go. Well... Welcome aboard. Thank you. Hey.

So, and then the Native Americans are coming out of the valley to steal the Mexicans' horses, so it's a whole fucking thing. Sure. So he lets John pick a site and he says, after a year of selling down, you can file for Mexican citizenship and the land grant. Okay. So... But then you'll have to change the clothes.

Yes. Then you'll have to actually put on some fucking normal clothes. So he goes up the Sacramento River in a schooner that he chartered. He's using New York guides. Okay. They guided him from their lands to other tribes' lands. Okay. So they're like, no, no, not there.

Let's go up this way. All right. He's like... Away from our guys. Okay. So he crosses into the American River and then a little bit up and he makes camp. And then he met and he's friendly with the locals. Sure.

But he still felt like he should show them he's more powerful. Of course. So he went and set up... That's what we call the white fire. But I still must prove myself. Who thinks I can climb that tree? So he meets these people. They, you know, they become friendly and everyone's like, oh, this seems okay.

And then he's like, yeah, now we need to compete. And then he goes onto his ship and takes off three cannons that he bought in Hawaii and starts firing them off. What the fuck? Is he drunk? Each cannon nine times. What the fuck, alone? Just to fucking scare the locals.

That sounds like so much goddamn work outside of everything else. Oh, no, it's a total nightmare. Three cannons? Yeah. Okay. They just blasting them off. And then of course the... They're like...

They're like, holy fuck, this guy's insane. Yeah. And are they like, kill him? No, they're just terrified, which was the intention. Okay. Okay. So now the Hawaiians, the Hawaiian workers, it's sort of a complicated thing. They're called Kanakas and they are both sometimes indentured servants, slaves, sometimes paid.

It's this weird sort of combo thing, which oddly in Australia, just slaves who knew they're so cool. With nuance, mate. So they build grass huts right away so everyone has a place to stay. One then goes a bit south and he finds a place to build his fort. Okay. So back a ways from the rivers. And on August 29th, 1840, petitions the governor for Mexican citizenship and applied for his

land grant. And then he pays a former Swiss drummer in Napoleon's army. Well, I'm excited to be a part of the band, who plays jug and who plays bass. What sort of music do you like? I do a lot of rush. Yeah. What sort of song? She's a grand old flag.

Do you know, you know any Pantera? Any what? Pantera? Well, I'll tell you what I do know. She's a grand old flag. Okay. Do you know Sandman by Metallica? I just gave you the list.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Can we... Shall we do... What do you think? Grand old flag, maybe? Can you play it harder?

Like, can you play it a little harder? Well, I play the grand old flag pretty much as it would go. Okay. That's fine. I guess that's what... I know all of it. Okay, that's fair. But I know most of it.

Okay. It's not very long. Yeah, I know. But what I would do is I would just keep playing it. How many horses do I get? None. Okay, I'll take the gig. So...

What venues are we playing? Is this an Oxbow Lake? We're gonna just play near it. Okay. All right. Well, I have the little one that looks like a ponytail for the cymbal, too. Yes. I walk with a cymbal and a drum and then the pedal.

I can't move when I'm playing on account of the pedal. Sure. So... No, that's fair. If these terms sound good to you, I'd love to be part of the group. What's the name of the band? There's no name. Okay, I know what we should be called.

Just don't tell me. Grand Ole Flag. It's fair. People won't be confused when it's all we play by then, you know? Okay, great. All right, well... You're hired. You guys get laid a lot?

I'm in it for the sex pretty much. Yeah, yeah, sure. All right, well... I'm excited to be part of the Grand Ole Flag band. Yes. It's awesome. Okay. I have a terminal illness.

This is the best thing I've heard about the band. I'll fight through for you. It'll just make us jail more. Yeah. How many cities were hitting on the tour? Just the... Considering I'm stationary. It's not...

You can put me in the back of a wagon. It's not a city, we're just making a fort. We should get shirts made. Merch. Hockey on the way. Yeah. All right, well... So, his name is Vilge.

By the way, I'm Vilge. And John hires him to survey and make maps. Okay, sorry. I'm already so locked as to what this guy does. Wasn't he a drummer at one point? You said that, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.

So he hires a drummer to make maps? He used to be a drummer in Napoleon's army. Now he's a surveyor. I'm sorry. I feel like I cut you off. A little bit. I feel that way a little bit. You might have gotten distracted by the word drummer

and just kind of maybe taking a small tangent. I don't remember. I don't think I've said anything for 30 minutes, if I may honestly. Okay, so he hires a drummer to make his maps. He's not just a drummer. He's also an engineer and a navigator. So he has all these kills.

Every day, if this guy's a drummer, I can't unsee it. Okay. So John tells him where the land is. He goes from this area to that area. But Vioge used equipment he had made himself for surveying. I was like, homemade compass. And made an error.

He don't do circles as much as an oblong. And he made an error of 14 miles on the southern boundary. Okay. Whoops. Oh, man. Vioge, what'd you do? Oh, boy, I fucking fucked up. I'm so sorry.

We're so far. I made my own instruments. He was so off that Sutter's Fort was left out of the boundary. Okay. On top of that mistake. Oh, man. I mean, it was like Vioge or nobody, right? You'll do.

