The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DSP #483: Comedian Sex Worker Devi

Episode Date: March 13, 2022

Doug sits down with comedian sex worker Devi Kirsch at the San Jose Improv. Recorded Mar. 7th, 2022 at the Improv in San Jose, CA with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Sex Worker Devi Kirsch (@meangirldoll), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS -BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Helix Sleep - Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope - Helix is offering UP TO $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners. Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope. Stay in the loop with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows to our listeners. So find the perfect mattress at helixsleep.com stanhope you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast all right guys uh you're recording hey uh we we're at the San Jose Improv Green Room still. These will come out weeks apart. But this is our third in our trilogy of sex worker podcasts. Again, if it sells tickets, yeah.

Hi, yeah, I'm Davey Kirsch I was going to ask are we using your name yep I don't care I'm out I don't give a shit like what do I care I don't really want a job that won't hire me because of the sex work stain on my record you also are a comedian

yeah I'm a comedian and I talk about it on stage so it doesn't really matter to me. I thought about maybe going by I was going by an alias with my online sex work but then I wanted to kind of cross promote my comedy

and it just didn't work unless I used my full name so hopefully no one murders me. Has that ever happened happened have you ever had a John show up as an audience member afterwards no actually no I did have one stalker earlier on and uh me stripping but yeah I mean I kind of I threw like false what is it called false signals I was like I kind of, I threw, like, false, what is it called? False signals. I was, like, I gave him a fake real name, and I gave him, like, a fake backstory, and then he let me know.

Like, I told him I live in Berkeley, and my name's Debra, and I told him, like, I work part-time at a Whole Foods there. So he'd come in and say, oh, I've been going to the Whole Foods. I haven't ran into you. Like, I have weird hours. Graveyard. So, yeah. And he was like, grab your enthusiasm.

Kind of just making up lies to cover the lies. Yeah, basically, yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, do. No, I often, I can't even watch that show because I relate to it a lot. Maybe I know that you say Jews always talk about being Jewish, but I really think every Jew is so obnoxious in a Larry David way. He's like the extreme that it's hard to watch stuff like that. When you're making up these lies, are you doing it to amuse yourself or is it just come out of

your mouth and then you go fuck i gotta keep running with it a little bit of both i think mostly i knew this guy was a creep and he was gonna try to stop me and i was right so i just trusted my instinct with that one but i've done with it before i'll make up different like places i'm from i'll make up different ethnicities like I was Greek for a whole year I've been Lebanese before I even went to Lebanon this is just yeah I was doing research don't do that to me no no no and I won't do it to your audience I'm I'm out now I'm out and proud as as being a Jewish stripper and my name is Devi Kirsch. What about mother?

Devi and it's pronounced Devi spelled D-E-V-I and that's how it is in my phone so forever I'm going to forget. But your mother is a fan of mine and turned you on to my comedy when

you were a fucking child yeah there's a couple things she asked me not to say about her publicly on the podcast she asked me last night i did a show in the town where my mom lives and she was in the audience and she begged me not to tell everyone that she's an anti-vaxxer because she works in healthcare and she's afraid it would ruin her career. But then by the end of the show, she got so drunk. She told everyone. That's great. I'm like, you know, if you just get vaccinated, then you wouldn't have to worry about the stigma.

Sorry. Love you, mom. So yeah, I thought. I i was gonna ask if she knows that you're i know she supports your comedy but does she support the sex work and how much of it is for her own financial gain she's sending her little john bonet ramsey out to the streets oh my god i was never a good kid and so there's no like i went okay just for context when i was younger i got caught with weed at school in seventh grade and then i had kind of like a lengthy criminal record throughout my high school career so um so the first time i got arrested for real it was because i got blacked out drunk and i walked into the wrong person's house and took a shit in their bathroom. That's the classic Rob Lowe.

Really? Oh, no, no. He was still, not Rob Lowe, the fucking guy that's Iron Man or whatever. Oh, oh, Robert Downey Jr.? Yeah, he got drunk and went into the wrong house and got arrested I know I think he actually did some jail time for it I was just talking about how Billy Joel crashed his car through someone's house did you hear about it I think in Long Island he like crashed his car through someone's house like can you imagine you're just watching CNN? You're watching football and Billy Joel,

fucking like the Kool-Aid man, crashes through your house. Yeah, I was just talking to someone about that. That guy, whoever, those people. Yeah. Bring that story up every chance. Oh, my God. I mean, it's the coolest story ever.

