The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 526 - Steven Seagal - Part 1

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine movie action man Steven Seagal. Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch

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Things Comedy Network. This is an American History Podcaster. Each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my friend. Garrett Threadold's who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. That was hard. Well I just, it started as a bit, Peter went off, it started as a bit where I would just see the leave meeting option and it just enticed me anytime someone recorded hit leave meeting and now it's become like this thing where I just see it and I'm like yeah let's do it leave meeting. Yeah I did that the other day in a meeting I accidentally hit stop and I was like oh I

don't want to do that and I just hit leave meeting and I was like oh I just left the meeting. Leave meeting. It's a, it is the new storm out. It's how you, it's how you storm out now. Yeah fuck, I'm out of here. Leave meeting. What a culture. What a time. I just, I just feel like we should say something about what happened on the Oscars. Oh let me, let me talk about it. I, I really thought that the Penelope crew's Javier Bardem stuff was out of line and you do not, you do not talk about them like that. They had two jokes made at them and and by the way I don't know if you noticed Bardem just sat there. Yeah. Okay you're supposed to get up

and do something about it. Take care of business and called it quote his jam pack. Chimp. I'm the fucking hippo guy. Dave okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not gonna come to Tigglypuff. Okay. This is like an on a five-part coefficient. My room's a place. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. Don't sleep down hippo. Not sleep down hippo. Action partner. Hi, Gary. No, I sleep down my friend. No, no. Roda, Roda in the car. Well if you've been listening to this show for a while you've probably heard me talk about Helix mattresses. We are big, big fans of the Helix mattress. Well Helix has moved out of the bedroom and

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drinktrade.com slash dollop and let trade find you a coffee you'll love. That's drinktrade.com slash dollop for $30 off. David, and have an ad-free experience, you can very easily join the dollop Patreon. Go to patreon.com slash the dollop probably, something like that. That's correct. You can see my mustache, which is beautiful. Not great. Dave's taking a ride on it. And yes, you can join the Patreon, and that's a good way to do that. And also, Dave, before we get into some of your bullshit, why don't we talk about going on tour? That's right. We will be in Australia and America, the two best continents in the world. North

America is the best continent. Number one, obviously, best country in the continent is the United States of America. Anyway, Australia. April 19th, we'll be in Melbourne. April 20th, we'll be in Adelaide. April 24th, Hamer Hall. 27th, we'll be in Brisbane. 29th, Sydney. 30th, Canberra. May 1st, Sydney at the Enmore Theater. May 3rd, in Peth. And then US dates. May 12th, Boston. May 13th, New York City. That's NYC. May 14th, DC. May 15th, Philly. June 2nd, Madison. June 3rd, Milwaukee. June 4th, Chicago. June 5th, St. Paul. June 17th, Seattle. And June 18th, we will be in Portland. Go to dolloppodcast.com for tickets and

information. And I, myself, will be in Australia doing some stand-up. That's right. Thursday, April 21st, I'll be in Fullerton. April 22nd, I'll be in Melbourne. April 23rd, I'll be in Melbourne. May 4th, I'll be in Northbridge. May 5th, I'll be in Brisbane. May 6th, I'll be in Sydney. May 8th, I'll be in Canberra. And then some US dates. May 16th, I will be in Maryland. Lutherville, Timmonium. That's where I'll be in Maryland. On May 17th, I'll be in DC. On May 19th, I'll be in Virginia Beach. May 20th, I'll be in Brooklyn. Then June 8th, I'll be in Oxnard. And June 9th, I will be in Irvine. Those are in California. So go to

garethronalds.com for information and nudes. That went on forever. That was a while. I just want to apologize. We need the Micro Machines guy. That stuff. April 10th, 1952, year of our Lord Jesus Christ. Number one. Frederick, oops, sorry, Stephen Frederick Siegel was born in Lansing, Michigan. What's his name? Stephen Frederick Siegel. Yeah, is it Stephen Siegel and you're just mispronouncing it? It's Stephen Frederick Siegel. If this is the Stephen Siegel, listen to me. If this is the Stephen Siegel episode and you're trying to throw me off the scent so that I'll be called stupid on Twitter by

strangers, not gonna work. Stephen Siegel, got it. He was born in Lansing, Michigan. His mother, Patricia, was a medical technician. His father, Samuel, was a high school math teacher. His paternal grandparents were Russian Jewish immigrants. Okay. And Stephen was a frail child. He suffered from asthma. And his mom would later say that he was a quote puny child. What a nice thing to say. It's very good. That's what you want to hear. It was puny, puny with little baby lungs. Weak boy. The weakest boy. He was a weak baby with little weak baby lungs. I pick him up. I break him all the time. I would put him on table and flick him

between papa's hands which were spread like field goal. A future wife said he had always been bullied as a child. Now he had. Did she come through a portal? I'm your future wife. Yeah, that happens sometimes. It's me. Hello, I love you. Let's be your wife from the future. So he had three siblings. And when he was five, they moved out west to Fullerton, California. Beautiful Fullerton. If you've not been. Oh, good lord. I mean, so gorgeous. Go. At the age of seven, Stephen fell in love with martial arts. Dude, shut the fuck up. What? You don't know what's going on. I mean, are we Dave? Are we in the dojo? Dave, I might have

to take a piss break already. I'm going to pee my pants. Are we? Oh my God. Okay, go ahead. He began training with Humeo Damura. Damura was a well-known instructor who came from Japan. He worked a bit and show business, most notably in the Karate Kid movies as the stunt double for Pat Morita. I might need a popcorn break. He trained Morita. Mr. Miyagi. Mr. Miyagi. Mr. Miyagi was based on Damura. So big, big, big guy in martial arts. So that's who was training him. So young Stephen got top notch training, obviously. And as he grew up, he spent his time doing martial arts and listening to rock music. Nice. That tracks. If we're talking about my guy. As a teen, he began a keto training

at 17. Stephen Siegel decided he needed to go all in on his training by going to Japan. Nice. So at 18 years old, off he goes to Japan. It's the early 70s. His trip to Japan wasn't long or successful. Japanese teachers, they didn't generally accept Westerners, especially not Americans, because they didn't think they had the discipline. Right. Most Americans also just went to Japan hoping to learn enough some moves to go back and open their own dojo. That does not sound like America. Not at all. Like people. No. We normally are the ones who put in the time and effort. Yeah. And then if we benefit from it, sure, I guess. Maybe. But that's never our thing. Yeah. Our thing is not to make money and benefit.

It's no, it's why we have the biggest brains in the world. Thank you. And why, yeah, we bleed democracy. Yeah. And we just want to work culture people. 100 percent. Think of our exports. Blue jeans. Saved by the bell. Yes. Those are two main ones. We have other ones. Those are too big. Yeah. Those are too big. So Stephen wasn't like that. He wanted to go there and learn and he went and he trained for eight hours a day for two years. Now this is one of Stephen's stories from his time there. He said he wanted to learn from a sword master at one point. And so he went to the monastery where the sword master was, but he wouldn't meet with Stephen. And Stephen came every day for a year. And then the sword

master said there was no room for students, but they had room for a dog if he wanted to be a dog. And Stephen knew this was a Zen riddle. And he crouched low on all fours and walked like a dog inside the monastery. And then his teaching began. Is that true? Absolutely cannot be. This is something Stephen said. I don't believe it for a fucking second. It's also not a riddle. Also, yeah, it's not a riddle. And also, what if it wasn't like something they read in the book and they were like, All right, so this guy's just going to be our dog. And like for two years, you can't believe I'm just eating kibble and having to shit outside. This is real bullshit. When does my training start? They're like, We just

said we needed a dog, man. There's no training. We told you, you're just the dog here now. I thought it was a riddle. Do you know what a riddle is? No, not really. No. Look, I don't know what to tell you. That's why we shame you when you get hard ons. And if we fart, we blame it on you. You're the dog here. So he later said to the New York Times quote, You have to understand that the way to enlightenment is through deprivation. They create an environment where you're not getting any approval for all the work you're putting in. You're not getting any sleep or love or attention. You're getting your butt kick and you're up before anyone fixing meals and cleaning. And then one day a teacher says, Yeah, you've done

a good job. So I'm going to start teaching you. Despite knowing this, Stephen blew it during a lesson when he replied, Yes, I know. And the sword master believed he was saying he knew the lesson and asked him to leave the monastery. I mean, he just this is something this is just one of those things you hear and you go, Yeah, that never happened. He didn't spend years cleaning and doing shit for people. And then one day like you can train now. That's not a thing that I mean, I'm not even saying that it didn't happen. But I will say that if someone is going to say that it stuff like this, there probably are from California originally. Yeah, it's like, you know what I mean? Like when you like, I mean, I've met normal people who've

