The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 84 - The Past Times with Adam Cayton Holland

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian and author Adam Cayton Holland Redbubble Merch...

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery. So I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about to this day. You know, like I've said before, I always like a home over a hotel. I call it a home tell. No, I don't. But I really like it. And she, like I said, she really, really appreciated it.
Starting point is 00:00:35 But recently I was wondering, like, while I'm gone, what about my place? Can my place pay in Airbnb? And the answer is yes. It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or something more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.
Starting point is 00:01:05 I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. Adam Caton-Holland. Hello, Adam. Thank you for joining us. Yes, but that's actually not accurate. Dave emailed me the newspaper a month ago, and I've been really scared. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:01:13 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:01:21 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hello, Adam. Thank you for joining us. Yes, but that's actually not accurate. Dave emailed me the newspaper a month ago, and I've been really studying up on the date, the era, context, all of it. This is... Yeah, so you're going to have to riff excellently today, because I'm very knowledgeable about everything I'm about to do.
Starting point is 00:01:41 Jesus, this doesn't sound nearly as fun. Oh, it's fun. This is how some people think the dollop does actually work, that there is a tremendous amount of work put into what could only be described as some of the stupidest bits of all time. Well, when we had Adam on, he and I went back and forth for about a year over the topic. I mean, it was extensive.
Starting point is 00:02:01 Dave, this is the Cheesecake Show, correct? Yes, that's right. That was part of our, I mean, it was extensive. Dave, this is the Cheesecake Show, correct? Yes, that's right. That was part of our, I mean, we- Are you, hold on. We brainstormed that. Are you telling me that the Cheesecake Show was written, that that person in the front row eating the cheesecake that you then ate?
Starting point is 00:02:17 I hired that guy. Yep. Yeah, it was the Alfred Packer party, and Dave actually flew out here. We retraced the route, we camped, and camping one night, we're like, what if we do this cheesecake bit? But out here. We retraced the route. We camped and camping one night. We're like, what if we do this cheese? That's so useless to do the route that make.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Well, context. I. Yeah. But if it's scripted, it paid off because Adam came out looking glorious and you looked dumb. I it's hard for me to remember that part of it. It's not shocking to hear, but OK, fine. Well, kudos. All right. So this is a bit of a departure. Well, still, Adam, you've made it on the show.
Starting point is 00:02:52 So let's promote your special wallpaper available on the YouTube's. It is free. It's free. What more do people want? It's free. It's out there. It's a banger. Yeah, honestly, people are so ridiculous about this. It's a banger, 800 pound gorilla. I would say that some people want you to pay them to watch. Oh.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Well, I'm willing to entertain, you know, depends on the market. Depends on the market. Wait, are you going to put it behind a paywall paper? It depends. Like I said, I will pay people in cities that I like. But if you're not, if you're in a city that I don't like, I'm like, I'm going to pay you to watch my special that you were in Chicago of around a week ago. So if people want to come out to that, that'll help my Lincoln Lodge numbers. Let's get them a week in the past. Sure.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Let's get them. It's the past times. You know, that works. Actually, let's ask them. Sure. It's the past times. Who knows how that works? Actually, let's ask all of our fans to call the club and say, I want Adam to come here and then the club have to say he was here last week. I think that's what we're going for is if when you post about your next show, if people can say, when are you coming to Chicago again? Yes. Yes. Yeah. That's it. Everybody go online and ask Adam when he's coming to Chicago again? Yes, yes. I love that. That's it, everybody go online and ask Adam when he's coming to Chicago again. Dude, you gotta come to Chicago.
Starting point is 00:04:09 That's gonna be like, when I die, they'll be like, hey, when's your funeral again? I wanted to go to that. It was two weeks ago. Your widow's like, it's two weeks ago. It was two weeks ago. Just stop. Oh man, I wish I'd known he died then.
Starting point is 00:04:21 I always wanted to see him. I wanted to go to that. I had some words I wanted to say. That was fucking two weeks ago. Thanks. We're doing an algorithm. Okay, Adam, so we're gonna guess what year this paper is from. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:34 You know, it's just, the show's not very fun, so we try to come up with little things in it to make it more fun, like this. We're also gonna play Plinko at the end. Oh, cool. But I'll go first because I am part of the show Shut up, I'll guess that this is from the year 1916 whoa
Starting point is 00:05:00 Yeah, it's a crazy guess Adam. I like I get wild my hats backwards. What do you got? I don't know, you know, I'm just going to let the listener know that we were joking I don't know what this is. That was a riff one of our patented riffs. That was scripted from over a year ago. Right that was actually scripted. That one that one was ripped. We planned this riff for the past times, but I have not. That riff is to set up the fact that this show is completely improvised. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:05:30 So I'm gonna say 1876. It's a great guess. The year Colorado became a state, because I'm wondering if Dave's gonna put it in my ballpark. It's a great, I would say that's the most informed guess we've had. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:43 It's actually, the paper is the Colorado Rockies Weekly from. It's written by our drug owner. It's 1927. So, Adam, you win. You're closer. And I feel like congratulations if we look back and listen to the tape. If you it's whoever has the year that is less than the actual year. So Adam Wynze. You're doing one of those things where it sounds like you have some logic in there,
Starting point is 00:06:14 but I don't know if anyone grasped what you were trying to say. I guess people don't like sore losers. So what is it that you're doing right now? I recognize this shows's about fun. Lose with grace. But I will not be fucked. Okay. It's the Las Vegas, Nevada age on March 19th, 1927.
Starting point is 00:06:41 By the way, drove through Nevada a couple days ago, 114 degrees. So that was- Is that good. That's good It was about 10 a.m. That's fine. Seems fine. That seems okay to me. Yeah Las Vegas, Nevada age. Yep, the name of the paper. Well Las Vegas age. Yeah, Las Vegas age 16 is it 16? I would say it's 70. It's Yeah That is I've never heard that for a paper before. Actually, no, it's weird. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:10 This is on the front page here. First story news from the Virgin Valley. Well, 16 is right. Oh, God, I hope they sacrificed one. Oh, gosh. The school play entitled Stop Thief was read in the high school auditorium Friday at 3 p.m. at 3 p.m. What? And they say Friday, too. It's like kids. The weekend's almost here.
Starting point is 00:07:32 But we would like to read the new play we've been working on. But let's get you out of here. Freak you out before the weekend. But do you remember that feeling when you'd be in school and like like you knew the afternoon was some bullshit, like it was a pep rally or something and you and it was a Friday and you were like, man, this is that was the best feeling in the world to a truant like me. Oh, sure. A bullshit assembly. You could just be.
