The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 553 - The Baseball World Tour

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the Spalding Baseball World Tour of 1888 Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch     Mizzen And Main Squarespace

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an

American History podcast where each week I, David Anthony, read a story from American History to me, Amigo. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. By the way, New York Times number one podcast the dollop. So if anyone's... On Susie... No, no, no, no, no. There'll be no caveatting. There'll be no caveatting. It is the number one podcast in the country. Thank you Susie. With a bullet. I'm just gonna say thank you to a random Susie though. No, that was very nice. I don't know if she's listening, but we thank you. We are going to be on tour very soon starting on October 19th in Columbus.

Susie Nakamura is the name. So we thank you. And Susie, if you'd like to join us for any of these shows, tickets on us. We'll be in Pittsburgh. You can't look at those. Those are the names of the shows that were... Those are the subjects. Yeah, I'm gonna retain it. Pittsburgh, October 20th, Cleveland, October 21st, Grand Rapids, October 27th, Royal Oak, October 28th, Nashville, November 3rd, Louisville, November 4th, St. Louis, November 5th, Indianapolis, November 6th, Kansas City, November 8th, year of our Lord Jesus Christ. Wait, what about Columbus, Ohio? Did you say that? That's October 19th.

Oh, okay, all right. Columbus, October 19th. Okay, all right, there you go. And you don't have any dates? Dates for the rest of the year are none. And called it, quote, his jam-packed. Jam-packed? I'm the fucking hippo guy. Steve, okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not gonna become a tiggly pod, guys. Okay. This is like Ad-O-Key. And a five-part coefficient. My room's a place. Now hit him with a puppy. You both present sick arguments.

No sleep, no hippo. That's like no hippo. Action, partner. Hi, Gary. No. I see it done, my friend. No, no, no. Roder, Roder in the car. The dollop is brought to you in part by Squarespace. Squarespace, of course. Domains, websites, online stores, marketing tools, analytics, all in one. Very convenient, very easy to use. I started working with Squarespace decade ago or something crazy. I was first attracted to Squarespace

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You can run an Iron Man and then be ready for dinner. No one's going to do that. And also the shirts are warmer than winter. They are cool in the summer. Look, I'm saying, I'm pretty sure if you give Mizan and Maine a try, you're never going to go back to the old normal dress shirts, the old normal men's clothing you were wearing. And I can tell you Mizan and Maine dress shirts are actually the best dress shirts

I have ever put on. The fabric is amazing. We are going to be using them on our tours. It's the perfect shirt. Why do I say that? Because they're machine washable. Oh, sweet. Yes. That means you don't have to go the expensive way over there to the dry cleaner and go out of your way.

Just throw in the wash. You're good to go. Great for touring for us. Makes everything super easy. So if you do wear dress shirts and you're not wearing Mizan and Maine, well, you're really blowing it. I'm upset with you. I have a bunch of Mizan and Maine shirts now. It's my go-to dress shirt. I'm not going to put anything else on for a dress shirt

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September 12th, 1850. I can see it. Can I read ahead? Jesus Christ. Should I read ahead? We're in the same room. Fuck. Oh, OK. All right. September 12th, 1850.

Albert. Einstein. Goodwill Spalding. Goodwill. OK. His little name was Goodwill. Nothing. I got nothing.

Parents' name in Goodwill. He had Amydowns. He was born in Byron, Illinois. Very well off family. But then his dad died when he was eight. Sure. As? As a must.

As was legal back then. Yeah, as had to happen. All right. Well, your boy's eight. Goodbye. I have to die now. I think I'll get civil cancer. I don't know.

Who knows? Maybe I'll just have a fall. I, whoops, I hit a cannonball. Maybe. Hurt my leg and died from it. Oh, I cut my finger and died from infections. Whoops. Well, this isn't going great.

So things went downhill after pops died. Sure. And then when Albert was 12, his mom sent him to live with relatives in Rockford because it was more of a boom town. I think he'd get a better education there. Right. He didn't like it.

He was miserable away from his family. Sure. Loves his mommy. OK, I get it. He's his favorite boy. Yeah. But he did find something that he did really enjoy. Here, this is, for those first-time listeners,

this is where things are probably going to escalate. Baseball! Oh, wow. OK. Yeah, he found baseball. It became his salvation. And he's very tall and skinny. Sure.

But a very good pitcher. OK. And this is my pitcher's throw underhanded. Well, mm-hmm. So, yep. Right. Much different. Wow, look at him.

He really has got some mustard on that. Look at that thing go at 50 miles an hour. Wowie, wowie. Now, when you would do that, would you do a couple wind-ups? Yeah, they did the same thing. Does that do anything? I mean, yeah. I mean, women softball throwers, they get the ball.

Yeah, but are they doing a multiple? They do a w... I don't know if they do a multiple. I don't think they do. I think they do one. Yeah, I think he'd do just one. OK, that was my question. Yeah, they did like nine windmills.

That's what, to me, I'm like, buddy, you're going to throw your shoulder out. So there's two teams in Rockford. There's a young amateurish team, and then there's the older, more experienced guys team. Are those the names of them? No, I don't know the names. They don't matter.

Come on, youngest guy team. Young fellas team, an old man team. So he was a pitcher on the young guys team. OK. And they played the old guys team one day. Wow. And Albert completely dominated them, and then they quickly signed him.

Who, the old team? Yeah, he dominated all the old guys. But the old guy team, you mean, is more of the professional. They're professionals. Right, OK. Well, don't correct me. That's what you just said. So it's your fault I did not make a...

It's also a comedy podcast. Well, you're the facts man. Setting them up and missing them. Throw underhanded next time. Well, I set you up with an old man voice moment. Oh, oh, I get it. You're just going to pimp me into these things and think that I'll do them.

This is the most pimpiest pimp show of all time. I'm pimping you out. All right, boys, when we get out there. No, it's still time. There's time. One thing I don't have is time, I guess. Well, we could go out there and try, but... I don't feel anything.

Oh, then that's how I feel or don't. My extremities are numb. Oh, dear. Yeah, I get that. Oh, oh, oh, so tired of this. Oh, it's... The old man... It does that a lot.

Oh, I've been pained. I've been in constant pain. It seems exactly this. I'm breathing. Oh, yeah. Oh. So he's on the adult team in December. The name of this team is...

Old man team, professional team, adult team. It's just some little local team. All right, OK, OK. Dave with three beverages. 1866, P.T. Barnum comes to town. Oh, God. Paul Thomas. Oh, ha, ha, ha.

And to give a lecture, not as a circus. Here's how to be the worst person that we have in society. The lecture is called The Art of Money-Getting. The Art of Money-Getting. So first of all, you're going to have to hurt a lot of people. Get yourself a small weird human and put them on a stage. Find yourself someone who would have abnormality that probably needs nurturing and care,

and then expose that and highlight it for money. Put a giant animal in your basement. That's the way to do it. Hang elephants. And so Albert was exposed to P.T.'s money-making ideas. It was airborne. According to author Mark Lancaster in the book Spalding's World Tour, quote,

Spalding would follow Barnum's plan for the accumulation of wealth with almost eerie precision. And it really must have just been like, do anything to get everything. Yeah, basically. Right. Oh, that's you. Don't worry.

It's just water, buddy. As a career, he chose baseball, a profession that suited his temperament, and for which he was supposedly, which he was supremely qualified, but that was then considered inappropriate for a boy from a family of good standing. So playing baseball was frowned upon. Yeah, frowned upon.

You know, so he, but he was right for it. But also, he had that, how do I make money thing? Like, most of the ball players, like, how do I play ball? And he was like, how do I make some scratchers? Right, he's like Corbin Berns in a major league. By the way, those of you who are just listening, you should know that Dave and I are filming on one camera, which we always put on Patreon.

And because it's one camera, we are inches away from each other's faces. So that's how this is going. The Nationals are one of the best teams in America at the time, and they go on a tour to beat every team in the West. They go on a tour. That's like what they're doing. Yeah, they're calling their shots.

This is the West tour where we kick every Western team's ass. OK. West is every team, West of Philadelphia. Wow, so that's a lot of teams. Yeah. Well, not then. There was like nobody, there were no teams past like really Illinois. I mean, there's not that.

I always, I never know when these states happen. Yeah, you don't know. It's been a big problem on the show. I mean, there's no teams in Denver. There's no teams in San Francisco. Yeah, so not yet. So they go to Rockford as like a warm-up game to play the big Chicago team.

Right. And the team that's balling, that Albert's on. Yeah, and Albert's pitching, and they win. They beat the Nationals, and everyone in baseball is totally shocked. Well, the tour is off. That's it. Fuck the West.

Damn it. His performance gets him signed by the big Chicago team. OK. The Excelsior's. Wow. We are ready. Well, Albert, we're going to say goodbye to you now. OK.

Oh. And we are ready to greet you over here as the Excelsior's. Gotta hate baseball. You're going to miss us, aren't you? No. We don't have much time as a squad. What did you say? Oh.

That's right. Join the Excelsior's. We are ready for you, Albert. Oh, we're dying over here now. Yeah. The most of us are, oh. Oh. So the Excelsior's don't pay him.

Cool. Instead. And sign this. Instead, they get him a job at a grocery store that. So what, did he really listen to P.T. Barnum? But it doesn't involve any work, and he gets $40 a week. I mean, honestly, what your accountant's invented. So we're not going to pay you, but you

could go to a grocery store and not work, and they'll give you $40. Pretty good. Well, there's new, there's brand new baseball association laws. Right. So you can't pay a place? Yeah.

So to get around. It's very mobby. To get around how pay work, that's how they did it. Yeah, look, we're going to sign you, but unfortunately, we can't pay you. What we can do is get you an internship at a grocery store. They'll give you $40 a week. You like tomatoes?

Not particularly. Well, you're going to be with them. All right. Baseball, kid. Hit I have five. Put the cans up. Albert, we need you to get a cleanup aisle five. No, I actually won't do that.

No, there's been a spill, so we need you to. No, I am a baseball. Hey, back off. He ain't cleaning none, OK? Hey, you don't do shit. He's a baseball player. Don't touch the hand. Oh, could someone help?

