The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 579 - John Dowie Alexander - Live

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine religious man John Alexander Dowie. Recorded live in Chicago. Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch   Squarespace Helix Sleep Harry's

Yeah! Yes! What? Yeah! What's up, Chicago? Great to be here. You met Uncle Wires, haven't you? Hiya.

What the hell's happening there? I think it's a waste. I love you. Ordered drinks? There's a waste episode? Do you have a sign? Nope. Hiding her face?

Ordered drinks? And we tip that person, don't we? Yes, we do. And if we don't tip that person, who comes down into the audience and breaks your finger? That guy. Leap and Lincoln.

And you drive too. We have a van and you drive it too. So you're my driver. Too. Asshole. No. Sometimes the help gets weird. I was out of line.

I love him have his tantrums, sorry. Because I think he should like the staff vent. It's hard to win this one. Gareth. Dave. The Dollop podcast. That's the, that's this. It is brought to you in part by Squarespace.

Squarespace, of course. A website. Oh, just a website? No. Gareth, no. It is a domain website. Online store. Market.

I don't agree. It's a lifestyle. All in one. It is a lifestyle. They actually have a club Squarespace in Martinique. So if you want a lounge on the beach and enjoy the Squarespace lifestyle,

you can do that. But right now we're not talking about that. We're talking about the all in one platform that you and I are a part of. We both have our websites with Squarespace. We have the dolloppodcast.com of Squarespace. Jose's website is with Squarespace. Sources page.

Our engagement registry. Any website that we're associated with is Squarespace. The slime one we do, we just slime each other. Yeah, yeah. They're all, if you, if you, if you're buying a domain from Squarespace, super simple. There's no hidden fees. There's no price hikes.

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or domain. That's exciting. It is exciting. Uh, Gareth, you know what else is exciting? Huh? Helix sleep. Helix sleep, of course. Uh, we're, now we're talking about a bed situation.

So I of course have a Helix sleep. There's two Helix sleep mattresses in my home. Uh, one for the, the kid who lives here and then me and my wife. It's your son. Um, okay. Let's not get technical. And then it, it comes in a, he,

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pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep.com slash dollop. This is their best offer yet. And it won't last long with Helix. Better sleep starts now. May 25th, 1847. Year of our Lord. Jesus Christ.

Son of God. His dad didn't drink. Now. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. If he did, it was on.

So he was just like, oh, I made an octopus. Silver. That was a silver thing that he did. Spiders. Really? You really hate things with eight arms. Fuck yeah. That's your deal.

Fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The sloth. You're an octist. He made the sloth sober. He made the sloth out of heroin. Like heroin the animal.

No. Now I should have looked up this, how to say that guy's name. Well, whatever. Either way, nobody's going to comment. If I'm saying it wrong, just correct it from the beginning. Edit it out. We'll tell you how I said it correctly the whole time. John Alexander Dowling.

Yeah. Is that it? Yeah. One guy said it. It's spelled D-O-W-I-E. So it's going to be like doughy or some shit. Sir, it's dowy like you said, right? You're 100%.

He said, yeah, I get it. But the thumbs up. That's it? Yeah. A driver will take care of him. Should I take him to the van boss? Give him a what's for? John Alexander Dowling was born in Edinburgh, Scotland.

Nice. His father was a tailor and a preacher. Family was very poor and religious. If you can imagine those going along. Of course. So part of God's plan. Now eat the sheep hoof. It works in mysterious ways.

Here, eat the guts. It's haggis. Eat it like spaghetti now. That's tasty. John was often sick. Okay. In 1860, the family moved to Adelaide, South Australia. Where did they move?

Adelaide. What a fun little name of a town. Gosh, it reminds me of something. What? I don't know. Got it. Marmalade? No, it's not that.

Go ahead. Marmalade. You're out of your element. There, his dad became... What? I understand anything for 27 minutes. His dad became the president of the total abstinence society? I promised him these minutes.

So John is 13 and he got a job working for a while in a boot import business. His uncle owned. Importing boots. Yeah. Okay? Sure. He was out because John had a quick temper and was insubordinate. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. When he was fired, he threatened to beat his uncle with a boot jack. Oh, shit. Wow. These boot jacks were made for beating. And that's just what they'll do. That is perfect for a beating. Yeah.

I mean, it's just like, I thought he was going to beat him with a boot. The boot jack is perfect to press him up against the wall and be like, ah, son of a bitch. Don't tell me what to play, did you? It's thick. You can really hit someone with it. Easy. There's the Dave I like. Yeah.

They crack a fucking skull. All right. Settle down. Settle down. At 20, he went to... So at 20, he goes back to Scotland to study for the congressional ministry, congregational ministry, on May 21st, 1872. So he threatened to beat his uncle with a boot jack.

And then he was like, I need to get into religion. Yeah. I need to. I'm too good for this job. May 21st, 1872, he was ordained as a pastor and sent to a church in Alma in South Australia. Okay. So he went back to Scotland, then back to Australia. Got the learning.

Right. Learned how to tell people. Yeah. Learned how to explain a fantasy man. Yep. Right. He went back to Australia to spread the good word of Christ. Right.

Yeah. And if you don't accept the Lord, boot jack. Yeah. Boot jack. Please accept him into your life. I don't know. It sounds a little made up. I'll kill you with this boot machine.

Okay. Did you say boot machine? That's right. Look at all the working parts. You look at that. You know there's a machine. It's just two pieces of wood. Christ almighty.

Slow down. I'm lost. How does it work? Where's the on off switch? It's a boot jack. You put one boot on one. Slow down, Dr. Scientist. Talk to me like a regular person.

I'm bloody lost. It's other boot and like the whole thing and you pull it out. Whoa. So it's like a robot? No. It's a couple of pieces of wood. Christ. You've really done something amazing.

What's your background in? Biology. No, I just cut wood off trees. Marvelous. Unbelievable. Do you guys not have wood in Scotland? I don't even have the answer. Okay.

Love it what I'm hearing. Yeah, that's fair. Wow. What do you make your houses out of? Boot jacks. So he lasted nine months as pastor at that church. John said he quit because of bad health while others said he was constantly arguing with his congregation.

I mean, okay, that just seems a little straight like because you would think they're there. Yes. They're probably, so my guess is it wasn't health reasons. Yeah. That's right. How old is he? He is... 20s?

No. He is... Yeah, he's been 20s. Okay. So health reasons. He was sent to Newtown, New South Wales in February of the app crash. There it is. He was sent to...

That was close. He was sent to Newton, New South Wales in February 1875. He got involved in politics and became a leader of the social reform party which pushed free education. Okay. Sure. In 1876, he married his cousin. Sure.

Jeannie Cockburn. Jeannie what? Jeannie Cockburn. I mean, you definitely got to be careful. And that's a nickname. Oh God. I'm Jeannie Andrews, but you can call me Cockburn. Wowie-zowie.

My cousin and my Cockburn? Let me eye it. Let me show you how it's a bootjuck. That's where I fuck your slipper. That's what he looks like at this point. Oh Jesus. So he looks like a younger version of the guy he's working for. He looks crazy, Scott.

Trying to kill his uncle with a bootjuck, marrying his cousin. I love it. That year Archbishop Vaughn said in a sermon that every man, woman and child were being influenced by supernatural forces. Here we go. Here we go. Pagan Gods. Here we go.

Who wanted to destroy influencing nations. He wanted to destroy influencing nations? Pagan Gods wanted to destroy influence nations. Okay. I thought that was his move. He was like, we need to blow up some nations. Get the bootjuck. And Vaughn went after Protestants, and so John responded.

He lectured, he wrote articles for papers, he took out ads in papers, and he wrote an 88-page response. Jesus Christ. It's like one of those attacks that you're like, I'm not going to do it. This is what you're saying. Just calm down. Calm your shit down. Tons of people read it, so it's a huge fucking, his response is huge.

Kind of puts him on the map a little bit. Sure. What an exciting time. Yeah. Then in 1877 he said he was resigning from pastor of his church, and he opened up his own church with no denomination. That seems strange. A non-denomination.

