The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 534 - Warren G Harding - live

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine low ranked president Warren G Harding. Recorded live at the Lincoln Theater in Washington DC  Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch     Athletic Greens  Squarespace Helix Sleep

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Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Here we go. What will it be about? What will it be about? I don't know. I don't know. We've had we've had a couple wild ones. Ruth? No, I swear to God. First of all, I was like, I was like, not a year, but I was like, oh fuck. This is not gonna be easy. This is gonna be... Oh god, that was so amazing. Oh my god, it never heard so many women go... Well, I think you have actually. I think we have. Recent memory holds. November 2nd, 1865. Year of our Lord, Jesus Christ, the Son of God. The only one. That we know of.

When you have that. Yeah, it might be strange. Yeah, God could have been... I was touring. I don't know. I probably got a couple in the Midwest. God, what? It was the... A couple of whiskies. There's a waitress out there. What are you gonna do? I'm God. It was the BC's. Things were different. Warren G. Harding. Oh wow. Got to regulate, huh? Was born in Blooming Grove, Ohio. Okay. As a child, he was nicknamed Winnie. Wow. His mom was a midwife, dad was a farmer and a teacher, and then he became a doctor after, you know, one year of training as is done. They were abolitionists. When

Warren was 11, his dad bought the Arcus newspaper. Jesus Christ, you could just do so much more shit. Yeah. So he's a doctor and he's a farmer, teacher, and he owns a paper. Yeah. Okay. Warren learned the newspaper business at a young age. Then at 14, he went to college and started putting out a small newspaper of his own. Okay, interesting. After he moved to Marion, where he bought the Marion Star newspaper for $300. Wow. Just, what is that in today? That's like a subscription to a paper for a year. Right. At this point. He bought it. Okay. He turned it into a paper that supported moderate Republicans and it started

doing very well. Okay. Interesting. So he's soon the number one paper in town and he would often attack local developers as everybody should do. And he specifically attacked the biggest developer in town, Amos Hall Kling. Wow. Yeah, for sure. Yep. So Kling hates Warren. Yeah. Well, he's fucking his life up, right? Yeah. Yeah. Now, Kling had a daughter named Florence and she worked in his father's business. She knew it very well. She'd often clash with her dad and then he'd whip her with a cherry switch. Oh my God. How old is she? 42. No. I mean, well, there's no roughly. Like how old? She's a teen. She's just, wow, Jesus Christ. There's a lot of

problems there. Yeah, yeah. Working at the paper then and then also, and what was she whipped with? A cherry switch. Right. Sure. You have one. Absolutely. What does it do? It changes cherries to different berries. That's right. Yep. Gonna sort of make it. Well, it changes cherries from the top into the bottom. Sure. Yeah. Don't, I'm not with you, so. No, you have no, you have no idea what the reference is. At 19, she eloped with a guy that her family hated. Okay. Or she may not have eloped. We're not really sure. It was probably just a cover story because she was pregnant. So she said she eloped? She said she eloped, but there's, but potentially that was just, so. It sounds

like she really, she kind of eloped, eloping, like she made up the eloping. Yeah. I like that move. I'm gonna do that. Next time I get guff from assholes like you. Yeah, I got married a month ago. Shut the fuck up. I don't think you know anything about how marriage works. Yeah, I do. Yeah. You trade, you know, cattle for it and stuff. It's a livestock exchange and then you get grains and exchange and then I get it. I've been married. I eloped last week, actually. Don't make me get that cherry switch. Or maybe you should. Now I get it. Now he gets it. So her husband was an alcoholic or her potential fake husband who impregnated her. And then he just left on New Year's Eve, 1882 and he was just gone.

Sure. Well, he made a resolution. You got to stick to it. Done with this. Starting today. She refuses to move back in with her dad. Well, he sounds so could though. Okay. Amos Kling. And she got, she just worked as a piano teacher and she rented out rooms in the house that she had. And then her father eventually offers her a deal. And the deal is that he will take her son and raise him and she just won't be a mom anymore. So she did it. She took it. Yeah. She's a great great. You've been a great father to me. Let's absolutely let's keep that. Let's make this a generational thing. Yeah. Beat him. Beat him a few times for me. Is the craziest part of this story a young person owning property? Well, she's

20. Uh-huh. Sorry. What an old person. So she's pretty old. Yeah. I think most of you guys owned houses at 20. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's easy to get. Absolutely. Boomers are like, yeah. What? She don't have $15,000 for a three bedroom house and a two car garage. Get a better job. Get a better job. This is what? $22,000? Well, you paid $50 for college. So now you can get a house. Yeah. Yeah. Acting like it's so hard to get a house. Lord. So she was freed up. She was a single lady again. Yeah. I'm glad you spun that like a feel good moment. Yeah. Yeah. She's abandoned her child. Yes. Yeah. All right. Well, let's look at the positives. You're right. Yeah. Now she can be a landlord. A win-win. And she met a guy named Warren Hardy. Okay. Now I felt I thought it was

going to go in a little. Yeah. So Montague Capuleti. He's five years older. I thought you were going to say he's five, which would be he's five now. So after four years, they got they got engaged in 1990. And when Kling heard he disowned Florence, Kling thought that there was black blood in the Harding family. Oh, Jesus Christ. I mean, he didn't even like I feel like it was within his character to already disown her. But he was like, the reason he's not pure. Her dad then goes spreading rumors all over Ohio that that Harding has some black ancestry. And then he started pushing businesses to boycott Warren's paper. And then he was black ink word on the street. And then Warren threatened to quote, beat the far out of the little man if he didn't cease. Beat the far

out. It might have been fat. It might have been fat. Beat the fat out of the little man. I mean, the one sounds a little sixties. Let's do far out of him. That's like the cops would say in the sixth. We're going to beat the far out of this hippie. Get all that far out of him. Make him bleed flowers. Okay, so he's going to beat the fat out of him. Now, Warren is Warren's good-looking man. Yes. Yeah. He's very handsome. He's got a thick head of hair. He has a very, very nice voice. He dresses very well. Right. But running running the papers worn him down. Yeah, worn, worn down. Yeah. And he's suffering from exhaustion and nervous fatigue. So he goes to JP Kellogg's Battle Creek Sanitarian. So he was there for weeks and then he would actually go back back to

Battle Creek a few times between 1898 and 1891. He had a lot of stays there. Okay. So Florence and Warren married on July 8th, 1891. Like I said, he wouldn't talk to her, the dad. Oh, I was like, sorry. Yeah, that got weird. So he doesn't talk to her for the rest of this time. It's his wife, but he had a rule. No. So his dad is just like her dad. Right. It's totally seven years. He doesn't talk to her. Right. They never have kids. Okay. Yeah. Warren nicknamed her the Duchess after a cartoon character who kept close watch on the Duke and their money. Okay. So he feels like she's watched frugal. She's done. Well, she's just walked on. Well, she's the brains of the operation. Right. But she's like

business smarts. Like she's kind of on top of all that shit. Yeah. Well, she's the Duchess. Okay. It's very when I was doing research for this, I when we were doing research for I don't act like I just show up to these fucking things. I grabbed a book and I'm reading it and he and it's just like she was dour. She was mean. And then I was like, this is a crazy misogynist. And then you start looking into it. And she was she was like a fucking strong woman. What an asshole. How dare she so all these there's all these stories in history. She was a fucking nightmare. She's like, she kept things on track like a real asshole. She took care of her husband who was having issues like a jerk. She's one of those.

