The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 570 - Senator Foraker vs Teddy Roosevelt - live

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Joe Foraker and his battle with President Teddy Roosevelt. Recoded live in Columbus, Ohio. Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch   Squarespace  

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trying to start a Gary chant. Nobody's going for it. Don't start everyone we're moving on. Hi everybody great to be here. First show of the fall tour. Hi Dave. My research showed that this city is named after the TV show Columbo. Yeah. And for our younger listeners Dave's old. And what? Huh? What? You couldn't even hear me? That's really not helping your case. What do you say? Anyway great city. No I love it here I always wanted to come here. I took a picture out of the hotel window of your skyline and I sent it to my 13 year old son and his response was fuck Ohio. The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. What is Squarespace you ask?

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slash dollop for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You're listening to the dollop. This is an American History podcast where each week I, Tonel Clipper owner, man who wears shirts, fucking hippo god. Dave Anthony reads a story from American history to his driver. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is about and not your driver asshole. I'm sorry, valet. And were you or were you not clipping nails in the van

today? I had a hanging thing and I just clipped it. I didn't clip all my nails I had a thing and I clipped it off. Somebody's getting really defensive all of a sudden. I thought you were a proud nail clipper. Interesting. Yeah, he does it in the van so. July 5th, 1846. Year of our Lord Jesus Christ. So he was just born every day in your opinion. Every year is his year. Every year after his birth is the year of our Lord. Right, okay. That's your fucking head in the game, man. How do you just ask that now? It's just been going on for a while. I figured at some point. That shit's been rattling around in your head for fucking years? What just

doesn't make any sense. None of that religion makes sense. Yeah, a lot of it does. The lady who got preggers without the I had that happen once. Joseph Benson Forrecker was born near Rainsboro, Ohio. Oh, that's why they call it Rainsboro. They look like they are having fun. Yeah, no, it seems like a great time. Just dirt town. It says those wheels. What a nightmare. You think those horses are still alive, mister? I think they weren't alive in that picture. Looks awesome. Yep. That's the word. Awesome. Yeah, that's what a dream.

He was one of 11 kids, nine of whom lived. Jeez. It's a great ratio. Great ratio. Great ratio. His parents are very well off. Joe started supporting the Republican Party. By the way, I think I know why the nine children lived. The dead money. The what? They had money. Yeah, yeah, that could be. Yeah, okay. They were like, why don't you just feed them silly peasants? We can't. Joe started supporting the Republican Party at the age of 10. Nice. Most kids do. Nice. Just normal kid shit. Yeah, totally. I remember when I picked my party at 10. Yeah, for sure. You know. When you know, you know. That's right. His mother would discuss religion,

slavery, and temperance with him all the time. Not drinking was quote, her passion. That's abstaining from something being your passion has never been good for a life story. Yeah. One time she knelt in front of the town's saloon to pray to quote, stop the cursed liquor traffic. Jesus. What a bummer that would be. This is really fucking bringing me down. Please stop it. Please. Let's sit and going on. It's out of there. Oh, so Joe supported Lincoln and and then he supported what Abraham Lincoln. Okay. Okay. And then he started marching with the wide awakes with the what the wide awakes at 14. He started marching with

the wide awakes. They're a pair of me and I think most of us a few times to realize you were trying to play off something crazy is normal. You know, the wide awakes. Yeah, they're a paramilitary paramilitary organization who look like that. They're like, we accept kids. So after a little time in the wide awakes, he joined the 89th Ohio Volunteer Infantry when the Civil War started. Okay. And that was made up of toddlers, right toddlers. That's right. I was called that he fought in battles over three years becoming a brevet captain and got out when he was 19. Wow. Okay. He enrolled in a Wesleyan

University and got engaged to Julia Bundy. They spent Saturday nights in her dorm quote under strict chaperonage. So someone was in there, like bye bye bye bye bye. Now go ahead and one finger. Excuse me. I feel like you're supposed to prevent. No, no, no. Slided inside the pants. No, look at me. Look at me. While I do it, both of you look at me. Why would we bow down the pants? You feel that you work here for sure. Why is the window broken past the past the most chaperones are allowed in getting warmer. I mean that in two different ways. What do you mean? What do you mean? You

feel that? What are both feel? I'm not going to put the finger in there. Okay. When you feel it, I want you to wink at me. I'm not doing that. We're just, we're not supposed to chaperone you is my understanding. You're supposed to make sure we don't do anything like this. I'm not putting a finger in there and I'm not winking at you when I do it. Now take you lady. Take your hand. Sir. You put it sir. Grab it sir. Sir. Grab it like it's a sir and you're a plumber sir. Sir. Where's your chaperones license? We demand to see it right now. I haven't

passed the course. Have you enrolled in it? Start moving it fast. Stop. The pipe's trying to get away. The pipe's trying to get away. Go, go, go, go. The police are here finally. This guy's been trying to chaperone all around town man. I'm sorry about that. Now we're gonna need you to grab it and just tug on it a little bit. Just, we're the actual chaperones. If you could take your finger and just, like the other fellas said, just give a bunch of winks while you yank on it. Go. Okay I'm gonna stand over here in the corner. Now there are four chaperones now. All right. We're actually called the wide awakes. There are a few

more of us. I think you're starting to understand why we wear garbage bags. We're expecting what we call gushes. Nothing like the first time. He switched to brand new Cornell University and I think of New York. I was so new there were no heaters and the dorm rooms did not have doors. Oh, fucking. Awesome. Yeah. That's great. So it's freezing and you can't have any privacy. Yeah. Remember when we stayed in Airbnb once and we, in Australia, we walked in and one of the bedrooms didn't have a door and you just go, I'm gonna take this one with the door. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. You should have booked the hotels. Sure. Thank