Although it might make sense that he was arguing with his precious. Yeah, right. The problem with religion is the specifics. We've got none of those here. He called it the free Christian platform. Okay, free Christian in the sense that it's free of Christianity? It's Christianity, but it's free of all the... It's Die of Christian.

Christian life. It's New Christian. It's... Christian 2. 2. Right, okay. Or 3. Sure.

Or 7. Okay, stop. No. No? Uh, so it's a hit and he's preaching the pack then. You have to see this new Christian. It's so awesome. You're going to love it.

This guy married his cousin. He's fucking nuts. This guy's crazy. And let me talk about the first thing. Marrying your cousin is completely fine, if not encouraged. This guy's wild. I'm loving his new stuff. So he attacked the Roman Catholic Church.

He was being ridiculed by the Sydney press. And so at this point, this very popular pastor retires for health reasons and John ends up taking over. Okay. So now he's back into a religion, this denominational religious organized situation. Right? But he just doesn't because it's a big church. Sure.

Okay. It's the Sackville street tapernacle in Collinwood. He does that on May 15th, 1882. Okay. It is big. Yep. All right. Uh, so he also starts attacking spiritualists, which I'm fine.

That's... Yep. He, uh, he sues one for libel. Really? Because he and the spiritualists started writing letters back and forth, debating or whatever. Right. And, um, John published the letters and the spiritualists do not want them published. He wanted them kept private.

But John was upset with what he had written to describe what the spiritualist thought of him. So he sued the spiritualists. Sorry. Yes. He published the negative stuff the spiritualist said about him and he read it and he was like, that's bullshit. No.

No, okay. John published the letters. In the letters, John had written what he thought the spiritualist thought of him. So it's even worse than what I just said. Yes. Because the spiritualist didn't even say what he said. He was just like, I know what you think of me. I'm just some bootjacking weirdo.

Well, let me tell you this. I married my cousin. Fuck face. And then he was like, oh my God, this is printed. I asked for this. I'm going to take you down. He's like, I literally did nothing. What are you...

What is your deal? I was like, oh fuck, I can't believe you do that. You double crossed me. I said to not publish it. You said some awful things. You said those. You thought them. You are...

What? Oh, he's wrong, the wrong man. Cockburn. Get the bootjacking. So he looks like a total fucking idiot in court. And he is just mocked by everybody. Yeah, the lawyer was like, you're on a permission to win right now. And so he becomes angrier.

Oh, good. Good. That's what we need. There's going after and attacking Christian ministers, calling them infidels. Okay. Sure. Get them on board. Yeah, no, it's right.

Yeah, the enemy of your enemy. So reporters fucking love it, and they are now coming to hear all his sermons. His sermons... Just because he's bonkers. Yeah. Right. His sermons are described as theologic hatred. Okay.

Welcome back. Right. Very religious. Yeah. So he's dropping like diss tracks, and they're like... Yeah. Yeah. So the congregation is now very upset, because they had a normal preacher.

Can we talk about God? We will get to God. But these sons of bitches. Nobody has been persecuted like me. Look at Jesus behind you. All right, besides him. It's close. So some of them came forward and told him to step down.

And they're like, we don't want you to be our... I bet that went well. He didn't. Cockburn. Boo-juck. Those church members were excommunicated. I thought you were going to say executed. 100%.

But I was like, Jesus, I hear you, and I'll raise you at murder. Sorry? And he banned other members of the church from talking to them. Not talk to them. They're excommunicated. Now, this is all in the press, so a PM argues that John's tempered street preaching at this point was hurting liquor sellers. So he's out on the street preaching about temperance.

Right. And this PM's like, that's really fucking up business. I like that that is the issue Australians have at all. Yeah, it's Australian. They're like, hold on. What about the rug? Well, yeah, exactly. You've done quite a lot.

Yeah. Everyone agrees with him. But then all of a sudden, all these people whose sales were being heard, the business owners all of a sudden got super quiet and they wouldn't talk about John. So it seems suspicious that the premier orders an investigation into whatever is going on. And it turns out John is using Christian mobs to intimidate business owners. This guy is, I'm fucking starting to like this religion a little bit. I'll be honest.

I'm starting to come around. So Christian mobs. He would have a bunch of Christians go out to. How you doing? And chant outside that the owner was going to hell. Come on outside, hell. Come on outside, hells will you beg and take him for a ride. Come on.

Come on. Fucking hell. And so eventually the guy would come out because no one was going into business. Well, well, well. And then they would beat the living shit out of him. Jesus. Seems like a very straightforward plan. No one's coming in to go out.

Now part B, beat the shit out of him. So the cops try to stop it. It's in the news and they, but they couldn't because the police, there was an influential police sergeant who was a follower of John's. So he was working from the inside to help John. So he was just a liquor store owner. Okay, quite a little wreck he's got going. Very mobby, very mobby.

So businesses and the owners got together and then a bunch of citizens and they formed their own mob and they started fighting the Christians in the street. This is how we should be doing. This is a much better system. You know what I mean, we can just lure Joel Osteen out of his place and just beat him mercilessly. Now hold on. So then this is obviously going out of control and the pastor who retired is like, okay,

I'm going to retire now. Wow. This is so fucked. I'm going to do one more season. And he says he's going to come back and John's like, well, I'm not going to resign. So he's like, well, you'll have to fight me for the congregation. He's like, son of a bitch. This guy's a nightmare.

It's cold, man. I have cancer. Oh, do you? Well, fuck you. So he has the flock vote and the flock votes to kick out the ex-pastor 89 to 56. So humbling. He's like, I'm not going to fuck you. So he's created like a, I mean, it's a little, it feels a little Trumpy.

Yeah. But like he's created like a just a movement of people like fuck yeah. Yeah. Super aggressive militant. Nice. Christian is but non-denomination. Right. The way God intended.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God was like the specifics. Yeah. So the ex-pastor won't leave. So the, the sergeant physically picks him up and carries him out and then they, they cursed him.

They, what do you mean, cursed Adam or put a curse? They put a curse on him. And then they exiled him forever. But then this ends this giant fucking crazy meeting. And then John's like, well fuck this. I'm leaving the church. They're like, you won. You just, what are you talking about?

We put that guy on an island. Fuck this. I'm out of here. Not doing this. And then he leaves and a hundred people go with him. Where are they going? Well, they form a brand new church. Where?

There? Well, they're going to find a place for it, but they call it the free Christian church. And so now he's going to find a new space. But the hundred people walk out with him. It all happens in a meeting. I mean, that is a wild move at the end of getting rid of the ex-pastor. Yeah. A sheriff carries him away and everyone's like, we won.

He's like, I quit. What do you mean you just won? No, not doing it. Done. Bloody offensive. Every moment has just happened. Can I believe that? So, we're done.

The ex-pastor comes back. Fucking ate that son of a bitch. Fuckbun. You know. And he just goes back to the church because the people that are left in there are the ones who wanted him. Oh, so he's just like, after all of that, he's like bloodied. He's like, mind if I preach again?

Yeah. Like, yeah, that'd be great. But he's only got 50 people left in his church. Okay. So they're 150 and a hundred went with John to go somewhere. And to be determined. And then they look at the books and it's franchised throughout the city. Shitload of money is missing.

Okay. So he was Christian. Okay. So, they asked John for records of the accounting and he's like, you know. Yeah. I've got a bunch of receipts right here. I'm right bloody here. Oh, God.

Those are your fists. Those are fists. I was bloody zockling. Come on. Crush the numbers, bitch. And so the ex-pastor publishes a report of all the missing money in the paper. Uh-huh. This will go over well.

Considering that last time John self-published and sued, I'm sure he's going to really enjoy this. Well, it's attention, right? So he publishes the records that he has in the paper, John does, and along with it adds for his new church. So, records of where the money went, which was probably total bullshit, right? Yeah, I'm surprised. But it was just, there's more eyes on it.

