The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 84 - Goody Davis and Elizabeth Howell

Episode Date: May 27, 2015

Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine a fever and the accusations that follow.SourcesTour DatesRedbubble MerchPatreon

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca The show is good the community people should check out the show. The comedians on it are good. Yeah the shows are great.

September! What? 14th! 1641. You baited me. 1641? 1641. All right. Some early shit. Yeah you thought the 1800s were gross. This is a small up. Elizabeth Gardner was born on the Isle of Gardener. Okay so there's that's not just Kawinke doing great. Well I mean it's probably not officially called the Isle of Gardener but I have a feeling like some English assholes just floated up on a boat and said let's name this after us. Okay. The Indians are probably like oh we have a name for that. We've we've we named this peace land. Yeah yeah it's ours. It's ours now. I was formerly known as the Isle of Wright. All right. I'm also betting not

an American Indian. Yeah no. Chief Wright. A guy named Wright ruled that. Yeah. I was like this is mine I'm leaving. Like no no this is called a bird feather. Bird no. No no no this is Wright Island. It's ours. It's mine now. Anyway scalp them. Thank you. Hurt them. It's in Long Island Sound. Okay. Yep. She was the second child of engineer and master of works of fortification for the Prince of Orange Lion Gardener. What? The Prince of Orange? I mean this guy's name the master the engineer and master of works of fortification right so he helps fortify castles and. Right. Forts. Sure. And for the Prince of Orange I thought the I

feel like the Prince of Orange is a Netherland gentleman. The Prince of why just are you going off of soccer? No I know that there's I know that there is and I believe there's a famous orange royalty. The Prince of Orange. Okay so so. And then. Okay. But then his name is Lyons that makes me think that he's English because the English love lions. Yeah. L-Y-O-N. L-I-O-N. Oh really he went with like the animal lion lion. All right. Tiger Jenkins. Hello. All right buddy. I'm Zebra Jones. Roll it roll the back a little bit. Elizabeth Gardner was the first English child born on the Isle of Gardener. What's okay. All right. I have a

hard time with this one. Although he retained ownership of the island in 1653 lion built I could have used his last name but I can't know I'm lying. No lion built a home and moved on to Long Island with the Connecticut settlers at East Hampton where they were voted in. Voted in. The record showed that the original 35 settlers of East Hampton and purchasers of the town had come from Lynn, Massachusetts and nearby towns. Those who came were accepted into the town by vote and some were refused based on their unacceptable principles and laziness. Wow. Okay. Yeah. So it's kind of like a club. Yeah. It sounds like there's a

bouncer. Dickhead club. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well it's like a club. Exactly. Where Dickheads go. Wait in line to go somewhere. The original settlers were Puritans and established congressional churches. These people were not fond of titles and in a period of 30 years only five persons had the title of Mr. What's the others prefer being called Goodman and good wife or simply goodie. Oh well please if we could start giving me the goodie business that'd be great. I love that they didn't like. I'm goodie Reynolds. You know what I don't want a title but called me Goodman. Yes. I hate titles. Mr. So funny. Call me goodie Smith. When

she was 15 Elizabeth married 24 year old Arthur Howell. Nothing wrong there. Nothing wrong there. Nothing wrong there. Back then. How you did business. 24 and 15. Yeah. He was South Hampton's leading citizen at that time. She quickly gave birth to a daughter Elizabeth because if you're 24 and you married a 15 year old you're gonna fuck her all the time. Yeah. Well and also you know she only has about 30 good years of birth and left so you want to strike while the iron's hot. Not even that. Yeah. No not even. 15 at the most but even then back then I'm sure that the. Well she wouldn't she's probably dead by

40. Yeah that's what I'm saying. You crank out a couple of kids back then you're gone. Yeah. On the fourth day of February 1658 Samuel Parsons came to the Howell house and found Elizabeth sitting by the fire. She looked well but she said she had a headache and thought she'd caught a cold by not wearing an under waistcoat. Yeah. Well we always say don't forget your mittens and under waistcoat. You're going up into the frost. You know I threw on a couple more waistcoats. Yeah. Hey goody you forgot your waistcoat. My bottom is cold. Arthur Howell was not home so Parsons stayed to watch Elizabeth. All right. I'm

assuming he's a doctor. I actually didn't look it up but a dude stopping in on a lady who's 15. Yeah. And then kicking with her. Yeah. It's a weird thing to happen in Puritan times. I'm just saying. Yeah but he also yeah but there's she's also married a 24 year like. I mean yeah I just think there were a little weird about shit like that. Are you just hanging in the house with my 15 year old bride. That's cool. Yeah. Samuel left briefly to speak with someone when he returned he found Elizabeth in a much worse condition. Oh boy. She had a she had a bound cloth around her head and was in a lot of pain. When Arthur Howell returned

