The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 531 - Taulbee and Kincaid

Episode Date: May 3, 2022

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the William Taulbee and Charles Kincaid.   Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch  

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thing. Okay sorry buddy. You're listening to it's just not as fun now. Live from a hotel room in Perth, Australia. The Dala podcast is about to begin. That's better. Thank you. You listen to the Dala podcast on the all things comedy and network. This is an American History podcast occasionally we go to Australia and do Australia stuff but each week I read a story from history to my friend. A Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is gonna be about this time we're doing it live from a hotel room in Perth, Australia. You did just see what the topic's gonna be about though if you look down because the I

didn't it wouldn't make any difference. Look I don't want to know. I choose. I choose to not know. You don't know who the fuck that is man. I know that guy. I know that guy. Old Tauly Bowly. Old Tauly Bowly. Tauly Bowly. And called it quote his jam patch. Jam? I'm the fucking hippo guy. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Is it far fine? And this is not gonna become a tiggly quad, Gary. Okay. This is like ad on a five-part coefficient. My room's a place. Now hit him with a puppy. You both present sick arguments. No sleep, no hippo. That's like no hippo. Action partner. Hi Gary. No. I see done. My friend. No. No. Roger. Roger is the core. Gareth if that's your alleged name

on March 12th, the dollop will be live in Boston and then the next night we head to New York City and then night after that we had to Washington, D.C. and then night after that Philadelphia. God I can't believe you have those all committed to memory. Yeah. Yeah, I bang them out, and I'm good at this. That's well done. Go to thedaltpodcast.com for tickets, and then we have a bunch more cities coming up on the tour. Seattle, Portland, Madison, Milwaukee, Des Moines,

St. Paul, Charlemagne, The God, Mount Olympus. Yeah, good job. Felt, I was really impressed for a minute, and now I know Longram. And Dave, I also will be in Timoni, Maryland, at Magooby's Joke House. Not a place. I'll be in DC at Union Stage on May 17th.

Magooby's is May 16th. May 18th, I'll be at the Funny Bone in Richmond, Virginia. May 19th, I'll be at the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach, Virginia. May 20th, I'll be back in New York in Brooklyn at the Bell House. And then June 8th, I'll be in Oxnard at Levity Live. June 9th, I'll be at the Irvine Improv. And then June 12th, I'll be in San Diego, California. June 15th, oh, has this been announced?

I'll be in Napa. Going to make some wine. Wine town. Wine town. And then also, June 23rd, I'll be in Burbank, California, at Flappers. The bank. That's what they call it.

Yeah, back at Flappers. Yeah, so that's all happening, and I'm excited for everybody that they can be a part of that. And I'm asking people to wear masks. I'll be handing out three N95 masks. And we would like you to wear masks at the dollop shows. I know everyone's acting like it's over. It's not.

I know what it's supposed to be like. It's done. Now we're in damage. How about this? Instead of loathing us, just say, these guys are such worriers, and roll your eyes. Yeah, yeah, roll your eyes and be like, these guys are so lame. Just be like this.

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I would love to know. I hope there's someone next door in the room next door. Yeah, there was a baby laughing for about an hour today. I have a name. William Preston Talby was born in Morgan County, Kentucky to parents William and Mary Ann. You just always named your kid after you, back then. Yeah, I guess so.

But then I would not do that because that one, you know, you got a 50% chance of the kid living, so. That's why you named like three of them it. You're like, this is William. This is William. This is William. I am guaranteed. Worst case scenario, I have one, best case two.

Yeah. He attended. He went to school. His father tutored him when William. Also great, right? Yeah, I mean. What does dad know? Not much.

Dad believes in really crazy shit. Now it's time for you to learn. Now you're going to know. The stars aren't real. That's God's diarrhea. Now that's how that all started. How did you manage to ruin stars? Well, you mean the network?

William was actually one of 12 children. So their children live. They were livers, as they call them back in the day. That's tough. That's probably like that. I'll shut up in a second. But that's probably like, you know, you're probably like disappointed a little.

You're like, 12 is a lot. I know you don't want. I feel like I would be like six. Yeah, you don't want 12. They all lived. None of you are going to die. Anyone got a cough? Anyone feeling a little achy?

His father served in the state's general assembly. And William helped run the family farm. OK. His time was spent at school or working on the farm. And after he worked for a short time shoveling coal and then moved away to work as a teacher. OK, sure. Coal shoveling.

William was very tall, very broad, shouldered, very good looking. He had a deep voice. Oh, right. He was a very good speaker. That's right. The sky at night is God's diarrhea. Well, now I like it.

Yeah. He met and married Lou Emma Oni when he was 19. And they started cranking out kids pretty quick. Sure. He's a fertile family. Right. OK. Spermy.

It's very spermy people. They ended up having five sons. Wow. He kept teaching until 1877 when he decided to study theology and become a Methodist minister. Here we go. To bring in money while ministering, he worked as a clerk in the county court.

That was an elected position. OK. But he always seemed to want to go for a different job. So while he's doing those two things, he starts studying law and then passed the bar in 1881 and opened his own law practice. He's doing a lot. Yeah.

A lot's happening. He's moving around. He's not in. He doesn't stick to one thing. Yeah. He taught for six years. And he's like, nah. But before that, he was shoveling coal.

Then he's a minister. Now, do you say judge? No, he's a lawyer. Lawyer, OK. So he was re-elected clerk in 1882. He had a lot of success as a lawyer. As a minister, he was admitted to the Kentucky Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church South.

Man, there must have been some batshit stuff being said. In the late 1800s, Methodist Kentucky? Crazy. I mean, now it's already, it's bonkers now, back then. Oh, yeah. On August 14, 1884, William was unanimously nominated to run as the Democratic candidate to the House of Representatives for the 10th District

of Kentucky. OK. This is when Democrats existed in Kentucky. That's right. It was an open seat, so the previous rep was retiring. And no one knew who his Republican opponent was, so he coasted to victory with the 2,000-vote margin, which I assume was huge in Kentucky at that point.

I would imagine there were only like 1,700 people there. Right. 300 extras? Yeah. Whoa. You had that back then. Right. Well, you still have that now.

There's so many dead people voting. Yeah, I hope so. It just goes on and on. Yeah, oh, yeah. I think dead people should be allowed to vote. I think in a lot of ways in our government, they just are. I think they should expand the voting age, first of all, from 18 down to 13, and then for five years after death.

I think you should still be able to drive after you die. Yeah. Well, some people are doing that. I think there's a lot of that, yeah. So Grover Cleveland is elected president. OK. Things are looking pretty great for William. OK.

He was called silver-tongued and described as dignified and impressive, despite being very young. How old are we talking? It's 1884, so he is. It's 23. No, he's like 33. But that's considered young for a politician, right? Yeah.

