The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 57 - The Past Times with James Fritz

Episode Date: January 12, 2024

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian James Fritz.  His album Still Together Redbubble Merch

Alright everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. James Fritz, back by popular demand. We did not want to have you back, the people have spoken they liked you that much so Democracy dies in darkness. Thank you. The mmm Thank you, the darkness you're back

Great any words of encouragement for your return you want to thank the people or I just did Wow, even listen gonna thank the people are i just did well all all gareth permission to treat the the guest is hostile a permission granted david i just like to be treated like a guest uh... james tell me your social media where can people find you and follow you and promote

your albums you have a few albums. You have one called Hill Clause, which is sort of rock ability. Yeah, it's rock ability. Long form improv album. I'm gonna give you a suggestion. I'm a great combo. It is. It has been described as horrendous. Yeah. Well, you give me a suggestion. I'm making it into a bookie-wiggy. And we all have fun. What is your social media plug-in? Yeah, well you give me a suggestion I'm making into a boogie-woogie

What what is your social media plug it? You can find me at Fritz is dead on Instagram and your Twitter and Albums called still together you can find an on special thing records All right, and listen James is very funny. You should everyone should be supporting us. Well, well, well, let the people be the judge of that during this. They did. They let us meet. Is every appearance in audition? You're living off the past. Time. The top. All right, Dave. Let's jump in. Let's just jump into this because there's a lot of good ones in this paper.

So I'm just going to say the date and you're're not gonna guess it. It is January 26 1884 He knew it that's so weird that you knew it you said it right after I did hold on what was the date James? What date said I know black people would unround him. Yes you do. January 26th 1884 Super Bowl Sunday. Wow, that's amazing. Wala Wala Washington. Sunday Back then Wow, Walla Walla Washington Are you being like a morning zoo personality?

No, that's a real that's a real place. That was I know it's father right what? Sorry, I was a old My dad and his uncles used to, cause we have a lot of family up around there. And my dad and his uncles used to get drunk and they would sing a Wala Wala Washington song. So it's like a hard deal to sing, right? Yeah, how would it go?

I don't remember how it went like. Wala Wala Wala Washington. Something like that. Definitely not that. Yeah. Wala Wala Washington. Wishington something like that definitely not that Like a Yale All I washing time and many more but over the All right first page sometimes known as page one, a home production. We reproduce the following interesting letter from home circle of the Willemette farmer.

Okay. Editor Home Circle. I am a little boy 13 years old. little boy 13 years old. My name is Eddie Evans. My paul printed in crayon. And crazy. My pa takes the farmer. What is happening? Like that's in the shed What the fuck no the farmer is the paper. So I think he he gets he reads the paper the Paper really the farmer card the farmer Okay, I was taking the farmer, you know what I mean? How's your knife? Hey, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go take the farmer

He like at this point a lot of 13 year olds are like, I'm leaving Germany and going to America on their own. And this kid's like, I read the paper with my damage. Like, this kid's on the little bit most. That's like, when I was like 10 years old, I used to walk to the grocery store that was closest because I had free coffee. And I would literally like pour myself a free coffee and like look through like free pamphlets and be like morning joy so yeah I swear to God

are you kidding me? no I promise I didn't even like coffee but I would just be like I got me I'm hooked on this stuff but it was like a like a swap meat pamphlet for like yeah exactly yeah it would be like quite trading yeah yeah exactly I'd be like boy you guys see how much real wheel barrels are going for. Boy, this Joe's good today, Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Free. Um, okay. I see so many letters from little folks that I thought I would write one too. I am going to school in Walla Walla

to the Baker School House. We have seven teachers in the building and about 350 scholars. Our teachers are ladies. There's 350 scholars. The set, that just means students. Yeah, it's gotta be students. It's gotta be students. And while a while, every kid's a genius. A while, a while, a while, we've got seven lady teachers. Our teachers are ladies and some of them have taken up land between two shet and dry creek.

They believe in women's rights. Some of our teachers are pretty hard. We're gonna touch dry creek they believe in women's rights some of our teachers are pretty wonderful dry creek don't push it some of our teachers are what what he's a dry creek smoking

paper some of our teachers are pretty large and say they are not good smoking Some of our teachers are pretty large and say they are not good scholars. They will sit down on us So we don't give them much trouble. Wow, wow my mom has got the corn hub search My mom's got two goldfish in a magnetized globe Sorry goldfish in a magnetized globe. Sorry. Yeah. I'm not willing to say that just yet. Now walk me through this two magnetized goldfish in two globes. My ma has two goldfish in a magnetized globe. They look nice, so I thought I would catch some trout and put in the globe. Do you think they will live?

You think no, what? No. This is the front page of a paper that you expect people to purchase and read. Did you read this? Did you just think article about this boy trying to put a trout in this magnetized globe What is magnetized globe just the little ball

So that he's looking at it like a metal bowl Yeah, I think it's the ball. It can't that goldfish cannot be put on top of the hill like it struck by lightning This is how I prove that there's gravity. They make a nice contrast The fish the fish and the trout the trout the trout and the go Listen to me get me eat me or lead free me one of the two The amy church is going to have christmas tree tonight and we are going to charge twenty five cents of mince do you think that is right it's like talking to someone i've got

i want to go i want to go but i will take my money and buy firecrackers if you print this i will send you another yours truly any evidence the zodiac you don't print this the trout dies that track gets fired great wow there's a time during reading that that I thought this might be a regular person writing as a child but by the end I was sold out of being a child yeah But by the end, I was sold out of being a child. Yeah. Yeah. And then they printed it in the work look. We need that firecracker, obviously.

