The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 62 - The Past Times - Damien Power

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and this week, Australian comedian Damian Power.  Redbubble Merch

Alright everybody, welcome to the Past Times Podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. The one, the only, the must-ash Damien Powell. Welcome, Dave. Thanks for having me, guys. I'm glad you guys mentioned the dollop thing

because I was like, what the fuck are we even doing this? Oh wait, you guys are from the dollop. Yeah. Yeah, that must come up a lot. You know, you've been on the dollop. I don't know if you're aware of that. I do. I do remember now.

Yeah, you did the dollop. I don't know if you remember about yourself. That was a good one. That was fun. That was live as well. Yeah. In Tasmania. We, you did the dollop. I don't know if you know about yourself. That was a good one. That was fun. That was live as well in Tasmania. We met you at an airport. We met you at an airport lounge.

And we liked your chops. You liked my banter. And now you're... We liked your banter. We liked the banter. But Damien, enough fun light small talk. You are a very successful comedian. Now, you have a special that is put out by 800 pound gorilla

and you're also going on tour very shortly. Why don't you tell us a little bit more about that in your own words? Well, it's so funny you bring this up. Yes, that's correct. I am. It's random that you brought that up, but I am going to be at Perth Fringe next week, and I'm going to do the Adelaide Fringe in March, and then I'll do the sell it. It's not in Australians, it's not in Australians nature to sell.

You know, so it just comes out really weird. When you're like, yeah, it's great. You should really check it out, please. I like, if one of you over there gets an ego, it's game over for everyone else. But until then, and what's your special, tell me about your special. Yeah, the special is out on YouTube. It's free. It's um I got

It's filmed by a great man called Cameron Barnett who does like Ronnie Chang specials and John Mulaney's and like so it looks really good Never heard of him and never heard of okay. Yeah, you should check them out. They're okay What is the name of it again? It's called This is so good You really you might be too pure for comedy if you are like I don't I can't promote my own special quickly All right, well, you know the deal here Damien we're gonna go through an old newspaper whether you like it or not and I always like to start off the show with a guess from the year the year it could be like 1600 That's probably not gonna happen. It's probably more likely 1700s, 1800s, 1900s.

Whoever gets closest gets to Kiss Dave. And I'll start with my guess, which is going to be, shut up, 1901. Damian please okay, so with um, okay It's gonna be all timey, right? No, please This is not gonna be from the last couple weeks. No, though You wouldn't but they would they would just be like one of those current event right, okay? All right, well 18 and I don't know if I mentioned we're the guys from the dollop, so we don't do yeah. Yeah, no good good

1860 That's a really good like that. That's good. It's much closer. The date is 1929 So Kind of nailed it as issues October 20, 1929 It is New York. Okay. The Daily News.

So this is very close to the crash. Damian, we've, our countries had stock market crashes in the past. I don't think that's true. You can believe that. And this one is... No, everything, I spent smooth sailing over here. That's true. Sorry about that. That's right. Yeah. Is that not everything I've been smooth sailing over here? That's true. Sorry about that.

That's right. Yeah, that's what we that's the news we get over here to about America. Yeah, it's all good. Things are. Yeah, that's fine. Things are good over there. It's good. We got this.

We got this. You won't be eating koala within the next five years. No, I don't think so. That's not the vibe I'm getting from the current world situation. No, no. No, no. Rich Widow, 75, Weds driver, 37, asks aid to stand at City Alter.

Now did we get a gender there? It's a lady, a lady widow. I thought it was. How old was she? What a great story. He's 75 and he's 35. 37, yeah. 37.

37, Ron, okay. Yeah. That's a decent age gap. Let's not get, there's a gap there, but let's let's talk numbers. Okay, so You know you're talking about You can take Perth Adelaide off from now on but you're you're married to a Senior citizen Damien thoughts you going for it. What are you doing? Yeah

So I get to not do Perth and Adelaide though. Come on. Yeah. You get to skip Perth and Adelaide. Yeah. Wow. This is actually genuinely a tough decision. No, no. No, it isn't. Shut up. Just say it. I think I'll pass. Yeah, I think I'm good for someone 40 years old. Okay. All right. Yeah. All right. All right.

Okay. All right. Miss Mary Humes 75, wealthy widow and member of a prominent Boston family has decided to share the front seat of her limousine on a honeymoon with her chauffeur, John Cavallo. Wow. Wow. She, this guy worked it.

This guy worked it. Yeah. Yes. This guy did. Yeah, he just, he won the lottery, man. I mean, so he's the gold digger. He earned the lottery. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yes. I wonder if he's still gonna have to drive her or if I would want to I would definitely want to Really why I? Would love to keep some professional boundaries so that I can like get the money but also not be like you know Not too much banging Well, yeah, you want to feel like the banging is what I wouldn't love. Yeah. Yeah, I guess you you want to Create the illusion that you're not in it for the money

By continuing to be the chauffeur. Yes, very much so. Hmm. Yes. Yes, right. Yeah, exactly Yeah, you'd be coming up with a lot of excuses not not to bang Yeah, I gotta focus on driving tomorrow. Yeah, I need my cum Yeah, I gotta focus on driving tomorrow. Yeah. I need my cum. What about you hire a driver and you go down on her a lot? Oh my God. What's your pitch?

