The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - The Past Times Aunty Donna audio

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and Australian comedy group Aunty Donna New episodes of The Past Times will be right here every Thursday. Redbubble Merch

If you are experiencing symptoms of erectile dysfunction or ED, don't worry, you're not alone. 52% of Canadian men between 40 and 70 suffer from ED. To get more information, sign up at edinfo.ca. That's E for erectile, D for dysfunction, info.ca, then talk to your doctor because you are not alone when dealing with ED. And action everybody. There we go, action Dave. All right, here we are in studio doing a pastimes podcast. Don't touch. Okay, it's been two days since President Biden passed away. Welcome to the pastimes. It's a podcast where each week we go through a newspaper from a random day in history. We had to can your episode. We're gonna have to just hold for a couple of months. You have to push the tour because of my little joke. It's a month of morning at the moment.

All right everybody, welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Auntie Donna. Pleasure. Welcome here. We've got Mark, Zach and Broden, all three of you are here. Yes. In America, the best country on earth, right? Yes, some would say. Yeah, some would say. Very diplomatic. Keep in mind the president just passed away. I know, which is very recent. You're making the edit really hard. I might have to, you might have to take him out. It might have to be me. Are you, uh, do you know if you're familiar with an ester? Ester. Yes, this is only what, you know, overseas people know. An ester is

like a visa waiver that you have to do. Do you get interrogated when you come back to America or do they just let you through? No, they put you through some shit, but it's not like what you have to go through if you're not from there. Yeah, they can be total dicks. I think that's the word. I'm filled with nerves when I go through U.S. customs. More than international. No matter how prepared I am, I'm like, I've got my ester, my visa thing ready to go. I was told I need my COVID vaccination thing. I've always, they always throw me a curveball. Really? Yeah. This time it was like, need to see your return flight. That's crazy. I was like, and they didn't get asked that. Every single time I go there, I feel like I'm 100% prepared. They say one thing and then I'm like,

I don't think maybe Americans fully understand, like in this country, when you're coming into this country, it's not like that at most customs. No, not at all. They're kind of like Jovial and like they're kind of like, hell, was it a good time? And you're like, fuck you, Jack. Like, you know, but coming here, yeah, yeah, but coming here, it's like long lines. Yeah. Just so much bullshit. And there's nothing like more after a 14 hour flight than a long line. Yeah, it's just like you're like, fuck, maybe I am here to blow something up. Yeah. Oh God, what was I? I think I didn't pack my own stuff. I think a terrorist. I mean, I think I might have tried Coke 20 years ago. And you guys have a tour coming up in the fall, basically. Yeah. Where

and people can go to anti Donna.com. Yes, we're going to UK, the all of America, Canada, Australia again. Wow. You got them on the list. Melbourne, Ireland, Scotland. How long is the tour? Two months? By world, we meet English speaking. Right. For sure. Yeah, it's two months. India. No. But we will get there one day. One day, one day we'll get there. That's exciting. We did one show in Hong Kong once. How was that? No, no, no, because we thought it would be for expats. Yeah, it wasn't. It was for locals and that's crazy. And you can see they were watching it. And a lot of people speak English in Hong Kong, but the 20 or so people in Hong Kong that don't speak English came to our show. And they were just sitting there like, oh, and we thought we'd chosen a pretty

physical hour of comedy. Yeah, right. There's still a lot of words and ideas. Yeah, right. You need to speak the same language. That's what you're realising. That's what you're realising. Like, I think you need to. Oh, this boy is screaming and this boy is now screaming. I don't know what they're screaming about. Well, yeah, so everyone go to anti-donna.com. Go check you out. Does James Fosdike do your art? Yeah. Because I always feel like we've had that connection. He's been bringing you guys up to us for years. Really? Yeah. And you haven't paid attention? No. I thought you were like an old lady. They thought it was James's actual aunt. We wrote a best-selling book. Yeah, right. That's right. We wrote a book with James. Really? Not a best-seller. Really? Yeah. Well,

I was a best-seller in Australia. Yeah, not real best. I was wasn't anywhere. It was available in Australia. I think he put his heart into it. But no, I can't remember the first. It was definitely years ago. He was like, he was just he's incredible. He told us that he had to let go. He said that he had to make his drawings less good because people thought he was just doing filters online. So he said he had to make them less good so people knew that. We don't know. For sure he's not doing that. He could be a complete Charlotte. I bet he is. That wouldn't surprise me. Is the dollop image him? Yeah. There you go. He does basically all of our art. Yeah. And we did a book that was like based on some of our podcasts and he was drawing the art. And they like the only notes they had

were like, the scrotum's weird. Like there were like two scrotum notes. And that was it. You know when there's not enough notes? When there's not enough notes, you're like, oh. We did this. We did a series of YouTube videos for V, the energy drink. Do you have the energy drink V here? I don't think so. Are you aware? Or is that just an Australian drink? America's not big on energy drinks. Yeah, no. If you go to the gas station here, you will notice it's mainly water and apple. But we have one. It's called V. I guess it's like a red bull-esque. And they gave us some money to do some sketches for them. And they were literally like, whatever you want. They're like, Lolo, whatever you want. And we're like, okay. So we wrote a bunch of scripts and sent them

to them. And then the only note they sent back was, will we literally see the sunscreen put into a man's asshole? That was the only note. We don't have to do that. We can. Are you suggesting we go in that direction? It's just a sketch where we just wrote like a bunch of dot points for things that could happen. Right. The first pilot we ever did was for the ABC in Australia. Yeah. And it was in competition with a bunch of other pilots. And the only note we got from them was out. We heard from other shows that they were getting big, thoughtful notes and like detailed, interesting notes. And the only note we got back from them is not sure about the dildos. Yeah. And then we changed the dildos to something else. And that was like, I don't think we're

going to get a series. And we did. Yeah, I was going to say, when you say we did a pilot, it normally means the number. That's how most of my Hollywood stories are. What did you change? We did change the dildos to shoes. That's nice. And here's the thing, maybe if we'd kept the dildos, we would have gotten the shot. Or they would have also passed on it. But you could be like, we really showed them. At least I could have been like, that show was made. Yeah, right. Actually, and many things I've made, we don't get picked up and we go, well, why, we shouldn't have just taken their notes. We shouldn't, you know. Yeah. Anyway, we're going to go through a random paper. I always like to guess the year. David can normally be from 1600 to recently, I guess.

Wow. The 1600 ones are really weird. I'll guess. I'm going to guess he tries to do one for you guys from Australia. And I'm going to guess that it's going to be from 1813. That's my guess. Wow. Okay. And this is where I leave the show. Good luck with everything. Can I guess? Yeah, please. It's up to today. Yeah. Can it be up to today? Okay. Okay. Can I, I'm going to go crazy. I'm going to go quite recent. I'm going to go 1983. That's a really good guess. Yeah. Okay. Because that, that I think that's a good guess. Thank you. Yeah. 92. Wow. Interesting. I'm going to say 76. 76. You guys are really, you guys are way, I'm afraid you're not allowed to guess that year on this

show because of America. 1876. You went 17 then you went 18. 18. It's 1767. That is very early. In America? Yeah, it's in America. Australia thing. I know nothing. So pre, pre your, it's a pre-American. Pre the best country on the earth fully being four. Yeah. Thank you, everybody. USA. We support it. God picked it. It's number one. Thank you, everybody. God picked it. Come on. In some categories, that's not untrue. Illiteracy. Police violence. Salad drinks. You do more salad drinks here. Outdrinks, police murders. All right. What are we? It's the Hartford Corrent from Hartford, Connecticut. I was just there. May the, May the 4th, 1767.

Oh, May the 4th. Star Wars Day. Did they celebrate it back then? Yeah, they did. I don't know what the asshole's about. Wow. The first story is Star Wars Day. Luke's father dead. So this is another thing about papers back then. They would get, they would get news from stuff that happened way before. So this is, this happened on January 9th. Oh my god. So they're a little bit. Oh my god. Yeah. That's insane. That's like a whole year. Yeah, there wasn't enough, I guess. Yeah. Three of the writers condemned that. I'm going to say they're trying to say

Glauchester. Gloucester. Gloucester. It might be Gloucester. It is. So one of the things here is papers are sold as S's are written as F's. Yeah. So it gets very confusing. I'm also feeling really nervous because um, every American I've ever met, you guys do a lot. You know a lot about your own history. Like more than I know about Australian history. Yeah. And there's always this expectation that the amount of times I've been like, you don't know the founding fathers? What would I know?