Elizabeth told him love I am very ill in the head and fear I shall have the fever. Okay. Two things here. First of all she says I shall have the fever and secondly if you have a quote straight up quote from someone from 1641 some bad shit went down. Well I assume bad shit was gonna go down. The fever. But if you have a quote. Yeah 1641. Yeah. I mean come on. Yeah. That's fair. But she refused to leave the fire and go to bed an hour passed and she grew much worse and finally asked to be put to get to bed. She screamed Lord have mercy upon me friends pray for me. Yeah. Lord have mercy. She's just going bat shit. Well

yeah she's got the fever. What the fuck you mean she's got the sound this so far this feels like a preview for a movie called the fever. It's gonna be good. It's a good movie. Stay tuned for the fever. All right. So how many Parsons then gave her the baby to nurse. A good call. I mean he's a father of the year. He's a doctor. Good call. It's just what doctors do. You know what you're about to die. Put this shit on you. Well she's got the fever. Give her the baby. Give her the put the baby on it. Goodie. Let the baby suck some of her fluids. Goodie here's the baby. Will you spit in its mouth goodie. Elizabeth said oh my oh my poor

child. Oh boy. I'm doing Irish. Why am I doing Irish. That's fine. I think I speak for everybody when I say I love what you're doing. Poor child. It pities me more for thee than for myself for if I be ill to be sure thou will be ill too. So she knew the baby was getting it. I couldn't even pay attention to the words. I know. But she knew the baby's gonna get it. Right. She's like if I'm ill you're gonna get this shit too. Oh yeah. She then nursed the baby. Nursed. Oh boy. And sang a song. Oh boy sang a song. Yeah you gotta crank out some. Sing it okay. Sing the song. So she's had to crank out a little religious you know. Hit me with the P song. Bring up some religious words in the

form of a song. Are you going can we hear her sing it. I don't know what it was that we don't have that quote. And then she shrieked several times and became delirious. What. Man talk about Needham WebMD. You know how I just think there's a different cultural thing. I think that you know how when you see like an Arab funeral and they're doing that yelling thing. Yeah. It's just a cultural relay of releasing grief. Yeah. We look at it as crazy but it's actually probably better than what we do which is like yeah. We all gotta bury the feelings along with the body. I think that in this time when they got sick they just fucking screamed. I think it's a thing. And that thing should stop. I'm okay with

that stopping. She cried and yelled a witch a witch. Now you are come to torture me because I spoke two to three words against you. Oh I knew this all sounded familiar. Okay. Right. It's not familiar at all. This is an unheard one. This is. Yeah you've never heard of this one. Okay. Elizabeth father was summoned and by the time he arrived Elizabeth was striking the bed covers with her hand and crying about the witch. She said she could see an ugly black thing at the foot crouched at the foot of the bed and her mother was summoned. When Elizabeth saw her mother she put out her hand and cried oh mother I am bewitched. And then both women cried. Oh Jesus. What. I mean this is not good. It's a good story. No it's nothing

to do with your accent. Your accent voice is perfect. Everybody loves it. Have you seen the comments. It seems like it's completely in the wrong country. What. No. On the contrary. It's taking me there. This was obviously very bad news. Her mother Mary told Elizabeth she was not bewitched but must have just had bad dreams. Okay. Said sternly you are not bewitched you have had bad dreams. You just had a bad meal. Bad dream. Look at me in the face. Bad dream. Bad dream. Not bewitched. Okay. But Elizabeth was like no I am bewitched and I can see. I'm sorry. Sorry. What was she like. Elizabeth was like no I am. Thank you. And I can see figures in the corner of the room and not to foot to the bed. I know it is.