So she she helps run the paper kind of runs it. I hate that type. Stepping up. Such a turnoff. She took over advertising. She took over delivery. And her business sense. What's he doing? He's fucking real good. He's the he's the face. I made wet in my dye dye. All right. Come here, Warren. I'm not braiding the metal horse. And you go like this like where has the paper. So the paper takes off when she's there. And while she's working her ass off of the paper, Warren is fucking her best childhood friend, Susan McGilliam's hotter. Well, well, well. Oh, wow. He's not coming off great. Why? I mean, there's a couple flags. Who he got pregnant allegedly. All right. And then oh boy, there's more.

And then after the affair with Susan ended, he started having an affair with one of her current best friends, Carrie Fulton Phillips. Well, it's nice that he didn't cheat on the one he was cheating with, though. I like a guy who can have half monogamy. Everyone is talking about it in Marion. Like it's like an open secret. Right. She was married to James Phillips, who was one of Warren's friends. So he's fucking someone that they're as a couple of friends with. And the Phillips and the Hardings vacation in Europe together. Oh, boy. While the affair was going on. Oh, God. And Warren and Carrie would have sex on the ship's deck after their spouses went to bed. Wow.

Deckfucks. Yeah, deckfucks. It's kind of it's very naughty. It is. It's like very it's like there's like a brashness to that. They're not like, you know, there's still someone on Anchor Watch or something. You know, someone was like, yeah, he's fucking her again. Yep. Right there. Really giving it to her too. Wonder why they do it in that position. That's called a wheelbarrow, Dan. Oh. I guess it kind of does look like a wheelbarrow. Huh. She got strong arms. Very strong. You need to have tries and buys for that one. Absolutely. But don't overlook Warren's core either. No, for sure. He's got a good core. So there they are together. I mean ladies and then they're the two guys on the right. Okay. Okay. Oh, well, so they're a little older at this point.

Yeah. Yeah. They're older. Okay. We've moved forward quite a bit. So time exists in these. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. So I should mention that Warren named his penis Jerry. And let me show you the picture. No, no, no. No. It's called the Jerry switch. No, you're right to mention that. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So, how do we know? I mean, I was just going to have a little more process time. I didn't necessarily have the follow up teed up. But how, sure. How do we know that Warren referred to his penis as Jerry, Dave? He wrote a ton of dirty letters to Carrie. So Carrie and Jerry, Jerry went inside to Carrie quote Jerry came and will not go.

I'm sorry. What's Jerry's deal? He's just spaghettiing inside. It's a fair question. Sorry, Jerry just doesn't want to leave the party. His ride's not here yet. Says he loves you that you are the only, only love worthwhile in all this world. And I must tell you so. And a score or more of other fond things he suggests, but I spare you. You must not be annoyed. He is so early devoted that he only exists to give you all Jerry. Wait, Eden had signed a Jerry. No, I put that part in. Okay, that would be amazing. So that because then it would just show that Jerry had an ego talking in third person. Yeah. Love Jerry from Warren. Hey, it's Warren and Jerry. Jerry's ready to go. Jerry, Mrs. Carrie. Well, not Mrs. Carrie. He called her

vagina Mrs. Powderson. I have a picture. It's respectful. It's very respectful. So the vagina was married to Dr. Powderson. What were you doing, Mrs. Powderson? Nothing. Smells like Jerry again. Was Jerry here? That horrible heartache penis. The one with a spout. Jerry Harding is actually a kind of a great nickname. Jerry Hardening and Warren Harding. In Carrie. Quote. Who's quoting Jerry? When I saw Ms. Powderson a month ago, she persuaded me, you still loved. I had a really happy day with her. I like there was a minute a while ago when the 30 minutes ago when you started the letter is what it feels like. But where I was like, okay, I mean, there's something now it's just like kind of like she's like, who are all these characters?

I forget. And he named his butthole. No. No. Frank. Oh, man. She would be like, what? What? Frank wants a who-who. Tell Liz Stinky, Frank misses the pinky time. There were some letters with pink, but I just left them out. It was a bit too much. There was some letters with what? There's some pink stuff. Writing, he would write. Is she writing back? Is she like, cool? No. She's, she's, it's a matter of fact, he's just. Carrie. He's writing hundreds of letters. Hundreds of letters? He's literally just sitting in his office like it's like his porn. He's like, and she's just like, Jesus Christ, dude. And she's like, I'm fucking buried. What are you reading? More fan mail. What is he doing? Oh my God.

Who's Jerry? My uncle. And Miss Patterson, friend. And he goes in her? Yep. Yep. Yeah. Jerry is very good friends with Mrs. Patterson. And I think I'm done talking. I think that sums it up. So now, I don't know if this is for sure true, but people believe that Florence could not have sex because she had a serious kidney issue that would just layer out sometimes. And she was treated by a homeopath doctor. Who was like, what was the solution there? Let's put sand on you. Have you tried cinnamon in your mouth? He thought, he thought that her, the doctor thought her kidney would just unblock itself over time. Cool doctor. Medically speaking, let's not do anything. Let the body figure this one out. That's how this all works. The last thing you need is a bunch of

doctors mucking up your kidney. Okay. It didn't. What didn't? The kidney did not unblock. Right. She's bedridden often. She gets close to death several times over the years. She had a kidney removed in 1900. Yeah. So it's she's in 1900 kidney removal was probably no fucking picnic. Yeah, seriously. Now, being a newspaper man, pushing Republicans, Warren was into politics. He was a Republican delegate at the state convention. And what was Jerry? What was Jerry's role? He was sniffing around. At 22, he was. And then he traveled the country as a speaker and support of William McKinley. He ran and became a state senator and then a lieutenant governor of Ohio. Now, Grafton favors are the big thing of the day. And he's really good at that. And he's

very popular. He had like a magnetic quality. Men and women liked him and he's desperate for people to like him. Like he just he's so desperately wants it. His father had once said he was lucky he was not a woman because he'd always be pregnant because he couldn't say no. It's just this whole family's got problems. I mean, that is. Imagine your dad. So you'd be like, thank you, what? Good thing you're not a woman. You'd be pregnant all the time from your yes anding. All right, take care, son. You'd be unable to fuck. Unable to not fuck. Anyway, go play ball with Jerry. Um, so he's still fucking Carrie. Your their their affair is going on for a long time. And Florence is okay. Well, no, okay, great. Thanks. I just want to great. Let's do it. Where are they now?

