The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 569 - Mary Read and Anne Bonny

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine ladies of the sea, Mary Read and Anne Bonny Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch     Mindboom

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an

American History podcast where each week I, Davide Anthony, read a story from American history to person. Thanks buddy. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. I'm way more. I am a person but right but you could say it's definitely again feels like a little bit of a downgrade considering I've been your friend. Yeah acquaintances I think is I think if people had to describe us they would describe us as acquaintances. I don't think that's a couple. I don't think that's a couple guys who met once. That's true and the extent of it you know what I mean like that's sort of where. No I'm

pushing back. You're pushing back. I'm pushing back. What would you definition be? Well I would you said you're friend that was act we're friends. Who do you text more than me? Nobody. My dad. No you don't. Your father died of natural cause. It's the only way I can get through it is to text him and pretend like he's still there and I also have another account and I answer it. I have his old phone. I have his old phone and I respond sometimes. Is your father on the celebrity dating app? Did I send and my dad said that you killed him? No he did. How would he be able to say that if he died? Part of me feels like this is nice to hear because it's

like you've never really dealt with it. Well when I deal with it you should be scared. Why? You know why. Why? Cause you killed my father. And what? Cut to music and called it quote his jam pad. Jam pad? I'm the fucking hippo guy. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly podcast. Okay. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. No sleep down hippo. Actually partner. No. I see done my friend. Anyway read your dates or whatever. You know what we are quits. When this comes out Dave on the 31st of January, I'll be in West Nyok at Levingey live February 9th through the 11th. I'll be in Sunnyvale California at Roostertea Feathers March 13th

I'll be in Fort Wayne, Indiana, March 14th, Indianapolis, Indiana, March 15th, Louisville, March 16th, Columbus, Ohio, March 17th, Dayton, Ohio, March 18th, Perrysburg, Ohio, and there's two shows. March 19th, I'll be in Cleveland, March 21st, Lexington, March 22nd, Richmond Heights, Missouri, which is St. Louis, March 23rd, Kansas City, March 24th, Des Moines, Iowa, March 25th, Des Moines, Iowa, March 26th, Omaha, then April 12th, I'll be in Tacoma, April 13th, Spokane, and then I'll be in Bozeman, Montana, April 14th, and 15th at Last Best Comedy, doing stand-up.

You can go to garethrenalds.com for all the ticket and information, and go to garethrenalds.com. If you want to see my special, there's a special link there, and it's won an Emmy. Hey. Did you see, have you seen Patton on Celebrity Jeopardy? I've seen the Money He's Won. I haven't watched it. The last one was, the last one was with Brendan Hunt, who I used to do improv with, and Patton, and it was a goddamn nail biter.

Was it? Yeah. It was one, it was crazy. It was crazy. Pretty easy questions, because that hobbit's not very smart. I know him. Okay. I wanted, I wanted to start the, the, I'm good.

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So right now Mind Bloom is offering our listeners $100 off your first six-session program. When you sign up at mindbloom.com slash dollop and use promo code dollop at checkout, go to mindbloom.com slash dollop promo code dollop for $100 off your first six-session program today. That's mindbloom.com slash dollop promo code dollop around eight, around 1690. Whoa. A young woman met and married a sailor whose last name was Reed. Sure.

She became pregnant, but her husband then died at sea before the baby was born. Okay. Pregnant widow or unknown as a prego. Don't. Don't. It's known as a prego. Stop. Pregow.

Please. Anyway, she then had a son and her mother-in-law had money and so I'm going to call her, so the names aren't, we don't have the names of these people. So the widow Reed lives with her mother-in-law and depends on her mother-in-law for support. Should we just give her a name? Do we want to just call her? Well, we're going to call her the widow Reed. We call it, we're calling her the widow Reed.

We could call her any. I don't want to give her. No, well, that's fake history. We could, we could pitch on it a little bit, open it up to pitching. Ivanka. Ivanka. How about sea mantha because her husband died at sea. That's cute.

However, she soon fell in love with another sailor and became pregnant again. Don't let him go to sea. She has a type. So this is a problem because if the mother-in-law found out, she would stop supporting her. And the mother-in-law could even try to get custody over her son. So she has to hide the pregnancy? Well, she wants to hide the relationship and the pregnancy. So the widow Reed leaves town.

Well, one of those is a little easier to hide. I mean, you're just like, all right, she's in bed, let's go out. But the other is just like, I'm just, I am carved up. You could, you could say, I'm not doing the macaroni diet, okay. And I'm not going to just cargo loading and or you could say, I'm carrying a pig in my waist, my mind is crazy to keep. No, it's to keep the pig warm. Yeah.

I have good ideas. It's just having fun and then now I'm like scared to do stuff with you. So she leaves town and she goes somewhere else to pretend like, you know, she's a sad widow. And she's still having her, she's still keeping the affair with her new man secret. But widow Reed's living a cursed life soon after she arrives in this new town, her baby son dies. Oh, her, the new one.

No, the, the, the first one. The other one. So the second one's still baking. So I don't, let's just move ahead, but I don't like, I don't, what I don't understand. Okay. So, so she's like, I need the help with my kid and I can't lose that. But then she goes to another town where she's not going to have help with the kid anyway. No.

The mother's still sending her money. Mother-in-law's still sending her money. Oh, she's sending her, okay. Got you. There's a stipend. Yeah. Okay. And then the kid dies.

Now that's her only reason she's getting money, right? No boy. So this would end support from the mother-in-law. So she comes up with a plan. No dear. Once her new, if her new baby's a boy, then she would stay long enough for the boy to grow up a bit and then pass them off as the first child. Oh God.

It's a good plan. It's a good thing it wasn't the pig plan you came up with. See how short-sighted your plan was? It's a really good plan. Please be a boy. And Dave, I'll tell you, I don't, if it's a girl, it's going to be hard, it's going to be tough. Well, we'll see.

Uh-huh. So she has a girl. Goddamn. I knew it. So now she's like, oh, and she must just be like, check again. Check again. Check. Check.

There's got to be something hanging out. Keep checking. Do they ever come in late? Do they ever emerge a little late? Are they like, can a penis be like a mushroom? Are you talking about the penis in testicles? No, they don't come out. They don't pop out late.

They're not mushrooming. Well, I know sometimes mushrooms take over. Is it, if I water it enough, will it sprout? No, that's not how. We're looking for a little harvest. It's not how it works. It's not how it works. Weenie, weenie, weenie, weenie.

No. Does that do anything? No. It just makes me tingle. Do you have a swap thing? Could we swap? No, we don't have that yet. Is there a bin?

Is there a bin of any kind? A bin? Or I could maybe. I'm looking to have a boy. I need to have a boy. I'm making money because if I don't have a boy, I'm screwed. I was screwed. That's what got here.

But okay, well, I'll tell you, I'm probably going to do some fucked up stuff. That's my feeling about myself. That's a weird thing to say out loud, but yeah, okay. Anyway, could you leave? I'm just a doctor. I don't really want to hear this. Midwife, sorry. Throw a little dirt and water on there for me if you wouldn't mind.

