The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 644 - Bernarr Macfadden

Episode Date: July 30, 2024

Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine health nut and workout pioneer Bernarr Macfadden Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources BlueChew.com - code: Dollop

Who goes first? I go. You normally start. You're listening to The Dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American History podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American History to a boy. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. I'm just going to start plowing through.

I'm not going to react anymore. Do it again. Do it again. You're a boy. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Little tiny boy. I'm not a tiny boy. You're a tiny little boy.

Little little boy. I'm a bad boy. Um, do they call you Garrett? No. They don't. Nope. I don't want to do this. I want to do the show that I signed up for. This part I don't care for. I mean the problem is...

You're kind of bullying. You know what, ever since you become a JD Vance guy... Vance-er. You've gotten a little aggressive. Well, maybe you should join me in Vancetown where the ladies are chained up and the men are doing what they want. It's freedom. It's freedom, buddy. It's pretty good.

It's a pretty good little place you got there. Yeah. Let's just say right now, thank you, Donald Trump, for picking a fucking lunatic to be your VP. It's very odd brand. Yeah, it really is. And called it, quote, is jam path. Jam path. I'm the fucking hippo guy.

Steve, OK. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly okay. My name is Gary. What is good? Wait, is it for fun and this is not gonna come the tickling clock. Okay Five part coefficient Now hit him with the puppy you both present sick arguments Actually part No, I said done, my friend. No, no, no. Roda, Roda, in the park. Gareth, we are on Patreon.

People want to enjoy videos and we do weekly politics talks. We do other stuff like small ups and quizzes. We also feed Luke a bunch of weird snacks and let me tell you, there's some new ones coming our way. And there's 10 episodes, I think it's 10 or 12 episodes of what we call Van Life, which is a little docu-comedy thing that we do about us living in the van on the road. On the road. You can go there, watch that.

We also have an Apple Channel up where you can subscribe to the Apple Channel. And you can also get ad-free episodes like you do on Patreon. But then we have some extra stuff. It's called the Dala Plus. Dala Plus. So yeah, if you like the Dala Plus and you want more Dala Plus stuff, go there. Yeah, do it. Dollop plus. So yeah, if you like the dollop and you want more dollop stuff, go there. Yeah, do it. There you go.

Just be cool about it. Thank you. Yeah, just be cool about it. Just be cool about that stuff. Cool, thanks. Enjoy this free episode. Thank you. There was a guy who, I'm not kidding kidding you made about 60 comments on Reddit about us having

an apple. I'm not kidding you about 60. I was like, you know, medication's fine. They have Lexapro. When does this stop being about the dollar? We'll be having a little change coming up as far as our videos soon. A new location. Yeah, we've got... We should be in the same room more and it'll be nice. Yeah.

We've got some cool stuff. We bought a closet to live in. We did buy a closet to live in. No, we can't do that. That's walk in the room. Never heard of it. Well, you should have heard of it because you broke it up. 1868. Jesus Christo, who is also Jaytown, who is right now at the Summer Olympics

riding his longboard. Just, it's getting really unlikely. One of my dogs is barking like he's locked in something. Is he? Maybe. That's walking the room. Bernard McFadden was born on a farm in Mill Spring, Missouri. Okay. One of the worst states. I said it. I have an uncle who lives there. He's a

crazy Christian. There's some good parts there. Sure. But Missouri? Well, they've got some bad government stuff going on. Well, listen, what are we going to start knocking people for having bad government? That's true. That's a good point. The farm did not make any money really. His mom had tuberculosis. His father was a drunk who beat him and then died of delirium tremens when Bernard was four.

Okay. So he had a good early run. The first four were sweet. Again, as we've often said, those years are mulligans. You don't need those to go well. If you mess up one to four, you can make it up on four to eight. That's right. You don't need to.

Just hit one of those two. So Bernard was sickly, scrawny. He was a mama's boy. He got teased and bullied. Well, to be fair, when your father dies from tremors, you'rewny, he was a mom's boy, he got teased and bullied. Well, to be fair, when your father dies from tremors, you're not going to be a father's bully. Yeah, people aren't going to... Yeah, that's true.

You're not going to be like... But also... You know. People aren't going to be like, your dad's awesome, your mom's weird also. They're going to bully you. Yes. For the whole ball of wax. So when he's seven, he ended up bedridden for six months after getting blood poisoning

from a smallpox vaccination. God damn. Rogan did a whole episode about that back then. Yeah, he did. He was sent to a boarding school where other students... By the way, JD Vance wants to put women into a boarding school. Yes, he does. If you've heard about that.

The other students, he said, would have made Oliver Twist look like, quote, dangerously overstuffed. So... See, this is the issue with the boarding school life, having talked to my father, who is a senior adult, will still hearken back to the suffering. Like it's good or like it's bad? No. Okay.

Like, how do I unwind the damage of those days still? Yeah, particularly the Irish were they were terrible but the the UK party schools not great. Yeah, no, no, it's just like yeah a nightmare. Yeah, a nightmare. By the way great for the parents. Good for the parents. Not not parents and just a hell of a deal. Well that's when parents just just to just be like you know what I'm gonna do the opposite of the teacher's schedule. Yeah, I'll do summers. Yeah I'll do summers, but that's when parents didn't want their kids around. I think parents mostly want their kids around now Yeah, see that's why that's where you kind of lose me in the pitch. Well, it's like your cat

No, I'm listening. Would you send Jose to a boring School? No. Okay. Well well there you go. No. The lengths I go to to make sure that Jose is okay when I'm out of town, I can't even explain it to you. The closest... I lose cats that are just... Yeah, the closest to a child you have is Jose. I mean, the reason you have a Jose is because you actually can't bond that way with a human.

He was sent to boarding school with the other students... What? ...that made Oliver Twist look dangerously overstuffed. He was sent to boarding school with the other students Made Oliver twist looked dangerously overstuffed Bernard later said Later called it the starvation school and they were apparently just eating peanuts shell at all Peanuts back then were sold as hog food Well, I'll tell you what you come to me at that age and tell me I'm going to live on a diet of peanuts. I ain't mad at you. And the shell eating is not a problem.

Unsalted, unroasted. The shell's salty. The natural shell is salty is what you're saying? Are you saying that? Is that your... Are you saying the natural peanut shell out of the ground is salty? Yes. We're going to get so many letters from farmers. peanut shell out of the ground is salty. Yes.

We're gonna get so many letters from farmers. After boarding school, he lived with distant relatives who ran a Chicago hotel. Okay. He would later call, it was a couple, he would later call the woman grotesquely fat. Okay. He would, that will, I put that in there. He seems hard to please. At some point you got to look in the mirror and be like, is it me?

Well, they just basically had him there to do work. That's why they brought him on. After a few months there, his mother died. He was now 11 and an orphan. Jesus. Bernard said he overheard the woman relatives say, quote, and if you ask me, this one's going the same way. He's got all the symptoms.

Consumption runs in the family. Oh. So that's a good thing to hear. Is that how consumption worked? Well, it doesn't run in the family. You could, however, get it from a family member for like, you know, spending time. It's not like genetic. No. So it's not like oh he does

Yeah, okay. No, but this is just really very negative towards the prognosis of him not getting it. Yeah, and also Like 2020 for common medical understanding Hmm Are you gonna say people have good medical understanding? No. Yeah, okay Are you gonna say people have good medical understanding now? Yeah. Okay. Do you have a chimp there? That's my son who is playing video games who is chimp-ing and his friends.

Okay. At that point, Bernard now decides to live to spite his relatives. So that's why he's gonna live and do his best to spite them. This I like. So he's super poor. He has no shoes He's always being teased for being barefoot Sure, he asked his foster mom to buy him shoes for Sundays

Sunday show only so Sunday shoes. Well, that's I'm assuming they would be fancy shoes. You wouldn't want to wear school Right, but he doesn't have any shoes. Why not get an everyday pair. I'm there I don't know what you're what's the point of a foster mom if you can't want to wear to school. Right, but he doesn't have any shoes. Why not get an everyday pair? I'm not here. I don't know what you're. What's the point of a foster mom if you can't have shoes at all? The way you get a roof over your head. Like what are they providing?

A roof. Isn't that the whole point of a foster family? I think a roof and food. They don't have to, shoes is way outside the. It is spoiled. Now that I'm hearing myself saying it's kind of privileged. I mean, just cause your parents died doesn't mean you get shoes.