So you hire a driver so you're not doing as much and you go down on her a bunch. I think we should just keep going. I feel like it's an interesting idea, Dave. Gareth Reynolds not into going down on women. We've now noted that and that is part it is part of the record. Very clear. I've been very clear. They call they call me a spalonger.

I'm down in the cave. That was definitely a trap. Yeah. Miss Humes and the young driver were married Tuesday with all the secrecy the marriage license bureau could throw around the May December romance. So the the Daily News found them yesterday at their home at 569 West 150th Street. They up until like the I want to say the 80s, they were they would just put your address in the paper if you were part of the story, no matter what,

like if you're a victim or criminal or whatever. Didn't matter. Address. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I went on to crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It went on through the 70 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It went on through the 70s. Yeah. So, so the address is always part of the news. That's fucking crazy. Local pedophile. Not. At address 24. Yeah.

Anything. That's crazy. Yes, anything that went on. Both reversed gears when asked to discuss the wedding in the municipal building where Miss Humes had to be assisted to the altar. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. This is this guy. This guy is definitely I love this guy. He knows I love this guy. I love this guy. So much. I just got this guy.

I was like, yeah, I'm going to do it. Yeah, I'm doing this. Yeah, he had to he had to drive her down the aisle. He's like, there we go. Right. Yeah. Much mystery surrounded Miss Hume's infirm appearance at City Hall. She and Carvalho moved to apartments in the 150th Street building five months ago. Miss Hume's has recently bought a new eight cylinder limousine and her neighbors were amazed yesterday when they were told how the widow had dressed shabbily and demanded the assistance

of two men on her trip to the altar. Can you spell her name for me, Dave? H-U-M-E-S. And do you have the first name? Yes, it is. Mary Humes. They said Miss Humes was active enough around her apartment

that she often spoke of her father as a once well-known Boston philanthropist and mentioned brothers-in-law, well-known there and in New York. They assumed that Miss Humes had attempted a disguise. One of the men who helped the new Miss Corralio back into her car and who witnessed the ceremony was Angelo Rizzo, an Italian undertaker. Oh my God, this guy.

He's looking for business. Hey, yo. How much longer? Look, he's got the fucking, the Reaper's dragon is bit behind him. Good Lord. This lady ain't long for this place. He said he had known Caraglio for years, but knew little about his elderly bride. So she's about to croak.

She sounds like just a little bit of dementia and he's like, yeah. And he's like, I'm in love. Everyone's like, yeah. Well, listen, it's a plan. I assume that this is in the time. I assume this is in a time when, you know, he will get half of her stuff. Surely. Yeah, obviously. Yeah, I believe so, yeah.

That's a, yeah, because I just wasn't sure if that maybe was different back then. No, I would imagine, I bet he got more. I bet it was like, I mean, I bet it was just willed, whatever she willed. But yeah, I'm sure he definitely is sitting pretty. I was trying to figure out how many months he had to do this for but I could not find her death date but that would be what I would want to know because it would be amazing if she

lived to be like 110 and he was like she's like my darling hey I'm an I'm a miracle he He's like, oh, fuck's sake. Will you fucking die? What? What was that, darling? I love you. You said something before you left the room. Yeah, I mean, it's a shame we can't find that one. I'm just going to get a pillow.

I'll be back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another bath, darling? My neck isn't holding my weight up like it used to. I think a bath would solve that, babe. Um, Daddy Browning... Daddy Browning, spring surprise, but it's no gift. Okay, so Edward W. Browning whose nickname is daddy. That's okay. What? No. Already weird. No. Nope. Terrible nickname.

Nope. Who likes to arrange surprise parties for Cinderella's? I'm uncomfortable. What is going on? Cinderella? This is a pimp what the sprung one on it's weird daddy fuck is we still talking about the same thing or what I don't know I don't know I feel like we're listening to like Disney after hours Disney after dark. He sprung on Mary Louise's spas, his erstwhile Wonder Girl yesterday, but curly headed Mary Louise didn't clap her hands. It wasn't that kind of a surprise. Acting through his lawyer, David Siegel,

daddy went into Supreme Court with a new document intended to persuade Mary that she doesn't want and it's a bit of a hard story to follow the and going to get the best explanation. He is without question maybe our greatest human. Yeah. Okay, so here's here's this will go into the details. In short, daddy wants a separate trial on just one of the several charges. You're the action, which is accuses her benefactor of acting like a caveman soon after he adopted her in August 1925 as a companion to his other. Yeah, this is getting.

Yeah, this is this is This is like bigamy shit. Nobody is having a good time right now. Yep, this is R. Kelly stuff. So he buys, sorry, he adopts a girl to be companion for his daughter, Dorothy, whose middle name is Sunshine. I'm having a lot of trouble. In her various complaints, Mary admitted that whose middle name is Sunshine. Noss. In her various complaints, Mary admitted that

when her adoption papers were canceled, she had signed a general release of her claims against daddy. She added that she was in a state of mental and physical terror, making her incapable of understanding what she was doing, and that she was forced to sign the release through intimidation and fraud. But what?

