The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 82 - Deborah Sampson

Episode Date: May 21, 2015

Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine revolutionary war soldier Deborah Sampson.SourcesTour DatesRedbubble MerchPatreon

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Let's turn to theme song. Hey you're listening to the dollop. This is a

bi-weekly podcast where I Dave Anthony read a story from American History to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is about. I was kind of lackluster. Sorry you want me to go again? Yeah. To Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is about. Oh we have fun. All right we're not gonna. That was great. I've given you options. We're gonna move on. Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to tickling podcast. Okay. You are queen fakie of eight uptown. All hail queen shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to Mingle and do what? Pray. Hi Gary. No. I miss you. Done my friend. No. No.

Uh things. Um we're on Facebook. We're on Twitter. The dollop. If you want if you have ideas for stories subject ideas you can send them to the dollop podcast at Gmail and I'll read them and I'll either dismiss it and call you Moron or I'll think that was a great idea. And I'm not involved in that process. No you do nothing. Nothing at all. Well he loves porno. December 17th 1760. Okay. Deborah Samson was born in Plimpton, Massachusetts. She was from an old school American family. She was the oldest of seven children born to Jonathan Samson Jr. and Deborah Bramford Samson both of old colonial stock. Her grandparents had

been original pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock. No no no Plymouth Rock landed on them. Boom. Her mother was a descendant of William Bradford once governor of Plymouth Colony and her father was a descendant of Miles Standish military leader of the Pilgrims. Sure. So she's got the fucking blood. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah yeah. Her father had some money problems. Okay. And so he went on a sea voyage to look for riches. Always always the right choice. That's a good side right? Yeah yeah because you can't see anything underwater. He never returned. Oh Jesus it well. Who would have thought? Yeah. Some people believe he was

killed in a shipwreck while others believe he just went to Maine and started a new family. Oh boy. Either way no one really. I'm gonna go find treasure to Maine please. And these lobsters are yummy and what's your name? Gloria is it? I've never been married before. No. Why do you ask? I don't have a big family. My name's Dale. So mom was alone with seven kids and had no money. She was forced to put all the kids in different households of friends and relatives. Deborah was five and was sent to live with her aunt who then immediately died. Okay. Deborah was then sent to live with the widow of a reverend in rural Massachusetts. Five

years later the widow sold Deborah into indentured servitude where she basically worked as a slave for a deacon on a farm in Middlesboro, Massachusetts. Can't give a fucking heads up to the mom at all? I don't know if the mom could have done anything. Well still. Whatever. I'm gonna go sell her. Yeah but you make a little you sell. I'd say if you're the mom you're like I want to sell her that. Make a little scratch. If we're selling her I'll sell her. Well you don't have her anymore. I want her. I want her. Let me take her off for one last day. Gave her up. Walk her way. Sell her. For the next eight years that's where she lived. On December 6, 1775

that was the official start of the Revolutionary War. Deborah was 16 years old when the Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776. The men and boys from all around were joining the militia or the Continental Army led by General George Washington. Deborah was very tall, powerfully built and determined. As an indentured servant, Deborah wasn't allowed to go to school or get an education. Perfect. Which is cool. That's super cool. Yep. So she taught herself to read and write and spent her spare time secretly reading anything she'd get her hands on. Wow. Plowing by day and reading political pamphlets by night,

Samson managed to educate herself to the point where when she was released from her servitude on her 18th birthday, she got a job as a school teacher. Wow. Yeah. Alright. Some fucking shit, right? Yeah. She's bringing it. Hear that, kids? But the life of a school teacher was not for Deborah. She then had a weird encounter with a dude who was in love with her. She described him as having, quote, all of the sang Freud of a Frenchman and the silliness of a baboon. Then she says, quote, she set him down a fool or in a fair way to be one. I'm not really sure what that means. She turned him into a baboon? She said him down a fool must have been. She told

him no. Yeah. Which, so anyway, that was it. And she bailed. She left the fucking, she couldn't take anymore. She left the town. Deborah learned to the boys she had lived with on the farm had been killed in the war and she was very upset by the news. Okay. Now it was illegal for women to wear pants in these days, but that's exactly what Deborah did. Which we learned. She used to. And also it was wrong for them to run. Running and wearing pants were not okay. Thank you. She used her income to buy a bunch of cloth, stitched yourself a pair of pants and dressed up as a man. She then went to visit her mother to see if her disguise would