Right. And then he's just like, if you like this accounting, I've got a new church for you. You're going to bloody love it. It's way better. And he says he's doing faith healing. He's doing faith healing? Yeah. Meaning he's healing the sick with faith.

That's right. As one does. So, shame he could have healed the pastor, but he just decided to. Okay. So, now we know he's real. Because he's faith healing. That's right. Absolutely.

So, he opens up a church in Fitzroy, which is in Melbourne, which is great. If I lived in Melbourne, nobody fits right. Great. So, does everyone feel good about that? Great. Great neighborhood. Great. The Fitzroy City Council then shut down his church for safety violations.

Okay. Nobody wants, nobody wants around because of the whole beating people up thing. That was round the bottom. Yeah. Okay, so the safety reasons are that he is probably going to beat people and then be like, I see you broke on your face. They're like, you put a chair on my head. Well, it doesn't matter what got you here.

I've got the cure. Don't worry. But he keeps preaching in the church, even though it's been shut down. He gets arrested twice. The second time, the first time is for preaching in the church. The second time is for illegal having processions in the street. So he's doing the marching thing in the street. It's mostly about temperance, but also cigarettes and other things that...

About cigarettes. He's anti-cigarettes. He's anti-cigarettes gambling, all the usual. Right. Meaning that he's probably doing it. And he also, it turns out, it started doing the call out to business guys, beat him up in the street thing again. Oh, he's back to that old tactic?

So, the city gets the guy who owns the property to the church. His church is built onto a victim. But John still keeps preaching in the church. So then the owner of the property has four men come in, in the middle of a sermon, and forcibly pick up John and take him outside. And then his followers go out and there's a giant brawl in the street. But only... I mean, he's got a lot of followers.

You bring four people? I don't know how you think that's going to go over well. I would guess there were more outside waiting. Okay. Yeah. So it's a huge brawl in the street. Yeah. Okay.

So this is good. This is Christianity. This is great. Yeah. I would go to this church. This is like wrestling church. Way better. The problem with church is it's so fucking boring.

And a little cuckoo, I guess. Yeah. Around the edges. So, John was tried again for not paying the fine for the first arrest. And he declared poverty, so I don't have any money. And he got a month in jail. Okay. So when he got out, he was even more angry and aggressive.

Jesus. So he's like foaming now. Yeah. His sermons are becoming more political. Uh-huh. He keeps saying the laws of Fitzroy were not as important as the laws of God. Fitzroy is like, sir, we're not. We're just a suffer.

Yeah. You've not listened to God. He's got better laws. Right. And then he goes to New Zealand for a bit for a little break. Oh, nice. And when he comes back to Australia, he does not go back to his church. Instead, he goes to Sydney and starts doing faith healing services.

Okay. So he's sort of dropped the preaching part. He's doing a lot more faith healing. And now he's just a God doctor. Yeah. And then in May 1888, he heads for America. Oh, no. No.

This is where he's coming to Chicago. Oh, no. Well, first the ship... Well, I mean, he was just like, gosh, my anger, my fighting, my weird religion. I've got no bloody choice. I've got cooked up the nation of bad shittery. So he ends up in Zephyr Zoo because that's where the ship goes. And the San Francisco Chronicle welcomes him as a well-known Christian minister who

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Oh man, you're about to have a lot of fun listening to the dollop. Hey, before you do, let me tell you about some dates where I, Gareth Reynolds, will be doing some stand up on the road. Please join me, Garmy. That's the Gareth army. Everyone is using that. It's not up to me. It's just caught fire.

Check out the hashtag. I will be in Los Angeles, California, May 5th at the Dynasty typewriter. Phoenix, Arizona, May 18th at stand up live. Then July, it's going to be crazy. Calling on the Garmy. Let's do this. I will be Huntsville, Alabama, July 7th, July 8th. I will be in Birmingham, Alabama, July 9th.

I will be in Nashville, Tennessee, July 10th. New Brunswick, New Jersey, July 11th. New York Comedy Club on July 12th in New York City. Then, Stamford, Connecticut, July 13th at the New York Comedy Club. Just what it's called. Then, Pots Town, Pennsylvania, July 14th. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, July 15th. Part of the DVE Comedy Fest.

July 16th, I'll be in Syracuse, New York. And then, Buffalo, New York, July 18th. Albany, New York, July 19th. And then, July 20th, 21st, 22nd. I will be at the Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington, Vermont. You can go to garethrenalds.com for ticket information. The shows are going to be a lot funnier than this ad. So, I'm looking at you, Garmy.

We're drafting soldiers for the... Nah, I'm getting a little too deep in this analogy. But anyway, join me, garethrenalds.com for ticket information. Let's go, Garmy. So, John said he does the chronicles. He's healed over 7,000 people in Australia. And the SF paper is just right up. I guess we're in for it, is what he does.

The chronicle reports specific cases, like the healing of a 20-year-old invalid and restoring a boy's sight. At lectures, he would stand up and ask if anybody didn't believe him. Oh, my God. And one time, a guy raises his hand. And then, John...

Beat the shit out of him. You asked. Kill that man. All right, now, we've learned a valuable lesson. There's a room for people who believe. And then, John just starts mocking the guy. Yeah, I don't know. I don't bloody believe.

I've got a weird moustache. I raise my hand. I'm the only bloody one. Yeah, probably exactly that. Yeah, you're special. You make us all fucking disgusted. And John won't let him speak. Hey, you shut the fuck up when I'm asking you a question.

I didn't want you to talk. And finally, the crowd starts yelling, just let him speak. No, hold on. And John looks at the guy and goes, sit down. The guy sits down and won't talk. So the crowd's like, I think maybe we're in the wrong place.

I think the question was retorted now. He's really interesting. I like it. God is so mad. The Oakland Tribune called it, quote, successful evangelical work. Sure is. They're just giving him the sweet treatment.

Journalistic blowjobs. Journalistic blowjobs. So local ministers are not happy about this. What's their deal? They start attacking what they consider bullshit healing powers. But as audiences keep growing, the more he's in the news,

the more people come out to see him. Yeah, good press. But then reporters at the Tribune noticed no one was actually being healed. Oh, is that strange with faith healing? And the ones he couldn't heal when he tried in front of people, he would just say, well, you lack faith.

That's a great reason. He would say they were, quote, not worthy. That is really horrible to be like, you there in the wheelchair, come on up. We're going to get you to walk again. Now walk. Get up. Come on.

Walk. You fucked over God. You've not believed properly, have you? Center. Get out of here. Throw him down. Down the stairs with that one. There we are.

Next. Hello. And what have you got there, lassie? Oh, your army can't work. Well, let's have a look then. Lift your arm. Try. Give it a shot.

Booga booga. Give it a shot. Give it a shot. Yeah, you don't believe either. Go. Get out of here. Swear to God. So one person who did this to in front of everybody

was a young boy with a spine condition. I have a spine issue, mister. Well, we're going to fix your spine. And if we don't, it's your fault. You understand? I believe in God, sir. Well, we'll find out if you do. I do.

Well, we'll find out if you really do. And then, of course, I want you to believe. I believe in God. Well, if you believe in God, then I want you to stand upright and no longer have a curved spine. Come on. Oh. Feel the healing right in your back.

Do you feel it? Straighten in. Is your posture better? Stand up straight now, boy. Stand up straight now. Try harder. You've got this. This is nothing to do with me at this point.

I've done everything I can. My posture is officially over. No, come on. Come on. Get up straight. Stand up perfectly straight. Come on. You've not done it.

You're not doing it. Aye. No. You've betrayed God. Why? You've lied to God. No. God.

Now, let me explain. God hates Timothy. No. Now, I don't know what you've done exactly, but you've done something wrong to God. And he does not like you. Well, I don't know what you've done in your five years, but it's atrocious.

Look, I'm sorry. Why did you do this? Come back when you're not a shitty Christian. Come on, then. Make way for those who believe, boy. How do I make way? Well, I'm going to look. It's either you make way or we make you make way.