My white privilege keeps showing. I like shoes. Yeah. She said no to the shoes. Obviously. I like to think you presented it like Shark Tank. And she goes, and for that reason, I'm out. So now at that age, he realized to get what he wanted, he had to be completely independent and rely on nobody. He's 11. Yeah, around that, 11 or 12, yeah.

So the hotel ends up going out of business and Bernard was then sent to a farm to be what was called a bound boy, which this is during the orphan train period, when we're just sending children around the country. We'll be back. The boy which this is during the orphan train period when We're just sending children around the country To be laborers. Yeah, just yep or

other worse things Kids, they're basically indentured servants, right? He in the I like that as a slogan for kids that Kids, they're basically indentured servants. A lot of people treat him that way. Yeah. So he and the farmer don't like each other at all. At 13, however, he is in great shape from working on this farm. He's got muscles from the farm work and then he runs away. And he goes to St. Louis where he has an uncle, and this uncle is actually happy to see him.

This uncle has money, so he takes him in. He helps Bernard get a desk job, but after a while, the desk job just deteriorates his health back to what it had been when he was sickly. He's just sedentary. At 16, he was a, quote, physical wreck. He has a hacking cough. He's just in bad shape. Jesus.

From a desk, that should be a lesson about desk jobs. Well, I think also at that time living in the city, it's crazy polluted. But also, yeah, people get really unhealthy just working at a desk if you don't do other exercise. Yeah. And then I love the capitalist pitches, just like, we realize that sitting at a desk all day is terrible for you, and probably not what you were meant to do.

We bring to you the standing desk. Now you can stand all day and do this menial bullshit that sucks. The standing desk is amazing. I have one. I wouldn't because I don't The standing desk is amazing. I have one. I wouldn't because I have one. Standing desk is amazing and makes more sense, but it's also like your fix is like... No, I know, but that's... It's just awful.

Yeah, it's terrible. Or what about the little like sitting treadmill? It's just like at some point you just got to be like, we should be in the forest. Yeah, it's not great, but you know, you gotta be in the office, right? Yep, yep, you gotta be. He's playing a shooting game. He's standing on top of his bed with his headset on and he's yelling. Okay.

Okay. Well, you know, he's got his buddies, he's got a scream. Sure. I just went all dad on him What'd you say? How'd you go? I said, hey, I am recording Yeah, it's tough. It's tough when the you know, your job is to Podcast yes, like I am busy Recording a comedy podcast with my friend. I'm chatting with a buddy. What are you guys talking about?

Sub guy! This kid who couldn't have shoes. Mind you, is next for you, son. Okay, so 16, he's put on this weight, he's a physical wreck. He's walking through St. Louis and he sees a gymnasium. And inside a bunch of dudes who are like chiseled, right? They're all- Oh, fuck.

What? You don't like that? I think I know who this is. Oh, really? Okay, so- Yeah. He was a big reader of the Police Gazette, which was a paper that popularized weightlifting and wrestling and boxing, right?

So those kind of manly physical activities, but he can't afford a membership. It's like 15 bucks a month. So he goes and he buys dumbbells and he works out that night on his own, just based on what he saw. And he wakes up sore as shit. Then he wrote, quote, thereafter, I had but one object in view. I would not be satisfied until I was a strong man. Okay.

I don't know. So you went through that. I'm going through it right now. I'm always in phase one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, me too. It's tough. Yeah. Sometimes I like start to get close to being a strong man,

but then just like wine and Fritos. Sure. So much. So he works out for a little while, and then he goes to the Barman Bailey Circus with a couple of buddies, and they decide to, after watching a lot of the trapeze guys and all that stuff, they decide to set up a home gym in his uncle's cellar.

Okay. So they have the dumbbells, they get a horizontal bar, they get two swing trapezes. It's a big old basement. And then he starts carrying around a 10 pound lead bar that he would keep inside of his shirt when he went on his daily six mile walks back and forth from work.

Okay. So just a 10 pound, just adding 10 pounds to his daily commute. Yeah. I don't hate that. No, it's not terrible. It's a bit strange. It's strange, but how is he going to do it? Yeah, it's a strange way to carry it.

I mean, I would think you would just put them in your hands, but he decided to stick it in his shirt. That's what I would think. So he looks crazy. Yeah. He looks like he's a bone sticking out of his tum tum. Sure. We've all been there. Yeah. He also becomes a vegetarian. Okay. He found a copy of William Blakey's 1879 bestseller, How to Get Strong and How to Stay So. I would love the idea of going for 1875's ways to stay strong. Oh my God.

Got to be amazing. It's got to be incredible. It's got to be, yeah. The horse diet. So he gets himself back in shape, he hits the road. You're probably going to get lightheaded from not having tobacco. That's why you should be smoking while you work out. I mean that's like 1950.

Oh, they didn't smoke back then? They were like giving women cigarettes when they were pregnant in 1950. Oh yeah, I remember. So he's really in good shape now, and then he decides to hit the road. He wants to travel. And he kinda starts living the hobo life. Just jumping on the rails, riding trains.

He would work out in the train cars while other hobos watched. Love it, love it. He worked a bunch of different jobs out there, like construction crew, water boy, a wood chopper, a printer's devil. He got a dental assistant job for a cousin. I just want to circle back on the... Can you do me a favor and just say that he was working out in the boxcar there again? He was working out in the bus car in front of a bunch of hobos. That's what I call training That was um

I mean that was kind of weird thing to reverse for to go back i'm gonna do that more I just think that's the way to handle it if I feel like I miss something Seems like the right method to me. You can pick up the momentum a little quicker. A laugh would help. Do we want to do a third take just to have a safety? It's not going to get a laugh. He worked different jobs like a construction crew, water boy, a wood chopper, a printer's devil, and dental assistant for a cousin where he held people in headlocks during teeth extractions.

Wow. That was how you did it. He was strong. So you get the big guy. I know, but I would be like, I'll handle it. Teeth extraction is that bad that you physically have to run. Yeah, I would hold you down for that. I would help. You're not listening to the words I'm saying.

But I just think as your teeth start coming out, I'm here. So this is before anesthetic or anything like that? Yeah, they're just yanking them. Just like, this is Bernie, he's going to hold your head while we do the procedure? How are you? So then he's working on a coal mine, and this is when he has a big light bulb moment, like, oh, this is what I'm this woman do with my life moment he decided his life mission would be to preach the gospel of health to the world okay great it goes back to st. Louis and

he gets there and he tells people that he is a successful wrestler and he has beaten quote the lightweight champion of the West, the wealth weight champion of Chicago and the heavyweight champion of Chicago. None of that's true. Not true. Yeah. But again, you just, the corroboration is so difficult. Yeah.

So people are like, wow, that's amazing. Yeah. And you just act it and then you're it, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and you just act it and then you're it right? Yeah Yeah, by the way, I came in second in the presidential race He held wrestling events so he would wrestling his people and he sold tickets so he's making money He's only five six. Okay, but it worked for health He starts eating just a little bit of vegetables a day and that's it.

That's the end of the list. A small portion of vegetables. It works. He loses 25 pounds. Define working. It worked. He lost the weight. He looks thinner.

He looks ripped. Look at those abs. But then- Cut his arm. He doesn't even bleed. Look looks ripped. Look at those abs. But then cut his arm. He doesn't even look at him. But then one day he's walking on the street and he almost faints and he realizes maybe he's taking it too far. Yeah. Like maybe that was an extreme. Yes. He's 18 right now. OK. He is fucking ripped, though. He's ripped. Sure.

So he saves up enough money and opens up a gymnasium, his own gymnasium, right? Okay. So the goal, right? The goal is happening. Yep. Puts out a sign in front that reads Bernard McFadden. Can is the therapist teacher of higher physical culture? Now, Gareth, I'm going to point out that I said Bernard. Intentional. There's no D. Yeah, he decided to change his name. To Bernard. To Bernard. From Bernard. Bernard. Bernard. Bernard. Quote?

That's awesome. The picturesque appeal to me. I wanted something out of the ordinary. You got it. Because literally, nobody else is doing that. Well, he thought Bernard sounded like the roar of a lion. It sort of does. Sure. It also doesn't sound like a name. And listen, I don't think what we're going for with names is what kind of animal does it sound like? Oh, I disagree. Is that right? That's yeah. No, that's what we should all be doing. He's success. It worked. It worked. We're talking about right now. Well, we're not sure why though. That's part of the thing. I brought it up. You immediately like, is this guy part lion?

Is he part? Not something I said. What I said was, was he like trying to like short the painter or something? Was he trying to save some cash? No, he used two Rs. It's not an excuse for dropping the D. So he's not saving any money on the painting. It's the same number of letters.

