The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 63 - The Past Times with Tom Cardy

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and this week, Oz songman Tom Cardy @TomyCardy  Redbubble Merch   Factor - code TPT50 Rocket Money

The Past Times is brought to you by Factor. Head to factormeals.com slash tpt50 and use code tpt50 to get 50% off. That's code tpt50 at factormeals.com slash tpt50 to get 50% off. The Past Times is also brought to you by Rocket Money. Stop wasting money with things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash tpt. That's rocketmoney.com slash tpt. Rocketmoney.com slash tpt. All right everybody, welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony.

I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Tom Cardi. The Tom Cardi. The Tom Cardi, as we said, there is another Tom Cardi from England that he writes. We can't talk about him legally. Oh, shit. What does he do again? He rides mountain bikes.

We're not supposed to be talking about him. Well, I think sometimes you gotta break the rules. Yeah. Yeah, that's so Dave Anthony of you. I actually follow him and I love his work and I wanted to get him on the podcast and he said no. We thought that's who you were. Yeah, when you came in, I was like,

oh, I thought you'd be wearing your motorcycle helmet. Yeah. I can put on a motorcycle helmet if you want to do that. Okay. Is that I feel like I'll do an English accent I don't talk about I know lots about box. I don't think there's a difference between the accent So don't worry about yeah, nobody in our country is gonna know Wanted to brain someone with a microphone more than right now guys. Let's put the Unbrainable. For sure. Now Tom, people should go watch what you do.

You and I did a Diddy together. We did a Diddy. I was in where you make your music, but you make hilarious songs that are totally insane. Thank you. In the basement of your house. That's right. In Sydney. Yeah.

And you can go follow you on your social media, which is your Tom Cardi. Just Google Tom Cardi and then if a picture comes up, click on it and then just watch what the picture turns into. Lots of. If it's a motorcycle helmet though. Don't watch it though. Very different.

Yeah, different dude. But that guy is great. He's awesome. I'm not feeling really loved by you guys. He's unbelievable. He does. He also has been doing songs. I He's unbelievable. He also has been doing songs. Yeah, I love his songs. He has not been doing songs.

We had a deal at birth where he doesn't do songs and I don't ride bikes. Amazing song. I don't have to say it. It's all. You've never ridden a bike? I've never. Oh, I can't.

I did that blood oath, you know? Every time I touch it, my skin starts to. You said butt oath, right? Yeah, we did butt. Because we're buds. Yeah, OK, got it. All right, well, Tom, we did butthoath, because we're bugs. Yeah, okay, got it. All right, well, Tom, I don't know if you've ever listened to it. It's not, it's gonna be easy if you have or you haven't.

Basically, Dave has a weird newspaper. I like to guess the year normally, and I'm actually pretty good at it, and I'll do it based on what I think he- Why don't I just read one headline, and you can just guess off that? See what I love about Davis, he doesn't follow rules.

That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah, why don't we change it up a little bit? How about, Curiosities of the Abyssin Church. Go ahead. When was the Abyssin Church vikia? That's gonna be really helpful.

That insight, if we have it, is gonna be great with the guessing. It can be as early as 1600. Yeah, I can go all the way from 1640 all the way to today. This sounds very early, so I'll guess like 1707. I was, in my mind, I'd 1750. I didn't even ask if I could guess but no you are You're allowed to guess that's great It is actually 1868

Second Wow and the city Auckland, New Zealand. Oh you guys almost did this special for me Sure, I saw this video of people in America being asked to name a country I saw it and it was Unbelievable how many people didn't know where anything? Name a country any country even our country no country at all They couldn't do it. He's the way some guy was like bad Africa, and they were like that's not And then he was like South Africa and he's like in the north part of the country they gave you

a tip this is upside down I was just like this is this really it just does explain so much it's just we've stopped trying to inform anyone. So everyone is just very stupid. Yeah, we do. Like, the guy who was talking about the Trump indictment, it's easy, like, look, they gave him the indoctrinations and I'm like, well, this guy shouldn't have opinion. He doesn't know that it's an indictment.

Well, at the same time, our president just said that we're gonna build the train from India to America. Which we will. We will. I'm gonna say, there's a lot of times're going to build the train from India to America. Which we will! We will! I'm going to say, there's a lot of times I'm sitting in the capital of India, which we all know. And I'm just like, boy, oh boy, I wouldn't mind taking one stop. Just a quick... Yeah.

You're going to be nice and be trained across every part of the ocean. All right. Uh... The New Zealand Herald. This is out of the Auckland District Court. By general government gazettes to hand by the mail yesterday. I love how they have to explain exactly how

they got this information. Right, it was handed. We observed that the old Supreme Court House, Eden Street, has been set apart as a district courthouse. So far, accommodation is concerned. The change is a welcome one to all parties, though the situation may be frequently be thought inconvenient.

Well, this is boring so far. Unsuitable as the police courthouse was for the increased requirements of the district court, it is inadequate for the sittings of the resident magistrate court, or indeed by the court what this is. Is this just fucking raining this be like, but how did he get the news? Was it my hat?

No, it's off the top of that. Good stuff. Oh, they're just talking about how shitty it is. It is badly ventilated, insufficiently lighted, and its acoustic properties, always bad bad are rendered worse by its situation The rumbling of passing carts the never-ceasing hum and noise of the lively neighborhood in which the police station is Situate combined often to drown the speaker's voice within the body of the court. This is just a terrible court This guy can't hear anything. This guy can't hear anything

He's supposed to cover the court. He's like holy? This guy can't hear anything. This guy can't hear anything in this court. He's supposed to cover the court. He's like, holy shit, I can't. What is happening? Councils sometimes are obliged to shout at the top of their voices. Oh, wow. It is often painful to witness the tremendous efforts

made by as asthmatic witness. Oh, wow, Sophia Vazma. Ha, da, da, da, da, da, da, ha, da, ha, da, ha. To render their evidence audible to the clerk of the court, such difficulties have not been without their effect on the temper of that respected functioning and the court-crier, both of whom may often be heard incessantly crying, silence, silence.

Calling it out to like shape and stuff, because there's no cars bearing mind. This is a while back. This is like people heard shape and stuff. Oh yeah, so the police are just like, and the police, where are the police? Yeah, there's no, the cops are constantly making noise in the 1800s,

unless they're just like, woohoo. They invented the siren way before the car, for sure. No, I'm saying they do it with their mouth. Yeah, I'm aware. Yeah, they do it with their mouth. Yeah, I'm aware. Yeah, they do it with their mouth. Maybe they squeeze a sheep? I think you should. Sure.