So that means would they avoid writing suck or do they just go for it? Well, that is a very tough one because they're like, fuck. Yeah, like. Wait. No, he was. It looks the same. He fucked up. Just. No, he sucked out. I can't. I can't tell the difference. Looking at them, they look pretty similar. And let me tell you that the, the ruse of the dollop is that not only do I not know anything going in, I don't know anything about history on our podcast. I confidently said Ben Franklin was a president and he wasn't. And did you know that before?

He went to France for a very long time. He's very responsible for the war being ended. Right. And how much of this is from Hamilton? No, no, I'm not sitting in Hamilton. I don't think one of my favorite series is John Adams and he spends a lot of that rooting French women. We should explain to our listeners. Rooting doesn't mean cheering for. No, no, no, it doesn't get getting his end in. Yeah. Yeah. He's got one Australianism to do. He got his end off and he put the key on the flag and he put the key on the kite, which is also a euphemism. Yeah, that's right. We've all done that.

Yeah. The Prince Albert put a key on the kite. I've done that. So Ben Franklin wasn't, what was he? Just some bald shithead. How do you know that the guy's a worthy, like. He's a founding father. He was like, he was like the Elon Musk. Yeah, he was an inventor. Was he an inventor? He was an inventor, right? Did he invent shit? Yeah, he invented stuff. Yeah, he was an inventor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is great for me. Also hated Germans. So, yeah. Just like Dave.

Yeah. So J. Ray Knight, three of the rioters condemned at, what did you say? Gloucester? Gloucester were executed there. And the behavior of one of the sufferers was very affecting and made deep impression on the spectators. Of the other two, little can be said, one was ill, the other was very ignorant. What did the one guy, who's the guy who won the execution? What was he doing? He must, he must have like cried and put on a show. And everyone was like. For my next trick. So this is hot food? Yeah. Where is hot food? It's like North of, North of New York. Northeast, basically. Right. Yeah. And this is nothing to do with sort of those, like the red, the red coats

killing, you know, protesters. It's just a separate execution. Yeah, we're not there yet. No, yeah. And I don't think that would happen at all. I mean, it could. It could be a red coat thing. How much more you know about our history than I do already. It's said for me. I'm actually started doing the podcast with him. Come on, Dave, you needed it. That's the whole point. Wait, what were they executed? We don't get any information about our execution. I think it's one of those things where they're like, everybody knows the three guys are getting

executed. So we don't even put it in the paper. You're just supposed to know. You know, the guys, the other guys are close to the guy. Which is just. Yeah, but they do that a lot where they under develop like what they're talking about in the like, you definitely are like, what's going on? And then they'll just like go on about like a spoke for like eight pages. You Mark always talks about the start of the movie Sonic the Hedgehog where he's doing stuff and then it frees frames. He goes, yeah. So yeah. This is me. Can you believe it? Let's find out how I got here. So that's the structure for writing news. Yeah, that's wild. Like it's like, so how did we get here? Let's go back.

I think you're wondering why these three guys are getting executed and this guy won the event. And then it just ends there. Well, we're not going to tell you that credit. Next story. That was the whole story. Hang on. You get those a lot. That's just an execution. Yeah. Three guys. One was three. One guy was dumb and one guy was good. They have. They're like hot journalists looking for scoops like that we have their names and stuff in this or is this just it's just nothing. So is this before like the long form journalism? Do we get anything long form in this? No, rarely. Not in something this old.

Sometimes they'll print like a letter from a king or somebody and it's very long. But most of it is just like the three dudes. They're affecting. It's hot bite. It's TikTok. It is. Twitter is TikTok. I don't care what he did. So what he screamed to the execution. Look at him. Damn. Next one at the sessions, which began on Wednesday, three convicts. I'm so excited for this. It's great to have you guys experience this. This is what I do all the time. I'm like, what's happening? What's going on? Three convicts received sentence of death. But this is the same story. No, it's different story. What is going on? This is like the next one down. It sounds like it's like a three stooge's plot book.

Timothy Treadle for robbing General Elliott on the highway. Okay. Highway. That was pretty common. Highway robbery. Yeah, this is like this is there on horseback. Yeah. But that's why I'm like the highway. They're like, well, come on. That's the carpool lane. Slow down. You three convicts from, you know, that sounds like us three Australians. Yeah. Yeah. That's what that's what the immigration was wondering about. Slow down, you three. William Collingson for forging a draft on Sir Joseph Hankey. Excuse me? A draft on a draft. A draft draft. I think I think it's a check, right? I think he forged a check. They're killing him. Oh, right. I don't know. He killed him. He just forged the check and then you get that. So he forged the check and now they kill him.

And they're going to kill him for that. That's execution worthy. I mean, and now we've sent you to death. Excuse me? I bet you're wondering how I got here. Oh, this is it. And John Williamson for the murder of his wife by confining her in a most cruel manner and starving her to death. All equal crons. Yeah. All the same. Serving a woman, robbing a general, and writing a bad check. All the same for the crime. Don't talk about what you guys did because one of you is going to be furious. I starved my wife over 14 days. I gave her a sip of water each day. Is this a check? Is this in dot points? Dot points? Yeah. No, no. It's just, it's just a. Just free form. It's a paragraph. What if we saw that it was handwritten? We're

like, Dave, Jesus Christ. This is my novel. Yeah. My dream job. Often they don't even put paragraphs and you just read, but this one at least has paragraphs. Yeah, wow. The poor creature was kind of an idiot who having a sum of money left for her maintenance. Williamson to possess himself of the money found means to marry her. Okay. So she was rich and he. Ah, okay. Okay. Starved at a death. Tried to take the money. Yeah, basically. Got the right. Yeah, right. These are public executions as well by the way, right? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, these are public executions. Hanging. Was it hanging? Yeah, I would assume it's hangings. Yeah. Yeah, wow. How far away are we from the Salem era? Pretty close. Yeah, it's probably nearish.

Yeah, pilgrims and probably before. Salem was, I think, is late 1600s. Oh, wow. I pretty much got the crucible. Yeah. And then there's a couple of hundred years missing and then about the 20s. Okay. You're going to watch They Will Be Blood. That's how I know. That's a great one. Okay. Crucible. They Will Be Blood. And then 20s on, I'm pretty good. Go East, John. All of which, all eras have films starring Daniel Day-Lewis. Yeah, that's true. Daniel Day-Lewis is my... I bet you're wondering how I ended up here. You're wondering how I got here. Well, my boy, you see. My boy went deaf and lied to me. So this is like the execution. It's the job application. It's just a list of executions. Oh yeah, this is a great question. This is the front page.

This is the front page. This is just describing these guys have now been condemned to be executed. And in both groups of three, there was someone that was referred to as an idiot and a fool. Yeah, idiot's very... She's very interesting. Yeah. That's why I think it's the three Stooges. Yeah. So this goes on about the guy and his wife. They were first asked in church, but the trustee forbid the Banes. Oh yeah, cool. Banes. Banes. Sure. Bane from Batman. It's yeah, it's about Batman. Every character I want to keep going, I bet you're wondering how I got here. I bet you're wondering how I got here, Batman. Oh, so the church must have forbid it because she was an idiot. Oh, so maybe... She was an idiot. She was an idiot. Someone's a bit dim,

like a dim. Yeah, I think she's dim and the church is like, no, no, no, no. This is the grimest fucking thing I've ever heard. Married a mentally handicapped woman. Basically. For financial reasons and then pretty much starved her to get her money. And meanwhile, there's another guy that forged a check who is just thinking now, the shit I could have done. Oh God, you can do so much more. We were both going for money, but mine was just paper. Yeah, it's also interesting that idiot was like back then, you're like medically speaking, she's an idiot. Yes, yeah, it would have meant something very different than just the cycles of... How far back? The villain, however, procured a license and about eight months ago, they were married. Since which the usage... usage,

can't read that. The unhappy creature received... Euphage, I think it is. Is it Euphage? It looks like Euphage. The Euphage, the happy creature received, has been one continued scene of cruelty. He had driven a long, boy, you can't read this, strong staple into the wall of the closet in the room where they lodged. And to this staple, he daily tied her with a rope. Oh my God. Which he drew around her middle, her hands being fastened behind her with iron handcuffs. I wrote a check. I made up a guy, I made up a guy on a check. 20 years, I'll tell you 20 years. I was like, hey, dawg, I just want to get some potatoes. This guy, are you fucking kidding me? I'm like... Can we do different days? The little sustenance she received was laid upon a shelf

within the reach of her mouth. Oh my God. This is, I mean, horrendous. So that if it dropped any part of it, she could not recover. And so the barbarous, and so very barbarous was the situation, this, I can't read that, villain, that he often tied her up so tight that her toes only reached the ground. And if his daughter attempted to alleviate her misery, sorry. His daughter, he has a daughter as well, a separate marriage. Must be. By setting a stool for her to stand on, she used, he used to beat her unmercifully. So he beat his daughter, she tried to help her out. So the daughter couldn't help the lady trying to get the morsel up the shelf. To quote, to quote Norm McDonald's joke, this guy sounds like a jerk.