So he canceled, he canceled the adoption. Right of his daughter's friend that he adopted. And then forced her to sign a release of any like claim she had for being his daughter for a while. Okay. Everything sounds like it's on the up and yeah, everything's fine. He was fucking her right?

This is he don't I don't feel bad. It feels bad. It feels really bad. Yes. Something wrong. But I hope his address is in the paper. Yeah, this guy we need this nice fucking address. Put this guy's is in the paper. Yeah, this guy, we need this nice fucking address. But this guy's address in the paper.

Yeah, yeah. Um, but in the papers filed yesterday, Daddy said both Mary and her parents knew what she was doing when she signed the dotted line and that to make sure of the fact the release was explained to her by Judge Daniel Noble of Queens County, who even had her sit beside him on the bench. Can this woman catch a fucking break? Now I understand Daddy hurt you, why don't you come and sit on Judge Noble's lap? Yeah, I'm gonna tell you a little something about the law. I'm gonna bang you like a gavel. It was also on this occasion, according to daddy, that Mary admitted she had reached the age of 21 before the adoption.

What the fuck? What is going on? Instead of the 16 years that she had claimed. So number one, he's adopting a 16 year old girl who already has parents and saying that's a companion for his daughter, but she's actually 21. This is bad. This is bad. None of it's good. None of it's good. I mean, I guess that's why you don't trust a grown man who the public calls daddy. Yeah, I feel like she's kind of, I mean, she's kind of a little blame there in the sense that he is called daddy.

So what do you walk into there? Twenty one, you walk into the orphanage. You're like, well, well, well, I can legally drink well, well, well. Daddy contended that he never intimidated Mary. Hence, according to the newest papers, he feels that the validity of the release should be settled before the court reviews Mary's version of the caveman incidents in Q Gardens.

Now, we don't even know what that was, but apparently was a caveman in the garden. A beast. Yeah. Wow. Well, that was not I don't feel good. It really like the first story seems wholesome now. I'd like to bring back the term caveman actions. I like that a lot. I like term you don't really hear a lot anymore. I'll give that a second. I like that you don't really hear a lot anymore I'll give that a second I like that caveman actions because it is just so ambiguous yes and yet I kind of get it it covers a lot doesn't it caveman actions yeah yeah right yeah yeah five man actions. Yeah. Yeah.

Two inventors shoot man who slurred patent. Hmm. So they. I get that. Some guys are talking shit about your pat. You put a couple of weird that you get that. Just so you know. I get it. You don't know what it's like to be an inventor. Yeah, I think, I mean, it feels like you're putting your life as an inventor in apparel when you're shooting naysayers. That, by the way, they should allow that.

Can you imagine Shark Tank where they'd be like, another shark dead? Unfortunately. Well, don't come after me for my Peter Butter Talrack. Like, yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? I don't understand it. He shot Barbara. To me, you to Sicilian shoemakers

rudely awakened from the dream of gold that was to pour in from their invention of an ocean going bicycle. Oh, my. Yes. from their invention of an ocean-going bicycle. Oh my, yes. Oh yes. Jesus Christ. But we have ocean-going bicycles now. No, but think about how crazy it sounded

before we had them though. Think about back at the day. Yeah, yeah. No, this is, it seems so common now Damien because you can ride to America on your bike I Mean I love the guy who's just like yeah, that's not gonna work and they're like we need to kill this guy So they sat quietly in the park Parker office of their patent attorney yesterday until the lawyer uttered the words that the brothers had agreed would be his death sentence.

Then they shot him dead and pounded the lifeless body. Oh my god. Here are the last words he said. Ow. You can't patent. No, this here are his last words. It's still really stupid Okay, it'll never work. I'll die I'll die for this opinion that you guys are idiots

Bicycles belong on the road Yeah Bicycles are for land I like that guy being like that. He's like the anti-rock and roll guy. Like it's like a personal thing. Yeah, yeah. Bicycles are for land! Sounds like an old timey argument, doesn't it? They're trying to put bicycles on the ocean now. It sounds like, it sounds like what like a right-wingers like, where like a trans tirade eventually gets, the next thing you know people will be riding bikes on oceans Men can use whatever bathroom they want then we'll be riding bikes on oceans

Well, you think when you see a peloton of riders like when they're drinking coffees and you know they get the Peloton going yeah city CEO business people imagine that but on the ocean how much is that would be it'd be a next level yes you'd be hoping to hit him with your boat and that kind of shit yeah okay here here are the words that made them shoot him. Okay. You can't patent that crack-brained contraption. I love it. Crack-brained, that took on a different meaning. Yeah, well, but he was so vindicated. You know what I mean?

They must have been trying to get bikes on the oceans, just like, I just don't want that son of a bitch to be right. The brothers are Pietro and Leonardo Dana. The two bullets went through the back of his head. They were fired from a revolver in the hand of Pietro. The brother quote the brother I would love if he like tried to make a getaway by getting on a bike and going to like the shore And the cops like yeah, he's right there. He's drowning get him Uh quote the brothers have confessed they planned last night to kill apple bomb if he said again that their invention was worthless a district attorney Banton

It's that premeditated Man, why are they why are they so defensive about this ocean bike? They really went all in on their ocean bike. Like what have they invested in this ocean bike? They really went all in on the ocean bike. I mean look, it's a bad idea. Trying to make an ocean bike or something Well, they probably knew that it was not good

And they were starting to really be in like a denial state and this guy I mean this guy did not pull any punches No, he called the crack brain It's funny that he called it Crackbrained and then they cracked his brain with bullets. Wow. I mean, maybe not funny, but there's something there. We'll workshop it. It's interesting.