There's a lot going on. You even tried to squeeze a shape, Dave? I'd take the fifth. Hmm. Hmm, Aaron liked that. Ha ha ha ha. Is it politics or shape squeezing that he likes? We don't get into it, because it's just a little scary

when you start asking Aaron. Where are you from originally in Austria? Are you from right in the city? Yeah, I mean you've never had like the farm boy No, no no farm boy. Have you touched a sheep? I've touched one. Yeah Have you ever had an altercation with a kangaroo don't look at me Why is this every single like so many Americans have asked me this time? I don't know you guys know us for big spiders that don't don't hurt you the tiny ones are the bad ones and Punching kangaroos. Yeah, yeah, we've seen the videos. There's one video of one guy punching a kangaroo to save his dog and he's a hero.

Why the bloomin' onion? Oh, that's not us, that's you! You guys, you motherfuckers think that we eat that. Explain it, why did we do it though? What would you want from us? Cause you guys are strange. Cause we don't know what countries are anywhere. What we want to know is why you guys deny the blooming. The blooming.

Man, I don't know. There's something deep in our psyche that we just can't. While you're here, we should have made a video of us going to the Outback Steakhouse with you and just criticizing it. And just criticizing it and just making it seem like a take. Just like to some poor person on staff who's like, buddy, I'm making like $4.

We never did this, honestly. Yeah, do the voice. Do the voice. How about I take you guys to America. We're in America, Australia, and we can sit down at McDonald's. And I'll point out every single funny thing. Yeah, Mac is very good.

All right, Dave doesn't have to come anymore. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'll do it. Here's the police blotter. The only business at the police court yesterday was the punishment of two drunkards. There we go. That's it, that's all they had.

Punished. That is when you know it's not Australia. Yeah, that is strange. Because they were punished for being drunk. Yeah. Although you guys have had to put a lot of laws in place because of how drunk you get there. Oh yeah.

When I was in Sydney and they said they couldn't serve shots, like I ordered a shot of whiskey and they were like, we can't do shots. And then the girl I was with goes, can I have a long on and I I'd always stay and they were like absolutely. Yeah, that's like 17 shots. Yeah Yeah, they crunched our nightlife for a while. There was like nothing they destroyed like the real cool part Which was like Kings Cross. Yeah, right because of this thing, which is like the people going up and punch people in the head Yeah, which is funny and fine. And why do we think you fight kangaroos?

It's sort of like, where do we get that from? There was like a social thing about it where it was called a king hit originally, and then everyone's like, no, we gotta stop people doing this. So they tried to rename it Coward Punch. Nice. Because like, I guess it's the biggest one.

It was a branding issue. Yeah, absolutely. People would be like, hang on, this really won't fucking punch this guy in the back. They're like, hang on, I'm not a coward. That would be a coward, but... Uh, this just says accident. An accident of a serious character happened on Saturday last to Mr Westfall.

So not a goofy guy with a big moustache kind of. Ewww! While riding along... I think I'm about to find some danger! This guy keeps walking on the pianos. Ewww! And Vilfest! Don't mind if I do! I think I'm about to find some danger. This guy keeps walking on the pianos. Whoo! Just I want to... Enfield Fest, don't mind if I do!

I pray for an accident every time he comes. Oh, they're moving another piano. Well, I'm off for a jaunt. Why would this guy die? Whoo! While riding along Kiber Pass Road, his horse shied and threw him, causing a compound fracture of the ankle joint Surprised they knew what a compound fracture was

Doctors Nicholson and Hooper administered the proper surgical remedies Removing a portion of the bone which protruded. Yeah, the problem is you got too much bone in there You could take the bone out. Yeah, that's the problem. You wanna put it back together. No, the bone's shattered mate. It's a page one rewrite. No, the part that's out, you wanna stick it back in and... No, take it.

And then you put the bone... You've even played operation mate. No, if you take part out, you can't, the ankle won't work anymore. No, it's there, right? What? Now it's gone. Yeah, but that's...

Now he's better, there's no compound to fracture. Yeah, but now he'll never be able to walk. No, exactly, yeah. Not on my watch. Wait. We're going to take the bone- Heeey! It was me.

We're going to take the bone out of the horse. I think there's something going on with the horse as well. Why am I doing an Australian accent when I know it's in New Zealand? Like, you guys- Fuck. You got a trick mean to being like- Tired. I've been trying to get that distinction. Yeah, you say, pus off in New Zealand. You got the trick being like, Tarn. I've been trying to get that distinction. Yeah, you say, pass off your duck head.

What? Pass off your duck head. Piss off your dick head, pass off your duck head. Pass off your duck head. No, you just sound like a weird Welshman. Yeah. I'll grab the sheep. Squeeze it.

Barnum's Gorilla. Oh no. I love that place place I hit there all the time This celebrated character has for a considerable time been astonishing the Yankees not the team the Right sure yeah us the people who can't name a country on a map right blank by the exhibition even in Canada what living in this country not being like that's Canada or Mexico really yeah they couldn't name anything nothing they couldn't name America anything it's really not good but and also if you don't know anything why you like y'all do this on camera yeah right you don't know anything there's a

guy with a map you don't know you don't sign the release you don't know you don't know that's not gonna look like probably thought I was like signing a check or something but I miss because I don't know where the geography I couldn't read like this is for a raffle yeah by the exhibition of a live gorilla which has turned out a most lucrative speculation the little game over, the following history of the animal having leaked out. Mr. and now it, his name is blanked out. It says C and then there's the line. So this is anonymous, this is an anonymous leak maybe?

Sure. Mr. C, who is a handsome young gentleman. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. Game of the love. There's only one guy in New Zealand who's handsome. About 27 years of age was taken with a humbug mania on hearing barum, oh, barum, sorry.

Humbug mania would just be what, like greed? Humbug mania is when you're upset. You're like, yeah, you're thinking of the, right, the scrooge. No, humbug just meant like, you know, you're not happy. Hum Yes. Bah! Right, the Scrooge. Oh, yeah. No, the humbug just meant like, you know, you're not happy. Humbug, I think it's a disease where you ask little boys what day it is.

Right. Over and over again from your room. That's right. You there, what day is it? Ugh, I want this guy die. What about you? What day do you think it is? Oh, it's just dementia.

What about you? What day do you think it is? Who are my pals? Yes, well, it's Christmas day if you think it is? Where are my pounds? Yes, well it's Christmas day if you think about it. June 3rd. Yula, what day is it? Go down and get me a Christmas goose. Is this a joke in his penis?

Yula, I think he's got dry crap on his neck. Yula, what day is it? Oh! Um, what a straight jacket. What day is it? Oh! What a straight jacket. What day is it, lad? You'll get me a Christmas goose. Come on, you're the fattest one you can find, boy. I'm afraid he's dead.

I was visited by three spirits. And the donkey! A gin, vodka, and bourbon. I was taken with a humbug mania on hearing a barm lecture last year, and in a lucky moment conceived the gorilla scheme With which he acquainted the Prince of humbugs What?

