The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 86 - The Past Times with Christian Navarro

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by actor Christian Navarro Redbubble Merch

And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery. So I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about to this day. You know, like I've said before, I always like a home over a hotel. I call it a home tell. No, I don't. But I really like it. And she, like I said, she really, really appreciated it.

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My kid plays baseball all summer long. That's all summer is now just baseball going to games, getting in on the competition. I love the competition. He loves the competition. I have found something else that is the perfect game. Monopoly go. It is a mobile twist on the classic monopoly. You build your empire, you go for the gold to win.

Like 150 million people have downloaded it to experience the sweet, sweet joy of Monopoly Go. You can play events together, you can play with friends, and then you get bragging points, right? You can brag, because you won. You got the gold. You built your empire. You're the champion. And it's great, It's a great game

to play with friends. I cannot say enough. It's really fun to play with friends. You can invite people you already know to play. You can make you want to make new friends monopoly go and monopoly go has been one of the world's most successful casual mobile games since it launched last year. So make your move and download Monopoly Go. Now free on the App Store and Google Play. All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. Christian Navarro. Thank you for joining us Christian. Oh, it's my pleasure. I'm super excited to be here.

Are you? Are you ready to party? Go ahead Dave. I'm ready to party. I am ready to party. Yeah Dave. You listen to the dollop, right? And so you've heard me mess up the intro and then Gareth get all over me about that? You don't mess up the intro, you take the intro. I think it's part of your mastery. I don't know if it's... It's like Nicolas Cage, right? Like, is it a bad performance?

Or is it just a Nick Cage performance? No, there's a ton of bad intros. Yeah, most intros are bad. No. This guy knows performing. You don't, Gareth. I mean... Jesus Christ.

All right. Well, anyway, Christian, you're a very popular actor. And for some reason, you found yourself here. We don't know how or why. But you like our show and you've been nice enough to great. And didn't you say you were going to make your appearance on this show your main feed for a couple of weeks, which is going to be super helpful to us? Yeah, for a whole month, actually.

That's very, very generous. Yeah. And I don't just like the show. I love the show and recommend the show to everyone, truly. Dollop and Past Times. That's very nice. That's very nice. Now, you, like I said, I mean, your reach is larger than ours, but where can people find you? What should people watch of yours? What is the best? What do you need? Where do you need the dollop pass times bump?

And that is an STD, by the way. That's one of the good ones, though. One of the fun ones. Yeah, one of the good ones. Like syphilis in the 20s. Yeah, no, you rub it and it cons you. Yeah, that's good. That's the dollop bump.

I am on Instagram at Christian Linovaro. I have a couple of movies out that you can watch and some stuff on Netflix that you can watch. Dune? Yeah. But the thing that I'm most proud of- Dune? Are you in Dune?

No, not Dune. No, not with Timothy. The guy asks everyone if they're in Dune. I mean, I sat in Dune and my mind warped at both movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But not in it, not in it now. You know I actually walked around the theater during Dune and I just went up to people and go, how you doing? It worked.

It was pretty good. People loved it. I'm sure you were a hit at the theater. No one told you to sit the fuck out. Oh, people loved it. People loved it. Yeah. Christian, you were on Special Victims Unit. Did you play? Yes. Did you play a sex weirdo like a sex freak? I played a sex weirdo. It was a sort of redemptive sex with it because

SVU is now in that while they're now in that nebulous space, right? They got like 24 seasons where they can do some weird shit like the sex offender who's redemptive and help them solve a case oh that's nice sort of like house like the later seasons of house like the diseases on house it was like a guy's like i have a golf ball where a testicle should be and you're like i mean at one point a patient looked at the camera goes is anyone watching what's the disease he always said it was? That it wasn't? Oh God.

I can't, it was. I don't remember, but it was always that thing. Something, like 80% of them he was like, it's rheumatoid arthritis. People are like, ah, of course. Makes so much sense. All right, Christian, well, we're gonna get ready to party. But my dogs are going crazy.

Oh, I can't hear. I have four. I have four dogs. Holy shit, someone has more dogs than me. That's amazing. You have Dave, two? I got three. Give us three.

Yeah, I have a Great Dane, a German Shepherd, Chihuahua, and a Dachshund Weiner mix. What? That's kinda like three dogs. I like that you went big, big, small, small. Yeah. I like that move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, you get one for the I'm gone. He should have company. Yeah. And then that

those two need company. Yep. And now my four who knows? I don't know where that who tends to your dogs when you're gone. When you're on location, come with me on set when I'm all of them. Wow. I one of them I haven't is a puppy. So I most of them. Yes. But wow, that them I haven't, is a puppy. So most of them, yes. Wow, that's. I probably can't bring four. There's levels. If I was Brad Pitt, I could bring four.

Yeah. Still being at a Hollywood three dog level, that's pretty fucking great. I'm not allowed to bring a cat to a comedy club, so that's where I'm at. Okay. This fucking country, man. I know. It's not okay. It's not okay.

It's not okay. We're going to build a wall. So, all right, why don't we guess the year? No, it's not okay. It's not okay. It's not okay. We're going to build a wall. So all right, why don't we guess the year? I always like to go first because I'm on the show and I'm not going to make an exception for you. I'm going to guess that this paper is from the year. Nope.

Shut up, asshole. 1942. That's a bad guess. That's a bad guess. I already say it's a bad guess. Oh, god. What a year. It's not a bad year.

Yeah, I'm really, I don't know why it would be that. Oh, my god. It's really bad. I enjoyed the old, old-y papers. Right? I like, uh, I like, Man Gets Eatin' eaten by Gator it was a witch so I'm gonna go with like 18 it's a good guess 18 would you say for it you said 42 1842 whoa that might get you but let's see let's see it might be but I you

might you mean I think you're still gonna win I bet it's gonna be 1890s. Yeah It is August 17th 1767 What First that's my birthday. I was 21st. I thought I was that. That's cool. That is second oldest. I think it might be.

I'm lucky. Yeah, this is big. This is big. This is big for you. Do you want me to look up? Do you want me to look up the earliest date? I didn't do that, but I can do that. Well, I think the one we did with no, no, no, I think the one we did with who did we

do it with? Auntie Donna? No, it was old though. Tim Hartford. Tim Hartford from the English podcast. Oh, right, right. Cautionary Tales. Yeah, that was 1739. Okay. Was that the dancing madness one? No, that was later, wasn't it? Jesus. Oh, see that's the one I'm thinking of. That's what I was thinking of, is the dancer, the crazy dancer.

