The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 515 -René-Robert Cavelier de La Salle

Episode Date: January 11, 2022

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine explorer René-Robert Cavelier de La Salle.  Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch

you're listening to the dollop on the all things comedy and oops let's start over again because I did not hear record here right oh yeah right you are listening to the dollop on the all thingy comedy network this is a American history podcast or each week I read a story from a girl from Gareth Reynolds to myself Dave Anthony some people might want this to be helpful I'm Gareth Reynolds and I have no idea what the topic is going to be about in the story that Dave Anthony is going to read me from history you look is that how it works yeah it's been 8,000 episodes that's the deal oh hey that's right I

just want to apologize they're adding up I want to apologize for keeping it fresh I am such the bad guy yeah that I have always you know I'm I have like an improv background Gareth like oh my god down the down the lane like sustain the fucking lane yeah I'm like I'm like let's just fucking just no rules no rules man and it's tough it's really tough yeah it is tough doing a podcast with a square not easy all right a huge a square I'm gonna you know I'm gonna break the protocols that you and I have decided to have for the podcast for the next couple weeks and I'm gonna drive to your house and I'm gonna murder you how's

that sound with your little fancy hair nothing has ever sounded better and called it quote is jam-packed I'm the fucking hippo guy Dave okay my name is Gary my name is Gary wait is it for fun and this is not gonna come to Tiggly podcast okay now hit him with the puppy you both present sick arguments actually partner oh boy Dave's got a knife out gang so things are not doing a great you get the what do you get the video of this on patreon yeah they get the video okay so if you want to see Dave with a knife you can join our patreon we actually have a lot of stuff we're doing there we are about to record

a mail bag so there will be some question answer stuff so there's a lot of content we've been putting up there if you want to join our patreon for an ad free experience you can do that but if not enjoy this version where you can't see Dave to change his hair and bring knives on to the show oh boy okay I get your French accent ready Garth really yeah yeah November 22nd 1643 yet of our Lord Jesus Priest I don't know if it's your French accent that let's keep your back let's keep yours hidden let's hide yours and I'll sort of take it from here Renee Robert

Cavalier was born in a row in France he was born into comfort and wealth okay great upper bourgeoisie right he's he's fucking rich kid father was Jean Cavalier and his mother Jean Jean Jean is it Jean Jean Jean Cavalier and his mother was Catherine geese sure of the geese sir sure he also had an older brother named Jean Jesus there's two genres this is like when I used to like in French class that this is like what the names would sound like okay Jean and Jean I got fit yeah okay I had French class for a year when I was a sophomore and it was the first period I'm a sophomore in high school so I went

I think four times okay I didn't get a good grade yeah it's weird so it's not it seems like you really know what you're doing from just the start of this podcast so I got an F and let me just F off France is that what you said when she gave it to you and now I'm a successful podcaster so what I'm telling all the kids out there and out of your ass so in the kids out there you don't have to go to school well it seems like that's the country's plan to so a Jean father John's a lot of John's yeah am I the only one who's heard 15 John so far you've heard a lot of John okay all right okay so he owns a large part of

land that they called La Sal okay like Eric Eric La Sal Robert would become known as Robert De La Sal okay that's the that's the young were focused yeah that's the one we're focused on that's our guy okay so we Robert La Sal and then they just dropped the diet it would just be it was Robert La Sal so Robert studied well the way they would say it to is they would say Robert de la Sal so it became sort of like people and people felt it was made to make people feel stupid so it'd be like it's just Robert de la Sal that's just like he doesn't like they put me finish I'm the one who took French for more than four classes

and then he didn't like that so go ahead keep going that's actually how French people just sound do yeah that's how they pronounced yeah they love yeah when they can you imagine us making fun of their accent y'all sound pretty dumb does it coach a deck soon so Robert studied religion and science mathematics good very good at mathematics okay good student study different languages I went to a school run by Jesuit Catholic priests and then he went on to a Jesuit college okay he was on track to become a priest that's the goal great great one of the one of the four occupations available in the time you could do

that's what you could do he made his vows in 1660 which of course includes poverty that's a poverty mm-hmm he studied at a left flesh and was a teacher also I love the flesh mm-hmm so he starts teaching a little bit but he was always sort of wanting to change his occupation and his environment sure they call them restless sure he'd get bored he'd lose interest in stuff did he not understand the occupation he was entering into was like the most kind of boring yeah well so he's good at he's good things right like math sure so he's still right not picking jobs yeah but his superiors didn't think much of his

judgment considered him unsociable autocratic and temperamental wow okay the three things you look for in a priest yeah yeah so he tried to he tried to like sort of get a handle on himself in a way he was like hey can you guys send me on a mission so I can get out of this environment that's restrictive I feel like he doesn't want to do this I mean it just seems like it seems like he's done it and now he's like I don't want to be doing this any longer and so he's like is there any do you need any undercover people to go like in the streets and like leave his like bachelors you like drug use and like

fucking and you know drinking and like smoking cigarettes and like finding is that people who have sex for money like what if that what if I did that I want undercover as a fuck machine huh who likes that idea huh I go on I get a little badge I'll put the badge in the Bible and shut up with your no I'll take a badge in the Bible and I'll start to go around and be like hey you know like you have a gang bang like a big orgy right shut up and then at the end I'll say I'll open the Bible and I'll say I work undercover for God you've all just sinned so greatly you've all just the idea is that you let me fuck you in every orifice

imaginable no this is this guy it's not saying no this guy's John here I had sex with his earhole no and say but you're very exclamatory but I will do something like that like um and then come back and then divulge all the information like Donnie Brosco who is the character you might not know yet but someday believe me no we are we are pleased you you will know the name Donnie Brosco no we are pleased yes I understand they love God yes but I feel like I left you miles back in the pitch or kilometers back in the pitch because I said it's disgusting well I'm saying I work undercover and you're saying oh no

I'm not leaving the church I would never leave the church I love the church you know but this is just a way for me to potentially you know find ways of you know what you know what is it like to you know perform something called a lingus upon a lady and see what that's like I could come back and what it's like to six a little man from inside the boat so they said no fine I'll just sit here and eat fucking soup and the raid all day and then he asked he asked he asked again and they said no again may I do it may I pitch it one more time no we we heard it the first I'd left it all out

on the field on the last one in many ways I guess leave it we don't we're not interested in that okay okay well if we stay here then that's cool too he's aware they didn't think he was ready because he hadn't had had enough theological training and also you know he's well he's impetuous I don't know what do you want to call him so he then asked he goes can I can I go continue my studies he wants to quit right kind yeah he's like then yeah right can I can I go continue my studies in Portugal then and they're like no what if I was to go to Portugal for schooling I just think that getting out of here would be

unbelievable finally he asked to be released from his vows he's like I can he said it was because of his more moral frailties so he's like a marriage where you start going like hey maybe we open this up and we can just kind of like see other people a little bit and then like that's not working and then you're like maybe we just need to be a thruple and then like after a couple months of that and then like a couple months after that then you're basically we need to we should get divorced we should this is not a marriage so he's going through they're going through the grieving process and now he's landed that he wants

freedom that's right okay so on March 18th 60 67 he was done with the comment he's out and what did he start like a year prior he'd been in there for couple years I think okay okay okay he tried to he sorry sorry legally because of the vows of poverty mm-hmm he could not share in his father's estate so once I guess once as appreciative as a poverty it also in France is a legal thing now you can't get inheritance well that's certainly a vow to take a minute to yeah before you take it if you're gonna join up I mean like that's crap I left the church but I still have to be poor for it so you know how it works