I know the Bible says, judge not, unless you be judged. But I'm going to make a controversial statement. This was not a nice guy. Oh my God. I hope they go into the other crimes. Do we even know what the third guy did? This is the third guy. We had a, we had a checkwriter and a guy robbed the general. I just love the idea of you go through all of this. The most horrific thing I've ever heard. And the other guy was, it was for like eight dollars. It's like, how, which, hey, speaking to the editor, which way should I order this? Should I start with the horrible murderer who tied a woman up or should that come last? Yeah. Yeah. Also like, the check one's pretty straightforward. So is the highway.

The, the meat of the, the article, the me is the guy, you got to wear the story. In the original version, they just listed the three crimes. I'm like, look, I understand why he'd kill the first two, but can you actually dig into this? It's actually a very interesting story. He mousetrapped her. The third crime doesn't sound too bad. If, maybe if we go into detail, people will understand. Yeah. Maybe I'll play up the daughter couldn't watch her. She'd be hit angle. I mean, there's a lot of meat on the bone. Cause you know, meat on the bone, there's a lot of meat on the bone. That's a good title. Whatever we use to write with, I'm hitting

it. Did the, did the woman die by the way? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. From what? Yeah. From what? Can we get an autopsy? Yeah. What do you think it was? What got it? Yeah. She starved. Oh my God. Yeah. So we're going to leave that one because that just goes odd and odd. It goes odd enough, but it's not, it's really not, it's really not. It's just the position. I'm going to sound like a mother, but is this a sketch idea? But the article starts with two things and then it's like a comedic, comedic structure is like one, two, and then a joke that goes on forever. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Guy wrote the place. Guy wrote a fake check. Guy tied up his wife. By the way. My God. Yeah. What a different, you know, it really was a different

time. Yeah. It was as simple as that. Can you just tell me how it ends? The last one, yeah, she's covered in vermin and they find her. Oh my God. Oh, that's cool. I'm so glad you're up. Thank you. I'm so glad. Thank you. The person who does this podcast made the call to him. They live happily ever after. They got remarried. They got remarried. She worked it out. But in the end, we forgave him for all the good deeds he did off the way. He gave her a sandwich and here we are. My goodness. No, that's horrific. I'm so sorry I asked. I think that's a really good question. You know, if I say I'm not going to read it, that is so true. Just bear in mind how much was read before the call. Yeah. Maybe it's going to, maybe there's

an upturn. But it just ends on, we found they covered in vermin. Blah, blah, blah. She was covered in vermin. Anyway, off with their heads. Off to sports. Anyway, off to sports. She exploded into flowers. Oh, wow. Kind of. That's interesting. Kind of. If you are experiencing symptoms of a rectile dysfunction or ED, don't worry, you're not alone. 52% of Canadian men between 40 and 70 suffer from ED. To get more information, sign up at edinfo.ca. That's e for a rectile, d for dysfunction, info.ca. Then talk to your doctor because you are not alone when dealing with ED. Okay, this is add two. Oh man, you're about to have a lot of fun listening to the dollop. Hey, before you do,

let me tell you about some dates where I, Gareth Reynolds, will be doing some stand up on the road. Please join me, Garmy. That's the Gareth army. Everyone is using that. It's not up to me. It's just caught fire. Check out the hashtag. I will be in Los Angeles, California, May 5th at the dynasty typewriter. Phoenix, Arizona, May 18th at stand up live. Then July, it's going to be crazy. Calling on the Garmy. Let's do this. I will be Huntsville, Alabama, July 7th, July 8th. I will be in Birmingham, Alabama, July 9th. I will be in Nashville, Tennessee, July 10th. New Brunswick, New Jersey, July 11th. New York Comedy Club on July 12th in New York City. Then Stamford, Connecticut, July 13th at the New York Comedy Club, just what it's called. Then Pots Town,

Pennsylvania, July 14th. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, July 15th. Part of the DVE Comedy Fest. July 16th. I'll be in Syracuse, New York. Then Buffalo, New York, July 18th. Albany, New York, July 19th. Then July 20th, 21st, 22nd. I will be at the Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington, Vermont. You can go to garethrenalds.com for ticket information. The shows are going to be a lot funnier than this ad. I'm looking at you, Garmy. We're drafting soldiers for the… nah, I'm getting a little too deep in this analogy. But anyway, join me, garethrenalds.com, for ticket information. Let's go, Garmy. Just a while. This is from Boston. We hear from Stoughton that a few days since died there, Mrs. Mary Horton, aged 150 years.

Oh, my. Oh, shit. That's 220 in today's years. She's lying her ass off. It's like the Bible was always about, like, was it the pulling the 5,000s and the 2,000s and stuff. I love that just incrementally, we've gotten more honest, we noticed. Yeah, right, yeah. 150. No, no one could keep track of them. There's no… No way, why? Having said that, if you ask a 98-year-old person how old they are, they've got no clue. No, that's right. So if you're asking… 150. 150, aye. That's the best thing about it. 210. Wow, alright. 330, I am. The price is right. Yeah, yeah.

You just have to move town twice back then. Yeah, you should move town at 20. That's all you had to do to get to 150. That's actually true. At some point, you'd mentioned, I guess it was probably more like 1,400s, but it was like, if it didn't happen within a mile of where you live, like you just… See where you are. So she goes one town over, she's like, I'm 440. And it's like… Proof journalism stays the same as well, is the journalist here then goes, that's bullshit, but I'll put that in and that's going to be a great… Yeah, that's right. Well, he's got a tough act to follow. He's like, pretty good, pretty good, Randy. My lady,

she's 650. And we put her to death for that, because apparently that's a crime. Yeah, she dodged execution. Yeah. She dodged dodgy checks and robbing. Yeah. She was a native of Jamaica and in the great earthquake at that land, about 60 years since, she was taken up floating on the water and brought a hider by a something belonging to this place. Her husband was also taken up at that time and bro hither, bro hither, brought hither, brought hither by another vessel by which means they met together to their great surprise, both imagining each other to have perished in the

terrible catastrophe. Boat sank. No, the earthquake. So they're on an earthquake and somehow after the earthquake, she ends up floating. She's floating. I got the floating. Did she get on the boat? But why is she floating? In the water. She's floating in the water after the earthquake.

This is all a lie. This is all a lie. Yeah, at the end, there's just like a calligraphy, not. And they picked her up, a boat picked her up, and then her husband was also taken up at that time. So by another vessel. So they got picked up separate in the same vessel. Yes, the same vessel picked them up, but they were floating in separate places. Floating in separate places. Wow, that's a novel title.

Yeah. A Jamaican couple as well. But what did Jamaican mean back then? Because was Jamaican a colony? It would have been. So is she Jamaican in the center, I think? Or is she British? Yeah, go ahead, Dave. Say the good news.

Yeah, super, super, super slavery. That's what I was about to say. We're right in the slavery. So when I hit Bro Hither, is that forcefully brought here, or is this a northern United States kind of mentality? Or was she the slave owner, maybe? I don't know if they would get this written if they were not white. Right. They had the slaves.

Wow. They had the slaves. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think they would write this about. So this is two potential Caucasian British, British Jamaicans. Yeah. Interesting.

This podcast is a minefield. It's a very strange, very strange little show we have. This is a minefield. A lot comes at you. Yeah. Good, great questions, though. A lot of times I'm just like, okay. When was the Civil War against Seventh Ains?

No, Eight Ains. I'll ask him. Civil War 18 Teens. 1860, 1864. Dammit. 1660, 1660. Wow. That is not that long ago.

And also 2024. Yeah. Oh, but you know, the great thing is we're totally over it. Yeah, you guys are over it. Yeah, we're not. That cleaned it. It happened. It happened.

It ended. We wrapped that up, tied it up with a bow. It ended. It's over, for sure. And it worked out pretty great. And all the monuments and flags from that errant that the loser liked. No echo.

No echo. Not an echo at all. No, no, no, no, no. That's good. Everyone agreed on everything between since then. It's been pretty smooth sailing, I'd say. Yeah, that's awesome.

It's the begin. God picked one country to make his favorite, and it's a man. And he picked us. So it's a white Jamaican 150-year-old earthquake surviving woman. Well, when you put it like this, who floated off because of an earthquake,

floated away. Uh-huh. This is all just. And then. This is a lie. This is a liar. Maybe. I mean, yeah.