you. Yeah. Awesome guy. At least you're not holding a weird grudge for six years. Genuinely think it's been longer. In 1869, he graduated and he moved to Cincinnati to work at a law firm. Sin City. Yeah. Big. Awesome. They married in 1870. He was making good money. They had a nice, they had a nice home. Joe was a very good speaker and he started campaigning for Republicans. He ran for judge and state's attorney but lost. And in 1879, he ran again and won election for judge. But he resigned after three years as a judge due to quote, a nervous affection. Uh-oh. So he's got feelings for someone else. Yes. That's

yes. Yes. In 1883, the governor couldn't run again because the German community had turned against him. They were mad that he was trying to regulate booze. Oh, the Germans came out. How dare you? No. Good stuff. The governor picked Joe to run. Uh, he was a Civil War vet. He's a great speaker. To run for what? The governor. Oh, okay. Wow. And if he lost, it was no big deal because nobody knew who he was. So he gets a nomination and when he did, the inquire called him quote, a sacrifice. They were just putting someone out there who was going to lose. Okay. And just take the hit. Right. Like a Herschel walker.

And someone that you know, there's no chance they'll lose. No way. Well, he lose. And just when you're like, well, I think we're pretty good. He pulls out a fish or price badge and you're like, we're gonna, I mean, if we lose to this, this is gonna be pretty crazy. They're gonna lose. I know. Yeah. That's too sad for everyone. That's really amazing. Everything hurts. So the election was all about booze. Republicans were not liked due to the regulation of booze. Joe tried to walk the line between a wet and dry politician. At one point during a speech, he said he didn't support prohibition, but was pro prohibition. So

he's like, he's just like, once all the liquor goes in your body, it is the man's decision as far as how drunk he want. But I still don't believe he should be allowed to get, after 15 shots, a man becomes a lush is how I feel. I'm a pro. A man after 15 shots, a man becomes a man. That's right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Mm hmm. I'm pro prohibition. What? What'd you say? Nothing. The inquire called him a blunder foreaker. And he lost. Nice. Dem, Dem swept, but now he is known. Now he's a known politician. So now other Republicans started attacking him because they're worried he's gonna become a thing. They started rumors that he

discriminated against black people as a lawyer and left Wesleyan. The Republicans being like this guy's racist is like having an edge is quite a time. It was reverse. Yeah. Remember, this is before it reversed. Oh, right, right. Today's Democrat. Right. So Joe, Joe, Joe gets nominated again for governor in 1885. This election was about race and Joe was accused of waving the bloody shirt in speeches. Waving the bloody shirt? What is happening? So the bloody shirt is a way of making emotional calls to avenge union soldiers who died in the war. Okay. So Joe quote that shirt was undoubtedly dirty, but that the democratic hoodlums

and thugs of the South made it so. So it was like punish these motherfuckers for what they did. Right. To our boys. Okay. And his stump speech is sort of fanning the flames of this. Yes. Right. As shown by the little Sigmund Freudian man. And he ends up winning. One of the first things Joe did was replace the Democratic warden for the penitentiary in Ohio. Okay. On September 24th in a speech, Joe claimed guards at the penitentiary who were Democrats had been taking skin from dead prisoners and using the skin to make canes. I mean, you're not going to have great balance with those canes to start out

like as far as like just from a strictly, you know, as far as like your blueprints. Right. Skins. Oh dear. I don't think it's solely made of skin. Okay. So you're kind of candy caning it. It's a mandy cane. You're thinking of a bully stick for a dog. Sure. Right. So it's something you wrapped around the cane. Oh, well, now I'm actually a little more interested. Now how much. So he's taken. Okay. And is that founded? No. He said he's he said inmate Fred and I had claimed he had to assist the chief prison doctor in stripping skin from seven or eight dead inmates. And he gave a statement

that Joe read quote, I would bring them in a basket to my private work room where I would cut the skins into strips. What kind of silence of the lambs shit puts the skin in the basket and then it makes the cane in order that they might become seasoned quicker than. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. Seasoned. Oh, no, Dave. No, thank God. People are listening. You're lucky. Then if I left them in entire pieces when the skins became seasoned to a degree season meaning what toughened. I think so. It's better than like oregano, I guess. Like Salt Bay.

Put salt pepper on them. Yeah, almost there. There we go. These would make great canes. Oh, paprika. To agree to allow them of their being worked up, I would cut them into small square pieces and porphyrate each piece in the center for a steel rod to pass through after which neat walking sticks could be produced. Oh my God. What's the fuck? He's putting the rod through the little pieces of human skin. And then, sorry, just and the rod is then the cane and it's just wrapped in that skin or you're like. Yeah, I think you probably then wrap. I think it's, I think really think it's a decorative thing. Yeah, of course, not that I understand. But

my question is the rod, so you're done or then you take it off the rod and then you're like, okay, now we've stretched it. I think, yeah, I think you, I, yeah, and then you put it on the cane and then you go to the cane. Awesome. And I said he was so disgusted that Dr. gave him whiskey to keep going. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. No, it's really grossing me out. He made five canes, two each for the doctors and one for himself, which he ended up giving. So disgusted he made one for himself. Just horrifying. I mean, I guess if I hurt my leg or something, it might come in handy. Hey, handy. And he gave that cane to Joe with his statement. Dems, of course, claim it's a lie. The skinned men were Irish and black and the dem said all Irish were Dems and they were trying to

