The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 523 - The Great Flood

Episode Date: March 8, 2022

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine The Great California Flood of 1862. Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch

You're listening to the Dullip on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American History podcast, where each week, I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my friend. And Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about as you wave money in front of your face. It's a fan. Piglet. It's a fan.

Whoa. Those are all twos. That's huge. I'm celebrating our country's anniversary, one hundred and two hundred and thirty-eight. The show's dragging. Fuck. Fuck. You know what?

I'm going to need a little help here with the comedy. I'm here for you, baby. Bing-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong. There you go. Morning zoo. Are we a morning zoo? I hope this is someone's first time, because when they hear the comedy, they're going to be hooked, hooked, hooked in.

Oh, that combined with the fart and the booms, I think it's really got a good energy. Welcome, new listener. Good energy. Hello. If you're the new listener, what have we not done to retain you? And this week we're going to do another mailbag question-answer session. We'll throw up on Patreon, for those of you who want to enjoy the Patreon goodness, you can sign up for Patreon and get special, special content.

Yes. Quizzes, mailbags, extra podcasts. Seal, seal information. Nope. Nope. Nope. We talk about, we give different seal facts, what are the seals up to, what's the seal been doing?

He's a cat, and he's doing great, and he had a picture that broke the internet this week. He did. Okay, so deal with it. Deal with it. I would like to say that's my picture. Deal with yourself. What? Your picture.

How are you even? Why was I in it? You're just like, someone photoshopped. We're not doing this. Okay. We're not doing this. We're not doing this. We're not doing this.

I'm not doing this. January 10th, 1850, year of our Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you. A flood hit the newly established city of Sacramento. Now, no one really seemed to anticipate that this was going to be something that could happen because everyone was very new there. There was a gold rush, everyone just came. Okay.

Although John... Nobody... John Sutter... Nobody saw a flood coming. No one saw the flood coming. Interesting. Now, John Sutter had built his fort upriver because Native Americans told him that sometimes the valley becomes, quote, a inland sea.

And that was the last time we listened to Native Americans if America serves. You'll find out we don't listen to them. Whites, huh? Even in this story, you'll find out we don't listen to them. Wow. Because, Dave, the whites just have this inherent knowledge. Yeah, we get it. We know.

That people don't understand. That's right. It's just like, you wouldn't get it. That's right. You don't get it at all. Enough. How about this? Let the whites try for a little while, huh?

Why don't you? Thank you. Oh, wait. My camera just went to sleep. What the fuck? Good night, camera. It's your problem. Okay.

Oh, whatever. Now it's rolling. Okay. You're not very good at this. Okay. So it's time. Okay. Flood.

He's upriver. Right. So his fort's above the flood plain. And we talked about this. This is the John Sutter episode. People came up and found refuge at his fort when the flood happened. So most people live near the river for business reasons. That's where the boats unload and commerce.

Everything happens. Now, they'd all come for the gold rush. The flood just obliterates the new city. Homes are ripped off their foundations. They float away. There's tons of tents and shanties. They're just all destroyed. Livestock totally wiped out.

The Daily Alta paper quote, as far as the eye could reach, floating lumber, bales and cases of goods, boxes and barrels, tents and small houses were floating in every direction. Cool. So that's cool. It's just a good time. The sacrament undertow. The sac... It was a reach.

Difficult reach. Okay. So Sacramento has just turned into like a soup. It's a soup. It's a soup city. Okay. The city held elections the next month. And a gentleman named Hardin Bigelow ran on one...

Did Poseidon run? I would like to give it a shot. That's right. I have no idea what that means. Uh-huh. Okay. Good. Sometimes I get lost.

But finally. Uh, so he, uh, Hardin Bigelow runs on one thing. His whole platform is... Hardin Bigelow. Okay. Build levees. Levees. Okay.

That's his whole thing. He's just like, I'm going to be mayor and let's actually put a wall up around the river. Build the wall. It's all I got. It's all I got. He's the first Build the Wall guy. And okay.

People love it. It's a great idea. I think that's very logical. So he's elected as Sacramento's first mayor ever. Okay. All right. Yep. And, uh, immediately...

So this is back when people used to vote for their interests. That's correct. Although who's not going to vote, which party is going to be against levees? Oh, shut up. I mean, come on. Now, I mean, right now it would be... I'm not sure what the version would be, but it would... Levees aren't real.

Yeah, one party would be like levees aren't real, and the other would be like, we need to get levees in here, but then they would just fund big water to put more water in. So he takes over on April 1st. He immediately starts building the levees right away. But the city burned down later in April. Like three weeks later. There's a fire. This levee guy made a bunch of burnable shit.

That was just basically tinder. So they rebuild the city, uh, then cholera hits in October. Finally. 80% of the people in Sacramento leave, uh, as does Mayor Bigelow, but he still had it and he dies in October. Good God. Quite a run. We had a good, solid run.

But there's still... The building of levees is taking place. It's still going on without him. I mean, that seems like... That's like two problems ago at this point. You're like, look, we're not worried about that cholera, cholera is everywhere. Fire. Cholera.

Fire. Cholera. Uh, so the first levee was completed in 1852. And that year, the first big storm came in December and breached the levee and the city flooded. Great. Okay. So when he said build the levee, he was like, but we'll just do like baby levees.

Yeah. Basically. Uh, so two weeks later, two men were walking down the muddy 6th street and one man turned to look for his friend because he had walked in front of him and all he sees is a hat sitting on the mud. Shut up. So they were in Looney Town? His friend just sink-holded into the ground and his hat still remained?

It's just his hat in the mud. What do you think that's going to be, Chad, a billiard parlor? Chad. Chad. So he goes over and he lifts up, that picks up the hat and he sees bubbles coming up. Was there an organ playing with Laurel and Hardy? How cartoonish do you want it to be? So wait, he lifts up the hat and what does he see?

Bubbles. He sees bubbles? Yeah. And he heard, quote, help. This is not, I mean, this is Laurel and Hardy. The Sacramento Union newspaper, quote. The alarm was immediately given when a crowd repaired to the spot. A man tore a board from the fence adjoining, jumped on it, and forced his arms elbow deep

into the soft mud. Grasps hold. It's like freezing Arizona. Grasps hold of something which felt like air. What? How come he did it so the, okay, all right. So his buddy just sort of like right into the earth and then another guy's like, we got this.

And he puts his arm down to yank him out of the earth's board. He pulls a board, he pulls a board off a fence. I'll just use this useless levee. So that guy, we got all this dumb levee shit. So you won't sink, right, if you're on the board. And then he uses that to pull the guy up by his hair, as I'm sure the guy requested. Can you imagine he pulled out of the mud by your hair? How great would it be to be pissed?

What's your problem? That really hurt. You were dying in the mud. You don't have to yank me by my hair, I have my arms up. So they pull him up to the surface and others jump in then and keep trying to pull him out. Quote, while everyone was talking and asking questions, an Irishman exclaimed, and a dead man too, howly virgin be gracious. So they think he's dead because he's just covered in mud.

What is the Irishman trying to say? What did he say? And a dead man. So he thinks the guy's dead. And then he says, holy virgin be gracious, which I guess he's like. So he's like, the man's dead. So he's basically, yeah, right. So I mean, I'm not sure what you're praying for at that point.

Yeah, well, don't kill him. Don't kill the dead man. So they, so he's like this blob of mud. And then he yells, quote, damn nation, are you ever going to pull me out? And they throw water on his face and then they put boards around and under his arms and they pull him out. I like the attitude. I like the avoidance of gracious to the immediate anger.

It's kill the Irish guy. Put the Irish guy in this hole. Oh, Lord have already. So so this is another floods of sacrament who immediately rebuilds again, right? So there's been two floods in two years, although for the no more floods for the next 10 years overall the two decades from 1840 1860 are extremely dry. It's basically a long drought with a couple of floods in the middle. Cool.

So just wild weather. Yeah. California weather. Right. Yeah. So so farmers farmers in 1860, there's a terrible drought and farmers start praying for rain. Now there's about 500, 500,000 people living in California right now. This came for the gold rush most during the north.

The state has now hit hard economics times though because the gold rush faded and dudes just wandering around trying to figure out what to do. It's like now. Right. Yeah. It sounds very similar. So the state hires a geographer to figure out how much mineral wealth is actually in the ground.

They're like, what, what can we dig out of this state? Like what's underneath us? Let's get sellable. Yeah. What can we dig out? Like through a mother's jewelry box? It's exactly like that except it's a state. Right.

Okay. So he's wandering around looking for goods. Hey man, we're just trying to figure out what we could sell from below us. So what is this? Looks shiny. You think this could go for something? Yeah. I don't know.

It's called copper. I don't know if it's worth nothing. All right. What about this? This looks pretty cool. Look at this. Huh? Whoa.

Look at that. It's called lithium. Yeah. That could be huge. I don't know. All right. Look at this. Look at this.

Huh? Whoa. Dude, gold coins with chocolate inside. Yeah. Okay. That's just chocolate. And I bought those down at the store. So.

