The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DSP #524 - "Footloose...Shots Fired on Black Knob"

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

Doug sits down with 2 victims in the first mass murder ever reported in Warren. Jennifer Churchill was shot while sleeping and Derrick disarmed the perp. Doug and Chad want the details. Jennifer has a GoFundMe to help offset incredible hospital bills. Help out if you can - Help Stand Up Comedian get on her FEET again - https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-stand-up-comedian-get-on-her-feet-again Recorded July 2nd, 2023 at the Quiet House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Jennifer Churchill (@TWITTER), Derrick, Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Bingo (@bingobingaman). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Signed copies of "This Is Not Fame" available while supplies last at Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - TryFum.com - Go to TRYFUM.com & use code STANHOPE to save an additional 10% off your order today. FreedomFest July 12 - 15, 2023 at the Renasant Convention Center Memphis, TN.  FreedomFest is the annual festival where free minds meet to celebrate freedom in an open-minded environment. It is independent, non-partisan, and not officially affiliated with any organization or think tank. - https://www.freedomfest.com/memphis2023/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Support the podcast at www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast Join Doug's Mailing List - http://www.DougStanhope.com TOUR DATES - https://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates Photo by ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast and today's podcast the Doug Stanhope podcast is brought to you by maypo instant maple oatmeal we're here today with you might remember Chad Shagg is back in the house and Derek and this is Jennifer we alluded to I don't know how much I told people last week. It was when I was teasing on the last podcast your story. But we don't know all the details. So I'm going to be looking forward to seeing how much of your story that I've been telling other people is accurate. Because it's pretty breaking news for Bisbee.

Jennifer, first of all, how did you meet Derek, our unsung hero? Well, I've been here two years, and I do the mics and shows at Chuckleheads. And I've been there a year, and then one day, after about a year, he comes up behind me, Jennifer. And then he's like, asked me to go camping. Yeah, that's Derek's kind of go-to thing. A lot of that, I think, comes from his times of homelessness. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, you want to go camping for six or eight months? Yeah. But I've been in the same boat. Yeah, I lived in my bed that was your pickup line there you just came up behind her and said her name and said you want to go camping no I heard her talking to me I move and I heard her say camping so the next time I saw I and then I she left and so the

next week when I saw her I was like hey you said camping that's my thing so yeah well i have a joke about it like i go yeah i had to live in my van during covid because i had i had to move out of the place i was living and i didn't have any camping equipment so i ate cliff bars for several weeks and now my ass makes beads so and then that's my camping joke Dwight York was a comic I knew a million years ago he had a joke he goes I I was homeless once but nobody knew it because I slept in front of a ticket master so okay so that's how you met Derek and you live in Tombstone but you come down

I know you're at Derek's house a lot and we've met briefly here and again you were painting down at the Marnie's Cafe and what did you say I looked like when I was painting I don't know what did I say was it rude

yeah I was painting? I don't know. What did I say? Was it rude? Yeah, I was painting a window for Christmas and then Doug tells Derek and Kenny that I look like a fugitive or something. A convict. Oh wait, did you hear this from Derek?

Yeah. Derek is an entire Chinese telephone of his own. You can't trust Derek to repeat accurately what I said. Okay. I can't repeat accurately what I said. Okay, so let's get to it.

You have a friend from San Diego. Is that where you're from? Yeah. I grew up there. That's where my mom had me. You act like there's way more to that story. No, I know. You just did a handling.

Everyone goes, where are you from? And I'm all, from between my mom's legs. But she was in San Diego. All right. So you've known this woman a woman for 20 years yeah plus yeah and uh she's going through this is what i've been telling people so your friends going through some rough times yeah maybe some uh some substance abuse issues yeah for sure uh and you as a everyone says how kind-hearted you are how generous you are and you well, Bisbee would be a nice place for her to come to get away from all that drug problem.

Yeah, it wasn't that. She was in an abusive relationship. It's that, too, but she's in an abusive relationship. And so the plan was for her to come stay with me until April, and then she'd go up to Oregon where her daughter and her mom were. But she knew people in Bisbee, too. As a lot of you will find out from how this story goes, a lot of times abusive relationships are a two-way street.

