The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - The Past Times with Sovereign Syre

Episode Date: November 17, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and guest comedian and podcaster Sovereign Syre Redbubble Merch

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And here's the best part, you can say goodbye to late fees. My Toronto Pay offers pre-authorized utility bill payment options, so you'll never miss a deadline again. Join the nearly 400,000 other Torontonians who have already started enjoying the benefits of the My Toronto Pay platform. Visit toronto.ca slash My Toronto Pay to find out more. old newspaper from a random date history picked up by Dave Anthony I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week.

So, we saw you. Fantastic. You have a podcast called We Could Get Into More Stuff but you have a podcast called Ill Repute and we understand that not a lot of men are on the bottom of your podcast. My big brother is the editor. Okay, that's pretty good. We let him talk sometimes. involving your podcast. So my big brother is the editor. That's pretty good. We let him talk sometimes.

That's, that's, we'll take it. Is he a white man? He is. Whew. That was close. Thank God. And people can listen to that wherever they listen to the podcast.

Wherever you pod and we're on YouTube as well, I host it with my friend Ella Darling. Okay. Yeah. Are you having wine? Yes, I am. Ah, so great. I'm so proud of you. I am fully grown.

I have a different kind of... And is that Pinot Grige? It's a soft blanc. Soft blanc. Dave, tell her how much I used to love a soft blanc. Loved it. All right. We like to take a guess as to what he told me today.

Okay, Dave're testing. You have the most beautiful eyes, Garrett. They're very charming and twinkly, like you twinkly-eyed fucker. What? Are you sure that's not the side one? Are you part Irish? Are you? I am part Irish.

You are? Yeah. My people are English. We're of the Great British. The colonizing weirdos who are potato based. Do you, does it, did it not start with you? Do you have genetic memory? Do you have like a,

an especially affinity for potato products? I mean, it doesn't everybody, is it? I mean, I will say on the road, it has become a real struggle than on each french fries. Like the way that like a vampire craves blood. Like after a show, I'm like, where should get starch fast? Because I was like a model and I was in front of the camera

for 10 years. For 10 years, I just didn't need a lot of food. And now it's like a Pavlovian thing. I see a French fry and I'm like, you're gonna die. Yeah,'m have you been able to overcome that you'll become invisible. Have you been able to overcome that? Are you able to? No, it's it's so ingrained at this point and fuck it. I mean we're in like Free like that's no problem. But Dave, I think I don't think you're listening Dave because she's saying that's the die. She wouldn't need to.

She doesn't need fresh. Not going to take your I feel like you're saying healthy alternative, which you're just not. They are. Tater tots are healthy alternative. No. Listen, I grew up I grew up poor and it is one of the food groups. Tater tots hot Cheetos.

The theetos, the the weird, the weird school lunch chocolate milk. Oh, yeah, you could trade for shit. That you only got it on like Friday. What about the lunch Tater tots where you could like scrape the end of the Tater tots and you got like King Crunch of Tater, like the Tater tots would kind of cling together and like a group of like nine. And you can just get that extra like silver crispy out. See this is what I'm talking about in English. Yeah. I can't help it. I was

destined for this. It's it's a good. So I like to twinkly Garrett. Is that okay? Yeah. He's a he's twinkly. I can we call you twinkly from now on. Hey listen, I'll podcast on Molly all the time from now on. No, but seriously, your eyes are like glossy with charm and intrigue. Well, Dave, you see how a nice person talks to me, Dave? He has a basement full of bodies. Okay, listen, that's... Listen, this is how I start.

All right. I'm trying to destabilize. And it's a pyramid scheme, isn't it? You're coming up here. You're in a pyramid. You it's a pyramid. He was here. Yeah, you're You're now for the rest of the episode. He's gonna be like, yeah, am I Tinkley? Yeah, I'd be like, sorry, what it was that? I'm sorry, I forgot the pun. I'm just trying to open my eyes as wide as I'm just trying to like peep Dave to to fucking game. Yeah, like that's how you do it.

You get in you fucking destabilized. Yeah, this is good. Well, you're believe me, you're an American. I am, yes, I am very loud and confidently wrong often. Welcome. I like to guess the year of the newspaper we're going to go through. I invite you to do the same. Do do we get a clue? Or like, just just Just, I like to sort of frame it as to what Dave thinks, you know, what he thinks you'll like. I'm gonna guess. And we could go as far back as 1600. We did a couple of those.

They were super weird. It was like reading a children's book, but I'm gonna guess 1919 is my guess. Okay, I'm guessing 1903. Okay, great guess. David. It is 1878. You've won. All the guests win. Yeah, the guests always win. That's one thing we love about this casino. The guest always win. Okay. September 11th, 1878. Oh, but just a regular day back then. Never forget. Yeah. Back then they didn't even think about it. It's the Chicago Daily Telegraph. Okay. Page one, mashed on his wife. I'm sorry, I'm not into whatever the verb, no, no, is that it? Smash or pass? Or is this, are you just trying to make an English I'm not going to be able to get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

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Self murder is the new way of describing taking your own life keep going. Right. In their efforts to spin out a long account of the Michigan Avenue sensation distorted the facts in a wonderful manner. Also the saying the night reporters lied. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, that's where we don't have them anymore. They're bunch of members. I had to get rid of them. I got rid of them.

All in morning reporters now, gentlemen. You guys are just drunk making up stuff. Yeah, it's a pretty interesting thing. It's nice. That is self-scored out of here. Say it. I'm a poet. I'm a poet.