It's an angle. The shooting taking place just before 11 a.m. duplicated a murder seven years ago in place and time. It was on the ninth floor of 41 Park Row. The Joseph Fetrich attorney was slain by a paranoic client. Paranoia. Sure. Paranoia. Haven't heard the Danas had. No, I haven't heard that either. No, the Danas had made daily trips to Applebaum's office from their home in Brooklyn Their question was always the same. When would their invention brought to Applebaum in July?

1928 be patented Mrs. Apple just got another attorney. What are you doing? He's the best Miss Applebaum the victim's wife said last night at her home at 611 82nd Street Brickle. He'd swing by there if you want to be a prick. If you like widows. The husband couldn't seem to make the men understand the invention was worthless. Oh my God. That poor guy.

Yeah. And then they shot him. He was like, it's bad. It's not good. It's bad. It's it's crazy. Listen to me. You listen to my brother.

The water. Listen to me. My brother. On the water. You know how a boat goes on water. Now you bike it. Ah, it sounds like something. It sounds like something Bull rat would come up with.

It's a bike and they walked out. We have you got a bike on water. That's how I get our cousins. So, oh, man, that is so true. Lawrence Lawrence French, who rented an office in the four room suite and Amelia Hamblin, a stenographer, were startled by the shots and Apple bombs scream. Oh, wow. So that's crazy that he got shot in the back of his head

and could still scream. And maybe he screamed before he got shot in the back of the head. I mean, maybe, yeah. I would hope. You know, my brain is a tough thing to come up with. So those two shouted. My brain, oh! It shot me right through the brain.

Both of them shouted to an elevator operator, George McClawson. We don't need his name. Oh, no. And then George McClawson, an attorney, ran to Apperbaum's rescue. Quote, the brother holding the revolver fired a third shot into the floor of the body on the floor.

Oh. McLawson hurled an electric fan and a heavy office chair at the brothers who walked out into the hall and stood waiting for an elevator as one of them reloaded the revolver. Wow, these guys are cold-blooded. That's pretty calm. Yeah, that really is.

Man, a lot of lives ruined over an ocean bike. Yeah, a lot of lives ruined over an ocean bike. Yeah, it's pretty bad. I'm sure the like modern, the modern invention of the ocean bike, like, you know, like the ones you see at lakes at parks and stuff that you can sit on and the romantic, you know, like the ones you see at lakes at parks and stuff that you can sit on and the romantic, you know, your pedal, like, that's like, you know, I'm sure that was a lot more seamless. The invention of that like, I'd like to put this bike, it's going to be inflated. And they're like, that's fine.

No one got shot in the head. That's how times have changed, I guess. They were like, that's totally fine. We can patent that for you. It's a great idea. There's not a patent for that for some reason yet. So they waited 10 minutes, so they must have waited 10 minutes for the elevator. Wow. How about you invent a better elevator?

An elevator for the ocean. That's good. That's good. That's what they came up with there. They were like, that's actually pretty good. I wish we had killed the only guy we know who patents. Here we, here's why. Starter Joseph Staines at the first alarm had suspended elevator service

until he found a policeman. Okay. Wow. But it's in a two four stairs were invented. Yeah. Traffic officer John Ryan with Stena and O'Brien a clerk, went to the ninth floor. The Sicilians put up a furious resistance. Ryan and O'Brien were both bitten. So they had a reloaded revolver and they've already killed a man and they're like, we would have by, buy them, get him. The revolver of the policeman accidentally discharged

when it slipped to the floor before the brothers were subdued Well, that was fucking I mean at least it was over a really good idea Yeah, yeah, I Just can't believe it. I just can't believe it really is the story I've ever heard in my life Fucking insane I've ever heard in my life. That is fucking insane. So I'm just trying to recap here. A guy tried to invent an ocean bike,

went to the Patent Office, the guy said, I think this is a dumb idea. They murdered him in cold blood. Then they tried to arrest him and he bit them. Is this? After they waited for the elevator being like, why is this a take? It is so long. And yes, that's it.

You've encapsulated it. It is taking too long. Yes, it's going to take a while. Wow. I wish that we had a bike for the sky. Except it wasn't the patent office. It was just their lawyer. They had hired to do the patent.

So they could have just gone to another lawyer. Oh, yeah No, there's no doubt that they were fixated You know they yes, they had I just want to say I I don't I don't mind the idea of an ocean block I think it sounds pretty cool. It sounds great My guess is there was a big gap between the theory and the technology I'm picturing I'm picturing a bike with like Like paddles on the tire, right?

Kind of yeah, but even then I mean, it's just It's it's it's like It's just not great and the way that they were like it's, it's like, it's just not great. And the way that they were like, it's a perfect, like they were like, yes, handing each other, but he's like, what is with the app about him? Huh? We gotta go, I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.

