The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 587 - Jonathan Bourne Jr

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Portland rascal Jonathan Bourne Jr Sources Tour Dates Redbubble Merch   Pretty Litter

Go to more your listening to the dialogue on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American History Podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to this little fella. My name is Garrett Reynolds. Who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Oh, boy does he not. Very strange. What you're doing.

Seems like you're. So I'm in the middle of baseball, heaven. You died. This is college. We're a serious time. And then I got kid baseball. I'm full baseball. My kid made the high school team.

And he's not in high school. He just did USC team tryouts today. It's all happening. It's all happening. It's just full on baseball and on stuff. OK. Yeah. So what does that mean?

So if you want in, what are you talking about? You want to get in on my baseball life. What are you talking about? I'm inviting you. I'm inviting you to be a part of my baseball life. I don't want to be part of your baseball. I'm trying to branch out a little bit. You and I just hanging out, watching games, going to games,

just balling it up. Couple of ball bros, right? First of all, third ball bros is not gonna be great. Okay, if baseball bros, we get matching caps, right? We cap it up, we go to cap city, we buy the caps. And then we just full on baseball it up. You know, a couple guys, we just pleats. No, I'm not gonna go.

Or get some roller skates, put on some face paint, put on some Yankees outfits and get a bat just kind of skating around the subway. Just baseball. I'll tell you, the only thing I'll say is that this pitch is a ball. Ha ha ha ha one works. That's you are bustin' my balls. Yeah, that's just not. How about it?

How about it? It's kind of stuff that the baseball bros do. Not. The ball buddies. I think, I mean, I hate to say, I think it's time to start the story. And called it quote, his jam-past. Jum-pap?

I'm the fucking hippo guy! Dave, okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Is it far-fine? And this is not going to come to Tigglyclot, guys. Okay. This is like an-

I don't know five-part coefficient. Five-runs of friends! Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. No, sleep, don't hit him. That's like an hip-hop. Action, part. I can't be. No, I see it done, my friend. No, sleep down, hip-hop. That's the hip-hop. Actually, part. I can't be.

No, I see it done, my friend. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no in some cities coming up doing live dollops. The tour starts on July 26th in San Jose, California. San Macat. Yeah, it looks like that was the one. That was the one that I kept getting wrong. I kept saying the 27th. That is not true. And then we go to San Francisco on the 28th, Sacramento on the 30th, then August 1st, Boise,

the second Salt Lake City, I know, the third Salt Lake City. Yep, the third Salt Lake City, I know, the third Salt Lake City. Yep, the third Salt Lake City. Then we go to Boulder, a Denver, Las Vegas, Phoenix, and some place called Sandy Ackin. And Gareth, we can announce new dots. Wow. We are going to be in on October 10th,

a little place called Chicago, or as they call it the burden. Also we're going to be in Milwaukee on the 11th a Madison on the 12th and Saint Paul on the 14th which is named after Paul Sorvino. That's right not a lot of people know that. Who was recently sainted by Pope Frank Fringoli, who I don't know the Pope's name. My favorite Pope. Is that do you know the Pope's name? What is it? Johnson.

Dave, I will be at the comedy store this June 13th at 8 p.m. for a stacked lineup that's in Los Angeles. And then I'll also be on the road starting July 9th in Alabama. And then ending in Vermont on the 22nd you can go to Garithornalds.com for all the cities in between there and there's a shitload. So go to Garithornalds.com for that and go to doleappodcast.com for our tour ticket stuff like that. And we probably should announce too that on this tour there probably will be merch for sale. We're still working that out, but we have some exciting stuff coming your way. Girith, you have a cat, and here's the thing about cats unlike most other pets they shit inside

It's an honor and that's problematic That's why we are sponsored by pretty litter the litter that is pretty as I understand it the litter is super attractive It's just gorgeous and Pretty litter makes Gareth and his cat, Jose, very, very happy. They're a great, happy couple right now. Gareth isn't a mind reader. No. He doesn't know if Jose is not doing well,

but now he can find out something with Pretty Letter. Yes, Dave. I've been a user of Pretty Letter since the beginning of their partnership with the dollop. I swear by Kitty Letter. Me too. I swear by Pretty Letter. of pretty litter since the beginning of their partnership with the dollop I swear by kitty litter. I use I swear by pretty litter I use I use it it is just the best it's home delivery it's light you don't have to change the litter nearly as often and there are there are certain colors that let you know what's

going on with your with your cat. Yeah so the cat peas in it and then it's like purple purple means it's super high on drugs. No, that's not all on. I think it's probably important for people to know that that is not one of them. That is absolutely not. It shows like urinary tract infections and kidney issues and things like that, which are very, very common in cats. That's how my 14 have passed. I use a pretty litter. I stop going to the doctor. Now, I just again want to say that is not something they're recommended.

It's not at all recommended. It's absolutely not recommended. Yeah, that's something you're saying. This is a cat thing. Yeah, this is for cats. OK, maybe stop talking for a little while at least, and sort of collect your thoughts and think about it. I, but I, Jose and I love PrettyLitter.

I will never stop using PrettyLitter. It's a game changer. Yeah, it comes right to your door, right? It's a ship streaming. You step to go to the grocery store, wherever, and lug out something that felt like a kettlebell. No more. So you say you never run out of it. No.

And you don't get some huge container that you have to put in your closet hide from the man who will come and look for it. It's just a lot of this stuff. So that's why that's why that's why Gareth uses a pretty litter. And obviously the reasons I use it nobody agrees with. If I ever have a cat again though, I will for sure

be pretty littering up. Pretty litter helps keep tabs on my cat's health and keeps odors down. You and your cat are going to love pretty litter as much as Gareth does. Go to pretty litter dot com slash dollop and use code dollop to save 20% on your first order. That's pretty litter dot com slash dollop code dollop to save 20% pretty litter dot com slash dollop code dollop. Terms and conditions apply seaside for details.

Okay, we're gonna do something completely different today. Huh? So I went through and I found all episodes that we had recorded live and then something happened with recording and we did not use. Okay.

And so I found one from 2018 and I don't remember it. That means I'll have no record. And you don't remember it. So you and I are going to enjoy something we've never experienced. Wow. This is exciting. It's like Molly. And I'm talking about it.

This is a lot It's like Molly and I'm talking about it is this is like a lot like doing Molly February 23rd 1850 Year of our Lord J. I remember this one who by the way Right to skateboard and the kids love you know met it right. Yeah, for sure. And he's drinking beer now. I see.

