The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 83 - The Past Times with Vanessa Ramos
Episode Date: July 19, 2024Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by writer and producer Vanessa Ramos Redbubble Merch...
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All right, everybody.
Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.
I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week.
Vanessa Ramos.
Hello, Vanessa.
Thank you for joining us.
Thank you for having me.
We wanted to have you on for a while, but you're very busy.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. us. Thank you for having me. We wanted to have you on for a while, but you've been very successful.
You were telling me before you were in the movie business. That was off mic.
Dave and I are looking to get into the movie business. How do we do that? What are we not doing? Here's the thing and when you say movie business, it's like writing jokes for just some of the
some of the worst
Movies there are like it's like either like kids. I still want that job. I don't know man
I don't know if you do because then you have like
it's a lot of
Try to think of like a delicate way and it's like working on the Smurfs and then having an executive at Sony pull you aside and say that
a certain actor is very protective of hefty Smurf and the relationship with Smurfette.
So if you could be sensitive to that.
It's like hearing how method and actor from the Smurfs is and being like,
''Okay, cool. I drove to Culver City today. Great.''
Oh, God.
Since the Me Blue movement,
there's been a lot of that.
Well, listen, we're big fans of you.
So your Instagram is that Vanessa Ramos. Correct.
It's it's an easy thing to do to follow you.
And what we will how we like to start this show,
because I know you listen to it, but I'll still walk you through it just in case you're a big fan. And how we like to start this show,
because I know you listen to it,
but I'll still walk you through it just in case.
You're a big fan.
Is we started off by guessing
what year this newspaper could be from.
So Dave, who's probably bottomless,
has picked this paper.
It could be from the 1600s, that would be unlikely.
It could be from 1990.s. That would be unlikely. It could be from
1990 we've never had that but he's probably got some of that stuff up his sleeve
I'll show you how it's done by guessing first. Can I just say first of all that I do have a I do have a bottom
You do it. Yeah, we know you have a bottom but I'm suggesting that it's not covered. Yeah. Oh, I'm not going to comment on that.
I'm not.
Yeah, I'm not just saying you're half.
I'm not withdrawn.
Yeah, exactly.
So don't push.
For you, Dave, on things like that, don't push.
Yeah, yeah.
You sound like a hefty Smurf, to be quite honest with you.
I'm going to guess that this paper is from the year 1964.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
And that's an outlier guess.
That's a good, really good guess.
Shut up.
That means I'm ruined.
Really good.
I'm going to go on 1952,
because it is the year that both Ron and Connie Ramos
were born.
If that's in the paper,
I'll have some great takes on that. Ron Ramos is a great name. Yeah, it is the year that both Ron and Connie Ramos were born. If that's in the paper, I'll have some great takes on that.
Ron Ramos is a great name. Yeah, it is.
Powerful name. It's like a movie star.
Ron Con Ramos. It's a Ron Con.
It is a Ron Con. All right.
You're telling me Hollywood movies can't use this sort of weak joke right in their...
Come on. It's nice. It's 1890.
But the 90s. Yeah. Yeah.
Western grunge. Yeah.
I'm going to call you both.
You both lost.
Well, we both went for it.
I think it's you should we should be highlighted for our bravery.
I want. Yeah.
I mean, when you're looking up papers from like 1890,
are we the ones that lost or did you have to do in depth research on that era?
Just saying, something to think about.
All right, so, yep.
I think when they look at the paper from 2024,
this time the history will smile upon these guesses.
Yeah.
It's the Missoula Montana Gazette.
Great town.
September 5th.
Great town.
1890.
I love Missoula.
All right.
You just take it easy.
I went to the Testicle Festival in Missoula.
I don't know why we're talking.
Rocky Mountain Oysters.
I went there.
We ate them.
We came.
We saw.
We ate bowl balls.
Were they people testicles or were they?
No, they were bull. They were bull
Okay, if there were people ones, would you have participated? I don't know and
Probably not then now I would you know, it's all about the algorithm
All right, so Missoula famous for its nuts.
First story here.
Don't you think it's crazy that nuts.com is actually
a place where you can buy peanuts and almonds?
So far.
Isn't that amazing that that worked?
So far.
We can get into the show in a minute, but that's crazy to me.
That's going to change at some point.
Someone will laugh, so then you'll go there to be like,
I think we can get some of these walnuts.
You'll be like, oh!
When everybody's starving and we've turned to cannibalism,
they're just gonna be selling human nuts on there.
Jesus Christ, that's darker than where I was going.
If it's free shipping spending $50,
then I'll consider it, to be honest.
Yeah.
That's how they get you always.
Another $10, don't they? Yeah, that's that's that's how they get you always. Another $10 done.
Yeah, that's a good little scam.
OK, Egan's thousands wealth turned his brain.
John Egan, a a second coal oil Johnny.
That's what the true coal oil Johnny and an individual of many eccentricities died at the Hillside Poorhouse a few days ago.
Egan was the only son of Patrick Egan, who located in the Lackawanna
Valley 40 years ago.
The father bought a 40 acre farm,
which afterward turned out to be a mint.
There was coal underneath.
And one day Egan received an offer of $500,000 for his land, which he accepted.
Fuck, that's a lot of money then.
Yeah, that's a shitload of money.
And again, it's just some guy whose dad bought land and said he's rich.
Yeah, he gets to sell it.
Yep.
It's cool. It's to sell what's under the land
instead of that being
Government surprisingly it all didn't work out great. Have you heard of Norway? They seem to be doing pretty good with it
Yeah, I haven't heard of yeah, he did not live long enough to enjoy his fortune the next year he died
Yeah live long enough to enjoy his fortune. The next year he died. Yeah.
You wet.
Oh, go ahead.
No.
Oops.
Four more.
Go ahead.
The next year he died and his great wealth
reverted to his son.
Fuck.
The latter was brought up by a hardworking boy on a farm
and a sudden acquisition of a fortune evidently
turned his head as he took to drinking and carousing and spending money in a reckless manner.
Well, yes. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah, right. What are you supposed to fucking do? You
go, you just got a bunch of money. You go crazy. Yeah, you live the Dumb and Dumber
montage. That's what you do. Yes. Yes. He thought nothing of spending $200 in an evening's enjoyment among friends
and boon companions. What's a boon companion?
I mean, I have multiple questions. So what do we think?
Like carousing.
That's not something that I hear on an everyday basis.
What do we think that
entails? Because carousing, I think in that context, it feels very like keeping the company
of gals of the night.
Oh, yeah. That's what I think. Yes. That's what that would be my impression.
