The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 79 - New Australia - Live w/Celia Pacquola and Tommy Dassalo

Episode Date: May 9, 2015

Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds along with Aussie comedians Celia Pacquola and Tommy Dassalo examine the attempt to begin a New Australia in South America. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCHPATREON

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Yeah well the thing is it's Gareth and feel like I've been really clear. Thanks

for the name change Dave. What are you gonna do? Why do you guys have so many 7-elevens? Oh okay. All right good. So good. Good Dave. All right. All right guys. Thanks a lot. Oh boy. That's my accent. It's not good. It's classic Australian. It's offensive. It's not offensive. They're very happy that I try to do an appropriate Australian accent. Nope. It is also very similar to the Kiwi accent. And your English accent. I like your marsupials. That took a long time for me to know what word that was gonna be. Jesus David. Doesn't have a beat. Doesn't have a bill. Is it a bill? Hey guess what same fucking thing. Oh I can say that shit more. We

should because we didn't record the part yesterday where we talked about our hero. Or I mean oh okay was anybody at the podcast yesterday? What's the same story so. How many people have been to my one-man show hothead? Right how many haven't. Yeah go fuck yourself. From the bottom my heart came all the way over here. It's like 19,000 miles to fly. And don't. I had to be on a point giving me a little bit of something. All right Gary's half as funny as me. Wait a second. I do all the work. Yeah well that part's true. We're on the train. We're on the train. And tram whatever you want to call it. It's like the big bill thing. And there's

a guy. And I'm standing talking to Gary. And there's a guy behind Gary and he has a box of straws. Big box of straws. So he's got things to do. And he goes excuse me. Pardon me. And I go oh scoot aside Gary. And the guy gets off and he walks off the tram and he turns around he says. As the doors are closing he just looks at us and he goes oofty-goofty. I just want to make sure we got that recorded so that guy knows the impact that he made because for like the rest of the ride I was like that dude's fucking awesome. Like it was like a badass line where he's like oofty-goofty. He knew he was saying the coolest thing

ever. Like a great guy. My best friend. Today's guest who will be leaving us halfway through because she has to go do a more important show. Literally more important. You guys feel good about that? She's a television star. Star of television. She has a one-person show that has been recycled this year from last year. And I told her I'd go see it and she held the ticket yesterday and I didn't go so fuck it. That is the best introduction I have ever had. That was lovely. That's so nice. So wonderful. Now this is right where it's about to start. He's gonna say a date. Yeah I do. You're gonna say a date. September 6th! 1861. Is that what normal happens?

Do you cheer? William Lane was born in Bristol, England. The eldest of five sons was and one daughter so they... You know sorry real quick his name was William but they called him Bill and you called him Beak. Wow. That's for the record. Thanks for coming everybody. I haven't had any ground rules. Is this us heckling him while he does... Yeah we don't know. And you're doing an Australian history story. Oh we don't know. You said we were. Okay sorry. His father James Lane was an Irish Protestant and his mother Caroline was English. So weird. Okay. The father was a landscape gardener who at

the peak of his career employed 20 men but William's father also conducted his business affairs at the local pub. Nice. And soon ruined the family. So it is an Australian one. Okay got it. See I feel like because Australians we get it we get a visa to go back to to the UK where we're just allowed and like in the UK there's a lot of a bit of anti-Australian sentiment. Would you feel that's right? It's like oh fuck another Australia. But I feel like it's it's we're all Australians are born with this inbrewed thing to go back to the UK like going back to a pub that kicked you out. You just want to turn up back and go hey

fuckface remember me yeah guess what I'm back. Being American is like easy because everybody likes us. Everyone's like jealous and shit. William promised his mother that he would never drink. Never ever ever ever ever. So he's gonna drink. Okay. His mom died when he was 14 as happens in every dollar. So ripe old age. A teacher gave William enough money to leave home and work his passage to Canada. It's a different time when if your parents died someone just gave you money and went hey go to another country dude you're 14 fuck up. 14. Time to settle down get some grandkids. The captain of William's ship

took a liking to him and at Montreal he was allowed to live on board until he found a place to actually live. So he got to live on a ship. Seems to be what happens here. A little weird. Soon after his arrival William took ill and was admitted to the hospital. An orthopedic surgeon at the hospital noticed he had a club foot. Hang on. What's that? It's a great bar. Is a club foot like missing toes or is it like? Yeah it's like a big foot. In my head it's a big foot. I think it's both. I think it's a it's a if you are missing toes but it's larger and it's a shitty foot. Anybody have a club foot that can explain this to us? Oh yeah that

guy's gonna fight back. Is there a doctor going and I'm so sorry your foot is club. It's supposed to say that. Medically speaking you have a shitty foot. I had a friend who had a club foot as a kid and it was just like a big lump foot. That's amazing. To find a way to make feet more gross is incredible to me. All right one big foot got it? Okay so the doctor offered to operate free of charge. The operation improved the foot but did not cure his lameness and he was a limpy man. Lame limper. Lame-ness so he's just not cool. Yeah he was like a they don't have a medicine. Fucking lame ass too. Yeah it's like you're still lame

though bro. In 1884 he met and married Anne McGuire a 19-year-old girl from Detroit. Yeah right. It's very exotic. Yeah. In 1885 the Lane set sale for England with their newly born daughter but did not remain there long. Williams 19-year-old brother John was about to follow two younger brothers Frank and artist who had emigrated to Australia the year before. Soon after his arrival in Brisbane. I don't know not from what I've heard. In June 29th 1885 Lane confided to his brother that he hoped one day to establish a communist colony. Just classic 24-year-old stuff. Yeah yeah. You hit 24 you're like man I want to start a

call on a communist colony. Yeah. See my buddies we get together would just be communists. Lane was a freelance contributor to the Brisbane Enquirer and Telegraph and the author of Labor Notes in The Observer. He quickly became one of the most widely read journalists. Quote wherever there was an overcrowded slum or a case of sweated labor William Lane would ferret it out and hold it up to public scorn those who were responsible for such evil conditions. There we go. This one on the confidence of the working class. It was his firm conviction that if capitalism and the wage systems were utterly abolished and

a state established in accordance with socialist theories, envy, hatred, malice and uncharitableness would disappear from the earth. Crime would be no more. Communism. And if anyone who's been to Brisbane know that that works. That really works. The limping reporter with the slates. Jesus. Yeah. That should be a show. Maybe come. I'm coming. I'm coming. Yeah you can't like chase the interview down. He's like slow down. Fuck my fucking leg. I'm going in circles. I've got shit foot. Medically speaking. Oh shit foot. On another episode of shit foot. His shit foot is Bigfoot's younger brother. Yeah. And he is real. We got it. He's right

here. Oh shit foot. He had a slight Yankee twang and he soon became an influential figure in the center of trade unionism in Queensland. That's where Brisbane is up north. Yes. Queensland. Love it. I'm so glad you asked me about that and not about trade unions. I was like please don't ask me. In 1887 Lane founded a Bellamy Society. Oh fuck that. I'm going to repass that. Okay. Wait. The Bellamy Society was devoted. To be honest. Like the episodes that I've been listening to. Let's just stop for a second. Like coming in. I've been backing up and I've listened to fires under cities and half dead chickens running around forever. And I'm

getting fucking trade unions. I don't know how to. Oh sweet Celia. This will go south. Something's going to fucking happen. He's going to start drinking or something fucking crazy. It's a reporter with a big foot. Okay. Before the chicken lost his head. You heard the history of chickens for some time. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Continue. And then you just had a gurgling beast. All right. The Bellamy Society was devoted to the discussion of ideas being put forward in America by Edward Bellamy. The author of the author of the utopian romance looking backwards. In this immensely popular book a young man was treated for insomnia

by a hypnotist and woke up in the year 2000 to find America transformed by socialism. Just what the Republicans feared. Exactly. Anyone who's been to America knows that that works. Yeah. Totally happened. Yeah. His weekly paint paper the boomerang. You guys are so. That's amazing. Coming back got you. Yeah. Was an instant success with crusading articles about medical quackery prostitution the city jail class distinction and Brisbane's grammar school and the yellow peril. I'm sorry. Okay. His first article in a series about the Chinese population of Queensland was headed. That paper is called the boomer