Wait, Christian, you know our show better than we do. This is our, this will be our I listen to you guys every day. This is our fourth, uh, fourth one in the 1700s. So we've done them before. All right, all right.

Cool, very cool. So 1767, all right. All those S's are F's and the F's are S's. That's right, I was gonna say, bear with me because the S's are F's, so. Well, Dave, why don't you fuck my dick? Let's do it. I'm saying suck.

Oh, oh, I didn't. Makes more sense. See what I did there? No, I don't. Let's do it. I'm saying suck. Oh Makes more No, I don't Yeah, it's okay. I change the old paper. This is the Hartford Corinth Oh Hartford, Connecticut, which is a paper we have we have done that paper before so this is just New Castle May 16th.

Last week, whilst three men were fishing at Lindek near Carlisle, they were surprised with hearing a noise as a number of carts rumbling at a distance, or that of a cannon far off. And on looking upon the river, saw the water flying up in a sort of stream to a great height. So, so was it the carts or a cannon? What the fuck? Do they sound the same? This is just the Hartford conundrum. I think. Is it a cannon? I think they're trying to compare, like, give people a comparison of what it sounded like,

or else they would like, is this a geyser or did someone see a geyser? It sounds like a geyser, doesn't it? Saw the wire flying up in a sort of stream to a great height, which terrified them, especially as they found the earth tremble and shake under them at the time. Cannonball. What? Yeah, I got you. Cannonball has two options. Not a cart.

It's certainly not a cart. By the way, two things that in my head, I feel like happen all the time in 1767. Yeah, but wouldn't you be afraid of fucking everything in 1767? Oh, my God. I heard some cards come in. I'd be scared too. You know what it is. Absolutely, yes, yes.

What do you think they yelled before Cannonball? Right? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Rock? And also- Fat guy! Fat guy!

Fat guy! The first party where a guy was like, I have a new jumping in the pool move. And everyone was like, Frederick, you have freaked the shit out of us. It's probably really, it's probably really morbid though. And it's like people walking the plank. Yeah, something horrible. Yeah, it could be dead cat, dead cow. And then in the. Cow. Yeah. Yeah.

Um. Cow works. Especially as they found the earth tremble and shake under them at the time. Several stones were also thrown up out of the bed of the river. Sure. So it's got to be an earthquake. It's got to be a massive earthquake. No. Well, the ground is. Going to shoot. It's not going a massive earthquake. No. Well the ground is just...

It's not gonna shoot rocks out of the river. Well, you never know. Nah, I do know. There's like those steam things underneath water, you know, like those steam eruptions that might push them. It's just, you gotta feel bad for these people because in the absence of science, this is fucking magic. Can you imagine a time where science isn't going to be used? Project. No, yeah, I think Christian's right. This this sounds like a geyser.

If rocks are being thrown up, it's a it's a river geyser, which are great. Happen. Pond Demon. OK, Pond Demon. Yeah, yeah. That's fair. This sea dragon. Yeah. This phenomenon is well tested and by the literati. The literati, sure. Absolutely. Is... I'm trying to read this. Fancy smart people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. Oh, I see. By the literati is thought to have been a waterspout or a quantity of

subterraneous vapor which had found vent through the bottom of the river and occasioned a slight earthquake. So it is a geyser. It sounds geysery, yeah. Subterraneous vapor would be a geyser. Yeah. It's not a waterspout. Those poor people had no idea though, right? I mean, it was the end of the world for them. No, truly, back then with the level of like witch worry and the fact that they, you know, you just didn't know what was happening anywhere else, they must have been like, oh shit.

Yeah. If we looked at the paper for next week, somebody got burnt at the fucking store. Yeah, yeah. Oh no, this is, you know, you know, check that one out without question. If there's some sort of weird natural phenomenon, all the women should run, just run. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny. Definitely. Like everyone was like, well, we're not going to be here next week. God

damn it. What was that? If we know anything, we know that they weren't just like, well, that was interesting. That wasn't the response. I believe something scientific happened. Kill him. Kill him and his wife. Vienna, April, well, it says 33, but that can't be right. Vienna.

Yeah, this is out of Vienna. Okay. They write from Chemitz in Hungary that some persons of Frenmark in the county of Honten have been chased, sorry, in the county of Honten, having chased a wild boar for some time and having followed it into the mountain, farther perhaps than they had ever.

You know how fucking great your boar chasing story has to be for it to end up in Hartford from Vienna? Yeah. And how non-topical it must be at this point. I mean, this must be like three years old. We've just received story of your boar chase. Whoa. It just kept going.

It was crazy. Into the mountains. It's the beginning of a Dungeons and Dragons hook. It really is. You lost your boar in the mountains. You could be the boar guy, the boar chaser. Let us know if you're interested. We'd love to attach you to that. You could be the boar guy, the boar chaser. Let us know if you're interested.

We'd love to attach you to that. Further perhaps than they ever penetrated before, they saw on the snow the vestiges of a human creature, which they followed and which led them to a cavern. Poor man went to cavern? So they saw some human, as you do, you're chasing a pig, and then you come across some human footprints in the snow, and then you follow those to a cave.

Yep. That tracks, that tracks. Where, to their great surprise, they found a young girl quite naked. Jesus Christ. Wait a minute. This just got creepy. Let's all be careful now.

No, no, no! Hey, hey, I found her in a cave! I swear to God, man. They left immediately, right? Yeah, absolutely. Now, where's that boar? I'm not, I was just chasing a pig and then I came across this naked lady. Hello. So they found a human skeleton. No, this is a person. This is a live person.

No, but like Nell. Okay, okay, okay. This is a boar, but there were vestiges of her clothes and shit like that. Okay. We found first first she was led to her No, no, I well maybe no, I think they just saw I think it was just her footprints that they followed No way. Oh her footprints. Okay So she's naked so okay Uh, she's just cavern nude

She's just caverning. Yeah as as one does. Yeah To a parent's this cavern nude there's tavern nude. Yeah, okay. Yeah tavern nude. I've done cave meeting I knew that about you ever done hole nude I've done hole nude. Yeah, I've never done hole nude. Oh, you've got it. We have a buddy Who's the editor at spread you gotta get involved? You don't fuck with me I like a good time listen don't push me. Yes, and baby a good time. Listen, don't push me. Yes and baby. Appearance from 15 to 18 years of age. Jesus Christ, that spectrum could be a little easier on us, huh? Yeah, bad to worse on that one.