See again, it is just Okay, so I'm having fun riding like yeah, but weren't you supposed to know the Prince of humbug? Yeah, right? Yeah, the Prince of humbug. Yes, of course Who immediately approved on seeing him get into a well-preserved bear skin and imitate the actions of the animal? Okay, so bear skin so it's a guy right? Yeah, well, is it a prank or was he like look I can be your I can be your gorilla right and he's like I'll put this bear costume on and I'll be your gorilla. We'll be fine. Yeah. I mean, I think that's what happens So plans were arranged

We'll be fine. Yeah, I mean, I think that's what happened. So plans were arranged. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, banana. Wow, I'm big and tall. Oh, shit, what the, uh, you there, what day is it? Wow, that bear is backpedaling. Uh, uh, uh. Plans were arranged and Mr. C went to Africa

in company with Professor Davidson and landing they with considerable trouble and expense, procured the skin of a gorilla of the rights. Okay, so there's not just gorilla skins laying around. When you procure it, there's something inside of it that's called a gorilla, and you have to take that out. Walk me through the process one more time. It's called peeling a gorilla, I believe.

Just like the banana. You see what he's doing that to banana? We're gonna do that with his skin. You got the zipper ready. Yeah. Oh, okay, so they procured the skin of a gorilla of the right size. This right size.

It's gonna be a little big. Does it shrink when you wash it? This gorilla's a little tight. Do you have one in a little larger? I want a medium. And then these are, I think these are Japanese sizes. I think these are smaller than what we do in America. My crotch is cinched.

This gorilla had a tiny dick. So what, this was kind of a big chested, tiny dick gorilla? That's what you're selling me here, Jack? This was nicely tanned with hair on. It's what's nice, look at this nice tan on that. Good hair. I'm liking this. And a range to suit.

And when arrayed in this novel attire, Mr. C was a perfect gorilla. Oh, wow. So they killed a gorilla and he put on the gorilla skin and now he's pretending to be a gorilla. Yeah, that's pretty good. With his imitation of- Now, what is the move of just been to get that gorilla?

I feel like... A lot easier. Probably cheaper. You're still buying a gorilla, technically. But this guy's like, I want to be a star. Yeah, this guy's like, yeah. He says that the gorilla is like, he's the understudy. He's like, boy, I hope she hurts her leg on an open night.

Oh, no wonder she has such a small penis. It's a woman. I did it, no women could be gorillas. Is that strange? It's incredible. Hey, you know, 2020, I mean, 1850 or whatever it is. 1817. With his imitation of the actions and the voice

of the animal together with the fear he inspired, preventing strangers from approaching to Miriam. Oh, no. I got a knife you fuck! Hey! All right, hey, hey, just, they're gonna be scared of the general. I'll cut your fucking throat!

They're gonna be scared of the strength. That's better, more of that. I'll fucking cut you bitch, back it up! What is your problem? Jesus. Did not come across in bear rehearsals. He defied detection, although... He defied what?

Well, that checks out. There's just a man in a gorilla. Two buddies. With, he must not have been caged or else people would have come near him. So he must have been, like if you're caged, people are gonna get close. So he must have been like, just hanging out.

And then like, oh, there's our gorilla. Jesus Christ. Although possessing more than ordinary strength, Mr. C has nothing like that imputed to the gorilla. And the account- By the way, I don't think I needed to know that part. How did they know that though? I wanna test this gorilla, I don't believe.

Let me fight this gorilla. Gorilla, bench press time. Imagine a gorilla, gorilla is pretty big and strong. I don't know if you've ever seen one. If you put someone in a big, like if you put someone in an extra large like suit I don't just fill out the suit. Yeah, it probably looks like when someone loses 400 pounds and hasn't gone in for like the carving surgery yet. Yeah, yeah, where they're like, yeah under here I'm pretty taught, but it's this yeah this

Parachuting a lot unless they stuffed it with like, meat. Sure. Sounds like a great time for this game. You know what we should do is put some of the gorilla back. What do we do this? I'm thinking we should have just bought the whole gorilla. We really were on, I think we did two steps too many on this one. You could still be the bear.

I just, I can't look. We got a perfectly good bear suit. We should do more planning and less on the fly buying because we were back there with a bear costume a Lot of ether today boys god damn. I mean that's it's a story yeah Chief Baron of the Etchiquir of Ireland is that the story? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? So that would just like prank happened Is that the end story? So that was just like prank happened, good stuff.

He wasn't strong. They didn't explain how they didn't go into like how we knew he was a gorilla. It's like watching the middle of a movie. Yeah, a lot of these are just like that. Yeah, a lot of them are like, how about barely any information? Yeah, and you're like, wait, what happened?

Let me see what went on. Can you imagine the first newspaper story that was like ended with like, and then they died? Whoa. I mean, literally it goes from what I read to, how to preserve fruit. It's like, it's kind of like- It's like going, next time.

Ah, okay, go, fruit, that's awesome. Yeah. It's how you dream, all of a sudden you're like, wait, now I'm a carpenter. I'm a carpenter now. God, I hope I'm a bear tonight. Yeah. Chief Baron of the Etch, Etch, queer, etch, or queer?

I don't know what this word is. Oh, well, no, Dave did it pretty well. E-X-E-Q-E-U-E-R? How is that? I never heard this word. Well, how would you, I mean, how would you act as a queer? Etch, yeah, etch, etch.

Oh, he's right. Well, I think, I believe what you're trying to pronounce is, I'd like the context of it first Is that really necessary? Oh, not for me, but I feel like yeah, you just show me the screen. That's good Yeah, that's pronounced so the T and the H make like a sound so it's like the it's weird that you're just not a recipe for iced tea I thought you were Like a wrote learned this and then he just like says it off. Yeah, yeah The clergy of the city of limerick have a city of there once was a man from limerick

And that's actually not a setup. This is a true story about a man from limerick. Yeah, it's interesting. Well, this Is this how we're doing the studio now? Just squeaky chairs. Oh boy. This is places falling apart Just say it's our Halloween episode It's our Halloween episode. This is very spooky. I love all the pumpkins guys. That's right That's my head. Oh, wow what an incredible The sit the clergy of the city of limerick have affixed their signatures to a document declaring that there can be no permanent peace in Ireland unless it is treated like Hungary. So this is a...

Yeah. ...diamond museum. You really need more information, but there isn't any. There's none. I, wait, sorry. What is happening? So Ireland is not invested in Hungary's peace? They wanna be hungry, it's gotta be hungry.

If it's not hungry, it's nothing. They're saying, so this is the clergy Uh-huh in limerick. Sure have signed a document saying that there can be no permanent peace in Ireland Unless it's treated like oh, so it's like what Brad Pitt was like I'm not gonna get married until gay people can get married. It's exactly like that. I think gay people got married He was like, oh fuck Republican now because they're like not so fast and he was like, oh fuck, I have to give him my dough. He's Republican now, because they're like,

not so fast, Brad! We'll pull this thread a little longer. Is he Republican now? Well, he would be, because they're trying to strip away the rights. Oh, I just got scared that you were, that was real. Oh no. Is that the last, like, automobile Saturday?