Okay, thank you. Bye-bye. I want to cover the bases. I'm leaving. I'm actually going to take off because it sounds like you want tomatoes to come out. And I'm following you out of the room, and I'm curious if it's a radish deal. Okay, bye. Maybe if I...

Hello. What? You're in another room. Look at this. This is a great space. I'm in the other room. Come over here. No.

A tang. I'm walking outside. I'm pushed from all that. I'll tell you what. I'm outside now on the dirt road. I'm pushed from the push. That's what I am. I am really...

I'm not here, so you're talking to yourself. I'm here. I'm behind you. You walked out here, huh? Look at this. I like your khakis. Go away. I love your khakis.

Can you leave me alone? I will, but let's solve this. Solve what? Go away. I need a penis on the baby, otherwise I don't get the money. Wouldn't it be great if this is how they ended like Saturday Night Live sketches? Unable to leave. The unendable thing.

All right, so it's a girl. She names her Mary. So this is around 1690. She decided to not allow this little hiccup of the child being a girl to thwart her plan. Sure. Of course. Now, at the same time, it is very normal to dress boys and girls in dresses until they're five.

That's kind of just what everybody did. That's interesting. So that went on for a long time. So the widow Reed starts dressing Mary in her now dead brother's clothes. Which was a dress? Yeah. Right. Okay.

So she's wearing the same thing that the boy did, and it works. The mother-in-law. Yeah. Sees her grandson. She's loved the grandson. She keeps giving support. She's very happy. Oh, God.

Oh, my God, widow Reed, Samantha, you're not going to believe this. The boy's penis has fallen off. Oh, God. It's like a tadpole tail. So Mary, it turns out, likes being a boy. Boys have more freedom than girls. And as she got older, she continues to live like a boy. Okay.

And then when the mother-in-law dies, support is finally cut off. And the mother... That was when the mother-in-law drew the line. She's like, I can't really keep pet checks when I die. Logistically, there's an issue. I would imagine, since the mother-in-law can't actually own property, that it would go to the legitimate family or something like that. Okay.

I don't think the money... I don't know. I might be wrong. I don't know. It probably went to her other kids or whatever. So anyway, because, you know, with that stuff back then, the woman didn't control what the money went. She wouldn't be like, I also want to give money to them.

It's like, nice try, lady. No, no, no. This man will decide. So the widow-read is now destitute. So she comes up with a new plan, and that's to have Mary support her. Mary is 13 years old. Have me... Okay.

When dressed in males clothes, she looks like an effeminate footman. So she gets her a job working for a French nobleman. As a boy, as a man. As a footman. Yes. As a footman. Right. Okay.

Yeah. A footman. But living in a nobleman's house, there's a lot of restrictions. Mary doesn't like it. And she bails, and she joins the crew of a British man of war, a ship, also known as Man of War. Okay. Sure.

She immediately, which they call a she, whatever, she immediately did not like being on the ship and the life she chosen, it could have been because she was trying to keep a secret and the crew quarters were super cramped and small, you know, it's not the best place to be hiding your... All right. Pass around the bucket for penis washing. Yeah. Wash, wash, pass.

Wash, wash, pass. Why are you keeping your pants on, Harry? This is, first of all, this is not any kind of ship I've ever bet on. I don't want to be sharing quarters with a dirty, dicked fellow sailor. Now get the cock-swobbling bucket. Okay. There you go. Soap it up.

I've, I gotta be honest, Frank, I've been on a lot of ships, and this has never happened before. Soap them up and soap them good, do it all, make for sure that it's good, and wash it right, wash it tight, do the washing, and tonight we're gonna have the cleanest dicks on the sea. That's what we're gonna do when washing our dicks in the bucket of three. All right. I didn't know there was a song, so it's official then, so I guess give me the bucket.

There you go. Get it now. All right. Come on, everyone. Let's all sing the song while we give a wash to the shlong. Come on, everybody, just open up good. Okay, I just walked out onto the ocean. I'm right behind you, I followed you with the bucket.

So she doesn't like it, and after a short time she leaves the Navy and joins the British Army instead. Okay. Now, Mary's very brave, and she does— How old is she at this point? She's like a teenager now. She's like 14 or, you know, around there. She's very brave. She's set to battle.

She fights in wars. She's very brave in battles. She does very well. She's not from an upper-crust family, which means she will never be able to become an officer, so she leaves the Army and transfers to the Calvary. I'm going to say that really slowly, Calvary. It's amazing that she is a woman, but lying about her family being rich is like, I can't tell that lie.

Yeah. Yeah, you can't tell that lie, that lie. I don't want to fudge the truth over here. What name is she going to be? You know what? I don't know. I assume she's going by Reed. I don't think she's going by another name.

Oh, you mean first name? I don't know what first name she's going by. I could never find it. Let's assume. Barry. Larry. Larry. So, Larry, like I said, very good battle, so she can't be an officer.

She transfers to Calvary, and then she's commended for her writing and shooting skills, and they think that she had picked up those skills while she was with the nobleman, like she learned how to shoot and ride a horse. When she's sent to fight in Holland, she finds herself fighting alongside a Flemish soldier, and they like each other, and they start spending long nights talking by the fire, and Mary starts volunteering for dangerous missions just so she'll be beside him. She wants to protect him, and rumors start flying that the two are gay, so Mary tells her Flemish buddy that she was, in fact, a woman.

Now, a lot of this comes from a book written by a guy who called himself Captain Charles Johnson, but that was a fake name he made up to write the story. So, it's just a lot of lies floating around. Well, yeah, I mean, there's some history to this, there are some historical records. So, Johnson says, quote, he was much surprised at what he found out and not a little pleased taking it for granted that he should have a mistress solely to himself, which is an unusual thing in a camp since there is scarce one of those campaign ladies that is ever true to a trooper company.

So, the issue... So, I think he's saying, like, I think he's saying, like, there's probably a lot of sex workers, and in this case, he's actually got a lady in camp that he can do... Yeah, so he's just, like, the Flemish guy is like, look, it turns out that Larry's actually a woman, and he's like, what? We can't have that! You'll be the only one fucking! No, no, they don't tell anybody.

They don't tell anybody. No, no, he just, he can, you know, they can have sex, and nobody's gonna know. Okay. Well, I was about to mention something. But Mary doesn't want to start having sex. She wants to get married first, so he proposes, and now everybody knows. Now the rest of the company knows. Okay, everyone, we're married, what?

And this is also married. What? Yes. Yeah, big morning we're having here. Honey, show them your non-penis. So they... I'm not comfortable with that, hon. I don't want to have our first fight in front of everyone.

Go ahead, let the boys know what we're doing. Nope. So the company put all their money together, and they buy her some women's clothes. They are, okay. Can I just say, as a group in the, I guess, late 1600s, they're handling this way better than I would have imagined. Oh, I think in some cases, in the past, at least, people treated trans and people in a lot of circumstances better.

I think in American history, no, never. But I think in certain circumstances and in history, there are definitely times when they were treated better than they are today. That's good to hear. I mean, that's good to hear that in the 1600s, it was more acceptable and easier for people to deal with. That's cool. It also depends on the culture.

