The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 53 - The Past Times with Sam Sacks

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and political commentator and journalist, Sam Sacks Redbubble Merch

All right everybody welcome to the past times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Sam Sacks. Thank you for joining us, Sam. Good to be here. Thanks for having me.

I can confirm I have not seen it. I do not know I don't want any yeah, no cahoots allowed Because you seem like a good guy there. Yeah, it seems you seem like kind of guy that's just rifling through old newspapers Well, yeah, if your tactic was to try to go through every old newspaper to get familiarity I would say that that's gonna be a lot of dead ends eventually Say before we start we were doing this off air quickly. We were Fillating you and your show Which is we I was just saying we listen to it on road trips

I listen sometimes I listen to it a couple episodes my only complaint about the show is that it's just not, it could be five hours and I would listen to it. Yeah. Yeah. Your show is means morning news. It's basically a funny current events news show, but I just, we cannot encourage people to go list doing enough. We've talked about the show off the air.

We've talked about the show on the air when you're not around, but truly the stuff that happens over at MeansTV and again, Means Morning News is just the best. We love it. So, yeah, you probably don't even need to respond to that other than be like, okay, buddy, you're crazy about me. No, that's amazing. Thank you guys. I honestly don't get, we don't get, I mean, we get some numbers, but I never really get feedback from people watching the show.

So I just always assume that there's like a couple dozen people watching the show. So it's so good. And you know what else? It's a very honest review of what's happening in the world. Like I said, it's funny, but it always ends with a sunrise. Every show, you find a way to just be like, look, we're all going down real fast, real hard, but hey, check out that sun. Well, if you're ever awake enough to catch the sunrise, Derek, I hope you send one in. I don't need to. Wow.

You guys do it for me. I'll start sending in ones I've seen on your show and just see how much you are all paying attention. You also have a podcast that comes out monthly called District Sentinel with another guy named Sam, which we find confusing, but what are you gonna do? Yeah, we decided to start a podcast with the same name and have just been doing it for almost 10 years now,

but yeah, District Sentinel people can find it and you're Twitter at SamSax. Your name Sam, your last name, SACS, like SACS of Money, which is a lot about what you talk about, how the governments are killing us all. But we're not here to depress everyone about today. We are here to press everyone about the past. I tried to reach out to Sam on Twitter and Twitter was like,

yeah, you can't do that. Like, I just couldn't say a message. Well, again, it was your thumb going through your open zipper. And you do that to a lot of people and Twitter's on it. So Sam, I always like to try to guess what year this paper is going to be from. You know, I have no clue. We've really been in the 1900s. At some point, we're going to break it and go to the 1800s. I'm starting to lose my way a little bit, but I'm going to say 1884. And this could, you could, we've

gone up to what like 1960 day of, is that 64? I think I think we did the seven years once, didn't we? Okay. So it could be any time, but you're more than willing to take a guess. Price is right. Rules, if you're over, uh, doesn't count. If you're within 10 years, you win both newspapers. Okay. Okay. Well, uh, I have been studying this a bit. And I don't, I don't think Dave's ready to jump into the 19th century yet.

So I'm going to stick with, I'm going to go with 19. Oh, wait. That's a good guess. Oh, I mean, basically the same. It's 1926. He basically hit it right on the head. And Gareth is like he's never hurt the show before.

Like he's just, Dave, I'm not even on behalf of Sam and I. On the planet. Go fuck yourself. Okay? You're out of wine as usual. Uh, the date is October 8th, 1926. It's a Sunday. That was a Sunday.

So it's the Lord's day. It is the Philadelphia inquire. Okay. Not bad. Solid paper. Yeah, I like how I like to start from Anthony. Your back is pretty broken. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Man eats horse shit after Super Bowl win. Oh, this fucking they haven't changed Dentist two king calls royalty best patients You got the job you already got the job you got you're in. I mean royalty were probably obviously talking overseas some sort of British monarch. I'm guessing that would explain why they're good customer. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, he's like this is a page one rewrite It's Swedish though, huh Dave?

Yes, we He just revealed that during that guest because I was thinking Britain too Royal patients are the best kind to have in a Dennis chair in the opinion of Dr. J N Sam Blan Wow, that is is a crazy name. S-A-M-L-B-L-O-N. Maybe that's a typo. It was like writing it just died with their fingers. The typewriter. Debtist and first general surgeon to the king and queen of Sweden who arrived today on the steamer Chris Paul. He's the dentist and surgeon.

Well, to be fair, I would say I would say back then dentistry was much closer to surgery than it is today, right? In the 20s? Yeah. I mean, maybe I feel like they're, I feel like they're, I feel like they're trying to save a buck, like they're like, bro, you were not getting a little goodie bag

with baby floss and small toothbrushes in the 1920s. They were still going like, they'll go and gain or fix that right up. Okay. He said royalty make the best patients because they seem to have more control. Oh, what an ass kisser. Right? Just, yes, he just want, yes, yes, this is total ass kissing. He's probably going to get cavities from sucking so much ass. jazz. He thought women are easier than men for a dentist to treat, possibly because they are more accustomed to pain. Oh my God. I mean, I hope he probably means that.

Yeah, I was just gonna say that's like a labor that's like a nod to labor, but come on. It's also like you know, they have a greater fear of expressing pain. And then he gave a side eye to his wife. Right? You understand what I'm saying? Yes, yes. He's like pulling out an ice pick to go into the mouth.

You see, they really are cooperative. So, Dr. Sam Blablabla, that actually went through the brain. Oh, that explains a lot. I thought she was just, I sort of lost focus for a minute. Boy, I nailed her down like train tracks, didn't I? Ah! Ah! The teeth of Swedes are not as good as those of Americans, he said.