I just watched. I just watched the last episode of Downton Abbey and I'm stuck on the the head. It's not a problem. I'm stuck on. It's good. Over in that corner is a dark thing she said. Yeah. Over in the corner is a dark thing. Okay. So there's a dark thing in the corner. Dark thing in the corner. And over in the other corner it is goody garlic. Is that about to be a boxing match. In this corner we have a dark thing. And then there's the thing at the bottom of the bed. Uh huh. Mary told her daughter she must not repeat such things to a living soul even to her husband. Oh Jesus. She's like don't fucking go down this road. Yeah. Don't go down this road. What are you 15? Stop it. Stop it. 15. It's

a phase. Elizabeth condition worsened for several days. On Saturday morning her husband Goody Simmons and Goody Birdsill were around her bed when Elizabeth requested that they bring Joshua garlic and his wife so that she could tear Goody garlic to pieces. Goody garlic. Goody garlic. G-A-R-L-I-C-K. Goody garlic. This is a person. Elizabeth garlic. G-A-R-L-I-C-K. Goody garlic. It sounds like a great product. Look she married a guy named Joshua garlic. She married into the garlic name. She married into the garlics. I'm glad we got rid of garlic as someone's last name. It's a bad, it's a shitty fucking last name. Garlic. Okay so she. Elizabeth then said that when her husband worked at garlics threshing

she had gone to bring her husband, she went down there to bring her husband home. Okay. And Joshua garlic had laughed and jeered at her and made her cry. What an asshole. Right? Nothing in jeering it. Yeah. It's not Goody behavior. Then because she had cried Goody garlic laughed and cried at her and said you're a pretty one. What? What the fuck? It doesn't seem that mean. No. It's saying you're a pretty one. That's not, that's. Yeah. It does not seem harsh. He sounds like a construction worker. You're a pretty one. Yeah. That's a lady doing that. A lady to another lady. That's a lady. That's a lady. That's a compliment. Now there's women listening. I mean that is not a compliment. Yeah. Elizabeth then said Goody garlic is

a double-tongued woman because I spoke two or three words to her. She has now come to torment me. Did you not see her last night stand by the bedside ready to pull me in pieces? She prickled me with pins. She prickled me with pins. She prickled me with pins. Holy shit. She fucking. There's a lot to love. She tripled that shit. But so she is having a vision of a living woman at the base of her bed putting pins in her. And then a living woman is commenting fuck on one of their shit while she's in bed. Okay. Did you not see her? I did not see her personally. No. No. They should have looked around more. Yeah. No. Well, that's fine. But later that evening, Elizabeth was so delirious that she recognized

no one. Later that night, Arthur Howell and Samuel Parsons were in the room keeping watch when they heard a scratching sound as if something scratched on the other side of the bed. Okay. They quickly lit a candle. This is the days when it's not just about a light switch. You got to go. No. Yeah. It's a whole thing. Yeah. The whole thing. So there's no quick turning on the lights. No. Yeah. The fastest you can turn on the lights is like two minutes. So they lit the candle and they searched the bed, but they could find nothing. Just goody Simmons and Elizabeth fast asleep with their hands by their sides. I want to back up. What? I want to back up here. So a woman is deathly ill. Yeah. And she has the fever. She's got

the fever. She's got the fever. You're using her breast milk on a child. So you give her a baby and then you have another lady sleep in a bed with her. Yeah. Yep. I can't believe these fevers would just go around the town. Yeah. Well, that's imagine catching visions. Well, what? But who was good? But goody Simmons. How about no, I'm not going to sleep in the bed. I got my own bed. You absolutely should have the, the, the, you should think to yourself. Well, this person's going crazy. He says it's a fever. I'm probably going to just, I'm going to lay low and not come over here. I don't need to be around. I don't need to be in bed with you. I don't need to be here. The man did not understand what could have

made the noise just before daybreak on Sunday. Arthur and William Russell were keeping watch. I love that they're keeping watch. Yeah. Also pretty useless. When they heard a mournful noise come from behind the fireplace. Oh dear. A mournful noise. Yeah. I guess that's it was some, it's an upset ghost. Come on now. Oh, I liked her. Okay. The sound was like a noise of a great stone being thrown down among a heap of stones and kept a great rumbling. You know what that sounds like? I have a fireplace. That sounds like a log falling over to fireplace. Also, I'm not the first one to have a fireplace. Yeah. But I would assume if your only way to get heat in the house to have a fireplace that you would

hear logs going. But then how do you also label that mournful? Well, it sounded like someone was being sad. It's the sad log. Do you know why? Because Elizabeth Howell then died. Oh, Jesus. I feel like they embellished. Yeah. A little bit. In retrospect, the log was sad. Looking back. The deathbed accusations of Elizabeth Howell, Elizabeth Howell were enough to bring charges of suspicion of witchcraft against Goody garlic. What the fuck did she do? I mean, she just gave a compliment. Also known as Elizabeth garlic. In addition to Elizabeth dead deathbed accusation, Goody Davis, the wife of a folk Davis had previously the wife of fuck Davis folk. F O L. I found it spelled two different ways. I found it.