No. If you want drinks to buy your beer, he's out in front of the circus liquor. Oh, man. Mornings. He started something like a basketball. He'll buy you a tequila or whatever.

He loves bowling. Yeah., this is Jonathan born junior was born in new bedford massachusetts born johnson born new bedford is much better than old bedford he was nicknamed johnny to differentiate him from his dad johnathan born senior now i would recommend not naming your kid. Yeah,

the new name, Tom Frank or Bobby or, uh, or, uh, or, uh, Lipschool. Lipschool. Gareth. What? Go on, I'm just saying, yeah, move, get in a different name direction. So go with, my name is John, and you go, Johnny. No, I'm just saying, give him another name like Lipschooled Geralt. That's not a name. Uh, Mucaca. Uh, these sound very Mormon. Give him another name like lips gold Geralt that's not a name Mukaka

These sound very Mormon whatever it is. I'm just saying you could just do you remember what happened to this episode? Why it was lost Audio bad. Yeah, yeah, no, they just they were they didn't notice it wasn't recording. Is that a problem for these? Well, they remember they quarter half of the first one And then someone else had the rest on their phone or something or we had a backup so we were saved that one but this one we were not Okay, this so a new bedford was nicknamed the city that lit the world Sure did That was because Kerosene had not yet been invented and people used stuff like whale oil to heat lamps. Okay.

And at that start there. So New Bedford was like a huge whaling town. Like they had VC companies that would fund people to buy ships to go kill whales. It was very good. Also Penguin Oil and if you've ever heard of that. So it's that period. Whaling's huge, New Bedford was one of the, if not the most important, whaling port in the world. So that means more. So it's Jonathan born and important. I mean, there's just

a lot of, no, there's a lot of little stuff I could have fun with them just. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't. Jonathan's father, Jonathan Senior, got in early on the killing of giant, beautiful whales for a fuel. This is the golden age of killing and murdering whales. He's one of the biggest and most successful whalers, and he owned a partial or major share in 46 whaling ships. Okay. So he's a whale, so he's just a murderer. a partial or major share in 46 whaling ships. So he's a whale bear. So he's just a murderer.

Yeah, he's a whale bear. And he's just killing beautiful creatures to put in lamps. Well, and because of him, we have what we have now, which is the whales rebelling and the whales figuring out how to take the rudders off of ships and our attacking ships. Yeah, go. All right, so I think ships. Yeah, go. It's just, it's great.

Don't, don't fuck with Orcas. Don't ever fuck with Orcas. So it's like a whaling gold rush, essentially. That's what this was. In the 1850s, you can just make loads of money. Every man on a whaling ship would have lots of cash if they came back from a successful trip. And ship captains became rich and built big hilltop homes based on whale dead whales. Even skilled decans lived great and kept their families living in style. Everyone's just,

it's like Silicon Valley, right, except instead of crushing people who are just trying to do labor. They're killing whales. You kill whales. So, very good. Very life in Bedford is as good as it can get. Growing up there meant you looked at whaling like, yeah, this is the way to do it. They all want to go to Seattle to see in bee whalers. And Johnny's father did not want that for his son, however. He wanted something better. So he sends Johnny to private

schools and he's expected to go to college. So by the time Johnny is boy, his father has diversified and his most successful business was born mills, a clothing manufacturing business. Wow, okay. So he's gone from his he's really diversified. Well, he knows he knows they're going to run out of wells and people always need clothes or whales need clothes. One or the other. So he's making a nice income, a very wealthy family. He still keeps the whaling business, obviously, because you know, that's just fun. And profitability did decline quite a bit, because they're less whales.

That's just awful. It's so crazy. We just have no foresight into like we just will kill everything until there's none and be like, well, that's a shame. Like nobody's like, hey, maybe have babies and what you know what I mean? And everyone's like, get them out. Kill them all now. Get the babies. So in 1875, Johnny goes to Harvard to get a degree and he lives quite the life while he's there. He, he, his father was a ladies man and he picked up those ways. He's also a ladies man. He's at Harvard for two years. And when he was just a year shy of graduating,

he left the school abruptly one night, signed on to a ship and was off to sea. What happened that day? What was the... Well, there's a lot of rumors. After Johnny was gone, the Boston Record reported, quote, Jonathan Born, senior, his fondness for the Society of Ladies never deserted him.

His son possessed an inheritance of something besides money. As Johnny Born, he acquired a reputation as a high roller, which is not often excelled even in these days. So wait, what are they? So, the story, they're saying he's a late athlete. Yes, man. And he was living large and something, something happened. Okay.

Stories of his exploits are all over Boston. They're constantly, people are into the rumors of John. So he's just plowing and everyone's like, oh, he's just like the fuck machine. No, this dude's like God's like F you whale oil money. And then he's just banging broads, dude. So, and this is all from the Boston Record Quote, often the occasion of much breathless admiration

on the part of others in Bourne's set. He acquired a reputation as an ardent admirer of the fair sex. Yes, we get it. So whatever happened, whatever happened happened with ladies. Like, it was something to do with ladies is why he bailed, like something went down.

He did the whale bail. Considering his reputation, Yeah, well. Considering his reputation for debauchery, Ozaz is a vanishing act. It's something very bad. His father had been an alderman on the governor's council director of a railroad director of just a bunch of banks and companies and manufacturing firms. Scandal would have hurt the family reputation. So they whatever happened they wanted to quiet for family matter. And if he's not there it never happened. It's like a tree falling in the woods. So he okay. So he gets on a ship and he takes off and he's gone for about 10 months. Sailing to Europe and Asia and then then it shipwrecks off the island of Formosa, which is off the coast of China. I didn't have to tell you that, but it's off the coast of China.

Yeah, but it's good for people who didn't know that it was a Chinese island nearly as important. Right. You thought it was a bar in West China. No, I knew what it was. It's an island near China. Have you said that? No. So after the ship, Rijani looks for a new place to put down roots. He's like, where do I go now?

What do I do? And he comes up a little city called Portland, Oregon. It's hard to get to. It's, we're talking in 1878. There's no train service. You had to go, it's a long journey on horse, or foot or whatever you're gonna do. Also by sea, it's a super long journey.

You gotta go all the way down around South America or else you gotta get in there. Well, I don't know if you know this, but it doesn't touch the sea. So you're not you're not able to get there. The which doesn't. Portland, which doesn't touch the sea. No, but you can get to near it. And then then you'd go then you'd go through the land exactly. I just want people to know, you know, have a clear picture of what we're dealing with. And I guess it's a little bit of a flex

for me to point out that I'm aware that it's not on the coast. I wouldn't say flex, or just like, you know, awkward thing to bring out. But it's just you couldn't get there directly via the ocean. Yeah, no, you can't. So you really did some great. Either way, you're doing some land. Yeah. So Portland is one of the furthest places you can go to escape society on the east coast. Sure.