You're not supposed to be here. Could someone reach the oats? What the fuck? The oats are so high. They're on the second shelf. I can't get all the way up there in my condition. They're down by your hips. Oh.

So Albert would later say, I was not able to understand how it could be right to pay an actor, a singer, or an instrumentalist for entertaining the public, but wrong to pay a ball player for doing the exact same thing. Yeah, makes sense. So one game in with the Excelsiors. And the grocer declared bankruptcy, and he was off the team.

What? What do you mean? What the? None of that. Like, if you're the Excelsiors, wouldn't you be like, all right, we're going to get you another job to cover? That was the only. I got no money.

Sorry, kid, I was really gross. You're still in all the Chicago. Well, you know it works. If your front job stops, then you're retired. That's why we lost 42 players this year. What? It's the same turn of event. The first game.

All right, you're going to work for this grocer. By the way, I'm out. I got nothing. We're done. We are in the red. All right, that's your career done. That's it for you, kid. So he goes back to Rockford.

The Cincinnati Red Stockings. Well, well, well. At the time. Look who comes crawling back. I'm going to play on the younger team. Oh, well, well, well. What are you doing? I don't know.

So the Cincinnati Red Stockings are a big, huge, national sensation at this time. Sure. 1869, they wore risque uniforms. What does that mean? Guys, cut those nipples out. That means that. Buttocks exposed.

Their pants stopped at the knee. That's right, everybody. Show those ankles off. Which show? We got a game and a game. A tight sock over a calf. And that brought out women to see them play. Wow, my wife, my dirty, dirty wife.

Wow. Can you imagine? Oh, God, I mean, America is a man. What would it take to just mess? What would it take to harden or moisten back then? It would just be like, you could just see a little leg and you'd be like, my God. That's like how dogs see sex with humans.

So the Red Stockings are very good. They won on a 24 game win streak. Well, because the other team was like, my God, I can't look at those. I can't take my eyeballs off them. Cavies. Look at those calves. Sorry, I'm hard all the time. I can't hit.

All right, boys, we're all hard. We're going to start hitting with our cocks. So then they lost the 25th game. And then up until then, they were just like a national story. And then everyone just stopped going to games. There's a lot of weird endings so far. So the owner moves the team to Boston and moves the team to Boston.

He wants a hot new pitcher. So he signs Albert Spalding. OK. 2,500 per year, the highest paid player on the best team in the country. Wow. OK, are we still doing the sort of risque leg stuff? I don't know.

Probably. Yeah, I would imagine. OK. A league of 10 teams now formed. So this is the first time they would have like a champion and all that stuff. OK. Albert now wins 157 games in five years.

He's the fucking shit. But other teams aren't so good. So attendance just falls because Albert's team is just crushing all the other teams. OK. Games are canceled. Teams are folding. Players were just switching teams all the time.

OK. OK. Because there was no. They'd just be like, I don't want to do this. I'm on their team now. Throwing games became common for, you know. Well, for every pitchers, every game is a throwing game. It was nicknamed hippodroming when you threw a game.

Sure. And I don't know. OK. Just wanted to. I don't know. Geert Reynolds, follow up times. Oh, nothing? OK.

No, nothing. All right. Good stuff. Also, the players drank like fish. Like they were just drinking. Right. So in 1875, Albert leaves Boston for the Chicago White Stockings.

Well, I assume more White Sox. Right. So this is when we called Sox Stockings? That's correct. Was that the regular everyone would be like? I believe so. OK. Weird that we.

OK. Yeah, it's just strange. Well, you could bring it back. Do you have any clean stockings? So the owner of Chicago was William Hubert. He was a big coal baron. Sure. Albert negotiated a 2,000 a year salary and 25% of team

profits. OK, so he's getting a little back end. Yeah. And also to be the team manager. OK. OK. And Hubert goes for it because he wants to be involved, but not that involved.

So it's like a good deal for him. Yeah, he's like, yeah. And he really likes Albert. He's like, kind of, is going to take him under his wing as far as like a businessman type situation. So at this time, a new league was created, the National League. And Albert would always take credit for forming the National League, but he did not.

Albert was a liar. He liked to lie. Well, he liked P.G. Barnum. So it's not a liar, he's a showman. He's a showman. He did, however, see a market, and he started a baseball sports company. OK.

Which became A.J. Spalding and Brothers, because he had his brother invested. Oh, Spalding. Yeah, it's Spalding. Hey. Still around. This is where the comments come. We take a.

How did you not know he was going to be Spalding the whole time, dumbass? Well, 15 minutes in. Fuck off. Using his inside position, he gets sweet contracts. So he's like, we should use these. And he's like, yeah, we should. And he'd get the first National League official baseball

and stuff like that. And then he started buying up smaller Spalding goods companies, and pretty soon has monopoly. I was just going to say. Sounds like a. He became an empire. Albert was a baron, like George Pullman. He was the baseball baron.

Yeah, he was a huge. The equipment baron. Really fast. He had a ton of money. So in 1874, the Boston manager, who was an English guy, set up a baseball tour of England. That's right. We're going to be touring around.

And show the people what I'm doing. That's right. Nobody knows baseball better than I do. That's what we're after then. There you go. Yeah. Well, no, it was not leaving. Oh, my god.

No, no, no, no. Get him out of here. Toss him. I've done it. No, gosh, stop talking. People don't request. What does that even mean? I've done it.

Well, gosh, it's horrible. Moment of silence for the queen. What are you talking about? She's alive. What's that? What are you thinking this is, mate? What? Other years?

What? I'm a time traveler. I will take me with you. Oh, fuck me. Oh. Goodbye, Governor. No. Oh.

Albert would later take credit for the tour of England, even though it wasn't his idea. OK. But he was like the lead guy sent over to make contacts with cricket clubs and places to play and set things up. But the tour is a total bust. Nobody gives a shit.

It's baseball in England. Right. No, I don't know. Right. So in 1878, Albert retired as a player. At what, you're 1878? 1878. Now he is.

He's 28, right? Yeah. Yeah, he retired early. He, it was too hard to, well, he was born in 50. So yeah, he's 28. So he. But he's, but it's mainly because he now has all the. Well, yeah, he's like it's too hard to run a business

and be a baseball player. So, but he's still the team, he was at this point, he's the team president of the Chicago club. OK. And then Hubert dies in 1882 and Albert takes over the team. OK. And he has a new ballpark built. OK.

Which he had a private box in and he had a phone in the box so he could call the clubhouse whenever he wanted. So he's starting to, he's the luxury box. He also had a giant Chinese gong that he would hit if he didn't like how the players were playing. All right. So I could tell you were excited to get to the next point. OK.

So he, not only did he invent the luxury box sporting equipment, but he created the gong show. So he would hit a. Why don't we have that now? I completely agree. I completely agree. Like you're playing baseball and off. Oh, damn it.

I'm out. Skip. But you look up and it's like, did the food finders just hit a gong? Like it's all the celebrities. Oh, my lord. Wait, like you're saying anyone could do it? Yeah, just have it in the speech.

Dave rules drunk. Someone fell into it. Sorry, you're out. You know the rules. Yeah, I think more gongs in just society in general for wanting something different is a good idea. Yeah, you know, you're a little off camera. Oh, so you should have just hit the gong.

So Adrian Anson is the manager of Chicago. He's also the game's best hitter. He's a manager player. Sure. Terrible temper. Fans would come to see him hit and also flip out. OK, sure. So the team becomes a dynasty.

They win five straight titles. Now, baseball at this point is huge. OK. But Albert wants more. Sure. And he decides, let's go worldwide. OK, right, OK. And he says he's going to do a tour.

He picks Australia and other islandy places. Well, I mean, we know from the team the Perth pilots that this probably does pretty well. Very well. Yeah. The Melbourneigans. Pretty good. You can giggle.

Can I? Yeah. The airlines, safe space. So Spalding lets Anson invest. He keeps pushing him. He's like, I want to invest in the tour. OK. 3,750 out of the total $12,000 it would cost.

So he does like a quarter. OK. But then at the same time, Spalding tells a writer that it was going to lose money, but he just sought his way to expand his sporting goods business. OK. But what are you really, it's strange to be like, look,

baseball, the game will fail over there, but I can sell my baseballs. Well, it's also a sporting goods business. So you can do other. You could do cricket bats and shit. Yeah, right. How's that? Meat pies.

The tour was going to be two teams playing each other. So his Chicago White Stockings and then a team of all-star Americans, the all-American team, that he would pick a bunch of guys. OK. Now at this point, Chicago is over their dynasty. They're not as good. Albert had just sold his best player.

Maybe the best player in baseball. I know it's coming. The guy's name was King Kelly, and he sold them for $10,000 to Boston. OK. But Kelly got a salary bump from Boston, but Chicago fans are furious. OK.

You know, do it. Their best player is gone. And also, they consider it labor exploitation. Chicago is very, at this time, a lot of socialism, a lot of anarchism. So stupid. So poor player treatment had just led to the ball players forming a union.

Oh, dear. There's that word again. Here we go. I was thinking the other day about when those people walked out of our show for talking about unions in a glowing way. Just not a baby move at all. When I hear the word union, then I think,

and I hear people saying they're good, I'm leaving. I believe. I paid for this, but I'm out. They laughed. Who the fuck comes to our show and thinks we don't like unions? But who? This is what I don't understand.

We live in a world now where opinions are so, like there's so many. You're going to disagree with some shit people say. Especially unions. I mean, I know. That one is crazy. But it's just like leaving. Leaving.

That's it. Harumph. Yeah. There was a group of them. And in many ways, they were on the same page, and they formed together to decide to leave at the same time. Sacramento. Kind of a union-y move.

Union-y move. So the union's called the Brotherhood of American Baseball Players, BP. We'll call it BP. The president was John Ward. Sure. Who had written an article called, The Baseball Player is a Chattel.

And Albert was happily being the villain. And John Ward said, we're basically wage slaves. Like, they own us. OK. But Albert's like, great. I'll be the villain. I get the publicity. PT Barnum, whatever publicity you can get.

It's all good. Awesome. What a good legacy. So a month before the tour, three players were arrested for flirting with a married woman. Oh, god, imagine. How do you even determine that? Oh.