A self-murdered. Hey, we were supposed to be right and you fucking idiots were screwed. So, and manufactured a very thin story. So, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is,

so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is,

so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, so, this is, avenue station. Okay. So they made up an affair with the cottage grove or somebody made up an affair. So she was fucking a cop. It sounds like allegedly allegedly, then allegedly, you know, it's like a fuck around and find out situation. You know, yeah. The telegraph reporter was on the

scene of the tragedy shortly after the occurrence and made diligent inquiry for some tangible cause for Dean's jealousy. So Dean did a bad thing. Dean killed himself and sounds like beat her up. And the first thing, okay, and so she's been maimed in some capacity and the first thing the guy's doing is like, why did he do this to himself? And she's like, I'm all fucked up. And he's like, hey, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. So what would cause a man to take his own life? She's like, ah, he like cut me a lot. Well, it's gotta be a woman.

She had to have been fucking someone else. Why has for the man do this? You're bang a cop? Exactly, exactly. I mean, just, you know, what was she wearing? We up all of it. Yeah, thank you. That's so true.

Just like, behind every man is a crazy woman. Yep. And when we say that, people come at us. But, you know, I'm just, I'm here to be one of the guys. Thank you. You're getting right in. I'm going to, Dave, timeout. I'm getting some solid blonde.

Fuck it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. What are the guys? A number of deans intimate acquaintances and chums were interviewed and all asserted that they had heard deans say time and time again that he had the best wife on earth that she was good and a virtuous woman. Oh, you know, wife guy. Oh, wife guy. Of course, it's a fucking wife guy. Of course. A chum. He had a touch of the moorbs as they used to say. That was all playing moorbs

meant being depressed and morbidly fascinated. You know, I've got a touch of the moorbs. That was, that was excellent. So cute. But like, it sounds like something a Gen Z person would say, doesn't it? It sounds like something a teenager. So it's like a TikTok trend. We're morbid.

Yeah. I got the moorbs. I'm morbid. Yeah. The morb, yeah. I got my morbid. I mean, if I, if I ever died, just please refer to my friends as chums

Intimate chums intimate chun. I feel like that's very appropriate language if I've just been Facially mutilated and driven a man to suicide What did you do lady? I have a vagina and that's yeah, there we go That'll do it I have a vagina and that's yeah, there we go They represented him as wanting his wife with him always a further investigation in the affair yesterday They're laying it on a little thick. I feel like I feel like this is posthumous like you know what I mean like boy He never loved anyone like okay okay, all right. Then why did he maver? This is also one of the, it's really terribly written. This is one of the ones

that are hard to figure out because it, okay. So, Miss Knight, who was reported to have alleged that police officer Dürr was the immediate cause of the jealousy, denies in the insinuations of the Times alleged interview. She says that when asked whom she saw in company with Miss Dean, but sides her husband, she said she saw her speak with Thurr the most as he was always on that beat. She said the interview is the most outrageous distortion in its salient points is nothing but so so so she told a reporter She saw him talking to this cop all the time because that was the beat the cop was on and then and then the reporter was like they're fucking But the woman that was like maimed by a violent fucking psychopath was frequently talking to the policemen that walked the beat around her. I wonder what they were talking about.

She was definitely like, look, I'm really worried. He seems like a loose cannon and the guy's like, yeah, that's awful. But that's like any witness is like, they're banging. They're banging. A reporter sought office of Darius a day afternoon and obtained from him substantially the following statement. He said the whole charge of improper intimacy is a falsehood. He knew Miss Dean as nearly ever officer

in the police station did. He always thought she liked to get around. Yeah, she's a cop, fucker, cop, fucker. Oh man. Like a uniform. No, I'm worried about my husband. No, I'm talking to every, boy, she's really begging a mizu-che.

Yeah. He always found her a pleasant to screen upright lady. And as the best evidence in the refutation of the charge, he could cite, he stated that his mother and sister were well acquainted with misdeen and called on her many times. How does that help? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not having to fear whether. Also, my mom and sister hung out. Well, there are a lot, you know what I mean? Listen, my mom said it was okay.

And you know, you know, that's every pop justification for anything. My mom, mommy said I could. My mom said I was allowed to shoot him. I'm a big boy. I Can fuck the other guys wife mom. Dirt mom said Dean and himself were also intimately equated and very often Everyone it sounds like everybody's fucking it does. It's not a good word for what's going on He's just overusing intimately Yeah, I mean I think in the past, everyone was doing nothing but fucking also. Well, the night reporters. So they're

probably a little more like Romant, you know, like, yeah, his intimate friends. She was intimate with all the cops. Yeah, the night reporters do it a little more tiddingly. Yeah, tiddingly Tittingly. I said that wrong. Is that a right term? It is now the correct term now that I've said. I'm not okay with what you've done. Titting, tittingly. What is titting?

Titting. I just read Phil Stuller's memoir, and she describes someone as titting her at. Oh, shit. I'm really. She was talking about someone grab her, because she had huge jugs. Yeah.

You know that, right? She was she had like enormous wreck. So what does that mean, grab it? She's a hide it. And she was telling a story about her because she had huge jugs. Yeah. You know that right? She was she'll like enormous wreck. So what does that mean? She's a heiner. Right. And she was telling a story about some guy like grabbing her tits. He's like, when you got done titting me because she was like born in 1916. So like everything in the back like, you know, I was getting a bit of a titan.

You know how it is. So I was like, oh, is that an actual parlance? They were razzin me. They were titting me. You get the usual. I always get titted, you know? No, I've been titted. I took a day of a lot. He's been titting me for a while. I love to take. Yeah. The probable cause of the attempt to connect Dürr with the matter was a collie made at Miss Warner's house the afternoon of the tragedy. He was out selling

tickets to the yellow fever picnic and among a number of other houses on his beach. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can't barbecue, whatever to kick. Yeah, like a, ha, ha, ha. No, like seriously, like, is it like what? Yeah, it's definitely just, yeah, it's such a weird little name drop for that year. Yeah, I know there. Are you taking your kids to the yellow fever picnic? Are you like, we gotta get them all, they all have to get the yellow fever together. So they can just get them to the community.