You're basically as isolated as you can get, like it looks like living in a cabin in Montana. Well, and you're not near the ocean. I mean, you're away is away from the ocean and you're surrounded by land, you're landland. Right, yeah, it's not. We made the point. So Portland is full of what?

You think with a name like Portland. You're a bit of a Portland. There'd be a port, but it's misleading. Go ahead, bud. There are a lot of people in Portland are what's known as remittance men. So rich kids of wealthy families who had done bad things are sent to Portland

to avoid scandal. Wow, so it's like that one e-show where they took a bunch of bad celebrity kids and put them in a house together. The city. It's exactly like that. The city is that. Okay, so there's just a bunch of like

snotty scandal rich kids. Yeah, rich kids with money to spend who are the black sheep or whatever. Not even the black sheep, just the naughty boy. So they get monthly amounts in exchange for staying away from their families on these cars. I have a new favorite job. Some are sent just just temporarily for a period of time. Others are end up there for life. Now others are end up there for life. Okay.

Another man who escaped a scandal was a guy named John Hippel. And he was born in 1835 in Pennsylvania. And then after college, he went to school teacher and then he impregnated one of his students who was 15 and married her. Yes. Oh, it's just. So that's nice. That's a bad double. I've got something to tell you dad. I actually pregnant at a 15 year old Jesus Christ. It's horrible, but I'm doing right by her. I'm an a barrier. No, what? Oh, God, you're not making good moves. you're not making good moves. So they stay married, they had two more kids, and then he became a lawyer,

and then one day he just left. He's okay. He took his youngest daughter, he took $4,000 from the law firm he worked for, and he bailed. He left his wife and other kids pennies. Interesting. It's an interesting move. It isn't interesting,

it's like one of these. I mean, yeah. One of these is good. Come on. I think if you really pressed most parents, they'll admit there's a favorite. I've asked parents that for sure. And they'll be like, yeah, the older one's better.

Yeah, I just had a friend of mine over there the night. And she's like, oh, yeah, no, I like my younger kid much better. the night. She's like, oh yeah, no, I like my y'all. Yeah, better. Yeah, it's put up that. I immediately I immediately texted the older kid now. So here's what's going on. I want to buy you. So he probably took a shit set with my guess. Starts his life over. And after three years, he pulls the same vanishing after I got to any space. He's a goaster.

Yeah. He moves to a little city called Portland. Go ahead, Sam. Say what? I just, I've already said what I, Dave, I've already said what there is to say about the town. He definitely took a ship to California though. Yeah, no, yeah, probably. And then he moved through there, that's fine.

Yeah, yeah. Very changed his name to John Mitchell. Yeah, guys, Hipple is annoying. Yeah, it doesn't take him long to get work the first Murderer had recently been put to death and Mitchell quickly scammed his widow and children out of a large sum of money Yeah, yeah, I think it's a lawyer, you know He he scammed his then what do you mean?

Act, acting as a lawyer, you know, he, he scammed his, uh, then he mean like a guy got sentenced to, oh, oh, okay, guys, and then the guy who died, hit this family, right? Okay. Uh, and then he took up with the daughter of a blacksmith and he married her. So now he's married to two women because the first one's not divorced. She's just a way. But if you're several states away, you're not talking too many more Isn't that I mean back then I'm not even trying to just back then. I feel like you're okay

like Yeah, you're like look I took a ship I walked come on she not gonna find out yeah Get the hit she's literally two states away. She may as well be dead two states away, she may as well be dead. So he also became friendly with powerful men like a railroad a magnate named Ben Holiday. Salabra. What if I did that the first time? In 1868 Elizabeth Corothers and her son

owned a huge, huge plot of land. 640 acres, just south of Portland, downtown. Break up and coming area, and then they both died. And there's no known heirs, there's no will. So Mitchell and some friends go looking for her long lost ex-husband who have been missing. Joe Thomas and they find him in St. Louis. Or at least they found the guy. I was going to say, yeah, all right. Named Joan John Nixon who had sweared in court that his name was.

That's right, that's me. I'm Joe Thomas. Yep. Look at me, I look like a, I look like a Thomas. Your name's totally different. Yeah, well, that's, that's one of my classic moves. That's what I always do. I'm, I'm one of the people who have many names. I'm Joe Thomas.

And I'm married. I'm miss my wife. Whatever her name was. So they bring Nixon to Portland and he swears he's the dead woman's husband. That's me. And then Mitchel and his, Mitchel and his buddy give him eight grand and he turns over the land to them that he never owned. Nice. Okay. It's good, it's good racquet so he did that all for a grand he gets paid they get the land it's great uh... so now now wealthy powerful michael uh... gets himself elected to the state senate

and ten years later he's elected as senator for organ and washington dc but before he is seated, his political enemies find out about the whole thing that you mean money impregnated a 15 year old man in the ghost. Yeah, yeah, they find out about that. But then they also don't care and they just let them be a. They don't no one cares. They're like, yeah, well, we thought it would be a lot worse, but she was 15 and you did marry her. So welcome aboard.

So this is, this is the type of town that John Boren lands in. It's this kind of situation. He loves the city. He sent a letter to his brother-in-law. He, in it, he first complains about not having a secretary meaning it to do his own chores but at the end of the letter he said quote

i like it though old man i can stand it if only i make the money ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha with you. I'll see you then old man. Uh, so Portland is packed with businessmen who have absolutely no morals. There's really busy, deep water port. Hmm. No. That's interesting. And bars, there's a port where young men can really go, go crazy. Yeah, there's a port. There's a deep water port. What are they shipping from there? The people of Portland took a quick liking to Jonathan. They're like, this guy's great. A friend said, quote, he always dressed well. He always had money. Remittances from born mills.

He entertained much of the best eating places and was a charming host. Okay. So he's eaten a lot and he's got money. He's got a lot of money. And everyone's like wow. Look at this. Unreal. He settles in quick. He becomes a charter member of the exclusive Arlington Club, which is full of just rich guys from New England's upper crust. He's not just friends of the exclusive Arlington Club, which is full of just rich guys from New England's upper crust. He's not just friends with the rich. He frequent and became good buddies with the vice-filled businessman in the North End. He finishes education at Willamette University.