They segue from anything into Billy Joel crashed into our living room. Or Robert Downey Jr. just walked in. And unfortunately I wasn't a grown man celebrity. I was a 14-year-old girl who'd been day-jurking.

Charlie, what do you have on me? Was it Quinn? What's the kid we know, the comic that actually got arrested for going into the wrong house? St. Louis. Pogey? Pogey.

Steve Pogey. Steve Pogey. Yeah, he went to jail. Yeah, he had a warrant out. He was featuring for me under an assumed name. Because he didn't want the cops to show up and take him to jail. Damn, that's funny. To be fair to me, they were

track homes. So I thought I was walking into my friend's house. It looked the same on the outside and the inside. And there was a bathroom right next to the front door. So I just remember being blacked out, but I remember the sensation of having to shit.

And I think it was just wishful thinking that that was her house. Like it must be, it looks the same. And you were 14. Cause you, how old are you now? I'm 26. You look 14 now.

Thank you. I look 26. Then I used to blast through cartons of camel crushes. I shouldn't say you look 14. Now, if we're going to talk about you being a sex worker oh i wish you know how much more money i would have i'm like covered in tattoos god no i'm just saying like who prosecutes a 14 year old so the woman whose house it was had a nine-year-old daughter who was having a slumber party so there's

a bunch of nine-year-olds and i scared them and they didn't know who was in the bathroom when they called 911 so all they knew is there was like a stranger in their house and the reason and you know i will blast my mom for this one the only reason i went to jail is because my mom wouldn't come pick me up or she's too drunk to drive no no my mom didn't really drink back then she just didn't feel like it it's even worse it wasn't to teach you a lesson yeah she's just well I was in I was about a half an hour and a half away from where she was so she and honestly I was an out of control child like i remember she would try to ground me and i i don't know why people i mean i hope no children listen to this podcast but it's basically it's a mental prison being grounded you don't have to listen like she was like you're

grounded i'm like oh what's keeping me from just walking out the fucking front door she's like i'll take your phone away i'm like well good luck knowing where i am bitch i'm gonna take the bus to another town so children listen to this podcast when they have parents like you okay cool so if any kids are listening, as long as your parents have nothing to take from you, you can do whatever you want, and then eventually the law will probably get involved. So the rest of your criminal record, we'll get to your sex work later. I mean, after that, not as fun. After that, not as fun.

Basically, I got on probation. I got in trouble for texting about selling drugs. And I deleted just enough they couldn't really get me for the selling of the drugs. But I got in trouble for doing drugs. I guess I'm sentimental. I held on to a few texts. So taking a shit at a children's birthday party yeah is your that was how I got this is like the people that Billy Joel crashed into their house and then well then the flock of seagulls crashed in our house a few years later

but Billy Joel was really funny story no exactly mean, they just looked through my phone, found incriminating stuff. I went back to juvenile hall. And then I'm on probation. So I just got arrested again. I got arrested like two days before my 15th birthday with my friend. I had a friend. So I went to a continuation school where everyone was like actual criminals. And I was kind of a noob.

And so everyone hazed me and was very mean to me so kind of like in prison I befriended the biggest meanest like Native American girl and we're still friends so I don't want to say her name but are you confusing your life with one flew over the coo coo's house yeah. No, no. Yeah, yeah. The Indian. But it was the girl version of that. But she got me arrested two more times. She got me arrested two out of three of the times I got arrested. But it was kind of worth it because she protected me.

But yeah, we got arrested two days before my 15th birthday. And it was kind of cool all our friends were in there at the time it was like better than being at home like i hope they leave me in here my fucking rules but we both got pink eye in both eyes so they let us out so yeah i had pink eye in both eyes on my 15th birthday and uh i didn't get any presents because my parents were kind of you know i don't know maybe they forgot or they just didn't think i deserved presents my freedom was the gift and i my mom bought me like a cream puff from a bakery, but she was dating this Jewish guy who would always eat all my snacks, even though he was rich.

And then he would label his food when he put it in our fridge and he ate half of my birthday cream puffs. So he gave me one half eaten lopsided. Pretty sad. Oh, bye. Good to see you, man.