I'm still I legally have to be poor now bad call boy dad that sure looks like good ham so yes so now he has no job he has no money but what he wants to be now is an adventurer what an amazing time when you could just be like I want to be Indiana Jones I shall go just into I do I'm looking for the lock I would fancy Holy Grail so yeah so he he did have enough money to get to one location which is where his brother was well what an adventure so that was in New France which is Canada wow okay that's what that's what they used to call it back in the day wow now Jean was a priest in the Ville Marie de Montreal so his

brothers they are already and is a priest and is a priest okay that would of course later become Montreal they just had a bigger name back then sure so so at the time there was there's no peace right between the First Nation peoples and and the colonizers obviously at this point right because the colonizer like hey well we would like your land and they're like oh yeah I feel like if a guy walked into your house and was like hey I'm gonna live here and you're like oh it's mine I it's my well no but then the guy be like all right we can be roommates you be like it's my place but we'll be roommates and then you're like

okay fine and then you're like he's gonna kill me and he's like yeah this is my house yeah I'm gonna kill you right so so being connected with his brother and he knew a lot of sell a cell patient priests in the area and sure so when he arrives he gets granted a scenery on Montreal Island which is a feudal Lordship kind of situation right so he's what does this mean translated to a person feudal Lord so he is picture it like a guy who has his own fucking castle and then a bunch of people he has that yeah it's not a castle but you know it's a feudal Lordship like he's got a big piece of land and now people you know

basically sounds like he's not sticking to the vow of poverty no that's at the door okay great okay all right yeah so it's good I mean he's fucking killing it sure so so basically how it worked is he he sailed he sailed to Canada then got on his arrival got land to do what he wanted with that's pretty much our work and the land was given him to it was given by priests who had stolen it from native people so all good okay so Robert he becomes a fur trader right and it's just when other people don't realize your God's the right one it can be quite prick yes so he's a fur trader and he's dealing with the local people he learns

a different Indian dialects and they teach him to hunt and how to paddle canoe and walk into walking the snow snow shoes and stuff so he's learning sure stuff and in turn he took their land took their land and and then their great for great okay what a deal so in 1669 he decided it was time to really start exploring and he sold the land back to the guys that had given it to him so even though they gave it to him for free then they bought it like okay and were they cool with that or they like dude just give it back he was like no I feel like it's just now worse on my Monday yeah no I think they were I think

it was just like oh yes way to get you some cash from the church or whatever like it was okay but the church is really nice to him considering that he's just basically walked away from it yeah yeah it's quite a pension it is a nice pension apparently you can just leave and go I'm gonna be super corrupt and they're like oh that's cool yeah yeah that's the business model that's what we're doing yeah so he's he he still has the fur trading post so he gave up the land but he still has the fur post on it he's still got a business on the land that he sold so he's the guy who graduated who keeps coming back to the

high school to get coax he's he what he's doing is the four-hour work week where you're where you're supposed to like just set up a business and then leave and have it running and start right and that's what he's got right it's clearly just got he's got fur money yeah he's he's it's for many and technically sure hmm so he's ready just he's ready to do his first his first adventure you mean his first spell furst just to be clear yes and he has and he has money from the sale from the first day he has enough money to do an expedition so I take this vow of poverty no problem yeah this feels like my verse yeah that's

great remember he walked away from his vows he's just legally yeah but they but they were okay but they were like you still that's a forever vow well I think it just meant he couldn't get inheritance I don't know if it meant okay okay he couldn't take his dad's money okay well we should have that in government show a lot of stuff in government we should have a government so he wants to find the Ohio River like that's he's heard about it he wants to find it that's his dream okay quote in order to not leave to an in order not to leave to another the honor

of finding the way to the southern sea and thereby the route to China so he wants to find the Ohio River Ohio River so take it to China get him to the southern sea and then he'll take that to China that's the wow and is that a life I mean that feels like you're like that's the one thing I'll do in my life yeah I mean back then if you if you do that it's like you know it's like having a hit song like right okay money off of it right okay right yeah you get residuals yeah it's royalties that's right so the governor

but unfortunately when I was in the church I took the vow of no royalties oh the sticks are foolish man stupid so uh he becomes friendly with the governor of new france new france of fronze and uh he wants him to join up join forces with missionaries but the superior of the cell cell patients this is the priest we're worried about Robert's character they're like I don't know if the priest should go with that guy he's a little hmm he's not great uh what are they flagging he's just kind of a

well they said he was quote known to be somewhat changeable and might abandon the expedition at the first whim so he just he just he just loses interest in stuff and he bails sure well we've seen that a little bit like that great explorer quality track record in the church yeah he's there for a little while he's like I can't okay so they're like I mean to feel like he's the kind of guy who like picks up something and drops it you know if you were to open his closet you would be full of ice skates unisaccus juggling

pins six of that nature you know what I mean like he tries something like he's a tightrope walker one week next week he wants to invent a new car oh I like that no I don't think you're listening clearly yeah it's a very good I'm highlighting these uh uh detrimental uh uh traits to the men we yes okay so you understand I'm saying we I have fear of him right a superior okay so are you a bit like a um do you understand what I'm saying

do you feel like you are you do okay right okay because it seems like you have few words and it feels like you're almost a repetitive doll it's okay that's a new law somehow huh so uh right so he gets one deacon to go with them right they're they're like you can have one deacon whatever we don't trust you with anything else dungeons and dragons all right you're gonna get a deacon you got one deacon what you got one deacon it's a kid

one deacon and the deacon was you got one deacon you get two bishops okay you got five choir boys they're gonna be a front line oh I like that so he uh he has he has this deacon he's the deacon is good at math and he could make maps so that's why the deacon's going I'm good at maps so on July and July 1669 Robert took nine canoes with a bunch of dudes with the goal of reaching the Pacific Ocean uh he's not he's not well prepared for the trip it's just

I Dave I I just I don't feel like we've ever heard a story where you've been like they're ready to go they are they got it all they're pretty packed up everyone knows what they're doing we're ready they're ready to move the other hand is when they're like uh they're they're like why are they bringing a piano like there's no in between it's just like when you see like a car driving up house down the freeway and you're like that's camp that's a Hail Mary so that's like that what they're they're like we're bringing John's Town House and some elephants

just all the things you need a harp yeah so they're they're very under prepared uh so they got like seven or nine canoes it's just a bunch of dudes and they're going to find the Pacific Ocean and most the dudes are beginners also this is not an experienced group of guys there's no a deacon a deacon is like this is a really bad deal there's no guide um so what the deacon is not really great as a map maker lasal is not great as an astronomer um walk walk walk me walk me through the the pitch who who who signs up when there's just

is it just because there's nothing going on or is it because yeah yeah i think so but i they're also all really young like these dudes are like early 20s so their brains aren't formed completely there's a formed brain near you shortly to be like what's the plan if you be like there isn't one and somebody like that's not good have you heard about these there's a lot of these in this time where people just kind of go off and that that's it that's it yeah uh i'll be you make a good point

i i just think like thank you that's all i think they're just very excited to like go out and explore they're not really thinking it through they're like yeah we'll go down there we'll catch a beaver we'll eat a beaver it won't be a big deal like they're just like you know there's i think they think of it as like you know the way we would drive what's the worst that can happen we drive up to five right there's like it's like mcdonald's that you love and there's a denny's which is more my shing and uh and that's how they picture it like

you know what if you really know us it'll be an elk and a yeah i'm us right okay all right so there i mean i guess it's just okay so uh lasal's not a great astronomer digas not good he's okay with map making they don't have enough supplies right so good although robert robert did know several indian dialects which he learned when he was up up there but that's not up there right he doesn't speak algonquin or uh irakoyan like he doesn't speak the languages of the native people in this area

i'm not saying i'm a spearheader but if i heard these things i'd be like this oh no he didn't they didn't hear that he told he told them all he did speak those languages okay there we go so there's he said no i speak yeah i speak these people okay all right so i feel good about this guy he speaks the language i want to emphasize he doesn't right that's that that's that's another guy you'd be quiet over there okay right so he's just lying to them which is always very fluent in all the languages of people that we will come across um

there's nothing to fear okay i'm uh very capable of uh translating for you to you okay um language will not be in this sort of issue for us upon this mission okay yeah yeah uh how do you say you're in you're in good hands how do you say uh do you have any horses in uh in uh algonquin a lot of algonquin is not even words is head gestures eye shifts uh finger manipulations and gymnastics to some extent so when we get there i will explain to you and you will see me explain to them but until then i don't feel like

i need to sit here and play you know 20 questions as far as what does this mean what does that mean you know um so it's uh okay it's not great it's not a great start all right but here's what we have a deacon huh look at him he knows everything okay feel pretty good no supply wise we're low but we have a deacon we started out gymnastics low we're pretty good so everyone get in your canoe huh here we go here we go here we go get in your fucking canoe it piece of shit i'm not getting in the canoe i'm not getting in