grown up here. But for the most part, like when people like I'm from here originally, I'm like, you're just to me a red walking red flag until you unveil yourself as a human. So I grew up in LA. Like, how old were you when you got your first headshot nine? So he he goes back to California and he meets I'm a dog dad. I went to dog school. I'm your dog now. Let me sleep at the feet of your bed father. So he meets Miyako Fu Jitami and they meet at LAX. And she said he looked quote like a Japanese ghost in one of those Hawaiian shirts, the really bright ones. Thank you. Thank you so much. Your standard Japanese ghost in a Hawaiian shirt. But he's like, I've read the book of pickup

lines. I knew she was hitting on me. In the same riddle book that I read, there's also in the back half, there's Japanese pickup lines where they say you look like Don Ho, the Japanese ghost. Yeah, I mean, if a Japanese lady wants you, she's like, Hey, man, you look like a ghost on vacation. That's just one of her. You look like you look like you look like a dead Japanese tourist. So want to drive me home? I wish I could, but I'm a dog. I can't I still I'm living as a dog right now. Ask me if ask me if I can drive you home. Can can you drive me home? Um, sorry, I spent years in a monastery. So

and what did they and did they what did they teach you at the monastery? You were talking before this. So now I'm not sure I went into my training. Okay, I the best the best part is how Larry in the background, your dog was like, there's some bullshit happening in here. Sorry, dude. So they they're into each other, right? Who wouldn't be okay? It's a great story. She she's a second degree black belt and the daughter of an Aikido master and I'm a third degree dog. And I have a green belt and Labrador. I'm now a lab. So so they fall in love and when she decides to return return to Osaka, Stephen follows her

and they get married in Japan. Aru Aru Aru want to marry her. They have a son. They have a daughter. He learns Japanese a doctor. We have a son and a doctor and still living as a dog, babe. He becomes a disciple of an Aikido headmaster, which happened to be her dad. So he also said at this point, he became a Shinto priest. And then I looked that up and it would take a year and he'd have to live on the site. So that didn't happen. And Stephen said his head Aikido master sent him to the north of Japan to open a dojo and teach their their ways. So mostly so far, it's the things that Stephen are saying are like

he's the he's a prodigy. Yes. And then that is buffering up against some reality that you're flagging. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. So he gets sent up there. He said he was the first Wessener to have a dojo in Japan. Okay, quote, my first two years, people from your average hood to the martial arts community were constantly trying to kick my butt or burn down my dojo or discredit and shame me. And then I established a reputation and nobody wanted to try anything. Stephen said some of the people he fought were Yakuza. Wow. So okay, I'm sorry. So yeah, so so he okay. So just to be clear again, Stephen opened a dojo in Imagine Town, which is in the north part of Japan, imagine and and there and there people

were trying to burn down the dojo, kill the dojo, you know, fuck with him in many different ways. Again, he's now a walking dog and talking dogs. Yes. And he led through respect enough to the point where people are like, Hey, hold on a second. This guy's actually pretty cool. Yeah. Once he stops barking at you. And among the hearts that he changed were that of some of the most dangerous and elite assassins and criminals and criminals known to society. That's right. So he changed the the heartless actions of Yakuza. They were like, look, we tried to fight him. But this guy's just too awesome. Sorry, Stephen. Sorry for trying to do what we tried to do. Never before has anyone ever been able to melt the heart of Yakuza. But you've done it. You Stephen,

you dog man, you dog boy, you come here, want a bone? There you go. Look at him. Get on your back legs, put it on his nose. Wait, wait, wait, flip it. Good boy. In truth, the dojo is owned by his mother-in-law managed by Miyako. As far as fighting, as far as fighting criminals, Miyako said, quote, it is a lie. He wants to chase a few drunks away from the dojo. Get out of here, Yakuza. We don't want any part of you. Just the guys who are just have their dicks out of their pants are like, I'm late to go meet my wife. God, I fought off more Yakuza tonight. There's so many of them. Everyone who hates me is Yakuza. As far as the black belt he earned, she said the judge was infamous for his laziness. Quote,

he fell asleep during Stephen's presentation. The judge just gave him the black belt. What happened? Yeah, give him a black belt. What? I'm drunk. So he wants to return to the U.S. to get into movies. That's what he's been about this whole time. Is there any inkling that he should other than having the Miyagi guy train him? Like, it's just sort of like a... I think that he... By the way, not that most actors have fabulous plans or anything. Right, right. Not that deciding you want to act is like the end to a fruitful plot. I mean, look, martial arts isn't, it's not just fighting. It's a lifestyle. It's a belief system.

It's like they don't just train your body, train your mind also, like it's a whole thing. And I think that just going over his history, I'm like, well, he thought it would be awesome to have an incredible backstory and then come back to the U.S. with this backstory. Like, that's how it feels. And he happened to fall in love. But also, he happened to fall in love with a black belt that he met whose father had a dojo. Like, it's all very convenient that that's who he fell in love with. Like, he probably pursued her. Do you think when he opened the dojo, he called it a dogjo? Yes, it was this dogjo. How did you know that? Welcome to the dogjo. Here, coming through those little flaps on the ground. That's how you enter the dogjo. That's how we come in. Now,

Bark, now sit. Good boy. All right. There you go. You have a yellow belt. Okay, so he, like he says, he says he keeps saying he wants to return to the U.S. Go to the movie. So Miyako saves money for years to help pay his way back. And then Stephen leaves his family in Japan and comes back to the U.S. in 1980. Miyako, quote, on top of running the dojo, I had to raise my children. I don't know how we got by. Sometimes we could only afford cheap brown rice for dinner. And she, did she, she came with him? Yes. No, obviously. No, she stayed there. So he basically leaves her there to raise the kids and they're just eating brown rice while he's like having Pokeballs and Fullerton. Yeah, that's about right. Because he, because she has to run the

dojo for the family. Like it's a family business, right? So whatever. Right. So in the U.S., Stephen says he is disgusted. By the way, I, you know, I, I've never had children because I'm like this idea of being like a deadbeat shithead just doesn't appeal to me. But it's like, if that was on the table where it was just like, yeah, I could have two kids in another country and just like rarely see it. Like that doesn't feel too high pressure to me. No, if you could just bail in at any time, then it's probably a lot easier to be a dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you're like, my kids live in a completely, my kids live in ocean away. Yeah. So, um, so back in the U.S., he, he says he's disgusted by the fast food U.S. approach to martial arts. You should be eating kibble. He thought that

Americans just knew martial arts through Hollywood movies. So he wants to change this. He opens a dojo in New Mexico. That fails pretty quick. And then he comes back to LA and opens a dojo on La Cienega in West Hollywood. We're all the great, we're all the great martial arts people. Billy Blanks with Tybo. Thank you. The list goes on and on of great martial arts. That's just the only one that we can remember, but that's all of them most. Well, that's Billy Blanks. I always come back to Billy Blanks because he's obviously top. Yes. He's obviously the best. Yep. Top dog. He starts getting a reputation in LA as being an authority on martial arts. A shithead. Oh, sorry. Okay. Now we can imagine having lived in LA that he probably went to a lot of parties and hung out

a lot of places to get his name. You know, he's a networking guy. Let me tell you about my origin story. It wasn't easy. A guy one time, but I'd read the riddle book. So I knew he wasn't just going to treat me like a dog, but I still walked in on all fours at that point. Then they liked me so much that I had to fight Yakuza when I opened my dog Joe in the north of Japan near Imagine Town. That's where my wife and family live, and I haven't seen them in a couple years. I'm just sick of people out here thinking it's all about show. That's not me. My wife and two children live there. They only eat brown rice. My favorite food is Domino's. Okay. Next. Yeah. Oh, do you want me to read the lines? I could do some of the lines too. I just was sort of giving you a little

content when you said, slate your name. I thought you wanted me to slate my history too. Let me just sweep up the casting room a little bit before I go. It's the work that I always put into the dog Joe. I know what you're doing. I know this is a test. This is, isn't it? This is just, isn't it? You don't want me to read the lines until I've proven that I can do what you want. I've read this riddle before. I will be the dog. I'll get on all fours. It's a car wash movie. It's a comedy. Now, can I read the line? Read the line. Car's filthy. Okay, thank you. So I'm non-union. After a while, celebrities start seeking him out for training in LA. In 1983, Sean Connery is prepping for a James Bond movie. I found the