Florence eventually finds out. Uh huh. Because Carrie sends a love letter to their home. What? I hope Florence would find it. Carrie wants him to get divorced and marry her. Oh, okay. I thought she just wanted the letters to stop. Please. We need to kill Jerry. Mrs. Patterson wants a restraining order. And Florence had known about the previous affair because she said it's not the first time that Warren has been having sex with one of her friends. Yeah, she might have gotten up in the night to pee or something. It was like, Oh, look at him banging her on the deck. She considered filing for divorce, but he he's like, I will end it. And so she agrees to not file for a divorce. I got a feeling he didn't. Oh, Carrie started strolling in front of the

Harding home. This is like a race to who's weirder. Well, that obviously really pissed off Florence. And one time she saw Warren and Carrie talking and he was on the porch and she was on the sidewalk. So Florence came out and started throwing things at Carrie. A duster, a waste basket, a piano stool. Really? She brought a lot of stuff. We were going to have a rummage sale. Carrie backed away and then blew Warren a kiss. Oh, good Lord. And then soon after this, Carrie and her husband moved to Germany. Oh no. What about Mrs. Powderson? Then the husband came back alone and she stayed in Germany. But they're still married. What is okay? What? It's just normal. It's what you did then. You just like,

all right, take care. You live in Germany now, darling. Farewell. I thought this was a thing we were doing. It was. Now you're German. Bye-bye. Warren had become friends with political Ohio political insider, Harry Doherty. Sure. There was just like three versions of a white man. You were the young with a mustache. I think there might have been two or you were this guy or you were just like a guy who looked like you were in the circus. Yeah. Like, I feel like we already saw this guy in this episode. I mean, yeah. Yeah, okay. It's all the same. Yeah. Just like, guess who characters?

Harry said he pushed Warren to one run for the U.S. Senate. Quote, I found him like a turtle sunning himself on a log and I pushed him into the water. By the way, leave those turtles be. I don't think they're necessarily, that's not where we need human intervention. Yeah. Look at him enjoying himself. Get back into the ocean, you dumb turtle. Oh, good thing I was here to stop that. His opponent was a Catholic and that did not go over well with all the clans that's been running about at the time. Oh, for fuck's sake. So just quickly, why is that? The clan hated the Catholics?

Yeah, the clan hates the Catholics. Okay. I don't know. Okay. Yeah. It's just, I mean, I'm sure we can find reasons. Yeah. I'm sure not the right reasons. Yeah. No, it's not. Yeah. They're like, that's not the right racism. We subscribe to a different brand and those Catholics with those weird outfits. Now let's get our sheets and hoods on. Where's the Grand Wizard? A bishop. Cardinal Foolish. Hey, friends. It's all lARPing. Okay. Yeah. It is lARPing. 100%.

A friend said Warren's campaign, campaign speech was quote, a rambling, high sounding mixture of platitudes, patriotism, and pure nonsense. So electable today. He won. Yeah. Absolutely won. Just a bunch of hollow bullshit. Let's vote for him. Now during the campaign, he met a young teenage fan. Oh, God. Oh, no. So to be clear, Kerry in Germany still, is that going on still? Yep. Well, she's there. So it's not going on because she's there. Because he's at Jerry and Mrs. Powders and have the LDR working,

and that's just a little more complicated. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Right. So he obviously goes, teenage. Okay. Great. Fucking Jerry. She was walking by his house one day. That's dangerous. Look out for the stool. Florence. Get me my broom and dustpan. Her name was Nan Britton, and she told him she did. Nan Britton. Nan Britton. Sure. Go ahead. Whatever. B-R-I-T-T-O-N. Either way. I mean, go ahead. I don't want to say it. My British grandmother was called Nan, so it's just a little, I don't love it. Yeah. Yeah. Please keep going.

Please hurry. I mean, please go. I'll read it if you want. Can we just... Why would you ever tell me that? I hesitated, and then I was like, it seems, but it seemed like I probably, I mean, I shouldn't have. You're right. It's a dumb, dumb move. Just like, yeah. No. You've met me, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Horrible idea. Yeah. No, I know. Yeah. I was just like, wow. Hungry tiger? Should I tell it? I have steak in my jacket. So when they bet, she told him that her whole room was decorated in his campaign posters. Oh my god. So it's like a teen boppy politician thing?

Yeah. Like, he's like the Beatles to her. Right. So they stayed in touch. Oh, I bet they did. Which is nice, because she loves politics. And she would come by his office during the campaign. I love your platitudes. And he would have her sit on his lap. Oh, Jesus Christ. And he's in his fifties. Oh, good lord. I mean, what, she's like, what, 16, 17? Yeah, something like that. Oh god. Just the fucking, look at that. I don't even want to think about what Jerry's looking like.

But I've been to the YMCA and it ain't pretty. Anyway, of course, he won the election. He wasn't much of a senator. He missed over two thirds of the votes. What's he doing? And had one of the worst attendance records in Senate history. None of the bills he introduced were significant, but everybody likes him. He's loyal to the party. He tries to keep everyone getting along. But it wasn't all that smooth. A press secretary accused Warren of having sex with her. I like that. I mean, he had sex with a press secretary.

Yeah, but yeah, accused the right. She went, she like said, yeah, he fucked me. Like, you know what? She went out and was like, he did this thing to me. I mean, it was good. I will not stand for these accusations. I'm fucking a teenager. How dare you? The press covered the story, but then it just kind of went away. Like everyone just kind of was like, he's fucking a press secretary. It's a big deal. So there was also Grace Cross, who was apparently an ex-girlfriend who he hired to work in the Senate office. And there were rumors that she had cut him with a knife during an argument they had.

A reporter said Warren had a heart attack while trying to walk up to her apartment. Sorry. Are those separate incidents? She cut him once? Yeah, she cut him once with a knife. And at another time, he was just walking to her apartment and had a heart attack? Up the stairs, yeah. Up the stairs. Okay. If you're having stair walking heart attacks, you should not be fucking this much. I mean, the fact that this guy, this guy, she did, that's why they made the daddy complex. Someone was very excited about that.

Okay. I just can't wait for the picture to change. Well, yeah, we'll get a picture of Jerry up there. One person he did for sure have sex with at this point was Nan. You son of a bitch! Bullshit! She fucked like crazy. Stop whatever you're about to say. She said Warren took her virginity when she was 20 in a New York hotel. He registered under a false name, quote, I remember.

Jerry. Jerry Harder. My name is Jerry Penis. Jerry Hardening. Sam Gonna Come. G-U. G-U. Sam Gonna Come.

