The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 83 - The Past Times with Vanessa Ramos

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by writer and producer Vanessa Ramos Redbubble Merch...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery. So I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about to this day. You know, like I've said before, I always like a home over a hotel. I call it a home tell. No, I don't. But I really like it. And she, like I said, she really, really appreciated it.
Starting point is 00:00:35 But recently I was wondering, like, while I'm gone, what about my place? Can my place pay in Airbnb? And the answer is yes. It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or something more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.
Starting point is 00:01:05 I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. Vanessa Ramos. Hello, Vanessa. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. We wanted to have you on for a while, but you're very busy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:01:13 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:01:21 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. us. Thank you for having me. We wanted to have you on for a while, but you've been very successful. You were telling me before you were in the movie business. That was off mic. Dave and I are looking to get into the movie business. How do we do that? What are we not doing? Here's the thing and when you say movie business, it's like writing jokes for just some of the some of the worst Movies there are like it's like either like kids. I still want that job. I don't know man
Starting point is 00:01:55 I don't know if you do because then you have like it's a lot of Try to think of like a delicate way and it's like working on the Smurfs and then having an executive at Sony pull you aside and say that a certain actor is very protective of hefty Smurf and the relationship with Smurfette. So if you could be sensitive to that. It's like hearing how method and actor from the Smurfs is and being like, ''Okay, cool. I drove to Culver City today. Great.'' Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Since the Me Blue movement, there's been a lot of that. Well, listen, we're big fans of you. So your Instagram is that Vanessa Ramos. Correct. It's it's an easy thing to do to follow you. And what we will how we like to start this show, because I know you listen to it, but I'll still walk you through it just in case you're a big fan. And how we like to start this show, because I know you listen to it,
Starting point is 00:02:46 but I'll still walk you through it just in case. You're a big fan. Is we started off by guessing what year this newspaper could be from. So Dave, who's probably bottomless, has picked this paper. It could be from the 1600s, that would be unlikely. It could be from 1990.s. That would be unlikely. It could be from
Starting point is 00:03:10 1990 we've never had that but he's probably got some of that stuff up his sleeve I'll show you how it's done by guessing first. Can I just say first of all that I do have a I do have a bottom You do it. Yeah, we know you have a bottom but I'm suggesting that it's not covered. Yeah. Oh, I'm not going to comment on that. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not just saying you're half. I'm not withdrawn. Yeah, exactly. So don't push.
Starting point is 00:03:31 For you, Dave, on things like that, don't push. Yeah, yeah. You sound like a hefty Smurf, to be quite honest with you. I'm going to guess that this paper is from the year 1964. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:03:51 And that's an outlier guess. That's a good, really good guess. Shut up. That means I'm ruined. Really good. I'm going to go on 1952, because it is the year that both Ron and Connie Ramos were born.
Starting point is 00:04:03 If that's in the paper, I'll have some great takes on that. Ron Ramos is a great name. Yeah, it is the year that both Ron and Connie Ramos were born. If that's in the paper, I'll have some great takes on that. Ron Ramos is a great name. Yeah, it is. Powerful name. It's like a movie star. Ron Con Ramos. It's a Ron Con. It is a Ron Con. All right. You're telling me Hollywood movies can't use this sort of weak joke right in their... Come on. It's nice. It's 1890.
Starting point is 00:04:26 But the 90s. Yeah. Yeah. Western grunge. Yeah. I'm going to call you both. You both lost. Well, we both went for it. I think it's you should we should be highlighted for our bravery. I want. Yeah. I mean, when you're looking up papers from like 1890,
Starting point is 00:04:42 are we the ones that lost or did you have to do in depth research on that era? Just saying, something to think about. All right, so, yep. I think when they look at the paper from 2024, this time the history will smile upon these guesses. Yeah. It's the Missoula Montana Gazette. Great town.
Starting point is 00:05:06 September 5th. Great town. 1890. I love Missoula. All right. You just take it easy. I went to the Testicle Festival in Missoula. I don't know why we're talking.
Starting point is 00:05:17 Rocky Mountain Oysters. I went there. We ate them. We came. We saw. We ate bowl balls. Were they people testicles or were they? No, they were bull. They were bull
Starting point is 00:05:26 Okay, if there were people ones, would you have participated? I don't know and Probably not then now I would you know, it's all about the algorithm All right, so Missoula famous for its nuts. First story here. Don't you think it's crazy that nuts.com is actually a place where you can buy peanuts and almonds? So far. Isn't that amazing that that worked?
Starting point is 00:05:58 So far. We can get into the show in a minute, but that's crazy to me. That's going to change at some point. Someone will laugh, so then you'll go there to be like, I think we can get some of these walnuts. You'll be like, oh! When everybody's starving and we've turned to cannibalism, they're just gonna be selling human nuts on there.
Starting point is 00:06:14 Jesus Christ, that's darker than where I was going. If it's free shipping spending $50, then I'll consider it, to be honest. Yeah. That's how they get you always. Another $10, don't they? Yeah, that's that's that's how they get you always. Another $10 done. Yeah, that's a good little scam. OK, Egan's thousands wealth turned his brain.
Starting point is 00:06:34 John Egan, a a second coal oil Johnny. That's what the true coal oil Johnny and an individual of many eccentricities died at the Hillside Poorhouse a few days ago. Egan was the only son of Patrick Egan, who located in the Lackawanna Valley 40 years ago. The father bought a 40 acre farm, which afterward turned out to be a mint. There was coal underneath. And one day Egan received an offer of $500,000 for his land, which he accepted.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Fuck, that's a lot of money then. Yeah, that's a shitload of money. And again, it's just some guy whose dad bought land and said he's rich. Yeah, he gets to sell it. Yep. It's cool. It's to sell what's under the land instead of that being Government surprisingly it all didn't work out great. Have you heard of Norway? They seem to be doing pretty good with it
Starting point is 00:07:36 Yeah, I haven't heard of yeah, he did not live long enough to enjoy his fortune the next year he died Yeah live long enough to enjoy his fortune. The next year he died. Yeah. You wet. Oh, go ahead. No. Oops. Four more. Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:07:50 The next year he died and his great wealth reverted to his son. Fuck. The latter was brought up by a hardworking boy on a farm and a sudden acquisition of a fortune evidently turned his head as he took to drinking and carousing and spending money in a reckless manner. Well, yes. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah, right. What are you supposed to fucking do? You go, you just got a bunch of money. You go crazy. Yeah, you live the Dumb and Dumber
Starting point is 00:08:20 montage. That's what you do. Yes. Yes. He thought nothing of spending $200 in an evening's enjoyment among friends and boon companions. What's a boon companion? I mean, I have multiple questions. So what do we think? Like carousing. That's not something that I hear on an everyday basis. What do we think that entails? Because carousing, I think in that context, it feels very like keeping the company of gals of the night.