perfect trainer. He goes to Stephen for training. Sean Connery has a little bit of a background in martial arts. Yeah, against his wife. Connery said he's getting a bit cocky. He did a move. He put a hand near Stephen's face who reacted and he ends up breaking Connery's wrist. He broke my wrist in two different places. There it is. Another of Stephen's dojo clients was considered to be the most, but thankfully I got his hand trapped inside of all my chest hair and he was unable to break free. While it was all necessary. That's right. It was like a slip and slide jungle. Okay. I caught the part. Another of Stephen's dojo clients was considered to be the most powerful man in Hollywood at the time, head of CAA, Michael Ovitz. Ovitz had been introduced

by James Coburn. So I don't have an Ovitz impression. Yeah. So Steve is now getting some media attention and the LA Times interviews him and asks him about action heroes of the time and he was happy to share his disdain of Chuck Norris. He said, quote, I can't stand his movies. I can't watch them just because he's a movie star doesn't mean he's a great martial artist. Now, just so we're aware, suck Boris, just so we're aware, Chuck Norris is actually a great martial artist. He's the real deal. Yeah. So yeah, he was in, I think he's going to enter the drag. Yes. Definitely. Yeah, he is mostly films. Yeah. So Stephen and now he does total body infomercials with Christie Brinkley. Does he really? Oh, dude, you've never seen the home

gym total body. No. Yeah. Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is apparently quite a psychopath. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's full on weirdo. So Stephen meets and marries actress Adrian LaRussell in 1984. Can I? Yes. Go ahead. Sorry. You have a question? Yes. Some of us were remembering that he was married in Japan still. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And can I follow up? Yes. Yes. Just to keep it at real times. Follow up question. Yeah. Yes. Also, so, and then you said he was marrying someone else. He married someone else. Yes. He's now gotten married to actress Adrian LaRussell. So he's, yes. Follow up. Keep it at real times. Yes. So that would be two marriages, which I'm just doing some quick math here, is not how it works if memory serves.

That's correct. That's not normally how it's done. Keep it at real times just real quick. So that's a problem. It is. Yes. It's a problem. It's illegal and wrong. Yes. Okay. All right. Thank you so much. I'm just gonna get that in the old Notie book. So he's married twice. Right after he marries Adrian LaRussell, LaRussell LaRusa, he sees the movie Woman in Red and becomes obsessed with actress Kelly the Brock. He told the friend, quote, she is my destiny. Now she's in Japan doing a modeling job, provoke. And so he flies there. Damn it. I already have a wife there. He flies there to woo her. He goes to woo her. Also to visit his family, but he flies there. Hey, good to see you. Hey, look, your kids are huge now. Holy shit. Your kids are old. Anyway,

I'm here on business. Gotta go. What business? I'm meeting the woman of my dreams. But mommy. Later. Mommy. Mommy. No, not mommy. Yeah, no, no, not mommy. By the way, you have a new mommy in America now. You have a new mommy in America, but that's also not the mommy I'm after. I met the woman of my dreams in a movie. Okay. I met. Oh, God, kids or brains are so tiny and dumb. I don't like either of the women I married. I'm getting a new one. That's how it goes and works kind of for me. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Yes. God damn. Eat your rice. Dad, it's a lot of commitment. I don't like. Call me Stevie. Call me Uncle Steve. There we go. That's the sigh I looked for. All right, you're broken well enough. See you later.

So yeah, so he tracks down. He tracks down. He couldn't wait for when she's in LA. He tracks her down to a hotel in Tokyo and she says they've spoken on the phone a few times, but she's totally going to blow him off like she's not into him. But who are you? Why are you barking? It sounds like he just pesters her until she's like, okay, I'll meet you for a drink and then the sparks fly. Quote, he spoke fluent Japanese and could do acupuncture, chiropractics, sang, played guitar and drums and could draw. He was an all around Renaissance man. Yeah. He sounds like Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins is what he sounds like. Just sitting. I mean, who unloads all those skills like a Swiss army knife in one. You know what I mean?

Like also, if you if you are like calling and I mean, look, stalking, probably not the best idea to be like, you know what? This guy is stalking me. He actually can play guitar and put needles in my arm pretty well. That's hot. I mean, it's a little, it's a little weird. It's a little creepy. So he starts a hot and heavy affair with Kelly the Brock. Now I should also mention these married to two other women. Right. Yep. Right. So he's twice married and now found the woman of his dreams. So Adrian immediately files for annulment. The Yakuza did this. She tells spy magazine quote, not only did I not if people don't know what spy magazine is, do you know what spy magazine was? It's almost people point out that like this article is weird that it was in spy magazine spy

magazines, like almost like a mad magazine type thing. It's like a political, like political commentary, social commentary, sort of cartoon thing. Like it's okay. So she told spy magazine because spy magazine does an article about Steven Siegel. Not only did I not ask for anything, but I gave him money for months afterward just to get him out of my life. I can't say very much, but I am afraid of Steven and his friends. Man, that's like all these Netflix documentaries that are out now where it's just like you pay, you just, you're basically paying like a go away fee at some point to these people. I mean, it really is a shame that being such a shitbag man is rewarded on the highest levels in some cases where it's like he's a piece of shit and he gets the girl

that he wants plus he got a severance package. Yeah. Yeah. Look, things go pretty well for Steven for a while. So but not at this point. He's still still struggling. He still doesn't have a career. He's just got the dojo and it's it's going okay. Right. So according to ex CIA officer and friend Bob Strickland, in 1985, Steven desperately needed money. So he arranged for a mercenary friend to steal LeBrock's Porsche for insurance money. I do I do I read that I read this in the article so many times and it kept confusing me. But it sounds too wackadoodle to be made up. Like he wouldn't make that up. Right. It's too weird. It's like a terrible thing to do. So you but there are people. It's like Trump does that to some extent, you know, like Trump will accidentally overlie

and it'll be like, wait, what'd you do? He's like, I embezzled. You got to embezzle. It's like, it's like stop riffing. So okay, he tells. So he tells Steven tells the LA Times he tried to catch the thief. And then I thought it was me. Then I was the guy. So you can imagine I grabbed myself by my own ponytail. It was nuts. Another friend around another friend around this time when said when Steve was hard up for money, he would disappear for about a week. And then he come back with a bunch of cash. And one time he came back with a new car. And Steven would then brag that he'd done a hit for the mob. And again, these lot like they are like, it's, I mean, anyone who lies like in that way is just dangerous. Like they're it's definitely bad.

Dangerous waters to be mentally, you know, sort of hypothetically swimming in. So in 1986, he and Miyako get divorced. So he finally divorces his Japanese. For what? What is her deal? God, she is so weird. What is her like? What's her problem? When you're married, and especially when you're married to someone in another country, you drift apart, everybody marries someone else. You start fucking models. Look, look, look, look, look. Yeah, you said I do. Okay. That means you're going to have to sit through it when your husband physically leaves the country and leaves you and your children to eat nothing but brown rice. You're going to have to stand by your man when he marries another woman.

And when that marriage is a no that he's in your home country to meet the woman of his dreams that he saw in Lady in Red, you got to stand up for that. Yeah. Times get tough. Especially you have kids. You got to think about like what's to you got to think about these two kids that he's not thinking about. Yeah. So, so once they were divorced, he's now single and now he can marry Kelly LeBrock. Sure. Now around this time, what happens now? He finds out about Goldie Hawn. She's perfect. Well, around this time, he meets a guy named Jules Nassau in 1986. He meets him through LeBrock and him and Nassau just hit it off. Now, Nassau is a dog too. Nassau is a Staten Island pharmacist and he became the owner of a company that provided pharmaceuticals to

merchant ships. And what he says while he owned this company, he became a PA for Sergio Leone on Once Upon a Time in America and that he got that because he was good friends with Tony Danzo introduced him to Sergio. Yo, you got to meet my friend Sergio. Now, he'll make you an extra in a movie pharmacist. Now, when Tony Danzo was asked, he said, quote, I know Nassau, but he's no friend of mine. Okay, so what we have, right? Basically, I'll bottom line it for me. What we have is we have two total bullshitters who just are like two amazing jazz musicians just bullshitting off of each other and just like digging the bullshit that they're sort of spinning. So he's just like, my story, well, I opened a dojo and had to fight Yakuza's hearts in order to teach them

that I was one of the best martial arts teacher in the world. Well, that's interesting. I'm actually a pharmacist. And I met Tony Danzo who made me a PA in a movie. And here we are Kelly LeBrock's BFF. Whoa. Wow. I have shoes that allow me to jump into the sky. I have samples of Saturn's rings. Well, you're my BFF. We're so like each other. They remind me of, do you remember in the Bundy Takeover of the Wildlife Refuge when there were like six guys sitting on a campfire all talking about their military experience and none of them had been in the military? That's totally what this reminds me of. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're good in the martial art of yes anding. Yeah. Yes. And then Tony Danzo got me

apart. Yeah, me too. I think more people lie about being. I broke Bruce Lee's neck. More people lie about being in the military. I invented Vicodin. More people lie about being in the military or knowing martial arts than any other thing on earth. Right. Yeah, that's probably very true. So now, NASA worked for his uncle Julius, who was owner of NASA Concrete, a company that was named in the extortion case of Fat Tony Salerno. Nassau and Stephen become very close and Stephen moves next door to Nassau and Staten Island. Now, if you could see the picture of the houses, Nassau's house is huge and Stephen's house is like a third of that size. Stephen's house looks like a normal suburban house. Nassau calls it his guest house.