I found it's been spelled F O L K E. And I also found it's been spelled F O U K E. So I went with folk. Folk that. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. That's better. Fuck Davis. How are you? Hello, it's actually folk. This is my friend. Fuck Davis. Hey, how are you? It's actually fun. This is like you and Gary. Yeah, that's true. It's like it's folk not fuck. Live shows, people just chatting. Fuck. Fuck. So Goody Davis, the wife of folk Davis had previously accused Goody Goody garlic of witchcraft. Oh, okay. The Davis family moved from the Isle of Lion to sorry, the Isle of Right or the Isle of Gardener to East Hampton years before the garlics did. When Goody Davis heard that the garlics were going to settle

in East Hampton, she started the alerts. Goody Davis told good wife hand that the town would be sorry for it. Because they have to vote a man. Yeah. Many had bad things befall them at the island, such as my own child said Goody Davis, Goody Gardener's ox, and the nigger child that was taken away in a strange manner, and also a man and a sow that was fat and lusty and went pig to pig to pig to pig and then died. So they burned the pigs tail and presently Goody garlic. What what what just happened? I think the pig was both lazy and like to fuck. Yeah, no. So he was fucking pig to pig to pig to pig. Yeah, no. And then he died. And then and then they got out the the sow, the sow. And then they burned, then

they burned the his tail. That's what you do if a cow if sorry, and this and this blood is on Goody garlic sands. Well, she was around. Okay. Gotta say, I like how that's how rolled out, though, right? Right? Fucking fucking mudflatted. Making bacon and then out. And they were like, it was a witch. And the pig was like, Oh, man, if it's smoking, man, give me more of that which then, man. You bring all your witches, man. Give me the curses. I would say why does your why does your pig sound so cool? Why is your pig wearing sunglasses? Now I shouldn't mention that Elizabeth died just four years before. Good Goodman folk himself had his own trouble with the law and he's Hampton. Okay. Now it's turning into

a crime. Sure. No, we're seeing. Yeah. In June 1654, Folk Davis, his youngest son, John Davis, Daniel Fairfield and John Han Jr. were hauled before town leaders in East Hampton and charged with staging a masturbation contest. Whoa. Hello. Whoa. What? Oh my God. What? This is insane. Um, okay, so gentlemen's contest. Okay. Do you know what were the rules of the masturbation? Why did we stop masturbation contest? We don't know what the contest was. We don't know if they were caught in the middle of the contest or if someone was bragging about winning it afterwards. It might just be like, that's probably just the best way if you like to watch guys jerk off to get to see guys jerk off to enter a masturbation.

Hey, you guys want to, you guys want to have a little chair prize is $20. Yeah, we'll get my son in on this. Yep. Oh, yeah. And that teenager, John Han Jr. Oh, yeah. Oh God, bring Han Jr. Hey, Han Jr. Hey, hand. Why'd they call you hand? Hey, hand. John Han Jr. was the only teenager of the group. Um, the contest ended up causing a lot of outrage in East Hampton. I wonder why. Uh, but the masturbation contest, the punishments were light. Okay. Folk Davis as the older and wisest received the harshest penalty. Okay. Well, John Han Jr. was not punished at all. Right. They said because of his age. Yeah, that's fair. They tried him as a minor. Also, John Han Jr. may have gotten off with

no punishment because three townsmen. John Han Jr. might have gotten off. Might have gotten off. Yes. All right. With no punishment because the three townsmen who muted out the punishments names were John Mulford, Thomas Baker and John Hand. Well, oh, that's interesting. I don't know how he got off, so to speak. The hand got off. Uh, quote, after hours, after extended examination and serious debate and consultation with their Saybrook neighbors, the townsmen. So everybody got in on, everybody got in on what they should do. Everyone talked at length about the masturbators. It's like gone girl, but with masturbation. It is very much like that. Yeah. Uh, so not deeming the offense worthy of loss of life or limb. What?