Starting point is 00:08:53 Oh, yeah. That's what I think. Yes. That's what that would be my impression. I thought it was when someone got turned on by automobiles. Right. So this is why we don't listen to Gareth on the show. Okay, I'm learning. One out of ten times I get something good going. Okay, was it, was the word or did I hear it wrong? The word poorhouse somewhere at the beginning of with this thing? Yes. Yes, he died in a poorhouse. Okay, all right, so it's a little bit of the like... The carousing and the drinking is going to lead to misfortune the family then okay which you which is fine spend it all why why die rich that it makes no sense right just spend it
Starting point is 00:09:34 all go this guy's doing what you're supposed to do i think carousing is the same way we would use partying like just it would be great to know when you die. It would just be helpful if someone were to be like, yeah, you're going to live to be like 50. Be like, fuck, I'm going to spend like crazy. Instead, we're all like maybe 90. Yeah. You're going to die on September 14th, 19, uh, 2000 and 31. Fuck. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. You never get to carousing while you can. I'm going to do everything I can to die on that day just to make you, just for lore,
Starting point is 00:10:10 for lore's purpose. So it says he had plenty of boon companions at the time. Many stories are told of his queer escapades. I mean, I wish that had a different meaning. I wish that had our meeting today because that would be a much better. Yes. One of them was his riding down Lackawanna Avenue
Starting point is 00:10:35 in Scranton on horseback one summer night about 10 years ago. He was going leisurely, playing on his violin. Oh, wow. Okay, so this guy is doing exactly what you do if you're rich. You get drunk, get on horses, you play a violin while you ride down the street.
Starting point is 00:10:52 Yes. On which he was adept until he espied the open door. I don't, I think it's about to show that what you're saying is totally incorrect, that this is not what you do. Of a saloon. Okay, so he rode on a horseback into a saloon playing the violin.
Starting point is 00:11:09 That's correct. I mean. That's awesome. Yes. Yeah, I don't hate it. Oh yeah, but is this when people lived to be like 31? Like was the life expected? Cause also I wanna know how old this gentleman was
Starting point is 00:11:22 that led a full life where it's just like, yeah, it's a 17 year old that just. Yeah. I think he's pretty young. I think he's pretty young, but also rich people still live pretty old back then. That that hasn't. Yeah. They had doctors.
Starting point is 00:11:37 Uh, this would be the modern day version of this entrance would be like when someone walks into a restaurant or rides by you on one of those little two-wheeled foot scooters and they're like playing music on their iPhone for everyone to hear and you're like, buddy, nobody's into this. Yeah. Everyone's like, man, buddy. And somebody's going to hike and there'll be some guy like walking with his phone playing music and you're like, I think we're trying to be a society still.
Starting point is 00:12:04 We're still going for it a little bit. Fucking kids. You hanging there with us? So he drove his horse through the opening of the bar room, still playing on his favorite instrument. He ordered drinks for the whole crowd, wheeled about and drove out again. So this is just, this is a boss mode.
Starting point is 00:12:20 This is incredible. Entrance, exit, no no no. Everybody loves him. He bought drinks, everyone loves him. Everybody loves him. He bought drinks. Everyone loves him. And then he left. He left. He did it because he could.
Starting point is 00:12:30 Yeah. The only person who was upset was the owner, but then he bought everybody drinks, so. I doubt the owner was even upset. Yeah. This is the 1890s. You know what I mean? The 1890s, people are like,
Starting point is 00:12:40 you left your horse is going to be here. He's got to buy a beverage. Yeah. This is only one of the queer and amusing actions of this poor unfortunate who squandered enough money to keep himself and friends living in affluence of the remainder of their lives. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Yeah, I like him having an entourage. Yeah, he's gotta have an entourage, right? All your party boys. I agree, that's got an entourage, right? All your party boys. I agree. That's nice. It's also, it's like, so like, how great is it to fall into a rich guy's entourage? That role, that's a great role. Yeah, it's huge.
Starting point is 00:13:15 I need to get that. But yeah, but then you kind of get why it's like, because the entourage whole thing is be like, yeah, buddy, you know, that's the, that's, that's so smart. Oh, it'd be like an epic if you rode a horse and playing the violin should totally do it. Like that makes sense. Why? He's sort of like, yeah, yeah. And they just yes, man, you know, all this bullshit. Yeah, they're just yes.
Starting point is 00:13:35 And for their own part, like just so they could get free drinks, like that'd be dope, dude. What if you played the violin? Yeah, it'd be awesome. What if you played the violin? Yeah, that'd be awesome. One day he went out in the country and gave a farmer $200 to set fire to his barn. That's awesome. This is, I, okay, I think this is how
Starting point is 00:13:55 you're supposed to be rich. I agree. Yes. This is okay with me. This is how you're supposed to do it, just to show up. Hey man, will you burn your barn down? I'm tipsy. He said he wanted to see the hay and straw burn.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Right, fair enough. I get it. On another occasion, he gave $100 to Ted McNulty to let him punch him in the eyes until they were black. That's awesome. This guy rules. How is there not a movie about this guy? That's where you come in, Vanessa.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Help us get the Smurf producer. That is so, is this Dave, is this the greatest rich guy in history? I mean, it's pretty high up there. It's a bunch of one in the eye. This is amazing. Well, cause here's something I respect about it too. It up there. It's a bunch of one at the high. This is amazing. Well, because here's something I respect about it too. It comes from a place of curiosity.
Starting point is 00:14:49 He's like, look, I wanted to know what it was like to see the straw bird. Like it's, you know, and he realizes that's like, look, I can answer some of these questions. Also, as someone who loves bits, like I, if I had, if I was crazy rich, I would spend like a good portion of my money on bits on just like to you know, sort of like basically creating like a Like a josh bow type reality for a certain like some of my friends where they would it would take months for them to like figure out
Starting point is 00:15:17 They were being fucked with So I admire that's so true If you if you had that level of money money, so many bits would come to fruition. The problem with life is that there's not enough money and time for the bits. If you eliminate both of those hurdles, the level of bitery can just, it's endless. Did you say bitery? Yeah. I have this one run in where I'm going to convince my friend who said that I was going to die on a certain date that I'm going to die on that date. So he basically had 16 million today. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:15:52 That's what we're talking about. You can have fun. Yeah, a lot of fun. One fourth of July, he got tired waiting for a regular train to carry him 20 miles. So he paid the railroad management $600 for a special train to carry him to his destiny. So he, he didn't want to wait for trains. So he bought, bought a train, right? Flying private.
