The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 520 - Benedict Arnold- Part 1

Episode Date: February 15, 2022

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine American great Benedict Arnold.  Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch

You are listening to the Dullup on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American History podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. You were not looking at me so you did not see that I lifted my lid in honor of you. I lifted my lid. I popped my cap. That's the technicals here, I popped my cap for you.

As all great gentlemen have done through time, what I did, you could go back to the 18ers and see a gentleman doing it with a top hat. Should I bite my thumb at you? Here, I'll bite my thumb at you. That's not a thing. That is a thing. In Shakespeare, it's a thing. It's an offensive gesture.

I have declared war on ye. What the hell is this? I bite my thumb at you. I was just treating you with honor. Well, you have just messed around a little too much for my liking, sir. Messed around. I bite my thumb at thee. We just got here.

You're a half hour late. I'm sorry, someone was trying to make charges on my bank account fraudulently. Really? Were they fraudulently, or did you buy something you didn't want people to know when they found out? I drunk bought, and then halfway through the call with the bank realized it was me, and I did it drunk. But I still said cancel them, because I'm saving face.

I bite my thumb at thee, and I bite my thumb at my bank. Yeah! My thumb is sore from biting. Next part of the show, thank you for the cap tip. You're really sticking to your guns on that one, I appreciate that. And called it, quote, his jam-pap. Jam-pap? I'm the fucking hippo guy!

Steve, okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tigglypup, guys. Okay. This is like an up-five-part coefficient.

My room's a place! Now hit him with a puppy. You both present sick arguments. No, sleep-tell hippo. That's sleep-tell hippo. Actually, partner. Hi, Gary. No.

I sleep-tell hippo. No. No dude, on the floor. Sure, sure. Alright, let's do this. January 14th. 1741, year of our Lord Jesus Christ... What?

Nothing? Nothing... Nope. nothing nothing no no Benedict Arnold the fifth oh my lord was born in Norwich Connecticut wow Benedict's family was wealthy greatly respected they got they got to sit in the exclusive first pew in the church and that's when you get the priest bit yeah that's like Gallagher front row stuff that's right highest they cover themselves in plastic yeah so the Jesus bit doesn't get on him yeah oh

now he's gonna smash the body yeah I love it then I don't know I don't know if they smash the body yeah just they in just through the wine smash the body get the candle wax everywhere they pour wine in their eye and then they eat a cracker that's when the bet the bouncers in the front row of the gates and they push the people back if they're right too hard that's right so yeah your pew position was what your social standing was in the town so that's super cool and I'm sad we got rid of that but yeah it's puper cool really Benedict's father Benedict Arnold the third was a successful shipping merchant

and ships captain okay his mom Hannah was very pious Puritan lady sure she would if were there a lot of non-religious people back then there were yeah I mean we covered one Thomas Morton but yeah there were yeah there was okay look there were a lot of religious lunatics and thank God we shed that but yes good Lord imagine what the state of the anyway good oh yeah be terrible so but yeah I mean I think there are varying degrees of Puritanism but you know there's the ones we hear about are the really harsh ones because they get all the press I mean to be honest their first pew yeah but look the first

Puritans over here were absolutely out of their mind so if you were a child and then became an adolescent in church was that puberty move on don't even acknowledge it just go ahead how do I turn off the recording me talking it's not easy so so right so yeah so Benedict's dad very very successful mom very pious Puritan she would get more and more religion as because as more and more of her children died yeah and by the way that for sure is the order I would go in the more that my kids were dying the more I'd be like God's plan is good I buy it man and he's got a good plan boy I'll tell you he's got a wild

plan just killing all my kids but I've never been a firmer believer I can't wait to get up there and ask some questions to him thank you God for killing another one of my babies take 11 why did you take 11 from me oh interesting number 11 is how many kids they had how many do you think lived I don't want to play this game let's go how many lived how many out of the 11 survive I mean because you're asking it's got to be low so all I'm gonna go real low and I'm gonna say three two almost 9-11 is only surviving child go his sister went up to like aged whatever was a 15 or whatever was

named Hannah the rest of them kicked but but the varying do but they would make it to different ages like it wasn't like they all died babies but someone go on it's like great I'm good all right so better grew up in a as a British British subject he had a really good childhood loving well-off family good friends he would spend winters ice skating for hours in his scarlet cloak boy that mean he had an affair he was an adult no no he's when he's a child he's a child well still if you're wearing a scarlet cloak is that not I don't think it's there yet I don't know her no he was just he was a boy who liked the look

of it was his fever coat yeah fever coat there you go so it things go really well but then his dad's business hits the skids a little bit and his dad went very quickly from being very successful well respected to an alcoholic who was being chased by creditors it was kind of a quick switch sure okay I'm Hannah took her her dwindling savings and she got Benedict into a respected private boarding school when he was 11 okay so she was like I've lost nine children she hasn't lost nine yet we're gonna one of them off but they're still they're still they're not all dead yet they're they're gonna die as things go on thank

you some are dead for sure a lot so he did well in school and while he's a school sickness hits the hometown yellow fever mom is writing letters telling him who's sick or dying or dead you know it's great I love those updates that great letter how about a care package where the neighbors are dead sorry Jimmy gone to Jimmy is dead Frankie Bobby all of your friends what's good news is they're good news what tell me there tell me good news from the home front I saw a boy not die today great great yeah yeah that's great he's very sick wow he's probably he's very sick though he's probably okay that's great that's great

I made a loaf of bread yes put next to your dead sister no I don't she died she died I weird way to say it but you didn't let me finish because I was gonna get to a letter to be fair these are letters right right that is weird how we answer very quickly but was how we do it feels yes it's quick it's a shot we send back and forth short letters and it's just taking months yeah especially because we almost interrupt each other a lot well it's weird when I end it with a dash dash yeah yeah but you knew I was gonna start writing so of course I did and I yeah and even there's some overlap which is yeah we've really got this down

yeah love Benedict goodbye a letter from his mom quote my dear whatever you neglect do not neglect your precious soul which once lost can never be regained your uncle Zion Arnold is dead Captain Bill Captain Bill has lost all his sons John post lost his wife John Lathrop and his son Barnabas are dead two of his younger sisters died no anyway have a good Christmas thanks for the banana bread mom it just keeps reminding him that at any time he could indeed die and prepare his soul quote God may meet you with this disease wherever you may be for it is his for it is his servant so she's she's an

uplifter she's weird again I just I can never I can't get over what like it's it's almost like God is just like an alcoholic and we're in the abusive relationship making excuses for him all the time yeah we you don't know him he has a plan he has a plan I gotta say it's not great because everyone I know died my family yes but he has a but you don't know him like I do yeah so he doesn't only kill some live it's a bad plan it's a bad it's a great it's a great plan don't get it I'm standing in a pile of bodies he's very strange right now but believe me when I met him he was he can get back to where he was he's

not he's just he's experimenting he's really stressed out you don't understand the amount of pressure he's he is all seeing all knowing it's a lot he's it's a lot he's ass God is ass huh ass all seeing and no he's just ass he's just is it an acronym or you're just no I'm just using the word that shit comes out of these and ass he's just ass God not helpful well it's not helpful that everyone I know is dead so you're just you're crazy like you just keep saying shit and none of it makes sense oh well I can't wait to meet him he will it'll be so great heaven's made of couches okay I'm not gonna come for you once I how