All abuse is self-abuse. I mean, yeah, because you tolerate it. Yeah. I told her that, too, and she got all mad. I go... Yeah, and you don't want to see her angry. We'll get to that. So you bring her that tune. She got all mad. I go. Yeah. And you don't want to see her angry. We'll get to that. So you bring her out here.

How long is she out here? Me too. So she was out here from a little bit after Thanksgiving to June 5th. Oh, so I thought she had just been here like days. No, she was here for a while and then I asked her to move out

in May because she just wouldn't stop drinking and meth. She knows people here before. She hasn't been here solidly since Thanksgiving. No, she has, but she came a year before. like she knows people from San Diego. She hasn't been here solidly since Thanksgiving. No, she has, but she came a year before, but she

knew some people from San Diego know her, you know. So I'm like, oh, it'll be good. Like Shanti knows her from like 30 years ago. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know where anyone like the locals are from originally. Yeah, so and she's been here and it's

calm, like we, you know, and she did, here, and it's calm. She's up and down. I know Becker was very familiar with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do karaoke, and she does art, and she's funny. So was the abusive relationship out here as well? No was back in san diego yeah yeah no one had heard from her for a year all right and um and uh but when she got here she said that he was doing all this stuff to her and she had these marks like all over her body and i took pictures of like all over her back and stuff and then I was like I looked it up like what happens when you take meth then the same marks came up on the photos but I didn't but she said

that her boyfriend did that so I don't know and then when she was working for Dana at the um quarry Dana goes she has all these stories about being abused by somebody and they seem outlandish and you might want to believe them and you might not want to believe them she goes they might be true or they might not be true and so i just kind of kept it open like they might be true or they might not be true um are the marks where they uh they you know we put those chips yeah all these those microchips under her skin yeah all that all that stuff. She always tries to pick it. Yeah, and then she said she would go to the bathroom and he had magnets on the other side of the door,

and so when she would shut the door, it would shoot stuff into her skin, like powder. These are the stories that you get in the local police beat. I don't know if you've hipped her to the police beat yeah those those are the ones and there's never any follow-up uh but this time there is yeah i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that one might not be true well if it's true to her who's to define truth like if that's the truth, she's living. Let's just cut ahead.

At what point did you start plotting to harvest her organs? Oh, man. Dude, she's been harvesting her organs for like 20 years in tequila, ivermectin, meth, all that stuff. Okay, so let's get to the knight in question. She's been 86. This is how I hear from Derek. The morning of the incident that we haven't described yet, Derek said, yeah, well, what's her name? We call her Natasha.

Natasha, okay, yeah. Yeah, so really, Natasha's and what i know she's like 86 from my house because we were drinking with carly boys and like what's who are the carly boys it turns out carly is just a carly boy is a guy but he said we were drinking a car with carly boys oh yeah i'm imagining the Carly boys as this redneck, like wild and wonderful whites of West Virginia.

That's all I can imagine because this is right after the incident and there's just blood everywhere and Derek's trying to tell me this story and she was supposed to be 86

because I know that Jennifer said to her, you're 86, you can't come to Derek's house. But last night she said she's going to stay the night because she's going through a hard time. And now this. Yeah.

Was she 86? Yeah, that was my fault because I got back from San Diego and I was really happy. And she called me from out of the blue. And she had found another place to live and she had a rich boyfriend. And I thought we were cool because we had talked. And then she she's like can you take me to the bus station i go yeah and i just got back and i was like i thought we were cool and uh i go but i gotta go get my cats

i'm gonna go to mike and so she wanted to go with me to mike and that's where tessa's like those yeah oh okay sorry i'm like who's like chuckleheads and uh carly mike i should have just said no and then she came down and she wanted to go to hospital and so. I should have just said no and then she came down and she wanted to go to the hospital. So I dropped her off at the hospital and then I thought I could relax. Wait, she wanted to go to the bus station? Yeah, but I couldn't take her

for the next day. So she's going to go to the hospital? That's where I made the mistake and should have left her in Tombstone. Bus station? Yeah. That's where I fucked up. Wait, where is the...