Hmm. Wow. Interesting. That. Wow. Interesting. That is strange. You never hear anybody say anything is better in America when it comes to the body. I guess our teeth are down to the- At least not when they're out of America.

In America, everyone's like, name a better place. Bless the river. And then you go somewhere else and you're like, this place. This makes that place. Way It's good. Not awful. There's not a dead guy in the Chevron bathroom here. I love a dead guy in the Chevron bathroom. We've seen some shit. Do you do you go on tour a lot Sam or are you pretty much just

just you work from there? Um, I pretty much work from my, uh, upstairs bedroom in my apartment here. Uh, I haven't, I haven't quite traveled since, well, we did go on a tour before COVID, but, uh, yeah, we haven't really done much. We went with like a street bike radio guys. Oh, cool. And the trill billies and that was fun. And then that was about two or three months before the world ended. Yeah. See, we're still out there. And I mean, the

amount of times where we're like drive through a city and be like, huh, like you're walking to a gas station, there'll be like no backpacks in the bathroom and you'll be like, I just don't even want to start to dissect why it's depressing. Yeah, dark places, well around the country. Yeah. His heart on right side, liver appendix on left. Okay. I didn't know, first of all, I knew the heart is on the left. I didn't know that the appendix and liver, I don't know where they are.

Is that stage left or patient? I wouldn't know where those are. Yeah, are they talking about? Yeah, they talking about stage left. Well, in the, in the, in, from my, me looking out, my heart is on the left. By the way, I don't feel all ready. The way you're kind of phrasing it makes me think your medical opinion has very little value.

I'm a doctor. Me looking out. From me looking out, liver good. Me look out, liver bad. Okay, and it would be okay. So this whole story is a result of the doctor not looking alive and speaking on the perspective of the patient and not himself staring at his.

Is anyone overlaid on a gurney? Look at this guy. Oh, wait, sorry, it's stage left. I apologize. A rich man, who has is rich man of Virginia, a rich man who had known for some time, his heart was on the right side, learned that his liver and appendix were on the left when he was brought to grace Hospital today for an operation. So they figure this out while he's being operated? They open, they open him up and they're like, we'll stuff on there.

Wait, so it's been confirmed. It was confirmed that it's not just he had a feeling the whole time. He had a feeling the whole time, but now they open him up and they're like, whoa, this is all back. It's on the right side. And which side is it on the right side? The heart is on the left and the liver. It's hard actually on the right. It's supposed to be on the left. It's on the right. And it's liver of headaches on the left.

So they're supposed to be on the right. Can I just say, I just did a Google of what side everybody is the hard on and under people also ask the first one is is the female heart on the left or right side. Is that okay? Do we feel okay about that question? That feels problematic. Where are the where are the female parts go? How far away from Jon Town? I feel like this story, though, could probably just be explained that this guy was like kicked in the chest by a horse and the kid and it just kind of... Switched to that much stuff.

Yeah, and he just grew up and his body adapted to it. That's an old time back then. Yeah, that was very common. Yeah, he got what we call puzzle chest? He had a cute appendicitis said, Dr. Robert Brian, who did not disclose the man's name. I opened the right side, no appendix. So I open the left side and found it. He is doing very well. Oh my god. Well, he's probably a little upset to be quiet.

I mean, it's fully open. He's probably fairly large in vision. He's like, hey, Doc, thank you for saving my life. Why do I have nine incisions on my body? You, my friend, are what I call a human pickle. You are just... You're like a walking safe house. You've got to...

It's just you are all out of sports. There's one on my foot. I was, honestly, I was, I was furious. That was a bit of a revenge. I couldn't find you, kidney. Do you know, I almost thought you didn't have one. I have two. They're on both sides. Kidney? I couldn't find your kidney. Do you know I almost thought you didn't have one? I have two. They're on both sides. Kidney? Do you know that the woman's heart is located in her neck?

Dr. Brian said the patient despite his misplaced organs had splendid health all his life. Okay. Well, why the fuck was he being opened? Why, because he had appendicitis. Oh, okay. Maybe the doctor opened the wrong side, and then it was like, shit, I opened the wrong side. Now I have to open the correct side there,

because these doctors, you know, not the best probably at the time. No. And then you can easily cover it up by like, yeah, I know you have two incisions here, but your medical anomaly, sir, your appendix is on the other side. And you, my friend, you are unbelievable. I am, you get out of here. I don't think I'm get out there. You're unbelievable. Go contact the local newspaper. Tell them all about that.

Do you know that your stage left is empty? All right, I gotta try to find this story. It goes to two. It's on two different pages and it's a little confusing. Okay, don't give me a sec. Talk amongst your story. Sam, did you know that women don't have hearts? Have you read that article? Okay, I wrote that they were shaped different. They are. Yes, very much. No, they're my little pony. Yeah, the heart of a woman has those little Valentine heart phrases written on them, like your mind.

I mean, there's a there's a race car guy died. There's a picture of him and he's chewing on a cigar behind the wheel. And it says, Liu Fink, one of the best known dirt track automobile racers in this section of the country was killed yesterday when his racing car skidded turned three summer salts and crashed into offense at the Philadelphia Speedway. You mean, holy shit. Summer salts is a adorable term for. It's really, yeah.

Summer salts. What do you mean? Yeah, he's something. Do they have a picture of his race car not like after the crash was he like posing next to his car. Yeah, they they just have a close-up picture of him behind the wheel And then they have a picture of his absolutely mangled. It's not even a car Right, it's bad like right. Yeah, no one was gonna survive that right that. Right. Um, days, means, honestly, I have a doctor that would love to take a look at him.