Bernard. Or Bernard. Bernard. But he Or Bernard. Bernard. But he's not adding Rs. Is he adding? No, he's adding. Oh, he does. The name is Burn R.

It is really bad. It's great. And by the way, if you're going to do that, you add a third R. Okay. Yep. I'll give you that. Yep. Thank you. He also, he put

so his name is McFadden MC, but he put an A in there. So it's Mac Mac because he thought that sounded more masculine. Sure. As far as kinetics, kinetics, kinestherapist, kin just made that up. That's not a thing. Okay. He totally just pulled that out of thin air and doesn't matter. Business takes off. He's one of the first personal trainers in America. Wow. He submitted health articles to magazines and papers. Most of them are rejected. They're like, this guy's fucking nuts. Not a name.

And then Bernard starts trying to live on a diet of high fiber laxative. Oh, Jesus Christ. Now his name makes sense. It's when he's shitting his brains out. Bernard. Wow. So, his lesson from not getting enough nutrients from vegetables, a small vegetable diet, was to just incorporate mainly laxatives?

Yes. Okay. Pretty much just a high laxative diet. That's a lot of shitting. I don't know if anybody's ever had to do that for a medical procedure overnight. I don't know. Many people probably have,

but many people have not been like, I'm gonna make that my month. Right, after I did it, I wasn't like, well, this should be what I do. You're hungry. You're like, I'll go get something to eat. Starving. You weren't like, I'm hungry for more laxatives.

Let's keep pumping this shit through. Let's keep going. Let's see what happens. Let's keep popping this shit through. Let's keep going. Let's see what happens. Let's see if I can crap my intestines out. Will you keep going until there's nothing left and then you're and then there's just it then it's just clear clear liquid coming out. That's what they want. They want you completely cleared out. So that's what he must have had.

He must have just had clear liquid coming through him and he's like, well, look at this. It's great. Clean eye. This is perfect. So he starts having digestive problems. From what? I don't know.

He doesn't really go into it. So he's doing laxatives and then his digestion gets silly. Well, then he- Then something must have happened in between. Then he reduces the amount of laxatives he's taken in and starts exercising more. Smart. But now he looks like a skeleton. And all of his patients are now just patients, clients. They're just bailing.

He was doing really well. He was he was doing great. But then he just decided to go. He doesn't do anything halfway. Right. There's no halfway with this guy, it's all 100% full bore ahead. Right.

So he, like they were coming in, they're like, oh, I wanna look good, but this guy looks fucking bad. Hello, my name's Bernard. Would you like to train? yeah, I'm here to My upper body mostly. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah How old you gotta? You gotta get your oh

What are you doing? Oh my god my stomach. Oh my stomach. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's just going to come out like rubber cement. Okay, I have to go. Thank you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hey, get off the floor. My name's Bernard. Okay, let's get into that upper body. I gotta go. Let's do some let's do some picks. Tell me what? Tell me this. I challenge you this. If I run down the block and you can catch me, then I'll, I'll work out with you. Okay.

Bye. Bye. Wait, come back. I haven't the energy to do any of this. Oh no. Open our. You've had it all. Okay. Okay. All right. So, uh, so yeah, the clients are bailing.

He now writes a novel. Help. I don't know what to do! Help! By Bernie Mac! Help! I don't know what to do with the book! Help!

I had an idea once and now it's gone! The novel is called The Athlete's Conquest and he sends it to a publisher and the publisher replies quote Contribution is the worst piece of junk that I have ever read rejected Wow What a dick well just don't write back Bernard of course is not deterred why would that deter you right so he decides he should go to school and learn how to... Good order of this plan, by the way. And he gets a job as a professor of kinestherapy and all around coach at St. Louis Military School. So he's going to go to classes while he's the coach and professor of the thing

that's not real. Right. No pay. He does it for no pay. He's just doing it so he can take the classes. It's a bit of a red flag, but okay. So he does it for a year and then he has no money. Good. And so he goes back to St. Louis and goes back.

Remember when he was on a pretty good diet and he had a successful business? Not that long ago. When he was on a pretty good diet and he had a successful business not that long ago? When he was just a vegetarian who was working out. When he was just a vegetarian and he wasn't just eating laxatives? Yeah. Okay. So, he goes back to St. Louis and he starts promoting wrestling matches again.

And he comes up with this plan. He's going to start... I don't know what his weight is, but he decides to starve himself down Why is he going in this direction to the lightweight? Wrestling class of a hundred and thirty five pounds so we can win a tournament Okay, and then after he wins that tournament then he would challenge The winners of the welterweight middleweight and heavyweight classes, okay? So you know what McGregor move yeah, he's to work his way up all the classes, putting on weight. Sure. Surely he was in a class right here, so he could have started with a class.

Yeah. Yeah. That he's in naturally. If he's like, I'm going to win all of them, be like, what am I now? Welter? I'll do that. But instead he's like, I really want to do it in the, I want to honor the chronology of this experiment. Plus I got all these laxatives burning a hole in me. I mean, he doesn't do anything halfway, right? It's also a great gimmick. I want all the...

It's not a belt, but I want all the classes, right? Yeah. It's to draw crowds, it's a gimmick to draw crowds. I get it. I get the hook of it. I'm just like, you're in a Voight class. So yeah, start. Yeah, you're not your weight class. So yes He gets in the wing for the light lightweight match. Okay, and he is so skinny the crowd starts laughing at him It's not good. That's great

but he wins and Then he wins the next two classes. So the plan, the plan is all coming together. Okay. But then the heavyweight is like, I'm not going to wrestle you. So he challenges the reigning heavyweight in Chicago and wins. And now, now Bernard is a celebrity in the region, the Chicago, Missouri area. He is sure that little he's a name. Sure. Bernard. Yeah. Gareth, the dollop is brought to you by blue chew. If you want to be hard as the summer day is long then get yourself a Bluechu and just bring that summer heat. You know what I mean? So you're talking about erectile? Yeah, not hard body like muscle. Yeah, part of

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So he decides, oh yeah, so he does the whole, he's a regional celebrity, right? So he now decides to get a job at Marmaduke Military Academy as the physical director. Does he have a plan? It feels like... The whole plan is to, think of it as a Kardashian. The whole plan is to make himself a name, get... Whatever he's doing, it's to get his name... This is, by the way, different than how the Kardashians started already. Unless you're about to bring Ray J into this.

I mean, that might be true. Yeah. Okay. All right. But he's looking to be a mogul, essentially. He wants... Yeah. He wants to be a name. He wants to be the health guy in America.

Right, okay, okay. So, Marmaduke, of course that's where you go, Marmaduke Military Academy. There's no rules. That's good. So he plays quarterback on the football team. That's good, this is how you know you're in a serious, yep, absolutely.

The boys are 14. Mm-hmm, yeah, I don't... I guess I'm kind of curious what's so funny because you're having a giggle so I'm kind of like... Well, let me just say this. How old is he around now? He's like in his 20s. Let me just say this. Sure. If you don't want a man to play football with the boys, then you should have made that rule. But since you didn't make that rule, I'm going to play football with the boys, then you should have made that rule. But since you didn't make that rule, I'm gonna play football. Yep, here I am.

And I'm gonna fucking win this championship. 35 playing with nine year olds. Let's break, boys. Oh! Oh, so weird. Ah. I mean, just imagine what that plan hatched. I mean, right?

What do you mean? So I could go out there and play with them right now? They need a quarterback. Yeah, I think, I imagine what that plan hatched. I mean, right? What do you mean? So I could go out there and play with him right now? They need a quarterback. Yeah, I think, I bet it was because he was in practice with the kids and no one could play quarterback. And he was like, oh, look, I throw out the better than anybody. He's like, I'm better than any of you.

They're like, well, yeah, you're like a grown ass man. Can I do this? I would just love to see him in like a 14 year old uniform. Yeah, and just just getting met. Yeah, well, it would look... I mean, we've referenced it before, but Andy Reid in the pass punt kick competition when he's 15 and he looks like he ate 30 other 15-year-olds in order to get involved. So he makes money working at the job for a year and then he uses that

money to finally publish his book, the athletes conquest, which was rejected previously with a, by a prick. Um, the plot is a great plot. It's about a guy, uh, athletic guy trying to find an athletic wife. I didn't realize this was a narrative. It's a narrative. It's a novel. I thought it was like a guidebook.

And what did you say? What had you laughing? It's an athletic guide trying to find an athletic wife. Oh, God. What a crazy stupid. Just the worst. Just two hard bodies. Completely insane.