I can't move. The show's not about you. Come on. I've got one of those hooks off stage. We'll use that for half two. Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep.

Beep, beep, beep. Get out of here, boy. God almighty. What a little shit. Oh. I hated that child. It's like Ricky Gervais is a preacher. Except funny.

Shots fired. It's all right. He'll tweet something at me and then read it on a special. So he starts, John starts attacking the press for pointing out that he's not really doing good at that. Right. So during a sermon, he starts attacking the press. And during a sermon, John yelled, quote, the reporters of Oakland are dirty, dastardly,

foul-minded liars. And when they die, they'll gnash their teeth in hell. Pretty good. Really, like, it is Trumpy in the way that it's just like, he's just fucking nailing them part of the turn of phrase. His cult just grows. Of course. They're just like, the press is evil.

Thank you, John. I didn't like what you did with that little boy, but everything else I've been real into. And like I said, I enjoyed the boy part. You, back there, what's your deal? I liked, I liked, I liked Spiney's Boys. You liked what I did? I liked yelling Spiney's Boys. This is what we call a model parishioner.

You're great. You're fantastic. If you raise your hand and you've got something like this, I completely support this. You get it. I get it. You're great. I love you. You're fucking great.

You know, I hate fucking reporters. Absolute cunts. Check this man for a wire. It's a little too good. So cult grows. A lot of people. And cult. Congregation.

Congregation grows. Well, yeah. I mean, to be fair, let's just keep your little personal beef out of it. That's fair. It's a congregation. It grows. I took a step. I shouldn't have apologized.

Yeah. I'll decide if it's a cult. More people are saying they're healed. So now John was attacking doctors. These fools. To be fair, though, at that time doctors are like, this faith healing is absolute bullshit. You just need to rub mushrooms on the body of the sick. That will heal everything.

And now his past in Australia comes up. Someone writes a letter to the LA Times and wrote some stuff that he did and said, if John doesn't stop, more revealing, worse letters are going to fall. Nice. And then a rich guy from St. Louis comes to hear a lecture, a shirt or a sermon, and after he went completely insane and was put in an asylum. That's pretty good for one sermon. All the way from St. Louis, I will say I'm very excited to hear this man finally speak.

And he just walks out and says, blah. Come on, everybody. Eat the dirt. Eat the soil with me. Put some plants in your butt. Shake it around like a tail. Come on, gang. God has our way.

We'll eat your hair like spaghetti. Well, it's being reported more and more people are going to his sermons and then going insane. Wow. By the way, I mean, if I'm, okay, if I'm not, if I'm like, man, this guy fucking sucks. Like, fuck this weird Scottish dude. And then they're like, you know, most people can't make it through a sermon without going insane. I'd be like, I think I want to go through a little bit.

Oh, for sure. That's a draw. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Total. I'm sure what's happening is people with mental health issues are going. And I don't think they're going to heal.

It fucks them up more or whatever. Or it's just all a lie. Anyway. I love how many were touched, but he's got a lot of stuff in his hands. That's what a driver does. You son of a bitch. I put a pill in that, you idiot. I haven't had a light beer in eight years.

Is that a beer? That's Milwaukee's best asshole. That's not true. Delicious. It's the Gatorade of Beards. Watch that mouth. So people are also dying because of the medical advice he's giving. Interesting.

So for some reason he's not leading people in the right direction on the medical advice. Do you think it's because he has no idea what he's talking about? So doctors are now begging people to ignore him. And that's why he starts attacking doctors. Right. And the chronicle prints a story about five kids who died after their parents took them to John and gave them advice. Right.

And reporters began following every person that he came in contact with they could find. They're doing track and trace with him. Yeah. Okay. He started calling women. He's a little Dr. Ozzy in that way. Yeah. He started calling women who disagreed with his beliefs Jezebel's.

Wow. Still goes on to this day. What? That still happens a lot. Okay. Right. One filed a $50,000 libel suit against him. Okay.

While they're at Jezebel. And soon after that John left California and headed to Chicago. Your second choice is like where can I cool people bullshit? Chicago. Nobody cares there. Yeah. Sorry, sir. But he gets to Chicago and the papers won't pay attention to him.

Oh, this now this, this is how you do it. So he's like a Greek myth. Yes. He's a fable. Yeah. He can't get any traction. So he started attacking people harder. He went after the Roman Catholic Church Mormons Unitarianism Buddhism spiritualists.

He talked shit about General Sherman. I want to see Buddha in the streets for shirts off and a combat fight. Come on, Buddha. Let's go, bitch. Anyone listening? I am Jesus Christ. Hello. Hello.

He said General Sherman was now in hell and the Tribune just ignored him. So they must have known. They must have talked to other newspaper guys and just like just fucking don't report on anything he says. Goes. Right. So he goes to Pittsburgh. Wow.

So you had a hell of a run. You had a hell of a run. He starts out some success in Pittsburgh, but then it wears off pretty fast. Everyone's like, you just keep yelling about doctors. Like they liked it and then they immediately go, is that all you got? Right. And so they catch on to his game. So he is like, fuck this and go back to Chicago.

Nice. I'm ready. I've been training for this. I've been training in Philly. Let's go. He's like got a crown of thorns on a dress like Jesus. Yeah. Run it up and down the stairs like Rocky.

Yeah. But he said to the people of Pittsburgh, he said, the reason he's leaving is because he's gone from grace and he would no longer cure them. The whole fucking city, whole city. That seems like a terrible argument for someone who's like, I'm a savior to be like, you're all lost. And I'm like, okay, then save us. No, not what I do.

No, that's exactly what you do. Well, the reason he was going back to Chicago is because it was 1893, the world's fair. Oh, no. Stretching. And he rented close up on gloves. He rented the property. Oh my God. Oh my God.

And it was close by the fair. So he was able to pull in big crowds. So he's pulling in big crowds. And then Sadie Cody, who is the niece of Buffalo Bill Coney, who has a show at the fair. Sure. She goes to see John about a tumor in her back. And he put his hands on her and literally she said she felt a new life inside her. The tumor was gone.

Well, that's a weird way of putting it, by the way. I'm feeling new life. Will this get rid of it? I don't know, but it's going to get rid of something. I love you. How's your back? It still hurts. Mine's lighter.

Is there anything inside you? Okay. So she thinks he's healed the back tumor. Just by touching it. Well, the tumor was gone. It was gone? How did he know, though? It's probably a cyst.

Okay. So it was like a bump was on her. Like, right. And then, right. He had a spider bite. He probably, yeah. Yeah. He popped a pimple and she was like, how did you do it?

Well, tumor gone. Wow. So, but then once this happened, word of his power spread quick. Yeah. This guy's got tumor hands. In April 1884, the inter-ocean paper wrote a satyle. The inter-ocean paper? Who brought, you know, he brought that paper up.

I'm still going to have fun with it again, Dave. Poseidon back. Aquarius rocking. The inter-ocean paper wrote a satyle about John's healing power, but a lot of people thought it was real. Oh, that's like when people will tweet like, like, there's a couple of times when politicians have been like, can you believe what this man's doing? And you're like, grandpa, that's called the onion.

Okay. They make fake stuff. That's exactly what happened. Yeah. Right. So, many people at the fair were now claiming that John had healed them. And now he's drawing huge crowds. Okay.

Papers and other cities wrote about him as a doctor and faith healer. His new space was called Zion Temple. Oh, God. And he was making a shitload of money. Oh, there we go. Right? But it's so weird. Money.

Yeah. It's just not about that, though, is it? No, it's about Christ. That's right. It's about sandwiches. I apologize if there's too much Jesus talk for that guy. So, he now asks for money from his followers to build a permanent church in Chicago. And reporters start to get worried and started reporting stories of death that was caused

by his advice. As had been done in San Francisco, the people who killed him. The Tribune reported about an eight-year-old boy who had a tumor and who was put in John's care and died. And so, the trip really starts going after John and his money schemes. One man shows up at a meeting, a sermon, and demands his money back that he had paid either for himself or a family member or died. Right.

