The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DAY 01 - Tin Can Rehab

Episode Date: February 18, 2015

DAY 01Doug begins his self-imposed rehab to quit smoking by getting a few things off his chest, detail some of the parameters of the next 30 days in the 6x9 trailer and play a deep cut off of his iPod.Tweet Doug your top 5 Episodes of the Doug Stanhope Podcast for him to listen to, Good OR Bad. Support the podcast with a donation or purchasing some Stanhope merch. Recorded Feb 17, 2015 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille).Links-STANHOPE HOTEL, BRUSSELS - http://www.thonhotels.no/hoteller/land/belgia/brussel/stanhope-hotel/IZZE SPARKLING GRAPEFRUIT SODA - http://www.izze.com/portfolio/izze-sparkling-grapefruit-can/ Intro music "30 Days In The Hole" by Humble Pie. Closing song "List Of Demands" by Saul Williams. Both available on iTunes.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Got a light, Ted. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. 30, 30, 30 days. Anyone doing that one? Which one? 30. I'm doing it. 30 days in the hole.

Yeah, that's nice. 30 days in the hole. 30 days in the hole. Lord, how nice. 30 days in my home Yay! Day one is fucking knocked out and knocked down. I feel actually ridiculous for even doing this. I'm gonna do 30 days in a fucking trailer to fucking rehab and quit smoking and get my shit together and then uh yeah i knocked out day one yesterday and it was so underwhelming i didn't even really

want a cigarette ever and uh yeah i i got some shit done and the trailer was cute and cozy and uh yeah so after uh 36 hours i feel like no big deal. But so far, I have not snapped. I haven't broken a single inanimate object. And it's just a matter of not having cigarettes. That's the thing. I mean, I love all your tweets and all your messages and take echinacea or have antioxidants and green tea and vape and e-cig. But just don't have cigarettes and you're going to quit. And you're going to stop thinking about it because there's no cigarettes right there taunting you. And I guess that doesn't work for everyone because it's harder for you to get the fuck away from cigarettes.

Or you have more ambition than me where you'll go a lot further out of your way to go get cigarettes but i will not because i'm lazy as fuck and if they're out of sight out of mind you can't smoke if you don't have cigarettes it's that easy well what you can try to do like vaping no just don't have fucking cigarettes i have i'm i'm blessed to be in a position where I don't have, I can take a fucking month and just go crazy and lock up in a trailer and do nothing but go through old emails. That's what I've been doing for the first night. I don't use Facebook email, especially if i need something i might check your comments if i asked you for something like hey please i'm stranded at a bus station and i shit my pants then i would probably check the comments but generally that's just to push shit but my email i read my email but then i never get back to it unless it's important like if i'm drunk on the road and i just i read something on my phone i don't i never unless it's an emergency i don't type on my phone more than a tweet that's

probably how twitter gets started is going i know i'm only there's only so many buttons i'm gonna shaking thumbs so uh so so i one of my key things to do on this 30 days don't smoke no more than two drinks a night no tv that one i'm almost tempted to break because someone fucking sent me a link to uh the black mirror, the Christmas special, which I knew Jon Hamm was in. I didn't know Nat Tenya from Molotov Jukebox is in it, and she supposedly kills. So that's not technically TV, because it will be on the computer, stolen,

and run through a TV with a cord that Greg Chaley will hook up. So I will finally get to see the Black Mirror Christmas special. If you haven't seen that series, it's on Netflix. So other than that, I've been reading emails. I have a very funny email that I forgot I got months ago and I haven't fucked with. Some 21-year-old kid is like a Dutch kid. And somehow this fucking genius found my contact address while

looking for work through this from the stanhope hotel a five-star hotel in brussels and so he sent basically a job application or asking if they were hiring and he's smart and speaks five different languages, you're on the fucking wrong website. It must not be. How do you fuck that up that bad? So I just emailed him back saying that I was indeed looking for people in various positions from dunce clerical to graveyard, bottom Johnny and et cetera, et cetera.

We'll see if that develops into something funny. Maybe that's more for the website, which I've ignored. So yeah, I have so many fucking emails back to going back to 2013 that I have never either put in a proper folder or got back to. So I'll be doing a lot of that. Try to do 100 emails a day.

So maybe I say hi. That doesn't mean we're starting a friendship. Sometimes you say hi to someone. There's that line you cross that you didn't know you crossed when you go, I'll just be nice to a guy that's a fan. And then all of a sudden gets your phone number and yeah. And you go, all right,

do I have to fucking move or pretend I was a victim of a home invasion? So all my phone numbers of the people I've never called back got deleted and it can't, uh, I get this one fucking email. Keep in mind. I don't remember anything I've ever done on this podcast, save for a handful. In fact,

that's one thing I'd like to ask you, the listener. We always do these things shit faced. So I, and I never have any plan. so we're just randomly talking. So when you say, that's why I always say, did I already say this on a podcast? Because to me, a podcast is just like any other conversation.