I thought it was when someone got turned on by automobiles.
Right. So this is why we don't listen to Gareth on the show.
Okay, I'm learning. One out
of ten times I get something good going. Okay, was it, was the word or did I hear it wrong? The word
poorhouse somewhere at the beginning of with this thing? Yes. Yes, he died in a poorhouse. Okay,
all right, so it's a little bit of the like... The carousing and the drinking is going to lead to misfortune the family then okay
which you which is fine spend it all why why die rich that it makes no sense right just spend it
all go this guy's doing what you're supposed to do i think carousing is the same way we would use
partying like just it would be great to know when you die. It would just be helpful if someone were to be like, yeah, you're going to live to be like 50.
Be like, fuck, I'm going to spend like crazy.
Instead, we're all like maybe 90. Yeah.
You're going to die on September 14th, 19, uh, 2000 and 31.
Fuck. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah.
You never get to carousing while you can.
I'm going to do everything I can to die on that day just to make you, just for lore,
for lore's purpose.
So it says he had plenty of boon companions at the time.
Many stories are told of his queer escapades.
I mean, I wish that had a different meaning.
I wish that had our meeting today
because that would be a much better.
Yes.
One of them was his riding down Lackawanna Avenue
in Scranton on horseback one summer night
about 10 years ago.
He was going leisurely, playing on his violin.
Oh, wow.
Okay, so this guy is doing exactly what you do
if you're rich.
You get drunk, get on horses,
you play a violin while you ride down the street.
Yes.
On which he was adept until he espied the open door.
I don't, I think it's about to show
that what you're saying is totally incorrect,
that this is not what you do.
Of a saloon.
Okay, so he rode on a horseback into a saloon
playing the violin.
That's correct.
I mean.
That's awesome.
Yes.
Yeah, I don't hate it.
Oh yeah, but is this when people lived to be like 31?
Like was the life expected?
Cause also I wanna know how old this gentleman was
that led a full life where it's just like,
yeah, it's a 17 year old that just.
Yeah.
I think he's pretty young.
I think he's pretty young, but also rich people still live pretty old back then.
That that hasn't.
Yeah.
They had doctors.
Uh, this would be the modern day version of this entrance would be like when
someone walks into a restaurant
or rides by you on one of those little two-wheeled foot scooters and they're like playing music
on their iPhone for everyone to hear and you're like, buddy, nobody's into this.
Yeah.
Everyone's like, man, buddy.
And somebody's going to hike and there'll be some guy like walking with his phone playing
music and you're like, I think we're trying to be a society still.
We're still going for it a little bit.
Fucking kids.
You hanging there with us?
So he drove his horse through the opening of the bar room,
still playing on his favorite instrument.
He ordered drinks for the whole crowd,
wheeled about and drove out again.
So this is just, this is a boss mode.
This is incredible.
Entrance, exit, no no no.
Everybody loves him.
He bought drinks, everyone loves him. Everybody loves him. He bought drinks.
Everyone loves him.
And then he left.
He left.
He did it because he could.
Yeah.
The only person who was upset was the owner,
but then he bought everybody drinks, so.
I doubt the owner was even upset.
Yeah.
This is the 1890s.
You know what I mean?
The 1890s, people are like,
you left your horse is going to be here.
He's got to buy a beverage.
Yeah.
This is only one of the queer and amusing actions
of this poor unfortunate who squandered enough money
to keep himself and friends living in affluence
of the remainder of their lives.
Okay.
Yeah, I like him having an entourage.
Yeah, he's gotta have an entourage, right?
All your party boys.
I agree, that's got an entourage, right? All your party boys. I agree.
That's nice.
It's also, it's like, so like, how great is it to fall into a rich guy's entourage?
That role, that's a great role.
Yeah, it's huge.
I need to get that.
But yeah, but then you kind of get why it's like, because the entourage whole thing is
be like, yeah, buddy, you know, that's the, that's, that's so smart.
Oh, it'd be like an epic if you rode a horse and playing the violin should totally do it.
Like that makes sense. Why?
He's sort of like, yeah, yeah.
And they just yes, man, you know, all this bullshit.
Yeah, they're just yes.
And for their own part, like just so they could get free drinks, like that'd be dope, dude.
What if you played the violin?
Yeah, it'd be awesome.
What if you played the violin? Yeah, that'd be awesome.
One day he went out in the country
and gave a farmer $200 to set fire to his barn.
That's awesome.
This is, I, okay, I think this is how
you're supposed to be rich.
I agree.
Yes.
This is okay with me.
This is how you're supposed to do it, just to show up.
Hey man, will you burn your barn down?
I'm tipsy.
He said he wanted to see the hay and straw burn.
Right, fair enough.
I get it.
On another occasion, he gave $100 to Ted McNulty
to let him punch him in the eyes until they were black.
That's awesome.
This guy rules.
How is there not a movie about this guy?
That's where you come in, Vanessa.
Help us get the Smurf producer.
That is so, is this Dave,
is this the greatest rich guy in history?
I mean, it's pretty high up there.
It's a bunch of one in the eye.
This is amazing. Well, cause here's something I respect about it too. It up there. It's a bunch of one at the high. This is amazing.
Well, because here's something I respect about it too.
It comes from a place of curiosity.
He's like, look, I wanted to know what it was like
to see the straw bird.
Like it's, you know, and he realizes that's like, look,
I can answer some of these questions.
Also, as someone who loves bits, like I, if I had,
if I was crazy rich, I would spend like a good portion of my money on bits
on just like to you know, sort of like basically creating like a
Like a josh bow type reality for a certain like some of my friends where they would it would take months for them to like figure out
They were being fucked with
So I admire that's so true
If you if you had that level of money money, so many bits would come to fruition. The problem
with life is that there's not enough money and time for the bits. If you eliminate both of those
hurdles, the level of bitery can just, it's endless. Did you say bitery? Yeah. I have this one run in
where I'm going to convince my friend who said that I was going to die on a certain date that I'm going to die on that date.
So he basically had 16 million today.
Holy shit.
That's what we're talking about.
You can have fun.
Yeah, a lot of fun.
One fourth of July, he got tired waiting for a regular train to carry him 20 miles.
So he paid the railroad management $600 for a special train to carry him to his destiny.
So he, he didn't want to wait for trains.
So he bought, bought a train, right?
Flying private.
Yeah, flying private.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When the Mollie and McGuires were condemned to the gallows,
Egan went to Harrisburg with a certified check
for a hundred thousand dollars and offered it
to governor Harris, Hartrofant
if he would pardon the mollies.
Okay, so this guy's amazing now.
