The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Doug Stanhope Podcast #527 - "Diarrhea Party pt. 1 - Cliffhanger"

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

Doug plans a party. September 15th, 2023 Doug will be hosting the Shady Dell Comedy night with Kristine Levine, Andy Andrist and Billy Wayne Davis. https://www.theshadydell.com/ Thank You Patreon Subscribers. We could not do this without your ongoing  support.  Recorded Aug 9th, 2023 at the Quiet House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug  Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bingo and Chad Shank at his homestead.   Produced and Edited by Chaille. Signed copies of "This Is Not Fame" available while supplies last at Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - The Shady Dell -  Located in Bisbee, Arizona. The Shady Dell Vintage Trailer Court has been a sought after destination in Southern Arizona for over 3 decades. Friday, Saturday and Sundays, Dot’s Diner serves up savorous breakfast dishes, mouthwatering burgers, and creamy, delicious shakes and more. Whether you stay a night, weekend, or week, The Shady Dell welcomes you.  https://www.theshadydell.com/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Support the podcast at www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast Join Doug's Mailing List - http://www.DougStanhope.com TOUR DATES - https://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates Photo by BingoSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast i am on the john i uh i i thought i i started early i had to take the dulcolax for the uh for the viewer i have to get a colonoscopy tomorrow so hold on a second before you go into the explanation, welcome everyone to your podcast. Yeah, they're already here. They know where they are. They're not flipping channels. Well, we're hoping we get some people that maybe just wanted to see someone sitting on a shitter. Yeah.

Maybe they don't know who you are. Well, we had high plans. really good test material because I have to take this violent diarrhea medicine all day and fast all day except for clear liquids and broths and stuff and shit my brains out before my colonoscopy tomorrow so what the edit take three Dulcolax tablets at noon and and they said 5 o'clock. I drank the first half of 32 ounces of this Miralax. Was the Dulcolax, was that prescribed as well, or are you just kind of to tip the scale? No, that's prescribed. Yeah, I'm not winging things going, hey, I think I got a better idea.

You definitely have done that in the past, not follow the directions explicitly and thinking that you might be helping it along. That's all I'm saying. I'm not accusing you. There was nothing at stake when I was taking those risks. Okay. So then my big idea was, hey, if I'm going to be doing this anyway, Bingo and I used to have diarrhea parties all the time. Hold on, hold on. I now have the title of the podcast.

Diarrhea Party? Diarrhea Party. Part one, cliffhanger. Part one, cliffhanger. Yeah, because see what happened is if you haven't listened to every goddamn episode, when I got my physical, he suggested I do the Cola Guard where you shit in a box and then you mail the box off to the shit central and then they fiddle around with it and test it and put it on a Bunsen

burner and you have run it through the beakers in the test tubes and they tell you if you have possibly have shit cancer. And mine came back dirty, my test. So they go, yeah, you better get a colonoscopy. So now you went mute. Oh, yeah. You hit mute, Shaylee. You're muted.

Which is, I would rather Stan Hope be muted if we're going to lose anything. I mean. Oh, there we go. Is it back on? Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, Doug, you are at that age, though. Actually, you're past it when you should get the colonoscopy, because when Dr.

John came over, he suggested the suggestion is now at 50. suggested the suggestion is now at 50 well i think the poop in the box thing uh this seems like why would you unless your poop comes back dirty from the mail it in test i don't i wouldn't go get in a colonoscopy without uh some kind of warning first hold on that's bad information dude at the age of 50 they suggest you do it just as a screening because this is one of the ones that you can survive with early detection is colon cancer. Yeah, I know, but I'm saying if you do the poop in the box thing and it says you don't have any signs of fucking anything wrong with your poop, then you would go.