Oh, no, it's he's 30. Sorry. OK. Nope, I'm wrong, 33. OK. So yeah, so people are really, really impressed with him. People in Kentucky felt William would help their state regain influence that had recently lost.

He was soon being referred to as our prez, because they thought he was going to the White House. Right, OK. They're like, this guy's the shit. This guy's good. That's right. If you look up in the sky, you look at all those stars at night, you know what I think it is.

No. I think that's God's diarrhea. No. OK, so we're going to have to stop saying that. I'm ready to take thoughts like this all the way to the White House. My father taught me. Well, I consider, I think.

I'm ready. Yeah, that's not great. Boodoo, boodoo, boom, bottom, bottom. What is that? I don't know. I'm like that guy in the Temptations who's got that deep ass boy. That's not even a thing yet.

Yeah, they've been around for a while. No, they haven't. They form soon. No, they don't. Look up at the night, look up at the stars. That's a bunch of diarrhea coming near Mars. Boodoo, boodoo. I'm starting to not think that.

Let's go to the White House, baby. Make some changes. So at least two Kentucky families named their child Prez Tallbee. Well, that does not feel like an homage to a specific person. No, it's very normal. Yeah, well, you can also, like, you could be like, that was after Grover Cleveland.

Yeah, but you're not tied into anything. His last name is Tallbee, so they did name him Prez Tallbee. Oh, they named him Prez Tallbee Jackson. Oh, Jesus. OK, very specific. Sorry, I forgot. I'm a big first-namer on these shows. The Katzlerberg Democrat wrote, quote,

we will now say in print, Katzlerberg. Sure, OK. Wrote, quote, we will now say in print what we have predicted to various gentlemen in private that Prez Tallbee, should he live, will be governor of Kentucky inside 10 years. Pardon. You had to always start that in.

Pardon. Pardon. If he makes it. Not great. If he lives. If he lives to the old age of 43. He's going to be president. If he lives.

Yeah, we've got a friend. We're predicting he will die. But if he somehow beats the numbers and lives to 43, he will be the president. The only thing that's going to stop him is not a Republican opponent, but his own mortality. You joke. Keep him in a glass box.

Pope mobile him. An article in the Daily Bulletin wrote that a speech he made before a full house had been, quote, largely composed of ladies. OK, so this. So women are into him. Right, OK. So they fill up the gallery, and they come to see him speak.

Right. And I assume they're salooning, and they're touching. You have to look up at the stars. Oh, my God, this is my favorite one in the diary a bit. He was nicknamed the mountain orator. The mountain orator. That was Zeus's job originally. Yeah, well, he was also lighting bolts.

Not familiar. When he was up for reelection in 1886, he found himself running against the same Republican he had crushed two years before. But now he'd been in Congress for two years. So people were starting to have complaints about everyone's got a complaint. You can do the incumbent stuff.

Yeah, they're like, you did this, you did this. Right. Was he good? Was he like doing stuff? He was all right. OK, so yeah, so they have a knock on him. Seems to be. But by the way, when you get into,

so this is just a tale as old as time. You get in government, and then you're like, ah, I'm good. Yeah. Woo. I made it. It should be easy. So this was a tougher campaign. And they had 27 debates.

Jesus Christ. They should, that really should be how it is now. Yeah, they should have to drive around and get on stage. Republicans have basically said in the national, for the, they're not going to debate anymore. Wasn't that something that just happened? Oh, I wouldn't surprise me at all. I might be wrong.

But I feel like they just were basically like, we're not going to, but they're not going to take, I feel like they were saying the presidential debate is, they're not going to, I might be wrong. I can't imagine not wanting to debate Biden. Like, why would you say that? Oh my god. Oh, good Lord.

I would be the most. You could just be like, look, if you drop these keywords and it will confute, like it'll fuck with his wiring. So, besides. I forgot what we were just talking about. I also forgot what we were just talking about. Oh, it's the two of them. It's going to be amazing.

We're not sure what the subject was. We would like someone to remind us what the subject was. The only thing we could agree on is we don't know what we were talking about. So if someone could. Why is Clinton there? Am I Clinton? Why?

Come on, guy. There we go. They all become Clinton. Yeah. So the 27 debates, they also gave dueling speeches. So one would give an hour speech and the next one would give an hour speech. OK.

So William won again, but this time much, much closer. The Democrats, however, lost the majority in 1886. OK. So he goes back to DC and he finds that articles now written about him are a little bit harsher. Like he's not getting the new rookie, shiny, pretty guy thing, right?

Right. So months into the term. In his head, he was like, I just got to make it to 43. I'm going to be the president, I thought. Yeah. He's like, no, no, no. You need other stuff? Yeah, people.

But listen to me. Start looking. Where are all those ladies at? Where are my ladies? Where are my constituent? He's in. What's up, ladies? By the way, Dave, I think we should just take a break

quickly and just mention that the dollop is brought to you by Jats. Jats. Jats crackers. Jats crackers is the only cracker that you'll always find in Dave Anthony's room. Jats. They're crackers.

And Dave fucking loves them. Like Jats. I like the pepper ones better, though. Well, you got originals there. Yeah. So months into his new term, rumors are circulating that he was not going to run for reelection. OK.

Even when he bought a house in DC and announced he was going to stay, people were like, he's not going to stay. OK, interesting. Maybe because he was said he was going to keep living there after he retired. So that might have been a mixed signal. He's like, I bought a house.

I'm staying. Also, I'm going to live here when I retire. OK, so we're right. OK, but OK. Can see the mixed signals there. Well, no, not really. Because I mean, I feel like, I mean, maybe. But it's like, that's not.

It's not like he bought property in Tampa. No, but he bought a house. He bought a house. And he's like, look, I'm staying here. And then people are like, yay. And he was like, and I will stay here after I'm done, too. And people are like, that's a mixed signal. Charles Euston Kincaid was four years younger than William.

He had grown up in Lexington, Kentucky, and became a journalist after graduating college. OK. He edited a newspaper in Lawrenceburg for two years and then got a job at the Lexington Courier General covering state politics. OK. Now, Charles had dabbled in politics a bit

and was nicknamed Judge Kincaid after being elected a municipal judge in 1879. Boy, you just had real career fluidity back then. You're just like. In Kentucky, it's so open, you know, rangy type thing, you know, the frontier that there's so many jobs that are popping up that if you just. It's a lot like the economy today,

when you can just find good-paying jobs and swap around really. It's exactly like that. Thank you. A year after he was appointed a state railroad commissioner, so he's connected, right? He spent a lot of time abroad working as a consulate to England under President Cleveland.