Oh yeah. You dropped it. I'm not. Okay. Um. We'll suck. You're what? Huh?

You're a geographer, right? Like you're. I'm the geographer? Yep. Oh. Weird. I was a geographer. Yeah.

You were very clearly initiated as the geographer. Let's take a turn. Yeah. All right. So yeah. Um. Yeah. No.

None of this is sellable as the geographer clearly from the get. Okay. Well, we tried. All right. None of it make none of it makes sense now. So. Well, I've only been a geographer for like 24 seconds. So what do I know?

No, I just I was one and then I just got fired recently. So you were one. Yeah. All right. Well, you were. Yeah. What the fuck, man? It's really awkward now.

So his name was William Brewer. And so he's Christian on the state and he writes that rain came in November. So the farmers and prayers are answered. Sure. But Brewer writes home complaining of the rain for a whole week. He's like, I don't like this. The rains. I'm trying to go.

Great to be on the receiving end of those letters. But he really just. Wow. He's the bummer. He's so boring. He hates the rain. He's sick of the rain. His feet are pruning.

His boots are ruined. He needs new jackets. Yeah. Gosh. Got a word about us. No, it's just about the rain sucks. Did I tell you guys the rain sucks? I need new boots or something.

I don't know. He's only been a geologist for like five days, I guess. I'm a geographer. Big difference. So get me started. Lot of missed details. So heavy rains come on December 4. Two days later, Mary'sville and Mary'sville is a little ways out of Sacramento.

Mary'sville lawyer Charles DeLong writes, quote, storming terrifically today. And tonight reminds me of 52. That's the right attitude. He's driving terrifically. Dying fantastically. Two days later. And he's writing this diary.

He writes, quote, the one day continual storm. The river up as high as it was its highest point last year. Nearly midnight, the rain still pours in torrents. Oh, no. Played cards in my office, came out $100 ahead and Dr. Mitchell owes me 120. The flood is upon us. Wow. It's just hitting the big details.

I want $120. We're about to drown. And I must get that money before the doctor passes on. The flood is upon us and I must judge will submerge Sacramento and ruin thousands of farmers. Found a quarter. Also found a quarter. Hank owes me some cash. Got to figure it out.

Drowning right now. Look, a gold necklace. So the next day, DeLong is awoken by alarm bells. The town bells are going off. Okay. Goes out to discover the hotel and other brick buildings in Marysville have collapsed. Okay. The river is four inches higher than it was in 52.

Entire town of Marysville is submerged. Okay. The Marysville appeal quote the frequent site of houses floating air like along with swift current was novel indeed some of being upright some bottom up some floating log cited. Who wrote that? The Marysville newspaper. Okay. Wow. Very, I mean, yeah, you would think that to stick around and write while it's all going, you know, up shit screen.

It's up. It's up is what they say. Yeah, it's up. Some houses are upside down. Some are regular. Some are on their side. Why am I writing this? The newspaper facility is gone.

So everywhere else is also flooded. It's a massive, massive storm. It's dumping tons of water all over the whole West Coast. San Francisco up to Northern California border. Up at the border, Northern California bridges are washed out in Shasta County. All these roads are impassable all over the state. The Sonoma Journal quote the rainy season opened this year with dam and it grows every successive storm in what degree of profanity it will end the deponent safety knot. The last part's a little.

I totally forgot what deponent means, but it's a word. Okay, sure. Is that helpful? Yeah, I think it's when you're an opponent of DuPont. That's right. You're a deponent. Okay. Someone's screaming at their podcast app right now.

Me. Me. So this is considered the worst storm they'd ever seen in California. Wow. And the Sierras. Okay, I guess I should explain this. So California has a ridge of coastal mountains and then there's a big valley where we grow all our food and then there's the very high Sierra Mountains. Right.

So in the Sierras. And in between is a lot of actors. A lot of actors. So in the Sierras, the storm drops a ton of snow. So there's 15 feet of snow from this storm. Okay. Wow. Everything at this point, because it's basically been raining pretty consistently since November, whatever it was, 10th or whatever.

And what are we in now? We're in mid-December. Okay. So it's been raining pretty consistently and now there's snow in the mountains. Right. So everything is saturated. The ground is saturated. Everything is saturated.

Right. In California, we have what are called atmospheric rivers. So Scientific American. We just had some this year. Yeah, we did. Scientific American quote, narrow bands of water vapor about a mile above the ocean that extend for thousands of kilometers. So it's essentially. It's very much what it sounds like.

Yes, it's an atmosphere. A river above you. Yes. Yeah. But it's warm. The water is warm. Oh, atmospheric rivers are warm storms. Oh, I didn't know that.

So warmer rain hits the snow and melts the snow. So that and Dave, let me just go into my Doppler for a second. That is good because it's so saturated so far with water that now you're going to get all of that snow from the Sierras and that's going to come down. And that's going to flush all the other water out with the snowy water and the cold water. There's a chance with all the warm water and the cold water that you could get a water tornado. But that's unlikely. So what probably happens is you get a lot of new water and it sort of becomes a little hot tubby. And when it becomes hot tubby, I become hot horny.

Okay, let's not talk about me. God, my robe slipped open over here. Look who's out. Mr. Fun Times. No. Oh, okay. So why don't you finish with what you were going to say? Although it sounds like a lot of bullshit.

Yeah. So the atmospheric rivers started with the first storm in December, which means on top of the soaked land, heavy rains have come and melting the snow. The second atmospheric river hits on December 23. Happy Christmas, Sacramento. The levee in Sacramento breached at Burns Slough, quote, yielded to the hydraulic pressure and that the dirt recently placed there had been swept away, apparently dissolved like so much sugar. I love this like flair for, I mean, honestly, you should just be like, we're all drowning. But instead they're like, imagine if a gingerbread house got some milk poured upon it. It's a bit like that.

It's so people can understand it. Everyone's like, oh, I know when sugar melts. Right. Yeah, well, they're also like, hey, we're drowning. There's that. Hey, honey. Hey, honey, just sit. This guy's got a real flair for poetry.

He's unbelievable. I agree, babe. I agree with you. Well, I'll tell you. On December 28, the levee is basically just in shambles. Quote, the last levee along 31st Street was open for all three blocks, not a remnant of the levee remaining. So these weren't great levees. I mean, they weren't ready for this.

There's only so much you can do, I guess. Yeah, there's only so much a levee can do. You have to start pumping the water out to make sure. But yeah. So, OK, so to use medical terms, the town is totally fucked. Totally fucked. Now, some people think this is a good thing. I'll tell you what, I'll be honest with you.

I see this as a sort of city half full kind of situation. Oh, it's very good. Yeah, I never saw that one. Yeah, it's very good because, look, let's be honest. We had a lot of shitheads in Sacramento. Oh, yes, we did. So they have taken away a lot of shitheads. Yeah.

Also, this is an opportunity for us to finally evolve tales in some sort of guild situation. Well, you lost me a little bit there. You lost me right there. Well, look, we are very close now. I've never been closer to being Mer people. And that's exciting. Well, you know, walkers of land and then aquatic went wet.

And to me, I see no downside to this idea of us suddenly becoming a bit fishier. You know, personally, I've always wanted to tell it from my wife to, you know, instead of, look, I mean, you know how it is. We have about 10, 15 children, only about one or two make it. It's a long time to have that many kids. Now, when I pork my wife, she can just sort of splooge out a bunch of little baby eggs.

And then I can sort of see them like that. It'll be nicer. And then, you know, if I don't feel like, oh, let me finish. Get your hand off of me. I don't want you to finish. Get your hand off of me. Let me finish and get your goddamn hand off of me. Then let's say I don't want to have that many kids with kids.

Worst case scenario, take a little cracker, put them on it. I mean, my family and like it's a fancy cocktail party. Thank you kind of very much. I'm normal. So in summation, this could be a great. Let me finish. This could be a great. Get your hand off me.

We could have tales. Women will birth by the thousands. And if we don't want to have families, we will simply put them on crackers and eat them like it is a ball. Thank you very much. No, I'm not done. But yes, I am. I would like to strike that from the record and have our next

speaker step up, please. Well, I'll do. I'll speak again, motherfucker. No, no, no. So, uh, it's, I mean, it's just, it's gone basically. Why are, why are, why are some people saying this is. Oh, right. So.

They, I mean, I realize I made a great pitch. Yeah, you did. No, it was really smart. But what they're, they're saying it and they wrote up in the call, uh, newspaper, uh, the call said people were telling him the editor of the newspaper. So people were telling him, quote, this flood is the best thing that could have happened to the city.

Better have it occur now than five years hence when much more property here could be destroyed. So the saying now we can build better levies and in five years we won't have a bigger city that gets hurt. Our plan is to build back better and I don't see any way that that won't happen. Absolutely. What could go wrong?

Right. So yeah, right. So it's basically like if you got shot six times and then you're like, they got it happened before I got in really good shape. That's right. I would go, I mean, look, I don't want to be shot, but at least I don't have abs. I plan on having them in a few years.