the canoe here we go all right good start got one of those good feelings so uh deacon quote the deacon quote uh Deasal who said that he understood the era Iroquoian perfectly and it learned all these things from them as a result of the perfect knowledge that he had of their language did not know at all and was undertaking this voyage almost blindly without knowing where he was going so he's psychotic maybe he's just eager this is a psychopath

excited that's how i hear i hear a guy is very this is a person this is a person who is convincing all of i mean it's not just like he's like with one other dude he's leading an expedition founded upon a river of lies where do you think the term fake it till you make it came from France never been everybody knows that policy it's not a good policy it worked it worked from Napoleon i fortunately i don't have the knowledge to push back

so uh they had they did cause a secret naysayers okay so they did have a dutchman who uh who spoke uh he could communicate with the uh the era very lucky uh he didn't speak french though so he couldn't communicate with the other guys so you have a guy who's able to translate iroquoian and but he can't communicate so there is no advantage nope great so it's just like two pieces of a puzzle without the piece in the middle but you're like it will

work okay great so so i don't yeah it's okay all right because if it wouldn't i would hurt i would hear that i'd go okay there's some hope but then i'd be like wait yeah there's no way for us no okay so they stopped at a Seneca village because they're looking for a guide and uh robert admits to them in in front of all the village basically at the ceremony or whatever that he doesn't speak their language and the Seneca don't want these guys going off and meeting with their enemies and helping their enemies

so they start working to delay them and that went on for a month how are they delaying them um they just kept fucking with them like being like oh that's not ready we you can't do that yet you can't go there or just like you have to do this ceremony because nobody knows anything they're just like okay listen to these guys okay okay so they are just i just dragging them along just being like you know what you guys also need have you ever heard of ship sticks you gotta make a bunch of those okay i didn't know okay yeah you're gonna need

so you need to get a million twigs this size and then you'll have to put that in everyone's boots otherwise they're i mean you're gonna be a laughing stock so get to work i'm gonna take a while yeah no that's a very long they're just like putting them through like squid game activities yeah so lick your butt there scotch after a month an Iroquois guy uh comes through and he's like oh i'll fucking take you where you need to go and uh he offers to take him to Lake Ontario where he's like there's

tons of guides up there that's where you want to be um and they just want a guide to take them to the pacific ocean to the Ohio river and then they'll take the Ohio river and then they'll take okay the pacific ocean as you know that's not not how it works uh so so by now the morale's low uh they don't have a wonder wonder do you have any idea why that would be like what is there any is there anything that has happened that would make the morale of the group um crater because it's just like

okay so it's all it's been great like it's kind of in their head a little bit they're just kind of they're not team players i assume they're kind of he picked a team of downers basically that's okay so uh he came so they they started a journey with this Iroquois guy he Robert comes down with a fever that delays them for a bit once they get moving again they come up on uh the brother of the governor of Montreal who I don't know they just like came across him um and he said there's a route that's

easier hello and everyone's like that's a better idea like an easier route this is amazing and the Iroquois guy is like but it's getting fucking cold and winter's coming and so Robert's like I'm not really into this and uh and he says also I remember I had a fever in my health bad and on October 1st he he says I'm going back to Montreal and he leaves what the party and and the he goes back and the rest of them are now they the rest of them keep try to keep going on his mission that he can't do that there's

no real plan for so he he recognizes he's on a shit mission and he's like oh you know I don't have feelings just anymore you guys always wanted to do it go ahead yeah I mean it's exactly what the priest said would happen right that he'd right that he would just like give up I don't like the thing so in in many ways is he's simply a spoiled child who I mean wanted to do stuff but then just was unable to just because he was I mean it just seems like it seems like there's a rich kid element yeah I think there's a rich kid element to this yeah it seems like it sure yeah

um because I feel like if you were gonna do this you would recognize this could be really hard yeah yeah super hard yeah right yeah yeah okay all right so he's back in Montreal his credibility is pretty pretty shot as an explorer I don't know so over the next few years he would he would go out on short voyages around New France I like to see quick one I do about two or three day voyage you know I mean go to the cafe go get drunk the little baby I do I like a baby John I go on what's called mission junior I went on an expedition to Larry's

have you ever heard of fun-sized expeditions huh so uh you know he'd usually end up back in Montreal with nothing to show for it cool he made claims that he discovered the Ohio and Mississippi but historians here we go historians have absolutely discounted that but for a long time people thought he did find them and all we'll go into later why but like that's what and we've and we've run into a few like there is that element where it's like uh those who can't create yeah and so you just sort of are like

I did find it uh so now he's still you know he still has the bug uh in 1673 he befriended a Count de Frunach he doesn't have the bug okay keep going sorry Count de Frunach so he's the governor of France and New France and over the next decade New France is really building up a fort was built at length Lake Ontario known as Fort of Frunach and Robert it still has his fur trade sure and the combo of the fur business and the Count's military power they monopolize the fur trade

okay so glad he's finally getting a break yeah so if other people tried to like trade fur the the military would stop it so he was they'd be infuriated about it right okay shut up Dave so he's got this fur business they're making a lot of fucking money um the military would also hold the Iroquois at Bay who were always fighting the French and so it's a good deal so other other Montreal merchants are also livid but there's nothing they can do

so in 1675 Robert is installed as the senior of Fort of Frunach which is the feudal lord of he's basically the head money guy right and he's earned this he's earned this position yeah now Count Frunach sings his praises praises to the the monarchy and after a while King Louis the 14th grants Robert a title of nobility and that means that he's like a distinguished human yeah he's better than everybody else right but he's done nothing

what do you mean you know exactly what I mean I mean there's no accomplishment no he's a um he's a good fur man yeah but like if you monopolize a situation then that's really that's mostly what it is that's mostly how you do it now you're saying Bill Gates isn't uh successful you're never gonna get me to say that nice try asshole I'm not falling for that trap uh with all this he's not content right he wants of course he wants to go on more expeditions he wants to expand the

lands he controls of course more expeditions just like that one he quit the last time and that was it that's right so he reaches out to the king of France to set up quote two establishments one at the entrance to Lake Erie the other at the exit from the lack day Illinois so Michigan Lake Michigan okay to become senior of the lands that he might discover and populate to receive ownership of all the clear lands that the Indians might abandon of their own accord as they do sometimes

right you mean when the native when the people will just clearly run away from land just because yeah the yeah the Indians are known to just bail I mean he's probably talking about like you know they're fucking nomadic and they're like oh it's winter let's go here it's summer let's go here and he's like they left it it's ours okay so some people at this point think that Robert is bananas what they thought he had crazy ambition that made him a fool quote fit fit and ready for the madhouse

yeah he offers fair he offered to finance the chips himself because his record as an expedition guy is not great um right but it's terrible on May 12th 1678 he received permission from the king to expand to lands between France Florida and Mexico so basically all through Canada the United States and Mexico they tell him go nuts go nuts have at it buddy have what have any of it yeah just go it's all yours to fucking go crazy just start doing whatever you want on these lands

because you're so good at what you've done get it okay go get it okay it's good so yeah yeah it's it's September Robert starts an expedition with 30 men from Montreal going down towards Ontario this included his devoted lieutenant Henri Tonti and Tonti oversees the construction of a ship and a fort at Niagara the ship so he's got like a guy who's like you are the best yeah yeah he's got a yeah he's got a body that's just like a valet almost you are something special everything you've done has been

unbelievable the ad is that some of these people do not respect you it's just disgusting let me sniff you may i sniff you you may sniff uh yes yes get in there huh huh get in there yes get your attitude you know what i mean get in there huh have a sniff down there huh come on don't try a taste i'm not gonna taste i don't want to come on send my brothers hey hey hey bro i'm not tasting we're not there yet taste taste a piece take it slow take it slow listen listen listen slow down smell my

as i sign a face smell my armpit then lick it and you will forever be my brother no come on sniff lick no no i can't trust no this man is it right here oh yeah so uh what oh yeah so they build a ship they build a ship called the griffin at Niagara sure they launched it on august 7th 1679 now his brother Jean tried at this point to recover money that he had loaned Robert and on November 23rd a judgment was

rendered against Robert allowing Jean to take a pretty large amount of his money which ruined Robert's credit in new France okay in a letter Robert wrote quote Jean has done all that the bitterest enemy could do okay so now he hates his brother so he's in souring right it's in debt basically because of his brother yeah because of his brother right so the king had ordered Robert not to do quote any trade with the indians called out of away and others who bring their beavers and