Well, I'm really emotionally attached to Brad Pitt, because he likes my acting. I told Dave that I quit joking. Oh yeah, that's tough. It's been hard on him. He's been adjusting since. Look, if you want to go into pit stuff, I'm going to get a little, you know.

Yeah, all right, pittish. Get a little shit. Yeah, I get a little pittish. I can do jokes, if you want. No. We're not looking for that here. Yeah, it's good. It's kind of analyzing nonsense is what we're after.

Yeah, yeah, we want to make it real. Yeah. Yep. This is fun, I'm glad I came're after. Yeah, yeah, we wanna make it real. Yeah. Yep. This is fun, I'm glad I came in today. Yeah, no. I'm glad I came in today. It's really light. I came from Australia for this.

Yeah, I thought it was New Zealand for that. Europe. Huh. I'm tired. The government is, this is London, London. Ah, all right, yeah, fuck it, yeah. What you got then, Doug? The government is almost continually

in receipt of information relative to the movements of the Finians. Oh, God, we've covered them. By the way, a Scottish, Oh, here we go, he's a great player. Football player. Yeah. He plays for the Rangers, so Protestant, was in a bar

and someone said something to him and he's on camera and he goes, you fucking Finian. And got suspended for like 13 games. Oh wow. Because it's a hate, considered a hate language. What is it? Finian Catholics essentially, he's calling him like a dirty Catholic or something.

But they were nuts. They were hardcore. They came to America, they went to Australia and like broke people out of jail in like a boat thing. Like, and then they tried to invade Canada. Like they're fucking hard to find on a map. Yeah, no. They didn't know where it was

so they ended up invading the Pacific Ocean. Wow. They're like, man. They're real watchy people aren't they? People get mad. I think I got a Canadian. It's holding a fish, yeah. Dude, here, tell us where the rest of you are.

All right, under water we move. And people get mad with the way we pronounce it. Phenian? That's what I wanted to say. Who's getting mad? Austrians. Austrians. So the government is almost continually in receipt of information relative to the movements

of the Finians and precautions continue to be taken to guard against being taken by surprise at any point. It is stated that the men who stormed the Martello Tower near Cork and broke into the gun shop in that city all came from the United States. Oh nice. There we go. Having been sent over by the brotherhood in that country. So the Finians were like sending people around to do mischief and get up to the business as I call it.

Yeah, mischief is bringing to gun shops and shooting people and stuff. On the night of the second, a large party of Finians attacked the house of Mr. Charles Matthew, a brother of the second, a large party of Athenians attacked the house of Mr. Charles Matthew, a brother of the late father Matthew. Happily, his family were apprised of what they might expect and had quickly collected and concealed in the mansion quite a respectable force.

So there's a snitch. Sure. How else did one of the Athenians is a snitch? Right. And they broke into this guy's house. His mansion. His mansion. So we have slightly less sympathy for him. Yeah, really, yeah.

Our hero. Yeah. Consequently, when the Marauders came up, they were met with a galling fire and they incontinentally fled. So they were shot at and they took off. You say incontinentally? It says incontinentally.

Like, shot themselves is what it means, isn't it? Yeah, oh, oh my. I've made a boomer Several were wounded, but we're carried off by their comrades the motive for the assault is not known. Well, you're a rich guy You're yeah, well his house is being broken into yeah, well, he's just that's the motive Why do you think he fought us because you're trying to kill him and take his door? General 34 of shit their pants because they were trying to kill him and take his stuff. General, 34 of shit their pants.

The examination of Desmond Allen and the other Athenians alleged to be implicated in the clerk-and-well jail explosion has resulted so far in producing no satisfactory evidence of their criminality and leaves the affair in almost as much mystery as it was before the investigation commenced. Which is a great article to have in here. So, information we knew more before.

We have confused the matter. Good night. Good day. Hope everyone has no clue what's happening more than they did before. But how did they get the paper? Oh, it's by hand, of course. Given.

Lord Strengthenerne. Hello. I'm already wanting this guy. You there, what day is it? I'm wanting this guy to die. Get Strengthenerne. Hello. I'm already wanting this guy. You there, what day is it? I'm wanting this guy to die. Get a Christmas goo. The commander in chief of forces in Ireland is actively engaged in disposing his troops

to meet any outbreak. The police in all the large cities of Ireland are also unusually active and watchful. The government is determined to proceed with the prosecutions against Mr. Sullivan of the Dublin nation, so that's a newspaper. Sure. And other persons who have taken a conspicuous part

in the funeral possessions in honor of the three Athenians lately executed at Manchester. So they went to the funeral. Right, which is nice. Of the three guys executed and they're like, well, it's, we've had it with your bullshit. What's got him? What do you think they're doing from?

Massive gunshots in their head. Oh boy, the plague. I really like that New Zealand is treating Ireland right now and reading the newspaper and being like, oh, I wonder what Ireland's up to. He's like, everyone in America right now. For some reason. Yeah, we don't know where Ireland is now. No, why would you? So that so this was just a Finian update.

That's cool. Yeah, that would be a better headline for it. Finian update? And they were everywhere, right? Yeah, the Finians were like all over. They were like sex all over and yeah, not sex. Sex, there was sex all over. Yeah, what are you saying? The Finians, they had sex all over. They had sex all over, dude. Remember, it was like Coachella, but everywhere. Gareth, the dollop is brought to you in part by Factor. What is Factor? Well, Factor, I have been eating all week and it is a delicious, ready-to-eat meal. and it is a delicious, ready to eat meal. Makes super easy eating. Two minutes to heat it up.

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t p t daring seizure of arms and cork a daring robbery of firearms was perpetrated on monday by phoenix others more than a day there were dominating yeah in the city of cork about 9 a.m. 8 men of American appearance What is that? They wanted to return stuff they bought yeah, we kept our receipt Bring this back.

When they ordered, they asked for, can I get the olives without the olives? Can I just... And then no mustard and so a little bit, like do half lettuce? Can I have the Greek salad without the olives, without the blue cheese, without the onions, no dressing, and keep the lettuce light?

No. Gosh, no country. This is America. No country's as good. They walked into the shop of Mr. Alport Gunsmith. Hello, yeah. Hello, Alport here. Gunsmith!

He's a Gunsmith. And he's not American? Okay. Well, well, well, look who we got here. A few Finneans going into town, huh? And presenting revolvers at his nephew and two assistants threatened to shoot them if they offered resistance or called for aid.

To the Finneans. No, this is the Finneans holding up the gunsmith. The irony. Two of them collected 60 revolvers and 200 cartridges and put them into bags and went off. Nice. That's a lot. Yeah, they took all his guns.

And guns took so long to make. It was like, that's my whole life. Some guns now I'm just smith. I'm just a smith. Oh no. An alarm was given. But the police. Whee! Officer, good work. But the police. Woo! Woo!

