The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 548 - Governor Charles Martin - Live

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Oregon Governor Charles Martin. Recorded live in Portland.   RedBubble Merch Sources  Tour Dates

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rainbow today is that what it was? Yeah we saw a lot of our fans out there for the Rainbow Man episode and we really wanted to say thank you to you guys. That was a great episode. I just knew you guys would have a whole street. No and there's been so many but to just shut down streets just for no. For one episode is crazy. One episode yeah. There's other episodes. Yeah. I mean but you know. It was wild. No happy pride obviously. Hello up there. How's it going? Not great seats. Sort of like peeping Tom and Jane up there. Sort of just like we'll watch them. Don't look down. Don't look down my top. Yeah. Look up his bottom. Always. There you go.

Smush them together. You like that? Yeah. Real hot. I thought only I got that. I got some sweet sweet taters. Yeah. Now the small talk's coming babe. Smushing your boobies calling them taters. I'm also an escort. Wow. I'll tell you. Talk about a turnaround. You've really gone from zero to hero. This is great now here. Cleaving escort. That's awesome man. Good for you. I mean I'm doing the show here and then I work for another four hours. Wow. You got another show. What you knew what you're stripping. You're just a one-on-one. Just a one-on-one. So you got a John tonight. Yep. You're gonna go with your John and then whatever happens

happens now. Now is that the sort of situation where you're getting like sexual right away or is it kind of up to you. It's kind of a dealer's choice. How you feel. It's up to them. It's up to them. But your price just increases. We can watch Netflix or we can get right into it. Right. Wow. That's awesome. Good for you. That's so cool. Yeah. Mash those taters. That's right. That's actually my show on my name. Yeah. Mash those taters. Mash those taters and lay a little gravy on them. Yeah. There we go. Gravy on them mash taters. See. Seats are getting better. The show's for you now. These people have the shitty seats now. Yeah. Oh man. I could talk about your

taters all night. You know that. I mean I think we all could. Yeah. Talk about a hot spot. Right. In between that set of taters. That's the hot spot. Thank you for masking up. Yeah. Appreciate it. Yeah. Just took a guilty sip. She was like I picked a horrible time to take a sip. She was like I add it on until he. Hello. This allows I mean compromise people to come. It allows people to come who have someone in their household is what going through cancer or whatever treatment. So you know this is what we should be doing. Yeah. Where's your mask you elitist asshole. You're listening to the dollop. This is an American history podcast or each week I. Owner of a dog with a hot spot. Fingernail clipper owner.

Man with many masks. Dave Anthony reads a story from American history. Only your fucking driver. To my driver. God damn it. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. I'm not your driver. You drive Steve van Seagal and I sit in the passenger seat. Not all the time and entertain you. Oh my God. This is such bullshit. For those of you who didn't know we did name our van Steve van Seagal off of suggestions. We drive and live in a van together. When we started this show it was about how crazy America used to be and was becoming. And now we drive in a van with a bed together. No toilet. People who have toilets in their camper vans are criminals. Yeah. We just have a bucket. Particularly

couples because that means one is shitting. How's your pooping Barbara. That's kind of tough while you're shifting. Well I didn't design the roads did I. Action. Yeah go ahead. Action Dave. August 8th. October 1st 1863. Year of our Lord. Jesus Christ. Son of God. Charles Henry Martin was born near Grayville Illinois. Nice one person ambivalently into it. He was the third of 10 kids. His father was a stubborn fucker. Enjoyed the parking. Though there was porking. Them taters. Oh yeah. His father was a stubborn ex-military man. Charles went to public schools and then to Ewing College for two years. But then that changed when his two older brothers drowned in the Wabash River. Jesus. At different times

you know one was drowning the other went in to save him and they both drowned. I'm really glad I asked the follow up. I don't know why. Why would I do that. Could you make it a little more depressing. Of course I can. But now he moved up in the rankings. Dave stop. Like he jumped. Stop. Jump to. Now you're my fourth favorite. That's the good news. After his father demanded that Charles serve his country. Okay. So I guess the older boys were going to serve the country doing the family. Right. Carrying on the military brass. Now he has to do it. So he was accepted into the US Military Academy at West Point. But he got homesick and he was miserable and then he was expelled after two years. Okay. Nice. But dad pulls

some strings and then he was let back in. But he didn't want to be there. So he was like don't worry I set it up so you can go back. He's like dad it was hell. You get another chance son. Thanks dad. We really don't want you home. Have we made that clear. Stay there please hurry. He graduated as a second lieutenant in June 1887 and joined the 14th Fighting Irish Regiment which had been his father's regiment in the Mexican War. Okay. American War. Let's not just call the Mexican. Well you did. Well we did. Someone did. You just did. That's debatable. All right. His first assignment was at the Vancouver Barracks there in Washington state. So while he was there at the Vancouver Barracks he

got the nickname Tommy. There's no explanation. What. He just got it. He just they gave him a nickname that's just a different name. That's not. Like do you want to call me Chuck. They're like nah Tommy. But it didn't look like he was going to move up the ranks. He was just kind of staying in the same place. He was stationed there for 10 years. Wow. In 1894 a group of unemployed men led by Jacob Coxey began to march to Washington D.C. and this is you know if they're ex-vets and they're the bonus march. I think this is a bonus march. Whatever. Yeah you can tell me whatever you want to tell me. They're marching to say everything sucks. No this is the way before the bonus march. Anyway they're marching to

say we want to be taken care of which never happens. It's America. What are you doing. This is a feel good story isn't it. Yeah. Charles led the effort to help round up local men who are going to join the march. He called them quote the freaks and rats in this part of the Northwest. He's but he's getting them to join the march. No no. No he's opposed. So he's calling these guys. Rounding them up. Okay. All right. He's very opposed because they're freaks and rats. They're people who are having a hard time. Right. Yeah. Well now I see his point. Fucking assholes. Good lord. He married Louise Jane Hughes in 1897. No picture of her. Interesting. Yeah that is it. Well why would you take a picture of