That's Paul Kimble leaving from the last podcast or the next podcast, depending on when Chaley puts them up. So anyway, long story short, that's my criminal record. And yeah, I, so my parents have very low expectations for me and both of my parents are

kind of like weird black sheep. So I remember the first time I went to jail, my dad, my dad is a survivalist. He's like a bear's day prepper. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like a doomsday prepper, a bear grill style guy. He lives in the woods in Northern California. style guy he lives in the woods in northern california and he thinks actually that it's great that i'm a stripper because i'm physically strong so in the event of an apocalypse i can

carry around a fucking birch tree and scale it basically i so in my early 20s i was a drug and alcohol counselor i don't know why the fuck I did. Like, I was never sober. I didn't want a job where I'm around normal people who I just censor myself around. So it seemed like a good thing. And I had a good relationship with my drug counselor. So I did that. And my dad was kind of disappointed, though, sitting at a desk all day, even though I was a respected member of the community.

I thought about doing volunteer work you know when you need karma you wake up with a hangover i should do something and like an aa where you can get drunk well i think in in bisbee there's chin town where the homeless shelter is and then there's the verhalst house uh rehab and i'm like i can't fucking show up these places fucking stinking of booze. Yeah, I mean, you could just blame it on the nearest homeless person. Yeah, it's very rewarding if you're not relying on it

for money because it pays shit. I basically like rage quit my job in social work when I was 22 to move to San Francisco and be a stripper. Rage quit sounds like a story. When you rage quit, well,

okay, they were promising me a raise for two years. I was making like $17 an hour, which after taxes and all the union fees and shit, it was like $11 an hour. I couldn't even afford my very cheap rent so i started stripping on the weekends and i made my whole rent in one night so like i just

want to do this now i don't want to do anything else except for make as much money as possible and start doing comedy my the one of my of my first escort service was in Boise, Idaho, and she was a former vice cop until she found out how much prostitutes make and then fucking flipped to the other side. Yeah, I respect full-service sex workers so much. You're a niche sex work. I am kind of niche. Okay, I think it's cool that you had Jenna on and you

said she's like the middle act. I feel like the second lady, Dia, she's definitely like the opener. She's kind of more like she's hosting a little bit. I don't really know her but myself they were both heading very good stories i really enjoyed listening to them both yeah very unique uh couldn't be more different i feel like they're kind of opposite ends of the spectrum

like jenna just didn't really care at all she's like this is what I'm doing just for money and Dio was like I'm making like a real difference in the world uh I feel like I just I want to feels like you have a little bit of spite there I want to well okay you're catching me at the moments of my career that's what it's gonna say yeah how would you compare your sex work. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. How would you compare your sex work versus your comedy career? Because you're kind of new at both. Would you consider yourself a more experienced sex worker or comedian? Sex worker, for sure. And, in fact, the reason I feel a lot of resentment towards my job

is because it takes me away from doing comedy. Like I have like zero energy left sometimes to do what I want to do because I have to deal with a bunch of horny old guys all the time. And it's just like disgusting. And I feel like from day one, my goal has been to make as much money as possible while doing the least amount of work. And that's why I don't know. That's why I respect full service so much. And I'm friends with a lot of like, you know, people who do full service prostitutes. They value their time so much more than I do.

Just because I don't feel like fucking guys, it takes me so much longer to make. We're just talking hourly. Let's talk about what I do. Yeah. You started stripping. So I started stripping. I started at the worst strip club of all time. It's called The Hungry Eye.

It's shut down now. Hang on. Let me do this. Hey, we're gonna go to a commercial now. Hey, the podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. You ever have some random asshole send you an email and say, hey, do you want to be a movie star? And you go, oh, is this a fishing scam? But then you go spend five weeks in Chicago knowing that you're doing a movie star and you go oh is this a fishing scam but then you go spend five weeks in chicago knowing that you're doing a movie that's never gonna be in theaters and then all you can do

is dream about it and then you have to go to back to do stand-up comedy and then you get cranky at the fucking greg chaley because he's yelling he's supposed to be able to drive the car and he's yelling at a guy for not using his turn signal coming into a parking lot where I'm yelling at him for not using his turn signal to let the guy know he's going left out of the goddamn parking lot and you want to kill the people that you love the most? Don't kill the people. Go to betterhelp.com. BetterHelp is waiting for you here. Relationships take work. A lot of us will drop anything to go help out someone else we care about. We go out of our way to treat other people well, but how often do we give ourselves the same treatment? This month, BetterHelp Online Therapy wants to remind you to take care of the most

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slash stanhope that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p betterhelp.com slash stanhope okay now we're back so you were were saying The Hungry Eye before the commercial. The Hungry Eye, which I think used to be a comedy club. I think Barbra Streisand started out there. Yeah, Lenny Bruce. Yeah. Then it became the nastiest strip club. It had roaches, bedbugs, rats. It was the worst strip club ever.