Get them to the whole slot. Yeah. The problem with the term yellow fever picnic at this time is that the yellow fever was around. Like it's like an actual thing that kills you. And like. But I also like I used to be in adult films. And my best friend always talks about because she's

an agent that she was in several films with titles like yellow. Oh, yeah, right. OK. Oh my god. So my brain went a totally different direction. How long ago? She was in several films with titles like you know, oh, yeah, right. Okay Totally different direction how long ago She started in the early 2000 so even in the early 2000s that was still like Acceptable well like porn was like cancel us. No Yeah, yeah, yeah The red scare is a terrible

porn title. Go ahead, Dave. You can't show what it porn. So that wouldn't work. Well, no, no, no, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, sorry, I'm derailing things. I added in myself. I have a home operation. Dave, there will be no more information coming from you that's outside of the paper. Do you understand? Yes. Okay. Mr. Dean came to the door and said he did not want any tickets.

Miss Dean came as he was leaving and made a like response. They went away and did not know of the tragedy. Telly reported at the station. Okay. So whatever. This is just about a cop lying, right? It's not eventually. Yeah.

This is a lot of fucking bullshit. And it's not even a story or getting, you're not telling the story. It's just, well, a man self murdered a man did self murder and he mashed his wife. And we don't know what that means. Back when I was a boy, it meant you gave her the business. You mashed the misses. You might always mash the misses. Yeah.

Mashing the misses can be nice. Do you, like, when you look up articles, sorry, this is going to get a little inside baseball. When you want like new superdose, newspapers.com, do you just do a random or do you throw in a word because you're looking for a story like about something?

I have done that but rarely I usually just start reading papers. All right. Yeah. But sometimes I put a word in. Yeah. I do keyword searches like just to satisfy a curiosity about how

things change over time. Did you know the last time that the N word was used in a headline was like in the 70s? I'm surprised. Really? So late to be honest with you. Yeah. Yeah.

I was like, I was like, I, stuff about stage coach Mary spoiler alert. Um, stage coach Mary is not what she was called in her time. And, uh, and so I, I went down a rabbit hole that was very unfortunate. But, uh, so sometimes I do it for that just to see like how things change. Like, um, they didn't release the word rape for a long time, but they would use words like outraged. Like, outraged. Like, that would, it's just really funny,

like, the way they use different words for stuff to like, yeah. Yeah. We can cut this out. I know it's not funny Dave said before that it's very hard sometimes to find Like people will ask us like why don't you do like on the dollop more Female heroic characters or things like that or what you know and Dave's like because white guys were writing the history

They don't there's not a lot of like there like, there's a dearth of information on like, you gotta hear about this heroic slave, because white guys like, never mind, never mind, never mind. It's like it's out there, it's out there because I do a whole podcast on it. So it's out there, but yeah, like you have to dig and look in in conventional places. So I learned how to look through like mid-wife-free manuals.

I've called antique stores for about furnishers to find out how furniture was used. I'll just say right now I'm not calling antique stores for a podcast. No, don't you dare go on teaking. And that wasn't for my podcast, but I'm a writer. So in the course of researching things, when I hit roadblocks around women's history, I'd have to find just workarounds. So the information's there, but it involves a lot of workarounds. So I understand, like, that is a lot of effort to put it to, like, you know, I mean, that's its own research project. So.

I've called that TXTOR is looking for the yellow fever porn before. It's there. There's a special yellow fever room in the back. That's right. Yeah. Afflections never come singly, and now fire as destroyed as St. Louis Lumberyard, just at the time when the yellow fever

creates a demand for an unusual number of coffins. Oh my God. Wow, this really just writes itself. I feel like my contribution as a guest here has really elevated the content because. Yeah. I'm waiting for you to do that. Because now we're all just picturing a yellow fever or G.

And all the vinaigial disease, all the bumping and grinding, fire. Thank you. Yeah. Wow. Can you read that headline one more time, David? This is just the whole story. It's just one sentence.

It's a one sentence. Okay, great. Well, the reflections never come singly. And now fire has destroyed a St. Louis lumber yard, just at the time when the yellow fever creates a demand for an unusual number of coffins. Ugh. This is very dark. They always come in too. You know what I mean?

What? Oh, really? What happens in two? You got everybody's dying. Oh, the lumber yard burned down. Where are we going to put them? I guess just throw them in the ground. All right, we're doing three of casket. We're back to that. That's for times. We'll go ahead to tow. Oh my god.

No one has ever imagined that blue jeans Williams possessed an extraordinary amount of sense, but not me among them. But not even his enemies would have accused him of being such a fool as to fancy that an epidemic was to be arrested by prayer. And yet if the dispatches are true, that is just from this. What are they saying? That is just the measure of his stupidity. They're calling him a fucking idiot. They're saying he's dumb for saying he stopped a epidemic with prayer. Okay. And this is blue gene gym. Blue jeans Williams. Blue jeans Williams. Okay. I like this. I like that in the 1870s people were already going like, yeah, come on, but we all know it's not real. Like I get it. We all are going on Sunday, but like at the end of the day, push comes to shove. We all know that none of that is real

and we are all going to die. And it's a long existential right to know where. Well, here's the question I'll pause it. Do you think more people believe that a man wearing nothing but blue jeans can heal things through a power of prayer then or now now I think now I mean I like the boldness of the fashion statement. I love the fashion. I mean it's a side picture no shirt No shirt, okay It's probably like a bandana. Maybe like maybe but I I don't want to get trained. Maybe a train risky. I think barefoot, I think pretty much

picturing nothing but blue jeans. Every time you said barefoot, and I just immediately thought of like barefoot racing a hog. Sure, I don't know. He doesn't look at that. That's what we're all like. Like that's right where your head goes. Yeah, every time.