I gotta say, uh, we got this race car driver who came in today, very injured. Um, his organs are everywhere. Uh, the heart is on the street. That's it's quite a that is normal. Absolutely. Get him up here. I'll put some cigars and some holes. The story might be triggering to my my hometown of Daytona Beach where everybody still remembers the day that they learned hard to hide on the track. Oh yeah. How often are you going back to Daytona? I don't go about once a year. You do? How is it? Is it wonderful? Daytona probably peaked in the 70s like didn't everywhere though. When we keep culture and stuff. Right. As that went out of style, yeah, they've only just never found its footing again. Growing up, it was a weird place because it would always host,

you know, there's bike week, there's race week. For a while. Ice cream, Florida is actually always sounds a bit scarier than it is. It's actually called. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah, they did the It's actually called. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah, they did the MTV spring break there. Oh, yeah.

The TV spring break there. Yeah. There also used to be black college reunion there as well, which would scare the shit out of most of the people that live there. Of course. So well, it's good. We'd have to explain now. Oh, yeah. Oh,

the tracks. But by far the worst people though, that would come down to Florida that one. Yeah. Oh, I'm the tracks. But by far the worst people, though, that would come down to Florida were the race fans. Yeah. The NASCAR fans. My mom, Cut Heron, she would always talk about how they tip the worst of any of the people who came down for day-to-no.

That's interesting. Well, we'll go back there. We'll all go together. Yeah, it sounds good. Yeah, that'd be great. We'll go together. Yeah. That sounds good. That'd be great. All right, Kdale. Dear, dear hooked by line, toes four in motorboat. Pardon. So this story is, this story is, I was concerned. I switched it up. I was, I was going to gonna read this I'm gonna read this one first because I just saw this as Ryan Lander Ryan Lander Wisconsin. I let me tell you a quick quick little Ryan Lander side story When I was in high school and you could you had to drive to certain counties to get beer past 11 again

I mean I was like 16 years old But my buddy had a fake we and we didn't have much money. We would buy Rhine Lander beer because it was like 24 bottles where something like five, it was like alludicrous soft. And if you return the bottles, you got like a dollar 25 back.

So you were like laughing all the way to the bank until one night, we all decided we got a bad batch because like three of us started hiving out from the beer and we were like what is this? That's Ryan Landry go ahead Dave. Back to you. The right lander rash. The right lander rash. after embedding a spoon hook into a deer swimming in Pelican Lake was spoon a lot coming out of the day. I think that's got to be a fishing

something a spoon hook. Yeah right. I'm going from Wisconsin. I'm still break off the old spoon hook? Only if a fork wouldn't do it. To have a deer in the lake. Yeah, no, we definitely, I spoon hooked a buck or two. I mean, I can't really tell from here, but all that came up was a little bunch of spoons. That's good.

And the images. So I can't wait for your Instagram to be like, this guy likes Spoon. Yeah, Spoon hook is a lore, basically. Oh, yeah. So yeah, okay. There you go. Okay, so in Pelican Lake, Kerrick Morton Asperken and David Yehlman,

Olive Chicago are alleged to have allowed the frantic animal to toe them in a motorboat about the lake for an hour. Oh my God. So these fucking lunatic... Ugh, this is just not good, but they were fishing. They somehow know that they were actually hunting for deer. And they loaded up the boat. They told his buddy were loading up the boat.

Oh, they're on fishing. No, no, no, no. We're hunting deer. What are we going for today, Walleye? No, we're going for deer. Wait, we're hunting deer. What are we going for today? Walleye? No, we're going for deer Wait, what? Trust me. This is the way. Yeah, I don't remember We're gonna land hook it so then he he cast he cast And he fucking got a deer and the deer oh no

This is they say what happened. Okay. The men according to witnesses pursued the deer in their boat. Can you believe that Sam can't right? Yeah. Sam is a set of cars. This is the kind of thing she do. Yeah. Sam's like, these are my people. How do you fish? So they cast the hook which caught the animal, Eugene Cable, Deputy Sheriff, with two assistants succeeded in rescuing the deer, which was suffering severely from exhaustion. Carrick was fine. $50. Oh my God. That's a terrible story horrible horrible horrible horrible I mean but also everyone's like that's a fucking hilarious. That's hilarious. That's great What you guys do tell them the dear story again?

Well, let me tell you we boating That's some dark shit. Ugh. Yes, that's gotta be the wings. Wings? Nice! Where'd you order wings from? Louisiana! Enjoy a wing night in with Popeyes.

Popeyes hand-battered wings a marinated full full 12 hours in Louisiana's seasonings and with five irresistible flavors, including Ghost Pepper, Honey Garlic and Garlic Pommajon, there's something for everyone. Mmm, we got him by Popeyes and the party were often. Make any night wing night in with Popeyes. Let's get chicken from Popeyes. Dazed Marines, Blast Victims, wander to Ohio. His memory gone, his nerves unstrung and his heart aching for home. All of her bliss, 18 years old of Waterville nestled in the arms of his mother today, trying to

piece together events which have happened since July 10th, when lightning struck the Navy Arsenal Lake Denmark, New Jersey, and with him blindly groping through the miss of lost mentality, Paul Moro of New Britain Connecticut was sharing hospitality of the bliss home. I don't understand. Okay, so something happened to the boat they were on and they now are in Ohio and they're confused. It sounds like it got struck by lightning and detonated munitions on board. That's what it sounds like. Yeah, it sounds like they blew up the boat.