can I make every where you steps a trampoline full of bunnies it sounds terrible silky it's all still everything's a satin curtain okay I don't want to go there to walk around and your favorite games are there throw the ring or shoes catch the ball in the cup all of the great great games we are so blessed to have now we're not bizarre plan huh hope he puts the moves on mama okay gotta go but still look Benedict manages to having fun I have fun with all this going on he very much likes pranks he likes doing crazy your family's dead I'm serious they are I also

enjoy pranking he once bounced on a pole atop a burning barn as a horrified teacher watched so he does fun stuff he sounds like it sounds like he was pranked no he climbed a pole when the barn is burning I think to just get up there and have a good time yeah never had a good time sounds like well no that sounds like what they did to witches so no he's not burning himself he's above it on a pole so he's having a good time but it's like above fire doesn't go low well have you ever heard the term Mary prankster that's what we're talking about right now okay thank you he's full married yeah haha I'm getting burns look

at your face teach I'm like a shocked I'm like a rotisserie yeah you should see your face right now professor haha oh my legs are gone haha you really get on your face same as no for picking fights with bigger boys and he liked to protect smaller kids now during this plague two of his sisters die so now now we just down to one sister they're all gone so now we're where now nine are gone yeah okay we're up to the nine dad's businesses like I said go bust he asked so Benedict it has to return to Norwich leave school at 13 because they can't afford it anymore he's angry they had to come back and his dad is now on

the verge of being arrested by creditors the death the deaths of his daughters have just totally crushed him yeah he's just drinking big time now and Benedict with all this becomes even more reckless than a kid who stands in a pole in a fire he started spending times with kids from nearby Native American tribe and they taught him how to hunt and fish he's very good looking kid he's very strong okay he used to try dangerous feats for his friends he almost drowned when he leapt onto the blades of a mills waterwheel what so he's like the 1700s Johnny Knoxville essentially yeah I guess that he's trying to run on it

maybe I would assume right like what had the silly reason you would do that is to try to run on it I see no reason to do it personally but again he knows how to fun you don't really know how to have a good time but this guy right yeah no it sounds like yeah really a party yeah yeah so he he would also jump over full wagons without touching anything and this I read he late I saw I was reading something that people said he didn't later on life so he would he would just leap over he could run and jump over a wagon just look he was like he was like if there was tiktok he'd have a lot of followers a shitload of followers this is

clearly before like video games or TV because there's a lot of everyone was jumping over wagons so you know yeah right I wonder if he was like everyone near me has died so my family's due for like a legend yeah that's right I'm invincible so he's doing that one Thanksgiving he lit barrels full of tar on fire and then try to fight the town constable when he came to investigate what was happening it's just it is really hard to relate to but look he's a kid whose dad is drunk and he's having a hard time working yeah yeah yeah okay so his dad was put in jail briefly for debt his mom then with all this going on

especially at the constable thing she sent him to be an apprentice to an apothecary oh wow so that means he's a servant at least 21 seven years of servitude but he learned he learns to trade yes right so it's a trade-off in you get free what we call free labor yeah right no he was he was a sent yeah he was interning at Pfizer essentially yeah so the French Union War starts now he's been raised to hate the French because he's British but as a servant he's not allowed to enlist even though he really wants to okay he joins they bring up his mom hasn't brought back and eventually though he's allowed to

enlist that's an embarrassing move by the way oh my your mommy comes to get you let's do it excuse me except for you Benedict your mother has said no you're not allowed to fight in the war sorry come this way boy take off that coat give us the musket it's okay she wanted to everyone Benedict's leaving he was instructed to say mommy's tears are too much okay thank you Benedict will go home and she's looking forward to putting your head in her bosom we didn't have to lay you to bed okay you are such a tea such a tiny boy to her we didn't have to and she said and I quote I love my little Benny Ben Ben Ben Ben Ben I

love my arny arny yum yum so we didn't actually have to and he's gonna have his favorite soup by fireside as he sits in mommy's lap and she reads now go on Benny off you go come on Benedict all right everyone say goodbye to Benedict God shut the fuck up it just let me go all right we all are looking forward mommy's tears stop now for Benedict comes home such a sweet quote angel baby is returning home take care now bye buddy are you gonna walk are you gonna march off if we you want us to march away you guys leave now cuz it did all that fucking I don't know if that's how it works March oh let's she said that is she

said that her little baby would get a little authoritative so let's just march away bye Benny oh she's gonna shave your bottom see you later bud hey Jose no hey hey hey oh oh oh shit what was he doing what was he doing it's keeping update he's he there's a he's the dude has 18 scratching posts strategically placed everywhere sure still there's this one chair that he's like oh that's my stuff he doesn't respect us he doesn't respect me he doesn't know it's very clear so but eventually Benedict is allowed to enlist when the British call for volunteers in 1759 but then he gets there and it soul

during is really boring he's bored he ends up going AWOL because his mom gets sick and he goes back to know what you take care of her he left everyone when that we can't find him but we he left a note he went home to mommy again he missed mommy too much so they put an ad in the paper to catch for his capture because he went AWOL oh wow okay so he has to hide in neighbors houses while he's there his mom ends up dying oh no now at this point very her last words were finally his dad now is the town drunk and so he can't handle anything and Benedict has to handle the funeral while he's taking care of his sister and

all the while his dad is stumbling around drunk his former employees are making fun of your mom she's not supposed to make me a goulash she's dead dad she died I know oh my god she's dead yeah she's yeah mom died we need to have you seen your mom she's supposed to make me no she's dead buddy she's dead dad yeah we are playing in the funeral really just gonna be a funeral yeah well she's well let me help you plan it no what's what we're talking about we need help with the planning and you know finances plan it for what your mom's funeral mom died your wife mom dead Hannah she's dead Hannah's gone yeah

yeah yeah she died oh my god okay I'm nothing without her yeah well you were nothing with her I mean you know it hasn't been I'm not with anybody but your mother bring her over here she'll say this I can't do she's dead she's what she's your mom dad wife died she died so of what fucking yellow fever dude where have you been everyone's getting it it's a thing at the bar I thought we decided that was over no no that's not how it works but I know I said the other day we were like it's done wait a minute if there's a yellow fever going on we must protect your mother at all costs yeah well she's dead she's she died you

just say your daddy mom died oh my god I just wish she sugarcoated it before you came out I'm so tired of telling you telling me what your fucking wife is dead you blush all right so church leaders are threatening his dad a judge you should an arrest warrant for dad quote bed and Nick Benedict Arnold senior of Norwich was drunk in said Norwich so that he was disabled in the use of his understanding and reason okay so he's too drunk to get it yeah he's too drunk to get anything at which I actually feel like was acted out pretty well just recently so Benedict has to go out searching for his dad every night

and drag him home dad finally dies in 1762 leaves his son in debt it's a shit family name now do you need a will for that I leave all my debt to my boy everything for you is fucked now you get all my bad stuff so Benedict then goes back to the apothecary training he does a really good job such a good job that when it's over his boss boss gives him more than what the norm is for what you get he got two sets of clothes I'm right there right there doubling your wardrobe and he got five hundred pounds which is a lot of money yeah okay he moved to New Haven and began calling himself dr. Arnold from London hmm now again this