So they were like, should we cut off a hand or an arm or just kill them? And people like, I don't, this is just masturbating. They were just whacking it. Uh, they determined that folk Davis should be placed in the pillar and receive corporal punishment. All right. So he did the stocks, right? Sure. Uh, John Davis and Daniel Far, Fairfield, uh, were publicly whipped. And, uh, and that was done and witnessed by three townsmen. And then John Han Jr. got to walk. Okay. Anyway, back to witchcraft. So, uh, for the rest of February and part of March, depositions were gathered by the three townsmen and all those present for Elizabeth's illness and illness and death gave statements about what she said and the

noises that were heard. Yeah. The dismayed log mode. Yeah. I feel weird. I'm trapped in a log. Goodwill bird cell testified about the mysterious death. Goodwife bird cell is a really terrible name. It's a horrible name. Goodwife bird cell. Yeah. It's not none of it. I would have gone with Goody. Goody bird cell. Yeah. And bird, what the fuck bird cell garlic? She liked good wife better. Uh, she testified about the mysterious death of a Goody Davis's child while on the island. Okay. Goody bird cell. Okay. This is, this is in, this is in old fashioned writing cause I went back and pulled this out of the fucking declared it. She was in the house of Goody Simmons. When Goody Davis sayeth yet, she had dressed

her child in clean linen at the island and Goody garlic came in and said, Oh, how pretty the child doth look. And so soon as she had spoken, Goody garlic said, the child is not well for it growneth. And Goody Davis said her heart did rise. And Goody Davis said, when she took the child from Goody garlic, she said she saw death in the face of it. And a child sickened presently upon it and lay five days and nights and never opened the eyes nor cried till it died. So, so a lady, you know, let people hold your baby. So this lady came in and said, Oh, the kid looks sick. And then so they're saying she killed it. Yeah. More, moreover, Goody Davis said that Goody garlic was a naughty woman.

Oh, legally speaking, she's naughty in the legal sense. You get my wink, wink. Yeah. Good wife, Alice Hand, John the masterbater's mother, John and wife of the masterbater. Good wife, masterbater gave testimony that Goody Davis had told her similar things about Goody garlic. Goody hand or good wife hand said she had been surprised. Good wife hand. Good wife hand. I know it's all fucked up. Oh my God. It's so hard to say. Good wife hand said that she had been surprised that after making these charges, Goody Davis had been friendly with Goody garlic when she came to town. But Goody Davis explained to good wife hand that it is as good to please the devil as it is to anger him.

I mean, that I'm not saying she's a crazy fucking witch. And then she comes down, she's like, Hey, what's up? Girlfriends were the same back then. I know it's exactly the same. She's the biggest bitch in the world. And my best friend. And my best friend. Plus, these are all women are all like fucking 16. Right. Yeah. Well, they mean a lot of yeah. It's very real housewives ish. It's the real housewives of the 1600s. Goodman Richard Stratton testified that Goody Davis told him her child had died strangely on the island and that she thought it was bewitched and knew no one on the island who could have done it except Goody garlic. I mean, I don't want to take Goody garlic side. But so far, I'm not hearing a lot of

relevant information. I don't know if that's true. I think that is good wife and Edwards testified about her daughter, Elizabeth Stratton. She said Goody garlic sent Elizabeth a request for some breast milk, which like on Facebook, which Elizabeth gave her shortly afterward, Elizabeth's breast milk went away and her child sickened. So you see the connection. Sure. Yeah. No, it's very clear. Goody Davis came while the child was sick and told him that Goody garlic had once sent for breast milk and presently her child died and Goody Stratton's did and her child felt sick and fell sick and died. So she's saying that. Yeah, I repeated that, but she's saying that this happened before. Yeah. When I was on

the island. Yeah. This is the double double milk tigger. Yeah. No, but first of all, her name is catchy. Second of all, I there's no evidence. Watch, Goody Davis keeps saying what happened. Yeah, but that's not evidence. I'm not sure. That's what we call hearsay or hearsay if it's interesting that all of these things all come down to one person talking shit. Yeah, it's all goody. That's the evidence. But that was how evidence work back then really was like, but yeah, no, he turned me into a goat for a month. The fucking trial is literally people coming in and going, you know, Goody Davis told me. Yeah. You imagine sitting there watching watching your fate as you're like, well, this is not good because people are