other pelts to Montreal okay right because he's like those are those are for the traders in Montreal not for you to intercept your thing right right uh so once it's been very fair once he made it to green bay Robert said yeah should we take a minute what do you want to do I think we're good keep going keep going all right go ahead all right go ahead Robert sends the griffin back to Niagara because it was loaded with furs he had traded for with the people he wasn't supposed to

okay great so he's listening and things are yes but remember he needs rules he needs money so mm-hmm so what so you got to get it uh-huh sure right that's that's that's that I think you're absolutely right that is the attitude the name of this podcast and has it never I was just gonna say I mean get that never not been good policy get that money white man we should have called to get that money white dude get the money whitey grab that money whitey uh so the point of life is to have the most things and kill as many people as

possible to get him that's the affirmative so the party now has 14 guys in four canoes they built another fort at lake michigan I mean when they say a fort it's just like a fucking building it's not like it I like the picture pillows from the couch and blankets from like a bin um quick quiet mom's coming quiet shh on uh January 5th 1680 they reach what is Peoria Illinois and uh he met with the locals there to tell them he was going to build a fort

and a boat but he was a good dude he had only good really good intentions he wasn't bad you know a lot of people are jerk offs but I'm not I've been really cute to everyone so far so you could trust I want to make a sick ass fort okay something great yeah that sounds fine yeah lots of pillows lots of blankets yeah really usually when people say they're gonna be good they're really good we're good yeah well you can ask anyone you want is there anyone around here who knows me no oh well shit guess

gonna take my word for it last crazy like that okay this is mine no well at first they at first they did but then a chief came rolling in and he was like no that guy's not that guy's bad um okay so which they yeah they're like yeah he's he's a shit turned they immediately turn right and they're not down and then they start trying to scare him out of going forward to the Mississippi over you go boo they keep telling us all kinds of dangers out there and you won't make it and there's this and that

which actually worked and it caused six of his men to sneak off one night okay so sick dudes are like fuck this shit I heard the stories from these guys it's amazing though that they're not jumping ship just based on the realities they need these lies to get out of here because it's like so far there's no reason to be there I mean that's probably part of it that they this is not in the history books you're right they're already in a bad headspace this already fucking sucks they're like you're going to the hot at Mississippi oh boy

Mississippi so uh they start they start construction on the fort and the boat okay the fort would become known as fort a cliff core and around March Robert decided he would uh need to get he's like we need to give him back so he headed back with five men to the place he had sent it and it's it's spring now is okay there's freezing rain and there's thawing um and so it's going back and forth alternate you know

weather right cold and warmer yeah it's a night okay you know muddy and then freezing and sure so they have to abandon their canoe and just go on foot they're exhausted and they they go they walk 275 miles to Jesus Christ Saint Joseph where there's no reports of the griffin stopping there and so he's a little worried so they continued towards Lake Erie quote through the woods so thickly intertwined with briars and thorns that in two and a half days he and his men had their clothes torn to shreds

and their faces so covered covered with blood and slashed that they were not recognizable I mean I I just okay I can't I again I'm not trying to I can't imagine it sounds fucking horrible I cannot imagine but the idea that the only way to get through thorny things is to straight up just walk through it yeah yeah like it feels like you would be able to like machete some stuff no no no no no no use your use your face use your face so basically at some point you're just

naked going through razors yeah yeah uh huh okay and so you're basic and so by the time you show up you're like a lot of people a lot of people didn't have faith in my leading ability but now you can see I've led a gang of nude freddy Krugers through this forest who are you we are men I'm Robert it's me no yes yes it's just that every six been taken off of me with barbs your face is like hanging in pieces my face is like well I can't see it but I can tell you

from the look of my other men's faces yeah it is bad he looks like you know it almost looks like a wizard turned us inside out if you look closely but I swear to god it's me I'm not well I am in bad need of a boss yeah I would love some peroxide or anything to sort of I mean at this point we are nothing but walking wounds so is there's any way to these you know bandages up a little bit we don't really have any of those I can rub a cat on you we are so we are so chapped yeah I cannot explain how chapped everything is

yeah we are blister men yeah we are not doing good okay I'm really not trying to sugarcoat anything I have of some bear grease that I can just rub on you nuts and great pitch not look are not loving that I feel like we would well it's great not trying to but oh if you look at this oh yes hey I can take the cat and dip it in the bear grease and then rub that on you so I'm not sure if you are following the issue here okay so let me just be clean hold on before you jump in leeches

no we look like we have been leeched we need we are in bad need of medical care okay we have been shredded by thorns and branches for days days yeah and if you look at us now I mean I look at me I look like I mean I've just been cut up I look like I mean honestly I'm just ridges I'm just skin ridges at this point so you know I almost look like a map of volcanoes yeah so if there's any way to just anything you can do to just kind of I can like I can like with my hands I can like

push the skin back you know push it back is there is there another person to talk to who's no I'm the doctor I'm the well you're not a doctor don't know doctor I have a why and your first pitch is to put bear grease on us and then put it on with a cat well I'm not sure you would know it wasn't my first idea my first idea was your first idea a bottle of beetles and mud which we call bottles and I just rub that all over you but we don't have any we're out of beetles and mud so well you didn't even bring that up so

that's why I said bear we are dying we are dying men from our skin do you understand well you're also refusing treatment so I'm not refusing I'm saying I would love it also can I ask yeah okay we are in a rush to live to be clear we are dying which insurance company do you have for for what we're insurance this is not it but we're not trying to get insurance on the canoe or something like that I this is actually an HMO I'm yeah you gotta be a network what is a what is our

HMO welcome to welcome we are dying we are dying we are yes we are in North America and we are there it took us a lot to get here we need medical attention so when you're asking I can't I can't help you if you don't have insurance we are not insured upon our products but our bodies surely would be separated from the idea of some kind of product insurance that makes no sense but this is human cares this is looking after people who are in need we are suffering yeah and even then if this was your first time there'd be a big deductible so I don't even know what is it deductible

what do you mean deductible you mean like a duck and a copay there's no copay and then we're gonna we are not okay there's no copay we are not okay we're all gonna cover 80% anyway cover 80% depends if you have a we are we are men who are dying unless we are men who are dying if you have a silver plan we have fallen we have fallen through a world of storms and all we need is someone to do something and you want us to tell you what your HMO is who's a copay huh what do you mean this doesn't make any sense

surely this is different than ensuring like some object we are people you must take care of people I'm a fucking asshole and I even know you must take care of people all I do is lie to people and I must tell you you take care of people that is the point what I mean I was a priest for like eight months and I even know you should be good to each other I would I would actually held on to their great insurance I would have held on to that job but I just am like two of these guys have dropped dead since we've been chatting to be clear

we are bleeding out we are men who are bleeding out and like I'm a dirty shitty liar and I'm like what the fuck is with you yeah so we gotta find out which morgue their HMO which morgue you know we have HMOs from morgues now so for morgues yeah yeah but I'm like we're trying to not die it's all like right it's it's yeah I mean it's the other end of it but you know it's a way to make money so all right boys come on at least they're not socialists come on come on boys come on

good be worse good be worse four more died four more are gone I forgot where we were I don't know where the hell we are okay so he heads back and they go through all the right they go through all the the bushes that they're bloody some of the guys some of the guys become sick sure from bush cuts yeah from everything I mean it's just a it's just a nightmare they they have to then transport the sick by making like boats so they could push them on snowshoes or put them in the water and

push them along um finally they reach feel good to have joined up on this thing yeah finally they reach fort niagra right finally fort niagra and sweet the waterfall that will kill us and it's it's uh the fort's burned down there's nothing there great cool so also uh yeah it's it's very good yeah also um a ship that was coming from France that had 20 000 uh francs on it for Robert had sunk for them okay good so that's good so he's good good and the griffin is not there it's

supposed to be there the griffin ship is not there also so as far as good news if you're one of the guys on the expedition looking for good news what could you give me doesn't feel like there's tons river is still there the river is not gone that's great there's water so there's water to travel down and drink from it's fine great okay uh so he goes on to uh fort of front knack and um he he is now based on what he's done he is now the top french american explorer that has ever lived