And those weren't fetishes. Those were actual problems. No, actual problems. I mean, maybe somebody likes the feeling of pests crawling up the shaft of their penis. like it was the worst trip and those weren't fetishes those were actual no actual i mean maybe somebody likes the feeling of pests crawling up the shaft of their penis but no i mean it was so bad there was girls just doing cocaine off the counter in the locker room and i remember specifically there was a 300 pound stripper named juicy and i'm praying to god that she doesn't listen to this because she might

murder me. She's the meanest bitch I've ever met. But yeah, she was always like, you know, we don't tell people what goes on around here. She was always like, you see anything?

You don't say shit. Like, okay, I'm so sorry. Like, I don't know if I bring in the big Indian. No, no,

no. She, she's a nurse now. She turned her life around. So then I left and I started working at a different club and yeah, about two months into me stripping, there was a law change in California that reclassified independent contractors. It started with truckers

because a lot of people are exploited at their jobs because they're like, you're an independent contractor, so we don't have to give you benefits or anything. So it actually makes sense for certain jobs, but it affected strippers also because we were independent contractors, but it kind of affected us negatively. For example, i used to

keep 75 of the cash that i made now i keep about like 30 or 40 so i just quit my job moved to a different city to do this and then all of a sudden my wages are cut in half so then i had to figure other things out like it's like i needed to do something like i had to do a little bit extra than maybe i would have otherwise truckers yeah truckers ruin everything then they have the audacity to come in the strip club and not tip you owe me you ruined my life no i'm just kidding but um yeah i realized later i mean there was like they're not tipping at the strip club because they're saving that money to get a hooker yeah they're just we're like uh foreplay basically if if this continues i'm just sorry to interrupt but

if this continues with getting sex workers of of different uh genres i'd like to get a lot lizard oh my god i might have one for you jay lot lizard i want juicy can we get juicy dude i will look for juicy i don't know because the hunger i shut down it's a regular bar now if i um excuse me i burped if i find juicy i will wear a bulletproof vest and ask her if she wants to come on the podcast she fucking scares me so much yeah so go ahead so I started like basically guys would offer me money to come home with them after I'm done with work and I would accept and the longer I did the more I realized I could just like name my price and they would pay pretty much anything I don't even have to fuck them necessarily uh the most that I did back then was either bring a friend with me who

is like a full service sex worker or I just like watch them jack off and make like a or just do cocaine with them all night and make a thousand dollars give or take so um and yeah i mean i've seen some shit like i had a guy he basically he was like yeah i just wanted to do blow with you meet me at my hotel after the club and i came over to his place or his hotel room and he is pouring on and he's like i'm gonna jack off i'm like okay well you're gonna have to send me like more money than we agreed upon originally so he did so i'm fully clothed watching this guy masturbate and uh masturbate to a cum shot compilation while he talked about all the like gay sex he's been having behind his wife's back and how he's like fucking their personal trainer

and then eventually he's saying how he would go to this park and just fuck random dudes and uh i mean i was totally shocked he was telling me some super slutty things that he'd been doing and then at the end like after he came and washed his hands he's like oh you know like the craziest thing about all of this is i'm i none of that was true i was guessing it was yeah like it was-cursed you. Yeah, he really made up a whole backstory. It's like M. Night Shyamalan

jack-off session. But, yeah, so. Do you think he was actually lying or do you think it was

Byron's remorse that he told you so much? You never, it could have been like a double twist. Yeah,

cocaine makes you fucking tell a lot of stories. Yeah, it's hard to say. I mean, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. I never saw him again. I hope he's living a lovely life, you know?

Any scary stories? Um, scary stories. Like, where you ever thought you were in danger? Um, hmm, in danger. Well, okay, I was going to talk, I just want to talk about, yeah. So, okay. When I first moved to San Francisco, I was kind of homeless. Like my living situation fell apart and I was like sleeping in my car, showering at the gym, looking for a place to live. I had enough money, but I just couldn't find a place. So I ended up moving in with this strip club regular,

so I ended up moving in with this strip club regular which was a horrible idea and uh I mean he was fine uh just a little slightly creepy but he told me that he's like hey I have another stripper living here I didn't know who it was until I moved in and I ran into her and I knew her she was this crazy stripper She's a crazy blonde stripper. We'll call her Sarah. Okay. She had only God can judge me tattooed right above her pussy. And like, we got into so many hijinks.