Wait, they didn't just print it. They printed it in the paper he wrote it to, and then this paper took it and printed it in their paper. So it's, that's cool that it got picked up by, that's cool, that someone in Walla Walla was like, well, obviously no, with the front pages. Jesus Jesus Christ. You see this kid has got a two fish in a magnetized globe at his mom's house I think you popped a trout in there by the way we print this we might be in the firecracker running Do you understand how to run a publication properly?

If it was 1998 they'd be like we got a guy's kid a deal. He's got this guy's sick, I'm written all over him. He would be a kid. He would be a vine. Uh, right below that, do I want the answers? That's it. That's all we got. I'm with me for life.

Yeah. That's kind of the point of the show a little bit. Oh, I get it now. Yeah. It's like the game, but just bad. The next one is juvenile prokocity. Prokocity. Is it about the one kid above? Prokocity. Some of the older urchins attending the Baker School are holy terrors in their way. Last Thursday, while the memory of the Elfus execution was strong upon them,

they decided to repeat the performance and- Elvis, he died on the toilet. Elfus, Elfus, it's EL. He was executed by food. Hey, hold on. You can't do this to me. I'm looking.

Yeah, so it's right here, it's right here in another paper. He was from Portland he was convicted of murdering Dan Haggardy in sentence to be hanged uh saddened no dand a dine uh it was over some money there you go i didn't know that new dan was pretty bad with my okay yeah okay um see my back in time and was yeah, okay, so you owe me money motherfucker Who I don't know who he is don't fuck with me. We're on my time. I'm huge I'm the biggest star in the world and then 19

1950s. There's about 1970. I'm the biggest star in the world But you've time traveled to take money from me give me that money dad. Hey, good. Hey, I wet, a lot of pills, and I got a sheriffs badge. I just got it from Richard Nixon. I'm a federal agent, come on now. I have 50 cents, Dan. Three, four. There's literally depression on. Why is this? BANGSING

Give me that money, Dan Hagerty, a piece of fucking cock. Only who? Oh, these are barbitchu It's not blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Oh, I'm a heart. Okay, that scene wrapped up unexpected. That's how we involve this bit with diarias and heart attacks. Yeah, heart attack really. Diaria into a heart. Name a better out. I'm out. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty good.

That's how I'm gonna die, COVID. While the memory of the Elfus execution was strong upon them, they decided to repeat the performance and selected as the victim, Broderick's youngster. He was hustled beneath a tree and the rope adjusted around his neck and hoisted up. Oh my God. The rope caught in the limb of the tree.

The line going on in the middle. This is just kid fun. Just, you know, when there's a hangin you hang your buddies it's called fun. He's an elf he's not a real person. What? He's an elf. He's not a rich boy. Show me the Constitution where an elf has rights. They do not have

rights. No, not in my country. Yeah, push him off the chair. I'm gonna leave it You got the whole North Pole You two elves want to marry each other North Pole The rope adjusts around his neck and hoisted up the rope caught in the limb of the tree so they could neither hoist nor lower the Youngster who was suspended until one of the boys cut him down. And that's how they actually started to search the sole. The first features are terrible. Yeah. I think we would get to a Beatles tribute. Amazing.

Yeah. McNeill's boy has also been tortured by these hoodlums sticking pins in his person and other complaints are made against the lack of discipline during recess yeah i think that lack of discipline when you're treating a kid like a pen question uh... you know you're not a father james you're not allowed to say stuff like that all right i'm from the pussy generation

yeah that's right you got to cancel everyone even this kid this is school this is the school the little laddy's gonna go to. Yeah. Oh my god. It really makes you seem like, it makes it seem like a charms problem to be like, my teacher sit on me. Yeah, this kid is getting fucking caught hung in a tree.

He's reading that paper and he's like, what I give for a pair of giant sweaty ass cheeks. Yeah. Oh, okay, wait. Back to the truth. Now there's a response. Okay, I don't really understand how this. Okay, the following communication and comments were intended for publication in our last

issue, but were crowded out. Baker School January 22nd, so four days before. Editor, sir, we, the undersigned peoples of the first and second grammar department of Baker School feel that a serious injustice has been done to us in your paper of last evening in which we were stigmatized as holy tears, hundlems, etc. If you said Nairna Wells. Wait, sorry. what what is this I think they're saying things are response Yeah, I think they printed I think they printed I think they reprinted the first thing they printed in an hour printing the And now they're right they're giving context to like here's why this makes sense even though none of this makes sense makes sense. Even though none of this makes sense. I know. Why did we dedicate a paper that's only stories about school children?

We don't know. But yeah, right? A lot of adults. There's no adults. A lot of adults. Who would name it that? A child? Yeah, really? What do you know what a name a town? Wow? Well, I mean we let a baby name it. Yeah, this is the children of the corn town. Oh Malachi Malachi, Sate's Wait, this is children of the corn that the kids name. Yeah The article referred to gave a very exaggerated account of an occurrence that took place

among the pupils of an intermediate department in which nobody was hurt and of which the big boys were entirely ignorant. The torturing of McNeil's or any other boy by sticking pins in his person is an entirely false statement. Why Mr. Editor? Do you select us for special opo-brem? Why not be impartial and report all the accidental injuries that occur from playing at all the schools. There was a boy who had two teeth knocked out and Whitman called yesterday, besides several have been otherwise injured

and yet we have never noticed any sensational articles on the subject. Wait, so they're saying. Didn't they try to kill the kid in a tree? No, they're saying they were hanging him was like a fun fun uh... a jokin then he didn't get hurt because they just cut him down really yeah like a kid college student lost two teeth

and we got a report all of the injuries we better in view of the four-going facts mister editor we hope you will do us the justice to attract your injury injury statements of last evening and whereby tender you and oh and we here by tender you an invitation to visit our school and stay all day if possible during which time we have to convince you that we are neither hoodlums nor holy terrors. Then it's signed by a bunch of kids. Yeah, nothing's gonna happen to you, Mr. Editor. And then the paper response.