Well, blindly groping sounds like a Weinstein move. Well, I mean, the headline makes it sound like the dude, the war hero, and really, he was just sort of a boat that got struck by light. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean if you survive that you're war hero in my book. Yeah, that's what we do. We like some acts like someone if someone whatever it is, we're like, man, like those guys who like accidentally lord a deer were like, if they weren't like army fatigues, it'd be like God damn hero. Um, the two Marines, both Shushok, were found at the inter-urban station here today by Vern Bliss, Oliver's father. The father going there this morning recognized him when found Oliver denied his identity to his father.

Hello Oliver the lad's father said as he sees him by the hand. Get away my name isn't Oliver. Why sure you're Oliver Bliss my boy don't you know me the old man asked? No I don't know you and if you don't leave us alone I will call a policeman and have you arrested for molesting us the boy retarded nice this is weird well I mean I I've always been fan of throwing out the molesting early you grab a hand after a bit of coaxing mr. Bliss and Henry Gimbal uncle of Oliver persuaded the boy to accompany them It was more than an hour before Oliver recognized any of his relatives and then only intermittently So he wrecked he'll be so now he's like oh mom. It's you mom

Then two minutes later who the fuck are you people? Wow this later. Who the fuck are you people? Oh, hi, mom. Wow. This is bad because you've been in a hospital, a military hospital or something. Right. And they dumped them off at a bus station. But Sam, you've heard about the medical industry in this era. I mean, this might be the safest place for the boy to be. True, true.

Neither of the men could say how they got to Toledo, but the father said he believed they walked from New Jersey. That's what you have to do back then sometimes. It is true, but it's also crazy to be like they probably just walked to Toledo. Like if you weren't someone probably walked to Toledo, you'd be like, that's not okay. But then they were like, the most likely thing that happened is they just walked to Toledo you'd be like that's not okay but then they were like the most likely thing that happened is they just walked to Toledo. I mean potentially they accidentally hooked a deer and a dragon to Toledo. You heard of the Toledo buck drag right?

A huge hole in the backyard of the farm caused Oliver to shutter and cling to his mother, sobbing and crying that the ammunition will explode again. Oh my God. This is not good. This is not good. This is not good. Every time there's a storm that dude is going to be flipping out without question. She holds her boy.

She holds her boy to her bosom like she did when he was just a might of a lad and tries to comfort him It was the hand of God that directed my boy to Toledo miss Bliss said as Never I've never been more of an atheist than when someone says the hand of God moves someone to Toledo Very slowly like just walked him to Toledo I'm very slowly like just walked him to Toledo. Just like a god want even Toledo. He'd give him a bit more fortuitous circumstances. Well, he would do the clock rather than just like the like knuckle like come on bud. Come on.

Yeah. No, I don't notice. No, I don't notice any change in Oliver well pardon I don't know who you are what about when he said to the lightning there is no God Oliver's account of the explosion which destroyed the ammunition's depot was hazy we had been swimming at Mount Hope a storm is coming up destroyed the ammunition's depot was hazy. We had been swimming at Mount Hope. A storm was coming up.

A storm was coming up and it was lightning hard. I don't know if that's how you say it. Yeah, that's what Metallica does. And then I remember a flash and a terrific explosion. I was lifted up off my feet into the air and that's all I can remember. We just say what a ride though. Obviously like horrendous, but man, if you got fucking lightning punted out of a lake. Yeah, maybe he's the lightning punted him to lead out. We thought of a very fresh. Maybe he's a lightning pun to them to tell you that we thought about.

I buy that more than he walked. We were about this is the other guy. We were about one mile from the barracks. Paul reply went asked how near they were when the first crash sounded. That's all I can remember is the first crash. When asked what his mother's first name was, he thought, principally, and draw a guest, a guest. And then he added, I think so. I saw that someplace today. Both boys are officially reported missing by the Marine Corps in Washington. They were taken to Detroit. That guy's not okay.

Can we just... No, he's not okay. Neither one of these guys are okay. One guy is like barely remembering his family every hour and the other guy is like, my mom's like, I guess jumping into his mother's arms when it's dorms. Yeah.

Yeah. He's crying because there's a hole in the backyard. It's not what he's like reading this later? Be like we didn't need to include that part, Maul. Come on. Obviously there's the source of this story. And he cries like a little bitch and there's Mommy's booze.

Pretty soon he'll be crying to his own bosoms as they develop. This man's turned weak. Marines don't want him back. to be driving to his own bosoms as they develop. This man's turned weak. Marines don't want him back. Yeah, I mean, there's got like, I mean, you could give him like the lieutenant damn treatment, but instead we're just like whip. They were taken to Detroit late today

where guards will be supplied them and they will be sent to the United States Naval Hospital in Washington, DC. So they were at a depot. It gets blown up and they're like, this is our chance to get the fuck out of here. Sometimes Dave does that. I'm like, I have to talk to our family again. Yeah. That's the A wall tone. And they were like, when we get there, we'll just be talking like we don't know what happened or how we got here. Yeah. Yeah. It's great.

Wow. Well, good for them. It was the charge and discharge. I'll see you guys later. I don't get it. Thank you. Thank you for leaving. It's not back.

Sam, your ship has had the whole time you were gone. No, he didn't. Sam texted me good stuff while I was down there. That's what. Good stuff. That's good. Mexico City forbids Charleston in public. I get it. Mexico, the Department of Health has issued orders forbidding the dancing of the Charleston in public dance halls. Holy shit. Very subversive.

Yeah, you've watched it. Yeah. That'll do it. The ground taken is, the ground taken is that it constitutes such violent exercise that is apt to cause heart failure. Oh, okay. To public safety issue. Okay.

This is the era. was heart failure. So I would have thought by now we were kind of out of the zone of running is terrible for you, but that was a, this was a real thing for ages, right? Dave, we've covered this. Oh, yeah, that little bit. There's been, there's been, it's every dance that is, it's when the, the ragtime, you know, the rag dances come out. It's every dance that is, it's when the ragdances come out, they do this, they do it with the child. Every time a new dance comes out for years, they're like, that's gonna kill you, it's gonna kill you.