He's amazing.
It didn't work.
No, the mollies got killed, but that's, yeah.
So he's pro-union.
He's a pro-union rich guy.
I like that.
He had two locomotives built at a machine shop and had them shipped to his farm.
He built the track 300 feet long and after the engines got up a good head of steam, he caused the two throttles to be open.
The two engines came together with a great crash.
Oh, so he just wanted to see.
It's like a five year old.
Yeah. Yeah.
He's like, I want old. Yeah. Yeah.
He's like, I want to see two trains crash.
It's an agent of chaos.
Yeah.
It's completely is.
Egan said the sight of them coming together was worth what they cost.
The locomotives were of no use afterwards.
Well, that's really a man of curiosity too.
He wanted, he wanted to see how hay would burn in a barn fire, what it would
look like for two trains to smush, not in the Jersey shore.
Yeah, hey, Gareth, I don't think they call it smushing.
Yeah, they do. He did it in the smush room. This one's Snooki, this one's Joe, this one's
Tommy.
That's it. That's the whole story on him. They don't, they don't get it. I mean, he
just went through the money and then died poor, but yes. Yes. Did he, did he die poor?
No, he died. He was the richest man in the poor house. The richest man of all. Yeah.
Yeah. He also died having answers to the train sliding thing. And like he got, he had a very
full life. He didn't have any. There was no unfinished business.
And I respect that.
Yeah, it's like we should send this guy's story to Dan Balzarian.
Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking of.
It's like just, yeah, that sort of get it a little more together, Dan.
Yeah. Yeah.
Who's whose birds are chirping?
Who's can you hear my birds? Oh, yeah.
It's my menagerie.
One moment, I shall silence that.
Your menagerie, you motherfuckers.
I don't know what his life is over there.
What is happening? What is it?
Oh, sorry.
Gareth just.
They're my doves.
Did you say. my menagerie?
Yeah, that's right.
Can you explain what's happening in your house?
I just have...
I've just allowed birds to be in 80% of it.
Cool.
They're not real birds, number one.
They're fake birds.
So here's what I'm understanding is that you have a small area in your house where there
are not real birds chirping.
I don't.
I think the more I answer, the worse this gets for me.
So I'm not even going to answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.
OK, I guess we just move on, although every single human.
I've fallen into a little money recently,
so I've contained friends of mine who come on bird outfits
because I'm a man of curiosity.
He wanted to know what it would look like for his friends
to be in bird office and had the resources
Which 20 of your best friends live as some of your favorite bird breeds?
All right a white black bird, oh wow look at that good good
Transition Eunice Ashton a lively of Pennsylvania, elopes with her father.
Oh, I won't read that because I don't give it away.
Yesterday morning, after Harry Ashton, a prominent citizen of this place, had breakfast.
Breakfast?
I'd never heard breakfast before.
I've heard breakfast, but not the breakfast.
What's the difference?
I'm not hearing the difference.
Breakfast and breakfast. In other words, he did his breakfast. I'm not hearing the difference. Breakfast and breakfast.
In other words, he did his breakfast.
He breakfast.
Oh, he breakfast.
That's great.
That is great.
Okay, that works for everything.
I've dinnered.
Yeah, no, exactly.
That should 100%.
Why would that not be a thing that we do?
We just lunched.
Have you lunched?
Have you brunched? I haven't even breakfast. I? We just lunched. Have you lunched? Have you brunched?
I haven't even breakfast.
I brunched actually.
Interesting.
Have you snacked?
Snack.
I've snacked and brunched work.
Yeah.
So he said word to his stable to have his colored coachman, William Thompson, bring
his horse and carriage to the door as he intended to take his wife and daughter
Eunice for a drive to Pendle.
Great city.
Okay.
So again, just to touch base, sorry, the wife and daughter, that's wife and daughter separate
people, not wife slash daughter, right?
Correct.
Yes.
Okay.
Because there was some confusion up top.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
But that's a good question considering the time.
Yeah, there was a real tease at the top
that I don't love for sure.
Stick it in my head too.
After waiting some time for the coachman's appearance,
he went to the stable to ascertain the cause of the delay.
From Thompson's wife, he learned that the coachman
had gone away with the horse and carriage
shortly after midnight,
saying he was going to visit his sister who was seriously ill. Ashton returned to the house and
was there informed by his wife in a proxism of grief that the Eunice could not be found.
So the daughter's missing, the coachman's missing. Then the horrible suspicion took possession of his mind
that the coachman and his daughter had eloped.
Oh my God.
This is a, remember this is a black dude and a white lady.
So this is 1890, this is.
Go on.
They could burn towns for this.
Sure. go on. They could burn, they could burn towns for this. A visit to her room furnished proof of his erring daughter's flight. A letter to her father told her love for Thompson, her effort to conquer the feeling and her
final yielding to the passion, which she acknowledged could bring nothing but disgrace upon her family.
So she's like, I love a black guy, so I have to leave or else the family will be ruined.
Which is really cool.
It's kind of a, there's something, I mean, strategy wise, it's the wrong move.
If you're trying to buy yourself time, you could really throw the whole thing
in another direction. Absolutely. Yeah. I'll be back in three days. Yeah. Yeah. Just be
like, I'm going in that river. Come look for me in a week. You know, instead now it's just
... I'm sorry, Gareth. Yeah. Just so we're understanding, your better story for the father
is I'm going in that river. Well, I would need a little.
How about this?
Here's what I'd like you to do.
I'd like you to check in in a couple of stories and I'll have a better version
of what my what my smoke screen would be.
Yeah, because I get that like the way, you know, at that time,
that things were very different, terrible.
But it has to be a weird it's like, OK, I'm, at that time that things were very different and terrible,
but it has to be a weird, it's like, okay,
I'm in love with this black gentleman,
but like having the sort of the dynamic with him of like,
like, okay, no, yes, I mean, I just,
it's important that I let my father know
how like riddled with shame I am.
Like it's like, no, no, no, you're great and all,
but also like, how does that, how do you navigate the light?
Can we just go?
Can we go?
I don't know if you need to.
Yeah. Hold on.
How do you spell curse upon the house forever?
How do you spell, like, it's, you know, it's not you.
It's a time period.
Anyways, love you, yes, can't wait to be with you.
I have brought the greatest of, like, gray clouds
upon our family for decades to come.
Before we go, can I just read you through this a little bit
just before we go?
The impossible, I couldn't resist as much as I tried
for I know how wrong all of this is.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
We should probably get running because it's like midnight at this point. Hold on.
What's the synonym for shame?
I just use shame 15 times in this.
It's like.