They will be there. They will be there. So the flooding also at this point, not as widespread. Some businesses are spared. So it's not like the whole town. So there's people, you know, those people like, yeah, it's fine. Right. So it's, it's one of those deals.

Um, I mean, I, I always think of us as maybe less self, but that's how we would handle it now. I mean, that's what we do. And if like tragedy doesn't hit you directly or like sucks for them, but I'm fine. So they kind of had the same attitude. Basically. That's awesome.

So, um, and they also think the water, they're like, the water's going to subside soon. We'll rebuild. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Then another, I'd like to point out some of us might grow tails and gills if we're lucky. Stop that guy, please.

Thank you. Okay. Put your hand on me. Another storm hits on the 30th quote. Damn. It is as severe a storm as we have had this winter. And that is saying a great deal. Any quote I say that I don't say who's from it's from the Sacramento

B, which is like the main paper. So dance and aqueducts, a dance and aqueducts all along the rivers are wiped out. So from the beginning of the river all the way down, the entire city of Sacramento is submerged with this storm. Well, I see it as a good thing. Okay. So, well, no, no, you wanted to know.

I feel very bad about asking. I apologize. It's a good thing. It's a good thing. First of all, we've never even tried to harness the fish economy in Sacramento. Now, fish, if they have money, as many of us suspect they do, they're going to be entering our shops at a level we've never seen

before. We'll have a fish at the casino. Fish will be visiting the brothels. We'll have a fish at the post office. We've only seen what humans can do to the Sacramento economy. But now we'll know what turtles are like when they want to purchase things. Again, this is assuming that they have currency, which I strongly

believe that they do. They don't. Well, we don't know. Let's see. We do. I'm sorry, have you ever gone into a fish's pocket? Fish don't have pockets. Exactly.

There was a long enough silence for me to assume you don't know what you're talking about. You're wrong. Now, nobody knows what's inside of a turtle shell. No, we do. We've packed them open and eaten them. Let me tell you what I'm guessing, because that's what we do. My guess is they're full of gold coins, those shells.

And if Super Mario Brothers has taught me anything, the local plumbers, it's that when you smash a shell, you get a bunch of gold coins out of it. So, information. It is an exciting time to be in Sacramento, for we will probably be able to see what fish like to spend and what a fish wallet is like, as well as inside of those turtle shells is a lot of gold coins.

Okay. Can we keep him out of the next meeting? Oh, plus I want to point you to my further earlier point, which was about us getting tails and gills, and you can eat your children at fancy parties. Goodbye. Thank you very much. Your hands off of me.

The Stockton Republican reporter at the Sacramento Flood was quote, destroying property to an enormous extent. Papers reported many drowned, 40 people in Sacramento. A man and a boy were riding in a carriage and they died. The journal quote, the horse plunged into a cistern, the lid of which doubtless floated off. And this is where seahorses come from. So, there was a tank in the ground.

That's what a cistern is. Sure. And it had a lid on it, and then the flood came and the lid floated away. And he must have been going through like really shallow water, so he couldn't see it. And then they just went into the tank. They just galloped into the tank.

I mean, you've never heard a woe louder to a horse. Oh, easy girl. No, no, no. And then they all drowned. Like, I don't know how big the tank is. Well, it's big enough to put a horse, a man, a son, and a carriage in it. Two horses.

A man and a carriage and a boy. Two horses. It's pretty big. That's a sad way to go. I drown in the street. Yeah. Well, because also, part of you is probably like, could get interesting down here.

And then you're like, nope, it's a confined tank. It's not going to be good. So, a day later, the storm passed, and the bee said, fine weather had arrived. And should the weather continue, there would be rapid fall in the floodwethers. Why are you going to jinx it like that? What are you talking about?

I'm sure it's going to be fine. Well, look, the way we see it is things are pretty good now. If this weather holds, as it hasn't for one day so far, I think we're in a good spot. By the way, every business is underwater now. But I still think if the weather holds, it's going to reverse time for us a little bit here. Today, we third, gave the city hope as a completely

rainless day occurred. Quote, we are having today clear, cool, and beautiful weather, quite in contrast with that of the past month. Just a few more days of this, and the floodwaters would soon be gone. I'm sorry it's raining as I write this. It started to rain again. Oh, fuck.

The paper wrote that they expected laborers to be back on the state capital building in a couple of days. It's always, I love how it automatically, right away, it's like, workers back to work now, it's sunny for a day. Chop, chop, chop, chop, get your hammers out, even though you get all those of you who didn't drown, you're expected to work tomorrow at 8 a.m. But the next day, the bee wrote that since their last

publication, it had rained morning, noon, and night. Yeah, they attempted fate. They really did. They brought it on the whole town. Now, if we just get a few more days of this, it could be pretty great. Oh, God, no. Oh, fuck.

Oh, God, no. Oh, no. Fuck. No, no, no. So, another... I see it as a good thing, personally. Another atmospheric river came. Wanna know why?

Why? Now we can find out what a paper's like underwater, and start writing about things on the floor of the ocean, like what kind of algae grows down there. And also, what a turtle brothels like. I'm excited to visit one myself. That's right. I flipped it from wondering about what turtles would like

of our society, and now it's our chance to explore theirs. Shut up! It's sort of like an exchange program. You shut up. Shut up, turtle fuckers! It's sort of like an exchange program. I can't be the only one excited to visit a turtle brothel. Sir, you are not.

I am right there with you. I've been fucking turtles for a while, but I've been doing it for free out in the swamp. Maybe I don't want to align myself with this man as much as I previously thought. I think the swamp could also be a brothel. We could just call it a brothel in charge. No, no, no, no.

I've been fucking them for a while. Please cut his mic off if we have those. So the shell hole is where the tail comes out is the special, special part. All right. Now listen, I'll cut. I mean, creep me out, and I'm a creep. Get your hands on him, why don't you?

I have a diagram. Honey, could you bring my diagram up here? Absolutely. He loves these things. I'm so proud of him. Nobody's ever made more love to turtles. That's right. That's right.

I showed him how to do it. That's my girl. That's my boy. Turtle fuckers. That's our last name. It's hyphenated. Yep. That's why we do it.

Anywho. All right, let's talk about potholes. Someone drowning one, a boy and a man, and two horses. Yeah, so more heavy rains come on the 8th. Okay. Bridges. So these towns I'm going to say.

This is like two months of rain, basically. Yeah. Most of the towns I'm going to talk about now are around Sacramento area. I mean, whatever, 50 miles, 100 miles. But in that same sort of, bridges in Placerville are all carried away. Towns in the foothills in Sierra

are completely cut off from communication. In San Francisco, the mirror called the rain there, quote, cruel. It was reported in the south and west of Stockton that there was just now a vast lake. Okay. So, I mean, it really is becoming Atlantis. The levee in Sacramento continues to fall apart, quote,

merchants are moving their goods to higher locations. So now everyone's taking their stuff, bringing it up higher. We're a roof business. People are now using boats in Sacramento. Does anyone want to get a suit made? That's right. I'm a boat tailor.

I just hop on the tailor boat. Hello. Hello there. Yes. Interested in a suit I can tell. No, I need food. Oh, well, I'll tell you what better way to get food than to get a job and what better way to get a job

than to have a fine tailored suit for you. Am I right, my friend? Can I sleep in your boat? No, get your hands off our boat. Keep with paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle. There was probably boat bars. Quote, on the submerged streets, watercraft of all shapes and kinds,

in fact, almost anything that possesses floating qualities can be seen sending about in all directions. It goes to show how philosophically the people of California take such disasters that everyone you meet is laughing and joking and looking upon this third or fourth flood. Third or fourth flood as something sent to amuse the public. Yeah, and that really is what drives me crazy about us now is to some extent it's our adaptability

versus our sense to recognize absolute horrific tragedy and make change. Gosh, you've got to hand it to these people. They're still keeping their businesses going, even while society completely falls apart around them. I would imagine the people laughing aren't the people whose house was floating down the river. And also there's a lot of people who can't laugh

because they're just in mud now. Yeah, there's that, the dead ones. Can I get a gin and tonic? Yes, it's the bar boat. Make it a double, please. Over 300 people sought refuge in the agricultural hall and received aid from the Howard Society, so that's like a charity.

The biggest charity it sounds like in California. Right. A man named Hooker was arrested for cutting away the levee near rabble's tannery. Wow. Why did he cut the levee? People said he did it to save his own property, so he figured if he cut it there,

he would let the water go around his property. Wow, so he's like self-irrigating, basically? Yeah, I mean he must have been cutting it past his property, whatever, but other people said he actually tried to strengthen the levee and it cut down peat trees to try and reinforce them. That'll do it. You know what we need is a few peat trees up there.

That ought to really hold against these biblical floods. Should we take the peaches off? No, I feel like the peaches we're going to want up there, to be honest. Yep, this feels right. This feels right. Yeah, now that we've got five peat trees up there, I don't see any way in which this becomes problematic

down the line. I'm sorry, what is your job, what do you do? Or what? Just in general, what is your experience? I make pool cues, billiard cues. So what I'm thinking we do is we load these levees up with peat trees. What?