Well, our house was out past Center Field. And so she would gather there with her friends to watch games. And these three players would wave handkerchiefs at her and her friends. And that was, and you got arrested. Fans noticed. What?

Knowledge did fans notice. But the next-door neighbor noticed, who was a Pinkerton. Oh, my god. I've been doing it fast again. I know. Why don't you just be at home? So he went and told the husband. And the husband was pissed.

And he threatened to thump the Pinkerton. So wait, he was going to thump the Pinkerton? Yeah, he was mad that the Pinkerton said that about his wife. I mean, I agree with his move, for sure. My wife is accepting flirtations? Fuck you. Well, what do you mean, fuck me? I'm the one who just told you.

I'm going to butt you, Pinky. So everyone, all of them got arrested. So the Pinkerton, the husband, and the three players. Wow, OK. And the women, nothing. No, they were just innocent women. Yes, they were watching. Boy, a handkerchief wave getting you.

What are you in for? All right, we all wave to handkerchiefs. I don't want to be in a cell with these lunatics. Hey, I almost fucked her. You seen it? I pulled out my handkerchief. But the players are like, we respect her. That didn't happen.

And the judge let them off. OK. But Albert was like, I want moral players on my tour. I don't want to be. No more a kerchief waving. No more trying to handker-panky. Oh, that is handker-panky. Is that where that came from?

It might be. Oh, history, you little magic beast. Wow, you are a vixen. You naughty little one. I invented it. Yeah, fuck. I'm sure someone will let us know that's not correct. Yeah, but let us think in it.

Didn't you hear the joy we just had? Let us have it. So the idea is they're going to get, the players are going to get $50 a week. OK. First class travel in Albert's like this. First class travel. What is first class travel then?

Well, it can be complicated. You get to be up front in the wagon. You don't have to sit next to the shit bucket. You don't have to empty the horse crap. So Albert looks at us like a paid vacation to him. And he gets Union President John Ward to join the tour. OK. Ward's wife designed the uniforms.

OK. Cream white with blue trim and an American flag around the waist that's cinched at the hip. Weird. So you've got a flag belt? Baseball. Right? Yeah.

OK. So you kind of just have like flaggy hips. A player called it exceedingly pretty. Wow. This is not a compliment. It's strange. It's strange what's happening. We still love the flag.

I just, yeah, cinching the waist with the flag. Not a good look for baseball. I like it. Albert also hired Professor Bartholomew. That's right. Who was a one-eyed aerialist. Yes. That's right.

It's not been easy, to be honest with you. Are you sure we're going the right way? I don't know. I have no depth perception. Yeah. No, I was going to say that's a big issue for aerialists. That's not the ball at me. I didn't.

Nobody has that. I don't even think I have a ball. I was so scared. Yeah, there's not even a ball right now. I have no depth perception. Yes. No, you mentioned that. Yeah.

I've chosen a acrobatic error. Yeah. It's a bad move, I think. Yeah. Maybe some to move into a different line of work or something like that. Put everything into it. OK.

I didn't realize I didn't have depth perception when I started the business. Also, the plane's missing a wing. Yeah. Have you been able to? Nope. OK. Yeah, so all right.

I only need half a windshield. Yeah, no. That's the upside. We're saving a lot of money on the windshields, for sure. But in a way, that doesn't make any sense. I couldn't hear you. I blinked. Wait, that doesn't add up.

Oh, my god, hit the gong. We need a new one. So what he would do is he would do a trapeze act from a hot air balloon and then parachute to the ground. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, baseball. What is going? And what is his association with baseball?

He has no association with baseball, but it's another attraction that can get people out to the park. You don't just want people to start watching a game, do you? We need an opening act. So we got this one-eyed balloon trapezius. So the tour was going to go west to San Francisco and then set up to Australia. OK.

Everybody's excited about this huge parade in Chicago as they leave. Sure, of course. People line the streets. Then they get to Minneapolis, another huge parade. Sure. They're a big deal because there's no pro baseball east of the Mississippi at all.

So now wherever they go, it's like, holy shit, there's professional baseball. Right, look at them. In Omaha, they meet up with Clarence Duvall. Now, Clarence Duvall is a very small black guy under five feet tall. He'd been the white stockings mascot for a while. I don't want to know more.

Now, mascots at this time are usually children, entertainers, or what were considered freaks. Right? OK. Players only wanted them around as good luck charms. That seemed OK. I can only imagine the hell this role was. So teams would keep mascots until they started losing

and then they'd fire them. OK, wow. Well, boys, we did everything we could, but this fucking child ruined everything. Get the dwarf out of here. The team is losing. What did I do? You little son of a bitch.

What are you talking about? You ruined baseball. You couldn't hit. Oh. It wasn't out of your head. And whose fault was that little person? I don't think you. Ah, man.

We used to hit till you were around. All right, boys, I got a good feeling. We signed a new mascot. Time to start winning every game again. So the New York Giants had a Broadway star, but after some losses, they were placed in with a homeless 14-year-old. What is happening?

They were into signing street urchins. Wow, a Broadway star. I've done nothing wrong. This is my replacement. So the White Stockings had the first time found Duvall in Philadelphia after firing their boy mascot. OK. Who I assume was just stuck in Philadelphia.

I assume because there's no people. No, I guess I just got to figure out a life now. I live here now. This is it. Cool city. Now, Duvall kind of fit the model because he's under. How does that happen? Do you apply?

Or does the coach just out and about? And he's like, yes. He's out and about. Well, the 14-year-old homeless kid was at the games that they'd won. So they were like, that's our new mascot. It's so crazy to think. I mean, I know our beliefs in medicine were insane.

And everything was crazy and stupid, unlike now. But it is still crazy to think that a manager thought like that. Look, we're not going to make any off-season moves again because we've got a new mascot. It's all about this one role. And then why would you just be thinking, I would find like a wizard.

I'd be like, look, we got a wizard. Yeah, wizard, hobbit. We got a wizard. Yeah. I'm with you on the one. Well, Merlin, this is pretty tough. But what do you mean? I've done everything I could.

Well, we're going with a goblin. Sorry. This is awkward. This goblin? No. I hear they're pretty good. People like to hit one of goblins around. Maybe I could just have one more game.

No. Exasperate. No. Three game losing streak. We can't have any more wizards. Oh, it's just. Wiz over. We've taken such a hit.

Wiz out. Oh, I hate this part a lot. Wiz'n. All right, bye. I'm going to leave. Just use the restroom. Take a wiz. Wiz.

Leaving. So they find Duvall. Duvall under 5 feet tall, black, so not normal. Like that's an oddity. OK. In the baseball. Awesome time. He sang.

He danced. He was really good with a baton. Sure. Anson put him in a blue suit with brass buttons. Sure. OK. But in New York, when the team went to New York to play, Duvall quit and joined a theater company.

Nice. I like that move. Yeah. Very popular big theater company. And Anson is livid. It didn't help that Anson was a terrible, terrible racist. Sure, for sure. I can only imagine.

In his autobiography, he called Duvall a little darky, a little coon, and worse. Jesus. Anson was the Chicago. Not even the publishing company. I was like, there's just a couple things. What about not that stuff? No, that's the whole story.

You'd be confused without that language. Can we not? Can we change the title from a little darky? No. I'm married to it. Stories about you, and this is a lot of this. Well, I'm really a secondary character in this asshole's story.

A lot of this is focused on a guy who was your mascot for two weeks? Yes. This is a rage novel. So it's a spite read. God, I hope he reads it. Anson was also the Chicago manager who refused to let his team play against Fleetwood Walker's

team. Oh, god. Three years later, he refused against another Walker team, which directly led to a ban on all contracts to black players. Wow. So Anson is a huge reason there were no black players until Jackie Robinson in 1947.

So he's an Anshole. You can see how he wouldn't have liked the mascot. I wonder why that guy, Duvall, bounced. He was probably like, yeah, no, this is like. Fuck off and join a theater company. What else are you going to do? He's on Broadway. Well, that backfired.

Yeah. Not that most people, most people didn't want to watch black players regardless. But, oh, except Union President John Ward, who tried to get the Walker Brothers on the New York Giants in 1887. OK. John Ward, one of those guys we find in stories

that are good people. Anyway, in Omaha. So rare. He did cheat on his wife a lot, but whatever. Oh, well, so what? You wave a hankie every now and then. It's the 1880s. So anyway, they run into Duvall in Omaha again.

He'd just been fired by the theater company that he left him for. Well, we had two bad shows. So unfortunately, Duvall, you know who's had those falls on. A bunch of the players wanted him back, and he jumped right into place as the mascot. Now, all the teams at this time would leave the hotel and do like a mini march to the ballpark.

Sure. And so, so Anson comes out, and all of a sudden, there's Duvall doing his baton leading the team. And he's like, what the fuck? And does he furious? OK. The other players talk him down and talk him into letting him be the mascot on the tour.

Oh, my Lord. And pays way to San Francisco. They buy him a new outfit, a checked suit, pant on my hat, leather shoes, a new cane. Wow. But Anson's like, fuck this guy. Well, I was going to say, if he kept that language in his book, he clearly is not happy.

Yeah. Not happy. So 18,000 see them in San Francisco play. OK. Detroit, Denver also, huge, huge crowd. In San Francisco, they partied the night before really hard because people were so excited they were there and then put on a really shitty game of baseball the next day

because they were all hungover. Cannonball Crane was so hungover, he missed the game. What's Cannonball Crane? That's right. Why, the name? I said it. That's a fast picture. OK.

There was no. Cannonball's known for their speed? I mean, try to catch one, buddy. Well, that's fair. Yeah, poor catcher. OK. A headline the next day, quote, disgusted thousands a poor and unsatisfactory game.

OK. Same thing happens the next day. Oh, they're hungover again. I'm worried. The examiner, quote, players cannot train on late hours and alcohol and win. See, that's why they call it the examiner. They really figure things out.

They really got to the bottom of that one. Our medical doctor told us that if you're drunk, you can't play well with the examiner. The next day was the same. So they're just getting shitfaced. They're getting shitfaced at night and then. It's like you in Sweden. A paper ass.