You're gonna start fucking each other. Like, and they just freak out and they try to stop it. But they thought that the body could like, exercise was horrendous for the body. I bet this is, I bet now it's just an excuse to stop it. I doubt they think it's just an excuse to stop it. I doubt they think it's bad for the body. Yeah, I mean, well, as our former president said, you only have a finite amount of physical exertion

and you don't want to waste it on exercise. That's right. It's really true too. The drainage, yeah. Yeah, that's right. No, you are very much like a street fighter. You're talking about, you're talking about Obama, right? The department order adds that the dance is ugly and ungraceful,

that it consists of contortions and loosening of the joints, which are prejudicial to health and that it is antagonistic to all artistic experience. Jesus. Okay. So they let it away though. They. Jesus, they started giving it away though. They started giving it away. And first of all, it's figure health. Also, what the fuck are you guys doing? It's horror. Oh, so the Charleston, the Charleston was that kind of

weird, right? The what? Was it where you put your knees? Yeah, it was the one where your knees kind of cling together and your hands kind of do this over your knees. Oh, that's the first dance we all learned as kids. The idea of that one being like, Jesus Christ, shut it down. Well it's because of all the older people had never seen it probably actually thought that the legs were getting inverted at that degree that it wasn't. It was like a hand.

He's got the devil's games. Oh no! They've done another link switch! That boy's got which knees! Hold on! Oh, this is a US console insulted by Chinese cops. That's called in-consulted. That's called in consult it. That's called let them cook This is in Harbin, Munchuria

GC Hanson American console was the victim today of an unprovoked insult at the at the hands of Chinese soldiers who bar the exit from the consulate making Hanson a prisoner in his own quarters. Wow. They're just throwing insults at him. That's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm sure.

Right. What do you do is we're made of barbs. Go ahead. Keep going. We don't need to like continue. Shooter shoot and air shooter shoot. Okay. And sometimes it fucking dunks off the back. Shoot let the shoot. You like points in the game. Alright, keep fucking going.

Run the offense. That one missed the basket, the backboard. I remember hitting Michael Jordan. Not it. Dave, this is there's no point to peel the curt just shut the fuck up and keep reading monkey paper. Mr. Hanson immediately demanded from Chinese authorities, punchment of the offenders, an apology of their superior officer at the consulate, states' legation at Pekin of the action in uniform and something of the United and then it stops. Okay, so it goes on, but there's no further actually. Sometimes when they do these papers, it's supposed to be continued in another section and they just forget to.

That seems to be what's happened here. Is that right? You don't think they pick up somewhere and you just don't have. I've seen it several times where they, it's supposed to carry over and it just doesn't and it just ends. Like that's what you're on a podcast

and like you smoke a joint and like you start telling a story and it goes into a tangent and you never finish the story and then someone on Twitter is like, what happened when you were in that elevator for four hours? Right, but a paper. Oh my god. I mean most of most of the publishers and writers were on copious amounts of loud no, not the time. Oh, yeah, they're putting together these papers. Oh, 100% if you forget to continue the story on page 11, they got the beginning in.

And most of the readers do. Most of the readers you might have had noticed. Hey, that would just kind of dribble down. I just thought that's what the doctors last name was continued on 11 Dr continued on 11 um six detective stoned score of man gang up on Raiders at liquor store. Oh, different.

OK. So this is a booze illegal, right? Right. Six detectives, members of Unit Number One, were stoned and beaten last night by a score of men when they emerged from a cigar store at sixth and mountain streets after raiding the place and arresting Miss Mary Hoffman and her son Edward for illegal possession of liquor.

So they stoned the people who broke up the speak easy. They attacked the cops. Get for right? We're all good with this. So, you know, a bunch of drunk guys had their bar you know taken over by cops so they're like no i mean that's it's drunk people

yeah let them cook let's see where they're going yeah that you know i'm to do it with the chowston no uh... the detectives drew their black jacks and began beating back the throng until the arrival of reserves from the four-street and Snyder Avenue station. Miss Hoffman is said to have been smashing bottles when the raiders appeared and her son is charged with trying to prevent the detectives from reaching me a ledge to liquor.

The unit members also ra places at fourth and Morris, Hancock and Oregon and ninth and Porter. So they the cops, the cops, it sounds like the cops. And they got, they just got to, yeah, and they got drunk as shit afterward, probably. Oh, that question. Yeah, oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, that's the move.

And also it, it's so crazy to imagine a time when you couldn't drink in. I would not want to live in an America where people could not drink. We're already like everything's falling apart. And this is 1926, right? So like we're knocking on the door of the nightmare. So like things are, the wheels are probably starting to come off a little bit and there was no You imagine America today with no bars. I mean it would be the purge we would be living in the purge Yeah, people

Although It also was a time in which you could throw rocks at cops and not immediately get blasted. There's a trade-off. There's a trade-off, I suppose. Yeah, yeah. Look, I could get drunk or I could go throw some rocks at him. I could get drunk or I could get stoned. It's a different one.

That's very true. You need both, but that's also true. Have you been drinking? No, I just killed a cop with rocks. Girls, you don't forget. You shouldn't be driving. It's definitely high. Yeah.