Wang was titled Sunday night in a Chinese gambling hell quote quote Sunday night in Chinatown in the hideous plague spot that is spreading like a canker over the old frogs hollow district and what that will yet rot our whole society if it not be cut remorselessly out. Lane's second article dealt with the opium smoking in Brisbane. I want to kick the lamp over and burn down this joint and all the other joins with and with it every one of these yellow devils who with mask like faces and fawning guys and patient plotting ways and superb organization. They gave him that which is sweet. You yellow devils know how to

organize. They have come here and rooted themselves here and brought with them all their virtues and all their vices who threaten us with a frightful habit which will wreck the manliness of our men and the woman womaness of our women and will bury our nationality in a deadly slaw of sloth and deceit and filth and immoralities from which the vigorous white man now strikes in horror. You guys don't like Chinese people. Was that in the newspaper? Yeah that's a good paper. Yeah it was in one of your great great newspapers. Fuck! It was under the op-ed. You did give everybody a Rupert Murdoch. I did. I'm sorry. Fair. Yeah you

shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry. Is that a supporter of Rupert Murdoch? Alone supporter? He's my uncle! Lane believed that the factory worker was the rightful owner of the factory and that the legal owners of all forms of property were robbing the manual workers of their dues. In 18... Good luck with that. In 1890 Queensland there was trouble between the sheep farmers and their labor force, the unionized shearers. Oh wow. Who went on strike. I love that there's guys cutting sheep. We're not cutting sheep anymore. What are you gonna do? Let them grow? They'll be really really hot! Watch how hairy these sheep get. Then we'll see who's... We have nothing. We have no...

We don't have a clubfoot to stand on in this one. So the union shearers went on strike and their places were taken by non-unionists from Melbourne. Oh no! Melbourne people just cut like half their hair and then like sweep the rest of it over. And so just to be clear, Dave, you're still gonna be using cunt on the podcast? Yep. Oh, okay. Right, I just said the other day we should stop using saying cunt. We. I say it. Okay, me. I can get behind this. So Melbourne people went up to cut the sheep. The Worf Laborers Union stated they would handle no wool shorn by quote black legs, also known as scabs, and declare to strike. Next, the merchant marine joined

the movement and then the coal miners of Newcastle refused to process coal. A general strike was on and in full force and industries were paralyzed from August until October 1890. The Brisbane Telegraph called William Lane the man behind the curtain and said, Lane was a real criminal. The Legislative Assembly, he was described as this archfiend who stands behind the men. I love that one. They took it harder than a bet you's behind the common guy. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone eventually had to go back to work or starve. The unions were defeated. Oh, good. Good job. Nice job, everybody. The sheep are just too damn hairy. Then they

caught then they went and they started getting Parliamentary representation running their own people and the Labor Party emerged. All right. Well, hello. Hello. How are you? Some guy just said sorry. During his time, I'm sorry. I'm representing our country in this, by the way. I'm not very smart. Oh, thank you. Thank you. You are doing very well. You're doing very well. It's so sweet. That was such a nice, positive. When I say something like that, they're just like Gary. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's Garrett. It is Garrett. Yeah. Our intermission's over. Flash the lights. William Lane talked about establishing a cooperative commune

either in Australia or abroad. He wrote, the argument is that if socialism is shown to be practical, it will set such an example and incite such determination in other states that a worldwide revolution will be brought about. And the Chinese will be dead. On May 2nd, 1891, socialist newspaper announced that the new Australian Settlement Association was to visit South America and negotiate with the Argentine government for settlement of a cooperative community of agriculturists and wool growers. The chairman was William Lane. William Lane went to Argentina to talk about our sheep. He wasn't talking. He's getting ready to move. He's moving, going to Argentina. Membership of the new Australian Cooperative Settlement Association

rose steadily into the hundreds as Oregonisers moved from town to town recruiting. Upon joining the association, each male member agreed to contribute all the capital he possessed, not to be less than 60 pounds, which was a lot of money, so people were selling their houses to join the new settlement movement. Jesus. Right. Yeah, people went out of Australia. Is that, that's why they just wanted to get the fuck out of here? They wanted to go start a communist place in another country. Sure, sure. And share the sheep. And no Chinese. You look confused. You look confused. Yeah. I wish I could say this is a safe place. But I'm doing very well. Yeah, that's true. What? I'm still waiting for a headless ticket. It's all still very, it's all very. It's

the bill. It's the up to the, we're going to go down on the coast or in no time. Okay, so he's gone now. So he's gone to Argentina. Good for him. Fuck off. We don't want you anyway. Hey, hey, this is one of your people. He started the labor party. All right. Okay. The basis for communal organizations stated there will be communal ownership of all the means of production distribution, communal conduct of production and distribution, communal maintenance of children. Whoa. Everybody took care of the kids. There were no parents. Everybody's like, yeah, I guess they're all. Everyone's your dad. Sir plus wealth would be divided equally among all adult members. Members, wives and single women would rank as members equally with men, but unlike men,

they would not be required to pay any contribution. Those are like, you say that. Actually, I like that's very pretty sweet. Those are like, those are like swinger party rules. The first thing I thought was like, they're all going to be fucking like, we share everything here, right, Helen? Don't we, Helen? Wow. And of course, like any communist country, get ready, membership would be denied to any one not knowing English, any person of color, including any married two persons of color, any living together, otherwise than in lawful marriage, anyone of questionable reputation and anyone who didn't really like the labor movement. We're getting there. Okay. Okay. As far as the liquor question.

Membership. Members shall pledge themselves to tea totalism. Wait, what's tea totalism? No drinking. Okay. See, I love that you don't even know what that word is. That's great. Tea, tea, tea totalists. Nobody will be eligible for the pioneers, no matter what payments have been made, who is not full white, who is suffering from any contagious disease, or who's not square with his fellow workers. That list is in a crazy order. It's like, nobody who's not white, also if you will give a smallpox, no. And don't have a cough. Yeah, no coughing. Two of the most important elements of Lane's

socialism were mateship and straightness, honesty, not straightness. Tell the truth. Are you white? He wrote, quote, the desire to be mates, the ideal of living together in harmony and brotherhood and loving kindness. If things were once fixed right, we should know more need laws to make healthy men good mates than we need laws to make healthy women good mothers. So he wants mates, bunch of bros. That's that way. So he's like, it's a bro going to Argentina and he's like, we're a fraternity. I really hope that's where the idea of mateship comes from. Is that where it's from? That's the worst. Like we do all Australians like, yeah. I think, wait, I thought mateship was a boat. I think, I think this is you guys. I think this is you guys exporting mateship to another country.