a woman. Yeah. They don't appear on film even if you do take a picture of them. They're apparitions basically. Save it. Take a picture of a skunk or something because at least you can have some to develop. They ain't real either. I don't believe in women. They figments. She was the daughter of one of Portland's most prominent lawyers and citizens. It's Ellis Hughes. They called him her family called Charles Harry. What is going on. So another family calls him Dick. That's going to be crazy. Tom Dick and Harry. We oh is this before Charles was a name. People like that's just disgusting to try to say you'll be Harry or Harold to us. So as he wasn't getting anywhere. Wasn't moving up. He demanded he be sent

to fight against the Spanish in the Philippines in 1898. Because we were a war. He wasn't just saying I want to go. Fight the Spanish. That's what's great about this country. Yeah. So many options. After he did some hero warship in the boxer uprising in 1900. He then started rising through the officer ranks and became a general. Okay. Wow. There we go. In World War one he was sent to Camp Grant in Illinois. There he was assigned to break down the new recruits and then build them into soldiers. Okay. So just morally abuse them. Yeah. He's incredibly successful and he got the nickname. Iron pants. Iron pants. Take that Charles. Iron pants. Iron pants. Because they were so wrinkly. I don't know. Again. No explanation.

Iron pants. This disgusting. Iron pants. Oh you try to punch him in the dick. You won't be able to. All iron pants. I think he's generalist. He doesn't feel nothing. All iron pants. Come on iron pants. So a success at Camp Grant led to a new assignment near the end of World War one. Military leaders wanted to move black troops out of Europe and they signed Charles to the command of the all black ninety second division. Is the comedy going to become more difficult. Yes. Very much so. Jesus Christ. Let me know when to tag back in. They assigned Charles to quote eradicate any notions of equality they may have picked up in France. Because the French treated them right. Equal more much more equally. Sure there's a little

bit of but compared to us. Right. Much much more. Right. Or like yeah. They spoiled you over there. You got to meet iron pants. Yeah. So the generals of the you know top military guys were like we can have black people thinking they're OK. This is a different back. Yeah right. Nice. Really good. Yeah. And Charles luckily got this job because he was a racist. Keep going. They just came together perfectly. Many times he stated that black people were inferior to white people quote the Negro the Negro is of little importance. The average Negro is not by any means equal to the average white man. Sure enough. Take a break. Sure enough he used his command to break the spirit of the black soldiers. It was a systematic

deliberate breaking of an entire division of war veterans. He gave them the most degrading duties he could cleaning toilet pits bearing rotten corpses. They had to work all day and were given no leave. Back home Charles and his staff started rumors that the black soldiers had been raping white women in France. Oh my God. And he nicknamed them the rape division. Christ. The point was to make sure no American would thank the black soldiers for their service when they returned to the US. And when the war was over Charles filed a report that became the core of army policy on black soldiers till World War two. It minimized what roles they could take on so they wouldn't become heroes. It discouraged having any black officers

over the rank of first lieutenant comedy. You have a job to do. Boy I'll I'll bet that was horrible to go through. Much like spaghetti in. I'm done. I'm yes ending you. No your story has not yes ended me. So of course after this amazing work that Charles did he was rewarded by being made commander of US forces in Panama overseeing the Panama Canal for two years. Then in 1927 after 40 years in the army major general Charles Martin retired. We really flown through this guy's life. But it really this is the best part. So they moved to Portland Oregon which they considered. Oh yeah congratulations. Yeah nice. Where's the widest state. They had a ton of real estate from her which he inherited from her father.

So they quickly just jumped into a spot in Portland's ruling elite. Nice. The other richies then talked Charles into having a go at politics. Oh right yeah let's spread this message. Let's get it out there. And he was elected as a Democratic writing candidate in 1930 to Congress. Go ahead and read that the first sentence. It feels like I've been drinking but General Charles H. Martin Democrat Democratic wet increased his lead over congressman Franklin Coral Republican dry and the third congressional districts. I'd never I'd never heard this before. You're the only one Dave I've always. So it's prohibition. Oh so he's pro drinking the other guys anti. Yeah. Wow. So they called him wet and tries. We got to

bring that back. I know. This is Dave. He gets wet. I'm always wet. If he gets wet enough he'll mash them taters for you. Wet and dry. So good. So he ends up serving two terms. At one point Oregon's most influential senator Charles McNary this guy this senator is sick very sick can't get out of bed. Charles turns out to be a very good political. You know that's awesome. He's got yeah that's awesome because it's like you're rooting for this guy. Yeah. FDRs some guys in FDRs administration didn't want to give funding for the Bonneville Dam and so Charles you know works behind the scenes and gets it done. It'd be really wet. But I'll be the wettest one in Congress. I'll be soaking. Charles sorry. I'm like 90. But then Charles

soon to soon came to be very angered by the dam when he learned that FDRs administration wanted the power produced to be available to wholesale buyers so they could form public electrical co-ops and keep prices down. Bullshit. That's our electricity son of a bitch. It gets big made by water. I own it. It took my family. I'm going to take from it. I will have my revenge on water. Charles I will. I said I was wet. But I'd try. If it wasn't for water I wouldn't have gone to West Point. I could have done what I always wanted to do. Make tap shoes. Papa forbade it. But then what I did to a whole generation of black soldiers happened. So who designs the patterns again? Sorry I'm having one of those flashbacks.

So Charles demanded the power be sold to private utility companies who would then resell it at a profit even though the money for the dam was from the federal government. In a speech he said quote the power which the government will develop at Bonneville is not intended to force down the rates of existing power companies. This power is intended for the great chemical and metallurgical reduction plants whose first consideration is cheap power and an inexhaustible supply. Charles is wet. Charles has really been wetting all day. So I mean he's just in every way just awful. There's nothing good about it so far. Thank God the other brothers died. Who knew what they were going to be like. They might

have been great. You don't know. Oh and Charles main advisor was a lobbyist for Portland General Electric. Oh nice. Oh boo. Have they killed like other people like R.P. Genie. Yeah. No. Get in line Portland. Adorable. Now obviously the 30s in America turbulent times as the great depression got going. So did union activity. Boo boo. Bulley boo. You do whatever we say people boo. There'll be no sign talking about how bad we are to you to get back to work. Are you talking about no meeting outside of work to talk about work either. The water will show them all. I'll harness its power. When workers marched on D.C. in 1932, Charles took to the floor of Congress to say he thought

they were, quote, odious men who appealed to greed in their own personal political interests. Greed? They always do that. They're always like, there's greedy sons of bitches! What do you want to raise? You fucking animal! Think about that company! He believed workers were making demand. He believed workers making demands was a threat to the U.S. government. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, okay. Yeah, if your government's full of shit, then yes, it is. You're going to cut it on our corruption, you sons of bitches! You'll watch ourselves! He said, quote, dangerous ideologies threaten Western civilization. Yeah, they do, asshole. Someone held a mirror in front of him. Get that mirror out of here!