And then if the flood comes, what most likely will happen is the flood will probably not hit the peat trees or if it does hit the peat trees, the peat trees will stop it. Now I know some of you are going to say, hey, won't that just basically canonize peat trees? Enough, guys. I don't think these peat trees are going to affect anyone if the levees push them and they flood.

Worst case scenario, we get a bunch of peat trees going down the city streets. What the hell are you talking about? That doesn't sound too bad with me. What in the fuck are you talking about? I make billiard cues. This is perfect. So, all right.

Now everyone, help me with this peach tree. Let's rip it out of the ground together. Come on. I can't do it alone. I'm not Paul Bunyan. Hello. So, the new governor, so the governor got voted in recently

is now supposed to come into office. He probably got elected in November. He did. And now it's like January and he's like, yeah, so my whole pitch for the town wasn't really this, I didn't know about this when I ran. My whole thing was, remember I was going to bring commerce to the, this is a lot of,

have we tried the peach tree thing? So, he is a rich railroad baron. His name is Leland Stanford. It's what Stanford is named after his son. So, he's supposed to be sworn in on the 10th. And some are like, you can't do it. The whole town is flooded. But he's like, nope, I'm going to do it.

So, let's have a ceremony. He takes a row boat from his mansion to the Capitol building. It's a row boat. It gets out, gets sworn in. Now, while he's being sworn in and doing the ceremony and stuff, the floodwaters are rising a foot an hour. Let's all step up one.

Let's all step up two steps. Well, to finish the ceremony, god damn it, everything's fine. Nothing's wrong, everything's fine. So, after the ceremony is over, he rose back to his mansion, but now he has to steer his boat over to a second-story window to get in,

because the whole bottom floor. I mean, like, honestly, this is how, like, an underwater government would work. After the swearing in, he rose himself back to his house and then he, like, wraps lightly on his window. Kathleen, Kathleen, there's no downstairs. Yeah, there's no downstairs.

I haven't been up here just reading a book. I didn't know there was no downstairs. Well, god damn it, there's no downstairs anymore. I was at the swearing-in ceremony. Oh, my god, the swearing-in was today. Yeah, it's fine. Look, I wrote all the way- Oh, it's just so into this book.

Now, open this window, because there's no other way for me to get inside. It's porno. Well, listen, we'll talk about that at another time. The book. The book is called porno or the book? It's Scottish porno. Oh, my god.

It's just, oh, I've got a quick glimpse of it, and that is- It's very hot. Everything looks like haggis. I'm not into it. Yes. But please, just let me in through this second-storey window. Go downstairs through the front door.

I'm not going through the front door. Listen to me, you porno addict. I'm not going downstairs into the front door. There is no front door. Now, tell me you took the kids up to the floor with you. I've been reading porno, so- Where are the children? I kind of don't know.

My god, go- You got into it? So- You got into it with the kids, or you got into it with your porno? No, the porno. All right, look, look, look, look, look. It's imperative that you look for the children

if they were on the first floor. Why don't you just open this window and let me in- I'm the governor, FYI. Yeah, I don't trust to keep the window open, so- But there's no- I need- Look, this is-

I- I demand- I- by the- by the power of the state capitol, I demand that you open this window, Kathleen. Put your dirty, dirty, weird tartan porno down. Say that again, but slower. Oh, god, they took me forever the first time. I'll open the window if you ravage me like a Scotsman. I will after we go kid-hunting. Oh, fuck.

I just forgot I locked them downstairs. Yeah, well, look, I'm drowning anyway. It doesn't even matter anymore. The second floor is filled with water as well. So, uh, the Nevada city Democrat reported, quote, We are informed that the Indians living in the vicinity of Marysville left their abodes a week or more ago for the foothills, predicting an unprecedented flow.

They told the whites that the water would be higher than it had been for 30 years, and pointed up to the top of the trees and the houses where it would come. Well, listen to us, uh, native people. Uh, you lack what's called whiteness. And, uh, you- the way you think is this sort of paranoid realm of thought and thinking. Whereas we have confidence in our abilities to adapt. Now, you run along, you do your little thing,

but I'm pretty sure we'll be okay. I don't think we'll be having the worst floods ever. Ha ha ha ha. A kid. Ha ha ha ha. A pulse of spenders. Ha ha ha ha. You know that, because the native,

what I read is the Native Americans were literally just like packing up and people are like what are you guys doing? And they're like, oh, the flood's going to come. It's going to hit there. Could you imagine how much they were making fun of them, the white people as they walked away? Oh, the flood? Okay, guys.

The flood is going to come up. Okay. Oh, really? Because the bees, meteorologists, thinks you're cuckoo. Ha ha ha ha. And can you imagine if you were like a Native American, like sitting up, perched somewhere, just watching what's happening?

Oh my God. Like, well, we tried to tell them. Well, I said, I mean, I didn't. Frank, you did say. No, we were very clear. Yeah, we planted the trees, right? We said the trees. We said it'll be above these trees.

Yeah. Those trees that right now, if you could see, they're trying to pull out of the ground and throw over the levees to save their businesses. So right. The 12th is Galladay in Sacramento. The weather is great. Quote, near the all the residents left in the city

were out in boats enjoying the scene. Oh, you should have seen it. It was like the regatta out here. And the vast expanse of water. Everyone seemed happy. And the laugh, joke, and gay word of recognition were to be heard on every side. In the evening, there was music on the waters

and there were alternating parties. We're abundant. Also. I mean, there's a water band? All right, everyone, from the top. Our drummer just fell off. He's drowned. But we'll still make do.

Someone just do percussion on their knee for us. It's a gala. You got to have fun. They're like, well, you can't let the not gala not happen. Hey, should we take advantage of this time to flee or maybe make some big. No, we're not making changes. What are you talking about?

We're having a party. It's time to celebrate. While everyone is doing this partying, there are still, there are now 600 people in the agricultural hall who don't have a place to live and are seeking aid. It is so disgusting. I mean, it's just like, take advantage of this moment

in some capacity. Don't use it as the one day to get shit can. It's really amazing. Did everyone enjoy some of the party sub? Anybody need more ale? No, I just eat food. My home is gone. My house is gone.

This sandwich floats. It's why we've called it the submarine sandwich. Everyone take a bite. Hey, hey, no crying. The last thing we need is more water. What? Try your goddamn to eat your tears, ma'am. You're going to break a levy with your weeping.

So there's a hill in Sacramento. So it's above the water. Where all the poor people go to seek refuge. And it becomes known as poverty rich. Oh, God. I mean, you know, it really, like, it's amazing because we have come so full circle. We had a moment where it was like,

things were like, things were never good. But we at least had like some time where there was just, things were just a little bit better. And we're just headed right back to, when we're all going to be living on a hill, trying to avoid water. Yeah. And now poverty rich is like one of the richest trees at the fire.

Now, now it's one of the richest neighborhoods in Sacramento because it's on a hill, of course. Right. Right. Of course. Yeah. So a citizens, a citizens committee met and they all agreed they would buy the best boats in the city to lend to the state

legislators. Well, they don't. Right. So quote, these boats were to be seen scutting about in all directions yesterday. Their peculiar service being made known to the public by the display of the American flag and the word legislative to be seen at the stern of the boat.

Why would you use your funds to just get legislators good boats? Because they don't want them to leave. But they haven't did shit. Have they? No. Mostly they've been saying they don't want to meet. Honestly, this is like my dream for what happens to our government. Now, drowned people are being found all over.

One body was found in a stable quote, the deceased will be recollected as a deformed man who carried on the business of boot blacking. He was in the habit of sleeping in the stable. What a eulogy. Well, he was a deformed shoe shiner. That's all I know. He was a deformed shoe shiner.

Now he's drowned. All right. Next. Next. I have no humanity. Who's next? I'm the comic who roasts the drowned. So the river is now 24 feet above the low water mark.

My God. Oh, my God. Rain is falling at a rate of one inch every two hours. Oh, my God. So I mean, I can't imagine if you had a boat sticking around seems absolutely crazy. Yeah. So the bee has a little section in it called the telegraphic.

And what this was is it got news from the telegraph office. So like Placerville, Marysville would send news all the time, you know, Jerry got named a mayor of Marysville. Like, and you'd go and take it. And this is from the ticker. So not today, though. Why? A visit to the telegraph office this afternoon satisfied us

that there was no prospect of receiving any telegraphic news today. The lines are not working. We are cut off from the rest of the world. You know, that's your news. That's your news. Hey, is anything happening anywhere? Yeah.

No, your city is going underwater. Yeah. But what's going on with the sports? We won the game. Did the Wildcats win? So Sacramento is now a lake. Boats are going back and forth. People looking for food and looking for lodging.