And the theory of mateship is just we're going to be really tight. Yeah, we're going to be really good bros. Really good bros. Yeah, like a fraternity, like you said. Yeah, nailed it. Sober white bros. Yeah. Yeah. Sober white bros. Sounds really fun. That's perfect. Come on. We'll, we'll, um, a non-drinking fraternity. We'll, we'll play, you know, yeah, yeah. It's the whitest game I can think of. All the numbers are white. Oh my god, a yellow six. Burn it. Burn it. Uh, so a question arose. This is a minefield. Many people asked this question. Oh, I wonder what it is. Quote, what will you do with lazy men who will not do as much as the others? Remove them from one branch of labor to another until they reach the very lightest of men's work.

Suppose even they pretend to be unable to keep pace with the others. Well, we will put them to work with the women who will doubtless show their appreciation of the gentleman who has proved to be a failure as a man. Yeah. All right. That's, that's crazy enough to work, my man. That sounds perfect. That seems like an incentive. Yeah. You don't want to, for sure. And be like, I'm not working. They'd be like, go with the women then, but I'd be like, all right, mate ship. I'll see you guys later. I'm going to go fuck all your wives. Take care, guys. Raise my boy while I'm going to all of you. Yeah. Regarding the women in New Australia, Lane wrote,

we do not compel either man or woman to marry, but as an association, we scorn the morbid notion that either man or woman was made to be alone. Sorry. The laugh of a single woman. It really is. The uncomfortable laugh. So much fun. Oh no. I'm reading a lot of trilogies. I really am. I had the most single sort of ever had my whole life. I was going to a show and I was going by myself when I was early and I thought, oh, it's okay. I've got a book in my bag. And I thought, oh, it's like I've got a friend in my bag. Oh my God. Oh boy. Oh boy. And then you looked at it and you realized you had also brought your cat. Mom, dad, this is Carl. He's a soft cover

book. We hold a man. You're doing well. I'm doing really well. We hold a man's life incomplete unless he has taken a woman into his heart and enthroned her in a home. Get in there. Go make pies. Don't throw him into our home. What the fuck is that shit? This is new Australia. Well, there were no doors. Options were... Do they have like a moat as well? You're a woman, so you probably can't even jump very well. So I'll just chuck you. Yeah. Just throw him right in. Yeah. Okay. Good. We hold that a woman has lived vainly and without joy unless from among manly men she has freely chosen a husband. All right. So now you're feeling it right now. Okay. The kettle's bubbling.

Upon whom in all purity and virtue she can pour out the passionate affection that is in all women's true hearts. So there will be no compulsion for single women to marry every single girl who joins us can die an old maid if she pleases. Wait though. That is good to know. Do you want me to read that again? I mean, okay. There will be no compulsion for single women to marry every single girl who joins us can die an old maid. That's nice. If it pleases her to be so erratic. How's that erratic? That's a long term plan of anything. But aren't we also aren't we also still going to die alone now? Like it's a long process that I am on. You've always got your book. I've got heaps of books. Yeah. Heaps of books. Okay. Heaps of books. But aren't they saying that men

have to have a woman to be validated? Isn't that part they're saying everybody does but they're saying there's also like also women you could just be erratic and old. Yeah. A woman if she chooses to to die alone in an unfulfilled horrific life because nowadays we're not fucking allowed to do that. They need a tinder. That's what they needed back then. Are men allowed to die alone? Are you allowed to die? Are men allowed to die alone? Our bachelor's will be the finest in the world. That means rose ceremony. That's what that means. The finest bachelor's of the world. What does that mean? Strong and honest and manly with the manliness that town life destroys. Will they be manly? The girls that will go will be less than human if these men do not win their

hearts and make them loving wives and happy mothers. So it's pretty simple. Oh yeah. It's super simple. You can be a woman and live to be an older maid or you can be thrown into a home. You'll be less than human but that's fine. But if a guy hits on you and you say no you are less than human. I mean yeah it's like today. Nothing has changed. Paraguay is a country in the very center of South America. Paraguay had a recent tragic history at this time after fighting for its independence from Spain. The country was ruled consecutively by three of the most abusive dictators in South American history. Then it experienced more than 20 revolutions and brought twice to the brink of disaster by international war. Fighting off the combined forces of Uruguay,

Brazil and Argentina from 1856 to 1870, the population was reduced from 800,000 to less than 250,000. Of these survivors, 150,000 were women, 81,000 were children and 14,000 were men. Fuck. Wow. That's where you want to go. Those dudes were fucking. Yeah. That was a fuck party. Like all their dudes were gone. All the dudes. No more revolutions. We're good, right? So it sounds like we need more men up in this bitch, right? Uh-oh. Oh no. We need more shipmates. Mate ships. Which one is up? Both. Thank you. Lane wrote, over three great continents, our race has spread itself, seeking land to build itself the home which we all desire. Every time we have failed, because we carried the social

sin that brings poverty, misery and crime, we are going to live as mates. This might take a little bit of a gay turn. Okay. Well, I don't know. But at the moment, there's heaps of women and children and no men. Yeah. But he's going to. So what happens? Do they like get them to do stuff? I don't know. You're leaving early. You're not going to find out. I know. He has to leave early to do other shows. She's not going to know. God, shit. Well done. It's for charity. You hate charities. Do you feel good about that? After the show, do you want to go down to the hospital and scream at some newborns? Is that what we want to do? She's doing a Tony Abbott fundraiser.

So you'll be screaming at babies. That's the meal they're serving. Everyone's like, and a whole onion and a whole onion. Where's my fork? No fork. No. Just bite it like an apple. There you go. Like a sociopath. Eat it like Robert De Niro would in Cape Fear. Like that. That's what we need from you. Okay. Sorry. Wonderful place. I mean, what do you think went through his head when he bit the onion? Like he just had to be like, fuck me. That's an onion. Don't make a face. Fuck. Yeah. Don't make a face. Oh my God. I'm eating an onion. Or it was just like Or it was like, this apple's off. So Paraguay was in serious need of dudes. The Paraguayan government gave New Australia their

land. In return, the association was required to establish 800 families within four years. They paid 1,350 pounds for a freight ship named the Royal Tar to bring Royal Tar Royal Tar. Not a great name. No. And it was the regal feathers. It was to bring 200 men and women and children on an eight week voyage from Sydney to Paraguay. The settlers gathered in Balmain to await the voyage. You guys know Balmain. Is that a place? Yep. Sydney. It's in Sydney. Okay. And almost no time at all, the new Australians at Balmain had divided into two parties. Those who trusted Lane implicitly and those who continually questioned him. Well, I mean, it does sound like a lie. Like, hey, get on this boat. There's heaps of single chicks over there. Like, really?