I mean, yeah, she put me like, and this is actually, we're in beautiful San Jose right now. So here's the San Jose related story. I never asked to be friends with her he just by default like i just moved to a new city and she's my roommate and we work at

the same place so um yeah she was fucking she's the type of girl who would like smoke a blunt while she was pumping gas and just be like flicking it and i was like dude you're not supposed to do that she's like oh it's. I do it all the time. I'm like, wow, that really makes me feel better. Just a reckless person. I got free tickets to see a comedy show here at the San Jose Improv

one day. I invited her. You got free tickets? You're lucky. It was like a local guy. We were going to go audition at a strip club here in the spearmint rhino anyway so we went we auditioned and we came to the show and while i'm driving her here she's like doing bumps in the passenger seat of my car and like um yeah so then we're after the show we go back to the Spearmint Rhino to see how business is in the prime hours.

And she ends up meeting these guys, which is super frowned upon. They ended up never calling us because they thought we were hookers after that. And I mean, maybe they're right. I don't know. But we met these guys. We go back to this guy's house or this guy not his house his hotel room he's from out of town and this story is not about me feeling safe around him this story is about me feeling unsafe around her like she's like he gets out she's like six hundred dollars each and we'll

go like do lap dances in your hotel room and so we did we got him to buy like booze or drinking doing the lap dance and he got a bunch of singles to throw at us and when he went to the bathroom she stole the stack of money that he was gonna give us anyway and she just she broke it in half and handed me half and like what the fuck i'm like i have to just put it in my purse like what am i gonna so he comes back and he's like where did the money go we're like what money we don't know and yeah kind of gaslit him a bit and then yeah left after an hour and i was super fucked up so she drove my car home because she was... Coked up?

Yeah, more coked up than me. Doing bumps, driving us home. I was very paranoid about... I mean, I've been arrested before, so I don't want to go to jail. And she's like, oh, could you give... We stole the bottle of booze out of his hotel room too. She's like, can you give me a shot of Patronum like no we're 10 minutes away from home can you just wait until oh my god fucking youth yeah is that you well were you so many stories that you think back yeah i mean i will probably look upon that story fondly um but at the time i was

not happy and like obviously some scary like okay one time this actually did scare me this uh i don't like when a guy just whips his dick out in the private room at a strip club but sometimes i maybe he thought that i was gonna touch his dick because i didn't say that i wasn't you know because i wanted to get money from him so weird so when i was new a guy this is when it's not weird to pull your dick out i pulled my dick out a bunch but i'm never gonna i haven't i you know, I was never a strip club guy once I was in entertainment. It's just, yeah, it's, this is how I learned about white privilege for the first time. You know, I'm from a small town. I just moved to a city. Um, in my town, white people get arrested too all the time. Cause there's only white people, but this guy comes to the strip club. He's like,

what, what do I get in the VIP room? Like, I don't know. We're going to have so much strip club he's like what what do i get in the vip room like i don't know we're gonna have so much fun he's like like real fun i'm like yeah like real fun so we go in the room and he immediately takes his dick out and i'm like listen dude if you don't put your dick away i'm gonna have to leave and you can't have your money back he's like you're not gonna touch my dick i'm like no he's like well then i'm gonna raise hell he's like let me speak to your manager so i'm like okay dude i'll get the manager so i got the manager and the manager's like yeah we can't like you already ran the transaction so i can't give you your money back sorry man and he's like he's like this is unacceptable like do you want us to call the police and you can talk to them he's like i would like to talk to the police so you're gonna call the police and tell them that i didn't give you

a handjob you see those stories all the time about people calling the cops because they got fucking burned on their drill yeah that's so funny yeah please hold i know some of you are sleeping on some saggy old bed bug riddled mattresses tonight and you deserve better than that give yourself an upgrade helix sleep has a quiz that just takes two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. Everybody's unique, and Helix knows that. So they have several different mattress models to choose from. They offer soft, medium, and firm mattresses. Mattress is great for cooling you down if you sleep hot, and even a Helix Plus mattress for plus size, folks. Greg Chaley. Did I ever tell you about the time I was a lumper for a Dart Transit?

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So let's get to the sex work before we have to go on stage. Oh, yeah. So during the pandemic, I started a small penis humiliation business online. I dated a guy who didn't even have a small dick, but he wanted me to say that his dick was small. And he wanted me to call him the F slur, you know, the good one. Can I say it? I've had sex with a woman before. I don't know. But anyway, yeah, he wanted me to just, he would rather me shame his dick than have sex with him.