He takes the bar. he becomes a lawyer. He's elected as a state representative in 1885, and by 1886, he is president of a transfer and trucking company, the Oregon milling company, and the divided axle company. So he's just, he's in it. He's got a lot going on. He's rolling. He's rolling. He also is investing in silver mines in Oregon silver mine. Portland is

Portland is what what was then called a wide open city Sure, you can probably explain that better than I can okay So basically what that means is that this is a town. This is a wide open town So this is one thank you for allowing me to jump in here. This is a wide open town. So this is one. Thank you for allowing me to jump in here. This is a wide open city. You have some cities that are kind of closed. There's not a lot of opportunity there, but this is a wide open city. So there's a lot that can be done. And there's not a lot in the way. And Portland is one of these. A lot of people called it Portland,

and a lot of people when they talk about Portland, it's talk about the openness on a wide level of it. And you were really able to kind of get your arms around it a little bit. And so that was basically what was going on. Yeah, get your arms around it. That's right. The North End is full of crimpers.

Yeah, and by the way, we should point out the North End is full of crimpers. It's also brothels all over the place. The women had been moved to the North End when church going families in the nice parts of town complained that they were too close. So they separated them. The sexy ladies had to move.

The people who believed that a woman got pregnant without semen. Go ahead. A man offered up a large building in North End four sex workers free of charge rent free. Yeah, his name was Richard William. By the way, I don't that doesn't seem as magnanimous as that maybe sounds I mean when that gesture it's sort of like a guy like a what a charitable fellow, but he was just like yeah, you mean I can have a building a fucking okay? I'll tell you what I got is a fuck-doplex

Yeah, he 100% was just like oh red free Yeah, no strings attached By the way every now and then I might want to come up and just have a time, but that'll be rare Hello, I came by for What a landlord might call balls deep i heard that one of the floors is creaking maybe i'll take a look at it as soon as i get jerked off uh...

so uh... his name is richard william uh... hit his nickname though was slippery dick. Okay, dick bill, yeah, okay, that's terrible. Slippery dick. Not great. It's like a pool noodle. In 1880 Portland got one third of its revenue from liquor taxes. So no one's going to shut down the North End. That's where the money comes from.

So when logging camps shut down, the lumberjacks would come to the north end with five months of pay. And then they would drink and gamble and fuck. This could get one Shanghai. Seeing bodies wrapped in tarps being lugged to the docks would not cause anybody to even bat an eye.

They'd be like, oh, that's how we make our money. Nice. Just normal stuff, just kidnap it. This is because Crimson Shanghai men had a buddy on the three-man Portland Commission, and that guy's name was Jonathan Bourne, Jr. So the Portland City government actually has no control over the police department at all. Things had never really been great when it came to the law in Portland. In April 1851, the weekly Oregonian wrote, quote, on Thursday, a serious and brutal riot, again, disgraced our city.

Several of the hands from the steamer Goliath became intoxicated and commenced a general fight on shore among themselves, which resulted in the biting off of a piece of the nose of George Robin, a coal heaver, who in return stabbed with a dirt knife, Henry Wood, a fireman in several places. Yeah, well, okay, look, if someone bites your nose off, you can stab him with a dirt knife. That's just stabbing. I'm stabbing, and that's fine.

No, you come at me, you bite my nose, you're getting one of the- Yeah, you're getting dirt knife. Everywhere, like the- By the way, back then dirt knife, they were like, well there's a lot of soil in the wound, but that'll be fine. Dirt knife, isn't that just a knife? That's actually the name of my penis. Hello, it's me, slippery dick, ready to slip someone the dirt knife.

I'm uncomfortable. Ah, I'm a real, I bought a building for sex. There are also violent feuds going on at the time. Portland is just out of control. It's not of a control city. So the city council hired a military man to be the city's first fire marshal. So they hire a fire marshal to come clean it all up. Well, he, but just a guy who can do the job as a fire marshal has to be a bad ass, but he quits after two months. He's like, I can't. This is, then they hired a sailor

to do it who just did nothing. He just took the check. So things become so bad. The Oregonian wrote that a vigilant, a vigilance committee should be formed. The papers like begging for someone to come up with a group of the police men who will crack well, but the police are all crops. So now you need to. And I need police. But another. But no one does it. They're all like no. That's us. Like why would we? And in the 1850s Portland went through an average of one martial every 11 months. I couldn't even make it a year. So in 1870 the era of city marshals came to an end when the city council decided to create a police department. Okay. But the Oregon legislature was worried a rich rebel man would take over Portland with the new department.

So the legislature created a police commission that they could control from Salem, from a distance, right? Another city. Okay. They have control over the police department. That way, if it was local of the shenanigans, right? How far away is Salem? It's pretty good. Salem's a pretty good distance. I mean, it's, yeah, it's far enough for a point. It's amazing how just our, we all, like, anyone with power is just, it's so easy to buy and they just can't

figure out a way around greed like just damn just really hard because everyone wants money. Just literally yeah there's no way we just been that forever. Ever. So the commission is in charge of the police department, the Portland police department, and now the city council has no control over the police department in their city, but they still have to pay the bills for it. They have to pay for it. So they're a little irritated. But things just kind of straddle into an unspoken agreement. The criminals can stay in the North end and do what they want. And a police chief who rocks the boat is going to get fired by the commission.

And that's kind of how things go for a while. Keep the North end in line so they're not going to call attention to all the shit they're doing. While letting the respectable Portland people think they have a police department that's super professional and keeping things in order. That's great. Because it just sounds like today. Yeah, you have a pretend, yeah, I mean exactly.

That's completely, yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah. Down to the fact that the police are from another area. Yes. T.M.Y. Valley. So in 1885, the governor appointed his ally, Jonathan Born Jr. to the commission. And the lack of oversight is so bad that men were shanghai'd out of the city jail.

So you would get arrested, put in the city jail, and then the jailers would sell you to someone who would kidnap you and take you and put you on a ship. That's gotta be weird. You're probably like, oh my god, well better, I guess. Last thing I remember was being arrested, but now I'm being brutally beaten. They said you were a bodybuilder. You were a jail. God damn it. I mean, you buff up that resume when that guys pass. So what does this guy do exactly? He's an unbelievable fisherman. Trust me, you're going to want this guy. He's awesome. Meanwhile, Jonathan uses the commission to make connections in the North end and becomes really, really close with a crimper named

Larry Sullivan. That's a crimper. Let me make it up right now. Shanghai Air crimping is the practice of kidnapping people to serve as sailors. So I guess it's the same thing. Those engaged in this form of kidnapping are known as crimps. So anyone doing Shanghai? Shanghai's the activity crimping is the occupation.