Although no one expected the voyage to last longer than 60 days, the ship was forced to take provisions for 130 days due to Australian law. That sounds like you guys. The final count of passengers came to 220. 43 of the men were unmarried, but there were only seven single women over the age of 16. Dramatic car crash. Yeah. We timed that well. That guy did a good job. Yeah. Lane spent much of the time in his cabin because he was upset by an incident that occurred the third week out. This is exciting. This incident concerned Dave Stevenson and Clara Jones, who often strolled the deck in the evening. One day, Lane posted a notice for bitting single women to be on deck after 6pm. No, on dick, you mean? Thank you rather wrong. All right, that's dick.

After 6pm, unless accompanied by their parents, this was what the fuck is going on? Why are they taking more women anyway? They don't need women. Yeah, those women were probably like, why are we going? It's like, well, we're going to get you lost in the fray. Guys, start doing push-ups. You don't like travel of women for the trip. Yeah, that's right. It was kind of, yeah. It was like travel size. This was widely resented. When Lane came on deck that evening, he was immediately surrounded by a crowd of hostile passengers. His response was to immediately resign. That's going to make you feel real fucking good when you're like, okay, great. Now we're on a boat called the Royal Tar and the dude just quit. Things are happening. Well, his resignation was not

accepted. What? They were deterred from, because they didn't want to change horses in midstream. What horses are in a boat? It's just a phrase. It's a phrase. Wait, but that is not a good word. They're riding horses. Like the horses are drowning very fast. Should we change? Oh my god, we should have used a boat. How are you guys doing on the Camels? Not good. Not good. No, they're all drowning. This isn't a river either. They were also deterred by the fact that Lane held the mortgage on the boat. That's gotta be, that's gotta be horrible when you're like, no, don't resign, fix. I'm out of here. Claire Jones continued to walk the deck when she pleased. Lane kept to his cabin like a sulky child and came out only on deck at night. He had a special

table built near his cabin, which he and his wife dined with a few chosen friends. The passenger recounts a petty dispute about cutlery. At the start of the voyage, everybody put in what they had to the common mess stock plates, cup spoons, knives, and forks, etc. At the start of the voyage, there was more than enough for everybody. But during the early part of the voyage, many had meals on deck. And in consequence, a lot of these things went overboard. Because they're eating on the thing and then the... Oh, okay. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, one of the single women fell. Oh, no. It's like the shit we're floating on is moving. Yeah. What's up with this moving floor? We should eat in the middle. We should eat in the middle.

When Lane moved to his private table, he took out the full complement of utensils from our tables to use theirs. When he was confronted about this, it was pointed out to him that more than one half of the utensils had been lost and that they were short now. And he said, quote, oh, you can't expect us to stand the loss if you don't look after your things. Socialism. What a good guy. I don't see how this is going to go wrong. No, no, we're on a good path for sure. The Royal Tar arrived on Monday September 11. Royal Tar. Royal Tar. In the capital of Uruguay, and Lane went ashore to visit the Paraguay console before leaving the ship. Lane posted a notice forbidding anyone to go ashore until he returned. Several passengers announced that they were going ashore in the morning, no

matter what. Several members went ashore, including two women. When they returned, four men were roaring drunk. Some of Lane's supporters greeted the tourists with cries of scabs, quickly a brawl developed. It got to high words on both sides, then to blows and a few rush for knives. The women and children. But they don't fall on overboard. I've got a spoon. Throw the napkin at him. Throw it. The women and children were screaming below and the men were rushing on deck. One man from the drink was so excited and quite dangerous that he was locked up in the front of the ship until morning. At the general meeting the next evening, Lane offered free passage back to Australia on the rail tower for any member who wished to return. There were no takers. Well, yeah, because

they were just like, we just went on this fucking boat forever, asshole. The temperate's claws remained, but the drinking continued. On Thursday morning, September 28th, the colonists reached the new site of New Australia. So funny, like, dick delivery. We bring you dick. Penis. We bring you lots of penis. Within two months, there were two contending factions identified as the royalists and the rebels. The rebels were of two types. There were a few who persistently broke the rules, particularly drinking, and there were many others who just became increasingly suspicious. They just needed to have a drink. Relax. It turns out that most of the rebels had come to Paraguay in the hopes of bettering themselves materially. So they're not communists. They're

going for a cash round. Yeah. The royalist Walker head wrote, the captain of the native police informed us that some of our members were stealing tools and exchanging it for liquor, and that one man had promised a native that if he could get him a native woman, he could have one of our girls. Wow. Helen. I'll give you a brown one for a white one. Yeah, that doesn't work on two levels for these guys, right? Yeah. No. The rules relating to drinking were fragrantly broken, and one man openly announced his intention to bring a native woman into the colony to live with him. Amazing. Patty Lynch. Oh, fuck. I mean, there's a guy named Patty Lynch.

And Charles Manning came to blows when Manning accused Lynch of setting fire to some of his statching grass. And while the fight... What? That means pubic hair. Yes. What is snatching grass? I think it's what you put on the side of your little hut or whatever. Oh, okay. Have you ever seen Gilligan's Island? Oh, snatching. I heard snatching. I heard snatching. Snatching grass. I heard snatching. Yeah, he's just snatching grass. He's like, what do you think you're supposed to do with it? I snatched it. Fucking buddy. It's grass that's grown on the vagina. And while the fight was in progress, Manning was advised by someone in the crowd to take an axe to his opponent. And someone else in the crowd is like, you're doing well. We're a couple days

in. It's going great, you guys. Yeah. How many do we like two days in? He's like, get an axe. Kill him! John Sebald, who was in charge of the mail, was accused of opening Rebels letters and they spread a rumor that one of his, well, the prospectors had four illegitimate children at Eos, all fathered in one night when he'd been surveying the colony. Whoa. Surveying. Yeah, surveying. Wasn't all he was surveying. Yeah, there's a mate. Yeah. Wow, there's a lot of grass here that needs to be. Lot of grass. Time to play ball. So Lane, during this time, spent a good deal of time in the Capitol registering the association, whatever that means. Unfortunately, he did it quietly, which led the Rebels to believe a land swindle was being done. When he returned to the colony,

he was accused of double dealing in deceit and was told that the majority had lost confidence in him, and he offered to resign when the next past of colonists arrived. No, you can't resign. Two months. Three men, including Tom Westwood, received the following notice. You are hereby notified that you've been expelled from New Australia Cooperative Summit Association for your persistent and willful violation of the Clause and Mutual Agreement signed by you relating to liquor drinking. A wagon will be ready for you at seven o'clock tomorrow morning to take you and your things to the train station. If you remain on the colony after that hour, or if you return to the lands of the colony, you will be removed by police. One of the men was still in

the Capitol and never returned. Westwood in the third refused to leave. And the next morning, a group of armed police with swords and guns evicted them. Westwood took his blind son with him. So this is a cool group of dudes. Yeah. They kicked out the blind kid. Yeah. Oh, they just told me it was going to Disneyland, though, guys. On Saturday, Lane was presented with a petition for separation signed by 19 men. By the end of December, New Australia had lost slightly more than one third of its population. From what? Axe wounds? What? 81 people and all. On the last day of 1893, the Royal Tar left Adelaide with 199 new passengers. They were to have been 204, but two men were denied passengers, passenger because they were drunk.