sounds strange mm-hmm but it was okay right you could just yeah you do whatever you wanted to just say it I'm a surfer whatever you wanted to be you just very much like kindergarten that's right the president now he was saying this from London because you want to impress ladies who shopped at stores where the owner was had the latest London fashions okay so he ends up opening up an Emporium he's selling tonics and medicines and clothing and books and makeup and stuff sure no the shop like it no the shop like it in New Haven he's he's just killing it okay spends a lot of time with the ladies and he eventually

marries the daughter of a well-off New Haven's high sheriff okay Margaret Mansfield and they get married in 1767 Benedict is 22 over for the next five years they'd have three kids all all living living ones oh yeah if you get three living you quit I mean yeah basically like when you're done check roll yeah like walk away so he buys a ship and he starts captaining it you know like his dad was a captain and at 25 he has the respective crews now now is he if he's captaining a ship what are they what are they doing they're just yeah they're just transporting goods okay okay now back then feuds were often

settled with dual on ships sure yeah we established on a recent Q&A that's how the podcast will end that's right so Benedict never Bennett did not he didn't back away from fights okay at all right one of his first duels on while he was a captain it was with another captain of a different ship captain duel he'd been he'd been invited to the other captain ship for drinks but he didn't go and he didn't send word so the next day he did not take much he went to apologize and the captain yell quote you damned Yankee have you no manners and Benedict just took Benedict just took off his glove and handed it to him which meant we're

gonna have a duel that's very it's a different system so he felt I mean just just not sending word like there are evites I've forgotten to reply to yeah yeah and it never felt like an egregious affront well no one handed you a glove no I was never given a glove no yeah so that's how you do it gets the glove and so now they're gonna he knows what it be whoa all right wow he gave me a glove they have a duel they have a duel Benedict just graces his arm the other guy misses and then as they reload Benedict's like next time I'll kill you and then the captain's like I apologize I'm sorry okay so he went he went and he

I mean he didn't go to the guy's invitation and then the guy he wasn't gonna go yeah sorry he's he wins this round yeah no now I mean reloading must take a minute to have that long to be like you know what you're we're good you're right you're right no it takes a while for sure you got to pack it in and it's a whole thing really get it right yeah so Benedict very possessive of his sister Hannah who's 18 he chases off all of her suitors like anybody is coming for he's like get the fuck out of here okay all of them cool okay she never gets married oh okay so to the point where no but right so he was like you

will be alone yeah I'm defending your honor at that some point someone's got to be like so you're too into your sister or take my glove okay okay I have two so what I was just saying you're too into your sister put the gloves on okay they're on those look really good on you and jazz that's I love that that's cool I'm not good enough so yeah so she ends up moving to New Haven and helping run the store when he's away on the ship no men talked to you today did they no no no that would be terrible man come in we're any man in here talking to you did any man come in here and ask anything that wasn't shop related years you promised

no men came in today yes smells a bit manny in here but it might be me as I am a man hmm let's pretend a man did come in I'll be him oh hello Hannah no go away well I'm here well I want to do is buy some stuff from the shop no how much for this ink well here my brother's really too into me it's weird but it sounds like he's defending your honor how much well he's like now he sounds like he's got a good like me and he looks at my breasts what's the ink well gonna run a fella back how much for the ink well please take me get me out of here okay and scene now that was not great for you okay I'm sorry yeah next I got really into the

part I got really into it and yeah you revealed a lot and I'm not looking at your breasts I like your bro's how many times I have to tell you that when you don't have one on I'm wondering where it is okay Lord okay all right I'm gonna leave now but I'm gonna be watching okay man is in here longer than one minute he will get my glove okay all right I'm still in here Hannah darn now I am leaving so the British now let's talk about the British because they're the people lovely teeth good yeah they start putting in stricter laws they increase taxes and they crack down hard on smuggling now he trades with the

Spanish and the French which is considered smuggling he only supposed to trade with England sure it's fine so okay he joins a radical group calls this called the Sons of Liberty and they're gonna fight the stranglehold of the British have on trade and business motorbikes with jackets on motorbikes they throw cats at people when they drive by it's a whole thing yeah so they're intimidating anybody who enforces British laws like that's their deal some people are tart and feathered others others are burned in effigy like it's you know it's like okay threat real protests it's like something you would

do in Canada so Benedict keeps smuggling right he's not gonna stop which you know he's just doing business right one employee decides that Benedict didn't pay him enough and so he goes to the British to tell them that Benedict is smuggling okay so Benedict hears this guy is gonna go to the British and he goes to a tavern and he tells all of his sailors what this guy's up to so the sailors went and quote gave him a little chastisement which means they beat the shit out of him okay they made him agree to leave the town but he took too long to leave so they dragged him into the town commons lashed him to a post and

whipped him 40 times Lord that's why I always have it to go back yeah that's right that's the moral of the story yeah always go back I mean you should have an earthquake kit anyway absolutely just get some creamy potatoes in it or whatever I don't think okay so they yeah yeah I know how to prepare no in my earthquake kit there's you know I got all those foods for the apocalypse and I'm excited to eat them they're off diet you know no I macaroni talking about like it get both the earthquakes DVDs get his albums oh buy tickets for shows sure different banks okay Benedict ends up being charged for this guy's beating

and he's found guilty that'll be $40 no what yes two pounds but Narky on smugglers isn't good in New Haven because they're like a shipping town so they didn't know unlike the fact that this guy had marked on him so he just gets a light fine after getting these guys to beat the guy up okay and with him and this and then the court tells the Nark to leave town the courts like also get the fuck out of here well we've charged Benedict but we also find that you are a little bit of a douche get out you suck you're a bit of a yeah bit of a asshole now you also leave the court agrees that you are a bit of a

douche and you should leave still oh as ordered this man is a douche we find you to be a douche that's official like I'm officially oh yeah nobody's a fan of yours get out douche some is that legal like do I have to call my rock makes in the ocean douche get out so do I have to introduce myself as like hey I'm douche Jenkins you could introduce yourself but you don't need to everyone will know douche get out okay this just seems like a weird court you know I mean like a bro court situation don't even well I'm just saying it seems it seems little bro when you when you officially call someone a douche I just thought

ish okay all right I gotta go pack your bags and go just like a regular douche take your douche bags okay boom all right yeah this is douche maybe you guys are the douches have you ever thought about maybe you're looking into a mirror douche you're seeing a douche reflection go douche okay douche what you do go bye bitches such a douche that guy was a real douche um so he because of this benefit comes a little bit of a town celebrity like everyone loves what he did that's the guy who's crazy that's the guy who beats the shit out of people tied to a pole for being a narc can I get an autograph new haven doesn't like

narks a friend at this point described Benedict quote something below the middle height well-formed muscular and capable of great endurance okay so it sounds like his wife Margaret had depression a biographer quote she was as gloomy as Benedict's mother had been only more silent and uncommunicative oh good lord so that sounds awesome wow what a okay Hannah had to step in and run the household for Margaret she apparently did not write at all when Benedict was at sea and that till a bummed him out okay I think like in general she okay no whenever you see she didn't so quote I have now been in the