Starting point is 00:16:12 Yeah, flying private. Yeah. Yeah. When the Mollie and McGuires were condemned to the gallows, Egan went to Harrisburg with a certified check for a hundred thousand dollars and offered it to governor Harris, Hartrofant if he would pardon the mollies.
Starting point is 00:16:29 Okay, so this guy's amazing now. He's amazing. It didn't work. No, the mollies got killed, but that's, yeah. So he's pro-union. He's a pro-union rich guy. I like that. He had two locomotives built at a machine shop and had them shipped to his farm.
Starting point is 00:16:46 He built the track 300 feet long and after the engines got up a good head of steam, he caused the two throttles to be open. The two engines came together with a great crash. Oh, so he just wanted to see. It's like a five year old. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I want old. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I want to see two trains crash. It's an agent of chaos.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Yeah. It's completely is. Egan said the sight of them coming together was worth what they cost. The locomotives were of no use afterwards. Well, that's really a man of curiosity too. He wanted, he wanted to see how hay would burn in a barn fire, what it would look like for two trains to smush, not in the Jersey shore. Yeah, hey, Gareth, I don't think they call it smushing.
Starting point is 00:17:32 Yeah, they do. He did it in the smush room. This one's Snooki, this one's Joe, this one's Tommy. That's it. That's the whole story on him. They don't, they don't get it. I mean, he just went through the money and then died poor, but yes. Yes. Did he, did he die poor? No, he died. He was the richest man in the poor house. The richest man of all. Yeah. Yeah. He also died having answers to the train sliding thing. And like he got, he had a very full life. He didn't have any. There was no unfinished business. And I respect that.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Yeah, it's like we should send this guy's story to Dan Balzarian. Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking of. It's like just, yeah, that sort of get it a little more together, Dan. Yeah. Yeah. Who's whose birds are chirping? Who's can you hear my birds? Oh, yeah. It's my menagerie. One moment, I shall silence that.
Starting point is 00:18:30 Your menagerie, you motherfuckers. I don't know what his life is over there. What is happening? What is it? Oh, sorry. Gareth just. They're my doves. Did you say. my menagerie? Yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Can you explain what's happening in your house? I just have... I've just allowed birds to be in 80% of it. Cool. They're not real birds, number one. They're fake birds. So here's what I'm understanding is that you have a small area in your house where there are not real birds chirping.
Starting point is 00:19:18 I don't. I think the more I answer, the worse this gets for me. So I'm not even going to answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. OK, I guess we just move on, although every single human. I've fallen into a little money recently, so I've contained friends of mine who come on bird outfits because I'm a man of curiosity. He wanted to know what it would look like for his friends
Starting point is 00:19:42 to be in bird office and had the resources Which 20 of your best friends live as some of your favorite bird breeds? All right a white black bird, oh wow look at that good good Transition Eunice Ashton a lively of Pennsylvania, elopes with her father. Oh, I won't read that because I don't give it away. Yesterday morning, after Harry Ashton, a prominent citizen of this place, had breakfast. Breakfast? I'd never heard breakfast before.
Starting point is 00:20:18 I've heard breakfast, but not the breakfast. What's the difference? I'm not hearing the difference. Breakfast and breakfast. In other words, he did his breakfast. I'm not hearing the difference. Breakfast and breakfast. In other words, he did his breakfast. He breakfast. Oh, he breakfast. That's great.
Starting point is 00:20:34 That is great. Okay, that works for everything. I've dinnered. Yeah, no, exactly. That should 100%. Why would that not be a thing that we do? We just lunched. Have you lunched?
Starting point is 00:20:44 Have you brunched? I haven't even breakfast. I? We just lunched. Have you lunched? Have you brunched? I haven't even breakfast. I brunched actually. Interesting. Have you snacked? Snack. I've snacked and brunched work. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:54 So he said word to his stable to have his colored coachman, William Thompson, bring his horse and carriage to the door as he intended to take his wife and daughter Eunice for a drive to Pendle. Great city. Okay. So again, just to touch base, sorry, the wife and daughter, that's wife and daughter separate people, not wife slash daughter, right? Correct.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Yes. Okay. Because there was some confusion up top. I'm sorry. Yeah. But that's a good question considering the time. Yeah, there was a real tease at the top that I don't love for sure.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Stick it in my head too. After waiting some time for the coachman's appearance, he went to the stable to ascertain the cause of the delay. From Thompson's wife, he learned that the coachman had gone away with the horse and carriage shortly after midnight, saying he was going to visit his sister who was seriously ill. Ashton returned to the house and was there informed by his wife in a proxism of grief that the Eunice could not be found.
Starting point is 00:21:59 So the daughter's missing, the coachman's missing. Then the horrible suspicion took possession of his mind that the coachman and his daughter had eloped. Oh my God. This is a, remember this is a black dude and a white lady. So this is 1890, this is. Go on. They could burn towns for this. Sure. go on. They could burn, they could burn towns for this. A visit to her room furnished proof of his erring daughter's flight. A letter to her father told her love for Thompson, her effort to conquer the feeling and her
Starting point is 00:22:38 final yielding to the passion, which she acknowledged could bring nothing but disgrace upon her family. So she's like, I love a black guy, so I have to leave or else the family will be ruined. Which is really cool. It's kind of a, there's something, I mean, strategy wise, it's the wrong move. If you're trying to buy yourself time, you could really throw the whole thing in another direction. Absolutely. Yeah. I'll be back in three days. Yeah. Yeah. Just be like, I'm going in that river. Come look for me in a week. You know, instead now it's just ... I'm sorry, Gareth. Yeah. Just so we're understanding, your better story for the father
Starting point is 00:23:21 is I'm going in that river. Well, I would need a little. How about this? Here's what I'd like you to do. I'd like you to check in in a couple of stories and I'll have a better version of what my what my smoke screen would be. Yeah, because I get that like the way, you know, at that time, that things were very different, terrible. But it has to be a weird it's like, OK, I'm, at that time that things were very different and terrible,
Starting point is 00:23:45 but it has to be a weird, it's like, okay, I'm in love with this black gentleman, but like having the sort of the dynamic with him of like, like, okay, no, yes, I mean, I just, it's important that I let my father know how like riddled with shame I am. Like it's like, no, no, no, you're great and all, but also like, how does that, how do you navigate the light?
Starting point is 00:24:05 Can we just go? Can we go? I don't know if you need to. Yeah. Hold on. How do you spell curse upon the house forever? How do you spell, like, it's, you know, it's not you. It's a time period. Anyways, love you, yes, can't wait to be with you.
Starting point is 00:24:21 I have brought the greatest of, like, gray clouds upon our family for decades to come. Before we go, can I just read you through this a little bit just before we go? The impossible, I couldn't resist as much as I tried for I know how wrong all of this is. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. We should probably get running because it's like midnight at this point. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:24:48 What's the synonym for shame? I just use shame 15 times in this. It's like. Ashton and a number of friends started in pursuit of the fleeing couple but could find no trace. See? This is why you come up with these smokescreens. Do you think they had a rope?