Maybe that's why it didn't work out. I don't know but then i i realized i was really naturally but it was he was the muse for oh maybe i can do this he was kind of the muse yeah because i mean i am a comedian so it was basically like a you know roasts so small how small is it yeah exactly exactly yeah so basically yeah i was like roasting you guys and if any female comedians are you know would like to collab with me and make some content we can make a lot of money you make exponentially more money with more women together You make exponentially more money with more women together Like doing this. What's your what's your Twitter handle?

Okay, it's at Davy curse so at D E V I K I R S C H so and also same on Instagram so slides So please send her a small penis fucking jokes. Yeah, or we send me a like a video send me like a snippet of you humiliating a figurative dick and then maybe we can collab on some stuff i would love that you guys i was just picturing you when you were saying this sitting at a starbucks with a notebook trying to come up with more small dick jokes for your work and someone saying what are you writing poetry no small dick jokes i mean honestly the way i would do it is because i was bored during the pandemic i wasn't working wasn't doing comedy i was a good girl i didn't do shit in person so yeah i would mostly so this is how it worked they would send

me a picture of their dick and I would give them specialized, like custom roast jokes. Like that were really, cause not every dick is small, but some of them are bad and there is bad things about every dick, you know? You know, sometimes they're just like, kind of like lumpy, old droopy. I give them nicknames. Like, and one thing I noticed is here's something that cannot be in the lexicon of small penis humiliation you can't call it a dick or a cock it's too strong all right it

has to be a penis penis is the most masculine word that you can use for uh a penis when you're doing small penis humiliation other words so prick i've gotten mixed reviews some people are like never prick never prick no dink dink yeah dink clit if you want to just say that's that's like your clit i have a guy named toad clit but because he had a weird like lumpy nut sack that was disgusting and honestly you can just be honest most of the time i would never touch your your clit like it's not even a dick it is not even a penis that cannot be attached to a man you're a sissy bitch you have no you have no claim to masculinity you're disgusting you should put it in a cage because it's in just render it useless forever

because no one's going to enjoy it. So don't thank you. Thank you, mistress. You're right. So what's the website? Well, my only fans got shut down,

but you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at mean girl doll, all one word. That's my sex work persona. On Instagram. Instagram and Twitter. I have sex work Instagram and Twitter. What? At MeanGirlDoll.

M-E-N-G-O-L-L. Yeah, they get it. They get it. They know how to fucking spell it. MeanGirlDoll. MeanGirlDoll. At MeanGirlDoll, yeah. So hopefully I will get my OnlyFans up and running again. What happened with that? get it they get it they know the fucking spell doll mean girl doll at mean girl doll yeah so

hopefully i will get my only fans up and running again what happened with that because i know they fucked people over but then they kind of dialed it back i mean it's weird on only fans there's certain things you can't say you can't say like piss or you can't say like i don't know chastity they're kind of not kink friendly wow there's certain things yeah i mean they're kind of in denial about what they are like they tried to make it so you couldn't do any sexually explicit things on there back last year i think in like august or september they announced that they were basically going vanilla like no sexual content it's like what the fuck do you think people use this website for on Twitter and it was mostly because the credit

card companies were gonna stop supporting them their transactions but yeah you're just not gonna exist anymore so when did you get like now you're actually going out with men um so post pandemic before the pandemic i had one guy i mean let's just call him eustace because he had a very old man name he's old as shit but i met him at the strip club and i noticed when i sat on his lap he's wearing a cock cage and he looked like a nice old man noticed look i'm sitting on his lap and i'm like what the fuck is in your pants it's like a like a catcher's helmet over your penis um and it wasn't out you could feel no no i could feel it like it didn't feel like a dick it was like a weird cage you know he's like it's i wear cock cage all the time it's connected to a website where people control if i can take it on

or off and we got to know each other over the period of about three weeks and then he paid me $2,500 to fuck him in his ass yeah so it was pretty cool I mean it was like the most money I've ever made in a short amount of time about 45 minutes until you came until he you came. Well, I had to. I'm not paying you until you come on my back. Oh, my God. That's so fun. I didn't know that dildos could come until the strip club where I was working at one point.