West Indy seven weeks and not heard a syllable from you since I left home and quote I am now under the greatest anxiety and suspense not knowing if I write to the dead or the living not having a heart not having heard the least syllable from you these four months I have wrote you almost every post so he's just all his letters are just like lady getting angry and angry wifey yeah that's to his sister though no that's who is his wife that's his wife okay okay okay so he's just always upset cuz she never writes back right sure he built a big home with a secret staircase and a special area to store the fanciest boots look that was

that's how it was sent to me secret staircase which I love and a secret boot place here's the special boot area don't pull that candle down if you do you'll see some boots where is the secret staircase go to the boot room what is a secret staircase to the boot you want to see it yeah this way see doesn't even feel like you're on stairs does it well it looks like you could just have a regular it's like a regular staircase but you just put a wall in front of it yes yes but don't even bring it up it's a curtain yeah but it looks weird it looks like there should be something here but there's nothing here I know and there is

but don't tell anyone yeah but it looks odd of stairs it looks like a bad use of course it looks like it doesn't look like your regular set of stairs it's hidden behind a curtain why you come walk with me put on these boots I'll show you why in a minute come on no just now look okay the boot room we're gonna go to okay look the secret staircase leads to this this is where the magic happens this is where I like to come and relax and put on different pairs of boots and be characters so so you built a secret staircase that goes no no no no there's no staircase okay so you didn't build a staircase that goes to a room of boots

I didn't build a staircase and I have a boot room that's how it I like to say it but yes basically so tell anyone if you put on these put these boots on but the boot room at the end of the staircase is not be a debutant right yes so how do people get there well they wouldn't have it wouldn't be able to get there because there's no staircase a winky winky do you see no it's nuanced there is no staircase but there is a boot room good luck finding it you'll have to pull this curtain back here put these boots on they have spurs jingle jingle you're a cowboy if we have those I'll put these ones on do look at me my

name's Penny Delilah have you have you ever considered that you're insane like you well I like a boot room hmm do you know how to country line dance yes I'm British how would I not of course you do of course all right well we should probably leave but how well we'll take the fucking scared staircase you're pretending is not there I could tell we're gonna be lifelong pals I don't think so I think you're my friend no the best you don't have any friends because all you talk about all my shoulders I'll hold yours what I love you Clark it's a Brett either way so yes so he has a secret boot and so okay he's now the

richest man in New Haven after one after one journey he came home and Margaret refused to sleep with him she's like I'm not having sex with you okay it sounds like there's some real problems in this relationship well turns out she's not talking to him she's not talking in general and she's done sleeping with him well it turns out there's a rumor that he had picked up an STD in the Caribbean oh oh what he's got the old siphels he's got the goners of the siphels I don't know okay so so she was like all hell bent on keeping her nose or something yeah and he denies it he's like a women I did not that didn't

happen she doesn't believe him so he gets depositions from the men on his ship saying that he was all of you come here we're gonna write this in the record I was not fucking was I thank you and then he passed out all the depositions around town here you are I don't think we've met my name is Benedict Arnold how are you on the richest man in town I do not have a secret staircase he's a piece of paper that will assure you I have not been cheating on my wife and even if I did my penis is fine so are my balls so there you go nice to meet you I live over there take that home to be feel free to

tell people you there sir good sir hello hello there sir this is a piece of paper I'm Benedict Arnold have we met I don't believe so many people we haven't met what's your name my friend it's got a lovely my name is Clark Clark nice to meet you now I just want to let you know something if you were to have a look at my penis and my testicles you would see nothing wrong thank you sir good day nothing I'm going to screw it along now well I'll tell you what I don't scoot anywhere I'm fine do not love my wife and even if I cheated on her which I didn't believe me everything's fine down there you sound like a man whose brain

has been invaded by syphilis impossible my brain is perfect miss here hello there hi I'm fine ball and penis wise okay bye bye bye bye there's a terrible man over there talking about balls and penises a terrible man with a fine ball instead of penises switch that we're done he so after he passed out the as we just saw all of the depositions she started having sex with me and she's like all right so well you're clearly wouldn't go that far penis and balls were right all right you I don't say a lot but yes he still met with the Sons of Liberty in these organizing boycotts on British goods

he was elected the head of New Haven's militia and then they heard that fighting and started in Lexington the battle Lexington he rounds up 60 men he goes and demands the gunpowder supply from the town and then he he goes he sets off and he comes up with a plan to take the British Fort Ticonderoga and the the first guy he pitches to was like no it sounds dumb and then he pitches it to his superiors and they're like no we love that and the first guy is like well fuck you and the reason he wants it is because there's cannons and there's a ship there like there's goods to be had so he's put in charge of that mission to

go get it but then the first guy he got into he gets Ethan Allen when his green mountain boys to do it instead so this is like two guys that are supposed to be in charge now a little confused okay so so what why is he why did he rally the militia again because there's a battle and they're fighting the British they start this is gonna fight the British so he wants the gunpowder he asked to do the dudes like no and then he goes a step above them they're like oh that's a great idea so then that other dude who'd like nixed it he goes to Ethan Allen he's like you guys should get a bunch of gunpowder from now not gunpowder no

attack a fort they're gonna attack a fort oh there you should attack the fort the fort of the British yeah it's it's Benedict's plan okay okay so he basically takes Benedict's plan and gives it to Ethan Allen and his guys and he's like you do this that's right okay so when Benedict hears this he's pissed and he takes off to catch Ethan Allen to say I'm in charge okay so he finds the green mountain boys and they're drinking in a tavern and he goes in he says look I'm in charge on the guy run by the way if you were to have a look at my penis and balls you'd see nothing but perfect skin also I'm not a fan of this plan you

stole a mine here's a deposition about my dick yeah so they are filthy dicks something I wouldn't know what it looks like so they they end up making fun of him and they start making fun of his high voice while dancing on tables in the tap at a high voice so that's that's not happening now they're obviously not gonna follow him they've made that very clear he ends up you guys should take the four I've got a secret staircase it sounds like something I would do if I was one of the green mountain boys yeah so he ends up compromising with Alan right they talk any compromises and so they're gonna co-lead in the tech okay

each with their own troops okay great so it's good thing it's a merger so they get there the British are not expecting it at all there's a guy who's supposed to be on guard one more lamp please yes that's something nothing okay another lamp so they get there and there's a guy who's supposed to be on guard he's just sleeping by a door that's cracked open like they couldn't close the door so wow so really not doing a good job in anyway I mean when they say for just leave this open while I have a bit of a kit I say for it is probably just like a house with a door up anyway okay but still the guard I mean yeah it's not

great it's not what you're supposed to sleep again I mean on guard pretty straightforward so they rush in the the Americans just rush in a naked British office it's chaos a naked British offers running around with just his coat on asking asking a superior what to do what should I do I need to find my patroons what should I do oh gosh almighty I told you this is why I shouldn't just wear a waistcoat look at me I look like Donald bloody duck oh well you'll hold off until I get some pantaloons on no oh boy I'll tell you part of me thinks we shouldn't hang out naked yeah that was a bad idea they

easily take the fort no one is shot it's very do we know why the guy was naked he must have been sleeping I would imagine oh sure then the green mountain boys find the liquor and just start getting shit-faced okay and then they start looting and Benedict wants them to just take control of the weapons because they need to get the weapons to American troops but they're just grabbing whatever they can and he physically finds that I'll bet he finds that a little I bet that's a trigger for him to based on his father's alcoholism it totally I mean Dave I think you could what what are you talking about

understand put yourself in his my dad was wonderful okay he's actually physically ripping stuff out of the hands of the green mountain boys at one point gets in give me that a tugging match over a sewing table that was an old woman's who's just sitting there crying oh my god so Ethan Allen ends up pulling a gun on Benedict and this is taking a turn removes him from command and Benedict just stands there reciting military laws that forbid looting as the men are looting now they're drunk so they start shooting their guns occasionally they've been shoot at Benedict Benedict can miss him wow he finally locks himself

in a room and starts writing a report about the situation that's happening this is crazy this is a very okay so they break in there's a nude guy they take it the green mountain boys get so drunk that they're like we deserve everything and he's like have you no respect come on and they're all like let's kill him and then he's like that's it he likes a fellow in a room and he's like dear government there is some bullshit going on that's right okay okay so Ethan Allen also writes letters and in his letters he completely leaves out Benedict he says a man named Easton had led the Massachusetts militia now Easton and