I might get it on that ship. There's no fucking spoons. Two others decided not to go when they realized that the temperance rule would be enforced, and one man just missed the boat. Well, that guy was drunk, too, probably. The guy sells his house and waits around for months, and he's like, ah, fuck. Ah, daylight savings. There was more entertainment on the second voyage to Paraguay. The men fished bet on porpoises racing. What? Porpoises racing alongside the ship. They bet on porpoises. Amazing. What would you do? I mean, I do it, but not on porpoises. I have to go. I actually have to go. Are you leaving on that? That's actually her exit line.

Celia! Wow. All right. Did Nick Cody show up? Are you here, Nick? Okay, Nick did not show up, so he's a cunt. All right. So we are using cunts still, just to be clear. Okay. Just when we're in Australia. Oh, sure. Yeah. Oh, there's Nick. Oh, nope. Oh, is it Tommy? Come on up, Tommy. Tommy Dosselow! What is he? You guys are a native at dumb cunt. Here I am. A little fact about Tommy. Tommy, his name is not originally Tommy Dosselow. He picked it. He chose that name. Oh, are we doing a dollop about Tommy? A dollop? He thought it sounded unique. Yeah. And I'm correct. I was correct. Fuck, I'm drunk.

Oh, you're going to fit right in with this boy. You can act out some of the scenes. Do you know? Have you heard where we are? I got here and then I left to go get some KFC. Oh, my God. Shout out to the Colonel. I haven't known him that long, but the number of times he said to me I left to go get KFC is fucking remarkable. He ain't like the chicken. All right. So some asshole is taking a bunch of people to Paraguay where they're going to set up a new Australia. Yeah. Right. Okay. And there's no drinking. No drinking. Some of them are drinking. And you're not allowed to fuck anybody who's not white. Yep. And one guy is fucking a non-white and they don't like him and he almost got axed. So hell of a podcast you guys have got. Yeah.

What? Is this previous episodes of this show or? No, this is today. Oh, okay. Yeah. Cool. Wow. Welcome. This is not like Rat Dad. Did you just call it Rat Dad? Rat. But Rat Dad would be awesome. Rat Dads. Please do one episode of Rat Dad. I think, I think that might be happening in about an hour's time. Okay. So the men bet on porpoises. Oh, yeah. They're gambling on porpoises. Okay. They played cricket using a ball on a long string. Well, is the how like the guy, the bowlers just always got it. He's always like, yeah, you're out. Yeah. Four, four on that. At night, they were boxing matches on the side of the deck and dancing on the other after a fight. This sounds awesome. After a fight between two families of

passenger remarked, we have a very poor spirited lot of married women, although they're one or two nice ones. Have a meet near the side like the cutlery. Back in the colony, Lane was very depressed by others leaving and spent hours in gloomy introspection. So he's just like a just like a depressed pussy basically, right? He's just like in like his place like my idea was bad. I thought we were gonna have like a knot drinking everybody loves each other mate party. I tried to resign. Although his wife had just recovered from childbirth and pneumonia. Oh, cool. Those does go well together. Lane decided that she should return to Australia on the royal tar to enroll single women, you know, like how a pimp does. Yeah. I love that she's got pneumonia and

he's like, get on the boat where you could die. Sorry, now you got nothing. You're free to say things. Sorry. As their new as the new rivals made their way to the settlement, they were met in the capital by the rebels, the separatists, some of whom tried to discourage them. And Lane, who had rushed there to try and meet them first, the rebels managed to change one mind, 60 year old William Kempson, who walked who wanted to go straight back to Australia. And as he was struggling with his bags, he walked right up to Lane and punched him in the face. Jesus, 60 years old, that's like 130 now. Within a week, three men had walked off without a word. The second week, 12 followed. At the main settlement, there were arguments about sharing of cattle, which were

being slaughtered one a day. Tongues were supposed to be distributed in turn. But as one settler complained, many of us never saw the tongue. Oh, that's what I had just to say before. That was also the complaint of the wives. It was a start of the tongue wars. During April, Lane and his supporters, 63 in total, now they're down to 63. How many did they start with? They started with 200. It's going real good. So they decided to start a new colony. He wrote to his editor of the new Australian, Walter Head, said money if you can, we're starting

anyway, even if we have to live on corn. Lane then cabled his wife and asked her to return. She decided to wait 10 months. You know what? I'm good here. You go off to your new colony, where you're going to live on corn, and I'm going to stay with the kids and eat food and stuff. During their last few days together, the two parties came more hostile towards one another. One of the men wrote, at a meeting this morning, Simpson wanted Mabbitt to take his shirt off and settle matters that way. And I took my revolver out. Hey, hey, take it off. Take it off. Let's get our shirts off and settle this. We can settle like mates. Showing you the tongue. Just get our nipples together, mate.

That really is so homoerotic. He's like, shirts off and we'll figure it out. Little gentle kissing and we'll figure it out. All right, let's take bottoms off. All right, bottoms off and then we'll figure it out. Okay, I'm inside you. All right, we're figuring it out. Great meeting you. Jesus, I just figured it out all over your back. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, you really figured me out, man. You really, really figured me out, man. Can I get a beer? Is that okay? Can we figure that out? What, you want someone to put a beer up your ass? Yeah. Like a mate. I'm starting a new colony. It's called the colonel colony. Yeah.

Yep. Well done, mate. Cheers, mate. The crowd was calling each other liars and bastards and such like and saying they would settle things. Now, Lane and the others left on May 12th, 1894, eight months after arriving. So it took him a whole eight months for everything to fall apart. On their way to the temporary camp, eight men left. I mean, this, he must be turning around like, wait, weren't we a bigger group? We lost two, right? The settlers took wagons and 56 of them arrived at their new settlement named Cosme, 30 miles away from New Australia. Now, New Australia had 217 colonists spread among three camps. Most of the original separatists, the rebels, accepted a government offer of land

at Colonial Gonzales, a government colony, but they were neglected after a bloodless clue began and began to hope the Australian government would save them. Like, they're like, hey, you know, we just fucking bailed on you guys because you think your shitheads, hey, can you help us out a little bit? They heard the premiere of New South Wales was eager to pay them to return and to set a good example for the people in Australia. You might think they're going to New Australia was worthwhile. 25 somehow raised train fares to Buenos Aires, the British prime minister described them as perfectly destitute. Oh, hi, beer. Hi. Look, a little friend. Hey, we are not in New Australia. Do you have any chicken for Tommy or

no? Someone want to go down and get me some popcorn chicken, that'd be great. We're not in New Australia. We are in Australia. So 25 went to Buenos Aires, the minister cabled to London asking whether the New South Wales government would pay for passage to Australia. And the government said no. Good. More people followed the rebels colony had deteriorated so much that whole families were in danger of dying from hunger. But they have corn. Maybe popcorn chicken. Who knows? I don't know if that's under the umbrella. The Hollingsworth was seven children and the McNamara is with five children spent nine months in Buenos Aires waiting to receive some passage money to Australia. For part of this time, Mrs. Hollingsworth was too sick to work. Mrs. Annie Little waited

at New Australia with five children while her husband went to Buenos Aires in search of work. But there he lost one of his hands. What? I hope you mean a helper. What were those two last names? Hollingsworth, McNamara and Little. Okay. Hollow and Macca. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Pandering. After he lost one of his hands, he went to England. How did he lose his hand? It doesn't say. He just look, Argentina's weird. You just lose your hands. I'm not going there. He got a bit too into figuring it out, maybe. A figuring it out session gone horribly awry. Oh, he's like, this way won't feel like me.