Ashton and a number of friends started in pursuit of the fleeing couple but could find
no trace.
See?
This is why you come up with these smokescreens.
Do you think they had a rope?
They were gonna kill him, for sure, right?
100%.
Yeah.
The horse and carriage were found tied to a tree.
They evidently took the train,
but at what station could not be ascertained?
Really using ascertain a lot.
Must've just come into vogue, go ahead.
Ashton then returned home with the determination
to leave his daughter to her fate.
Great.
That's a matter of how you say it.
Yeah, that's 100%.
You could be crushing pain.
I'll leave her to her fate.
Or you could be like, I'll leave her to her fate.
But also, this is where your first story
and your second story in the Smurfs version, they dovetail,
she gets on a train, the guy wants to see how the two trains work out.
That's pretty good.
You think that and just, I know we're not signing any contracts on this pie kit, but
you think this could be one of the Smurf movies?
Yeah.
I mean, I think it's like, it's not your A story, obviously, because that's going to
be, I mean, I thought Papa Smurf, he's of a different time and maybe also has a little
bit of a, I think Papa Smurf being like, you know.
There's a white Smurf.
Yeah.
How does Gargamel fit in?
He wants to make a soup.
It's just a it's a rhetoric him wanting to make a soup,
basically, is what you have on the just wants to smurfs do.
There should be it would be so fucking funny
in a smurf punch up room to pitch a red Smurf as like, and the Smurfs hate him.
The Smurfs.
It was a different, pop a Smurf as it rains.
Andy thinks it's cool.
Just disgusted.
This impominy should end up.
Yeah, red Smurf.
So Ashton then returned home.
So then he and his wife are overwhelmed with grief
at the disgrace brought upon them.
Miss Ashton is 23 years old and very pretty.
Thompson is described as intelligent but very uncouth.
He has a wife and four children.
Oh.
Oh, gosh. I mean. I mean, love is love.
God damn. Love is love.
I love love.
It's hard. This is a hard one.
Yeah. No, this is this is a this is a dude having a middle life crisis.
And well, it's also when you put extreme
when you you know, when you put parameters around human existence in a way
that are nonsensical, you know, weird, this weird stuff is going to happen.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Okay. Here's the cover.
I've gone gold panning
in a river.
I heard about in a bear cave in the mountains and you can draw a map.
If anyone wants to join me
I'll be up here for the next week the daughter's got gold panning. Yeah
She knows it's wrong
The she knows the gold panning is wrong
She knows that she's it's good
Because we're gold panning now, so I had to clarify. Yeah, yeah. Okay. No, yes, she knows the gold. Yes.
You guys, it's called a fucking smoke screen.
I need, I'm gonna need a new pitch in a couple stories.
I mean, it's not the bit, we gotta get going.
All right, fine, I'll take a look.
Okay.
And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada.
Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time.
My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can,
just because you get a better experience.
And my mother was in town recently
and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel
and she just had hip surgery.
So I had to find a place that was very accommodating
to her needs and found a place that she still talks about
to this day.
You know, like I've said before,
I always like a home over a hotel.
I call it a home tell.
No, I don't.
But I really like it.
And she, like I said, she really, really appreciated it.
But recently I was wondering, like, while I'm gone, what about my place?
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A guinea wife!
This is out of Washington. A sensational affair occurred here this afternoon,
the participants being CJ Parker and Gustavus Brown,
the young dentist.
Mr. Parker being suspicious that undue intimacy
existed between his wife and Brown.
That's a great way of putting it.
Got his younger brother to watch her movements.
Well.
Gross.
Yeah, keep an eye on her.
No, Garrett.
Right.
Well, some people are into that.
Yeah.
She was seen to...
Yeah.
No, cause I didn't, cause you went to like the thing
and then I was more in a cucking area, but yeah.
It's we'll get...
There's some cucking going.
Let you tell the story.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She was seen to enter Dr. Brown's office
and young Parker telegraphed his brother.
On his arrival, the two entered the house
and in Brown's bedroom, according to Parker's story,
his wife and Brown were found in an embarrassing position.
Embarrassing to some, but pretty hot to others,
you know what I mean?
So that's just sex in a general sense,
not just like 50-2ing or something,
which is mortifying.
I mean, yeah, they could have been doing something worse.
Yeah.
Right?
Sure.
Movements.
52, now 52ing, I don't want to get into this business.
I was worried.
That's what that looks like, but I'm imagining
that there's only a number of toes
sticking out.
Like how?
It's a.
We don't get it.
Yeah.
It's oral and a toe jack.
Copy.
OK.
Sorry.
It's degrees.
It's all degrees.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Brown attempted to escape by the back door.
Oh, sure he did.
Parker fired two shots at him, neither taking effect.
Parker has engaged counsel
and proceedings for divorce will begin.
Wow.
I mean, he's right to divorce.
It's funny that you can shoot at a guy,
miss him, and then be like, I want a divorce.
And the court's like, and we will
proceed with that logical step.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's how you filed back then, is you
took a shot at someone.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah.
They're like, well, you tried everything to make it work.
Now we can go with the extreme solution.
Yeah, couples counseling wasn't around.
You just take it.
And Bezler's arrested.
Okay.
So from Chicago, John Mayer of what?
Yeah, I know.
By the way, I have serious radio and there's now a channel that is called John Mayer slash life
Like makes me very upset every time it I scroll past it serious too and I gotta be honest it's
Starting to I'm starting to go what's going on over here. Yeah, I agree. It's there
The only one had a serious deal. Yeah, and
Yeah, and then they were like well, we've over spent like we can't do it They're losing it. We almost had a serious deal.
And then they were like, well, we've overspent.
We can't do it.
We spent too much on one thing.
We gave too much money to Conan.
That's what they said.
Meanwhile, every other podcast is on there now.
And I'm like, they just, they lied.
They just completely lied.
Well no, they were trying.
They were going after one thing as part of the deal.
Remember?
They got it.
Oh, is he on there?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Is he really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay.
John Mayer, 5570 Wars 14th Street, West 14th Street and John Benedict, collector for the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company,
were arrested in the Union Depot last night and locked up at the Central Station on a charge
of embezzlement.
The first mention had been in the company's employ for about a year and the other only
two weeks.
The men were not Confederates, although they were arrested the same place and time would
indicate that they were.
They weren't together, but they were just arrested in the exact same place at the exact
same time.
That's quite a cover.
Holding the same dollar bill each on one end.
With a picture taken.
With embezzlers underneath.
Yeah, with embezzlers underneath on the embezzling sashes.