Benedict hate each other okay so he's given a guy that he hates all the credit okay right okay Allen's letter gets sent around to influential patriots so this is what people are thinking is the reality sure okay so it's just regular media being media now now Benedict isn't done he's like the job's not over so he hears a ship is coming to recapture the fort a British ship so he takes a ship and heads for it to stop it and capture it and this is the first naval attack in US history wow okay so if the British were just like it looks like that's another bird couldn't be that's not how it's done yes go right

could be another British ship must be couldn't be anything besides that yeah I'll say there really approaching quite quickly isn't it of course it is but doesn't matter I mean what could it possibly do yes not like it would attack us but I guess I should pitch you your dreaming mate holy fuck what are they doing so he gets to their camp at night and he overpowers them all and he takes the ship okay again very the luxury of first yeah on the way back they come across Ethan Allen and his men who when he took off in a ship he didn't tell me was going on the ship he just left and why would he yeah and they are now they

have been rowing after him for four days and they forgot to bring food because they were so mad they just got in the bus and they're starving and they're freezing that is that is a hungover move let's go and then they're just like oh it's taking forever what do we have to eat oh no so Benedict bring Benedict brings them on and gives them rum and food and takes care of them in that order well probably very starving where's the rum and after this Benedict has made the commanding officer Ethan Allen is now plotting behind his back and he holds a meeting with the other officers that are under Benedict they

don't tell Benedict about it even though he's in charge okay one guy named Brown hates Benedict because Benedict's cousin had fired him from a job once okay so so there is a mutiny afoot and he has no clue yeah not even mutiny they're just keeping him out of all the planning okay so it's a click it's like yeah I click or yeah they're just they don't like don't tell Benjamin so Benedict charges in Benedict screams at them Easton screams at Benedict so he quote took the liberty of breaking his head so Benedict hits him over the head with his sword not that he doesn't stab me is it and then he challenges Easton to a duel and

he broke his head yeah well he must have split it open okay he challenges the duel Easton refuses the duel so Benedict keeps kicking him and tells him to get out of the fort so I mean the again dual culture is so hard to relate to yeah because it's like so if he had agreed to the duel he'd stop kicking his ass but why not just kick his ass if you're kicking his ass why do this sort of like official you know let's let's do this right well let's do this right I think he challenges it to do the guy says no and then he treats him like a dog and starts kicking him I think that's what happens okay so he's disgusted by

the fact that this guy's like I do not want to fire guns at each other he's a god you suck yeah basically okay so after this Alan Easton Brown and others they like start a little campaign to undermine Benedict rumors and you know just eventually his penis is so weird don't tell anyone he has a secret staircase oh shit we must know about this eventually all of these rumors that they're starting they lead to Benedict being recalled from the fort and his command taken away do what kind of rumors do you know so he's accused of mismanaging funds okay now he had

actually been using his own money to pay the soldiers needs right whatever they need food any goods he's paying for it and these other guys are saying he's stealing the money so he resides and he goes home he's like fuck this shit I'm out of here okay he gets home he learns Margaret has died so now he's got three he's got three kids Hannah yeah Hannah is taking care of him but he you know he also has really bad gout oh god which is just what happened back then needle foot okay after a while he starts H&E wants to go back to war so he goes and he pitches to George Washington attacking the Brits in Canada now Washington as

respect for him so Washington agrees but he says look you got to go clear your name first of this shit with the money bring me some of their teeth that's right anything I'll do so he goes up to Massachusetts to clear his name and he meets with this you know committee court or whatever and they say he owes the state money when the opposite is true yeah so it and it's all based of the the persistent rumors that he was misallocating funds basically yeah these guys are been telling all their friends and other patriots like this guy's and this the courts like we have plenty here say so we already know what happened

there's so much hearsay they basically the committee's been basically listening to Alan and the other guys for months and so they don't believe Benedict and he's like no you owe me money I paid for everything you owe us money he pulls out a ledger and says look here's the ledger of all the money I paid and they say well there's no receipt your ledger and shove it up your ass you know they're like there's no receipts with the ledger so there's no receipts so take the ledger and shove it up your ass and one of the people they want receipts from is Easton so the whole thing is just fun so he's like hey bud yeah I know you've

been coming up with all the bullshit about me do you have receipts from that time that proved that what you said is wrong God this is awkward want some boots so the court ends up chastising him for returning home to grieve his wife I mean it's all bullshit but even if it were true the idea that it's like you were too sad because of the death and that's really not okay he ends up not only money because they can't prove that but the case leaves the impression to people that he's obsessed with money that he's all about money that's what everyone like the public opinion okay anyway after this though he can start

his Canada plan right because he did clear this he takes this on the chin and then he can go to Canada and attack the Brits so he gets a thousand soldiers and they're gonna travel by land and water they're gonna have boats that they carry and then they get in a river or whatever so he orders 200 boats to be built dream and they're gonna pick it up in a town on their way so when they get there where the town is the boats are a disaster they're too small well we wasn't sure what you were looking for so a lot of these boats have air aerated bottoms to them ways to get oxygen into the lower parts of the ship that you

could see right here and then that's also not areas where people could peep out of you what you just described is not a boat well you know some of the fellas thought you might say that but um this is it has an air-rated bottom that's not and that's gonna allow a great air current and water to go through yeah no you sound like some of the other guys yeah and water but the goal here is to let in a little bit of water so that there's good air current you're gonna get so hot out there no I don't need air it comes to the top of the boat the bottom of the boat is sealed all right I think you're gonna like this boat this

here is what we call a bicycle boat and you see that it has the shape of a bicycle but we put a sail on it okay I gotta go this is pretty good no it's terrible that'll be $20,000 Jesus fuck yeah so right so 200 boats they're a disaster they're too small badly cocked made from a heavy wood that shrinks at which leaves gats we decided we would use this sort of heavy wood and what we love about this is sure it's heavy which we know is not ideal but this will shrink the vessel to an eighth of its original size okay that's not good I don't need that yeah but so you once you got you guys will go out there on a big

boat and my hope is that you do not shrink with it but of course we don't know how the Lord works so there's a potential that you become tiny no but once you get it far on your journey you will be on a baby ship it'll be like the size of a rowboat or some sort of dingy or some something like that now the money is what we're after yeah no I really heard that you are not a big pay guy okay off and you're an idiot okay okay that's a lot of the guys said you might say that who are these guys why didn't you listen to them they are subordinates you're just a you're just a moron have you ever built a boat before

have you do you know what a boat is I've learned what a boat is in the recent days yes and what I hate and a bore about the boat is the inability to have bottom holes it is so stupid that's the entire purpose of a boat is so it doesn't sink so you don't I know that now dumbass why are you calling me a dumbass you build because you're the guys making me feel dumb and I will bounce back at you with how you're making me feel you stupid built sinkboats here here's what I can give you so much wood and you all can just lay on it and float upon it which I think is gonna be great by the way this is all shrinking