You know what? Cause like, I don't know, I'm country. Oh, sure. No, that's, But he barefoot race a hog. That's a phrase. Okay, I'm not somewhere you're from for sure. Your short hand was even not just too short for us. And you're like, I think of that old expression. Could he barefoot race a hog?

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I mean, this is why ladies, you've got to only go after high value men in the free market place of ideas, Red, Pearl, XYZ, never split the difference, never go half, never go Dutch or you'll end up dead. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's a pretty good motto. Yeah. I'm really was.

I'm trying to encapsulate like every fucking tick talk I've seen about relationships in the past three years. Oh my god. And I think I hit all the major points. So if you're okay, I've I've said about the dollar before that I would say that if there was one thing to say to like indigenous cultures, it would the lesson would be don't show the white guy where the stuff is. That would be my one and yours from the female POV would be one more time just so we have it clearly. Clearly. I can't repeat all this.

From the girls point of view, it's like never split the difference, never go Dutch. Girlboss into the sun. A high-value man in the free marketplace of ideas. Red pill, blue pill, swallow. Red pill? Swallow, swallows is strong ending. Red pill? Red pill.

Red pill. Red pill, either they said red pill. Red pill. Red pill poll is different. My dog had that yeah, yeah, I had it Printer robbed early yesterday morning while on his way home from work It'd be great if he was unable to print this headline. He was like they took the ink No, an 11. No this headline. He was like, they took the ink. No one 11. No. Yes, the morning while on his way home from work, a printer named new bold Adam fell asleep on a street car. And while in this condition was relieved of currency to the amount of $9.

I love that. That's a great way to say you've robbed someone. Yeah, every day of currency. Well, it also seems like they're just trying to fill up paper with words. Yes. Well, no, like nine dollars in 1870 would have been like yeah, like an 18 $10 that would have been like Like three or four hundred dollars. You really do that in your head. I'd have to check my math, but like I just do a lot of history research and my My podcast partner whenever I talk to her about dollar amounts,

she's always like, well, how much is that now? I do that. I kind of have a range. You hear that? At this point, I have a range. This is what I've been asking for, Dave. Yeah, sure. A human calculator.

Yeah. I can kind of start to remember chunks of, like, okay, that would have been about like five times this much, that would have been, but five times this much, that would have been, but like $9 back then would have been like, I don't know, I'm gonna say like $150 to $300 today. What are you good at? It would have been enough to be like,

it's a chunk of my- Pist off about. Yeah. That's one cell phone bill with AT&T. Yeah, back then, cell phones were actually $6 cents a month. I actually do a lot of cell phone math on this show. I don't know if you've, if you've been on the right YouTube channels, but there are tons of photographs and paintings throughout history,

featuring our ancestors clearly using modern technology, which is proof that I travel is real. Okay. So like, so we're all educated here. Yeah. None of us are crazy. We all know that there were cell phones and Nicholas Cage is immortal.

Go ahead. Yeah. I mean, duh. So of nine dollars, together with those inseparable companions of a type-setter, an assortment of composing rules and a plug-up tobacco. This is the all they took from him. Okay. So, so why did he go on?

Go ahead, you're a day smarter than me. Like, composing rules, I mean, like, be part of like what you do to print, right? Like, you have your, something like a gadget. Yeah, he has a printing equipment. So what is he bringing all this shit with him? You know what I mean? This is a question for it. You don't leave it at the job.

No people will go in there and take all your types. That's what happened. Dave, you're good. All right, so how much ink was that today's ink, Dave? He's just pouring it. No, Dave's pretty good at this. Four hundred pounds. Boom. Wow. That's impressive.

Yep. I love that they also put it a plugger tobacco though. Like that's the poor guy. Hey man, like back in the day, they didn't they couldn't just like log on the internet and watch porn. They couldn't that's right. They couldn't just like go to the local store and get some CBD and some psychic and some mushroom gummies and yeah, like they're all they could do was like jerk off, but get drunk and smoke.

So that's like fucking really important. That's like silly someone's cell phone. Like how am I gonna entertain myself for the next step? There was what I did in high school. So it's not that far removed. All you can do is smoke and jerk off and get drunk. So I didn't. And I bought weed from a guy. That was it.

Well, I mean, I never have, I've never had to buy drugs, but here we go. It's a privilege. It's a privilege in an honor to serve. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. As a hoe. Whoever is mean enough to rob a printer can never expect an atonement for the heinous events. Wow. So this is really, I mean, just gonna say, this is sort of biased because it's a newspaper.

So there was just this thing. I was just thinking. That's kind of legit. Like, I mean, this is before cops existed, really. And like, not like, it was before detectives existed. You had cops, but you didn't really have detectives, right? Yeah, cops were sleeping with the people, they were mashing. Well, exactly.

They're like, they're fucking the citizens, so, huh? Nothing's changed. They still are. But, you know, uh, jinks. Um, but, yeah, like, they were, they were kind of important because they, they were, at the time, considered actual fucking truce tellers like they were her literally like whatever so I mean because they're like during the press wars the Pulitzer Hurts Press Wars with all the like the murder squad was a group of reporters that would often get

to crime scenes before the cops did to all the investigating. So like, I mean, these guys were kind of like detectives. So I can see that actually. Like, you know, and now you've got all this printing material in the hands of a bad guy. So now some bad, this is probably how Fox News actually, this is the story of Fox News. You've got a bad guy now who has the printing

and he could just sort of be like, printer who was robbed proven liar, you know, undercut it because he's got a headline machine. Yeah, it must have been fucking awesome to be a reporter back in the day when like people couldn't, so like, I think the newswriters came in around what, like 1911, is that sound correct? So like they knew his wires, right?