I haven't made a map in a long time. Not since America was found. Oh, boy. On top of that mistake, two copies of Vioge's maps were lost. So I lost the map I made. I made a map to my map, though. But then I lost that. So in 1841, John was officially given a 440,

sorry, 44,000 acres by the Mexican government. He was also made a Mexican citizen. And he wanted to make a colony of Swiss families. Okay. He named it Nueva Helvedia, New Switzerland. Well, because we are all familiar with New Switzerland, it sounds like it worked. Because I always say, yeah, in Mexico, I love it,

New Switzerland. The land grant said he had to settle 12 families. And what does this mean? He's going to, like, import Swiss people? Well, he's going to set up an area where then they can come and live. Right. So it's like making it safe for people to come and live. Okay.

Essentially. Right. So Camp Swiss? Yes, Camp Swiss. The locals, the Nisenans and the Miwak, were laborers who built the Adobe buildings. Okay. So it's a rectangular fortress,

300 by 160 feet with high walls, then there's residents and shops inside. Sure, shops inside. Yeah, shops. I mean, he set up a business. Okay, it's weird. The first year Mexican ranchers gave John 500 cattle, 50 horses, and 25 breeding mares on credit.

Wow. What, you see a problem already? Yeah, I mean, the history, like, so nobody kept any, like, nobody had any way of really corroborating the amount of... He's got the letters. Right. He's got the letters to be like, I'm a good guy. Yeah, basically.

So people are like, give him whatever. He's good for it. And back then, everything at this time is sort of running on credit. Anywhere in the valley or anybody setting me up, it's sort of all running on credit. Right. Okay. So New Helvetia's purpose is to make money,

and he wants to be the richest landowner in the area. Cool. Now, he has a pretty shaky relationship with the Nisanans. At first, they managed to keep their distance, but then he uses bribes and force to make them work. Mm-hmm. And he learned, he figured out their social system, and then he got using their own social system against them in a way.

Wow. And this man is white? Yeah. He gets the Nisanans and then he walks to work and to get their leaders to make them laborers. So it's like a whole fucking game. Right. Right.

Before long, a native workforce was being managed by whites. No, I don't feel good about that. For the first wheat harvest, there's about 600 Indians working. I just can't, I just... Okay. So all of Sutter's wealth is just completely 100% built on Native American labor. Right. All of it.

Right. It's just people working for almost nothing or free. Right. They hunt and then there's a drought, so the crops are out. So they're hunting, they're processing hides, making adobe bricks, planting, harvesting crops, tending cattle, sheeps and pigs. And then he forms an army with some of them and puts them in uniforms that he had bought from the Russians who were leaving the fort.

Okay. So he's still wearing his... So now he's got a bunch of Native Americans in Russian military uniforms. No, it totally obviously makes total sense for sure. They're like, what? He's like, that's right. The Swiss German Russian army made up of Native Americans. Who wants chocolate?

And he uses this army to deter Miwok raids. Okay. Because the Miwoks are raiding... The Nicanos are being subjugated more, but there's definitely groups of Miwoks who are fighting back. Right. And they're stealing and then selling horses and doing that. Yeah, well, they don't know, they must have the Russians.

So he starts raunching a retaliatory attack against the McCullamy Miwoks. Okay. Now, it's not like the Indians just took it. Some rebelled, some escaped. John used corporal punishment for control. Whippings were very common. Sure. On both Native Americans and whites who were under his employ.

Interesting. And one named Soledon got 25 lashes for stealing a butcher knife. Sutter, quote, everybody had the pleasure to see it. Did you guys learn this in school about Sutter? It's weird. He also used their labor to pay debts. So controlling the locals mostly came by hooking them into a European system of peonage and commerce.

And he sells them booze too. So John gave them little metal discs they could only redeem at his store. Oh my God. So he finally did create his own little economy. Yeah. So he's a company town. Most were not slaves, but peonized labor. So it's this sort of hybrid thing.

Right. Right. Which is very common in Mexico at the time. Okay. So he changes their marriage customs. Is that what? Chiefs could no longer have more than one wife. And John would match the men and women.

He would? Yeah. Fucking A. What? Yeah. Did he do it at least like how they did like the dating game? Welcome back. Okay. Wow.

Fucking crazy. And then, and why? Because they're just sort of in this, they're caught up in the system. They're just going with it. There's a whole bunch of shit going on. I mean, yeah, they're getting caught up. The combination of... I think to some of them it's like this sort of, well, this is a different,

interesting new way of life. Others are just being forced to. Right. Probably the majority are, but they're also getting caught up in this like, oh, I can buy shit. Like it's literally that. It's like capitalism is coming. Oh my God.

Oh, this is interesting. I can go get something at the store. It's airborne. Yeah. Yeah. Now, while John is doing this and saying that the chiefs can no longer have more than one wife and marrying people together. Oh, no.

He is living with more than one woman. At this particular point in time, he's living with a Kanagawa woman and also sleeping with a few of the Nisenans. So he's, yeah. He's what we call a white guy. Sutter's Fort was providing supplies for people settling in California. And Sutter was known for helping these people emigrating and giving them a place to stay. Sure.

So he's actually like, there's a lot of people are really thankful that he's there because they come over the Sierras and they're almost fucking dead. And then there he is. Sure. Yeah. It's better than dying. Yes. Yeah.