well just from these journey from these journeys alone he's the head i'm doing basically you're almost killing people he's number one well going the best going as far as he has and coming back he is okay real low bar feels like real bad so he go he now he goes to Montreal in uh july so he's there for a little bit in july of 1680 he recert receives word that uh fort crev core it's been sacked some of his men ran off and deserted and those men were planning to kill him

because they were so mad that they well what a bunch of assholes what a bunch of i'm sorry david it's called giving a guy a chance so as they were coming back towards him they were robbing uh they were pillaging the posts where he had goods stored so he then takes a bunch of dudes and hunts them down and captures them a month later okay okay now and now it feels like things are going well uh trying to label it but sure and then he sets off

on another expedition to illinois with 25 men some um who is signing up still i mean but he has been declared like the best so you could be the best no one better right so some uh part of telling you tell um him the giford had sunk in a storm so now he knows what happened to the giford they're like it went down and it went in a deep place so it's it was in the lake in one of the lakes yeah no that was not his frank boat that's the boat filled with furs that he sent back oh okay okay so he's got a

okay is it gone forever uh yeah it was it was sunk in a super deep part of the lake it's gone forever forever gone yeah so he uh he goes back to montreal and uh once again prepares to go out he's gonna find the mississippi's i'm gonna fucking find this i'm gonna find this river god damn missus is right he writes a will to his main creditor before he leaves who was also his cousin um there's a ton of creditors after him at this point so that's why he made a will for the one guy because he's doing so well yes so the will he's making for the creditor is basically what that is

big that's like how to handle the people who are going to kill me it's probably the fur uh business or you know okay so right i got you okay um on uh in january he is back at fort a creve core with 23 french men and 18 american indians and by february of 1682 they reach the mississippi river near memphis okay robert ordered construction of a fort and it was named after one of his servants who was on the trip who had gone missing while he was hunting right after they arrived in memphis and after 10 days they found the guy starving in the river floating on a

piece of wood so so they named the fort named the fort after after the guy who they were like hey ted's actually dead yeah it's fred it's actually fort ted is almost dead fort ted's almost dead it's called fort a proof home um so they befriended some uh they move on they befriended some arkansas indians who gave them supplies robert then took possession of the territory in the name of king of france so they meet this tribe the tribe gives them a bunch of stuff they're very friendly and then he's like this is all

mine hey have you read the book of white so bad news um the arkansas people it is it is just it is crazy the way that that always like it's bananas isn't it and it and it is just like you know i don't i don't think you ever want to like you don't you certainly don't want to base something just purely on the color of skin but it really does seem in this era to be very much a white issue yes i think it is uh i think it is the religion

right okay right the manifest of right like you take these these native people their spirituality is very in tune with nature whereas the christian religion is dominate nature so i think that's sort of the difference here there you go there you go i could be wrong but you would think i you know you would also yeah i mean we've heard of people who change we've heard of people who've been in these situations and they're like wait a second i should live among them yeah instead of trying to conquer them but it's very rare

most times it's just some dude is like man that was so good um i'm gonna kill a bunch you would take all your stuff yeah it's like it's the reason that um you'll hear people say about climate change you know them say we need to listen to the indigenous people and put the indigenous people in charge it's because they have centuries and centuries of knowledge of how to handle these situations but they're not panicked they're not everything you read says that they're on board they love amazon yeah you get your stuff so fast

oh so quick so the arkansas people would crest others which meant they were welcoming welcoming them they would show the person they were beloved it's just i love i love that this system is like that ain't working for us so nope i reject that i found one example of a book from some jesuits that traveled through this area like 20 years later but um the tribe chief meeting the french jesuits quote he crest their faces and breasts and then ran his hands over their hands

after which he raised his hands to the sky that's from a book by uh micheline peasant toby and so this would clearly make a bunch of repressed young jesuits very uncomfortable i mean but i would also like if that happened to me i'd be like i'm gonna listen to this guy this guy's awesome he just titty fingered me i don't know what's guy i want to see where this goes i like what just happened here and the way and the women though so the women were topless so that would also like you would crest their breasts and the i'm sure the

fucking jet the jesuits wanted them to close on excuse me there'll be no titty twisters here my friend this is not our first rodeo huh this guy this is all a ruse to just grab our tits um so this guy loves tits so they got the hell out of there because the guy loved tits and they this guy i swear to god we were at four tits holy shit um they take two uh arkansas guides with them in in april they reached louisiana okay which robert then claims for the french okay sure quote i renais robert caviar de la salle

and the name of his majesty and of his successors to the crown possession of the country of louisiana the seas harbors ports bays adjacent straits and all the nations people's provinces cities towns villages mines minerals fisheries streams and rivers is that how it worked in any way yeah that's what they did really it is it is like an established place in many ways and with people on it right and they're saying there's people on it and he's like this is not my country yeah okay this is for us for my guy who's

got a crown on who was uh his mom was also a crown person this is from a bunch of crown people yeah who were chosen by god and no got pretty well uh yeah so it's all that so after he said it they shot their muskets into the sky they erected a cross doc doc the pellets we did it six is through oh no no no they buried a copper plate with uh inscriptions on it smart okay which i assume the Mormons found i was just gonna say i mean it just there's a whole like plate burying thing it's always really good

it's like it would be like basing a religion off a time capsule so yeah look at this a rubik's cube this is from god this is straight from god god loves a twisty twisty puzzle oh look slinky slinky it goes up and down the stairs this means something so uh they start running out of food okay and they can't turn to the locals here for supplies they're only options because they're not they're not as friendly yeah i wonder what's up um they thought it uh sorry their only options were eating

an alligator or potatoes that's all that was around which you know i've had that offered at an english restaurant before absolutely would you know what the alligator of the titis uh no uh we will have uh alligator combination uh alligator potato alligator is a potato uh and and then you kill the alligator you take the potato out yeah and you fry it up with a froggy we have one special it's alligator was from potato how is that prepared i however i'm quickly uh mostly raw not very well in a

bit of a mushy hash oh no thank you that's all we have i shall starve okay uh so they end up fighting uh they fought with a tribe for a small amount of maize which just means they stole maize and then fought you know as they were running away or some shit right right um so they uh they head north toward fort breadon which is you know the guy floating on the river who was starving god what an homage uh robert falls ill and it takes him a while to recover this time um and he would recover and then go on a

little ways did he quarantine for the five days yeah okay he didn't take a test when he got out but he worked yeah so after this it's a long journey back because he's in such bad shape um he goes to france and he gets there just before christmas he wanted to go the governor also ordered him to go back to france and the french monarch is not impressed with louis and louisiana they're like it's just useless land like i don't know why the fuck we would want that so robert needs to convince the king that it's a good

it's good shit have you heard of new orleans super big party time you can drink beer on the street as long as it's not in a glass bottle birmingham have you heard of ze hurricane is jackson think about hey it's not the spot french court there um that's probably where it came from he was like there's a french part really yeah oh yeah it's a whole like a theme thing like about us what you didn't tell us that no it's like super super crazy they love us there

they come out and they they shake them if you throw them the beads they shake us it's just like the ancient tradition of france with beads and titties oh college juice is a vomit all over okay i think about it let me do the pitching let me do the pitching like a shit it's like a feces in a vomit shut shut shut them out even if you go there shut up it's a daytime it's like a shake of vomit quiet quiet quiet quiet quiet horrifying stop pitching stop pitching that part christ the smells are very

french it's like a it's like a frat on the meets a jazz for fuck's sake we had him we had him so uh so he starts making shit up just the king like the smell of shit well then you will love the french court error he made maps that had missus the mississippi river going 25 leagues west he just makes it up he's making shit up now he he had the mississippi going 25 leagues west it goes all that way it's perfect it kind of does a bit of a snakey loopy

loopy he said uh louisiano would be an amazing port and totally exaggerated that it's so full of ports he uh claimed he could recruit an army of 15 000 american there's like 15 000 american indians like dying to be a part of us and dying literally like whoa and they could use louisian as the home base and with them attack spaniards this is what we were looking for a six logic point to murder the spanish okay so by