Starting point is 00:25:06 They were gonna kill him, for sure, right? 100%. Yeah. The horse and carriage were found tied to a tree. They evidently took the train, but at what station could not be ascertained? Really using ascertain a lot. Must've just come into vogue, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:25:21 Ashton then returned home with the determination to leave his daughter to her fate. Great. That's a matter of how you say it. Yeah, that's 100%. You could be crushing pain. I'll leave her to her fate. Or you could be like, I'll leave her to her fate.
Starting point is 00:25:39 But also, this is where your first story and your second story in the Smurfs version, they dovetail, she gets on a train, the guy wants to see how the two trains work out. That's pretty good. You think that and just, I know we're not signing any contracts on this pie kit, but you think this could be one of the Smurf movies? Yeah. I mean, I think it's like, it's not your A story, obviously, because that's going to
Starting point is 00:26:08 be, I mean, I thought Papa Smurf, he's of a different time and maybe also has a little bit of a, I think Papa Smurf being like, you know. There's a white Smurf. Yeah. How does Gargamel fit in? He wants to make a soup. It's just a it's a rhetoric him wanting to make a soup, basically, is what you have on the just wants to smurfs do.
Starting point is 00:26:39 There should be it would be so fucking funny in a smurf punch up room to pitch a red Smurf as like, and the Smurfs hate him. The Smurfs. It was a different, pop a Smurf as it rains. Andy thinks it's cool. Just disgusted. This impominy should end up. Yeah, red Smurf.
Starting point is 00:27:05 So Ashton then returned home. So then he and his wife are overwhelmed with grief at the disgrace brought upon them. Miss Ashton is 23 years old and very pretty. Thompson is described as intelligent but very uncouth. He has a wife and four children. Oh. Oh, gosh. I mean. I mean, love is love.
Starting point is 00:27:28 God damn. Love is love. I love love. It's hard. This is a hard one. Yeah. No, this is this is a this is a dude having a middle life crisis. And well, it's also when you put extreme when you you know, when you put parameters around human existence in a way that are nonsensical, you know, weird, this weird stuff is going to happen. I don't know what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Okay. Here's the cover. I've gone gold panning in a river. I heard about in a bear cave in the mountains and you can draw a map. If anyone wants to join me I'll be up here for the next week the daughter's got gold panning. Yeah She knows it's wrong The she knows the gold panning is wrong
Starting point is 00:28:16 She knows that she's it's good Because we're gold panning now, so I had to clarify. Yeah, yeah. Okay. No, yes, she knows the gold. Yes. You guys, it's called a fucking smoke screen. I need, I'm gonna need a new pitch in a couple stories. I mean, it's not the bit, we gotta get going. All right, fine, I'll take a look. Okay. And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada.
Starting point is 00:28:39 Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can, just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery. So I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about
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Starting point is 00:29:38 A guinea wife! This is out of Washington. A sensational affair occurred here this afternoon, the participants being CJ Parker and Gustavus Brown, the young dentist. Mr. Parker being suspicious that undue intimacy existed between his wife and Brown. That's a great way of putting it. Got his younger brother to watch her movements.
Starting point is 00:30:03 Well. Gross. Yeah, keep an eye on her. No, Garrett. Right. Well, some people are into that. Yeah. She was seen to...
Starting point is 00:30:11 Yeah. No, cause I didn't, cause you went to like the thing and then I was more in a cucking area, but yeah. It's we'll get... There's some cucking going. Let you tell the story. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:22 She was seen to enter Dr. Brown's office and young Parker telegraphed his brother. On his arrival, the two entered the house and in Brown's bedroom, according to Parker's story, his wife and Brown were found in an embarrassing position. Embarrassing to some, but pretty hot to others, you know what I mean? So that's just sex in a general sense,
Starting point is 00:30:46 not just like 50-2ing or something, which is mortifying. I mean, yeah, they could have been doing something worse. Yeah. Right? Sure. Movements. 52, now 52ing, I don't want to get into this business.
Starting point is 00:31:03 I was worried. That's what that looks like, but I'm imagining that there's only a number of toes sticking out. Like how? It's a. We don't get it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:11 It's oral and a toe jack. Copy. OK. Sorry. It's degrees. It's all degrees. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:23 Brown attempted to escape by the back door. Oh, sure he did. Parker fired two shots at him, neither taking effect. Parker has engaged counsel and proceedings for divorce will begin. Wow. I mean, he's right to divorce. It's funny that you can shoot at a guy,
Starting point is 00:31:42 miss him, and then be like, I want a divorce. And the court's like, and we will proceed with that logical step. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you filed back then, is you
Starting point is 00:31:55 took a shot at someone. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. They're like, well, you tried everything to make it work. Now we can go with the extreme solution. Yeah, couples counseling wasn't around. You just take it. And Bezler's arrested.
Starting point is 00:32:12 Okay. So from Chicago, John Mayer of what? Yeah, I know. By the way, I have serious radio and there's now a channel that is called John Mayer slash life Like makes me very upset every time it I scroll past it serious too and I gotta be honest it's Starting to I'm starting to go what's going on over here. Yeah, I agree. It's there The only one had a serious deal. Yeah, and Yeah, and then they were like well, we've over spent like we can't do it They're losing it. We almost had a serious deal.
Starting point is 00:32:45 And then they were like, well, we've overspent. We can't do it. We spent too much on one thing. We gave too much money to Conan. That's what they said. Meanwhile, every other podcast is on there now. And I'm like, they just, they lied. They just completely lied.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Well no, they were trying. They were going after one thing as part of the deal. Remember? They got it. Oh, is he on there? Yeah. Oh yeah. Is he really?
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yeah. Wow. Okay. John Mayer, 5570 Wars 14th Street, West 14th Street and John Benedict, collector for the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company, were arrested in the Union Depot last night and locked up at the Central Station on a charge of embezzlement. The first mention had been in the company's employ for about a year and the other only two weeks.
Starting point is 00:33:40 The men were not Confederates, although they were arrested the same place and time would indicate that they were. They weren't together, but they were just arrested in the exact same place at the exact same time. That's quite a cover. Holding the same dollar bill each on one end. With a picture taken. With embezzlers underneath.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Yeah, with embezzlers underneath on the embezzling sashes. Benedict had shaved off his mustache and whiskers. That's that is that's what that's what an 1890s disguise was. And it was effective. People are well, I don't know, a fellow he's looking for had a mustache. Came to you. It had so changed his appearance that a messenger boy employed by the company failed to recognize him in the depot. I can't give you this letter, mister.