Yeah, I thought you were misspelling. G-U-N-N-A-C-U-M. I get it now. I'm gonna gum. Oh, gummed. You guys have, do you guys have vomit bags? Yeah, they're under your seat. Quote. Oh, no, from what you're about to say.

I remember so well I wore a pink linen dress, which was rather short, and enhanced the little girl look. Oh my god, it's just, but the whole thing is that it doesn't even, like, it's not that different now. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's still like a bunch of fucking, yeah, it's not. Yeah, but still, not great. Nice for her to lean in for him though.

He's like, perfect. She finished the sentence, worn, liked that sort of thing. But after they were done with their coitus, stop. The vice squad kicked in the door. All right. Put your hands behind your back and your Jerry between your legs. Coming up out of sin.

By the way, good job, vice squad. Way to let him finish. Couldn't fucking come in on insertion or something, maybe right around there? Had to let it get to there. All right. Has he come? All right, get your guns out, boys. Sounded like he had a big orgasm, sir.

Awesome. Good for him. All right, let's get the warrants out. The cops are to arrest them while Warren said, quote, let this poor little girl go. Oh, Jesus Christ. Why would you say that? Yeah, let this fully formed adult go.

She's dressed like a little girl. And you're like, fantasy was still wrong. Yeah, he's still fetishizing. When the cops realized this was Senator Harding, they quickly apologized. Oh, I'm so sorry, Senator. We didn't realize you were a senator. Nan, quote, upon seeing that name, they became calm immediately, strangely respectful with drawing very soon.

So what led them there then? While probably checking into the hotel, the guy at the desk was like, he's an old man fucking a girl. Right. And then they're like, sorry, we didn't realize you were a senator. Now it's fine. Have at it. Go, sir.

At least all this stuff is stopped. Kerry had, now Kerry returns from Germany. They start screwing again, of course, Kerry and him. Now, there's a decent chance Kerry is now working as a German spy. What happened to her in German? I mean, I guess I know what happened to Germany. She fell. She was definitely in a relationship with a German intelligence guy.

That's right. It's time. Her husband. Oh, yes, that's right. You're married. Her husband turned to letters she got from Germany over to U.S. intelligence services. We've got to find this Mrs. Powder.

If we find her, we could crack this whole thing wide open. And she has other connections. It's very much sounds like she's doing the business. She's doing, okay. And Nan is still in the picture. Jesus Christ. This is really who Warren got pregnant while having sex with her in the couch in the Senate office. Oh, God.

Couch babies. And at one point, Warren wrote to Kerry that he didn't approve of her war attitude during World War One. In another letter. Why can't you just be more of a pacifist like that, Mrs. Powderson? In another letter, he said he was upset. She had switched from sex to discussing the war and quote, you suddenly threaten me with exposure to the Germans. Wait.

Why does he, oh, he, oh, okay. Because, right, because of his position, he feels like she, by talking, he's like, for God's sakes, can we just stay on the topic that's awesome? Fucking. The War Department Military Intelligence Chief asked Senator Harding what he knew about the Phillips and their loyalty to America. By 1918, the Justice Department was tracking Kerry's visits to Warren. Okay.

So, Warren threw his hat in the ring, of course, to run for president. Right. Perfect. Obviously. In 1920, but he didn't do well in the primaries. Fucking A. Yes, his campaign slogan is American America first. What was the first time that was used?

I thought like that was like much later that that started, like Nixon, Reagan. Well, no, they, I mean, Hitler took everything from us. So that's a. Do you think Kerry told Hitler about this stuff? Is that what you're saying? So two other candidates have the vast majority of delegates when they go to the convention. And that's a problem. So the convention is split between these two delegates.

Oh no. And then there's a lot of bad blood between the two camps. So they want to bring the party together and all the heavy hitters have this fucking meeting. Oh no. By enclosed doors and suddenly Harding is the leading candidate. Hey, what do you know? I'm a lucky guy. His campaign had been so vague.

People thought he both supported and was against the League of Nations, which was the big issue at the time. So all of the delegates fall in line and he's suddenly the Republican nominee. Wow. His affair with Kerry now ends because she had been holding out for marriage. But now she's like, well, if you're actually running for president, you're never going to leave your wife. Right.

And he, he, his wife is okay. He tried to run it in 1916, but she stopped him by saying, I'll, I'll reveal all the letters. I have all the letters that you wrote me. Nobody will know who Jerry is. A guy might be talking about a dog. So Kerry. And Florence at this point, I mean, what is she's just like, how is work?

Well, Kerry, Kerry, I mean, sorry, Florence runs the campaign. So again, do it right machine. Right. Okay. So, so this was a time when like our presidential nominees were just kind of like actors propped up by people behind them who were just kind of make like covering for their flaws. And they were saying like kind of vacuous platitudes in order to not offend people and then not really make any promises.

And since they didn't really make any promises, they weren't held to do anything. Yeah. So it's like, yeah. Okay. So this is, okay. So it's totally a totally different era in time. Totally different. Right.

Okay. So weird. So now Kerry also had found out about Nan. That's another reason that she wanted to edit. You were cheating on me who you were cheating on Florence with. And Nan also has a nine month old daughter now. Oh, Jesus Christ. And he has them in an apartment in Chicago and he's paying, he's paying child support.

He never sees his daughter. Oh my God, this guy. The payments to Nan were hand delivered by a secret service agent. Well, they are a secret. So he's been, I mean, it's just basically hush money, essentially. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Because nobody knows. Nobody knows about that. And does he still see Nan, even though she's living in Chicago? I think she comes to DC and they have the sex and then she goes back. Gotcha. Thank you for being so nice about it. Yeah. Perfect.

Yep. So once he gets the nomination, Kerry's like, I want money. Okay. Warren wrote her that if he was in the White House, he would be able to pay her the amount she wanted. God dang. So he's basically trying to make a deal. Don't. Just let, yeah, just hush up until I get elected.

Shut up. Yeah. Once I get in there, I'll be able to pay you. But if I don't get her, I won't be able to pay you. Right. What a great presidential promise. Quote, if you think I can be more helpful by having a public position and influence, I will pay you $5,000 a year in March each year.

So long as I am in that public service. And Kerry said, there's no fucking way that's enough. So he has to go to the GOP officials and tell them about the affair with Kerry and that she has hundreds of very naughty letters that he's written, many on Senate stationery. Oh, what an idiot. Many written by his secretary. To Lord's pen letter, please. Dear Mrs. Patterson.

Jerry is ready. So what? I mean, it's just so fucking careless. Like, I mean, it's Senate stationery. Can you imagine a guy paying a total sex creep nudo and being careless in politics? No, not in this day and age. Not in my Washington, D.C. It's a higher standard now.

So the Republican Party chairman is fucking furious. Why didn't I think of that? I mean, wait, sorry. That's bullshit, you fool. So he goes to Marion and negotiates with the Phillips, both of them. Wait, he goes to Marion? Ohio, where the Phillips are. Oh, okay, sorry, I thought that was a person.