Uh-huh. Now, remember, he's married to Kelly LeBrock at this point, and they're living in this guest house. Now, the house is the cross the street from the late Tony Bellotti's house, whose promotion to underboss led to his and Gambino crime boss Paul Castellano's killing in 1985. So that's who's across the street. And Kelly LeBrock's like, hey, I was, I'm just trying to be like a model actress. And he's like, don't worry, we live in the guest house. Do you want to hear me play the ukulele again? No, it's really stupid at this point. I mean, also, I don't think you know how to do acupuncture. Those are bar darts. Let me try. So Nassau's house has a large marble panther in the foyer, a lagoon style pool, a giant peacock mural, and a giant purple

and green master bedroom. One painting is of Danny Ielo's thumb. Ielo's a close friend. Sure. No, I mean, obviously he's a close friend. You don't, you're not framing a stranger's thumb in your master bedroom. Look, I know that I have a frame painting of my buddy Luke's thumb here because he's a pal. I mean, it's just how it goes. You have my thumb at your house. I mean, it's just, I mean, how do you get there? How do you, how does it start? Honestly, the only thing I can think is cocaine. The only thing I can think is cocaine gets you there. I mean, other it's worrying every way, but cocaine at least like allows me to know there's some sort of intoxicant that has led you down the path of framing Danny Ielo's thumb. It was probably like a misunderstanding.

Like one of the mob bosses was like, yeah, what we're going to do is for the killing, we're going to frame Danny Ielo's thumb for it. Got it. I'll put it in the master bedroom. No, no, I'm saying we'll put the whole thing on Danny Ielo's thumb. Yeah, I'll get a nice like, you know, sort of nice, look nice and fancy. You'll have good like little arcs to it and stuff like that. Then we're going to frame his thumb. Yeah, I got it. I got to paint it tomorrow. So Danny, I want to show you something. I hope you don't find it strange, but I was just so taken with your right thumb. A boom. Look at that. That's great. That's really yours. Yeah, you really got that. You really got the likeness. I feel like I'm looking at my own thumb.

Medicare. Hey, well, you in many ways, you are Danny Ielo. I think I'm great to meet. Great to meet you. It's great to meet you. You know what this, you know what this wall means? It needs a spicy meatball. Get out of here. Leave. Leave the property. This was a mistake. So so Nassau is the best man at Stephen and Kelly's wedding. He's the godfather of their first two kids. So he's like in he's in 34th. Right. Right. They're for it. Yeah. So at the at the time, there's a huge action movie, craze, Sylvester Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Claude, Jean Claude Van Damme, John Claude Van Damme. They're all very, very huge, cranking out huge movies. And in 1986, the LA Times interviews Stephen again, and they talk about his background

and that Hollywood studios are interested in him to make movies. He said Warner had offered him a film and scripts are currently being written. And remember, Ovid's is Ovid's is his client at the dojo, he said, but Stephen said he wasn't in this interview, but then said they quote, loved each other. And then I'm his guru. So Stephen is on record saying that Ovid's from CAA is a client. Then he isn't in this interview, followed by, but I'm his guru, which is even larger. It's crazy. It's so weird. So my can I pitch that what happened was when he said, no, no, he doesn't go to the dojo, the reporter looked confounded and confused. And so then he just goes, I'm just his guru. Yeah. And then that's what I think. And then we'll get into it. We're not

going to get into it in this episode because but we'll get in this episode. Yeah, this is there's another one. It's you could do six. I can't believe what is happening right now. You could do it's I can't believe we're part one of a Steven Seagal episode. I described the first part as it's boogie nights up until that lady gets fucked in the driveway and then everything turns dark. So the first episode is the happy part of boogie nights. And the second episode will be the dark dark night of the soul. Boogie nights goes down. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. So how I feel. So right. So so there's this combination before we record. It's amazing before we record these how we're just shooting the shit for 10 minutes. And you're in your head, like probably going like,

I'm about to talk about Steven Seagal. Yes, 100%. I almost said it to you. This is the first time I was when I'm going to talk about Seagal. But it's Seagal. It's Seagal right now. It's Seagal. I noticed you're sticking to that. Right. Okay. So so he also made sure he makes sure in this interview that he comes across as an authority of martial arts, which is what he's always doing. And anything related to it at one point, he says, quote, there is no such thing as a ninja. Anyone who says he's a ninja is scamming you. It'd be like some jerk going to London and coming back to America and saying, I'm going to teach the secrets of knighthood. If you want to learn the ways of an assassin, become an agent of the CIA or KGB to, but that's what he did. So

but also you don't, you don't just become an agent of the KGB. What are you talking about? No, no, no, you just, no. Yeah, you don't just become a C. You don't just go like, you just, you don't do that. You just cut your CIA agent when you come back. Hey, CIA, I would like to become an agent to become an assassin. No, we're not doing that. Okay. Hello, KGB. I would like to become an assassin. Oh, well, we're listening. We like what we hear so far with your in your initiation of font calls seem to go pretty good for us. Yeah, yeah. So I'm really into being an assassin and I talked to the CIA and they were like, we don't have any room. So I'm, well, the CIA, the CIA, what the CIA says not to, we actually liked it a lot. Yeah. I mean, I figured

you guys are really into assassins and that's okay. Well, let's get your home address and we'll send you a KGB diploma. Cool. And yeah, that's how none of your seriously KGB pretty much. Okay. Then I can like send you a special ring. Okay. Yeah, you kill whoever and you know, you can get married a few times if you like. But yeah, and then don't worry about like not telling people you're in KGB. Like it's cool to sort of let them slip. We're not like CIA where we're like, keep it, you know, keep it up. Yeah, they don't like it when you tell people. No, they're so like, we like a humble, we actually teach course in humble break. So that you can let people know you. This sounds like more of my thing. Yeah, you're going to love it. It's going to be great.

And by the way, let's get your name before actually we get in there. It's haven't even listened to this. So caught up in your story so quickly. Yeah, it's Steven Siegel. Steven Siegel like bird. Okay. Yeah, like the bird. You said like the bird. Like the bird. Great. Okay. Well, welcome to KGB. Thank you. Yeah, you call this number. Any questions? And yeah, again, this is let's just if you have any friends who want to be KGB, just have them call the 800 number. Okay. Like super straightforward. Okay, bye, Steven. Take care, baby. Oh, wait, do you have friend who has Danny yellow? Do you have friend who has Danny yellow thumb picture? Yeah. Okay, great. Okay, bye. Thank you. So Ophids arranges for Steven to show off his martial arts

skills at Warner Brothers because he really wants Steven to make a movie with Warner so much so that he offers up his biggest director for the lethal weapon sequel. If Warner will make us a Siegel film. So he's he's literally he's literally undermining one client to get a film deal for Steven Siegel. Steven. Sure. So Steven. So he goes there and he demonstrates his talents for the Warner exec execs were like sitting on they maybe came to his dojo, but they're like sitting on the floor and they probably took their shoes off and they were probably like, wow, so official. Our shoes are 100%. This guy must know what he's doing. Yeah. And they are crazy impressed. Warner Brothers boss, Terry Semmel says, quote, it was quite miraculous with just a toss of his hand.