Cool. What a good comparative to have. And so he would let. We've got our control group. Yes. So he would let people stay there. And then he helped said fleas fed on him while he slept quote on getting up. I found my body and limbs bore some resemblance to a dumpling.

Oh my God. Oh my God. What a horrid comparison. That was the day I became dumpling man. Ever since then I've just lived in this little bowl. Other than that, he was very impressed with John's Fort. I'll tell you, other than being turned into a dumpling that can fit his coat around his chest.

You've got quite a little operation here, my friend. So fighting breaks out between different fleas and the general. Yes. The fleas and the general between different generals and whatever in the Mexican government. Okay. So Sutter backs the governor with an army of Native Americans and Russian uniforms. Russian uniforms. Sure.

And it goes on for a while and then he returns to Fort Sutter and things are in disarray. Many of the Indians have fled. Sutter told one of his overseers quote, if the Indians are not kept strictly under fear, it will be no good. Oh man. Let's turn our whole society into it. The McCollumey chief named Ruffino worked for Sutter. And another McCollumey named Ruffero was a horse raider.

Okay. So Sutter manages to capture Ruffero after many, many months of trying to get him. Okay. And he executed him. Jesus Christ. And put his head over the gate of the fort on a pike. Okay. They didn't teach this because I went to school in California.

They tell us all about Sutter. They don't give you the pike stuff? No. The head on a pike thing doesn't come up. He started a really good economy. Okay, next. I'm going to move on. Yeah.

So John believes this is going to deter Native Americans from acting up. Sure. And Ruffino is furious. Okay. He's fucking livid. So he kills his own brother-in-law who was in Sutter's army. But it's a bold move. He's like, I'm so pissed about that.

What? Can't be great for the family. Yeah. Well, maybe his sister was like, I get it. Yeah, still. It's like, it's a head on a pike. I'm going to kill my brother. So then he flees and then John hunts him.

He flees? The flees carry him out. Come with us, dumpling. No. Tie him down, boys. So swollen like dumplings. Mission accomplished. So he hunts Ruffino for months and finally catches him and kills him in 1845.

This time he doesn't put the head above a gate. So he's learning. Yeah, right. Put it on my wall instead. I've turned over a new leaf. One reason Ruffino may have been OK with killing his brother-in-law is because Sutter's army was his muscle. And they would capture people who would not work for money. OK, right.

And they would put them in pens or lock them in rooms at the fort and then he'd make them work crops. Sure, sure. He'd sell some as slaves. So he's also in the slavery selling business. So manifest destiny becomes the rage. Sure. Thank God. The whites are pouring into California.

John's fort becomes a really important stop. It becomes important. Important. So he's a very warm, generous host. Everyone likes him. He donated food to the Donner party when they were up there eating. No, we're actually pretty full, honestly. I mean, maybe some corn to go with or nothing.

Just give us some corn. We're pretty stuffed, honestly. The things start to heat up when expansionist President James Polk is elected. So he's really into expanding America. And collars. And yes. By mid-1846, the US and Mexico art war and a group of rebel whites in Sacramento raised the bear flag, which is the flag we now have here.

Colonel Fremont came and took over Sutter's fort. Now, being an opportunist, Sutter goes along with the takeover and he gets appointed as US federal. That's amazing to be like, yeah, I'm just saying someone should just be in charge. Great. Cool. Let's work together. I'd love to collaborate. The whole thing was that I was looking for a partner.

It's great. Okay. By the way, I'm only wearing this outfit. So... It's very dirty. Well, look, leader wear leader hosun. So what are you gonna do? You don't say much, but you just kind of make noise.

Yeah, you're not a big talker. Are you from here or somewhere different? They're so coy. I love that. Do you know words at all? Because it kind of just feels like you live on like... Oh, it's still not a word, is it? Is it Anamana Peer?

That would be... I'm tired too. So he becomes a U.S. federal Indian sub agent. Sure. Isn't that a CBS show? It sounds like they just made up a position for it. Oh, not at all, Dave. No, no.

They're like, every word that he is will put in one title. Perfect. So in 1848, the war ended, and California is now a U.S. territory. But Sutter's in horrible debt. He owes everybody money. He's comfortable. Well, he... He's at home.

He's back in his zone. He borrowed money to finance the fort. Sure. And then the war happened. He's not making any money while the war is going on. Right. And he realizes he has to sell some of his land. He's in fort closure.

So his land is huge. His land is 200 square miles. His land is his land. His land's not your land. He has 20,000 cattle, 2,500 horses, 2,000 sheep, 1,000 hogs, 2 watermelons, a sawmill, a tannery... Two watermelons. I was like, we don't need that on the list.

Two watermelons. Two whole watermelons. Giant watermelons. Biggins. A tannery, 60 houses in the fort. So he's got like a fucking house. But it's all debt. Right.

Okay. Right. Sure. Well, that's... Yeah. He owes the Russians $30,000. And six army outfits. For all the wood he had taken when they left their fort.

Okay. He... Which doesn't make sense to me. Because if someone's leaving their fort, you just let him go, and then you take the wood. Right. You don't be like, hey, man, I know you're leaving. Yeah.