Ocean bike, come on. Who doesn't hear ocean bike and go, that is a good call. I wonder if they'd made the ocean bike though. Like if they'd invented it though. I like invented it. I like to think that they have it. Yeah. Can I see it? Do you guys do you have it?

No, there's another one. We came up with the fucking thing. Someone else I build it. Uh-huh. Lost you found at River's Edge. River bike when day when David McNamara 20 lockwork went away hatless and failed to return. OK, so we do this every episode, but hats are a huge part of many stories

because everyone wore a hat and if you didn't have your hat on something was wrong. Hats out of control. And so that would be no point of mentioning whether or not he wore a hat and if you didn't have your hat on something was wrong. Hats were out of control and so it would be no point of mentioning whether or not he had a hat except that everything was like what's his hat situation? No hat get him out of here. Yeah like not wearing a hat. You didn't have a hat what was going on. Yes it's like head plastic. Yeah like back then everyone was so like prudent or whatever that now it'd be like he wasn't wearing pants He was like yeah, yeah, the back then it was like hat. Yes Yeah, that's why hats are often called head pants Right naked he sees head was naked. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Kind of thing. I had Dave. You had something.

He went away. Hattleston failed to return. Arturo Del Oro, an attorney with whom he lived at 36 Park Avenue, reported him missing. Jacob Freudner, detective, learned McNamara had been picked up staring at the water from an East River dock and acting suspiciously. Four pond tickets were found on the youth

after he was taken to the Psychopathic Board at Bellevue. PAWNED. Yeah, yeah. I thought you were saying P-O-N-D. Does that mean he pond stuff at a pawn shop? Is that what that means, a pawn ticket? Pawned tickets? To me, I don't know.

I would feel like it would be fake tickets to a show or something, but maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Well, anyway, they put him in Bellevue, which is a psychiatric hospital. Well that's cool, cause he didn't have a hat on and he had counterfeit tickets. No hat, we got a wing for these freaks.

A pawn ticket is a pawnbroker's receipt. Oh, okay. So yeah. So he pawns some things. So he pawns some stuff. Right. And then that apparently made them lock him up. Yeah.

And he had no hat. All this guy was doing, well, he didn't have a hat on. He was looking at the water. That's all he was doing. Yeah. Well, Dave, come on. I don't understand. Enough.

No. They put him in a fucking they put him in a fucking mental hospital because he was just looking at the fucking water I don't understand is no that's I would say 50% of this show Damian is going I'm not I don't follow I'm trying to piece the story together like did I miss something? He walked to the water with daddy's hat on and they're like another crazy Goodbye life. Yeah, another one up the streets Man, okay deny Headline denied party cash wife takes drug

denied party cash wife takes. What? It feels like a Vegas word search. Because her husband had refused money for a party, she wished to give for her friends Miss Margaret Purdy, 22 of White Plains, attempted suicide yesterday by tricking the person. No address?

She will recover. No, but they gave White Pl planes. Okay. So what happened? so her husband Would not give her money to throw a party that she wanted to throw sure and so They're saying that's why she took suicide. She tried to commit suicide but drinking poison but in actuality she Probably has depressive issues as opposed to just suicide, but she became poisoned. But in actuality, she probably has depressive issues as opposed to just killing yourself because you didn't have a party.

Right, the paper was just confused. Well, you know women, another woman's story, she couldn't have a party, so she tried to kill herself. You hear it, it's an epidemic. She couldn't have a party, so she tried to kill herself. You hear it, it's an epidemic. Well, I mean, at least she had a hat. Yeah, one of the sicko. Oh my God.

It's funny. Where is this paper from again? This is New York, New York. Okay. This is the big city. This is New York Daily News. The big apple bottom. So this is a story from Warsaw, Poland. Wow. Okay. John Kowalski, leader of the Marian sect must serve one year in prison for insulting the

Catholic religion. Wow. A court decreed. Kowalski was charged with publishing a new version of the Old Testament. Oh, wow. I like that. Oh, I like this. He made changes. They didn't say what they were, but I want to know what he added. So many, so many good ones. But what did you say? The what? The Merit? You said some strand of Christianity or? The Marian sect, whatever that is, Marian. So this guy punched up.

It's funny that he's Polish and he gave a polish, sort of. It's not hilarious, but it's something to think about. Is it? No. No. No. No. I think you should be shot in the back of the head repeatedly. When they come to a restaurant, buy them.

Yeah, yeah. The Marians were the first Catholic men's religious institute dedicated to the honor of Mary's immaculate conception. Oh, so they're there. The weird group of guys were like, she banged nobody. I guess that's what it was like their whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's a weird thing to focus on isn't it she did very just want to stress that we are yeah the church where the church of no come and look that she did not get banged I know a lot of these sexes saying there might have been some hanky there wasn't okay she just got a shot from the clouds into the belly boom, bam, bam Jesus Yeah, they hate the idea of fucking in the Bible there was none of it

No Dogs for father boy for mother New Jersey court rules New Jersey court rules. Vice Chancellor John Bax uttered his philosophy of boys and dogs in Newark yesterday as he denied Charles Worth in custody of his son 12. Okay. Quote, a dog may need a man's care. Yes, but not a 12 year old boy. A boy's mother means more to him than his father. This is a judge's ruling where people like sir what is the case? The

case is the dogs are good for men and children. Dogs be boys. That's a crazy swing for a judge crazy dogs need men boys need mom Judge Whirton president of the motor surface shop in Bloomfield, New Jersey So he's not Auto cab an auto repair guy President judge mechanic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He asked, Werthen asked custody of the boy,

Henry on the ground of his wife's Ohio divorce decree in 1926 that gave her custody of the son until he was 12. And the father was to have him after that. Both the Worthings have remarried. Oh, so he, he, she, so she had custody until he was 12. And then the father was supposed to get him. But now the judge was like, no, you get the dog. Man, I can't believe the judge was a mechanic.