So like, so before that, right? In every town like you decide what reality is. You're the king. Like you know it's it's all up to you and like no one could fact check you like no one like it must have been kind of a cool job because if you didn't want to do your job and you wanted to be lazy and just make shit up, no one could really call you on your shit. Like you could phone it in a time where someone just saying a bunch of bullshit was enough for people to just believe it. I'm like, I'm really like, let's all put on our our imagination caps here. Let's really

Let's powwow on this. It would just be an interest. It would just be interesting. Yeah, that like that what an interesting thought experiment. I imagine like nothing would go on What would the world look like with something like that can't even imagine? Yeah Your your your your your genius Your I like fun. Yeah Yeah. You're a genius. I like fun. Yeah. That's a great thought experiment.

You know, we're not here to think. We're here for entertainment. So if you want to just like tamp that down. Okay. Dave, let's like back in. Next story. You're absolutely right. Thank you, son.

A noted agriculture list writes to his paper, for the last five months, I have not lost a cucumber or melon. Oh, this guy, I hate these fucking goddamn agricultural braggadocia. I've not lost a cucumber or melon in a fortnight. Oh, the fucking law, asshole. Some of us got greasy melon hands.

It is very evident this noble man lives miles and miles away from female seminaries and camp. What's happening? Well, what he's saying is that the lady still cucumbers and melons. He is saying that the female seminaries are the reason why melons and cucumbers roll. Is there a situation here? Yeah, I think it's a go ahead. Nature finds a way. So those those those college girls found themselves some some dildos. Yeah, that's what I'm picking they're saying, right? Yeah, and then every time like once you step just throw it in the trash go get a new one. It's just like being a lesbian in a relationship. Like you just go shop for a new

dick together, you know? Yeah, right. Hey, you can't cross streams, okay? All right, well, the one vagina. It can't go with the other one. What's the melon then? Titties. What are they using the titties for?

Cause have you ever felt a tittie? Yeah, well, one time, one break break, yeah. Yeah, if you've ever felt a titt titty you don't need to ask that question so the melody but I got awful scared I did but it hurt my cucumber my cucumber got all fun I imagine that they were like using the watermelon to like learn how to eat puss because it's a it's a girl seminary so I'm imagining there's a lot of like I don't know if you've seen the videos on to talk about like I guess I don't understand what a melons Okay, um, they have like watermelon. They have these contests like a New Zealand and stuff for like all the

Maui guys like like who can eat like the pie or whatever fast enough like there's there's a lot of things around who can eat like the pie or whatever fast enough. Like there's a lot of things around the fruit. There's a really famous scene in America. We actually have a hot dog eating competition, which is an homage to the same thing. Which is like, dip it in water, get nice and wet. And you haven't just won. I mean, it's really.

But are all like champions of that like dudes? I think what you're, I I think what you're missing here is that if there's any chance to be penetrated by something that's not a penis. Nine times out of 10, she's going to go with that. But in today's numbers, that's 27 out of 30. It's a big watermelon. Yeah, I get it. I mean, honestly, just who needs to explain stealing a watermelon, right? It's like, no, I agree. But it well, it's just we're going to need to hydrate after a cucumber sessions, girls.

Hey, we know if they're the biggest cucumbers in town. You know, this could sort of more panic, you know, I mean, like if your girl is getting used to, boy, you sure love saying it lately, huh? You really like big cucumbers. I mean, it's, it's a, it's, it's encouraging women to be sexually vigorous and free and to have preferences and become size queens.

Thank you. Plays queens and queens. Girl boss off into the sunset. The book title you picked for. I do not like this. This is. Someone's gonna like- One of these days a woman's gonna come

and then what are we gonna do? Hi everybody. We need, it is our job to make sure that does not happen. Talk about a pandora's box and I do mean box. That's what I'm saying. I mean the consequences of this will ring out through generation. Women will change. They'll start wearing pants. They'll start wanting to eat sitting down. Man are gonna start having a do shit like eat pussy and be emotionally a

Ralph you'll be okay hang on Ralph it'll be all right it'll just be like five or six times oh well this is sorry maybe on the, but here's the big oyster ad. Hello. Oh, oyster. This is the first for his horny. I am now prepared to supply hotels and restaurants with the trade generally with the best of stock. And at low prices, as he has in the trade.

OK. He gives him. He has said trade. He has said trade. He has said money. He has said oysters. And he said trade again. And then like how? I'd be a capitalist.

Like, yeah, this is a whorehouse, correct? Oh, no. I am a former sex worker. So I'm allowed to use the slur. And to us? Slut, pour hooker, and for you, it's a sex worker. For it's a sex worker, and it is, yes, it's an establishment for fornicating. It sounds like a house of ill-reput.

That's right. But it sounds like. Hello, and we're back. And we're back. Or this is actual oysters. It's actual oysters. I'm sorry. Damn it.

Oh, sorry. It's okay. Does anyone actually like oysters? Like, we just did a two-parter on the history of oysters on the dollop. And let me tell you, people do love oysters. We personally find it to be a fucking insane prank. It's horrible. I didn't listen to that episode because like, you wanted to be for a period of this.

No, the first time that I ever had them, I was fine and then four hours later, I woke up in the middle of the night like projectile vomiting. Like I mean, it was just like, and like after that, like even seeing the word, you know what I mean? Like I'll just be like, so I saw like that episode come up and I was like, and like after that, like even seeing the word, you know what I mean? Like, I'll just be like, so I saw like that episode come up and I was like, I was like,

oh, I can't listen. It is because I lived it. Who would have thought that a thing that looks like a fucking dead horse eye that you need to cover in Tabasco lemon and the secret is to not let it touch your tongue would be a horrendous item. But people still love them. It's crazy. What are the other foods like that?

Like, there's other foods where like the whole point of enjoying it is like that you don't. I don't. I can't think of another thing like that where people are like that. It's like so common in America to be like, oh, enjoy it, enjoy it.