There's a lot of people going to the bus station from the hospital in Brisbane. In Tucson. I said I could take her, but the next day. But I should have just said, I'll pick you up tomorrow instead of letting her hang out. That was where I fucked up. I would say next time we run Derek for mayor, that should be... It is very strange that this is such a bus station town without a bus service.

There is no Greyhound here or even Sierra Vista that I know of. I think Hustle says Benson. Benson was, remember we had to pick up the comedian from Australia? And the bus station is the McDonald's. He's just sitting outside a McDonald's on a bench. McDonald's. He's just sitting outside of McDonald's on a bench. But that would be a great mayoral platform is you're

going to bring Greyhound bus here, but outbound only. Huh? That's a good one. I think this podcast may ruin Derek's chances for mayor. We'll see how it comes up. He turns into the hero eventually.

Yeah, we'll see. At some point I go, because I thought he just dropped her off and left. He was parking a car or something. And I go, yeah, I guess he would need to be here since he's kind of the hero of this. Yeah. But, I mean, they call him a hero. I still don't think of him. You know how heroes in news stories, they'll go, oh, I don't consider myself a hero.

This is a case where Derek probably tells everyone he's a hero. We go, not so much. I don't see you as a hero at all. I think you just did what every other guy would do is allow this fucking crazy person into your house that can't decide if she's taking a bus or going to the ER. So you bring her to a hospital. Yeah. And then, and then I went to Chuckleheads to do the mic and I thought I could relax. She was all one tequila or two. I had four. And, uh, and then she calls, she's like, I'm out of the hospital. And then I, like, I lost my temper. I was like, no, get another ride. I can't

take you. Blah, blah you blah blah blah get get your rich boyfriend to take you and then I just sat there and then that's another place where red flag I should have just stuck with it I said okay I'll take you and then I was like I did I I don't know if I asked Derek or just assumed like I I could I don't know that's where I messed up and I'm like I should have not picked her up from the hospital. And she could have found it. She's resourceful. She could have found another ride.

Yeah, tweakers are very resourceful. I think that, like, Boy Scouts, a Boy Scout leader would go, you know what? Your uncle's a tweaker, but you learn from him. Yeah. Learn from him yeah learn from resourcefulness but see if i would have picked her if i would have had one drink picked her up took her back home and let her stay there she would have stabbed me that was her plan she had been planning this she was hold she i think she was under the influence of a grudge you know like like it no her grudge you know like like no her grudge for me kicking her out and that her new places didn't

like work out like i i jump around i'm sorry oh no that's okay because the listener doesn't know okay so you allow her to the 86 rule at derek's house is dropped derek has another friend deb who's staying there yep Yep. You're staying there. We just came in from San Diego, me and Deb. She came from L.A. And then Natasha is going to stay there just for the night. Yep. And this is at what hour y'all

get into the house? 10. Did y'all come in together? Was Derek already there? Yeah, we met at the post and then we took off from my house Yeah, all right and that mood is Happy. Yeah, she was in a gym for was in a really good mood and we're not to music and no I Had two drinks at chuckle heads and in a like four hour period so silly silver yet

We were just listening to music and putting funny videos on I think yeah like YouTube or something and then Jennifer went to bed I don't know I went to the game room I was gonna take a catnap that faces the street there yeah down on old black now view Jeff went to bed Jennifer went to bed. Stocks went to bed. So I gave Natasha a blanket and some cough drops in case her throat got dry because it's really dry in my house. And I went to bed. What a weird host.

Things sure have changed here on Walton Mountain since I've been here last. Here's a blanket and some vits. Nice job. She had water too. I gave her water. Mary Ellen a blanket and some vits. Nice job. Does she have water too? I gave her water. Mary Ellen.

Water and tatcha. Okay, Natasha stays up all night. These are her hours. She will wake up like three, four, five in the afternoon

and then stay up all night and she's done that her whole life. Yeah, I've done meth. No, but I have a brother like that that doesn't

and he's like that. That's his rhythm And it's always been Her rhythm Since she was a kid Because I've talked Extensionally And she's only about I think she was 38

39 Okay Yeah So I know like People Even like Erickson

Was always able To sleep Until 3 4 in the afternoon A party all night Watch the sun come up And I He's my age was always able to sleep until 3, 4 in the afternoon, party all night, watch the sun come up. He's my age. Eric says my age.