Yeah, it's yeah. They had a really good friendship, Larry and Johnny. Larry's probably the most successful Shanghai man in the city. He is a fine industry. This is a fine industry that is old. It's a huge industry. It's, he created like an organization. He created like a fucking union of crimpers. Right.

Turned them into a car tell. So you're just living a town where it's totally possible that you'll just wake up on a ship. That's right. And he turns him into a cartel. They use politicians like John, Jonathan to keep everything just going smoother than roll it along.

Larry's also a very accomplished boxer, which helps with the beating up and putting guys on a boat. So Larry, I was Jonathan, because he has an army of sailors, stuffed ballot boxes during the like it sounds like the cities a little uh... corrupted

tiny bit of the cities that just have a difficulty functioning as a a democracy it's definitely not a democracy it sounds like uh... why don't know what kind of government is run on stealing people and putting them on boats, but that's just... So it's rumored that Jonathan gave Larry $2.50 per vote. And Larry keeps a pretty low profile. He, he's not an out and about like showing it off kind of guy. He runs a boarding house. Uh, he, uh, Larry runs a polling station

also. Also, but he can't, he can't, you don't really want to be the face of crimping. Like, you know, I mean, some, I mean, Shanghai Kelly was, he seemed to be okay with it. But then you walk in anywhere you walk in, people, I mean, it's just like Jason Voorhees walking into your cabin, you're like, I'm probably gonna get out of here. I mean, a little bit. A little bit.

Oh, look, Larry's here. Hey, I'm gonna go home, because I don't wanna wake up on a ship. Pfft! Or maybe you do wanna wake up. Maybe, yeah. You know. Potentially. I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more

I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more I'm a little bit more orders in vision happened in 2020. Well, that's what happened.

And he would, he'd he'd he'd grind up, he'd round up hobos and and lockers and traveling salesmen. Just anybody's around just an he. This is just a dog in a trench coat is voting.

Yeah, it's a good dog. Tell him to vote. Go, hey, buddy, this is just eight monkeys. Yep. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's good dog. Tell him to vote. Go, hey, buddy. Is it eight monkeys? Yep. But voting monkeys. So Larry would sit in a window, upstairs window, above the police station with a shotgun

on his lap just watching. Is that legal? It is where I'm. Is that voter intimidation? I know there's certain versions of it, but can you not, is it intimidating to sit above for people vote with a shotgun?

Why would that be intimidating? I mean, you just be like, probably gonna vote for whoever Larry wants me to, just based on that angle. Maybe he, maybe I'm keeping that out for bears. You know, bears a little vote the right way, you know what I mean? Fair good, good point you make. Maybe I'm keeping eye out for bears. Bears little vote the right way, you know what I mean? Fair, good point you make. You've seen the shotgun, right?

Get in there. Okay. I'm not gonna tell you which way to vote. Okay. But just hope you do vote the right way. I'm gonna vote for Port. He's the candidate that I think is great. He's really good. I think is great. He's really good.

I like that he's allowing the fact that you can be beaten and thrown on a ship to Fester. I think he's great. So you're just gonna vote once? No, no, absolutely not. No, sir, 15 to 20 times. Absolutely. I'll keep going in and out, and in and out, and in and out.

What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna have my buddy here start biting my nose off. So each time I go in, I look like a different person. He's gonna take 20 different bites and then I'll go in eventually noseless and I'll just tell him I'm syphilitic. Yes, sir. I love it. You're gonna get a great fight.

You're gonna get a great fight. You're gonna get a great fight. You really make a compelling argument. He is great for the town. This town that is just really going great. It's a great town. It's great. So I can't wait going great. It's a great town. It's great. So I can't wait to.

It's a nice town. Thank you for allowing me to do this. Yes. During one election, Larry got the entire crew of a Dutch ship who could not speak English. To vote, quote, Jonathan born and friends on ballot. Jonathan put what I think it's a variety hour. Yeah, it's him. It was okay.

It's like an organized, a very then organized all the boarding house, crimpers in Portland into what was basically an evil labor union. And soon Portland is known all over the Pacific as the worst port to go to in the entire Pacific. The crimpers, the people who throw people knocked out on ships have formed a union. We just want some rights.

Essentially. A German captain wrote home quote, you cannot believe how these fellows are working. we just want some rights essentially a german captain road home quote you cannot believe how these fellows are working it almost seems as though they hold the whole law and authorities in their hands larry solvitt actually said to the german quote i am the law in portland well at least it's not going to his head i mean he is the law. It's great.

So it's, Jonathan is a Republican. Most of the state is at that time. The Democratic Party is very small. And the big struggle between the different groups is between two different factions of Republican Republican Party groups. The old school Republicans have power and money and control the mourning Oregonian, the paper, and the silver Republicans are populists. They're more like what theodore Roosevelt would become. So, it's to silver. Okay.

They don't give a shit about party discipline and their paper is the less influential Portland evening telegram. The name is worse. Yeah, it's not as good. So Jonathan's power grows and grows over the years. He buys votes, he gets legislators drunk, he works with Larry Sullivan. At this point, Jonathan was big time into silver mines, and he owned several in Eastern

Oregon and Idaho. And he even has a mining town named after him. His big political cause was by medalism. By medalism? That's right. B-U-Y? B-I. What is it just like? Metalism. It goes both ways. What is it? Switch it. Gold and silver? What a switch. Switch. Gold and silver.

Yeah, golden silver. That was the backing of US currency by both silver and gold. Right. So you're kind of right. Because he owned silver mine. So of course, he's going to win. So during the 1896 election, Jonathan pushes hard for William Jennings, Brian, for President. He's he's known as the free silver candidate. And locally, Jonathan is pushing hard for John Mitchell to go back to the Senate. Mitchell is also silver

Republican. So this is this is when senators are chosen by state life slagers. So Jonathan and his silver buddies hire a ballot box stiffer from California. Now I will say, you know, we shit on today's system all the time. That is worse. That is worse. That is a little bit. At least now they have to kind of do a song and dance to lie to you and fool you as opposed to just then they were just big here's the guy So this guy for fee comes up to Oregon and he brings a lot of

trained ballot box stuffers with him and on on election day they just vote Over and over and over again, and then they get back on a boat and go back to California. So it's just like a, it's just the craziest. Like, imagine that being your job. You just go. How are they getting out of boat to go to California? What the hell is going on here? Oh, fuck.

No, it's very confusing. There's a port. It's known as it's a bridge city fucking place because of all the bridges you can get there by boat. It's very misleading and I mean I really made such a stand earlier that I just feel like you're gonna have to edit a lot of things I set out. Now I'm not yes you are and I'm not sure how you're gonna do it but I would like you to use some AI technology to make it sound like I'm saying that's a very simple trip to make I guess from the ocean. I can absolutely guarantee you that will happen because the eyes here.