That's fucking crazy. That's like a judge being an Uber driver. Like, you know, like an Uber driver judge, like, you know, you see him on a moped after the court case, dropping off a Panini. Yeah, yeah. Alright, a boy needs his mother way more than he needs his father dogs are for dads now if you'll excuse me I've got some spark plugs. I'm working on Imagine imagine looking at your uber app and the driver's name has judge in front of it judge. Oh Brian Judge O'Brien is five minutes away with your panini or whatever. Judge O'Brien? And you're why you're going, why is he going the wrong way?

What is Judge O'Brien doing? He's going the wrong direction. Yeah, his little bike thing is spinning or whatever on the app. These are Doris Blake's love answers. So people write into Doris and ask questions about love. Exciting. I'm not gonna lie. It's exciting. Dear Miss Blake, my girl told me to call her up. I had to work that night but called her the next night. Now she is sore. Please advise, Jim. Does she reply to these or we just get the question?

Yes. Okay, well I can't. Does she reply to these or we just get the question? Yes. Okay, well I can't. Damien's already confused about it. What? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again?

Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again?

Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again? Damien's like, can I hear this one again Yeah, he's like, I thought I had a good time. But man, this is horrible. This is fucking wild. It's like, confused. Dear Miss Blake, my girl told me to call her up. I had to work that night, but she called, but called her the next night. Now she is sore please advise Jim she just to be clear Damien she's sore she's upset I don't know if

that maybe is a translation okay yeah I get it yeah yeah so this is like a thing where the cuz I've cut out for a second I cuz this is a thing they they let her in or whatever they send a letter to her. Yeah, so this is like the love lady or whatever Yes, right. Yeah, and love and this guy doesn't know what to do when he Told his collar till the next night because he had to work and now she's pissed It's called a relationship dude. Yeah, just you're sorry, man. It's a texture. And this is what Miss Blake says. When you explain the delay, she should not have been sore.

She's unreasonable. I would imagine there would be a little more advice attached to this potentially, but no, she's like, she's crazy., that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the one that's the whole column. That's all that's it. She's like they were good. I feel I feel like these are things that people would definitely ask today, but they just Google it, you know, like as in like these questions are still being asked for sure. Yes. Yes. Oh yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Like we're not less stupid is what I'm saying like I'm no it's just why doesn't she love me? Yeah, our like ways of finding out are just a little different, but yeah exactly Yeah, yeah, it's not public. What's with her?

Yeah Thousand join hunt for ghost Yeah. Thousand join hunt for ghost. Fuck. Oh, I love that. So dumb. Thousand. This is of course, this is of course from England.

Oh, God. We will find him and we will kill him. We will have our day. You, Mr. Ghost, come out of there. We know you're hiding there. Ooh. Bash, treated like a fox hunt. More than 1,000 persons spent last night in Fawcum Woods

hunting a ghost with glowing eyes. Is he in there? Oh, Fawcum. We're poor. Well, I'm Fawcum. It was Fawcum. ghost with glowing is he in there oh fuck him report it was a what we get it we're gonna what we get it we're gonna fuck him good boys he was reported glowing eyes by local inhabitants sounds like that episode of Simpsons where mr. Burns is like radiated or whatever. Oh, yeah, right comes out of the reveal. Yeah. Yeah, he was in fucking woods Yeah

The searchers carry guns sticks tennis rackets cricket bats and rock to stop it to say nothing stop of and rups to say nothing of banjos, ukuleles, and other musical instruments. Jesus Christ, that list gets worse everyone. I mean, the tennis racket seemed problematic and then there's a ukulele sect. Yeah, it's, maybe they were gonna play a little bit. I love, guns to shoot a ghost. Yeah, yeah.

But then tennis rackets to hit a ghost. Police forces also appeared in a motor coach. All spent a chilly night in vain. Well, so didn't get him. Suck shit. No, if you can believe that yeah suck shit assholes What did you expect your idiots I'm the ghost oh the ukulele guy that was like Robert honestly you couldn't find anything better than you could lately

Unfortunately, no I had my golf clubs, but I realized I left him at the golf place the other night. I feel like if he likes Hawaiian jams, we might just be able to get him out. Okay. Ah, shits. So this is like some sort of that the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the, that says a lot of says a lot and it really does see up to his who like to wash our rare they share are, and imagine that on your tender profile I like to wash of a washer. No hats, but I'm into a wash. Do you think this is the Mississippi or River Po? It must be the Mississippi because here is the Delta and that looks like Africa or is it India? No, it's China with that ragged coastline and this it's the North Pole at night. Oh, no, it isn't, it's your elbow. What is happening? Ah, mother quit it.