Houses are floating in the middle of the street. Some people, there's two things that happen. Some people are still on the top floor. Living in their floating houses? In their floating houses. And a lot of them have gas lamps. You make a bed, Charles? A lot of them have gas lamps lit still because either people,

either the flood came so fast they had to bail and left the lamps on or people were still up there and they have a lamp on. It's like a common thing wherever the floods were. Wow. And that also seems highly dangerous. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

I'm sure. And then it's like, well, now we've got floating fire homes going down the river that is our city. So that's cool. So San Francisco was having landslides. The sewers are overflowing. Marysville is completely underwater. Petaluma is cut off.

San Jose is cut off. There's not one bridge left on the American river. They're all gone. Flat boats start doing what they can to pick up the best cattle and take them to safe ground. Grabbing the cattle, taking them up to the foothills. But most are already dying or dead. The cattle.

Yeah. A bill is now introduced in the legislature. It's amazing that the legislator is just like meeting. To not allow those who lost their land to reclaim it. Wow. I mean, it is so, it was just what would happen. Yeah. Well, unfortunately, we met today and we passed a bill that

your land is foreclosed upon. So that's really the hard work. What have you done as far as the levees go or the situation where everyone's drowning? Well, we took your land. So your land's gone. So once this all sort of drains, you don't have land anymore. Yes, you don't have to worry about the levee.

So get comfortable living in boats, gang. That's basically your home now. Have you seen Waterworld? Yes. And once we get these pens working, we're going to sign it all into law. So when news did trickle into Sacramento, it was always terrible. They learned that Jackson had lost its saloon, its hotel,

its stables, even quote, Ingalls garden. Not the saloon. Even what? Ingalls garden. A guy's garden. Oh, wow. Tough. Tough.

They were like three. You imagine hearing that and being like, I'd be like, yeah, no, we should probably talk about how we're going to live in this city. Well, his garden is just gone. You know, he lost the carrots. He lost the potatoes. I had these cucumbers coming in.

These cucumbers that were coming in, they were just unbelievable. Oh my God, the whole garden is gone. And the worst part is some of the water was good for it, but now it's just far too much. It was too much water. Anyway, what's everyone else going through? Anything? My husband died.

Oh, you should have seen my maters this year. Oh, there was heirloom. Oh, I don't even want to think about it. Oh, you lost your husband, but I was going to make homemade ketchup. That sounds nice. It would have been unbelievable. I made ketchup out of my husband.

Oh, stop talking for a little while. We're on me, you selfish ass. I'm sorry. The streets were blocked with floating houses, the Quartz Mill, and beauties carried away. Hi, Charles. People were shooting guns as a way to let others know they were in distress at their home.

At one ranch, they heard gunshots. That'll get people over. Hey, we should go to where that guy's shooting. He needs our help. At one ranch, they heard gunshots, so people went to go over there to help, and then they heard a loud crash, and the house was gone with the family.

I was just killing my family. Oh, we was thinking you needed help. Okay, so help. So he probably, like, all the momentum probably, like, flipped his house. He just probably just knew the house was going down and started going, help, shoot, shoot. Help.

That's just, that is the American dream. It really is. As your house goes underwater, go down firing a pistol. So there's no boats available, because they're all being used. In Ioni Valley, quote, Dayler's Adobe house is flat with the ground. So you definitely don't want Adobe during a massive fall. No, no, probably.

We made it into a car. So people need food. San Francisco was sending what they could. An Australian, quote, established cooking arrangements on the roof of his house, where he dispensed creature comforts to all who applied. Anybody want one of my world-famous bloomin' onions? This is how the old backstick house opened.

I found some floated kettle, and I decided to throw it in the barbie, and then, well, I'll just cut this onion up and got a bit of salt water on it, and some of this sand. It's been a bit debris-filled. Looks like a bit of a bloomin' situation. When you're here,

you're in life in the air, back in... No, no, it's not right. I think I could possibly go. It back-stick house. Right? Crikey, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Christ, it's flipped out.

Oh, no, I'm... He allowed 20 people to stay on his upper floors. Samuel Norris took out an ad in the paper that was establishing a new Sacramento on Highland, which happened to be his ranch. Well, if anyone wants to see Sacramento 2, come on over. I've created the sequel city.

Way better. It's going to be on my ranch. It happens to be on the land that I own. Yes, come here. Come here. Hooker, who was arrested for cutting open the levee, his trial was postponed because the witnesses didn't show up. Why?

Where do you think they were? Unbelievable. I have these people not showing up for court-issued subpoenas makes me disgusted. They better have a good excuse like we're in a flood that would be in the Bible. A biblical flood situation. That would be the only reason.

Where is Noah? I can't believe he's not here. So the legislature voted on temporarily moving the assembly to San Francisco. On what grounds? Well, it didn't pass. The bee. I'm unable to raise my hand to vote, yay.

The bee thanked them for, quote, nullifying the declaration that Sacramento is a ruined city. We're completely fine. Everyone's just died or on a flaming house. The paper said doing so would have destroyed Sacramento's world-standing, their credit abroad, and confidence at home. Think of what it would do to tourism. Nobody would want to come visit.

Oh, the famous Sacramento world-standing. We're one of the greats. We've been here a whole 10 years. Whenever anyone finds out Sacramento is the state capital, they're like, what is it? Sorry, there's a lot of other popular stuff. In all of America, we didn't put the capital in the best city. We always put it in a shitty, weird city somewhere else.

And it was just kind of based upon clout or connection. Welcome to Olympia! Yeah, right, right, yeah. Albany, the big city. I'll be the Americans. So the bee called the people who voted for the move, soulless, and said language was wasted on them. Who's reading the paper?

People are reading the paper. You have no other way to get news, and you want to find out who died and what was happening. It's the only way. I know, but it just seems like it's tough to get when your city is... I'm sure it's super wet and hard to open. I mean, you're living in the abyss, yeah. Yeah, it's not great.

I'm sure they had them in a boat and were going around selling them. So the paper was now being printed by hand press because the steam presses wouldn't function because they were soaked. It's amazing. Word came that more cities were completely underwater. In Alameda County, Santa Clara County, San Leandro, Pacheco, Contra Costa, Napa. So this is a huge fucking area we're talking about. California, I mean, yeah, enormous.

Yeah, we're talking about all the way from the coast up into the mountain. It's a massive place that's underwater. As Native Americans ate popcorn. The bee wrote that they were now convinced that Hooker was innocent, and anything that had happened was due to an accident. Hey, put a pin in his trial. Would you see what happened in the Hooker case? God Almighty, this thing's got a lot of twisted turns.

I'm invested. Oh, my family's not around me. I mean, they always want to have something to blame. It can't just be nature that took it out. It's always got to be a guy. There's always got to be a fillet. Right, right, right. And his name's Hooker, so...

That damn Hooker hogging the levees with those peach trees. So food was becoming an issue, because many towns had lost their storehouses, their food was just gone. There's no way to reach those towns. Well, and now you're almost like, I mean, I don't want to say like you're landlocked, but you're like sea-locked.

You are sea-locked. You would be surrounded by like, you probably were able to get some sort of sustenance from adjacent cities. But now they're like, yeah, we don't have food either. Yeah. Right, no one has food. But have you tried the Outback Roof House? I don't know.

I heard they have the Blumen... Oh, it's really weird. Blumen Turnip, is that what it is? It's the Blumen Onion! Oh, there's our guy. Hello, from earlier. Yeah, no, I know. There's only one Australian in the story.

Yeah, that's right. Me, baby. Yeah, that's not an onion. Care for a Foster's? This is an onion. This is the best beer we've ever had. Where I come from, this is the number one beer. Foster's.

So the price of flour goes through the roof, because people can charge more for it, so they don't care about coins. I've got to make money! No, yeah. Inflation. Man-made inflation. Now, as more days go by,

the people of Sacramento start learning how extensive the damage is in the state. The McColony, the Calabasas, the Stanislaus, the Tuolumne, the Merced, the San Joaquin Rivers all have massively flooded. Everything between Stockton and San Joaquin is a lake. That's about 130 miles. So it's a 130-mile lake. It's not a lake any longer. I mean, it's becoming its own body of water.

Yeah, it's a sea. It's an inland sea. I mean, it is a sea. Like the Native American said. Yeah, it is a sea. Shit! At Night's Ferry, the water came so fast, people had to run up the hill to get away from it.

Quote, Tom, a restaurant keeper, was drowned. That's what it said in the paper. Well, that's cool. Not even the last name. A restaurant keeper. Yeah, the obituaries are pretty great. At Two Mile Bar, a man was taking goods out of a store when the building broke loose and floated off.

Oh, with him? He climbed on the roof and prayed. This is Chaplain. Quote, as the house was about going down the canyon, he waved a farewell with his hat and was not seen again. Goodbye. Take care, everybody. This is for sure my end.

Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. It's like Slim Pickens. It's the house version of Feldman, Louise. Yeah, exactly, yeah. On the nuke. What's that movie called? I can't remember the name.

Dr. Strangelove. Dr. Strangelove. It's totally... Goodbye, everybody. He's trying to tell us something. No, no, this is the end for me for sure. Take care, gang. Bye now.