Well, just quickly, what is this paper? It's called School Back and Force. Okay, cause it's so far, it really does feel like, like it was like the student council made a paper Just to shit on each other yeah, it's just like I mean this this is literally a school pick Are you sure the burns didn't just find a school paper? I was like this will do I gotta go Our next story, Goofus. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

The Gallaud Goofus fight continues. So, here's a kid's tirade on peppermint. He's really opposed. This is the response from the editor. Our informant did not state in what particular department of the school the hanging took place. And we are glad that those of our young friends whose names Appended are appended above are Accepted from participation in the occurrence

But that such an occurrence did occur our petitioner themselves admit whether the boy was hurt or not Whether the operation was performed by one department or another is a matter of secondary importance to the fact that such a proceeding did take place. It is not the reputation of the department, but of the school that is affected. We say again, the McNeil boy was tortured by having pins. Hey, there's a gas leak. There's a major gas leak over here. We should pay views. And to his person and those interested can easily learn by the law of the boys parents. Stepping on a lot of our local infrastructure. I'm the material boy. Can you guys just stop fighting about me? Our two-foot-out contributors are also an air in stating that a boy had two teeth

knocked out in Whitman College. This time is, oh wait, this is not so for the boy was playing ball in front of his own home when the accident occurred. But if such a thing were to occur at Whitman College, we fail failed to see where in it would justify the lack of discipline at Baker school I feel like this isn't even about me anymore This it is certainly isn't McNeil boy. It's certainly it's not even lost anymore. I feel like Pat Tillman. I In the future Well And the future Well, I mean This school is back. Oh my god. I really if something

Knowing you would not wish to publish anything but a truthful account of the public schools in this city I will take this method of informing you that you've been misinformed in regard to the yield treatment by his mates of the little boy Frankie McNeil as he utterly denies having made such charges I hope you will publish this I remain respectfully Mrs. R. White teacher first primary department our white was like the most popular name back then. We are white. Middle name really. Middle name proud. This is, this is by far the longest back-and-forth it ever happened over some kids fucking around. In a pic in it. I'm just figured out the McNeil boy will be a man. Yeah. Yeah, he's the McNeil man. All right, well, I'm going to die now.

I'm 70 more. Congratulations to the McNeil retirement. And also when they hung him. I just found the two teeth. We found the two teeth. If they're starting a religion. Yeah. Where are the the toothers?

If something really important were to happen in this town that would be it reminds me of like what was being reported during the George W. Bush years Yeah, you know, it was just like a new Ninja Turtle Hasbro says no, you're like there is more we killed the million Iraqis God why would you why would you do a thumbs up? I'm not right. Yes. What a creepy weird thing. Yeah, by the way The editor took go shopping. Let's go. Yeah, one would one would think the back and forth was over but the editor out Oh my god I My god, we have our information from direct sources the evidence that the boy was tortured by pins are

Unimpeachable and we now supplement it with the additional statement that the same boy School had his arms badly bitten by another boy that for two months the sore was visible and afflicted the boy editor Don't fuck with me. I don't know that feels like me on Twitter. Yeah check very much So yeah, the picture of water. Have him drink it. That's the one That's the one's out the side looney tune. Yeah, look at how the boy is dribbling Wow, I mean that was like an entire call is an actual demon. It sounds like Dark shit. He's got bites on him he was possessed you know I was pitching in

in hung but I have come back stronger oh no no into grade three pin man so that was that how many pages is that of the paper it's it's just one, but it's an entire column. The columns are really long, so it's the first. So the editor, like, waited that day, like, like, whoever owns the paper was like, I'm talking for a little while. Are you good? It's going on. Yeah, I thought it was fun.

I was just, I'm just keeping, you know, the news flowing and getting the stories out. The meal boy thing really seemed to... Oh, the McNeil boy, you all made it to tell you about that do you know that little kid was turned into a pit cushion and then they tried to eat him I don't believe that was in the paper arm first oh my god I got a story ten people just died in a fire can we is there room for that in the paper?

You know what the whole first three pages are dedicated to the McNeil story a bunch of people just got a party fire So yes It's still yes, but who started and why was it a distraction about a new deal with the talking? Is are trying to consume Well Actually now that you pitch it like they're trying to eat children in the streets. That's a pretty good story Baker's mom created a does it not make sense Baker's school Bakers

They're gonna cook you need the child. Hey, I got a great story. I find a kid whose mom's got a magnetized globe Okay, that's better go with that. It's got a it's got a salmon in it I guess we can squeeze that in but it's not as exciting as the McNeil boy. Okay salmon then McNeil boy We call it a wheelie and then we call it a wall of a wheelie Seven times in kindergarten McNeil murdered again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Motherfucker, you want to do the two-toothed two-step? Let's party! I don't know, man! I'm a sabbaths psychotic man with a publication. Oh, you're acting like a trod!

Didn't just roll in. Yeah. You are talking to a newsman. Like the people working at the paper are like, you've sp- I mean, maybe should- do we want to just like get three slices and leave some room? No, no. No, no No, we're gonna need to make it a really weird-sized paper this week

Be like a centerful here from me again in four fucking days Yeah in the middle of each week's paper it's a centerful of the McNeil boy What is what is this paper? Tasteful tasteful Just show the pin marks People are requesting that we go back to the coverage we had pre-McNeil. How can we how can we? There is no pre-McNeil. It's a different world Walla Walla McNeil I skyscored an interview with some of the pins

This just says plain statement What was that did you hit someone hit a Sorry, I didn't hear anything of ringing. Okay interesting. I don't know what's happening in your brain. Are you on a piano? I'm sitting on it. Is that I've kind of keep. Okay, interesting. I don't know what's happening in your brain. Are you on a piano? I'm sitting on piano. Is that, I'm kinda keep shuffling back and forth over it. Yeah, that's fine. Is that a problem? I didn't think that would be picked.