When you barely, when you almost couldn't do the show. That was close. We, they made a beer for us in Sweden called Queen Shit of Lies, but I think it was called. And man, it was strong. Dave had a mustache. I didn't know it was 10%. I thought it was our beer.

It's what we commissioned our agent. I had like four and I was good night. And we had the next day, I was like, do you need some food? You were like, I don't know if I can do the show. So. And this is the first show of the tour. Yeah. I'm not the eighth.

OK, sorry. A paper that asks, can tourists play ball? Can tourists? Can the tourists play ball? They were also calling them the tourists. They're on tour. Oh, OK, OK. And they finally then got their shit together.

They played a couple of decent games. And everyone's like, OK, they can play ball. I spent, Deval was like, thank god. Yeah. So then they headed to LA. They played a game. And then they boarded the Alameda Ship for Australia. Crazy.

Well, we lost 19. Wasn't an easy journey. While they were on the ocean. We all got scurvy. I want to know who's faulted is, Deval. As they set off, the National League owners hold a meeting. OK.

Without Ward there, who is the union president. Sure. And they completely redid the labor policy. OK. They put players now into five categories based on talent, and each got pay adjusted accordingly. So opposed to, you're going to sign a contract with me. Right.

And this is how much you're worth. It's now, well, there's five categories. You're in one of them, and that's where you get paid. So it's a bullshit way to drive down salaries. Right, OK. Players are fucking pissed. Right. But Ward and his second in the union are on the boat.

Oh, shit. So there's nothing they can do. The owners aren't going to talk to them. Like, they're just it's what it's over. Decision is made. Right. So the but first stops in Hawaii. OK.

Need the king and the queen. Sure. Tried to play, but there were Sunday blue laws. Sure. All think I wanted to play because the king, queen, don't give a shit about blue laws, but they're like being told they're going to get arrested. Whatever.

It's just a fucking shit show. Sure. Then they head to New Zealand. Their 2,500 come out to watch. OK. But they're not really there to see baseball. They want to see Professor Bartholomew. Which one's he again?

The one-eyed balloon guy. The one-eyed balloon. Balloon troopers. Yeah, right. A lot of people are leaving before the game. We say what we came to say. Now, the professor wears his normal outfit. What is that?

Quote. An effeminate costume. A full body black leotard with frilly white shorts and matching cuffs and collar. So he looks like a hostess cupcake man. I mean, yes. Even with the filling hole. OK.

Wow. OK. So that's the draw. That's part of the draw. All right, boys. We're going to change the order. Bartholomew, you're following the game from now on. Really?

Yeah, you're that big of a draw. Well, I've got the right shorts. Clark, it's unbelievable. Shall we see? Now let's get out of here before the baseball game starts. Well, they held Bartholomew until after the game. That's what I'm saying. So people would leave.

Right, OK, so they switched the order up. OK, are you going to show me? I'm going to try to find a picture, but I don't think it will come up. I really hope that it does. It probably won't, but we will see. Just, ah, man, he's wearing his. Yeah, it doesn't.

There's a. What was his name again? Bartholomew? Professor Bartholomew. You can try to look it up. I definitely know. So this is what happens. It's too windy in New Zealand.

If you can imagine there being wind in New Zealand. OK. So for the balloon, he can't do it. OK. And the crowd has gathered around, and they're fucking angry. Sure, as they should be. They came to watch a sport.

Quote, they seem disposed to handle him roughly. Oh my god, they're going to hurt him. One of them tries to take a swatch. There, that's him. Man, oh man. I'll just use that for the picture for the episode, because. Oh, man, he is awesome.

It honestly sort of looks like a deconstructed made outfit. Yeah, well, it looks like the naughty butlers here. Yeah, it definitely feels like naughty butler vibe, but he's just got a huge balloon behind him. It's really great. OK. That's a kink. Yeah, it is, yeah, yeah.

So one of them tries to steal a swatch from the balloon is like a keepsake. OK. I mean, if they're not going to get to see it, they're going to take something away. Yeah, it takes something away. The professor pulled the gun. Quote, the man who attempts to cut a piece out of that

will have to cut a piece out of me. All right, that's not a good threat. And then they stopped. Yeah, that's not a good threat. I'll blow your fucking brains out, balloon stealers. Yeah, that's a good threat. That's better, yeah, yeah. But you'll just be like, if you want some of this,

take some of me. They're like, all right, get his rib. I'll shoot you a take off these little man panties. All right, get his main panties off. So that stopped that. OK. The next stop is Sydney. OK.

Huge crowds come out for their arrival. There's the harbors filled with boats. Sure. People are all over the place. They have festivities for two days. Wow. But they've got to love the Australians. There's a sport coming.

It's a national holiday now. We're getting a week off work. But then they played the game and the Sydney Herald wrote, quote, the pleasure derived from watching the players arises from the tax on the ingenuity to divine what it all means. So they're like, boy, we should have figured out the rules. Fuck, what's happening?

It's really enjoyable to watch if you get it. I don't really. But Albert had ahead of time bought articles, like, Articles. Explaining how to play baseball. Yeah, but imagine reading that, yeah. People would be like, what the fuck? Yeah.

Yeah. Cannonball did not play in Sydney because he was hungover. Sure. OK. Right. Rusty. In Melbourne, there were parades. 10,000 saw them play there.

Wow. Albert announced he had extended the tour around the world and the players were excited. OK. Albert then said they would be, quote, going to strange countries and among strange people. Hey, I'm a little less excited now. What's going on?

We're going to be around a bunch of fucking weirdos. I'm not sure. They're not white and they don't speak like us. And that's nightmarish. OK. Anyway, we're doing it. OK. That's all I have.

All right. I'm scared, boys. We all are. You should be. OK. They're not all white. Why do you keep saying that? Well, it's a thing that keeps coming into my head.

Oh, well, stop saying it. I'm a racist. I know, but stop. OK. Thanks. Oh, fuck. Stop. I thought about the white thing again.

Why are we doing this? Baseball. What? I got to open up stores. I'm not sure what is happening with you. But he said representing America, they had to behave. That the players. OK.

Yeah, OK. They played three games in Adelaide. They were too drunk for the second game because before the game in the morning, they went on a wine tour and then stopped for lunch and had beers. Wow. What a great athlete. The mind of the athlete back then was just amazing.

Back then, I went to a Scotland. I think it was the Rangers pre-game warm-up, pre-season warm-up. And they played the Galaxy. And they were so fucking shit-placed, they couldn't play fucking football. And I said that on a podcast. Some Scottish family was like, is this real?

I got to look it up. And then he tweets back later, and he goes, oh, my god. I saw a video of the game. It's crazy. They were just drunk? They were shit-faced. I can't imagine. Yeah.

In front of a giant fucking field stadium. Plowed. That's great in a way. So like I said, three games in Adelaide, second game drunk, games a shit show. OK. At the end of that game, the professor, it went so fast and was such a shit show that he's not ready.

I got my frills. My frills. You guys. So to launch, so he would dig a four-foot wide and four-foot deep trench before every. Why? He would fill it with coal and kindling and set it on fire and then put a flu over it and blow up the balloon with the flu.

OK. OK. And the players would hold it down as the balloon. So it would fill. And then he would jump on the trapeze and go, let go. And the players would let go. Was it tethered to the ground? I don't think it was.

I think they would just hold it. So they would, like with rope, they would just like a few players. Or their hands holding on to the. The basket? The basket. Yeah. There's not a basket.

There's a trapeze. So they're only on the side. Right. OK. Right. So he's just kind of floating. So, OK. The players let go.

The out he goes. And now they're drunk. Well, they hold on to it. OK. OK. They don't. OK. You know what I was hoping for.

Yeah, yeah, I know. No. So off he goes. OK. He goes 2,000 feet up. And then. Jesus Christ. Once he's 2,000 feet up, he starts

doing his trapeze performance, right? Flipping around and twirling. And then he jumps. He jumps? Uh-huh. And he has a parachute on. Oh, right, right. I forgot about that part.

And he pulls the parachute. It opens, and then he does more spinning and stuff until he lands. Sure. And people go. Nuts. Nuts. Fuck.

I understand now why this goes last. And they should be. If you see this first, you are like, what's going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at the end, you're like, this show's great. Yeah, you're like, I'm glad I stuck around. I'm glad I watched these drunks play baseball. This is what baseball is?

Yeah, this is. I like baseball. Why did they make the article sound so boring? This is baseball. Also, Duvall is a big hit in Australia. He does his act. He does a stage show at night. OK.

I assume singing and dancing. The ladies love him. There we go. Handkerchiefs are getting waved. Yeah, and after they left, the Adelaide Register writes several baseball clubs were formed. Oh, wow. OK.

People were excited about it. Next stop was Ballarat. Sure. There's a slight wind. And the professor was blown toward downtown when he went up. Wait, I still don't fully understand how he is. So the balloon is filled.

And they're holding on to it. Who's holding on to it with what? The players with their hands. But he goes 2,000 feet in the air when they let him go. And then he's just floating on a balloon. Correct. And there's nothing. He's just floating.

Yes. That seems insane to me. Like, if you let a hot air balloon with a basket the way that I picture a hot air balloon, it goes up. And if it's windy, you're going that way. Correct. And so every game, he's just like, yeah, hopefully I suffer 2,000 feet above.

Well, let's hear the story. Oh, god. Oh, my god. So it starts being blown towards downtown. Just crazy. And then it took a while when he jumps. It takes a while for the shoot to open. Right.

Yeah, so he can't jump downtown. So well, he is. So he's moving too fast and in the wrong direction. And he hits the Buck's Head Hotel chimney and falls into the backyard of J.K. Baird. Wait, he hits a chimney of a hotel. He doesn't have his parachute open. He does.

Well, it's just not opening. He's going too fast. It's just taking too long to open. So he basically jumps. I mean, he packs a shoot. He didn't pack it right this day. So he just basically jumps from 2,000 feet roughly. 200 feet?

2,000? 2,000 feet. He jumps from 2,000 feet. And he waits a while to open it. And he's like, yeah, well, he's like, I want things to get pretty bad, and then I'll open it. But then he didn't pack it right, so it's not opening. So then he hits a chimney.

