The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 626 - John Deitz and His Dam - live

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine John Deitz and his dam.  Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources   Lectric Bikes Factor Meals - Code DOLLOP50 Squarespace

And we are also brought to you by Airbnb. Now look, there's actually a couple times a year when a big group of my oldest friends and I, and they are old, get together and we will rent an Airbnb and stay in it for a few days over like a holiday weekend or something like that. It just always makes the experience a lot better because, you know, we're in a home. But on the road, if I ever have the choice between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb just because it's better. I like a home over a hotel.

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in Los Angeles on April 27th. Guests are Karen Kilgareff and James Adomian. And then we are going to Australia starting on May 13th in Perth, May 16th in Sydney, May 18th in Brisbane, May 20th in Canberra, May 22nd in Melbourne, and May 24th in Adelaide. You can get your tickets at dolloppodcast.com. Dave. Gareth, the dollop is brought to you by electric bikes. Look, 2024 is coming. People are very excited about it. It's going to be the best year ever for me.

For me, the reason why is because I got electric bike. Yep. Emma ride it around all the time. Yep. Hooting and hollering and causing a ruckus in town, letting people know I'm better than them. And you know why, Gareth? Because I got an electric bike.

Yeah. I don't know. You could be a more gracious person, I'm sure. Go to electricebikes.com to learn more about their wide selection of e-bikes that start at just $799 with the XP light. That's L E C T R I C E bikes.com. I have one. I love it. You're listening to the dollop! This is an American history podcast. Each week I Dave, read a story from Northern American history to my little fella. That is the nicest thing.

That's the nicest thing you said to me in years. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. ["The Greatest Showman"] April 3rd, 1861. Year of our Lord, J-Town. That's right. That's right.

You like J-Town, buddy? Sure, bud. That's right Like JTown buddy sure bud Wow someone's going to hell John Deets was born in I should look this up when a cone When a con When a Connie so you're pronouncing at all when a Connie, Wisconsin So you're pronouncing it all. Winnicani, Wisconsin. Ah, beautiful. Holy shit, stoves and tinware?

This place has everything. His father, John Dietz's farmer, was a father. John was the youngest of three brothers. There's very, very little known about his childhood. Sure. He worked on the family farm. So you don's very, very little known about his childhood. Sure. He worked on the family farm. So you don't have any deeds?

No de... ... He worked on the family farm and then for some lumber companies. So he trapped, he hunted, he worked as a guide. When he got older, he married a woman. Her name was Hattie. They would have six kids over the years.

So they liked to fuck. John was six foot, 200 pounds. Historian Paul Haas, quote, he had big hands. A farmer's ruddy face. A farmer's ruddy face? Ruddy. R-U-D-D-Y. Relax.

Okay. Brilliant blue eyes. Brilliant. Who wrote this? This is the historian. The guy was like, he's just unbelievable. Look at that ruddy mug. And a gleaming bald spot.

And he just, the most beautiful bald spot you've ever seen. Oh, just like an Olympic track. Oh, just to die for. Mm, perfectly spiraled, like the Lord put a cinnamon bun on the back of his head. Mm, angel hair. This is actually what's up. Mmm, mmm, mmm, angel hair.

This is actually what's up. The kind of ears you wanna suck up with dessert. Did you read the script? Cause this is all in here. Nipples that are milky geysers. A belly button you'd love to suck a little jello out of. Should I stand? Wrinkly elbows like a beautiful grandpa who needs you to walk him around the park. A little patch of hair in the lower back right above the bum that looks just like a rug in

front of a fireplace in fall. Hattie didn't know what she had. That old Hattie. Hattie called John's bald spot John's skating pond. Running track, not far off. No, not far off at all. I was wondering if you actually would hit that. That's why I stopped you. Oh, I did it. I was distracted by the, uh... There was a lot of stuff going on. He was good with axes, traps, and guns. He played a fiddle that he made himself. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

A lot of time on your hands. A self-fiddler, yeah, wow. Imagine having the time to sit down and make a fiddle. Make a fiddle. Yeah. Well, I have nine years. It. So hard to even imagine doing that. No, I can't imagine making anything really. I can make... That's also where I'm at. What would it be like to actually make a thing? Yeah. It doesn't even matter what it is. Just impossible, but let alone an instrument.

That actually sounds good. Yeah. I mean, I could make you a fiddle. I could make you a fiddle too. I could make one in like a half hour. I can make you a fiddle. I could make you a fiddle too. I could make one in like a half hour. I could make you a fiddle by 12 tonight, no problem. Now, won't be great. No, it'll be awful. Yeah, bad fiddle. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, I think- They would make no fiddle noises. Did we reach an agreement that we'll- We're going to make each other shitty fiddles? Yeah, all right. Yeah. John read a lot. Upton Sinclair, Leo Tolstoy, and Eugene Debs were his favorites. Here we go.

Uh oh, we have a troublemaker. Uh oh. He was a very good speaker. When he talked about living conditions, people listened to him. Sure. He was deeply moved by injustice. There we go.

When he was 39, in 1899, they moved to Sawyer County, Wisconsin. So Sawyer County is a big logging area. Sure. Isn't everywhere a big logging area? Yeah, but I think, like, there's certain parts more than not. So in 1880, Frederick Weyerhaeuser, Whoa. Weyerhaeuser.

That's right. Obviously Jamaican by the name. He created the most powerful regional syndicate in the history of lumber. The only thing he left out of his big syndicate in the history of lumber. The only thing he left out of his big syndicate was the Chippewa Lumber and Boom Company. Interesting. Because it was actually losing money, so he didn't want to be a part of it, so he keeps it separate. Uh, WireHouser's long time motto was quote, Never lose a log. Lofty.

Haha, I got a, that's the whole thing. Oh fuck, you lost a log? We lost a bunch of them. Where? Well, that's a great question. Well, they're fucking logs. I know, yeah. We tried to write it down, but we lost the log log.

It's been a terrible week here. Well, you're fired. Unless you can bring back the log. And the log. We're not gonna be able to find the log log. We'll just get me the log then. Well I need the log log to get to, I'm not going to do this. I'm simply, like this is going to be one of those really crazy miscommunications and I

just don't have time for it. Well just, what about the log log log? I'm going gonna log off So WireHouser became so rich that his bankers lost track of how much money he had. Oh Come on. Oh Kill him kill him and take it burn him. Yeah. Yeah join the logs So At this time the companies were cutting down Yeah, burn him. Yeah. Yeah. Join the logs.

So at this time, the companies were cutting down pretty much every pine tree. And that's good because that is good for money. So they're pretty much cutting down every tree. By 1900, the end of trees was near. What? What? The end of trees was near? They weren. What? The end of trees was near? They weren't going to be able to have a logging company more.

They'd fucking cut them all down. Well, we got more. Haas quote, many logging operations had entered a phase that military men would call mopping up. So they're just wrapping up. They finished the forest. Yeah. Another syndicate member was Robert Laird McCormick. He founded the town of Hayward. That's your guy. That's your guy.

He paved the streets, he built an opera house, a library, he brought in lighting. But over time a corrupt courthouse gang took over. Nice. And they were described as, quote, an organized gang of boodlers. Of whose? Boodlers. Meaning they are hooligans?

They're boo-ding. They're boo-d. Booders? Boodlers? Yeah, they do boo-d stuff. What is that? Walk me through that a little. Ah, it's when you... I mean, essentially, it's butt stuff. Oh! Oh, all right.

It's butt. It's anal play. Oh, gosh. Why you... Oh. That's how they get sprained. I would just call them sprain-us. Yeah.