They had a featured porn performer. I thought there's a featured performer would be some pole dance master but it was just a porn star laying in a kiddie pool full of lube jacking off a fake dildo that was coming fake come over face it was funny yeah but yeah back to eustace he yeah i had to in order for him to come i had to bet him 500 that he wouldn't come like i had to be like oh if you come in the next 30 seconds and you owe me 500 additional dollars and that's the only way he can come is if he's not supposed to so now yeah i'm getting my website up and running and uh i i do have a guy who you know pays me to beat him up i have a guy who you know so he pays me to beat him up I've a guy who he paid me $300 to kick him in the nuts in a park but I'm kind of new I I met a

lady who's kind of teaching she's mentoring me and she's really great I don't know if she'd want me to say her name on the podcast but she's kind of like a famous dominatrix who does really well and she thinks i would be great at it mostly you're just doing improv about making someone feel bad it's like shame improv i don't really have a connection there anymore but kink.com yeah in san francisco they shut down and this year yeah they had that big fucking armory, the whole block. And they used to have a comedy show there where you could talk. It was like an anything goes

comedy show. But just to plug something, I'm starting with another comedian. His name is Troy Moyd. We're going to start a show at the Condor Club. It's a strip club. It's going to be like a dirty comedy show.

In North Beach? Yeah, that's where I used to work. Carol Dota, the first stripper. Yeah, it's the oldest strip club in America. Yeah, oldest titty nude bar. Yeah, I used to work there. I quit because, you know, I don't know. I just felt like quitting.

I work at a different club now, but I still want I'm starting a show there, so me and Troy Moyd, comedian Troy Moyd. So it's going to be, the theme is going to be like the dirtiest jokes possible. So we'd love to have you. If you're ever in town and you want to do it, done. It seats a lot. It's a big venue. And

yeah, so anyway, hopefully we can do kind of what the Armory did, like just be as disgusting as possible. Nice. Yeah. So anyway, hopefully we can do kind of what the armory did, like just be as disgusting as possible. Nice. Yeah. And that will, maybe you'll go national with it. No,

I know. Take it on the road. Take it on the road. Maybe. Yeah. San Francisco would be the place that you like, the place that's against like everything would be the place you could start with comedy that you can't do anywhere

else that san francisco types said you can't say that but they would go the extra step to go okay now we're gonna do it because you're not supposed to yeah we won and now we're gonna actually double down by losing it's so true i mean everyone says all this stuff about san francisco like there's things you can't say but i don't know i feel like there's a lot of people it's just a bunch of people you never see or interact with that feel this way and then most people are just itching to you know have things said to them that are supposedly not supposed to be said it's a breath of fresh air to hear like dirty jokes or offensive humor yeah and honestly yeah anyway how much time do we have left are we oh not that i'm i want to end i'm just wondering i'm just i know i got my eye on the time because we do have a show in yeah 55 minutes so we're good

oh cool um i'm gonna make a drink yeah let me talk really quick i was gonna you told me to save it for the podcast but my podcast that i've started it's called stripper eye for the pathetic guy oh yeah and it's basically me and another stripper trying to rehabilitate like pathetic guys most bad titty bar behavior mostly uh open mic comedians have been willing to come on and get like roasted but yeah male comedians can be debased in that way and not like trying to sue me later get offended so What are you drinking, Doug? Yeah, vodka, soda, splashes, cran. Oh, here. Yeah, it is, but it's flat. It's in a fucking pitcher.

Well, I'll start over. That's alright. No, I don't care. But yeah, so far it's been every one episode on Spotify. I want to be on. You should fucking come on. I would love that so much. Yeah, I just don't... I can't remember the last time I was at a titty bar. It's just so fucking... It's so much. Yeah. I just don't, I can't remember the last time I was at a titty bar. It's just so fucking,

it's so awful. Yeah. I just want to pay them to fucking go away. Yeah. I mean, that has happened to me. I work at a fancy one. I quit Condor to work at like the upscale one.

And I started there and immediately they're like, yeah, you're not like young enough and you're not hot enough but we like you so we're giving you a chance and uh yeah like everyone's like a barely legal high school senior or like a you know model looking girl and so far I've gotten by okay just on my personality, but it's intense. I don't know. When I go to a strip club, if you're not there to see titties,

then I'm here because the fucking club owner or my friends and I had to go. There's nowhere else open that serves food. I have hooker money. If I was horny or wanted to be horny, I could get a hooker, but I'd just jerk off to porn because I don't want to deal with have hooker money if i was horny or wanted to be horny i could get a hooker but i'd just jerk off to porn because i don't want to deal with a hooker it's such a better deal getting a hooker like it's honestly like bargain value strippers will take you for everything that you have and i know for nothing i know that it's a grift and i know they know and i'm but it's it's like if you went to a comedy club

and you don't want to laugh what's wrong with you? are you having a good time? tell your face at least I don't want to be in a comedy club I would appreciate if people who have that attitude just don't if people are like well what do I get I might as well just get a hooker

then get a hooker you're going to waste a bunch of money. You're going to leave probably pretty horny unless you tip me an extra $1,000 so you can jack off. Oh, the last titty bar I was at, which is they closed the best titty bar ever, was Mary's in Portland. Oh, they closed it? They're moving their location, which was most of the fun of it. It was just a corner dive tiny bar. I love that place.