Are you taking the wood back to Russia? Right. Right. Right. Because I want to buy it. They're like leaving it. He's like, I want to make you an offer on the wood. Top dollar.

I want to be fair above the line. So he's owing so much... The fuck are you going? So he's owing... He owes so much money to so many people. And he begins expanding his operations to try to make more money. Smart. And by the way, that is the...

That's how you do it in America. Yeah. It's the American mentality. Right. Yeah. Don't admit your failure. Double down. Right.

Get more letters that say how cool you are. If you think I'm a big piece of shit, you should probably read these 85 letters. Looks like I'm pretty cool. He negotiated a treaty with the Coloma Indians to build a sawmill on the American River. Okay. Now he hired James Marshall, and he starts building the sawmill. Now, other people are arriving in the Sacramento Valley and setting up businesses. One of them is Samuel Brennan.

So, Samuel... Yeah, the... It's just a recording. It's a lot of talking. It'll be great when you listen to yourself talking the whole time. Everyone's going to be like, that's... You should know what you should do is you should go look at Twitter after you post it and that. Like everyone going, who the fuck was talking?

So, we discussed Brennan in the San Francisco vigilante episode. Absolutely. He was a big part of that. He was huge in that. And so him and his partner, C.C. Smith, opened a store at Sutter's Fort. Okay. But it's not making a lot of money. So what were they selling?

Just shit. Okay. Every store just sold shit. Older stuff. You want some tins and dust? That's what we got. In late... You want a pot for your excrement and spit?

That's what we sell. Pots. In late January, Marshall found flakes of gold in the water at the sawmill. Oh my God. We got gold flakes. We can make gold schlager! Really? It's a nice picture.

That's a great picture. He's in front of the sawmill. Looks like Slytherman down there. So... He goes and tells John that he found... I found flakes in the water. And John's like, do not fucking tell anybody. I would never.

Because John wants to make... John leaves his path to fortune. You don't need to tell me. It's the land. Oh, all right. But a teamster who is working at the sawmill takes a nugget that he finds. A gold one? Not chicken.

No, that's not chicken nugget. It takes a chicken nugget. Whoa. And he... There's chicken up in their meals, I tell ya! There's chicken! And he goes to... Here, shake your pain.

That's big, boy. A feather, Colonel. He goes to CeCe Smith and tries to use the nugget to buy a bottle of brandy. Amazing. He's not a businessman. No, no, he's like, wow! If invested properly, we could be back. I'm gonna go get booze.

So Smith... Also like negotiating a nugget for a bottle. That's just the craziest thing. How much... Is that enough? You want to buy the store? Well, yeah. Why buy the bottle of...

I want two bottles of brandy. Okay, let's do that instead. And... That's it. Well... Now one bottle of brandy. All right, but I also want some jerky. Nope.

All right. You get two nuggets. Go get two nuggets. Go get two... And then you get to... I got a bunch of... Be jerky. Okay.

Well, maybe I'll be back. It's hard for me to know. Keepin' the nugget. Well, this didn't go according to plan. So Smith then tells Brandon, look, they found gold. And Brandon and Smith then stock the store with everything they can get their hands on that miners would need.

Okay. So once they buy... They basically buy all the fuckin' supplies in the area and, you know, go to San Francisco. And on May 12th, after they have all the supplies, Brandon goes to San Francisco and literally just walks down the street shouting that gold had been discovered.

And what did that do back then? It's just cartoon dust clouds of everyone. Boom, boom. But the store at New Helvedia is too small and Brandon wants a new location. So he moved up the Sacramento River to what is now the foot of K Street and claimed an area.

Now, another guy had already claimed the exact area. Again. George McDougal. Sure. And Brandon didn't care and just started putting up his tents and opening up shop. That's what you do. That's how you do it.

Yeah. This is the beginning of present day Sacramento. That's right. Two guys fighting over a space. Now, John Sutter's son. Okay. Last we saw him, he's in Switzerland. Sure.

He arrives. Daddy? So he arrives to meet with his dad for the first time since he left and he quickly learns his dad is in a shitload of debt and has no money. So John tells Junior he could have the quote honor of fixing his financial situation. Aren't you glad you came?

Find your old man? You can try to get me out of this hole, I dug. Let's get you some glasses that a real person would wear too. Fucking cray. It looks like you're wearing goggles on land. So with word of gold out. I swam here. With the word of gold out, people are flooding into the area.

Sailors are jumping ship on the coast. San Francisco Bay is just, those are all abandoned ships. Everyone just left them. What? They're just littering the bay. Yeah, because sailors were not making any money and all of a sudden here there's gold. They all fucking leave.

Done, okay. Most of the white men working for Sutter just left. Sure. And started panning for gold. The Native Americans had mobs of horrible miners gunning them down just to say that they shot a Native American. So the Native people all bail. Wow.

Sutter has no one to work for him. Just overnight. Should we just savor white people again? Yeah, let's take a moment and just really enjoy white people. Awesome. That's just so strong. He rented, so he starts renting space to tons of people because there's all these people coming in and he's like,

well that's what I have now, I have land and buildings. This guy, this life is so stressful. Yeah, oh god. So sometimes the same room in the fort he would rent to different people just like he did when he sold the land. Yeah, but that's different. I mean, that's like, yeah, you figure it out with those people like we're both staying in a room, like it's not cool.