You only said wash my hands. So it's a conversation. Fucking hell. Which is saying it looks dirty. Cause it's. With a ragged coastline, she's looking at like dirt. Oh, and then he is saying he only washed his hands. Yeah.

Well, maybe I didn't say wrist and arms because I didn't get a good look first, but don't you think it's a good idea when the earth has deposited so much of itself on you to scrape it off? Oh, Jesus Christ. Jesus, the scrape is a very strong word. Yes, that insinuates a layer of caked.

Yes. His mother was suspended between mirth and exasperation. She thought of all the time she was afraid from asking him to wash. And of the fact that right now she could see he had obviously washed his face with cold water and no soap. She could hardly believe his sincerity and yet his face showed that for the moment, his absolute disgust with his washing performance made his question quite honest. His question was, tell me, mother, honest, why do I have to wash so much?

Oh man, I'm so glad I'm alive today. I know, yeah, I really thought I'd find more humor in that, but it is actually very dark and strange. This is, like, I don't know what's happening. No. This is an article that's like people should wash themselves. Well, yeah, and the kids just like, I don't know what's wrong. It won't get you anywhere to be angry or scolding. It's the age and most boys go through it. All you can do is remain in per.

I can't read that word. But I'll be let me be honest for a minute, just because as I'm thinking about the age, like I'm sort of approaching this with my mind as an almost grown adult. When I was probably, I'm gonna be honest, probably for eightish years, I didn't use, this is a bad one, this is gonna be bad. Why would you say this?

Because it feels like I wanna be open. You guys are my buddies, and I wanna share with a couple of pals. I did not use soap ever, I just did water. Well let me ask you this, were you an elephant? What? No, I was a boy, yeah. And it took me like-

This is crazy. You were a boy. It took someone being like, it took someone being like, like I don't even know how it came up. But someone was like, no, you should, you really need to like incorporate like soap. And I was like, all right. Yeah. How old were you?

I would say the phase ended probably around 14 to 15. Whoa, that's light. That's light. It's not good. It's not good it's not good little dirt boy yeah I was I didn't really I don't see it sounds crazy but nobody ever really told me so it just was like sometimes someone was just like what are you doing I was like you get in there you get wet you get you get out. Boom, bam, bing. Oh, yeah. Damien, he's, you know, just said. I just thought there's soap,

soap was more in the consciousness of, you know, big white seeding cartoons. I believe it, I believe it, I believe it to be. You know what I mean? Like it's just such a fundamental. Yes, it, it, it is definitely strange that I was not like, yeah, that's part of it, for sure., but it definitely I had a conversation where someone's like no dude There's soap needs to be incorporated and I was like alright

Anyway, like this article said that's normal Stop it. I was just turning myself into a map. So just so you know, this is And you're talking about So you know this is 1929 and you're talking about the early 90s. 90s. Early 90s. Yeah. So it's a little, you can see the problem with your logic. Yeah.

I just, can I just say that this is a safe space and in future when someone shares on this show or another show, you guys should work on your reactions. Cause your reactions were not great to someone who was being really vulnerable. Well just to be aware, it's not a safe space. Not supportive of your filthy habits. No, you guys are still doing the thing that I requested you work on.

Well we're comedians and you're basically saying you're a dirt boy and so. It's called I had caveman actions. Would like strawberries grow on you like could you grow? Plants. No. No, I was not. No, I did not. No, I was fine.

You just needed a good striping. I just think you did. Now, Damien, you're finally coming around and being a little more helpful in this asshole. What did you think the soap was for in your shower? Decorative, it's like popery, just there. That gives a scent. Just there to help, but you know what I mean?

Just kind of, it was like window dressing. The ornamental scent. A prop. Yes, just, yeah, there to be like, there to show off a little bit like things aren't bad over here, so yeah. there to be like, there to show off a little bit like things aren't bad over here. So yeah. Were you using shampoo? I don't think I wanna answer anymore of your questions.

How about that? All right, I'm gonna come with one more. Here's one more. I was in France. I was traveling through France with my family, my English family for probably over two weeks. This one's not good. I don't think, I think, I'm worried.

I feel like I've already lost David and he's gonna get further lost, but I'll say it. I don't think I maybe showered once and I just kept going into pools. And I was like, it's a pool. I'm cleaning, I'm in a pool, I'm in water. Water to me was enough of a cleanse and a clean. Dave, Dave, come back, Dave, come back.

Come on. What, I was in the right country to stink. I just, what? I'm very clean now. It's like you're a little boy who wandered in from the woods and nobody told you what to do. Caveman actions. Let's keep going. I think we've fixated on someone sharing in a non-safe space long enough. Did you know how to eat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just shoved it in the hole in your stomach. Get in a real ate him with your hands, Vibes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you just shoved it in the hole in your stomach Get in a real 80 with your hands vibes Yeah Course you can by the way, that's why they call your hands nature's knife and fork. Let's keep going Two fires in ps 168 laid to boys wish for holiday. Firemen who easily extinguish two mysterious lunch hour fires yesterday in PS168 concluded last night,

the blazes had been started by boys who wanted a holiday from classes. Boy, boys were a real fucking problem back then. Most of this is boy stuff. This is really like a lot of boy shenanigans. A passerby saw smoke coming from two top floor windows of the four story structure at 12 20 PM when the 2000 pupils were out for lunch. He notified the principal who was seated with several teachers on the first floor who turned on the alarm.