Starting point is 00:07:55 Oh, you're just like I my my mind can check out at 1230 today. Yeah. Yeah. The tryouts. Wait, the play is good and has a great deal of humor. The transport are to be held Friday. Wait. Oh, so they read the play and now they're going to have tryouts. Sure. That's the right way to let kids have the weekend to think about what role would be. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:08:20 The chance for the debating teams were held here Thursday. The question for the debate was resolved that all European war debt debts owing this country should be canceled. Ooh, wow. Cancel. Wow. That is wild. Wait, I'm not ready to move off. Stop thief quite yet. Nineteen twenty seven.
Starting point is 00:08:38 They're premiering their play. Stop thief. Yeah. I want to know what race do you think they made the thief? It's Vegas it's 27 who's playing the thief is all I want to know in this school Like non white kid in the school and everyone was like, man, I mean, obviously he's going to get it. It's a fucking lock. I guess I can't be thief again. Now, it says it says that it's an ingenious plot of this far centers
Starting point is 00:09:16 around the family in the midst of wedding preparations to add to the hectic fun. Two crooks get into the house, one a woman posing as a maid and the other a likable accomplice doing his quote last job before reform. That sounds fun. It's lethal weapon. It's why they put them back in. They put them back in for one final job. I'm getting a little too old for these wedding capers.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Get the script. And we're going to click that just so that they're like, what just happened on our website? The assembly Friday was a great success. Everyone enjoyed it immensely. It commenced with Mr. Jensen leading and singing, boosting our dear old high. What a terrible time. Terrible. It's like Zepo.
Starting point is 00:10:06 A one act drama, The Fatal Necklace, was then presented by the M Men of Mesquite. What the fuck? What a theatrical school, man. What an afternoon. Yeah. This is amazing. Mr. Menier announced the play in this manner. This play is entitled The Fatal Necklace.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Good work, nailed it. Good, thank you, somebody finally has the balls to be correct. All right, there we go. No, he's just like, what's it about? Just tell us, just tell us there's a play comment. And he just ruins the end. Woman is killed by a necklace and it's a whodunit,
Starting point is 00:10:44 but it was her coachman. Go ahead, guys. The junior girls of Mesquite were given a marshmallow roast Saturday. OK. At 7 p.m., they hiked up the hills north of Mesquite and followed a wash for about three miles. At the end of the wash, they built a huge bonfire from dry brush gathered near the wash, then seated in a semicircle around the blazing fire, each girl in turn told a ghost story.
Starting point is 00:11:10 I'm gonna tell the fatal necklace. This is so fucking weird. It's so like of the time. Very much so. Like if you had any high school kids doing this type of stuff now, there'd be lawsuits. It's just like, what? March them on a hike and they did a bonfire in the desert? They're going to go burn brush.
Starting point is 00:11:32 During one of these stories, the dismal yell of a coyote sounded not far away. I love putting the attitude, the affect on the coyote squeal. Yeah. Sounds a little down. Some of the girls jumped and screamed, but upon being assured it was only boys and not coyotes, we sat down nervously by the fire. That should not make you feel a lot better. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:57 It's just boys. It's just horned up boys. It's just humans. In the desert. It's just howling men again. But that ended and the ghost stories and the roasting of marshmallows began. When everyone was full of marshmallows, Jesus Christ. It's like one of the worst images possible. There's only two levels of marshmallows.
Starting point is 00:12:20 It's empty and full. Like that's it. You just put them in until you can't take anymore. I'm feeling pretty empty on marshmallows right now. Eight minutes later, you're like, I can never have another one. I feel horrible. Here's everyone gets a bag.
Starting point is 00:12:36 There's 36 for all of you. Here you go. I think that'll do it. Everyone should feel pretty awful at about 30. Just a guy over by a rock throwing up white. I went too hard. Oh, Jesus Christ. You went past full.
Starting point is 00:12:50 You went past full. And that's how fluffernutter was invented. That's right. Gross. Games were played on a smooth sand in the wash. About 10 o'clock, the girls started home. And during all of the homeward hike were pursued by boys and cats. And then in parentheses, it says boys.
Starting point is 00:13:09 So boys and boys. But these boys are called cats. It's just not that doesn't sound OK, to be quite. Maybe it was the school's 1927 production of cats. So those boys had just come from cats. Oh gosh, leave her alone. I'm just looking to get fucked. Guys, stop. My God, what just fucking happened?
Starting point is 00:13:37 That's a wild opener. It's a weird school. Here's the next story. Stewart baskets bring good price. Stewart baskets? Stewart price. Stuart baskets? Stuart baskets. That's a name or a basket for a steward? I think it's a kind of a, okay, well,
Starting point is 00:13:52 the collection of Indian baskets secured by the late Miss Helen Stewart during a lifetime of contact with the Indian basket makers. I'm sure everything was on the up and up there. Probably pretty good. Respectful transactions. Yeah. Fair price.
Starting point is 00:14:08 Yeah, absolutely. No, just imagine if Shark Tank went to a reservation. It's called perpetuity. Okay. I always get a bit. Has been sold through the agency of M. Riley to a Mr. H. Schweizer of Albuquerque, a dealer in baskets and curios. Basket dealer.
Starting point is 00:14:33 Mm hmm. A basket dealer, a good name for a basket dealer would be Stuart Baskets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Completely. He's the best. Holy shit, a cash price of 1212,500 was received for the collection. Wow. It's recognized as one of the finest in the West. That's fucking crazy.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Yes. $1927, $12,500. That I'm not good at numbers, but that's about $20,000 today. I'm bad at numbers and that sounds pretty good. I bet it's I bet it's way more than that No, I think he's right. I bet it's a little bit more. I that's a probably in today's money. That's about thirteen thousand dollars It's 216 thousand six hundred dollars in fucking baskets. We were way off Yeah, you had that rate you had that rate ready to go.
Starting point is 00:15:25 You just know how to do that. He's got. I do it in my head. That's incredible. No, you don't. Yeah, I do. I do it in my head. Stop, Thief.
Starting point is 00:15:31 What a beautiful mind. Yeah. Well, it's kind of a beautiful mind, but it's also it's kind of a useless beautiful mind. He's disabled. He's like, that would be like $40 today. Cool. All right.
Starting point is 00:15:43 We're going to keep having our conversation if that's all right with you. And I do it with everything. I do it for last year's money. It's sad when you're like, that was worth last year's money. It was more last year. That's a bummer. That's why I don't get invited anywhere. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:59 There's other reasons. Yeah, there's a lot of reasons. According to the purchaser, 25 of the baskets, which include the best, will sell to individual purchasers for the amount, an average of $500 each. There were several unusually choice specimens valued at 1,000 to 1,500. I like that guy. Hey, these are choice.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Look at this fucking basket right here. These are choice. Holy shit. These are baskets you're gonna wanna make love to. Hey, put oranges in it. Let's see what happens. Put yourself in it. These baskets have a hole at the bottom and ask the girl to grab the oranges.