wood well there's no regular wood here that's not what we want well now everyone's saying that God you are such an idiot so so pissed off at you right now so he gets the he takes time to get the bottom of the boats repaired okay and also the boats are crazy heavy they're supposed to carry them between like rivers and stuff but what we did was we weighted these heavily so that it is going to be hard on the body of water but carrying them will be very precarious so they head out after a little delay now the map that they have had been altered by a British likes Army clerk spy guy to send them the wrong way okay

so they also are delayed because it turns out most of the men don't know how to navigate rapids so there's just a lot of getting out and waiting through the water sure seems like a bit of a shit show yeah winter's getting close one night to go to sleep in wet clothes and woke to find their clothes quote frozen a pain of glass thick how do you even sleep oh so the boats are carrying 45 days of food in water and then food and then water gets in because the boats are so shadily made the they're not checking the food boats all the time so by the time they go to look at them the food barrels have split open rotten fish

maggoty meat spoiled flour they only had a small supply of food left salt pork and some flour because they're taking too long and the map is bad so so completely on this on this show I would say what would you say 80 to 90% of boat journeys are done or journeys are done and buy food issues yeah always there's always always they didn't bring enough they didn't bring the right food they lost the food stolen the food sunk the food went bad yeah okay they were supposed to make it to Quebec in 20 days so they're crossing freezing swamps and then they reach a pond that has water so they drink it and then 10 men I'm sorry

a hundred men immediately get painful painful diarrhea Lord it's just the so he has a log hospital built very quickly well it sounds like that they definitely need help with logs and then a hurricane hits okay so he builds a hospital for the diarrhea and then a hurricane destroys the hospital for the diarrhea that's right so a bunch of gear floats off some food floats off good rations are now down to like a starvation level amount of food for each guy some men start eating candles and cartridge boxes Jesus Christ I mean what like I just oh man I'll tell you that wick is like spaghetti I at you the

level I don't think I I think I would just die I think I would just yeah I I wouldn't be interested in this I'd be like okay I think we're good you know yeah like wrap it up hey let's put a candle that's good there is absolutely nothing of value in a candle that there's no no you are basically you're just putting something in your stomach yeah to just buy you but I remember when I was a child I had that cherry chapstick and I was in the car with my dad and it smelled so oh yeah just inviting I've done this and so I put I put it all out and I bit half into it and it doesn't taste no it doesn't at all but it smells so good you

think it's gonna taste so good I bet every kid is eaten or tried to eat cherry chapstick I but from my just low-level research not everyone so it takes two months to get there well instead of 20 days of 1100 men 675 make it well but most of the soldiers praise Benedict for his courage and bravery did it really good this is really good Washington praises him but by the time they get to the British in Quebec are totally expecting them they're like oh yeah you guys finally made it so there's no surprise attack possible so he waits for a general Montgomery to join him with his troops and then they're gonna

attack okay so it's much different vibe now yes so they end up attacking on New Year's Eve 1775 it's a fucking disaster Montgomery's immediately killed Benedict leads his men into a trap he's shot in the leg he wakes up days later to hear how badly it all went he was forced to withdraw safe just some candle boss he's forced to withdraw his troops to forked Tayekon Daroga he he burns everything he thought would help the British even shooting is on horse when it couldn't get across water Jesus so his actions in this whole thing make him the first Revolutionary War hero I'm sorry how are we defining hero well none of the

stuff that happened because he just made a big swing none of the stuff that happened was his fault okay really I mean it's the guy who made the boats it's the but he went he fought and he lost but it all drank pond water got diarrhea died in a hurricane had to eat candles and then he lost the battle yes that's a real hero but have you heard of America well promote this man look how awesome we are he was promoted to bring in your general there we go and next he convinced leaders to build ships to stop the British from moving south on Lake Champlain because they're building ships on the north okay so he works under

General Horatio Gates and the British ships are very big and very strong so Benedict has lighter smaller quicker ships built figuring out telling me you're not gonna rehire me for this job no sir it was what you did last time a lot of guys died a lot of guys fucking died because I have a lot of guys I have a I've had time to reflect well different model look please let me finish a lot of I've thought of a different I've thought of a different model okay I think you're gonna be pretty impressed with it no these are called sinkers okay I have to go walk you may I walk no walk me through it I don't want to walk you through

how the sinker tell me one time these are boats that will not float okay that's not a both a person more of many people opponent however yes what does however mean I've been you misusing that's where you stop and you say that's why this works instead that's why this works however that's why this works what so it doesn't float so that's why it works the I'm not gonna have to try to I'm not look if you don't want to work with me you don't want to work I'm not gonna sit here and do a song and dance but I will walk you through it again these are the sinkers I don't need a seconder these are boats that they're not both where you

need to go they are boats look at the shape of them it sinks they yes they are yes they are sick look why don't you tell me what you want in a boat that floats that you can put men in and supplies you can put men in this and it's like it's one water it won't work however however what mommy again how to use it then you say something like however this boat is very effective or whatever how thank you you made my pitch for me so you admit these are effective boats alright Mr. Arnold I will take you your deal here you are that'll be a lot of money by the way no if you guys get a chance drink from pond okay stop talking completely

alright so they build the ships and quote tiny ships tinier ships yes quote solid ship so Hannah writes him also and says like the shop is closed because with the war on no one's buying anything everything's fucked so quote if you ever return you will find yourself a broken merchant so he's got no money he shot in the leg so the guys the guys also who talked shit about him they're still at it they haven't stopped so all this time he's been off Eastman and all those are still saying he's a piece of shit yeah Brown said things like quote money is this man's God so they're really paying him to be all about fucking

money and not honor right I mean we see we you see that in our culture today so simply where it's like it doesn't necessarily matter how what the if the stigma is connected to truth or not once it's out there people are just gonna beat that drum because people buy stuff so simply yeah an officer an officer Benedict had punished for insubordination started saying he had plundered in Canada so now he's saying oh this guy's looting right Brown also took up that cause and said and was spreading that rumor to Gates but what wouldn't plundering insinuate that there was success yeah but they can plunder when they're moving

in and out like they're going through a smaller town to get to go back they can plunder there okay okay gotcha right so Gates right is the general in charge of everything then orders Benedict to undergo a court-martial okay and the court based on the stuff he's hearing yeah and the court is packed with people who hate Benedict Brown turns it into an attack on Benedict's character instead of evidence implying he's a dishonest thief Benedict stands up for himself it turns into a screaming match just between him and the officers and Benedict love ends up challenging all the officers to a duel yeah glove them up

glove them up Rambo none of them accepted I'm gonna have to write some IOUs for gloves that's how many I want to be handing out another glove and this one's my foot glove and my other is a sock underpants here take a piece of my hair have my glasses here you are take the watch gentlemen now and they all say no they'll say no and now Benedict has no idea that he has another secret enemy Jesus General Gates hates him well that's not a good guy to be working with but he thinks they're friends but he's the one who just so does he not know what Gates has just done basically well he knows Gates told him to have a court

martial he doesn't know he just figured that was how he convinced okay right okay okay so Gates is writing lies about him and taking credit for all of Benedict's accomplishments that happened so whatever goes wrong he blames on Benedict and whatever goes right he takes credit for so Benedict thought he's like where he thinks this guy's friends and he's telling him everything and then the guy and the gates is using it against him how are they finding out this stuff the only person I'm telling is my best friend in the world you Gates so he goes after the court martial which is nothing happens but he goes back to