Native Americans, obviously, treated them as if they were special, like these people have a different connection in spirituality, but it's mostly Christianity that's fucked the shit up on all this. Okay, Dave, all right, pal. I'm not sure. Okay. So name, outside of that, name one thing that Christianity has gotten wrong. Thank you.

Thanks a lot. We're good. So she gets this dress in order to go to the commander and say, hey, this is who I am. And he's not as upset as everybody expected him to be. And he allows her to leave the military without a black mark on her record. And then after that, they get married. And their fellow soldiers then put together a decent... I would just imagine if you're her, you'd be like, you'd be like, look, I'm actually,

I'm not a man. I'm a woman. And they're like, a woman. Well, you know what that means. We need to get some money together to get you a dress. So you look nice for your wedding. And then you can go tell the captain. And then you go to the captain and you're like, look, captain, there's something I have to

tell you. Not only am I, I'm not, I'm not a man, I'm a woman and I'm in love with the Flemish guy and he's like, well, I guess I'll just have to take matters into my own hands and let you go without telling anybody. And good luck. I would love to be at the wedding. Well, remember, this is a time when women aren't supposed to do anything. So who knows how guys like this would feel if a woman tried, right?

I mean, I get it. So and then they put, this is on top of what you're saying. Then they put together more money, a decent sum, so they can go off and start their lives together. Look, Mary Flemish guy, we thought about it and we actually messed up when we decided to get your money for the dress to tell the captain, oh God, no, that's right. We had to also give you this money so that you can go start your life because it's pretty hard out there for a newlywed couple.

So this is just a little nesting for you guys to sort of just something to go start, get a house, a little garden, have us over for some some stuff, if you would, it'd be great. Well, that's that's exactly what happens. They they use the money to buy an inn, the three horse shoes in Holland. And then they and then they set it into a merry life. A lot of ex soldiers would come and drink their fellow ex soldiers would come and hang out. Others heard the story of how they came to be and just want to come see the couple.

But as as was the life of the Reeds, the Flemish, the he died. Oh, God damn it. She's now widow read to the reboot. So she can't run the end by herself. And she goes back to being a soldier. She cuts her hair short. She puts on an old uniform and she's back in. But she can't.

She needs to be around fewer soldiers and know who she is. Right. Yeah. She was she's pretty. Yeah. She's like pretty big. Yeah. She can't just go back and go.

I was kidding. I'm a guy. Hey, that whole thing. No. It's just. Well, yeah, I was joking. I was goofing. So she gets in.

I'm sure she's using a different name now. So anyway, she volunteers for posts that have few men around trying to avoid the soldiers and know her. But then the war has ended and peacetime comes. It was hard enough for her to move up the ranks when the war was on. But now like in peacetime, just impossible. So she moves on and takes a job on a merchant ship that is headed for the West Indies. OK.

And her ship is captured by pirates in the Atlantic. OK. Now Mary's the only English speaking sailor on the ship. So pirates always needed new crew. So the captain offers her to join the crew. I mean, again, just another moment where she was probably like, oh, no, the jig's up. Or he's like, we decided we know your secret. You're the only English speaker.

We'd love to offer you a position. Oh, yes. Yeah, come on. I thought you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You thought I was what? You thought I was what? Great.

I thought you were going to kill me or do stuff. Well, we do know one thing about you that makes you different. Oh, you seem to be the best cook. Now come on over here. We've got a bunch of cod. Get in a little scam. I'm good. I'm good.

All right. Well, yo, ho, ho, let's wash our penises, yo, ho, ho, get the bucket out. Yo, ho, ho, we'll wash our penises, yo, ho, ho, and lay. I didn't know it was that kind of pot. Huh? No, I can't. I have a. Sing it.

Fungus. Sing, okay. Keep that away from the bucket. A water fungus. Keep that away from the bucket. If it gets into the bucket. No, no, no, no. If it gets in.

Chuck had that too. Chuck funguide up the bucket one time, and let me tell you, that's a summer we won't forget. Yeah. So he's got the fungus, yo, ho, ho, it's okay too. I'll keep the out of the bucket. I hope. Great.

And by the way, we'll have to kill all your friends on the other boat. Okay. No. Yes. Okay. Maybe. Whatever. Chill.

Let's go. Uh, so she is now a pirate and everyone thinks she's a man. And the next few years, she lives as a pirate. Okay. In the late 1690s in County Cork, Ireland, a prominent lawyer named William McCormack and his wife had a child. Very difficult birth. So the wife went to stay at her parents' house to recover.

And while she was recovering, Cormack hired a young woman to help with the house. Her name was Peg Brennan. And then he started having sex with her because she's in the house and she's a woman. Thank you. You know how that. For saying that. That's cool. Um, and then, then the wife came back and she quickly figured out what was going on.

She's like, oh, you guys are fucking. So she goes straight to. What? Yeah. I mean, he's right now, he's on top of you. So I, uh. What are you even talking about? You keep saying that he's currently having sex with you.

Like I can. What are you even saying? You sound crazy. He's having sex with you right now. I can see it. This is. No, no, no, no, no. Yes.

Yes. We're doing something vastly different. I'm what we're cleaning the bed. That is not how you do it. This is how you do it. If you'd been a professional, you'd know that she's right, honey. We're just kind of trying to clean the bed here a little bit. So I'm not seeing it, but you're going to love how clean it is when we're done.

You're not even going to recognize it. I don't think that's true. Uh, can we finish cleaning it and then we can talk about this? How long will it take? I'm pretty close to. Uh, I mean, we're, I'm pretty, I'm almost done. I don't think she's done, but I'm close to done. Uh, dammit, I'm losing it because you're kind of taking me out of my game here a little

bit. Yeah. I don't know if we're going to be able to finish cleaning at all. What? Yeah. I think I might have, I think the mop might be a little too mop weathered. Yeah. Yeah.

The mop on the bed. Yes. There's a mop under here. Yep. But it's useless now because you came in and sort of threw me off. So I don't think I can use the mop, but it may be 10 minutes. I could try to mop again. Is this outside while we wait for the mop to be okay again, and then we could finish

cleaning the bed and then we'll come out and talk about what you didn't see in here. Yeah. Awesome. Hunt. Thanks so much. I love you. Babe. I know you're one of a kind.

So the wife leaves and goes straight to Cormac's, goes straight to Cormac's mom's house and tells her what her son is doing. I like that move. And she immediately, she immediately cut off Cormac from the family money. That's awesome. It's, it's, it's very Irish. Then the wife said Peg had stolen some family silver and had her arrested. Oh wow.

Okay. So she's going hardcore, but then she finds out Peg is, Peg is pregnant. No, pregnant. You're right. And the wife feels bad about that. So she drops the charges and Peg gets out and Peg has her baby sometime around 1702 probably. Okay. And then the wife got pregnant and had twins.