Officer, good work. Officer Siren, well done. What do you call that thing? Me. Yeah, it's my mouth. It's my mouth thing. Want to see what it can do? I'm afraid I already did.

It's Michael Winslow. Woo! Hello, eighties. So the alarm goes off. They failed to capture any of the men. They were not disguised. The repeated seizures of arms give the idea that some common movement may still be contemplated

in the South of Ireland. No shit. No disguise? No disguise? No, they just watched it and stole it. They were very confident. If anyone asks where from Oklahoma. And if so, the neighborhood of Cork is likely, as any other place to be the scene, Mr. Richardson's the gun makers, from which the extensive robbery of arms took place some weeks ago, is in the

same street. This is awkward. They did the same thing to another gun guy. Other lesser evidence of a bad spirit and quirk are various attacks made during the last few days on the police by mobs whenever an attempt was made to arrest even for drunkenness. Wow.

Okay. So anti-cop. Well yeah, because the cops are essentially. Oh here we go, get ready. The cops are the tool of the British, so of course they're gonna turn against the cops no matter what they do. What are you gonna call if someone breaks in your house? Not the cops?

The cops now in England have little batons. Yeah, cutie. I mean yeah, yeah a little cutie pie Yeah, a cutie pie. Yeah. Hey stop it stop. Yeah enough stop it. No, please Don't make me get my little bag. I'll get it off my belt, and it's very hard to put back on. I'll do it. I'll do it. It's got a little bit of string I'll put it on. Oh, no, I've dropped it. Oh, the string's there.

Oh, it's going right down the sewer. Thank god for the string. Several constables have been injured. All right. By being tripped up or struck with stone. Hey, all right. Well, boy, not again. Well, it looks like a bit of wire.

I'll have a jog past it and make sure. In. It is wire. Blue. In Clonmel, a large crown. A gorgeous name. Yeah. A large crown stoned the constabili, constabili, yeah.

Constabili, a night or two ago, injuring two of the police severely who were removing a disorderly drunkard to jail. Wow, yeah. So they were trying to take, yeah. Seems like, I mean. Am I supposed to be against this? Yeah, you do find yourself pro drunk.

Yeah, it's just you're like, ah, come on. But back then to be so drunk that you had to go to jail is like, you once god. But back then to be so drunk that you had to go to jail is like, you know, we had to be really drunk. He's once in a lifetime drunk. I feel like that was the way they dealt with drunks back then. If I've seen a Western movie, and I know it went drunk. They jailed them, yeah.

Yeah, it was always you wake up in jail and you're like, whoa. All right, and then be like, get out of here, you. Yeah, it's actually kind of awesome. And I went, if like, someone like every, if there was a force of people who if you were too drunk, were like, go to sleep here. You want a sandwich?

You'd be like, these are my friends. This is great. Yeah. There's more, more Phenian news. In this paper. Yes, Phenian, yeah, Phenianism. The Martello Tower at Forta, so we heard about this in the other article,

near, in the other article, near Queenstown was attacked on Friday night, December 27th, by, and this paper is, December 21th, we're cool there. This paper's in March, so they're getting the, well it's, We just, finally. It's New Zealand, it's still getting a little.

Old Zealand, if you're. By an armed band with blackened faces who surprised the three, Oh boy, no disguise, no disguise, let's go back to no disguise. We've been attacked by racists. Oh boy, all right. Who surprised the three gunners in charge Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Just. It's great. I always been with that race. Continues to be awesome. The assault was so I planned that the gunners who were sitting at T did not know

of the presence of their enemy until. Well let me tell you why it didn't have to be super planned because they were like, why don't we get them on the T break? Really, let's have a bit of a T break then. Who were sitting at T did not know of the presence of their enemy until one of the Fenians presented himself at the door of the tower. What do you think of this? Oh, is it a menstrual show?

Oh, no. That rice has got its dick out. Wait a minute. Five of the enemy immediately spreading into the apartment and presenting pistols at the gutters' heads is... Here you are. Informing them that no harm would come to them if they quietly gave up their arms in ammunition. And your tea.

And your tea. And your tea. Is that English breakfast? It's peach tea. Ooh. Yeah. So non-caffeinated. Non-caffeinated, low-caffeinated.

Because it's late. Yeah, well, yeah, we're not trying to stay up all night. Oh yeah. Took a strange turn. Centuries were placed over the artillery men and the key... Centuries were placed? Centuries, guards.

Oh, okay. And the keys of the magazine demanded over 20 men entered it and took from between 250 pounds and 300 pounds of gunpowder, a quantity of fuses and appliances for shells. By the way, the thing about these stories is they're really arming up and getting ready for something. You should be scared. And you could just start with that. Just start by being like, look, they got 300 pounds of gun. Like they just, these guys just became fully explosive. But instead you're like, so, and then during the tea,

they also got a ton of gunpowder. Like it's just written so like, as the information poured out. Yeah, but bear in mind, people reading this are like, gunpowder, I don't care, I don't care. Oh, hang on a second, what kind of tea is this? Very good. Don, you're not gonna believe this.

They've made an uncaffeinated peach. They also made a close but ineffectual search for hand grenades of which they said they were in need. Oh, nuts. We really, we really need hand grenades. You would go top some hand grenades. I can't believe hand grenades, to me hand grenades seems like a 20th century.

Yeah, but they were probably a much cruder version. I was gonna say it, they're probably real. There we go. but they were probably a much cruder version. I was gonna say they're probably real. There we go. Like a fuse in a ball. You throw it and it goes. Yeah, right. The Phenians remained over two hours and searched every part of the fort, taking away also the men's carbines and bayonets. They chatted freely with the gunners, describing themselves as soldiers who had fought through the American war. One of them said he had attained a distinguished rank in the American army.

The guy's in there bragging. I didn't try to impress the guy, he had a gun to his head. It's like, you know, I actually, Now we know they're American. Yeah, you know, I can actually run 100 meters in like nine seconds, whatever. You are a charge of 200 men back then.

That's great. You ever hear of Gettysburg? That was me. Are you gonna tell me about it? I know that, I feel like you do. whatever you are 200 men back then that's great you over here of a Gettysburg that was me how you gonna tell me about it I know that I feel like yeah I pretty much wrapped that up myself yep okay that's great can I say my kids can I go home and say my children Sergeant was what I was supposed to be addressed as I was never sworn in as yeah but they said yes probably the next part of the process could you put your your watch this watch this hey Sarge? See he yeah, he responds. I feel me a minute because I actually forgot that I had said that story Yeah, but as soon as I remembered I'd said it. Yeah, I feel like such an idiot for letting myself get caught by you too

More agents. So yeah, well you you were sitting around just drinking tea. Okay. No, tea. Okay, no, okay, okay, don't. Oh man, you people are really... You people? Oh boy, I'm disassociating from my partner on this one. Are you really gonna say that while I'm wearing black clothes? Yeah, shockingly we're unethetic to racial causes. I don't know if you... Each had some sort of disguise in all war,

large mufflers and had their caps drawn over their eyes. So we're just pumping in the shit. All right! Just like a bunch of male moobas, no one's gonna know. All right, if they can't see us, we can't see Earth. Does it work? Two of the party can be identified and are known, but no rest has been made.