I would wait till the box test comes up dirty before I have them go fucking rifling and, you know, throwing the adult sewer, the toilet snake. That's what I was looking for. Anyway, so I have this great idea. I was saying, we used to have diarrhea parties, like, I was saying, we used to have diarrhea parties. Like, after, like, flying, a bunch of flying, if we've been on the road, it backs you up entirely. It dehydrates you. We'd get constipated. And so here and again, we'd just take a bunch of laxatives

and fucking lock in for the day and have diarrhea parties, just shit our brains out. So I was kind of looking forward to to this part this shooting this is the last of the solution then I thought oh we should have like a big diarrhea party and bingo's got a pickleball court she built where the old pool used to be here and I go let's play diarrhea pickleball and we'll play everyone everyone playing has to drink the exact same amount of solution as as I do and we play pickleball till whoever starts diary oh yeah you're wearing tighty

whiteys in in this contest everyone can dress however you like from the waist up but waist down is fucking tidy whities but fruit of the looms and uh yeah and the first one to shit themselves i thought it would go like this you play uh uh doubles and uh you uh uh whoever shits themselves first is that team is, I don't know. I'd fucking had some rules. I love that. You have so many friends that you're like, let's play shit.

Our pants pickleball. And you're like, yeah, let's do doubles. Oh yeah. We're going to have to do a round Robin to get enough of the people in a single elimination, but we'll definitely have to have a bracket in teams.

Yeah. What I did. And I called everybody when I got that idea. I was high in fucking cocktailing. No kidding. I had like 11 people who were going to be involved or just coming for fun to be spectators. Or Chad and Christine were going to host it like sports commentators. I even got Bingo's dad, because he's a pharmacist, that he was going to come on Zoom and like Jimmy the Greek and give us an over-under on how much time it would take before the first person starts shitting themselves. And then the next day, I already called everyone, and I'm like, ah, shit, I can't have alcohol when I'm fasting. And that takes like 70 to 80% of the fun out of shitting your pants is being sober during it. So I go, this idea still works. I'm still absolutely behind the idea. I'll just,

fortunately you'll be home. So we'll have better technical and I don't have to worry about fucking having to go get a colonoscopy the next day. We're definitely doing diarrhea pickleball. Diarrhea pickleball. Great idea. So what I did, since this is a test anyway, how long before, how much pickleball will we actually have to play before people start shitting themselves?

And I started half an hour ago and that's just gently walking around the house, not jostling and swinging a racket. And I didn't, I made it 20 minutes. And I went, oh, oh, oh, oh. There again, I did take the Dulcolax earlier. And yesterday I got high and I ate fucking everything. So there's going to be a lot of poop. I weighed in at 156 before I sat down here.

I'm going to see how much I weigh in tomorrow morning when I go in. Did you purposely eat a lot yesterday so today would be more fun? Yeah, I want it to be fruitful. And I think part of when we do Diary of Pickleball, I think that should be like a happy hour event.

A streaming happy hour Patreon event. I mean, you're not going to have a great view of the court i mean you'll be able to see the court it won't be close-up shots of but if we allow the the spectators to film then they can get the close-up shots of pants shitting i mean really i mean because we will have a number of uh participants it's there has to be like any spotting on the white would be enough to be eliminated. Yeah, we're going to have a –

Oh, you know what we could do is we have everyone playing, like four people playing like doubles, and then if someone spots, then someone else goes in their position. Oh, yeah. We need everyone playing so that they're constantly rotating people in and out because they're all taking at the same time. Yeah, I was thinking

that we should also, I don't know how, again, this would be a question for Bingo's dad or Dr. John. Or Google. Should we have a big feast the night before

or the breakfast the day of for evening pickleball? I want fucking... I want product. I want players... The best way would be last meal of the day

and then early morning pickleball and have a coffee bar. Smoothies. And the alcohol, I think, would definitely loosen the inhibitions to where you might want to. I mean, it would definitely make you, like, not care. Yeah.

It would also loosen you up a little bit, too. Like, oh, uh-oh, I'm out. Well, I think everybody that already said yes, I'll wear tighty-whities and play pickleball till I shit my pants is willing to go for it. Yeah, I think... Chad, if you'll excuse the expression,

where the rubber meets the road is shitting your pants in front of people on camera. Everyone will say don't do it, but it's like asking someone to help you move the night before. Not everyone shows up.ny's gonna do it kenny we were gonna do a doubles couples where it was gonna be me and bingo versus uh

kenny and tar dressed up in drag oh that's a good one same way when we filmed that thing the king of thailand thing we had him dress up as a lady boy and prostitute and he pulled it off. So yeah, those guys, everyone's solid in that crew. Kenny will definitely do it. In fact, all you have to do is just tell him there's food and he'll do it and then slip in the Dulcolax and the horrible drink