Negotiates with them. Look, look, look, look. We all want you to get your fuck-bucks. We just... We think you're asking for a lot. You're not going to be able to prove that the letters on Senate stationery written by Warren G. Harding are from him? I mean, you got this old Jerry character in the mix.

The party gave Phillips, the Phillips, 25,000 and a trip to the Far East for the rest of the campaign. Wow. And then they would get $2,000 a month for as long as necessary. Well, I mean, I like that she's still married to her husband through this. She's like, we're getting a vacation? Pretty cool. All right.

Where we go? Far East? I've always wanted to go there. That's pretty cool, huh? Awesome. Worked out great. That's really... So with Kerry gone, he kicks off the campaign. All right, let's do this.

And... He kicks off the campaign. And he's the first guy to use, like, celebrities on the campaign trail. Who are celebrities of this day? Al Jolson. Oh, wow. You forget how crazy racist everything is. I didn't put it up there, but just...

Yeah, that is the worst. It's just blackface, blackface, blackface. That's what he did. People are like, this guy's really great. You love it. This is fine. Who else? Douglas Fairbanks, Barry Pickford.

Sure, all the stars. Thomas Edison and Henry Ford and other businessmen endorsed him. The press lapsed it up. And Florence was really the machine behind the campaign. Florence was the machine. There we go. So, she, like, works the relationship with the press. At first, she answered...

She was the first, like, potential first lady to ever answer questions. Like, she just went out there and, yeah, go ahead. What the hell is she doing out there? This is a woman! What is she doing? She's taking questions. Do we throw rocks at her? What do we do?

Get the piano bench. She always made sure food was being delivered to the press office, which was a bungalow that they built on their property in Marion. Wow. Florence was so on top of press stuff that she taught Warren to wave the right way for newsreel cameras.

Ugh, so hard. Ugh. I keep doing this. No, no, no. Straighten it out. Um, okay. Pretend your hand is Jerry seeing Mrs. Powderson. Better.

Better. Uh... Oh, God. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no. Freeze. You had it earlier. You had it earlier. Just that. No, no, no. Don't starfish it. Just that.

And then back and forth. Like I'm rubbing Mrs. Powderson. Yes. This is all incredibly difficult. Nope. I'm going to ask you to stop, and I want you to. Ha ha ha ha.

Good Lord. Ha ha ha. If only I had a working kidney. I mean another, I guess. No one's going to understand what happened when they listened. Ha ha ha. But I did something very naughty.

Um... So... Warren is actually super popular with women. He supported... He supported Suffrage. Okay. I support a woman's right to choose to have sex with me,

hopefully. They need the freedom to leave their husbands for the afternoon to come to my office. I'll vote for you if you fuck me. He's good looking. He's photogenic. Is he? Yes.

I mean, that's what they all say. Look, it was a lower bar back then. Everything I've seen is like Adam's fan. I mean, he's not... I'm not saying he's hideous or anything, but he just looks like an old dude. I think back then you were just like, oh, symmetrical. Look at that. Teeth and eyes.

Whoa. Hello. Holes in the normal places. Wow. Yeah, so he's good looking. His opponent is Ohio Governor James Cox, who is not good looking.

I'm going to get the vote in August, 1920. Oh, God. Right on time for Warren. Well, you haven't done a great job. We have. We've been carrying the weight. Yeah, really, it's gone well. Huge crowds

poured into Marion to see Warren. The campaign got ugly. Rumors spread that Warren's great-great-grandfather was black. Of all the fucking things to, like, bust this guy on. I know, right? There's so much shit.

We found a scandal. Oh, is it the letters? What did they find out? No, Warren. No, it's so much worse. You have a drop of black blood in you! Oh, my Lord. Yeah, so they're denying it.

The campaign manager said, quote, no family in the state has a cleaner, than the hardings. A blue-eyed stock from New England and Pennsylvania, the finest pioneer blood. It's like talking about a horse. Yeah, he's pure! Our boy is pure!

Blue eyes. I can't believe where the Germans get that stuff. Carrie. Really interesting. Mmm. Let's put a pin in that. But in the end, it doesn't matter.

With women now voting, he won 61% of the vote. So, I mean, but this is just pretty much, like, I wouldn't say failing, but just, like, mediocrity, just, I mean, very, again, dissimilar to what we have now. We're just, like,

a nothing. Yeah. A hollow husk filled with anything. A corporate pinata. Now, 61% for presidential elections,

that's just a total slaughter. He's super popular. He picked a bunch of guys, rich guys from Ohio to be in his cabinet, Andrew Mellon, Herbert Hoover, and then he picked, sorry, and then he picked his buddies from Ohio. They helped get him elected

and they wanted some rewards. And they became known as the Ohio Gang. We've got one of the most diverse cabinets in this nation's history. We have over three mustaches. Half of us are bald. We've got guys who don't cross their legs and guys who cross their legs. We've got white men with bow ties

and white men with regular ties. Oh, you're not going to find a diverse cabinet like this just anywhere. Well, Tom over there almost speaks Spanish. I will not allow that in the record. Sorry, Tom. So the Ohio Gang went right to work

and just started stealing from the government. Good. Finally. Perfect. No one knows how much war and new. A lot of people think he didn't know anything about what was going on. Which is possible. Harry Dardi, who we from before,

he later said he pushed for Warren as president because he looked like one. Though he thought Warren was a quote dimwit. I mean, it's just like there's part of it that

well, it's just no, it's okay. It's just it's not easy. But hold on, let me get this out ass hole. Oh, no. It's like I just keep thinking like Reagan was this vacuous

actor and that's where like the but it's just always the attempt has always just been to have the empty person that you can just fill with corporate greed. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. All right. Great. Just wanted to make sure. And

and war war knows he's not the brightest. He he's confused by taxes. Oh, so he's like a W. The hell's going on. He's confused. How can we got to give it back? I don't understand. Why don't we pay it? Okay.

He's confused by foreign affairs. You mean other countries are fucking other countries while married to different countries. They're having affairs. What's their fetish? I like a little negligee where you can see just underneath.

He has no clue about the economy. No, he just doesn't understand it. I'd rather not. That's something I'm tasking Jerry with. He'll figure all that out. Oh, he says tax cut. Here he comes.

He did enjoy he did enjoy getting letters from people that people would write. And so he spent a ton of time answering mail, which usually like the worst. It's usually done by staff. Well, and just like crazy for this to be like, gosh, do you think that that's a stamp? Like, no, that's

his fucking sick. That's a long letter. Yeah. Thank you so much, Penelope. It's pretty good being the president. I don't know. You don't have to do that much. You just surround yourself with a bunch of other guys and they do a lot of it. My favorite thing to do is play darts in right letters.