Starting point is 00:16:32 I'm a cat. Yeah, they're ancient movie theater baskets. They would put corn kernels in there and watch the sunrise. I guess it's maize. They call it maize. And that was like, they invented, that was a native trick. That was, we took that, but guess is maze. They call it maze. And that was like they invented. That was a native trick.
Starting point is 00:16:46 That was we took that. But that was called maze debating. Yeah, totally. The white man took one of the greatest tricks. Yeah, that was that was all those fuckers. And we just appropriated it like everything else with dicks. Again, it's also like at one point that really did happen, like some fucking weird. I was like, I'm going to put my dick in the bottom of the popcorn.
Starting point is 00:17:11 And it was like you and Charlie tried a crime. I said a sex crime. This asshole gets butter, squads, his crotch. They have to get the ambulance takes him out of there. What movie was that from? Is that from a movie? Is that a movie? Oh, it's in a movie.
Starting point is 00:17:35 The popcorn thing is in a movie. Oh, I didn't know that. No, I just wrote that. Yeah. Dave, can we stick to the script we wrote a year ago? Go. Here's another riff. Kid fucks a pie. It's like a teen movie. What's that? There we go. I like that. No, I haven't heard of that. That's pretty good. Well, that's another one in front by me Good you ever heard that one Dave?
Starting point is 00:17:57 No, no, I don't know what you're talking about. It's pretty good. Maybe dad walks in I don't know I'm gonna email my manager real quick. I'm on the email with your manager right now. Oh, you. Oh, great. Glad you secede yourself. Yeah. Well, I want to make sure I don't get fucked. Smart.
Starting point is 00:18:12 You know Hollywood, dude. You know Hollywood. They say I don't, but I'm aggressive. Good. I make people feel uneasy. It's in Diner. It's in the movie Diner with Mickey Rourke, which is a great movie. It was an ad lib.
Starting point is 00:18:27 We wanted the character tries the popcorn trick in Diner. Yeah, maybe it does it to and he continues to do. I think as I recall in the movie that they the other guys bet him and then he did it. Oh, the bet was that he could get her to touch his dick. And then he does that. And then everyone's like, that's not how that's not the bet that we had. I mean, oh, it's all cool.
Starting point is 00:18:52 He just stands really close behind her in line like there's the we were. We had other. That's not what the bet was. You can't just brush it against her in public. You creep. I put it in my hand while she slept. Give me the money. In public, you creep. I put it in my hand while she slept. Give me the money. OK, back to baskets, some suggestions that the Stewart
Starting point is 00:19:11 Basket collection should be retained within the state of Nevada from time to time. But financing, state financing could have been considered same. Has not been found practic. That doesn't make any sense from time to time, all the kids gather every year when the baskets return and they all get to check them out. There's a two week period right before Christmas. It's very it's nice.
Starting point is 00:19:35 Daddy, is it basket day? Almost. Get Christmas Christmas near the baskets are back. Boy, that's a weird fucking story. I don't even I mean, basically, they're just taking stuff that's, you know, artifacts, right? And just selling it. And people are like, shouldn't it stay in the state? And they're like, no, you can make money off of it.
Starting point is 00:20:01 No more questions. God damn it. We can make money off this. I No more questions. God damn it. We can make money off this. I also feel like this newspaper is trying so hard to avoid all the things that are really going on in Las Vegas. And they're really trying to paint a picture. Oh, yeah. Of a Las Vegas that does not exist. Yes. Yeah. Wouldn't you? Yeah, this is like Chamber of Commerce. Yeah, we've got cool theater kids.
Starting point is 00:20:25 We love the natives and their artwork. Everything's fine here. I just saw a guy jerking another guy off for take scratch offs. No, have you heard of the play Stop Thief? Cast your gaze mesquite way, friend. I think you'll find the culture you seek. That guy's eating poop for money. OK. Who wants marshmallows the culture you seek. That guy's eating poop for money. Okay, come on. Who wants marshmallows?
Starting point is 00:20:47 Here you go. The mafia's killing everyone and just taking stuff. No, no, no, no, no. There's new plays. You've got to see some of our new theater. You've got to see how we do cats. This time, they're sexual perverts. They follow the women home from hikes.
Starting point is 00:21:07 What is this? Cats 2. Non-spade. Starring David Spade. Yeah. Adam Kramer collides with McCauley's Ford. Thursday afternoon, as Adam Kramer was crossing First Street, A.W. McCauley's Ford turned off of Freeman Kramer and the Ford Met.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Oh, and Kramer and the Ford met. Oh, and Kramer and the Ford met. I like, that is the new way to phrase an accident. This is, this is insane. Like McCauley ran over Kramer. No, no, no, they had a meeting. A hundred, the language is that this is the pedestrian's fault.
Starting point is 00:21:38 I love it. 100%. Although how common are cars? Like, should you be pretty fucking aware there's a car around? Yeah, at this point. Yeah, they're pretty common Okay. Yeah, this is when people are getting hit constantly like there were no laws, but you should know that there's cars everywhere Yeah, people are getting hit constantly you're constantly know if people are meeting cars a lot a Kramer and the Ford met after some dodging and hopping around the Ford had the best of the tilt and Kramer was forced back up to keep from being run over.
Starting point is 00:22:10 So this man was almost killed by a car and they're like, it was a real tit for tat. The car won by a hair. Also dodging and hopping around. So this guy gunned down this pedestrian like he tried to jump out of the way. Yeah. Yeah. I was just trying to meet him, get to know the guy. You were just trying to meet a guy?
Starting point is 00:22:29 Good Lord. It's so hard to meet new people. It's very difficult. Well, when they come through your windshield, it's easier. It's a classic meet, Qt. How'd you meet your best buddy? Oh, it's funny. I ran him down in my car.
Starting point is 00:22:42 He tried to get away, but I paralyzed him from the waist down and now he's my guy. Yeah. He did his best to climb upon the hot radiator but failed and sustained small cuts on the wrists. Jesus Christ. McCauley was charged on Kramer's demand on a charge of driving while intoxicated. He's drunk. He's a fucking shitface. He's a shitface guy running people over the papers, writing it up like, boy, they had a dance. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:15 He pleaded he pleaded not guilty and was released on $150 bail. The case will come up in court at 2 o'clock this afternoon. I would have loved to be there for that. Yeah, for sure. Wow. That was really fucking weird. It's nice. It's a cool city.