So if you're talking to your friend, I don't know if I already told you this, but did you see that movie? Well, of course you wouldn't remember, because I put no more effort into this podcast than I do a bar conversation. It's not saying it's none. I'm just saying no more. If I'm talking to you as a person, I want you to feel like you're a guest on my podcast because it's pretty much the same thing.

Now, I don't know if that means the guy at the bar is a a level above any other guy at the bar or if my guests on the podcast are wanting more than they're getting point being yeah i want to i want to listen to five different podcasts just uh just to hear what this fuck i've never listened to it aside from one james inman and uh the obviously the cliffhanger podcast i have i don't listen to this thing so yeah if you have suggestions of which uh what podcast do you think i should listen to one that you go oh that's that's what it should be like and or listen to this and don't ever fucking make that mistake again. I'll aggregate, tally up what I seem to see trending in those tweets, and I'll abide. And maybe I'll get back to your email.

If you wrote me in 2013, I'm going back that way. But yeah, most of those I'll probably just folder, and I'll talk to you when I play your town. I got one email. Again, I remember at some point talking to someone, probably Brett Erickson, about clubs and how they can try to fuck with you. And I don't even know what the whole point of it was,

but I do remember talking about a club in San Marcos, Texas, where they, they, you know, I get the door, but then on top of that price, they had tried to set up their own VIP section where they were up charging people to sit in better seats. And that's had nothing to set up their own VIP section where they were upcharging people to sit in better seats and that's had nothing to do with me but it looked like I'm trying to gouge you for even more well the fucking the guy that booked that show not the guy that runs the club but just uh the booker evidently heard it and I must have mentioned his name, which is awkward that I remember it. And he said, I never charge your audience for VIP tickets.

Why are you making up stuff about me on your podcast? Now, I can't guarantee it because, again, I don't remember and I'd have to figure out what podcast that was on. But I guarantee the focus of it was not Nickel Ludo, some former open mic, low rent booker guy that I was mad at. You were of no consequence there, Nick. So I wrote him back saying, I said the club did that. And he said, well, the club tried and me and my partner got in their face and told them it was not happening. And then they moved the tables and it was over the minute we all noticed it so why are you dragging my name through the dirt like wow because i guarantee chelly if we look that up which we're not because i want these fucking things to go out as soon as possible for the 30 days but uh someone else will, yeah. Did I ever say Nick Aludo tried to fucking shyster me

by setting up his own video? No, I might've said your name in context with the thing, but I never, I don't, I barely remember it. So I had to respond. I have no recollection, Nick, of mentioning your name on my podcast. But if you hadn't noticed, your name kind of lives in the dirt. Which it does, because he's a fucking tool.

And he writes back, it lives in the dirt with pieces of shit backstabbing cunts like you. So be it. Go fuck yourself. Sent from my iPad. I put the inflection on set with my ipad right there but if ipads could have inflections that's it for my ipad jesus christ nick fucking relax you're out of the business you were never really in the business you are just a guy who would do a whole lot of work and for fucking to no avail like you

do you do all this work that i already fill that number of seats every time i play this town so don't go acting like well yeah i had guys out fucking giving out posters at all the coffee shops that's not gonna fucking bring an ass into a seat you don't need to do that and then you you would want all this extra hey my friend there you know the guy that you i i i crowbarred into you giving a guest set i'm guilted you went to yeah you think you could put a little cherry on top for him what why are you talking like frank sinatra why do you have frank sinatra tattooed on your fucking calf all the way down to your ankle or was it a time they get and why do you wear a pants with one leg to show that off he didn't really he didn't really do that but he's the kind of guy that would be the kind of person that wears very awkward clothing just to show off a tattoo. He had like Rodney Dangerfield and he was just this fucking dope,

like absolute dope. No Nickel Ludo. I was not ever trying to infer that you tried to rip me off. Cause you're too fucking dumb to ever. You would just nickel and dime. And you think it could get a little, you know, because of the cost of gas and stuff. And you think because they put all this time in, I put flyers up. I got I got you a free limo.

I want to play a coffee shop. The fuck is going to show up at a coffee shop in a stretch limo. You. Yes, you're an nincompoop. How dare you? Backstabbing cunts. I would really like to hear the clip. And you know what?