So they looted the treasury. Corruption was off the charts, the county was in tons of debt. Sure. Now at this time, John moved his family into log cabins in an abandoned lumber camp. Well, they're going to come for those next. Yeah.

He got the job... Those are mine! He got the job of watchman over the dam that was right there at the lumber camp. What does that mean? He's just watching it to make sure there's no... Yeah, so he's making sure no one fucks with the dam. Right, okay.

In 1900, in Hattie's name, he bought 160 acres on the Thornapple River. Now there was a dam on the river. Sure, where? So the dam was owned by the Chippewa lumber. OK. They actually don't have, the Beavers had no contracts. That's why. Who's their union leader?

They didn't even, so when Beavers started making dams, there was like no monetary system. What? So when everyone came here, they were like, can I see the papers for your dam? Well, we were, we're just actually animals. We don't have a- Oh, well then it's mine.

And I'm actually gonna wear you as a hat. No, but wait, I have a life and we're all part of an ecosystem that is in balance and we need to take care of each other. What we do is so important. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I need a hat. Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah.

I hear you, but you... I get the whole ecosystem balanced, blah blah blah blah, but much better as a hat. You know what I mean? This'll end great. Yes. It's gonna be good. Half my wife. Wait a couple of...

Wait a couple hundred years. We're out of trees. You're gonna love it. We're soybean farmers now. So the dam is owned by the lumber company and the owner, the person who sold him the 160 acres, John, did not own the dam, even though it's around the property, but usually whatever the property was sold, they would include in it, oh, by the way, the lumber company owns the dam, but the owner did not put that in when they sold it to John.

John thought it was his dam. Right? Maybe. What do you mean maybe? We'll see. I think he did. Well, let's wait till we get there. Well, you set it up, though. In the spring of 1902, Hayward was controlled by Henry Shue, who was a merchant and a bar

owner, known as... Everyone owned a bar back then, right? Just to be clear, every single person owned a saloon or a bar? Easiest thing to do. Okay. He was known as Old Grizzly. Whoa. So, Shue's daughter was married to the town judge. The judge's dad was the paper editor.

The hotel owner was the sheriff. They were all controlled by Shoo. And he also had the federal Indian agent on his side who would bring in all the reservation votes when they needed him. So, they had the whole town locked up. Sure. The local paper called them the Fiends of Hell.

Nice. So, they didn't own the paper. Yeah, they Sure. The local paper called them the Fiends of Hell. Nice. So they didn't own the paper. Yeah, they did not own the paper. But a reform party springs up. Oh, no. Bad words. Always a bad idea.

Never good. They're going to take on the courthouse gang. Now, the sheriff attacked the paper editor in the street, and they got into a fist fight. And then the editor pulled out a gun, and he got arrested. And they told him to leave town, but he refuses. This is great. Yeah.

And the corrupt side called the reformers the Sorehead Syndicate. Man, they just, yeah, like, it just, everyone needed, we, guys like you and I would be, we would just be like, punch, we would just punch up the garbage. Yeah, we'd punch it up. Yes. They would all, you know, they'd just be like, Skalbrow!

You're like, have at him. Skalbrow. So lies and insults are flying back and forth, and then the election flying back and forth. And then the election happens and the reformists win. Whoa. But then the corrupt guys are like,

well we're not gonna leave. It was rigged. Yeah, they just refused to leave office. It was rigged. I'm staying here. So then all these angry citizens gather and John comes down out of his mountain area. And he disarms the sheriff.

What, can you do that? I guess. Okay. That should happen a lot more often. I did not know that you could just do that. I'm afraid no, sir. What? No.

Okay. Thought I, there's nothing. Is he allowed to, okay. I don't know. There you go. So John then gave his speech for an hour. He tells the incumbents they gotta leave their offices. The incumbent, okay, yeah, right.

And he also is, at the same time, trying to keep the crowd from attacking them and killing them. Shh, shh, shh. And then he just started mocking the guys who wouldn't leave office, and everyone starts laughing at him, and then they finally agreed to leave after an hour of his speech like alright wait

Hmm, so I did like a stand-up. Yeah. Yeah roasted and then they left yeah So John now becomes a local hero overnight right like a big name and now Republican leaders They're they're like this guy's a problem. You know no they're like this guy he's a problem you know no they're like this guy's a political candidate yeah the best our friend and McCormick looking he's got a cinnamon bun on the back of his head six kind of guy you'd like to suck jello out of his belly button what sweet legged baby he's got games for days and I want to watch him. What are you talking about? Oh, just the pecs to just wrap your lips around. Shoulder blades that look like wings

are about to pop out of them. A spine so pure you'd think it was dinosaur bones in a museum. Kind of thinking about that one. Toes that look like fingers. Jesus Christ. He's got just the right amount of hair on that one. Toes that look like fingers. Jesus Christ. He's got just the right amount of hair on that secondary knuckle portion.

You know, that little area. Three to four. You're talking about a monkey. I'm talking about a guy who's got dirt under his fingernails. I wouldn't mind sniffing. What the fuck? Lobes for hours.

I'm uncomfortable. I'd pluck his unit, bro. So McCormick wanted him as a sheriff and they put him on the ballot. I wouldn't want to be the sheriff. I'd be like, they can just take your gun. Well, he's the one who took the gun. Yeah. So he's the... If you take the sheriff's gun, you to be the sheriff. I'd be like they can just take your gun. Well, he's the one who took the gun Yeah, so he's he's the sheriff's gun. You're the new sheriff That makes sense, right?

It's just the chimney with smoke coming out of it. It's official the new sheriff And they put him on the ballot But then he was taken off the ballot And they put him on the ballot, but then he was taken off the ballot Because John said he wouldn't run under the quote black flag of corruptionists Turns out McCormick could use some influence to not pay property taxes. Hmm. So John was like fuck that guy, right? So in February 1904 John moves his family to the land on the Thornapple River. So the 160 acres. Right.

I thought he was already there. Okay. And he sends Chippewa Logging Company a bill for $1,700 for the 845 days he worked as watchman. Okay. Right. And the company... So he wasn't really bothered about getting paid. What was the schedule of payment there?

They're like, when you are done with the job, we will pay you. Well, it's been seven years. Pay up. Yeah, no. We lied to you. Basically. The company sent his letter,

oh sorry, sent John a letter. You owe us. And told him to go... Screw yourself. Talk to the damn foreman and he'll pay. It just feels like cussing. Why don't you go talk to the damn foreman? I'm not mad, it just sounds like it.

So John takes the letter to the foreman and he goes, I got this in the company and the foreman is like, I'm not gonna read it. And he's like, no, I need you to read this. And he's like, I was not reading it so they get into a fist fight. Nice. And John kicks his ass.

Nice. I still ain't gonna read it. But he still didn't get paid. So they have to take the logs through the logs upstream. They have to go through the property. They gotta go through his dam. But it's not his property. So, but he thinks it's his property well oh John you tell it

but I will so John's now like well I want to be paid for you taking the logs through sure quote when they are counting their millions the few crumbs that fall to the floor ought to be mine. That's all we're asking for, really. Yeah. I mean, keep the crumbs coming, and they're like, there'll be no more crumbs. No more, I'm going to eat them. We need to also eat the crumbs now.

Decided I like crumbs a lot, awesome. Oh. You can lick my finger. Mick, there's a tax on that. So what John had found out was the east wing of the dam. The east part of the dam is actually on their property. On his property. Yes.

Right. Sure. So he's like, well, part of the dam is mine. Right. Sure. So he's like, well, part of the dam is mine. Right. So the dam is 15 feet high and 25 feet across. Damn. And basically it controls... He's going to do that nine more times, so... Felt pretty good.