I'm trying to be a hypocrite! This is all because the workers are demanding an eight-hour workday. Oh my God, eight hours! That reminds me of when they did the Trump impeachment, and all the senators were, like, dying. They were all like, oh my God, ten hours in the same place? It's like, you're just sitting there. They were like, we've never had to work like this in our lives. I was like, well, I got bad news for you, assholes. Oh my God. Why don't you just kill us? Please. I'll vote now, whatever way you want. So then in 1934, Charles Martin ran for governor. So he campaigned as a New Deal Democrat.

Really? Which is just a lie to get people to vote for him. Right, okay. As soon as he won, he dropped the lie and became a huge opponent of getting people anything from the government. He's against social security, welfare relief, disability relief, anything. Has he read the New Deal? Anything people needed, he was against. So he ran the New Deal, and he hated the New Deal, and he won. Good stuff.

Yeah. In 1935, the unemployment rate was 20%, and then in 1936, it dropped to 18%. We did it. So Charles declared the Great Depression over. What are you all? We won! Now it's a good depression. It's pretty great if he has me. I mean, basically it would be like something, like a huge issue that's harming people, a huge thing.

But then leaders decided everything was fine, and just to go about your business as usual and not wear a mask. So... I don't understand. Charles told the feds not to send any relief money to Oregon. So he literally... He's one of those guys. He's one of those guys. Which still happens.

It still happens all the time. We don't want any of that. We don't want your Obama money! It's like taking... What are you going to heal people? It's the exact same shit. Yeah. It's just for political reasons.

It doesn't matter to him because he's fucking rich, so it's just poor people suffering. It still happens with gas prices, where people are just like, look, you need to pay high gas prices for a minute because we're doing something better. It's like, listen, asshole, easy for you to say. You're a fucking millionaire. Trust me, we're van owners. Yeah. We get it.

We live in a van kind of. With a toilet. There's the toilet right there. Oh. Very strange reaction, honestly. Very strange reaction. Aw, I love when he calls him a toilet. He said, quote,

I am trying to show the courage and fortitude of good soldiers. Democratic nations have lost their moral force through pampering their people. Ah, geez, an old, rich, white piece of shit. I do think that's always amazing, too, where it's like, they do say that a lot, you know, like, we need to sacrifice, you need to, it's like, you don't need to, you don't sacrifice anything. So it's super easy to just be like, boy, thanks for doing that.

It's like, no, I'm going to kill you. Oh, but. So Dust Bowl refugees started showing up in Oregon. A miracle. And Charles ordered a state relief committee to shut down the camp for them, which was named the Roosevelt Transient Camp, which Charles called the Tramp. Go back to your dust. The Tramp Camp.

Go back to the... All right. How does that make y'all feel? You chose to live where it was dusty. So they made them, he basically kicked them all out of Oregon. The Dust Bowl people, I mean, but I think that now, too, where it's like, you know, forever, we've just been xenophobes. And then now you're starting to see people be like, don't move to our state.

Like, you know, we're like, we are getting back to that time where people are like, we don't like Americans here. It's like, this is all America. We don't like your kind here. Yeah. But we're all okay. So he was giving a speech to young Democrats in Eugene when Charles said the developmentally disabled patients at a training center in Salem.

I don't like where we're at. Should be, quote, put out of their misery. Oh my God. What the fuck? I'm saying things out loud that are insane. Oh my God. It's just like a bad statement machine. He vetoed every piece of legislation to give relief to veterans.

Wow. Some veterans then fell behind on their mortgages and Charles responded by calling them, quote, skunks. You're a scum. What the fuck, man? What is, this is not great, honestly. This guy, truly, I keep waiting for the bottom and then he's like, hello, I'm under the barrel. Oh, I thought we were scraping it. Hello.

There's another barrel under this barrel. You fucking worthless shits losing your houses. Oh, you ungrateful pieces of shit. Now, while all this is going on, he cannot give the state police and National Guard enough money. Okay, wow. So weird and different. Yeah, it's a pattern that... What?

It's something, it's just similar to... It's pretty cool. Yes, it is pretty cool. Because it's going to the right place. That's right. Yeah. Sorry, you all have to sacrifice to have a police department that doesn't do anything. You know, I assume they do this here too, but you know how when they just have cops with a construction crew just sitting there?

Yeah. And never do, like it's just, you couldn't, it's just solely pointless. Like, what's ever happened? So, I was driving yesterday and there was a crew, like, behind a fence in like a, it was, it was like a gravel area fenced off, not near road. There's just a cop sitting there with them, like, what the fuck are you guys doing? I came out to quit looking at the gravel, sir. Keep moving. Gravel lives matter, oh boy.

It's true. It is. So, his, his, these things he's saying are not uncommon opinions at the time, especially for some military guys, including like a guy named Mussolini. It's all very much the same. Cool. So, Charles starts constantly feuding with his own Democratic party, especially the Democratic majority in the lower house. He doesn't see them as political rivals. He sees them as pure enemies in a battle between capitalism and, and over capitalism and democracy.

Right. Okay. So, these other Dems, he thinks are a danger to society. And he wrote the Oregonian quote, every subversive element is active in its efforts, desires and hopes of overthrowing organized society and the governor. Oh, it's very clear, a bit little, being pretty clear at the end about his real worry. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, he's an abysmal piece of shit and he's like concerned that people are going to come kill him.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's a good fear. So, get back to that. So, in 1935, he vetoes legislation to create a public power scheme for Bonneville. And now the power activists call on Charles opponents to come together, quote, irrespective of race, religion or political affiliation to get rid of Charles Martin. Everyone except the communists.