It starts to open. He hits a chimney. So he's got a little bit of a shoot going. Right, OK. And then he hits a chimney. Bounces off him. Bounces off the chimney. Into a guy's backyard.

Into a guy's backyard. And then the fans are like, go, Bice Bulls, an unbelievable guy. More of this. Does he live? Yes. He lives. He not only lives, but he is somehow.

He's got two eyes. Not seriously injured. Wow. He only has a big cut on his knee. Jesus Christ. But he's out for a month. He's on IR. Yeah, he said, like, what are we going to do?

He's injured, reserve. Deval. So they spent a final week in Melbourne where Cannonball broke the record for distance throwing a cricket ball. Sure. Wow, it seems like baseball really was their sport. And then they sailed for Asia.

OK. Soon after, there were baseball clubs in all three colonies and spalding stores in Sydney, Melbourne, and Adelaide. So his plan works. It worked. Yes. He's now got the spalding right. And they're like, where are the balloons?

Did you sell those? Where are the frills? Where are the spalding frills? I'm a frill seeker. Thank you. So they sailed for a month. Jesus God. They get to, OK.

So it's a German crew on the ship. That's right. We're ready to tell you how to understand now. And they see Deval's outfit. Yes, very nice. And they think he's royalty. He's as a king, clearly. So be very respectful of this one.

And they start treating him as royalty at just total luxury. Wow. Which the players love. They think it's awesome. Right. We were talking to the king of your baseball teams yesterday. Yes, you were talking to our king. And he was saying that for batting practice,

it's very important that you have a fencing behind you so that the balls are not going crazy. Your king, he seems like to be a very just king. He's a very fair king, we think he is. Oh, he's the best king. He's the best baseball king in all of baseball. And we were wondering, does each team have its own king? Or is it just one king?

No, he's the king of baseball. He's the king of baseball. It was just what we thought. It makes a lot more sense, obviously. Yeah, he's a baseball king. Yes, OK, great. Cool. Where is his queen?

Was another thing we were talking about. Where's the queen? Yeah. He's looking for a baseball queen. Oh, because we were thinking we had someone who potentially. Well, it has to be the American. Oh, yes, of course. Yes, monarchy.

Yes. Right. Gosh, you know, what's strange is none of us sports have a king or queen. Oh, you should have a king. I know. That's what we're saying. Yeah, for football.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Plus, we have a lot of other sports here. Well. Yeah, but they should have kings and queens. Yeah, and then you have your prince. And then if the queen dies, you probably mourn her for an exceptionally long period of time.

It's been $900 million. It's been $900 million on the funeral. People fade to nine. Because you're out of your fucking mind. OK, relax. You could have spent that $900 million on the indigenous people that you murdered. Wow, here we go.

He's looking to camera. So what? Albert doesn't like that he's being treated this way. Of course. I'm the king of baseball. Where? So he turns Duvall over to the ship's captain. What?

As a worker. Oh, my god. And for the rest of the trip, Duvall has to pull a rope to keep the ceiling fans in motion in the dining room. Oh, my lord. And the Germans are like, what is your king doing? Why is your king?

Your king is such a just king. He wants his. He's with the people. He wants the people, his subjects, to remain clean the whole time. This is unbelievable. It's unbelievable. We need a football king.

We need a vet. I mean, you're not going to. Kings are not like this in every sport, surely. Wow. What a king. There's so many German people who are mad at the accents that just happened. Look, we're still mad at you.

Yeah, you guys fucked up. It was crazy. They could get ready for us. Sorry. Yeah, god. We've got to enjoy this phase right now while we have it. We are just headed right there. So yeah, so that's what he does for the ship.

So they go to what is now Sri Lanka. OK. They go there for coal. They're thinking about going to India, but India is not possible. It's just too many. There's a cholera pandemic. They can't fence in there.

Sorry, so what? They can't fence in the fall parks. Just play. It's over. The train ride would be too. It's just they can't do it. OK. Now, while they are players wrote to US papers about the trip,

one described men on Sri Lanka as, quote, weak and effeminate looking, and the women as having, quote, big, soft black eyes, which they use to best advantage as we pass. So it's like, man, the men are lame, but check out the ladies, as has happened where every white guy gets to an island to colonize. Right, right, yeah, right.

Now, the US ship Essex is in port, and the sailors are huge baseball fans. OK. One of them, so much so, that he gives Cannonball a gift. This story is bonkers. When you found this one, were you like, god damn, this is crazy. He gave a monkey. Oh, no, never good.

A Japanese monkey? No. What? Now, Cannonball has a monkey? Yeah, the drunk guy has a monkey. God damn it. There's a lot going on. So they play a game there.

One player wrote, quote, they regarded the whole thing as a joke, for to the Indian mind, nothing is more absurd than athletics. To the Oriental. Meanwhile, a guy, oh god, here we go, OK. To the Oriental, perfect repose is the ideal state. The chasing the fly ball to him is the sheerest folly. So they're just like, this is dumb as hell.

And then there's a guy who, a drunk man with a monkey, and they're like, and that's respect. Now, that is how we do it. Now, that's the sport. Now, Bartholomew, is still, is he able to do his stuff? I don't know if he started doing his stuff again. OK. He does in a bit, but at this point, he's not sure.

I mean, he's still on IR. Close to around a month. He's still on IR, E-Y-E-R. So after this, they go to, yeah, you can't lean back. You're on camera. I'm so tired. So next, they go to Cairo. Now, they took a train there.

Sure. At some point, they would stop, and huge crowds were forming to look at them. Right. I think they're always wearing, well, I can't say for sure, but there's so many pictures of them where they've set up to pose somewhere, and they're always in their uniforms.

So I don't know if they're wearing the uniforms all the time. But I feel like they might have to wear the uniforms all the time. I think they might because it's essentially a publicity tour. You are always playing. When you're in this club, you're always playing. So at one point, all of these Egyptians. Your boys are sleeping in your uniforms, right? You better promise.

They see the monkey. Oh, god. And they cannot believe what they're seeing. Well, they're right. And they also are amazed because the monkey's in a little suit. Yeah, a little suit. Like a Bellman suit? Or like a little like a little monkey suit?

Which is what a horrible people we are when we know what monkey clothes basically look like. I think that's their fashion. I think that's their chosen fashion. I'm sorry. You are floating the thought that potentially the monkeys wear this? Well, I subscribed to Monkey Wear Magazine. I, OK.

And it's mostly organ grinder type monkey outfit. God, horrible. There are some clown outfits. And then suits if they're being business. This is Peaches. He's wearing a lovely organ grinder suit. Peaches is wearing a costume that lets you know he likes to have fun, but he's also business.

That's right. No pants on Peaches. The monkeys don't have to wear pants. They just wear tops only. So as the Egyptians are going crazy over the monkey in the little outfit, a couple of the players look over and look at Duvall in his outfit. Oh, no.

At the next stop, the door's open. And out comes Duvall on a leash with a catcher's mask on. We were having so much fun. And they have him act like a monkey. Ah, fuck. I mean, it was, we were having too much fun. Well, these are Americans in another country. I know, yeah, of course.

We were having fun, and then it has to. Yeah, no, honestly, it's shocking that we had fun. That's the crazy part, that it was actually enjoyable for a minute is what's shocking. Well, you put a bunch of white guys on it. I know. It's a matter of time. It's only a matter of time.

It just it will. It's not when there's not if it's when. So when they get to Cairo, there's a giant crowd waiting for them at the train station. And they're on the platform, and they don't see a way through the crowd to their carriages. There's just too many people. Wow.

And then one of the players see that the Egyptians have no shoes on. Oh, what? God, we're really in the downs. And he shouts, quote, step on the charters, boys. They can't stand that. No. And then they open a path through the crowd

by stomping on the bare feet of the people who have come to seek. That's not how you retain a fan base. That is how you get to it. That is really going to, I mean, you are deaf. There's deaf. We've got a lane. We've got a lane.

Is there just stomping on feet? At the hotel. Oh, God. They finally read a US paper. They have not seen a US paper since they left San Francisco. OK. And there is a story about how the league owners have changed the labor policy in baseball.

OK. And they are fucking livid. They're offended that players, two players, could be classified alike, because everyone has a different skill level and different thing they do. Sure. Ward is especially pissed, because he thought he was going on a trip with Spalding, which

would help build a relationship between owners and players. Now he's wondering if he has been actually sent to get him out of the country so that they can hold this deal. Wow. Yeah, which totally makes sense. Albert's like, I didn't know anything about this. Sure.

He says the policy was, quote, not only impractical, but positively dangerous. Right. And he's like, when we get home, we'll fix this. Right. But the players aren't happy, and they start meeting every day. OK. And they're uniforms.

They only have one outfit. Yeah. The next day's game is at the pyramids. What? What are they? So are they playing on sand? Yes. What?

What? I can't believe you just said yes. So they're? They're? Yes. It's a different game. Oh, baseball cannot. Be played on sand.

Correct. Right. Where's the mound? We can't find the mound. Fuck the mound. Where's first base? We can't find the catcher. They leave the hotel at 10 AM.

The All-American team is on camels. I was just going to guess. Yeah, OK. The Chicago players are on donkeys. Oh, my god. And Albert is in a carriage. Oh, my lord. Good god.

And they ride that way for three and a half hours. And then they're playing to the pyramids. And they're so thirsty. They are exhausted? Yeah. It is hot. Yes. And they have been on animals.

Camels. At one point, Chicago players get mad and say, why aren't we on the camels? And the All-American players happily switch. I was going to say. Because riding a camel is so much worse than riding a car. Who's just like, my taint's not sore enough. Can I get on the camel?

So they get to the pyramids. What? And Albert picks a spot to play that would be great for photos. OK. The Great Pyramid is behind home plate. Well, I can't. There's no part of this makes sense.

Sphinx is down the third baseline. So the Sphinx. No, foul, foul. It was to the right of the Sphinx. It hit the Sphinx. No, it did not. It hit the Sphinx. It was a Sphinx is big.

We should, god damn it. So curious tourists and locals start gathering looking at this weird thing that's about to happen. Sure. Albert has a guy named John Healy start. For the all for the All-American team, because he's from Cairo, Illinois, and his nickname was the Egyptian.