Just sleep head to foot. So Charlie Pickett had rented and was running a store out of the storage room at the fort and then a guy named Alderman showed up and said he had been leased the storage room. Jesus Christ. And they start yelling at each other and then Pickett blocked all the entryways so Alderman couldn't get in so Alderman went and got an axe and tried to break the door down.

Isn't it a flaw in your shop if you have no way for anyone to get in? Like he's like, I know what I'll do, I'll just never let him in. Fuck. Well, as he's trying to break it with an axe, Pickett shoots him with a shotgun and kills Alderman. Okay, sure. Well, that'll teach you, just don't go pickaxing. Everyone said it was self-defense.

Sure, yeah, he was hurting a door. Until Sam Brannon arrives and said, no, that's murder and we have to have a murder trial. Oh, we've got to come up with a judicial system. Who's going to be the judge? Well, I know. Sam Brannon will be the prosecuting attorney. Okay.

And then he says, I'm also going to be the judge. So, it's pretty exciting for me. Okay. And then people are like, that's not cool. And he's like, well, I'm also the judge. So get out of the court. So six guys are on the jury. One of them was Sutter.

And deliberation goes on for days and they drank the entire time. Sutter being on the jury is fucking amazing. Yeah. And they're just shit-faced. They're just hammered. I'm sorry, I missed that. So they're drinking the whole time. Days of just getting pro.

By the way, you want to get people to be on fucking juries. Yes. Bring it back. A keg. And you could come up with a way for it. You could be like, at three, you could start having cocktails. People would be like, I'm fucking $17 a day and all I can drink. Let's fucking dance.

So then they realized at some point, well, there's no way to hold picket in any way. There's no jail or anything. So based on that, they acquitted him. I mean, it's amazing. Like in the day we live in now to be like, we have a better judicial system, it really says a lot. So the jury doesn't even really do anything. They were like, we just get drunk a bunch.

Yeah, they had a party. And we find the defendant not having a pizza, which is what we're after. So I object. To what? Nothing said. No. Excuse me. I object a lot, actually.

It's way more than I did before. No one said anything. Well, that's what I'm objecting to. A lot of awkward silence in here today. And I was thinking maybe we should, someone should tell a ghost story. A good one. No one wants a ghost story. Nothing they do.

Permission to ghost it? Nope. Permission to hold a lantern near my face so it's spooky? Nope. Permission to ask again about my first question? Nope. Permission to tell a quick ghost story? Permission to take a nap.

Permission granted. So. What? So after being acquitted, the next year, Pickett would be a delicate to the California Constitutional Convention. There's no way you can. It's just like, what? You literally can't do anything to get from it.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, what are you, like, what are you? There's nothing, nothing can happen to you anymore. Anything. At all. You just get to do stuff. You just kill a guy and be like, I'm the president. Finally, Sutter's wife and children arrive. Oh my God.

What is, I mean. From Switzerland. That's, I mean, honestly, we could make a meme of that, like TFW, your husband left you 40 years ago and you just got to his Mexican Switzerland. What's up now? God, I went so far and yet here she is. Hello. So.

Do you still love me? No, I never did. I even love you still. Okay. Oh, finally, the big reunion. I'm going to China. I got to go to China. We're going to China.

Oh, I am. Love you. In the fort. I'm still so horny. They haven't seen each other in 14 years, but she gets there and it's a complete disaster. You don't need to say but. Yeah, I know. And, but would be like, and it was, but it was really good.

A month later, creditors were demanding payments. She's like, boy, I'm glad I came back to see this guy. And so Brandon pest pressed junior to sell the land. So Sutter junior starts selling rooms in the fort and lots outside the wall. Okay. John, seeing this, he ups and goes to the gold rush town of Coloma. He's like, I'm going to fucking, I don't want to see this. Sure.

Yeah. So from December, 1848 to March, 1849, Sutter junior sold almost all of Sutter's fort. Okay. The fort became a commercial center selling goods, a hotel, and offered entertainment for minors. Sure. So the hotel staying at the hotel meant just getting a very small space on an open floor. Okay. Quite a hotel.

So everyone stays in the lobby on Cots. Not Cots, just just on the floor. Sorry. I meant ground. So you just, that's your room right there. 112. You don't need a key. That's your little area there.

You lay there. Just a space. It is just a space. Exactly. It can be whatever you want. So yeah, there is, I'm trying to think if there's anything else to tell you. Breakfast is not something that happens here. Okay.

Okay. So there's that. As far as amenities go, it is, there's the floor. And yeah, that's about it. If you have to go to the bathroom in the night or anything, don't. Hold it. For God's sake, hold it. Okay.

Okay. And what are those little black things? Those, that's, well, it's poo. I don't know if it's man or rat, but. Okay. Yeah. It's nice. It's great.

So yeah. And if you need anything, don't move. We don't have it. Okay. Okay. I told you about breakfast, right? Yeah. There's not any.

And this is Motel 6. This is a Motel 5. Yeah. This is the fifth inception. So in 1849, William Pettit was running a billiard room. Peter Slater had a saloon with a full bowling alley. Okay. Yeah, I mean.