Starting point is 00:34:34 It's for Benedict and that ain't you because you ain't got the mustache. Like there were no ideas. It's just like... It was such an easier time. It was his suspicious actions that attracted the attention of officers McDonnell and Weaver and led to his arrest. So he was acting suspicious in the train depot. So much the cops were like, what's up with this guy?
Starting point is 00:35:02 That's crazy. In the 1890s for cops to be like, you're acting weird. Yeah, what were you doing? Just like sitting there sweating going, oh my, oh my. He's just singing like, I'm embezzling, I will embezzle again. Like there was a guy taking a fucking horse into bars with a violin and the cops like, as you were, this guy's shuffling a
Starting point is 00:35:25 lot on the platform. Uh, Marr was simply to the station to see him off. The pecula, the peculations, okay. The peculations of the two men will foot up nearly $1,000 if they do not go beyond that figure. I have no idea what that means. Me either. No.
Starting point is 00:35:50 It feels like in the 1800s, crimes were either horrific or like Looney Tunes style capery. That's correct. And it was like no in between where it's just like, they're either painting caves on the side of walls and the cops are confused, or it's just like the most terrible racist thing ever. That is so fucking true. It was either like the scariest shit ever or it was the most arch performance that you
Starting point is 00:36:16 were like, we're not animated. Yeah. That is so funny. Yeah. Everything was just like, I mean, it was acme. Like your villains were like either Wile E. Coyote or you were like, that is straight up murder of a family. Pagulations is just another way of saying embezzling.
Starting point is 00:36:36 So they together stole a thousand dollars. Wow. Okay. I've thought of another excuse that could go in the letter. Okay. Okay. I'm going, I'm going to go try to catch a whale on the ocean with a couple of friends from school that you didn't know about.
Starting point is 00:37:00 So I'll be back in two weeks. That's how long it takes to catch a whale? In the story? We just need them to just, we just need to pause. You need it to be believable from the, like not to note you to death, you know, but you need, the dad needs to buy it. Yeah, it's.
Starting point is 00:37:19 In fact, there's a lot of notes coming into. Yeah, well you're in the acne thing we just talked about. Like, the dad has to. Which is of the time. I guess so. But the dad needs to believe that. Like, I mean, also, I'm just like, and I'm not saying the whale. Like, the whale thing works.
Starting point is 00:37:35 I think you just need more time than two weeks to catch it. OK. First of all, you're catching and not killing it, which seems not ideal. You know what? I'll be honest. I resist it. That's a great note.
Starting point is 00:37:44 OK. I don't know when I'll be honest, I resist it. That's a great note. I don't know when I'll be back. It's an into dirt. I don't have a timeline for this, but I'm going to catch the biggest whale possible and then I'm gonna bring it back for us. And it won't be too long, but don't come looking for me.
Starting point is 00:37:59 I'll be fine. Yeah. And it's like, also, I think that's good because then she's bringing something. It's like, oh, that's good because then it's she's bringing something it's like oh it's for all of us it's not a selfish endeavor it's yeah you're onto something. Okay Dave any bullshit notes from you? I think it's just uh the most insane weird like he's in she's in Pennsylvania she's 23 first of all she's not in school school. Couldn't no one would allow her to go to school. This is page one shit.
Starting point is 00:38:26 And this is secondly, secondly, Pennsylvania, we're talking about Pennsylvania. It is a landlocked. I'm not saying she's going to the Pennsylvania Ocean. I know, but to make that excuse, because if if she was from Maine, maybe because she would see a lot of whalers and whatnot, it would pique her interest, but you're- She knew a-
Starting point is 00:38:50 She's just, when we, okay, all right, all right. I need another pitch. Give me a minute. Yeah, it's really kind of some dumb- I would just say, let's, you're too broad with all this, and I would just say let's keep it a little more grounded. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:39:10 This is under personal paragraphs. Prince Henry of Battenberg and a companion went poaching with ferrets the other day in Hampshire. That's a good one. Can we use that one? She's going ferret poaching. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:39:24 Yeah, I like that. Ferret poaches are just going to kill ferrets. I'll be back when I have enough for a coat, father. Well, she's doing the logical thing a woman should do at her age. Yeah, poaching with ferrets probably means different than we would. Yes. Take it as today. I don't think he's going out with ferrets and then poaching other things. Let's get him.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Guys are real savages. The companion was apprehended and fined 10 shillings, but the queen's son-in-law went free. Typical, rich guys getting rid of the crime. You ever heard of that? Has that ever happened? Has that guy ever become president? Again, twice. Again?
Starting point is 00:40:09 Again. Again. The full name of a woman who died in Kansas City recently was Joyce Jane Parmelia Ann Sarah Elizabeth Douglas Carr Gentry Ballard. Gentry? What the fuck? What?
Starting point is 00:40:27 I'm stuck on Joyce, which is J-O-I-C-Y, Joyce. Wasn't that the little guy who traveled around with Kid Rock? I hope so. I think you're thinking of Juicy. It's not thinking of Joyce or Joce, either way. Joyce Jane, Permilia, and Sarah Elizabeth Douglas Carr Gentry Ballard.
Starting point is 00:40:47 It's crazy. I mean, that like, that Tombstone guy was like, Egan's my year's been made. No, we're paying you the same as a one-namer. I'll tell you, I just, I do it by the letter, mister. Not anymore. I like how this redneck is like a jack of all trades Yeah, it's just, I do it by the letter, mister. I don't mind anymore. I like how this redneck is like a jack of all trades and ends up in like different Pennsylvania,
Starting point is 00:41:12 like wherever region doesn't matter, that's just how he sounds. That's where he is, yeah. I can't believe how close we are to the ocean. You can basically see it from here. It would make sense for someone to pine for a different life out on that place. Nobody would find holes in that story, mister. I can hear the whales. Listen closely. You can hear the humpback splooshing and splashing. She had as many names as a royal princess.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Okay. Okay. Sure. Whatever. So the whole story is the lady had a lot of names. Yeah. Please. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:41:53 So many names. William Vanderbilt has taken his check for $5,000 to a young man who was bitten by one of his hounds. Wow. It's worth it. Other young men who might wish to be bitten by this pet hound will learn with regret that the animal has been shot. Ah, fuck. So they Christie gnomed the dog when it did less. Fuck. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:18 I mean, you know, that's what they usually do, the biters. But people. yeah, sorry. I'm just trying to think of like the like, my dad's a lawyer and there's people that come in with like these, like I slipped on a grape at like Albertson that I want to sue and he's like, yeah, that's not really how it works. Is that, was that sort of the thing at the time of like, hey, you just go get bitten by this fucking hound, you get five grand. And so they were lined up to do that.