It was female run, a mother and daughter owned and ran it. And I'd go in and, like, no one's working you. It's like suicide girls all tatted up on stage. Totally. Yelling at the crowd, I need money for the jukebox. Come on, pass the hat. Because they play their own songs on a jukebox on stage to dance to.

Yeah, that's where I belong in Portland stripper-wise. Like, that's where, because I have a lot of tattoos and piercings and more of an alternative look. And, yeah, in San Francisco, they don't like that. They want you to look like you're, yeah, they want you to look like you're basically fresh out of high school and signed a modeling contract or you just have to they prefer not to have i guess that's right yeah and it's it's obviously just the populace is all tattooed in pierce so i want to see something different it's mostly every strip club in san francisco

is owned by the same corporation and And they're just like corporate guys. They're like old, like Lebanese guys, I think. I don't know. But they have their preference and that's like what they want. They want like Vegas style strippers, which not people, the people of San Francisco don't necessarily want that. But yeah, Portland's great. I mean, you can eat a steak.

Like my, one of my relatives uh the railing I have a distant relative who works at a strip club in Portland and I went to go visit her at work and I got it was like the best steak I've ever had yeah I was looking at my relatives vagina it was awkward I had a mullet when I went there so really nice after a show. You've got to go. It's the best steak. Like a wooden railing in front of the stage.

Yeah. Yeah. No. I don't. Yeah. I think there's a few steakhouse ones. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to go. Yeah. I would love to work in Portland. But yeah, mostly they just dance. They don't. It's not like you don't have to hustle people, mostly they just dance. They don't, it's not like a, you don't have to hustle people. You're just dancing. Yeah. That was why Mary's was, I don't even consider it a titty bar. It was a bar that happened to have tits. If you're bored looking at your phone,

you look up and see tits. There was no, no pressure. Yeah. There's no air of, there was no no pressure yeah there's no air of there's no balancer yeah yeah that's why i think i'm kind of about to retire from being a stripper like for real i'm i'm so i'm too old penis humiliation dude i'm like i mean stripper years are like dog years like i'm like a thousand i'm 26 now i work with a bunch of 18 year olds i feel very protective over them like i just stripper retirement is either you become a prostitute you become a dominatrix or a bartender there's no i can go back into the normal workforce i am working on my resume i don't know what to put Titty dancing Someone's going to appreciate that right Business skills

Maybe I can sell cars I've told the story on the podcast I'll tell you it's a boring story But I did fill out a job application A while ago Many years ago I just put my actual Credentials But I put ago many years ago but yeah i just put my actual credentials in people and i but i put

louis ck and joe rogan and someone else down as references with their real numbers now i never get a fucking call back it's where being a liquor distributor you'd be such a good liquor distributor like if i had to get a job, what could I do? And I went through whatever fucking Craigslist or something. Didn't get a call back. So I'll humiliate small penises with you. We should, honestly. But yeah, I definitely want to do your podcast.

You should do my podcast. I do with my friend Mia. That's her fake name. Don't try to my friend Mia that's her fake name don't try to find her what's her fake real name what's her backstory her true fake backstory

she climbs down sewers to unclog them we do that on the road when we're touring we come up with fake things that we do I did work with a stripper a long time ago who unclogged like she like went like sewer like hers her main job was like unclogging she was fucking jacked too she could like she don't did all the cool pull tricks

and then on weekdays was like like yanking dead rats out of sewer drains she was hot i don't know i love it all right let's uh let's go get ready for the show all right yeah pocket full of notes thank you guys so much follow me at davy kirsch d-e-v-i-k-i-r-s-c-h on twitter and instagram and then at mean girl, if you want to see some lights. Send your penis pictures to where? You can Venmo me at D-E-V-I-K-I-R-S-C-H. That's the important one. I will not open it until you Venmo me.

But say reimbursement for something so the IRS doesn't come for me. Alright, thanks guys. Okay, take us out, big go. Okay, bye bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.