woo black voters. So there's no way they would use their skin. Oh my God. I mean, the idea that you're like, politically speaking, this wouldn't make any, it's like, no, don't do that part. We'd lose the Irish vote because you understand it's not. Oh, yeah. And it's fucking crazy. That too. Yeah. And it's fucking disgusting and crazy for sure. The Nightmares and Cook confirmed Nye's story quote saw Nye working the skins into canes and the site was a most revolting one. It produced a great stench. Yeah. Stinky canes. Stinky skin canes. That's right. It's a dem paper started attacking Joe. The Union County Journal pointed out skin wouldn't smell. The angles are crazy that people are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It wouldn't stink. Plus

they're they're Irish and black. Good Lord. Come on. We're talking about fools. Quote, it would probably not smell so quote, it would probably not smell nearly so bad as calfskin under the same conditions. The paper said if there was a skin cane, then Joe had made it just for the campaign. It's it's so he it's the accusation is that he got just to Jesus Christ. Okay. It's a false flag skin cane. Right. Yeah. It's a escape cane. The prison doctors office I will say I'm a little shocked how long this part's going up. I know. I felt like, okay, it's a crazy accusation. I was like, now the doctor analyzed the cake. The prison doctors office landlord said he went landlord. The kid now this it was laid on rent.

Do you need my help? No landlord. No, the cane. Okay. The landlord said he went to a prison autopsy. And why was he there? Hey, I realized you're my tenant and everything. But would you mind if I went and saw an autopsy at your prison? Oh, no, of course. No, of course, you might landlord. Of course, you want to come to that? That's makes total sense. Please, please. That'd be great. Also, I'm raising your rent. Oh, well, that's not shocking. That'll end soon. So it's up to $39 in a couple of pieces of shit. Jesus, that's robbery. What a normal time. So he went to a prison autopsy and watched him strip skin from a corpse. The foreman at the Shwecker Brothers Oak Leather Company said the doctor asked about tanning the skin of a soon to be hung prisoner.

He wanted quote perfect skin from head to toe. The foreman said absolutely not. Rumors are flying a barber was given a razor strap made of skin from a horse thief. He got it from another barber who got it from the prison doctor. This is all just flying around your micro machining this shit. Yeah, what are you talking about now? What's the horse part? Now there's just real that he got skin from a horse thief that was in the prison. He got. Okay, so Jesus Christ. So skin is there's definitely skin in the game. Everyone. Everyone's talking about skin. Everyone. Yeah, right. So now he's taken out right. So the whole town knows like well I don't really mind if you use dead prisoners skin and people are

I think it's rude plus it's just not a great cane. It's a stinky cane. A bartender was said to be using a piece of skin to scare customers. What? Get out. It's closing time. You don't have to go home. But you can't stay here. Once we have lights will flash them till then. I love the skin and tonic. Is that possible? The doctor called Nia liar and said the bodies were in the prison cemetery and to just dig them up and they'd see they're fine. Then a medical college said they received two of the bodies and there was no damage to them. After the horrific accusations by Joe, the claims just

sort of went away. Everyone just kind of stopped talking about it. After a couple of months of freaking out. How is that possible? There's no consequences. What? So people like well never know. Either way, the time the Times Democrat said Joe was mocked for the accusation quote is cane speech made foreaker a laughing stock so much so that even the small boy as he sees him going along the street exclaims there goes skin cane foreaker. The fact that children are not only not shielded from that they're like hey what an idiot maybe one or two canes this guy he's so stupid. The Democrats would always call him skin cane forester that was his nickname from

from now on. Cool. We don't catch it. We don't know. Okay. I mean yeah okay go ahead. We don't know if the skin cane thing is true but the most respected doctor in the city examined the cane and said it had desks made from the skin of people and an animal. One was actually mixing. What? Who's mixing? You got to throw in a little there you go little dog little man you know what I mean little rat there we go yeah just how they make fake crab meat but with humans for canes. There you go. It's like dog food but a walking stick there you go. One was actually auctioned off recently but I couldn't find any information about it like. Who the fuck was like 100,000. Maybe someone started lower first I just really

want to get my hands on that. Now in 1887 President Cleveland hide that from you. Hide that from me? Yeah I don't want you to see the next picture. Just back off. Okay pal all right you weirdo it's not your diary. So President Cleveland tells all the governors in Union States to return captured Confederate battle flags to their owners and Joe was like fuck no. Okay. And he said quote no rebel flags will be returned while I am governor and he becomes a big hero to vets of the Civil War. So between that and the bloody shirt speeches they're like this is our guy. And what his stance then would now be considered controversial. Yes right. That's right we've gone backwards.

Strange how long until we're like selling skin canes again. And it's fine to do it as long as they're made from the skin of Democrats. Cartoon. You're gonna love these skin canes we got them available. And despite what the fake news media says these are 100% human skin no horse no dog. Now cartoon showed him you know attacking Cleveland. They showed things like Joe shooting Cleveland with a cannon. Joe is reelected and now people are talking about him as a presidential candidate like this guy's got it. He ran for a third term but now liquor is a problem again. And a law prohibiting booze from being sold on Sunday was passed and Germans didn't like it. They spent their Sundays in beer gardens. Yeah. That's right. So that'll show you.

They considered it. We hacked the system stupid. We bought it all on Saturday. Hey. Just one more thing. What if we were to load up during the week in preparation for Sunday. Then we'd go outside and get shit. Stupid American. So they really considered an attack on their personal freedoms and thousands of German Republicans said they would not vote. Joe also made me imagine that now you're throwing the election. Yeah. How dare you pick one of the two. Please stop talking. Please stop. Joe made claims about his opponent accusing him of corruption but then it turned out the claims were based on fake documents and so he looked really dumb.