This guy was just. They probably, there's probably a terrible earthquake, and she was like, I got to get out of here, and they let him get on a boat. But it's, yeah, it's really blown up, and it's a lie now. I agree. Next story.

About a month since was born at General Winslow's farm, Marshfield, a daughter of John Fullerton. I was wondering if John Fullerton had a boy with this. Yeah, yeah. About a month since. I said that I was saying, I was like, I hope we get John Fullerton news. Well, yeah, you heard Hartford.

You were like, it would be a bit of John Fullerton. Was she born in 1776 or 74? That's a good chance. Who's, who's age is 73 years? His wife. That's nothing. He's 73. Oh, he's 73.

His wife is 47. He's got another 70 to come in. I know 150 year old who shot out of an earthquake a week ago. Yeah, exactly. Come on, 73. Next. The child being his 17th. Okay.

Oh, my God. Now listen. Boring time. He has two daughters that are grandmothers. The one has two grandchildren and the other three. The last mention was present at the birth of her sister. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

This is fun. Miss. This is kind of a Ripley's belief. This is a, yeah, this is also a math problem. Yeah, it really is. What was the average human lifespan for back then? 76 even seems ridiculous to me. I think if you're.

Wait till you hit the 150. Now imagine doubling that. It depends who you are. If you're a slave woman, it's about 38 years. Right, right. Now if you're a rich white lady, I think it's a lot more. Really, people still live in that long back then. I mean, average, but if you got, I think if you get through a certain age,

you keep on trucking for a while. But most people died when they were babies, so it throws the whole thing off. They still had sweet grains and tender grains back then. It was also really healthy dawn. Oh, yeah. It was the best organic average. Yeah, they had Paneras.

It was a great sense of coyote. Yeah, healthy, you know. Yeah. Mr. Fullerton has 50 grand and great grandchildren. This is more of which are now living. Okay. Wow. Wow.

There we go. So the kids all die. Yeah. Like you crank them out because you're going to crack out 10, you're going to get two, two good ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every, I feel like that's a thing is every culture, once they figure out more baby mortality,

that's the generation that has 10 kids. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like we, like I'm Irish, Australian, and my dad was one of 10, you know, and it's every, but that's because they did that. Yeah, yeah. Ten and hope for two. Yeah, right.

And then they're like, shit, 10. What am I actually going to do if I could do a 10? I hate medicine. And if it's four or alive, that's incredible. What a hit right. Yeah. Yeah, it's not enough. No, it's not enough.

No, but he was like, wow, four? I love whatever I'm eating. It's far out. Is this the second life? Like, or how old is he? 47. 47. 47.

Probably a second life. Yeah, I would think so. Yeah. All right. Lot of, all right. He's still coming. He's still fucking coming. Yeah, he's buffed them out.

Yeah, he loves. Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. All right.

OK. Hey, Leonardo DiCaprio. She's young. What is she, an Israeli model? Come on. Come on, everybody. Come on. The pastimes will be right back.

This is a news out of Providence on April 11th. I've been there. Have you? Three. Which one's Providence? Rhode Island. Rhode Island, yeah. Hey, hey.

Hey, hey. Our state, the tiniest state. I was just there. Yeah. I was just there, too. Don't tell me. Yeah, you're everywhere. I went to those two cities recently.

It sure is. And I'll keep bringing it up when it's appropriate. It doesn't really do much for the show, but it's just. It is hot. I hope you say Melbourne. I hope you say Melbourne. Please. We have the following odd affair

related to us by a gentleman of this town who was an eyewitness to it. Here we go. Is this another cheeky we go? Here we go. I don't know. Well, this could just be full of shit. This is just like, this article is literally

a guy told me a story. I heard that. That's what this article is. I also feel like funny language was made. Like an odd affair. I'm thinking it's going to be a fun little quirky story. But it could just be a man who's kept babies in his basement for 10 years.

A man and a baby. Yeah, next to someone who tripped over a stool. Yeah. Particularly odd. Particularly a bit bizarre. OK, that on Monday the 16th of March, the Reverend Barrett of Hoppington, Hopkington. That sounds funny.

In this province was walking in the highway in that town near the house of Mr. John Abe with a great coat around his shoulders. But on a sudden, he missed it. And after looking some considerable time, he saw it at about 100 yards from him hanging on a tree near 30 feet from the ground. Oh, so the coat got blown away.

It's amazing that the stories we've heard so far and then amongst that is like, a coat was caught in a tree. You're not going to believe this one. I'm sorry, I'm still ill from what he did to that woman. Well, hold on. There's more. He couldn't find his jacket for a while. Would you believe that?

So she just starved and verminated? Yes, yes, boy, move on. His coat was adrift. This is an English country at that time, isn't it? Oh, yeah. You can feel it, can't you? Yeah, totally.

Yes. Yeah. A coat, gone. No, I've heard everything. To get rid of this, we just had to kill him. It's the only right decision this country has. You're like a decade from Chuck Norris just fooling. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah.

We must reasonably suppose that it was taken off by some invisible hand, invisibles and italics. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. As it was a very calm time and not wind enough to blow off his hat. It's like Ghost Supernatural Votes. So the hat stayed on and the coat blew away. Riddle be that, Batman!

But he had it tied around him. He wasn't wearing the coat. He had it, no, he had it over him. Draped over him, like a 60s. Around his shoulder. Like a race. Yes, draped. Asking for an invisible hand to yank it.

He was. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that sounds different. That could be a miracle. That proves ghosts exist. Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

Was it a reverend? Was it? Did the US shoot it out of the sky? Did he hear the reverend? There was multiple names. Did the reverend witness it or was it the reverend's jacket? It was his jacket, right? Hopping for this.

The reverend was walking with the jacket. Does that cover a bit of everything? John Abe saw it. Saw it happen. Yeah, wow. The coat was taken down and weighed by some gentlemen. Then. Of course you gotta weigh it.

Well, let's see how much the coat weighs. This is what happens when you don't have the internet. Yeah. Wow. It's a fine afternoon. Well, I think we all know the next logical step. You're telling me that coat ended up in that tree and there was no wind?

Get me some scales. Well, let's have a weigh and put this to bed. Bring the weigh, stones. You guys got a few free hours to weigh a coat? That's the week. Weigh that coat right now. God damn it. We'll weigh that coat.

We'll talk about weighing the coat. Yeah. We'll call the journalists and tell them about weighing the coat. We're weighing the coat so hard. Someone's about to get pregnant at the coat weighing. I knew that much. Oh, gather round. Gather round.

All the Reverend is weighing a coat. Well, we didn't expect 5,000 people, but we're not shocked. I don't even know why he's weighing the coat, but I'm simply fascinated. Oh, it ended up in a tree. Oh, really? Yes. Look, and we're going to prosecute an invisible hand.

We all know why we're here. We're going to hang all the women in this village obviously the witches in the corner had something to do with it and this man who forged a check. Why am I here? Shut up, Frank. Shut the fuck up. You're losing your head either way.

It was found to weigh about five pounds. Oh, strange. That's the end. Oh, it's so ripply, isn't it? Yeah. What is five pounds? What is the, I don't know. I don't know what five pounds.

About 2.5 kilos. Oh, wow. That's a pretty heavy coat. That's a heavy coat. Who's a heavy coat? Yeah, he's a pretty heavy. He didn't take the hat. I guess.

Yeah? Yeah. Well, your coat, you have a coat, don't you? Yeah, I've got a coat. Should we weigh it? That's weird. Aaron, bring the scales. Don't want to weigh this goddamn coat.

It's way too cold. So that's the whole newspaper or is that one article? That was one, that was just one article, yeah. That's not an article. Yeah, but it flew into a tree. No, the story happened. Like the coat flew off. And hung in a tree, they took it down and weighed it.

Beginning, middle, end. But it didn't take the hat. It didn't take the hat. What was the last phrase? Oh, exclamation point, strange, exclamation point. Oh, I didn't realize it was strange. Yeah, so that's what you meant. I do love, because this is crucible time, isn't it?

This is around, it is kind of full on, that that kind of thinking could have that dark of a name. We did one around this time, I think that was in England, but there was like a guy who beat a woman. Oh my gosh. Did he beat her to death in like line? Because he was like, well, this is a witch. Yeah.

Like that with this story, it was like this guy found a witch. And she was like, wait, didn't you get food? And he was like, nope. And started beating her. Oh, I do remember. I think he beat her to death, but he started beating her up. And everyone was like, what are you doing to the little lady? He's like, well, she's a witch.