No, it's all fiction. Yeah. So now he decides to move to New York City and make it big. That's where you gotta make it big. And he figures there's a lot of soft overweight men sitting around in their offices in desperate need of kines therapy, which is not a thing. He immediately put on a physical culture matinee

for the press. So he hits the ground. He puts out a press and he invites the press and he's like, I'm going to put on a show. I'm going to show you guys what an impressive physical specimen is. So he prints photos of himself shirtless to draw a crowd. massive physical specimen is. So he prints photos of himself shirtless to draw a crowd. And he called himself Professor McFadden. The New York Sun reported, quote, he chatted and posed in an interesting way for over an hour. That's it, that's the whole thing.

And people showed up and they're like, OK, I mean. He's like, look at that. You impressed. He's jacked. I will say this. He's jacked. Like he looks like he looks like a Greek statue, like he does. Genuinely have like a crazy form. Right. But for an hour, it's weird. It's also weird to market and it's like people are probably like, all right, what's next? And he's like, I don't know, what do you think? And they're like, yeah, you got a great body,

pal. He's like, all right, so what do you... Where do we go from here? And they're like, I don't know, it's just, it's New York. It's like there's a lot going on. And he's like, well, maybe you guys could get me in the bloodstream here a little bit in the pipeline. And they're like, not sure. You're just standing on a stage flexing a lot. So not really sure what the plan is so much. He's like, well, I guess, I mean, I sold all my shit and I moved here. So it'd be really nice if someone could kind of point me in the direction of what am I

doing? That's not really a job, what you're doing. So it's just standing. Well, hold on. Check out the back. Look at standing. Well, hold on. Check out the back. Look at that. Look at those traps.

I guess a statue? Where's all the money located? Because I'm kind of looking to get a bunch of that. Oh yeah. But you have to do stuff for that. You have to do stuff. Exactly. So that's why I held this.

So where's the contractor? How does... Who's the mayor of this area? Where is he please? I don't know where he is. I don't see him. We need to get around anywhere. Nope. I don't see a mayor. Here's what I'll do. We'll do another one tomorrow. Bring the people who have the keys to the town. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that sounds good. We'll see you tomorrow.

Really good work. All right, cool. Oh, careful. There's a little clear gel right there that's from me. I leave what I call a snail trail. Okay. Thank you. Bye.

So after this press event, he spent all his money on it. He has no money. He's broke. And everyone was basically like that. Everyone was like, all right, cool. So he's freaking out. But then an actor comes to his gym to get in shape. And then that leads to other people.

And all of a sudden, he has a big business. And his slogan is weakness is a crime, don't be a criminal. It's pretty long. Now Bernard fought against what he called his six pillars of sickness. Corsets, white bread. Corsets, White Bread. Corsets is his first one? Yeah. It's a wild number one.

White Bread, Overeating, Prudery, Vaccination. Oof. And doctors. Oh boy. Big six. Strong finish. You started with... I can't believe that list starts with Corsons. It started okay. You're like, yeah. It started crazy and then it was like, oh okay. He's like, it's pretty easy. Alright. Something to cinch you up with.

Okay. Addiction to fitness. Uh-huh. You don't need blood. Okay. What? Kill all doctors. Oh, come on in. Oh, shit. Here you go, scan your little badge.

Don't listen to doctors. Listen to guys in gyms who made up words. Hey, if I'd listened to doctors, I probably wouldn't have eaten so many laxatives in my life. So, he pushes good eating, exercise and fasting. Okay, all fine. Sure.

He starts, he comes up with an idea for a home exercise company, but it quickly fails because that's like 100 years ahead of its time. That's pretty good though. It goes bankrupt very fast. So he still has the machine. So he goes to England to sell it. And he goes on a lecture tour to promote the machine. A movie? Yes. Oh, sorry. And he would go to small English towns and pose in a loincloth and then demonstrate the machine.

Oh, rather. He's called a fish of a nice country. It's a hit. Of course. They love it. Does not surprise me. No. So then he starts publishing a pamphlet there, That does not surprise me. No. So, then he starts publishing a pamphlet there, which is also successful, and he gets married. To an athletic woman? Well, her name is Bertha Fontaine. They had met in Brooklyn, and then she came with them, but they got divorced very quickly

after they got married. Okay. He would never admit that he married her for the rest of his life. In July 1898, the world's top muscle man, Eugene Sandow, started publishing a fitness magazine in England and it's called Physical Culture. Later that year, Bernard goes back to New York and starts publishing a health fitness magazine called Physical Culture. Dave, you're not allowed to do that. What do you mean?

Well, it's the same name. Oh, same name and same. Same. It took the idea completely. Yeah. Yep. Boy, I hope this guy never goes to America. Getting pretty far down the line with that idea before you're like.

So the first when he first started publishing it, it was just to advertise a new exercise like contraption that he was trying to sell. On the cover, April 1899 was a photo of quote, the editor as he appears in one of his classic poses. So it's just him. And looking ripped. Right. People had been, health magazines are new people in the publishing room for years, but Bernard's takes off

It had not gonna. I'm still having trouble with the name being Bernard Yeah, well, I'm just gonna get over it'll never stop. It'll never stop. Okay. There's no reason it would ever stop Okay, so there's three reasons that the magazine takes off. Number one, he uses celebrities a lot. Sure. And then he also made the magazine for both men and women, whereas most of them would make it for men, right? Right. Of course. And each X issue had a little sexy tantalating stuff in it. A bit of sex. Meaning a little what? Steamy articles. Steamy.

Steamy articles. Steamy like. Like sex stuff. Like actual sex stuff. What? But what? Like, like fictional sex stories or like ways to get banged? No, not ways to get banged. Like just like. Just like slice of. Yeah, like this, this happened. This, this secretary and this guy, you know, he ate her like corn on the cob. That's it.

In January, 1900, he was selling 25,000 magazines. Now he hates doctors. We went over that. And when President McKinley was assassinated in 1901, he wrote an editorial attacking McKinley's doctors who had fed him bread dipped in beef juice after he was shot. That's what got him. Well, no, I mean, we're laughing, but I think first of all, that's what Trump ate after he got shot. But you've got to be very careful when you're a post-assassination diet is very important because there are ways to reverse the wound and there's ways to kind of exacerbate the

problem. So you don't want to be eating any... I mean, I think he's right that you... Last thing you want to be doing is eating any... Beef dipped bread? Bread dipped in some sort of beef. You know, that's just... Well, let me ask you something. You've been shot in the tum tums. I've been shot in the tum tum. I've been shot in the head.

And then there's a waiter walking by and he's got a really nice looking French dip. Look, you're going to want to eat it. When you get shot in the stomach, your cravings are nuts. Yeah. And I don't mean like peanuts. Yeah, no. We've already talked about it. No, I'm talking about, no, look, you're going to want to go with something like that. The best thing to do, hey, can I have a salmon salad? Then you're going to be back.

Something like that. That's right. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Something light. Something light. Something light. Something light.

Something light. Something light. Something light. Something light. Something light with fiber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. He wrote, quote, may God forgive the fools, another martyr to the cause of medical experimentation. It's such a tweet. But he's not wrong. Medical experimentation that is off the charts and it's nuts. Sure. But you could also eat beef bread and survive and still die from a gunshot. Yes.

Like the way he's like, I mean, of course he's going to die if you give him beef bread. That's crazy. That is crazy. So the the magazine is so titillating that the YMCA- Why doesn't Trump have a publication called Magazine? Oh my God. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh my God. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh my God. Let's go.

How is he leaving that play on the field? Yeah, seriously. Magazine, yeah. People would buy it just because, they would buy it just because of the name right away. Great branding. Why don't we make it and just sell it and then give them money.

I think, honestly, we should probably stop recording. We should make it and then sell it. We should make it. And give the money and give the money to women's abortion funds to help with the ladies. To just sell, to just in there put crazy shit that hopefully doesn't spike vitriol that's already coming from them and just call it magazine and then we put it all, then we just start opening more Planned Parenthoods. All the money goes to charity. more Planned Parent Huts.

All the money goes to charity. Yeah, more Planned Parent Huts everywhere. We have ideas that we'll never do because... All right, so hold on. Any really rich person with some time out there, let's go. So he starts cranking out books. He starts a woman's health magazine. In 1902, he's making a million dollars in today's money.