OK, the fireman found fires in the teacher's desk. What? What a strange in the room. A local in rooms four and four seven, which they extinguished. What apparatus was still there as the pupils began returning however and the news spread so rapidly through the neighborhood that frantic mothers swarmed to the school to be reassured their children were unhurt. Fire Marshal Brophy is kind of impressive. It's really impressive because if you could see fires. Oh mean, the fact that students... Oh, I was just saying the fact that they burnt their own school. That's high level. That's ballsy.

The firemen being able to get to see fires that were on the top floor in desks and get them put out and that, like, was fire just dumber back then? No, I assume it was just like they probably it sounds like they like lit the fire like in a drawer and it just couldn't spread anywhere yet. Because that would take a while I would think for it to. Right. Yeah. It's called the wildfire. Um, sorry, it's me the stinky guy. It's upsetting. Oh yeah, well that joke makes sense then. That's why yeah, my joke stink too. The kind of joke that someone would say who hasn't been in touch with society.

Fire Marshal Brophy is investigating the possibility that the fires were started by pupils who had grudges against their teachers. Imagine. So everyone's a suspect. Chance passing of a taxi driver resulted early yesterday in the checking of what might have been a serious tenement fire. Oh, this is a different story.

Okay, so the kids clearly started a fire to get out of school. Yes, yes, which is great. It's amazing. And I support it. 100% support it. Yeah. You get a caper off, Dave, one last guy.

Yeah, but first there's a dandruff remedy. 60 grains of sulfur mixed with one ounce of Vaseline and applied every other night to the scalp. I'd rather have Dandruff. No, believe me. When I was an adolescent, I did. Okay. Court puzzled by girl 16 didn't want to be saved.

Oh, shit, what? A 16 year old girl who didn't want to be saved from her sweetheart Sylvia Tawasser of 318 East 165th Street Brooklyn. Okay, was held yesterday in West Side Court pending decision whether she shall be returned to the council home for girls in Brooklyn from which she ran away September 13. Screams reported by neighbors caused her arrest for disorderly conduct at 2 a.m. yesterday in the apartment of Miss Polly Reniger. The girl explained that Miss Reniger had hidden her dress so that she couldn't go out with her sweetheart, hence the yells.

She had one dress. And I'm a little confused on this one. What was the finding? She's in a group home. Yeah. And she escapes or runs away. Yeah. And then she's in. Screaming.

Another person's house, an apartment apartment we don't know who it is And it's two a.m. There's a lot of screaming Because yeah, the woman whose apartment she's in hid her dress and She couldn't go out fucking dress freak out. She had a dress freak out cuz she couldn't She was going to meet a boy, but without her dress, she can't meet the boy. The boy would have been fine with it. I don't know if she knows that.

Yeah. But wouldn't have been a problem. Wow, that's quite a tactic. Miss Reniger said she had met Sylvia at a dance hall and had taken her home because the girl had no place to sleep. She was cleared of all charges by the court. Um... Uh, I'm not buying it.

You don't like it. What aren't you buying? Would you meet a girl at a dance hall? You're, uh... But this is... What are you pitching here, you old weirdo? I'm pitching sex trafficking sort of situation. Oh Jesus Christ. Yeah.

This turned dark quickly. Yeah. Well this is how we like to end the show. I go ask to address. I feel sex trafficking is involved. Have you seen Taken? All right, you want to end on another one? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's a downer. Let's see if we got one more in the queue. Bit of a downer, yeah. Son, 21 reunites parents parted since he was a baby. OK. A son of 21 who was an infant, he's a 21 year old son. He wasn't a newborn at 21. Is it a boy or it's a girl?

It's a man? It's a man? It's a full man. Congratulations, you have a man. Congratulations, I believe he's wed. Where? A son of 21, who was an infant when his parents quarreled and separated 20 years ago,

maneuvered their reconciliation and remarriage. He parent trapped him. Monday after the death of his mother's second husband, it was revealed yesterday at their home in Hackens, Hackenstown, New Jersey. yesterday at their home in Hackens, Hackenstown, New Jersey. Miss Lulu Gessler and Albert Williams Stoltz were married 24 years ago. Edward Stoltz, a son was born and grew up without knowing his father, his parents divorced in 1914. Miss Stoltz

married GE Batty and took the boy to live with him in Rhode Island The son communicated with his father after Batty's death recently and his series of letters Unknown to the mother until a few days before their remarriage Revived the romance they were remarried in Providence with their grown son as a witness and the G. E. Bandy and, the the the

the the the the the joining us. People should go watch your special Alone in the Crowd. Where can they go find your dates? You got a website? On my website, I have a website these days and Instagram and Facebook and all that stuff. All right. All right. Damian Power, king of promotion. Thank you for joining us, man.

Appreciate it. I hope. Thanks for having me, guys. That was the most confusing series of Conversations I've ever had in my life. Yeah, sure It's an alt title for this podcast Yeah, no Weird times it feels like we talked about ocean bikes three hours ago Yeah All right, Damien appreciate it man. Thank you. Thanks for having me guys