1684 louis the 14th was finally convinced and he commissioned robert to establish a french colony in louisiana so now establish a colony on the mighty mississippi right so okay uh he the king gifts robert 100 soldiers eight officers 36 cannons seven crew members on a ship called the jolly lying again just what a thing it used to be it just like when you could get away with lying it was amazing yeah yeah we in my lifetime i've seen the full arc of lying where it's gone from like

you're you're able to like you got away with lies to now it's just lying in the open and nobody gives a shit but this was the era when people were like wow i mean it has to be true he told us the end and there i left stuff out but there were guys trying to undercut him and they would lie about him and then he would lie like it was just a whole fucking thing it's just okay sure so the king also appointed uh tangai day beju so beju will be the captain of the jolly okay so beju and robert immediately

clash they're not hitting it off right away sure sure beju is uh traditional his nobility he's military trained and a sailor so he knows stuff so he it's basically like a professional is now next to a con man and he's like this guy knows nothing and the con man's like that's insulting well and there's also a class thing so robert is an explorer and he's a commoner who was just ennobled so right there the nobles were like you don't fucking deserve to be here he's a new noble he's new noble and look robert is

he's inexperienced he's domineering he's kind of free willed it's not yeah it's nothing about a military guy and that covered in thorn scars thorn scars because that whole thing went down yep everybody remembers that those weeks ago so um they start they start fighting while planning the trip they disagree about the duration of the voyage the amount and type of provisions the number of passengers pretty much every single thing they're disagreeing about and robert demands complete and total control

i just love that there is something so amazing it like it just shows you the power of the ego like you could if you're him knowing deep down you know nothing you could find a way to sort of bridge the gap and be like you know fine if you think you know let's do it your way but instead he is like so deluded that he's just like i want to be in charge of everything and he doesn't know what he's doing yeah he doesn't know what he's doing so it's amazing yeah but he's also

the fucking greatest french american explorer that's ever lived yeah but it's also like it's it's again it's just he's he knows it's bullshit yeah he's got to on some level he has to he can be totally self deluded like you don't know these guys are also you would have to even then your ego would be like there's a play there super religious he thinks god is probably having him do all this great stuff like you know wouldn't he think that it would go better if god was involved he thinks god is involved

i mean it's gone pretty well i guess but oh yeah he's had a pretty good run i mean a lot of other yeah you know expedition guys go one one journey yeah right so the officers who are on the the ship are like they can't believe a passenger is given command uh baju quote there are very few who do not believe he is crazy i have spoken of it to people who have known him for 20 years so okay so it's out in the open this guy doesn't know shit yeah they they keep calling him uh like a visionary or uh he has a

imagine it like i they they consider that to be negative um right so lasal would get uh baju to the destination but he he didn't actually know where that was because now they're gonna come by ship he walked down but he doesn't know how to get there from the water so he's he's and he's exaggerated the maps so he really doesn't know where to go so he's not telling baju he would rather he would rather be totally fucked than not in charge yes and it's just an amazing principle or he thinks he can pull it off but he is

also amazing he is refusing to tell baju where the destination is even though he's the captain don't worry uh so destination is the journey man relax you're so caught up in the paradigms dude just cheers smoke a jail ends a beanbag look at the llama there i need to know how much of provisions to bring bro bro what pilot to hire i need to know bro bro bro bro bro bro bro i'm telling you these sort of things have a way of working out no they don't you die well okay then we will figure it out okay one door closes another one opens

that's not the one the open one is there look look look look look look look look we bring as much provisions as we think okay it's fine we figure it out man the whole thing let's just be chill can we just be chill for like a little bit no to admit that we will get there together huh trust me dude i know what i'm doing no you don't yes now i do now let's go straight okay for a long time we figure it out dude god you're so like whatever i'm so sick of your shit dude calm it down so smoke a j-bone

bougieau is furious and rub your head a little bougieau bougieau so so bougieau is furious um and the people who gotta be and at the same time the people who are out recruiting soldiers for robert are just grabbing anyone who says yes like just total knobs and as the planning drags on robert becomes more hesitant and irritable because he knows he knows what he's doing yes he's bernie made offing a ship so the the jolly finally sets out to find the mississippi uh bezhu summed it up quote with no real plan

yeah uh bezhu summed it up quote i am going into an unknown country to seek something almost as difficult to find as the philosopher's stone late in the season laden above the waterline with an irritable man well that's a very relatable metaphor obviously i mean we all know you can't find a philosopher's stone in spring the ship is supposed to have 125 crew but there are i've seen different numbers between 240 and 300 colonists actually on the boat so it's way overloaded which is bad right well this

meant this meant that all all those all their stuff the the colonists stuff is now packed into the crew quarters and the crew have to sleep and stay up on the deck 24-7 so oh my god hot sundar in the day rain cold at night they're just out there exposed bougeau said they would stop how did that happen you just overdid the guest list he just didn't so many people want to come he just he wants as many people he can get there for a colony because he wants right as many as you can

okay uh it's it's stressful yeah so bajou uh said i said look we should stop at uh madera for an eye for water like let's get some more water supply and robert refuses to stop there so we don't need water why do we need uh what's a waterfall we need salt we need salt so bajou is livid in july they ran low on water water yes congratulations uh 50 people including robert become very ill um bajou takes over he takes the ship to hady

sometime after they got there robert is just hit with this horrendous fever and he's completely delirious out of his mind for a week i mean well that seems pretty normal yeah for him yeah he might have become like calm and normal during that week you know what you know what you're doing take it over this is me i am back to these um so two other ship he's supposed to have four ships all together the other ones are behind him um the bell and the aimable the aimable uh arrive there okay and then the four ship gets captured

by the spanish and it's gone okay meanwhile while they're in hady here more and more men are deserting they're like this thing is fucking crazy i'm not doing this so robert gets on the aimable and uh he he's like i'll be on this ship you be on that ship right he doesn't want to be on the jolly with bajou okay um so he gets on there and he's way off the amount of shit the amount of shit he must have been like i can't even be around bajou right now he's just like

you guys have never met the bigger no at all this guy is like he's there's not enough room for me and his ego and on ship this guy he is just he thinks he knows everything he tries to undercut everything that i'm pitching it's just like dude would you just like calm down smoke a jaybon lanes a beanbag look it's a lava lamp uh question yes i just by the way i'm super chill to like questions and stuff he will not take questions you ask him a question he's like hey shut the fuck up uh you're fucking

piece of shit uh question yeah yeah go ahead man come on yeah man you don't even need to raise your hand with me like it's so casual like yeah you can be super killer with it with me so just go ahead yeah uh where are we going straight it's where it's going to fans in mississippi and um have a colony and it's going to be like so great and i can't even wait so basically you see where my hand is pointing at least a bit to the left follows that for a long time okay also maybe follow bajou a little bit but

don't tell him that we're doing that okay i'm going to jump off the ship jump off the ship what kind of uh jump off the ship you're going to jump off the ship okay it's much more simple okay all right man take care is that i'm super cool like that anyone else want to jump off the ship uh go ahead man i'm like so damn whatever you guys can do whatever you like it's super cool okay yeah totally totally cool so chill bajou such a bitch so like i said more and more money

leaving he's on that he's on this new ship he thinks they are east of the mississippi but they're west of the mississippi is that a problem well if you're trying to get to the mississippi it is it is yeah a little bit because you're trying to get there and you're going to go in another direction than the one you should on july 3rd 18th now 1685 there's a very thick fog and robert takes off good and bajou is confused or he thinks robert is an idiot but he does not follow

is he trying to he's okay yes he's trying to ditch he's trying to he's ditching he's bajou what the fuck like you are out of your mind if you are like even if you hate him to like in the in the cloud of fog be like now we'll get where we're going better go he can't see us go what are you talking about go go the best time to look for things is in the fog it's so they sell for 19 hours straight through this fog and then they dock where the jolie cannot get to because it's too big so they

dock in a place where he can't even get I'm shocked they found a dock okay when um when the coast started going south robert realized they had gone past mississippi right so they're over in the part of of texas it's like going down oh my god bajou finally catches up catches up to them in madagorda texas and bajou and robert have a huge fight they accuse each other of desertion how i love robert no you did that said me no you left me in the fog no but that was after you

but you went away okay I yell at you bajou bajou ditched us no yes where were you I said the fuck because I see you well let's say you should have shouted or something because nobody heard you god this guy didn't I tell you this guy was like the worst he's such a downer I hit this guy so they have like so it's a huge fight right okay and uh bajou has fucking had it and fair enough he's not he's not just over it but he has um he's done his job he was just supposed to get them here so he sails back to france