No, it's totally fine. A little, is it comfortable? I mean, I don't have bottoms on, so that's nice. Bottoms. Yeah. Come on, James. Great. Play some chopsticks with your butt

Raise between a man and a horse The James Fritz story 100 year race lately took place at Echo Park Philadelphia whoa whoa shortstop Between go park Philadelphia. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, short stop. Between English and Korean. Between a Mustang pony and Frederick Rogers of Trenton. I can't believe Fred Rogers and a Mustang pony are racing in Philadelphia in Echo Park for the purse of $200.

Wow, I love, there's certain things where you're like, this time is so boring and then there's other stuff where you're like, if I can go to the street and watch a man race of horse, let's go. I don't need plumbing. The arrangement was to run 50 yards down the track and return.

This is like that Fox show. When it was like humans versus animals, there's no arrangement on the horse's behalf. The This is like that Fox show when it was like humans versus animals. There's no arrangement on the horse's behalf. The horse is like, what? No. But they're all like, I think the horse understands the man understands. Yeah. It was like, when they were like, have a pull-up competition between like a Navy seal

in a orangutan, and you'd be like, the key to this battle is the orangutan understanding that there's a battle at all. Well, you see, the kangaroo is a big Woody Allen fan. You see that kid? So look, I don't know who's going to pull the jet further, the American Gladiator, the elephant, but I would say it's pretty contingent on the elephant understanding we need it to move. And the gladiator.

I'm named Jet. I mean, that doesn't sound like this. This would happen every week on Joe Rogan's podcast. Yeah, oh man Oh, you see a horse race Or a bread a bread it would be a branded shop like show like a YouTube show this week Brendan races a horse And I saw you lose to it. No, I beat the horse man. We tied Next week math Last week you saw man race a horse this week. it's Brennan job

This video is 35 minutes long So horse actually gets there Somehow the horse is just just fucking gets up three times we didn't even We didn't copy are you cheating off the horse's paper, Brendan? No, but I didn't put my name down as Mr. Hoathmeister. Oh, shit. The arrangement was to run 50 yards down the track and return. The track is about 50 feet wide and Rogers depended on his chances to win by making a shorter turn than the pony. Oh, that's smart. Yeah.

I much slower. No, I can turn it. Yes. Again, this is a very, the key to winning this race is that the horse doesn't know the like techniques. The horse is a little bit. A turn around. Okay. Someone's got to be riding the horse one would hope yeah the horse ran down one side of the track in the man deal boy what stop him horse kick the boy eat some guys everyone keep eating me? His kit. A good start was made. Shut up, mate. A good start was made. And both man and horse reached the turning point

at the same time. Wait, he got to the, he got there. So they tied on the first way down the guy on the horse. 50 yard, he got, he tied the horse 50 yards. Yeah, but again, the horse is probably like, what are we doing? I'm just walking like I was like like yeah, the horse doesn't know it's a race. Yeah Um the horse is existing. Yeah, yeah, the horse is like a buddy my friend. Oh Walk right alongside you. We can chat me. I'm my friend. We're walking down this way

Okay, there's Rogers is like you son of a bitch. You don't. In wheeling around, the horse became frightened and reared. The writer in the confusion dropped his whip. Oh, of course, he was whipping the horse. So that's yes. Yeah. Yeah. By the time the ladder got underway on the home stretch, Rogers was some distance ahead and in the finish one by 20 yards. What? I mean, he was whipping the McNeil boy. He, I mean, he won. But again, it's, it's very much like when Kobe Ashi had to eat more hot dogs than a

bear. The bear is a jocky on the horse. Didn't understand. Did we just find the worst jockey of all time? Yeah, by the way, that jockey really fucking shit is. Yeah, you grabbed the one. Yeah, the jockey sucks. But the whole thing is truly bullshit.

Like, yes. I'd rather watch boys eat McNeil. Well, Dave, I'm afraid we're gonna have to cut that out. You know legally you're not gonna have to say that so. McNeil from McNeil L remember still the first it became yeah that explains all the all the James comes on this podcast and makes a PBS news I'm young comment oh my god I can't believe that's what that was I have abs You just made a PBS news comment So the last died from laughter

Those who did it have been late, you know the audience is spoken maybe they liked their don't do that Someone who works to the height of their intelligence instead of the Tupu do-do you just feed on the thing. Oh these of the two po do do you just feed on the thing? Oh, these rooms will just wrap it up. Oh, come on. I respect the audience, but keep going. Oh, David, stop recording for a second. Absolutely. Absolutely. We'll be right back. Yeah. Senator Chaffee says he is a temperance man because years ago when he was poor, a barkeeper charged him $20 for drinks for the crowd.

The crowd. There was a miscommunication and he bought a round for the bar. Oh, okay. That's why he is now a temperance man. Well, this sounds like a guy, and this sounds like a guy who was like, yeah, some a temperance man, and then, and then realized everyone hated that idea. And then he was like, well, I just did it because of the, I like it. I just, there was a thing that happened. My origin story, Well, here goes.

I'm bad at ordering drinks. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. You imagine his face. All right, that'll be $20 back then. That's a $20. Yeah. Good boy. I'm getting drinks.

That's like, that's a powerful idea. It's like, boy, I'm going to have to sell my kid. I'm going to make a meal, boy. I'm gonna have to sell my kid. The mule boy. Yeah. I hope there's more in the next story. There will be even if there's not the paper. Yeah. Liability of railroads.