Yeah. I mean, so, yeah, just take all the comedy that's possible. ASAP. At first, she let up cries, but wept not, so she's possible. At first she let up cries but wept not. So she's screaming. Yep. Because some dudes found her and she's naked in a cave. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. She gazed afterwards with surprise at those around her. Sure. They carried her. Okay, let's just. I'm uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable. I'm comfortable with what's happening. She's getting carried off like Ditka in the 85 Super Bowl. Yeah, sounds like she does.

Yeah. Did you just use did you just use a 1985 Super Bowl reference? That's right. Chicago Bears won no less. Yeah, you don't even go with one of your guys. Could be Lombardi after the ice bowl. OK. Too happy. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Yay. Now give her the Gatorade bath. She's been great out there. They carried her to the Hospital of Carpion, a little royal town. The Hospital of Carpion, a little royal town. The Hospital of Carpion? Yeah. Sure. Near Chemnitz, where they clothed her and made her raise some nourishment. Nobody could throw a jacket on her before that part?

Yeah. Presumably they were all clothed. Yes. I'm sure they are covered in clothes and they're like, quick, let's get her clothes. And she's probably like, you guys have like extra clothes and they're like, quick, let's get her clothes. And she's probably like, you guys have like extra jackets. They're like, quiet, soon enough. No, it's cold. Be quiet, Wenz.

Quiet, you. Quiet. Imagine one of those dudes' wives is like, how was the boar hunt? Took a real weird turn, Diane. Where's the boar meat? There's no boar meat. But this is Jennifer. She needs your shirt and she lives with us. Is there a follow up on this? I'm worried that these men have been kidnapping women.

I mean, that's my, that's my, this seems very. There were a few dudes though, right? Yeah, it sounds like there's a few. Hithro, she has constantly refuted all the dressed meats that have been laid before her so she's not eating meat. She doesn't want to eat. I've heard of it. Not eating meat.

Yeah, but give her a plate. I don't know why you don't lay it like Jujo. Your floor is filthy. Like a little floor ham. And the feeds's a floor ham. And the feeds... It's all cured meat. I can't read these two words. And the feeds raw visuals, the rinds of trees,

roots and other things of the life nature. She's got no appetite. She doesn't want tree rinds. I mean she just seems to be very particular. She's eating those. Nuts and seeds. She's eating those. Oh, she's a vegetarian. Yeah.

She's a fucking vegetarian. That's what it is. Ah. She's a classic naked cave vegetarian. Yeah, you know how those diets are. Well, if you read the books, that's how it started. That is how it started. Yeah, it's all birth from the cave diet.

Have a little rind. It is difficult to conjecture how she came into the forest where she was discovered and how she lived there. Okay. So she, is she really like a Nell? They asked her, but she was like, ta-pa, ticka-ticka-ta-ka-pa. I speak cavern. She was raised by beetles.

It's not beetles. was raised by beetles. It's not beetles. Raised by beetles? Yeah. No, then she'd be like, yesterday. Stupid. Yes. Thank you.

God, there's someone here finally to say the truth. Stupid. What's your name, darling? Eleanor Rigby. I was hoping that was gonna stop what should we do for the rest of the hunt no come together I'll keep going I know like 10 we should have left her yeah and no fucking bore and no fucking bore yeah and no bore, by the way, was like, awesome development. Yeah, he was happy. This is pretty great.

So that's the end of that story. That was our naked lady story. Yep. Sure. Finally. Boston, July 13th. Okay. From from Somerset County, Maryland, we learned that one Francis Ainge died there about three months ago in a very advanced age. A gentleman of that province. 40. Yeah, 40, 45. 32.

40, yeah. We had a long life. We had a long, happy life, yeah. Yes. A gentleman of that province some years ago having occasion to ride in the neighborhood where this man lived and hearing of his great age had the curiosity to see him in a letter to his friend and corresponded in the town from August 1764. He gives the following account

that he was so they could have just said this guy, it takes too long to get to the meat of the story. Just say this guy wrote a letter about the dude once. They had a lot of time back then. Yeah, they really did. They really did, true. They were feeling time. They were like, anything from Vienna?

All right, we'll vamp. Yeah. That he was born at Stafford upon Avon in Warwickshire, England. That his father's name was John. Have you? Stafford upon Avon as in Stafford or Stratford? It looks like Stratford, yeah. No, I've not been to Stratford.

I bet it's the same. I bet you think, are those actually different things, Stratford and Stratford? Gareth, you're the... Yeah, Shakespeare was born in Stratford. I don't know about Stafford though. Okay. Shakespeare was found in a cave naked. Stratford.

Yes. Okay, fair. You're right. I'm sorry. I missed that. That's all right. It's okay. You're dealing with a couple of history buffs here, Chris.

You know the deal. Yep. I wish I had a whip. Yeah. His father's name... with a couple history buffs here Chris you know how you know the deal yeah His father's name. You know what's great is that we're doing a paper one of our oldest papers and you're having an old-fashioned yeah I think that works yeah well yeah and Dave's drinking chocolate milk as he always does yep he loves Cadbury chocolate milk. What's wrong with you? He's like a nine-year-old. Dave eats cake during these. I do eat a lot of cake.

It's one life, right? YOLO, baby. That's right. That's what he says. He says YOLO while drinking yu-hu. He's that guy. His mother... He's fucking cool, you mean? Yeah. Sorry, I guess. He's a hero. His father's name was John, a cutler by trade, and his mother's name, Eleanor.

That he could rememberanor that he could remember that he could remember King Charles the first being beheaded as he was then a pretty big boy. He was then a pretty big boy. How old are you? He's pretty big boy. He's a pretty big boy now. the It really was, and also the story, oh man, a story probably never bombed. No.

Like a story never, you were never like, ah, it didn't hit. It was like, and you were like, I had corn this morning, and people were like, whoa! Wow. That is crazy, really? Simple times. So King Charles, uh... The first. Yeah.