Benedict had shaved off his mustache and whiskers. That's that is that's what that's what an 1890s disguise was.
And it was effective.
People are well, I don't know, a fellow he's looking for had a mustache.
Came to you.
It had so changed his appearance that a messenger boy employed by the company failed to recognize
him in the depot.
I can't give you this letter, mister.
It's for Benedict and that ain't you because you ain't got the mustache.
Like there were no ideas.
It's just like...
It was such an easier time.
It was his suspicious actions that attracted the attention of officers McDonnell and Weaver
and led to his arrest.
So he was acting suspicious in the train depot.
So much the cops were like, what's up with this guy?
That's crazy.
In the 1890s for cops to be like, you're acting weird.
Yeah, what were you doing?
Just like sitting there sweating going, oh my, oh my.
He's just singing like, I'm embezzling, I will embezzle again.
Like there was a guy taking a fucking horse into bars
with a violin and the cops like, as you were,
this guy's shuffling a
lot on the platform.
Uh, Marr was simply to the station to see him off.
The pecula, the peculations, okay.
The peculations of the two men will foot up nearly $1,000 if they do not go beyond that
figure.
I have no idea what that means.
Me either.
No.
It feels like in the 1800s, crimes were either horrific or like Looney Tunes style capery.
That's correct.
And it was like no in between where it's just like,
they're either painting caves on the side of walls
and the cops are confused, or it's just like
the most terrible racist thing ever.
That is so fucking true.
It was either like the scariest shit ever or it was the most arch performance that you
were like, we're not animated.
Yeah.
That is so funny.
Yeah.
Everything was just like, I mean, it was acme.
Like your villains were like either Wile E. Coyote
or you were like, that is straight up murder of a family.
Pagulations is just another way of saying embezzling.
So they together stole a thousand dollars.
Wow.
Okay.
I've thought of another excuse that could go in the letter.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm going, I'm going to go try to catch a whale on the ocean with a couple of friends
from school that you didn't know about.
So I'll be back in two weeks.
That's how long it takes to catch a whale?
In the story?
We just need them to just, we just need to pause.
You need it to be believable from the,
like not to note you to death, you know,
but you need, the dad needs to buy it.
Yeah, it's.
In fact, there's a lot of notes coming into.
Yeah, well you're in the acne thing we just talked about.
Like, the dad has to.
Which is of the time.
I guess so.
But the dad needs to believe that.
Like, I mean, also, I'm just like, and I'm not saying the whale.
Like, the whale thing works.
I think you just need more time than two weeks to catch it.
OK.
First of all, you're catching and not killing it,
which seems not ideal.
You know what?
I'll be honest.
I resist it.
That's a great note.
OK. I don't know when I'll be honest, I resist it. That's a great note.
I don't know when I'll be back.
It's an into dirt.
I don't have a timeline for this,
but I'm going to catch the biggest whale possible
and then I'm gonna bring it back for us.
And it won't be too long,
but don't come looking for me.
I'll be fine.
Yeah.
And it's like, also, I think that's good
because then she's bringing something. It's like, oh, that's good because then it's she's bringing something
it's like oh it's for all of us it's not a selfish endeavor it's yeah you're onto something. Okay
Dave any bullshit notes from you? I think it's just uh the most insane weird like he's in she's in
Pennsylvania she's 23 first of all she's not in school school. Couldn't no one would allow her to go to school.
This is page one shit.
And this is secondly, secondly, Pennsylvania, we're talking about Pennsylvania.
It is a landlocked.
I'm not saying she's going to the Pennsylvania Ocean.
I know, but to make that excuse,
because if if she was from Maine,
maybe because she would see a lot of whalers and whatnot,
it would pique her interest, but you're-
She knew a-
She's just, when we, okay, all right, all right.
I need another pitch.
Give me a minute.
Yeah, it's really kind of some dumb-
I would just say, let's, you're too broad with all this,
and I would just say let's keep it a little more grounded.
Okay.
Okay.
This is under personal paragraphs.
Prince Henry of Battenberg and a companion
went poaching with ferrets the other day in Hampshire.
That's a good one.
Can we use that one?
She's going ferret poaching.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, I like that. Ferret poaches are just going to kill ferrets.
I'll be back when I have enough for a coat, father.
Well, she's doing the logical thing a woman should do at her age.
Yeah, poaching with ferrets probably means different than we would.
Yes. Take it as today.
I don't think he's going out with ferrets
and then poaching other things.
Let's get him.
Guys are real savages.
The companion was apprehended and fined 10 shillings,
but the queen's son-in-law went free.
Typical, rich guys getting rid of the crime.
You ever heard of that?
Has that ever happened?
Has that guy ever become president?
Again, twice. Again?
Again.
Again.
The full name of a woman who died in Kansas City recently
was Joyce Jane Parmelia Ann Sarah Elizabeth Douglas Carr
Gentry Ballard.
Gentry?
What the fuck?
What?
I'm stuck on Joyce, which is J-O-I-C-Y, Joyce.
Wasn't that the little guy who traveled around with Kid Rock?
I hope so.
I think you're thinking of Juicy.
It's not thinking of Joyce or Joce, either way.
Joyce Jane, Permilia,
and Sarah Elizabeth Douglas
Carr Gentry Ballard.
It's crazy.
I mean, that like, that Tombstone guy was like,
Egan's my year's been made.
No, we're paying you the same as a one-namer.
I'll tell you, I just, I do it by the letter, mister.
Not anymore.
I like how this redneck is like a jack of all trades Yeah, it's just, I do it by the letter, mister. I don't mind anymore.
I like how this redneck is like a jack of all trades and ends up in like different Pennsylvania,
like wherever region doesn't matter,
that's just how he sounds.
That's where he is, yeah.
I can't believe how close we are to the ocean.
You can basically see it from here. It would make sense for someone to pine for a different
life out on that place. Nobody would find holes in that story, mister. I can hear the whales.
Listen closely. You can hear the humpback splooshing and splashing.
She had as many names as a royal princess.
Okay.
Okay.
Sure.
Whatever.
So the whole story is the lady had a lot of names.
Yeah.
Please.
Oh, wow.
So many names.
William Vanderbilt has taken his check for $5,000 to a young man who was bitten by one
of his hounds.
Wow. It's worth it.
Other young men who might wish to be bitten by this pet
hound will learn with regret that the animal has been shot.
Ah, fuck. So they Christie gnomed the dog when it did less.
Fuck. Yeah.
I mean, you know, that's what they usually do, the biters.
But people. yeah, sorry.