work. When her mother did not recognize her, she went off to enlist in the Continental Army to fight in the American Revolution. Holy shit. The first recruiting office Samson went to, she was signing her papers when someone noticed she was holding the quill strangely. It turns out Deborah had been robbed in the past and her finger was injured during the crime causing her to hold the pen strangely. The person who realized who she was and the recruiting sergeant told her he'd have her restored if she attempted to enlist again. So she, what was her pen? I don't know, but I love that she had a

weird pen hand. Like that's, that's what gave her away. Hold on a minute. Hold on. You're not writing like you got a dick. I can barely, you're holding that, move your tits. You're holding that pen weird. Yeah, get your tits out of here. There's something wrong with your hand. Focused on the paw here. She was whole, I mean she must have really been holding that pen fact down. Yeah, yeah, she must have been writing I'm a woman. Like that makes me think what it was. So she walked out the front door, walked several miles up the road to the next town and enlisted with the crew of a privateer warship that was heading off to sink British supply

transports off of Cape Cod. Debra Sampson's pirate career lasted about two days. The captain she signed on with was a monster who enjoyed beating up his sailors. Debra took the first chance she got to go AWOL. She jumped ship in Uxbridge Harbor and went and enlisted in the Continental Army under the name Robert Shirtliff. The uniform they issued her didn't fit so she grabbed a needle and thread and altered the uniform herself. Right, gave her a little tip room. A little bit too much room in the junk part. Private Shirtliff was assigned to the 4th Massachusetts Regiment and was sent to West Point, New York to do battle with

British infantry that was occupying New York City. The unit consisted of 50 to 60 men and was first quartered at Warchester. Debra was five foot eight and tough enough to handle the brutal drilling of the Continental Army. She fit right in with the other troops and apparently was so convincing as a man soldier that the other troops didn't even question her general, her gender. Sorry. They did, however, make fun of her because she didn't have to shave. Babyface. Oh, babyface Jimmy. Come on, babyface Rob. They assumed it was because she was just a teenage boy and they gave her a hilarious nickname. Molly.

She was like, ah! That's so funny. That is so funny. That is so funny because, oh my god, is that funny. What's funny is because that's crazy and and and you're giving me that. That's just maybe we keep spitballing, but that's very funny on the premise. Anyway, I'm gonna go peace, they have to go. During your three years of military service in the Continental Army, Private Robert Shirtliff was on frontline duty for roughly 17 months of combat. Part of the Light Infantry Company, a unit of skirmishers, scouts, and fast-moving ranger troops, Shirtliff saw her first action in a hardcore battle against loyalist forces outside of White Plains, New York. Charging head-on-head

of battle, bayonet at the ready, she stormed the enemy and fought in brutal hand-to-hand combat. She received a sword wound to the head, but Debra refused medical treatment and just walked it off. I got this. No, I'm good. I'm good. I just want to watch someone walk off a sword into their head. That's what you do. Just walking left, left, left. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't feel like he's off. On July 3rd, 1782, outside of Terrytown, New York. Sorry, sorry. What would be amazing is if she did have to get medical attention and they're likely examining and then they just take her pants down and they're like, My God! Someone cut this

This man's penis off too! Ahhhh! Ha ha ha ha! On July 3rd, 1782, outside of Terrytown, New York, she was shot in the shoulder. She refused medical treatment and would walk around with a Brit bullet lodged in her shoulder for the rest of her life. I mean, what are you going to do? She can't get medical treatment.

Just because... Well, they would take it off and see her tits. I mean, if it is so. And then the doctor would start sucking on them and then... So this is basically like the plot of just one of the guys, but... It's buzzing buddies. Yeah, right. Okay, yeah.