building the ships and when he's done he ends up sitting up a little trap and surprisingly British fleet and he managed to sink one British ship but then the British boats are just bigger and stronger so they fight for hours and then the British take a break but they pin the they pin the American boats in against an island so they're gonna they're gonna kill them in the morning stop for a bit of a tea maybe bite to eat what do you think they're gonna kill them in the morning they're gonna time out rest get some time out have some biscuits bit of chocolate mmm yeah we've got some lovely quality strip and that

around here's the chocolate key never look at what you're getting I've got a caramel yeah are we what are we doing now we're pounding around a box of quality street chocolate but only have one it's a bit like dope you're just puffed past but here's the here's the choco key so this will coordinate what chocolate you're having with the picture corresponding picture you see there you are we're having war but we're fine when we're having a bit of a break aren't we we just have a minute I just it's just so here look look you're once you have a try this coconut oh absolutely that's lovely that's lovely

we'll try that you know lovely no yeah yeah yeah yeah oh gosh we're down to the roses you know not the best bit turkish to lightish but well that is what it is whoa fuck it has been two days so so they pin them in planning to do them off in the morning when they're nice and rested so cocky but a fog comes and Benedict takes his ship and squeezes them through the blockade they can hear the Brits talking on their ships as they're going past them that's how close they are she's such an idiot that Arnold and then they fucking haul ass so the Brits in the morning get up they're like what the fuck and they chase after

them Benedict turns his ship around and fights the British to let his other ships get away and then he turns and goes back through the British so he does like an amazing move and gets back through the right okay they all make it to the fort and then they burn the ships so the British can't use them wow some historians think Benedict's leadership during this mission saved America from losing the Revolutionary War wow and the British greatly respected what he'd done and began calling him the American Hannibal and the most enterprising and dangerous American they had faced and a quote devilish fighting fellow so they

have total respect for him like this guy's genius right Congress does not fucking care they only see that he burned the ships they're like what the fuck did you do to the ships I'm sorry they're they're pissed they're like you could have gotten the ships yeah is that what they're saying no they're saying you burned your own ships so the British couldn't take them you're an idiot those were our ships and he's like but the British got yeah but you didn't win the right way turns out Brown had been going to Congress and spreading rumors and telling all the congressman he was bad he even printed up anti Benedict

pamphlets that he handed out so he's literally got a little Benedict Arnold sucks book that he's handing to Congress congressman Bennett dick here read this and this is all to stop him from being promoted okay so Easton has also worked in the river mail although the people that he commands and the soldiers they fucking love him they love Benedict Arnold and he fights to get them pay and he works on prisoner exchanges there they think he's super brave in war but Congress is refusing to promote him five men junior to Benedict are all promoted to major general above him and he's now pissed

and he assumes what he'd done in battle would be what mattered not politics but he's being passed over and when you're passed over like this it it's Congress telling you to retire they're saying you should fucking stop give it up right so Washington is like please don't retire and he goes to Congress and he says did you guys make a mistake on this Benedict Arnold thing it's it's amazing to think of a time when Congress like had power that's how it was conceived right but it's it's just amazing to be like for the president to be like hey listen hey guys hey help me out come on Congress so the British attack in

Connecticut super outnumbered Benedict rushes up there and holds them off for a bit again declared very brave well you know great job and then because of that he's finally promoted to major general but the other guys that had been promoted ahead of him are officially above him even though he should have been promoted first so right that he and Washington don't like that so he asked Congress for a hearing over his conduct and the money that he is owed for paying for all the soldiers it doesn't go well Congress says they don't know him they don't owe him any money he owes the US $9,000 and by the way that's not like I

know what he's doing that because he is owed but it's probably not going to help the take that he loves money so much that's right that's right yeah oh look who wants money like I need to serve the money here we go again the money is the guy yeah well yeah here we go he's gonna catch 22 because anytime he asked for the money that he's owed they're gonna be like oh here's the guy well let me guess you want more money it comes money bags so um so yeah so he they say he owes fucking $9,000 is also like a shitload of money so he resigns in protest the next day Washington asked for a general to save New York because

there's a big British you know general up there attacking and Congress tells Benedict to go even though he's just resigned okay no no he still goes wow and again he's serving under General Horatio Gates and he gets up there and he volunteers to rescue Fort Stanwyks which nobody wants to do this everyone's like I'm not fucking doing that that is just a lose lose situation like okay it's just like an unwinnable situation so the British had paid Native Americans so they have a big Native American Army and Benedict catches this Dutch guy who works for the British as a scout and as a he's like recruiting okay and they're

like we will hang you unless you go and tell the Native American troops and the British Army that there is a huge American Army coming okay and they also grab it they grab a Dutchman and he's like unhand me what you're doing and they're like we will you go there and tell him there's a bunch of us he's like oh okay fine and they also hold the Dutch guys brother hostage and say they'll kill him if he doesn't do it wow so that's a motivator yep so Dutch guy goes and does it and the Native Americans bail the British Army bails and Ben it captures the fort without a fight wow I mean again it is like they're just you

know it seems so obvious now because of tactics but that they were like wait he lied to us hold on now I've never heard of anything quite like this so Benedict still thinks he and Gates are friends you are my best I don't even know what we're laughing you don't have a lot of friends I know it is so fucked God I love us I really do I just love us that's funny to say what a funny word asses us hey Gates hey Gates my sides hurt laughing it up with my BFF with my bestie hey hey Gates you're so dumb hey Gates I have no idea man it is good to laugh it is just good to laugh with my buddy with my buddy buddy buddy with my

best buddy with my best pal ever with my best best friend so things start to become tense between their staffs okay and Gates and Benedict staff start getting into fistfights and Gates starts writing to Congress about how much he hates Benedict and talking shit about him a little more public yeah it must be public or maybe it isn't they could just be confidential and Congress is buying all the shitty rights at one point one of Gates aides tries to stab one of Benedict's aides to death and wasn't and hey best hey best buddy so hey my best man friend so what are your servants yeah this is not an indictment anyway because I know the bond between BFFs is like an

umbilical yeah yeah but what are your staff tried to stab someone on my step yeah how about that I know it's like yeah why can't they just kind of be like us be bros I know right what is up with that I think it's so like really yeah yeah yeah it's totally cool it happens you know war war you're just gonna chalk it up to I mean I believe whatever you say because yeah no it's not everything I heard about it sounds like even if he had killed them it's like yeah I get it I get it really I well hold on a second I feel like if he killed him that would just be I just like slit his throat right open he was just like they just watched him die yeah I think that's all right buddy if you say

so it's war you know I mean I mean we're on the same side and everything but are we no I believe me I know we're on the same side good we are if there's two guys who are on the same side more I'd like to meet them but here we go again so Gates gives Benedict command and then takes it away so he's gonna have him I guess go fight or something and then he goes nah so Benedict is super offended and a British general is just blowing through New York advancing and Benedict is like we got to attack this guy and Gates is like no let's wait Gates always wants to wait he never wants to go and fight and Benedict's like we got a

fucking go so they repeatedly go back and forth and and finally Gates gives in and lets him tacky lets him have a small number of troops to attack so they meet in a field and Benedict leads just crazily after hours the fighting is still going on and Benedict races back to get Gates to send reinforcements and Gates is like nah I don't think we should do that and then he won't let Benedict return to the battle he's like no you're staying here so you can't go back the men lose without him there and wow the next day all the soldiers are talking about how brave Benedict was and how much leadership he had a captain

quote he'd won the admiration of the whole army so everyone's like this Benedict guys the fucking shit okay so Gates is now super fucking jealous and they're in separate tents on in the camp and Benedict writes him a letter saying do better next time and you're clearly jealous of me okay so Gates is fucking livid and letter treatment back that is I mean that's that's very that's like you know what it used to be like why don't you tell Frank that I don't need to talk to him hey Frank he doesn't want to talk to you why don't you tell Jake that I understand he doesn't want to talk to me and that's a two-way street hey Jake