and some of robert's men are like we're going with you and they hey you're cool some guys should jump ship now the remaining party members I think there's 180 people now that's how many people I think I have so the remaining party members start building a fort oh no oh no wait first so there's a like an inlet and uh like a a river going up and robert's like that let's see if that leads to the mississippi sure to get to it you got to got to go past the little inlet island and there's reefs so robert has the bella

go first and then i got a good feeling then after that the amy bull and he runs the amy bull aground great perfect okay so good and they lose sure confidence is bubbling they lose food ammunition materials and they're those necessary things when you're lost yeah sometimes okay sure and they're uh then some uh locals come and try to steal stuff off the wreckage and I thought they were helping at first thank you guys okay get shoot them shoot them shoot them now to get back at them the french go and steal some of their canoes

and then they end up fighting and a couple guys die so it's not going well this is just the first uh a couple of days mm-hmm mm-hmm meanwhile bajou's like man we're so close to france uh so then um they start trying to build the fort out of the amable amable wreckage right i love amy bull like i have it listed i think it's amiable i think it might be amiable sorry it was amable before but um i think i don't know if that autocorrected or not so okay whatever so um then there's a lot of sickness because he picked a bad location there's really

bad sanitation which probably means they're you know drinking the water they're shitting in uh oh but that's always fun i do that that's just robert picks so he picks a new look like a new location slightly northwest but it equally is bad for sanitation reasons so men are dying while they're building the fort uh so he's just basically like taking them from dysentery to dysentery yeah okay a party member uh enri jotel quote de la salle's vexation at not managing to accomplish things as he had had imagined led him to treat his people harshly

often at the wrong time all the saddened many whose spirits visibly declined so now do it as a country so he's just a fucking asshole and they're already and it's what you'd expect a guy who knows nothing who is all bluster and bullshit his story is slowly starting to fall apart and the man obviously if he had any ounce of accountability or forethought would have allowed somehow bejuu to lead them properly but now the shit's falling apart and he's getting pissed at the people who are noticing that it's falling apart

and you know this is when you need a leader who is like you guys we can do this we're gonna make and you got this other fucking thing you did this you fucked up yeah uh so he still wants to find the mississippi he still thinks that we can find the mississippi i still think we can find the mississippi if we just believe in each other okay he thinks if they find it they'll be okay because they can go up it we we we we find it we would be okay during one trip so he's taking trips out there to find it during one trip

a man pierre do hot had to stop because his makeshift shoes right he's made a pair of shoes out of fucking twigs and leaves or some shit they come apart and he's in the very back he'd been ordered to be in the back and robert's nephew moron get or moron gay refused to wait for him so he's like we're not holding the party for you and your fucking dumb shoes sorry and they're like in the middle of looking for the mississippi at this point so they're in the middle of nowhere and this guy's like hey i gotta fix my shoes and they're like uh we don't wait for that

yeah basically okay and and they keep going and then do hot gets left behind and almost dies but barely makes it back to where they're building the fort that'll teach you to have shoes that fall apart okay i hope you learned a valuable lesson okay uh robert comes back sometime later his six best men are gone they've been killed when they got into a fight with a tribe and uh also he would go on hey guys just fyi sings are really coming together this is going great sometimes he would walk sometimes he would have a canoe

that he would ride along the coast um and while he was doing that the bell would would be out in the ocean following along where he was but on this one the bell disappeared i'm like what bermuda triangle disappeared well they weren't looking at it but all of a sudden it's just gone so the bell just sort of floated off well they don't know what happened to it they don't know what happened to it okay it's just gone yeah seems like a big loss uh why it's just all their stuff yeah i would say like as far as like survival

goes you probably want a bunch of the things on there yeah so chances of the colony surviving are now way lower mm-hmm so now he like has to find the mississippi because then they can get to the forts up the mississippi right the memphis and the yeah he has to find it yeah to survive now they have to find it so yes once again he heads out with 20 men i'm sure he's being super chill to him too this time totally on foot three days after he leaves five survivors from the bell show up at the fort

and they tell the story the pilot got drunk and ran the bell aggrieved and then it had fallen apart and sunk so whoever was the captain basically just or whoever was steering got hammered and crashed it and then that was it that was it good and this is all who survived well that's the other thing he's like i mean that and it's such a net loss in a way because it's like you're like oh thank god some guys the bell the bell's gone the supplies are gone but we're starving we need food we need food we are dying

we need a bunch of the supplies that we don't have anymore so there's more mouths to feed and less stuff what's the plan dude it's like they fucking getting so stressed out this is really crazy so uh pierre too hot remember he's the guy with the shoes yeah he has a younger brother in this and he's uh he's a merchant so here do not he's a they're merchants so they're a little bit higher up but not the bottom um so he has a younger brother and uh they are out with robert

and they can't go on they're just like exhausted or whatever and so robert goes we'll go back to the fort but they're way off so the dudes get lost and are never seen again good good okay good that's good there's less people than feed so too hot now blames he's like you fucking kill my brother barely because he remember he has the experience of like they almost killed me over a shoe yeah so fuck these guys so and now his brother's gone now robert and the last guys

that were in that you know party they come to the uh sunny people who they end up getting five horses from and there's now just eight guys left in that party and they decided we should just go back to the fort and so they get back when they get back robert has a terrible hernia and he has to rest for a while this guy's really he's not i mean he's he's really falling down a lot i mean they they've been here uh close to two years now that oh my god they've been jirting and going out

and trying to survive now for like two years oh my god and uh that's just horrendous that is horrifying so and i mean this is a different amount of times that i'd be like this dude doesn't know where the fucking mrs i would be losing i'd be like this listen to me this is not a life he said he knew where it was and i think we should next let's go on our knees and look maybe someone dropped the mississippi so after he's better from the hernia

he's like let's go again i feel so much better how about you guys on january 12 6 87 17 men go off with robert back at leaving them at the fort are 25 including seven women and then a bunch who are so like sick or hurt that they can't travel and then a few dudes that robert just hates so that's who he leaves at the fort out of 180 that's all the people that are left they like i said they've been in texas for two years and for robert and his men

it's a hard it's a hard slog it's it's yeah it's winter there's tons of fucking rain trails are washing out rivers are swelling up and they have to go over them and then it's just it's just horrible and then robert and uh oh oh john is on this trip too wait who's that his brother oh okay oh the okay so all right so he he brought john along john his brother's like i'm excited to see how you do it man what's your secret i don't know shit that i pretend i do no shit

so on this trip at times a lot of the times john and robert are like we're gonna ride the horses and that meant the servant dudes would have to carry everything that was on the horses but david what you're not framing that as is like of cool brother relationship like the brothers are starting to like kind of come into their own like they're horse brothers that's cool if you're getting about those extras behind carrying all the shit look at these two dudes that's awesome man i'll tell you what i'd never

thought i'd get this close to you again brother i feel the same way this is so cool for us we are rekindling it's not big time oh man can i feed can i feed your apple your horse an apple of course you can feed my horse i'm just going to offer a view to him yes exactly god he loves it he loves it look where are the guys with the stuff already so jesus god and and the priest i assume john makes the other dudes carry quote several church ornaments even a dozen habits i know they have like a

cross like they're carrying shit that doesn't just fucking matter just hard to motivate carrying a cross oh since don't get that muddy now and since robert isn't inconvenienced he doesn't care he's just like whatever this is okay this isn't so bad um but he now at this point learned like lessons on how to approach local villages to not immediately upset people right on time right on time he's next up so in march they camped in the land of the sani indians

and robert told pierre do hot and four others to go dig up some provisions he had buried during the last expedition i'm like a dog with bones i got them buried all over here let me sniff them out for you so he's like oh look some tarts he's like there's some magic underwear over there there's some magic underwear there's a boat tie just go get the stuff go get the sinks carpet swatches lots of cool stuff to look at news so they go off to do that and a couple days later

uh more and get who is the guy remember the guy the shoe guy who said go back yeah who is right who is uh robert's nephew okay he goes to meet the guys who went to get provisions because um they had apparently killed a bison and he brought horses to bring back the bison right and when moringay got there he just fucking loses his shit because the guys have smoked the bison and they had left some bone marrow for themselves to eat and moring moringay sees us and he fucking loses it