What are you doing? Tell me about your world. What are you wearing? What are you wearing? Do you want to be pen pals with my friend Jerry? Are you creeped out? Check yes or no. Do you like that this is on presidential letterhead?

Yours foolishly Warren G. Harding pervers-pre-president president. Right back. Yes. Send me some of your socks after you've been sweating in them.

I like to put them in my mouth when I go to bed. PPS. PPS. PPS. Here's some of my bathwater. What's your fetish? I'm in charge. Love you.

Oh, another one. Oh, this is a president. Hard. Now Florence believed the White House should be accessible so she opened it up for tours. Oh God, that's not good. And Warren like to

personally greet people who came to visit the White House. Hello. And would spend hours talking to them. How are you? What's going on? No, you're really not keeping me from anything. What's your question? I don't know how that works, honestly. The economy's

always been a bit of a problem for me. I don't love that one or these foreign affairs. I love my wife, Florence. What do you guys feel like doing now? Want to play state capitals? I'm not good at it. PPS. So

this is a way the Ohio gang took advantage of him. He's just not fucking there. He's not involved. They knew he wouldn't get involved and he wanted, he wants everyone to like him. So he wants the Ohio gang to like him. My approval ratings have never been higher with that group of people who came into

the White House today. Another person who visited the White House a lot was Nan. Oh boy. Warren liked to screw her in a closet. Jesus Christ. Quote. Oh no.

What the fuck? Who is this a quote from? Nan. This was a closet in the ant room. Which I don't know what that is. ANTE room. That's where they kept the ant farms. That's what? It's like...

These are my favorite moments of these with four people. Four people like, it's a room next to it's inside of a, there's a room. It's next to the Uncle Suite. So it's a room before... It's a room before another room. So it's the anterior, yeah. It's amazing.

They're just like, that makes sense. So it's like a pre-lobby. Why don't we just call it a pre-lobby? No, it's not. It's a post-lobby. But it's a... Don't even. It's not? It's... It's a waiting room. Before Flyay, post-

lobby, anterior, pre-post- terrier. Have you never been in the fucking White House? Ha ha ha ha. Why the fuck do you just call it a waiting room? Because he's fucking in it. Ha ha ha.

Okay. Quote. Evidently a place for hats and coats. We were paired there many... There is hat today. He doesn't like his chapeau. We were paired there many times.

And in the darkness... Paired there? It's a square dance. Hey, ah! Now, don't see fuck. And the darkness of a space no more than five feet square, the president and his adoring sweetheart made love.

Oh, yes. Anytime it's fucking a dark closet. It's making love. You're in here still, right? Awesome, awesome. Oop, think I dipped in Frank. Sorry, it's very dark in here. Oopsy poopsy.

A Warren had a secret service agent who would stand guard. Oh, my god. And if Florence came, he would knock on the door. What if Warren came? Ha ha ha ha. He was supposed to blow a horn. So if she comes,

then the guy's just like... And then he's like... Oh, god. Well, I think I finally talked to Turkey into that negotiation. Oh, Florence. Hello. I was just in the closet doing some stuff from other countries.

What are you doing in here? Huh? It's glue. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. What? Ha ha ha. It's what's happening.

Ha ha ha ha. But the closet set... The closet sex ended when a... When Warren finished. When another secret service agent tipped off Florence and she made a B-line for the closet but was held off by the agent guarding the closet.

No, no, no. He's in there negotiating an important stimulus package. Actually, that's pretty true if you really think about it. You stay there, you. No, no, no. And then what does he do? Then he's just like... Well...

I guess I didn't think about this part. I was just in the closet. All the brooms are there. So that's good. What's up with you? How have you been? You don't hang out in some of these awesome

closets in the White House? I just assumed. So... There's... I don't know what the fuck this thing is because there's two exits to the closet. And one entrance. So it's almost like a secret passage kind of thing.

So... Florence, she's being held off by the... So she runs around to the other side and when that happens, the agent opens the door and gets Nan out and Warren ran to his office to pretend like he had been working the whole time. Let me smell your balls!

And by the way, he doesn't even know how to pretend work. He's just like, I gotta return a letter. Oh, hello. I'm just running back to people. That was close. Now she knows it's for real. I was just fucking you in the closet. Thank you, Nan.

So the closet had two doors going in. Yeah, one for each room. It's a dangerous closet for the most part, but then it's also a genius closet. A great place to fuck. It's a perfect place. Right. God forbid. Now, these are obviously

not the only women Warren is having sex with. He is a freak. How old are we talking at this point? He's in his 50s. 50s in just a bang machine. The Washington Post quote, he had assorted other flings including one with Rosa Hoyle said to have conceived

an illegitimate son and one with Augusta Cole whose pregnancy by Harding was terminated. He bedded a Washington Post employee known as Miss Alicott and former chorus girls Maze Haywood and Blossom Jones

all procured by Harding's crony Washington Post publisher and owner Ned McLean. So this man is procuring chorus girls to take to the White House? Yeah, he's probably, I would assume you would usually like to meet the president

and brings him in and then... He must be busy. Nope. Nope, he's playing with boats in his tub. Well, unless he's in the closet. Yes, he might be in his closet. You should go meet him in there. And then there's a string of New York women including one who committed suicide

after Harding wouldn't marry her and another who had a stash of incriminating love letters purchased by Harding's loyalists. How the fuck... How does he not learn the lesson about the love letters? He's already paying off Carrie.

I truly think that it is like his version of porn. Like, he's got an addiction. Right. He gets off writing the letters. I don't think he can stop himself. He's clearly a fucking sex addict of some kind. Oh, I don't agree with that. But, yeah,

I mean, it is just crazy. He's not doing anything. No, he's not. He's just banging and writing about banging. And making appearances. Right. And being like, hello! Do you like the White House? Don't go in that room! He once told a room full of shocked reporters

at the National Press Club. I like to bang. Quote, it's a good thing I am not a woman. I would always be pregnant. I can't say no. The reporters were like... abortion laws would be a little different if he could. The reporters were like, is that on the record?

What's on the record? Write whatever you like. Doom-de-doom-de-doom. I love it. Love the wheelbarrow. Great. But look, Harding is such a bad president

that he is not known for the affairs. As much he is for all the scandals that happened in his administration. Now, the things he did do, we give him credit for the 40-hour work week, improve healthcare for new mothers. By the way, both of those you could argue would be selfish.

He's like, I work too much. I got a lot of kids out there. Let's pass all that stuff. But he admitted he was not equipped for the job. Quote, I am not fit for this office and never should have been here. That is fucking amazing. There is something about that.

You just wish you could still hear that. You could just hear Biden like, I don't know what day it is. They made me do this. All right. Good. Good, good, good. I don't understand. They just keep putting Ray-Bans on me.

Telling me to say, come on, guy. Oh, God, is that the Easter Bunny? Oh, no. Come on, guy. I don't want to eat anymore ice cream. Oh, fuck. My tongue don't work. Okay.