and it'll just happen. Yeah, you know, I haven't been shitting since we've been here. We're grateful. Yeah, for the five minutes waiting for you guys to pick up the phone yeah you know I haven't been shitting since we've been here I'm grateful after for the five minutes waiting for you guys to pick up the phone was just one constant yeah what everyone's gonna need to do is anyone participating in the game is gonna want to go down to the thrift store and spend a dollar or two on some throwaway shoes

because you can't really play pickleball barefoot and you're not going to want to try to wash your shoes there should just be a burn barrel where you put your shoes bring your bad shoes and then bring new shoes to walk walk into to go home yeah we'll have a hosing station and one of those three three fold partitions for people to go behind it and sit down and hose hose off well i will probably also vomit so there's also that really so yeah if you poop things if I watch a bunch of people shitting all over the place, yeah, I'll probably throw the fuck up. I'm pooping right now. Yeah. This wasn't in the email or I might have been fucking busy.

I'm hungry as fuck. Are you at the point where you can't eat now yeah all day today i could be and i yeah i can have jello which is fine uh and chicken broth beef broth yeah both and other than that clear liquids electrolytes Electrolytes. Back on the liquid IV. But the cliffhanger is, yeah, this could be all fun and poop, and then tomorrow it could be ass cancer. We'll find out. I mean, it's not like I'm doing this, like you said, because I'm 50.

No, I'm doing it because my poop scored fucking failing grades at Cola Guard. There could be something wrong. There's been a flag thrown, and you've got to get it reviewed. Under review. under review but I just hope this doesn't start a cycle where okay I wanted to get the physical as a goof and then I have the high triglycerides and the high cholesterol and then I went to get it retested and I I was I scored great but I think what happened is that initial testing. The first one. Yeah, the first one, the lab work, no one told me to fast before I did blood work.

Well, you don't remember someone telling you to fast. Why would you remember? In fact, I think there's literature that they give you. I mean, I just went through this a couple years ago, and it was made very clear to me, especially anytime blood work. In fact, I just did blood work again recently. There's different kinds of blood work. Some of it's fasting, and some of it's not. Yeah.

I've never heard of blood work without fasting. Yeah, there's non-fasting blood work. Well, you have to understand, this was a guy that I knew when I was, like, seven years old that, you know, I called up. I thought I was going to make the appointment and surprise him because I found out he's a doctor at the Copper Queen here. And so he actually answered the phone when I called, and I had to call our ID. It said, hey, Doug, stand up. How about it? So we were just mostly talking shit about, hey, what are you doing with your life? And and so it was kind of a secondary. Oh, yeah.

I'm also scheduling a routine checkup. So I think he might have been very confused by socializing and might have forgotten to tell me. Or if he told me, I didn't hear it. Because that might have been a deal breaker. If I had to go eight hours without eating. Yeah, gummy worms and fucking I don't know what you make in the morning anymore. Well, I don't know. You don't have a kitchen. I have a kitchen Oh that's right you do Yeah

Just thinking of all the things you used to make In your old house You don't have all your old appliances But yeah I guess you've kind of re-upped at the hotel room Well because I also rearranged my whole diet And since I'm not smoking That's really my fucking only source of entertainment is cooking i fucking cook all the time and i you know i take my time with stuff because i am

i have nowhere to be and i have no hobbies so uh yeah the not eating taste sucks shit i just don't want to get caught in this loop oh okay so back to the blood work i did the blood work and my try glycerides through the roof but then when bingo got her uh her scheduled they go okay and you remember you fast for eight hours and i'm going i don't think he told me that because and now i know for sure i never heard it whether he told me or not it didn't register with me because fasting for eight hours i know now sucks really bad and i would remember having fasted if i did it before so that i don't know how much that skewed the results i don't know how much now my fucking triglycerides went from 674 down to like 182 doesn't that seem like something was out of whack in the first one? Yeah, but it's such a

disparity between the two. But the fact that I immediately went drastic dieting of all the things I'm supposed to avoid and I was put on statins. Yeah, that's true. I forgot they put you on that. So the point is, it's the third blood test that's going to work but i don't know if they find some fucking they're gonna find something tomorrow that they go yeah it's even if it's fine they'll say it's fine but you know what you really should do one more fucking thing and it's this is how they rope you into being one of those fucking people that just keeps getting tested and gets the thing burned off and fucking goes. Bingo, just went to the fucking dentist here, which, yeah, I only go for the hygienist. If I ever had to have, like, serious work done, that's the last fucking dentist I'd go to.