Plate, just drop this. We'll put this out. Now, listen, I'm going to do these short for the 30 days in the hole. I'll do these short ones daily. But real ones will be coming out. We did a good one with, uh, uh, I don't know, was Chad Shank. Do we, do we have a Chad Shank coming up?

I think we might have a Chad Shank in the can and evergreen Chaley called it where we made it not time sensitive. So we can drop that anywhere we need it. But we had a big pre-party going into this 30 days in the hole where uh that has to be edited up and chopped up but that was uh me and shaley and the the our ladies and brett erickson and the just we got fucked up and then we went and revisited it sober to see who could remember what but there's also some tape of us fucked up. So that's a lot of editing work, but that'll drop as a full podcast until then. Yeah. Donate by merch,

Doug, stand up.com. Thank you. Everyone who's mailed shit to the house. That's very nice. Someone just get, I just opened a cookbook right now. I don't know what you're thinking sometimes,

but it's, you know, Jalen might cook for me out of it. He might do that. The old world kitchen thank you guy whose name i forgot is alston i think i already forgot after i read your note yeah there's uh there's a lot of a lot of stuff in there that yeah milk milk caps uh spinach bouillabaisse actually today funny enough i've been trying to get rid of spinach

at every meal today because it's starting to wilt. So I had heavy spinach in the smoothie, heavy spinach in my egg white omelet, heavy spinach in with my chicken. I made shredded chicken with feta and spinach all chopped up, melted

up together. I was going to put it in a tortilla because that's all I could think of, but I just ate it with no bread all right uh that's it i got fucking the all right i'm gonna close every podcast on i don't know i got on a different song did i is there anything else what else are we see we were gonna play tennis after this and i'm kind of hurrying but i i'm hurrying also because i have nothing else to say that's what i've done since i've been in fucking rehab i've walked the dogs all over creation several times a day and i've uh got a massage today that was lovely and i i i i took a sauna. And that was nice.

And now I'm going to go play tennis with my friend Greg Chaley. It's brutal. It's brutal what I'm going through. And then at night I sleep in this adorable little 6x12 travel trailer. And then I do my work out of there. And I get some sun out on the slab. So day one went perfect. Day two, I'm feeling good. I'll'll finish up i'll tell you about the rest

of day two tomorrow i'm gonna have my two cocktails tonight what goes good with gin you tell me and not tonic everyone already said time i don't like tonic i don't like soda what do i mix gin with if you don't like soda i think i'm gonna have to settle for an Izzy. It's a half soda. Pink Grapefruit Izzy is a half soda. It's a half breed. I can do that. All right, that's it. Just for fun, you're going into the gutter of my backwoods of my iPod every podcast of the 30 Days in the Hole,

and we're going to close today with Saul Williams' List of Demands. List of Demands. Hit it hard. You got me on my knees praying for everything you lack I ain't afraid of you, I'm just a victim of your fear You're cowering in your tower praying that I'll disappear I got another plan, one that requires me to stand On the stage or in the street, don't need no microphone to beat And if you hear this song, if you ain't there to sing along May it's falling in the air, but now you've got where you belong

I got a list of demands, written on the palm of my hands I want my mission, you you will know where I stand We livin' in the mouth You wanna be somebody See somebody Try and free somebody Got a list of demands Written on the palm of my hands

I'm on my fist and you will know where I stand We livin' in the mouth In the mouth I wrote a song for you today While I was sittin' in today While I was sitting in my room I jumped up on my bed today And played it on the broom I didn't think that it would be a song that you would hear

But when I played it in my head I made you reappear I wrote a video for it And I acted out each part And then I took your picture out And taped it to my heart I taped it to my heart, nigga I taped it to my heart

And if you fall away from me You you'll die my love, I'm fine I got a list of demands, written on the palm of my hands I'm on my fist and you're gonna know where I stand We live in Antimount, you wanna be somebody See somebody, try to free somebody I got a list of demands, written on the palm of my hands I'm on my fist and you're gonna know where I stand We live in Antimount, Antimount Ridden on the palm of my hand I'm on my dizzy, you gon' know why I stand We livin' in the mouth In the mouth

Ecstasy, suffering A kinesia buffering We aim to remember what we choose to forget God's just a baby and their diaper is wet Call the police I'm strapped to the teeth And I have all the disenguidia everybody needs And a diaper as well. I got a list of demands I got a list of demands I got a list of demands I'm on my mission, you gon' know where I stand We livin' hand to mouth Hand to mouth I got a list of demands Written on the palm of my hands

I'm on my mission, you gon' know where I stand We livin' hand to mouth Still wanna be somebody See somebody Try and free somebody Got a list of demands Written on the palm of my hands I'm on my mission, and you gonna know where I stand

We livin' in the mouth In the mouth