I could still easily watch 8 a.m. drift through the window and go, yeah, we should probably... So you go to bed. How long are you asleep in the game room, as you call it? Yeah. What time is this because I know it's about 2 45 a.m. so have you been sleeping for a long time at that point I think she went to bed about me yeah because we rolled in like we would mean Deb drove from California the day before and then we stayed at Tessa's house in Tucson and then we came in that morning and I played disc golf so I was

tired. So she starts coming into your room after you put her to bed with the cough drops. I felt her touch my hand and then she came in and she had her phone on with the light pointed at my ceiling and she said dust

and just walked back out it's like that movie bug yeah i had just taken my sleepers so i was really my sleepers were just kicking in right when i laid down so i was barely able to even think or move or anything first of all i would be like terrified of if you know she's a tweaker and i know you have no valuables i'll preface with that but still tweakers find value where there's when when i heard noises and she touched my hand i thought if she burns she burned some food in my kitchen or knocks over a shelf or something, I don't fucking care. I'm staying in bed. I knew she was going to destroy something.

I know that's kind of sleep, too. I know once I've taken a Xanax or a couple of Benadryls and a few cocktails. Yeah. Nothing's getting me down. I think that's why she said dust. She was already looking for valuables. That's all she found. Yeah. Nothing's getting me. Yeah. I think that's why she said dust. She was already looking for valuable. So that's all she found.

No. Dust. On her defense. She stroked it and looked at her finger and said, dust. Kind of like thinner. She doomed into a life of dust. Dust.

I met her when she was sober. That's another thing I want to say. And that was my marker for her. I knew her potential and I knew how nice she was for five years. And we worked together and we did stuff. And she's never stolen from me, ever. Even through her ups and downs you know she has other resources technically no she's like uh she has she can i don't know so yeah she did still oh

her not he took she took all the knives from his house i'm going to be quiet now okay well it's you're about to she's gonna stab me with them you're about to... She was going to stab me with them. You're about to be quieted in the story by her because one of the ventures into Derek's room, were you asleep when she found your rifle? Oh, yeah, man. All I remember is she

touched my hand and then she came in and said dust and I was... That was like when she said dust i was like man that's when your sleepers are just like you're not doing anything anymore yeah and that's why also why i don't own a rifle when i have a one that's easily accessible i have a fan by someone who needs the light of a nokia to find her way through life are we Are we doing theories? I have a fan on, so I really couldn't hear either. Are we doing theories? Because I think once she touched your hand,

you were waiting for a hand job, dude. Alright, alright. What else is she going to touch? I'm going to pretend like I'm asleep and see what else she touches. More! More! What else is she going to touch? I'm going to pretend like I'm asleep and see what else she touches. There's a... More? More?

There's a $20 book and some copper in my underpants. Yeah, I guess, where was your hand? He moved it immediately by his dick. Do that again. I dare you to touch my hand again. I only know that... I know she touched my hand because I was actually off the bed, which I normally sleep kind of in the middle,

and my hand was not on the bed, and I remember her touching it. So she must have grabbed it or something. Oh, yeah, please hold. Hey, it's Fume. Hey, we're all trying to quit something. Maybe you're trying to quit picking your nose at red lights or singing karaoke. I don't know. Quitting is something we all have to do from time to time, but Fume can help.

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to save 10% off when you get the Journey Pack today. tryfume.com, code STANHOPE. That's T-R-Y-F-U-M.com and use code STANHOPE to save an additional 10% off your order today. All right, but instead, next thing you know, you're hearing gunshots, I assume. I just wake up to the sound of the M44. It's not a normal sounding gun. It's a Russian gun.

The cop had to tell me all about it. Yeah, I was assuming it was a handgun. You just told me she found your gun, and I assume a handgun. I just have the gun I bought the deer hunt with back in Missouri. I bought it for deer hunting after September 11th. Like a Mosin Nagant? Yeah. Yeah, some kind of gun that is impressive, and the bullets are like...

The cop was trying to explain to her how impressive that you got shot by a gun that just made for going through people. Yeah, it goes through everything. It could go through a couple people. Walls. Luckily, it didn't matter what round I had. I'm going to throw up. Well, it sounds like it's like a war gun.