This is my wife, my hand. This sounds like a monkey part. Anyway, Dave, you were saying? I love podcasting. After 10 months, after 10 months of no news from her husband, Mrs. Little wrote the Queensland government to ask for help. And there's no further record of what happened to her. Oh, thanks for the fucking ending. One Australian in Buenos Aires died of lead poisoning. Another mother of two was left by her husband. So everyone's just fucking off and it's every man for himself. I don't know this story, but I've got a pretty good feeling about how it pans out, I gotta say. I think everything's

gonna work out all right for these guys. Yep, just gotta wait on that letter across the ocean. Move pretty quick. Remember Westwood, who was kicked out? He and his son did return to Australia, and despite his blindness, he became a successful violin teacher. So there's one. You got one guy that that's it for sure. I mean, he's still fucking, he's still blind. A blind violin teacher? That's a really hard game to crack. Well, not then. I think that everyone wanted... I can teach your son whatever he needs. We're over here. I can teach your boy how to play. Where's that violin? Can someone put it in my hand? Put it in my hand and I'll show you. Oh, that's funny. It's an orange. No, give me a violin. Violin, please. Are you guys here?

Are you guys still in here? Washington Sorensen, an 18-year-old man, was... This is my favorite Australian in the whole story. Washington Sorensen, an 18-year-old man, was one of the first separatists to reach Sydney. Sorensen arrived on September 7th, 1894, after stowing away and working his passage for 30,000 miles through Argentina, Chile, Germany, England. He told the evening news he did not regret the loss of his 60 pounds association fee as he had had whips of fun for his money. He went on holiday. What a fucking time, mate! All you got to do is not follow any rules and you'll have a fucking blast. How did that term go out of style? Whips of fun. Yeah, whips of fun. It's good. Let's bring it

back. They bring it back. Everyone tweeted about this gig. Whips of fun at the dollop tonight. Whips. Now, members of the association were beginning to wonder about their money. It was supposed to have deposited in a savings account. I bet it was. From which it could be withdrawn when a member was enrolled from migration to the colony, or if the member deciding not to go reclaimed the money he had paid. It turns out the savings account did not exist. I'm shocked. The funds had been used to fix up the royal tar. Walter Head wrote to William Lane, the association is bung up here. It's a great letter already. And the irony of it all is that I will probably go to jail over it.

Nice blank position, ain't it? With his wife and children, Walter Head intended to accompany members of the new Australia movement to Paraguay. His eldest son, Wally, had already left for Paraguay and had not returned. He was in the colonies. They were probably playing Where's Wally. Don't they call it something else here? Where's Waldo? Is that what you call it? No, that's what you call it. We call it Where's Wally? No, you call it fucking hell. I did the Google translation. Go ahead, Tommy. You call it Where's Waldo and we call it Where's Wally. But why does... Where are both of them? Why does Carl dress like him? Someone who's not in the room getting a round of applause. Cool.

I don't know. Yeah, he just does. All right, good answer. Because he's got one joke about him and it has to sync up. That's the best. Yeah. It's so, so sad when you have one joke about Where's Wally. So then you have to dress like him forever. And people don't know where your fucking show is. Well, it's cool because then girls never want to fuck you. It's worth it. So Walter Head resigned and left for Melbourne. As far as the association is concerned, he disappeared forever. He settled in Tasmania and under the name of Walter Allen Woods, he continued to use until his death at the age of 78. He led a new life and he was known as one of the founders of the Tasmanian Labor Party, a member of the Tasmanian House of the Assembly

for 17 years and served two terms as Speaker of the House. So you had a fucking guy who ever thought an embezzled money and he just left to intend Tasmania and worked in the government. When you stay on top of shit. Yeah. Hello. When you say that these two ladies down the front row were like the Tasmanian Labor Party. Fuck yeah. Like so into it. Yeah. They're the shit, mate. The new president of the colony, Gilbert Casey, took possession of the books and had them audited. Mrs. Lane returned to Peregrine and within a few days of being there, her son Charles was killed when a cricket ball struck him above the heart. They should have used the one with the string. It's nice to stop that. Oddly, it was pulled by Walter Head. The guy who threw it

was like, how is that? Fuck. Lane decided to sell the royal tar to cover debts. So now they don't have a boat. Jesus. Rules were changing in the new colony. Groups were now allowed to work in isolation because of so many fractures. Quote, profuse apologies were made for the Birks family. It was not asked to join the Sibald Regua settlement, but the truth is they do not want the Birks family. Old Armstrong asked if Kiff and me join them. And when I told him to depend on where my parents went, he hummed solo and mournful tune, but said no more. That's a great way to handle awkward situations. Take care. You want to join the Birks family? I'll see you around, bud. Thanks. The Sibalds did not want us at all. We should not have gone at any rate. The inclusion of the

Jenkins family alone would have stopped us. And I can't stand the Sibalds or Armstrongs. And Mrs. Oh, it's one of the nastiest women here. Busy botting, gossip, scandal loving, loud, voiced, foul mouth, ignorant, spiteful, deceitful, and her husband's a brute. So things are going well. Yeah. They're working shit out. The wheat was attacked by rust. It was discovered that... What? It's a rusty thing. The wheat was attacked by rust? Not actual rust that you find on metal. It's a wheat attacking thing. Okay, sorry. It's like a bacterial... Anyway, it was discovered. But when you were typing that out, you were like, I want to get called on this. I'll be fine. This will just go under the radar. No one's going to pick up on this.

It was discovered that two men, Jack, Vince, and Bob McLevy, had been wrestling the colonies cattle and horses. Vince was taken into custody by the police, and there are no records of his fate. McLevy disappeared with a stolen rifle and revolver, and was never heard from again. The wife of Casey went to South Africa and married Billy Donald. One of the second waivers settled on the royal tar. Casey took a Paraguayan wife, Maria Antonia Soza. He remained president of the colony, which was still receiving new settlers from Australia. Jesus. You fucking idiots are still going. So what does wrestling the cattle mean? They're stealing cattle. Okay, I just want to make sure it was stealing and not, you know, wrestling it. Oh, my God. Getting your shirt off.

If they, if they were figuring them out, a cattle wrestling league, it would have been amazing. Today, there would still be a Paraguayan cattle wrestling league. There probably is. The PCW. So after the cattle, so the cooks went on strike, the coats, they were like, take us off your back. We're done. The cooks, not the other cooks. I heard. The coats went on strike. We're tired of keeping you warm. Revolution, please take us off. After some cattle had been sold at disappointingly low prices, the colonies only steady source of cash was the Paraguayan government, which hoping to stem the tide of departure started paying a monthly subsidy of 800 pounds. So now they're in another country on the fucking dole. That's pretty fucking Aussie, Matt.