He was also sent as an emissary by Kentucky's legislature to travel to Italy and talk the Italians, the Italian authorities, into sending the body of a Kentucky sculptor, Joel Hart, back home. Unfortunately, we really have fallen in love with it. This is a corpse, so. How you say. Apologize.

We turn. We love. We are doing what is called a weekend of burnies. Well, it's a little worse than that. We turn Joel into a spicy meatball. They say, well, you can take him back. This used to be fun, but then this guy, he shows up sometimes and he's just kind of like any momentum that we have.

He like quickly. You like a play to Joel? A play to Joel? He's a spicy meatball. The guy's name is Joel. Yeah. Oh, I forgot it there. Yeah, turn a Joel into a spicy meatball.

It's just, again, it's like, you know, maybe we could find it like a different. Like a different spicy meatball? No, like a different angle. Like maybe you could like just try to like, you know, you have a one thing and maybe you drop it and like try a new thing. Hey, it's a spicy lasagna.

That's not even. OK, it's a little bit better, I get it. By the late 1880s, Charles was. Did they return the body? You know, I couldn't figure that out. I looked. Why did they want the body? Well, he was a hometown.

He was a local Kentucky guy. And they're like, can we get our. Was he buried or were they just like? I know he died. I don't know if they buried him. They probably put him somewhere. I would imagine they put him in a tomb or something. Right.

OK. So they wanted him back because he's like, he's a Kentucky guy. They're like, no, this guy. He's a, that is really morbid shit. It's weird. Just, just let whatever. No, he'd die here. We keep him.

He's our baby boy. He's a little, little special. We are going to prop him up and make him a special guest at a dinner party. Hey, the Pope are like him. The worst. At least it's not cartoony. No, we are weird.

Yeah, just OK. Sorry. So he, he becomes Charles by the late 1880s. He's the DC correspondent for the Louisville Times. OK. So he's fine. Right. So he's, he's finding William.

He's reporting on William. He's reporting on Congress. He's known for going hard at those in power. OK. Even though he's friends with the congressmen, he's still, you know, tenacious. Wow. Senator James Beck said, quote, he's

one of those small buzzing bees. He won't hurt anybody, and he's too little to take hold of. Bees can sting you, and certain people can die from that. Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. No one knows how well Talby and Kincaid knew each other, but for sure they would have known each other around.

Right. In December 1887, a small article was published in The Washington Post. It said a patent office employee had caught a Kentucky representative, quote, in a very compromising position with a young lady. She was described as a, quote, petite blonde employee of the patent office.

And the two had been found. I'm a patent that ass. That's mine. All right, all right. OK. Yeah. And the two had been. I've got a patent pending.

Oh, I think I said the same thing, basically. And the two had been found by Richard Gill of the patent office when he walked in, she ran off, and he hid. So they were banging at the patent office? They were doing something. I mean, I don't know if they were just making out. Like this day, in age, I don't know, but probably banging. Yeah, right.

No one knows. Sorry. Back then, he was sniffing her hair, and they were like, scandalous. Yeah, they're fucking. Yeah. So now the patent office was a place where people went for some action.

Really? Yeah. Wow. All these original ideas. I know, I'm so aroused. I've got a great idea. Oh my god, let's go behind the thing that's supposed to turn rice into water.

Oh, I'm fed up. The model room where miniature versions of inventions were stored was. I feel like a giant in here. Was nicknamed. Look how big my penis looks like next to this thing. Was nicknamed the lover's retreat. Oh my god, so that was just the bang room.

Yeah. It was where clerks flirted with suitors who tried to woo them and get them to meet during lunch breaks around the. And then sometime a guy was like, I'm actually just here to check on my patent. It's like, what's all the masks and genitals? Yeah.

OK, so all right, so it's a little sketchy, sure. The thick cases the models were put on created a lot of hiding places for action. Wow, so it was that that much fucking was happening in the patent miniature room. Yeah. OK. It's so weird.

It's great. But I mean, you could like even if you was it just that like the people at the patent office were extremely aroused? Yeah. I think a lot of young women. Because couldn't you go to a hotel? Oh, a lot of young women work there?

Yeah, I think a lot of young women, clerks. So the pat. All right, yeah, OK. Wow. Wow. And so dudes were like, if you're looking for some action, you head over and flirt with a clerk. Go to the patent.

Go to the patent room. Really? Make sure you go to the place of the miniatures of each patent. It's really weird. It's perfect. Makes perfect sense. It's so dumb. After the Washington Post article came out,

Charles Kincaid looks into the story. And the next day, he published an article in The Louisville Times titled, quote, Kentucky's silver-tongued tall bee caught in flagrant or thereabouts with brown-haired mis-dodge. Wow. So he said, and then the previous one was a blonde.

The previous one was anonymous, like he's outed them. Right. He's got a lot of patents pending. Yeah, we just did that already. You said that. Well, it seems like there's a lot of patents pending. The article said they had been, quote, launching on forbidden fruit.

Oh, Mike, by the way, you listen. There's no term I'm using from now on. Do you want to mind if I lunch on your forbidden fruit? Excuse me? May I have a bite of your forbidden fruit? I got to go. What, let me lunch on your forbidden fruit? I literally want to bite it.

Would you like to lunch on my forbidden fruit? I've got a banana and some grapes. Launching on forbidden fruit and then asked the he. So he said that. And then he asked. And then lunching on the ass. And then he asked the reading public, quote, what's the world coming to?

So he's like, what in the fuck is it? So people are fucking. He's single, right? No, yeah, he is married. But he's also just like what we're fucking in the model room. Like it's. But he's in government. You're always single if you're in government.

So he didn't actually he didn't actually but he didn't actually put his name on the story. But everyone knew Charles Concato written it. Right. OK. So Charles had figured out very quickly who the woman was and who William was. His dodge.

Obviously refused to make a comment. So he went and he tracked down the young lady Laura Dodge. She was 17 and live with her parents on Capitol Hill. Oh, good Lord. Charles called. He described her as, quote, a little beauty, bright as sunshine and saucy as a bowl of jelly.

Oh, I mean, I don't know. Like it's lunching on forbidden fruit. But what is it? Bowl of jelly. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. You're like too far, you know. What's the most upsetting way to describe a woman?

She's got the personality of Jell-O. She is a petite of figure, but plump as a partridge. Her hair is brown. Her eyes are blue. She's like peaches. Why is every description. Hold on. I'm going to come.

My lips like rose buds dipped with dew. Why is everyone just like a fashion show? It's crazy. This is plump as a partridge. This next model from the model room is plump as a partridge. I think they're just trying to write a description that makes dudes want to fuck them. It is.