So Larry would also do his part in the election. Jonathan had been given 225,000 from Southern Pacific Railroad to pay off legislators in return for voting for Mitchell. And once Mitchell was elected, he would then use his influence and call on his debts to get Jonathan to be picked as the new speaker of the house. So it's all everyone's just helping him. It's really, it's so much work when you could keep getting elected and have a great life. If you just did good things, people would just, it's just the level at which it's just like you don't need this much and it just seems exhausting.

Yeah, it does seem exhausting, you're right. How it worked though. Yeah, it's working, but it's to be like, yeah, you got to be like stress it out a little bit. So on election day, the ballot box-divers come, they do their job. Brian for president, born for Oregon, state house of representatives. So born ones easily, he representatives from Mitchell's representatives, he gets a senate job, right? So it's all the whole machines working as a president. John Johnny actually born one by a public crap, 200 million votes, which is wild. Yeah,

the population. Yeah, no, people really like that. Yeah. Everybody's unbelievable. Yeah. People were really, really support. Just so many more people than are here. Yeah, but that's just enthusiasm. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's, it's wild. A lot of people here. We do have a lot of people here.

Like five thousand. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Wild. Same number. Close to the same number. 200 million. Yeah. Hard to wrap your head around, really, but I guess a win's a win.

It's, yep. So win Jennings, Brian lost, but Jonathan's not really that worried about it. It looks like born's going to make speaker. It's all looking good. So after the election, born starts hearing rumors that Mitchell's going to re-nege on the deal when he gets to Washington, DC. Not the speaker of the house part, Mitchell had turned against silver. And he was now a gold standard.

So he's now straight gold no longer by metal. No, he's not by. He's straight. Born confronts Mitchell quote senator the report here in Portland is that when you are reelected senator you expect to go back to Washington and join the gold crowd Going completely back on your silver friends. I don't believe a word of it You won't go back on me. Mitchell was quiet. Quote out with it. Tell me the fact Mitchell said that this that is what I'm going to

It's someone over her that is what I'm going to over that is what I'm going to do Jonathan obviously, this is a huge yeah cross and Mitchell thinks it's a done deal the money has been given out to the legislatures who have all signed pledges all the pledges are in a safe it's okay but wait and Mitchell says you can't help it I'm going to be elected and Jonathan said quote I don't know how it is going to be prevented, but you are not going to be elected. So even though people had stuff out of boxes by ease and hobos and ships of, you know, guys from California, the legislators are still considering their pledges to be the end of it, right?

It's their like word of honor. So of all this shit that's going on there, like, well, I sorry to pledge. I mean, look, our complete corruption is contracted. I mean, there's all the love of God, we must have some honor. And even though there are pledging completely bought, they're not gonna go back on it. A man wants a bought, that you would lose respect once you were bought. Does that make sense?

Then you can't switch if you've been purchased. But it's just remarkable that there are wrong. The rules of corruption are interesting, I suppose. What is my word worth if I sell myself, and then... Another man will not buy me if I go back on this one. So there is decorum, it's just full on for the bribes. I guess if you say you will sell your vote and then you

don't then that system. Well then then then people know that don't think that you can be bribed and then yeah the ecosystem becomes very shaky. Yeah if you can't know who is you need to know who commits to the lying who is not lying who doesn't lie about lying is the question so john thing is up again he's really up against it he's in the tough spot so he is trying to think about how to stop you

the selection of Mitchell by the legislature and he realizes if the legislature doesn't meet before inauguration day then they can't pick the senator all right let's could be more free hot dogs all right let's go again if the legislature doesn't meet then the governor can pick the senator at that point because there's no legislature so there's the there's the loophole and the governor's a silver. He's a friend So there is a there is a way the way is to just make it so the legislature will not meet They can't convene right and how many days until inauguration?

We'll get there a few days later an article appears in the Portland Morning, Oregonian titled Mr. Borns fight Senator Mitchell will help him to be speaker The article explains that Jonathan Born. I remember this is Jonathan's paper Is the silver's paper right no the other one the nightly telegram is Jonathan's paper right? That's right. So this is the opposition paper to Jonathan. So the article explains that Jonathan had rented 19 rooms in Salem as well as least a house and it was said he was going to use the spaces for a fight for the Spiegership, but that that's not normal.

And the paper guessed what Born was up to, quote, the real reason is probably that the rooms will be used during the season as supplementary Mitchell headquarters. So the reason for this article was to fuck with Mitchell's head. Okay. He knew Jonathan does not care about the speakership.

So he's like, what is he up to if he's going about this business? But the paper that reports on this is not his rag. So this is just somehow got into like... This is the old... Yeah, these are the old guard Who probably also don't like Mitchell they probably don't like either one of them I would imagine So so Jonathan now reaches across the aisle to a populist name William a urine urine You ran

You apostrophe are you very close to your year in it's urine let's just it's your senator urine so this is now it's very weird for him to to all of us on reach out to urine because they had they were bitter they were bitter enemies who likes you know you're as quite better so johnathan tells you and he didn't want michael cd and yearn is very shocked because he thought they were buddies but he agrees to use parliamentary tactics to delay

the section so then johnathan goes to his friends and business associates and asks for money and he gets $90,000 in donation. So the money is for a party. He's going to throw a party. A very, very long, long party. He's going to throw the longest party possible. Quote, I hired the best chef in the state of Oregon, sent him to sail him to fix up the apartments with things to eat and drink. I said to the chef, I pay all expenses. I want to take care of all my friends in the lower house who signed pledges with me, the friends of

silver. So he is planning to orderve and and party these guys out of their pledge. That's right. He's gonna order if you're if you're Mitchell you're like that's a really stupid plan. And I just haven't feeling it's going to get close to working. But if anybody knows how to party

yes. It's our boy. It's this guy. He brought up ladies from the North End and the party starts. Within days, the blocker rooms were being called Born's Hero and the Den of prostitution of Eve. Wow. Is that a good name to be like, all right, well, I'm gonna go to the den

and my wife freaked out because she found out what we're calling it. We should have just come up with a more simple name. What were you doing at the dead of prostitution and evil? What are you doing? What we were just we're all what are you talking about? We're painting. It's night that we're painting pictures of our wives on eat. Are you talking about dope? Yeah. That I told you we should have used the internet. Yeah, dope is really that great. You, I'm up, it's better than the denепrocitude. I'm gonna go to the drug fuck

apartments. Alright, I'll be back a little bit later. I'm gonna go to the tower of sandwiches and blow jobs. Okay, bye, babe. Have fun. That sounds nice. That sounds nice. It's just amazing. I don't know if you've ever banged a woman with a hoagie, but, man, it's...