You're shaking. Girl fights thugs and payroll theft. All right, held up by three armed men in broad daylight and robbed of 684 payroll yesterday. Miss LC Frank, 20 years old from 50, 30, 40 Arlington Street. Always so you know, go ahead, Dave, tell him. Yeah, they up until the 60s, if you were a victim of a crime or criminal, whatever they would tell they would say what your dress was where he lived. 1960s,

up until they'd be like, everybody should just say where you drive by the house later and be like, that's where the person who got murdered. That's the guy who killed the cop with rocks. That's the guy who killed the cop with rocks. Elsie. So Miss Elsie Frank angrily clawed her way into the bandits automobile and was prevented from snatching back the money only by combined force of the three thieves who fired at her during the fray. Why are they using violent language for what she did? And well, she is, she is, she was a bad ass here. Why are they using violent language for what she did? And...

Well, she is, she was a badass here. Like, she jumped into the car and started attacking them. Yeah, but this is the story of a hero. Yeah, okay. But they're like, she's violently clawing. Were they rationally shot at her? Oh my God. Oh my god, oh my god, then instead of fainting, she briskly called up the police. Come on, she's almost like she's not a woman.

Nice. She's being checked for a peon. She is currently doing that on having a test to call inspection. It's never seen. I mean, this was in the paper. It never stopped. She returned to the bank from which she had drawn the money for a similar sum and walked back to office again with it. So the men would be sure to get their pay all right for the

weekend. The plucky young woman flung to the ground from the running board of the car got license number of the auto as it swooped by her prostrate form. A dozen persons who witnessed the holdup had run away from the scene in terror at the flourished weapons. Well, they're not going to like America today. I think I left a few scratches by way of souvenir on the tallest ones face she observed with quiet satisfaction. Yeah, great. Yeah, of course. I like her. Yeah, of course. Yeah, great. Yeah. It didn't faint. I mean, that is that's one of the best. It's what that's really one of the best. Instead of fainting, she kept her wits about.

We're seeing this a lot in women. We believe it to be airborne. And we checked, we wanted to make sure she was a woman and sure enough the heart was in the stomach. It's a lady. Philippines called civilizing outpost. Well, it's going to be bad. Right. Okay. I didn't know. Right, okay. With weird ceremonials in their temples

to appease the dragon king, the Chinese- Shut up, kid. Come on, come on. Stop it. I mean, it's never astounding how fucking crazy white people were. It is, it's not. This is like your uncle's Facebook crazy.

This is like a uncle's Facebook crazy. This is like I gotta read again with weird ceremonials weird I mean What you're a paper Doing Weird and she's a lot of freedom back in the day You and I guys getting space all the time in papers today Oh god. Okay, get through it. With weird ceremonials in their temples to appease the dragon king, the Chinese are attempting to halt cholera.

So how you guys stopping cholera over there in China? We're doing what we're praying to reward. We're killing cats in front of the dragon king. You know how the dragon king works. I mean, this sounds like somewhere a reporter asked a question and someone just completely fucking with them told them. Let me bring out the deputy of racism. Why don't you tell them what you think? It's pretty simply. They're weird. They're super crazy. We're't you tell them what you're thinking? That's pretty simply. They're weird and they're super crazy.

We're not okay with them. They're a piece of their dragon king, but they're up to do their heads full of marbles. They don't have regular organs. Oh. The dude checked out one temple. Didn't go to any hospitals while he was there. Just checked out one temple. It's like, well, this must be yeah. This is one that is crazy folks are up to. Super weird. All right, we can turn around.

Okay, I got a story for you. What are they doing over there, Frank? Yeah, I'll be honest, they spent most of the time in the hotel, but I've got the article. Color is daily causing more than 1000 deaths in the native sections of Shanghai in the Poutung district. Forners living in concession districts of Shanghai as modern as European. Okay. Forners living in concession districts of Shanghai as modern as European or American cities have been almost immune to the

scourge only two of their number have died. Okay. Sorry. Are they people and it's rich people and poor people. This is the classic pandemic thing. Poor people are dying and they're like nothing's happening to the whites because they're rich. They're living in the rich place. It's pretty cool that we've come so little. Yeah. Oh, thank God nothing's changed. The Chinese are praying to the dragon king to send rain to relieve the drought and the extreme is drying streams and parching rice fields. Okay. Did it work? Yeah. Hahaha.

Hahaha. I just, I just, so there are dragons. Go ahead Dave. I've read a lot of science fictiony stuff and I've never come across a king dragon. I think you have. Definitely. They're not working a little bit further. I believe David miscavage has a tattoo of the dragon king.

Their officials admit their inability to cope with the disease, although they are establishing many hospitals and otherwise endeavoring to relieve the sufferers of the highly fatal endemic pandemic. Epidemic. Well, endemic. Same difference, really. Thousands of natives crowd the Chinese hospitals whose facilities are utterly inadequate. Only a few cases could be treated. Thousands dying in hovels without medical attention.

Just coming from the country that was checking the wrong side for the appendix, right? Only narrow streets separate the foreign concessions with their 20,000 foreigners of who more than 10,000 are Japanese from the densely crowded antiquated Chinese city The foreign districts are clean and sanitary well-equipped under white jurisdiction rich to care for their inhabitants Yeah, right. Yeah, this is like classic The motel Playing how many times you can make racist classes I mean, how many times you can make racist classes references in a basic story about cholera?

So we're going to start off with some overt stuff. But you're going to find that it's a little more of word search vibe as we go further through the story. The mortality is heavy in the native city and the Putin district, a million and one half Chinese being huddled in unsanitary buildings. Well, what the fuck you think? I mean, yeah.

That's like when they were like, boy, these unpaid workers in factories, sure are getting COVID a lot. What do you think it is? Yeah, it's, yeah. Everybody wins. That's the right. That's actually the tag of this podcast. Same just you know.