Not you fucking guys. Can't have the communists helping. Right. Yeah. No, they are lightning rods. But, you know, they didn't want to help anyway, so they're fine. Right. Membership in this new group.

That's great when they're like, but you guys can't come. Fuck you anyway. All right. Once again, they have that attitude that we don't love. So they created a new group. The membership in this group is called the Oregon Commonwealth Federation, which included unemployed people, loggers, farmers, Democrats, Republicans and socialists. So they're all coming together to just basically get rid of Charles. Yeah, they're forming a group to get rid of Charles.

This is a super group to get rid of this one asshole. I don't understand why when someone, like we do that now where like people blatantly say they're going to do one thing and then they completely don't do it. And then that's just kind of how it is. Yeah. Like, oh, it sucks. Well, here we go. Oh, well. Yeah.

Like, I don't know why like that's just been happening for so long. Yeah. Like where he's like, I'm a New Deal Democrat. He's like, actually, I fucking hate everybody. And then everyone's like, God damn it. Well, fuck. Well, what are we going to do? I guess he's controlling the water now.

So Charles is in support and isn't surprised this group was formed because he has undercover cops working at them going undercover at the meetings and stuff. Right. Now, Oregon State Cop Lawrence Milner wrote the OFC was quote, a subsidiary to the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. A subsidiary. Yeah, it's a it's a. That's how it works. It's a franchise. Interesting.

Tell me more. Well, it's what you'd think. Oh, these sons of bitches. Nobody gets it. Just let evil rain. So Milner really wanted to get in good with Charles. So he was writing what he thought Charles wanted to hear. Right.

He's just giving him like fan fiction. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Basically. Will you leave the room while I beat off? This is great. Oh. He.

So this guy's writing what Charles wants to hear. So he wrote quote, the Communist Party issued instructions that the governor of Oregon would be made the butt of all attacks. I knew it. I knew it. Speakers during the convention. I knew they were coming for me. They remember their main. So the whole thing is that they just want to make fun of me.

They're trying to roast me. Oh, those assholes. Remember, they came together because they want to just get rid of power. They want the power from the dam. Right. Like a public. Yeah, right. Shared.

So a couple months later, Charles said he wanted more information on that quote. Gang of young Jews, communists, CIOs and crackpots. Jesus. It's like if you're ending it with crackpots and starting it with Jews, it's kind of an all over the place list of people. Oh, these Jews and crackpots. Charles, if you're going to go in, go in. The crackpots. These crackpots, if you hang out with enough Jews, you become a crackpot.

So Charles orders the state police to monitor the OCF. And what are they so worried about? Watch them endlessly to find out. Wait, that's what they're. What are they so concerned about? We will turn their lives into nothing, but just we will watch them every step they make. They think I'm going to overstep and just use my power for things that I shouldn't. I don't want them doing anything we don't know about.

Especially the Jews. Especially those Jews. They turn regular folk into crackpots. Oh, the evil Jew. So they want to drink the water. Well, I'm afraid there's none of that for drinking Jews. Or you crackpots. It waters for power.

And the power is money for me, me and my wife, the horse. Sometimes I don't know who I hate more. The Jew or the crackpot. Can you believe some that my favorability ratings are so low? What is it with people? I'm just a great guy who wants all of the resources. So he has state police spying on political groups who are opposed to him. Milner reported on a group form to recall, a group reforms to recall them like an official group.

Oh, I knew it. He also wrote about the goings on of senators who are working with the recall movement behind the scenes. Oh, those bastards. Milner quickly and easily infiltrated the radical and dissident groups. And he became a confident to Senator Burke, who was openly seeking donations for the recall. He's having a hard time getting people to come up with money. And he told Milner, quote, could not understand what was the matter with the Portland people as they were willing to discuss the subject. But when it came time for action and putting up cash, different matter.

That's Berger saying that? Yeah. Well, and it's because they don't have money. They don't have any money, yeah. Because it's the Great Depression. It's always the people in the government. I don't know why they're not coughing it up. Oh, good lord.

Just pay the gas prices and shut up already. What are they so worried about? Just borrow money from your daddies. It's so hard to understand about that. Your daddies basically your papa bank. So Charles learned a police captain son was on the organizing committee and asked the mayor to look in on the captain situation. The mayor is the horse? Yes.

Okay. The recall movement picked up steam, but newspaper editorials all supported Charles. Charles told the Oregonian owner, quote, these assaults will encourage and nerve me to adhere more strictly to the path of honor and duty. Well, if you thought I was a prick before, I'm going to go full prick. But then the recall movement suddenly collapsed. They were not able to raise enough money. Also, because their main reason for the recall was that he was collecting an army pension while serving as governor. So they try to find something he did wrong.

Oh, yeah. Well, God, if only there was something he was doing. He's just got the spotless record. Nothing was fucked up. He's still getting a pension. There's something we could sink our teeth into. But this just ended up with Charles being furious and disgusted by those who challenged his authority. Charles thought the ranking in file union members were being controlled by communist conspirators and he really hates unions and union membership.

He thought unions were a sinister plot to seize control of the government and called union organizers, gangsters, and racketeers. Fighting for fairness. Correct. So he has state police just scour and go over everything. Labor leaders have done tax returns, everything. Just investigate them, investigate them. It seems like he's really focused on being a good governor, making the state a better place. That's right.

Anyone who was a legal immigrant, he called un-American? Cool. And then the timber workers struck in May 1935. What do we need wood for anyway? We'll be fine. Wood? Yeah. Wood.

Yeah. We don't know what we need it for. Well, we build stuff. All right. Well, we'll just stop for a little while. I'm happy in my home. Everyone else should be. I bet your splinter rates are never going to be lower.

We should lean into that in the press. Talk about how we've never had so few splinters in society before. Turn it into a winner. Now I control the water and the wood. He says it's an attack on his authorities, governor, and organized labor is out to get him. They're trying to get me. If you haven't noticed, it's all about me, which is what you want in a governor. He said, quote, these pastiferous peewees would go to any lengths to embarrass me.