Goodbye, everybody. That same day... That same day, the Bee reported, quote, a man was floating down the Sacramento on a log, and through exertions of two boatmen, he was rescued from the perilous situation. Jesus. So some poor guy can't swim,

and he's just on a log floating down the river. But I mean, even if you can swim, it's like you can only put up so much of a fight. Yeah, true. Totally true. But grabbing a log would probably be like, this is a good idea, and then you're like,

this is kind of just like holding onto a missile. What's my plan now? I've got a log-based existence. So now there's a brief break from heavy rain. I hope the Bee's like, well, everyone get out there and enjoy yourself. We're having a break from the rain. The Bee wrote,

no, it was receding, and they could get back to normal soon. Does this remind you of anything? Deal. No, nothing. No, absolutely not. I mean, just like every tragedy we've had. What we're living in.

Don't worry, everybody, when the surge is done, we're fine. Get out there. Live your life. People are laying down planks for street crossings and repairing sidewalks. Now, sidewalks are higher than the street, but for some reason, in some places,

there's still a lot of water, but in some places they're able to do this. But that's like in Rome, where it's like, or I think it's Rome, where it's constantly so flooded that, I mean, again, it's like, they're like, how do we handle this climate change? We need to put up walking paths,

and they have like walking paths with like, you know, just elevated walking paths, and they sell bags for your feet. Yeah, I mean, basically. And they're just like commerce, cha-ching. I'm in the footbagging business. It's a family tradition, right? So, that's good news, right?

They're like, okay, good news. We're able to rebuild something. Get back to normal. On the 17th, the charges against Hooker are dismissed. The prosecution decided he had no malicious intent. Well, the prosecution drowned, so, yeah, you're free to go. There you go.

Also, on the 17th, the Bee reported the rain started falling at one o'clock. Quote, there is every prospect of another flood. Were they not, was that the 17th when they were reporting that it was like, get out there and enjoy yourself? No. No.

That was a little bit of time between. Okay, all right. So, they have a few days, and then the rain starts again. I mean, it's raining. It's just not raining heavy. Sure. Well, yeah.

And now it's pouring. Now it's like another atmosphere. Honey, why don't we go out? It's just a drizzle. Take me to the theater. Oh, I miss it so. Don't worry. The bee said we can get back to our normal lives.

So, now, the Sacramento River is at massive flood stage. Sure. The American River. So, the Sacramento is where the two rivers converged, the American and the Sacramento. That's why they built the city there. Sure. So, now, the Sacramento River is way high,

but now, as this new storm hits, the American River starts now going up very fast. Good. So, finally, the Sacramento River is getting a nice breather for the American River. So, that's cool. So, people, once again, are moving their possessions higher. In San Jose, a horse came.

Hold everything you own over your head. In San Jose, a horse came floating down the river, tied to a log. A man in a boat went out and rescued him. So, there's just all kinds of crazy. The horse is alive? Yeah. There's just all kinds of crazy shit going on all the time.

Like, you just see... Boy, that would be a do-do-do video now. Oh. My Lord. Just... So, someone tied the horse to, like, whatever, the hitching post thing. And then, that went up.

And then, so, the horse is just kind of being a float based on being tied to this log. Yeah. And so, a dude on a boat goes out and boats the horse. Boats the horse. And the Sacramento Bee was like, man, yeah, whatever. Let's talk sports.

So, the Bee said people who want to go to Agricultural Hall should wait on the corner of L and 6th Streets where a boat would pick them up free of charge. For what? What are they going to do? Because that's where they can... That's where they get some sort of... It's aid.

Yeah, it's a charity situation. So, now there's just sea trolleys. Yeah, your house is gone, so they're like... It's almost like a bus stop, except it's for a boat in the middle of the city. I'm waiting for boat 1-2-1. Oh, you're going downtown. Yeah, yes.

You can also take the express. We haven't been out in a while, so my husband and I are going to the theater, so we'd wait for the 1-2-1. Oh, that's nice. That's right. We're having a date night. Everything's fine now, you see?

Yes, it's all back to normal. We're having a date. Then afterwards, coitus in the boat. That's right. I'm uncomfortable. We plan on fornicating in the vessel, if you understand. I'd like to say that old Debbie here is going to be as wet as the bottom of the boat.

I wish to be... I wish to be near you. Is that a word? You know, we've been looking for a third. Well, Deb, watch your mouth now. But, sir, if you would be interested, we have talked about... Well, we've been such shut-ins for so long.

We've talked about potentially opening the doors of perception when it comes to our sexual proclivities. May I introduce myself? All we're looking for is a watchman. Just someone to watch. May I introduce myself? My name is Turtle Fuck Johnson. Oh, we've heard about you.

You're the man who knows all the orifices of the sea turtle. Is that correct? Yeah. And freshwater turtles. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to fence you in there. But yes, if you have any interest in watching us, that wouldn't be terrible.

It's been so long, you see. Can you put on the shell? Oh, absolutely. That fits... Oh, it's very tight. You look lovely, darling. Gosh, I sure am glad we came out tonight. Can I get off this boat?

No way. No. So, like I said, it's... Everything's fine. It's way, way above flood stage. So they're picking up people to take them to Agricultural Hall. And a lot of those people, it's just almost like a station. They get there and then they get their shit together

and they get shipped off to San Francisco. San Francisco has tons of refugees from the whole valley. They get taken to Agricultural Hall and then from there they go to San Francisco. Yeah, usually that's what's happening. Right. Which would be a blessing. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. By the way, the legislature already is like, we've taken your house. What are you hanging around for? The entire state is just at a standstill. There's no mail coming in from the east. Teamsters can't go anywhere because you can't, you know,

drive your carriage. In mining towns, they're running completely out of provisions. Towns, they're like on their own until the rain stops and the flooding stops. A quarter wood is selling for $16 in Marysville, which is about $500. Oh, my God. Again, people making money off of crisis.

I was just going to say, yeah, it's just like the, I mean, for God's sake, the inflation. And it's, what's happening a lot with our inflation, right, is that there is actual sum inflation, but then because we're run by monopolies, those monopolies now just self-inflate. Yeah. No, they're just like, oh, there's inflation.

Well, quadruple the price. Yeah, inflation is the magic number. Yeah, it's total bullshit. So a steamer was sent to rescue stock from ranches. So like, go out and get some of the cattle. Sure. It could now just go miles from the river to a ranch. Like there's, the boat can just go, there's no, it's a lake.

You don't have to stick to the river, so I can go. Right, there's no, you're not pulling the boat at any point. You're just like, wow, we got a record time. So they quickly discovered it costs more to save the cows than they were worth. Quote, they must let the stock perish because it costs too much to save them. And half rescued weren't going to survive anyway.

So this is one of those, this is one of those great things about capitalism where they're like, well, I just, it costs money to save these things. Why don't we just let them die? Well, that happens now with like agriculture here where we're just like, just let the crops rot. Yeah, we do that all the time. Yeah, it's the same thing.

Yeah. And also the steamers. Which is great. I'm saying that that's cool. Yeah, no, I know you are. It's great. Okay, because I don't want to come across. No, I would never interpret that any other way.

It's a feature, not a bug. Also, they were going out with the intention at first of rescuing cattle, but then they get out there and they're like, oh my God, there's people and they'd have to just end up rescuing people. Well, hold on. Let's crunch these numbers. What is the value of each of these human lives?

Doesn't seem worth it to me to be honest with you. Good luck. Now the official death toll in the state is 62 at this point. Man, it feels like it's higher without the amount of people in my head who have died. Maybe some because some have been invented. Still crazy. Well, I can tell you in one Chinese mining camp,

500 people died in one swoop. What? Because they went into like a protective area, like they had like some sort of camp, like a fort type thing. And when it started raining, they went in there for safety, but then they couldn't get out. They went into the mine for safety?

Not this mine. It was like a fort type thing that they went into. Oh my God. And they locked themselves in and then the water came up and they couldn't do anything. So there's a lot more than 62. Some in San Francisco are pushing for the legislature to move with an iron making it permanent.

So it's time for new stamps. This town needs new stamps. We've waited long enough. We're sick of using these old American flag stamps. We want one with Betsy Ross upon it. You take up our important cause legislature. All right, sorry. What were they doing?

So they're, well, they try to take advantage of the situation to get the legislature permanently moving out of Sacramento. Of course, everybody's trying to take advantage of it. This clearly upsets the people in Sacramento. Many are very upset to learn the San Francisco call. Can you imagine having city pride at this point? Like, how dare you? Many are upset to learn the San Francisco call reported the city

was flooded worse than ever and a cow was quote, in possession of the vestibule of the capital. So they're just now to try to get the legislature to move the San Francisco call is now just lying about how bad things are. And they're like, well, there's fucking cows in the capital building. Like it's just, they're letting cows run. The legislature is now full of cows. It's disgusting.