Wow. So, the YMCA and railroad companies start removing the magazines because of the sexy articles. The books are like the virile powers of superb manhood, strength from eating and McFadden's new hair culture. So those are not, those don't feel sensual and the virile part of them does. Yeah, the super manhood. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, so the baldness one is great because in it he said he avoided early onset baldness by pulling on his hair for several minutes a day. Well that works. That's, that's just how you get that stuff to come. That's how you groom it. Don't let it. It's like hair is like worms. Don't let them go back in their holes I

Would like to say That this wouldn't still work But there are people who are watching Instagram and tik-tok videos and then putting tape over their mouth at night to stop snoring What if I told you I went on the road with one of those guys? What if I told you I had access to one of those guys? It's very dangerous. Don't do that. Listen, so is me not sleeping.

So sometimes you've got to tape them up like a box. If you could tape your mouth shut to stop snoring, people would have done it decades ago. Why didn't they? Because Joe Rogan didn't tell them to. Listen, Luke, listen. It's okay. He's allowed to.

Bernard claimed he could cure chronic ailments that doctors could not cure, all with natural remedies for free. So then he opens a health home to cure people. It's fresh air, health food, exercise, stuff like that. And people come and he claims that he has successful cures of people who had chronic illness. Okay. So, other people are like, this is great.

So then he leases a much larger 65-room hotel on Long Island. Jesus Christ. But now he's going to charge money. So many people came that he had to open up a tent village around the hotel. And in the tent village, mosquitoes were feasting on the people all night. Also, it turns out the staff were alcoholics and thieves, so they were stealing people's stuff. It's a really weird little turn. He opens a health hotel and then he has to open triage, and then the staff is just alcoholic

thieves. Yeah. Okay. He ends up having to reimburse all the patients who had all their stuff stolen. He keeps knocking on the door of kind of getting there, but then there's some either sabotaged by terrible decision making or just complete self-sabotage. It closes up for seven months because it's just a money pit. So now he marries a Canadian nurse he met named Marguerite.

He's trying to show people how to eat healthy and cheaply. He called white bread and candy poison. This guy needs look nobody's nobody loves white bread. Relax. This guy's like white bread is how the devil came out. Okay, white bread will kill you. It's like his main enemy. Everyone has to understand.

He just anytime he sees somebody with white bread. He's like you just here we go. You're ruining your life. They understand the villain. Yeah, anytime he sees somebody eat white bread, he's like, you just... Here we go. You're ruining your life. They killed the kid, Lee. So he opened the physical cultural experimental restaurant. Uh oh. Meals for a nickel. Okay.

Vegetarian menu. Okay. It takes off. Oh good, all right. And soon he's franchising it in other cities. This guy's had a lot of things take off. Yeah, you're right. It always takes off, but then...

Then there's some wrinkle where it just collapses. Yeah. He noted that horses, cows, and pigs were judged at fairs. Quote, but never on a single occasion has a prize been offered for the best specimen of man or woman Okay So he creates the first bodybuilding show. There we go. I'm sorry I said first Sandow had created one in London a year before well the first Landau is probably like, motherfucker, stop.

You son of a bitch, knock it off. Sand out. But yeah, Bernards would be held at the New York Opera House and it sold out. The tickets sell out very quickly. It's huge. And many includes women. And it becomes international, like looking for international people. By 1904, it included quote,

races for men and women, fencing championship, wrestling bouts and several fasting competitions. This is the story of American Gladiators. Did you hear the last thing I said? Fasting competitions. competitive starving. Yes, competitive starving. They should have that at the Olympics. You know what? They really should.

And the athletes actually started this contest three and a half months ago. You can see a lot of them haven't made it. Oh, he's gone. He is gone. I feel like I'm looking at a ghost a lot of these look like they are just Skeletons that someone put a wallet over Really not looking good. And okay, and we see they're bringing out the spaghetti now. We're gonna see how long these people can Resist eating the spaghetti. Oh

That looks like Jenkins arm the spaghetti looks just like an arm. It actually does. Some of these noodles are thicker than some of the appendages on these people. Oh gosh, and here we go. They're bringing out the Parmesan. They're asking them to say when, even though remember these competitors are unable to eat any of this if they want a medal. And so we're watching it right now.

It looks like they are all very, very hungry, really. You can tell. Now, if you look closely, you could see the Germans are really smelling it German they and obviously for the Italians. This is extra difficult The American went on day one, so we expected the American. Well, the American was actually caught in a mozzarella cheese scandal It was turned out he was cheesing Golly looks like these guys are really and I'm And I'm going to go ahead and suggest right here, I am pretty sure the Swiss competitors are not alive.

You can tell they're really... They don't seem to be. Their stomachs were going up and down for a minute and I'm not seeing full breathing here anymore. But God, you got to hand it to these people. They are really going somewhere, either to the medal ceremony or... Or the hospital or more. to the medal ceremony or the hospital or more.

Or the hospital. Yeah. But if you die, you can get a gold. Absolutely. No, actually gold goes to the death. Last to die wins is how this has always worked out in previous summer games. So the women's outfits, very tight. They leave nothing to the imagination. They just have a little skin, skin tight with a leave nothing to the imagination.

They just have a little skin, skin tight with a little sash around the waist. That's all. By the way, the creepy guy at the event was definitely the one who was like, hey, doesn't leave much to the imagination. That's it. Hey, hey, so guys, am I the only one

who doesn't need to imagine too much right now as far as what I can see You are you ladies mind if I sit here's and masturbates Yeah, okay. It's okay. This guy came with me, but he's a little forward yeah I'm just the this doesn't leave much to the imagination guy. I didn't realize my friend Alan was a whack and I'm a whack off guy. Yeah, I didn't realize it came with a whack off guy. His whack and off in the front row doesn't really leave much to the imagination.

No, no, I'm everybody can see it. Yeah. Oh boy, I got arrested. He calls it creating a culture. Yeah. So on October 5th, 1905, the United States anti-poor, anti-sex czar, Anthony Comstock, who works for the post office. Yeah, his name comes up a lot. Yeah, he raids the magazine offices. And Bernard is arrested for circulating obscene pictures, which are the posters of women who had won previously.

Okay, and those are obscene. Yeah, because they're in skin-tight outfits. Sure. And the magazine at this point is known for its photos of topless women exercising. And it had articles like Naked People, Dear New York. Okay. Okay. Okay. Which is about a...

So there is nudity. I mean, that should obviously be allowed, but it's... That's about a New Jersey nudist colony. Okay. So the raid, of course, just creates more publicity. And then at that year's event, 20,000 people show up to the garden, which is 5,000 more than capacity. So it just causes him to sell more tickets.

Two weeks after his magazine called Comstock the King of the Prudes, which stuck, in March 1906, Bernard was found guilty, but they just released him. What a useless... I think they might have fined him a couple bucks, but it was just like, okay. Still, for him, that's all good. Yeah. From that point on, he was just constantly

attacking Comstock in his magazines. And a guy he praised in his magazine was a guy named John Alexander Dowie, who founded Zion City. Okay. So he thinks Dowie's founded Zion City. Okay. So he thinks Dowie is awesome. Oh boy. And he decides...

I love it when our friends are like, other people become super friends. Yeah. And he decides he's going to make his own city just like Zion City. And it will be called Physical Culture City. Oh my God. So he buys... Is that Landau City? He buys 1800 acres...

Fuck! In Northern New Jersey. And the idea is no saloons, no drug stores, no tobacco shops, and no prudes. He's really hung up on this prude stuff. Yeah, no red meats banned, high heels shoes are banned,

white bread is banned, of course white bread is banned. Yeah, no red meats banned, high heels shoes are banned, white bread is banned. Of course white bread is banned. Again, crazy list. When if you eat white bread, it's the death penalty. I assume. So 200 people show up to live in the city. They're mostly really poor people. And then locals would come.

I swear to God, I would show up there just to be like, I understand there's free white bread. Just to watch him go bonkers. Where does sourdough land on the... We understood that there would be free white bread for life here. Isn't that like your whole thing? Killin' boys. So local people would come to watch because everyone is in skimpy outfits. So there would just be a little crowd around.

This is wild. Bernard and his wife had a daughter, but then he starts to stray, and he is seen walking around holding hands with his secretary, Susie Wood. It's just aggressive. So then Marguerite moves back to Canada. She's like, well, you're fucking cheating.

This is the death of Bernard Guarite. And then Bernard starts shacking up with Susie. Okay. And then she gets pregnant and has a baby. Sure. And then word gets out that he had cheated nationally and it affects his magazine sales. Sure.