Yeah. Okay. Sure. Why not? I get it. I mean, it's amazing we've like bowling this long. What year was the turkey invented? The bowling alley didn't last long because Slater died of cholera in December.

Oh, that's how a lot of bowling leagues end. Yep. Danny got cholera. John still had a room in his office at the fort and he would visit. Businesses started cutting windows and doors into adobe walls. Okay. Sure. What do you think the people around you are thinking?

Talk louder. Yeah. Please stop talking. They all did this. They're all totally bummed. We're not trying to be rude, but we'd have the microphones. So we're just trying to do the thing. Then everyone moved their businesses closer to the miners or to the waterfront.

And soon there were now squatters at the fort. I keep waiting for there to be like a turn in a direction where things are working out. And it just never, I keep feeling like at some point I'm going to be like, but then and it's worse. Yeah. It's like getting weirder. Yeah. Okay.

There's no one to enforce the claims. Anything that could be lifted up was stolen. Good. Even like people. Excuse me. Mine now. Junior now hired a surveyor to plan a new city that would start at Brandon's land at the market there.

So the doubt in Sacramento that he had just stolen from McDougal. And Brandon had a ton of land because Sutter owed him a lot of debt. Right. So he got a bunch of land. Okay. And they named it Sacramento city. Were they all chanting way to go Brandon? McDougal sues the court because he's like, I had a claim to that.

But Brandon has a junior go and argue the case. So that's it. That's how it goes out. Okay. He legally gets it. Now Sacramento takes off. Two ships are now unloading people every day. That's how many people are coming in.

Holy shit. Most businesses are just big campus tents at first. Okay. Some were made from sales trip from abandoned ships. James Lee set up a tent that became a gambling saloon. A tent? That became a gambling saloon. Like a tent.

A tent. Okay. Good eyes. He's my D. Author Steven. I mean, how big is the tent? It's big. Huge.

Like a circus tent. No. No. Like a smaller tent. I think it's a smaller tent. And he's like a tent. I'm picturing like a tent for eight people. No.

It's probably. No. Big tent. It might be like the size of the stage. It's a big tent. That's strange. Author Steven of Velia. Quote, the smell of urine and feces from the drinkers and gamblers in the large damp canvas

led to the legendary nickname, the stinking tent. Oh my God. No. Oh, fucking gross. Now the thing is. Did you say wet? Did you say wet at some point or damp? That's what it gets me.

The idea that like this is sort of soaking into your tent. Welcome to the stinking tent. You want a gamble? You already did. But look, there's no outhouses, but I guess the problem I have with this. It sounds like people are shitting in the tent. Well, they think about in this era to be called the stinking tent. How fucking disgusting it has to be.

Oh, there probably are. There are guys like, I fold. I'm going to shit too. I'm all in. I'm pissing. Hold on. Let me puke in my pants and then I'll make a bet. Welcome to stinking tent.

49er James Winchester. Quote, most of the stores and houses are without floors with canvas, roofs and walls. No building is. Sacramento. Welcome to beautiful Sacramento, everybody. No building is enclosed by a fence, but all are, as it were, in one immense open lot. One great cesspool. It's like opening a city in a parking lot.

Welcome to Sacramento. If you're going to go in that tent, be careful. One great cesspool of mud, garbage, dead animals, and that worse of nuisances, consequent upon the entire absence of outhouse. I can't describe it as it is, but it is desolate beyond description. But for this, I mean, what, like when someone suggested outhouses where people are like, that's pretty good. That's fucking unbelievable, actually. Hold on. Does that mean I got to get up from the table and can't just take a shit?

We're a little concerned about this walk into another area stuff. Is there any way to build outhouses around each of our asses? Leave freedom if I can't shit where I am. Whatever. I mean, like, see, everyone was just like a baby. Everyone was just like, I got to poo now. It's like toddlers. All right, well, here's an area.

Why are we all getting so horribly sick? But really quickly, actual buildings were built and the city starts to take shape. As Sacramento rose, the fort declined. It makes sense to me. Businesses at the fort would take parts from the fort to build structures in Sacramento. They would just like take a gate or take wood. They would take the adobe bricks and they would use them to fill potholes. Excuse me, I'm living here.

Not anymore. That happens to all people. By 1850, there were no businesses at all at the fort. Is that a problem? No. What? It's great. Man, I don't know who bought it, but a guy bought it.

A guy bought the fort. He's like, this has no potential. It floods that year. There's now standing water in some of the buildings. By 1852, many of the structures are gone. The fort was then rented to French gardeners, but they left without telling anyone. What was their plan? Imagine when we get a plumage, it will be unbelievable.

The buds are popping and spring. Holy shit. Once we get all the bones and the poo and the disgusting smell from here and get rid of stink tent, this could be, who knows, beautiful, unbelievable garden. We could make a carver maze into it. We don't have to raise your hands. This is a dialogue. Yes, you.

Let's go. Not what you're doing. You have a beautiful, you know, beautiful guy, maybe a pond or something like that, little waterfall, lily pad. No, no, let's get the fuck out. You're right. Move. Run, run, run.

So the guy who owned it tried to sell it to the state. That is the best. Boy, do I have a steel for you guys. But he pitched it as a lunatic hospital. So basically this land will work for lunatics mainly. You ever thought about making a lunatown? So this is when they had better mental health care than we do now. That's right.