So people are clearly trying to take advantage of all this. Word comes that the flooding has also hit Oregon along the Klamath and stories filtered in of people's struggles and other stories of like what happened to people. In Humboldt, a city, which is a city on the northern California coast, five men were in a store when the water quickly rose quote. I just already started to swim ashore but was drowned. Three hours later, the house broke up and was carried down the stream

in fragments with the men on one of the largest pieces. McLeish was knocked off by a jar and beckoned goodbye to his companions as he was swept away. Okay, so five guys are in a store, which right off the bat is already kind of wild. Yeah. Just the idea, I mean, I understand being like you got to get, but there's stuff, like it's flooding.

It's clearly flooding. But they think like, well, there's going to be food here. So this is a place to be. Sure, which I understand the idea of like I want food. But then it starts to flood. So he already tries to swim ashore, which again is just probably like, I mean, what's ashore? Like a house?

I don't know. At this point, there's like a telephone pole or whatever. So he probably just tries to swing to a pole. Then the other guys are just kind of surfing on house fragments down the stream. And then a jar. A jar. Knocks one guy off. Must be a big jar.

And he has the wherewithal again to be like, well, I'm going to die now. Bye-bye. Hello, fellas. Goodbye, everybody. Bye-bye. I'll tell Dority you said hello. The others were rescued off of the pieces of house. Sure.

Sure. One farmer refused to leave his land when a boat came for him. Always that guy. I know how this works. Y'all made this flood up. You come over here and take my property. Next thing you know, you're using all my cattle and all of my crops for your benefit. Now I'm no fool.

Now you got two options, either work the land or get the eff off it. No, you're a fool. You said you weren't a fool, but I just want to point out that you're definitely a fool. I'm no fool. I know a fool if I've ever seen one. Don't make me cop this gun and give you a better threat. Now you either get off this land or you're working with me, boy. Okay, so just so you know, the water right now is up to your thighs.

Yeah, that's right. But that's going to give us a better crop of beets this year. Turnips and corn and things of that nature. Corn? Yeah, corn. I've been growing a lot of corn. I've been growing a lot of it. Now, either get moving or, oh, I know, what are you looking at, that the water's up to

my waist? I'm no dipshit. I know you're behind this. The second that you walk away, it's going to get up a little bit higher. But the second I let you out on the land, you pull the cork out of this and you drain it and claim it as yours. You're literally a dipshit. Like you are the definition of a dipshit.

Ah, nice try. Why don't you tell that to my prize pony here? Deepeskip. Speaking of prize pony, sometime later, he was seen holding his pet bulldog above his head as the waters raged up to his armpits around him. Take the land. I'm going to Lion King this bulldog. I'm a hen.

Yeah. I'm a nanny. Chimona. Horrible. Horrible. But I do love that. OK. A rescue boat got to him just in time.

And when he climbed in the boat, he said, quote, I wonder what has become of my wife and children. I mean, this, OK, look, I don't even know the wife and children. But my God, I know the bond between man and beast. And I'll tell you, there's just not a lot of people that I'm going to try to save before I say, Jose, you would find like they'd be like, oh, my God, Rick Amortis said it. His arms just feel like if you ever seen like those, like there's there'll be those guys in India who just like hold their hands above their head their entire lives just because

it's sort of like a sacrifice. Yeah. Like that would be you would be like his arms are set as I was holding Jose above my like he's been dead for days. The cat is still perfectly basket it upon him. So just you and the dog, sir. No, I had eight kids and a wife. Where were they?

I don't know. Don't know. They was next to me. They was next to me. Good thing I got old pickles here, though. A man named Powell journeyed from San San Jose to San Francisco and said he saw many bodies floating in swollen creeks. It was reported Norris's ranch.

So the guy you wanted to start the new Sacramento was now littered with debris, timber. Mining machinery, furniture, quote, and not a few billiard tables. If this deposit is not washed away, the profiteer of the ranch will make money out of it. So he so is I mean, like tied basically brought him billiard tables. That's right. And so he's basically like, well, well, well, well, somebody stepped in a new Vegas. Yeah, basically, wow. This is a great flood.

I'm just scoring stuff. That's right. Now if you ignore all these bloated bodies around here, you'll see that I've actually started to open a bit of a love seat to the floor. So on the 20th, the bee guardedly said the worst was over. Now listen, we've had our finger on the pulse the entire time. We reckon that this is finally we're through the worst of it. Oh God, we're all dying.

But many people now have nothing. Robberies start increasing in the lower part of Sacramento. So the city gives a boat to the chief of police. You there. I mean, we finally found something maybe a little more precarious than the bike cop. At Oh, and both streets. At Oh, and P streets, he found well-known thief Patrick Henry, who was nicknamed Grizzly. He was arrested and quickly convicted of larceny.

I mean, a swim chase. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. So the water continues to rise. On the 21st, it was higher than it had ever been in Sacramento, and it was rapidly moving through the city. So it would flow down.

And when it reached the capital grounds, the current took a turn west and headed down MN and Oh Street. So it's just like a fucking river going through the city current. It's almost like, I mean, like you now need someone to give current reports in your city, which is how I feel about when the meteorologists have to give you like ash updates. That's right. The Shasta Courier, quote, the city and county are irretrievably ruined. Unless plans are made to adopt and stop inundations at once and forever, if they are not prevented,

she will cease to be the capital of the state. So they're saying, you know. Yeah. They're saying like this, it's pretty much where Sacramento is ending. Yeah. But the bee is desperate to keep the legislature from moving and said the city could build a walkway on stilts for them and buy them all rain boots. Is the bee sort of working that angle a little bit because they are sort of one of the last

lines of defense of keeping it as the capital? Is that why they sort of paint rosy pictures at times? Well, it feels like it's ending. I think so. Yeah. We're still the capital. The last thing we want to be is a small town paper where the bee, the capital city paper. Yeah.

I mean, if you're a paper, you know, your stories are getting picked up from other papers and you're reporting on the capital business like I think it's big business for you. Sure. Wow. So they're desperate to keep them. They come up with these crazy ideas, but the legislators are also, they have their own excuses of why they want to leave, and this is from the bee, quote, one had his eyes sorely offended by the sight of a dead cow on the street, another was aggrieved by the carcass

of a hog floating, and some complained like children that they had to take their mutton cold. Okay. Why could they not? Why could none of them just make up that they saw a bunch of bodies and it freaked them out? Yeah. And they're like, I saw a cattle, I've not been able to have hot lamb in a while.

So I'm the real victim here, everything of that. Now boat accidents became an issue. So that was a red light, you just run a four way. I had the arrow. It's suggested that the boatsman dinghies have the right away going right that they come up with an agreement on who should go on the left and who should go on the right to avoid collisions and confusion. Our adaptability is, all right, now listen, no overtaking when we've got two sticks in

the middle of the river. That's no overtaking. When it's one dash stick, then you may overtake. The water keeps rising on the 22nd. Hold on now, pedestrian swimming, let them go. And that's the day the legislature votes to move to San Francisco. Wow. They finally got the goal.

Temporarily, temporarily. Right. They also voted themselves $100,000 from the Swamp Land Fund to deal with costs and their salaries. Because there's no money there to deal with the city's cost of the legislature. They're moving costs, the temporary moving, per diems, all that stuff. And the Swamp Land Fund is a fund that Congress gave to states to basically take over wetlands and make them farmable.

Well, I mean, we've been trying to drain the Swamp since. That turns out to be a disaster, but I wonder why. Who cares? More good thinking. Still, the people are trying to have good times. On the 23rd, the Bee reported, quote, the streets are alive with boats, and in many of them may be seen bevies of ladies who have been tempted out by the novelty of a fine day.

Oh, boy, look at all these single women, collisions are prevalent and marine dilemmas of frequent occurrence. Well, don't worry. Well, look, so what worst case scenario, you go try to find a single woman and you're eaten by one of those Sacramento street sharks. Big deal. The next day, man, oh man, would you get a look at her? Look at the buddies.

Hey, do you think it's weird that we're focused on all this while the town is completely underwater and it seems like everyone's kind of dying and we don't really have any food or anything? Look at them broads. Good point, good point. The next day, a steamer was forced by the current through the levee and came to rest in the stock grounds and nobody knew how to get the steamer out of the city. So a steamer just planes into their fucking levees and then everyone's like, oh boy.

I don't know. I mean, we're starting to have problems. I don't think we ever foresaw. Now it's just in the city. Hey, how do we get the steamboat out of the, holy shit. From November 10th to January 30th, there were 69 days of rain. Oh my God. The entire central valley was submerged.

The flood was 300 miles long and 20 miles wide. Oh my God. It reached depths of 30 feet. Oh my God. I mean, honestly, you are living in an ocean. Yeah. William Brewer wrote his brother, quote, thousands of farms are entirely underwater, cattle starving and drowning.

In Second Manor Valley, for some distance, the tops of poles are underwater. That's why the telegraph poles didn't work because they were completely underwater. The entire valley was a lake extending from the mountains on one side to the coast range hills on the other. Nearly every house and farm is gone. So the entire central valley is gone. It's just under, yeah, done. Can't imagine what that would look like.