Woo! Alright, bye, babe. Just bring home Sipa. I already have. the woman with a hoagie but man it's whoo alright bye-bye just it's just bring home sickle i already have here's your ear so states that are

george brownwell is very upset and he writes that the let he wrote that the legislature we're being quote kept drunk and intoxicated for days which is the whole idea. That's it, yes. Welcome to my book. Right, now if we can do it for 10 more days.

So Jonathan is gonna keep, this is what it's gonna do. He's gonna keep as many of them as drunk as possible for 40 days. 40 days? 40 days! It is a 40 day booze and sex party. He's pushing a 40 day bender. Mitchell's like good luck. Yeah. That really is. I mean that is just a great movie premise. It really is. It's the best movie premise ever. Has to keep them shit faced. Full of food, booze, drained of fluids for 40 days.

And it's amazing too, because it's like, if anyone can be super corrupt and awful, it's people in government. But even for them, it's a tall task. But imagine him the first time he pitched it to his buddies. So here's the plan. You tell me you want to do it five days. I'm listening a week, even maybe 40 days. That's biblical. Yeah. We can do it. I don't think so. I've I Don't you remember spring break. Yeah, but that was two weeks Was it I don't remember

Yeah, it was every time every time like one of them's like oh I am really hungover. I got to go home. He's like what about a gin martini. Oh god. Okay. I get I get You can't go home today. It's gin Fizz. I realize it was gin Fizz day. The most upset people were not the guys at the party. Everyone at the 40 day party is not complaining at all. They're all good. How aware are they of what's going on on they don't really know that this is the

plan right well they have a they have a they read the read the legislature is a tabular petition they're not they're not good people historian wrote quote organ enjoyed the unenviable reputation of having one of the most corrupt and inefficient governments to be found north of me Mexico and west of pennsylvania so they're bad

quote as soon as the legislature convened a troop of prostitutes regularly convened at salam so that regularly when the legislatures in session sex workers can't look well all right we gonna need to take another recess the truth here uh... the let the lawmakers in some care is attaching them to the state payroll so they would get the sex workers on their payrolls for their like say she's a secretary of the if you live in this town

I mean you must just be like this is not a good government Drunkenness and debauchery commonly prevailed throughout the whole legislative session So it's fairly normal to do this, but maybe not maybe you take a break here. You actually go for it a little bit. Yeah. So Jonathan just played into what they've already doing each year and kind of expanded on it, and he just paid for it all. So that's, I guess, the difference,

and it's in one central location in these rooms. As long as they're all drunk, they're considered unfit for duty. And this means they can't convene. So be keeping drunk. They cannot convene. They're like, oh boy, how did we get here again? Somehow we're too drunk to do this again. You got to knock the drink out of the guy's hand and keep it out for him to get sober

to be able to go To lose I mean this is like a government of already Langs and blue shoes I'm sure there were guys trying to get them sober But they're just like we're really up against it. So they can't vote if they can't convene The police can't be sent to get them because officially they had not convened yet and they weren't breaking any rules. So they had never actually started. And if they haven't started, there's no reason to get them. So the guys not invited try to organize a session, but legally they can't. There's not enough. So they just sit there

waiting. Why are you waiting? Would you like some whiskey? I suppose Why are right? So 40 days go by Wow And after tons of drinking and fucking and drinking inauguration day comes and The state house of Oregon has still not been the fact that he was probably

like when there were two days left, he was like, I think I'm going to pull this shit off. Who wants to kill a shot? I don't know that it's a killer. That's a raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw raw that your body has just gone through. Yeah, oh my God. I mean, but remember, this was a time when everybody was drinking all the time. Like it was, yeah. So the governor made an emergency appointment on day 41 and he named Henry Carbitt to be Senator and Mitchell did not get the job. Mitchell is just like.

I went up against the list. Yeah, I should have known there are Achilles heel. Complete an ebriation and sex. He must have been sitting the whole time good. I mean, surely they've got to stop. Day 27, come on now. This is a little ridiculous. 29, come on.

35, I feel 37. This is a little ridiculous 29. Come on 35. I feel 37 we need a 39 midnight. Oh my god It's just insane 40 days. So Now this Corbett guy had been an enemy of Mitchell's forever and Jonathan is just super thrilled and an enemy of michael's forever and johnathan is just super thrilled and off this guy goes to washington but when he gets there things are not great because everyone in dc has heard about what's going on coming in with like George santa's energy people like yeah dude we're not like impressed with you he was like what do you mean i want it fair and square I want it fair and square. So they're not thrilled in Washington.

Men at a Southern Pacific Railroad who are very powerful, the most powerful men in the country. They've given born $225,000 to buy Mitchell. They're fucking livid. So the US Senate refuses to see. I like that they're refusing to do it because they're like there was clearly a bribe in place God damn it integrity would you? We asked you to bribe look we gave you money to stop the ballot boxes from Mitchell now Corbett's here good Good godman there are norms have some respect for this awful institution

Now I'm gonna put some money in your pocket, right? What's that do? What's that do old school? Hello? What friends again, aren't we? So the Senate seat remains vacant for two years So where we did all that drink it for nothing. I like to think that we learned a lot of lessons along the way. So I think we fucked up. No, it didn't. We just had to do it the right way. And we did do it the right way.

We just had to do it the right way. It we did do it the right way. I want, you know, the ladies brown, man. Yeah, my cow, boy. I would like to steal her, Sarah, and I'm been in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and in and98, the legislature holds a special session and Alex Joseph Simon who just happened to be a really good friend of this guy named Jonathan Bort. Jonathan has sealed his reputation as being just a full on corrupt vice love. Great.

A great one. Maybe the most of all time. The whole of favor. The absolute. Yeah, oh yeah. The event would become known as the hold-up session. In 1900, another election for US Center came. And again, it was Jonathan Boren trying to deny Mitchell.

Wow. He once again bought legislators with money center came and again it was Jonathan born trying to deny Mitchell how he once again bought legislators with money and whiskey and quote other things but he didn't do like the sin tower he didn't have to historian Kim Bark McCall quote one house member a parishioner of a leading Portland Church was given $100. Every time he voted for Corbett, plus a slug of whiskey in the clover. This guy is pathetic. This is a pathetic person who's just like, just take mud.