One after another, various heads of departments, justies and secretaries started to resign and drifting into nearby villages. By October, the colony had almost completed the transition from communal to individual ownership. Cattle were divided up, each family till the separate block of land and sold its own crops. And in January, 1897, the assets were valued or sold and their value equally divided among the remaining members over the age of 18. Socialism. Yeah, we got it. Yep. We nailed it. The Paraguayan government gave each colonists 110 acres of land. I mean, Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's how land. Yeah. It's just insane. They're just a bunch of fuck up cunts. That's all of our ancestors, mate. Chill out.

Yeah, you got more land. Yeah, you got more land. You want more land? Yeah. All right, cool. Take your why. This was the end of New Australia and the beginning of New Wave Australia with 86 adults and 75 children. They're still sticking with like the new theme though. Now it's all private ownership, personal freedom worked out and no restrictions on alcohol. Oh, now the first three weeks of Cosme, William Lane's new settlement in July, 1894, there are around 16 families, 38 single men and 10 single females. Oh boy. That's like don't do that mouth. Yeah. That's what was it 38 single men, 10 single 30 38 men and 10 women. It's like the audience for any given live podcast. Yeah, yeah, bros. The basis for the new association, a new association, common

work for common needs, purity of living, to be clean white, no intermixing. At least they're sticking to some of their morals and drink to be excluded. It sounds great. So you can't fuck all the tons of single women that are everywhere and you can't drink. It sounds like a great plan. Two acres of scrub are cleared and they're planted with vegetables 40 head of cattle were bought. One of these was killed each week for food. And and then they made shoes with them. Perfect. Yeah, they were never in danger of starvation. But the food became inadequate and they can no longer slaughter a bull a week. It turns out after 40 weeks, you're a bull. Yeah, yeah. But the shoes, Dave, the shoes, sick kicks. Yeah, yeah, but that's how what Uggs came from.

They did start a news. They did start a newspaper. Oh, I can't wait for the title. And it was read aloud each night in the dining room, quote, an eel a foot long was caught yesterday. There ought to be whips of eels in the swamps and they are good eating. Isn't that just like giving people up? Yeah, that's just something you should tell people. But you don't need a paper that just one guy reads. There's food in the river. The front page and eel was caught. It's a slow day. It really is pretty slow. Another day, another article murdered a monkey and shot a bird. I would buy that paper. Third article, the landlord from hell charging too much rent and do it. Nothing to fix the house. Harry Taylor brought home two monkeys today and the his relatives

devoured the corpses. Oh my god. Monkey, whether it be a low class lemur or the most intelligent of apes is indeed a dish fit for a king. If you're on the royal tar, yeah. Over the months, the colonies evening paper began to write a joke ads such as boy caught the chinky and saves yourselves from yellow agony by buying your vegetables from a white gardener. Right. That's a very good joke. Baxter shoes, nigger tickler cogs. I mean, they're good, funny ads. Household furniture made on the premises, no Chinaman in the workshops. It was so nearly not racist. Yeah, it was almost great. Yeah, asshole furniture. That's what every chair is really.

But we do have a new, we have a new most horrible name for the Chinese, I think, which is yellow agony. Oh, yeah. That's a really, that you guys really topped yourself. That's chlamydia, right? The qualas have yellow agony. In 1896, the Paraguayan government officially proclaimed Cosme a colony and agreed to establish a post office. What's going on with the Paraguayan government? They're like, yes, okay, whatever you need, just name it whatever you are, do your fucking thing, just stop coming here. They just want sperm. They only want sperm. Because it's just all it's just women. There's like 100,000 women going, Oh, someone fuck me. Within five flights of Paraguay.

So 72 families settled there within two years. In October, 1895, William Lane suffered a near fatal illness, almost dying from dysentery. That's good. That's how you know your your community is going well. Well, I mean, he almost died from diarrhea. Yeah, deserved. As he recovered, he wrote to a trustee back in Australia, be sure of this, God is with us. It is the truth. I could not have been nursed back to health better. Everybody in the colony is good to me. Another columnist wrote a letter to the same trustee. Lane tried the patients of our nurses wanted all those on way and took brandy and wine like a babe does to the breast, but insisted on calling it tonic. So

the city bulletin reported that the latest rumors that the members of Lane's colony are suffering from elephantitis. Oh my god. Do you know what that is? It's when you're yeah, it's when you're shit like your balls just like I'm gonna be like an elephant's ball. It's not always balls, though. I mean, when I get it is I might just be blue balls, Dave. Oh, I took it all back. It is blue balls. Yep. Elephantitis was only your balls all. It's it would have a different name. Now there were 49 men, 19 women and 27 children, 33 bachelors and three single women. Holy shit. We've lost. We had 40 men and 10 women and seven women were like,

and I'm out of here. No, I don't like my options with all the men somehow. William Lane then left to go to England to gather more recruits. He did not find any. The colony started to go down hill as soon as he left in October. It started to go downhill. It's like they made a new hill at the bottom of the hill. In October, a 12 month old fell down a well and drowned. A man was crushed to death in the sugarcane processor. Oh man. A man was crushed to death in the sugarcane processor. Jesus Christ. That is a way to go. That supervisor's fired. That's a hell of a work cover ad, though, for the guy that almost got crushed. Yeah. And they don't have a newspaper anymore that they're reading at night. His last words were, it's so sweet.

I'm having whips of death. The local river flooded and one of this three single women left to return to Adelaide's and down to two women and 33 dudes. And to Adelaide of old places. What a fucking burn. So the river overflowed and she was like, that's it? Or did she just jump in the river and was like, this has to lead to something. Plus there are a lot of guys with just giant balls from what I've read. And huge boners just like, where are you going? No. Well, maybe she was really into the dude who got crushed in the sugarcane processor. He was a sweetie. I love you, Gareth. I love you, Tommy.

Mate. We shared. Mate. Sorry. Mate. Mate. What's happening? Are you saying to mate him? Yeah. Mate with Tommy? Make a new docile. We can name the baby anything. The new year began. This is great. The new year began with the arrival of six more adults. Oh, a joy. People are still coming. Were any men? No, I didn't get that part. Well, I'm sure they're worried. I'm sure they're idiots and three children. So three people were like, Eric, this would be a good place for my kid. Let's send our boy to hell. Lane was giving lectures in England the whole time. And by February 1897, what were his lectures on? How to be the worst. They were like, communism is awesome. Trust me, I invented New Australia, New Vo Australia, nothing. And then Lane decided to

wait until the end of the summer to return, but then ended up staying another year. What a fucking prick. He's just off in England, living off the association's money. Like, it's going good down there, you guys. You guys having a good time? Yeah. How's the monkey meat? The newcomers at Cosme did not fit in. Old settlers and new arrivals began quarreling with each other and among themselves. By September, one man ran off with another's wife and the whole family left the colony, headed in separate directions. Five men took a leave of absence and never returned. The village chairman and secretary resigned. Once Lane returned from England, a dispute over a pig that was slaughtered and not shared with the entire colony caused

even more factions to form. By June, the total loss to Cosme was 19 men, eight women, 11 children, a third of their population. Fucking pig. It's not good. Fucking pig ruined everything. Didn't share any of the pig around. Shitblood. Yeah. So he came back and then immediately announced that he was resigned. Did someone tell him he was doing well? He was like, fuck, you guys, England was great. I'll tell you this. I came back to say I'm out. I'm good. See, like a good plan, though. He wrote to an old friend, quote, the devil of the labor movement is having to work with dirty tools. To me, this labor movement is trying to build walls of sand against an incoming tide of destruction. It's hopeless. Great. Great. Now 38 years old, his

wife and his four children arrived in Auckland, New Zealand. Sorry, his four what? Children. I said it weird. Are you sure? They went to New Zealand and by 1900, he was writing for the New Zealand Herald. His career there was highly successful and he played an important role in New Zealand public life. From 1913 on, he wrote under the pen name Tohunga. What? Majori for profit. Come on, that's worse than Dacillus, surely. He's just a dude who started a colony where some people died and everything got fucked up who then started calling himself a prophet. Okay. After stirring the nation to join World War One as a loyal British subjects and losing a son at Gallopoli, William Lane. This is Dave's nightmare. What did I do? Seppos, am I right?