He ends up losing. Wow. What an amazing time to be like whoops. You mean it wasn't tethered to reality. Oh boy. People aren't going to love that. So he waits and then he runs for the Senate in 1897 and he wins. Okay. Now he also worked while he was in the Senate he worked as a lawyer which was pretty common. They didn't get paid a lot so they had a side gig. They still do. They still do now kind of insider trading. Yeah. Now they had a very the forkers had a very active DC social life visits to the White House parties. So they're they're they're living it up and then the vice president dies in 1899 and Teddy Roosevelt replaces him now and had it stuffed had the

vice president. Not a lot of people know he had the vice president stuff. He did put his head on the wall next to some antelope. Yeah. Yeah. Some other wild beasts. Yeah. Nobody. It's fine. So this makes Teddy Roosevelt a shoe in for the presidency. The nomination. Right. Joe was going for right. So he'd have to wait at least four years. So he keeps speaking all the country in campaigns and the bloody shirt speeches. He got he got the nicknames Fire Alarm Joe and boom Tara and boom Tara. Boom Tara. Sorry. Boom Tara. Boom Tara. Boom Tara. Probably boom Tara. Right. Probably. Boom Tara. It's like a song. Boom. Whatever. Sing it. No. No. No. No. Really. I don't know what. Boom Tara. I don't know what the fuck. But I could just stretch it out into a bit.

Boom Tara. Angel. Then McKinley was assassinated. Roosevelt becomes president. That's how that works. Joe backs Roosevelt. He supports him when Roosevelt invited Booker T. Washington to the White House and America's actually lost their mind. Sure. Shocking. He backed him. But then Roosevelt wanted to have the government set freight rates for the railroads. And Joe was not happy about this. He called it unconstitutional. What does that mean exactly? What? The freight rates. Well, so it's saying you can't charge that much. You're gouging. Right. Gouging. They're a monopoly. They're fucking everybody. If you can imagine the government doing something about a monopoly.

We're fucked. Oh my God. What just happened here? I'm having so much fun. It's fine. Who's your favorite billionaire? The day which one died. Oh my God. Cut that out. He was only one of three senators to vote against the freight regulation and the only Republican. So now people in Ohio are fucking pissed. And is that because he grew up rich? What's his deal? No. He's a lawyer and he represents companies. So he has a conflict of interest. He's also a libertarian sort of like he just thinks the government should be involved in that shit. He wants the railroads to be able to fuck people over. Yeah. As was meant to be. Yes. As it was designed by the original guys who fucked people over. Yes. Yes. So again, so he represents big, represents big companies. He

is called the railroad senator and the representative of the interests. Cosmopolitan wrote quote, Forka has always been against the people. So now he's fighting Roosevelt more publicly over a bunch of different shit. Sure. In Cuba, Roosevelt had fought with the all black soldier 25th inch infantry known as the Buffalo soldiers. In 1906, some of them were transferred to Brownsville, Texas to Fort Brown. So they were brought in and they were placed in all white unit that had been there and the locals in Brownsville. Not happy. Really weird. So Texas used to be very different. Yeah. Stars won't sell anything to the soldiers. A man beats up a soldier with a revolver for

brushing up against his wife on the street. Sure. This was quote in the manner of the south. That's what you do. Yeah, called manners. Yeah. Yeah. So then a white lady, here we go. Here comes Karen said a soldier try had tried to rape her. Okay. Of course, no evidence whatsoever. Her story is vague. It's super contradictory, but she's white. And this is what you have to do as a white lady back then. It's the law. And then on the night of August 13 gunshots are fired on the on the route from the town to the fort. Okay. So just randomly shooting at houses and it lasts about 10 minutes. A Latino cop was wounded and a bartender was killed. And of course, the whites blamed the

Buffalo soldiers on rampage rampage, right? Witnesses said they had seen them creeping around with guns. Sure. Right. I didn't do anything. No, they're just like, Oh, there's some soldiers that could go bad. I said black soldiers just creeping around town with guns. Wait, what's for dinner? Skin came murder. But the soldiers had actually been on curfew and ordered to stay in the barracks. And then afterwards, their weapons were checked by the superior none had been fired. Now the mayor of Brownsville who uh, yeah, skin caned. So the mayor there says, says the shells that they find are the same ones the black troops use the mayor, the mayor, the mayor of Brownsville. Okay. And and then and then everyone's like

telling the troops will admit that you did it. And the troops are like, well, we know because we didn't and you're not very good at admitting stuff. Are you? And that made people more mad. Sure. Yeah. Of course. Right. So fast up to the thing you didn't do or we'll get angry. So they started calling it quote, a conspiracy of silence. Jesus Christ. I mean, amazing. Wow. The military sends a major down to investigate and he concludes that. Yep, they did it. Yes, they did it. They did it. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. So the war department just assumes they're guilty and then and then uh, Teddy waits till after the elections and on November 6th, he Roosevelt dishonorably discharged 167 black

soldiers of the 25th infantry. Some people are like, this is bullshit because a lot of these guys are super famous like as soldiers. One of them had been like 200 cartoons over the years like they're these well known soldiers cartoon famous. Wow. No, it's going to get worse. One of my least favorite things to hear during shows. So this means they don't get pensions. They cannot apply for a government job. So they they've gone from being soldiers that everybody respects to now a life of just like up some menial job somewhere. So right job. Right. Some had been close to retirement. So they're fucked. So Joe at first thinks they're guilty and then he starts looking into it and

he's like, oh, it's amazing. So he's formed his opinion and then he's like, now what are the facts? That's interesting. So he sends a man as as a senator, he sends an investigator down to get testimony. And then he's like, oh, these guys are all innocent. And so he pushes a resolution to have all investigation information turned over from the White House and the military department info. Okay. And Roosevelt says that he would he would turn over quote the facts as to the murderous conduct. Oh, it feels like there's an edge on that. No, the I will turn over the murder fuck fuck any fucks shit. I just want the facts. Yeah, the facts are that they can go fuck their murder fucking cells. Teddy fucks, Teddy, total fucking murder. Teddy Teddy. So, um,