Starting point is 00:23:37 And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery so I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about to this day. You know, like I've said before, I always like a home over a hotel. I call it a home tell.
Starting point is 00:24:07 No, I don't. But I really like it. And she, like I said, she really, really appreciated it. But recently I was wondering, like, while I'm gone, what about my place? Can my place pay in Airbnb? And the answer is yes. It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to
Starting point is 00:24:28 cover some bills or something more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca. Three months term will bring divorce. In the early morning hours of the closing session of the legislature, the amendment providing for a three months residence for divorces was quietly slipped through the Senate and the assembly. Okay, so we should probably explain this. Three month residences?
Starting point is 00:24:55 Back in the day, Adam, they had what were known as divorce colonies. And you would go so you were in a state that didn't allow divorce and you would go to like Montana or Colorado or Vegas, but you would have to stay for a while and live there and then you could get divorced. So it was a way to like make money, right? They can force people to live there and pay rent and everything else. And then and then it helped like rich guys divorced their their wives like from New York or wherever they would do. I learned this fact because my dad, my grandparents, who I barely knew they died one when I was like three and the grandmother before I was born, they divorced and remarried when my
Starting point is 00:25:36 dad was a child. I knew that, but I had talked to my dad recently about that more in depth for some reason. And he told me they had to move to Vegas for one of these. So my like 12 year old dad had to go out to Vegas for a couple months and just like live as his parents were going through a divorce. And he just said he like biked around new development, shitty Vegas while they like went through a divorce
Starting point is 00:26:00 and they moved back to LA where he was from. And I was like, dad, that's the saddest wonder years episode I've ever, ever heard. Like my poor dad just biking around Vegas being like, it's dissolving, the whole, everything's falling apart. Yeah. Yeah. And I, so yeah, I just very personally learned
Starting point is 00:26:19 about this phenomenon. I was like, oh my God, that's awful. It's really sad. Wow. All the reasons to have to go to Vegas when your reason for going to Vegas is also sad. Yeah, totally. In the sleepy time after midnight, the Senate adopted an amendment to the bill.
Starting point is 00:26:37 I love the sleepy time. Yeah. That's great. It's the sleepy time legislation. Sleepy time's a little earlier now in our government. It's the McConnell hours. That's when he gets shit done. He forces it through.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Yeah. Yeah. Now, his his like sack under his neck opens up and like a pen comes out and he's like, I'm to write some laws. Everyone's asleep and he just awakes with red eyes. Yeah. Sleepy hours. A real McConnell head pops out. Now we're going to legislate. It's time to kill unions.
Starting point is 00:27:07 It's after midnight. It's like his own, like whatever that total recall head is. Quando or whatever the fuck they call it just pops out. It's time to write some bail. Like some pages like, look, I told you it's like a myth, but it fucking happens. There he goes. He's shedding the McConnell flesh. Blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:27:30 Oil can be put in the bank now. So in the sleepy time after midnight, the Senate adopted an amendment to the bill naming insanity as a reason for breakage of marriage ties and sent the measure back to the assembly. That's great. When the assembly refused to concur, conference committees were appointed by both,
Starting point is 00:27:51 this is in the middle of the fucking night, were appointed by both houses. These were unable to agree and a free conference committee was named. The word six was changed to three in two places by the free conference committee. Within 10 minutes, the House and Senate had passed the bill, reducing the period of divorce seekers to three months.
Starting point is 00:28:12 The bill speedily was signed by the governor. So it was a late night, so they wanted to avoid people knowing that they were going to reduce the amount of time, probably because all the businessmen were like, no, we love it. Everybody has to stay here. Yes. So they reduced it to three months. Thus saving young John Holland three more months of pathos. It's probably why you're here today. Allowing them to function as a father, saving Adam Caden Holland, who would later appear on The Past Times.
Starting point is 00:28:52 It's potentially true. Those three months where he got out of there, he was able to recover. They were make or break for that, man. I'm sure of it. Oh my God. This is titled What the Hell, Engineers? That's great. That's a great title. Good. Finally. That's one of the plays. That's a play from the high school. The engineering students at the University of Nevada are ruling the campus today and are showing the rest of the men how things are done in the engineering world.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Fuck, yeah. Yeah. Suck it, jocks. It's our turn. Yeah. The upperclassmen are showing the coeds about the laboratories while the lowly frosh assist the sophomores at keeping the steam up and the oil white. What? What? It sounds like they're on a submarine. What's happening right now? What are they talking about?
Starting point is 00:29:46 The day's activities started with a big parade downtown, leaving the university from 930, from 11 a.m. until 330. New and interesting exhibits will be shown. For the first time in history, the Engineers Day of Engineers Day in the U.S. Bureau of Mines will be open. It's laboratories. Oh, so it's Engineers Day for the US Bureau of Mines will be open. It's laboratories. Oh, so it's Engineers Day for the first time. Sure. And a holiday that really stuck around. I can't believe we're finding out about the first one. Yeah. Engineers Day was about two months before basket season.
Starting point is 00:30:16 Yeah, it was. That's how you knew basket season was on the precipice. And Marshmallow Week. Great time. At 330, a program of stunts will be put on in which the University Glee Club and the military band will be featured. The military band. A banquet for the men. A banquet for the man has been arranged at the Century Club.
Starting point is 00:30:34 The day will close with the regular dance in the gym. The regular dance. Wow. What the fuck just happened? Finally, a banquet you can hear yourself think, you know what I mean? This one's for us dudes. So so many dudes getting laid that night. I just looked I tried to look it up real quick. It sounds it sounds crazy.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure there's still engineers trying to get it going. There's still. Oh, yeah. Hey, we can make this a thing, right? Martin Luther King gets a day and we don't. Come on. I'm not even like being sarcastic. I would genuinely like to watch the stunts. The engineers are conducting.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Yeah, I agree. What is the Glee Club and the military club? So like you're picturing Tesla, but it was probably just like, this is not great. They're like, see, I hope they just make them fight. They just make that be great. That'd be great. We got we got the soldiers and we got the glee club. We're in charge for the day. You guys fight.
Starting point is 00:31:36 You guys celebrate. We're engineers. We've been waiting in the back for a while and this is what we're doing with our power. No more bullshit. Burning auto tires startles high school. Absolutely. Yep. As it should. It better have been rolling.