It controls so the river isn't just rushing down so they can keep the logs from just, you know... They can control them so they're floating down the river isn't just rushing down so they can keep the logs from just, you know, they can control them so they're floating down the river. So crews would take the logs through the gate on the dam one at a time. So on April 1st- That's a pain in the ass. A crew, yeah. A crew comes to prepare for the spring log run and there they find it.

No trespassing sign. And then John comes out holding a rifle, and he tells them the dam's on his wife's land, and that no one can go near it until he gets his back pay. I like the wife audition. Didn't need to do that. It was like, it's Hatties. Yeah.

A company surveyor came and looked it over and told John, quote, you've got them. So now John wants back pay and 10 cents for each thousand board of feet of timber that go through his dam, which is estimated at $8,000. Today's money, $450 million. $250,000 today. Okay. Better. But good math. Well, I think you're not even taking inflation now because-

Right. Bidenomics. I mean, come on, killing us at the pump, this guy. Are you kidding me? Good Lord. But, seriously, it's really... Go ahead. The company counters and offers him $500.

No. That's exactly right. He said no. No, that's stupid. We'll give you a lollipop. So the company had a judge issue a warrant for John to come into court to explain himself. Who's this judge? It's like, okay.

Yeah. That's how this works. You're coming in for an explainer. And then he just goes in there and takes the gavel. He's like, I'm the judge. He's like, well, you know how this works. works he's good at this what do you want to do okay so the sheriff comes but the sheriff's really friendly like he likes John and he gave it to John he said quote it's all a bluff there's the warrant okay since Hattie is the actual

owner of the land he he just ignored it. Okay. Maybe that is that why he was saying that up top? This is my wife's land. No, he did buy it in her name. Right. I'm not sure exactly why he did that. Okay. It was... I like it. It's romantic. It was probably foreseeing that there might be trouble. Did you tell him it was mine? Of course I did. Yeah, sure. You promise? Uh-huh. It's not yours. Okay.

Let him know. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm not doing much in this. No, you don't have a... You'll have a little... I maybe will do something a little later in it. You will do something a little later.

For now I just have six kids, maybe? They all lived? Yeah, these ones lived. I don't know how many died. There were others before that probably didn't. I don't remember counting the dead ones. I'm sure there were dead ones. Yeah, but you know, I'm just in here making big hats. You're a big hat lady.

Hattie. Yes. Yeah. Oh, well as long as you said it was mine. I'll be back in the third act, maybe. Maybe. Ooh. Maybe. Ha ha ha. Ooh.

Yeah. You pop up a couple of times. Oh. That's exciting. There'll be a cow situation. Love scene? With a cow. Oh my God.

What? I need to call my agent. I don't love. There's going to be a scene with you and a cow. Nope. No. Stop talking. I'm serious. Right now you need to call my agent. I don't... There's gonna be a scene with you and a cow. Nope. No. Stop talking. I'm serious. Right now, you need to... That's the...

...recognize the line and not cross it. No, don't actually even say another word because I can see you're tempted. I'll be back later. Shut up. Quiet. I'll be in the room where I can't hear you. Now it's soundproof. I'm gone. I left the store. Quiet. I'll be in the room where I can't hear you. Now it's soundproof.

I'm gone. I laughed the first time. They'll be no more talking about me. Hey, shut up. Cow stuff. So he ignores it. Two days later, John releases the dam water. So that means the logs can't go anywhere.

They're stranded. They're grounded. Stranded logs. Sure. 5,000 logs. Jesus. That's a lot. Another sheriff was sent.

How many sheriffs we got? Charles P. Part-Peterson. So this guy is also sympathetic, this sheriff. So he doesn't really do anything either. He's just like... He just shows up. He's like, yeah, you got him. None of the sheriffs...

Yeah, the sheriffs are just like, hey, John. So five days later, a neighbor sees five men in a wagon headed toward John's. Trouble. Go ahead. Two of them are sheriffs. Uh-oh. There's a lot of sheriffs. How much is the sheriff population in this town?

It's a cap. 30,000? There's a lot of...iffs. How much is the sheriff population in this town? There's, it's a cap. 30,000? There's a lot of, there's a lot. Welcome to Sheriff'sville. Sheriff. Well, we're all sheriffs. So it's confusing. Yeah, you're under arrest. You're under arrest.

I love it. You're under arrest. Yay, get out of here. Whoa, come on. Whoa, come on! So these two sheriffs are in a wagon. There's five people and they're headed to John's and John's neighbor sees them and goes and warns John and then John his neighbor... So this is a slow wagon.

...set up an ambush. Okay. And they pop out of the bushes and they yell quote... That's why it's an ambush. Okay. And they pop out of the bushes and they yell, quote. That's why it's an ambush. Yeah. Right. I shouldn't have said that. They pop out of the trees and they yell, quote.

I'll be back. They yell, quote, hands up you sons of bitches. And then they start shooting. Well, now is that fair? Yes. Okay. It feels like, give him a minute. No, it's fair.

All right. We couldn't. You killed us. Well, whoopsie. The wagon quickly retreated. So, it was on its own. It was a haunted wagon. Ghost wagon.

Now, a logging crew was near Cameron Dam, probably at the other side of the river, and someone shot twice into the cookhouse and hit one of the loggers on the arm, and they all assumed John had done the shooting. So the company called all the crew back to just get out of there. Sure. And there was no sheriff involved? I mean, there's 800 sheriffs. Nobody's like, get the sheriff... All the sheriffs like John.

Yeah, okay. All right. So a local judge wanted to send armed men in, but the governor refused. The judge's power is very different then. The judge is... He doesn't have power to do that. Right. Okay. So the judge is just mad with power that he doesn't have. Yeah, he keeps saying, like, he was like, you're gonna send all these... It sounds like the judge is the sheriff. The what?

It sounds like the judge is filling the role, the judge is like, send a bunch of men in. Yeah, well he wants. And the sheriff's like, what are you talking about? We're gonna play Connect Four. Basically, he's trying to make the sheriff do stuff and the sheriff's not doing it. Right, because the sheriff's like,

we're just doing skincare. We're putting on masks, we're exfoliating, relax. Good Lord, we don't have crow's feet, damn. But the governor refuses to send anybody in. So the judge rules that the judge has really got to bug up his ass. Yeah, the judge is just like, I created a case. I find sin troops in.

So he rules that Chippewa Lumber had the right to use and control the dam, quote, as a man has a right to use his own horse or cow. Sure. Yep. Yep. Very relatable. The judge also said that the people of the county would never support a law-defying Anarchist sure They would though, right? So the district attorney now issues warrants for John and his neighbor for assault shooting

Yeah, shooting cook in the hand No, you can't you know no shooting the wagon guys shooting them. But then they also might have shot into a house. They don't know they did that for sure. Right, gotcha. That was just parents. Your bullet flying in. Sure, happens. Yeah.

Now the sheriffs can't even get close enough to serve the warrant. Gunshot scares them off. Okay. So the company sends a manager who was a Mason to talk to John, because John is also a Mason. So they're like, I have an idea. So many levels of crossover.

That guy's a Mason, right? Right. Let's send a Mason in. The Masonry is such a weird... Yeah, it's fucking crazy. It's so, like, there's definitely, like, one or two here tonight, so we don't want to see... There always are. You a mason?

Uh... Yeah, they're not like that. They're like, ha ha ha. Hello, I'm a mason! Yeah. But the mason connection is there. Uh, yeah, so, uh... We give each other jars. Uh...