I think, I mean, the truth is that it is just like, you know, over intelligence or personality or skill or anything women were just viewed. So, you know, they were so objectified. But so that is the norm of the time. But it's just like, it is. It's just like kind of pervy. Like for every woman to be like, her tit size was,

you know, it's just like. Not every, because that's not what every dude, right? They're just like, here's what William looked like. They did that with William, though, with the broad shoulders. But this is way. Silver tongue, big dick. This is way more graphic. The plump as a partridge thing, I don't know, just really.

Can I see the description? Is that possible? The first paragraph there. This lovely model is Laura Dodge. I would describe her as a little beauty, bright as sunshine and a saucy bowl of jelly. She's petite of a figure, but plump as a partridge. Her hair is brown, her eyes are blue.

Cheeks like peaches, lips like rose buds dipped with dew. It's like a little like. She's glistening. It's like a little poem. It really is. So, you know, Charles, so she talks to Charles. And while they're talking, she admits she was not from Kentucky. Was he just drooling the whole time?

He must have. He might be a cannibal. Look at you. Look at how you're glistening. So she said she's not from Kentucky, which is part of why she'd been appointed to the office. Like, for some reason, you had to be from Kentucky to be appointed to the office.

I don't understand why. The office of Patton stuff? Yeah, that Patton thing. I don't know. Some weird thing. They know what has been made and what has not been made more than any other state. But she wouldn't tell Charles where she was from

because she didn't want to get William in trouble since he was, quote, a gentleman. And I'm supposed to be a lady. We both swear on a stack of Bibles that we had not done anything. Stack of Bibles is a tell. You just need the one. A whole stack.

Yeah, that's like. A stack. Yeah, you just need the one. Charles didn't believe either one of them. And he wrapped up his article by saying, quote, what a mess this is for an ex-Methodist minister and a congressman from the grand old Commonwealth of Kentucky. So in Kentucky, newspapers run with the story.

Like it's a big scandal in Kentucky. But not one DC paper gives. Yeah, they're like, do you understand where you are? It's the fuck room. Don't ruin the fuck. We're talking about the champagne room right now. Don't fuck up the champagne room. The Washington Post didn't even care enough to follow up

and name the congressman accused of doing naughty things in the Patton office. So the Post had written the original story. Right. And now that they know that. And there's a big good follow up companion piece, but they're like, yeah, no, we're good. We had a good run.

They're making it a miniseries. But when the congressional term was over, the Post published an article titled, quote, Men Who Quit Congress. And William Talby was featured. The story said absolutely nothing about William and Ms. Dodge in the Patton Library. Interesting.

So that's how he announces he's quitting Congress. He announces. I mean, that's the way it gets out there. It's officially in the Washington Post story. Right. OK. He's not going to run again. Right.

The Patton commissioner says he, the Patton commissioner said he would investigate, but he never did. OK. So just want to be, basically. Yeah, because he was like, I know what's going on in there. Yeah, the scandal just. That's where I go. That's where lunch hours have been fruit.

I'm there every single Saturday with the grain to water machine. And I get water out. No. All right. I'm a 40-year-old creep. All right. So everyone just went back to business, right?

Sure. People in Kentucky had turned out to be more upset than Ms. Dodge has said she was from Kentucky to get the job. So they're mad she lied to get the job. And once she left and found a new job in the pension office, everyone just was like, OK, it's over. Oh, the pension office. Anal.

Yeah. William didn't seem too upset and may, at least not on the, you know, outwards, you know, display. Right. He probably didn't like being a representative anymore, which he didn't really think he was right for. One of the first jobs he took on as a lawyer back in the private world made him about five times

his yearly salary as a rep. So he's like, maybe this is better. OK. Right. Yeah. That's so strange. What a strange tale. It never happens.

Also, he may have made his decision to leave well before the affair was revealed. OK. It turns out at the Democratic State Convention in 1887, he proposed centering President Cleveland for this rape that Cleveland had done. Oh, my God. Yeah.

And everyone at the Democratic Convention hissed at William and his proposal was voted down. Damn, man. You do feel like things have gotten worse. And then you just hear that sort of stuff. You're like, I mean, it's like they always are just like, look, overlook the rape. Our guy's fine.

We've got, we have power right now. Overlook that thing. But his party members did not forget that he had brought it up at the convention. So they're like, you really shouldn't have, you really committed a crime when you brought up that crime. Yeah, not the rape guy, but the guy who pointed it out. Right, right.

Back in Kentucky, William's new wealth was enjoyed by his fellow citizens. And his image was quickly being rehabilitated. OK. So people in Kentucky are like, he's great. We like him again. The local people wrote that William, his support for the guy running to replace him,

guaranteed a victory because William was, quote, the most popular man in the district. OK. But then that guy lost. OK. And Democrats are no longer, they haven't been in the majority. They're not in the majority. He also lost a sizable chunk of cash.

What do you mean? William did. OK. In his last year in Congress, because the house cashier ran off with the congressional payroll, he stole $75,000. There's our hero. There's this hero that has the story. He just took the payroll and ran.

It's great, great move. $75,000, like $2 million today. He basically. And they never found him? I don't know, I didn't look it up, but it's so great. That is a great move. He never got the money back, so they must have never found him, because he could just go somewhere

else and be like, my name's Frank now. Yeah, right, right, super. He was probably like a city away. And they were like, we will never. The leads are cold. We can't find this guy. So he had left. He had, for some reason, a lot of his savings were in that money.

But he still had wealth, even though that was a hit. And it turns out his marriage had fallen apart. Was there something going on? Yeah, the article had kind of blown it up. Anything about, like, was there a problem with their relationship or something? It seemed like things were fine. It was all pretty normal, except for the fucking

and sucking near the machines. Lunching on the forbidden fruit? Yeah. You know, I hear you lunch. I hear you're lunching on others forbidden fruit, but you haven't lunched on mine in a while. I just enjoy peaches. Well, every now and then it would be nice.

What? I just enjoy peaches. Did I tell you? I love a peach. Let me find you a pit. Jesus Christ, don't ever say that to me again. Let me find you a pit. Is that it?

They didn't get divorced, but their marriage is in shambles, basically. Sure. They did what my parents did. So William stays in DC and starts working as a lobbyist, which he was very good at. And he starts making a lot of money really quick. OK.

It's just, it's amazing. I just always was like, things just developed into a bad state of affairs. It's like, no, no, the blueprint. This is how we always get. Yeah, it's the blueprint. Now, Charles Kincade is still working as a reporter covering Congress, so they'd see each other often.

And William is still angry with how he was portrayed in the article. Right. You didn't describe my body like Jelly. I wanted to be the peach. Now, Charles is about a foot shorter than William, and he only weighs around a half. He's under 100 pounds, Charles.

So he's boyish. He's a titchy man. Yeah, he's boy-shaped. Hello. Sorry I wrote that. He also had a bunch of health issues, including stigmatism, which left him with limited sight, and liver and digestive issues.