Did I say it wrong? Yeah, you absolutely said it wrong. They weren't supporting how you said it, Dave. How do you say it? Oh, I say it the way it's spelled. Apologies. Well, how do you say it? Gallipoli. And what did you say? Gallopoli. It's not how it's spelled. It's really got fucking pissed over that. So you guys want to say it like there's an I instead of an A? Dave, we're in their land. I get it. I get it. Some shit happened there or whatever. Is nothing sacred on the dob? We've had a great time in Melbourne. You guys were just about to get booked to do this podcast at the Anzac March next week and now

you've fucked it right up. Thanks, Dave. Get the batteries. Get the what? Batteries. Get the batteries. Get the batteries. In Philadelphia, people threw batteries. Our country's far better. A call to arms. Whip out the juicer, everyone. Let's go. So Gallipoli? Yeah. We love you guys. How about the fucking British were cunts there, huh? Oh, you guys went off and fought and they fucking stayed behind. It's a myth. Uh, Dave, you're going to be mayor of this town if you don't watch it. And now I'm calling it Gallipoli again.

We had him. William Lane died of bronchitis in August of 1917 at 55 years old. Cytus. He had a cough. Now he's dead. By 1908, nine members remained at Cosmic. Oh my God. How at that point are you not like fuck it? Nine. There's nine guys. They were bidding their time until the land could be theirs. A final document. Diving up the remaining land was signed in August 1909, 16 years after the royal tar left for Australia, most settled into the life of individual farming, sugar crushing, and timber gathering. Some lived there for almost 30 years. Fucking nine dudes. It's just nine dudes.

Eventually Australians and Paraguay lost identity. Young men of the second and third generations took Paraguay and wives. The languages were learned and many families became Catholic. In 1917, a member of the Australian parliament asked for help to repatriate those poor white Australians in Paraguay. Schoolies week. The original schoolies week. Get up there boys. Let's go. I don't know what schoolies week is. Please come back next year and do a live dollop on the Gold Coast for schoolies week. That'd be fucking incredible. We'll do it in Galapaly.

We'll start the kickstarting now. We'll have enough money within half an hour. Schoolies week? Yeah. I'm not big on your history, but was that, was Galapaly a schoolies? Fucking hell. We could do a Galapal. A gallop. A gallop cast. Oh god. You guys, you guys really hold on to that one. You changed my fucking name. And they've tweaked it. You got laughed at for Galapaly for one second. You made my name fucking Gary.

It's all relative or Gaza. Sorry. Don't help Tommy. Tommy changes his name by his own. Like he wants his name changed. Very supportive. So the Australians wanted to return the poor white Australians to Paraguay. The reply for British authorities in Argentina said no distress exists amongst the families of Australians who have settled at Cosmea New Australian. Jesus. Around 2,000 Paraguayans of Australian descent live there today. You guys. There's a lot of stuff in that elephant tightest nut bag. Good lord. That was it. Sorry, was that a bad one? Classic. Yeah.

Here's the deal. So people kept sending me ideas and they'd be like, what about these convicts who escaped? They'd be like, it's fucking awesome. This convict, he escaped and he ate all his friends. How great is that? And then I'd be reading the story and I'd be typing it up and they get to the part where I was like, oh, and then he killed a baby. It's a tree. They're like, oh, I don't want to do that story. Here's another one. This guy escaped and had a great time. Oh, and then he raped a bunch of women. Oh, I can't do that one. So your fucking history is fucked up. Wait, is it too late for you to do an entire episode about the history of Hey Hey at Saturday? That would be something. Is that spring break?

At times, yeah. It's spring break once a week. I'm doing a Galapally one. It's amazing they get sadder every time I say it. We had 9 11. Fuck. Get the batteries, Dave. Got him. He's actually, he's right. We didn't write for it. We weren't like, no, we heard back. We were like, hey, will you fly a couple of planes in our buildings? I miss that part. As I recall. Okay, so look, no, no, Dave, 9-1-1's an inside job. Dave, Dave, Dave, David, David, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. We got to go back Wednesday. Remember that. We're going back Wednesday. Put them back to the jet fuel can melt steel beamscast. So good. Oh, and there's just fuel tanks and building seven? Really?

David, sit down. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Jesus Christ. Good God. We liberated the world. We spread freedom on the map. It worked. The proof is in the end. It worked. I would also, I would also like to take a moment to thank the Australians for following us into every really stupid war. I appreciate it. We got your back in the onion battle. Once you doubt it. All right. Well, we covered 9-11 at the end, so I guess we're done. You guys all right? Hey, can I ask a personal question? It wasn't as what? What kind of tablet is that? Oh boy. It's a surface. Okay. Why? It's wonderful. I'd keep your eyes on it. It's great to watch. It's great to watch movies on like an iPad is shaped like a fucking asshole.

But this is shaped letterbox. So when you watch stuff, it's actually like... So you can't like... I'm going to get out of here. Orientation. Fuck, I've turned into Ronnie Chang. Just questioning someone else about their technology. What's with that tablet? What brand is that? It's pronounced Gallipoli. No, I like it. I like it. I just wonder what it is. You fucking American assholes. You come in here. Disrespect the n-zacks. So fucking stupid. Here's a surface RT. Not a surface three. It's so fucking stupid. I don't have an impression of him. He appreciates it. Hey, thanks for coming on, Nick Cody. Hey, thanks very much for having me, guys. I appreciate it. Thanks so much. Thank you. Bye everyone.

Why would you not do it? I did it the other night at the... Why would you not? We're gonna save it for the drunk cast. Yeah. The eye contact he made with me there was like he was starting a colony. Okay, so that was probably the most bureaucratic doll we've ever done. But you guys kept killing babies, so... Next time. That was fucking crazy. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You got anything else to say? Uh, no. He is so... Yeah, boo. He is so... Fuck you. He is so over that one. It's so fucking... It's like a place where I go to do stand-up. Fuck off. It's like a club. Like, they... Like, how do you think it... Like, on my Twitter, what do you think that club is thinking? Like, oh, that's normal that everybody just says

that all the fucking time. Leave me alone about it. Galoppoli! Wow. Uh, I guess the drunk cast has started. You guys, thank you very much. Thank you very much. To surface.