Steven would send the other guy flying. Surely there's no way that Steven had talked to the person in the dojo before and was like, Hey, let's throw a little stage combat into this. If I throw you, you really go flying like this guy, he probably just yank some dude off the street who was selling like furniture or something. No, you know, or maybe just some guy who was out looking for a place to buy some food. No, and then he brought him in and just launched him just some random he he brought in other martial arts guys, Mike Makita, who was part of the demonstration said, quote, I still can't believe those guys at Warner's didn't know it was a rehearsed demonstration. Siegel could not toss me or anyone else in the air unless we were in on it. So it's just choreographed

and they were like, wow, they're like a circus troop. Yeah. I mean, again, that's but honestly, that's why I've always said the people at Warner Brothers really know martial arts better than anyone. Absolutely. That's that's what they're that's what they've been trained to do. I mean, I just picture that being like, Wow, I just can't believe how far he threw that guy. We have no questions. Let's break up the lethal weapon franchise. Put this guy in a movie. We'll call it toss him Jackson. He's the toss him guy. But doesn't this like isn't this the perfect way to describe studio execs? Yeah, and Hollywood just like just like the the empty headed at the apex just being like, Oh my God, he threw somebody. Wowie. Wowie. So after this, they do a screen test

and Steven is terrible. He had like a high squeaky voice quote. Hello. He did not come across well on screen. So Ovid's and then of course, I'll ring the god hit the gong. And I'm a dog man. And the movie is called dog dog. When I get nervous, sometimes my voice can't hide. And I will call the movie dog man throw it. Don't fuck with me, buddy. I'll rip your head off. Okay, but I'm just the shopkeeper. I'm not sure is your voice okay? My voice is fine. Mr. I'm gonna kick your fucking ass. You saw it. He sounds like he has altitude issues. Are you okay? I'm gonna kick your fucking ass, buddy. I'm gonna tell you that he like grabs the guy. He's like, follow, follow over, follow hard, follow hard. So Ovid goes back to Warner and offers the director for lethal weapon

to but not not just saying you can have this time but saying, I'll give him to you for the same amount as he did the first movie. So he's literally now undermining his client, who had one of the biggest most successful movies in Hollywood, who now should get a massive director's bump fee. And he's saying you can have him for the same amount. Here's what I'm going to offer you. Everything that lethal weapon offered for the first movie without that security. And what this guy has a voice issue we're learning, but you got to see him throw his friends, huh? Huh? Shouldn't I get a raise? Huh? The I did the first movie was successful. I did the first movie and it was very successful. And now I should get a raise. You keep breaking up even though

we're in person. It keeps your it keeps crackling. So what you get here is you get Stephen, Stephen Siegel, the most dangerous of the seabirds, and you get him. And then after that, you get the same amount, but there's no points or back end. And again, what you're with lethal weapon, people are going to turn out to see that second one. This offers you the chance to prove yourself. Okay, so no, he's not. He's not. What did you say there? You're breaking up a bunch. He's not giving seagull. He's not giving a seagull movie to the director. He's literally just giving the studio a deal on the director. So they'll give seagull a movie. Oh, right. Okay, right. Sorry. Right. It's fine. Still, but the director is getting the same amount as he would for the director

is getting totally fucked over something that has nothing to do with him at all. That's what I mean. Yeah, okay. Completely fucked. Okay. Right. So, so they do it. He undermines his own client to get unknown Stephen Siegel a movie deal. So who is the who is the director? Was it Donner? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Stephen then films his first movie above the law. At this point, he has a major studio film, a mega agent, if not the biggest agent in Hollywood, a high PR high profile PR firm and a model, seven wives, our wife. Right. So he's just like this. He's doing. Yeah. I mean, he's living like, I mean, that is a established actor lifestyle. Yeah. You'd expect. Yeah. But it's just crazy, though, that it

because it's come from nothing. But, you know, right, but that's what happens. So foundation of Fibs. So Stephen, he films a movie. The LA Times comes to interview him again about his sudden rise. In this, in this article, the president of Imagine Films called Stephen quote, the coolest person I've ever seen. Stephen has the most amazing presence you've ever seen. The LA and we at Imagine believe in creative memories. We imagine love Stephen because that's all the guy does. I mean, I've been around this so many times when all of a sudden everyone in Hollywood just decides that someone is awesome and you're like, and they all talk about like all those studio and agents and everyone's like, he's just amazing. And you're like, it's not that. Yeah. Or, or when,

or yeah, or they're, they're like talking about like, I mean, we're just looking for the next this guy. Yeah. And you're like this, but you like shut this guy out your whole. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The LA Times quote, but what really grabs your attention is his voice. He speaks with a hushed conspiratorial purr as if he were worried that a tiny man hidden under the floorboards might be taping the conversation. So what, what, that is not a listen. First of all, that is not what acting is. Acting is not who can talk like they live in fear of a floorboard man most that like acting is the naturalization of fiction. It's not, you got to see this guy pretend. It sounds like you think someone is under the floor. He's amazing. And by the way, you've never heard a

human purr like this. This guy's got what he's basic. He's like very much like a talking cat. And he's a fun afraid cat. He's a cat who talks, but he always the reason why he's afraid is he thinks there's someone is under the floor. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's right. I'm Steven. I think someone might be under our carpet. So, so what is clearly transpired here is that he did a screen test. He had a high weird voice squeaky. And then he, he changed himself. So he talked differently. And that's why Steven, someone eventually gave the note of like, Hey, Steven, just whisper because you can't act. We're going to try to whisper our way through this one. Yeah. Okay. That's what happened. So the interview covered his time in Japan

with a new added twist. Quote, while teaching there, Segal discovered that his classes were populated with an unusual assortment of students. Students who, as he put it, worked for a particular agency, the central intelligence agency. Steven elaborated, quote, these guys were my students. They saw my abilities both with martial arts and with the language. My CIA godfather told me they'd never heard any American speak Japanese so well. I would say I was a prime candidate to be recruited. My CIA godfather. It is, it's like what he needs is a friend. And you can like kind of workshop these with a little bit because you don't just want to straight up come out and be like, yeah, we quickly noticed that in the dojo that I'm lying about

running, there were mostly CIA agents. And these CIA agents, these highly trained agents were like shocked at a man who was fluent in a foreign language. I mean, can you imagine? Wow. I've never, I have never heard an American speak Japanese this well. The idea that he, Steven, like they're basically like in a dojo with the martial artists that I'm air quoting and they're walking away going, man, nobody spoke a Japanese like that ever. Holy shit, that guy can fight and speak Japanese. I've never seen anyone throw someone so far while being one of the world's leading linguists. Somebody get our CIA godfather down here. I'll tell you what, if this dog could fetch, sign him up. Okay, so he explained that a scene

in above the law that was of a spy being injected with the truth serum was something that it actually happened. I did not say him. That's for sure. Nobody ever got a truth serum in this guy. Because then he'd be like, actually, I lied to my first wife and she ran the dojo. And I lied about I can't even play an instrument. I just had a tape recorder in my butt crack and then I just pretend to move my fingers on the fret. I don't know acupuncture. I just kind of dipped it into Kelly's skin. Then I lied about this guy from the CIA. Please don't inject me with anymore from the CIA. I said that he's training him, but I really wasn't. Somehow I got a movie when I faked through all my buddies. And then I'm lying

to you right now about how I speak Japanese fluently. I only know five words. So he's saying he injected someone with a truth serum? Or he was there when it happened. I was there and then also it was the same day we bought Love Potion number nine. There's someone in the floorboards. He also said he had been involved when the Shah was overthrown and I ran. Look, I don't want to get into too much of what I did, but let's just say nobody could overthrow the Shah as far as I could. Which, you know, had just happened. And so it was a big deal, right? Right. He was overthrown in 1979. So of course, whatever. But he said, quote, we help set up safe houses in London and Paris

so the Shah and his family could flee the country. What are you talking about? Like they needed safe houses in London and fucking Paris. You know what? You know what? You know what his book title should be? Pony Tales. He also said they helped get his family and him out of Iran. Quote, one of the Shah's nephews wouldn't leave. So he had to hit him over the head and try to take him unconscious. But he resisted on going free and he left and he got shot in the back of the head. I mean, they are such bad lies. They are so fucking bad. He said it's like a cartoon. He's hitting a guy over the head so they can take him unconscious. Then we put a piano hanging from wire above a building and we cut the cord. But it went through the guy and he snuck through the wires and we