Oh, here's more. That would be a good one for means morning news too. Everybody wins. Everybody what is the last line of the show? The last one of the one day capitalism will fall. Yeah. Until then. Until then we'll be right here. It's just a's aspirational for I'll just be able to quit my job. Yeah, no, I hear you. Yeah, absolutely It's always nice coming on the heels of you know 30 minutes of solid depressing comedic news stories with some great synthesizers in between it, but at the end you like It has to Yeah, we're just we're experimenting on how how much bad news we can allow people to swallow if we just put some synthesizer. I again, well, truly, it's effective,

effective because it gives you a minute to recover. It's almost like the ref giving you the 10 count. It gives you a minute to kind of just like shake it off a little and get back up for a little more. Yeah. Go back to the Chinese dragon king, right? He's Dave. We're recording this. Is that not? Oh, shit.

No, these are recorded. Bow for Trudy. Question mark. Bosch says mother. Young Sequeen thinks men are awful declares proud parent. Does this, does anyone know what's happening? No. Okay, just to make sure. Sounds like Poseidon's mom's writing this. This one is, this one's out of New Jersey. It doesn't. At a little bungalow on the edge of the Shrewsbury River, Miss Gertrude Adurl today, expanded in the reflected glory of Trudy, Trudy's imprentices, who swam the channel and swam

it in record time. The swimming laurels of the family are not by any means confined to Trudy, however. The stout and placid mother of the champion rocking herself placidly on her veranda revealed today that her youngest son Harry, age six, saved the life of a little girl while his sister was preparing for her channel swim. Why is Trudy in quotation marks? I don't why they keep using the word plasas? I don't know. Is Trudy a human? Like, is Trudy a pet?

What is that, Dave? I have a good question. Why is Trudy in, I don't know. Do we find out? We probably won't knowing these fucking newspapers. Like they can tell us all the shit about the fucking dragon king and you really want to know what's going on with Trudy and they're like I don't know just read the Trudy sentence again okay at a little bungalow on the edge of the shrewsberry river miss Gertrude Adurl today expanded

in the reflected glory of Trudy who swam the channel and swam it in record time. It's like okay. So she became a fish? What are they insinuating with it? So her brother, her six-year-old brothers, saved the life of a girl while she was training, mixture of brothers said the life of a girl. Sure. While she was training, true to the family instincts,

Henry caught the child under her chin and held her head above water until Miss Adaro plunged in fully dressed and hauled both youngsters ashore. In addition to his life-saving feet, Henry has a claim to fame that is peculiarly his own. Would you believe it? That child can breathe underwater. Okay. What's happening? This is now full. Is this a movie pitch? Is this a pitch? This is the

same. Like the whole article But Harry's breathing underwater is this We see bubbles rising when he goes under nobody knows how he does Under there Nobody knows how he does it. But he's not breathing under there. What? I've never seen anyone else go under. Ah, ah, ah. We all, you know what? We all breathe underwater. Just not the inhale part.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Nobody knows how he does it, but he certainly is some swimmer. Everyone on the veranda turned an amusement to look at this phenomenal little merman squatting in his bathing suit right over the edge of the water.

Oh my God, what? He's gonna take a shit. Henry asserted, sure I breathed underwater. He's sick, Dave, to be clear. He's sick, right? Yeah, he's sick, Okay, check that boy for girls Give him a guild check Trudy who's Trudy this monkey that's wearing a buttoner hat How do you do it everyone? Corest I don't know, but someday I'm going to swim the channel too

Although all of Miss Adurals seven children are good swimmers Henry comes next to Trudy in skill and promise We don't even know what it's true. It's no, we don't Munching it. Maybe it's not supposed to be in parentheses and they just put it in parentheses for donut I'm moving forward, baby. What's this? Munching a donut, Henry confessed today. He would send a letter to his sister saying, I am glad to hear that you made it.

What is happening? I totally, I feel like someone put a Mickey in my water and it's like starting to hit me. I feel like someone put a Mickey in my water and it's like starting to hit me The story establishes that Henry is that the kids name that can breathe underwater My man Henry is is can breathe under well fucking water. Yes. Yeah, makes you an excellent swimmer I'd imagine yeah, the story establish establishes he's not as good as good of a swimmer as, quote unquote, truity. Truity.

Well, we don't know. Must have fucking fins or something. Maybe truity's a boat. And then the reporter is talking to the kid as he's eating a donut. Just like, yes. This is awesome. This is good stuff. Adding a little color to the kid as he's eating a donut. Just like, yeah, this is awesome. This is good stuff. Adding a little color to the story. Eating a donut. The Mermaid explained. Running into the editor, you didn't describe what kind of donut it was. I know, I feel. What do you want us to know? I see what his file could be.

Absolutely. I'll be right back with that information, sir. his ball could absolutely I'll be right back with that information sir. Well, Trudy, well Trudy will have her Roadster now, Miss Adurl remarked. She always said she was doing that swim for a Roadster. I never knew her to want anything as badly as she did that car and she certainly isn't titled to it now. You can't stop that girl. Miss Elderly recalled how her husband taught you to spend. I need another paper to like answer the questions I have to this article. Yeah, right?

Miss Elderly recalled how her husband taught Trudy to swim by dangling her with a rope like a little tadpole from the veranda on which she was sitting. She is dear. That's that's that's a fishing pole. I'm having I'm having so much trouble picturing where this is go like every time I'm like, okay, I have a visual of it. Then to what Sam just highlighted, like what?

I'm tired of how to, you never land finished your daughter. Good news, the story's continued on page nine. Yeah. I'm excited. The family have been spending their summers in the same bungalow for years and this morning a sign was hoisted at the Twilight bathing club next door announcing a large letter. Trudy Swims Channel. I think I'm going to start smoking again. It's been six years. I'm going to have a cigarette.