I just had a vaccine. See, oh, that's not a vaccine. So the thing about Harding is, is he looks like a president. He has like a straight and essential casting look. Sure. Which is, I mean, it really is just amazing how effective that all is.

Did you delete the story? No, I just moved it. I just moved it because, sorry, a message popped up. I tried to make it go away and I fucked up. No, right back. We got time. You want to write a letter? No, I want it to go away and I want it, there we go.

Why is this here now? Get the fuck out of here. You guys should see, oh, it was fun to watch. Jesus Christ. It's like you put an iPad and more of Gene Harding's lap. No, they... There's a bunch of demon words inside of my... My paper's moving. My paper moved.

There's women on here I should... Jerry got a paper cut. Long time friend, Harry Daugherty was appointed Attorney General, even after Warren was strongly warned not to make him Attorney General. Okay, I will.

Can I have sex soon? Warren just said, Harry had been his best friend forever, so he gets whatever job he wants. What are you talking about? He's a good buddy. He'll do it. I don't think you guys know how presidenting works. Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to write a bunch of letters back to my fans. These guys are just always trying to make me work and stuff. It's just the worst. We want to be prison anymore. I just want to fuck. Oh, so it's... Harry'll help.

What's an Attorney General? He can do that. I think he's the... Attorney General of Lawyers. Oh, and a lawyer is? So, Harry quickly sets up what's basically an influencing peddling office

in the Justice Department. One of the Justice Department's main task was to intimidate any mistress who threatened to blackmail Warren Harding. I mean... Fucking Christ. I just... It's like...

Why did we return to this version of it all? Not that we ever got far, but it felt like there was a time when it was... I'm not even going to say it. What are you talking about? It felt like there was a time when they told you in school what it was, but it's always been this. No, not even that, but it just was...

It's so obvious. It's not even... Great. I mean, it's not great either way. There's no winning version. There's history. First of all, I will not admit to that. I think we've shown

my acumen for history pretty well on this podcast. Yes. Starting with President Benjamin Franklin. One of our greatest presidents. One of our greatest presidents. And our first astronaut? Benjamin Franklin. Yes. Absolutely.

He's the one who discovered cheese on the moon. Thank God he did, because then he gave it to Andrew Jackson. Yeah. Moon cheese. So besides intimidating mistresses, Harry is also running

illegal booze and drugs. Wow. Finally, a redeeming quality. That's Attorney General. Now at the center of the whole bootlegging operation is a guy named Jess Smith. He's not a Justice Department employee or volunteer,

but he used official Justice Department cars and staff and sat in on private meetings with FBI Director Billy Burns. Wow. He's just buddies with Harry. Right. And the first lady also really likes him.

He was Florence's favorite escort to events when the president couldn't go. Which would be a lot of the time. You go. I'll just hang out in the closet if that's okay with everybody. Smith through the Justice Department Justice Department, Smith had

access to confiscated whiskey. Some of that went straight to the White House. Some of it also went to what Smith and Harry called their love nest, where they had parties. Wow. And the Ohio Gang helped Smith cover all this up whenever possible, because they were all getting

booze in good times. Right. Right. He's their fucking party guy drug dealer. Right. He's the guy Madison Cawthorn's afraid of. Right. So the Hardings had poker night once a week in the White House.

I think he had poker night a lot of other times. Warren served booze and Florence mixed the drinks. This is just not, I mean this is just like it sounds like 10 Downing Street during the pandemic. It's just like it's nothing more than just like

yeah, God, big president is pretty hard. Let's get drunk and play cards again. Gosh, I really want to bang. Oh, let's eat meats. I love it. I got to write letters. Everyone having fun? What are we doing tomorrow? Why don't I get

the day off? We shouldn't have to work this much. I don't hate presidenting. He, you know, it's just, of course prohibitions on and they're just drinking in the White House. Oh, it is prohibitions? Yeah, that makes sense.

He loves to drink. I'm different than the regular people. At one point he was hammered during a meeting with railroad union workers in the Oval Office during a strike in 1922. Yeah, of course. For some reason

the meeting got very heated. You guys don't even understand what a railroad is. You never even been inside of a train before. Of course I have. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you guys. The truth is

lately I've been getting drunk completely. No, okay, nothing. Sorry. Nothing. You guys are sons of bitches. Who brought your hair? Who's that? You want to go to the closet? No. Come on, buddy.

I'll show you how to run a train. I'll show you how to run a train. You want to know something fucked up? No. I'm the fucking president of the United States. Want to know what I call my dick? No. Want to guess? No.

Jerry. God damn it. Yeah. Oh, by the way, Warren voted for a commission. Not for me though, right? So as it goes on,

he enjoys being president less and less. And he became very depressed. Depressed. Florence was, of course, ill and she really got, it hit her hard

around this time. They didn't even know what to do. Then Warren's health went downhill. He had a terrible flu in January 1923. He's very tired after for months. If you can imagine someone getting sick and

being tired for months. Dave, I don't think any of us appreciate you just, you know, kind of injecting your personal political beliefs in this. I mean, we all came here to escape and have a good time. You know, you believe I'd like to see some evidence.

Yeah, okay. You will. Thank you. Give it a year. You're doing it again. You're doing it again. So he loved to golf and he would golf, you know, 18 holes all the time, but now he could barely golf 9 holes. Oh, that's how you know a president is sick.

I can only do half of the job of golf. His skin had a very unhealthy look. He had very high blood pressure and many experts now believe he had a serious heart condition. Now, Charles Forbes was his pick as

director of the Veterans Bureau and he was illegal selling government supplies to private contractors at insanely low prices and rolling in kickbacks. Nice. So Charles called him into the Oval Office. Charles called him into the Oval Office.

Sorry, Warren. I mean, it's pretty egregious if he's like, get the president in here. Boy, you look really good behind that desk, pal. That's what I write letters to strangers. Warren called him into the Oval Office, grabbed him by the throat

and called him a double crossing bastard. Forbes immediately booked passage for Europe and resigned. That seems so out of character, though. He doesn't know that anyone's committing any crimes or doing anything. I know, but that seems, but he figures

this one out and he's like, that's disgusting. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting that he like found a breaking point. He's like, illegalities under my administration? Get me an illegal whiskey. I need to call my nerves. A month later,

his assistant and this is Forbes' assistant and the general counsel of the Veteran of Bureau's Affairs shot himself in the head. Jesus. So

rumor mills are going crazy and then Smith was found shot in the head in Harry's apartment in his pyjamas with his head in a wastebasket and a pistol in his hand. What? Smith's documents had been destroyed.

Warren had a long emotional meeting with him the day before. What are you insinuating? I'm not insinuating anything. That could be that he killed himself. It could be that someone put a wastebasket on his head and shot him.