I'm just trying to think of like the like, my dad's a lawyer and there's people that
come in with like these, like I slipped on a grape at like Albertson that I want to sue
and he's like, yeah, that's not really how it works.
Is that, was that sort of the thing at the time of like, hey, you just go get bitten
by this fucking hound, you get five grand.
And so they were lined up to do that.
And then the hound.
It still is.
So he cut off someone's.
There was a comedian who lived here when I was in like the early 2000 or so around then
and his wife was going to medical school but they had a little bit of money or I guess
her parents had died so they had a little bit of money, or I guess her parents had died, so they had a little bit of money.
And they had a nice house up, like right above Hollywood Boulevard on the hills there.
And they have two dogs and they had a cable guy coming over, I think.
And so they were like, do not go in that room.
The dogs are in there.
You're not allowed to go in there.
And then dude fucking opens the door and then it's like, oh, I got bit.
And they were like, but they looked at his hand.
They're like, he absolutely did not get bit.
But he sued their home.
Insurance rates went through the fucking roof.
They had to sell the house.
Like, it still happens.
Yeah. Well, I know it happened now.
Like, it's more of like, I guess back then,
like it feels like, you know, I'm shocked
if in the 1800s there's like, you got a letter
from a Nigerian prince that said, like it feels
like a very now scam for the 1800s.
Oh sure.
But you know what you bring up,
you brought up the grape slipping thing.
That was back then at this time, that was a huge,
that was like the biggest lawsuit that happened.
We had a whole dollop on banana peel slipping.
Yeah.
Like it was like, it's like where it came from.
Like people were like cartoonishly, as we were saying,
throwing banana peels down, slipping on them,
and then people would be like, here's $50,
don't tell anyone.
It was like a bonafide racket.
Yeah, but I don't know about animal bites.
It seems like animal bites would just be so normal back there.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, I'd be like, okay.
Any bites from humans too.
Yeah, yeah.
He has biting shirts.
He's got bite care.
I bet the dog bit this guy really fucking bad.
If he got $5,000, I bet that he was like mauled probably.
Right?
Where is it?
People would hope that there was some negotiating,
just showing up with like five grand to make this go,
cause it's, you know, I would, I don't know.
I would maybe low ball a guy,
depending on how bad his dog bite was.
Yeah.
And I'd be the guy that'd be like, well, I'll take it.
He'd be like, well, I guess.
Put his jaws off.
I'd be like, I like him.
And you gotta deal.
The Empress of Germany is the possessor
of an unforgivable temper.
And her outbursts at times are said
to be exceedingly humiliating to her friends.
This may explain why the Emperor takes a long summer trip alone.
Okay, so what happened was, all that happened was the Emperor went on a trip alone and everyone's like, what's wrong with her?
Yeah, that's what happened.
This is a good story for Gareth. Everyone's like, what's wrong with her? Yeah. That's what happened. It's his face.
Yeah.
Oh, this is a good story for Gareth.
Sparrows tie up a clock.
Ah, they sure might do the same thing.
Yeah.
Yours aren't real, the ones you keep in your house.
Greg is the same thing.
Does Greg live in a nest?
He has a pile that he sleeps upon, yes.
It is an old and rather exaggerated assertion that some people are ugly enough to stop a
clock.
Wow this is remarkable.
The media had to weigh in.
Oh wow, okay.
So that is fake. We conducted some studies, rounded up the ugliest of our time,
faced them in front of a cocoa clock,
and proved that to be unequivocally untrue.
Oh, so great to have to go on the ugly hunt.
Excuse me, sir?
Guys?
I bet I can stop it!
I can stop it! I can stop it.
Okay.
This guy's perfect.
This guy's fucking perfect.
But sir, you can't use your mouth to stop it for the last time.
Sit down.
No, I don't try.
It just looks on the chip.
I don't try to do it.
Sir, put your mouth.
Sir, sir.
It just happens.
He keeps eating the hands.
Sir.
That's my resting noise.
Give him a quarter.
A quarter.
Yeah.
While this remains to be proved, it is an established fact that the ingenious little sparrow has performed the feat.
Okay.
So this guy is trying to get into the fact that a sparrow stopped a clock and he is really starting in the just crazy place.
Yeah. Yep. The town clock at Sarnia Ontario stopped the other morning and a man ongoing to
ascertain the cause. That's our third ascertain. Yeah, this guy loves ascertain. Found that the
hands had been securely tied down by strands of twine and grass.
The mischief had been done by a pair of English sparrows,
who had selected the angle formed by the hands as a sight for a nest.
The movement of the hands interfered with their plans,
and the birds put their wits to work to devise a remedy
that would secure the stability of the nest.
So much getting into the bird psyche
that is just so the birds concocted a plan.
Without their blueprints.
But in my head, it's like,
I think previously on Sparrow Prey,
these little shenanigans.
I'd flip this clock.
Hey, Luke.
Their first scheme was to wind the shaft.
Scheme. Their first scheme.
Sparrows.
They're literally just putting twine down.
They are birds within sticks.
They're like, this would be a good nest.
Like, look at them.
Cold, calculated.
Sparrows.
The first scheme was to wind the shaft on which the hands are pivoted around and around with grass and quartz.
No, they didn't.
They put it in a place and the clock turning wrapped it around the...
Yeah, they were not like, we're trying to stop time.
I hope this ends with like, the spells are going to kill us all.
Yeah.
Oh, this is a good way into like a quantum leap type thing.
It's like they figured out how to stop time and then the sparrows are like traveling.
You're pitching right in my face.
That absolutely.
And then time stopped and in the future sparrows took over. That failing, they tied the hands to each other and to the framework in such a manner
that it took considerable time and a great deal of labor to remove the obstructions.
The engineering skill displayed by the birds in accomplishing their object showed that
they possessed reasoning power of no mean order, besides an amount of industry and perseverance
in gathering the material within the few hours
at their disposal that is almost incredible.
They just made a nest guy.
Build nests.
And this guy's like, we've never seen minds work like this.
Can I tell you what irritates me the most about this
is that there's somebody that it's like these sparrows
They like studying sparrows
We're just like late nights weeks on end whose wife is at home with like two little children
And is like has dinner ready and he's just like sorry, honey. You gotta work
I gotta crack the spare like sparrows are being sparrows and he's doing all of these fucking
Important studies where it's like, okay. well, your children don't recognize you,
but at least you know that like, birds steal shit.
Henry, come to bed.
And when he does come to the table to eat, he's like,
now I will tell you about the sparrows, family.
They're like, Jesus Christ, dude, shut up.
I think I get an idea what they're after.
Their motivation.
Profiling sparrows. Young Stengel's lucky find.