And everyone just beat the shit out of him. There's a very weird angle to the church that any, like, dissension just ends up with getting your ass kicked. And this started a huge stampede, and women were trampled and kids. So many people to heal. My hand. Oh, God, I got you there. Who else has gone?

There, I got you there. And as this is all happening, John's chan from up on the lectern goes, do not forget that people will have to answer for this before the great white throne of the eternal God. So he's like yelling at the guy who's getting his ass kicked. He's yelling at that guy. Not that people are like, wow, so yeah. Okay, so there's a lot of ego involved. More reports in papers are saying people died in his care.

His flock is losing their faith. Oh, no. And papers across the country now start to turn and become critical. There's stories about bilking the sick for money and lawsuits are being filed. And on January 5th, 1895, John is arrested and charged with larceny. Because a sick man had come to him and John charged him $500. And when the guy got really close to dying, John started getting ready to kick him out to avoid any negative attention.

Wow. I mean, it's so, how does it always get to the point where money is so crucially involved? You know what I mean? It's like, if he had this power, then okay, just heal people. Like, you have a God-given gift to heal people. But then you're also like, but I'm also a capitalist. So, okay, $500. Jesus is a devil, isn't he?

Yeah, no, for sure, yeah. So, when he's getting ready to kick this guy out, he's about to die. Someone on the inside, a worker or something, somehow prevented John from getting ready to the patient. And then notifies the state board. That he's getting ready to throw out. What was going on? Right, okay. And this hits the press nationwide.

So now, people are going to the, he's built a Zion tabernacle now. And they just want to see him in action. People are just going because it's an oddity. Okay. They're like, yeah. Let's get high and go to that Zion place. Yeah, right. This guy's out of his fucking mind.

I can heal anybody, but not anybody. If you feel like you're tired and go, but if you've got like a finger thing, I can work on that. Back tumors of gratitude. The city officials now inspect his compounds and properties. Sure. It's basically a hospital, but not up to standards. John tells them that it's not a hospital, that they're boarding houses or hotels. These are hotels with gurney beds.

But the officials were like, yeah, but on the front, it says healing house one and healing house two. But what about that? Are you finding misleading? It says divine healing house number three. Well, that was there before I moved in. That was the name of this place before I moved in. So that's the name of the place before I moved in. So I'm not showing you my name, but these are hotels.

This is a series of hotels. Why didn't you rename it to divine hotel? Well, I have. That's what I call it. The name on the building is the same. But you're right. I'll change it. Okay.

Great. There we go. Why is everyone in the hospital bed inside? Because it's a theme. It's one of those kitschy hotels where it's got a theme to it. You know, the hotels have that. You know, I'm not the only one to do that. Those hotels have that.

But they don't have nurses walking around. Those aren't nurses. That's the concierge and room service and the maids. Yeah, but of course they wear and they look like they're maids. You know, they've just got that little cross on them. That's piracy made. That's nothing, you know, I've not done anything, you know. I don't like the way you're looking at me to be honest.

It's not my fault. That's just what they're called. I'll change the dress code. What do you want to put to wear then? Maid outfits. Okay. Great. I'm glad we did this.

This has been quite a revelation for me. Gosh, you're really good at this. I've had a great time. You're a great guy. Why is there a guy going in a bed in hand right now? Because we're not, that's the toilet. That's the toilet. Each room has a toilet.

Is there a more convenient way to go to the toilet than when you're in your bed? What are you expecting me to do? Get up and walk around. Look at me scared at the height of luxury. Just what, you don't read a book. Don't fold the page. You don't have to wait for anything.

Just go, baby. That's luxury. And then you have one of the maids. Who might look a bit nursing? Take out the toilet. That's all it takes, man. And a lot of these people, if they want to eat, we just put them in a little bag of food

next to the bed and a straw that goes into their arms. It's a liquid meal. It's great. You don't need to leave the bed. It's a height of luxury, man. You know what? You come stay with us for a little while.

I think that would be nice. So, thank you. That would be great. I really like it. If you feel it's vibing. No. You've got a strong vibe thing going. Gosh, I've had a lot of fun today.

We should do this again. No. Gosh, it's so great to meet you and hang out. You're awesome. You're a great guy. John was charged with maintaining a public nuisance in the shape of a hospital. Oh, bullshit.

Fucking bullshit. Fine. It was a hospital. It's a good hospital. But there's no law against being... Of course. There's no law against just having a hospital. No.

There's no law against being a quack. You can just treat people. That's the best. That's the best. Right. Right. So, they're like, he has opened a hospital and he has no clue what he's doing. What can we do?

Nothing. That's allowed. He's allowed to do that. The laws are really not good right now. So, the city then passed the dowry agitation to stop his exact kind of quack rate. So, they passed a specific law directed at him. Okay. During his trial, he denies everything.

He's like, I don't treat people. He said his healing homes were actually vacation spots. That's all it is. It's the high-election age. He said people were crying because he couldn't entertain them. I'm like Patch Adams, but with God. And he said he never treated them. A mass exodus of followers fall.

Okay. And then he was found guilty on February 2nd, 1895. And then he lost a civil suit of what would be about 100,000 today. Okay. So, just hammered, hammered, hammered. Right. And he lost everyone because he lied. So, he would have been better to just be like, yes, I did this.

And then be fine. Well, here's the interesting thing. Four months later, people just forgot and all of a sudden it's packed again. The sermons are back, everyone just like fucking, just was like, meh. Like, you know. I mean, it's like taking back a shitty like partner. It's like, I mean, it was not good, but it was better than nothing. I mean, we've got to beat the shit out of that guy and trick all those women.

That was kind of fun. Oh my God. You remember that boy without the spine? Oh my God. I think about that all the time. I love that. I love that. It was a shame he passed that afternoon, but I love that.

He wasn't so bad. Oh. There were good times. Yeah. Let's go. Okay. We're back. Kill them.

Ah. So, now he bought 550 acres. Six miles. Here we fucking go. Outside of Chicago to build his own town. This is always the best. Of course, like, yeah, it's like three buildings. You're like, this is a problem.

He has his own city. Fuck me. That's not good. He, oh my God. Well, now he can be outside of the regulation of Chicago. Right. No one come around saying this isn't a hospital. Right.

Yeah. He's coming with his own local laws. His first rule was it would quote have no doctors. Those motherfuckers. No drug stores and not inhabitant who uses tobacco or liquor. It would be healing homes. I like that. That's your issues.

No, no booze. Doctors. No medicine. No booze. I wouldn't make it. Yeah. It would just be healing homes around the temple and it would be called, you know, the temple and it would be called Zion.

So he's going to build his own city. Vision of utopia. Sure. Yeah. And his vision of utopia is one where he cannot be prosecuted. He changed the name of his church again from that. And right now it's called the International Divine Healing Association. And he changed it to the Christian Catholic Church in Zion.

So they haven't built it yet. So right now Zion's headquarters are on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. Worshipers live in the building. They got to pay rent. Close by are the new Zion Tabernacle. Zion Junior School. Zion Junior School. Zion printing and Zion Hall of the 70s.

Zion what? Zion Hall of the 70s. That's right. Your favorite hits. Zion Hall of the 70s. Your favorite hits from 70s, 71, 72, 73. We're going to get it started right now with a little Donna Summer. All of the 70s rock.

Keep it coming at you. Zion. Z-I-O-M. Zion. Come up later. We'll give you concert tickets. We're all going to be able to go see John. It's up boy.

It's going to be a great summer. His popularity is just growing. Not only now in Chicago, but worldwide. Of course. Shitbags rise to the top. And then he proclaimed himself. Uh-oh. Here we fucking go.

Here we go. Elijah the Restorer. He was sent by God to get the world ready for the return of Christ. Right. So he's the guy on the ground getting... Right. He's the pre... He's the party prepper.

He's pre Jesus. Right. He's pre Jesus. Pre Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. So people... He's filming the runway for Christ.