And she went, and they take x-rays, and they told her she has three cavities. She was here a year ago. It wasn't even a year. And she's never had a fucking cavity with you in 18 years. And all of a sudden, she got three in a year. And I'm like, that thingy needs money. Well, a hammer wants to hit a nail, dude. Yeah.

Well a hammer wants to hit a nail dude So When I was a Broke fucking road comic I went to the dentist maybe Every five or six years For you know For the first Yeah when you met a

Dentist after the show one time And you had a free day the next day Literally twice I remember getting a coupon out of those value packs they used to yeah two times i went to a different ones on a coupon you got a wooden nickel coupon for a for a dental visit yeah any favorite dentist yeah nickel good call yeah and both of them told me i had cavities but in different teeth what they didn't catch the other guy's cavity and then they once they find out you don't have

insurance they stop fucking pushing you i mean i don't have money to get a thing filled oh you don't have insurance no uh and and those those teeth didn't have cavities when i started going to this guy so so i did have like one cavity when i initially went there and then i go i don't want to get it filled and he's never come up again he's never noticed that cavity again that was 15 years ago at least so what i'm gonna do tomorrow is uh after my ass cancer is i'm going to that dentist and i'm going to get her x-rays and we're going to go to another dentist can you take your x-rays from one dentist to another i i'm sure you have to they would have to transfer it if it was requested. Yeah, I think they'll do it.

I don't think you can get them. You can't walk in there and go, I want my fucking, I want my x-rays. Right. Well, no, I think you can. I mean, I've gone at the Chiricahua Health Center where I go, I've gone there and it's been over, if it's over a year year then you have to schedule to get like a checkup again and then you have to come back again to get the cleaning they you they won't see you the same day for the for the for checking your mouth and x-rays and stuff and even if i waited two years then they make me do the x-rays again and it's like well you just had the x-rays before

can't we just do a cleaning you can check the surface i mean what the fuck's going on here but it was it's that same thing of like well you gotta go in for the one then you go in for the other and then they call you back if there's something else wrong every time i would go to a new place they'd be like now we got a new new x-rays i'm like i just had x-rays at the other place you can't get them from them now we have to do our own i was like what a fucking racket yeah i might go back to mexico yeah i i read good things on next door about uh not even agua prieta but in naco which is like closest to us and yeah that's the one i went to when i had all the the back ones pulled martinez and i you know i was expecting the worst. Just Mexican dentistry.

Just maybe my preconceived notions are racist. But no, it was a way nicer clinic than the one I go to here. Yeah. I mean, usually they all speak English anyway. But you can always ask Denise. And she'd be more than willing, I'm sure, to accompany, to translate. Oh, yeah. No, he speaks English.

I think most of his business is. I think so, too. Yeah. All right. Play a commercial. I got to throw my shit in the dryer. All right. We're back.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I wish there was more action going on down here. No, that's fine, believe me We're good Yeah, it wasn't noisy I'm afraid of I'm afraid of sleeping tonight Why?

Because I'm going to take all this stuff Oh, you're afraid you're going to shit yourself? If I'm not done Yeah, well Bingo's dad said Are you afraid you're going to shit yourself? If I'm not done? Yeah. Bingo's dad said, you know, I don't know if you realize how volatile that stuff is. He goes, if you're eight feet from the bathroom and you have what you think might be, you're probably not going to make it. Yeah. you think might be you you're probably not going to make it yeah well if i'm sleeping and i you know you have that hot fart that you go oh that's not fart yeah so i'm gonna duck waddle to the

bathroom i'm yeah i'm gonna sleep in a couple pairs of underwear and a couple pairs of pajama pants and duct tape the ankles it's some of those uh plastic pants that used to wear this oh yeah to cut weight yeah wrestlers yeah but they had a name for those it was like a like a not an aqua suit but it's like a steam suit yeah hey what um are you done with the call okay do you have you done with the colonoscopy? Do you have anything else on the colonoscopy? It sounds like you kind of wrapped it up. Yeah, that's it. I have all these fucking notes.