Oh, that's poor. I mean, no wonder he described everyone as food. He's like, imagine a meal that you could eat without having crap come out of your bottom. She looks like a steroid steak grilled medium rare. Twice in the last five years, he had almost died of typhoid fever. God damn.

So any time these two guys run into each other, William would bully Charles. But it didn't seem hard. He was like, have some berries. He was like, oh, my belly, and the knots in my tummy. One time William shoved him against an iron railing. Everything broke. Another time he slammed him into the door of a street car.

It broke again. Another time he crushed Charles' foot with his booted heel as they got onto an elevator. Jesus. He's just brutalized him. Yeah, I write articles about me in the patent room. Maybe worst of all, whenever they would see each other, William started tweaking Charles' ear or his nose.

I mean, this is shitty. This is like, you're not allowed to do this as a grown-up. Is it grown-ups? Yeah. Well, yeah, Charles is just living. But William's just like, get in here. Nugget patrol, Nugget patrol, huh? It's getting the pool.

I'll give you the wash and dryer. So this is incredibly humiliating and a way of showing William didn't consider Charles to be any kind of threat at all. Right. Which he isn't, because he's under 100 pounds. Yeah, I mean, it's just it's. And it sounds like he could die in any moment.

It's quite demeaning. Yeah, yeah. Stop. I'll break your foot, little man. So not even. You know, it belongs in a miniature room. You. So he's not even worth fighting.

That's what he's saying when he's doing all this stuff. Right. William's tall and muscly, Charles, is described as, quote, a little pint of cider fellow. So there was someone else who was like, what kind of food is he? Everyone wrote like that. Compare him to a drink.

Yeah. But it kept going on. And a few in Congress thought the feud would end up with one of them being dead. Which one? Which one is it going to be, the giant or the titchy one who he keeps murdering? By the way, if I were to describe you as a food,

I'd describe Dave Anthony as a box of jats. Dave, a box of jats. Try the pepper. Jats originals. Jats. Try original or pepper. Jats. So the bullying went on.

Charles never responded. He took the physical abuse and the taunts and the insults and the threats. That's sad too, because it's like he probably was just kind of, I mean, it's probably twofold. It's probably that bullying was so accepted, as well as he was probably just so used to being demeaned that he was like, there's nothing you can do.

You know, it's like abusive. Yeah. So it goes on for a year. God damn. On February 28, 1890, at 11.30 AM, William saw Charles near the entrance to the House of Representatives Chamber and yelled to Charles that he wanted to see him.

Charles said he couldn't, because he was waiting for someone. I can't see you. Please stay. I can't. I'm waiting. What if I come over there? I give you a rope burn. Please don't.

No, guys. Maybe it's time to tune the radio. Give me those nipples. AMFM, AMFM. Now, obviously, William didn't like being told no by Charles. Right. So he walked over and grabbed Charles' collar and shook him around and then gave his ear a vicious twist.

What? This is got your ear. Yeah. You all right? You like Dutch? Have you ever seen footage of, I don't remember what, someone showed me a video once of Burt Reynolds and, who was the guy that he was, the heavy guy?

Dom Delouise. Dom Delouise. And like, Burt Reynolds is like beating the shit out of Dom Delouise. That was part of their bit. And Dom Delouise lives in fear of Burt Reynolds, as Burt Reynolds is just constantly slapping him, punching him, pushing him.

And people are like, these do have such a funny little friendship. It's like, this man is abusing this man. OK, all right. So he hurts his ear again. The house doorkeepers pulled them apart. The next day, the Washington Post wrote, Charles said, quote, I am in no condition for a physical contest with you. I am not armed.

And William responded, quote, then you better be. Again, I mean, it is fucked up. Because he probably practiced that line. He was like, someone was like, look, you just got to straight up tell him that you are not able to have a physical contest. Just state your piece. And so he's like, I am not able to have

a physical confrontation with you. I am unarmed. He's like, you better get a gun. Jesus Christ, this guy. I'm sorry. I thought I wrote that you banged that woman who was like, honey, in that room. Yeah, well, peach and partridge, a peach partridge.

No, it was a dewy peach partridge. Oh, dewy. That's what has got me. So the two men go into the house, and word of the skirmish spreads through the press and the members of Congress. Charles then went home at some point and armed himself with a pistol.

Nice. Here we go. He's probably doing the mirror thing where he's like, hey, don't you want to do that again to me, you jerk off? No, I'll be more like, oh, yeah. I think I found my noogie patrol. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll tell him I found my noogie patrol.

See what you're talking to me? Calling me pint size? Well, how about this? Now am I so tiny? Yeah. Ow, my leg. Ah, God, it snapped. So the two men came across each other, again,

on the Easter side of the house, on a Y-shaped staircase that goes down to a basement restaurant. I'm unable to have a physical confrontation with you. Charles was said to be with a friend who dashed off. Well, I'm off. Charles then said, quote, Talbi, you could see me now pulled the gun out and shot William in the face.

Oh, my God. Welcome to bullying. I know, yeah. It's exactly what happens on schools today. Totally, yeah. On school campuses, this is exactly. No more lunching on forbidden fruit. Shot him in the face.

Yeah. The bullet just missed William's eye and went into his cheek. He was bleeding badly, but did not fall down. He staggered down a few steps where some friends caught him. I have a table for three, eight, 8.40 PM. Little guy has quite a punch. William was taken into a committee room,

and then they realized how bad a shape he was in, and they hustled him off to Providence Hospital. OK. He stayed conscious the entire time and was able to speak. He told friend. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to that little motherfucker.

I should have picked him up and thrown him the first time I saw him. Someone get his ear off his head and bring it to me. He told friend and Senator John Griffin Carlisle they had an altercation earlier, but then asked, quote, he ought not to have done it. Why did he do so? Why is it what preempted this?

Why would he shoot me in the face? I did nothing but torture him. Always, too. I didn't do anything. We were having fun. He was my little brother. I was just razzin' the little guy. His nookies and ear pulls and nose pulls.

Punching and breaking his foot. I broke his hand. You know, this little stuff like that made his chest collapse. I slit his throat. Just stuff that you do to a little brother. I killed him. So Charles, right after the shooting, a cop rushed over, and Charles said, quote, I did it.

I'm the man who did the shooting and then turned over the gun. He was razzin' and taken to a police station and turned over to the Metropolitan Police. In his cell, he said he only shot William after he came at him in a very physically threatening way. Yeah, which I'm sure is true. Papers reported William's friends had taken a, quote, ugly looking pistol from him.

Oh, wow. And that William had told a few people, including a judge, that he would have Charles' blood. I mean, like a judge. You got to get the judge in there. Is this official? I'm going to kill that motherfucker. Yeah, I mean, it's just like.