So, mason to mason Mason is going to have this conversation. Sure. And he proposes to John. I would love to take your hand. Mason on Mason. He proposes that they set up an arbitration board made up of ex-Grandmaster Masons. So anyway, John heard the Mason pitch and he passed. He was like, nope. He said all logging was controlled by Frederick Weyerhaeuser who could afford to pay. Yep, nice. So

throughout the fall of 1904, the Deets just kept watch on the dam, and neighbors and friends helped them. And the judge finally fired the sheriff and put him in jail for doing nothing. Can he do this stuff? I don't think he can. I doubt it. He can't, because the sheriff's— What? All right, you're going to jail.

I run the jail. Shut up. Get in it. Judge. It's an elected position. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know either, but I would imagine at some point

someone's like, we need to figure out what a judge does. This guy's going crazy. I do it all! Dig a hole! All right. What? I order that tree to grow! Okay, judge.

What? Rain! Okay, judge. What? Rain! Okay, judge, listen. So the governor then appointed James Grist to be sheriff. He was a Civil War vet. He had two bullets in his body and often said, quote, "'Another will not hurt me much.'" That is, listen. That's not how me much. That is... listen...

That's not how bullets work. Nope. He liked to say, quote, I will get John Deets or he will get me. That's weird. It's like a thing where you're like, wait, what? He, one of us is gonna kill the other. Is that a threat? Nope. It's like a thing where you're like, wait, what? One of us is going to kill the other.

Is that a threat? Nope. A prediction. He kept trying to serve John Warrens, but John would just throw them away. The best. And then after a couple of months, he lost the next election in November to James Gilland.

Nice. So, spring comes and crews are preparing to put logs into the river upstream. Sure. The Chippewa Company hired and deputized 12 agents. So they call it the Chippewa Company. Have we talked about this before? No. They just call themselves the Chippewa Company. Have we talked about this before? They just call themselves the Chippewa Company? Yeah, I think it's a town.

Is Chippewa town also? Or is it not? Chippewa Falls? OK, Chippewa Falls. OK, but surely the tribe was like, what? Oh, the tribe was doing a lot of that. Yeah. For instance, all the trees were gone.

We signed a contract. We broke it. Oops. Go talk to the beavers. We did. They're furious. Furious as hats. Trust us.

Long term, gonna be fine. Beavers will be great. They'll come back when there's trees again. Fuck the Lorax. What a little bitch! All right, Judge. Relax, Judge. We're going to skin the Lorax and wear it, Judge.

Out of control. Lorax hats! There we are! I'm surprised the right wing hasn't done that yet. Made a book for kids called The Lorax Hats. Right, so the Chippewa Company hires and deputizes 12 agents from the Maguire and White Detective Agency. So, all the detectives were city guys, not made for the rural area.

One had an attack of delirium tremens on the train, which means- So he was like- He was alcohol withdrawal. So they- Why didn't he bring booze on the train? I don't know what happened. What?

What a good time to sober up. I mean, you gotta be such an alcoholic to be like, Whoa, now I'm drunk. Papers reported the agents were bickering and fighting in their camp in the nearby woods. Nice. Now, a marshal went to John's house and said he was a timber cruiser, which is a guy who goes out in the woods and finds other guys. We matched on timber. We met a while ago.

Where are you? I'm at the tree we talked about. Which tree? This tree. There's no trees left. Oh, no. And yet there's wood. That's weird because I'm a beaver. Not for me. So, a timber cruiser is a guy who, like, comes and evaluates your... Oh, yeah.

You're a timber cruiser. Yeah. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser.

You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser. You're a timber cruiser is a guy who like comes and evaluates your... evaluates... yes, sorry. A guy who comes and comes and comes. It's a guy who comes to your property and evaluates how much it's like worth if you were to cut it all down and use it as lumber, right?

Sure. So a future log appraiser. Yes. And so the guy pretended like he was a timber cruiser to get into John's house and then he served papers. And when John realized what he'd been tricked, he punched the guy in the face, pulled a gun, and forced him out of his house. Wow, that's great. The district attorney asked the governor

to send in the militia, but most militiamen sympathized with John. Different sheriffs were sent to subpoena him or arrest John, but none could. Just, what's he, is he just like, don't open the door ever again? Well, he's just armed, he just is like, don't open the door ever again. Well, he's just armed. He's just like, yeah.

But surely they're like, does the sheriff's ever go together? That's a good question. We'll go one by one. Yeah. Every day, one of us will go. What if we went as like eight? That's insane. We'd win.

We actually can't afford to have two of you on the clock at once. The judge said no. Yeah, judge said no. Yeah, the judge said no. The judge said no. So James Davidson becomes governor, and a judge in Chippewa Falls was upset by, quote, the state of anarchy existing here, and he requested that the governor send troops. And the governor's like, I'm not sending troops. Damn it.

On April 18th, during the night, someone closed the dam gates. And then water was released upstream. Okay. So the dam starts overflowing. Right. And the next day the dam washes away. Oh no. But but the now what

good night everybody it's it's gone the whole story was about the dam what is terrible so thousands of logs now pass by sure the lumber company says John did it and John says they did it. What would the benefit of John doing it be? There's no benefit. Right, yeah, okay. I think that's wrong. They could have said he made a mistake and closed the gate. Sure. Right. So two weeks later his neighbor goes on trial for the wagon shooting. Sure. And his public defender said quote he was too dim-witted to know right from wrong your honor my client is a fucking idiot hold on hey what are you

doing just the dumbest son of a bitch hey he doesn't know how to put on shoes what about what we talked about in the hallway? Well... Just jabbering. I'm talking to you. None of these words make sense. Hey, asshole. Your Honor, he thinks he's talking to a giant asshole. An anus. No, I am.

But the hallway, you said you were on my side. You said it was a great move. You said you respected the hell out of guys like me. You called me your hero. Now listen to you. What a fucking idiot, your honor. My wrong. Yes.

You're right, I'm not, your honor. What a fucking moron. Hey, stupid. Objection. See how he answers? He answers to hey, stupid. Who how he answers? He answers to, hey, stupid. Who would do that? It was because of the eye contact.

So the neighbor was convicted. Wow. Uh, oops. What? I forgot to write down this guy's name. Whatever. Author. His last name's Rice.

Quote. That's fine. It's, I mean, it's not great. It's not great, but yeah. We'll fix it in post. Fix it in post. Rice quote, he appeared for sentencing looking stupid and slovenly. So what? Everyone is just like, this guy's an idiot. Was he an idiot? Well, I, he appeared for sentencing looking stupid and slovenly. So what everyone is just like, this guy's an idiot.

Was he an idiot? Well, I think he was. He must have been stupid. Rice was from back then. Like he was a guy from around that time. Right. But I mean, the guy must have been an idiot for him to be like, this guy's stupid as shit. Like they're writing in the paper, they're like, and here comes the fucking idiot.

Holy shit. Here comes the moron. No one has ever looked down on my client the fucking idiot. Holy shit is he. Here comes the moron. No one has ever looked dumber in court. Your honor, my client is an idiot. This is my client. Eee. He appeared for sentencing looking stupid and slovenly. He was a stupid asshole, wasn't he?

As if he did not fully comprehend what was happening. Huh, what am I doing? Yeah, how do you like look like that fully you're just like Huh Kill him the judge knew that the judge called it treason and gave him 12 years The judge called it treason and gave him 12 years. Now John knew they would do the exact same thing to him, so it just furthered his resolve, right? Right. The Sawyer County Attorney General called John, quote, one of the worst criminals of

the age. Because he's just... Yeah. It's a little bit over the top. Yeah. This guy's like Hitler! Yeah. With a bigger mustache! The state attorney general said they should send in the militia. The Chippewa paper said he would...