Jesus Christ, this dude. And then the mother-in-law dies, Cormac's mom, right. And she had still not medded fences with her kid, Cormac, and that changed her will. So she left everything to the illegitimate grandchildren and her daughter-in-law. So he is cut out of his own moms. So Peg has, which totally blows up my previous theory about who can leave what, whatever. He's like, can I have $20 to go drinking? Yeah, basically.

Yeah. She's like, I don't know if that's what your mom would want. I really feel super awkward, huh? We was just mopping. And Peg has moved away and is raising her illegitimate child alone. Sure. Sure. Yeah, still keeping in touch with Cormac, sending letters about what the kid's doing.

And then the child's name is Ann. And when Ann is five, Cormac invites her to live with him. But he's concerned because he's fallen on hard times, his, oh, I guess it's a strange wife now. His wife is still giving him money to survive. His mom's money. So she's probably given it. Can I have some of my mommy's money?

Yeah, his mom's money. Can I have a little more of my mommy's money, please? I would imagine she's not giving him a lot of money, but she's definitely giving him money. It's so great for her to be like, no, I don't think you need it for that. I just want to get some grains. Can I have some of my mommy money, please? No.

I just, a little, I just want to get, I want to get a new window put in my house. Is there any way that I could have? You don't need a window. Can I have some more of my mom's money because she's my mom, you know, and yeah, she didn't give it to you though. Did she? No, I know. I know.

I know. I know. Super crazy last move on her part. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, yeah. So, it's so cold because that other window broke.

So I'm thinking about buying a boat. Well, that's super crazy to hear, right? And a country house. I might get a country house. Can I stay there because I needed, my window's broken and it's so chilly in there. There's a shed. There's a shed made out of peat, if you want to. I mean, I feel like that's super crazy for you to say a shed.

It's more just like a mud hole, but you can stay in there. Yeah, but it's my mom's, my mommy's money that you got. Yeah. So. Yeah, she didn't like you. So. Wait. I'm Irish, huh?

Uh-huh. Give me back my mommy's money. You can't switch. You can't all of a sudden. It's not even switching. It sounded like this. The whole, we'll fix it in post. Yeah.

We'll fix it in post. Yeah. That's right. We'll go back and we'll do it in post. Now, for the love of Christ, give me my mommy's money. So he doesn't want his estranged wife to cut off the little money she's giving him. And she would if she heard he had, he brought his illegitimate daughter and to live with him.

So she might cut him off. So he tells Peg to cut Anne's hair and dress her like a boy. And now the, so is that just because a boy, she'll be cooler with a boy? Yeah. He'll, she won't. Oh, cause then she won't know that it's right. She won't suspect. Well, what's he going to say then?

He's just like, well, I found a boy. He's coming here now. I found a boy that I just, I really taken a shine to him. I thought, look, I mean, I've taken out a lot of projects over the last few years. I realize I've got a lot of children, but me and this boy have just absolutely headed off. They have like a ton in common and he's a great lad. You just, you meet a boy like, you meet, you meet a boy like this and you just take him

home. What was that? Doesn't he have parents or family? Oh yeah. The boy has a parents. Yep. He's got two parents, but, but they just don't know how great he is. So I thought that, you know, maybe I'd take him on account of his parents and his parents

and his, you know, they don't love him as much as I do. I mean, I spent an afternoon with this boy and I was like, push, how much did, how much did it do for you? I'll pay. But he didn't make me pay and they didn't make me pay, but I just decided that, you know, he'd come live with me now, which is, uh, what, what the plan is. So it's just me and this boy living together and, oh, which reminds me, uh, the boy has big holes in his shoes.

So I was wondering if I could have some of my, uh, my, my mummy's money and maybe get his, uh, new pair of shoes for the boy. Okay. For the boy. Sure. Yeah. We, we, we decided we're going to be a relay squad. So we want to do a lot of running.

So okay. So we're going to start running a lot and, um, yep. So I just, so in summation, I need some of my mummy's money because I'm, I'm housing a boy that I've taken an enormous showing into and the boy's going to come live with me and, and we're going to hang out because he's just, he's a great kid. I mean, he's just, you, you see a boy like this, you're pounce and, uh, and then we're going to get shoes for our, for our training that we're doing because we think we could potentially be great as a relay team together.

Yep. Okay. Are you good? Are you doing fine? Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing well too. I've got the boy.

Yeah. He's a, he's my boy. He's my best. The boy. Yeah. I don't even know where that came from. You got the song in me today, lovely. So, uh, what he does is he tells everyone living in the area that she, uh, is, or he

is the son of a far away relative. Up me uncle Gunner. He's, he's the boy, he's the boy belong to him and he's far away. He was so far away, you couldn't even bloody take care of him and not sad. I noticed me and a boy hanging out together, best friends. It works for a while. Um, then the wife finds out the truth and she does cut off Cormac. And Cormac then says, well, Peg, just come live with me too now because the whole thing's

up. Well, I suppose you could come too, Peg. So his reputation in the community falls apart and his law, it kills his law practice, whatever was left of it. Um, He's a lawyer. It's out. Yeah.

He's a lawyer. He's ruined. So he decides to head for America and he, uh, brings, uh, Peg and Ann and they set sail. Um, they end up in the Bahamas and he learned, he quickly learns there's not much of a demand for lawyers in the Bahamas and instead he becomes a merchant and he and Peg are living as a married couple and Cormac does very well as a merchant. He starts to become very wealthy and he ends up buying a rice plantation. And when Ann, when Ann is 13 years old, Peg dies.

I mean, yes, Peg dies. So mom's gone. Um, and Ann is, uh, Ann's very good looking. She is super athletic. She has pale skin, bright red hair and green eyes. Hey, Dave, can I, who does, Hey, who is that remind you of? My dad. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, no.

Um, so she also has a terrible, terrible temper and everyone in the area knows do not cross Ann or she will tell them off or attack them. She once attacked a servant girl with a knife and one day she was walking alone when a man tried to sexually assault her and she beat him unconscious. No, that's, that's great. Yes. That's the last part. Yeah.

Um, now there weren't many available women in the Bahamas at the time and didn't think much of the local, uh, dudes that her, uh, from well off families that her dad kept bringing for her to meet, you know, and she liked bad boys. I like that. He's, I like that. He's like after money still. Oh, oh, he met a real digger down the door. You're going to love this guy.

Oh boy, I'll tell you, he's a great boy. And uh, how much money does he have dad money? Well, I don't think that's come up, but it's a good question. Hopefully somebody, I think on the merits of his personality, you're going to just fall right and head over heels for this one. That's for sure. He's a real winner. Hmm.

Well he's rich now. Cormac, Cormac's rich. Okay. Uh, so there's a lot of rumors that Ann is hanging out in taverns and sleeping with fishermen and drunks and bad boys. Sure. Um, and the rumors start to hurt Cormac's business. Then I know why people are like, don't buy, don't buy this guy's rich.

His rice, his daughter fucked a fisherman. Do you think you're going to eat this guy's rice? His daughter drinks at the tavern. She begged a sailor. Oh man, I can't eat this rice. It's disgusting. So when, when she's 16. Is this the story of Ann Rice?