So what great publicity. This white man is a, why is everyone, boy, I'll tell you. It feels like we can't do anything right. He just knows how just, I mean, the American players would just be so excited to write that. Right, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. They would fall in the sand.

Yeah. Anson got thrown out at first because he couldn't get back because he was on the sand. It's going to be so hot and then like running. Oh, it's the whole thing. Catching. Terrible. Like the, your grounders are just like, they just sit there.

Yeah, they just bounce. As they played in the sand, the professor slept through the game, quote, a few feet into foul territory with his good eye closed and his glass one staring up into space. Wow, what a look. Good lord. So like, if any, like an Egyptian would be like, this man is dead.

This is a dead man. One of your players died. The maid one. Your maid died. Your panty guy. Your maid is dead. Who led the, who left the dead man in panties in a black leotard here?

One eyed. I should narrow that down. The one eyed one. He sleeps with one eye open. So after the games over, they see the sites. They had a competition to see who could throw a baseball over a Keops. What?

No one could. And then they threw baseballs at the Sphinx right eye. They threw baseballs at the Sphinx right eye. So it's called respecting another country. It's horrible. Like, these are ancient rep. American move. Man, really makes you think, doesn't it?

Think what? Could I hit it with a baseball? Let's try. That thing's been here thousands of years. Yeah. Yeah, so that was their trip to Egypt. The next place they were going was Naples. OK.

Ship to training. Now, one of Robert's big tour ideas was to play a game in the Coliseum in Rome. OK. He apparently had never seen it because the floor is an open archaeological site. OK. It's not ground.

So guys, you've got to be careful. There's a lot of holes. And it's really, be careful. It's not even hole. I mean, I don't know what it was like then, but now it's just like pillars, and you go down, and you see what it's like underneath. It's not, there's no ground, whatever.

So it's like, it's a digging site that they're digging in if it isn't what it is now. Right, OK. So either it's pinball or it's hole filled. Yes. Right, OK. But he had offered 5,000 up front to play there and to donate half the gate to charity.

OK. And Naples, at Naples, he learned, he got a message that that was absolutely not happening. Oh. And several US diplomats were disgusted that he'd asked. OK, so what's the nuke? All right, let's do Leading Tower of Pisa. They played in Naples.

4,000 came. OK. Including diplomats and royalty and dignitaries. Sure. It's a parade ground. What does that mean? Well, it's not any sort of shaped field. It's just a big, flat, open space.

But I mean, they were just playing in sands. They were like, this is living. Well, they put down the foul lines and the crowd gets very close. The crowd gets very close? They said the crowd's like. There's no stands. So the crowd, so the crowd is like, that is the line.

We're not allowed to cross. Yeah, so we stand on the next line. So we go right here and you're fine. We look it down here. I don't know why they're so, we're very dangerous as a closer we are. Yeah, we get very close to the line. It's a fine.

We sit here. It's a fine line. We have a spicy meatball. We wash the game. No, no, no. You don't need to bring in a spicy meatball. We have a spicy meatball. No, stop it.

Why are you watching the game? No, no, no. It's not a much. It's just a meatball? No, it's the whole concept. It's like our whole culture is not boiled down. They're like just one stupid thing you say. It's a spicy meatball.

No, no, it's not. It's a spicy baseball. No, it's not. So they're all sitting. Hey, why are they not playing with the meatballs? They bet they should have been on a cook the spaghetti. It's a spaghetti ball. So they're all just sitting on the line.

Sure. And Albert's like, this won't work. And he finds out how to say get back and Italian. And he yells at Adam and walks up and down the line. They're not moving. Why not make a second line? Well, OK, they might have just moved closer. But you're right.

Second line. In the fifth inning, a player to foul ball, a line drive. Hey, you said he's dead. That nailed the middle-aged guy right in the forehead. Oh, wow. And knocked him out. Oh, my God. And then the crowd went nuts and rushed the field.

What? Ah, this game's over. So they're furious. They're furious. I mean, how do you watch? I'm sure they just run out to defend the Americans. But how do you watch five innings and not at one point go, this could have get a bad.

This could be a better thing. I don't. I don't know. Wow, some of these are really always. How do they never hit us? I don't know. That's why they got a player with a meter ball. So they always feel they're, I assume they're like,

what are you doing? Like, you know, it's getting in the face of the players. We're playing. Now, Anson had been very angry at the calls that had happened. Sure. And his team is behind these, these, they really wanted to beat each other. It's crazy to think that that even matters anymore.

OK. So when all the people rush the field, he picks up home plate and walks away. Well, I'm going home. Now, if there's no plate, the game would have to be called because they didn't need to play. And the score then reverts back to the previous inning when Anson's team was ahead.

Oh, so he knows. What a crazy rule to know. Everybody knows that. Really? But if you take home plate. No, if you take home plate, but if a game gets called. By the way, can we please see a little bit of that tried now? Well, there's nothing we could do,

even though the Reds were up 7-6. The manager took the plate and that goes to the previous inning where they were down by two runs. So this game is over. Another amazing move by the manager. Shrewd, very shrewd. Haven't seen that since Italy.

No, no, we've not seen that one since the Naples foul ball. So after the crowd has calmed down and the injured guys revived and everyone's feeling better. He's OK. He's all right. He's just took a little dent to the meat ball. Yeah, OK, relax. They go looking for Anson and they find him.

And he's like, all right, we'll come out and play. He's like, eating? He's like, no, no, let me finish my pasta. And then we can maybe play. And Albert's just like, no. And he calls the game and says, your team lost. OK. But you know, it's almost like an actual World Series.

They're like keeping track of who was won and at the end the winners crowned it, whatever. So they go to Rome. They play in front of 4th out. They just do tourist stuff. Today, like, was it Rome plate? I'm so sorry I'm laughing. I'm so sorry I had to say it.

I apologize to everybody. He tried to beat the Pope, but they're like, yeah, he's a little busy. He tried to beat the Pope? They'll meet the Pope. Oh, I was like, the Pope isn't going to play. Levion now, I'm going to slap on the Pope. The Pope.

Levion! And the Pope is up to bat. Pope, having a weird year, has not played baseball yet. He's not really understanding. He's swinging at most the stuff. That's strike two. I feel like this is the first time we've seen the Pope's calves.

Yeah, the Pope has a pretty good body, turns out, under that sort of dressy, roby thingy. So what the ladies are enjoying it, that's for sure. That's right. Well, the Pope seems pretty focused on hitting this ball, but he's been out for two strikes. That's right. Right now, we have no balls, four strikes on the Pope.

The Pope does not understand how the game of baseball has played at all. He takes another strike. Oh, there goes the smoke. We got a new pitcher. We got a new pitcher. That's right, the Skippers pulling out the pitcher. We got smoke coming out of the Pope chimney.

The Pope's down six strikes. We got a full count. Nine balls, eight strikes for the Pope, who once again has not had the rules broken down for him in any way. He really does not understand his holiness, has no idea, and he's got another strike. To be fair, Jimmy, I just want to get in here

and say the whole, the entire idea of the Pope is just made up horseshit. That's absolutely right, but you wouldn't know it letting him go today, because they're really letting him have a go. He acts like he's closer to God than anybody, which is like something you would think came from like 3,000 BC. All right, relax, Bill, now.

It's almost like someone had a fucking queen. All right, relax now. I'll tell you one thing. I bet if his holiness could reach out to the Lord, he should do it now, because he has not come near one of these balls. We're at 15 balls, 19 strikes for his holiness, and I'm not sure how much longer this could go on.

We've been at the bottom of the fifth for a while now. His holiness really doesn't know what he's doing, and he takes another strike. Somebody would just have the goal to go up and explain to him that this is not how the game works, as we are at 32 balls, 55 strikes. His holiness is just absolutely clueless. This is an absolute nightmare right now.

We've gone through six pitchers. We could use a shizm. We could absolutely use a shizm is what we could use. Anyway, here we are. Cardinals down. We'll be right back. And he's hit one, and he doesn't know what to do. He has no idea what to do.

He picked up the ball, so he's out. He picked up his own hit, so he is out. What a dumb pope. He's not the smartest pope. So the next ticket train to France, and on the train, Cannonball is being a dick to some passengers. So they point out to the conductor that his ticket is for solo travel, but he has a monkey.

So the conductor. I don't mean to be rude, but could possibly see the monkey's ticket. Where is the ticket for the monkey? He should at least have a quarter of a BA, because here's the quarter man. He's not even a monkey. Yes, but maybe you buy a child ticket,

or something of that nature. We're sharing a seat. It's a monkey. Yes, but unfortunately, your ticket is only good for you. It is only me. No, no, but if I'm animal. No, you see, well, yes, he's a tiny animal, absolutely, but he'd need to have some sort of compensation

towards the train company in order for this. Because he is riding. Nobody gets a free ride. He sits in my pocket. He's put that, fortunately, you'd be like a new mother with a newborn child, saying your baby does not need. He's not a child.

He's a monkey. I'm going to eat him when we get back to America. I don't like to hear that. None of us do. I mean, he's basically a snack. No, no, no, he's a look. Snack and an outfit. I would tell you one thing.

I'll tell you one thing. If the monkey was bare and it was just his fur, I would not bother you. But unfortunately, he has clothes on. Clearly, he's more men than monkey. You put a little outfit on him, he became man. He's not. He's why does he have a little cap on outfit?

Because he's got a big dick. We cannot see that. Because he's got clothes on. We're all very impressed with the size of the monkey member. But we must, again, if he's wearing little outfits, it's clearly. He's got to hide the bottom. He's got to hide the penis.

Can you please stop making this about the monkey's cock, huh? Well, you don't want to ask me why he has clothes on. Well, no, but I'm not asking why. I'm merely making the point that if he has clothes on, he is more of a man than a monkey. And therefore, anyone who's clothed, like, for instance, I don't know if you know about first, you write free of your naked.

That has been a nationwide rule. There you go. Hold on, let's go. Oh, I know I said don't call you cannonball, eh? Cannonball! Don't let that flag hit the ground. And your nation is great insult, your belt flag. Remember from earlier?

Oh, I remember. That's OK. So the conductor tells me I have to pay 26 more francs. I'm going to be frank with you. He says absolutely not. I can't believe we're fighting over the monkey ticket. The Americans get kicked off the train. Wow.