uh because he loses it because that was supposed to be like an offering to them probably no he's like he he claimed he was like that's my bison like he's in charge so he's like i get the fucking bison right okay he's just an asshole yeah and do hot already fucking hates this guy and uh and his this the guy his brother is basically dead because of them right yeah right okay and so he's so he's been left for his shoes his brother's dead and now he's eating bison that he had a part of killing and this guy's like

god when will you learn so that night do hot and his little group of dudes plot to kill moringay i mean what took so long and they sneak up at night and one uses the axe to put his fingers in hot water first just basically just hit moringay in the head and then his two servants as they're sleeping so they kill three guys okay really easy too just a couple axe knocks and then yeah just whack him in the head all right uh so now robert is like where

are workers right where the dudes in moringay like where why aren't they here so he gets a little worried and he goes to where he buried the provisions where the guys are um it's also his nephew right so it's a family thing so as he and now remember there's all the shit do hot fucking hates this guy so as robert approaches hello do do hot is waiting crouched in the grass with a gut and okay so things are dark robert walks up he sees do hot's servant and he goes where's my nephew and the servant says quote a drift

somewhere on a nearby stream and this what's a crazy weird answer robert is fucking livid he turns to scream at the guy with his hands up in the air and he is immediately shot in the head and dies oh shit oh shit wow so those i think it's four guys they strip the body they leave it naked in some bushes for animals to eat they take all of his possessions including his scarlet cloak that he wore the whole time during the trip oh my god and uh and then those guys go and join up with the rest of the party right like and who's only there's not

that many it's like i think there's only like seven now but um but what go ahead well i was gonna are they are they are they like has anyone seen robert no is that what they're no it's crazy so uh the guy jotel who i'd said earlier is uh he's he's he became his his like second in command during this thing but okay he's we've had some quotes from him he wrote a book about right okay so they just tell the jotel what they've done so we killed uh

morgue we killed robert the servants over a bison and um i'm gonna wear the velvet cloak from now on and i don't think i don't think it's okay i don't think you can see me when i have the cloak on so right no right cool who am i talking to so uh you know john who's his fucking brother doesn't do anything john says vengeance must be left up to god and then they all travel together but john and jotel do not want to be with them at the same time what what any reason what's the rationale for

traffic because yeah i don't know but the the reason they're staying together traveling is like well we need more of us is better if it's two or three we get surrounded by a tribe or dead at least we have a we have a bunch of people we can trust here so they're cruising with the guy who killed his brother cool fine small talk and uh so what does my brother's brain look like it it's seven guys that's how many are left out of like 130 there's 180 but they remember that they left 25 at the at the yeah so yeah um they

reach fort st louis which taunty is there who's robert's long trusted you know friend and they say jean he's alive and he's doing great he's at the colony he's so good right he's in the best shape of his life so the party continues on and they reach montreal on july 13th 1688 and jean only tells people that robert is dead when he gets back to france in october 1688 now it's so confusing to me because i try to figure out reasons and there's some people like we did it to

get his money um that sounds like it might have been but it's still very odd uh maybe he didn't want to tell people because then he traveled with the murders afterwards yeah it's weird but anyway he he didn't in and jean lives a life and ends up dying rich now the spanish that is crazy the spanish had sent several expeditions to eliminate the colony once they heard it was there okay but they never found it and tell after um well i mean trying to find

lost people way harder my god it's crazy so one expedition which went on foot found a frenchman living with a tribe and his name uh of uh i don't this i should have looked this one up but uh koh kohot kohotikan i think is how you say it but okay so the guy's name is gary dave we don't need to take it and that's all he's referred to in the history books let's just dave and so dave dave let let's not invent stuff that is gary a friend day gareth first of all is the mother

fogger it's not his name is gary and gary had convinced this tribe he had left he had left that's very made up he had left the fort so it's a tribe and then there's gary he hated robert he left the fort and then he went to this tribe and he convinced them he was i am gary he can convince him he was a god sent to lead them that is that move both what a move hello like you must be getting correct if they do not buy like boys they're not gonna go well my name is gary god sent me here i'm your leader

whoa gary so he's a very small this happens so when the spanish role in gary is the chief of this tribe and he's like mouthing like don't tell them shit and then the spanish question him and they're like this guy's insane like this is a crazy dude okay but they're still like you gotta take us to the colony we want to find this fucking colony and somehow even though he's he's mad he is able to guide them to the colony which is a little apocalypse now where he's yes i will

teach you what you need to be taught like oh can you show us the colonies like the colony's impossible to find unless you're in your own brain they're like okay great okay i'll show you awesome what's happening okay so the colony is done it's in ruins um okay sure wonder why it turns out it had been attacked by the uh caron kawa who and everyone's dead except like four kids that they took which the spanish then go to the caron kawa and they're like we're taking the kids okay gary then goes back to live with his tribe if you excuse me

and i'm in charge over here the spanish then decide that they have to colonize the area because they're concerned the french even though they had one failed colony they would come back and try to colonize more so that's why the that's one of the reasons that spanish really started upping the colonization game right at this point out of french french phobia yeah okay that's the that's the tale of uh Jesus christ that is crazy yeah even for lost expeditions that one is nuts

it just goes it goes on and on and on and you just well and the levels of like demented thinking it's just unending yeah the level of it's not even like delusion because it feels like he knows he was an idiot almost but in some way it just ego trumps everything yeah admitting failure is not an option and even if you add a dose of you know if you add the like manifest destiny into that as well as the need for you know uh stature it just and your inability to

admit your own failures you know it's like it's full it's almost like a guy who'd been like stabbed 35 times being like i'm ready to fence just i mean just at the time with all of the failed expeditions that happened just being like i don't know where i'm going yeah this is not an option totally gonna work out is the craziest idea it's crazy i mean there's just so little to offer the world so it was like this was a way of like putting your stamp on it but it's almost like when people move to la to be actors

you're just like look you don't i mean it's hard enough yeah if you don't have any skill towards the thing what do you do it's impossible already just because you fudge your resume doesn't mean you're gonna end up on a sitcom yeah and of course it does it does it works every now and then i also think there's definitely an aspect of he's a priest or tried to be a priest he's a super religious guy and he's like this god will take care of me god will i he already helped me one point though that has to start to

waffle a little bit when you're like man this is going bad but once he found the mississippi the first time on foot he was like see god is guiding me this work but even the second one you'd have to be like maybe it wasn't maybe i just got like you'd be like a lot of bad stuff's happening yeah it's fucking crazy all right so uh ron proclone did the research um so uh books the journeys of rena i feel like i went on that journey yeah uh the journeys of renae robert cavier uh dela sal uh isaac cox uh seara dela sal mary engler

renae robert cavier seara dela sal explorer of the mississippi river jim hargrove history museum dot com bio biographie dot com which is the french version and wait is that the canadian version yeah uh britannica dot com um the sal explorer of the north american frontier by anka mostin robert dela sal by uh samuel crompton the southwestern historical quarterly and i i should probably have written down who actually authored that but i didn't and then uh chakta women in a chaotic world by micheline e peasant to be

who that is a crazy one that's that's stressful shit it's very funny how we don't think about like so the french didn't really have a huge influence on america there's a little one but not so they're just kind of like this stuff's all just kind of like over there like not really like we put all this emphasis on the the england columbus and the ang the english and you know drake and all these right but lisa i was like oh yeah it's uh

yeah yeah over there yeah because it didn't really take so we're like whatever doesn't really matter yeah well it's not how we got here you know we ended up buying we ended up buying the the louisiana purchase which is essentially what lisa you know claimed right and again other people live there doesn't matter um it is also like there's not it's just while crazy and total lunacy we still are in a system pretty much where we'll be led by people who don't know where they're taking us and we're on a journey that's

fairly aimless but we have faith in them because they tell us to yeah i mean it's just like there are there are there are you know people who are very successful and then they get a lot of money and then they have kids who a lot of times they're fucking idiots and yeah so now we're a country full of people because there's no upper mobility all the people the top are largely just uh rich dumb kids who don't know how to do anything and they're lazy and and they're not very curious

and they run everything that's kind of how this sort of system works if you don't it's pretty cool if you don't allow advancement from the bottom which means that people who are intelligent or whatever else can move up then you just have lazy rich morons running everything and that's what we have now so cool i love here i love it when you kind of pitch it back poetically that's my favorite part ha ha ha fuck all right yeah gobble gobble gobble we signed covid

okay