Like, so it's definitely that time. It's just the idea that this coat flew off. But it would have been a very slight turn, and they would have blamed people. Why would the guy who starved his wife be like a witch? Oh, because the daughter probably had narked on him, but then he got his two witches. That's the best move.

But if a coat flies into a tree, and there's a woman around, she would just be like, oh, God. She'd jump in a bush. She would jump in a bush and be like, I live in here now. I'm fucking that. I hope that coat doesn't fly. Well, I don't. I don't know why a woman around had to be an invisible.

Hold on. What the f- I see a- I see a foot. Next woman that comes by here is in big trouble. I wonder if there's a weight for the coat that would make the woman not be accused of being a witch. I think if it was half a pound. I think 2.5, like five pound, that's in the release, believe it or not. Yeah, that's a heady.

Oh, that's strange. That's cute. If you go any more than that, you start. 10 pound coat? You start. 10 pound coat. Well, if it's like a 10 pound coat, you had to burn the village.

Yeah, absolutely. And that I do still support. I'm going to have people that are so deep, it's underground. And they all know they're coating themselves in kerosene. They're like, well, what do you want? It was a 10 pound coat. Of course it is. Here we go.

Strike the match. One pound? That's fun. That's fun. That's kind of easy. That's so strange. That's cute. That's fun.

Oh, strange. It's so strange. That's so strange. Seven pounds, we're really pushing it. I feel like- It's not strange anymore, is it? 10 pounds. How much is the-

One of us is the devil. I feel like in my lifetime, at least, I've seen like, there could be ghosts or UFOs and that's really not a thing talked about. It's like peripherally talked about. But like, no one, nothing's believable at all anymore. Like, when I was a kid- Yeah.

Like- Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. I watched the X-Files. I started re-watching the X-Files. That's also not real. Did you think that was real? Yeah. I don't know why I would have piloted that song.

No, I'm more of a Scully. I'm afraid, I'm more of a Scully. I'm afraid I choose to Scully the X-Files. It's gonna take more than a decade of seeing aliens to convince me. Nice try, Mulder. I'm afraid the X-Files might be real. But I think the funniest thing about X-Files for me is that,

like, so not that long ago, it was kind of a conspiracy theory. They were fun. It was like, oh, that's fun. That's a fun thing for a person to think that. And it's just kind of- But then when they start tearing apart your society, you're like, oh, that's not good. Well, the stuff that just happened here with us-

We had UFO- UFO idea. Yeah, we've declared a war on balloons and we're winning it. Yeah, congratulations. You worried about your- Fuck you, we're coming with a boot up your balloon. But that has really started a lot of that now. Like, there's a lot of UFO stuff here right now.

A lot of people think that the balloon stuff is in some connection to UFOs and- Tom DeLondre would be having the time of his life. It's a- yeah, we're having a real party. It's definitely resurgent in Ostrange, you know? Yeah, we're definitely living in Ostrange time. Yeah. There's an orb on the beach in Japan.

Yeah, that was strange. I mean, Ostrange. Ostrange. What was the orb? I don't know. An orb, an orb washed up on the beach. It's an orb. Yeah, it's a-

I don't know what to tell you, man. I'm sure it's either one of two things. It's either an alien device that's going to destroy life or it's a buoy. It just sounds sort of buoy. Well, I have refused to believe in either, honestly. They both sound a little crazy. How much is a buoy?

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's a buoy. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but everyone's- Okay, famous last words, right? Wouldn't that be wild if it ever did that? Like, if that was an alien- What if it just-

What if like everyone's like, it's a buoy and all of a sudden it just like rolled over and there was an eye? Oh, God! A few years ago, we made our Netflix show and we were doing any promo we possibly could and it was at the exact same time that the monoliths were going up.

And a YouTube channel in Australia approached us and said, do you want to help? Do you want to build a monolith in the forest of Melbourne and we'll claim that we did them all for your Netflix show? And we said, yeah. So cut to-

We've got a trailer on the back of a car with a giant monolith made by some dudes in the suburbs. We take it out to the forest, we put it up, we release a YouTube video with these guys claiming it. They put- They try and make it go viral, goes up on Reddit. And the first few comments like, that's bullshit. You've just tried-

You're trying to get on board. And then snapped like a week later, it's got five million views. And we're like- We're getting asked to go on Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, my gosh. Very close to getting on Jimmy Kimmel about it, yeah. And people were like, yep, it's these guys have done it.

We've seen all of them. Oh, my God. But the best part about that, right, the Donnellitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We never- Oh, fuck. Damn, we can go back.

We can go back. Damn it. But the best part about all of that was that that wasn't their first pitch. So the monolith is a huge thing. It got really big views. But before that, they were like, we're going to do a Flintstones car.

And they were going to get a car and cut the bottom of the car out. And then we were going to walk the car to a drive-through. And then someone was like, they couldn't find the front yard to do it in because they were from Sydney. So no, that couldn't find the front yard to that. We'll just do the monolith. I can't-

Hang on, be honest. I kind of wanted to do the Flintstones. I can't imagine you- Our second- Here's our second idea. We claim that we're doing the monolith. We're like, sorry. These are both your ideas?

I did a thing. We should shout them out. Great YouTube channel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They know how to do good on internet. God. This is so funny. Saying yes to that is just like, yep, for sure.

We will claim that we did the monolith. Absolutely. For an Netflix show. Sure. Yeah, whatever. Absolutely. Whatever you want. Okay, sure.

Cut to Neil Gaiman doing a Flintstones car to promote The Sandman. Oh my God. Ow, ow, ow. I think we would have really hurt ourselves. Yeah, we would have lost our feet. That was crazy. Yeah, I was fine there.

That's just about the idea. Yeah, yeah. What if we approached a hill? I was straight. I'm bored there. I was so straight. Yeah. And by the way, you can only break with your feet.

Action. Wait, what? Huh? If you are experiencing symptoms of erectile dysfunction or ED, don't worry, you're not alone. 52% of Canadian men between 40 and 70 suffer from ED. To get more information, sign up at edinfo.ca. That's E for erectile, D for dysfunction, info.ca.

Then talk to your doctor because you are not alone when dealing with ED. A stolen from sundry house and shops in Middletown the night after the 30th of April. A claret colored new broad cloth coat with flowered yellow buttons and lining rather light than the cloth. A clean, genteel gun about six inches of stock next to the muzzle has been broken off and glued on with a rag.

What? Yeah. I mean, honestly. What? I love it back. I love this variety in grammar. Like there has not been a, they've not said a date the same way.

Like what was glued on stock? I got lost at stock. Okay. A genteel gun, which already you lost me, about six inches of the stock next to the muzzle, so next to the muzzle, has been broken off and glued on with a rag next the barrel. So they glued a rag. So they used a rag to tie it together?

So did they use the genteel gun to do the robbery? Yeah. Because was this stolen? No, this was stolen. This was the item that was stolen. This was also stolen besides the jacket. The jacket and this. How much do we know how much the jacket weighed?

I guess that's what we're all wondering. Yeah. You know what? They didn't leave a weight here. So I don't know how they're going to get it back. It's a little strange. Five pounds we know is about the right. Yeah, that's the going jacket weight.

I'm such a big fan of the way they choose to order things as well. This is again another example of a jacket and also a sawn-off shotgun. Tied together with a rag, glued on. It's very important that you put in glued on with a rag. Because that's the most defining detail of my gun. And if somebody sees that gun glued on with a rag, let them know it was a really weird thing I was doing. I glued a rag onto the part I cut off.

Are you writing this down? It's all got to go in. And it's Gen Tio. It's Gen Tio, by the way. It's a brute gun. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. I don't use guns for force.

Anything else stolen? Yep. Black Barcelona handkerchiefs. Okay. A silver watch. A collared shirt. Three pair of men's shoes. A stone ring.

The stone out. Stone ring, stone out. I like that honesty. So it's just, it's not a stone ring. A stone, a stone ring. A ring for a stone. I.K.I. ring. It's just a ring.

Yeah. A quantity of money, both silver and paper. I would have put that first. I also put the I.K.I. If you see my money. And a bunch of my money. You'll know it if you see it. There's no money.

Is that, where did you get that? Because I'm actually missing a bunch. It's just some money. Some money. Some money, man. Yeah, man. Been a money. They stole some money.

It's a money. A worked pocket book. Whoever shall apprehend the thief or thieves so that he or they may be brought to justice shall have $5 reward. Paid by Nathaniel Brown, Asiel Johnson, and Esther Whitmore. Now is this reward still standing if we were to find these items that day?