He, I'm trying to find his death, but he, how big were his ears? He, well, they're not that they're not. Yeah. His head got cut off. We've learned that I talked to my friend who used to be a really big boy. He was there. He was there, dude. Imagine taking a baby to a beheading.

Oh, so good. Uh, oh yeah. He was tried. And then, uh, 16 was tried and then 1649. Yeah, 1649. That's what I'm saying. 1649 is what this guy was alive saying this old guy. Wait a minute.

Just a minute. This guy. This. I mean, I think we're all about to come to the same. I mean, he was he was at the time he was a pretty big boy from what I understand when Charles was beheaded. Yeah, he was he was at the time. He was a pretty big boy, from what I understand, when Charles beheaded. Yeah, he's 90. He lived to be like probably 90 or 100. Yeah.

I mean, you know, 1649 is when Charles got his head cut off. Yeah. And this is 1667. So this guy is so 80 years between. I mean, it's 120. So what the fuck? He could be 90. He could be 90 because he's a pretty big boy. So it could be like eight or nine, 10.

Right. But that doesn't help it. Help what? The fact that he's like a hunt. That makes him like 130 and really unlikely in the 1700s. Hey, man, he's fudging his numbers Yeah, he doesn't know what he's talking about. You could just say he's saying whatever he's saying Yeah, it makes him about a hundred or ninety. He could be ninety is what I'm saying Right. Oh, no, you're wrong. You have to be you have to be 110. Yeah, I'm doing it. Yeah, he's like a hundred Like even if he was semen, he would still be too old.

He's too old, yeah. That's turtle numbers. This guy, yeah, this guy is living parrot life. If you start out as a pretty big boy, you live a long time. 100? I mean, this guy definitely lied about how old he was. And this story is definitely bullshit. He doesn't, I think he's lying.

I think he's saying he's probably... But the paper's printing this in earnest. The paper's like, wow. Well, the old guy wouldn't lie to them, right? He should have pushed it. Columbus was an awesome friend. I mean, if he's this old, maybe he believes he was there. Maybe. Yeah, I think that sort of happens too maybe he believes he was there you know. Maybe.

Yeah that I think that sort of happens too. Yeah. So maybe that's what it was. He came into this country on a ship called the Great Bengal and served his time with one Nicholas Damar on Rappahannock. The gentleman says that at that time he was not left less than 130 years of age and had scarce a wrinkle on his face. 130? So he is being... He's saying he's 130. So he was like a man?

He wasn't a big boy, he was a man? This guy is truly sticking to his guns that he's 130. Well, if this is right, then in 1764, so this is three years previous, he's saying he's 130. So he lived to be 133. Okay. Just come on. And we can't, it's printed so we can't deny it.

It's not like- But they barely live past like, you died from toothache. Yeah. 133 in this time is 1,005. Yeah, you're Moses. And that's how you- You really are. You're the guy in The Last Crusade

who's waiting for Indiana Jones to come in and pick the cup. Yeah, you're like, good, finally. I can get the fuck outta here. This is not a life. It's been a long time. It's really sucked. I had a wife, damn it. He starts like pointing people to the right cup. He's like gesturing.

He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 130 years of age and had scarcer wrinkle on his face, had thick black hair with a few...

And he looked good? With a few gray... This is fucking... This is amazing to read the paper's earnest article about a con man. A few gray hairs. A few gray hairs. And his wife, who was then about 80, had a son by him not above 27 years of age. This is, they were, him and the son were buddies and they were like, Hey, let's just lie to, yeah.

It is insane. This is insane. She was 80. She gave birth to this kid in her 50s. She 50, yeah, late. This denies everything we know about medicine back then. There's, yeah. It's insane. This denies everything we know about medicine back then Say when was pedicillin invented like what the fuck is going on my god by the way

This is lower than the boar cavern girl Legal wizard died and everyone's like yeah, we'll get to it. Oh my god. 130 years. They're just wrong. Can we say that? They're just wrong. Someone didn't do their research. Yeah the paper's like I gotta scoop. Yeah first year journalist. Yeah right exactly. No I don't need to see any certificate. This story is incredible. This is Breitbart news. Yeah it is is. And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery so I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about to this

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Boston July 30th. We hear from Bristol in the colony of Rhode Island that a tiger was seen in that town a few days ago which killed several dogs. Oh, Jesus Christ That's it was the 130 year old man Yeah, fucking shaman so a tiger came over just killed a bunch of dogs that's the whole story that's it Boy, oh boy It really is like hanging up with a gossipy person who's maybe tripping

Well, it's nice to see the paper get back to its roots, you know Totally give me the tiger news. How many how many dogs also a tiger ate four dogs in Boston? So there are bobcats in Rhode Island, so I love the idea that everything's a tiger to them is awesome. They're just like, they just like imagine being like, what kind of dog is it? They'd be like, it's a dog. Wolf, dog, wolf or dog. Well, that was by their game. Welcome back to wolf or dog. No, that one's not a dog.

That's a wolf! Get the tiger! Bobcat, Jesus Christ. Scary. Bobcats are fucking scary. Everything's a tiger! Even cats! They were like, baby tiger. Small tiger. Uh, Tuesday morning last, Mr. Samuel Colworthy, shipwright, fell from a stage at the north part of the town and his back coming across a piece of timber bruised him in such a manner that he died in the evening of the same day. Oh

Fuck me. Jesus. He fell off. He's like you see Ian McCallum fell off a stage No, I was thinking of the Kelsey grammar fall.. Oh yeah, that was a good one too. That's a good one. Because fuck that guy. That guy and the way he fell was so funny. He was just like pontificating. He was like, I believe his last words were small world after all. And then he fell.

And he falls out of frame. And then he goes, oh, good Lord. I think I'm all right. No, I didn't see that though. Yeah, he was in a play. Yeah. By the way, this might be the best performance of all time. We just weren't around for the reveal just yet.

Like the actor's like dead and everyone's like, Oh no. And then he's like, I'm okay. Everyone was like, Oh my God. You got us again. you son of a bitch. And scene! That's it? So an actor's dead? Yeah, yeah. Well, he wasn't an actor. He was a shipwright. I don't know what he was doing on the stage. Okay, well.