And you're like, it tastes like shit. And they're like, well, don't taste it. Right. What do you out of your mind? I'd And they're like, well, don't taste it. Right? What do you add to your mind? It's like the only other experience I had like that was a, I had, I was into loom and I ate crickets. Like roasted. But even then, don't they have a kind of like,

yeah, they're kind of spicy. Yeah, there's like a flavor to them where you're like, oh, it's not what I'm used to, but I can kind of relate to it. But, but they serve it to you with like a bunch of decay. It's like, this is a great meal. Yeah. But like, and they're like, oh no, you do that.

And then you like, I don't think, no, what, what's the next thing? And they taste like shit. Then why are we, why are we eating them? What's the next thing you're eating an oyster and like a banana slug? What's the difference? Why aren't people eating banana slugs all the time?

Fucking, I imagine there's probably more nutrients in a banana slug. I got a guy trying to eat slugs in my yard. I was like No My grandfather was a French immigrant so escargot Yeah, but escargot you're meant to taste it and it tastes very much it's like in a garlic butter and it's kind of I've had it I get it's like it's yummy always There's a rarefied air or water yeah An exciting chase the neighborhood around Van Berenin Canal Street was treated yesterday to an exciting, though

laughable thief chase, in which Mrs. Dahl fresh from the wash tub, Joe Elliott, the notorious sneak thief, a pot-bellied police officer, an apron saloon keeper, and a long, lanky bystander with a big head. In fact, I was like, I just died in there. Like you got a big weird head. In fact, a giant parlor match were all participants. It appears that Miss Dahl lives up stairs over saloon at number 18 West van Bearing Street. And yesterday while washing went downstairs to get the key to the seller in which she and the barkeeper keep their odds and ends.

The barkeeper was in the basement at the time and the only person in the saloon was Joe Elliott who was helping himself to the contents of the till love this guy. Yeah. I have some notes. You got notes on this? That's an actual thing. I have notes. So back in the day, you know, the way they describe people, the reason they do that, why and obviously because they didn't have,

like by the 1870s, they were starting, I think, have like photos, but physiognomy was like a big thing. By the 1870s, they were starting to think have like photos, but Physiognomy was like a big thing and so like all this stuff was supposed to be imbued into like your features Right. Yeah. Like when you read old papers when they're describing people like that. That's why Well, they're like like they're trying to like like they're trying to set the paint the picture get you like the Yeah, but they're also trying to tell you something about the person's character. This is the bad guy. This is the good guy. Yeah, because we've noticed in papers they will describe like the man will be like in a bowler hat with a mustache and then a woman will be like she

had oceany green blue eyes and a busamy top with a freckle leg. And you're just like, Jesus Christ relax. The other note was, the other note was, could you imagine today if like newspapers or websites like published your fucking address? Oh no, we talked about that. Oh no. Sorry. We're not until the 70s.

It just went on forever. Not so we're just like, a woman who is very vulnerable above a saloon 19 maple. Or just like the weird Twitterness of it all when they'd have the sections of it be like, cause I was looking at my own ancestors on these papers and I'm like,

Miss Polly Carr visited so and so in at a Canadian territory on this day. And I'm just like, did someone tell her to mind her fucking business? Like, I can't believe this is my relative that allowed this to happen because I can't imagine anyone in my family, not taking umbridge with their movements. So, I went to go on a drive this afternoon. First of all, just the general law and assist of my life. Yeah.

There was no privacy back there was no. Everyone was in everybody's business. Which is crazy that we've kind of come full circle. Yeah, we have. Like, yeah. So, we have. Like, yeah. So different nightmares. I mean, if anyone ever like, I don't know, like if someone said I found your Twitter history, I'd be like, that's fine. If someone said, oh, I figured out, um, you're Reddit user name. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, I have to go kill myself. Sorry. I have to go

to go mash my partner's face and then self murder. Self murder. That's the one. I saw someone on Twitter saying that they unknown Twitter on Reddit saying this is Dave Anthony and all this proof and I was just watching and I was like that's not me. Like. Just some kind of accusing all this proof and I just watching I was like that's not me Just some guy they're kissing a thing me and I'm just watching going yeah, I'm right here like no, that's just another crazy man I've had that happen too like I've ever had it be that someone Accuses you have been like a sock and it's not you And there's and there's like nothing you can do about it like it it's just, like you said, that they're like take the hits.

Like, yeah, yeah, it's really weird. Okay, so Johnny yelled the Miss doll to the bartender, come up here, there's a fellow tilling your tap. The fellow didn't wait to explain and started to run for the quieter premises. Misses doll went after him and was joined by the police officer and the match, the slunekeeper bringing up the rear. I don't know what they're saying, match, whatever. The thief took to the tracks dodged under a few cars with Miss Doll still at his heels.

Unfortunately for her, back hair, unfortunately for her, back hair, unfortunately for her, come on, her back hair, all her own fell down and caught in one of the bolts. This is getting cartoony while passing under one of the cars. No. And brought her up all standing.

Wait, she got, she got like, her back hair caught. The lady that died in the car accident that got Not made me vendor and the other Marilyn Monroe type Jane Mansfield Are they saying the basic like like her hair caught and it like oh the back of her hair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But it's saying it's saying it stood her up like So like it stood her up like So like it caught and maybe like listed her off the ground. Yeah, I think so

the police officer got between the two tracks and Couldn't get out and the soon keeper had withdrawn from the contest and went back to see if someone else Had not got away with something during the trip So he goes back because he's like well well, we all just left the bar and everyone's gonna take shit. Yeah. Yeah. The long, lanky fellow, however, was up to snuff.