cut him into 18 pieces and then he reformed like Wiley Coyote and then right after that a guy shot him in the back of the head. So you've heard it a million times. Stephen said he also did security work for Bishop Desmond Tutu and the late Egyptian president Anwar Sadat. He had also worked for the White House. Quote. So let's just walk through it. Go ahead. Quote, and when they checked up on me, they couldn't find any data on me. Then they asked the agency who refused to confirm or deny who works for them. Wait, but he's, I mean, it's getting like, it's, there's a lot, he's stacking lies like a jengap here. Like, he's shaky right now. You work for everybody and then the CIA, the White House asked the CIA if he ever worked for him and they're, no. We can't tell you that. We'd have to

kill you White House. We'd have to kill you White House. Sorry about that. Right now, look, all we'll confirm is that right now Stephen had to knock the shot out to get him out of Iran. So I want to tell you. And CIA agents, I mean, not that I know, if they don't go bragging around in the press about what they've done, usually, yeah, no, it's certainly, well, no, I mean, once they leave, once they leave, they go to like CNN or something. But, but yeah, no, it's, I mean, he's kind of, but in a way, the CIA lie is kind of brilliant because it's like, right, they can't, you're asking the CIA to come out and be like, yeah, no, we don't know who Steven Seagal is. And they're not going to do that. And it's Stephen Seagal by the way. Yeah, it's like, sorry, Stephen Seagal, I keep forgetting, so sorry. But also, they're the ones who technically

were like filling his glasses at Japan. It's really, I mean, it's just like, you just, again, I mean, it's, it's Trumpy in the way that it's like, just map it out a little bit first. It's incredibly Trumpy. You're absolutely correct. And his lies are so crazy and over the top that you're like, is it true? Because this is crazy that someone's saying this. It's big. Well, look, I'm not going to get into it, but I actually help construct the pyramids. Who would say that if it wasn't real? Yeah, it's just like, there's no way. So, by the way, it's hard to prove. So to confirm these stories, to confirm these stories, he gives the LA Times a mercenaries phone number who he can call and confirm a story. I also want to say back then, everybody called mercenaries soldiers of fortune.

It was this creepy weird thing that everybody did in the 80s to justify what mercenaries were. And they were sort of held up on this pedestal in America. It was very creepy and weird. But everywhere I read about this in the 80s, it all says soldier of fortune. You're like, yeah, that's a mercenary. I mean, it's basically what the United States does with war terms now. Where it's just like, yeah, under attack, but we're democratizing. So he gets to this mercenary's phone number to confirm a story. Five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five. Stephen gives him only his code name, Carol. So, okay, you're going to want to call Carol.

Who's Carol? She's the mercenary who will corroborate everything that I've said. It's actually he. It's a he. Carol's a man, first of all. And second of all, Carol has my number. So call my number and ask for Carol. And Carol sounds a lot like I do. Call it right now. I'm going to go home. So the LA Times reporter calls Carol and they go back for a little back and forth for a little bit. And then they meet. Sorry, we've been playing phone tag. Things are crazy in the Merse business now. Hello. So it turns out to be a well-known known mercenary named Gary Goldman. And when I say well-known, we had this guy, Bo Gritz, and he went to try to through, I think it was with Ross Perot's help.

They tried to go like get to like get the POWs at a Laos. And he was part of that whole thing. So he has a high profile. So a well-known mercenary who is friends and in business was Steven Segal, Gary Goldman. That's who it turns out to be. So someone who is invested in Steven doing well. Yes. So Goldman says Steven is indeed XCIA and they had gone on several missions together. So he tells the LA Times that. So it's verified. Now he says Steven and Goldman had met in Japan. And when Steven starts making headway in films, he goes into business with Goldman and they begin a production company together. But Steven doesn't want to call it Segal Goldman Productions because he thought it sounded like two Jews in the garment business.

Okay. Well, it's also Segal, you know, Segal Segal. Around this time, Steven goes to an art exhibit and there he saw a chagall. And he comes back from the art exhibit and says from now on, his name will be pronounced Steven Segal. I'm no longer like an ocean rat bird. Now it's Segal. That just came to me. And it's always been like that. The CIA changed. My code name was Segal because of how much stuff I could store in my mouth. And if I ate Altoids, I'd explode. It's so fucking crazy. So now his name is Steven Segal. You're having trouble making the adjustment. Steven Segal. Jesus, I am too. It's hard. It's hard to make the change.

Right. So above the law is released in 1980. It would have been great if he went to like an Andy Warhol exhibit. It's actually Steven Warhol. Above the law released in 1988. It's directed by a future Academy Award nominee. Steven plays an ex Akito instructor, ex CIA Vietnam vet, ex Chicago vice sergeant turned vigilante. Sure. Yeah. Just I mean, very close to Steven's reality. Exactly. It's his world. The movie. It is loosely supposed to be based on who he is. Yes. Right. So the film makes Steven again on that take you were talking. We're not after that. Can you go back to sort of a hushed whisper? That was was I talking? Okay, I'll go back to. Yeah. Hey, there's probably the writers probably on set just like, I mean, how many more lines do

we have to cut for this guy? So film makes almost $19 million. The box office enough to start a franchise. Actually, it made $150 billion. So American Black Belt Magazine and sorry, American Black Belt and martial arts actor Bob Wall was not happy with Steven trashing both Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee and martial arts in America in general. Right. So after seeing above the law, Wall said, quote, all he's got his mouth. If Segal were one tenth of the martial artist, he says he is he had developed a proper attitude. When Steven was asked about this by Black Belt magazine, he denied talking trash about Chuck Norris, quote, I don't fight in print. If Mr. Wall has anything bad to say about me, let him come say it to my face. Now, he did talk shit

about Chuck Norris. I've seen it. I've read the fucking article the LA Times, but now he's just saying he didn't. But also if he wants to fight, let's fight. So around this time, Steven also began. I mean, another I mean, not a lot of politicians do it, but just Trump comes to mind like I never said that. No, here it is. I'll kick his ass. Okay, thank you. So he starts telling people around this time that he is also an ex Navy seal. I should point out when I was working for the CIA, I was also part time ceiling. I did some seal work also on the side. I did a lot of seal stuff too. I was a side seal. I was basically lead seal. And then I was also the CIA while I was working for the White House

with my harem of seven wives. And I had a dojo. Plus I was a painter. So he in late 1988, this former mercenary takes Steven Goldman and another ex military guy. So a different mercenary to look for treasure near Barbados. He's like a treasure hunter. Guys, let's go on this trip. I'm going to go. I mean, it's so it's okay. Yeah. Like Kelly. I mean, at what point is Kelly LeBrock like, oh, fuck. Oh, she's way into oh, fuck by now. I mean, it's just straight up. He's abusive to Kelly LeBrock. Like it's bad marriage. So it's difficult. It's difficult to get in the Zodiac because there's very rough surf. So they're trying to get off the beach off the beach into the Zodiac.

What is the Zodiac? I don't even know. It's like a Zodiac is one of those low fast boats with the motor on the back. They almost look like they're inflatable type of boat, but they're really strong. Like it kind of looks like that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Steven was probably like, we don't need a motor. I'll just hold on to the back and kick. So I mean, a Zodiac is what Navy SEALs will attack in. Like it's it's that kind of fast. Right. So right. So Goldman quote, he started screaming and panicking and was sure he was going to die in all that crap. So they have to help Steven onto the Zodiac. One man pulled them up by his hair while another pushed his ass from behind to get him on board. Why did you grab my hair? Why did you grab my hair?

So that day, Goldman discovered Steven could not read a compass or a map and he realized there was no way he had ever done any covert mission and was not a X Navy SEAL. Uh-huh. Right. Right. Because he was crying when he got into the boat and didn't know how to swim or read a compass. That's right. It's pointing north. So we should probably go east a little bit. So what is the end stand for on this weird watch? This watch is broken. This watch is broken. This watch is broken. Three o'clock is just an E. The three is backwards. So I threw that broken watch into the ocean you guys. So we're better off. Now we can figure it out. I'm John F. Kennedy. What? I'm John F. Kennedy. He's dead. Yeah. He was dead and then I became him.

It happened in 1930. What? What? I'm telling you the truth. Listen. John F. Kennedy died and then I became him in 1930 and then ever since then I've been John F. Kennedy combined with the Tyrannosaurus Rex. I have the DNA of both inside of me. He died in 1963. I don't have any blood in my I died in 63 and then I came back. No, it was a good interview. Thank you very much. Do you have any questions about anything else that I did? All good. Wonderful. So Steven had been working on a screenplay with Goldman for about a year and then they had a falling out. Most of them were writing credits. Yeah. He was like, what are you talking about? I'm F. Scott Fitzgerald goddammit. So after they fall out Goldman's angry and he writes a letter to the writer of that L.A.