God, we are like, I mean, when it comes to travel, you should need a license to leave the country. You really should. Americans are good. We should just have. You should have to take it. There's a citizenship test to live in this country and be a citizen.

We should have to take a test before we go abroad. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, OK. I'm sorry, you're just not ready to leave the country. Then he pays the fine and they wait for the next train. OK. And you have a ticket for your monkey? No.

Oh, there you go. They could not find a field to play on in Nice. So they're just like stand-ups showing up? No, they have a guy who's setting things up ahead of them. Well, what's his deal? He's like, he couldn't find a place to play. Well, then he's not great. There's like some event going on.

So there's like people over the place. I think it was carnival. So it's just hard to find. They had a hard time finding hotels in Nice. Like it's a shit show. OK. They go to Paris. There they played on a lot that was right next to the Eiffel

Tower that was being built. OK. And it rained the day before, so the ground's muddy and there's gravel. Sure. Ned Williamson, who is the current home run king of baseball, slices open a huge cut on his knee on the gravel.

I just, they, like it's not like tennis. Right. Baseball's played on grass. And they're like, all right, well, we're going to play on sand today, boys. What about gravel? All right, guys, we're going to play on gravel. How do you guys feel about crushed glass?

All right, boys, we're going to play on water today. What? Well, we're going to play on the surface of water. Boys, it's pudding day. All right, everybody, get ready. It's England. All right, boys, we're going to play on some slick oil. Come on, boys.

So the cup became infected. OK. He goes back to the hotel. He's not doing well. OK. The French, having watched the game, decide that baseball's very similar to a game French school children play that went all the way back to the Middle Ages.

OK. So baseball must be based on that. Baseball is based on the touch. That's why I say college baseball. It's a baseball. Because it's based on art, of course. It's a baseball. OK.

Well, I guess they're not amused. Right. I'm sure you realize that you actually stole the sport from France, huh? No. Yes, because in the 1300s, our children would play stickball. And just your game, weak little thieves, huh? What?

You're not trying to say properly you are a thief, and your game is not near as good as ours, huh? Come on. Don't touch me. I touch you, huh? Froggy frogman. Oh, monkey monkey man, huh? Ha, ha, ha.

After France, they cross the channel. They go to London. Now, Albert has been working as contacts in England, because he thinks that's going to be a big place for baseball. Right. So he got on the previous tour. She's got his connects. Sure.

So this time when they get to, I mean, there's festivities. And then when they get to the, they're playing at an oval. So when they get there, they're met by princesses and dukes and earls. They're at a lunch before the game. Isn't this all strange? A bit over the top, aren't we? The Prince of Wales is expected to arrive

in the middle of the game. Sure. It's raining. There's a really thick fog, so no one can see the other side of the field. All right, you ready? You've got some nice English weather for you then. Yeah, there you are.

But most people had come to see the Prince anyway, so they didn't care about the game. Wow. It's just, get it together. Yeah, come on, you guys. How long are you going to do this? It's like wearing your Halloween costume year round. When he arrives in the second inning, the game stops,

and the teams all salute the Prince. That's right. Hello. There's a little button off. Yes. In the middle of the fifth, he went and shook all the players' hands. Can we take a time out?

I'd like to shake each player's hand. It's time to touch them. Hello, yes. And you're the monkey. Hello, this is the monkey. Then Albert was invited into the Prince's box to explain the game to him. Now that we're in the sixth inning,

what in God's name is this? When a player hit a triple, the Prince slapped Albert's thigh and said, quote, that was a hard clip. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We hunt them off, right? Wow. When a run scored, Albert slapped the Prince's shoulder

and the court were horrified. And when Tolley had broken decorum, Albert didn't care. OK. He wanted to fucking Prince guy. He hit my leg. They handed out cards to everyone in the stadium to write what they thought. They handed out comment cards?

We've got a few notes. Quote, appears childish. Appears childish. A silly game. It is rocked. Oh, my lord. So in the UK, they're supposed to play 10 games in 11 days. Oh, my god.

But John Ward bails. He goes home to deal with the union business and also he's an impending divorce, because she's someone's wife all the time. Sure, OK. So it's a twofer. But the papers try to blame her. For the divorce.

Because she's an actress and he had made her quit being an actress. If they were married and then the papers are like, well, it's because she wants to be an actress. But she's like, no, I'm acting again because he's fucking everybody. Right. It's nice.

It's a huge public thing. Anyway, the UK games are often in bad weather. In Sheffield, the game was called Due to Fog. In Bradford, there was snow. Sheffield, what a shit hole. Great and wonderful place. We love you, Sheffield. Because our social media editors from there.

He came to visit me in Stalbridge, where my family lives. And he was just crapping all over it, because he loves Sheffield. Anyway, go ahead. Fuck, Sheffield. Inchard Ned Williamson missed it all. His health worsened. OK.

Wait, who is this? The other guy cut his knee. Oh, OK, right, right. As the team landed in Ireland, the Herald reported, quote, he experienced a relapse yesterday, which assumes something like the form of paralysis of his lower extremities. So this guy is going to die from gravel knee?

The intense agony followed. We had an infection. This is dangerous. He cut his knee. He cut it on gravel and mud. Like it's a dirty knee. No, yeah, it's like, yeah. By the way, calling it a relapse doesn't seem fair.

What does that mean, like he put gravel back in it? Oh, he's hooked on gravel. Come on now, Ned. I assume he got better and then got worse. Right, yeah, no. But it's like, yeah. Albert refused to pay his hotel room bill. Well, Ned, you're not playing.

So that's exactly right. Right. And this time in baseball, players took care of their own medical problems. And if they missed a game, they did not get paid. Man, that's so weird. Because now we just call them citizens. That's like working at Amazon.

It's like having, yeah, yeah. Williamson never forgave Albert. So the last game they played was in Dublin, lords. Did they play a Dublin header? That was bad. Yeah, not good. Lords and fancy people came, right? Yeah, they were much more receptive than the English.

Also, a lot of the guys on the team are Irish-American. So they were like, going back to their. Just as unbelievable as before. Yeah, OK, I love it. They were like, you can play a sport and get money. Like, then they board a ship and they sailed home. OK. They got to New York on April 6th.

Heroes welcome. Cannons are fired at New York Harbor. A brass band is playing. The monkey. Cannibal Cran is the last one off the ship with the monkey. The monkey's like, my life's been pretty crazy for a monkey. I'm not from here. I didn't want to be a tourist.

I'm a wild animal, but I played baseball in a few different countries. I was in Japan as a monkey, and now I'm here. But America is. The big city. America is in a patriotic frenzy over the successful world baseball tour. Wow.

Players are very happy to be home. Do they know what happened? It's just doesn't matter. It almost doesn't matter. They did it. Right. It's like us with war. Yeah.

Answer, quote, if you think you'll get me out of this country again, you are greatly mistaken. The only one who said he wanted to travel again was cannonball. Yeah, it's mainly because the monkey loves the road life. I got a monkey out there. Yeah. Quote, the travel one creates the desire for more. That's the drunk guy with the monkey.

But that is true. It's just you would not think it would be the one person, and it'd be the drunk guy with the monkey who would say it. Well, by the way, he's going to have to cut his travel budget in half, because he's not going to see a little monkey. You've got to get monkey tickets. So the plan is not to barnstorm all the way back to Chicago.

So that means playing games all over for more publicity. Everywhere they go. Are they having trouble adjusting to grass? They're like, it's so straight to the surface. It's like the moon. It's mushy. It's really strange. Everywhere they go, they're lauded as heroes.

There's a big, huge banquet held in New York City. Mark Twain, Teddy Roosevelt, any big name is there. Wow. They stopped at the White House. They met Benjamin Harrison. Wow. I thought you were going to say Franklin. No, the other.

Yeah. He's dead. He was the first president. He was not the first president, Dave. He was the third. Yeah. Duh. In Chicago, when they get back to Chicago,

people go bananas. Wow, the monkey must have loved that. Cops cannot hold the crowd back. Wow. Did they try to try and align? People grab the players, put them on their shoulders, and carried them to their waiting carriages. That is at the back of a massive parade.

It's led by the National Guard Band, bagpipers, two marching bands, 58 amateur uniformed baseball teams, many other sporting clubs, and 60 carriages, four of which had pyrotechnics that were shot off and behind it all worth 1,000 bicyclists. What 1,000 bicyclists? They had a tour de France at the caboose. That is crazy.

Yeah. Didn't people have jobs? They just went to play fucking baseball and didn't go that well. It went badly. A guy died from gravel almost. We had a show once, our first tour in Australia, and this guy wanted to get a group picture.

And without my approval in any way, he put his head in between my legs, tall guy, and he picked me up. He forcibly put me on his shoulders like I was a child. And as he lifted me up, my head hit a beam on the ceiling so hard. And then he put me down, and everyone was like, oh, wow, wow, I was like, what just happened?

OK, so that's like that. OK. 150,000 people come out to see the parade. The Tribune, quote, businessmen were in it, toughs and sports were in it, and also a great many ladies. And they went fairly crazy. Wow. The parade ends at the hotel they're staying in.

Oh, boy. Where there's a big banquet in the dining hall. The mayor and other big fancy people speak. Sure. People speak. We don't need success abroad to celebrate. The only thing left is the final game in Chicago, which is the next day.

But they partied all night, and the players are terrible. No one could play defense. It stopped in the fifth inning. OK. And then that's it. That's the tour. Wow. Albert writes an article about the tour.

He said, Hawaii, New Zealand, and Australia would become baseball countries. Egypt was two backwards. Italians and French were not interested in sports at all. What? An England head cricket. An England head cricket. OK.

I mean, it's just such a Yankee assessment. The Egyptians are backwards. I know, totally. Well, they're clearly backwards. They didn't enjoy it. They don't agree with what we do. They're wrong. You understand?

Obviously, the Italians and French don't like sports. Well, the Italians and French, they're not capable of having a sporting mind, and the Egyptians are backwards. And the Italians and French known for any sport that you can think of? No. Nothing comes to mind.