A stockman living near Billings had a cow run over by a locomotive and killed. He wrote it once to the northern Pacific authorities and has received the following reply. I find your letter on my desk. You don't have to start with that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me walk you through this. I'm sitting down. I'm reading this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I wrote track so that she could not be seen until she got up and went onto the track when the engine was about 100 feet off. How the fuck we know that? That is crazy. Yeah, well we got,

I'm gonna get all mad. I'm gonna get all mad. Yeah. I can't. Cowluck. I guess, I guess he talked to the engineer. That's what he said. All right, as engineers like,

I didn't hit a cow that was just laying there. As much as I hate the idea, I would much rather a person be hit by a train than a cow, but I will say as far as 1880, whatever times, you saw fucking cow get hit by a train. Oh my God. Do you have a story for the rest of your life? Yeah, you do. Yeah. Cool. Fucking the guy from the rest of your life? Yeah, you do. Yeah, and... Cool.

If I can, the guy from the last story is like, I got a horse. Yeah, man. I'll tell you what, that cow blew up like the McNeil boy. Well, that was part of our new Fox show, Cow vs. Train. The engineer applied air breaks and did his best to stop air breaks like no breaks. That's where you're just like air quotes like air guitar air. Exactly. Yeah.

To stop to prevent accident, the cow stood on the track until the engine got almost up to it, then turned to leave, but was caught by the hind legs. Oh, it's a case. then turn to leave but was caught by the hind legs. Oh, fuck. It's so crazy. What were you learning a lot about how bad animals are at turning? Yes. I know.

And also that, I mean, like, you don't put this on the cow. Like, the cow did not understand how fast the locomotive can go. Oh. Well, they're making it sound like the cow was like, I'll challenge. Just see how quick I can get off the tracks when this car is straight. All right, I'll take off just relax. I'm moving. See what you got. Yeah, see what you got. And then it's half uttered. Move. In cases like the above, a railroad company is never liable for damages. The cow. Oh, nice. Hey, by the way, that's changed.

That's changed. We've gotten a lot better. The cow was tress-a-passing upon all right of way when she's not allowed her to go. Sorry, Dave, just to be clear, you said tress-a-passing. Tress-a-passing. Tress-a-passing, I just want to make sure that you're in character.

It's nice. He, if she had thrown our train from the track, damages damaged our cars or engine our employees, you would have been liable for heavy damages. Our engineers did all right to defend itself. That's right. That's true. 100%.

Our engineer did all the law required of him under the circumstances. You did not obey the requirements of the law and allowing your stock to go upon the track we deny all liability in the case respectfully yours dr. Ford claim agent Dr. Ford And there is a response Oh Jesus Christ this paper was like boy, I'll tell you what we're newspaper we're a bulletin board

Yeah, we really not a milk story. We'll be right back. Assistant General Clayme agent Ford is a genius. He is a railing radiant expounder of law. He ought to deliver the senses in cases of capital punishment. So that the poor devil going to the scaffold will be made to believe the government was doing him an act of condescending kindness and strangling the life out of him. It seems the stockman is not only short of cow that was run over and killed by a Northern Pacific engine,

but that were it not for the loving kindness and magnificent magnumity of that gigantic and incorporated embodiment of philanthropy known as the Northern Pacific Railroad Company. The said Stockman would be liable to be sold out of house and home and two year old stairs for letting the foreset cow get on the unthensed right away of the aforesaid company. Wow. Jesus Christ. Relax.

So this big city lawyer talk right there. Yeah. So this editor really likes back. Back, back. Yes. Yes. Big, big clapbacker. Yes. Uh, perhaps these response.

Yeah. Oh! No legs. Oh, blood and milk. Oh. Perhaps the assistant general claim agent thinks there is a no fence law in Montana. What is happening in this quote unquote paper? Well, this guy, yeah, this guy has decided to go fancy with the,

yes, yes, really taking this, this cow fucking rub down a peg. Yeah, he's more on doesn't understand how fences work. Who branded who? He says he's not obeyed the requirements of the law and allowing your stock to go upon a track. What law? And again, he says the cow was caught by the hind legs. From this, it might be inferred that she had been caught by the four legs the company would have been liable. Okay, so he's just taking apart the argument. Right.

Yes, I'm not going to go on. So if a cow is taken apart by four legs, the train company is liable and if it's two legs, the cow, the rancher is liable. I think he's saying that because the cow was trying to move, it was too slow and therefore it was the cow's fault, it was part of the argument of the training. It's insane. Can you, there should be one of those trials

where he'd be like, I don't think I want to do this anymore. Like you were a jury like. You're a comedian, damn it. You wanna, can we, is there a legal, ruling of not do this is that a Your honor is a true where the cow has spots is where the chocolate milk is I'll see myself out You are the judge oh, it is all right now. Let's get into this deeper boy What happens if it's three legs is anyone thought about that? Yep Alright, now let's get into this deeper. Boy, I hear you legs.

What happens if it's three legs? Is anyone thought about that? Yep. No, say you got a six-legged magic cow. Who's it fault, the trade or the wizard? Yeah. We have to drown the cow to see if it floats back a milk Yes, I'm the only judge

And because I said so now come on let's drown this cow It's not the McNeil boy in the water. Let's have a look at what happens to him. Yeah, let's try everything good Let's have a look at what happens to him, Joey. Yeah, let's try everything. Come on. This is the last story on page one. What is the name? What? What?

How long is it? Page one? Yeah, it's a big, big, big, big, no, we're still on page one. The Walla Walla scroll. Yeah. I skipped some too. We can go out. We can just stand page one, honestly.