So the water level finally starts to fall. And then gawkers arrive in Sacramento on steamers. What's a gawker? It's someone who came to look at the carnage. Oh, God. So I thought it was something different. So it is just someone who came to gawk. Yeah.

Oh, look at that. It's like a TMZ bus. Yes. Yes. But they're disappointed because they can't make it up Cain J Street on boats to look at the destruction. Is there any way we could just try? I really wanted to see all the bodies of Cain J Street.

Now people are being found dead all the time still. Quote, a Frenchman named Artois was found dead in a small gulch half mile from Murphy's. Like these things are just in the news all the time. Well, found a body. Found a body. Found a body. How's his cigarette still lit? OK.

Peter Sinclair was arrested as he got into an argument with another man in a boat and hit him with an oar. Oh, my God. He was found guilty. It's just, honestly, in many ways it's like looking into a crystal ball. We will, like, oar beatings. Wait. Not done.

And see how he was arrested and found guilty of hitting the same man with the other oar. So they double sandwiched oar, didn't they? Yeah. They sandwiched his head with oars. Yeah, they oared the shit out of him. Jesus. And the 28th, cold weather arrived, and the water in the streets froze and covered in ice. Now, OK, now, OK.

I could see this going one of two ways, obviously. My gut is, it'll be awful because you're already, like, so cold and wet and it'll suck. But I can also see them being like, well, it's time to ice skate, everybody. Get your skates out. Come on. We're playing an impromptu game of hockey. Ice versus skins, come on out, everyone. Well, there was a lot of snowball fights.

I know that. But I didn't see anything about ice skating, but it was also mud. Hey, this snowball has a finger in it. It was also frozen mud, so it was, like, you know, not like whatever. Yeah, just like a shit slushie. It took Sacramento a while to learn that Los Angeles had also been wiped out by floods. After 66 inches of rain fell, huge lakes covered the Mojave Desert and Anaheim, where a four mile long lake took four weeks to recede.

Other places took longer to recede. Brower returned to Sacramento on March 9th. So we're talking a month and a half after the last storm? Yeah. Or maybe a little bit more than a month and a half. But, such a desolate scene, I hope never to see again. Most of the city is still underwater. The streets are above water, but every low place is full, yards where ponds enclosed

by dilapidated muddy, slimy fences, housed furniture, chairs, tables, sofas were floating in the muddy waters. Over most of the city, boats are still the only way of getting around. Not a road leading from the city is passable. Many houses have partially topped over. Several streets are locked with houses that floated in them. Dead animals lie about. I don't think the city will ever rise again from the shock.

I don't see how it can. I mean, it's basically like, you know, it's just like a long tsunami, essentially. I mean, it's like, when you see the tsunami footage, it is just like, yeah, I mean, it's just everything becomes debris and is carried to a ton of other places. But the difference is that the tsunami water goes away fast. This is sitting there for months, months. Right. Yes.

It's a, I mean, it's tsunami is obviously like an awful, awful event, but yeah, I mean, it's like, but when, but when, when the tsunami is done, it, everything's slimed and ruined. And so it's just like that. You add in like the, well, this is like, yeah. This is like months of gross algae, you know, you're talking about pooled water. So it's, it's gross animals rotting in it. It's really fucking horrifying. Yeah.

And in LA, there is a town that was like the biggest trading post along the Santa Ana River and it got wiped out so fast that people that the priest in the top of the hill rang the church bells and people ran up and were literally the water was like nipping at their heels. Christians only. Who accepts God? Christians only. Yeah. Sir.

Sir. Yes. Welcome aboard. Welcome aboard. Welcome aboard. That, that town never came back. It was gone. Wow.

Around 4,000 people died in the 1860 flood, but that's an estimate. Wow. We truly don't know. That's crazy. One, one quarter of California's economy was destroyed, 3 billion in damage, a third of the property destroyed, more than one in eight homes were gone, 200,000 cattle killed. The state was then forced into bankruptcy. The flooding also hit Mexico, Washington, British Columbia, Nevada, Utah, and Arizona.

Two dozen towns never returned. They just gone off the map. But Sacramento did rise again, unlike Brewer said. Let's not say rise again, Sacramento came back. Well they did it by raising the downtown district by 10 to 15 feet over seven years. So they just jacked everything up. Weird. There's now, there's an underground.

You can go under, if you go to Sacramento, there's a Sacramento underground where you can walk around and see what the old. Do you want to see the underground Sacramento? That's where the, that's where Blade goes. Scientists believe this will happen again. These floods occur every 100 to 200 years. Or at least they used to, because climate change has made the odds of this happening within 40 years really strong.

Daniel Swain, who is one of the premier climate scientists in California, he's from UCLA, said quote, it's not a hypothetical risk. It happened in 1862 and it'll happen again. Our water infrastructure would be unable to cope. The USGS has turned it the arc storm. That's cool because, holy shit. So I mean, we're due basically. I mean not due, but we can expect it.

I mean, there's so many things about living in California that are fucking crazy, they're always just like, big one anytime, you're like, that's a good feeling. But yeah, that's nice, biblical flooding to the list. This is way worse than an earthquake. So this would cause, the estimations are, it would cause a trillion dollars. I mean, is this, wow, it's going to, so it's worse than fire. I mean, the premier, the premier, like the one climate scientist I go to for California stuff, Daniel Swain, is like, it's happening.

And I didn't say worse than this, like I've heard him say 30 years and maybe two and 30 years. And now we have not only more people, but just so much more shit. So that's like, again, I mean, it's like nature, nature weaponizes our stuff against us in that, in those situations. You know? Yeah, you just don't see how, like how do people get out of there once it starts? You know, like how do you leave?

No, and knowing us, it'll just be like, you know, you'll just like, within a week, it'll just be someone will be on Shark Tank being like, it's called, we've heard of float tanks. Well these float tanks actually are ways for people, it's a, it's a one person submarine. Like, we'll just like capitalism will find its way to just like dig deep into the butthole of this issue and just nest. Oh, but also, even on top of that, I mean, beyond that, right, outside of the biblical flood, the arc level flood, I mean, we're already talking about what's going to happen with, with cities going underwater with ocean levels rising, with super storms, all that

other shit is also at, at play. Well, I mean, you know, Sacramento got hit by what was supposed to be a thousand year storm. I mean, it's not Sacramento, Houston, you know, recently, but then it was like two and like fucking 10 years or something. So, you know, those, those thousand year things are not thousand year things anymore. That's basically what happens. And then the reason I did this is because we've been having this weather where it is

fucking freezing and then all of a sudden it's 90 degrees and, and when I think about I think we've had sky rivers this year. Yeah, we have. Well, I, I remember when I was in high school, it ran for, it ran for 21 straight days. And the end of that was, you know, my town, San Insomo was, there's a 12 foot wall of water going down. I just remember watching Volkswagen's and BMW's floating down the street in a river. And I saw, I remember what a real atmospheric storm repeating pattern is and it's fucking

terrifying. So the reason I thought is because it's getting cold and it's getting hot and I was like, oh, that's what happens. It gets cold and a cold front comes through and snows and then all of a sudden it's 90 degrees and a hot one comes through. And then it just, yeah. And then it melts it. And so that's why I did this one because I was like, oh yeah, I remember that.

Yeah, because you're such a positive guy. Well, I mean, this is just something people should know about. I don't know what. No, I agree. Crazy fucking. The stories of just all those fucking people just getting fucked. I mean, yeah. Well, and I mean, we're also like, you know, you've seen glimmers of it, but it's only,

I mean, there, I mean, displacement will be a thing that the government doesn't really give a fuck about anymore and stops really, you know, like FEMA and that sort of stuff. Like you're starting to see the cracks already of the kind of look you're just kind of out on your own situation. Yeah. It's just going to be more and more. You're right. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if this happened if Republicans decided not to give them.

Well, and I mean, you saw glimmers of it with Trump where he was basically being like, if it's a blue state, it's not going to get funding for these sort of things, or if it has a democratic governor or whatever. But even then, as shit gets further into the fan, there won't be the money to take care of every issue in that way. So it just simply will be like, they're just, I mean. Well, there is, but it's all going to the military. There won't be money used for these sort of things because it will be so overwhelming

and it'll be, you know, one place will be in a deep freeze while another one's on fire, while another one's underwater. Yeah. And so I just wanted to say that that's good. That's what I was trying to say. Yeah, yeah. For sure. Cool.

Well, always good to catch up, Dave, have some fun with you. So that's cool. You did a really nice job. Thank you. I'll tell you who I like. Who? The farmer who held the pit bull over his head. Right.

That's the guy. Remind everyone to go out there and adopt an animal. There you go. Shelters are overrun. Yeah. All right. Gobble, gobble. Thanks, bud.

Atmospheric rivers, California megaflood lessons, California disasters, 1812 through 1899, firsthand accounts of fires, shipwrecks, floods, and earthquakes, and other historical California tragedies by William Seacrest, and then the Sonoma B, many, many different issues, and other papers I named during the thing.