Yeah, I don't see why it wouldn't be. And is that a decent reward for back then? I bet it's a lot of fucking money. Yeah, $5 would be a fair bit. I bet it's, yeah, I bet it's a lot. I like the idea that it's the same. Yeah, that's funny. Well, because, yeah.

No, give you five bucks. Is it, what's the currency here in 1700s? Is it, is it a pound? It's a pound, yeah. So five pounds. So yeah. Same as the code. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, right. Oh, whoa. Well, this is $196 today. Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not huge. Yeah, that's not a lot. Yeah, it's not a lot. It's in 200 bucks for my shit back.

Like, I think that's fair. Yeah, it's not fair. Yeah, I mean, the item. Although, how much, how much money? What, is the money like $20 or then it's not? Well, look, it's the quantity of money. But also, I care about my rag gun. So yeah, that's not a mental value.

That's it. My rag gun. My rag gun. It's like a big, big chunky gun. No, no, no, no, no. But it's quite a genteel gun. It's my father's rag gun. So that's, yeah, that's a fair reward.

Oh, boy, this is somebody who's at a Springfield that's, we hear from Springfield that one day this week, a young woman of that place died with grief, said to be occasioned by a disappointment in a love affair. The young man who is said to be the occasion of her death was present a few hours before she died and then offered marriage to her. But it was then too late to preserve her life. It is said the young man now lies at the point of death.

This may be a warning to young man not to make a practice of deceiving the fair sex. Well, what? Yeah. Are you sure that was Springfield and not Fair Verona? I'm so sorry. The past times have been like, yeah, like that. The past times have been like, I'm so bad.

I've been like, the lead at the Caprio Jokes has been sitting in my brain. I've been really regretting that. I'm so glad you threw something in. He's died from embarrassment? But did he propose to her right before she died? So I think this is how it worked out. I think that he decided not to marry her.

She then fell into, as a woman will, if you say I won't marry you, she fell into total death. And then right before she passed, he felt so bad that then he asked her to marry her. And but it was too late. And then she died anyway. And now he is like beside himself almost dying. Yeah.

Are there euphemisms going on here? Is this kind of? This is perfectly factual. But better people dying of grief or are they sort of implying heavier shit there? Or are they just I don't think people died of grief then? I think they did. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I would. I would imagine they did. I mean, yeah, they thought people died of the crazy shit way into the 1900s. So like that she was possibly just dying from like some normal. Yeah. She like had cancer.

Yeah. Yeah. They were all like, oh my lord. It's a broken. He gave her a syphilis. Yeah. She was dying of syphilis. Yeah.

And then he was like, oh, we can get married now. Oh, dear. Wow. Her nose. That's it. That's a story. It's just something really funny about being like, no, I don't want to marry you.

And she's sick. Oh, I feel bad. All right, I'll marry you. And then she dies. And he's like, well, I'm fucked now. Oh, I'm so sad. Oh my god. And I've got to die now.

Well, I'm sure everybody was like, Bill, what the fuck did you do? And he's like, no, everybody hates me. Hey, will you marry me? And she's like, it's too late. I'm dying from your rejection. And he's like, this is so weird. I do love the lesson, I guess.

Don't play with girls feelings. Yeah. At the end, that is a very so. If you're going to learn anything, don't mess around with women. It's a moralistic newspaper. Yeah. It's all morals. Yeah.

Yeah. Boston, April 16th, last Tuesday morning, as the Reverend William Hooper, minister of the Trinity Church in this town, was walking from his garden to his house. Without any any complaint of illness, he instantly dropped dead in the yard. Was there a proposal?

Was this before he got to his door? OK. He was a reverend. He was a reverend. This sounds like God was like. Probably tried to take his jacket. Yeah, you're not doing a good job. Right.

He just took dead. A guy walking to his house dropped dead. The guy walking from his garden to his house. Yeah, he had a heart attack. Yeah, he had a heart attack. Well, I think he was 198 years old. It could have been a witch. Yeah, it could have been a witch.

It could have been a witchy. It could have been a stark heart attack or a witch. Yeah, yeah. One out of three. That seems pretty clear. And that's just like, that's very, I mean, OK. I would imagine more people are dying, but this guy just. Well, this guy's probably more famous

because he's a minister in Boston at Trinity Church as a picture. Newspaper, right? There's no talk of international politics. There's no talk of, you know, taxation without representation. Some of it, it's like, that's where they just print these long letters and it's super boring and the language is hard to understand. So there's a little bit. But sometimes in some of these old papers,

they will like, they will cover international news. A lot of international news, yeah. This paper is actually surprisingly sticking to local. This feels like E-news kind of energy. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The gossips. How much of this is there as well?

How long is this paper? Well, the podcast is three hours. So paper, paper, paper. I don't mean in terms of wanting to get out. No, no, no, no. I'm having a great time. I was a little late and it's about three hours. No, no, no, no, no.

I want to finish this newspaper. Yeah, we're not leaving until this goddamn paper is finished. My question is, I feel like a lot of people back then would have died without complaining of illness. I feel like that wouldn't be of note. Well, I feel like your general condition would just be such a more hell, like your skin was a prison in that time,

so much more. But no, I think it makes sense that it's of note because if someone just drops dead and you're not aware of what a heart attack is or what a stroke is or anything like that, that's an odd event. You have no concept of why they were OK and then dead. But this is what I'm saying is, now if someone did it,

you'd be like, oh, that's pretty crazy because nothing showed up in the autopsy. Yeah, right. I feel like 50% of the population would have died. They'd often go down with the fever, the fever, the fever. If you have the autopsy now, you would probably find out what it was and then you'd be like, oh, OK.

Yeah, no, but what I'm saying is, wouldn't a lot of people, anyone that might have a stroke, why have you ever thought of a heart attack? It's a very moldary approach, if you ask me. Yeah, well, they'd be like... Moldary. Very moldary. A lot of them would be like, again, who's the witch?

Who's Smite Bob? But yeah, I think they were probably just like... We didn't find out whether a woman or a guard hand. Because I think you're right. I think most people died of a fever or had like a... Yeah, most people had. So people didn't get to stroke so hard. Yeah, yeah.

The death process would be the, what they would consider the cause of death. Yeah. And once you start to show the results of untreated cancer, that's the fever of that is the death. Right, right. And probably the strokes and the heart attacks that kill people now, people were dying of fevers

before they got to anything. Yeah, yeah, right, yeah. Hey, I'm so glad we talked this through. Yeah, there you go. Infections. Like, infections are like a huge thing. Yeah, yeah. Untreated infections.

Because this is before they knew about germs, hey. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is when they're like, throw a little dirt in that. That'll heal that. And we're going backwards on the germs thing, because now people are like, masks, don't work. Oh, yeah. Okay.

But they really were like, there was the time when they would just be like, but, but, but, don't wash that utensil. It's about to go in this man. It was like literally like that. They're like, you foolish nurse. You're going to kill him. There was a person apparently, the first guy,

there was this guy in like Europe that was apparently like, I think he was saying, people keep dying whenever I do surgery on them. I think there might be tiny little things we can't see that are killing them. Have you heard this story? It's like, I think there might be tiny little things that are killing them.

And everyone was like, you're crazy. Baby witches? Yeah, baby witches, they're like, that's the crazy thing we should have ever heard. And the guy was like, no, yeah. Yeah, we, we covered something similarly where, when they were kind of going through like the genesis of like, now wait.

Dirty things seem to infect. No, no, I know it's crazy, but listen closely. And people are like, oh, here we go again. All of my American history or the majority of it's taken from the Tom Hanks produced John Adams series. Oh, okay. And they, there's an episode in that where they, that's the smallpox or these wilts.

There's a fever going around this disease. And the way to, what's the word, inject, what's the word? Vaccinate the kids. Just take a little bit of it. Take the pus. Yeah. And put it in everyone. And if you survive that good and some didn't,

and that was the vaccination. You rub it in their eye. Yeah, yeah. So that's, that's fun. Yeah. And we learned now that that was microchipping. That's right. That's right.

That was the quarry. They were important data. So slowly figuring out where everyone went. The grand plan of where did you go? We're still dealing with it. John Fowler, lying, drowned in, exclamation point. Drowned in. Drowned in.

Hopbrook, so-called, where the water was not anywhere more than knee deep. I think that's supposed to be the headline, but it's just the first. So he drowned in hot water no more than a feet. Hop. Hop water. Still.

Hot brook. Deep hop water. Hot brook, he drowned in the water. River. No, but just water. Just no more than a foot. Knee deep water. Okay.

It's vicious. He went from his house about an hour before sunset last evening with intent to go to the mill. He not. Big day. Yeah. I'm off to the mill. You guys weigh your coat?