And by stepping over a few cars and sliding through a crack in the door of another, the city didn't catching a shadow man. And then twining him with his arms Okay, okay, so he's Grabbed him with that big that big dumb heads full of some idea So this Icabot crane body Yeah, yeah, was a simp

For Miss doll and basically Save the day by being Icabot fan body and it heroes safely safe the day by being a good, bad, bad, headed heroes. Giant headed hero. This water melon headed man. Yeah. Another officer came along and gracefully thanking his match ship for his catch took Joe to the station. Sorry, I was begging that guys, I was mashing a wife.

Was Justice Morrison find him $100 for disorderly conduct the missing six dollars from the till being found on the way We're Joan and thrown it during the chase. I mean that was It's a real little Caper It's yeah, it sounds like you could hear one of those old timey pianos playing during that. It could be fun, right? She gets caught by your hair. Woo!

I mean, that's pretty wild, but when I go and read through old newspapers, I'm constantly surprised that the ship people survived. They'll be news stories about just horrific mangolings and accidents, and then they're doing well. And it's just like, how is this? They're always like, oh, this person is going to die and they're doing well. And it's just like how is it? They're always like, they're always like, oh, this person is gonna die and they're like, they didn't die.

Like that's how the story goes. We did one for this thing that we're, we haven't even released it, but it was basically about this guy who got a bullet in his head right here for the rest of his life. Like should have died by all accounts But basically walked it off for like five days

When you say right here for the audience. I'm pointing to my butt. He's pointing. Yeah He's pointing to his brown eye. Yeah, I'm pointing right on it I've been doing that the whole episode though to be fair You twinkly-eyed fucker. They don't all twinkle. Some of them wink. That's right. Stinkle. David.

What? The other day, a curious little incident occurred on the North of British Railway giving a striking instance to the sagacity sometimes displayed by dogs. Excuse me? Dave, just remind me what sagacious means because I'm a man. Yeah, I know what's a concave me too. Just because I don't know what sagacious means. You'd okay, listen, listen, this I cannot abide.

Dave, remind me how sagacious is spelled. I'm a Virgo. I cannot abide this because what I put in to be better spelled. I'm a Virgo, I cannot abide this. Because what I put in, I need to be better right now. I need to be better and better than you. Pegasus. Pegasus. Sugacity is the quality of being sigacious.

Farce. Thank you, dictionary. Having or showing key and mental discernment and good judgment, IE, Shrewd. And you know what? Never use a fucking $20 word when a fucking $1 word will do. Yeah, thank you. These people clearly didn't go to. And by the way, in today's money, that's over $700.

Thank you. Yeah. I mean, but also in today's money the skinny guy that saved the day If he was like over six feet tall, crushing pussy. Yeah, crushing That's the only requirement to date as a man now. Yeah Yeah, you don't even have to be nice. Just tall No, that's true. That's what daddy profiles will tell you Just tall. No, that's true. That's what they do profiles. I'll tell you.

Uh, bullshit. So the other day, I curious the incident occurred on the North British Railway, giving a striking instance of the psychosity sometimes displayed by dogs. Shortly before the arrival of the train leaving Edinburgh, for Queen's ferry, a wise looking black and tan collie dog came on the platform where it stood for some time. During what your West going train stopped and took in passengers until the Queens fairy train came up when watching its opportunity, it slipped in at the open door of the third class carriage in which we're seated some ladies and gentlemen who seeing that dog had no owner endeavor to turn it out. Why?

Fuck, they wanted to get the dog out of the train. But this is a long way of saying a dog went on a train. Yeah, that's all they're saying right now. The dog better do some lasty shit pretty soon. I'm just saying like, like, we need to appreciate how times have changed because lasty was like, like, if you want to get a lasty dog today that's gonna set you back some change you're gonna have to like hunt for that shit. You're gonna have to go pick it up. You're gonna have to like do a meet and greet at your

fucking house. You're gonna have to like pass a bunch of fucking tests. You're gonna have to pass a criminal background check just to get that dog through your door. In the 1870s that kind of high-class animal was just wandering the streets. But it hasn't done anything yet. And then it gets on a train and no one wants it. But this dog is sick. I haven't heard nothing sigacious about this dog. Just sirt between trains. Garrett. We don't when I think on the first class car, huh? Stupid dog, not segacious. True. Not.

Well, it's being written about in the paper isn't it? And where are you? And where are you? Actually, you did just get written up. Didn't you? Yeah, I did. Yeah, virtually. Yeah.

Fucker. You just like ruined my punchline. Normally, that just destroys because that'll come out of this paper 99% of the time. If I say, and what, what have you been doing? The answer's going to be fucking nothing. Yeah. Well, see, I'm sigacious. A new word.

Oh. So what did the dog do, Dave? Did it do anything? Okay. So, so the endeavor to turn it out, but without success, the dog retreating into a corner under the seat and resisting every attempt. It's so far. It's just been a dog. Yeah. It's a dog that got into a corner under the seat and resisting every attempt. It's so far it's just been a dog. Yeah, it's a dog that got under a seat in this range.

It's Dave's dog, Dave is believed. Well, also like she's virtuous, like she's resisting every attempt. So, you know, Now you have just made her a female dog because of her sagaciousness, I feel. So far, dog, nothing, nothing so far. I don't know, like the fact that you've been talking

about that way. The fact that you're talking this way about a dog. I'm just, I'm representing, I'm representing the listener right now. I wanna hear some sagaciousness and God damn it, David, I wanna hear it soon. Okay. Um, at the other station, right line, at the other stations on the line, and God damn it David, I want to hear it soon. Okay.

At the other stations, right line, at the other stations on the line, these attempts were repeated, but the dogs stuck to its post until Kirlistan was passed, then it approached one of the doors of the carriage and sat waiting until the door was opened at Delmany station. Then with a bound, it cleared the carriage and made off at full speed. It had evidently traveled by the same route before and having lost its master in Edinburgh had taken this method of getting home. Okay. Allensitive. Agreed, today, on her. Mm, yeah. Pett parent, caretaker, but no. A feaving cop. No, it's a cop.