I just want to leave. We are sorry. We can go out. We can just stay on page one honestly. I just want to leave. We are sorry you can never leave. You think it's done? I just found another reply. We are sorry to hear that a daughter of Stonewall Jackson is to be the professional beauty of London next season. There is something that there's hours. Yeah. There's a lot. Right. Where do you go? He's cleaning his camera for some reason. No. There is something that jars upon the ear in this item of news. It is bad enough to hear that any American girl parading as the prize beauty before the leterous eyes of a prince of whales.

Oh my God. That's not where I thought this was going. Jesus Christ. Okay. That makes it right. The wills your creepy evil people. Come on. Oh, I'm looking at one.

Hey, baby, we're ginger. Why are you looking at me like you want to fuck? Oh my God. your creepy evil people come on look at it one hey baby weird i ginger why are you looking at the like you want to put on my good i can't i'm not going to do that but it is it is worse to have a daughter of stonewall jackson in such a role it is enough to disturb the rest his rest across the river and under the shade of the trees. Yes, please. I have respect for Stonewall Jackson legend says if a Welchman gets an erection old Stonewall will rise from his grave.

Oh, no. I'm rising from my pants. He's rising from oh no By the way, it's a lot creepier now that I'm missing a two Yeah, no, it's very well she Yeah Don't you got any chance yeah, yeah, absolutely mate. They reckon all have a new tooth boy next 2028 maybe

Oh, you're getting Shane McGowan's old new teeth Christ They do that The teeth of the dead put him in the new yeah, it's not weird Society notes. Wow, this is still actually on page one. What the fuck? Yeah, I went to the top and the festivities were in the one

page paper, right? Yeah, it has to be. The festivities were in progress at the silver wedding of our esteemed friend McClintock. Oh, sorry, I read that wrong. While the festivities were in progress at the silver wedding of our esteemed friend McClintock, one of the guests playfully struck his partner

over the head with his beer bottle. Are we all having fun? Wala, wala. I'll have another beer. This one on Fred. Oh, come on, relax. We were party of forgetting stop the partner for getting the

amenities of social life grasp the lamp from a joining bracket and hurled it against the head of the aggressor which such force as to break the lamp into a thousand fragments Larry moment curly could not be read that it would not have been a little fancy swore right look spirits We need to come in. Who invited them to this fancy swallowing?

Right look, spirits! Some excited individuals shouted fire at any short time. Yeah, that guy saw a beer bottle KO, a lamp toss, and was like, this party needs a fucking fire department. Fire! And the fire department came, that's all it took. It was like Beetlejuice by the fan. Yeah. In a short time, the fire department were at the scene

and by a few well-directed squirts, damped the squice. She's the squice. And damped the smolding embers of hate, which burned in the parts of men. I think it says, Buzzi. McNeal boys hate the Buzziens of the parties,

and thus checked out what might have been a disaster. Man, remember when we just called the Buzziens of the parties? Now we just call it party tits. Yeah, what happened to glad I do Party games like knock out your wife with a bottle Just hit a man with a bottle Jesus man Glad these were the classy folks having a nice party.

Right? Then you say that you're going to upscale party. Yeah, oh yeah. Can't let the poor's in here. They don't know how to do violence, right? I just want to say we're still on page one. Turned out. This feels like a punishment. Yeah, I just saw society in last year.

Missed topy bones. Wait, that was a society announcement. Was that the topy bones? Yeah, that was some society in that. Yeah, there's some society in that. Miss Toppy Bones. Wait, that was a society announcement. Was that the toppy Bones? Yeah, that was a society announcement. That was a top report. That makes no sense at all. That was a wedding announcement.

Anyway, they're married. And then Dave, you've shifted gears to the name Miss Toppy Bones? Miss Toppy Bones. Hello. Robin Williams is. Oh, I don't know. The whole time I wasn't actually Miss Toppy Bones at all. Oh dear. I was Miss Bobby Tone.

Miss Toppy Bones arrived from pennilton yesterday i'd like to apply for you in any position and then it's just in parentheses she is not out of short dresses yet but has been used to having her movements recorded in the society papers and this is a mischievous you got a dresser should I can see your poop movements Sir I'm with the walla walla You're about to make Neil boy

Yes, we evolve. Wolf's a Adam a But he's alive still ready never a train hit his back legs Have the people and animals died. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, okay. Hey, I'm off. He's only got the topi bones.

I'm off to dancing my shorts for the paper. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. Not sure how this works. Boner wise, but some Welsh guys here, and I'm sure he'll love it. Oh, God God stonewall Jackson This headline is a nuisance

This papers are attention is our attention has been called to a common cause of complaint vis the practice of boys and men congregating on the sidewalk in front of the post office. Sure. And blocking up the passage way to the great discomfort of pedestrians, more especially ladies. What do you, Dave, what do you think of the two work groups have to be stacked?

Wala, wala, wala, wala. What do you think that is, Dave? Do you think that is that is legitimately just men and boys just trying to watch women and so they're kind of blocking it so that women have a tough time getting through because their perverts are men just so like you know what's also the post office yeah i think they're just like big you know just do just hanging out and

play that like you want to go to post office and hang out frank's that's out of the one day though we need some ladies try to get the right boards, but for now This is all we have the meant to the men hacky sacking in front of the P.O What is your real motivation? Why do you all want to fuck my wife? Nor wind nor sleet nor snow no god dammit. There's a bunch of guys there. So this is gonna be tough. Oh There's nothing in the rules that says we have to deliver if there's a bunch of guys. We admitted the fight against an act of God, but 30 men. I'm afraid we can't get through. Okay, so response young boys a dozen in a bunch with cigarettes in their mouths foul and up seen language pouring in a stream from their lips

Jocelyn passers-by and tell patient ceases to be a virtue and one wishes they were at home with those who Should care for them how many boys has become 12 and a dozen buddy 12 a 12 a bunch. Oh, yeah. It's a baker's school doesn't. Unless you want a baker's book. They travel to a baker's school doesn't. This has become a public nuisance. And as such should be looked after by the Marshall. Oh my God, this isn't even from this is from the Dayton Chronicle. This is from another state. And this is the top crime story in Dayton in, in Daytona, it is. This post offices are closing because of crime. Boys, it's like if a ransom letter was a paper.