Starting point is 00:42:44 And then the hound. It still is. So he cut off someone's. There was a comedian who lived here when I was in like the early 2000 or so around then and his wife was going to medical school but they had a little bit of money or I guess her parents had died so they had a little bit of money, or I guess her parents had died, so they had a little bit of money. And they had a nice house up, like right above Hollywood Boulevard on the hills there. And they have two dogs and they had a cable guy coming over, I think.
Starting point is 00:43:17 And so they were like, do not go in that room. The dogs are in there. You're not allowed to go in there. And then dude fucking opens the door and then it's like, oh, I got bit. And they were like, but they looked at his hand. They're like, he absolutely did not get bit. But he sued their home. Insurance rates went through the fucking roof.
Starting point is 00:43:38 They had to sell the house. Like, it still happens. Yeah. Well, I know it happened now. Like, it's more of like, I guess back then, like it feels like, you know, I'm shocked if in the 1800s there's like, you got a letter from a Nigerian prince that said, like it feels like a very now scam for the 1800s.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Oh sure. But you know what you bring up, you brought up the grape slipping thing. That was back then at this time, that was a huge, that was like the biggest lawsuit that happened. We had a whole dollop on banana peel slipping. Yeah. Like it was like, it's like where it came from.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Like people were like cartoonishly, as we were saying, throwing banana peels down, slipping on them, and then people would be like, here's $50, don't tell anyone. It was like a bonafide racket. Yeah, but I don't know about animal bites. It seems like animal bites would just be so normal back there. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:44:29 Yeah, I'd be like, okay. Any bites from humans too. Yeah, yeah. He has biting shirts. He's got bite care. I bet the dog bit this guy really fucking bad. If he got $5,000, I bet that he was like mauled probably. Right?
Starting point is 00:44:50 Where is it? People would hope that there was some negotiating, just showing up with like five grand to make this go, cause it's, you know, I would, I don't know. I would maybe low ball a guy, depending on how bad his dog bite was. Yeah. And I'd be the guy that'd be like, well, I'll take it.
Starting point is 00:45:05 He'd be like, well, I guess. Put his jaws off. I'd be like, I like him. And you gotta deal. The Empress of Germany is the possessor of an unforgivable temper. And her outbursts at times are said to be exceedingly humiliating to her friends.
Starting point is 00:45:26 This may explain why the Emperor takes a long summer trip alone. Okay, so what happened was, all that happened was the Emperor went on a trip alone and everyone's like, what's wrong with her? Yeah, that's what happened. This is a good story for Gareth. Everyone's like, what's wrong with her? Yeah. That's what happened. It's his face. Yeah. Oh, this is a good story for Gareth. Sparrows tie up a clock. Ah, they sure might do the same thing.
Starting point is 00:45:53 Yeah. Yours aren't real, the ones you keep in your house. Greg is the same thing. Does Greg live in a nest? He has a pile that he sleeps upon, yes. It is an old and rather exaggerated assertion that some people are ugly enough to stop a clock. Wow this is remarkable.
Starting point is 00:46:19 The media had to weigh in. Oh wow, okay. So that is fake. We conducted some studies, rounded up the ugliest of our time, faced them in front of a cocoa clock, and proved that to be unequivocally untrue. Oh, so great to have to go on the ugly hunt. Excuse me, sir? Guys?
Starting point is 00:46:42 I bet I can stop it! I can stop it! I can stop it. Okay. This guy's perfect. This guy's fucking perfect. But sir, you can't use your mouth to stop it for the last time. Sit down. No, I don't try.
Starting point is 00:46:55 It just looks on the chip. I don't try to do it. Sir, put your mouth. Sir, sir. It just happens. He keeps eating the hands. Sir. That's my resting noise.
Starting point is 00:47:05 Give him a quarter. A quarter. Yeah. While this remains to be proved, it is an established fact that the ingenious little sparrow has performed the feat. Okay. So this guy is trying to get into the fact that a sparrow stopped a clock and he is really starting in the just crazy place. Yeah. Yep. The town clock at Sarnia Ontario stopped the other morning and a man ongoing to ascertain the cause. That's our third ascertain. Yeah, this guy loves ascertain. Found that the
Starting point is 00:47:41 hands had been securely tied down by strands of twine and grass. The mischief had been done by a pair of English sparrows, who had selected the angle formed by the hands as a sight for a nest. The movement of the hands interfered with their plans, and the birds put their wits to work to devise a remedy that would secure the stability of the nest. So much getting into the bird psyche that is just so the birds concocted a plan.
Starting point is 00:48:13 Without their blueprints. But in my head, it's like, I think previously on Sparrow Prey, these little shenanigans. I'd flip this clock. Hey, Luke. Their first scheme was to wind the shaft. Scheme. Their first scheme.
Starting point is 00:48:33 Sparrows. They're literally just putting twine down. They are birds within sticks. They're like, this would be a good nest. Like, look at them. Cold, calculated. Sparrows. The first scheme was to wind the shaft on which the hands are pivoted around and around with grass and quartz.
Starting point is 00:48:51 No, they didn't. They put it in a place and the clock turning wrapped it around the... Yeah, they were not like, we're trying to stop time. I hope this ends with like, the spells are going to kill us all. Yeah. Oh, this is a good way into like a quantum leap type thing. It's like they figured out how to stop time and then the sparrows are like traveling. You're pitching right in my face.
Starting point is 00:49:15 That absolutely. And then time stopped and in the future sparrows took over. That failing, they tied the hands to each other and to the framework in such a manner that it took considerable time and a great deal of labor to remove the obstructions. The engineering skill displayed by the birds in accomplishing their object showed that they possessed reasoning power of no mean order, besides an amount of industry and perseverance in gathering the material within the few hours at their disposal that is almost incredible. They just made a nest guy.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Build nests. And this guy's like, we've never seen minds work like this. Can I tell you what irritates me the most about this is that there's somebody that it's like these sparrows They like studying sparrows We're just like late nights weeks on end whose wife is at home with like two little children And is like has dinner ready and he's just like sorry, honey. You gotta work I gotta crack the spare like sparrows are being sparrows and he's doing all of these fucking
Starting point is 00:50:22 Important studies where it's like, okay. well, your children don't recognize you, but at least you know that like, birds steal shit. Henry, come to bed. And when he does come to the table to eat, he's like, now I will tell you about the sparrows, family. They're like, Jesus Christ, dude, shut up. I think I get an idea what they're after. Their motivation.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Profiling sparrows. Young Stengel's lucky find. George William Stengel, a young express wagon driver of New York City, has found out that honesty is by all odds the best policy. He fucked up, didn't he? I just hear that. I'm like, this guy fucked up, didn't he? Like, I just hear that. I'm like, this guy fucked up somehow.