No, I'm off to the mill. I have intent to go to the mill. I'm intent to go to the mill. Well, I'm off to the mill. I don't find a puddle. Well, it's almost night time. I'm off to the mill. Yeah, you know me.

I'm going to go to the mill. Is the mill the pub? No, it's an actual mill. Just not to get any time, I imagine, or grain. Some sort of grain. Yeah, probably. She hasn't specified the grain. It does not.

All right, I'm going to go to the mill at midnight. He not returning, his son-in-law this morning went after him, found a little late, found the horse and the bridle turned with the reins lying on his neck. He going to the brook, not 100. Oh, the brook. OK. Not 100 rods from the house.

Found his father. 100 great measurement. 100 rods. Why did we get rid of that? Could you step it out? Hey, Rod. What? OK, great.

Right. Found his father lying underwater with his face downward, a surprising spectacle indeed. Oh, good. Yeah. That's so good. You feel like they get bored? Ricks for comment.

I'm a little shocked. He was dead. We already used those strange. I read it. I just feel like you need to spice it up a little bit. Is that the ending? No. No, OK.

Because I love the idea that this is also in the rip. For them, this is, oh, what a funny little story. Should we do a cartoon? What does everyone think? What's everyone feeling? I mean, really, they're only a foot. Yeah. The jury's verdict was he fell from his horse

into the brook and was drowned in the water. Stupid jury. So, yeah, so probably something he killed himself. He's already got drowned. I feel like he had like a stroke or something and then just dropped in it. We were saying that the reins on the horse were pulled like hard.

Like, he was riding at night. He couldn't see where he was going. He was trying to evade it. Oh, right. Oh, maybe he dragged him into the boat. Yeah, really? Oh, yeah. I know.

We all heard it, too. But I'm not like, my wheels aren't spinning that direction. Yeah. That's the whole thing with cards. I think you might have just solved. Get them on the coin. This was a cold case. Is there an 800 number?

This was a cold case. There's more. Oh, there's more. This man was born in Britain, appeared to be upwards of seven years of age. He had a gallon bottle full of cider to carry to the mill, fastened to his hand, and swimming in the water when he was found.

So he was ship-faced. He was ship-faced. That's gone to the mill. Well, he was English. So. My intent is to go to the mill. Why do you have a gallon of soda? What are you, my dad?

It's shipped to your hands. Oh, here we go again. I ride better after a couple. Just drink driving. Yeah. Where are you going? The mill. Yeah, yeah.

He was just going to go like whack off in the forest drunk. He was like, the mill. Fuck off. I got guys in the mill. Yeah, he was probably cheating on his wife. Yeah. Well, I should probably go to the mill. That's all I'm going to go to the mill.

We're at a flower. Yeah, I'm probably going to get a bit of flour at the mill. We have plenty. I don't like that flour. Not self-rising. It's stale. Yeah. I'll be about 500 rods away.

Don't freak out. You relax, lady. I might grab a little drink. You know what? I think I might take a big thing. Let me put that barrel on my back like I'm a Saint Bernard. Would you? Fuck it.

Let's party. Oh, man. Yeah, that's full. That's sad. We all dealt with it very sadly, didn't we? This one's long. Yeah, I love a long one. A few days ago, three sharpers went to a public house

in Rochester and sent for a tradesman pretending they would be customers to him. What's a shopper? Shopper, yeah. I don't know what a shopper is. It's one of the shopping things, maybe. Yeah, it might be. A knife sharpener or something like that.

No, I think it's like a hooligan. I feel like it's a hooligan. Oh, like a shopper. Yeah, a sharple. Yeah, because they had ill intent, correct? They didn't have male intent. Yes, they did have a black hole on them. Nice.

Nice. What was their intent? Yeah. Yeah, sharpers. I like sharpers. Yeah. You're a couple of sharpers. I'm still a sharper.

That sounds like a Blade Runner. It could also be in the near future. They're a sharpers, too. Yeah, goddamn sharpers. Do they help you up the mountain in Everest? That's a sharper. I thought it might. I'm so sorry.

You need a sharper. Yeah, I don't know if there would be. You need a sharper sherpa if you get lost there. We don't have a lot of sherpas in New England. I know. I wasn't around at the time, but I don't think so. You just went for the male guy. You put some more cider on your back.

Am I allowed to Google? Yeah, you Google. It's a swindler. Oh, there you go. Okay, so it is. Yeah. Especially at cards. Oh, a Maverick.

Yeah. In the course of conversation, one of them took occasion to mention an affair which just happened where they had been. That a person undertook for a trifling wager to repeat the words, there he goes for a quarter of an hour, six. The choice of what to go into detail. It's always phenomenal. I'll find it out.

Always fascinating. I'll expound on that. It says success, successfully, but it's got to mean consecutively, I think. Okay. For a quarter of an hour, without moving from his feet, which, easy as it appears, he could not perform. So for 15 minutes, the guy was supposed to say, there he goes over and over and over again.

For 15 minutes, he couldn't do it. To the, okay. To the man. It was a bet, right? It was a bet. I bet you can't say there he goes for 15 minutes. So the sharpener brought in the tradesperson. This is a story they're telling.

And they said earlier, there was a bet where a man couldn't say, there he goes for 15 minutes. That's not that hard. It was back then. People couldn't stay alive between the gate and the doorstep. He'll probably have a stroke during it. The unsuspecting tradesman caught the bait and proposed himself to repeat the same words for double the time. So this guy's like, I'll do that for 30 minutes.

Do it for 30. Let's go. The sharper took him at his word and 10 guineas were immediately staked. Whereupon, he placed himself facing the dial, but left any tricks should be played there with. He pulled out his gold watch and placed it on the table before him. Okay. So timing it.

Okay. Yeah. Preliminary is now being settled. He proceeded on the performance. But here he had made such progress. His opponents swept money and watch off the table and walked out. So, so he was getting so far. Right.

The con was basically the 15 minute guy was probably in on it, right? Must have bet. So he's like, I'll do it for 15. And this guy's like 15, I'll do 30. And they're like dumbass, put the watch down. He's doing it. Yeah. The watch and the money down.

And he's doing really well. And they're like, yeah, not really good at swindling or sharpness. This was the whole plan. Yeah. That's what I was in. Okay. So they're like, he's thinking you've got a fake clock here. Yeah.

I'll get out my watch and the whole time they wanted his watch. Well, you know. Well, I mean, Dave, is that what happens? This is hard to read. The tradesman supposing this to be only a scheme for him to lose the wager. I think continued steadfast and repeating only the four mentioned words. There he goes. So he kept.

Oh. So maybe they're just trying to throw him on. Yeah. That's what he thinks. By being like, hey, buddy, you're going to do it. We're out of here. And then he'd be like, hey, what the fuck? We had a deal.

And they're like, you stop. But he kept going. Yeah. But he was smart. He was like, yeah. Or incredibly stupid. Right. Yeah.

Let's find out. The landlord observing his companion's walkout went to acquaint him with his suspicion. When he entered the room, he found his guest as before described, but could receive no answer from him. But there he goes. So this guy's stuck. So the landlord of the bar, right? Landlord of the bar.

He comes up and goes, hey, man, those guys who just bet you to say, there he goes. Oh, they're trying to, right? They're trying to, they're trying to swindle you. And then this guy was like, no, there he goes. There he goes. I'm not going to stop saying it. You think you're going to fuck me? Yeah.

No one can fuck me. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes.

There he goes. Apprehending he was delirious. It was now judged, we can't read that word, requisite or quite. Yeah, that feels like it's in the right realm. To send some skillful person to assist him. An apothecary was there upon. Does anyone need some lamb wool and garlic? Get the fuck out of here.

There's a man who won't stop saying there. He goes, is anyone here an apothecary? Does anyone need a potion to stop a man from saying there he goes? We need a potion for this man. Oh my lord. That's so funny. Bit of mushroom and nude penis are to eliminate this stutter. This is escalate.

This is going in directions. I did not expect. This is much, this long one is much better than the first one. This is a bad one. Yeah. An apothecary was therefore provided who, when entered, found the tradesman in the aforementioned position saying, there he goes.

He's been saying this for 28 minutes. Please cure him. Arguments they found were in vain. They therefore were about to proceed to forcible means to attract his attention otherwise. But as they were entering on their intended operation, the time expired and the tradesman with an oath declared he had won the wager. So he got to 30 minutes. Yeah.

This unexpected change surprised the. I can't read you guys, but the guys. And we suppose the. Visited was not less alarmed when informed of the trick which had passed on him and to heighten his vexation. He cannot now show. Oh, he cannot now show his face without being insulted by the boys with there he goes. So they just took the money and left.