A Russian war gun. Ice or anything? Oh, I'm good. A Russian war gun. That's what it sounded, I'm good. A Russian war gun. That's what it sounded like. Yeah, it is. Is it? It's the predecessor to the SKS.

He's still making it sound more recent. I have a similar one. It's a 7.62x54R. It's designed to go through as many people as possible. But it's an old surplus Russian war gun. I paid $79 for it. I paid $80 for one. I paid $80 for one myself. I have

one. Okay. Alright. So you wake up to the sounds of gunfire. It was just a boom. And you wake up to... No, I heard the first shot and I was like my consciousness, this is

why I'm pissed off like I should have been more conscious I hear the first shot and I can visualize Natalie in the living room with a gun I'm like oh fuck Natalie's got a gun and she's in the living room but I could not wake up I could not fucking wake up the first shot goes into the hit the wall wall but I hear it and I could I could visualize it and then the next shot goes into my heel and into my thigh and then I just wake up and I'm like I'm not gonna say a real name Natasha and then I get up and I can't walk because she hits my heel and I crash into into the game TV and the thing, and I can see her in the living room reloading.

And I'm like, shut the door. And then I didn't know where to go because I'm like, that thing's coming through the door, and I'm like, I've been shot! I've been shot! Call 911! Call 911! I'm just screaming, and I guess the whole neighborhood could hear me screaming.

And that's when Derek comes out, and then I'm just like, I didn't know where to go. I'm trying to get away from the door so she doesn't shoot through the door. But it was pretty fast when he came out, and I guess he

heard, thud, thud, thud, and then he said it's all safe. What did you say? I said it was clear when I cleared the game. Yeah, it's clear. You know, he said, dude, he tackled her. He said, he said,

he's sleeping. And Derek's big. And Natalie's big. You can do it. I can't do it. It's all clear. Clear. But how'd you tackle her? I was going to hit her in the carotid, but she turned,

so I forearm her into the shoulder. She turned, so I hit her shoulder and her back and tried to fold her in half. But she's six foot. I used retard shank on her. I'm just going to say that Sean Rose had a bit about executing the retarded

and brought up a specific case where the retarded guy beat an 80-something-year-old woman to death, and he said, I'm assuming mostly with his forearms. You know how they do and that's what i pictured with you uh so so you you disarm her but she flees into well i woke up and came to my doorway and she stayed right in the middle of my living room and she get oh shit look and took off running for my front door with the gun

yeah and when i got to the door she opened it and turned around and was standing there with the gun rifle in her right hand so i used my left hand and yanked it out of her hand as hard as i could and then did that on her back and knocked her to the ground so did she run in through the door, like, with the rifle long ways, like a cartoon, and then fit through? Like a dog with a stick in his mouth. And you come back in, and you're crawling. Oh, yeah.

Come on, what? And Derek's, I remember Derek going, oh oh my God, Jennifer, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that, but I'm like, I've been shot. And he's like, there's no bullets in the gun. I go, I don't know where she got them all. Call 911, I've been shot. There's no bullets in the gun. I've been shot.

And then he sees it and he's like, oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, because there's no bullets in the gun. And then stocks come down and call 911. And then I'm like, call 911. And Derek throws the phone to me. And then I try to take a picture of it. It's all blurry. But I remember seeing the heel.

And that's all. I was just like, I didn't care about anything. I'm like, I got to get my foot fixed. That's all I cared about. I heard there are some very graphic pictures. And I really wanted, like if we had the fun house set up one day we will finally build a studio of some kind

so we can see Chaley look at the pictures and throw up. Yeah, like Rogan does. He puts all those animals killing other animals and watches everyone watch them. No, I don't know what that is. From the side, it's not that bad.

It just looks like the heel's missing, but from the back, it looks like it exploded. Yeah. And then it was pure aid on my couch. It's like a gunshot. Yeah, because when we get a call from Derek about, what was it, 7 in the morning that day, and for whatever, we go,

all right, we're on our way, and there's there's bloody footprints in the living room yeah not any worse than when you accidentally put your foot through the front window here yeah whatever the point is and you've never cleaned up the blood that was all over yeah and and so, but I hadn't seen the room she had been shot in yet. It was a lot bloodier. Yeah, I crawled out.