Frank doesn't want to talk to you either that's what it's like we're gonna be on degenerate show if you're right yeah so so obviously things are off the fucking rails now sure Gates is furious he sends a report to Congress about the battle he does not say a word about Benedict and and then he has friends in DC spread rumors that Benedict hit isn't hid in his tent the whole time so he made him so he couldn't go back yeah and then he's like he didn't want to go back and then he bans Benedict from a since making any suggestions and stopping by him to meeting so he's just fucking iced out so he's iced out a general yeah the

best general right he removes all soldiers from Benedict's command so he's essentially just a general in a tent he's in charge of a tent right which is fun I've been in charge of a tent before so Benedict loses and he charges into Gates tent and they get into a big screaming match and Gates pretends he didn't know that Benedict Benedict had been made major general he's like I didn't know that and then he's like and he's like I also don't really believe it like you're just saying it but I don't know if that's true what okay so Benedict is about to resign he's like fuck this shit but then every soldier in the camp

signs a petition asking him to stay okay one officer said he was quote the life and soul of the troops so he stays weeks go by there's another battle that breaks out in Saratoga and Gates is like let me I mean Benedict is like let me go and see what the British are up to and Gates is like I don't trust you and you really have nothing to offer the army you're not that good at this shit it's me it's just how much everything is just ruined by pricks so simply and it's just like baked into our history where just an ego maniacal prick is enough to just undo so much so simply yeah so Benedict then tries to sneak off to you know see

what the British are up to you're not gonna go be a war hero are you back here my friend yeah they capture him and they you know now he's now he's locked in the tent basically so he starts he starts trotting around camp on a black stallion named Warren so he goes and gets his gets a horse a fancy horse and he's he's trotting around on it one officer said he was quote sort of like dressage he was quote betraying great agitate agitation and wrath okay so the chiefs the troops leaving for a battle see him and they all fucking cheer they're like yeah Gates is on a whore I mean Benedict's on a horse let's go Gates meanwhile is just

lounging with his buddies right his aides he's just hanging out kicking it in chairs and shit and Benedict rides by and shouted quote no one shall keep me in my tent today if I am without command I will fight in the ranks come on victory or death and then he gallops into the battle oh my god so he's like it I mean he's like a teenager has been grounded too long for the wrong reason it's like I'm done I'm going he takes the lead it's amazing it's amazing to think that like in this era a spell I guess in this era too that like you it just would seem so incongruent with what you like if someone's like I'm gonna go

die in battle you'd be like go ahead but there's so like he's so good that they're willing to it's I mean again it's just the ego play is so strong yeah so he takes lead of a contingent of men and of course you know he's fighting amazing again he he's so good that a captain described him that day as quote the very genius of war now Gates never left his tent the whole right never left his tent Benedict never left the battlefield on that day the British end up retreating and they leave cannons behind and Gates have Gates have been in charge that would have been it but Benedict is like let's keep attacking and he and the

British retreat and form a line and he sees a we're running stop it stop chasing us it turned out a former line and Benedict sees a weakness and he charges himself in the lead and a bullet his horse goes down and as this horse is going down he gets shot and get shot in the leg and then the horse lands on top of his leg and shatters his leg and he's pinned under the horse but from under the horse he's still commanding his men and when a soldier goes to bayonet the Brit who had shot him Benedict said no because quote he's a fine fellow he was just doing his job what and the British and this is like

surrendering not him he did what he wanted he was just following orders so wow he's carried off the field meanwhile Gates is throwing cards into a hat he's carried off the field as he's been carried off the field one of Gates's aid marches up and tells him he's been ordered back to it into his tent for disobedience but they take him to the hospital where doctors like we got to amputate this leg it's a fucking mess and Benedict's like nope you're not taking my leg if you give you take my leg I can never go into battle again so they give in and they call him peevish they call him peevish peevish sure what does that

mean easily irritated especially by unimportant things so oh oh yeah sorry you've got this guy about his leg is just this guy is fucking I want to keep my leg oh my lord hey who am I no no I'm a hero better than Donald try a little harder bingo as so he ends up keeping his leg now it's it's a massive an indictment on doctors yeah yeah it's gonna take forever to heal but this is maybe the most important battle of the war that he he won so he couldn't sit up for three months and after four months he was able to travel home when he gets there he's very depressed he had been given a

gold medal by Congress and named hero of Saratoga sorry Gates had been given a gold medal by Congress did I mess that up yeah Saratoga did I mess that up huh yeah so Ben it's just furious and he has no money remember he's broke Congress hasn't paid him in two years because they think he owes money and if he asks for it they're like here we go there's this fucking guy oh money money money so he starts learning how to walk again on crutches tries to tries to court a lady he's buying her golds and diamond with what little money he has and she's like no and finally just says get the fuck away from me okay he finally

gives up on her and then he goes to Valley Forge to meet with Washington because Washington says he has a job for him the British are evacuating Philadelphia and he wants Benedict to oversee it that was the great battery battle correct yes the great battery battle but battery battles but better but that's right so he wants Benedict to oversee Philadelphia and serve as military governor there and he's supposed to keep order and make sure the loyalist Americans and the Patriot Americans don't kill each other because it's all split down the middle everywhere okay I feel of he's in bad shape

there's just human shit everywhere churches have been desecrated shops have burned homes have been plundered the Eagles lost the Eagles lost British soldiers had cut holes or the floors of Patriot homes to use as toilets so Patriots are furious with their loyalist neighbors who helped the right okay right so he's good that's the situation he's going into the toilet the toilet move is that's pretty egregious so so that's what he's going into and he's not a politician he's a fighter right so it's not really the ideal job for him and he's very impatient and blunt to the point that people considered very rude

okay and he and the Patriots are not gonna get along okay not going to get along end of part one oh shit oh boy oh daddy a two-parter mm-hmm wow man I got to say you didn't I mean I know I know nothing but I don't think I don't think many I don't think many people know I just I mean the name the name again I'm familiar with the name but I'd I also felt like I mean whatever I I yeah I'd be this guy's crazy yeah a Terminator research by Brittany Cohen Brown and the sources Willard Stern Randall Benedict Arnold Patriot and Trader and Joyce Lee Malcolm the tragedy Benedict Arnold in American life yeah man we don't you know

we aren't taught anything about anything anything yeah anything about this guy we're just taught like and then this guy was a bad person that's all we know yeah that's what I was gonna say to me I figured he was a bad person why his name is synonymous with with you know being a traitor asshole so yeah right yeah but crazy that's just crazy wow all right well part two next week don't give me the finger happy Valentine's Day oh happy Valentine's Day my love my little lover boy you are my Valentine I'm crazy all right tata tootoo