Starting point is 00:31:56 I would, right? Way better. With a kid in it. Yeah, with a child screaming. Better than Dave's. Keeps getting better and better. An alarm of fire. Well, that's. Keeps getting better and better. An alarm of fire. Well, it's usually called a fire alarm.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Well, it may be a lot of fire. There's a better way. It could be just a bell going off as it's on fire. An alarm of fire at one to 15 yesterday afternoon brought the fire department and a horde of citizens to the high school where a dense cloud of smoke and Folded the eastern wall of the building you know that there were people standing around it They're like it's tough to breathe, but it has no effect on you gather round everybody
Starting point is 00:32:36 It's good for you the black smokes the easiest It'll make your lungs stronger be good. You run further if you get this in you It'll make your lungs stronger. It'd be good you run further if you get this in you. The Stens and faculty were in a startled condition until it was found that the threatened conflagration was only a burning automobile tire, which some smart child had ignited and placed against the outside wall of the building. Those children were called smart back then,
Starting point is 00:33:02 once you lit the tires on fire. When I did it, act of terrorism. Yeah. Lockdown. Lockdown for my high school. But that kid's a smart kid. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:18 I get you. Sure. I just love that. Like this is what a kid was doing for fun back then. Setting a tire on fire. The fire department's called and they're like, this kid what a kid was doing for fun back then. Setting a tire on fire. The fire department's called and they're like, this kid's a hero.
Starting point is 00:33:27 Everyone's like, what's going on right now? I can't sit through another one of these fucking play readings. I'm going out back and I'm lighting a tire on fire. Stop arsonist! That's a good idea. The wind blowing served to spread general alarm over the city, it being feared that any fire at that time might result in general disaster. So they were all freaked out because there was a big old black smoke tire.
Starting point is 00:33:55 I mean, they do. But they do make great smoke. Like it's like other great smoke. Yeah. No, I love seeing it. You see a lot of tire fires when you drive through this country. It's still alive and kicking. It's awesome. They're great. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:08 Things are good. Like one tire fire right now is the Democratic Party. Hold on. Hey, Adam. One second. Okay, Dave, go ahead, bud. What's your complaint right now? Let's hear it.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Go ahead. Get on your little soap basket. What's going on? Your little upset? Oh, soap baskets. Those were some of the most cherished baskets. Oh, I love a soap basket. Oh, man. Green and orange in startling clash. This is... Please be about sports. Otherwise, this is the greatest thing ever. These two don't go together. Breaking. Yeah, just the color section of the paper. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:47 I'm not loving it. We have some new clashes this week that you all need to know about. Listen, hunters. Not since yellow and blue. Yeah, which was last week's column. The meeting of the Las Vegas Rotary Club Thursday was enlivened by one of the most exciting
Starting point is 00:35:07 stunts ever put over Leo mmm Mcnaney a program chairman for the day announced that he would speak seriously of st Patrick and the great deeds of the Irish people this seems like a setup the classic road Hold on. I'd like to say a few serious words about the Irish. I know where this is going He spoke eloquently of the patriots, statesmen, warriors and sweet singers of Aaron and of the beauty of that historic country. And boy, can they drink. Am I right? Right. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:36 Holy shit. Those little drunk leprechauns. Then he just disappeared without saying farewell. Correct. Where is he? In the course of his remarks, there were things not complimentary to the north of Ireland. I knew it. Here we go. Whereupon Al Callaghan jumped to his feet
Starting point is 00:35:58 and demanded a retraction. Take his buck! An apparently angry discussion ensued in which coats were removed and a resort to fists or shillelies seemed inevitable. This reads like a silent movie with interstitials. It starts out, Coats were removed. I'd like to say a few nice words about the Irish.
Starting point is 00:36:20 A few nice words. And then, but the Northern Irish. Okay. Now that hands are coming up, then but the northern Irish. OK, now that the hands are coming up, speed up the fighting footage. That's so funny. Restrained by worried Rotarians, Al demanded an apology and Leo promised to apologize if Al would sing Waring of the Green. Al said he would if Leo would sing it with him. What the fuck actually just what?
Starting point is 00:36:48 That is like if you were watching that, you're like, shit's about to get serious. What ended up happening? They did a duet and together. I'm still not sure. They say Danny boy together and now everything's fine. I bet I can guess which high school these two went to. I bet I can guess which high school these two went to. I bet I can guess. Then they stood side by side and sung the old virus song, shook hands and apologized
Starting point is 00:37:11 to each other. That's crazy. And it was not until Leo explained that Al was not an orange man and that the stunt had been put on to illustrate the manner in which the rotary spirit might harmonize the world's differences that the members of the club realize that they had been victims of clever acting. Oh, my God. That's pretty good. Yeah, we all got pretty good. I mean, yeah, completely.
Starting point is 00:37:37 That completely got me. They are you're like, oh, man, this is about to turn bad. Well, the only way that's all OK, this is if you sing a duet with me. Don't mind if I do. Me. This is, they're basically saying this is how we solve all problems in the world. Yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 00:37:54 Dave, do you think that the Democratic party has a sort of Rotary Club thing going on? And that this is all for our benefit and they will show us how they save the day in harmony reigns. Yes. I do too. I genuinely do.
Starting point is 00:38:12 And that's why I'm optimistic. Hey, let me put it to you guys this way. They have to. Otherwise, what? Yeah, it's fine right now. Yeah, I agree. This is all going according to plan. By the way, one aside, I'm not going to go.
Starting point is 00:38:27 You go ahead, Gareth. No. Well, I was just going to say when we we've started disparaging the Democratic Party a little bit on our shows and it turns out that that people think we're mega. That's been happening. Look, you guys are just trying to get that Rogan bump. I get it. I get it.
Starting point is 00:38:49 We do it because we do it for Trump. Yes, I get that. The applause which followed Leo's announcement proved that the club had been highly entertained by one of the best programs ever put on in Las Vegas. Well, that holds true. Like, have you seen the Beatles love? Have you seen the Rotary Club argument?
Starting point is 00:39:13 That is a shot across the bow of Brad Garrett's Comedy Club. I'll tell you. Without question, because there's a lot of good fucking shows going on. That's all I got to tell you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. There is a lot about radio legislation nowadays, and we can't understand why some forward looking statement doesn't introduce a bill in either Congress or his state legislature
Starting point is 00:39:39 to eliminate static. I am. I just can't. It's this is hard to process. It's true that static when we had the regular static is can be quite annoying. I just don't think this person understands that. Well, let's get rid of it then. Enough. We get it. It can be quite annoying. I just don't think this person understands that. Well, let's get rid of it then. Enough. We get it. It's like they're not if they're not going to get rid of it on its own,
Starting point is 00:40:12 that we need to make a law. Imagine making static illegal on the radio. I mean, this could sell you scientists do it now. Come on. I wish somebody's like the editor reads this and they go into the old Crank's office and they're like, hey, hey, Ed, you just got to move the dial a little bit this way. Cleanly on the channel now. Static's gone. Wow.