I mean, it just goes on. We'll keep going. Do a little more. I'm going to keep fighting it. I mean, a little bit. It's really, we need to get as much information as possible. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like a pain that I'm like, I kind of like it. There's going to wake up in the middle of the night, haunted by this. He doesn't get my hand. Why was he squatting? What kind of joke am I?

The fuck, he's booty. It was the most exciting day of my life waiting here for reports of Trudy yesterday, she explained. When I finally got the quotation marks. Not now marks now she's not in quotation marks okay no that is a great question and a horrible answer when I finally got the news that she had made it I couldn't move I was numb then the whole colony seemed to get to know it in a minute and there were cheers and yells you You never saw such excitement. Oh my goodness.

There go my berries burning. I, by the way, I hate to say it. I do have a new catchphrase. And anytime I'm a little agitated, oh, that just gets my berries burning. I don't like the way he looked at me. He's got my berries burning. Oh my God. I bet she's tired today.

She said there's not a chance that she's satisfied and will give up her swim. Is this paper turned into like a like Judy Bloom book. It's really crazy. Next thing you know, she'll be talking of swimming Niagara Falls. That's how she is. That's not swimming. She is salmon. Oh Here we get that we found a get to the headline. Bo for Trudy Miss Earl. Earl snorted the idea, that girl has nothing in her head but swimming, why she thinks men are awful, she has no use for them.

And I want her to do anything that pleases herself. All this fuss hasn't spoiled her a bit. She was just the same after last year's try as she ever was. Mr. Deo promised that there would be a wonderful celebration when Trudeek came home and that maybe Henry will grow up to be a champion too. This got a lot weirder suddenly, right?

And she's shutting it down for Trudeek without Trudeek. She's clearly, Trudeek is not allowed to leave the water as it were. Good truth. Good truth. That's her name. Good truth, Caroline Adurro, was an American competition swimmer, a limping champion, and record holder in five events.

August 6, 1926, she became the first woman to swim across the English channel. Among other nicknames, the press, some call their, sometimes call their queen of the waves. Oh, wow. There you go. What was her full name, Dave? Gertrude. Gertrude. And the last name?

Daryl. A Daryl. Wow. Wow. That was fucking crazy. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. Like you could, like you took a, you just took an ordinary story about a woman doing this amazing

feed of some in the English channel and you made it fucking bat shit crazy. She never married. She never married. She did not like men. Well, it's hard to find a husband who puts up with the gills. Yeah, you got to. Yeah. I mean, like, splash is like a fun, like, rom-com,

but in reality, just hell on earth. And that was probably what any suitor was looking at. It was like, Jesus Christ, it's a nightmare. Does anybody have the stories, you know, fairly normy? It's true to you, it's short for your truth. And, but I was believing halfway through the story that at a time fish people roamed the world. Yeah, and particularly in that's right. Yeah, better, better time wherever the hell we were there. The water rapes.

They I wonder from what I understand they put them on camps and killed them all. That's how I mean we would completely handle it like that. Like Biden to be like, look, there's nobody who's more supportive of the water, the water people than me. But come on, man, we can't have these people out here. We're land. We're landmors.

We're land guys, baby. Let's do one more and I'm gonna give you a choice. Okay. Dead guy story or a crocodile story. Sam. Let's go with the dead guy story. I think we're a little over amphibious animals after the, I mean, honestly, the crocodile one based on the headline was crazy racist. Also, I'll just, I can just bring you the headline. That's that Daytona. The right now is crocodiles and natives friends in West Africa. Right. Dave, dead guy. Let's move ahead.

Maybe. You're about polyclins or with a story. What did you do? You got a bottle of cleanser with a story. Dead man returns Returning on a surprise visit to his old home at 822 Jackson Street yesterday Charles Kaiser a Quartermaster attached to the oil tanker Reem, now Dr. Baltimore found that his mother and sister had given him up as dead and moved to Takaho, New Jersey.

Wow. It's just big. They just left. They're like, well, he's gone. And he went to his house and he's like, my, my family's here. They're like, no, no, what? No, you're gone. You died. Neighbors informed Kaiser. He had been reported as killed in the explosion which wrecked the tanker

Gulf of Venezuela at Port Arthur Texas Wow on April 12th. So it was a couple months ago Kaiser said his name was evidently confused with that of Charles Coser who was one of the victims of the blast. He said he served on the Gulf of Venezuela several years ago. Kyser later located his mother and sister, the latter since married to Charles Ford at their home in New Jersey. That was a nice story. Yeah, it has a nice ending. It's kind of bit of a Castaway vibe to it. Yep. I Mean, I think let's be honest. We'll always live in the shadow of

Trudy and I think we're the boy with the gills Underwater Billy and the Merman the Mermaid the Mermaid the Merman You would think that you would think that a merman would get more pressed than an Olympic swimmer, but. Yeah, I mean, they say times are simpler back then, but like a world in which the merman exists, to me, it's far more complex than what it would have been.

And you couldn't even drink to get rid of those horrible, horrible thoughts. Come on, guys, you're not supposed to, we're not finding war on the merman, everybody wants merman and the, the gill ladies to be friends, man. Let's see, not say it's a American man, it's not fish, country.

Yeah. Sam, thank you so much for joining us. We would love to have you back anytime. And again, means morning news. You guys do three to four days a week. Your schedule can be... What we like to do is we genuinely save it up to binge it. But truly, if you're just looking for a great news source, people always ask us, where do we get news and and information from one of the best sources is means morning news and Sam Sacks is the host and and follow Sam on Twitter at Sam Sacks and truly a pleasure to have you on man so thank you

for joining us. Pleasure to be here that was a lot of fun guys thank you. You'll miss me honey. Some of these days.