Either version is a little I mean, yeah, okay. I won't speculate. Then word of another problem came. The secretary of the interior, Albert Fall, he got control of a few oil reserves including teapot dome and had them transferred

to the interior department and then he leased it to private companies. There was no bidding and they all got loans in return but the loans were never documented so they're bribes. Nice, nice. That's the system working.

Again, Warren looks awful but now he couldn't run away to Kellogg sanatorium. I feel like he probably could. Yeah, he probably could. I'm going to the diaper building. Bring me a Kellogg. I want a Kellogg room.

Give me that bull in my dye dye. Warren said quote, my God, this is a hell of a job. I'm not even doing it. I have no trouble with my enemies but my damn friends, they're the ones that keep me walking the floor

at night. He decided to make a three week tour of Alaska for both political and health reasons. It was called the journey of understanding. Man, I just I'd so fucking great that they I mean, that could be today.

You could easily put Biden on a journey of understanding through Alaska for three fucking weeks. Easily. Still be like, how am I going to show the processing? Where's the grass? At this point he had all the conditions of heart disease.

At the end of the three week tour, while on a train he became very ill with fever, abdominal pain and couldn't eat. And he had three doctors with him. He could still bang a little. There's Jerry too if this goes bad. One of the doctors was Charles Sawyer.

Jesus. He's the homeopath. He had almost no training. He had built a popular sanitarium and had a big following. Imagine. He'd known the Hardings for years and was their family doctor.

And he was the guy who was like, we don't need to intervene with Florence's kidney. Yeah. She'll pop it out if it's going bad for her. That's how this works. Florence, he'd been treating her for the chronic kidney disease.

It's 12 or 20 years now. Another doctor was like, take it out for God's sake. And she's like, okay, I will. But everything else you've got. You've got a good track record with this stuff. After she had another brush with death in DC, he had come to live with them.

He thinks you can't live without Charles. Sure. When Warren then became president, Charles was appointed Surgeon General and Warren then made him Brigadier General and he loved it and he had a special uniform made and wore it everywhere.

Oh my God. What a little... What a little fancy boy. All other doctors considered him to be a ridiculous joke. As Warren's doctor, when Warren is feeling ill, he's adamant that he's not

have a bad heart. It's not your heart, Warren. And he clearly has a bad heart. No, I wouldn't agree with that at all. It's definitely not his heart. Let me ask you this. Why aren't you wearing a medical doctor outfit? You know what I'm saying?

If you're so sure it's his heart. It's his kidney that's doing this to him. We got to put the old one back in. What? Thank God I kept it. Nope. I've had a decoupage. I'm not interested.

Okay. Permission to leave. Granted, I'll talk to myself. Permission granted. Charles just kept saying that Warren had indigestion. It's just tummy bubbles. He drank some pop. Other DC doctors said it was

clearly cardiovascular. That's not even a word. You assholes. So, Charles was on the trip to Alaska with Warren. You're fine, Warren. And then Warren became really ill and everything pointed to a heart attack.

So Charles said it was food poisoning from crab meat. Yep. What we've got is a crab issue. I told you not to eat that with all your indigestion. He was taken to the Palace Hotel in San Francisco and other doctors were sent for.

So now there's five doctors looking after him. He clearly has heart issues and he's having a gallbladder attack and then he got pneumonia and then he died. What did he eat? Whoever gave him that crab has assassinated the president.

He was 57. Wow. Okay. Yeah, it felt like, yeah, he really he really fit a lot of fucking in. Yeah. Those were his last words. Give me something to pork. Hurry.

Anything. Now Florence refused an autopsy and had him embalmed very quickly. Nice. The country is shocked and they still, like, they hit so they all everyone still loves him

and they blame the doctors. On what grounds? How long into his presidency is this? Well, it's fuck, I didn't write down that. It's 23, I think. So it's three years in. Okay. Really?

You had a great run. A lot, yeah. Very, I packed a lot in it. So because the people are so mad and they loved him so much they started blaming the doctors and saying the doctors poisoned him or Florence poisoned him. Okay. Nobody's believing a heart attack?

Everyone's like, who gave him the crab is the question. Who crabbed him? Now, Gaston means con man from episode 293. Oh, nice. Wrote a book titled The Strange Death of President Harding

and claimed that Florence had poisoned him. Wow. It's been going on for a long time against Florence. Now, after he died Florence rushed back to DC and destroyed tons of documents that showed her role

in the presidency. Wow. That is such a... She must have known all of the scandals that were coming. Oh, okay. I was going to say that felt like a very, like... I mean, it's just very strange to be like I was basically the president. No one could know.

But then she was like, right, actually, no one could know. Fuck. Holy shit. She is now considered to have been a full partner in the presidency. She died in 1924 and was buried beside Warren. And he had all of his mistresses buried

on top of him. I was just going to say, yeah. She was just like her casket Wisconsin like, no. No. Come on. Please. One more. So... Jerry didn't die. So after he dies, tons of scandals break,

including the teapot dome scandal, which is one of the few scandals we've learned about in school they're like, the teapot dome! It's one of the greatest corruption scandals in history. But now most historians consider him to be one of the worst, if not the worst president in history.

The worst? Yeah. When did they come up with that? Yeah. I would... That had to be like a while ago. Look, half of historians think that Reagan was a great president. So they're a bunch of fucking idiots.

But what is also amazing is like the idea of your... like, it is... I mean, ideally you do die before your scandals. But now we don't give a fuck if you outlive your scandals.

Like, George W. Bush still sits in Crawford, fucking dog-arting. And just like every now and then being like, I went on Ellen! You know? And like, Jenna Bush hosts the Today Show. Just drinks margaritas.

I mean, she wasn't ever president. Well, a lot of people think she was running it behind the scenes. That she Florence did. Sources Washington Post. Wall Street Journal. Constitution Center. Smithsonian. Britannica.

Encyclopedia.com. PBS. And the nation's worst president. Question mark. Warren G. Harding and Woodrow Wilson compared review by Robert Farrell. APPLAUSE Why'd you do this one in DC?

Um... I mean, softball question, Dave. Go ahead. Will we ever have a good president again? No. Is it possible? I mean, FDR was as close as we have, but he also did... No, I mean, if you're going forward, is there...

No. No, no way. How? I mean, like a total revolution. Would we just get rid of it? Well, then we wouldn't have a president, hopefully. Yeah. It's a fucking...

We'd have a king. It is a horrendous system of government. Yeah, it is. They have fucking crazy old religious people who are now for life that we can and can't do. It's fucking crazy.

It's insane. APPLAUSE I think the real criminals are the people who stood in front of their houses. LAUGHTER Let them be private citizens, guys. Unbelievable. We're actually headed there after the show.

We're gonna... APPLAUSE So, let's go. Thank you guys so much for coming out. We appreciate it, truly. Thank you. Love you, mean it. Thank you.

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