Starting point is 00:40:41 Also, you got to nail it. It's 102.3 exact. Got it. Yeah, that's got it. And don't drive anywhere. Unable to breathe kicks window out. Oh, this is car underwater. It's no reason. That's no excuse. Come on. No, I agree.
Starting point is 00:41:03 There's no reason to vandalize. Dr. J.S. Nixon of Marion, Indiana injured himself Wednesday morning on a train when he kicked both windows out of his birth. The doctor awoke unable to breathe and feeling himself fast losing his strength broke the windows of the birth with his legs so that he might have more air. Okay, this is fucking bullshit. Yeah, this guy just woke up from a weird dream.
Starting point is 00:41:30 What did you do? I couldn't breathe. I was drowning. You were on a train. Everyone else was fine. No, it got real bad back here real quick. People train drown all the time. We had to do it.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Imagine going and finding him in his little car with the windows out. What the fuck? I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe back here. I couldn't breathe. So I had to. Sorry. I was either. I had to kick up.
Starting point is 00:41:59 I couldn't breathe. You guys. Why does everyone look at me like I'm crazy? What? You can open them. I did open them, but I couldn't. I was... I couldn't breathe. Your belt's around your neck, sir.
Starting point is 00:42:15 I couldn't breathe. I was dying. I couldn't breathe. Well, yeah. Your pants are down. Your belt's around your neck. I was having so much... There was no oxygen coming back here.
Starting point is 00:42:27 You guys really are running quite a quite a business here because people are going to die. I couldn't breathe. He fainted and lost a large amount of blood from the cuts he received. What? Fuck. Come on. Are the frying pan into the fire? This poor asshole. Come on? Come on. Are the frying pan into the fire? This poor asshole.
Starting point is 00:42:45 Come on. Come on. Well, now I can breathe. Now I can breathe. But boy, am I bleeding. Why is there so many huge gashes on you? When I couldn't breathe, I fell and cut myself on all the sharp objects in this train car.
Starting point is 00:43:03 You guys are this whole thing is so unsafe. Then someone poured gallons of brandy down my throat. I've been forced into a drunken state and almost died from my cuts. I had to kick these windows out to breathe. I should sue. I should sue you. This train is unsafe. Walking back there, it looks like a murder's happened. And it's just a guy like, I couldn't breathe.
Starting point is 00:43:27 What? I couldn't. I was just. It's an easy. Anything goes. You kill the prostitute back here, sir. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I had no oxygen.
Starting point is 00:43:40 Oh, here we go. He was taken off the train here and spent two days in the hospital going on to Denver Friday morning. Hell yeah. I knew it. He was just getting fucking psyched, dude. He was just trying to get ready to party at altitude. You've got to do some training if you want to hang out here, dude. His hotel, they're going to be like, where is all the glass?
Starting point is 00:44:05 I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. The air is so thin here. It's so bad. And he's bleeding so much more. Yeah. If he couldn't even take the ascent, he's really going to go nuts when he gets to mile high. What's with this town? Yep.
Starting point is 00:44:20 I hope that this was on the same train. And I think, yes, these are both the number 26 trains. Okay Stark wins race with the Union Pacific a nine pound boy was born to miss a B tornel it on Train 26 yesterday morning while she was in route from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh The baby arrived when the train was near Kelso There was no doctor on hand and two women volunteered their services. The mother and child were taken off the train here
Starting point is 00:44:48 and are in the hospital where they are both doing. It's the same hospital. They went to the Houston hospital. So we're pitching a sitcom called Train 26. Yeah, I mean, this is like ER, the train. Oh my God, I love it. And it just goes back and forth. It's the route.
Starting point is 00:45:02 We just get to know everybody. A baby was born and there was less damage than the guy who just kicked out the windows and was covered in his own blood. Yeah. That woman was going through births. She didn't kick out any windows. No, there was a child.
Starting point is 00:45:18 Oxygen. They escorted her and the baby off. And then there was some guys like, you guys don't understand, you can't breathe in the caboose cars. I think it's this specific, it's this specific car, I'm quite sure of it. I know, I'll tell you, this car should be condemned.
Starting point is 00:45:37 I'm walking, get a fucking hand off me. Do I have to pay extra for air? Hey. By the way, the problem's fixed. The windows are gone. Get off. Runs over fire hose. Is that a story? Warrant out. A warrant was sworn out for Jane Doe, who drove over a fire hose
Starting point is 00:46:03 while it was in use at the fire yesterday. The car was a Chevrolet and the city officers are on the lookout for the woman. Who wants to say it? Come on. These firefighters are always laying their hoses right through the street. I was just going to say they're asking for it. They're always asking for it. They're putting their hoses across the street.
Starting point is 00:46:28 I say find a fire hydrant on that side of the street, but they're lazy. They go to the first one. That's right. Disgusting. I don't think they're heroes. I'm going to go on the record and say I don't think they're heroes. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:46:41 You are pushing it now. I don't think they're heroes. As a matter of fact, I'll call them enemies. I'm pro-fire. The modern day villain, the fireman. The fireman. I'm a fan of the fire. Who starts the fires?
Starting point is 00:46:53 I'm just saying, no fires, they go out of business real quick. That's all I'm saying. Thank you. Thank you. That's right. Yup. Supply to man. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:47:03 First, Hay Hat of the season arrives. Thank God. First, Hay Hat of the season arrives. The sunrise of temperatures this week brought at least one Hay Hat out of its hiding place. Sam Harman of the Mesquite Grocery was the first to venture forth. If the weather continues as warm, some of the other boys will undoubtedly get the old straw hat down and dust it off to be used until the new spring crop arrives. We'll make do. Have you guys ever heard of this called a hay hat in your life? I've never heard of a hay hat. No, I kind of like this. Hay hat's better. Yeah, it's way better. Other results of the warm weather will be the opening of the swimming holes and the
Starting point is 00:47:46 appearance of a green silk parasol that shades the head of one of our bald headed businessmen. I love a bald... When you think parasol, to me, just like a nicely, just nice little tatters on the end as a bald business man is like, this is nice. Green silk by the way. Yeah, yeah. I wonder if this bald man might just fund this newspaper for them to write of this so kindly.
Starting point is 00:48:19 He's buried it very well. We all love this man and his bald head and his green silk parasol. No one mocks it. We all look forward to seeing him. That was really, that was just like, it's getting hot. It's like having a, it's like having a story about people wearing t-shirts. Like it's just- Well, okay.