But it's a revolutionary war. Right. Okay. Fighting up and down the Hudson River Valley for the next year and a half, Deborah and the Light Infantry were involved in dozens of small scale fights with British troops. American Loyalists was even a couple of Native American tribes north of the Hudson. Despite being constantly undersupplied, low on ammo, and without adequate amounts of food or warm clothing, the 4th Massachusetts soldiered on engaging in hardcore close corps fighting

every step of the way. Four months after being shot in the shoulder, Deborah was out with a small company of 30 other soldiers on a raid to attack a Loyalist camp. The plan was to set it on fire and steal all of their horses. The mission went off just as planned, but as she was chasing down a fleeing Loyalist, she was shot in the thigh. She managed to kill the Loyalist, but slumped from her horse, covered in blood. She told her fellow soldiers to just leave her for dead, but they refused.

One of her comrades rode her six miles to the hospital, but despite barely hanging on to consciousness, Deborah would rather have killed herself than be discovered as a woman. Instead of being seen by the surgeon, she went into the bathroom and dug the bullet out of her leg with a pocket knife. Oh my God. Just let the jig be up. It took her three tries to get it out. Oh my God.

Oh my God. That is a lady. She's so much tougher than you. Why is this going to be about me? I'm just imagining you trying to do it the way you're all bowled up right now. Deborah would be... I already told you my plan. My plan is I go, yeah, and then there's another bullet wound over here, but this one isn't

bleeding as much. Oh, shut my penis right off, too. God. Ah. It's such a... Here, surgeon, take care of this. It feels like this one will heal. I mean, it's not like a penis to grow back.

No. No one's buying this one. Oh God. It's so weird how the penis area is not bleeding as much as the other one. Ah, just finished the job already. Private, we've all seen a vagina. Ah. My what?

That's a vagina. My what? That's a vagina. A vagina? Yeah. I barely even know what you're talking about. There was a fully functioning penis and a set of testicles right there, not but six hours ago.

Okay. Just isn't bleeding is all. I just... Okay. No, I get it. I got it. I've always been attracted to you. Deborah refused further medical treatment, strapped a tourniquet on her leg, and walked

out of the hospital. Two weeks later, one of her fellow soldiers came down with malaria, so she volunteered to stay behind the main body of the unit and take care of him, a move that also gave her time to heal. Deborah and the malaria soldier were left at the home of a supporter of American independence, but he turned out to be a loyalist sympathizer, and he gave poor medical care to the sick soldier until he died. Deborah was then locked in a cellar.

Why was she... Oh, because they thought she had malaria. Or he just didn't want to kill her, but he didn't want her to go free, so he locked her in the cellar. Oh, cool. Yeah. Okay. Well, she's on the other side of the fight.

Oh, okay. He's a loyalist. Oh, okay. Sorry, I'm still focused on the penis part. I get it. She managed to escape, found a crew of local militia, and had the guy arrested as a traitor and a murderer. Jesus.

She's a... She's a tank. She's fucking amazing. It's tougher than you. In 1782, Deborah took a raiding party to the headwaters of the Hudson to fight Indians, and received a written commendation for bravery in the face of the enemy. A few months after that, she was part of a unit that was ambushed by loyalist forces and had to jump into the freezing river and swim across it in the dead of winter while

the enemy troops shot at her. She nearly drowned, but her quick thinking helped save the lives of many men in her company who followed suit. She was the fucking shiznit. Yeah. The revolutionary warrant ended, but Deborah slash Robert continued her career. Slash Molly. Slash Molly.

She was appointed to be aid to camp to General Patterson. During the summer of 1783, Deborah came down with malaria and was cared for by Dr. Barnabas Binney. Sure. Yep. Seriously. Because... Whatever, right?

Because there's no rules when it comes to names, right? Hello, I'm your cartoon doctor. Hello. Can we just whip into my pants here for the woke nut? That's not a scalpel. That's a rubber chicken. An alarm clock. What?

A sizzling bomb. He removed her clothes to treat her and discovered the cloth she used to bind her breasts and a complete lack of a dong. The doctor nursed Deborah to health and then sent her back to her commander with a letter explaining the situation. She was sent back on a ship. Of course, enroute to her commander, the ship she was on sunk. Of course.