Roosevelt also says, look, my decision had nothing to do with them being black. Now. Sure. Yeah. I didn't know they were black till just now. In 1902, Major Edwin Forbes Glenn had been court marshal during major Edwin Forbes Glenn. Okay. Now he'd been court martian marshal during the Philippine American War, because he had 47 POWs, Neil and quote, repent their sins and then had them bayoneted and clubbed to death. Oh, Jesus Christ. Don't look at me like what? What are you upset about? What? It's war. He also had a couple of priests and a mayor water boarded. Which back then was called the water cure. Ah, water curing. I'm surprised we didn't bring that

back. I mean, we kind of did. 24 did. So Glenn gets convicted of reckless disregard of human life. And, you know, of course, gets a one month suspension and a $50 fine. Oh, that'll teach him. No more of that until 30 days from now. And now three years later, he's sent to Columbus, Ohio to deal with a very unorganized situation at the barracks. Okay. It's so bad. Commanders don't know where they've assigned recruits. So guys who are listed as deserters are actually working at their posts. Like there's just all this. It's a fucking mess because they had essentially sent every officer and every soldier out to the war. And then they just brought in new people. And they were just like, what? And some guy was just like, yeah, I work here. Awesome. You know

what to do, right? Mm hmm. Yep. 100%. We got this. Fuck that enemy who ever. Yeah. Show them them. Which enemy? They banned me. We're fine. These colors don't run. Let's wash them in warm. Who? Who are we fighting? Fighting. It's more of a theology in a lot of ways. We're fighting versus a direct enemy. We have many direct enemies, and we need to get them. When's lunch? How free is it? And when we find them, we're not going to take shit from the enemy. We will win because this country was founded upon winners who fought fairly. And we will continue to do that. Stars and bars. Yeah, that's right. And paydays every other Friday, I would guess. We're not going to take shit. From who? Any of them. The lot of them. But specifically right now,

which enemy? The one we got to get rid of. And we will get rid of them. Which is what I'm going to do around here. Make sure none of them come here. And I'll identify them right away. And you can tell easily. Tell that they're bad. Because we're on the right side. And they're on the wrong side. And I'm not afraid to end their lives to make this better for us. What? Yeah. How big are the beds is the question? They're big? Do we get big beds? Yeah. And I can wear a sleeping hat? Yep. What if I snore like... That's expected. Good. Because we're going to show... The idea that they're going to come here or that we're going to go there, we're doing one of the two. And maybe both. We'll find them there so we don't have to find them here. But I'll defend here so that I don't

have to go there. All over there. Which one though? Them. The others. The baddies. The guys that don't get it. We believe in freedom. And they don't probably do that. And we'll kill them. Yeah. I'm done with them. I hate them. I hate them. My blood boils over them. This country is too goddamn good to handle those people. We can't deal with them. Which people? Them. You know what they look like? I don't. Yeah. Kind of like us, but different kind of too. Maybe very different. Probably sort of different at minimum and very at maximum. And I don't like it. Never have. Never will. And if you got a problem with that, Jack, I or someone different. I'm not going to compromise. I won't do it. I'll take them out right now. Snap their necks. Cut their

throats. Who? Them. Fuck face. Those pieces of shit. You're a terrible fucking person. I'm going to save your ass. From what? The guys who might also be women maybe. I don't want them here. I want the money up front, Jack off. What money? Am I not getting paid? No. Then I don't know who. I've been drinking all morning, asshole. You wasted my goddamn time for. So when Glenn showed up, he quickly said that Jewish merchants were preying on the soldiers. Oh my God. So he gets there and he's like, when it's the Jews. Okay, good start. I mean, that'll do. So the Columbus barracks held military prisoners who were waiting for trial. It also held new recruits who had had minor infractions.

So it turns out to be like a school for crime. Right. Awesome. Yeah. Which is one of that's how we reform people. Learn new crimes and then we can get you back in here to take telemarketing calls. On January 19th, 1907, five months after the Brownsville affair, a recruit said he had been at a brothel and was stabbed during a fight with a black guy. Okay. Weird circumstance too. Right. Yeah. Don't combine those two. So I'm fucking this. And then I'm also fighting. So I'm fucking I'm fighting. I'm fucking I'm fighting. You know how it is. It's like a cartoon dust cloud where fists and dicks are just popping out. Welcome to my brothel, fists and dicks. All right. And y'all looking to fight or fuck or both? Both. All right. Both's $25. Just fucking is five.

Just fighting is five and doing both is 10. But you can fuck fight all you want. Walk around a night for a day pass. That's $25. And if y'all want to come back tomorrow, you can get a twicket for six. You go. So two days after a stab and stab two days after the stabbing accusation, a German immigrant recruit said a black guy had shot a member of the battalion, which is a total lie. It's just so I mean, it is so easy to just be like a black guy did it. And they're all like, what? We knew it was going to happen again. So they're now incensed and all the angry recruits start marching to town looking for the stabber in the badlands. Okay. But no one knew what he looked like. So we're there. This is where like their racism brushes up against their reality.