The Martello Towers along that portion of the coast have been reinforced in consequence of the attack, both by artillerymen and the attachment of the 81st Regiment now stationed at Cork. Such a surprise therefore cannot be repeated. From now on we take Tatebreak separately. Yeah, James. Won't be as fun

It's just me one lump for a one old lump Goddamn, that was a lot of Phenian news. Yeah One would say too much. Yeah Fenian is it Fenian? One would say too much. Yeah. Fenian? Is it Fenian or Fenian?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, whichever way we're saying it, and we're saying it wrong, and people are gonna yell. For sure. So it's probably Fenian. Whatever. A Portsmouth lady, having said that she would make a,

she would make but a very poor sailor, a nautical bison, to reply, you would make an excellent mate, though. Oh, that's a good joke that I shouldn't have read. It's like a joke. You'd be bad at your job, but I'll fuck ya. We all know that. I like the premise.

I think we could find a little more nuance in the conversation. Okay, sure, okay, how bad are you? All right, you could really make something of yourself, but I don't think flung your one. Yeah, no good lord. We're getting further away, I believe. I'm the editor here.

All right, how about this? A woman said, I don't think that I could be the president and the man says, anal. I knew I hired you for a reason. It's just you got a fine deal, switcheroo. I'd make your mother proud if she was still alive. What is that? An extraordinary suicide of four persons has just...

Alright, had fun with that joke? Let's jump into some suicide, alright? You know that happened after as well, they're like, boy, this suicide article is pretty fucked. Let's sign off a little joke. Have I ever told you the one about the woman who wants to be a sailor? Three days. They must have been like, this is a good place for it.

Now that you're laughing, there has been a... That guy hasn't stopped laughing. Yeah, yeah. An extraordinary suicide of four persons has just taken place at a vis-a-pony, which is in France. So a four-person suicide. Yeah, an innkeeper in easy circumstances named Finno,

named Finno with his wife and two children aged six and seven and a half were found three mornings back lying together on a bed suffocated by four pans of charcoal in which they had lighted in the room. So let's just say, the six and seven year old did not commit suicide. That's just too much for me. Hey Ned, what is suicide?

All right, sure, yeah. So there's a murder and the police have been thrown. We can't do this. I really can't. Does it help if it does? I wanna go out. Oh, no. Sorry.

How about it makes it easy if we do this? Daddy? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Premise police, sorry. Not allowed to do that one boy. What if we punch up? Come on, please, he's my license. No. We're found three mornings back lying together on a bed

suffocated by four pants of charcoal. Can you imagine the police officer? He was like, I've told you, said, group suicide. Yeah, suicide. I think the kids took their father into it. If any sings, they were the ones who sold the parents. We'll see young one. By the way, you've been fired. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha to two nieces and stating that they had two nieces did it yeah and stating they committed the act after mature reflection because the husband was a

seven-year-old is unable to have mature reflection because the husband was afflicted with an incurable pulmonary disease are you glad you said it now well no I still stand by it pretty fuck thing to say to be honest he's got a pulmonary disease you were the two who were trying to orchestrate I don't remember that it was like two minutes ago I think you're taking away these kids agency He's got a pulmonary disease. You were the two who were trying to orchestrate. I don't remember that. It was like two minutes ago. I think you're taking away these kids' agencies. Don't, I, you literally might be able to pull that off.

Kids should be able to, actually, no. Yeah, maybe not. People are mad at us. So sad, so long, so early to make that decision, huh? I remember when I was seven, I had a lot of. No, no, no, no, it was not to exist. One more time, I am saying no. How old was the dad, like 13?

Yeah, he's a rapper, he's just 16 years old. Went of the world on his shoulders. He's got the atlas hunch, huh? Oh, through some mishap, Mr. Masefield has not yet arrived from Auckland, and the consequence is the store has no tobacco and the hotel no grog, and there's an exclamation point. That reminds me so much of when I would try

to buy weed in high school, and like, I don't, it was like, it may as well have been coming into town on shipping containers. Like you'd be like, tomorrow he's gonna be able to get it. And you'd be like, oh, fuck yeah. And you'd be like waiting all day at this dude's house while he was just like lifting weights, literally. And you'd be like, the worst person ever.

You'd always be like 10 years old. And you'd be like, what do you think? And he'd be like, dude says, Brian, I can be like this today. And you'd be like, oh my God. Are you sure you want to do like a shitty movie? A dude, it was, and like either sometimes I'd go hang out

or your friends would come back and you'd be like, huh? And they'd be like, he says maybe tomorrow. And that would be seven, eight days of just waiting for however the weed got there. I'm pretty impressed here in LA. There's like the robots that will deliver you weed now. What? You seen those little kind of robot? Seriously? Yeah, yeah, there's like the robots that walk around like a hot water walk they have

little wheels and they wheel around Hollywood and they'll like deliver you food and stuff they deliver you weed and that's so sad. I guess I'm living in a bubble I did not know. You don't live in the city itself so. Well yeah but I would still assume that I would know that Hollywood had weed delivering robots going around. Everybody should know that. Did you have you taken advantage of? I have taken advantage of... I would never smoke weed and I don't smoke weed, but if I did, I probably would smoke weed every night. Let's say you were in your home country. Yeah, where it's legal. But imagine if the robots were somehow more annoying

than the guy used to get the pot from. Can I come inside for five? Where your girlfriend is hot. I'm just going to power down. Can I just waste some of this out on your table real quick? Did I tell you that my mom took my license away? I can't drive right now. My back has been killing me.

It's one of those power cords that goes into like three of the power things in the wall. Plug me in, I have more stuff to talk about. So then I will dispense the weed. My girlfriend, I think she's cheating, but I can't be sure. Oh boy. Is this your dog?

I like this dog. He must smell my dog. Oh, that's pretty cool. Did you install these cabinets yourself, or were they in here when you bought the place? Is your weed dealer like that? My brother is a carpenter. You know how much you can buy a snake for?

Much cheaper than you'd think. I love the radiums. I can turn myself on. As to the grog, we can indulge in the pleasure of anticipating its arrival sometime, but with the weed that Plan is not successful. The weed. The tobaccos or the tagging of the weed.

I know, but it's fucking braided. I will be coming from Auckland as soon as possible with Grog and Irm. But with the weed, that plan is not successful, and the result is that any person seemed to possess a piece of sufficiently large to be divided, received some not-to-be-mistaken hints as to the propriety of doing so.