I know. I can, I think I can give you some history lesson on this one. Go ahead. They used to run the theaters, the shipwrights, because they had whistle signs and they would do all the bags The weights because that's all stuff you would do on boats so when they weren't on the boats they'd be Wow What's Point you look at this fucking pretty fucking useless Dave I'm gonna say what you're gonna say, but you go ahead. Christian just brought more facts to this show than Gareth has ever brought. This is exactly what I was gonna say.

That's exactly what I was gonna say. That's not, I'm not kidding, that's the point I was about to say. No, I believe you. And it's true. In one episode of this show, you've contextualized more than I ever have. There's never been a point where I've been like, well, Dave, you understand that back then they didn't have people working in the theater. The shipwrights would do a lot of that.

That's not true. You... No, it is true. Most times, this is normally where someone listening is like idiots. You fucking bailed us out right there. We get more... We get more, God you guys are dumb from this podcast. Let me do the dollar Yes. Yes, we really do. Yeah, that's unfair cuz you're just reporting on other people stupid. Thank you But so many times people will be like it was a scale you fools. They were weighing things. We're like, yeah We had good riffs. That's what matters

Those who can't do Stupid's a stupid shit like that. Yeah, exactly. Uh, the deplorable havoc lately made in the family of a widow lady on the Eastern shore by that horrible to say that. I agree. You have to know that shit. That's so fucked up. Yeah. Not crazy. Yeah have to say that. I agree. You have to know that shit. That's so fucked up. A widow lady. Yeah, not crazy.

Yeah. Widow lady. That's a Marvel movie, by the way. A widow lady on the Eastern Shore. So a widow lady. My husband's passed away. Marvel. By that.

Exactly. Eastern Seaboard. Marvel. By that. Exactly. Eastern Seaboard. Marvel. Marvel movie. By that horrid, contagious distemper commonly called the jail fever. The jail fever? Like dogs have a, what do you call it?

In heat? No, when they put, when you put dogs in it. Oh, kennel cough. Dogs get kennel coughs. Kennel cough. It's human kennel cough is what I'm gonna call it. Jail fever? Yeah, it's like typhus.

Oh yeah, okay. Right. So it is like, right. So there was just some airborne disease and they were like, we're all baffled. Jail fever? I thought that was like what a conjugal visit would be. Yeah, it's a different kind of jail fever. I got the jail fever.

Let her in. Ought to give this warning to the inhabitants of this province how they admit this baneful malady into their families. A casual visit, it seems, from one of the felons, sometimes hence imported in a convict ship, communicated the distemper to Negroes. Oh, Christ. Well, you know, they, you know.

Oh, so did this originate, are they calling it the jail fever? Because jail, what are they called? Well, inmates, but the people who watch them are prison guards. Prison guards were giving this disease to inmates? No, no. So at this time, we're dealing with transportation ships. So people who are sentenced to jail are being put on ships and brought to America. Well, and a lot of times the guys who would work on that ship,

they would end up going to the jail and they would they would end up working in the. In the jail, too. So I don't know if you guys know that. I feel like it's better. I feel like it's better if our guest handles the facts and you don't know. I'm just saying I just feel like maybe you guys are missing. Like I think it's like so those ship those those coughs and those fevers would spread a lot because a lot of times those guys worked on the the ships

Christian you might I was kind of like the thing you said about the theater. I guess now they think that's not it Oh, but um, no, no, but a lot of times those guys would end up working Guys, so a lot of times those guys would end up working in the jails and I I might I'm gonna just Theorize that that might have been how some of that Maybe started right. Did you just make that up? No, I mean, I do a lot of reading about this sort of this time to me has always been so fascinating Right. Um, right. Yeah, I mean the world's listening. Yeah, and that's Boy I hope not.

And that is jail fever. Thanks. Jail fever. Okay, so the convicts are put on ships and sent across and they either then when they get to America are housed with the actual black slaves. So they're right there two different kinds of slaves. There's the, oh, I see the felon slave temporary slave and the slaves from Africa are permanently such a beautiful history. Yeah, it's great. It's great. They say we have no culture. I know. It's just ridiculous. I hate when that...

We do. We just choose to ignore and never learn from it. Come on. Gotta love it. Gotta love it. It is confidently reported that near 30 people in this family fell victims to the fury of this malignant raving pestilence. of this malignant raving pestilence. Oof. Its progress was rapid, and its virulence too powerful for all the skill and eff... Oh, I don't know what that word is. There's a lot of Fs. Asiduity? I can't read it. of our ableist physicians, nor did its rage

intermittent till by a waste of lives. It wanted subjects to prey upon. What aggravated the addicting, is it that fucking serial killer? What are we talking about? I know, that's great. It's great to like humanize whatever this airborne sickness is. It wouldn't rest till it got its grubby little hands on each person inside that house.

It's just like an old mariner telling this story, it came one day. It wanted to leave only skulls in its tracks. You can't stop the shark! Yeah, right. I like how they say that everything that we have is not fixing it, but it's like you guys are still fucking blood metting, so I believe you. Nothing you have to do. And meanwhile, a guy lived to be 130, you can fuck right off.

Come on now. This cannot be in the same paper. It's so true. You can't work. The fact that that guy is that's it for that guy. That guy should we should be learning about that guy in history. Yeah. The guy who convinced them that he was a hundred and thirty something. He's a fucking superhero. What a twenty seven year old with perfect skin. I mean, this guy is saying that he was coming at 103

Yeah, yeah Awesome What aggravated the afflicting circumstances of this unhappy family was a total suspension of those? tender offices Which this much respected lady might have expected from a humane neighborhood. They could only behold with heartfelt sympathy a disbelief which they could not relieve without the utmost hazard of their own lives. The case of Mr. Howard near Annapolis, who left, who lost his own life and many of his

family is a recent and notorious instance of the malignity of this distemper, moved by a tender concern for the inhabitants who have too often felt the direful effects of this wide waiting contagion. Our assembly at their last meeting enacted a quarantine law, which will probably give some check and carry that and save the lives of thousands. Well, that's kind of shock. I'm a little shocked by that thing.

I can't believe they even had the wherewithal to be like, separate. I can't. I even had the wherewithal to be like separate. I know I mean they do it with people and color of skin. I think they're figuring separating. One of these things is not like the other. They were very into separate no doubt for sure. Don't you'll catch it. By this time, they've lived through many plague waves. Many plague waves.

Right. So they know to separate. Plague waves, the sequel to Point Break, correct? Yep, great. Okay. Okay. Yeah, really great. Also starring Keanu Reeves.