People are super into it. Of course. Everyone's an idiot. John's also not a fan of... He's not a fan? He's not a fan of the Constitution. He doesn't like the Constitution. Right.

Yeah. All those... Yeah. At this point I got a lot of problems. I know. It's a little difficult that one. It's not that great. There's good parts.

They can take a pen. Mark. So Zion's built and he owns everything. Here we go. It's Utopia. There's a bunch of businesses. He owns the bank. He owns all the homes.

To live at home you gotta lease from him. I love... I... I'll go ahead. Zion's leased their homes for a term of 1,100 years. I'm just worried about the security department. Are we gonna be able to... I mean, after we live in this thing for 1,100 years,

there's a lot of stuff we're gonna have to redo. I have a question. Yes? About the deck. Uh-huh. What about it? Well... Well what?

Is it gonna last 1,100 years? The deck? Yeah. Well, if it doesn't, we will come repair it. Because I'm... We're gonna repair it. Yeah. You're the landlord.

Yeah, I'm the lord. I'm just the lord lord, really. Yeah. I mean, I'm the every... I'm the almost lord. Yeah. Yeah, so I'll come over. I'll fix it.

I do most of the repairs with my hands. They do most of the healing. I'll be able to refinish the deck. Okay. Anything like that. So any issues you have, I come over and I'll, you know, see the deck and be like... Oh...

Oh... Oh... Oh... Ah... Ah... Oh... I'm pretty much God yeah. And then you'll have...

Yeah. I didn't try to do it. Do you want me to do it now? Oh, just the same, I thought it might be. Oh, I didn't... You want me to do it? Why don't you go in the house. Uh-huh.

And then I'll be out here and I'll do it. And turn your back. And then don't come out again. Never come back out here. You understand? And if I do see you come back out here, back out here all that we wouldn't beat you up but you'll have an unbelievable deck you'll just have to have faith that it's repaired you understand see how

that works yeah so go in your house now okay mm-hmm I see you looking just very curious yep well you shouldn't be curiosity killed the Christ just close your eyes oh it's it won't if you look at it it won't work that's what's so difficult about your position you'll have the perfect deck as long as you never check I'm kicking you out of your 1100 year lease but you still owe me rent until the end of that and no security deposit back so it's basically a religious company town that he's created it's got all these different factories it's got a lace factory now

followers from all over the world are coming to Zion residents have to follow John strict interpretation of the strictures of the scriptures yeah it was scripture where I say what you said strict interpretations of the strictures oh well you basically yeah you meant you know they've got strictures thank you there are billion billboards very appropriately called tobacco user stink pots you stink pots stink pots needs to come back right now you stink pot had enough of you stink pots so billboards everywhere they say no swearing smoking other things that were banned saloons pork gambling drugstores

fraternal watches and medical practices really slipped that last one right you know drinking no pork if you die of natural causes that's what happens there'll be no swearing there'll be no smoking there's no doctors there'll be no medical help also residents have to give 10% of their income to John what are that okay they're working in his little Zion town it's a tip it's like this is what you get to the church right it's the type I didn't get it don't forget to tight the wait stuff are they working in Zion most of them work in Zion like in the lace factory or in the tabernacle or whatever right weird okay well you've

got an 1100 year lease yeah you know you're pretty much locked in I'm sure it doesn't raise rents all their money has to be deposited in Zion bank which is owned by John that seems fine it's not actually a registered entity it's unincorporated it's controlled by John sounds better than the banks we have today he sold stock in a bunch of businesses I love that he believes in stock but they're worth nothing it's not actual stock so it's just like if a kid's like you own stock you're like all right so the whole the whole town the whole thing is just built on debt that he can't pay off right it's it's just a

pond just taking people's money that's a that's a little rude honestly talking about the guy who's getting ready for God to come back this is Jesus his best friend basically yes yeah well that's what I'm saying to you yeah he made a little room yeah he's freezes we did this didn't we do this so he is now as you saw before looking good with a long white beard he named himself the general overseer over Zion and then he said he was the general overseer of all Christendom all Christian what Christendom Christian Christian all the Christians is okay quote the time has come I tell the church universal

everywhere you have to do what I tell you because I am the messenger of God's covenant it's just amazing how quickly it gets you know what I mean like if you heard that you'd be like he's kind of sound a little egotistical he's really kind of showboating about him I know everything but if no one says no to a guy I know yeah this is what happens yeah this is what happens if you call yourself Elijah the restorer and no one's like buddy yeah that's a little crazy and you're like boy these people won't say no to me so in 1902 Zion's population at the veggie glory holes the ultimate biblical sanctuary in 1902

Zion's population is 10,000 many many said they've been healed uh-huh of my money he I had this problem with money and he healed me of it he said he had about 150,000 followers worldwide on Twitter also those 10 those Twitter of God's certified those 10,000 people then are in the town he controls politically and he tells them how to vote so now politicians are coming to him for favors oh he's like Jerry Falwell yeah he's now worth over ten million dollars oh my god I it's just again I mean that is Joel Osteen where he's like trust me I talked to God we need I need a jet he said I can't fly coach he was so

specific he lives in total luxury John quote Jesus came to make his people rich I'm a Christo list Christ and capitalism okay so he's just living like Prince Akeem basically yeah it's crazy so he sends missionaries to Africa and then unveiled a plan to restore New York City and to South New York knee deep in Zion he would bring his quote full gospel message of salvation healing and holy living to the Gothamites the Gothamites I mean this is setting up for a bad man this would be really good bad man who is Elijah the restore you ready to dance with me what's your deal don't worry about my deal I can heal

whatever you've got room with your buddy I'm not really a bat you idiot whoa well so by the way he's got a good thing going as far as his whack-a-doodle plan he's got a good like he's got a city he's got like so it's just like quit quit now it's you know yeah I know and that's the problem but that's the problem but you if you just ride this out yeah you don't need what more do you need hundred percent he could he could have stayed right here and it just kept Zion and then yeah yeah it's like you don't need to do a stand-up special Ricky Gervais we're good yes just talk about how everything isn't good for the

special but you'll keep it in so but he want everyone wants to take down Batman okay so he's going to Gotham New York is considered like the vice capital of the US there's a lot of sex work there's gambling was drinking Teddy Roosevelt yeah I know why fuck that up Teddy Teddy Roosevelt had tried to deal with vices police commissioner and failed and now John Alexander Dowey's gonna handle right he's got it three thousand of his followers sign up to go with him they plan all summer they're studying New York maps and travel guides they're learning languages to talk to immigrants oh this is what a montage

just the guy looking at the metro I think we take I think we take the three that's right they call that uptown now that's an express that's an express this will be the bqe this is how you speak Italian they make guidebooks with tips quote do not make a confident of a stranger no matter how agreeable he or she may be if the need of information on the street ask a police officer wow what a fucking loser the idea of like training to go to like just like right okay role play you're a common New Yorker okay I'll be me okay okay gosh how about those Yankees the other night that was a banger how about you go fuck your

mom Why was he so bloody mean? Hey, stranger, you New Yorker, go fuck your mum. That'd be great. What'd you say? Fuck, fuck. Go have an intercourse. No, I didn't mean it.

I thought I was just trying to be a New Yorker. I just tried to be a New Yorker. Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ. Ah, ah, ah. This is what they did to him. I was just trying to see. Who's him? Jeff? Yeah, no, Jesus, God sent me here.

Jesus is in the Bronx, is that guy? No. Hey, which train goes uptown? Are we going west side or east side? Take the one, I guess. Oh, great. Hey, did you hear about that cool new church? They got this guy.

Jesus, oh, shit. He's like God's best man. You're going to bleed for a while because I got you in the tummy. Yeah, no, it's really bloody gushing in there. Hey, man, so cool here. Did you see the yanks the other night? I mean, they say don't come to the avenues, you know? Yeah, no.

Hey, how are those yankies though, man? Fuck. Oh, wait, I know what I'll do. Oh, shit, get me going. So John asked for more donations to save New York. Inflation. And of course they poured in. In the build-up, he creates a siege mentality with his followers.