You're a judge, right? You're a little chatty. Yeah, a little chatty. You know, like maybe, I mean, if you're going to be like a psychopath, just kind of lock it in. Yeah. No need to be out there like talking to people like, I'm going to go tell this cop.

I'm probably going to kill that guy. How you been? Good. Good, good, good. Yeah, I figured I'll just shoot him in the heart. These things are illegal. I know. Off the record, I'm going to kill him tomorrow.

Probably. You can't go off the record. Go down that Y shaped staircase before I have a bit of a rump for dinner. And then I'll go eat. But before I do that, I'll probably kill that little Charlie. Pat Moffice.

Hey, pat that ass. Yum, yum. So doctors get a look at William, and they determine the wound is. He's been shot in the face. He's been shot in the face, which is bad, but not terrible. They determine it's not fatal. And the bullet had settled somewhere

in the back of his skull. The term settled. It's just hanging out back there. So we've good news. The bullet's still in your head. Oh, what's the good news? I think that was the good news. Well, no, more good news.

It's not moving any longer. So it's all good news. Just there. Well, the bad news is you've been shot in the face. That's not great. Also, the bullet is done moving. We've determined through medical science that the bullet has stopped moving.

So this bullet is done going through. We're not expecting it to pop out of the back of your head, which could be pretty bad. The bullet is for sure no longer in motion. So there's just a bullet in my head? Medically speaking, yes. There's a bullet just in your head. But again, not an actively moving bullet.

So we're not expecting any more damage from this bullet. You're just going to have a bullet in your head forever. Is that a big deal? Yeah, it seems like it would be. It's my brain. Want us to get it out? That would be. We have no way of doing that.

We don't have any clue how that's possible. OK. You're going to have to do what we medically call live with a bullet in your head. OK, I've never heard of that. Yeah, that's it. So you're a doctor. Well, I was a journalist.

Then I started a business with horses, followed by I was a newspaperman. And then recently I was a lawyer and then a farmer for a couple years. This is the way of the era. I made cabinets. I worked in the pattern office, if you know what I'm saying. And then now I've become a doctor because I said so.

What was your business with horses? I started a business where you could take, I would put clothes on horses, and you could take them out on dates. I would actually like that. Yeah, it's great. You should do it. It's something that I've been thinking about ever

since I got a bullet in my brain. Yes, medically speaking, you have a bullet lodged in your brain. So now I like horses as my women. I ended up selling the business. There's a patent pending, so. Oh, god, I'm getting erect. So Charles is released on a $2,000 bond.

If Williams did die, he would be re-arrested. So newspapers around Kentucky go crazy with the story, obviously. So now he's like a hero again. Now they're like, our hero. No, some defend Charles. Others attacked him, obviously dependent on their political leanings, but then also who they were.

Like the Mount Airy Senegal Democrat said Charles acted with, quote, coolness and deliberation. So he was, for sure, a murderer. Right. While others, including the one Charles worked for, said he was completely innocent. Right. Well, that's strange, too.

He didn't even do it. He was never even there. No, he admitted that. No, he didn't. He's 100% innocent. Disagree. We don't think he's real. Next.

He's a little tiny ghost. Yeah. Charles, quote, Mr. Talby had been dogging me for more than a year. I am almost ashamed to admit it, but he assaulted me six times. No man has suffered more at the hands of another than I have from him. Mr. Talby has haunted me like a ghost.

He has heaped insult after insult on me, and three times threatened to kill me. I mean, again, knowing nothing, I feel like that is all totally true. Like he took it. He was trying to stop it. He asked the dude to stop. He was like trying to avoid it.

He felt shame. It was like private. He was like, I mean, he probably was bullied as a kid, too. So it's like you, you know, it's yeah. I mean, it's like, what happens? And then you're like, that came out of nowhere. It's like, dude, you fucking fuck with the guy too much. It's just a jock versus a nerd.

And now it's just in Congress. Now he kind of does have a silver tongue, though. Most congressmen took William's side, saying the press had reported on the patent novice sex business way too much. Wow. What do you think was going to happen when you ruined our little fuck room?

Look, we can all agree one thing. This man deserves to die because the sex room is not what it used to be. Do you mean because he shot William in the head? Either way, on that one, it's just this guy is a little shit. Put him in jail for what he said about the sex room. Most reporters, however, took Charles side, saying he was a super nice guy and fair

and wouldn't have shot someone in the face unless there was good reason. God, it must felt good to shoot him in the face. Oh, so good. One DC reporter wrote, William, quote, always manifested the most intense hatred toward Kincaid. He was voluminous in vile epithets toward the correspondent.

Wow. And physical. Yeah, and physical. Others said, look, this is just how people from Kentucky do things. You don't understand. We are assholes. When are y'all going to understand the Kentucky way?

We like to be shitty to people. A nerd deserves a noogie. A nerd deserves a titty twister. Nerds deserve these sort of things. And then people who do a noogie deserve to get shot. It's how the business works. It is the way that the world maintains balance. People brought up that there were the Hatfield and McCoy's

feud and many others 10 years earlier. It's amazing to imagine the Hatfields and McCoys like noogieing each other. This feud has to stop. Look at my son's rope burn. 10 years earlier, Defendant had shot a judge and an ex congressman because he didn't like the judgment. So all these people are bringing up instances

of Kentucky violence. That's how they are out there. I mean, first of all, it has nothing to do with the other. Like, well, it's what we do. Think of that man who killed that judge because he found him guilty. It's the Kentucky way.

We like to, we are just fucking pricks. God damn, when are y'all going to understand? We're not like your big city folk with your pleasantries and your how you're doings. We like to be horrible to those who have ailments. We do, we do a shoot them hello. How are you? Bang, bang.

We are just a misunderstood breed. That's right. All right, now get over here. It's time to pay the papa and I work in noogie currency. So the Currie Journal wrote quote, that which may be regarded in Kentucky and other states of the union as a matter of self-defense is treated here in Washington as a murder in the first degree.

Well, we don't even allow murder in our state. We don't have that job. It's called a resin. It's, you've been reckoned with. Good Lord. But William keeps improving. Okay. He told his brother his version of what happened.

He said he'd grabbed Charles by the. Will he be able to give noogies again, doctor? Well, we're looking at his chart right now and it appears that the wound has hit part of the lobe that would allow him to initiate noogies. Can he tweak in here? We're hoping with a good amount of rehabilitation and some good luck that he might be able to tweak ears again.

That's all he cares about. That's all we all want him to do. We have a facility located next door to the hospital where he will work with some of the best physical therapists we have around. These people, I've seen people that they say will never be able to bully again, get out there and they're able to give titty twisters, wedgies,

swirlies, things that you would have thought were out of the realm of possibility. But I will tell you this. It's not gonna happen with a lot of hard work and without a little invention from the man upstairs. Okay. I pray for wedgies. Pray that he will be able to give an atomic wedgie again.