Also, yeah. Yep, absolutely. The great. That's right. Man, the writing about the disease was so flowery and expansive there, right? Like nowadays it's just so stark. That would be fun to read back then. Yeah.

Hanging on every word. Yeah, right. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Oh, wow. It's a real page-turner. I wonder if there's more about that woman in the cake. It's a real scroll unwinder.

Yeah. An unfurler. That piece is concluded between the Turks and Georgians on condition that the latter send every year to the Serglio 25 female slaves, which the Turks are not to have the liberty to refuse or exchange. What the fuck? They can't refuse them?

They can't refuse them either? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Who negotiated this? No takesies, backsees. Is that what they're saying? No takesies, backsees. They're yours now. Who negotiate? That's quite a negotiation. And you have to take them. Okay. Wouldn't you? Oh, fuck. Awful.

Every part of it is mind-bending. Every part. It's all bad. Yeah, it's all bad. Good news, the war's over. Bad news, ladies. Oh, thank God we did it. What?

What's the bad side? You're going to be second to the bad side. Good news, the war's over! Bad news ladies! Oh my god, we did it! What? What's the bad side? You're going to be sex slaves! Oh god! But we stopped the war! So the dudes aren't gonna die anymore, you get? Don't worry, they might refuse us. They might refuse us. Oh no!

What? Wait, what? No, no takesies backsees. No in the no takesies backsies clause. Yes, that's a Turkish phrase. Absolutely. Yes. I have no choice. Oh fuck. Throw in some candy. Turkish Delights. Yeah exactly throw in some Turkish Delights too. Yeah, exactly. Throw in some Turkish delights too. That's a Donald Trump negotiation, if anything. That is Trumpian. We call it the Turkish delight treaty. I was there. I was there. Turkey won't negotiate with Biden.

I said I prefer salami. I told, I said I'll negotiate with salami before I'll negotiate with Turkey because Turkey is too lean. Horrible people. Awful people over there. All of them. All of them terrible. But the salamis are wonderful. I've worked with the salamis on a bunch of... we have a Trump Tower in salami and it's probably their best building with the best golf course they have Real water when I yet when I hit the ball on the golf course I yell eight because this swing is just that strong Okay, yeah, right I'm 135

Yeah, right. I'm a hundred and thirty five. It sounds like some shit he would say. A lot of people are saying that I'm actually 80. I'm actually one forty one. OK, I have the skin of a baby. I've got the baby's skin. Brand new year. Brand new year. I grew a new one. I don't want to get angry. Bets and wagers run very high on the event of the great cause relating to the Douglas

estate and title. It is said no less than £100,000 are betted on in Scotland only. Great bets likewise, whether the Corsicans will be free men or slaves by the end of the year. All right, gather round. He's got cash on the Corsicans becoming free men. I'll tell you what, he's got six to one that they'll remain in slavery their entire lives. I'll take that bet. I'll take that bet. All right, here we are. Gather round boys. I can't believe they were betting on this. And how long do you have to wait? So what's the ETN when we know? Could be a year or two, something like that. Just so hang in there. Give me the purse. End of the year. Revolutions take 10 to 20 years, give or take.

Could be like 10 to 20, but place your money now. Play this. The strong man who plays this the home run right bet on that it's just betting for everything not like that no they don't and by the way we fan duel will eventually offer like odds on slaves or freedom oh well fucking Hunger Games like is yeah what five years away from Serbia yeah well bad that right yes completely it'll be great we'll be doing ads for it we'll be like by the way fan duel now is offering a I'm not not gonna watch I'm just gonna be honest with you like, by the way, Fandual now is offering a. I'm not not going to watch. I'm just going to be honest with you. Like fight to the death on HBO. I'm watching. The bets lately ran high with regard to America. But it seems.

Let's get back to that. But it seems to be almost over with poor America. The knowing ones offered 80, 82 to one against her. Oh my, I think. Wow. Is it crazy that the odds are holding? I hope that somebody still has their bet ticket. Oh my, the guy who's like 330.

I placed that bet. She's coming in. Finally, I placed that man. She's coming in Finally I hug in there You wanna see me come? Anyone want to play ookie kooky? I was just listening to your show someone tied a string around their dick Who is this? This guy this guy's the original dick string. I love this.

This is one of the things I do love about our show is that I'm like, I don't know who you're talking about. Now that was Mike Fink, right? That was the Mike Fink episode? Yes, Fink. The episode we did like a week ago? Yeah. Oh, cool.

I'm fine. I'm doing fine. Time is a flat circle, man. I'm fine. I'm doing fine. Time is a flat circle, man. It's not good. Um, Boston, July 30th. Tuesday last, we had very severe lightning and thunder to accompany with rain and followed by gusts of wind. So you had a storm.

Yep. That's a storm. Yeah, that's that's a storm. The doughnut was fucking crazy. There was wind with the lightning. Dude, it got all wet. It was like five miles an hour. Yeah. So slow. Yeah. A geyser is freaking out and this guy's like, oh, I got something for you. You ain't never seen nothing like this before. Man, the bedding would be great.

Oh, yeah. No, that would be. Bedding on the storm? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking great. The chimney of a house in Pleasant Street was struck and a young woman sitting near the corner was stunned and slightly hurt by the falling of some of the bricks, but soon recovered. Okay, she was. Good for her.

The story was she was scared. Well, she got bricked. Yeah, but she did get hit by the bricks, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, slightly hurt. I mean, yeah, okay. Dave, don't minimize this poor woman who had bricks fall on her. Yeah, I'm not sure.

I mean, come on. It's not how I'm seeing it. This is where the phrase hit the bricks comes from. Hit the bricks. bricks fall on her. Yeah, I mean, come on. That's not how I'm seeing it. This is where the phrase hit the bricks comes from. Hit the bricks. Right. She's also 179.

Yeah, that's right. Ow. A tree was also struck at the west part of the town. It is said the great utility of the electrical points and conductors, especially those in the steeples of the meeting houses, was very apparent at this time. They're being observed to attract and conduct into the earth the electrical fire with which the clouds were so highly charged. And it is not doubted were the means under divine

providence of preserving the town from great damage okay so they had lightning rocks up to yes yeah like surprising I'm a little surprised that they're full grasp of how it all works as well yeah I know it sounded pretty sophisticated yeah it's like I feel like we will get further away from that as time goes on here but it does seem like they pretty much were like they all agreed that the clouds had electrical charges and the lightning rods helped. I love the phrase electrical fire. Electrical fire. Electrical fire underground. Yeah. It all sounds like magic to them. It really does. And then a wizard came out of the ground.