Starting point is 00:48:39 How long until we're back to parasol times? Oh, I hope very soon. It's gotta be soon. Two summers? I mean, when I go to my kids' baseball games, I hope very soon. It's gotta be soon. Two summers? I mean, when I go to my kids' baseball games, now I bring a little umbrella thing to... Please bring a fancy parasol. It's like a beach thing.
Starting point is 00:48:54 Please wear white elbow-length gloves and have a parasol for your son's baseball games. Sure. And have a little fan. And bring a little picnic basket. Just full of bananas Hey this guy don't sit next to this guy He calls his picnic basket a hay basket. He's fucking hey basket
Starting point is 00:49:14 Anyone want a nanner boy? It's really bubbling. I Can't breathe Adam how old are your kids? five and three. Isn't it crazy that like I'm bringing like an umbrella to my kids games and when your kids are playing high school baseball, they'll also be like fighting dogs in the street for food and cannibalizing other people. Yeah, they'll be like a Furiosa handing out water on the sideline.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Don't play too hard guys. We don't have that much water. The teams will be playing to the death at that point. My kid was at bike camp today. It's just like a couple hours a day for a week. He tried to find summer activities. Bike camp was this week and it was the final day and they did a bike parade to show off all the skills at noon on a 102 degree day on a blacktop.
Starting point is 00:50:05 So we're just like standing out there, all these parents filming are like beet red children as they waited for their turn to go through this dumb little obstacle course. They're just like, I just can I just get them off of the concrete, please? Oh, my God. Oh, we're going to end the camp by killing your children. Oh my God. It's just horrible.
Starting point is 00:50:28 What do you think, everyone? Noon? One? Give the tar some time to heat. He got all check marks on the form that you gave us. Fantastic. Bike camp a success. By the way, his bike is melted to the ground now. He'll be stuck to that bike for a success. By the way, his bike is melted to the ground now. He'll be stuck to that bike for a while. Just hose it. Hose him in the bike down. It should come apart later. Mesquite Club has dinner for husbands.
Starting point is 00:50:57 Sure. Great. The club husbands dinner, which has become an outstanding annual event of the Mesquite Club, was held last evening at the Union Pacific Dining Room. It proved very jolly and delightful. In addition to a splattered dinner, Put the Men in Good Humor provided a program of pleasant entertainment. Miss C.J. Harvey, president of the club, presided at the head of the table
Starting point is 00:51:25 after a welcome to the guests and a few instructions upon the proper training of husbands in matters of etiquette. She introduced Miss where the fuck is the remote? I don't understand. I need it. She introduced Miss A Ham as the toast. I'm a ham. It's H.A.M. It's not H.A.M.
Starting point is 00:51:48 M. It's H.A.M. Yeah, she's a ham. So yeah, she's literally a ham. Yeah, I'm a ham. The choice proved a happy one. Husbands were required to move to other seats after each course of the dinner and were thus for the time, freed from any embarrassing supervision by their wives. The etiquette of making them swap, like what?
Starting point is 00:52:11 And you never eat the same course in the same seat. So stupid. This sounds great, I'm excited to go. And so I just hop around, eating every fucking course, talking to another mesquite woman. Well, the appetizer table. So I'm just I'm just able to hit on other wives. That's what we're how Hank. Yeah, this is a wife swap.
Starting point is 00:52:33 This is just a key party. Yeah. 1927 style. Yeah. The toast mistress called upon Miss Squires toast mistress who responded with an interesting discussion of the Better Homes movement. That's the magazine movement, I think. Oh, wow. The husbands were put on the carpet by the Toast Mistress,
Starting point is 00:52:55 each being required to answer a more or less embarrassing question. This is like how men are portrayed in Carl's Jr. commercials. Just like, stupid men. This is like how men are portrayed in Carl's Jr. commercials. Stupid men. Like, I need to have food, but how do I make it happen? Sit on the carpet, Hank. You can eat eggs with the shell on.
Starting point is 00:53:14 Hank, put it. Oh gosh. He is, I love him. Get on the carpet. He's just a baby. Lay down on the carpet, you bigos. I was in the Carl's Jr. Army for commercials. You were in the Carl's Jr.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Dave, are you saying things that we're supposed to understand? I was in a commercial that was supposed to become a long-standing running series of commercials in which there was a Carl's Jr. Army. And I was in it. Whoa. The... We talk about Adam's father having a different life trajectory, but the Dave Anthony who has a four-year run in the Carl's Jr. Army. Yep. Yep.
Starting point is 00:53:57 Mad with power. We wouldn't be here. Mad with power. No, no, absolutely not. Mad with power. Yeah, yeah. Sorry that didn't go for you, Dave. Yeah, yeah. Sorry that didn't go for you, Dave. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:54:07 I know. But I think I speak for everyone when I say it's not too late. All I wanted, all I wanted was to go into battle against McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah. That's all I wanted. There's always the Carl's Jr. militia.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Yeah. Could happen. Yeah. CP Squires was called upon to explain why he attended the Hollywood Music Box reviews. Really? There is such a theatrically themed. Putting men on the carpet and then asking them questions. Defend your choice of entertainment.
Starting point is 00:54:38 Oh, I don't know. Marion Earl was asked just what he said when he popped the question. Walter Brackman was called upon for an opinion as to why gentlemen prefer blondes. What kind of etiquette is this? This is weird. So he's just gotta talk shit about women
Starting point is 00:54:58 who aren't blondes in front of all these women. They are hotter. Have you ever gone to like a dinner party or just like been invited to a thing and you get there and they're like, we're going to play a game and you're just like fucking kill me. I don't want to be. I so don't. Yes. This this is that this is that thousand.
Starting point is 00:55:15 And I just feel like I feel real empathy for a lot of the men in the room right now. Yeah, this is terrible. They're like, it's a club like all our friends will be there to be great. And then they're doing this for nine hours. Have you ever heard of cards against humanity? Exactly. Exactly. No, you write someone, everyone knows,
Starting point is 00:55:32 you stick it on your forehead and like, you can't see what you are. And people, oh, fucking let's just go. Adam, you're funny, but I think you'll find that I'm pretty crazy in this game. There's not enough alcohol in this house for me to enjoy this evening. I can't breathe.
Starting point is 00:55:49 I can't get the fucking windows. I can't breathe. I go to the bathroom, kick out the window. Adam, I couldn't breathe. Sorry. I was dying in here. What if this is all just getting around? This whole thing has been set up, so they just want to ask that guy
Starting point is 00:56:08 why he kicked out the windows. Just one more. All right, so that's a good answer on why you prefer blondes. Terry, why don't you tell us why you kicked out the windows on the train for real and how you got 18 cuts on your body? It's a real rotary club rope-a-dope. They've really got it figured out in this town.