You know, yeah. On four street, they start throwing bricks and stones through stores, brothels and windows. That's how you do it. Yeah. Yeah. Just throw bricks through buildings until it works out. They're shouting kill the quote. They gathered in front of a grocery store operated by Albert Sodie, a triple. And what is that? Got to put that in there. What is the angle? What angle? Well, do they is there any association to there's a guy who they're just like the grocery stores where it is. Throw the bricks through there. There's a disabled man inside. Perfect. This will work. I mean, I'm sure it's a black owned store and there's black customers inside. But that's where it ends. Well, you got to take care of that business for sure. Good point. They flung

several quiet in here lately. Have you noticed they flung several volleys of sticks and rocks through the doors and windows terrified. I'm not trying to nitpick this racist action, but sticks. Who's the sticks guy? Hey, Tom, that'll come on, everybody, twig them, twig them out. Go. Oh, I've also got some berries I collected. There we go. That'll do it. Hey, anyone for pine cones? I'm allergic. Oh dear. Space boy. Mother, they don't know how to riot. They brought twigs with their bricks. So the terrified customers are huddling inside. It goes on for a while. Pretty much every window in the area area is broken. Men and women are beaten. People run for their lives.

Glenn finally sends 60 soldiers to make arrests. So he wires Roosevelt that night and asks him to dishonorably discharge the white soldiers. Okay, he's hoping it will force him to reverse the Brownsville decision. Right. And anti foraker people at Ohio claim the riot was a setup designed to humiliate Roosevelt. Sure. So they weren't saying false flag shit right back then. Right. Right. Right. Before false flags. Yeah. Oh man, the Alex Jones of their day having quite a difficult day. So Glenn says he'll punish the soldiers and not and tells you know the White House in DC not to get involved. Right. And the military secretary general was asked if the riot was similar to Brownsville quote anybody killed were houses riddled with bullets were women and

children endangered was anybody frightened to death was the trouble caused by soldiers having firearms kind of yeah a little bit sort of similar really a lot of yeah yeah uh-huh well quit answering and then he says Brownsville is completely different obviously obviously a lot of differences you know you know what they are yeah you know what they are the victims he said in Columbus weren't really upset by the riot no good lord it was fun they were funding come on who doesn't help a lot there were twigs I mean that's just sort of light I think I saw a beach ball it was like a concert he called it a quote boyish prank it was a bit of a boyish prank you know how grown men acting as children are boys boys will be boys even when they're men

and it's racially fueled that's just boys being boys who are men that's all that is let's forget it ever happened the next week Glenn was promoted it's just Christ and then he was chosen to defend major Charles Penrose who is being court-martialed because he was in charge of the guys at Brownsville Penrose was charged with not taking the necessary precaution in preventing the Brownville Brownsville insurrection he requests Glenn as his lawyer and then he's found not guilty no now the rioters were fined the white rioters were fine fine okay okay four had court marsh marshall charges filed and uh the Columbus citizen

oops sorry that's okay you're human I'm like space so basically the result of all this stuff in Columbus was that they decided that the problem was that all the the rest of the black recruits in Columbus would be sent away quote here after the enlisted enlistment of the colored men would be limited to the better class so I mean like the white guys like it is just the refusal to ever have an actual takeaway yeah it is a feature not a bug so Joe rips uh Roosevelt after uh over Brownsville on the senate floor and the he he's making bring up all these facts and so the seven hours he said yeah seven hours so the new york has it been that long yeah this is I mean this last part's

kind of felt like it to be honest so papers say that an ascending query is needed and Roosevelt sends more investigators back to Brownsville to find more witnesses to back his version yeah right of course um Joe keeps speaking for a resolution and he's pissing off other republicans and it goes on for a while and then he finally gives in and changes it so the resolution won't question Roosevelt authority in the affair right right so he was right so Teddy is now the winner right of this fight and instead of handling it like a gentleman he starts rubbing it in quote one foraker eight crow and took the very amendment upon which I insisted I did not see how I could make any open protest against it there's never been a more complete case of

back down and humiliation oh than this right for a curse dude I really fuck it I know it's like uh I want to make a Seinfeld reference but I won't it just reminds me uh we're Milos the tennis instructor it just reminds me of that that's all I'll say um but it's like you okay so you kind of make this may a couple like all right fine like I'll make this concession in order to try to get a vet he's like stupid man yeah you're you were so wrong and you tried to come against the king and you got knocked the fuck out you son of a bitch so they have this thing called the gridiron dinner which is what the gridiron dinner the gridiron dinner two stakes three men one leads if you finish it all you get your picture on a wall

and a free t-shirt and we take you out in a wheelchair with an ivy it's a whole thing so it's like the whatever fat sows of their day yes the fat so it's like the it's like the the president's night thing with all the press okay oh it's sort of like correspondence dinner yeah it's like the correspondence there so they have a program get ready for some racism with cartoons of prominent people and then a limerick beside it so people who are going to be at the dinner sure with a lit so lit limerick jokes great great to me great tea up i'm sad into here where it goes this is uh joes all coons look alike to me jesus christ jb foraker says he says he even if they is black as can be and is dressed in blue or yellow

khaki and then you know it goes on it gets worse as you can see which i'm not going to read uh so this is in the program oh my fucking god and the president's like another winner so uh rosevelt speaks and it's not as light as it usually is what's talking a lot about the brownsville thing right and he ended with quote there may have been but two companies of that regiment in that unwholesome business but all coons look alike to me ah what the fuck and joe they say just goes ashen faced and no one has ever been allowed to reply to a president at the grid iron dinner while trump kind of dead until now the mc tells joe to reply well he's like eight miling it he's like joe you good go

wow i mean it's that offensive that he's like your turn yeah basically yeah holy fuck that was horrendous and i think they also know he's a really just spit a limerick like m&m would they also know he's a really good speaker so they want to see this right so one audience member said quote he gave the president the plainest talk he has probably ever listened to to the high oh senator the president looked the same as any other individual so joe says the investigation was important and he hadn't done it to raise his profile or embarrass the president people are cheering him throughout his speech right when he's done roosevelt screams for quiet so like during applause yeah wow quiet quiet quiet no i won