So the Chippewa paper's owned by the lumber company. Right. Let me guess. Against him? Yeah. He said he would fight to the death So the Chibaw paper's owned by the lumber company. Right, let me guess. Against him? Yeah. He said he would fight to the death and that his family was armed like the military and that he had set up devices all around to protect against assault.

Is this where we go to the Hattie montage where she's like setting booby traps like a grown-up home alone? That's right. That's right, motherfuckers. It's Hattie time. Hattie homemade claymores. I'm a hattass.

Tch, tch. The bandana, let's go. It's hat time boys. The county said it was losing tons of revenue due to its outlaw reputation. That's so dumb. I hate when right-wingers make up shit like that. Could you do something dumber? Could you say a dumber thing?

The town's over because of this guy that lives far away from where everything's happening. Gareth, the dollop is brought to you by Electric Bike. Here's the deal, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going ride around. It's quiet, it's fast, I can pedal a lot if I want, I can pedal less if I want, and anyone can ride this thing. Anybody, it's super easy. Can ride yours specifically? No, not mine. Mine is mine. It's durable, they got accessories added for safety and convenience and control. No gas. This is a non-gas bike. Maintenance is not an issue. They can finance it for you. $49 a month, as low as they go.

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slash host. On July 25th 1906 the family was working in the marsh when Hattie noticed a cow was quote perking its ears and watching something interesting in the brush by the river. Imagine knowing like to me cows are just aimless starers. Read it. The cow that served as a watchdog for Deets. That cow. So that makes me think this cow is important. A watch cow. Welcome to the country. We killed all A watch cow. Welcome to the country.

We killed all the watch beavers. Just imagine looking at these, buddy. Let's all have some comedy before you down everyone. What did you, what were you going with? We killed all the watch beavers. Yeah, we did, yeah. That's a bummer. My bit was gonna be, how do you know a cow's looking at something?

Cause cows aren't cows just always like, hmm. Well, because it was perking its ears. It's communicating. Had he come away from the window, he's speaking to me. The one who's only got cow head and the body is not cow. Honey, that cow's ears are doing something interesting. Come to bed! No, there's strangers out there!

Come to bed! So because the cow is looking weirdly into the bushes. Something's going on with that cow. Is it just me or is that cow being weird? She sends... Should we get another one? She sends eight-year-old Helen to look. Helen, do mama a favor.

Go check on that cow. See if it's doing something strange. Which one of you is the most replaceable? All right. Oh, there. The little girl. There you go, Helen. We basically got two of you.

Run and see if the cow's fixing to do something strange. Go on now. Don't forget your big dumb hat. Go on. By the way, what if like, okay, yeah, there's like dudes with guns. It's like, well, whatever. Well, there's dudes with the guns.

Okay. Helen, fight them. Go check on your sister. Looks like she's fixing to do something strange. Looks like the cow and your two sisters are freaking out. Bobby, go for it. Take a look. All the children, go out there.

Fight these men with guns. Don't worry, I got more. Go. Run. We've got an army. Here, let me push the hat down. Go, go. Run! We've got an army! Here, let me push the hat down. Go, go!

Get out there! Hurry! I'm a little worried about how you make babies. What do you mean? Well, you're like a possum. Here, jump on my tummy. We'll have triples. Go, go!

Is it just me or is that cow and our eight children and the nine babies I made doing something weird? Send the raven. So eight-year-old Helen sees a man moving. Sure. And comes back and says that John and his two sons, Clarence and Leslie, grabbed rifles. Okay.

And then they see several armed men. So John orders them off his land. I told you the cow saw us. He said cows do is look into nothingness all the time. That cow was clearly signaling them. So John orders them in off his land. Clarence was then shot. The bullet parted his hair, exposing his brain.

Right there. shot the bullet parted his hair exposing his brain right there so John shoots back and he hits one guy my hair and then the wounded guy gets abandoned by all the other dudes who run off nice nice. Nice. And they just leave him and he's half naked and seriously hurt. Why is he naked? I don't know. Why is that guy naked? I don't know. Well, that's why you leave him. I maybe I think they could see our clothes.

Robert, Robert, what? Shut up. Come on, guys. Do bottoms off. Porky pigs. Come on. You know what? That's not a bad dick. Yeah. Get everything off. All right. Now we got the upper hand. By the way, you're bleeding from a wound. Yeah, they hit me pretty bad.

Take those clothes off. Question? Yeah. Why the pants off? We got to be careful out here. Quick, bury him. It's just you and me, buddy. No. I'm gone. You're alone.

Wish I'd probably kept some of those clothes. That was a crazy move, huh? I mean, they must have, like, taken off his shirt or whatever because he was wounded, and then... Because they were helping him, and then they... My boy got shot, put a hat on it. You're dead. Take his shirt off.

We know how this works. So that guy ends up wandering around for two days in the forest and there's flies and mosquitoes all over his wound and himself until he finally stumbled across a couple of guys surveying. Hey! Hey!

No! Hey! Run! Hey, hey! Run! Hey! Hey! Oh my god! It's sass-scratch! No, no, no! Hey! Thank God you guys are here! I got a bunch of flies on a part of my brain! Really sucks! What does that say about my brain? Flies love poop, they love my brain. Anyway, I know it's weird that I'm naked. It's very weird. Yeah.

What are you all doing? We're working. We're surveying the forest. Got any bacon? No. Why? I'm so hungry. I've been walking, someone shot me and my friends left so I took all my clothes off. Do you know how

anything works? I thought I did. Haven't really figured much out. I'm a mason. Can't you tell by the outfit? Yes. Yes, it's very, something very Sergeant Pepper's Heart Club man. I didn't know what to do, so I just covered myself in maples, syrup. And mosquitoes. And a bunch of them. And flies. Yeah. What is your name? Jeff? No, I'm not saying anything. My name's Jeff.

Okay. Alright. Look at us. Okay. How much you want for all your clothes and your brain? I gotta go. All right. Good luck to you. I'm gonna follow. They got him back to town and he complained angrily

of being left alone. They left me. While he healed for three weeks and then. Just cause I took all my clothes off as soon as I was here. So a posse led by Sheriff Gilland and a Chippewa lumber foreman was created it was made up of out of quote Austrians and Pollocks. Jesus Christ. They were paid $5 a day, which is about $170 today. They wore state militia uniforms, but were actually private agents.

Here we go. And the sheriff told reporters quote, the only way to take Dietz is to kill the whole family. What? The women and boys shoot as well as Dietz does. What? Papers reported... One of them's three.

Take her out. That one's the worst. By the way, we're pretty sure she's invisible anyway. She works with a cow. Papers reported... But the mastermind's the cow. You gotta see this thing's ears move. It's only got spots on its head.

Papers reported the sheriff had hung a way back out of danger while all the shooting had gone on. Okay. And the whole thing had cost taxpayers $2,000. Cool. The governor said the family had to be arrested. And Wisconsinites weren't happy he said that. Nice.

Letters poured in most supporting John and calling the agents and company quote, reptiles, hirelings, gold lined monsters, et cetera. Gold lined. The governor was told if he used militia, he'd lose the election. Sure. Some reported workers were ready to pick up guns

and stand with John, and mass meetings broke out in towns all over the state. People were signing petitions. The Milwaukee Journal was filled with letters to the editor in support of John for weeks, so much so they would add extra pages to the paper just to print the letters. Wow.