George William Stengel, a young express wagon driver
of New York City, has found out that honesty is by all odds
the best policy.
He fucked up, didn't he?
I just hear that. I'm like, this guy fucked up, didn't he?
Like, I just hear that.
I'm like, this guy fucked up somehow.
Why is that written like Tales from the Crypt?
You know, haven't you always like,
in-tales shit found out that honesty is the best policy?
And then you're, yeah, like, what do we do?
So I'm pining to see that Tales from the Crypt.
I'm going to after the show, I am going to watch
Tales from the Crypt videos, I'm going to after the show, I am going to watch Tales from the Crypt videos.
Be like, remember this shit?
Yeah, so bad.
It was so bad. Right. So bad.
So the greatest. Yeah.
While going down Fifth Avenue the other day, he noticed a satchel
lying under the wheels of his wagon.
He picked it up, opened it and found that it contained 18,000 insecurities, the property of Senator
John P. Jones of Nevada. I don't know what securities are. I'm totally, I'm not a financial
guy at all.
I never felt like more bonded on this show to the people that I'm doing it with.
I'm sure that right now there's people who are like finance people.
They're not here.
I don't care.
A fungible, negotiable financial instrument that represents some type of financial value,
usually a stock bond or option.
Okay.
So I don't know.
To those people who think it's silly that we didn't know I say this
Tales from the crypt laughs, oh shit. Yeah, okay
The ever everybody everybody under 50 is like what I'm under 50 and I'm like, boom. Are you?
Yes, very proud of whoever came up with the idea to play that Spirit I'm under 50 and I'm like, boom. Are you? Yes. Very proud of whoever came up with that idea to play that. In spirit?
In spirit?
Spirit, I'm like 28.
I'm under 50, but in spirit, I'm 65.
There you go.
Hollywood will do that.
He made a prompt return to the valuable satchel
of the valuable satchel to its owner,
whom he found in an uptown hotel.
Senator Jones gave him $20.
Wow.
That just that's why you don't turn it in.
Yeah.
$20.
Nothing.
Oh, my God.
The reward.
And took his name and address saying, you'll hear from me again, young man, in a more substantial
way.
No, you won't.
Nope.
That's it.
Nope.
Never going to hear from him again.
Nope.
That's the end.
Ever.
He's going to tell his friends how this stupid idiot driver gave him $18,000 back.
It is understood that the great mine owner intends to give Stengel an important position
in connection with some of his Western property interests.
Nope.
For sure.
Nope.
No, that guy just, no, that guy blew it.
That guy's gonna-
Yeah, well, the name is so synonymous with success through satchel findings.
I mean, how many times have you heard this story?
Yeah, so much. It is said that Richard Vance, the courtly old gentleman who succeeded
Samuel Randall in Congress, strolls over to the equestrian statue of Andrew Jackson every
morning and facing it removes his thought as a tribute to the memory of the man he had. Now let me ask you this. Could this be in the Washington Post today?
What?
Yes.
100%.
Yes, without question.
Yes.
Josh Hawley, every day, takes off his ball cap.
Ball cap?
Nods to the sweet Jackson statue.
You just made Hawley more like common man than he should be.
I mean, I've always related to Josh Holly.
Missed M. Carnot, the French statesman, has introduced a new way of giving applause at
the theater.
Oh my God.
By the way, didn't catch on.
Can't wait.
Yeah.
I know.
I didn't even hear this.
He strikes the back of his left wrist
against the palm of his right hand.
Oh, wait.
It's a promise?
So just this.
But you're doing more hand to hand, Gareth.
It's more wrist to.
Yeah, I'm doing wrist.
You are doing wrist?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's really not great.
No.
Like you see someone doing that, you'd be like,
are you good?
Yeah, what's wrong with you?
But why would you think-
Is your arm asleep?
Yeah.
What a show.
That was so good.
You have to think that's an improvement
and it doesn't make as much-
It's more awkward and it doesn't make as much of a sound.
Yeah, and it hurts a little bit.
Yeah, it hurts more.
But imagine him like walking around
and be like, guys, I cracked it.
I cracked, you know how like clapping
can sometimes like hurt your hands if you, you know,
it's like if you're applauding for one period of time.
Well, I found a solution, like infomercial style.
He's telling the town, no, he's just like, look, just give it a try, just test drive it for a couple of time. Well, I found a solution, like infomercial style. He's telling the town, no, he's just like, look,
just give it a try, just test drive it for a couple weeks.
See how it feels, see, you know,
but I think I'm onto something, you're welcome.
I'll see you at whatever, you know,
statue we're meeting at in the fucking morning.
No, he says, it's like an Australian guy
who drives from town to town.
How many times has this happened to you?
And I know everyone who's at the show clapping
must be thinking there's got to be a better way.
I mean, that is.
Now Gus, you're telling me that we don't,
this is the old, absolutely it's had a great run
but it's time to move on.
Ever find that after going to the theater your hands are red and sometimes feel like
black and white.
Yeah.
I see your hands.
By the way, this probably is how the guy who start like or woman who started the wave felt like the
idea that that like when that started, that person was probably like, holy shit, my dream.
Yeah.
Is a reality and then no credit.
And we don't we're not like, oh, the person who came up with the wave.
So you think must have become torturous for that individual.
So you think Frank Wave didn't get any credit?
Dave Wave.
Yeah. So him being inducted to the baseball hall of fame means nothing, I guess.
That's the greatest.
I didn't think you guys knew I did.
Thank you. Decorative? I didn't think you guys knew I did it!
Thank you!
George West, a resident of Balleton, New York, has a sheet of paper made by a Chinaman
from the web of the white spider.
Wow, fuck.
How's everybody feel right now?
Not good.
Yeah, I don't know why.
I'm also offended by the spider being white.
Like there is several.
I don't know why I don't love it. I just don't love it.
Yeah, the whole sentence could use a re-break.
Yeah, it's anytime trying to it's just not good.
No.
But they were like, this is a pretty interesting story.
Not really. good. No. But they were like, this is a pretty interesting story. Like, yeah. Yeah.
Not really. Yeah. And by the way, yeah. Also, not that interesting.
No. Yeah.
Uh, carpenter Christ is the name of a Missourian
who set his home afire, then attempted suicide.
He was probably paid $200 to do it, though.
Yeah, I hope so.
The house was burned down, but, oh, it's Christ. The house was burned down, but Christ will recover.
He was arrested and placed in jail for arson.
That's the craziest shit to his own shit.
It's his house.
He tried, that's like when they do arrest people
sometimes you try to take their own lives
and you're like, what?