there's no applause for roosevelt come on oh that's so sad i mean it's great but it's also pathetic yes oh no no no i did it i'm the better one member before his was shit mine was so good come on clap your head together now for me for me today come on why is everyone looking like i got real racists in here chill the fuck out he's wasn't even a limerick hello what is wrong with everybody hey this is pretty close to what he did he takes his mustache off and throws it on the ground bullshit so there's no applause for him throughout and as he spoke people were like went the whole room's like murmuring because everyone's talking quit murmuring quote the president mad clear through

between clenched teeth declared that the only place the brownsville battalion could get justice was at the white house he said it was his power alone that's always cool a a senator said he was red faced and furious and yelling quote some of those men were bloody butchers the only reason i didn't have them hung was because i couldn't find out which ones did the shooting and he yelled at the top of his lungs for 10 minutes and then stormed out was that a limerick it didn't rhyme as much as fun now gridiron dinners are never reported on it's like don't talk about what happened at the gridiron oh really but this one breaks the mold right and everyone's fucking talking about it he lost his shit dc is totally rocked so roosevelt not only through a tantrum right but a teddy

tantrum everybody knows right so he's humiliated and upset right and he's the victim in all this for sure so the blowback is pretty quick roosevelt for like within a few days refuses to approve a judge that joe recommended which is like unheard of imagine those days what because of partisanship weird and well they're in the same party well i mean yeah right but still like personal reasons so then the forkers are iced from who the forkers the oh okay right sorry the forkers are iced from whiteout standards and social events um but joe's still like i'm going to run for president like he's so the brownsville investigation has gone on for eight months and while it was going on now because at they've been iced out it's still going on people stop

coming to the forkers house during the day mrs foraker quote men who were for my husband and helping him collect information called only after dark wow sometimes men sent their wives to see me then we began to get it we were being watched wow the president had posted detectives outside their house their mail was being opened anything that joe did was being reported to the president jesus christ i mean like that surveillance back that it's so i mean it's like so shady now but to like just be like open his mail he'll know i don't care he did not win the grid iron dinner do you understand me i won i rhymed mine rhymed uh the new york times warned uh federal reps to avoid joe if they wanted to keep their jobs now jesus christ the brownsville committee

finally wraps up nine senators release a report backing roosevelt for republicans issue a minority report saying it's inconclusive and then joe and another senator issue a second minority report saying the soldiers were innocent and that legislation should be introduced saying that this is so his report is fucking thick and detailed and he obliterates the idea that these right the the buffalo soldier shot up brownsville he has concluded that they took the shells that they said the guy shot from the soldier's target practice site and littered them around well you don't need to get too deep in the deep i mean it's pretty obvious what happened yeah that's i mean obviously they took the shell that's what yeah i get it and those canes are made from skin okay

yeah um he proved that locals staged the attack and the new york union post is convinced other press are saying he's lying to save his career so it's the usual you know political right bullshit yeah um roosevelt gets a message to joe and says if he drops all of this he could have any ambassadorship in the world that he wants what a weird weird little i mean it's so crazy because i don't obviously believe it or not dev i don't know a lot about teddy roosevelt but i did not think he was this insane i mean now he's just like you didn't think the guy who basically went through africa killing every animal in africa i mean like he's got some problems for sure but like the way he's handling this you're like dude are you okay like what's going on he's like look where do you

want to be an ambassador to like what did you read the report doesn't matter where do you want to go what do you want ireland what do you want come on name it anywhere come on so taft is worried that this is going to blow back on him so he starts another investigation to support roosevelt's decision sends more guys down to brownsville to go find things that just basically find what he wants them to find because joe has basically put out this report that blows the whole thing open right so it's that i mean it's just like all right so nixon is just an extension so he joe reads this report he fucking loses it they they use illegal methods to get confessions soldiers are said they'll be reinstated if they admit they did it like all this shit right um

so he now really starts going after roosevelt and taft and speeches and finally they reach a compromise and they agree to every soldier will be evaluated evaluated for reinstall at re in statement right each guy okay but joe's like that yeah but who's doing that yeah well the military right but joe's like he doesn't think it'll work and but he agrees to it and that joe now has the names of the actual shooters what and he gives it to the lawyers well uh that won't help us in this investigation into the shooting no he gives it to the lawyers of the soldiers and they're the military is like oh no we don't want that no no no come on let us figure it out first um of all the soldiers right 167 14 are reinstated wow half they never even talked to

who but now all these black americans across the country fucking love joe he's getting hundreds of letters joe foraker clubs for black voters are organized across the country wow uh even former president cleveland says joe has displayed courage but most americans don't like it right weird republican what is it i don't know what do you think it is i can't think of any idea i don't know well maybe we'll never know and never saw republican politicians are mad no one backs joe for president now is that the slogan yeah the jogan taft gets the nomination and a lot of other stuff he's he's still running for senate though joe is on september 1908 in september 1908 william randolph herst is giving political speeches uh jesus christ

and he's in columbus prime day and he gives a speech in which he reads letters from the president of standard oil to joe and they're from the past these letters uh and they asked joe to kill bills and stop judicial appointments okay and then the company says we're sending you money and herst reads these now remember he was working as standard oils attorney right so it was for legal work he did but herst made it sound like for this it was paying off a senator right so then two weeks later herst reads more letters but now he reads them in reverse order nice so it seems like joe is getting paid after killing a bill instead of getting money before right um and then the i don't know who but they searched joe's houses