It's not, this is the old. It's like a man. This is the cranky old man paper. Yeah, yeah When did the black licorice lose its flavor? Well, I tell you when it did when the boys came to town and started hustling about on their little Shoes and bicycles. Am I the only one who felt great relief when James's character said licorice? Yes. Yeah. Why, what were you thinking, racist?

Well, there is what we're thinking. Well, there is. Right there. Let's go to an ad for Helix. Some of the Washington Correspondents call attention to the very decided I can't read that Divinuation maybe domination sure of the number of whiskey and wine-drinking congressmen congressmen in the forty-eighth congress. This fact while not ensuring wise legislation suggests that we will probably get out of this congress the best

work the minds of its members can accomplish for the intrusion of alcohol on their brain not only deteriorates the quality of the working force of that organ when it is stamped with mediocrity, but I also can't read that. Bella Kost maybe, the judgment of the finely constructed brains. A perfectly sober congress is apt to remember its responsibilities to the people who brought it into being by their votes. But everybody was drunk then.

Yeah, it's great. And it's also great to have a reason why your government sucks. Like, like, yeah, like they're all drunk. That I would rather that than be like, they're trying to kill us for money. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're it would be great. Yeah, it would be better if they were just horrible at it. It would be funnier. Yeah. Like when that guy a couple of weeks ago to hearing was challenging that guy to wrestling, like,

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or like, we've stored Santos with the random baby that's still the best thing I've ever seen. Yeah, the booze baby is that. I don't know, but it might be mine. I don't know. What?

That's, that guy, that's our congressman who liked his wine. Yep. Even the people of Washington Territory, though appreciating the advertisement, cannot help smiling at Beatrice Prophecy that Washington Territory is going to be the Italy of America. Yep. I think that's what we call it now. What a crazy swing. It's the Olive Garden of America, don't we call it? Are they?

Yeah. What a crazy swing. I mean, there's so many ways that could be construed. That could be terribly racist. Oh, right. At the time, it's not well looked upon. It could also be like, they're gonna make great olives. I think anyone in doubt go with the racial components.

The racist, yeah. Go with the racist stuff, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and they all laugh at him because there's no way they're letting in anybody who's not white. You know, just to stay full of people tripping over spaghetti. Like the McNeil.

What was her name? It's top. Top bottom. No, top, top, top. Top bottom top. What was her name? Her name was top bottom. Top bottom.

No, America's next top bottom. Topy boats. Top top. Topy boats. Yeah, she almost brought Italy to us. We ran her out Villiards superstitions it is said like Henry that's the Iliard this is a segment of page one now another one. Uh, where this is just a book to page two What did this happen just now?

A couple of stories ago. Yeah, oh my god. I should have announced it I don't really doubt you're not invested in how page you know what I mean James and I are just along for the ride We need to know and page ones over. I want to visualize the McNeil boy. Okay. Wrap it up. No He died at the end of page one, but I figured that wasn't very newsworthy. What? It is said of Henry Villierde that he has a very peculiar superstition. When he leaves this house in the morning, he is careful to avoid for the first five minutes all cross-eyed persons.

Oh my God. Just for five minutes. How hard is this in this town? What? What? It is Italy. I can only make it. It was just happened.

I can only make it five minutes. It's one of those things where in my head, I was like, I'm gonna throw a joke into this, but also was like, maybe I won't be able to beat the actual, and you can't. Uh-oh. No. There's so many cross-eyed people. This time, it's just-

Did you all look at him? This time, it's just- For five minutes. Five minutes, and then you're like, all right, finally, I'm ready for them. Just swarming, like, soaring in you two, sirs. Like, soaring in you two, sirs. We would have called in Walla, for all the cross-shots. Yeah.

This is the only paper you're supposed to read with your eyes crossed. It's like 3D without the 3D glasses on. It's like a magic eye painting. Yeah. Paper. Well, having cross-shots is actually fairly fairly common as far as I things goes back It's a lot of people are glasses to get it corrected like it's right, but back then there was no correct No back then I don't think there was any great more people are kicked by cows and horses too. That's the only way that was the care is that yeah

If he needs a man Yeah. If he meets a man, if he meets a man with an, oh, I don't know what this word is, obliqity? Sure. Okay. If he meets a man with an obliqity of vision within that time, he goes back to the house

under a pretense of having forgotten something. Oh my God. So for crossing, guys, I'm trying to pick up my keys, but I can't seem to see them perfectly. Can he's like, I'm sorry, I forgot my wallet. So how was work here? I just came back so many Crossiers out there.

They're out again. They're out again. They're bumping into each other like cars. Take your 50 feet today. I can't do this. There's a bunch on the porch. Is this my house? I can't read the numbers Hello the whole town is full of cross-ides and obsessive compulsives. No one can get anywhere The greatest design now boy, but it hurts on this town when you mean the McNeil twins. I'm what? Okay, the greatest disaster of his life before the recent crash

Okay, interesting what's going on this this is like happened, but these are all like non-fiction books 1884 well it's it's written as if we're supposed to know what happened to Henry but yeah exactly that's how paper is supposed to pocket lift it seriously seriously this is Arkansas 2045 the reason the greatest dick the greatest disaster of his life before the recent crash befell him on the day that he found a cock-eyed man standing on the steps of a book of his boarding house when he started to business I will take my pants off and start to business That's fine. Let me see your eyes. Aha! No!