Yeah. How did you guess that already? That's so good. Well Dave, a lot of times, I'll tell you, a lot of people come at me and they're going, hey stupid, how did you not know it was Typhoid Mary? Did I just like to try to get ahead of these things? Sure. Well you did.

Yeah. So, um, so she falls in love with a guy named James Bonney, uh, James, James Bonney. Uh, yep. He's a very poor sailor and connected to some underworldly bad type guys, right? He's a bad boy. Okay. Sure. So she tells her father she's in love with James and Cormac just loses his shit because

the rumor is, is that James is a pirate. Okay. So Cormac tells Ann that James, uh, is only after her family's money and orders him to never see James again. Okay. And if she does see him, he's going to disinherit her. Oh wow, okay. And then Ann and James alope.

Wow. And Cormac disowns his only daughter. Jesus. So they moved to Nassau, which had a different names, I think the new prominence of that time. Anyway, um, it's basically a pirate island at James is James is indeed a pirate. That's a USA show now. Yeah.

Pirate. That's awesome. Uh, so he is, uh, he's, yes, he is a pirate. Um, so Ann really likes pirates. That's her, that's her jam. Like they, they get her going. I get it. I get it.

Yeah. It's, you know, yeah, they're, I mean, they're, you know, they're kind of like, uh, hipstery, you know, beer. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of, you know, baggy clothes. Pirates. Yeah.

There's a, there's a sort of natural odor, a natural odor. They have one leg. Most of them. Some of them. Yeah. Hooks. Yeah. Well, I mean, no, she probably like, you know, she gets nostalgic when she hears about

Peg. She reminds me of my mother. Now the one thing she can't give up that she really enjoys is going down to the tavern and having sex with a lot of pirates. And, um, and how does her husband, how does he feel about, is he like, well, I, why did we get married then? Well, you're kind of not focused on the institution of marriage. One time James quote, surprised her lying in a hammock with another man.

Uh, no, we're cleaning it. Yes. Let's not tell you hammock. Let's not tell you hammock. We're cleaning the hammock. No. We're cleaning the hammock. We're just cleaning it.

Is that, is that true? Yes. The hammock was filthy because we think this people are having sex with it. So we decided to clean it. Yep. We're just cleaning the hammock. So maybe come back in a bit when it's, when it's finished. Yeah.

I see the, I see the, I see your little governor's up. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Well, um, so you see my penis, you mean? Yeah. It's your little dove. Okay.

Uh, yeah. Well, I'll try. Um, so we needed something to make sure that the, uh, that it, we could scrub it. And he thought it's his penis would be good. Yeah. That's right. We're scrubbing it with my penis. So.

Yeah. The gov. The, the what? Yeah. The gov. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

That's the local terminology. Sorry. It took me so long to pick up on that, uh, vernacular that we're using. Yep. So, uh, just fuck off and let him finish cleaning now. Now Queens, Queen Anne's war is coming to a close that involve Spain, Spain, France and England, and they had all used privateers. Uh, we've talked about privateers here before, basically the country, uh, it's legalized

pirates, right? They, for a country, they attack the enemy ships. Okay. So when the wars end, however, there's a bunch of pirate, pirate privateers around and they become pirates because that's what they were doing during the war. And they just, they just rob. So now they're just like, they don't, they have no nation. They're just doing it.

Right. Right. In the summer of 1717, in the summer of 1717, King George issued a proclamation. Any pirates who surrendered would be given a pardon. They just had to lead, leave pirating. Sure. One pirate who accepted the offer was James Bonnie, you know, just wants to have a normal life.

And then in 1718, uh, he offers to the crown to be a snitch, undercover pirates, undercover pirate. That's the name of the show. Dave, we've got an undercover pirate going on. Yeah. We got an undercover pirate. Yeah. I think he's wearing a wire.

You're sure asking a lot of questions. I mean, I should play a lot of, never, sorry. Yeah. No, I should, I pressed you too hard. Your story checks. Okay. All right. Um, essentially James didn't like to work and, and it also become pregnant.

So he figured an informants good way to make money. Sure. He starts informing for governor Woods Rogers and James thinks, you know, if he straightens up, he's got a kid on the way, Cormac might forgive Ann for marrying him and cause, you know, grandchild, the whole business, he thinks this could be the way in, but here's the problem. Ann has a ton of pirate friends and she's not happy that he's a snitch, right? Now back to Mary, the, the pirate crew, Mary, uh, was with decides to also take the pardon the King is offering.

Okay. So Mary gets a job on shore and a few months later, the King puts out a new proclamation for the pirates who did not take the pardon. Anyone who seizes or whose information leads to the conviction of pirates is going to get money. So right. A bounty on all pirates. Sure.

So Woods Rogers starts putting together a crew to both fight the Spanish and capture pirates and Mary joins up with that privateer ship. Okay. But a lot of the crew are former pirates and they get on the ship and they're like, wow, we don't really like working under someone. It's too rigid. Being out here on the ocean sure makes me miss being a pirate. No, guys, no, listen, guys, okay, that, that is, no, I want to be a pirate.

I feel it coming out. I do as well. Guys, no, we're not doing the whole, the re, we cannot become a ship of pirates who were out trying to get pirate bound. Oh, good Lord. You said it. You said ship of pirates. Oh boy.

I feel it swelling in me. I'll tell you, I've got the itch. Oh, I've got the itch. I'm feeling it strong. I woke up this morning with a peg leg. I woke up this morning with a peg leg. Don't start singing. I knew that it was my time.

This isn't even like one of our swashbuckling songs. Oh, it is now. We decided to make a troop of us and now we're going to go to the sea. We're pirates and we're looking for a new chapter of life. We've got lots of problems on land but out here there is no strife. Oh yeah, that's right. We got nice shirts and we're tearing off the sleeves. We are glad that we are going to leave the job we had.

Let's do it right because we're the pirates of the night. Woo. So, it's hard to, is it hard to think of pirate words? What are you talking about? So, we're night pirates? Yeah. Yeah. Do we always?

By day, we're regular guys who hunt pirates and at night, we're the pirates. So right. So, they come across a Swedish ship and the captain won't let them plunder the Swedish ship so they're mad and they plan a mutiny and Mary joins in. So, you can't plan a mutiny, we're not pirates. We are now. That's how you become pirates. That's right.

Great first step. We're going to kill the captain. I don't. I couldn't. This part's very confusing, contradictory. I know for sure is that Mary is once again a pirate. She's on. They didn't take the ship.

They didn't take the ship, but she's now a pirate again. We were thinking we could pick if we want to be a pirate hunter or a pirate. It's really going to make this awkward and difficult. So the king puts out a new proclamation. It's like a double, like he ups the cash money for pirates, but he says there's another window to get a pardon, but basically puts even more heat on the pirates, right? Okay. Now, Anna is a gay friend who helps her.

She leaves James. He helps her find a place to live until she has the baby. And during that time, she meets Captain Jack Rackman, a pirate, or as he is known, Calico Jack. I love it. That's a good name. It's great. It's catchy.