in dc in ohio they don't find anything taff says quote i cannot hit a man when he's down rosevelt puts out a statement attacking joe for all everything basically um so now joe's just fucking pissed my god it's so fucking easy yeah like it really is it's like if you're in charge it's really easy yeah we're so stupid and they're so calculated and the media is so corrupted that that's plenty yeah well you're not fun and it never ends i mean it's just never it's the same shit now or it's just like we can ruin it more quick how do you want to do it all right let's do that and then we'll stay in power and ruin everything awesome well no one ever listens to the correction no no one ever listens to the correction but also it's like when you pick like i mean it's like

when i mean it is just like today where you're just like i really like the way ari melbur gives me informant you're like oh for fuck's sake how are the fuck i mean what am i going to say to you how can i have a conversation with you so joe calls taff cower a coward publicly um he he talks about all the times that taff vacationed with CEOs of companies and and he said he liked rosevelt so little he didn't want their names to be printed in the same newspaper it's going to be tough to write this article joe you put us in quite a pickle you mean bob right sorry bob the inquirer wrote quote his political epitaph has been written hers keeps reading more letters nice now the press is attacking joe

she says it's so easy he is he is a politician who works for companies we already know that yeah but they all are like they all they all have side jobs but it's like it's one of six is like he got not framed and fucked over but also he is a corrupt asshole like it's like they all i mean again it's very difficult because you yeah you can tear down all of them very easily it's like if you make money you know if you become a famous politician you're going to make money and then it's very easy to just be like will you make money and then it's like well shit i mean i don't you gotta we gotta pick our favorite millionaires i guess um the ohio state journal quote no man can serve the interests of a private company and the public at once in the same time do they suggest

are they suggesting a woman no no no no man can do this what about a woman get out of here what a foolish question a woman imagine new new york world called joe a public tragedy he announced his retirement so he uh he he's off at a public public eye three years later hirst republishes the letters in his papers why he's got nothing now this time call yours takes a look at them oh nice finally right on time five well he would never give up the letters right five were published before 1904 but the typewriter they were made with was not sold until 1905 what the fuck who i mean imagine figuring that out look at the e the e's different we didn't have that it used to look like a backwards three to understand what we're dealing with

plus this ink this ink this squid wasn't located until two years after the original typing do you understand yeah yeah i i mean i get it i'm just like i don't think about it i don't care the spacing is even marginally different here take this ring put it in there what the font size is different this is courier it was printed on courier new okay we didn't have a new courier until the initial courier was established isn't that striking doesn't that blow your mind a bit no i don't these letters were impossible to have typed in that same time in other words these were released backwards also the signatures were forged on the letters i like that one too it's a different font plus

those are all fake so bit of a two fur this is my colombo just one more thing moment on the senate held a committee hearing and Hearst came and refused to say where he got the letters he made them up yeah so joe went back to law but after a bit he started speaking for candidates again and in one speech he called rosa out the nationalist and said his ideas were more dangerous to americans than any monarchy in europe he was always talking shit about taft republicans are pissed someone want to throw out of the party but then people start liking him again when he starts attacking president wilson so now it seems like people like him again so he's like i'm gonna run for senate they don't like him that much in 1914 he thought he had this part of all the big names

in ohio including harding but then harding was like actually i'm gonna run uh and bang and also i want to become the president to just fuck this shit out of this town let me show you my bang closet also taff's brother i fucked him up the other day and didn't realize what yeah i had it bristles up and i had no clue what i was doing i thought it was thick hair bristles yeah you know the mop uh weaves things it's just how it uh the mop strands i was kissing it and porking it and i'll tell you what i might leave my wife for that mop the good thing is when you're done you can clean it up really yeah what what what what what right come on fella be a pal we're growing out right now we're not

so joe lost my 11 000 vote votes he was quote aged and saddened so now he wrote an autobiography not much animosity in it except for against taft in 1916 teddy rosevelt wrote joe a letter saying he admired his courage and straightforwardness and back then he was being told things about joe by people he now did not trust oh fuck off i mean honestly it is like yeah it's too late it's too late i was being misled about where the weapons mass destruction were they promised that they had them and it turns out oopsie poopsie you know a hundred million people died but i apologize anyway as may culpa here's a picture of a cockroach spin by the way i do have a new podcast uh on the lever uh none hold on you're not allowed to do that we covered george bush uh his master class master

class it's george w bush teaching a master class it's uh it's really something and it's not about fucking painting dogs what else is there what else he paints flowers he paints flowers the last 18 minutes is him talking about painting and he doesn't do with the blood of iraqis he uses actual paint sake anyway it's called the audit go look at it listen to it go look at it don't listen go look so watch it in 1917 joe had several heart attacks and then died on may 10th well to be fair you didn't think he was going to still be alive did you he still lives in denver and he's actually 220 so uh shocking roosevelt in his autobiography did not write a word about the brownsville affair right historian lewis gold called brownsville quote one of the most glaring

miscarriages of justice in american history yeah too easy same playbook now just a bigger bigger nightmares and you know just never fucking matters doesn't matter nobody gives a shit nobody cares just you just say everyone's just you know yeah that's the thing no it's just like we're like but did you hear about kanye we're like no we're doing coups it's like yeah but kanye what are we gonna do about kanye what are we gonna do about kanye i don't know i'm really actually genuinely let's call him kanye east well shit um fuck yeah oh we got a new we have a new podcast yeah it's coming out on november third third yeah yeah yeah so that's exciting yeah it's called the dollop you guys are gonna love it it's awesome there it is

uh we appreciate y'all coming out thanks a bunch honestly thank you appreciate it thank you my phone