Ugh. I can't imagine a country being like, is, did the guy get weed yet? to be mistaken hints as to the propriety of doing so. I can't imagine a country being like, did the guy get weed yet? Like, no, he says maybe tomorrow. I like that it's like you have to make a very, very obvious hint. If you say someone smoking a big tobacco, you're like, well, I wouldn't mind to puff myself. But I don't know if you're holding, bro.

When I was like, well, most of my time smoking, I would smoke the cheapest cigarettes and it would be the best. I would smoke like GPC lights because people would come up to you and be like, can I bump a cigarette? And you'd be like, yeah, and they would see that it is the literally the shittiest cigarette

they make in this country. And they'd be like, I should have one of those first. You go, all right, good luck, Godspeed. That's an aside that we'll cut out of the episode. Yeah. But. No, we won't,'ll cut out of the episode. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. No we won't, we're leaving that in.

Damn it. Diggory says he always respects old age, except when someone- That's right, I'm Diggory. Wait, Higgory digory do. I respect old age, do you? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Diggory out of here. Higgory digory, doc, I don't care what time it is on that class. Ha ha ha. Diggory, Diggory, Doc, I don't care what time it is on that clock. Diggory, what's up, cool cats? Jazz hasn't been invented yet, Diggory. I know, it's just a thought in my head. I don't even know what this is. Diggory says he always respects old age.

Listen, you got to respect it. Time is undefeated. Except... That's a really deep degree. Yeah. Except when someone tricks him with a pair of tough chickens. That actually drives me fucking mad. It's got those trickens.

No thank you, that's a passive mode diggery. Higgory diggery diggin. I don't like it when you jig me with a diggin. Diggery not digging that. Diggory dickin' I don't like it when you trick me with a dickin' Diggory not diggin' that You see that guy over there with the fedora on the goatee? Yeah, give him these chickens Hey man, I'm not for diggery and fullen for that one Music notes come out of his mouth, diggery

Wouldn't you love diggery to be in the newspapers as much as the Finians? Yeah Like every third one it's like diggery has We think there might be more than one diggery Wouldn't you love Diggory to be in the newspapers as much as the Finneans? Yeah. Like every third one, it's like, Diggory has... We think there might be more than one Diggory. It's an international superior Diggory. Diggory in the gorilla suit. Oh! Hello.

How was it... how was it attacked by the Diggory? Hey, he's got a case of the Diggory. Diggory, Diggory pant. Listen, dog, I'm innocent. I can't hear you. You have to speak up. Diggory, digory pant. Listen, dog, I'm innocent. I can't hear you, you have to speak up. Diggory can. It is rumored that all persons in the employ of the provincial government of Hawks Bay

will have received notice that their services will be dispensed with. Oh, wow. The province of. I'm a ass layoff. The province of Malboro is at its last gasp. The provincial government account is overdrawn 2,000 pounds. Oh wow, it's like seven trillion dollars. Government feel like oh boy, we don't have it. I guess we all leave.

Whoops, we're done here. Oh, Diggory. Oh, Diggory, you've done it again. Where are we shutting down Marlboro? Goodbye. Ha ha ha ha. 1600 pounds do the general government as interest and the proceeds of the last land sale have been impounded. The superintendent has gone to Wellington to make arrangements.

So the superintendent outranks the government? Well, the superintendent is trying, I think he's trying to figure out a way around the whole, I guess, foreclosing on the town. Well, listen everybody, that's a wrap. Let's give a round of applause to the kids. What an amazing run we had. What an amazing run. You get your time, she's a wrap. Sorry. Let's give a round of applause to the kids. What an amazing run we had. What a great day. What an amazing run. You get your time, she thinks it's tomorrow. Diggory, get off the roof.

Diggory, digory, dope, dope. Diggory, get down. Diggory ain't going nowhere. Diggory. Diggory was born here. Diggory's gonna die here. Diggory, get down from there. Okay.

Jesus Christ. Diggory's sniggory up here. Every Diggory, every town has to have. Diggory sniggory appear. Every Diggory, every town has to have a Diggory. A Baristered Westport has undergone several public castigations by a woman named Miss Haines. Her favorite weapon appears to have been a supplejack. Yeah. Man, I love a supplejack.

Diggory loves a supplejack. I love a hardjack, but boy, oh boy, do I love a supple jack. Diggory loves a supple jack. I love a hard jack, but boy oh boy do I love a supple jack. A supple jack. I'm going to teach you a lesson with a supple jack. It really, it reminds me of a hammer that's just really floppy. The supple jack. A supple jack.

It's a soiler. Oh, it's a plant. It's not, no that can't be right. It only blooms. Oh, it's a plant. That's not good. No, that can't be right. It only blooms when you take it. Oh, it's like a leathery, slappy, hard leathery. It's a little like the Bobby Club, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not unlike a dildo. No, thank you, Tom. It's for those of you listening, it's not unlike a dildo. Nothing's unlike a dildo. And, yeah. Nothing's unlike a dildo. Well, and by the way, which, nothing's un... Tom Cardiff's YouTube and yeah, pretty much, your whole thesis of your career

is anything can be used as a dildo. Yeah, and I'm blowing up. Yeah, bingo. Bingo. Hickory dickory dingo. I punched a kangaroo in the face. He's gonna say a different word, I didn't rhyme. I'm retiring.

Diggory no, you've brought so much joy. What happened out there, Diggory? I just forgot to rhyme. I forgot to rhyme, it's my whole thing. Diggory digory whoops. I forgot the thrust of my old job and career. So our favorite weapon appears to be, have been a supple jack and the reasons for her strange conduct is that Mr. E.K. Tyler has frequently used her name in court in a manner in which he

ought not to have made use of it. So he's going to court talking shit and then so she's just publicly beating him. Basically yeah. Okay, sure. And then probably going back to court, being like, Miss Margaret has beat me with a big leather thing. And she's like, you say it again. Here you are, more slander. Mr. Tyler has applied to the court for protection from his tormentor. Okay.

So he's like, please. So now, but they do it in court. He has to bring her up again. Yeah, and she's like, they're like, so what do you say she did? And he like looks out the window and she's there just hitting her hand. Nothing to say.

Actually, I'll retract my charges. An accident of a serious nature happened to a little child named Coates. Oh, that's, that's gonna be fun. Yeah. You guys will enjoy this one. About four years of age at Parnell, it appears that the poor little thing

in running across the road was accidentally knocked down and run over by one of, of Missouri's Ireland's carts. Yeah. Loaded with leather. Hell yeah. A leather cart. A leather cart hit a boy. Huh.

Yeah. Wait, I feel like you guys have really set a war at toe. This is how we get the gimp from the D-10s. I mean this with all due respect. I would just be quiet and reflect for a little while. Which movie is that from?

Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction, so it's like these are how we get them later in life. The Leather. Yeah. You hit a kid with a leather cart, he gets into leather, he's like, I wasn't gonna be leathered leather. You realize that a paper from the 1800s is expressing more empathy towards the death of the four years. Is that surprising? Yes.

I like that a child getting hit by a leather truck is kind of like Let's isolate that clip right there. Anything could be a deal though. He's like Peter Parker getting bit by a radioactive spider becoming spider man. Yeah, Gibimp Man. The wheel. Don't worry, he's gonna turn into Leather Boy. No, so this child is half away. Oh, I thought we were in the middle

of an amazing origin moment. He's gonna get his bullies in the next seat. Everyone who dies, don't worry, he'll be bulletproof. No, he's dead, this guy's been shot. Give him time. It works as a dildo. This will be Queen Splash. She drowned you idiot.

Mother old age. She just passed away. Yes, exactly. King Badheart, Jesus Christ. The wheel passed over the body of the child, severely injuring the chest. Yes, yes. Yes.

Barely injuring the chest. Hell yeah Yes! Barely injuring the child. Hell yeah, fuck this kid. Fuck this stupid little kid. Tom, no, promote your YouTube. What against children at the past times? Dr. Wright was immediately sent for an honest arrival he found the child's face very much discolored and other

marks of serious injury. What could it be? We all baffled. I think it was a group suicide, eh? Ha ha ha. This child has taken his own life with a wagon wheel. Thank God we have parole on that, guys. That's right, ira ki li.

Ha ha ha. Well, that was, I mean, that's all there was to that one. So it's didn't even say if the kid was... I would assume he lived. It's time for one of those funny jokes again. I think it really was. What do you call a woman that I'm having sex with? Okay.

Inquests. An inquest was held on the 20th at the Mount Eden Stuckade on view of the body of Charles Clayton, who died early on the morning while confined in the debtor's prison at the suit of Robert Brooks. Or as I call him, money bags.

He's flying from building to building. He's definitely got no pulse. All right, then, bye. See you later, boys. The jury after hearing the evidence. One day someone's gonna turn into something super after they get injured terribly. You just wait and see.

The jury, after hearing the evidence, returned a verdict to the effect that deceased died of typhoid fever, adding a rider condemning the conduct of the detaining creditor. How does the jury find? We find that he probably died from typhoid and we've reached our verdict.

It's just a strange thing for a jury. Yeah. It's a different time, sort of thing. It's a a strange thing for a jury. Yeah. It's a different time, sort of thing. It's a different day. Yeah, that's a callback from the first one, maybe. Maybe. It could be.

It helps. This is another one. A coroner's inquest was held at the railway terminus hotel before Dr. Philson and a jury of 12 on view of the. I'm Dr. Philson. I'm Jen. On view of the body of John Blair who was found dead in his wear at Arryremove.

The jury returned a verdict of, died by the visitation of God. Or as I call him, God boy. God man. God man. God man. Leo God boy. God man. God man. God man, Leo Godman. God man. Yeah. That's about your outfit.

Is this a little blasphemous? I'm God man. I'm God man. So, last one, yeah. All right. On the 27th June, 1866, oh, I can't even read, Motiwala, M, I can't remember.

Motiwala, Motiwala. A printer was convicted at the Supreme Court, Calcutta, of counterfeiting the labels of Miser's cross and blackwell London, and was sentenced by Mr. Justice Fear. Mr. Justice Fear. Oh yeah. He died from a gavel. Mr. Justice Fear. This means his first name is Justice, and his last name is Fear. Justice Fear. Oh yeah. He died from a gavel. Mr. Justice Fear.

This means his first name is Justice and his last name is Fear. Justice Fear. He's gonna put you in the choke hold and then slam you on those gavels on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Two years rigorous imprisonment and on the 30th. Riggerous imprisonment. It ain't gonna be easy.

Man, make it easy. Really slam those bars. Yeah. And on the 30th. He's laying down, make it as moving. Really slam those bars. Yeah. And on the 30th. Laying down, poke him. Get him up a little bit. He's supposed to be a picnic. Dead man running.

Got him on a treadmill. Double print, put his cell in his cell. Yeah, put him more cells in him. On the 30th of the same month, for selling spurious articles bearing labels in imitation of a service crossing blackwells was sentenced by the suburban magistrate at Shilda, two years rigorous imprisonment.

Riggerous imprisonment. Caution, anyone selling spurious oilman stores under crossing blackwells name will be liable to the same punishment and will be vigorously prosecuted. Vigorous. Vigorous prosecution, rigorous imprisonment. Purchasers are recommended to examine all goods carefully before taking delivery of them,

the genuine manufacturers of Missouri's cross and blackwell, maybe had from every respectful dealer in New Zealand, this is a fucking ad. This is an ad. This is an ad. So this is just like when you try, this is like reading articles online. They used a crime to turn it into a fucking ad.

Yeah, which reminds us, if you're looking for a suit, you're on the job. I really like, if that was just like a crime write up, someone's definitely learned the meaning of rigorous. And just used that in every like, like, sentence. You gotta go to the word of the day count. Yeah.

Regorous, interesting. Great work, Jack. And it'll probably come up. And then you can see that coming up. Regorous vigorous for my up. Vigorous, vigorous. For my ad. Vigorous? No.

No. Ligorous? Hickory dick, hickory dick. All right, well, that's it. That's an episode. Yeah. I don't know what people want. It's free.

They're sick of everyone's bullshit. I'll throw it right off the bat. I've actually been charging 10 bucks. Oh my god. I'm gonna need to see it. None of everyone's bullshit. I'll throw that right off the bat. I've actually been charging 10 bucks. Oh my God, I'm gonna need to see it. None of that. No. Tom, thank you for joining us. Was it everything you hoped it would be?

It was beautiful. I learned about the past and I am excited for the future. Yeah, well done. That was beautiful, right? Yeah, it's something we're gonna start stealing in usually. And good luck to your footy team. I'm sure they're in the playoffs.

Which footy team would that be, Dave? Say one, say one footy team. I'm sure they're in the playoffs. What's your footy team with that be Dave? Say one say one footy calling wood Yeah, right They have robots and I'll sell you weed and calling with very interesting yeah, and chicken nuggets YouTube Tom Cardi a man. You really are so are so fucking good at these songs. My pleasure. Got an album coming out? I got, I just put an album. Let's say I just put an album out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, this will probably come out in a little bit. Yeah, I've always just got an album out. If you want, go Google as well, Tom Cardi, Gareth Reynolds, and you'll see the video that we did together. Yeah, and then the one that we... And then the one that we're gonna put out, yeah, which is also of Gareth. The Wave director. He didn't know that we're gonna put out, yeah, which is also of Gareth We've directed He didn't know that we were taking the video, but it's beautiful black and white Dave had a lot of artistic integrity

That's great. That's great. All right. Well, there you go. See everybody later, and you're gonna be on the dollar Change shirts that we do a wardrobe. We have to sponsor you.