I have a couple questions, though, from the last podcast. Oh, yeah. The Michael Biehn car incident where he called the cops because he thought the car you lent him was stolen. Yeah. Was there any follow-up on that uh no i don't nothing else came of it uh yeah uh she she did not get pulled over that was the question i had i don't know if we but yes they they figured it out before she actually got like arrested for driving a stolen vehicle um but uh yeah it's a

did we talk about the train trip coming up yeah we did that was my that's my next question uh an update on the train travel uh you're going to chicago for the opening uh that while the the week that the road dog will be uh be premiering on actual movie screen in Chicago. And I had the dates on the last podcast, and I'll put them up this time as well. Yeah, it starts the 1st of September, Friday the 1st. So we're getting on the train on the 28th in Tucson. And that's a couple of days plus on the train. I think it's called the Texas Eagle is the train that goes through Tucson all the way up to Chicago, through San Antonio, and up north.

So, yeah, jump on the train and come to Chicago. You'll find us in the bar car. How many days does it take? Well, I guess you just said. 52 hours. 52 hours? Yeah yeah so just over two days two full days uh in a roomette and uh yeah i'm looking forward to that and then we'll be there for a couple days in chicago watch it watch the movie it's the pickwick theater uh it's over where a lot of those locations were. I got all the information on the screen right now,

and it'll be at the end of the podcast as well. Yeah, so I talked to the director. He's the one who gave me the heads up that it'll be there for a week. I guess he was trying to get a comedy show going with him. There was at least a dozen comedians, the locals that were in that film, including the director and the writer, Tony Boswell. So they were trying to get a comedy show going to kick off and promote the,

so I, I don't know if that's happening. I told him when I'm going to be there and I haven't heard back from him. So, so maybe it's just us promoting. But Chicago. Yeah. Come on down. I'll be out there fucking shaking babies and kissing wieners, whatever. You know, I don't know if I'll actually I don't know if I could sit through the movie and watch myself, but I'll definitely be there before and after. We did. You and I did have that discussion. I asked you if you were ever going to.

You and I did have that discussion. I asked you if you were ever going to... Well, I mean, I will not talk to anyone about the movie unless they've seen it, because I don't want to skew it in any way. I just say, you know, watch it, and if you can watch it on a big screen, I think it'd even be better. I've seen it on both the little screen and the big screen.

But I ask you if you will ever sit and watch it, and you said no. You don't think so. You know, you should throw a clip on Patreon. We have a lot of Patreon discussions when you get back. Yeah, I can do it on Patreon. Yeah. I don't want to overstep my bounds of putting something available without the people who own the road dog actually saying it's okay but on

patreon i think it'd be fine yeah yeah throw just a i know you made a couple of clips so throw yeah throw one or two on uh patreon we're gonna have a lot more shit on patreon uh once we both of us keep fucking leaving and scheduling things say I didn't know you were going to Boise. I go, when he gets back from this, I'll be done. That just happened. So I didn't,

but when I left, when I left Bisbee two days ago, I didn't know I was going to Boise. It just ended up that way that it works out better for my brother. So. Yeah. Again, all this stuff is going to wait until after,

after the house is done and I have my desk back. And that's it. How about an update on the house? I have a video that we can show if you want. I can put it right here and just a quick walkthrough. No, I'd rather do that. You want to wait? Yeah, I don't want to give them like,

there's got to be a reveal. I want to go right from showing pictures of the fucking studs in the walls torn out, no ceilings, and straight to what it looks like now. All right, so then there'll be a picture of fire damage right now. Yeah.

But we did get some news that it's going to be at least another 30 days, which I mean, that's the way things go. So. Yeah. It's, it's very fucking. I mean, Tracy and I were talking about it yesterday. It's like, yeah, if we didn't fucking have to dick around for the first six months finding anyone to even work yeah this wouldn't be an issue but it took i mean getting fucked over by the the company that did the cleanup and the demo yeah and fighting with them and then not just really not having much direction from state farm and yeah It's rough out there. That's it.

That was the, that's the, yeah, you got to keep looking. That's it from you guys. You guys do this every day. We don't. We've never had a fire and had to rebuild after it. So it's just one of those things

where the difficulty was raised because we're in such a remote location from a lot of contractors which would be tucson is the closest largest area and no one comes out to visit it's going to be fun to see uh how much of my shit my just my clothes yeah you did uh eliminate the walk-in closet that had all of my suits, all my pants, all my... Oh, that's right. Yeah. So we might have to figure out some... Making the most of that main, the only closet left, we'll see.