It's catchy. Calico Jack. Is he Catty? I don't know where the name Calico came from, but I would assume he's Catty. He's Catty-ish. I like it. A Calico Cat is a cat that has a bunch of different colors, yeah? Yeah.

It's remember those hyper color shirts where you touch it and it would change? Nope. Well, then let's just keep going. There's a shirt that you touch and it changes? You don't know about hyper colors, dude. Where were you in the early 90s? Doing stand-up, but... Well, you should have been doing improv at the State Fair, like some of us.

There were hyper color shirts, magic eye paintings. What were you doing? Have you even been to Spencer's gifts? Starting my career. Okay. Well, how'd that go? Pretty good. Oh, okay.

Good for you, buddy. Way to go. Yeah, thanks. Okay, so he's Calico Jack and he's a small-time pirate. He did not take a pardon. So after Anne has the baby, she brings the baby to James, drops the baby off and takes off the Calico Jack. There you go.

Where are you going? I'm pirating. I'm fighting pirates. So she puts on men's clothes again. She gets on the ship. The ship is named, Jack's ship is named the Revenge, and they start sailing around the Bahamas attacking ships. Okay.

Now, after a short time, Anne's pregnant. Okay. She's gonna get it. When she tells Calico Jack he is not happy, because he wants a shipmistress, not a ship family, right? I didn't think shipmistresses could get pregnant. Oh, shit, I didn't know that would happen. Arrgh!

I didn't think you could get pregnant at sea. This is why we invented Arrgh. But he's stuck, right? Once Anne became too big to be a pirate. Oh, you're showing a bit there, I think. People are asking. So he drops her off in Cuba. Here you go.

You live in Cuba now. She stays with some friends until the baby comes, and then has the baby, and gives it up for adoption, and then gets back on the revenge. Oh, wow. So he's... Well, don't do that again. But you... You're having sex with me, so...

Yes, but this time I want you to be careful and not no more of this baby nonsense. You're on pregnant. Okay. Yeah. I'm a very fertile woman. Well, unfortunately, that's going to... look, all I can tell you is it's not my fault. It's yours. Figure it out.

Oh, okay. Not going to have that again. That's good lord. Right, so she's back on the revenge now. People are really hunting pirates because of the king's offer. It's much more lucrative in some cases than just being a pirate. So Calico Jack dips back into privateering for a bit, and he's trying to hunt other pirates, but it doesn't go well.

And they just go, fuck this, and they go back to being a pirate. Don't you kind of have to pick a lane? Can't you be like... I mean, right? You can't just be like... So we had a closed... We had a CD meeting, closed-door meeting. We are, in fact, pirates again.

Damn, I just dropped my clothes. I know. We keep going all over the place, but we decided privateering was, you know, it's good, but it's just not the same. So we're going to be pirates again. Arg. Arg. That's right.

You can take off the name tags, boys. We're going back. That's right. We're no longer working for the man. We are independent contractors. So yeah, so they're attacking ships again, in 1719, they seize a ship, and Calico Jack lets some of the crew join. I seize a ship over there.

Let's go get it. Don't. Yeah. I did. And he sees it. You guys, look through this. I think I seize a ship. You're way too excited for this.

I seize it, too. And we should see your face. What do you say we take it? What do we call that? We seize what we seize at the seven seas. It's really. Woo. The Puskite is over.

So Calico Jack, who was always bringing in new people, let some of the crew join his crew. One of them was an Englishman and Anne is super into this Englishman. And she starts to always try to work near the Englishman. Oh, hello again. Soon they become close friends. He's very clean shaven. He has a high pitched voice because the Englishman is Mary.

Oh, shit. Now, well, I was kind of, I was curious when we'd get to our connection point. Now does Anne know it's Mary? No, not yet. Anne is into Mary, who's posturing and pretending to be a man. Right. Well, Dave, we've got a sea pickle. So Anne keeps trying to get Mary to fuck her.

But that's obviously problematic until Mary is finally like, I'm not. I'm a dude. I mean, I'm not a dude. If you don't want to fuck me, you can just, you don't need to come up with excuses if you don't want to have sex with me. That's fine. I'm not a dude. Right.

Fine. Well, apparently Anne doesn't care and they become lovers. Great. This is, this is some scandalous sea stuff. But Anne kept Mary's secret from Calico Jack. Right. Charles Johnson quote, this intimacy so disturbed Captain Rackman, who was the lover and gallant of Anne Bonney, that he grew furiously jealous.

So he told Anne Bonney he could cut her new lover's throat. So he's like, you're getting too close with this fucking guy and I'm going to cut his throat. Right. And then Anne, when he threatens to kill Mary as the dude, Anne's like, this is the truth about Mary and Calico Jack confirmed it. I don't know how that happened, but he confirmed it. And then probably.

And then he was apparently okay with the situation because there's a pirate logic is a pirate logic should be like a quiz game. Oh, amazing. Well, they keep the secret from the crew, but apparently they become a trouble. Oh my God. This is some real. Yeah. Some of some Polly stuff, keeping it secret from the crew.

Now early. I also am going to follow that man into the quarters after Anne for a little while. And we're going to be meeting about whether or not we become privateers again. So yeah. Hey there. I mean, there was I think I believe there was a lot of a lot of gay sex on ship. So I don't know how out like if the three of them went into a room together, I don't know how anybody would be concerned about it.

Yeah. But for my premise, I think it for your premise. Yeah. For your premise, it worked fine. I mean, it's the best bit we've had since the seas, seas on the seven seas, which that one, the worst thing about that was how I don't think I've ever seen you that excited. You have, but it it's just it was it was excited. It was exciting.

It was pretty crazy how excited it was. Are you day you're just trying to get people to go to patron tough shit. Don't do it. I barely got excited. Things are not things are going well for him in the 1720. The travel around the Bahamas, they're taking ships usually usually they would just other ships that surrender after they shot a cannonball over the ship. They're good.

Okay. Yeah, we hear you. We're out. That's fine. Really bad. Love what you're doing. Yep. So so it's going great.

And Mary is one of the best fighters on the ship. Okay. She's previously been a soldier. She learned how to fight so she fits right in and also as a great fighter, it didn't take long for word to get around to other pirate ships that there are two women on Calico Jack's crew and they're kicking ass. Okay. So now it's out there.

Everybody knows there's different there's different beliefs that like Mary hid who she was from the crew, but it seems very apparent that at some point sometimes she would wear a dress and sometimes she dressed like a dude, like on the ship, like it just totally varied. So probably out and the ship was accepting and like whatever, right? Okay. And also, like I said, a great fighter and Mary, Mary's basically finally living the life she wanted, right? She's a man, but also everyone accepts her.

But then she became interested in a new crew member, one who Calico Jack had forced to join the crew. So that happens a lot, right? They just take people and make them your a pirate crew. You're a pirate now. So arc bite his neck. What? No, that's not.

We're like see that's not how we do it. There. Yeah. We know we're night. We're night pirates. We're not night. Is that what you can't go out during the sun. Sing the song.