Times article where he confirmed everything and he said he'd been lying about it about doing missions with Segal and he retracted everything saying all of Steven's stories about being in the CIA are lies. Quote, the plain truth of the matter is that Segal was and is a gutless coward who is trying to convert the heroic deeds of those brave men into a personal history of himself. I mean, which I'm not surprised, but it's also like, yeah, well, dude, you're part of the gutless issue here too. But yeah. Oh yeah, for sure. You know, like, no, you you just lied so you could work on a screenplay with a guy and now it's not happening. So and then you're realizing like Steven is just like, why is it? What does I and T stand for again? Interior. Yeah.

Now I'll say this. And most most journalists, by the way, you're supposed to have two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Subject of the article is not supposed to be one of them. I mean, the article was definitely like, we don't know if this is true, but you know. So now Steven did he did hang around military spook types, right? One guy was named Robert Strickland. This is something spy magazine reported they had met in Japan while Strickland was in the CIA and Steven invited Strickland to the set of the latest movie he's working on right now. And he pulls out a profile he had a private investigator put together on Goldman, right? So he's got a Goldman file. So right. And Strickland is already like, OK, this is

really over the top for a screenplay credit dispute. Like this is a lot. Look, he threw out his phone book. This guy's trash. So Steven says, quote, I'd like you to do me a favor. I'd like you to kill Gary Goldman. Wow. Okie dokie. That's lunch. You know, the WGA has a credits dispute system set up. I don't want to. I hate calling those numbers. They put you on hold. Please just kill him. Thank you. It would mean the world to me if you would kill Goldman. He's a liar. Kill Carol, please. Maybe I'm not asking properly. He needs to die because our screenplay fell apart. That's not usually why. Kill him. People do it. Snap his neck. Kill him. What am I? Please kill his brain. Shoot his brain.

I just don't want to. Shock his brain to death. No. Break his neck. Like I didn't. Have you seen above the law? Yeah, that wasn't real. That's a movie. So. Yeah, that was a documentary we filmed about a year ago. It wasn't, but. I didn't actually even, most of that was filmed with hidden cameras. I didn't even know about a lot of it. So the thing I'm asking you to do is to go. Do you have a question? No, you said that the movie you filmed was hidden cameras? Yeah, they didn't, the whole thing took about two days to shoot and they were just following me on an average two days. First of all, I did not know I was being filmed for that, but it is a documentary on my life. It's not a documentary. It is a hundred percent a documentary. It's a found footage

doco, basically. They filmed it by putting cameras in tissue boxes. Everywhere I went, there was a tissue box and I didn't even realize why there would be so many of them. But then what they did was, I guess they gave all the tissue box footage to an editor and he pieced it together and then they had a film and they came to me and they said, do you want to be a Hollywood movie star? We've got the movie. So then I met Carol, a mercenary. Yeah, sure. Right. So you'll kill him? Yeah, yeah. Oh, for sure. All right, thank you. And by the way, I'll pay you in juicy fruit. So Stephen shows Strickland 50 grand in cash and Strickland's like, I'm not, I'm not killing gold. Never seen, never seen that much.

Stephen is then like, go find someone who will do it and ask around, ask anyone. Strickland is in a weird place because he doesn't want to end the relationship because Stephen's already given him 50,000 of an advance on a $250,000 deal for his life story. And so Stephen continues over like the next year or so to ask Strickland to kill Goldman for just over and over and over again until Goldman, what are you doing? Will you kill Goldman? Talk to you tomorrow until Goldman finally moves to the Philippines in early 1990. And then it finally goes away. All right. Well, we did it. We killed them. Stephen's father dies in 1990. Stephen did not go to the funeral.

We don't know what was up there. He keeps making, he keeps making movies. He makes hard to kill in 1990 and then Mark for death. Again, a documentary. His first three films grow us over $200 million. So he's a legit movie guy. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I mean, yeah. When you think, I mean, he was a huge action star. Yeah. Yeah. He's, yeah, he's top tier. He's top five, top four, whatever. Yeah. So NASA started working as a producer on Marked for Death, which began a long time producing collaboration between the two. Okay. Strickland is in his trailer one day while he's filming his next movie in late 1990. And Stephen has four personal assistants, all women. Oh boy. And on this day, one is in the bathroom brushing her teeth and Stephen yells for her

and she comes out, but she's still got the brush in her mouth and the toothpaste, right? And Stephen says, quote, G ran. You look like that when I come in your mouth. Oh, fucking A. Oh my God. I mean, it's like, even for Hollywood shitbags, that is a graphic. Like, I mean, there's no, like there's no insinuation. No, you know what I mean? I'm not saying tiptoeing around. It is the right move, but my God. So that movie out for Justin came out in April 1991 and made $40 million. The next, and by the way, these are all U.S. box office. He makes more international. Keep working for him. The next month, all four of Stephen's assistants and another woman quit because of sexual harassment, three filed a three threatened to file sexual harassment

charges. And then two of them were paid 50,000 to keep quiet. Also, will you kill Goldman? So he's just got $50,000 briefcases. Like he's carrying them around just sort of like one of these brief that my currency is briefcase. I mean, and he's still married to Kelly LeBrock. Yes, he's still married to Kelly LeBrock. They have three kids. Oh my God. So he's got four or five assistants. All women who he's sexually harassing while married with a family while fabricating his entire resume. He is 100% a guy who if he is in a position of power, even if it's slight over a woman will sexually harass her from the moment she comes in the room 100%. So then that year writer Alan Richmond writes a story in GQ that just tears Stephen apart. And

Stephen's very much not happy about this. Give him a briefcase. The next month, an XCI agent is told by a mutual friend that Stephen has some security worries and he wants to meet with them. So he flies him out to Staten Island. And the XCA guy meets with Stephen and Nassau. So Stephen tells the agent that he had also worked for the CIA, which the agent knows is fucking bullshit because he'd already checked him out before he came. Right. And Stephen's like just talking CIA shit that's clearly a lie to an XCA agent. The guy's like this is like when we point to each other's eyes, that means watch. And then we'll point to where we're looking for and that means go towards that. So I know a lot of the shorthand stuff. A lot of people don't understand

that I invented the CIA and that it's actually pronounced Jaya. So Stephen starts talking about this writer Alan Richmond. And he keeps referring to him as a fag. Now Richmond is totally straight. He's not gay. But Stephen is convinced he's gay. And he says he wants to set up Richmond. So he would be in the back of a car having sex with another dude and then the CIA agent would photograph them. And then he could use that to ruin his career. So he basically he's like setting up just a writer a gay. Yeah. But like a gay sting to yes. It's like it's the 50s. Like he's trying to set up some right. Right. It's like a confidential right. He's trying to set up a guy having sex in the back of a car to ruin his career. But the guy is not gay. And on top of that, I don't even know

if it would ruin the career of a writer. Yeah, that's what I'm kind of like thinking. I don't think it's that right. But thing. Right. Yeah. So the the agent is like, I'm not going to do that. But this is a CIA tactic we used all the time. So Stephen goes on to his next idea. Really is like just like the last couple of details that come in the mouth. And then this I mean, like it's like not it again, it does show the activation of someone who should not be in any authoritative position. Correct. You know, there were there were plenty of flags on this guy before he got to this position of power. Plenty of flags that Hollywood not only did not care about but pushed him forward. Yes, we understand. But have you seen him throw a man that's his friend? He goes so far. He's so great.