The shooting of Clarence had cemented it as a fight between, quote, a gritty back woodsman and a vast soulless corporation. It makes national headlines. The papers call the children expert marksmen. What? Is that helping the case? The house was called a fortress. What? The cabin? Their weapons an arsenal. People believe the house and the barn were connected by tunnels and it would take artillery to penetrate. You mean the bat cave? The daughter Myra who was into crocheting and writing poetry was called quote the most dangerous fighter of the whole

family. She's the leader, the brains. Some reporters would make it to the house and they were surprised by how friendly the family was. The family was articulate, they were informed, they took reporters on tours of the dam, and they heard the devious things the lumber company had done, like the time they poisoned the family sheep. Oh no. Quote, often the reporter would carry away a pair of antlers or a pelt as a gift from John.

Hey, have some antlers. Got a whole pile of them over there. We still do that here obviously by the way. Yeah, for sure. Hey, take it off. What do you want? A six point? Oh, yeah, okay. Take some antlers. Thanks buddy. Get out of here. Oh, by the way, thanks for having me over. Here's some antlers. All right, take them. Trick or treat! There you go, what the hell are you? There you go, some antlers and some cheese curds. There you go. There you go, some antlers.

Beautiful cheese curds. Nice, wet, bag-a-curd. Uh, John was a very convincing speaker. The, uh, this is a very convincing speaker. This is a fucking name here. Oscaola? Osceola? Osceola?

So you're just getting rid of the C, get it? Osceola Sunpaper became a de facto mouthpiece for John. If he went to nearby towns, a large crowd would gather. Sometimes he'd be called on to speak and he'd launch into a tirade against the company. He was so entertaining that a producer offered him $300 a week to go on stage. They always did that. Always. Everything interesting. They were like, what do you want to do, a play? What do you say,

one man show, musical? Come on, John. Well, they would just go and reenact what had happened to them. Right. Which is amazing. Yeah. And they said they'd even handle the cost if he got arrested. But John passed.

He died? What? Oh. Guess. Sorry. That's for later. Yeah. That's for the end.

Yes. When he passed. Sorry. That's for later. Yeah. That's for the end. Yes. When he passed. No, I got it. No, stop it. I'm prepping. John was much better at writing. He was constantly firing off letters to public officials and... Firing? Corporate enemies and personal enemies and newspapers. He's very good at propaganda. He always said

it was Hattie's property, not his, that no lawman had ever properly served him and that the dam was not mentioned in the deed and a poor man didn't stand a chance against a company in court. His son was shot. So he always made points. He was also very funny when he did it. Now, the sheriff loses the next election to Fred Clark. Jesus. So this guy is a sympathizer. He's soft on John. Like he ran on being like, oh John, he's my guy. Sweet John.

The Wirehouse of People sent thousands of printing materials to make their case and win over the public. It did not work. People hated trusts, like the beef and railroad trust was going on, so everyone's getting crushed by monopolies. And the lumber companies control the rivers, and Weyerhaeuser is insanely rich. So nobody likes them. On April 4th, 1907, three indictments were brought against John, his oldest daughter, his wife, and his older son.

And the cow. And the cow. Resisting arrest and attempted murder. The sheriff was on record saying the entire thing was pointless because the dam was gone. Sure, right? Yeah, yeah, make a point. Yeah, he's like, well, what's the big deal? The dam's gone, it's over, walk away. The district attorney told the sheriff, under state statutes, he or his deputies were required to serve warrants.

Okay. So the sheriff says, okay, and he made a list of 100 men to serve in a posse. It included the district attorney, the mayor, the Haywood Republican editor, ex-sheriff. Like a parade? He's just naming all the people. Oh, right, right. All the guys who are all want to go get him. He's like, okay, so go get him.

The ex-sheriff, Giblin. So he's doing the, yeah, if you're all talk, then, you know, go. So on the day they're all supposed to go, only 30 show up out of the 100. Wow. So the sheriff doesn't send the posse. Now these local towns guys are upset. The county board set up a thousand dollar fund to get John. A week later, John and Clarence went to the town of Winter.

They were not armed. How cold does it get there? John was pretty relaxed for being wanted. Okay. On June 10th, a logger came to John's land with a proposal for wirehouser. Marry me. He'd pay the back wages if John let loggers haul logs over his land. Over his land now?

Well, remember, all those logs are still stranded. Jesus God. Okay. He agreed. So in September he got $1,717 in cash. So that's like the equivalent of 250k right? And as I remember from before. So yeah, right. I remember that. He signed an agreement to move the logs. He had won. John had won. A paper headline, quote, John Dietz wins his great fight. The logs were moved, took all winner. The logs were worth about 45,000.

So, they made some money there. Sure. Now John has enough money to live on for years. He can get his boy a haircut, he can get his kid that hair surgery he needs so bad. Hair surgery. We're looking to have him for years. Can get his boy a haircut. He can get his kid that hair surgery he needs so bad. Hair surgery. We're looking to have him reparted. People respect him.

He's the enemy of corporations. He's about 50 years old. But he starts arguing a lot. His friends and his brother, he sees himself as a revolutionary. Hmm, there we go. His friends and his brother, he sees himself as a revolutionary. Oh boy. Quote, it is high time my American brother to sever the chains of bondage.

Nice. From one to another and turn the guiltless out of prison, such is the message of socialism. So, he probably would have been a really good organizer or a politician, but he's in the middle of nowhere. Right. And there was no log ride on the Chippewa River for the first time in 75 years.

So they opened to six flags. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Cause there's no fucking trees. Right, that's an issue? Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna go with the the school board president over providing a teacher for the Dietz kids. Okay, they want a teacher? They're supposed to have a teacher up there, yeah. Okay. John joins in the argument and it gets pretty heated. And then Bert Horrell, who was a logger known for fighting, gets in.

Oh no. Fists start being thrown. John gets knocked down and then he pulls out a gun and shoots Horel on the neck. Jesus Christ. And, okay. And then they escaped as John like holds a pistol at the crowd. Sure. So now for the first time public opinion is very against John. Yeah, put a damn on his neck. People say he has gone gun crazy. Now the sheriff... Just because he shot that guy in the neck? Yeah.

It's crazy he can't... It's such a weird time. You can go shoot at someone in the neck now and just... Yeah, it's totally no big deal. Make a point. Yeah, it's about school. Sorry, it could also be a cop and you're hanging out and eating lunch. Or a cow.

Who? Nevermind. Moo. The sheriff, Mike Madden. So Madden was a quote timid moist-eyed lawman who devoutly- Who's writing this? The same guy from earlier? Yeah, it gets rice.

Beautiful moist eyes. It's rice. Oh, eyes so moist you want to cut them and serve them at your wedding. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Mm mm mm. He was a timid, moist-eyed lawman who devoutly wished to avoid violent confrontation.

Okay. So he approached John's cabin with his hands up. I surrender. What are you doing? Please. Sheriff's here. I'm under arrest. Ha ha ha. You're in charge, John. Hello, John, you got me. What are you doing? Please? Sheriff's here. I'm under arrest

You're in charge, John. Hello, John. You got me. John I give up Come in with my hands up John told them to go back to town. Okay, Sheriff Madden walked backwards without turning around. Thank you so much It's been an honor John. It's been a John-er. Take care. Woo. How did it go? Well, we had an argument.

Fought him pretty good. Neither one of us thought we'd get out alive. But eventually I got him in a headlock and I agreed we'd come back here and just sort of come up with a plan again. But man, I'll tell ya two Titans going head-to-head His family was freaked out. I really let him have it. I heard you were just winning hands up Your hand we had a slap him slap down upon him to slap down upon his shoulders

So I went in like this as a John it's come coming at you Hope you had don't if you don't like wrath, I got bad news for you. Went up to his house, tried to push his house over. He's shy, I shouted at him. I said, shut up, shit. I started calling him shit. I said, shut up, shit.