I were night pirates. There was something like that. So she becomes very close with this guy. She pretends like she's also been forced on the ship. And then she eventually tells him the truth. Johnson quote, when she found he had a friendship for her as a man, she suffered the discovery to be made by carelessly showing her breasts, which were very white. I don't know why the white part matters.

All right. That's just I mean, it's not what you want. You want to hear when you show your breasts. Gosh, those are white. Oh, good Lord. Those are white ones. Wow. Oh, my God.

Those are white. Oh. Oh, boy. What do you think? Well, they're white. Wow. If we could use those as lamps, they're white. So she shows her breasts and he's like, wait, what's going on?

And then they talk about it and they become lovers. But now instead of I like showing. Talking and then talking versus talking and then showing. Just get it going. Go and show it to him. But now they have to keep it secret from Calico Jack because she's in a threple relationship with Calico Jack and he would be pissed if she's having sex with another crew member. So it's very complicated as a lot going on.

There's a lot going on. Now again, Mary's new lover does not like being a pirate is not a choice he made. He's not so he's not getting along well with the other crew. And one day he gets into it seriously gets into another crew member and the challenge is into a duel and they would they would duel at the next island they landed at land duel. So Mary's worried because he probably won't win. So she picks her own fight with the crew member and pisses him off until he challenges Mary to a duel.

He's double-dueled. He's double-dueled. And I'm going to be really booked at the next port duel and I could you do three. I have a two forty five. Can you do three? That's kind of it. She makes sure Mary makes sure that her duel is two hours before her boyfriend's duel is going to be.

I can't. Actually could you do noon well if I do noon then you're the first I could do noon. I could do noon. I could squeeze. I could squeeze that in. We could do noon. I'll do noon. And then I'm killing your boyfriend.

So they have a and then he's that and she's like Mary no that's it I'll piss him off. Can we do eleven Jesus Christ so I have an eleven a noon and Calico Jack's like my throttle here you son of a bitch. Could you do ten. All right. I have a ten. I have an eleven. So they duel with pistols and swords and Mary.

Yeah I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Mary kills him. But is it you fire and then if you miss you just go at it with swords. I guess so. Yeah. I would think so.

I would hope so because if you like turn around if one person has a sword in the other gun you're like well this isn't great. So Mary kills him. Mary kills him. So she saves her boyfriend right. A month later the revenge and then if she bangs him we've got to fuck Mary kill. Check you out. It's the best.

Not you were not as excited about that one. Dave look we know the podcast ended at C.C.'s this is just that extra. A month later the revenge is sailing off the coast of Jamaica and they capture a ship that has a ton of rum on it and they start getting absolutely shit faced. Ship faced. So at one point most of the crew is passed out below deck and Mary Ann and Calico Jack are on deck. Now the governor had learned the revenge is in the area and he has a ship sail to find

it. Oh no. And they come upon the revenge. Can you wait until tomorrow because we just found a lot of rum. So Calico Jack calls for all hands on deck but no one comes up. All hands on deck. So Mary goes down to get the crew but she cannot get any of the passed out drunk guys to come up so they decide to try to outrun the ship and for hours they try to get away but it's

pretty clear that it's not going to work. Ann goes down again to get the crew up but once again they don't move. Some are like yeah we're coming and then they don't come up. That's the best move. I mean that's very relatable except it's a little bit different it's like the stakes are this high but they're like yeah I'll come right now. I need an egg sandwich. An egg sandwich?

I would just absolutely kill some home fries. If I could just get an egg sandwich and some home fries I would be like ready to go. So this is the most relatable thing of all the things that have happened in this story is the disc just not getting up. Too drunk. Yeah. So the two ships are side by side. Too drunk to pirate.

Yeah too drunk to pirate. The ships are two side by side. They start shooting cannonballs at each other. Now if you're down below deck with a hangover like Jesus Christ I mean that is like it sounds like it's in my skull. I am too hungry for this. Well some of the crew are like oh my god what's actually going on and some come up. A lot don't like some are starting to stumble up basically.

They're still too drunk to fight though. They're shit faced. There's a lot of them. Well it's half that many. And then the other ship fires a cannonball through the hull of the revenge. And that's not good. That's definitely not good. So they're taking on water.

Now that wakes up the rest of the crew. They try to keep the ship from sinking. They're trying to patch it. They're trying to pump out water. Up on deck now Mary, Jack and Anne are fighting the men who are boarding the ship from the other ship. So it's hand to hand combat up on the deck. Mary would later say many sorry many would later say the two women were the most ferocious

fighters in the battle. But there's just too many coming and they're outmanned and Calico Jack has to surrender to ship. This is a privateer Captain Jonathan Barnett who was commissioned by the governor of Jamaica. So they're taken to a jail in Spanish town Jamaica and during the journey to the jail they discover I don't know how but that Mary is a woman. So both Mary and Anne are segregated from the men crew members. Calico Jack and his men stand trial first and their conviction was super quick.

The piracy and felony all get death sentences. For his last request Calico Jack asked to see Anne but that didn't go well. So he goes to see her and she says she's sorry he was going to die but quote if he had fought like a man he need not have been hanged like a dog. Well I guess I regret this. I was sort of hoping this would be a better a better goodbye. Myself. You've been killed.

Yeah you've caught me a piece of shit essentially which isn't a great way to die. Yeah well you just felt like a real weirdo out there. What were you even doing? Well I thought I at one point you laid down put your hands behind your head and said this is the life. I was thinking how much I enjoyed the pirate and the fighting and the fucking fight. We needed you. I you know feel the moment is what.

And then you looked at during that when I was stabbing a guy you looked at Mary and I and said up for it. Arc. Like we were in the middle of that that's not a time to think about the thruple stuff. Well it's all it all gets me rushing the blood and the fighting and drinks and it's everything starts pumping and I'm ready for the sex. Okay look just you know good luck I guess. I guess I shouldn't have come to say a last thing to you.

Yeah no Mary and I are hooking up in our cell so take it easy. Arc. Why don't you call a go. That's fun. Get the fuck out. I don't think it's funny. It's great. By the way can I say one thing can I say one thing.

Go ahead. The most attracted I've ever been to you was when you did the C's C's seven C's thing. I don't know if that's true. It is that was just that was awesome. That was awesome. And everything you've done since then has been so so but that was I don't I'm not. That was that was great because I remember your face lit up so much and I thought you were stupid.

So. No you didn't. No you knew it was good. You knew it was good. You knew it was a winner. And I thought you were. I felt sad for you. Well no I don't think you did.

You knew it was good. And I'll tell you what I'll repeat it. It was great. That was really good. I was super impressed. So Calico Jack was hanged in November 1720 and they took his body and gibbeted it at the entrance to Port Royal. If you don't know what that means.

That's where you they put your body in a cage. I mean sometimes they just put you in the cage to die but they hang you in like a long cage sort of thing outside. Are you kind of standing up. Yeah you're kind of standing up. So basically it's a pirate body. Right. It's a pirate body to warn people like this is what we do to pirates.