Have you seen him slapping at the guy on a stage in a live show? Oh, you've got to see him be saved the shot. This man's single hand. When he was working part time as Desmond Tutu's head of security while working as a CIA Navy SEAL part timing over at the White House and shooting the documentary above the law. So Stephen goes on to his next idea after the XCA agent passes on the gay. So he's probably got like a little dumb like he's got a dumb list and the guy's like, no. And he's like, all right, number two, you dress up like a boar and live in his woods. And when he goes out to get the paper, you bore stab him through the heart. And I'll give you one of these briefcases for $50,000. Yeah. Okay. I basically, I basically run dealer no deal. So each one of these briefcases

has 50 grand in it. And that's, and you go, you pick it. Okay. I'll take her number one. Yeah. It's 50 grand. All right. Yeah. Let's do it. So he, he, he tells the guy he thinks an enemy that he had from his days in Asia is going to try to assassinate him while he's doing the, the ribbon cutting of a new restaurant he's opening in Chicago. Look, Yakuza hates Yakuza, there's nothing Yakuza hates more than a benign. So when I'm ribbon cutting at the first West Coast benign, I need someone there because they're going to try to obviously kill me. And if to answer the question before you ask it, obviously I could stop the assassination by grabbing the bullet out of the air, but that's in the screenplay that I'm currently shooting. I just don't want to squander

that at an event. I want to make some money off of that so I can keep funding my briefcase bribery side. Oh my God. So he explains this to the agent and they see agent starts talking about security. I would handle security. I thought you were a CIA agent. And so, yeah. So Stephen, that is not what Stephen wants to hear. And Stephen says, quote, you mean you wouldn't whack him and the CIA agent is like, no, I'm not going to whack him for you. Like it's a, what are you talking about? But how does it work? I mean, I know how it works, but how does it work? You tell me, I'm the head of the CIA currently, but you didn't know that. So that's it. Nothing. The C.A. agent is not what he's like. I'm not ex-cage. He's like, I'm not going to do anything with

this guy. He's out of his fucking mind. So you put poison in a Derby hat and then tell him he's at a hat competition and get him to wear it. Okay. So let me think on that. But I'm going to go. I'm going to take 50,000. Well, I have other pitches too. I think that one's great. I don't know if you get better now. Tell him you're going to teach him how to swallow swords, but instead of swallowing it, you jam it through his body. Pretty good. No, that's a... Oh, no. No, great. I got it. Let me talk. Let me talk. Let me talk. Let me talk. We just leave McDonald's out of his house every day for the rest of his life. You have any idea what eating that every day is going to do to a man's health? His cholesterol is going to be ridiculously high.

One day, he will have to go to the doctor and he will find that the McDonald's has been corroding his arteries. I'll pay you 150 briefcases. Okay. Yeah? Yeah, for sure. Dress as a rabbi. So his feud with Bob Wall is still going on and Black Belt magazine keeps fanning the flames. So Black Belt asks Stephen about Wall and Stephen said Wall had low self-esteem. Quote, if you want me, come to fight me to the death. Okay. Look, it's pretty straightforward. If you talk shit about me, we enter a fire circle and we get to fight till we one of us die. I don't talk to the press, but here's what I will say. The only thing I'll agree to is a death match. He's such a guy who he thinks this is what it's

like, but everyone's like, no one says that. Well, you know what it reminds me of is when that dude at a Biden rally was like, he goes, he was like asking about Hunter Biden and Joe Biden was like, Hey, what's, you want to fight me? Let's go. I'll do push-ups. I'll do push-ups. Like, I'm sorry. Wait, what? It seems like it's a bit of an irrational response. So. Hey, Dave, I didn't like what you said the other day. I will eat your heart. All right. So all responds and he puts together what he calls the dirty dozen and they're a group of 12 martial arts experts and they're all to challenge Stephen to a fight if they see him. Now some join up because Stephen has a reputation for roughing up stuntmen at this point and a lot

of these guys work on movies and they also all note he has never proven himself competitively. He's never been in any, nothing like that. I believe he won the Warner Brothers competition. Okay. That's totally fair. Yeah. So judo star Jean LaBelle is in the dozen and he was working on out for justice as a stunt coordinator and Stephen claimed, did he was training that he was immune from being choked out? I mean, that is just, I, okay, it's a preposterous claim. Okay. I mean, you can't like, you can't be, I got the jab. So I'm immune to chokeouts. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. The phrasing is bonkers. The phrase, like, you could be like, nobody can choke me out. I'm the best there is. Okay. That's a shit talk. Not true. I'm immune from being choked out.

But that, that's when you say he, he says Trumpian like, like things. It's like, the words aren't right and it just sounds dumb, but he thinks he's sounding smarter because he's using. Well, yeah. And it's like someone being like, I'm going to choke you out. Choke me out. You couldn't choke me out. The only person who'd ever choke out is you. I physically could not be choked out. Okay. So LaBelle challenges him, challenges him on the set. And Steven is like, I don't think your chokehold is effective and I can get out of it. So they proceed to get into position and he puts the chokehold on Steven and Steven chokes him out and I'm sorry, then LaBelle chokes him out and then Steven shits his pants. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. There are different

versions of the story out there. I'm happy with the one I heard. LaBelle's not a bragger, but when he was asked, he basically confirmed it in his own way. But whatever happened, LaBelle definitely took out Steven. Like it was definitely. Right. So. And by the way, it's, I mean, the reason why it's probably a little bit of a gray area is because nobody ever goes, I just shit my pants instead. Steven probably got up and he was like, all right, let's take an equity 10. That's lunch. Everyone that's lunch. I'm going to do it in my trailer. By the way, if you see one of the assistants that I'm harassing, tell them I need new Haynes. You got to wash up daddy. All week. I am going to change my underwear every day, not today,

because there's no do do in my dojo, but potentially in the future there might be. Good choke out. All right, everyone, let's all walk like we rode a horse all weekend while we leave to let's nobody walk regular comfortably. Everyone walk like you got a barrel between your legs. All right. That's lunch. Now, while says Steven and him also came face to face. Apparently they were phone calls exchanged and like threats. And at one point Steven was like, I have a gun if you come at me. Wall said, quote, when they finally got face to face, quote, I stood on his foot and placed my face gently in his face. And he said, if you want to fight me, come to my school. And I said, no, let's do it right here and now, because I'm going to rip your head off and shit in your neck.

And Steven's knees went out and he started apologizing and crying. And that was the end of that. I'm shitting my pants. I'm shitting my pants. He just keeps shitting his pants. Well, if you take my head off and shit down my throat, I'm going to take your shit into my pants. How about that, Jack? There's definitely a reoccurring theme of when Steven's in a dangerous situation. He, everyone is like, he was scared shitless. That's definitely a thing that comes up over and over again. Don't get, don't talk like that. I'm going to shit again. All right. Everyone that's lunch again. Sorry to take lunch so fast again. Now, Steven continues to tell people about his time in the CIA in December of 1991. He went

on the Arsenio Hall show and told the story about a crazy operation from when he was in the CIA. And Strickland is watching and Strickland is like, that's my story that happened in my fucking life, not Steven. So Strickland is furious and he calls Steven and tells him to stop stealing stories from his life. And then if he did not, he would expose Steven and he called and he left dozens of messages over months telling Steven to stop. But Steven keeps telling stories from Strickland's life. Jesus Christ. And then look, I'm filming the movie on talk shows, dumbass. And then he's made so many phone calls that Steven gets a restraining order against Strickland. And by the way, I'm filing the restraining order on the name Strickland. Strickland, I'm Strickland.

So Strickland files an affidavit in the California court stating a mutual friend of the two men called him to tell him, quote, watch your ass. Now, Strickland said his safety is a concern because Steven knew powerful people who had a financial interest in keeping his rep up. Right. And the mutual friend said to spy magazine, quote, you don't fuck with people from 18th Avenue in Brooklyn. Now, why did he say that, you ask? Because for a while now, Steven has been telling everyone that he was raised in Brooklyn around mafia guys. So it's, I mean, again, it's just he's like, I mean, you've shown no reason why he should stop lying. It's pretty effective for the 100 percent. It works. Yes, he's just building.

By the way, I'm Fat Tony. Strickland even went as far as to write up the stories Steven had stolen and sent them to Michael Ovitz. Of course, nothing happened with that because Ovitz is his agent. Right. In 1992, his film Under Siege comes out and makes 157 at the box office US. So that's huge. Yeah. He's now a full fledged action brand. And much like the movie Boogie Nights, there's two parts of the story. This was the first good fun part. And the second part is going to be a dark nightmare. I can't. A Boogie nightmare. A Boogie nightmare. I can't wait. Research by me and Ron Pocone sources. Vern Segalogy, a study, this just says Vern, sorry, a study of Ask Kicking Films of Steven Segal by Titan Books.

And then there's a bunch of different articles, LA Times, tons of LA Times stuff, New York Times, NPR, The Guardian, SEC.gov, Vox, Daily Mail, Wales Online, BuzzFeed, The Baffler, Telegraph, tons of stuff, Deadline. I mean, just go look at the list. It's Forbes, blah, blah, blah. Wow. I got to say, just when I think I've heard it all, Steven Segal. Wait until, I mean, that that's just the Hollywood part. It's it's going to go international and fucking. Oh, I mean, I know a little bit. It goes to places you can't even comprehend. Oh, fuck. There we go. Gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble. Oh, wow, nuts. Uh-oh, this is my memory card is full.