And now he looks like an asshole because they were trying to stop him. Right. And now every time he goes back to the place, everyone goes, there he goes. So his life is hell. I thought it would go darker. Yeah. It's a bit of a ribbon with the boys. Yeah, yeah.

I was a bit of an idiot. Did he see was he facing a wall? No, he saw them to. I think he saw them take it. He saw it. They're trying to create. Yeah. But once they leave, like they were putting a sword through him and he was like,

there he goes. There he goes. Their belief is that they're going to take the money in the watch and he's going to think it's them trying to throw him off and stay there. Yeah, right. So he stays there while they get away. Yeah. Because that's like, because that's, you know, that's all.

We just think it's. Yeah, he's waiting for the big reveal. He's like, all right, boys. Nice try. And like they left 25 minutes ago. That's great. That's what I can understand sticking through it. But once they leave the saloon.

Or follow them. Just like, there he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes.

He thinks if he goes outside, they're going to be standing there smoking a cigarette. And plus the fact that they say very, I'm saying there he goes. It's tough for him. It's like Latin. He's like showing. He's like getting the police. There he goes. There he goes.

There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. There he goes.

What? There he goes. Stop saying that. There he goes. There he goes. Amazing. I love how, you know how the smartest ideas are really, really stupid? Yeah.

This has got that quality to it. It's a really stupid plan. That's the equivalent of the piss on the bar. You know that, that whole. I'll fill the shot glass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll fill the shot glass with piss things. No.

It's like an old camera. Where it's just, I mean, it's basically, go ahead. Like a guy says, he makes a bet with someone. Yeah. Like 20 bucks. What with the bar owner, right? Yeah. He goes up to the bar owner.

He's like, 20 bucks. I can piss from here to the end of the bar into that shot glass. And I will not spill a drop. Every single drop of my piss will go into that shot glass. And the bartender's like, no fucking way. I'll take that bet, right? You're going to owe me 20 bucks. And the guy pulls his dick out.

And he pisses everywhere. He pisses on the bar. He pisses on the bar. He's everywhere but the shot glass. And the bartender's pissing himself off. And he's like, ah, you owe me 20 bucks. And he's like, one minute. And then the guy walks over to someone on the other side

of the bar, gets $100 dollars, comes back, gives him 20 bucks. And he's like, what just happened? He's like, well, I bet that guy over there that I will get my dick out. Piss on your bar. Piss on your face. Piss everywhere. And not only would you not get mad, you'd be laughing

and you'd be happy a bit. That's a great tip. I love that this newspaper bar is these sorts of stuff. Yeah, it's like that's, yeah. It must be from one of these pages. It might be. The year of people, olden days, people like reading that, be like, oh, get this, get a load of this.

Well, well, well. There he goes. There he goes. Last one? Yeah, probably, yeah. On Monday, two young fellows who were at the execution of Williamson in Morefields. We're back.

Full circle, we're back. And this is what I want to know. This is just the front cover, right? No, we're on, we're, no, we've, this is eight pages. We're deep in it. Oh, we're deep in it, right. Okay. We're about to hit the one ends.

Yeah. In Morefields for the murder of his wife, on their return home, chatting with each other and making light of the pain, which are criminal and dirt and hanging. Oh my God, what a crazy contextualization. Yeah. So there they are.

Welcome back. Chewing the fat, laughing about the murder that they just saw publicly. One of them agreed to be hanged for two or three minutes in order to judge with certainty. He accordingly pulled a, so. Okay. This is like a, this is like the third story

in Pulp for June. Yeah. You know what it is? Oh right, yeah. It's like, you thought that was the end of that story? Yeah. It's not a sonic moment. They were eating the crowd at the first three pages.

This is the extras. Clarify me. You guys, I'm going to see if I can hang myself for three minutes. Yeah. Because they just saw the execution. So he's like, I bet you can survive. For two or three minutes.

So this is one of the executions we've already done. Yeah, this wasn't the early one. The bad guy? Yeah. I would like one. I think Williamson was the bad guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

So that's okay. They were making fun of it. Because it was the. Yeah, yeah. I didn't realize it was the guy. I'd listen to those of us who are listening to the podcast. I didn't realize it was the guy who was torturing his wife. So.

Yeah. If it was either him or the forgery guy, then it is okay. No, no, it's also. I mean, the guy. What's that? John Williamson, yeah? John Williamson. Yeah, Williamson.

Who composed Star Wars? Is that him? May the fall. Wow. Holy shit. Holy shit. Same guy. Oh my gosh.

Even then, they knew. And this paper is actually written in slow yellow scroll. So in order to judge with certainty, he accordingly pulled a cap over his face and swung himself off a chair. You are kidding me. This is Ludacris. Taking a handkerchief in his hand,

which he was to drop whenever he wanted to be cut down. Yeah, I'm sure that's what the handkerchief was for. You have to jack off while we're doing it. This is, I mean. This is incredible. This friend came up with a story. Yeah. Oh yeah, right, right.

And what was the handkerchief for? Oh well, he was going to drop it. I used to say. We were communicating through hankies. At first, he plunged pretty much, but an interval of several minutes passed. OK, well, several minutes. Yeah, the pets over.

Several minutes. And no handkerchief being dropped, his companion became uneasy. Don't forget to drop it if you need help. It's been 35 minutes. Companion. Hey, buddy. And thought proper to cut him down.

Oh, good. Good friend. That's a good friend. That's a good friend. I think proper. Yeah, that's proper. Yeah, that's proper. Did he say, why put him out?

He had a cat over his face. Oh, a hat. Right. So it was probably just a pull. He probably just pulled down a big hat. He is so funny. Sure. This is too stupid.

Yeah, these are dumb guys. This is not. Yeah, I know I said this earlier and I was wrong, but I think this man wanted to die. I think it was like, I do know what would be so funny. Yeah. All right, let's just have a little bet. I bet I could do it.

Yeah. I think it was Jerk in it. Yeah. He was Jerk in it. Yeah, or he just wanted to die. Yeah. Either drop the handkerchief or come. I need one.

It's amazing. It's amazing. Several minutes. Cut him down. To his inexpressible astonishment. I thought you were going to say in excess, which would have been fucking. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. He was in excess. Sorry. I know that. Sorry.

He's actually Australian. I know that's an expensive story. I know he's one of your founding fathers. Sorry. He's your Ben Franklin, right? Yeah. He's an important figure. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Went to his inexpressible astonishment. He found him quite dead and was so. Quite dead. So shocked in the circumstances that he lost his senses immediately and is now tied down,

raving mad in his apartment. Oh my God. All right. So he went crazy and the other guy died. Well, that's right. Off an execution. Off of, yeah, off of going. Off from an execution.

This is why he's just having a lot of executions. Son would say they were haunted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or it's them shoppers going to go, I'll bet you you can't hang yourself for seven minutes. There he goes.

There he goes. I'll let you down. Yeah. That would be a great twist. If this like a whole newspaper article just kept folding in on it. The Shyamalan times. It's just there's so little to do

that you go to an execution with your friend, say that and go, let's give it a go. You're on the high. You're on the high from that public execution. That was sick. Let's just try it. Let's do a little bit. It's like go to see an action movie and be like,

I bet I could do that. I do love that. I mean, I don't know. But you know, like people talk about violence in movies and everything. Yeah. This is the only time where we just watched violence, fake violence, you know?

Yeah. Literally people wouldn't watch executions. That's the video games of their times, isn't it? Yeah. I think these public executions or these parody executions might be correlated for God's sake, Professor. Relax. What else?

You got more invisible witches on the utensils? Apothecary. We're going to need some cell serenurine as out of his tits. Well, thank you guys. Oh, go ahead. No, I was just saying clearly the man was jerking off. Yeah. Yeah.

That's actually a whole other side. Yeah, that was it. I'm out of that. I just want to get that off your chest before you. The dude was fucking jerking off. That was a David Karate situation. Oh, yeah, great. I did.

Yeah. Well, thank you guys. This was so much fun. Thank you. Thank you for joining us. Pleasure. Go to your website, anti-donna.com. The tickets.

Yeah, tickets. Come tour in all the English language. Come tour in all the English language. I'm like the animal. I was like, oh, god. Yeah, come. Just like the last man we heard about. Yeah, but yeah.

I mean. Pleasure. Yeah, thank you so much, honestly. Yeah, next time you're in Australia, we should get a cider and pour a horse into a river. Get a cider and a puddle. I love it. That'd be great.

All right, thank you. Thanks, Jen. Thank you so much. Thanks, guys. That was great. That was really good. That was such a fun. Some of these days, you'll miss me, honey.

Some of these days.