Starting point is 00:56:28 The rota-dope. I couldn't breathe! What do you even mean? What does that even mean? I don't know what else to tell you guys. I've been very clear. I was in that car. I was having trouble breathing.
Starting point is 00:56:40 I kicked the windows out. I fell over. I got covered in cuts. I couldn't breathe. Anyone would do the same given the same hand of cards. It's not that crazy. Jesus Christ. I'm starting to regret kicking those windows out. Guess you want me dead. I guess you want me dead. That's what I'm learning. I should have just died back there. Should have just taken it. From no oxygen. But there was oxygen. You could have opened the window.
Starting point is 00:57:08 A woman gave birth. One car over. That's probably where all the oxygen was going. Her and that new baby was just sucking up all the oxygen while his grownups couldn't have it. I made the tough call and I'd make it 100 times out of 100 times. I had to kick the windows out because I could not breathe.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Clearly you're not an Eagle Scout, ma'am. Okay, I'm not going to do this again. I'm getting up off the carpet and I'm gonna eat salad and my mane at the same fucking seat. So it goes through every question that is asked of all the men, it's like, what's your favorite song? Why do you keep getting new cars? Why are you going to dances? And then it gets down here to Mr.
Starting point is 00:57:51 Smith discussing the three months divorce bill opined that it would take twice as many divorcees to keep his apartments full. Yes, what a callback. Oh yes, yes! What a call back. Just the transparent, awful capitalism of that. I have a predatory business that will not thrive under this. Unfortunately, I'm being hurt hardest.
Starting point is 00:58:19 Well look, I'm trying to take advantage of women who are being abused. It's called making a buck. And the question once again was, what's your favorite song? I'm just saying they should not. It's just bullshit. It's more bullshit. Let's see. The Frenchman has invented a turn turnable house.
Starting point is 00:58:43 So that is right. Oh, that's a wrong one. Which can be made to follow the sun each day. What we really need in America is a portable one that will enable us to follow the swallow back home. So American. What the fuck just happened? A portable one to follow the swallow back home, huh?
Starting point is 00:59:03 I don't know what that means. The French one is kind of artistic and there's some sweetness to it, and ours is like, that's a good idea. It should be for sparrow trailing. I think we found the O'Biilliam user on staff. Yeah. That'd be pretty good. But if the house, instead of using the sun, I could follow a swallow.
Starting point is 00:59:30 All right, there'll be no more pitching for a little while. We're probably going to shut it down after that. That was crazy. Sorry, he's the publisher's kid. He just keeps nodding off over here. I mean, I was hoping it would mean something, but I don't see anything. It means nothing. It means absolutely nothing.
Starting point is 00:59:45 It's probably one of those just like 1920s sayings, like follow the swallow. You know, it's just a, it's a beautiful whimsical thing, I guess. I have no idea. Well, you're an American. That's how Ronnie met Nancy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:59 Wow. Some people get it. Some people get it. I know, I get it. Yep. I get it. I'm not even joking. I learned all that through the dollop on people get it. I know. I get it. Yep. I get it. I'm not even joking. I learned all that through the dollop on a road trip.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Oh, shit. I listened to that one and I didn't know any of that shit. So thanks to these dudes. Thank Dave. Yeah. She was a human vacuum. Vacuuming. Okay. Last one. It's a little brief one here. A Turkish woman has been discovered who was 160 years old and is still living.
Starting point is 01:00:28 How are they counting? She followed the swallow, dude. You age backwards. Come on, bro. Who says they don't take good care of their ladies in Turkey? What a crazy... It's just a swipe. I've invented a person. That's it. I've invented a person. That's it. That's it. Wow. What a nightmare. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:53 OK. Devil's advocate. Turkish people are OK. Mm. What? I can do I can do it. Last one. OK, I do one more. Yeah. OK. True Americanism. In these days, when some small, small, when some small souls think it's smart to laud socialism, communism, anarchy and Bolshevism and sneer at their own America,
Starting point is 01:01:16 it is refreshing and reassuring to read a magazine like The National Republic published in Washington, D.C. Every article and utterance of that magazine helps inspire a feeling of reverence and respect for our government and our country. There is no jingoism or urge to bloody deeds, but always an inspiration to true patriotism. Its pages are full of interest, which holds even the casual reader. It's strange to put that in your paper. It's got to be an ad, right?
Starting point is 01:01:54 It has to be an ad. Yeah. But that's like when like I've seen on like not recently, but I remember one time watching CNN and there was like an ad for like Fox News and you're like, well, what? What are you doing? Like, are you OK? We just need money. Yeah, it's like, that's good. What is going to hurt you in the long run method?
Starting point is 01:02:11 You know how you see guys from like The Daily Show go to Trump events and be like, so when was America great? What are we trying to go for here? If one of them just read that verbatim, Jordan Klepper's head would explode and be like, oh, shit. I was like, that was a perfect answer. Yeah, you actually had an answer. OK, all right.
Starting point is 01:02:29 We're not going to be able to use this, but well played. Well played. Well, I dare I say the legacy of this paper is I can't breathe. That man just what a fucking legend. Yeah, for sure. Well, thank you for joining us, Adam. Your special wallpaper on the YouTube's. What is your Instagram? Is it is it just your name?
Starting point is 01:02:53 It's at Kate and Holland. So C.A.Y. T.O.N. Holland. No hyphen. Just all one word. Just not the way I do it. Well, Dave, that's a really crazy thing to say to him. He's our guest. And I don't think nobody really understands that. After learning all my father, what he went through and now just insulting the hyphen choice. Well, to be fair, the more I hear about what your father went through, I really see it
Starting point is 01:03:16 as what your father did to a landlord. So. Yeah. You know, there are two sides to that coin. Really screwed a lease out of someone. Three months worth of worth of rent. Somebody just got dinged on. Santa bullshit.
Starting point is 01:03:28 Yeah, I mean, he got his life together and you were born and everything. But, you know, think of the rent money that guy lost. Honestly, did you make a lot of sense? You make a lot of sense. Thanks, dude. You're so cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you, Adam and and Dave. I'd like to talk to you.
Starting point is 01:03:43 I'd like to sidebar with you after this one and talk to you about some stuff. There's some stuff in here I think you did that one okay. When I am done reading all my marshmallows, we can talk. Okay great. All right. When he's empty again. When he's empty again. Great special title, When I'm Empty Again. All right, sweet. Thanks. Thanks fellas. Some of these days
Starting point is 01:04:10 You'll miss me honey Some of these days And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a
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