We got rid of an entire walk-in closet that was full. Yeah. Which is all kitchen now. Yeah. Which is, that's great. But it doesn't help that I've been fucking hoarding. I was in there the other day taking, like, every time that they finish up for the day, I go through and do a walkthrough. And if I see a bunch of new stuff, I'll do a walkthrough video. And I go, you know what, I should probably just so

I can see later on how much stuff you've amassed in that back room. Because a lot of it was just bagged up from the cleaning service. But now all of your stuff is on top of that, like all the suits and stuff that are in the bins. I mean, the refrigerator's in there. The oven's in there. Yeah, that place is pretty full right now. I was thinking about doing an invite-only yard sale

on Patreon. Where Patreon people can come down to Bisbee and I'll have a yard sale in the fun house. I have a lot of ideas. What, you'd have like a bouncer, like Chad at the front

door, at the gate? No, we'd make it like a... So they can come in? Yeah, it would be an invitation but it would be like Kenny in a black tie, a tux serving pinafores and whatnot, but only wearing tidy whiteys down below.

Yeah. Just have a few, a few items displayed in different rooms and in the little house and the fun house and walk them through and champagne and yeah, something like that. All right. I've yammered on long enough uh who's up for commercials you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast and we're back i'm still i'm still thinking about the

idea of uh of doing like uh private shows at the fun house uh where it's a destination kind of thing where yeah you get to come and we have the regulars as an audience but we'll sell a few seats and just get a package with the shady dell and you'll have your own private show private after party uh yeah that could be fun and if we keep it home we also have the uh september 15th is the show at the shady dell with uh billy wayne davis andy andrist and christine levine yeah i confirmed that yesterday also with uh billy wayne davis yes and i'm supposed to be hope uh hosting that just because i i lost a bet on a playoff game with uh uh justin there at the shady dell and the the bet was a weekend on the yacht versus a free show from me and i lost so i owe him a show so i'm just gonna jump on that bill host it and that will it'll be a wash for my my uh my my debts uh but and for anyone who doesn't know the shady dell the the yacht is a yacht that's parked on

the property it wasn't he was doug wasn't betting a comedy show verse a weekend in a visa on fucking p diddy's yacht i'm glad that would yacht. I'm glad you pronounced that like that because you're always corrected. It's Ibiza, but it's spelled with a Z. Is it really? And people get really snotty, especially in the UK.

It's Ibiza. It's pronounced with a speech impediment is what you're saying? It's pronounced with Ibiza. Ibiza is what you're saying? It's pronounced with a bee-thuh. I'm going swimming in a bee-thuh. I'm glad to be wrong then. Yeah, no, I pronounce it bee-thuh because that's the way you spell it. Anyway, I think I'm really disappointed.

I thought I was going to shit a lot more than this, but I'm sure as soon as it, you know how it is, as soon as you say thanks for listening to the podcast, that's when the waves come. Every time. What else is on your list? It's pretty much it. Most of it.

Oh, yeah. And this is one thing I'm not supposed to eat or drink anything red or purple. No grape soda and beet salad? Well, that's what I thought. Well, okay, if we do it when there's no colonoscopy involved, everyone's eating beet. Oh, yeah. Everyone's eating corn. Asparagus, corn corn and beets yeah actually please uh please uh reply on social media

uh with uh tips for what uh people should eat i don't know what else colors your poop violently like beets do but it would be it'd be funny if everyone played something that comes out as surprising. Oh, you have the red team and the corn team. Also, we have to figure out gaming on this. Gambling is going to be very important on this. And I don't know how you make squares but uh yeah we'll definitely have a bedding pool uh and it's it's the the wall is going to be great for seating like people can sit up right courtside on that the the wall is right there part of the I'm sure they'll be scrambling for the front seats well i bet they will that's how you get the good uh yeah coffee

shots oh i had that you said that uh well i mean to one up you uh uh yes and you i would say espresso shots just really all right just slam it yeah i like the corn beets idea yeah beets is crazy I forget that I had beets and in the morning I'm shocked I'm like fuck call the EMTs it's a murder scene