Starting point is 00:51:07 Why is that written like Tales from the Crypt? You know, haven't you always like, in-tales shit found out that honesty is the best policy? And then you're, yeah, like, what do we do? So I'm pining to see that Tales from the Crypt. I'm going to after the show, I am going to watch Tales from the Crypt videos, I'm going to after the show, I am going to watch Tales from the Crypt videos. Be like, remember this shit?
Starting point is 00:51:27 Yeah, so bad. It was so bad. Right. So bad. So the greatest. Yeah. While going down Fifth Avenue the other day, he noticed a satchel lying under the wheels of his wagon. He picked it up, opened it and found that it contained 18,000 insecurities, the property of Senator John P. Jones of Nevada. I don't know what securities are. I'm totally, I'm not a financial guy at all.
Starting point is 00:51:56 I never felt like more bonded on this show to the people that I'm doing it with. I'm sure that right now there's people who are like finance people. They're not here. I don't care. A fungible, negotiable financial instrument that represents some type of financial value, usually a stock bond or option. Okay. So I don't know.
Starting point is 00:52:22 To those people who think it's silly that we didn't know I say this Tales from the crypt laughs, oh shit. Yeah, okay The ever everybody everybody under 50 is like what I'm under 50 and I'm like, boom. Are you? Yes, very proud of whoever came up with the idea to play that Spirit I'm under 50 and I'm like, boom. Are you? Yes. Very proud of whoever came up with that idea to play that. In spirit? In spirit? Spirit, I'm like 28. I'm under 50, but in spirit, I'm 65. There you go.
Starting point is 00:52:55 Hollywood will do that. He made a prompt return to the valuable satchel of the valuable satchel to its owner, whom he found in an uptown hotel. Senator Jones gave him $20. Wow. That just that's why you don't turn it in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:16 $20. Nothing. Oh, my God. The reward. And took his name and address saying, you'll hear from me again, young man, in a more substantial way. No, you won't. Nope.
Starting point is 00:53:31 That's it. Nope. Never going to hear from him again. Nope. That's the end. Ever. He's going to tell his friends how this stupid idiot driver gave him $18,000 back. It is understood that the great mine owner intends to give Stengel an important position
Starting point is 00:53:47 in connection with some of his Western property interests. Nope. For sure. Nope. No, that guy just, no, that guy blew it. That guy's gonna- Yeah, well, the name is so synonymous with success through satchel findings. I mean, how many times have you heard this story?
Starting point is 00:54:02 Yeah, so much. It is said that Richard Vance, the courtly old gentleman who succeeded Samuel Randall in Congress, strolls over to the equestrian statue of Andrew Jackson every morning and facing it removes his thought as a tribute to the memory of the man he had. Now let me ask you this. Could this be in the Washington Post today? What? Yes. 100%. Yes, without question. Yes.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Josh Hawley, every day, takes off his ball cap. Ball cap? Nods to the sweet Jackson statue. You just made Hawley more like common man than he should be. I mean, I've always related to Josh Holly. Missed M. Carnot, the French statesman, has introduced a new way of giving applause at the theater. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:55:05 By the way, didn't catch on. Can't wait. Yeah. I know. I didn't even hear this. He strikes the back of his left wrist against the palm of his right hand. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 00:55:16 It's a promise? So just this. But you're doing more hand to hand, Gareth. It's more wrist to. Yeah, I'm doing wrist. You are doing wrist? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:29 It's really not great. No. Like you see someone doing that, you'd be like, are you good? Yeah, what's wrong with you? But why would you think- Is your arm asleep? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:38 What a show. That was so good. You have to think that's an improvement and it doesn't make as much- It's more awkward and it doesn't make as much of a sound. Yeah, and it hurts a little bit. Yeah, it hurts more. But imagine him like walking around
Starting point is 00:55:51 and be like, guys, I cracked it. I cracked, you know how like clapping can sometimes like hurt your hands if you, you know, it's like if you're applauding for one period of time. Well, I found a solution, like infomercial style. He's telling the town, no, he's just like, look, just give it a try, just test drive it for a couple of time. Well, I found a solution, like infomercial style. He's telling the town, no, he's just like, look, just give it a try, just test drive it for a couple weeks. See how it feels, see, you know,
Starting point is 00:56:12 but I think I'm onto something, you're welcome. I'll see you at whatever, you know, statue we're meeting at in the fucking morning. No, he says, it's like an Australian guy who drives from town to town. How many times has this happened to you? And I know everyone who's at the show clapping must be thinking there's got to be a better way.
Starting point is 00:56:34 I mean, that is. Now Gus, you're telling me that we don't, this is the old, absolutely it's had a great run but it's time to move on. Ever find that after going to the theater your hands are red and sometimes feel like black and white. Yeah. I see your hands.
Starting point is 00:56:58 By the way, this probably is how the guy who start like or woman who started the wave felt like the idea that that like when that started, that person was probably like, holy shit, my dream. Yeah. Is a reality and then no credit. And we don't we're not like, oh, the person who came up with the wave. So you think must have become torturous for that individual. So you think Frank Wave didn't get any credit? Dave Wave.
Starting point is 00:57:33 Yeah. So him being inducted to the baseball hall of fame means nothing, I guess. That's the greatest. I didn't think you guys knew I did. Thank you. Decorative? I didn't think you guys knew I did it! Thank you! George West, a resident of Balleton, New York, has a sheet of paper made by a Chinaman from the web of the white spider. Wow, fuck.
Starting point is 00:57:58 How's everybody feel right now? Not good. Yeah, I don't know why. I'm also offended by the spider being white. Like there is several. I don't know why I don't love it. I just don't love it. Yeah, the whole sentence could use a re-break. Yeah, it's anytime trying to it's just not good.
Starting point is 00:58:20 No. But they were like, this is a pretty interesting story. Not really. good. No. But they were like, this is a pretty interesting story. Like, yeah. Yeah. Not really. Yeah. And by the way, yeah. Also, not that interesting. No. Yeah. Uh, carpenter Christ is the name of a Missourian who set his home afire, then attempted suicide. He was probably paid $200 to do it, though.
Starting point is 00:58:43 Yeah, I hope so. The house was burned down, but, oh, it's Christ. The house was burned down, but Christ will recover. He was arrested and placed in jail for arson. That's the craziest shit to his own shit. It's his house. He tried, that's like when they do arrest people sometimes you try to take their own lives and you're like, what?
Starting point is 00:59:02 Yeah, no, that's insane. You were sad with your life before. Well, we've got a solution. They still do that. They still arrest people. Yeah, but that's a good like, what are you in for? And it's like, oh, you know, I, I hit and run took out a family of four. But like, it's like, oh, I burned down my own house and tried to kill myself.