Because I heard you just said okay and walked backwards. I said, well, I said to him, I go, hey, shit. And he goes, get out of here. I go, you get out of here. And then I tried to blow his house down like a big bad wolf, which I am. And then I put my hands up because I thought I had a gun in each hand and I didn't.

So then I thought I'd fake it. So I kept my hands up. I was doing a touchdown. I was like, touchdown. Got him, asshole. Shit, his eye was freaked out. And I started walking backwards going, you don't even want Andy. And he's going, all right, relax, man. I'm going, ah. I was making a noise. I was like that grizzly poster. I was like, ah. Can I ask you a question?

I was going at him like, ah. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, but just remember, I was furious at him. Can you actually walk backwards with that fupa? Huh? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see.

Walk back what? With the, you want to talk about the backwards fupa trot? Yeah. I can do that. Well, medically, I'm not clear to do it in front of anyone, but I did do it. Because there's a hill leading up to it, it bounced off. I mean, especially with the way that the moon has been so I was able there's a it's cuz a low tide when the Lake and I was able to so he was freaking out had he came out. I just said God

They were scared shitless, man. I Swear don't send me back there. They won't be able to handle it. No, we won't. Yeah, they were freaked out. Mm-hmm. Yeah, good, yeah. Oh, man, oh, man.

Never send a man to do a boy's job. Or the other way around. Huh? Huh? I don't know. Huh? I don't know. So, a couple days later, as John walked from his house to his barn... Jesus, that was quite a distance.

Someone shot at him, but missed. Single shot. So people... Where was the cow? We don't know. Sometimes he's out doing scouting. Uh... People were upset that John had not been hit. The Sawyer record, now called John, quote, the crazy anarchist outlaw terror... He's changed.

...and said the Deets family, from John down to the oldest girl, are of the anarchist stamp and they are genuine outlaws who have terrorized the people of their vicinity it is time to the ditch gang was broken up. I mean you just you shoot one guy in the neck over an argument and all of a sudden public opinion. So the chief deputize deputizes two very tough local men and The three waited beside the road between the Dietz land in town and at 4 p.m. The Dietz wagon approaches Inside was Clarence Myra and Leslie and the men stepped out of the trees and told them to stop and then started shooting Clarence was hit in the left arm.

My hair. Myra in the back. Leslie ran into the woods as they shot at him. And so they shackled the two wounded kids. I've got to get naked. They shackled the two wounded kids and rushed them to town. Clarence was locked in the town hall, and Myra was put in a hotel room with the door locked,

and they expected her to die. Oh, God, what? Not as good. What? What kind of... What? The... What? What? That's how you do it. I don't think it's great. That's Epstener. I was just... That's where you just lock the door and leave someone in there alone. Don't watch them. I'll be fine.

The sheriff closed all the saloons and deputized 12 men. Wait, what? That's a bit like, what's going on? Hold on. Now, wait a minute. Now, this is anarchy. You can't do that. Lanterns were put in alleys and roads to light everything up.

They expected John to come for his children. But he was at home and he was- He was like, I'm not falling for that. I don't need them. He was talked out of it- Hattie can make another just by pressing her magic hat. He was talked out of it by his wife, Hattie, and also there was a reporter there

who also talked him out of it. They're both like, it's gonna be an ambush if you go. Sure. So the reporter goes to town and tells the sheriff, Mernie needs a fucking hospital. Uh-huh. Well, she is in a hotel. Or she's gonna die.

She needs maybe room service or... So two days later... Oh, my God. They take her, and they're gonna take her and send her to a hospital in Ashland. And when they take her out, her face is covered by quilts to hide who she is. But the townspeople see it, and they lose their shit.

Right. And now the public's back on John's side. It's just the pendulum of who's the psycho. Yeah, it's who got shot lately. Right, yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, putting her in a hotel for two days is like, yeah. People probably aren't going to love it.

Yeah. Not great. Yeah. So the governor starts getting tons of angry letters. There he is. From all across the Midwest, they're coming as far away as California. They're demanding he protect the family. Sheriff Madden was called a, quote,

brutal coward and assassin. The Minneapolis News does a reader survey in which they asked if Sheriff Madden should be horsewhipped or hanged. Oh. That's like a Twitter poll. Sorry, an ex-poll. You prick.

The governor was receiving death threats, but the governor thinks the deets are guilty of something and he's not going to stop authorities from arresting them. At the same time, John is being told that there's a big group of workers, clerks and laborers and sailors who are planning to join him. Wow.

Local officials find that's a telegram that they intercept and they're like, oh my God, these people are gonna form an army. The sailors are on his side. So things are getting tense. Sheriff Madden was forced to hand over control to his deputies. They deputized 30 more men.

And that's just like a law enforcement baptism, right? The deputizing? Yes. Quick dunk, on you go. Holy ghost. There you go, yep. The entire town is now swarmed by reporters and sightseers. What?

I'm an idiot. Hey. Hey, I got nothing to do because there's nothing going on. You guys want to go up to that town where nothing's happening? No, we're reporters. Get out of here, you idiot.

Everybody is drinking, even though martial law is in effect. Women working at the hotel went on strike because the guests were so drunk and rowdy. Wow. Ass grabbing. There's nothing else that's happening there. This is just ass grabbing. Right, yeah, right. The governor finally sends men to get John.

On October 6th, 1910, four men came. There was a businessman who was acting as an intermediary that was a constant attorney general. I'm picturing him like that guy in Die Hard who they shoot when he's like, Hans, babe. Yeah, that's him. John, babe, we're trying to figure it out. I'm all on your side.

That guy's neck was asking for it, babe. Also the governor's private secretary and an ex-state senator. John invites him in. He introduces them to Hattie, who was pregnant, and his kids. And the men have a letter from the governor. And the letter promises protection, a fair trial, and a lawyer. But it says, if John refuses, any blood spilled is on him. Okay.

And then they take out a second letter. By the way, there's another one. Couldn't you just put this into one letter? Well, this is not from the governor. This is from the leader of the posse who has surrounded the cabin. Oh. And it says he's surrounded and quote, we will get you if we have to tunnel to your

house or use a field gun. Signed Bugs Bunny? What the hell? I would call that bluff. Yeah, tunnel to me. Yeah. Yeah, why to me. Yeah. Yeah, why don't you go tunnel here? So John was throwing off...

Damn it, he wanted us to dig. Told you that was a stupid thing to say. Now we're gonna dig a tunnel to his house. I thought it sounded good. I don't even know how to do that. Yeah, it sucks. We're not prairie dogs, asshole. We should call the boring company.

Oh. Oh. We're not prairie dogs, asshole. We should call the boring company. Oh. So John is thrown off by the different letters. The second letter is crazy, by the way. And he's really upset. But they end up talking for several hours. And the attorney general says, quote, he cannot be shaken from the idea that if he surrenders,

he will be shot. Yeah. So they finally turn to Hattie and the kids, and they're like, you should leave, but Hattie refuses. And the four men finally take off. John gives the ex-Senator a pair of antlers. Here you go. You're officially leaving now.

And said, quote, I will make my stand here in my home in defense of human rights just as John Brown did. Wow. Now you're throwing around some fucking pretty hot shit names. Yeah. Yeah. Although, like, John Brown was like, I mean... Yeah.

It feels like kind of different. It's a lot different. Well, I guess I'll just be the new John Brown. Yeah, but yours is over a year. Amended slavery for cows! I guess I'll just be the new John Brown. You don't get to... Yeah.