I mean, I'm not even like, this just doesn't need to be much nuanced to bribe it, but it's like, buddy, you have money, you could go by, oh, free, shout out, or was, it's like people who are like yeah but I mean I go to Costco for the samples it's like yeah but you're also buying 18 pounds of pretzels like yeah but you get the samples I mean it's also just nice to go to where should I go and can I do another cloakroom swing but, the Southern Pacific Railroad had all the month. We'll be doing them soon. And so Mitchell, you can't, you can't, the roads, you're not going to get one past the railroad twice. So Jonathan blamed

four traders who had changed their votes. Either way, Jonathan's out of a lot of money. He's the loser now. So this actually leads to change. Jonathan is now 45. He's probably having a midlife crisis. And he realizes he's never going to be able to use the North and money to fight with the railroads who are just so rich. So he reaches out to his old friend, William Euren, and they form an organization called the People's Power League. The goal is to get voter approval to have centers elected by the people, not the legislature.

Now wait, uh, Mitchell's a part of that? No, that's Jonathan. No. So Jonathan is now, he's like, but he's doing that because he's like, I could stuff ballot boxes. Right, yes. He's not like, you know what?

I think it's just time that the, God damn it, we just do it for democracy. He's like, man, I just said just a little dicey. We just, stuff in bowel bugs is really easy. I just hire these Dutch people. It's awesome. But this really pisses off all the Oregon political machine guys. Republicans all think it's a betrayal.

And they just can't loot, that means they can't loot the system. And it's just not all up for, it's not the same way up for a different, right? It's different, right? Yeah. There's a difference to sail. So conservatives said Jonathan was out for himself and progressive said he was a dupe who had been used. But Jonathan had also been reacting to everything exactly the way

his hero Teddy Roosevelt did hate struck a blow against monopolies and their influence He did it when he had exhausted all every other option You know being corrupt and Born ran and became the very first organ senator ever elected by a popular vote and became the very first organ senator ever elected by popular vote in office he worked on a long list of important accomplishments the parcel post system was his biggest achievement he lost his bid for a second term in the republican primary so he actually did end up being

like he did do things. I mean, you could say that I would say he accidentally made it less correct. And he did that because his corruption wasn't working, but then he's passing actual legislation while he's in there. But is he doing that from a nefarious place. Yeah, sure he is. He's doing it from the selfish nefarious place. But anything to take power away from the railroads is good.

And he puts the vote in the hands of the people. So it's almost like strange bedfellows were the senator and his constituent. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. It's like the enemy of my enemy is my friend and that just so happens to be the people I represent. And you know, clearly, I'm sure it's stuffing, he had to be stuffing the ballot box, as you said before.

Mitchell didn't do as well. Timber companies were not allowed to just buy huge swaths of land, so they couldn't have just hobos buy the land and then sign over to the company anymore. Mitchell was aiding the companies and making these purchases. So President Roosevelt looks into it and Mitchell is just fucked. He was tried and convicted to six months ago. Mitchell is the bad guy. He's like, but he died of a dental abscess while the case was under appeal.

Oh, what a way to go. He is only one of five US senators who have been convicted of a crime while I was. Wow. I could think of a lot more if you guys want to be. That's an amazing statistic. It's like most. It really is. Considering they just are literally just living under legalism. Yeah, they just like, I mean, that's right. Insurrecting and corruption.

Yeah. The norm. When Jonathan died in 1940, he was respected elder statesman, though begrudgingly by law. But yeah. So that's how Oregon got the vote to pick their own guys instead of a 40 day party. The 40 day party. God, that just, it's just, it is. It's just like the, you just are like, look, if anyone can do it, it's fat cats. Yeah. And they pulled it off. That means seriously, what a crazy fucking time.

The 1800s were bad shit. I mean, seriously, what a crazy fucking time. The 1800s were bad shit. Yeah, and yet it's the only thing that's different is that they just got drunk openly in a lot of ways. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like they all do it now. It's just, you know, it's just like we said. I mean, it's just, it's just astounding to me that we've always had

a horrendous system that is so dependent on integrity. Yeah. That's what like, with the stuff with Trump now, like I love when like the Republicans are like, you better watch out, because we're gonna investigate the Democrats and people like, oh, this, I'm like, go better watch out because we're going to investigate the Democrats and people like, oh, this, I'm like, go, let's go. Let's all do it.

Go. The people that are investigating government should be so afraid of any investigation that they have to be spotless. There should be an office that completely and regularly is always investigating our politics. Now the problem is, I said it won't pass that place because there's no problem. But it's like, when they're like, yeah, you know, we actually, now we're going to investigate Bill Clinton. I'm like, okay, great.

Go. Let's go. They should, politicians should always be offered bribes and not knowing a fast state. Yeah, trap. Yeah. A trap. Every, they should always be getting,ribes and not knowing if that's a trap. Yeah, a trap every And you know what it should be a lot of times traps and we should have Chris Hanson from to catch a predator come in and just be like Senator White House. We take a seat Yeah, I mean that's the only way to solve this shit But you know whatever it doesn't matter because it's all legalized

Anyway, they can yeah, the people who make the laws It is always amazing what it's just like the people in government are like this is the best system Of course they think that they're never gonna tell you the system that they thrive with it as dog shit You we're there. No, they're the they're the ones of course there We're the ones you should be like hey this is actually totally shit sucks but instead we're like what are you gonna do it's the best system like well they're telling you that they're saying that because they have yachts that's right yachts well um the 40-day party so sources are yeah the 40-day party. So sources are, yeah, the 40-day party sources are offbeatorgan.com,

which is a website that has a ton of like Oregon stories that you should check out. I call it StoryCon. And a history link. Do you? And a history link dot org. I actually call that history link dot org. What? History link dot org. You should just put it in there. I mean, I took. You're going to look it up. Put it in there.

Pop it in there. Put a pop and pop it in there a little bit. See what, check it out. Is there a reason that your shirt is the exact same color as your baseball hat? Thank you. I'm glad you noticed, first of all, and it's called color coordinating. And when I decided I was going to wear my gatorade hat.

Well, the color is. Shut up. I decided I'd wear my green shirt. My year of the worst shirt shirt my Gatorade hat Are you jealous because you're just look like a bunch of bad colors? It's like melon. It's like fluorescent melon green. Yes, that's right. I'm the melon man Okay We tried I got no problems with what's going on with me.

You look like dog shit. I look awesome. I do. So there you go. I look like a dog. Alright, well that's the end of the dollop for this week. Tune in next time to see if we do another story. We will.

We tried. We will. We tried.