Starting point is 00:59:20 But whoops. Here we are. Like, it's like, yeah, I definitely wouldn't fuck. I would be like, man, well, I I eat lunch next this guy who murdered the family so why did you murder the family I'd be like we got to get away from this guy the coroner's jury in the case of Jack Poiser returned a verdict that the deceased came to his death from injuries received by being thrown or falling from a train near Ravalli. How hard was that to figure out?
Starting point is 00:59:51 Yeah, not hard. Right near the train tracks. What do you think it was? Skydiving. The verdict was according to the evidence, but an autopsy, we believe, would have shown that the man died from heart failure. I think they're saying that he was so scared falling from the train or being torn from the train. Had a heart attack and then fell off the train.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Oh, maybe, maybe. Yeah. That happens a lot. Does it all the time? Oh yeah. That's what got Biden. Amtrak Joe. And you know that the train ran over him and the Democrats said he can finish the race.
Starting point is 01:00:40 He can finish this still. We still think he's the best candidate. He's got this. He's the only candidate with trade experience. Like, yeah. The debate is still on. I'm getting messages from people in Australia. Like I never have before and they're just like, can you, what's going on? Isn't it so crazy that like,
Starting point is 01:01:05 we keep finding ways to reinvent our stuff. Like, you were like, I don't, the idea that we're like the Democrats like, and that's so fast, Donald Trump being your nominee is the craziest shit that's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Last one. Okay.
Starting point is 01:01:28 A weak power brother. Well, this could be bad. A little concerned about that. Yeah. There is a dissatisfaction among the members of the Church of God, which was organized a year or more ago by Miss Woodsworth. Mr. Baker, the pastor, has been relieved. The trouble seems to be that Mr.
Starting point is 01:01:51 Baker was inclined to be too evangelical and did not believe sufficiently in the power. Power of grace, in quotations. OK, the church has secured a young man named Hoover from Maine who indicates that he will give satisfaction the enthusiastic members say that he handles the power with great ability what in the fuck is happening yeah I've seen this SVU it It does not turn out great. The youth pastor knocking up a 15 year old. It's bad. And it's a miracle. Is that what they mean by the power? Yeah. Another immaculate one. Trevor, stop it. What? I can't believe this happened again. What? What is the?
Starting point is 01:02:45 I mean, this is where it's probably if one of us was evangelical, we would understand what was happening. But right now, it just sounds like it sounds like superhero stuff where you're like, who's got the power? What's? Was he born with it? He will remain until the arrival of Miss Woodsworth 10 days hence when permanent arrangements will be affected Mr. Baker will not try to organize a new church Hmm Well, it's just interesting any I will say with the Confusion in that last story. I was able to come up with the best excuse that she would leave in the letter
Starting point is 01:03:25 We're really digging the whale one. I think we liked the ferret poaching. I think the best one is as follows. In the letter to her father, she writes that she's found a recipe for one of the greatest stews on earth. And unfortunately, it involves some little blue creatures that are only found in Ohio. And she'll be back in a few months with the missing ingredient to make it all for the family. That's it. Yeah, she's called gal gamell. That's it. Oh, also gal gamell is like a perfect like Lady Gargamel is just needs, you know, a week away from all the craziness and she goes on like a girl's trip to Vegas like that. I think also has potential.
Starting point is 01:04:12 Galgamel's trip I think is good. Look, Vanessa, you're the pipe into this whole world. So I want you to take it and you know, worst case, I just have a foot in the, you know, in the game. Put together a pitch dock. Yeah, best case maybe I'm maybe I'm foot in the you know in the game Yeah, best case maybe I'm maybe I'm involved in the mix I can drop Deadweight Dave over here and get involved in some real fucking smurf shit Why did I take a hit cuz you've always been really unsupportive of the smurf stuff. I've been trying to get going Guys I have so this was my only introduction to the breaking news of the 1800s.
Starting point is 01:04:48 And I have a bit of a question in terms of how do you think things worked at the paper? Because in my brain, it's like if you ever saw that shitty TMZ show where the long haired guy is like, we got Lindsay Lohan coming at a Nobu. They're all yelling stuff at the main guy like do we think that it's like an editor and they're just like oh I got a great story about a guy returning fucking securities in a satchel and that he's just like yes no yes like how do how do you see it well I will say I don't really know how I saw it but I now choose to only see it being done TMZ style with the room of those people pitching at the RV whatever guy.
Starting point is 01:05:32 Just like you hear about this woman who ran off with her black coachman. That's interesting is they're just drinking 1890s Frappuccinos. That is kind of what that TMZ show was, except it was like a black athlete and a reality person. And I think it still goes. I'm not sure. I think it's still a show. I think most of these papers started for political reasons.
Starting point is 01:06:00 They were aligned with a party, and so they want to influence elections. But then there were other people that were just like, I'm going to open the town paper and make money. I think very few of them were like, an editor obviously putting this all together. Yeah. And then they get for like this time they're getting stories from other places, like, and just throwing them in the paper.
Starting point is 01:06:21 Like there there's a, I don't know how it went around, but there was clearly a service that sent out news stories. And they would put them in, and the news stories you would read, they're not like up to date. Like some of them happened two months ago. So it's then- But it wasn't like people like, I heard this. People are like, whoa, that frog jumped far.
Starting point is 01:06:42 Yeah. Well, no, but I think it was. It's like some of them were very like the early parade magazine type shit of like this woman has 17 names. Like, you know, who's gathering that those stories? Well, whoever it was knew that the men would be like, this is re fucking ridiculous. Yeah. How dare you?
Starting point is 01:07:06 She's a name hog. By the way, power evangelism is the term coined by the founder of the charismatic third wave movement to distinguish his evangelical method from traditional evangelism. So it's just a split in fucking evangelical. It's just that typical fucking nonsense. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Well, Vanessa, thank you for joining us
Starting point is 01:07:31 on what we like to call a Sparrows Twine in the Cuckoo Clock time travel experience going back to the 1890s shut up days. We appreciate it very much. And we look forward to some credits on the next Smurf project. Whatever that turns out to be. Oh no no, the type of work I do I'm not credited. You go and you throw in some jokes and you hope for the best as you drive home from Culver City.
Starting point is 01:07:58 Yeah. It is glamorous isn't it? Yeah. Well, thank you, Vanessa. You're that Vanessa, that Vanessa Ramos on Instagram. Yes. So go follow you. Thank you. Thanks, dude. Toodles. Screw you, Dad. Wow. And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel
Starting point is 01:08:44 and she just had hip surgery so I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about to this day. You know like I've said before I always like a home over a hotel. I call it a hometown. No I don't. But I really like it and she like I said she really really appreciated it. But recently I was wondering like while I'm gone, what about my place? Can my place pay in Airbnb? And the answer is yes.
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