Well, so he told his brother that he had grabbed Charles by the shirt and may have taken him by the ear, but definitely did not tweak his nose. I never tweaked his nose. I did. That is a lie. The idea that I would tweak a man's nose? Come on.

I know what a line is. I have no respect. I mean, he's like a walking one man, three stooges. On March 4th, the doctor was so happy with how William was mending that he sent him home for the night. There you go. The next day, everything went south

and now doctors are saying his death was imminent. Well, I'll tell you, we probably, probably should have kept him overnight. Little early on that. We are very premature sometimes with the release. Oopsy. We didn't realize that he would get so bad overnight. Right.

But your brother went from probably being able to do everything we hope to. He's gonna die this afternoon. Okay, that's a quiet turnaround. Yeah, yeah, we feel like what's happening right now is God has him in a headlock. Could this have anything to do with the fact that he has a bullet in his brain?

It's hard to say. Medically speaking, having a bullet in the brain has never been something that we find troubling. Okay. The bullet, again, is not in motion. The bullet has stopped moving. It's like it's lodged, essentially. It's just up there.

It just doesn't seem good. Did he move his head? Yeah, no, he definitely moved his head. That's gonna be a definite problem. You don't want that thing rattling around there. It's like putting a penny in a soda can, huh? I thought you said it wasn't moving. Well, if he moves, it's gonna move.

That's just like if you shake your arm, how your bones rattle around like a bag of chain. What the hell are you talking about? I'm explaining how the body works to you. He's got a bullet up there. If he moves his head, it's gonna dance around a little bit. No, what did you say about bones?

It's how the body works. It's just like any other part of your body. It's like if you shake your arm and then it sounds like a coin purse being rattled. So what are you... It's like if you ever seen someone jump and then the guts are all rearranged, their hearts and their anus

and their kidneys and their chest. Are you talking about a woman? I'm talking about, yes, a woman, obviously. Yeah, I've seen that. But yeah, that's the way, yes, it's how it all works. If you move around too much, you become like a puzzle that someone threw on the ground.

How did you become a doctor? Again, I replied to an ad from cereal. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So a week later on the morning of March 11th, William Talby died. Dude, those doctors really fucked up. Well, the cause of death was an abscess that had formed around the bullet,

which again was in the back of his skull. So he was fine, but then it got infected because it's a bullet in the brain. Turns out the bullet wasn't moving, but the skin around it was doing a lot of moving. So we made what is in the medical journals called an oopsie. A big boo boo.

Huge oopsie. We made a boo boo, major boo boo. We should have taken the bullet out, it turns out. If you leave a bullet in a brain, it's not. There is one more thing we're thinking of doing, which is shooting through the wound and trying to dislodge the bullet with another bullet. Right.

It's a real Hail Mary. It's a real Hail Mary, yes. So a cop was sent to Charles' house to arrest him for murder. Well, what's going on? He died, shit. And he had died at five a.m. in the morning. So when the cop got there,

Charles asked if he could sleep for another hour, but the cop said no. I'll tell you, guys, what a disrespectful piece of shit dying at five a.m. Is there any way I can maybe kip out for like another hour and a half? I think that I ain't gonna bed late last night because I've been so stressed about this guy.

Now imagine being able to go back to bed after you're going to jail for murder. Like, can you come back in like an hour, hour and a half? I'm just pooped still. You're not stressed out? No, I just am like, I would love to just kip out for like two more hours if that's possible.

You're gonna go to jail for murder and it is an exhausting emotional experience. I just love to just hit a little REM sleep if I have an opportunity very quickly. If that's possible. Who is it, honey? I gotta go to jail for the rest of my life for murder. Come back to bed.

I'm trying. So he's given his own cell and allowed to see visitors. So reporters go in and reporters say he looks terrible and that the stress of the shooting and the killing had really taken its toll. Sure. Yeah, I mean, he killed a guy. Yeah.

It's stressful. So William's body was laid out at a Capitol Hill funeral parlor. We actually, I would have liked to get at the body if we could. Ha ha ha ha ha. I gotta, I gotta, it's a funeral recipe and I like. We are doing a whole little like a set, like a little setup where we're gonna put all of your dead congressmen around the table

and make it look like a deluge, the supper. Ha ha ha ha ha. So people come to pay with respects and then his body's put on a train and taken back to Kentucky. Him and his wife, they had mended their relationship and she went back with the body and just lives in Kentucky. She's like, I'm done with this.

We're getting back together. We finally figured out the problem, his existence. We've since mended fences. I love him so much now. We've never been better now that he's dead. I love him like this. Charles was indicted the next day. It was reported he couldn't even stand up now.

He was held in jail for a month and then finally allowed to make bail on April 21st. Five friends held him up as he walked out. And the trial wouldn't come for a year for a couple reasons. One being that a bunch of congressmen had to be involved in the trial and they're in session. Okay. So on April 23rd, 1891 it began.

And the district attorney laid out the case. Samuel Donaldson, who was a former doorkeeper of the house, was said to be the one who heard William say, quote, then you had better be to Charles about being armed. But in court, he says that didn't happen. Interesting, interesting. He testified he was with William when he was shot and he said William had asked him to join the two men

on the stairs to, quote, avoid a difficulty between myself and Mr. Kincaid. Well, it sounds, I mean, I know very little about William, but he always sounded like a bit of a peacemaker. Yeah, yeah, he's a very reasonable man. He's like, I don't want trouble with this little fella. I'm scared of this guy who breaks if you hit him. And then he said, Charles just all of a sudden

shot him from behind. Out of nowhere on the stairs. Which we know he didn't shoot him from behind because he went through the front of his face. Well, that, I mean, that's like the Kennedy assassination where they're like, we believe he was like over here. You're like, it's actually a straight shot. They're like, he came from up.

He was up here. He shot, he shot, he shot William with a, as soon as a U bullet, and it goes, it goes around. It was animated. Like a boomerang bullet. Charles defense poured over all the occasions of bullying. His attorney, General Grosvenor, who I believe is the same Grosvenor from a previous episode.

I remember. Quote, I will say that Talby constantly and in various ways, insulted and assaulted this most helpless man, the shrinking, cowering victim. Can I actually talk to you for a minute? Hold on a second. This little tiny, tiny piece of shit of a man. Get over here.

Like a little bug, like a little thing. Objection. Is he human, I ask? Objection, objection. Can a non-human kill a human? Request for a recess, please. Hey, like, I'm like trying to, like, even if I get out. You'll break a bone.