Right. Well, he wrote to the state and nobody wrote him back. Where would you send it? To stink tent. The legislature. No, but how do you reply to him? Oh, yeah, you send it to the fork at the place. Yeah, he's like the shit hole.

The stink tent. It's the fort. Why are you so stuck on this? That's my favorite part of it. I'm picturing the main. To me, they've really featured stink tent. It's got lights and everything. It's like, come get stinky.

So in 1853, the fort was auctioned off for $451. But the guy who was living there who sold it, or who was foreclosed on it or whatever, just kept living there and not paying rent. And they were like, well, buy it. We literally don't give a shit. Unlike a lot of the residents of this area. California papers would write about the fort's condition.

The Daily Alpha California quote, a portion of Sutter Fort occupied by cattle also tumbled in on Friday night, killing a valuable cow. Great. So things are still going pretty well. That's cool. In 1877, the only inhabitable building was the...

Stink tent. Was the central building. Was the what? The central building. The main building. I seriously thought you said the sexual building. And I was like... The sex building.

The sex building. Did I not tell you about the sex building? The building that men fucked. It was owned by Olive Lawson at this point. In the great flood of 1862, the fort was spared and people sought refuge on the land and in the central building. Sacramento flooded and people came up here.

Finally. We're back, baby. The rest of the fort was torn down and the building pieces used to fill a slaw nearby. A slaw. Sure. Slew. Slew.

I used to go to Steamboat Slew when I was a kid. Jump off the bridge. I used to go to the slaw when I was a child. Can you still jump off the bridge at Steamboat Slew? No one. Everyone's like, I don't know what you're talking about. They're like, what, sir? The Steamboat Slew is still there.

Yeah, but people jump off the bridge still? Fuck. The best answer by far was the guy... Worst local crowd ever. The guy who just wanted to give you an answer for everyone was just, probably. I guess. Fuck, I don't know.

Yeah, dude, they still do it. Probably. Move on, story boy! Probably. Maybe. I don't know who cares. Jesus fucking Christ. I know it's going to be an inclination.

Jumping off the bridge. John? What's that? Yeah, but here's the crazy thing. Are you ready? Yeah. Absolutely don't give a shit. They don't.

They just don't care. By the way, you're probably in Helvetica and it just changed it to the font name for you. That's right. It does that a lot. But I'm sorry, the whole night was ruined for you. It is slew. It's like hanging out in Spellcheck Town.

Yeah. Did you mean duck and not fuck earlier? Yeah. John Sutter came and visited the fort in 1864. Well, this is what I pictured when I moved here. This was the plan. This is it. California Farmer and Journal.

That's a journal. Wait, what is the publication? California Farmer and Journal. Sure, right. They sent a reporter out. Okay. Quote, it did not seem to give him much pleasure. Okay, sure.

Nor should it. The building was now completely falling apart. No stairs to the second floor, broken windows, no doors. But Olives still lived there with her family. Oh my God. On what floor? She had to pick. She finally moved out in 1868 because she couldn't pay the land taxes.

What were they like? It's going to be a penny. So literally you can give us a fingernail, we don't give a fuck. In the 1870s, a squatter named Quarter moved in. He boiled soap and artificially incubated chicken eggs. This is Fight Club. He boiled soap and artificially incubated chicken eggs. Artificial?

I don't even know what that... I don't know either. Is he sitting on them? That's all I could picture. I don't... For mama. It's the fucking 1870s. They can't be like, we don't have enough chickens.

We got to get the egg... What is the term? He's incubating eggs. But before that, there was a quali... What did you say before it? He boiled soap and artificially incubated chicken eggs. Okay. I mean...

I don't have any answers on this one. I feel like he's just like... No, he's not. He's got a lighter on it? Come on. It ended when his incubation system blew up. I'm guessing the chicks were victim. The building was almost destroyed.

People were like, we actually didn't notice a difference. Two more squatters moved in and they turned the basement into a horse stable and chicken coop. Those poor animals. But they didn't last long. And then at this point, the community decided to buy it and reconstruct it. Why?

For the history. Ah, yeah. Now, John Sutter always resented the name Sacramento because he wanted the city to be named Sutterville. Oh, the absolute... Like, yeah. You've brought us so much. Well, there is a Sutterville, right?

It's still there. Yeah, it's an outhouse. And for it to be built on New Helvetia... On Courier New Helvetia. It's so painful for her. So the family moved to the hawk farm out on the Feather River and then an arsonist burned it down in 1865. Quite a ride.

They moved to Washington, D.C. He was really upset about the gold rush and he was seeking reimbursement from the government. This dude deserves nothing. Nothing. Nothing. And he ended up getting a pension of $250 a month for taxes he had paid on the land. That I don't understand, but that's what happened.

Sure. He moved to Pennsylvania in 1871 and spent the rest of his life trying to get the government to pay him back for the crops and cattle he lost in the gold rush, which never happened. And he died on June 18th, 1880. And then Sutter's Fort was reconstructed by the native sons of the Golden West,

who are a bunch of alcoholics. Is this where Sutter Home Wine comes from? They only sell it in three gallon jugs. And they do stuff like that. And, yeah, so now you can go visit. I'm sure, did you guys all have to go there when you were in school and stuff? And they didn't tell you any of the good shit.