Yeah, no, that's insane.
You were sad with your life before.
Well, we've got a solution.
They still do that.
They still arrest people.
Yeah, but that's a good like, what are you in for?
And it's like, oh, you know, I, I hit and run took out a family of four.
But like, it's like, oh, I burned down my own house and tried to kill myself.
But whoops. Here we are.
Like, it's like, yeah, I definitely wouldn't fuck.
I would be like, man, well, I I eat lunch next this guy who murdered the family so why
did you murder the family I'd be like we got to get away from this guy the
coroner's jury in the case of Jack Poiser returned a verdict that the
deceased came to his death from injuries received by being thrown or
falling from a train near Ravalli.
How hard was that to figure out?
Yeah, not hard.
Right near the train tracks.
What do you think it was?
Skydiving.
The verdict was according to the evidence, but an autopsy, we believe, would have shown
that the man died from heart failure.
I think they're saying that he was so scared falling from the train or being torn from the train.
Had a heart attack and then fell off the train.
Oh, maybe, maybe.
Yeah.
That happens a lot.
Does it all the time?
Oh yeah.
That's what got Biden.
Amtrak Joe.
And you know that the train ran over him and the Democrats said he can finish the race.
He can finish this still.
We still think he's the best candidate.
He's got this. He's the only candidate with trade experience.
Like, yeah.
The debate is still on.
I'm getting messages from people in Australia.
Like I never have before and they're just like, can you, what's going on?
Isn't it so crazy that like,
we keep finding ways to reinvent our stuff.
Like, you were like, I don't,
the idea that we're like the Democrats like,
and that's so fast, Donald Trump being your nominee
is the craziest shit that's going on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Last one. Okay.
A weak power brother.
Well, this could be bad.
A little concerned about that.
Yeah.
There is a dissatisfaction among the members of the Church of God, which was organized
a year or more ago by Miss Woodsworth.
Mr. Baker, the pastor, has been relieved.
The trouble seems to be that Mr.
Baker was inclined to be too evangelical
and did not believe sufficiently in the power.
Power of grace, in quotations.
OK, the church has secured a young man named Hoover from Maine who indicates that he will give satisfaction the enthusiastic
members say that he handles the power with great ability what in the fuck is
happening yeah I've seen this SVU it It does not turn out great. The youth pastor
knocking up a 15 year old. It's bad. And it's a miracle. Is that what they mean by the power?
Yeah. Another immaculate one. Trevor, stop it. What? I can't believe this happened again. What? What is the?
I mean, this is where it's probably if one of us was evangelical, we would understand what was happening.
But right now, it just sounds like it sounds like superhero stuff where you're like, who's got the power?
What's? Was he born with it?
He will remain until the arrival of Miss Woodsworth 10 days hence when permanent arrangements will be affected
Mr. Baker will not try to organize a new church
Hmm
Well, it's just interesting any I will say with the
Confusion in that last story. I was able to come up with the best excuse that she would leave in the letter
We're really digging the whale one. I think we liked the ferret poaching. I think the best one
is as follows. In the letter to her father, she writes that she's found a recipe for
one of the greatest stews on earth. And unfortunately, it involves some little blue creatures that
are only found in Ohio. And she'll be back in a few months with the missing ingredient
to make it all for the family. That's it. Yeah, she's called gal gamell. That's it.
Oh, also gal gamell is like a perfect like Lady Gargamel is just needs, you know, a week
away from all the craziness and she goes on like a girl's trip to Vegas like that.
I think also has potential.
Galgamel's trip I think is good.
Look, Vanessa, you're the pipe into this whole world.
So I want you to take it and you know, worst case, I just have a foot in the, you know,
in the game.
Put together a pitch dock. Yeah, best case maybe I'm maybe I'm foot in the you know in the game
Yeah, best case maybe I'm maybe I'm involved in the mix I can drop
Deadweight Dave over here and get involved in some real fucking smurf shit Why did I take a hit cuz you've always been really unsupportive of the smurf stuff. I've been trying to get going
Guys I have so this was my only introduction to the breaking news of the 1800s.
And I have a bit of a question in terms of how do you think things worked at the paper?
Because in my brain, it's like if you ever saw that shitty TMZ show where the long haired
guy is like, we got Lindsay Lohan coming at a Nobu.
They're all yelling stuff at the main guy like do we think that it's like an editor and they're
just like oh I got a great story about a guy returning fucking securities in a satchel
and that he's just like yes no yes like how do how do you see it well I will say I don't
really know how I saw it but I now choose to only see it being
done TMZ style with the room of those people pitching at the RV whatever guy.
Just like you hear about this woman who ran off with her black coachman.
That's interesting is they're just drinking 1890s Frappuccinos.
That is kind of what that TMZ show was,
except it was like a black athlete and a reality person.
And I think it still goes.
I'm not sure.
I think it's still a show.
I think most of these papers started for political reasons.
They were aligned with a party, and so they
want to influence elections.
But then there were other people that were just like, I'm going to open
the town paper and make money.
I think very few of them were like, an editor obviously putting this all together.
Yeah.
And then they get for like this time they're getting stories from other places,
like, and just throwing them in the paper.
Like there there's a, I don't know how it went around, but there was clearly a service that sent out news stories.
And they would put them in,
and the news stories you would read,
they're not like up to date.
Like some of them happened two months ago.
So it's then-
But it wasn't like people like, I heard this.
People are like, whoa, that frog jumped far.
Yeah.
Well, no, but I think it was.
It's like some of them were very like the early parade magazine type shit of like this
woman has 17 names.
Like, you know, who's gathering that those stories?
Well, whoever it was knew that the men would be like, this is re fucking ridiculous.
Yeah.
How dare you?
She's a name hog.
By the way, power evangelism is the term coined by the founder of the charismatic third wave
movement to distinguish his evangelical method from traditional evangelism.
So it's just a split in fucking evangelical.
It's just that typical fucking nonsense.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Well, Vanessa, thank you for joining us
on what we like to call a Sparrows Twine
in the Cuckoo Clock time travel experience
going back to the 1890s shut up days.
We appreciate it very much.
And we look forward to some credits on the
next Smurf project. Whatever that turns out to be.
Oh no no, the type of work I do I'm not credited. You go and you throw in some jokes and you
hope for the best as you drive home from Culver City.
Yeah.
It is glamorous isn't it?
Yeah. Well, thank you, Vanessa. You're that Vanessa, that Vanessa Ramos on
Instagram. Yes. So go follow you. Thank you. Thanks, dude. Toodles.
Screw you, Dad. Wow.
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