I'm not gonna. Don't talk like that, please. You'll shatter your little brain or something. I'm not like that. It's not, I'm not made of glass. Are you gonna turn into a puddle? Your Honor, this man who's an aunt is bothering the defense again.

So, he... This little baby can't do anything unless we change his diaper. Stop saying that. I don't wear diapers. This man is little. It's like if a wizard turned a baby into a boy. Grossfeder also once referred to William as a giant.

This enormous giant who lived atop a beanstalk came down one day, and then he abused this little worm of a boy. Another person testified, William had said, quote, he ought to be killed. By God, I'll kill him. And another said, William had said he would kick Charles' head off.

God, he's like, it's on the level. I mean, he's just, he got very cocky. He got very, I mean, I'm gonna kick his head off. I'm gonna kick his head off. By the way, if there's a story when a guy kicks another guy's head off, I would love to have that covered. Absolutely.

Kick his head off. Charles took the stand on his behalf. He said the morning skirmish had ended with William saying, quote, you damned little coward and monkey. Now go and arm yourself. You little monkey boy. You like that.

He also said William threatened to slit his throat one time. On the stairs. I think it's easier to kick that head off. On the stairs, he said, William kept saying, quote, I'll show you in moving menacingly towards him. William, his brother, William's brother testified and said, William had told him

that he didn't know Charles was on the stairs until he was shot. Obviously, this did not match what Samuel Donaldson had said about he wanted help with the little guy. But William had also been shot in his head and was trying to pardon the pun, save face. Yes. So the two biggest prosecution witnesses

counter each other. They don't have the same story. That's good, the prosecution. Oh, shit. We should have had you fell his talk. Like Amber Heard's lawyer. Whoopsie poopsie. Your Honor, please remove me from the case.

I am permission to treat myself as hostile. Your Honor, I'm guilty. Fuck me. I love depth stills. The trial lasted a week. A bunch of congressmen and reporters testified it was just huge in the media. It's a big deal.

And the jury declared Charles Kincaid not guilty. Nice. I thought that might happen. Ruling that he had acted in self-defense. Interesting. But Charles went home and collapsed. He was exhausted. His health was always poor.

But now after the trial and being jailed and the shooting, he was in really bad shape. He's in his mid-30s. He moves back to Kentucky, worked a bit in politics. A strange move, by the way. Yeah, it is, isn't it? I would be like, I'm going to Illinois or something. Yeah.

So he works a little bit in politics and journalism. And then he died in 1906 at just 51 years old. Wow. Miss Dodge worked at the pension office until 1895 when she was fired. Five years later, she married a pension office reviewer. There we go. So she was porkin' at the pension.

She was porkin' at the pension. After he died, she married a powerful DC attorney and became a big part of the DC social scene. Interesting. The Tallbee family never got over the shooting. Six decades after the trial, one of his sons called it a farce. And he said they now believed Charles shot their father because William refused to name him to a political position.

Wow. And that Charles had paid witnesses. Wow. In 2007. I'm a bit of a kingpin. You're going to take a dive and understand. Do you understand me? In 2007, a great-granddaughter said, quote,

my great-grandfather was murdered. And his murderer got away with murder. And five boys were left without a father. We'll pay you $5 if you say murder. A wife was left without a husband to support her. So they still fucking think. I mean, you know, there's so much of that in, you know, that's just you're allowed to believe your own set of facts.

I mean, you know, like so that. But I, and by the way, a great great, I mean, it's almost like religion. Like if you're told enough that there's a man in the clouds who created everything around you, you're told that by your parents, you're going to believe that. Well, if it's in your family, your family has its own personal lore or religion.

And the family is just being like, he was wronged. He was a good guy. This Charles, he was actually six foot if he was an inch. So Marble is really porous. Marble is really porous? Marble is a very porous stuff. This is quite a segue. We can talk about countertops.

And so there's still blood on the stairs of the house because they can never get rid of it. They'd have to rip out the marble. Wow. So if you go there, you can still see blood stains. Wow. And they immediately started brushing it because they knew that was a problem, but they couldn't.

So that could mean that there's still urine and feces from January 6th on the stairs. I hope so. I like to believe that. And a little semen, if possible. Some of them were pretty excited. Yeah. Sources, The Daily Beast, Downfall, Dictionary, and the book.

Oh, God, why didn't I have the book right here ready and waiting for my. You're vamping right now. Wicked Washington, Mysteries, Murder, and Mayhem, and America's Capital by Troy Taylor. Wow, that's crazy. I mean, it is like, I never had extreme bullying in my life, but when I was a freshman in high school,

there were seniors who hated me because they thought I was a druggy and were awful to me. And it is. It's super stressful. And when you're put in that position, whether you ever put action to it or not, you do romanticize the idea of beating the shit out of these people or killing these people.

It gets dark. And if someone were to escalate it to be like, you better be armed, I mean, you are. You're tempting fate a little bit, where it's like, at some point, you're just going to run into the buzz saw. I mean, you can only do that for so long. And it is horrible.

It's like, I mean, there are just so many. Well, no, how many kids kill themselves because they're being bullied? Yeah, it gets dark. And if you have a history of that, and you're a grown up, and if you're like Charles, you're not super medically capable, or you have some medical issues, or you're whatever. You're not like a.

You're not like a peach. You're a puffy. Yeah, you're right. You're not like a pineapple. You're kind of like a watermelon. Or a watermelon. You're a little more banana-y. Yeah, like a soft brown.

You're a mushier, you're a mushier. Yeah, you're getting ready to be made bread, into bread. But if you're like that, you live in fear. And because even what you say, he was not happy. I mean, it was never like, you're like, ah, peace. He was like, I think there is. I'm actually shocked at the level of empathy that a jury in that time would actually

have towards someone feeling that way. Well, it was very much a time of, well, a sort of justice. Like this is when you, if someone slept, if your wife slept with someone, you could kill the guy. And they'd be like, well, it's very cool. Yeah, but even then, it's like, I don't know. Like you would imagine that at a DC trial,

that they would find that that would be not OK to do. But yeah, I don't know. It just, I mean, yeah, it just does show. You always think that. Like there's that scene in Billy Madison. I know this is a weird connection. No, it's fine. Where Steve Buscemi is going to like kill him.

And Billy Madison apologizes for all that he did. Like you just don't know how much being terrible or being nice can influence or impact someone and the ripple effect of that in people's emotions. And like, yeah. So I don't know. That's crazy, though. It is crazy.

I can't wait to see that blood. You're going to see the blood. OK, great. Sex. Sex. What? What? Wait, you said it back.

Why did you say it back? Creep. What a creep. What kind of a weirdo just hears the word sex and then says sex back? You are really, you have some real problems. Sex. By the way, sex is brought to you by Jats.

Jats crackers. Therefore, fuck it.