Oh, these peewees and crackpots. They're all started with the Jews. Peewees and crackpots. The sheriff in the area where the timber striker is happening writes to Charles to say he might not be able to control the strikers because there's so many. What? And then Charles. Start killing them. Oh boy.

Charles responds with a public letter in the Oregonian attacking the sheriff for not doing his job. The sheriff's an idiot too. And says he'll remove any sheriff who isn't up to it. And then another sheriff writes Charles and said his response was great. Ah, you're a good sheriff. You agree with what I said, which was a huge thing for me. You should be in charge instead of this stupid other sheriff. Hey, do you think we could control lightning?

Oh boy, I think that'd be great for us. Charles responded, quote, bully for you. I wish I had a sheriff like you at every county in Oregon. Yeah, which is why we want to clone you. Get in that chamber. Charles then told all sheriffs in Oregon to, quote, beat the hell out of them, crack their damn heads. Yeah, crackpots. Those fellows are there for nothing but trouble.

Give it to them. And they did. Ah, Jesus Christ. So they went on a beating spree for, which is what always happened when you were on strike back then. Yeah, right. I mean, they shoot into groups of strikers. So we're just at the precipice right now of getting back to that exciting time. Right.

So Charles created a state police response team to respond to picketers. When workers went on strike at the Stimson Mill, he called up the state police and National Guard to protect scabs. They had tear gas. There are heroes. They had tear gas riot guns, machine guns, and told the picketers to leave or get shot and the strikers left. Jesus Christ. So when Longshoremen went on strike, they're stopping the trains also from hauling stuff from them. Right.

Yeah. And that's important to get the goods to places, you're saying? The what? The trains. Yeah, trains get stuff from place to place. That's a problem. We need to blow up all the trains. Yeah.

What? Just harness lightning. Blow up the trains. Yes. Great idea. Blow them up. I'm going to grow one of those mustaches I can always do this to. That's what this situation needs.

Yes. Trains fun. This will be a good phase for me. Now Charles said things had been going fine. Things are fine for anyone worried. Everything's going pretty good over here. And the depression was over. Over because I said so.

Then these damn workers went on strike. Oh, for no reason other than to start the depression again. Crackpots. Jews. Jews. So now he starts, he's not attacking FDR, but he starts attacking FDR's labor secretary, who happens to be a woman. Of course.

Right. He called her inept and that her decisions paralleled Russian courts. Mm-hmm. Yep. It's all about the Ruskies. It's what I call Putin's price hike. In a speech, he yelled, quote, I do not intend that the Bolshevik Soviet system shall be introduced in this state.

Okay, lady. Charles called her red and told her she was responsible for all the troubles in Oregon. Woman! It's remarkable to be the fucking governor and be like she did all the bad stuff. Here I am just a regular citizen with some power, but really not much, this woman. He said she was in league with the devil. Yep, that's right, all right. The reddest of them all, Satan.

Woman and Satan. I hear from a friend of mine, she's dating the devil. Pass it on. Don't tell him you heard it from old iron pants. Is there a difference between woman and the devil? Well, that's an interesting question you raise, reflection in the mirror. I don't believe that there is. Now, let's just have us another Moscow mule.

Oopsy poopsie. Oh, good lord, we have to invade Idaho. Oh, dearie me. Oh, dear. So Charles now decided that military action was needed against... It's time. But when I say military, no blacks, obviously. Just the white soldiers.

There's ones in the chandelier room, please. He thought military action was needed against the, quote, Jew communists and shanty Irishmen. He's having a really tough time. Like, okay, I'm not saying I enjoy his angle. But if I were to give him notes, I'd be like, look, come up with the straw man and stick with it. Is it the Jew? Is it the black... You're just tossing Irish people into it now?

That's right. They're also evil. Everyone who's not me is the worst. These Irish Jew women crack pots. Devil, Dayton, Dames. He wrote to a fellow general, quote, this continued prattling about human rights. Oh, good lord, enough already. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, equality.

No. My brother's died. Would you like a glass of water? Water's trying to trick me again. I'll play your game later, water. Charles, you have to hydrate. That's what it was telling you, wasn't it? Nice dry water.

Crack pot. Silly crackpot water. The water is a Jew conspiracy. That's why Moses parted it. You're all falling for the water's plan. To a fellow general, he wrote, quote, this continued prattling about human rights being placed above property rights is certainly bearing bitter fruit. I believe eventually people will crush it. Wow.

I just don't understand how that shit still works. Like, it is remarkable. Like, I mean, you still see it where people are like, yeah, but all the property damage. Like, yeah, okay, like people are fucking pissed. Yeah. You know, you're lucky it's property because there's something that comes next. I mean, they weren't complaining when I was playing the rampage video game in the bowling alley as a child. Oh, they encouraged it.

Go ahead. And then, and I don't know if you've heard this before, but he said communists were trying to destroy American liberties. And quote, these forces want to do away with the capitalist system. They're playing, they're playing the same game as they played in Italy and German strikes, confusion and turmoil. Italy had handled the strikes well, he said. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Easy, child.

Read that back to me. I'd rather not. I don't want to. Come on. Quote, there are enough strong men left in the country to handle it properly. The Italians organized their black shirts. The Germans had their brown shirts and Hitler. I don't believe Americans will submit.

Certainly the politicians will have to be thrown overboard. Well, I mean, it's a real mixed bag of what's going on right there. So he's basically like, he's basically like the Nazis were the Nazis had a great idea. They did some nice work. They just left too many crackpots if you ask me. It's just so like, yeah, yeah. I mean, he really is just like writing that down is like, Charles, we should burn this letter. No, no, mail it.

And it's 1935 or 36. So there were a lot of businessmen and conservatives who were like, well, they're doing. I mean, they just have a party like the Nazis. They really seem to know what they're doing. What could go wrong with the Nazis? Businessmen fucking loved Mussolini like Mussolini, but they were like, look at that. Like they loved it. Oh, he's so good.

Arms crossed, great body language too. Now the police force Charles had inherited had been set up by Smedley Butler, which meant it wasn't good at spying. No. So Charles called them amateur detectives and began reforming the police to turn them into more of a spying on people force. There we go. He used the Portland police forces Red Squad as an arm of the state. He recruited dozens of undercover cops who reported directly to him. His agents on the commies from Seattle all the way down to Los Angeles working outside law enforcement agencies and using privately raised money. Nice.