saying what about the fact that Goody Davis is a fucking asshole? Yeah. Goody Davis's statements were contradicted by others on the island. Doesn't matter. Goodman Jeremiah Vale and good wife Catherine Vale testified that Goody Davis spoke as if her child was bewitched. But Goody Davis had taken in an Indian child to nurse for a little money and then starved her own child. Wait, so that's a bombshell. That's a really is just people talking shit. This is exactly like the real house wise. This is just like it's completely an irrelevant person becomes relevant and then other people aim to make her as irrelevant as possible. It's 100% people talking shit. It's just talking shit. This is like if this

is like if there were trials for your life in middle school. That's what this Wow. Yeah, or high school. Totally. It's a trial. It's even high school. A rumor could have you killed. Yeah, that's Oh my God. That's what it is. Jesus. Yeah, it's really fucked up. There was a rumor I dealt drugs. So did you I didn't I smoked them. I did in high school. Yeah, I did that. Terrible upbringing. Yeah. Well, at least you're sipping tea like a man now. Goody bird cell and Goody Edward also declared that they have found a pin in Elizabeth's mouth when she died. Oh, this has good garlic written all over it. Just point out that there are a couple ladies saying she or they were poking around her mouth. Yeah, a pin in her

mouth. Who wouldn't poking on it? That might have been the whole cause of the whole thing. Well, I don't I don't know why if someone dies, you fucking go poking around in their dirty, sick, dead mouth. I mean, if you were to die here, I'd definitely look in your mouth. I hope so. Goody Edwards said shortly before she had tried to feed Elizabeth some oil and and sugar and did not see anything in Elizabeth's mouth. Okay, so a good meal of oil and sugar. I mean, really amazing how I mean, I'm guessing they didn't have a lot of food. Yeah, but still really go with the better option. They're really better option. They really go with this. You want some dirt soup? What do you feel like? Do you want some?

Do you want some oil and sugar? Do you want some vinegar and lemon or I'm going to pour some dust and hair into your mouth? Have some hair shavings. All right, here's some here. Take these nail clippings that we've been boiling and then drink this water. Here's some honey and some leaves. Here's some here. Let me wring out this rag and then this will be what you'll drink and hopefully you get better. On March 15, Joshua garlic, Goodman garlic, yeah, brought a suit for defamation on the behalf of his wife against David. How can you have defamation in a climate like this? How can you possibly they drop saying like he dropped that shit against goody Davis who is fucking talking smack all over town and trial was based on

her gone. Yeah, man. So then how could like then you're now he's saying she's a liar, but your legal system is then just basically set up as not great. It's not great. It's all hearsay. Then the town had no idea what the fuck to do. So Thomas Baker and John Han went to Hartford and put East Hampton under the jurisdiction of Connecticut Colony. They took Elizabeth garlic with them and delivered her to stand trial for witchcraft. So there is a trial for which. So after Joshua stands up, it goes, it's all coming from one lady. She's a fucking liar. They're like, all right, let's take it to a bigger court. You know, I don't know what to do. You've got a good point. We should take this can down the street.

Yeah, it's a huge can kicking. The court of magistrates at Hartford took up the case against Elizabeth Garrick on September 5 1658. She was charged with causing the sickness of infants and the death of cattle, the torments of prickling pain and the blasts of atmosphere by droughts and unseasonable frosts on growing corn. There's more, but I just want to stop. Well, that is it feels like it feels like that's a tough one. That's a tough one to beat. It feels like they opened the investigation quite a bit. Yes. And they really they really did some due diligence. Well, I don't know. My crops were awful frosted last year. She walked by and my corn was thirsty. Well, she's she's a bitch and she will pay for what she did

to you. Okay, thank you. And and for not having the fear of God before, oh, this is a quote for not having the fear of God before thine eyes, though hast entertain familiarity with Satan. And since the year 1650, half done works above the course of nature to the loss of lives of several persons. And in particular, the wife of Arthur Howell, for which, according to the laws of God, and the established law of this commonwealth deserves to die. So that was that was what she was charged with. That's just a charge. Am I am I am I crazy? Did she has she done anything? No. Okay, just wanted to make sure that I feel I feel I feel bad for her. No, she's done nothing. Okay, I just want to make sure that at the end of this,