I think when you pass I'm going to give it you. That's fine. I'm all for it. And then if you push back I'm going to say come on Dave give it a try. Oh he's done it again. The rest of the crew was hung in February and then Mary went on trial last. And then the rest of you we have an opening in February. And then Mary went on trial last.

On the witness they have a big trial obviously and on the witness stand Mary said she never wanted to be a pirate and then Calico Jack had kidnapped her. She also said she never fought against anyone. That wasn't true. Aside from piracy Mary was also charged with sexual misconduct because she was pregnant and not married. I mean it's amazing in the you're pirating you're murdering you're plundering you're stealing and they're like and also you got preggers no you don't.

Mary denies that she's a fornicator and an adulteress and she says she's married to the guy who got her pregnant the other crew guy. But she refuses to reveal his name in court but said they both she said we both hated being pirates and we were trying to plan our escape. Now and dad now and dad during this Cormac he hears quickly when she's been captured and he immediately started you know working on trying to get her free. He's still he's still he's still a wealthy guy. He's in Jamaica.

He's got powerful friends. They're talking to the governor on Ann's behalf but it's just not happening. And then Ann's testimony during the trial is pretty damning. Crew members of Ann and Mary testify against them. So they're all testifying against each other. It's like when you know the mop goes down. Yeah. Most of the crewmen also said on the stand that they had also been kidnapped.

So basically everyone's like I didn't want to be a pirate like everyone's just like the first time I heard that I was also kidnapped you know I patch a peg leg and a parrot on your shoulder and a shirt that says pirating for me. That's the uniform they gave me here. I wanted I just wanted to read I said can I have a white shirt some dungarees and some just nondescript boots just like a fella walking down the street and are they made me a pirate. I mean you even say arg like that's just it's something I picked up and I can't really argue get rid of it.

They don't make you I mean I feel like you would not do that. I don't want to. I'm it's just let's not argue over this. You mean let's not argue over this. We're not going to do that. That's what I I just said that that's not hard. You know now then it's then it's sell it sell it bigger. I'll take it.

Don't worry. I'll take this product to market. I'm not going to argue over this. It's not it. Now let me ask you this. Are you ready to die. A lot of people just turned off given a minute. So all these guys so they're basically all saying they didn't want to be there and that

they all were forcing being pirates. But they also said no one fought as hard as the two women. One crewmen testified that as they fought Marion and taunted the other crewmen who were below deck. So they're up there fighting going yeah fucking chicken shits I don't like this arrangement. And he said at one point during the fight Mary went down with a loaded gun and threatened them. And one when one guy moved too slow she shot and killed him.

Jesus. That's not going to get him faster. No another crew member testified that quote when they saw any vessel gave chase or attacked they wore men's clothes and at other times they wore women's clothes. So it was like their battle their battle outfit. So the one guy's like I saw her murder someone and the other guy's like they changed clothes a lot. If you're looking to drum up some charges they also would they were doing more outfit

changes than Lady Gaga. It was like being on a boat with share. It was very sure. So so that does undermine the idea that says testimony which is on the record does undermine the idea that some people say Mary lived as a man so she did what she wanted basically right. But who knows. Anyway another man said he had talked to Mary about how being a pirate ends.

And she said quote as to hanging she thought it no great hardship for were not for that every cowardly fellow would turn pirate and so infest the seas. So the threat of death kept every yahoo from becoming a pirate basically is what she thought. Yeah guys like you. Right I would totally be a pirate but then the whole you could get killed for it. Yeah. Whereas guys like me are like let's go. Yeah you're full on pirate all the time.

Let's do this. Mary and Anne were sentenced to quote you show us severely hang by the neck. Tell you are severely dead. This guy is really severely dead. Yeah he's drumming up like what he can do. You will be severely hanged and then you will severely die. You understand. Severely death.

Yeah. Yeah he's not kidding around. Severely die you nobody will have ever died as much. They both step forward and say well we're pregnant so the judge agrees to stay their execution until the babies are born. All right look I love babies so you will put your severe deaths on a severe hold until both of you have a given birth and then you will severely I will honestly double severely hang you until you're really severely dead okay.

Super dead. And then I will raise the babies because I love you do babies. So you know they agree to it Mary does not last that long. She dies of an illness before the baby is born. She was pretty close to having the baby they try to save the baby but neither of them lived. Now Ann's father keeps trying to save her because right he's got a little more time now and finally yeah and finally with enough bribes he's able to get her released. I like the idea that he's like you know like tearing through books like there's got to

be a precedent somewhere there has to be something that can undo this you know what I'll just give a bunch of money. Now Ann had actually never been into the pirate life she was just there because she was into Calico Jack and into pirates but she she just basically did what she could to be with them. Ann's dependents say she went back to Charleston South Carolina with her dad which is where her dad was living and that he used his money to restore her reputation and then Ann got married to a guy named Joseph Barley on December 21st 1721 when she was 19 years old. This was her teen years.

I can't believe she's 19 I can't believe she's 19 I mean that guy was just like sir what did you do before you moved here. Not much I just worked just worked in a little shop well I'll tell you I've had some crazy stuff but I'm ready to put that behind me now to marry you. You wouldn't believe the stuff I was into if I'm being honest I'm not a virgin. Yes I did fornicate with a neighbor woman two times but again I like I said if you can handle my wildlife style then you'll be able to figure this all out I fucked if you could forgive me for that.

I fucked a bunch of ships like all the men on some ships yes a bunch of tavern taverns full of guys oh really I was on a pirate ship for a couple years I had a lady lover and what did you do on there I killed a lot of men and your tall tales are quite humorous to me I must say I love when you do that stuff. It's very funny but I will tell you don't worry when we do finally lay down on our marital beds let me do the driving for I'm the one who knows how this will go. I'll drive I have stuff I can show you my god I love some stuff darling darling look. Have you ever heard of the Korean spine cruncher?

I enjoy your fun it's fun but I'll handle it okay don't worry about it. Okay I've done every single picture in the Kama Sutra I've modeled it. This conversation actually unfortunately brought me to climax I finished. Well that's why we have all these stable boys that I have hired. Yeah well hopefully one of them can get me some new pantaloons because it looks like I've got wet nickels in my undies. So they got married on December 21st 1721 she apparently then settles into a nice domestic situation ends up having 10 kids and lives until she dies on April 22nd 1782.

Wow yeah so she just went back to maybe it's domestic life basically. She got she sewed her wild oats better than most people ever will. So you screamed out Calico Jack deeper again and just would love effect sort of. It's a fantasy that's all honey that's it just a fantasy. Did you did you bang a cat named Jack? Yes it's a cat no I didn't bang it but I have fantasies of a giant cat big old. So that's actually quite relatable. This was all taken from Anne Bonnie and Mary Reed the golden age of piracy's most famous

women by the Charles River editors and a history of the robberies and murders of the most notorious pirates from their first rise in settlement in the island of the Providence to the present year by Captain Charles Johnson. That's some wild shit man that is a crazy story. The ladies be doing it that is that is wild. All right well gobble gobble love you mean it kisses oopsie poopsie any who's will be we go bye bye now pizza out. Seven C's.