He says there are people coming after him because of what they're going to do in New York. going to do in New York, at a meeting he said three of his leaders had been attacked and beaten by 20 men. Okay, so he invented that. And he said the attacker was quote, dressed like a priest, the main attacker. It was Batman. Turns out no attack happened, he's making it all up. Right. But the faithful think they're under attack. Why does he frame it like a priest because he's trying to be like they need our religion there? You know, I think he's just against all organized religion. So he's just riffing. They don't want us to come. They want to kind of do

their bullshit there. Right. Keep us out. Okay. On October 17th, 1903, his restoration army piled into eight trains and heads for New York City. Oh my god. John was in a luxurious Pullman car. His followers are our own coach. I love that he's like, this guy got it. This was a good game. This game. The whole country is following this. Everyone's following the invading restoration army. He rents a square garden. Jesus Christ. And he holds three meetings on the first day. About 20,000 people came. Wow. But most came just to see the weirder. Right. And tons walk before it's over. So John. A miracle. That man couldn't walk before he came in.

None of these could. Wow. Look at that. Go leave Madison Square Garden. Be free. He tries to have the doors locked to keep the people from leaving. That's nice. He's furious and rails against the people walking out, quote, I will get your hearts and then I'll get your pocketbooks. There is nothing so joyful as spending money for the Lord. Wow. So even if you're like on board, you're like, the new stuff's not great. Not loving the new stuff. So he had he had the he had Madison Square Garden booked for like three weeks. And he's giving sermons every day. Fewer and fewer people are coming to everyone. Three weeks is like

so ambitious. The sermons are long and incoherent. They're just also he's interested in coming crazy at this point. So a lot of people are jeering him at Madison Square Garden. They cat called during his sermons. They're hissing. Carrie Nation. Yeah, cat calls. Carrie A Nation came. Now, like if this was a video game and you could put people to fight, you've selected Carrie A Nation. First is Sean Boyardy. And she demanded from the floor that he answer questions. I love that she's a hero. So she is a hero. Kind of a little bit. She's better than him. Right. That's what I mean. It's like. But they both hate booze.

Yeah, listen. Well, I know. What opposed to Jagos? I like that they agree on that. She was then picked up and physically removed by guards. Wow. I mean guards? She was little. Zion guards. He has guards. Okay. Yeah, right. His followers blanket in New York City. They knocked on thousands of doors. They went to saloons. They went to gambling halls. They went to brothels. The plan is to reach four million. Going to brothels is amazing. Hi, are you fucking? Yeah. Can you come back in a second, sir? I'm really right in the midst of something. Jesus Christ, I'm working. What are you doing? What do you have to say? Oh, yeah, this is great. What?

Hey, so I wanted to tell you about John. The hair smells unbelievable right now. So fucking good. Some of this guy's turning me on a little bit more. I want you to get yours, but I also cannot promise anything right now. This is so fucking hard right now. He is referring to the land of the gods. He does not believe in smoke. Smell your neck. Oh, yeah. Oh, speaking of pork. Oh, yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yes. Huh? Yes. What? Yes, Jesus Christ. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I finished. Hand me that rag. I'm a man of the law, really. It is street corner. They're hanging out. Pampers are doing all this shit. Yeah. So he's also doing healing services at the garden in between the sermons and all the

candidates for healing are screened. And the ones who pass the screening were told to hand over all their wealth to the church if the healing worked. So your screen's to see if he can heal you, meaning you probably aren't that sick. And in order to have that done, you need to give him everything. If it works, you've got to give him everything. Right. So he tells them, of course, then the sick are all furious. Right. Okay. And one reporter said no one is being healed, quote, they are simply accused of being short on faith. And Dowey lets it go with that. So the city papers are started attacking John. So the examiner called him, quote, a coarse-grained, low-minded, shame bereft, money-greedy adventurer, and

his followers weak-framed, dull-witted creatures who crave a master as a dog does. There we go. So John has been attacked, but he's not used to the New York style. Right. So he lashes back in his sermons, he starts calling the press dogs, flies, rats, maggots, lice, and pigs. One meeting gets so out of control with people calling John a blasphemer and imposter that cops stop it because they're worried a riot is going to break out. And he's like, those are great. And New Yorkers don't let it go. The next day, 30,000 people rush the door twice, and John screams to the guards to lock the doors, but people are trampled in the madness. So there's already people in there. No, the next day, people

are, he realized that an ugly crowd is coming, like people are fucking around. So we show, you know, like, right, okay. If it's okay, I'll just do an empty one today. He preached for only 15 minutes that day. Jesus. Now, after this happened, a lot of Zion leaders are like, so the, the helping your city thing is not really going that well. No, it's going pretty well, I think. Like, you know, there's been a couple snags, but like overall pretty great. Probably the main issue is I should have done a month instead of three weeks. Find the hour. A bunch of the leaders decide to leave. Okay. And go back to Zion. Like, he had a great situation, but now people are going like, you're kind of a dickhead. Yeah,

this didn't go well. This is a bad idea. You're a dick. Yeah. The next day, he's in his weird outfit, like, well, this is out of touch. The next, the next day, Madison Square Garden is pretty empty for his servants. And then after that, his restoration army starts to head back to Zion on a train. So everyone's just fucking bailed on. Right. It's a total failure. The church spent 240,000 Bob Marley has a song called Zion and Train. It might be about this. The church spent 240,000 on this New York venture, which would be about $8 million today. What an idiot. So the church is close to bankrupt. Really? Yeah, it's close to bankrupt. Maybe worse because not just losing the money, but it's been a massive

failure for conversions. They only picked up 79 new followers. I mean, that's a lot, honestly, considering what has just happened. Who are those 79 who are like, I really like what I heard, to be honest. I loved it. I mean, I thought you were great. I love the outfit, the whole letter. I love the outfit. I love the outfit. The outfit's great. Can't believe more people had signed up. You were so compelling. I was there the day you did 15 minutes and you didn't let anyone in. What a show. Very strange. He's completely mocked across the country. He's just a giant joke. He's still got his weird little outfit on. Hey, me seriously. Suddenly he's fallible in the eyes of the flock. And then soon after

he gets back to Zion, he defaults on a $2 million payroll. Lawsuits follow. He demands church members come forth and make deposits to cover. Those who did not, he threatened with expulsion. Quote, the member of Zion who fears to put his money into our hands for safekeeping is a coward, and we have no use for him here. Wow. And people are still hanging in there. Some are hanging in there, but a lot of people are. Give you everything. You are so good. This plan is perfect. Olive Zion is now at risk of being repossessed and he's just... Repossessing a city. Okay, so you got the one bike. That's going to come with us. What about all these marshmallow costumes you've got? What do you think those

were at the problem? Yeah, but still, we're just taking whatever we can get some money for. I mean, you owe a lot of money. Are they marshmallow outfits or mushroom outfits? It looks like you took mushrooms and came up with an outfit. Well, look. Roughly how much does each one of these costumes I feel like I'm going to call them? How much does that cost? Oh, just like $700,000. All right, we're going to take those. No, those are personal. I don't know why you feel like if something's personal, that means you get to keep it. Is that a law or is it like you made that up? Because what? Give it to me by God. I'm clearing it. Do you have any certification that shows that this was a gift from God? Yeah, it's

under one of my guests. Okay, don't... Oh my God, I saw it. I saw it. I saw it. It was so weird. It was so weird. Oh my God, it was so... Jesus Christ. There's a lot under there. So how did I see it so fast? How did you see it so fast? So he's basically struggling to hold it all together. He now claims to try to get people to stay. He claims he was seeing strange lights, and then as Elijah, he may come back to earth after death to get vengeance. That is a... I love it. I'm a huge fan, obviously. But why not infuse that into him now? Like he's kind of just teeing up another psycho for the future. Like why wouldn't he be like, I might just lose my beard and then be reborn... You know what I mean? Like something like