I can still produce semen with this wizard. Worst wizard ever. For my next trick. Watch me handle this staff. I'll pull my dick out of a hat. Abra! Hold on, hold on, holdra! Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Wait for it. Wait for it. Kadabra! Oh no, I've got to eat the kooky. Just a little poof of dust comes out.

There it is! It's intense, folk. Every time he casts a spell spell he shits his pants. Yeah. He just has no... Ohhhh. Oh. Oh.

Oh god. Wrong end again. Yeah. Oh. Oh. About two o'clock in the same afternoon the dwelling house of Mr. John Hager was struck and very much shattered with the lightning. Four children of the lightning. Four children of the family, four children of the family were all struck down.

Two of them stunned and much burnt, but like to do well. What the fuck? Wait, what is the optimistic swing at the end there? But like to do well. Yeah, after they get over like loss of speech and motor function and everything else like they were struck by lightning. Here was the order of injury in that article. Bricks fell on a woman, tree, four kids may be dead. That's right. Well, two. That's insanity. Two. Well, yes, but four injured probably. Yeah. You

know the bright side of getting struck by lightning I saw this the other day do you see have you seen the patterns that leave some people know. You like spider web. Yeah, it looks like well looks like lightning. Really cool natural tattoo I suppose. Yeah, I mean you might die. Yeah, there's also the Really cool natural tattoo, I suppose. Yeah. I mean, you might die. Yeah, there's also the burnt part.

Yeah, I like it. Yeah. But you know, beauty's pain. Mm-hmm. Beauty is pain. A new trend. Go out there and just think. You know, can't you just see it on TikTok?

Just fucking idiots holding keys up outside. Also, a matter of time until, like, when they send those reporters out into the storms. I'm just like, just one. Let's just see one. Just go. Just just so that the rest of them are like, well, shit, I probably shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, I want to, you know, I'm sad to say I want to see it. But I do too. I watch it. I watch it. We're fully desensitized. Yeah. Oh, my God. We learn from Edinburgh that the fine carpet, which was some time ago ordered to be manufactured at Pittenweem in something shyer for her royal highness.

Paper's amazing. The Princess Dowager of Wales is now finished. Oh my god. Oh my god. Well this got more interesting as it went on, right? I don't agree. I uh, the carpet is, drum roll, finished. Done.

Ready for the princess. Did they describe the carpet? Oh no, it goes on. It goes on. This is longer than the article about the guy who died by falling down. Makes sense. Well, you should have had a carpet, Tony.

I tried. And last week was shown to a vast number of people at the Customs House. It is esteemed by the... Ladies and gentlemen, I know we've all come here for another reason. But tonight we have a special guest. The Royal Carpet. Ooh! Oh my God! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Okay, Mark. No, sir, sir, get him out of here now. I have a hundred. Get him out of here now. Dude. This guy's thirty. Get it? He's thirty years old. A hundred and... He just put flour in his hair. A hundred and thirty.

He's shitting again. He is shitting. He believes he's finished. He calls it finishing. Not on the carpet. Not on the carpet. Get a cookie. Not on the carpet.

No. Last, okay, it is esteemed by the best judges to rival, if not excel, the manufacture of Turkey and Persia. The figures are finely fancied, the color exquisite, and the whole so highly- Hey, how about say what color it is? That ever come into anyone's mind? No. So, highly finished as to excite universal admiration.

Highly finished. It is about 25 feet long by 17 in breadth. Wow. The drawing of the pattern alone by which it was worked, it is said cost 50 pounds and the carpet itself, we are told is valued at 300 pounds of sterling on Monday last it was sent off by the wagon for London it's real rich people shit you know real rich people shit there but I can't I this is what I can't understand so they in this paper in this time they are finding naked women in caves

inexplicably. There is a guy who claims he's 130 and nobody seems to really bat an eye. They seem to really grasp how lightning works. And a huge royal carpet is 300 pounds. That doesn't fit together properly for me in some way. Well, they didn't have the internet, right? Like nobody could pick up a phone. If they had phones, this wouldn't have happened.

I agree. I just think that carpet should be, should have cost more even for back, I mean, if it's for the royal fam, the fact that like the royal family, like I got paid more for standup shows in the UK than their royal carpet cost, it just doesn't feel right. It's always 300. What was 300 pounds? It's 62,000 pounds in today's money. That's not I guess that's pretty good for a carpet.

That's like subway money for the Royal Family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. I wonder if they still have it. What do you think? No way. No, no, no. If. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. I wonder if they still have it. What do you think? No way. No, no, no. They did. That's the corgis of shit all over that carpet. Yeah, the dogs were just like 800 dogs. Queen Elizabeth was getting shithoused every day and the corgis were just crapping everywhere. And she was like, I have another gin. And they were like, hey, this room, I I mean it is a palace and it smells like dog shit

I hope she enjoyed the last years of her life. She did she yeah G and T's and Corgi's dog Oh, just just Dana shit anything she wanted. I have another pizza. They were like fuck. This is getting weird She's got Gordon Ramsay chained in a fucking Yeah more ribs. He was like, absolutely, I will break the ribs for you. God bless those brits. OK, Francis Malone on an indictment for stealing from a person privily, was tried and found guilty and having pleaded her belly. I plead my belly. Look, I have too skinny. I needed that food.

Would the attorney please talk to his client? Your honor, we stand by it. We plead her belly. By the way, we ate some mushrooms in the forest before we came in here to plead our case today. Your honor, can I plead my ass? All right, listen, we're gonna take a recess. Every hole is equal here. Stop pleading holes.

Belly button, mouth hole, ass hole, all holes. The ear canal. The court awarded a jury of matrons to try whether the prisoner be with Quick child or not. So she was pleading pregnant. And then the jury had to decide if she was pregnant? A jury of matrons. So I'm assuming that's- Of women, okay. Ladies, yeah. A jury of women. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rubber belly? I don't know what they would do and I don't want to know. That's all I belly. I don't know what they would do and I don't want to know. Who? All I want to know. Who being returned and impaneled after examining the prisoner privately found that the prisoner is with Quickchild, whereupon the court ordered. Quickchild. What the fuck is Quickchild? That's like he finished faster on it. That one's going to cook. That one's going to cook quick.