And in March 1907, he gets arrested again, this time for the magazine Growing to Manhood, which had articles about the perils of syphilis. Wait, he opened a side magazine or this was in the magazine? He's had side magazines and this is a side magazine called... Called Manhood and it talks about syphilis. Growing to manhood. Growing to manhood. So, are Boner? I mean, I don't think he's being subtle. We talking about Blu Chu? I think it's Boner magazine. That's what I think he's doing here. That's great.

By the way, that really should happen. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. Google it. What do you think is on boner.com? Me. So this is going south. The utopia starts falling apart.

Yeah. People are set. And then he holds a town meeting to bring everyone together, a unity meeting. But then- This is 200 people who live there though. So this is a town meeting of 200 people. And also a lot of people have left. There's not as many people. It's like 50 people. He's like, look, this is still going real good. Well he ends up losing his shit at the magazine and accusing them all of treason.

And then in July 1907, the Physical Culture Publishing Company is moved back to New York City. So he bails the business on his own city. He also has to go to trial in October and he is found guilty. And this time he is sentenced to two years. But people think that's crazy and so Taft commutes his sentence. Boy, he's like, Taft, by the way, he looks like he's eating taff by the way That's nice that you

Commuted my sentence cuz I'm talking so much shit about how big you are. I called you president whale boy. Yeah, it's but thank you Husky. Yeah He creates the washed air company And is the man. What's the opposite of a title machine? It's absolutely nothing like what you think it. It makes double decker subway cars. But that's what's so bad about the name. Like when you're when you give me a name and you're like, it does nothing like what you

think it's like that's not a name is supposed to make it. Oh, that's it. It should. Yeah. Washed air. Gareth, can you think of what would be wrong with a double decker subway car? Yeah. Yes, I can. I absolutely can.

Well, oddly, no, no city bought it. Why? What's the matter? This is like Musk territory. It does. I absolutely can. Well, oddly, no city bought it. Why? What's the matter? This is like Musk territory. It totally is.

You know, the whole thing with the double-decker buses, we're going to be able to put the double-decker subway cars down there probably in the next two to three months. Just imagine people being like, how big is it? And he's like, this big. And they're like, well, that doesn't fit. Oh. It'll fit.

It'll fit. So then he creates a breakfast food called strengtho, which is based on. This man was born for a biography. I mean, this is nuts. It's all hits. Well, that was strength though. That was based on what Kellogg and Post were doing at the time.

And they also had their sanitariums in Battle Creek, Michigan, where we went and visited their graves. Yeah. Well, some of us, some of us went a little wild on their graves if memory serves. No, I didn't do anything. Yeah. Yeah, what's wild? What did you do? I poured out. What did you do to the grave? I poured out a quart of milk. Yeah, you think that's okay? That's fine Remember when you're a kid you'd play dig dog ditch. Yeah same energy I had going through my body that day

I was like we gotta get the fuck out of here. Dave just poured a ton of milk on a grave, on a cereal man grave. What were you saying the whole time I was pouring it? Oh, I don't remember. I think you were like, that's enough. That's enough. That's enough. Yeah, I was definitely trying to shut the project down. That's van life. I poured it all out. Oh, yeah. No, there's no... That's without question.

You finished the job. You got to show respect. I don't think that's how it was interpreted by other people there. So Bernard decides he's going to open up a sanatorium there, the sanatorium, and Post rents a building to him that he owns. And that becomes Bernard McFadden Sanatorium. And it's for rich people. And then he unveils his latest thing, which is cycle, cyclotropathy, cyclotropathy, a new science of healing. There were a bunch of things involved in this, water cures, massage, skeletal manipulation, all natural stuff. Skeletal manipulation, I'm flagging. It's all fine.

Not okay. Upton Sinclair becomes a big client. He's a very happy customer. Many now call Bernard BM, his initials, but he liked it because it's also the nickname for a bowel movement. And he sees that as a plus into that. Yeah. Okay.

Sir, BM had Sinclair fast and then go on an all milk diet. Jesus Christ. A glass of milk every half hour. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my fucking yes. I don't know why you think I'm making it up as I go along. Why would you say that?

No wonder this guy hated doctors because if any doctor heard any of his ideas You actually physically cannot do that. You know what you sound like you sound like a professor of diarrhea That's all I hear a glass of milk every half hour sounds like a war crime It sounds like what you would do like when like Abu Ghraib papers came out It sounds like what you would do like when like Abu Ghraib papers came out. You'd be like, oh my God, these poor bastards. Seriously, it's the worst thing ever. A glass of milk every half hour.

I mean, how long could that possibly go on for? I don't know, but I'm sure it went on for days. Like it's imagine how bloated and oh, it'd be terrible. There'd just be like a plasma film in your mouth. Oh, it would be terrible. Terrible. There would just be like a plasma film in your mouth like... Oh, it's so bad. Just dying from milk. Yeah, horrible. Jesus Christ.

No food and a glass of... And this is the guy who's telling us to avoid white bread. That's right. You've got to be careful. Your body's a temple. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to remove all nutrients incoming except for milk, which we'll do twice an hour. Do you remember all of the, like at the other sanitariums, like Kellogg Sanitarium, all of the crazy contraptions that he had for people to work out on and stuff?

Yeah, he had like weird pummel horse jumpy thing, like lots of springs, lots of weird... Yeah. That was... was like a three stooges gym is what he had you can look it up online it's they're very just wild comical so he kind of did something similar he vented something called the peniscope which Dave is a son don't Dave come on it's a cylindrical Dave. Come on. It's a cylindrical tube. Oh, no. Attached to a vacuum. Oh, no. No.

What is it? Dick sucker. The other is attached to your penis. And so he invented it. It's to make your penis grow. But wait, Dave, of course. Listen, here's what I've learned. When something's sucking your cock, it gets bigger.

What in the name of God? Everyone's just showing up. Are we cleaning this out in between suckings? Can I get back on the peniscope? I'm actually in the middle of using the peniscope. The men are getting really upset about other men being on the peniscope. There's a line.

Hey, how much longer? By the way, I finished in the pedoscope again. So this is just a machine that kind of like sucks your dick to get bigger. I mean, I'm trying to find a way to like actually talk about the thesis behind the idea a little bit, but it's like a machine that pulls your penis and then your penis is supposedly, will be lengthier overall. That's correct. When you take your cock out.

That's correct. Yeah, many problems there for me, among them, I'm not gonna be like, While you slam milk slam sharing cock holes. You drink milk. You're doing real good, Greg. Now, take another glass of milk while this machine sucks your dick.

Oh, oh! There you go. Wow, look, he's making milk while he's drinking it. This guy's awesome. Look at us, guys. So the sanatorium is very successful, but after two years he thought Post was really ripping him off on rent. So he shut it down and bailed.

This guy just can't hang in there. So he opens up a new place on Chicago Southside in 1912. He also is publishing magazines, a bunch of magazines. He's making speeches. He would write a new health book every few months. He had a physical culture training school and made treatment plans for hundreds of people. He published a five volume encyclopedia of physical culture and now he had 20 health food restaurants. Somehow he is still living on the financial edge. Crazy. Because the trials cost

a lot. I assume the moving and opening. He must just be horrible with the money. He must have just been putting money in like tons of shit that didn't work out. Yeah well, and I mean And and the moving has to cost a lot. He's moving and moving and moving so Marguerite is done she files for divorce and Comstock bans His books from the mail completely. Okay, and then he gets arrested again So he flees to England Where landau was like, eh. Sando.

Sando. That's me. He's, he's 42 at this point. So he starts lecturing, he's selling books, he holds a perfect woman competition in Britain. The perfect thing in front in front of it's never good. So the winner is 19 years old. Her name is Mary Williamson. And the. What she would get for winning is 100 pounds after doing a 60 city tour with him.

It's just creepy shit. What? No, totally. Definitely like his way of being like, you'd be my wife at the end of this. It's my wife. It sells out. And they're doing feats of strength like she's doing. Like, you know, she's an athlete. You're not going to believe this.

After two months, he asks her to marry him. You can believe that. Shocking. She says yes, then after she said yes, he stood on his head and had her time in. Minute four. If you're looking confused, that's what you do when you celebrate.

For sure. When a woman accepts your marriage proposal, you stand on your head for as long as you can Absolutely. No, no, it's for sure Yep, has he told her about this dick sucking vacuum yet? No, she has to sign an oath before they get married that she would not have any doctors at the birth any births. Oh, Jesus Christ. And- Of course not, hon. That's crazy.