It's not a... That's a bit much. Please. So, the guys, those guys leave and they go to the deputy's line, they tell him what happened and Sheriff Madden says, quote, well, he's in for it now. Wow. Um, on October, uh, on, early on October 8th, 1910,

uh, two of the kids are taking the cows for milking in the morning, uh, and someone opens fire. They're just, like like living their lives? Yeah. What? Okay. We need milk. Well, yeah, you gotta have milk.

Absolutely. So Leslie runs to the house as bullets are flying all around him and deputies are firing from all over. Hattie hid behind boxes and furniture with the kids as bullets flew through the walls. To draw fire away, and furniture with the kids as bullets flew through the walls. To, uh... To draw fire away,

John runs out of the house to the barn, and he climbs up into the hayloft where he could return fire from. Wow. I'm gonna start sitting like Henry Kissinger more and more for these, if that's okay with you. That's fine. So, yeah, that...

I am the man of the time that always won the Barnard. That stance is called somehow not dead. I'm the new John Brown. You have literally never said anything worse on this podcast. They call me John Brown. Bring the Aiden to blink me. Jesus Christ.

So they start, it's a gun battle, right? Sure. During the firefight in Milwaukee, hundreds of men and women gather at a saloon. Let's get drunk! And read garbled accounts of the battle as they are written on a blackboard. What? That is amazing. It's breaking news. Yeah. It's like CNN. Yeah, right. Yeah, except accurate. Shots fired. They began a defense fund. What? Yeah, get ready for the trial.

Okay. The deputies keep advancing. They're crawling in the grass. They're hiding behind wood containers as John shoots at them. Dig your tunnel. A bullet hit Oscar Harp in the mouth, shattering his jaw, passing through his neck, left lung, spleen, pelvis, and stopping above his left knee. Is this one bullet?

Yeah. What was his position? He died... Downward dog? Yeah. Uh... What? One bullet was like, we're gonna go...

What do you want, to hit everything? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Mouth, lungs, spleen, anus, knee, foot. Boom. He died instantly and quietly. No shit. No one noticed because he died so quietly. Good work. Oh, you're sleeping now? Reload. Harp. Reload, Harp. All the other deputies are advancing. At 3 p.m., John ran back to the house. He'd been hit in the left hand and couldn't work his rifle. Hattie begged him to surrender,

and then their daughter Helen ran outside waving two white towels. The shooting ended, John had given up. The deputies were excited, you know, and then they found Oscar Harp and the mood changed. Now they wanted to do really bad things to John. So Sheriff Madden shackled John and Leslie and got them out, and they rode to Hayward in the first car they had ever seen.

Wow. What the hell is this thing? What an overwhelming experience. You're going to jail in a future mobile What in the name of God how many horses did you fit in this box? What kind of ship is this So weird, yeah like they're like, yeah, you killed him. What are your feet doing, mister? Shut up. Shut up back there.

Oh, it's worth it to get arrested. I think it's on fire, friend. Shut up. Hattie and the kids were taken to Winter under guard. That night, souvenir hunters descended on the house and Look at all these antlers! picked it over for souvenirs. So many antlers! Murder charges were filed against John Hattie and Leslie.

John asked the socialist mayor of Milwaukee for a competent attorney quote, Clarence Darrow preferred. Whoa, there he is again. I would like the best attorney. Wow. They didn't best attorney. Wow. They didn't get him. No. But they did get a labor attorney, William Rubin.

I heard you wanted Clarence Darrow. Unfortunately he's unavailable, but I'll do. Your Honor, my client is a moron. Hey, look at this dumb shit. Look at this kid's hair. It's stupid. They're all stupid, your honor. The defense calls the cow.

Don't worry, we got this. I'm not as dumb as you two. Raise your right hoof. Whoo! This was a bad idea. For a couple reasons. We spent the whole fund getting it transported here. And now that I'm seeing it in the box, I don't think it's gonna...

It's sure shitting a ton, so that's... I don't think it hurts us. Where were... Where... What is... This is so stupid. Why did you guys... Permission... Permission to go in your time traveling box. Your honor, I'll be honest, this is gonna suck for everybody. I really shouldn't have. They were given very large bail amounts, so mass rallies were held by socialists and bail was raised. The rallies were called incendiary and quote worse than those of

the anarchists at Haymarket, right? In Chicago. Sure. But the Deets name was Golden. Mira began a successful stage career and was so popular she had impersonators. Come on what is happening? A play was produced called The Defender of Cameron Dam also very successful. Most of the money raised for the defense did not make it to the family. Nice. The defense committee was in debt and the Dietz's were now bitter and distrustful. We spent so much getting that cow here. And their lawyer was a labor attorney. Oh, nice.

The judge had been elected with the financial support of a lumber company. Okay. Feels like things aren't great. So John fired his attorney and he represented himself, his wife and his son. Always bad. He was so over his head, as far as how courts work, that at one point he yelled out, quote,

Mayor, please, the court, the technicalities of the law are taking advantage of my ignorance and innocence. What? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here. You're out of permission to time travel. You're out of order. I'm out of order. The jury acquitted Hattie and Leslie but found John guilty of murder.

Pretty good considering he represented himself. Yeah. He got a life sentence. Hundreds that day after he got sentenced, hundreds came and shook his hand through the bars. A huge crowd gathered and chanted, who's all right? Deets as he was taken away by train.

Nice. Everywhere the train stopped stopped people were cheering and Then he went to prison Hattie and the kids moved in with relatives and in 1913 Miras started a movie about the Cameron Dam fight Well over the years people just There was just more and more people for him to be pardoned.

At one point, like eight of the 12 jurors were saying he should be pardoned. And public just grew and grew. And finally, Governor Blair pardoned him on May 21st, 1921. Wow. Soon after he got out, John said, quote, I met a prisoner in Wapun. Wapun? It's okay, Dave. Wapun? Dave, it's okay.

Dave, it's okay. Is it Wapun? So the U is pronounced as an A by you crazy fucks? That's pretty normal. Wah? That's pretty normal. Wah. Wah. Uh... Who... I met a prisoner in a whoop-a-boop-a-boop.

Who told me... Uh... Who told me the town Oscar Harp is living in and the assumed name he goes under. I have always been convinced that no one was killed at Cameron Dam. No burial permit for Harp can be found in any state record. Just go home, go home, go home.

So he's going full conspiracy theories. Oh man. He said Harp's coffin was full of rocks and sent to- What kind of weird, he's a rock man. Oh, look at him. He said Harp's coffin was full of rocks and sent to Virginia. What kind of weird, he's a rock man. And sent to Virginia because it was illegal to exhume it there. And Harp had been seen in Utah and the Dakotas.

He's Elvis. As time went by, John would only speak of Harp and he started looking old and sick and no one in his family wanted to hear about the dam anymore or Harp. As time went by, John would only speak of harp, and he started looking old and sick, and no one in his family wanted to hear about the dam anymore or harp. His wife finally told him to move into a boarding house. Oh, shit.

And then there he died on May 8, 1924. Wow. Just screaming about. He was like, -"Harp." -"Yeah." -"Harp." -"I know what he killed, Harp. Yeah. Harp. I know what he killed Harp. Harp. He's alive. And he's rocks.

It's a good story, right? Yeah, that's crazy. You know what they call this story? No, stop putting that picture up. It's a spicy meatball. The sources, Paul Haas, the suppression of John Dietz, an episode of the Progressive Era in Wisconsin, Alex Gustafson, the hero of Cameron Dam, and Malcolm Rorscholt, the battle of Cameron Dam.

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