No. John Hart, the febing special policeman, was a raind in Justice Morrison's court yesterday, charged with robbing a poor sailor from Milwaukee named Dennis Kenny. I know Dennis. I'm from Milwaukee. I know Dennis. Yeah. You do know Dennis.

Yeah. Yeah. You're from Millie, Joaquin. Yeah. The goodland. Thank you. See. The cream city resident. Is that what you got?

Is that what it's? Once I left it. I did a little tour through Wisconsin and that seems like a. Well, it seems like something that that seems like something that has a beauty queen attached to it. Yeah, probably like the queen of cream is probably like I'm the queen of cream. Yeah, I've been that go ahead Dave. The cream city resident was walking along Milwaukee Avenue when he met we call it Milwaukee by the way, keep going. I know who advised him to sleep in a cart standing in an alleyway. Yep, that happens a lot. So far,

everything is pretty normal as far as Milwaukee goes. This happens here in cream city. Someone goes, Hey, you should sleep in that card standing up. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Did someone offer it? I show you their dick for 50 cents. Well, that today's money.

That's over $4. So yes, like the Milwaukee experience, like, isn't really rounded out until the crackhead at the circle. K like tells you the most beautiful woman that ever existed? You know, they've had that. Yes, but the white hand pantry, but yes. I mean, you do like without a beard, you could be a farmer's wife. You know what I mean? I haven't seen the badonk. I don't know what you got going on the back, but if you're from Milwaukee, you might be a bigger, but in mail. I don't know. And I got a, you know know what I like to call trunk

space. Hey then you're on there. I'm not about it. Yeah. Light colored bricks made of clay gave Milwaukee the nickname Cream City. Exactly. Yep. That makes 100% sense like that's what we all thought. makes 100% sense like that's what we all thought. Yeah. So Kenny took his advice and while he slept, Hart cut open his pocket, taking a purse containing $13 in cash. Kenny objected, but the fellow told him to hold his mouth or he would fix him. Justice Morrison fixed Hart by holding him to the criminal court. Why did he just rob them?

Why did he? Like, playing that card and then he did. I court. Why did he just rob them? Why did he was he like playing that card? And then he did. I, but why would he just give me your money? Because he told him to get in the alley where no one would see. Okay. Uh, this is this is how to hold his pocket. This is coded as very gay.

It is a little gay. This is coded as very queer. So what had happened was these two gentlemen were in the alleyway having an assassination and then he got then the trick got rolled as we say for run me those pockets. I'm just saying. I don't think it's crazy. It's not crazy. Yeah. I think, I think because sailors are very sexual people. Yes. Dave confirmed. They are high key. They're like they're high key, they're like, they're mad sexual. They're over sex. Yeah, they're mad, they're buttfuckers.

My ex-girlfriend was in the military, and it was like this whole thing that like the understanding about the Marines is like they're the sluddiest branch. It's like they're just, like they can't, like keep it together. Like that was the joke between the branches, was that the sluts were the Marines, like 100%.

Like, they're also- She's not telling Marines. Yeah, but that their lives and their personalities were mainly defined by the amount of weird sexual trouble they would get into with each other. And then like- That's why we want them in some sort of combat. I mean, get these, yeah, and that's-

I love- I tell you that the right people are there. You want someone that is completely guided by Ed if you're sending them to go kill innocence villains, you know, you want someone that's not gonna ask a lot of questions That's not really anything about consequences that's slightly amoral. Yeah, you know After our brightest that's why we call it our best our brightest. You need that We're looking for people who have that word that I've already forgotten.

Secrest to me. Sugacity? Sugacity, that's right. Sugacity, that's right. Sugacity, that's right. My best friend in high school went into the army and she called me like a year after Oliver Shit and she was like,

oh, like I got kicked out. And I was like, oh my God, like how did you get kicked out of the military? And she was like, for promiscuity. And I was like, I need to know the number. Like, what's the number of people you fucked that the army decided it was like too many. Like, because that means that somewhere in the government, there's a number. Yeah decided it was like too many. Like, because that means

that somewhere in the government, there's a number. Yeah. That's like too much. And she was like, they didn't go into it, but it was me like losing the truck that really pissed him off. Is that a euphemism? No, like she literally just like lost a fucking vehicle. I'll be honest, it shocks me that the military would even give a fuck about that The amount of weapons that we leave in these countries who are like oh shit. They're shooting Tomahawks at us I know so it was funny that she lost a vehicle, but the final straw for them was that she is Dick like

I like look you can fuck us by equipment, but you can't straight up focus Yeah, like one objectively just a jet like a chaotic good dick suckin It's a chaotic good. It makes everybody happy it calms everyone way down. Yeah, not Dave. I will say You can replace a truck you can't replace a blowjob queen like it's nothing. That's true. That is true. And by the way, that should be a rank. Yes, sir.

Blowjob queen. Yes, I agree. Go through your pressure. Well, sovereign. It's a gift. Yeah, yes, fighting. Yeah, sort of. Dick after Dick after Dick, man.

It's just drop in suck 20 Sovrent thank you for joining us Your podcast ill-reputed listen wherever podcasts are And um you've taught us a lot Just you know make sure to always always cradle the balls Yeah, Dave are you listening to what she said? No, I agree. I remember that. I said that for a while.

Dave? Remember. Yeah. OK. I'm not talking about it. That's why I always say hamacum. That's what I say to him. I go hamacum.

So he's like, what? Give them hamacum. Just like a tender, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Just like, yeah, like you're holding like a little injured bird. Exactly. Name one difference. Well, thank you, sovereign. Il Repute, go check it out.

Sovereign Sire, thank you for joining us on another episode of The Past Times. Ha ha ha. Oh, listen to us forever all the time. Yeah. You know you know. Some of these days, you'll miss me honey. Some of these days. you