Don't worry, baby. There is gonna be like, I think this is like a five month. I think this one will be at two months tops. Whereupon the prisoner was sorry, whereupon the court ordered that the prisoner sentence be Oh, we would just held over till next term. I don't know what that word is. So there so once the baby, but that that happened with what's her face, Elizabeth Holmes, too.

Like she was she just kept getting pregnant to just be like, maybe the blood technology will catch up to what I did. Another baby, they were trying to like stack them like kids in a trench coat trying to get into a club. What a work of man is illicit. Yeah, for sure. I think Quick Child means that they just came out running. Just, okay. So like it was saying, bulky.

Slap him in the ass and the baby just is gone. You got to catch him. Yeah, the doctor was like, get the catcher's mitt. And it was like, God damn it. Where is he? He went up to the mountains just gone. You gotta catch him. He's a good top. Yeah, the doctor was like, get the catcher's mitt and it was like, boom. God damn it. Where is he? He went up to the mountains. Yeah.

He'll probably live in a cave for all we know. We didn't even get to get clothes on him. It was a girl. It was a girl. She would entrance men with her magic boar and kill him. I'm sure someday some men will find her up there somehow. One last one. Sure. London, May 1st.

Friday last as Mr. Bean. So this paper doesn't... Mr. Bean, finish it. This paper doesn't put the last names. It puts the first letter and then just a line. Because everyone knows everyone, you know? Yeah, probably. It's a small world.

As Mr. Blank near Temple Bar was coming... Because everyone knows everyone, you know? Yeah, probably. It's a small world. As Mr. Blank near Temple Bar was coming through Blackwall, a great number of persons followed him, expressing their great surprise at the magnitude of his person. Some were of opinion he was one of the Patagonians so much talked of. No. Oh, god damn it. He was one of the Patagonians so much talked of This means just a minority dude walk through Me could I bother you with what are you? Well, this one's not white let's follow him. I'm not from here is this what are you doing? Do you have jewels we can take or should we just

sell tickets to you boy? Sell tickets like a show? No sure we can do that yes. Well those are only two options. Not gonna lie, there's not a lot of upside for you here, man. Have you heard the story of the woman in the cave? Yeah. Well, do come over. Yes, I'll tell you that. I will entertain you.

Dance monkey! That's London. That is. Still happens, by the way. I lived in London for a time. It was their busking is on another level. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No. Not that this guy was busking. He was just being himself walking. No, he was, yeah, he was just like, all right, cool. They're like, ooh, look at him getting old riled. But being at last prevailed on to take a glass of punch by six honest tars. That could be anything. Maybe that means it was a good thing. Yeah, like he, you know, he found some good chat lads that-

Yeah, but I guarantee you he wasn't like, I'm having a good time. He was like, it's really weird how you're all looking at me and encouraging me to drink more punch from a bowl. Have another glass, would you? He's never tasted this before. He's really drunk at this point. Not bad, eh? He was found to be a hatter by trade when each bespoke of a hat, desiring it to be cocked after his own fashion, but

all alike, and that they should call it the Patagonian cock. What is happening? So what is that? Is it like that? Is it low? I need to know. I need to know what the Patagonia Cock? Is it, what is it, like, low? I need to know. I need to know what the Patagonian Cock is.

I wish, by the way, I took a trip to South America once and I found out what the Patagonia Cock is. The past times will be right back. The Patagonian Cock. Just a bunch of six oblivious English dudes standing around like, we'll call it the Patagonia cock

You know my wife keeps asking after the Patagonia cock she must really like the way you wear your chaperon mates She really likes me though. What she really would she'd like to invite you up to the room to show her again the Patagonia cock Of course, sir Now, you know he was a hatter, right? So hatters, they would go right. The mad hatter. They went crazy back then. Yeah, they did. The fumes from making the hats. Maybe this Patagonian dude was fucking nuts. Yeah. This is all in his head.

They said they said, call it the Patagonian cock upon the strength of which he came to town. So they're saying like he was like a like walking the like the cock walk walk walk cock of the walk like he was like Strutting in and they're like sounds like a Latino that sounds like the South American Yeah, big dick swinging, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Pale English pig dicks were like, whoo! He's has the top cut off too, Rudolph!

Imagine. When I lived there, I would play the game, like find another Latino in London. And I never did. Oh man. Oh God. How'd it go? I really didn't find any. Maybe once that was like Spanish, but they're not really Latino.

I was saying I had this joke once where I would I basically it was like the amount of times when people in my English family will tell a story and halfway through it, I'll be like, does it matter that that guy was Asian? Is that coming back? Just like feels like a superfluous detail that just okay yeah like it wasn't like racist but it was just unnecessary yeah there's a lot of that um well i don't know christian do you want to go with the nickname the patagonian cock how do you feel yeah listen i i think that's it for me from now on i'm the the Patagonian cock. Yeah, we're really we're we're very happy to have you

It's mysterious call me madam lightning. I can't remember what it was Either way, thank you so much for joining us. What was it like? I mean you listen to the show all the time Do you feel was it strange? Are you angry happy satisfied? I'm you want more. I want more I'm dissatisfied that when this one comes out, I won't be able to enjoy it on my walk. Yeah, so will you listen to this? That's the question. Oh, fuck no. Okay. Do you watch things you're in? Only when I have to. Like if I, you know, I go to a premiere and I watch it. Yeah, something like that. But no, I guess, you know, I'm not in control of how they edit shit and you guys, you've done stuff.

It's like, you know, thank you. Oh, Dave watches his Marans all the time. He watches them every day. It's actually become a big problem in his marriage, to be honest. I never, I actually- Well, Christian, come back. Oh, go ahead. I never saw the end of the show.

Oh, my God. I, there are things that I've written on where I'm like, hey, he did it. Yeah, I hey, I hope they did it right. I was there. It's my thing, right? I was there. Yeah, that is kind of how I feel. Well speaking of which, come back on the show, Christian.

We'll have you back on and we'll run it back. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. All right. Thank you for joining us. My pleasure. Thank you for joining us. My pleasure. Thank you guys.

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