Deborah nearly drowned but somehow managed to swim to shore. Jesus. She's still okay. She's like the Hugh... She is Janet Silver-Lining. She's the Hugh Glass of women. Yes, yes. Deborah gave the letter to her commander and confessed that she wasn't a dude.

But what were they supposed to do? She was a complete and total badass. She bent a loyal soldier for three years of the war. General Fat Henry Knox. It says fat. It can't be right. That had to have been... General Fat Knox?

That had to have been auto-correct when I was writing it. Fat. Fat Henry Knox. General Fat? Yes. I'm needing... Yes. No, hold on.

I've gotten some barbecue sauce on some of these battle plans. Oh, dear. I've used the napkin as a map and the map as a napkin. Did the man return with the doughnuts? Anyway, what sort of food did they have at the camp when you spied on? General Fat Henry Knox gave her an honorable discharge from the military, allowing her to keep her uniform and collect a veteran's war pension. She was discharged from the army on October 25th, 1783.

She then boarded a ship from New York City to Providence and then walked to Massachusetts. I mean, why not? The amazing is that that doesn't really sound like much. At that point, it sounds like, well, of course she did. Of course she'd walked... Yeah, she did in somersault. Of course she'd skipped a little. Walked across a state.

Debra met a farmer, got married, and had three kids. Oh, wow. Though they lived close to poverty. There was no sexual... there was no sexuality conflict with her. She was just a badass. She was just like, fuck it. She just wanted to tear shit up. Yeah, she wanted to tear shit up.

Settle down later. And then after that, have a few kids. It turns out Debra had her pay and pension withheld because she was a she. So she was... They were living near poverty. Eight years later, Debra petitioned the Massachusetts state legislature for her pay. Her petition was approved, then signed by Governor John Hancock. The general court of Massachusetts verified her service and wrote that she, quote, exhibited

an extraordinary instance of female heroism by discharging the duties of a faithful gallant soldier and at the same time, preserving the virtue and chastity of her sex, unsuspected and unblemished. So I think what they're saying here, if I can read this correctly, is that she was an awesome soldier and she didn't let anybody banger. Yeah, right? That is what they're saying. They're saying congratulations on being really good at what you do.

Also, nobody put their dick in you. The truth is, imagine if some of those dudes are like, wait, what do you have? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You got a what in there? Hold on. You got a what's a... You got a what's a... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean, those guys were monster. The war just got very different. Yeah. Yeah. The court awarded her a total of 34 pounds plus interest, dating back to her discharge in 1783, but she still had no pension. That's when her buddy, Paul Revere, came to the rescue.

Whoa. Name drop. All right. She runs in tight circles, I get it. Revere wrote Congress requesting that she be given the pension she deserved. On March 11th, 1805, Congress in Washington obliged the letter and placed her on the Massachusetts Invalid Pension Roll. This pension pan paid her $4 a month.

Deborah died of yellow fever on April 29th, 1827, at the age of 66. She was the first woman officially recognized as serving in the United States Army. Wow. How about that shit? That's a bad bitch. She's no fucking... She's no joke. I don't think you're supposed to say bad bitch.

She's a bad bitch. But it's a derogatory word and a good word. I think when used properly, Quentin Tarantino's taught us that that sort of language can be a problem. Yeah. I don't think that you should ever say Quentin Tarantino has taught us. What do you got against Terry's? Oh, he's garbage.

No. Yeah, I really don't like him. None of them? No. Yeah. Well, the one he stole, the first one, and the second one. Yeah. The one he stole, I like a lot.

He stole that? Oh, yeah. It's almost scene for scene from a Japanese film. You didn't know that? No, I didn't know that. Yeah. And then all of his movies have, I mean, I love long scenes of people talking at tables in plays.

Look, I... That's fine. That's fine. I don't think they're all great, but I mean, like, I mean, Pulp Fiction is really good. Yep. The Kill Bills are amazing. The Terrible. I walked out.

Ah, walked out. I walked out, yeah. Yeah, we're just... He's from Garbage Town. Well, you ain't a bad bitch. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, Gussy Road, Mad Max.

It's fucking awesome. Go see it in iMad Max. I'm... Ugh. I'm gonna go see it in the next video. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.