Super cool and fine. Yeah. Great. Perfect. The youngsters also gave to this force all the agents were loyal to the governor first. So the Red Squad agents, they reported on the Communist Party unions, the OFC, the ACLU and the Oregon League against war and fascism. Also other cops, professors, reporters and state legislators. It's amazing how quickly everyone will just fucking cave when you know when it's like feels like it's coming for them.

The quick ability for people to just be like, OK, well, yeah, I'll turn them in as long as my house is OK. Lawrence Milner investigated subversives from 1933 to 1937. He infiltrated a bunch of leftist organizations. And because he had a seven passenger car, they often used him as a transportation guy. Well, yeah, you can all get in here. Basically a car for lefties. Yeah, we got to burn the whole system down. Yeah, it's a page one rewrite, huh?

This Charles guy, I don't like the cut of his jib one bit. Oh, cop, I would never be one, huh? What would make you think that? Hey, have some of these eggs, huh? Want a hard boiler? Have some of these nuts, huh? I brought snacks for the car ride. Yeah, yeah, car ride snacks.

That'll get them real good one, huh? Who said that? I'm just giving myself a pep talk up front, huh? Don't worry about it. Nothing, huh? Man, I'll tell you, huh? I wish I had another arm so I could be even further left. Meh, meh.

Yeah. Unfortunately, in some of these directions you gave me, there's a couple right turns. I refuse to take those. Meh, meh. This van only goes left, see? Meh, meh, meh. Yeah, yeah, you're getting them. They're buying it.

Yeah, good stuff. Yeah, no one's on to you, buddy. Meh, meh. So, Milner... Milner's trying to spur the mob on to commit violence. Come on, let's get a little more aggressive, huh? I think the problem is we haven't heard enough people, hmm? Harvard Law School Dean would later say Milner, quote,

can be best dismissed as a self-confessed liar, a man who has admittedly tried twice, once successfully, to make falsehood parade as truth. All right, you know how to write, Jesus Christ, just say that he's a fucking liar. Falsehood parade, huh? We could shut down Main Street. I like the sound of that, hmm? Yeah, yeah, hmm. Another undercover agent was Larry Doyle. Before he became an undercover agent, he was a prosecutor who just went after commies.

So, I mean, really, you are... The resume is basically like, you hate commies, well, then you're in the group. Yeah. Versus like, you have experience, that's necessary for this job. Hate commies? Then no experience needed. Then Doyle becomes one of Charles' undercover agents, and he travels up and down the West Coast. His job is to try to take down Labor Leader Harry Bridges.

Harry's Australian, and he has... he... he rose up during the Long Charmin Strike, which really upsets Charles, that this guy was a leader during that. Right. Shockingly. Yeah, so... We only need short Charmin. And it's like a personal... Charles is like personally offended, because it's like an attack on him, that this guy exists.

He's not from here, he tried to uproot some stuff. Oh, this son of a bitch. And it was also water-based? Oh, it comes down to water. Son of a bitch, water. So basically, everybody on the West Coast, every law enforcement, is trying to get rid of Bridges. The goal is to have them deported as an alien communist. Sure. Jesus. There's a fun show.

Doyle was so invested in getting Bridges that he completely compromised himself. One witness said he took, quote, so much money from so many people that any effectiveness he might have as a witness against Bridges was gone. He was no longer of any use. So he just took so much money that people were like, yeah, now the cause won't work. He's like, I guess my eyes were bigger than my tummy. Several times Doyle tried to bribe witnesses to testify against Bridges. Come on. One agent who worked for Mastin Navigation Company.

Okay. We drove by that thing and I said, remember that name? Yeah. So Mastin is a company. It was one of my favorite moments from this trip. Yes. Today. Yesterday.

Yesterday. Boy, what a moment. And remember when I said, shut the fuck up. I'm listening to music. Yeah. What a time. So Mastin is still a really big shipping company. What they did was they hired their own agents to try to take down Bridges.

Okay. So one of their agents rented a beach house in Carmel, California. Wow. And wired the entire house with microphones and cameras. Nice. Put in a. We're going to make a reality show. It's going to be great.

Put in a fingerprint. Six crazy strangers. Put in a fingerprint laboratory and had an arsenal of guns. So it's a great reality show. The twist is there's a fingerprint laboratory and a gun room. It's psycho house. So he keeps having parties, inviting radicals. So he, wow.

And he goes around. We should do some more fun drugs, huh guys? Let's talk about taking down the government. Oh, puff, puff, puff, puff. Here, smoke that devil lungs. Well, that's exactly what you do. He would try to steer all the conversations to revolution, but none of them would talk. She seems like a great chick, man.

Let's talk about uprooting the government again. I love our talk about vibing with chicks for sure, but it just mirrors the government the worst. We should really do whatever we can to change it. Talking to that wall when you answer. All right. I'm going to go to the fingerprint, the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. There's no fingerprint room, man.

At the end of the party, he would grab all the glasses and take them into the fingerprint laboratory. All right. Well, you wildcats stay out here and just keep chewing the fat. Let me get these cups for a minute. I'm going to take them to my second kitchen, which is a room I don't want any of you to go to. And I'm going to go in there and just start washing them. Why doesn't everyone touch the rim and hand it to me? And then I'll go to the kitchen too, as I call it, where none of you should go.

It's just like the other kitchen, but it's just for glassware. And I'll go in there and I'll be in there for a little while cleaning all the glassware. And then I'll come out and then let's talk about this BS government some more, huh? Oh, puff puff. Oh, that feels good. I'm ripped, man. Oh, anyone want more paper towel? They're LSD.

Hey, can you look at that painting? It's called the name painting. Just look at it and say your name. Oh, yeah. Let's all look at that painting and say what our dreams would be about overthrowing the government. Is that wild? Oh, man. I'm in such a good time.