in the bowl and you're like oh I had a beet salad oh yeah you know what speaking of blood in your stool one of the things that this is why I was talking about getting caught up in the cycle of, oh, now that my blood work came back fine or fairly decent, he goes, the one thing that worries me, it shows you do have a touch of anemia and that could be from blood loss in your stool and i'm like i don't ever have blood in my stool and i'm the kind of guy that fucking looks at my product

i fucking take a massive dump i'm staring at i'm taking pictures and i i know that i've never had any kind of blood issues uh except on beet smoothie days uh and you could be it could be mixed in there i mean it could be a chocolate chip cookie where the chip is buried in the cookie but the point is i don't know how like a vane yeah i think this shit has a vein in the middle well i mean it could just be mixed in with all the fucking turd you know you're not gonna see like a big blob sitting on the top of the turd like a cherry on a sundae but i asked him i said is there any chance like that i could be losing enough blood through my colon uh that uh i wouldn't see it he goes yeah

that can happen it is most likely from your bowels i'm like well why wasn't i anemic when i got the first blood work sure uh and it's like bingo's cavities. All of a sudden I'm anemic? Alright. And I know he's not bullshitting me. That's one variable that you don't have to consider, is that Dr. John's going to tell you straight up. He's not trying to drum up

business or anything like that. Hey, Bingo, can you do me a favor? Just while Doug's talking, take some pictures of him from the profile as he's talking to the screen and stuff like that.

I have been. I'll take some more for you, though. Especially if he makes a fucking poopy face because we can use that for the screenshot. Make me make a poopy face. I want to weigh myself before.

Now, do you usually weigh yourself in the morning? Don't stand up. I was working on the dynamics of that. I mean, I can blur if it happens. That's all right. You can't blur it for me. That's true, Chad. Get ready.

Doug, do you usually weigh yourself when you uh poop no if i think of it yeah i used to always when i had a system during quarantine it was easy to have a system you'd wake up okay you know just just my fucking morning pisses i would uh I would weigh myself before and after. You take epic pisses because I've talked about it in the past where I wanted to videotape you walking past me in the morning in the hotel room and then run a timer just hearing the fucking heavy stream like a fucking horse in a paddock. the fucking heavy stream like a fucking horse in a paddock. And I was just always amazed at, A, how violently strong your stream is, and, B, how long it goes. But now you get up in the middle of the night.

But first, that was also I was a beer drinker back then. Yes, that is true. So that makes a big difference. But I know, like, when I'd Seroquel and do those epic, you know, 16-hour sleeps, I would go 12 hours without getting up to piss and then get up and just all, you know. Well, and sometimes, as evidenced recently, you get up in the middle of the night and wander into someone else's bedroom. Or fall off the bunk bed. I don't know if I told you that.

Yeah, you told us that story. Did I tell it on the podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking. We need to fix that. Yeah, it's kind of dangerous. Because I knew the first night. I just thought I was close enough to the floor.

And nope. You did it twice. Yeah. And the second night, I just thought I was close enough to the floor. You did it twice. Yeah, and the second night, I just thought I was just jumping out of bed. It wasn't like I rolled out. I didn't fall out. I just thought I was getting up to piss and forgot I'm a fucking on the second story.

So that sucked. Maybe that put the blood in your stool. Alright, I'm going to place your bets on how this turns out tomorrow. I want to have them. I wanted to do. Oh, yeah. I was going to ask you, has Jackass must have done a fucking some kind of laxative things? fucking some kind of uh laxative things i'm not versed enough in the movies or the show that it sounded like i mean i don't think they're afraid of doing poop stuff

yeah but yeah but if jackass has already done fucking laxative poop uh stunts i don't care i thought of it today you go that sounds very jackass i bet they've done something like this it sounds familiar and uh then i i go i just the people that had come out of the wood yo you're what you're just ripping off jackass you know it's poop we're just doing for fun yeah exactly all right i'm gonna go uh wiping way and weigh that's what i say wipe and weigh nice uh i don't know if there's any other uh you really got to hurry this up oh she's gonna bingo's got a shit oh that's right you guys go to one bathroom place one toilet one toilet bingo go hit the uh hit the cat box again oh no raider said that before when we were gonna

have a diarrhea party a couple months ago just for fun he goes you're gonna post take massive laxatives with just one toilet and i said that's how we dance all right take us out take us out. Take us out, big girl. Okay. Bye-bye now. Thank you.