And he's Harold that is like a good dude? Yeah. Well, he's like, yeah. Well, he's not Harold is a good dude, but he's like, he's the, him and this other guy. He found it. He found it. He found gold.

They did say he was great. I think that's Frosted Flakes. It may have changed recently, but when I was young, it was, it was a, you know, nice fairy tale story. And he ended up losing the fort, but they found gold and it's all, it was all great. Yeah, right.

Not editing. Yeah. So I don't know if it's any different, but if the CRT people get their hands on this story, those fucking crazy assholes. So sources, Kenneth Owens, the book Sutter, John Sutter and a Widered West, Albert Hurtado, John Sutter,

A Life on the North American Frontier, Steven Aviglia, Sacramento, Indomitable City, and Jared Arthur Jones from Merchant Shops to Museum, The Fort After Sutter, which is the best part, the Fort After Sutter one. It just slowly comes apart. Oh, I know that one. Isn't it amazing how you still can just

fully get away with bullshit? And we still basically have economies based the same way, which is just kind of like only game in town, forced labor. Yeah, forced labor. Take what you can fucking get, sleep on the hotel floor, shit wherever you want, near the stink tent. Yeah, I mean, you know, there's not much different than,

and obviously there's a great reckoning now because people are like, oh, we talked about this. This is bullshit. Because we worked on TV shows. So I don't know if you've recently even hearing about the labor issues with television shows or movies, but we worked in those circumstances and you're in it and you don't know what's happening.

And then you get out of it and you're like, oh, that was terrible. But I was doing it for, you know, eight months or whatever. And then you get out and you're like, it's terrible. And we had COVID and all these people were working in jobs and they had a few months off and they all went, oh, that was terrible. And they're all reevaluating.

It might be better to actually pay to not pay child care and have a little bit less money than to work at that fucking shitty job. Or, you know, there's all those different people who are having this understanding and the business dudes losing their fucking minds. Which is where the mental strain should live. And the idea, it is, the whole concept seems to have been

based around not giving you enough thought space. And obviously there's a lot of people who are like, I mean, you're fucked. I mean, what can you do? If you can't miss work to go get your fucking vaccine or whatever the fuck it is. They have their foot on your throat the whole fucking time. And then the second that you have a moment,

you're just like, this is such bullshit. It's like being in a terrible relationship and then the person goes out of town for a month and you're just like, this fucking sucked. Yes. What the fuck am I doing? And then, you know, you realize that's not what life is. Like you look at your life and you go,

am I going to work in an Amazon factory for my whole life? Or am I going to figure out something else to do? And then... And all these people got a break. And there needs to be, there obviously needs to be a lot more. When you see like the power that is in, not even just unions, but just, they fucking lose their minds.

If you look at like what is happening at John Deere right now, the way that they're trying to go, it's all bullshit. And they're not fully on strike for their own cause. They are also striking for the benefit of younger workers for people who... So it really is this... And the John Deere executives are not... They don't know what the fuck to do.

They really don't. Without a good workforce, they don't know what the fuck to do. So what they immediately did was they were like, okay, well, some of us have worked on the floor before because now we're big, high-powered executives or whatever. We'll go work on the floor again. Within 45 minutes, a fucking ambulance was called because some fucking shitheads who sits on the board was like,

my finger fell off! And then they called an ambulance. And then instead of going like, fuck, we need the workers, they were like, no more reporting if we call ambulances. And they've made that the thing. And you have the strikers right now, they're gonna use cold weather as leverage and they're just holding the fucking line.

And if they keep fucking doing it, that's how you make a break. And then that's how you stop it for a generation. And then you have to pick it up again and you have to keep fucking doing it because the second that you leave the door open to crack, these fucking assholes barge in and then it's over again. And that's happening in so many different places. The whole thing...

Another variant's gonna come because we're not releasing the patents and getting a shot and everybody's fucking armed. Like, it's not great. And then on top of that, the workers are fucked. The workers are fucked. Do not ever give somebody a fucking less than a five-star delivery app. If somebody could come over and shit on your table,

tip them 20%. Sorry, that's what we have to do right now. That's just what we have to fucking do. We gotta take care of each other. No one is taking care of us. Absolutely no one is taking care of us. That's just the way it is. A lot of times it feels like we live in the shit gamble tent.

We're in the stinking tent. We're in the stinking tent and we're in it together, goddammit. America's the stinking tent, but this is... I mean, we really... America's the stinking tent that's like, we can't afford outhouses. We were driving here today and you're just looking at all the garbage. Our country just has garbage everywhere.

This is embarrassing. Imagine if we drained the ocean. I mean, we'd be like, oh my god! I mean, it's a fuck... it's like we're like, it's an ashtray. Fuck it. Yeah. That's the trash you can see. The trash that we've been like, don't worry, it's a pool.

The filter will get it. It's like when they drained MacArthur Park in Los Angeles and found 1,300 guns. It's just amazing. Sacramento? Oh, man. You drain America and it's just guns. Fuckin' A.

Thank you so much, guys. We appreciate it. Thanks for coming out. It's good to see everybody again. Thank you kindly. Love you. Mean it. Thank you.