It says, Henry, this is the last sentence. Henry must have met a regiment of Ben Butler's lately. What the fuck? What the fuck? There's so much in this yeah that I'm sure Ben Ben Butler Yeah, yeah, okay Ben Butler had his eye Oh, he was not his old cock eye okay cuz he had a cross left eye with a dripping lid Cool, okay, my people called all the crosshides.

Everyone's great. That's why. Yeah. Queer travelers. A couple of men arrived and spoke and falls from Kulfak's last week bound for the mines. They were strangely equipped. A long narrow sled made of thin boards was drawn we're gonna go sledding it not my Italy they were left with a load of averaging over 100 pounds to the dog with this rig to make Eagle City. The owners refused to give their names not desiring to be seen in print.

They're modest. That's like when you win the lottery, you know, phenomenal. They're what? Their modesty is phenomenal. Yeah, they're not doing it to be modest. It's just like, wow, they're really... They don't want people to know talk about a hero Like so that story's two gay guys came to town. Yeah, they had a dog they had a dog and some boards. Yeah

Two gay guys in a dog on a sled walking to a dog. Is this last one Dave? We think yeah We might do two. OK. Can't say anything in the paper. Blue blood in England. The duptum of St. Albans is less than 200 years old. The founder of the house, an ancestor of the present duke, was the illegitimate son of Charles II

and the famous Neil Gwynn who was born in a cellar in the Col Yard. In Jury Lane London. Cellars, bad word. Yeah. Was reared to the lowest haunts of vice, paddled oranges and sang songs from Tabernet, Tabernet, went on the stage and became mistress of Lord Buckhurst who sold her to child the second for a political performance. Several of the double families in England have similar beginnings, so that's probably about you.

You're probably alright, that's James, I'm fine, I'm thinking of something else. What, what is it? You being sold to the kids the same thing Get him. Get him. Oh, that's a different scenario. Get him roast master. James may we please start calling you roast master things Can we call you the roast master sergeant? We call it the Rosemaster Sergeant. Yeah, yeah. Rosemaster Dollar General. Rosemaster is Roser Auroble.

But they're cheap. How much is Ross going to charge you? Or get charged. Okay, last one. And we're only on page two. Yeah, it's not. It might be a 10 part episode. Yeah.

The story that Minister Lowell wears knee breaches is a base falsehood. Come on. Our knee breaches. Yo, my man wears knee breaches. Rose, my pal. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Adam. You shut up about my minister fire Yeah, knee breeches are like those sort of like short writing. It's a short writing Yeah, I believe stuff. We get it. We get the code of the I feel like stuff trousers up ending above the knee right So there for beating up you that's how you know you're supposed to beat a guy up. Yeah, yeah. Really?

Uh, if anybody wants to know just how he dresses at court receptions, let him look at pictures of Uncle Sam. Picture. Yeah. Are you defending this guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, President Uncle Sam. Yeah, I know he wanted me for something. Yeah. It was just nice to feel wanted. Uncle Sam, what a fucking weird dumb god damn thing we have.

We created a Mr. American man. Okay. Mr. Lowell's clothes are made out of American flags. Oh fuck yeah. This is like, this is really... I was gonna kill him for being gay. Now I love him, because he's a fucking patriot. That's true.

This is truly a presidential candidate will be this eventually. Yeah. In our life. Yeah, yeah, totally. I only made things made out of the American flag. Yeah, this is Jordan Peterson's Twitter suit. Oh my god.

I just was trying to, I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to let the flag touch the ground. I am really sorry that I, it's okay. Don't on that beautiful flag. I'll be right back with Timmy's the shallower mate. Oh no, oh no, Someone's playing wagon will he's gonna be It's gonna be a puddle of tears for the next day So it's closer may not have American flags that are in every particular Identical with those worn by that personification of American independence

United States Fuck yeah, these colors don't run fuck yeah, but they do stitch Amazing Actually my American flag pantyhose have run Well James you are wearing red wine blue hat, so I love this country Yeah, you do. Name a better one. Five, four, three, two, one.

You can't. Hi. All the other ones. Sorry. Countdown happened. You know, you can't combine countries. Yeah. Well, what a weird little run we've had.

James, how you feeling? Bad? Why, should I? Yeah. The know. In here? had James how you feeling bad why should I yeah the here I've got one page to live someone what a weird movie plot speed three the newspaper I don't know if you heard the the McNeil boy. Yep has become a zombie J.D. has become the Big Moody Dave

McNeil was a huge well-known abolitionist so they were probably just saying he's as American he's more American than you because he's an abolitionist although Wait McNeil or a flag man. A flag guy, guy. Oh, no, flag. Yeah. That's a patriot. Whoever wears the flag most loves the country the best.

Like we always said. James, where can people find you one more time? Flag makes the man. Oh, it's right. Fritz is dead. James Fritz, comic.com. All right. On the net.

Dave, where can people find you? Well, James Fritz was like, it rerouted to a car dealership. And... So you don't like leaning in? You should have gone there and gotten a job, wherever it was. She just started a mic there. Yeah.

There's a comic, there's a comic named Jerry Garcia and I was just like, I would doubt I would have changed. I watched the Albert Brooks documentary last night and the fact that his dad named him fucking Albert Einstein is like as a goof. And he wasn't the first, so that's like the extra Yeah, to the to the funniest dudes ever on earth

Yeah, his dad was really funny. That documentary is really interesting Rob. I'm a big Rob. I'm a writer Politics but not I like I like it for his politics. Yeah Like his Twitter he goes deep on the issues. I guess. Yeah, I'm the best. Um, all right. Well, there you go, everybody. Uh, sorry. Hi. Hi. Good meal, boy. Oh, I still think. You'll miss me honey. Some of these days.