we weren't going to find out she like poisons milk or all that we know is that her is that she's a masturbation happening in her family. That's all we're sure of. Well, that is quite the skeleton. You don't want to be even related to somebody who spearheaded the masturbation contest. The case was tried before a jury of 13 men. The jury found evidence the evidence insufficient to prove guilt. Okay, but it did find grounds for suspicion. What does that is that that means that this chick over here's been saying shit. Okay, and it seems like it might be something. Okay, but there's no proof. Well, see, the thing is, you're in the position where we know that already, right? Where do you land on it? We are saying that

we agree that this seems weird, and that there's nothing that can prove anything. But it's weird. And that's our. So she's not guilty of verdict. Sort of. We've reached a verdict. It's weird. We find the defendant weird, to be totally honest. So, so, you know, there's that Joshua garlic was then forced to post a bond of 30 pounds for his wife and his wife's good behavior. So he had to fucking put down that's a lot of money back. Yeah, that's a good amount of scratch, right? A lot of scratch. The garlics were told that they must appear before the local court in East Hampton in September or October if they were to continue to live on Long Island. I mean, what? So now they had to go back to the place where they

kicked it down the road. Yeah, and be like, Hey, hey, can we end this nightmare? If they moved to the mainland, they were required to appear at the quarter court at Hartford on the first Thursday in September. Joshua garlic also had to pay the cost of transporting his wife from East Hampton to Hartford and for keeping her in Hartford. So it actually sounds like lawsuits today a lot. They were the garlics were sent home with a letter from the court to the town of East Hampton. The letter stated, quote, it is desired and expected of this court that you carry on peaceably and neighborly without just defense to Joshua garlic and his wife. And they should do like to you. That was it. They said everyone just

get along. They said they said there is no proof that she's a witch. But there's a lot of really weird shit here. And you guys all have to be friends. This is it's the worst court ever. This should be a lot of order episode. Boom, boom. Boom, boom. You have to be friends. Boom, boom. Ice tea. But according to gene genealogical records, Folk Davis had a history of rubbing his neighbors the wrong way. His name appears in at least three different legal and property disputes. In the 1660s, Folk and his wife, Goody Davis, were chased out of East Hampton, allegedly for quote molesting men and quote practicing witchcraft. Oh my Jesus Christ. What was he was just a dude. Yeah, no, I get that he was a dude walking

around molesting people and performing witchcraft. But how does none of this ever come up when it matters? Well, I don't know. I don't know. But anyway, she then I mean, it's literally like, what did it take to get a law degree? It's you just have to have hands. It's really a fucked up time. I mean, did you ask a question? This is just when just going outside was really difficult. Just to ask a question of the environment because the people would be like, which is buggering me. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, there is a there is a rumor that that back in these days, and I could never find any proof of it. I think it just came from a writer who said that this was true. But that if you were put in the stocks at night, people just go out

and fuck you. Oh, they would pull down your pants and just bang you. Oh my God. So I guess you the the whipping is what you want. Yeah, take the whipping. Take the whipping because at least you can you'll just be healing your upper back all night. Get banged. Huh? That's the stocks me. You're just gonna get banged all night by a bunch of different. Well, they should change the name from stocks to bang cuffs. I think bang cuffs is more appropriate. Folk eventually died in Jamaica, New York around 1687. No one knows what happened to his wife, because clearly women didn't matter then because they're in the legal standing. It's all like his wife. What about her name? Boy, this honestly sounds like the premise for like

a film like that could be a great comedy. Yeah, that was just like it's fucking ridiculous. It's like I mean, it starts with the masturbation contest. That's the opening scene. Dude, it's called masturbation contest. A masturbation contest every in every 15 minutes when they're in the crutch all someone just goes, this is about the masturbation contest. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the that's the problem here with fuck witchcraft. Yeah, a man to hell the masturbation contest. I agree that there should have been more severe punishment, especially since they pulled teenage John Hanne Jr. Let's get ready to jerk it. Let's get ready. Oh, that's funny. You would bring that up because we're about to do a dollop about boxing. Oh,

well, I mean, if only these were in the opposite order, what a tie in. I know, I'll put that up. That'll already been up. You've already heard that when you hear this, but I heard it backwards. Oh my God, mournful fire.