Bring over some of your super left friends tomorrow. Let's run it back, cool cats. All right. Oh, puff, oh, fucking shit. After months of having all these parties, he had absolutely nothing. He's got at some point be like, I really do like hanging out with you guys. I used to kind of swing with these different cats and I don't know, they were just kind of squares. And have you ever been in the position where, well, like you were saying, Tony, like when

you're trying to pick which wave you want to ride out there? Like where you, you've been riding the same wave for a while and you thought it was an awesome wave, but then behind it is a wave you kind of really want to ride. And so you kind of been going undercover as the first wave, but you've been thinking about the second wave so much that you're starting to think maybe you do want to ride the second wave, but you've come too far because you've been like entrapping the second wave the whole time. So Jeff, we know you're a narc, we just like the house. A what?

A narc? Yeah, we know. Oh my God, imagine. Oh my God. Look at how many flowers are on my shirt that's not buttoned up all the way. A narc? Are you serious? You have cameras and microphones.

There's a microphone danking from the ceiling right there. Oh my God, man. I must have done that when I was tripping. You've never tripped. What? What about two nights ago when I told you that I saw the red devil and it dated a woman and that I was worried that you guys were going to be touched by the red devil. And if you've ever done anything that seems like you're part of the red devil, just say

it into the painting. Right. The camera in the painting. You guys are just so cool. What's it like to be cool? I have a confession. No. Yes, I want to get this out because I fucking love you guys.

And I really have grown to love what we're talking about in here, but I've come too far in the case, but there's something I need to tell you. The second kitchen is not a second kitchen. Right. It's a room for... It's a fingerprint laboratory. Yeah, that was obvious. That was obvious.

Yeah, because you kept asking us to touch it. Touched all the glasses a lot. Yeah. And then sometimes I'd come out and say, I just washed this one. Will you touch it again? Right. Yeah. Because I had trouble washing it at this time.

And then I needed to... Yeah, you didn't get the fingerprint. We spent like nine months that we're pretty aware. Why do you think we never talk about anything? I just thought you guys were getting ready to loosen up. And all you want to do is talk about women and stuff. And maybe now's a good time for us to open up about what we really want to do to the government.

Vote. Because I want to overthrow these motherfuckers. I'm talking about burning it down, man. Like taking the property and just like putting that on the people. You know what I mean? No. Like we need to ban to... Oh, fuck.

We believe in property rights over human rights. That's how radical we are. You fucking crackpots. So... Months go by, this guy's got nothing. I got a bunch of guns. And then Doyle shows up and tries to force the agent to sign the affidavit saying he saw bridges at a commie meeting, but the guy wouldn't sign.

Okay. And Doyle said he'd get the guy fired. What's going on with... Is he now like... Well, no. He's just... I think he's just honest. Like he just doesn't want to...

Wow. That's such a strange quality. Yes. The guy still refuses and then Doyle goes to Mastin and gets him fired. Okay. So Doyle helped to frame three lefties for murder that they had not committed. Jesus. I'm not sure what's going on there.

Doyle? I... It's one of those ones where like you're waiting for other people to clap like... Hands are asleep. I was trying to clap them away. So Doyle helps frame these three lefties for murder. Now they're all close to bridges. And then he went to one of the men's wives and told her if she made a statement that

bridges are communists, he would get her husband out of jail. And she said no. Wow, God, they're really all doing pretty well. And then he goes to see her... A dog. He goes to a horse. He goes to see her husband who's in jail and he's like, no, I'm not doing that. And then he tells another of the three that he would frame him for another murder.

What? I mean, I can't believe he's being so blatant. Look, I'm going to put another fake murder on you unless you... Really, come on, asshole, let's play ball. Confess. If he doesn't make a statement about bridges being a commie and the guy says, look, all I have left is my self-respect and I'm not going to give that up. And Doyle says...

Oh, it's not bad. I gave it up years ago. Just give it up. It's really useless. You don't need it. It's nothing. Please, let it go. Good Lord.

Doyle said, are you crazy? But the guy didn't do it. So he's just... Wow. Like he has nothing after all of his time investigating. He's just trying to get people to fucking lie. Just what is with these people? They have character.

Communists don't have character. What the fuck is going on? This is crazy. So in 1937 Charles tells FDR that he was pretty soon going to have to use troops to deal with strikes. FDR's got to be like, look, the new deal thing that you said was really fucked up. I'm going to have to use troops on these people. He's like, I really wish you hadn't said you were part of the new deal.

It's the newest deal. It's worse. FDR said strikes are just growing pains and everything would be fine. And Charles then said... Oh, shit. They had to get rid of communist and alien Harry Bridges. FDR then said he was surprised, but he would launch a federal probe into Bridges. So...

Gross. Nobody's asking for that. Keep your mind in the fucking game, FDR. So Charles' anti-Kami undercover force is now fucking enormous. Oh my God. And his staff wants to reel it in and they start trying to trace all the badges he's given out. Oh, I don't remember.

It was like Oprah with cars. You'll never find out. There were a lot. Remember that one day when I just drove down the street and was tossing them? You're an agent, you're an agent. And they basically want to take some back because they're like, there's too many out there. None of these people are normal. Well, yeah, I mean, like, I mean, honestly, if you're worried about not normal people

being in power, Charles is a problem. One family begged the governor to take back a badge of a relative quote, my brother has no right to have this power. He is irresponsible, inclined to be rattle headed and is just as apt as not to shoot somebody for no reason. So please use your power and cancel this commission given to him by you. Well, we were going to, but then you gave us the good bitch. He'll keep his.

Does he have any friends who are like him? The badges are super easy to make. He's a button making machine. Another agent used his badge to make money. He hired himself out to collect debts. Wow. He was eventually arrested when he was seen in the street beating up an old man with a gun. I think he's a commie.

All right, hold back. I thought it was over money for a minute, but if you're working for us. 1838 Charles campaigned for a second term. Oh, good Lord. There's no slogan. Like there's nothing to say. Really, like Governor Martin. Hopefully you don't know about me.

I was just going to say no Jews, but then you could only fit so many things on a button. So he's clearly no longer running as a new. Governor Martin, I will have my revenge on water. Will that fit? No. Kill the crackpots. Damn. He clearly not running as a new deal guy anymore.