Why would I want a doctor? Yeah, if I hemorrhage, we'll figure it out. I'll just have a good meal. She would also raise the kids by his health rules. Nothing else. Right. That sounds good, right? Well, I mean, his milk every half hour

sounds like a baby's diet, so that's not a bad start. They got married with nobody there. Sure. On the wedding night, he gave her his novel because he found her, Gareth, the novels about what happened. Oh, right. He found the athletic woman. Yeah, right.

And all he had to do was open a competition. He's like, this is about you, baby. The athletic woman. Yeah, right. And all he had to do was open a competition. He's like, this is about you, baby. Yeah. Yeah. So they moved to Brighton and he talks her into doing one last stunt. I say one last because she's pregnant. Very pregnant. And he has her dive off the 60 foot platform into the sea. She's super pregnant. And he has her dive off the 60 foot platform into the sea. She's super pregnant. You know, I don't think I need to know

that no doctors are around. The daughter he had had with Susie, remember his secretary was holding hands with her, comes to live with them, but he tells Mary she's an orphan he's taking in. Nice. That probably made her feel good. That's what I like about that. Mary had the baby and then quickly got pregnant again.

So she survived the 60 foot jump into the sea. Yeah, but I think it didn't help the relationship. And then Bernard dunked the baby in cold water, really cold water every morning because he thought that would be good. Who's he consulting? Himself. Imagine that the ego on you to be like, this is good. I know, right? Babies love freezing. So they moved to France and he starts eating quote

handfuls of fine quartz sand along the beach. He's sando. Sand low. So he's just walking along the beach eating it? I'm wondering if he heard about like geckos or you know other animals that need sand to digest like there are lizards and stuff that have to have I'm wondering if he heard that and decided that would be... Don't tell him about the dung beetle. The dung will be right back. Maybe that's fine but animals do crazy shit. That's like yeah is he gonna build a nest out of gum and hay? No, but what he did was write two articles on the digestive power of sand One was

Sad cleans glass bottles why not bowels? Oh? This guy this is the laxative guy This is the guy whose diet was pure laxatives And now he's like Sam, that's it. Sad it cuts you up. Sam, because we're basically glass. Can I just say something? What about the shits?

Think of the shits. It's got to be like the opening to days of our lives. I mean, he must just be I mean what you're expecting has got to be true. It's just the worst. Yeah. Yeah. He's just shitting sand. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Just sand shitting. World War One breaks out and they go back to New York. He publishes his latest book, Manhood. Out of my asshole. That's about the harm of masturbation, coitus interruptus. Wait, what is it called? Manhood.

Okay, sure. It's about the harm of masturbation, coitus interruptus, and how massaging the thyroid made gray hair return to its normal color. Alright, there's lots going on there. Coitus interruptus is one of his things? That means don't stop fucking me when you start. Yeah, he's saying come inside. Oh, he's saying come inside. Oh, he's saying this guy's this guy's really

this and I'm writing this one to my wife. He turned 50 in 1918 and despite all of the success, he really does not have very much money. He doesn't even own a house Which is easy back then right if you're slightly successful They have a hotel with 60 rooms at one point. Yeah They own Sorry, they have four daughters Bernice Bula Beverly in Bronda Stupid they moved to Long Island Now he would often walk Bula Beverly in Buranda. Stupid.

They moved to Long Island. Now he would often walk six hours and 25 miles to his Manhattan office. They have two more daughters. All the kids have to exercise constantly. Eat your sand. Drink your milk. If it's not going down right, drink your milk. They really didn't celebrate Christmas because he thought Santa was fat and had a drinker's

nose. Yeah, he did. He did, yeah. Disgusting. Jesus Christ. I'd say get him to a doctor, but that'll only make it worse. So Physical Coleslaw magazine starts taking submitted photos, which means tons of topless, sometimes sans pants pictures.

By the way, they should have called him sans pants. This leads to a gay audience for the magazine. Okay. Bernard then launches True Story in 1919. It is immediately successful. It is a confessional magazine with the basic guide of it was truth is stranger than fiction. Good idea.

The first issue had stories like a wife who awoke in time, an ex-convict's climb to millions, how I learned to hate my parents. So it's all like, ooh, it's reality. It's kind of scandal it, yeah, right. It's reality TV but in a magazine. Right, right. First person stories, mostly about sin and redemption.

Usually sexual stuff described in detail. Often those were young, poor girls being taken advantage of by rich men. He also used stage photos instead of illustrations. And he created then new magazines, true romances and true experiences. He was trying to ward off other people from starting magazines that were similar to his. Right. He was doing every spinoff.

Yeah. That's why we should have done sports, crime, all those. Sex. Sex. Of course, as he always does, he takes things too far. He just couldn't, he just can't point out what is right about medicine, wrong about medicine. He has to go after them. So he claims the American medical association is poisoning the wells on his estate. Wow, that's just crazy. I can't believe a guy who fucked a machine, eats sand, drinks milk all the time, is like, you guys are the problem.

If you can imagine someone doing crazy shit and then blaming doctors for it, I can't. Imagine. He spoke, he spoke with like a Missouri twang and an employee called it quote, a combination of old Scotch and Chucktah. Sometimes suddenly he would start mooing or braying while talking. Braying? Like a donkey. Okay. Sometimes these sometimes we're roasting someone and I'm going, and then I'm like, oh. Oh no. He really liked to compare himself to Huckleberry Finn.

Oh no. He really liked to compare himself to Huckleberry Finn. It's just, there's a lot, it's not turning out great. This whole story is leading to some problematic stuff. So now he puts his hair in a pompadour because he wants to promote his baldness cure yanking on the hair And he came to believe in earth to body magnetic currents So he starts walking barefoot sleeping on the floor and standing on his head a lot Now see the barefoot one. I think there's some Agree reality to some of that. I agree.

The standing on your head seems a bit extreme. Nope, it's not a thing. Sleeping on the floor. Again, I think there's a middle ground there. Walk a little barefoot. That's okay. Yeah. Get your feet in the grass.

There you go. It's definitely weird. Drink a milk every half hour. He hates fashion, so he now is wearing his clothes until they're basically falling apart. Maintenance men in his building started thinking when they saw him that he was a derelict, so then he would start challenging the maintenance men to fistfights. Well, that's really going to help his case. They finally have a son.

They've had six girls. They finally have a son, By've had six girls. They finally have a son, Byron. He's peaking. His business is huge. His offices have a gym in them and Bernard would stop meetings, editorial meetings, to wrestle with a former lightweight champion he had in the office.

Okay. And then those would go on for an hour or two while everyone waited for it to stop Someone's gotta win imagine watching two guys wrestle for two hours Why you're trying to work? Yeah, I just feel like guys It's a tie After the match he'd go to his desk usually top Guys just After the match, he'd go to his desk, usually topless. Just guys. Just guys.

He divided the offices horizontally to save on rent. How does that even? So it's an office on top of an office. But I'm like- And you'd have to climb up to get in your upper office. He's like, the two- story subway car was crazy. Huh? So crazy now. So people were hunched over at their desks.

So people are hunched over at their desk and other people like, I'm sorry. What's the John Malkovich movie where there's being John Malkovich. Is that the one where they have the half? Yeah. Yeah. Like weird 13th floor. Honestly, when I read this, I was wondering if like, oh my God, did the person who wrote being John Malkovich read this?

It's Mike Jones, I think. No, what's his name? Charlie Kaufman. Yeah, did Kaufman read this and know about this? Or do they just have the same crazy mind? So he's really well known at this point. He's a celebrity. His daughters become known as the McFaddenettes, and they would perform routines, fitness routines on the radio.

By the way, that's a great way to have your workout translate without question. Go on the radio and do a fitness routine for me to listen to you do it. As a group. As a group. You know, there's I guess there's probably some naysayers out there sitting by the old AAM FM thinking to themselves, maybe this isn't actually happening. But don't let those people stand in the way. These women are in these offices really doing it. The magazine. And three.

And four. And five. And we're really doing it. And one. And two. And we're really doing it. My leg's going up. And one. My leg's going up. And two. My leg's going up.

And we're really doing it. And now we're doing so many pushups, it is crazy. The magazine is promoting alternative healers who cure everything from baldness to bowel problems. On December 4th, 1922, Byron has a seizure. So Bernard takes the baby and dunks him in really hot water. It's so hot Mary can't keep her hands in it when they're submerged. Yeah, but babies are less sensitive than an adult woman. That's right. That's right. She finally yells at him and makes him call a doctor,

but it's too late. Byron died. To help their grief, Bernard takes the entire family to Atlantic City. That's to help. OK. And has them walk up and down the boardwalk all day in the snow for two weeks. How else are you going to get over it? Here's what I love about him. He solves problems by making problems. Much worse problems. Yeah. Afterwards, he writes an editorial about his son's death, saying he had a fall and

he was overfed by Mary. Yeah. He had way too much sand for a baby. So that creates a permanent rift between. God, she's been a wife. I know I like you can't just you can't bring your wife for a baby's death anymore. Honestly, women are so sensitive about that sort of stuff. That's what I love about JD Vance.