that and then shave. I don't have the answers. Okay. Well, it sounds like a really good question. Thank you. On January 1904, he went to San Francisco and hopped on a ship for Australia where his wife and son had already gone. But people there had read about him recently and a mob of 5,000 were waiting for him. He said... Australians! Don't worry, boys. The boat's coming in right now. Hello, my friends! Why are you frothing? Ready? Old. As soon as he got to Australia, he had to flee for his life. Celebrate. So did he flee? Where did he fled? He jumps on a ship. He jumps on another, so he gets to Australia, which as a flight is brutal. As a boat ride is fucking crazy. And he gets

there and he's like, oh, God, I don't feel well. And then he gets there and he's like, oh, shit. Yeah, he's got to go like somewhere else. So he goes to London, but in London no little bit of a theater. Everyone fucking hates him. So he comes back to New York on 19th. And of course... Now I'm going to stand up. He meets a rich idiot. Oh, no. Miss Hoffer, a millionaire, and she becomes a follower and starts paying off his debts. Oh, no. And they slowly shrunk and Zion is back in shape in 1905. Oh, for fuck's sake, I thought, don't clap. So what to do now? Well... Oh, it's Zion, baby. Target other countries. What? Mexico... What do you mean target? He's franchising? He plans to build a colony

for $1 million. He found... And Mexico's going to pay for it. He found a 12-man acre plot of land and it would be called the Zion Paradise Plantations. Jesus, watch it. Actually, we should probably not use... No, that's the perfect name for it. There's no quantitation that doesn't work. Who's the one who's dressing like a marshmallow? Okay. Thank you. But on October 1st, John had a stroke. Fair. That's fair. That's fair. Papers reported he was paralyzed and going to Mexico. His health got worse through November and then he set sail for Jamaica. Zion. Now, Zion falls into chaos. John starts writing letters in the third person for what I want you to do, but sending them to Mexico instead of Zion, which

is confusing everybody. It was announced he was going to get a divorce, marry seven wives, and then the Mexican colony would be a polygamist place. He's a good guy. He's really... He's really... I mean, yeah, he's like Elvis at this point. He's like, what is he wearing? Half of the citizens of Zion have no left. Seven wives. This is amazing. Those lucky women. Like, hopefully it's paralyzed if you know what I mean. It isn't. Hello. So half of the citizens of Zion have left. Zion's leading citizens investors now asked John's second in command who was Reverend Wilbur Glenn Bolivar. He was doing missionary work in Australia at this point and asked him to return. So he came back and looked over the

books and saw that the books are a disaster. He charged John with extravagance, hypocrisy, surface entations, exaggerations, misuse of investments, tyranny and injustice. And then he pulled off a coup and put himself in control. Wow. He said John had taken around $3 million from Zion. Okay. I don't like how people are like, what? Not our John. The set removed John power. He declares war against Boliva and said he was coming back to Zion and would take back control. John is? Yeah. So John is now going to war. This is amazing. He's going, I'm going to take back my shit. Oh, it's like the end of John Wick. So it just starts raining and he's like, that's it. And he's like, didn't you have a stroke? He's like, let's dance,

motherfucker. I've got three of my seven wives. Turns out seven was maybe a little ambitious. Just a lot of moving rooms and really just one a day. It's actually a fucking nightmare if you really think every time I go to a room, they're pissed. It's really annoying honestly. Two. Two is great. I mean, I'm like 80, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm like 80 years and seven wives and 80. That's crazy. I don't even know where I am really. Nobody does. Is this Mexico? Sure. Oh, dear. Wasn't I Scottish? Yes. But when you do an old man voice, you tend to not do Scottish. You tend to do like old American man. Well, I think I could do both. I can frame myself like this. So creditors get involved. The creditors don't want John to come back.

This just turns out to be too much. No, Dave, don't fucking say it. His health takes a nose out. And in September, he gives up the fight and gives up the cult. He's like you guys can have Zion. In return, they give him a lifetime allowance. What's that going to be? Like a fucking year? Come on. Yeah, we'll give you a lifetime. Two months. Yeah. He finally died in 1907 in an advanced state of dementia. I think he lived in an advanced state of dementia. Now, he was probably like, I mean, his advanced state of dementia was probably just like, Zion seemed pretty crazy if you think about it. I don't know if I was talking to God at all. They're like, what's wrong with him? He's really sick. I think I just should have

people money. I didn't need to start my own town. I could have been happy just doing other things. He's lost it. New York was a bad idea. Whoa. Madison Square Garden for three weeks. I forgot I was Scottish again. Oh, so I think I might just wear a regular suit. Jesus Christ. He doesn't have long. He's out of his mind. Voliva was now billing himself as quote, the world's richest holy man. It's the new guy. One of his big things was that the earth was a flat. And now that became part of the religion. Now, one thing that Voliva did do was get a broadcasting license for this new thing called Radio in 1923. All the heads of the seven days he started his own radio station. That's right. WCVD. WCVD Radio.

Coming up with all the hymns, everything you want to hear. That's right. From God's satellite broadcast down to us in the studio. In studio today, we have the Holy Ghost. He's standing here with us today. All right. We've got all the heads coming at you. Him after him. It's a real hymn fest. Here we go. Later today, we'll be giving out counselor tickets. Everyone get ready. It's going to be unbelievable. Boy, you're going to be crossing the Jesus sitting up there. He died for your sins. Little Donna Summer coming at you. So, this one's about Jesus Christ. It's the Bee Gees with staying alive. Bam. It became the most powerful radio station in the world. You can sometimes

hear it all over the US, including Alaska. And for a time before regulation came in, you could broadcast whatever you wanted. So, now it's like... In studio, we have God. So, that went down and now it's picking back up again because everyone's hearing it. Right. The people in Alaska are like, Radio's great. So, the twins are a bit of glory years for Zion, but then the Great Depression hit. By 1933, the assets of Zion Industries Incorporated had been placed in a receivership. Dissidents took over. So, people are living there who want it not to be religious. Take over. Vivala's personal police force, the Zion Guard, were disarmed. He said he would get control back but ended up moving

to Florida where he died of diabetes in 1942. Those in control of Zion got rid of all the blue lots. Cigarettes, pork, baseball, all okay. Movies, all good. Look at all those lights. I love how Sunday circled. They taught... Sunday. They taught science in schools. They allowed doctors in the town. There are now still about 3,000 church members in the U.S. There's quite a few in South Africa because he got a foothold down there. That's like almost a whole different... Wait, are you saying still? Yes. Yes. I hope they listen to this episode.

Who's hanging in there? You just need to see a picture and be like, oh, whoopsie, whoopsie. No, no, no, no. Have you heard of Scientology? I have not. What is it all about? Hold on. Yeah, there's quite a few. And in South Africa, I believe very big. So yeah, that's the John Alexander Delwey story. Sources, Chicago reader, when Zion rolled the waves, John Collins, militant Christian extremism, a critical examination of John Alexander Delwey, Atlas Obscura, Chicago Raider when I already did that, whatever the fuck that is, some Australian site. Yeah. I don't know. It's something that's crazy. We're sitting on that one for a while, sir.

I mean, it is always like the religion is so fucking crazy. It is the specificity. We've talked about it before, but it is like the specificity that's so bonkers. But it seems like you're able to take advantage of people who are either like they want to believe something more or they just haven't heard about the level of bullshit that goes into it. It's sort of like when a comic decides to be like a Christian comic. It's like when Stephen Baldwin was like the Baldwin that everyone, I mean, imagine a time when he was the controversial Baldwin. But when he was just like a shithead and everyone was like, yes, and then he like went to Chris, he went until he was born again and now he's like a rock star in the world of Christian. It is this simple play that you just seem to forever be able to get your following and great money. And you're a big fish in a small pond or you're a marshmallow in a bowl of water or a marshmallow in the microwave, if you will. God bless you guys. We appreciate it. Thanks for coming out.

May God continue to bless the United States of America. We appreciate it. Thank you.