They never won anything. Nope. Nope. World cups. They have bocce ball. May 19th, players Ian Repps from each team met at the Fifth Avenue Hotel in New York and discussed a general strike, but the owners thought

they'd be painted as, they thought the owners were painted as un-American radical leftist types. So they decided, instead, to have every player quit the league and start their own league. Oh, nice. Teams only signed players for one year, so at the end of the year. Everyone could quit.

You could just board a tire. The monkey was like, boys, boys, boys, let's take this through. So they just needed financial backing, which they got from Cleveland trolley baron Al Johnson, and they keep this all a secret. Sometimes there's terms that don't feel right. Trolley Barons up there.

Trolley Barons up there. So Ward goes to meet with Albert, and they speak for two hours in Chicago. He's just trying to get the owners to meet the union. OK. That's all he wants. Yeah. Afterwards, Albert tells the press the players' grievances

were not, quote, of a sufficiently urgent nature to warrant such an action. Sure. Yeah. They can have a meeting. A meeting? It doesn't seem important. The Chicago Chippewan, a couple of months later,

broke the new player league story on September 8. An eight-league team with a board made equally of players and owner reps, income would be split between the owners and the players. Wow. Most players jumped into the new league. Yeah. At that point, Albert offered to meet with the players.

All right, all right, all right. Let's brag, Brad, boys. Quote, I will be pleased to have you name a date when it will be convenient for your committee to meet the league committee. They better not. Ward said, absolutely not. Nice.

Good, yeah. What an idiot. Of course, most papers back to the owners, including the New York Times. Sure. The sporting times. By the way, and let's just say, the New York Times, maybe they got that wrong.

But when it comes to podcast recommendations. They really know what. They know what they're doing. Yeah. They know what's number one. They get it and know what number the number one one is. The sporting times was pro player. So Albert bought it and replaced the editors.

Oh, wow. Wow. Wow, that doesn't sound like now. After the World Series, Ward published a letter stating the National League had no integrity and was only about money. Quote, players have been bought, sold, and exchanged as though they were sheep instead of American citizens.

The Chicago sheep. The National League. Basketball. The National League response was no, we're great, and the players owe their dignity of the profession to us. That's so, like, it's just so such a nebulous. Yeah, it's just like, well, you owe the dignity of the game. Like, what are you talking about?

Let me know a profession with us. You'd just be out there. You just had a guy. You just put him on a sand field. Another guy got his knee stuffed with gravel. There's a drunk man named Cannonball with a monkey. What is this dignity you're claiming to uphold? The National League went to court to try to stop the players

league and failed. So then they scheduled their games at the exact same time. With no players? Well, they got players. Right, they just, right. OK, so they're right. There's a third league, the American Association. They're just watching this fight.

All three of the leagues lose money that season. The players league out 125,000. Fans were just tired of the fighting. And they kind of stayed away. And the leagues are all not as good as they could be if they were. Right, because you're kind of sparsing it. Yeah, right.

It's all spread out. And then the most important thing of all, of course, is the players, which is what the players league had. That's the labor. That's the thing that drives the engine. But their financiers are not convinced after the first season. In October 1890, Al Johnson and two others secretly

went to Albert, told Truce Talks, which Albert used to drive a wedge between the financiers and the players of the player league, and then set up a meeting with the National League, the American Association, and the players league backers. Ward is not invited. He tries to get in, and they keep him out. OK.

At that meeting, the players league is killed. Wow. Of course, yeah, because they basically don't talk about it. They absorb the good. Man, just stand your ground. Ward goes back to the National League. He plays for two years.

Then he quits, works as a lawyer. Ned Williamson never recovered. Really? He played two poor seasons, and that was it. He had developed a liver problem from the infection. Oh, my lord. No treatments worked, and he died three years later. Oh, my lord.

He never forgave Albert. His home run record lasted until Babe Ruth beat it. Wow. Clarence Duvall caught on with a famous African-American vaudeville act, Bert Williams and George Walker. They showed Americans a more rounded view of black life were very important. Booker T. Washington said, Williams

had done more for our race than I have. Wow. So he had a good. Yeah, right. He went to a good place. Yeah. The tour hurt Antson and Albert's relationship. Antson resented him for the loss of money,

because they had made money in Australia, and then he extended the tour, and they lost money. Right. He was then further upset when Albert stepped away from the team and didn't name him as a replacement. So he moved on and found his way into theater, where he had success. It's always amazing how many people just are like,

I'm going to do a play about it. He did. He did a play. They always do plays about the thing. It was a fictional play based on his life. And he would play yourself. And he was playing himself. They always did that.

Yeah. Like, imagine if we stopped the dollop, and you're like, I'm just going to do the Dave Anthony story, or I'm just going to do the dollop show when I play me. Yeah. And then you have some clown guy, and you're like, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, and you're like, this guy's an idiot.

I'm glad we just admit you're a clown guy. But Antson still died broke in 1922. Wow. His grave reads, here lies a man that batted 300s. Wow. He batted way over 300. One that his grave lied? Yeah.

I guess it says, though, here lies. It's humble. Here lies, so you're calling it out. After killing the Players League, Albert then killed off the American Association. In 1891, it was absorbed into the National League. Now, everyone wants to believe or want to believe that America invented baseball.

And I think part of that came from what happened on the tour. What would the French being like? Like, the English are like, it came from cricket. And the French are like, oh, that's so mean. That's what children played. So he forms a committee to find the origins of baseball. Phil the Americans. The committee gets written a letter

by Abner Graves, who said he was there in 1939 when Abner Doubleday sketched baseball's first diamond in front of a Cooperstown, New York, tailor shop. OK. Now, Graves was an ex-Union Civil War general. It didn't matter that his story was nonsense. I said 1939. You're 1939?

18. This is what year is it? Yeah. What year are we saying we invented baseball? OK. OK. Sorry. That's OK.

He's a, Graves is an ex-Union Civil War general. It doesn't matter that his story is nonsense or that he was a very well-known liar who said he had run on the Pony Express or had serious mental health issues being hospitalized three times and having killed his wife. This guy had the story. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, well, let's listen to him. Albert also ignored Oliver Wendell Holmes, who said he had played baseball at Harvard in the 1820s. OK. Nope. Spalding with his power and his mouthpiece, he pushed the Abner Doubleday story. And soon, everyone believed baseball

was created in 1939 in Cooperstown. 1839. Sorry. 1839 in Cooperstown. So much so that the baseball holofame is now there. Right, right. Baseball actually evolved from an English kids game called baseball.

But I mean, you can't draw a parallel. I mean, that's one of those things where it's like, if there were some super common things, then I would say, OK, maybe you can do that. But that, to me, is just sort of like, every country is going to claim it. It's just so strange like that. It is first mentioned in a book about children's pastimes

called A Little Pretty Pocket Book, published in 1744. It is described in a city ordinance in 1791 in Pittsburgh, Massachusetts, that prohibited baseball from being played within striking distance of windows in the town hall. But still, he got his way because he wanted baseball to be an American-invented sport. And can't listen.

And this is not just to the people listening in America, but internationally. We don't concern ourselves with realities and facts. What we want is what it is. And stop trying to take that away from us. We are children who want to believe. So let us. Thank you.

Albert Spalding's wife died in 1899. He then married his mistress, who he'd been with for years. And they had a son who he then adopted. Oh. So Camilla Parker-Bowl's situation. They moved to San Diego. He died very wealthy. He died of a stroke in 1915.

And the New York Times called him the father of baseball. Yeah, which is true. Because, again, we have chosen that that is how it is. So thank you, everybody. The source of this is Mark Lamster's Spalding's World Tour. What a crazy, crazy, crazy story. It's just. What in the name?

Why is baseball always crazy? I don't know. Do you look into other sports? Is it just you have no interest? I don't, because I don't. Did football play in Cairo? I've looked a little bit into football. There's a couple of football stores I want to do.

But they're not as insane. Basketball was never played in. Basketball has a lot of terribly racist stuff in its history. Unlike this story. But not like crazy player stuff. I mean, what is it? It's just like moths to a flame. It's really because of the.

God, baseball is, I think, more of a lifestyle than those sports. Sure. Baseball is you're out playing. You go out for two weeks and you play. You play other teams. You play 160 years. Yeah, there's a lot of games, right? I just think it's a different lifestyle.

I think one of the saddest things is how refined and professional baseball players are now. When they talk, they don't have interesting opinions. They don't show any interesting weird personality quirks. There's some guys that have mental health issues, but there's no like that guy is just a wacky fun weirdo. It's all very sanitized. I'll tell you, does any player travel with a monkey in today's game?

Yeah, no. Wow. That's just sad. That's a crime. That's sad. Get back to your roots. And then the professor, he kept doing the balloon stuff. The professor, and as a matter of fact,

he hired other people to do it to try to branch out. And one guy, he franchised. Oh, died. Oh, gosh. He was like, I remember he was yelling at the guy. The guy was like, wobbling around. And he was like, don't jump. Don't jump.

No, the guy's like, jump, jump. Yeah, so I don't know what happened to Professor Bartholomew. You know what they call that? He's guy died. I don't know what they call it, Professor. I don't know what happened to Professor Bartholomew. But yeah, there were a couple of tragic sort of. A lot of people say he was a frill seeker.

So I don't know if you've heard that anywhere. That's right, baby. New York Times. I live out of the New York Times, just pops up and always does the wrong thing. They do the right thing. They're always like, yeah, now we'll take the owner's side. Oh, yeah, Spalding's a father of baseball.

The New York Times is just throughout history just a fucking garbage job. Yeah, but when it comes to recommending podcasts. Now, here's the thing, though. They get it. With podcasts. They get it. Yeah.

Podcasts and food. Yep. That's why I never been wrong and war. Never. All right, so that's the end of the dollop. We like to do it like this. If you want to watch this or if you want to see our extras that we do,

we do a bunch of stuff on our Patreon. You can just search the dollop on Patreon. Dare I say, we're pretty cheap for our extra content and you get a bunch of good stuff. Add free experience for a dollar and we do a bunch of cool shit. And cops. And we're cops and we're now legally police officers. All right, well, good to meet you.

Good to meet you. You're a good guy. Yeah, you too. You're awesome, all right. All right, man.