He JD Vance like and again, look, I'm not going to hear. But this is why he's the guy. This is why the dollops endorsing JD Vance, not only and again, look, I'm not gonna, but this is why he's the guy, this is why the dollop's endorsing JD Vans, not only for vice president, for president. Yeah, no, for emperor, let's be honest. And for everything. He's got a good read on how to talk to people who aren't exactly like him.

He gets people. Yes, he does. He gets people. He connects with people. He connects with people. Now, Mary blames Bernard for the baby's death. Because he threw him in a boiling pot of water? Put him in hot water. Because he treated him like pasta? The baby was having a seizure and you're not supposed to, I guess you're not supposed to, you're supposed to cool them down when that happens. Anyway. Well, yeah,

once they're al dente, then you run them under cold water and then you put it aside when you make your sauce. Yeah. She also thought Bernard was the reason she had miscarried once for making her strenuously exercise while she was pregnant. But they stay together and they have another baby boy, Berwin. Jesus Christ. This is God's way of saying there's no more B names. Right? Bernard decides the president has the biggest audience in America, so that is the job to get. Quote, political contests that derive their support through advocating physical culture reforms will, I believe, become a reality in the not far distant future. So

he thinks that exercising policy will win you the election. Sure. Does he know America? He thought the only way to be taken seriously was to get the press to talk him up. But they're not doing it. So he starts the New York graphic paper with the intent to boost his profile. The graphic represented one of the low points in the history of American journalism. At first it was like a daily physical culture type paper.

It had goofy contests, a lot of photos, a column, and of course wisdom from Bernard. But it didn't take long for the paper to switch to a sensationalist tabloid. Headlines like weed parties in soldiers love nest and two women in fight one stripped the other eats bad check. Are you sure this is one guy's life? Is this maybe like three different guys? Is it like, like when three kids are in a trench coat trying to pass as an adult? Is this maybe three life stories at one? It's really crazy how much stuff he does. So the graphic starts using a couple of photographs, staged photos with the heads of newsmakers

pasted onto models' bodies. So you stage a photo and then you take the head of the celebrities and you pop them on top. And there you go. And then you are good to go. I feel like there's going to be some backlash. This is, it's Deepfakes the magazine, right? Yeah, Cheapfakes. That's what they are. The paper started using these during Leonard Kip Rhinelander's divorce trial.

He was suing his bride Accusing her of not telling him she was part black Which is super cool, yes, it's a good time. I don't know why you keep saying it's a bad time It's a good time. No, I know you're right. I should have hung in there and waited for the good stuff like this One day in court it was said she stripped down to the waist to prove the charge was false. Now I don't know what's happening. What are you even... I don't know.

What? I don't... I can... Is she... I don't know. Well, it's obvious this claim is now fake. Court and case dismissed. Yes.

So the graphic runs a compos- Compos- Composograph. Is that what it is? I will guess I'm thinking as a composite. Oh shit. People are gonna make fun of me. Composograph. Okay. Of the situation. Okay. Circulation jumps by a hundred thousand. Wow. Okay. But it doesn't do well with advertisers at all. Because they probably want to stay within the scandalous nature. Yeah. And the whole point of the graphic had been to get his political career started, but that's not happening either. People just want those salacious stories. Yeah. It's crazy for him to do that. And then he's like, can I walk you through a workout routine? What? Do you know how to eat?

Have you ever been to the beach and thought I could eat it? So now he commissions three biographies in 1929. About him? Yeah. Three. The ego on this guy. Critics attack the biographies. Sure. So the paper folds in 1932 and most papers fold and over its run.

Bernard lost $11 million. Oh my God. So he now starts trying to get in with FDR. And he talks Eleanor Roosevelt into editing a magazine called babies just babies. Dave, I'm running out of energy. I cut so much out of story. Dave, just babies. May I ask the dumbest question possible?

What is it? Just babies? Yeah. Okay. It's just babies magazine of babies. Now that's called Facebook. Wow. I don't know what's crazier that he wanted to do it or that he talked Eleanor Roosevelt into doing it.

I know. I know. But it folds. I had an interesting conversation today, Franklin, with a man who suggested we only drink milk every half hour and eat sand. But he had a great idea for a publication. Basically the magazine will be called Babies. Just Babies. And it'll only be Babies. And I know what you're thinking, I seem like I've got a pretty good head on my shoulders and I seem to be someone who makes a lot of sensical decisions. So we're gonna be making a magazine called Babies, Just Babies, and it'll just be babies. All right. Okay.

Bye, hon. I put earplugs in, I can't hear anything she says, and I just say yeah. No, it works great. Good work. Babies, just babies. It folds before he can get to the White House to take advantage of. Can I come in and take some pictures of your baby?

So the whole idea is to meet FDR and he doesn't. In 1935 circulation of all of his magazines, he's got a bunch, is 7 million, it's more than Hearst. He has a fortune of $30 million. It's more than Hearst. Wow. He has a fortune of 30 million dollars. Wow. And he announces he is now going to run for president as a Republican. Let's go. Let's go, buddy. But here's the problem.

What? It's the 30s. It's the middle of the depression. No one wants a rich guy to run for office. Like this kind of rich guy to run for office. Yeah, unlike now. He makes speeches attacking government spending, which he said, quote, has mortgaged our babies, our children, our children's children's future. So he makes speeches attacking government spending. He's very anti-immigration saying that all immigrants should be shipped home.

He's very upset about the, the quote yellow peril of the Chinese. He said America, sorry, he said California has 250,000 armed Japanese. Jesus Christ. It's basically Japan. I mean, there's not probably not that many Californians there. Yeah. He goes to the GOP convention, but he stays in a hotel room the whole time listening to it on the radio because he expects the convention to come to a loggerhead and they can't pick someone and then they would turn to him and ring him up and say, Bernard, will you save our party? I'm staying across the street.

That doesn't happen. In 1940, he runs for the Senate in Florida as a Democrat. All six candidates are Democrats. He comes in third with 16%. In 1941, minority stockholders accused Bernard of using company funds to finance his two campaigns. And he is forced to sell his holdings and step down as president of his publishing company. But after a few years go by, he brings back physical culture because after he left, it was turned into a women's magazine and then just run into the ground

sure Over the ensuing years he has written about in Newsweek and time time called him body love time Get it together time. He celebrated his 75th birthday birthday by standing on his head for photographers. This is not okay. Babies! Just babies! In 1949 and 81, he starts skydiving each year on his birthday. It's all for publicity.

Why else would you do that? Right. Oh, that's it. He said his wife had humiliated him by putting on weight and he left her. Oh my God. Just leave there. Jesus Christ. And then he marries a 42 year old woman, but she very quickly has the marriage and old.

He tries to run for mayor of New York City in 1935, but he was not allowed on the ballot. He's mostly seen as a joke now. Everyone just thinks he's a joke. What do you think that's attributed to? I don't know. I don't know. Living a life that seems like's a joke. What do you think that's attributed to? I don't know. I don't know. Living a life that seems like basically a joke? Bernard McFadden died in 1955 from jaundice aggravated by a three-day fast.

His estate was now worth nothing. His confession-style magazines, however, durable. Today McFadden Publications sells about 2,500,000 of them a year. Most of them, however, are sex stories. Wow. What? He's still with us? Well in in magazine form. Yeah. He's penthouse. He's penthouse. Yeah, writers or whatever those that kind of shit. Yeah. Holy shit. Sources, mental flaws, American heritage.com, the true

story of Bernard McFadden, Esquire.com. That was a ride, bud. Strange Tale, historic fitness guru, Bernard McFadden, money.com, wackiest millionaire ever, runs for president. Mark Adams, Mr. America, how muscular millionaire Bernard McFadden transformed the nation through sex salad in the ultimate starvation diet Huh? That is crazy. That is a crazy guy. That is crazy. Yeah, I hope you're happy I'm not happy, but I'm not unhappy no Be unhappy All right. Well, there you go

Bye say a prayer for Be unhappy. All right. Well, there you go. All right. Carry on. Okie dokie. Bye. Say a prayer for...