Right. Yeah. He travels the state yelling about labor goons and racketeers. And he starts to be seen as kind of a ridiculous cartoon character. Well, I will I will I will I will I will I will I will I will I what is it? I think I'm about a cartoon character. He became known for twisting FDR's famous saying we have nothing to fear but fear itself to we have nothing to fear. But water.

We have nothing to fear but fucking water. The Jews. And women. Will that fit on the button? No, Charles, we're just going to stick with re-elect Governor Martin. Okay. I just think that would go good on a button. Maybe we put a button under the button.

An additional button. Like an eight. Like an eight. Well, that could be good. That could be good. That could be good to do. My reflection in the mirror sure seems to think it's a good idea, doesn't it? Yes.

So we've got this. We've got it. Looking good me. Okay, so he changed FDR's famous saying from we have nothing to fear but fear itself to have nothing to fear from the future except our own foolishness and slothfulness. Also very catchy. Oh wait, you're not going to be able to drive down the street without seeing a car with that on the bumper. Hopefully they have big bumpers. I've got FDR now.

What is it again? We have nothing to fear from the future except our own foolishness and slothfulness. Our own foolishness. This motherfucker telling people what foolishness is. Don't be foolish. Everyone's your enemy. Don't be foolish. Everyone's your enemy. Hurt them. We have nothing to fear but the beach house that has the cameras and microphones.

This is pretty good too. You slothful piece of shit. Now unlike 1934, Charles now has enemies in FDR's administration. And his supporters are begging FDR to endorse him or at least not say anything. FDR's supporters are begging FDR to endorse him or just shut the fuck up. I'm not going to endorse him. Then just pretend he doesn't exist please. He's like a ghost governor.

So nothing is coming out of FDR's administration. And then two days before the election, two of FDR's known surrogates endorsed Charles' opponent. Oh, I thought you were going to say endorse Charles. One called Charles a reactionary and the other said he was not a new dealer. I mean, wow, really go for it. How brave. It's a psychopath. The third politician said he had just met with Roosevelt and he clearly supported Charles' opponent.

And this turned out to be the difference banker. Charles played 6,000 votes to Henry Hess. Yeah, I didn't capitalize on the crackpots. Charles blamed his loss on a vast communist labor liberal conspiracy. Obviously. The thing I was fighting the whole time is what came and got me. These goddamn commie crackpots. You fools.

So wet. But the primary was brutal and the Democrats were now completely divided, allowing the Republicans to walk to victory. Oh, no. Oh, and Charles then campaigned for the Republican. Oh, my God. That's right. I'm back.

Republicans would have controlled the state for two decades. I really thought we were going to have him like that hand come out of the grave and he'd be like, I'm running again. No. I mean, he's pretty old. He started pretty old. Well, yeah. The one thing Charles did know is that FDR had given J. Edgar Hoover increased powers

to investigate communists in 1937, which was his wet dream, obviously. Yeah. Can you keep the politics out of your show? Charles died on September 22nd, 1946. Hopefully, painfully. I drowned in a bathtub. He'll be at a black nurse. Water.

His last words underwater were water crackpot. Water was the biggest crackpot. It'd be so great if he had a black nurse. Just standing above it as bubbles are coming up. Oh, no. So Charles died just months before Truman issued executive order 9835, which would begin the hunt for communists. Democrats were now aligned with Charles nationally.

In 1950, Senator Joseph McCarthy launched his hunt for reds, which Charles obviously would have loved. How could someone ejaculate from beyond the grave? The sources, Offbeat Oregon and Gary Murrell. Hunting Reds in Oregon, 1935 to 1939, and the Oregon Historical Quarterly. Yeah. So you guys had a fascist.

I mean, it got rid of him, but you know, the vote was by 6,000, like he's still almost one after all that shit. And then he, like we have seen over and over again, the whole party eventually comes around to him, right? Which is all you see. You might, sir. That was very loud. I mean, I was thinking like throughout it, like it is obviously we get to that point like where Hoover and McCarthy are going crazy.

And it goes, it's so effective for so long. Like you have the, you know, the hunt for communists. And what happens is that people because, you know, they're scared for their own livelihoods, they take, you know, they are silent or complicit or they take part in it. And they, you know, are like, I'm not a communist, but this guy might be a communist. And then you have these fucking crazy ass trials of putting people on trial

for being fucking communists. And then we went through like a mild period of dormancy. And now it's just fucking back. Like it is the way that it's going now. Like it is still so fucking crazy to watch people just so eagerly eat this bullshit up just because it is a way to take your eye off of what is really going on. Like it's so easy for the government to, like the second the people are starting to wake up, they just shake their keys and people are like fucking babies and beorans like,

oh, okay, yeah, no, it's not them. And we just keep repeating this shit. And I know you know this shit, I can tell. I have no idea what you're talking about. But I, like, it's not even like create, like you think we would come up with like a different place. Like we're just like, I mean, it's basically the movies that we just keep doing, right? Where it's just like, yeah, we'll just do another Spider-Man.

And I'm like, who the fuck is going to want to watch Spider-Man again? And everyone's like, oh, fucking Spider-Man again? And you're just like, we just saw this three years ago. The dude gets bitten by a spider and he could shoot. Don't tell me I haven't seen the new one. What? And then, I mean, it's just like, then Joe Biden falls off a bike and it's like you ejaculate because you're like, ah, something to fucking, like, that's good.

He fell out of frame like a fucking comedy. I don't know. Making or making or having an eight-year-old use pedal clips is like trying to assassinate an eight-year-old. It's like, you're literally like, we're going to kill the president today. How? Pedal clips, like it's on. He's fucking done. Like, no, you should stop using them when you're like my age.

Like, what are you fucking doing? He shouldn't be on a fucking bike. Just go douche. I mean, I know he's not like, it's, again, I mean, it's always very funny when like, you get in arguments about like, what Biden's doing or not doing because it's like, they're all actors. Like, we elected an actor and then we just had actors pretending to be that actor for the rest of the time. But still, for fuck's sake, don't be out writing, just go pretend to do shit. Just go back and just like pretend, at least talk about some shit.

Instead of being like, everything's fine, I ate a hot dog, I'm wearing the Ray Bans. Anyway, we live in a van. That's how over it is. Guys, thank you so much for coming out. We appreciate it, truly. We love you. Thank you.