What did you say the cops told you? Oh, by the way, your friend's foot is all over your couch. There's pieces of your friend on your couch. That's your responsibility, not ours. I had to throw them away. It was really weird touching her bones. He started oozing clear stuff.

Even the piece that had been there for two days, because I vacuumed and then I tried to stay out of there. You're so lazy. Two days? Your kid's foot is in your couch. Traumatized. I cleaned up all the bones I could find. He didn't save them.

If I was a guy, he would have saved them, he said. I cleaned up all the bones I could find, and then I vacuumed and tried to stay. It was traumatizing to go in there, so I just cleaned up that day and tried to stay out of there. I went in two days later to get a phone charger and found a piece like an inch long and like a quarter inch wide. And they'd start oozing white stuff when you pick them up. Can we go smell your vacuum bag right now? I guarantee he hasn't emptied it. He didn't even know it had a bag.

He thought that stuff just went in his face. It's magic. I sucked it up with a magic wand. It is magic. I didn't know what to do. Hang on. Explain the magic bullet theory here. It went in.

Oh, yeah. There was a bullet hole in the wall right next to the door. She knows this part. Oh, no. Someone said I must have been laying like that. It came through my heel because I got a bunch of stitches here. So it came here and the officer kept saying, if you're laying with your head the other way you'd have been dead he kept saying that over and

over I'm like yeah yeah so the heel was the entry I think so because she shot through here and then it came through here then came out there yeah but they didn't know that for several I don't know no one really did they now I've been telling people they had to like because Derek said her foot's gone. There's no way there's even that. Oh yeah. From what I saw. That morning

I said and by the way I'm calling it right now. They save her foot. Oh thank you. Thank you for being positive because I was like Do you want some ice and tequila in this? Yeah, because Derek, I was like, I don't want him changing my wounds. I don't look. He's like, I had called all my positive friends.

I'm like, all my high intention friends. I'm like, I want to save my foot. And I told the doctor. And Dr. Hughes is like, he was like, awesome. And he's calling people. And I'm like, I want to save my foot. He goes, okay. And he called

around they didn't know what to do it for for four days they just cleaned it and then he found Dr. De Silva and De Silva like there's one lady goes we're gonna fuse your ankles I'm like no I don't want my ankles fused I want I want to save my but wait like together I don't know like so I can't bend it like why save my foot if I'm going to walk around like that, you know? I wanted. Thank you. That's what I said about Derek and her. They have the same lip now.

Was it me and you that were ripping that? I know, and then, like. No, it was me. Oh, is that you? Yeah, yeah, Zachary. Yeah. I know, and then part of me is like. It was like. Derek can help her.

Now they walk normal all over town. I know. I feel like Derek wants someone to know his pain, you know, and I'm like the closest one to it now. No, I'm not missing parts. I'll tell you what, I have been target shooting with that similar rifle and at about 200 yards out when there was an old ice chest out in the desert out there, we put it about 200 yards out and shot it,

and it just blew it like over the fucking top of the mountain and obliterated it. Those guns are badass. Yeah, that's what the cops are saying. I got it because I wanted to shoot a deer, and I didn't want it to get up. That's why I got that gun. Well, that was $79. Well, my biggest fear was I can't chase it down, you know? Thank you.

This story gets weirder. It's not just the book thing that can explain. They save your foot. Yeah. So the cops come. Dr. Hughes, they're like, everyone goes, butchers or surgeons are butchers with boat payments. But my surgeons were like, they had vision and skills they were awesome don't blame my positivity don't cheers me for that i said they're gonna save your foot because derek's

always wrong i said derek you always have these opinions that are completely baseless but you say them as though you're somehow studied in the field, and they're going to save her foot. And they did. I like my toes. What got weird was and she said, I believe I'm telling people, that

in her police statement, not only did she start shooting into your bedroom, Yeah. You found a can of Freon in the microwave with the gas and the gas stove turned on? I think Debra found that. Stocks? No, the cops interviewed her

and she said something about the microwave, so they looked in it. We were all standing there and the cop opened the microwave and there was fucking Freon in it. And she also admitted that she was trying to kill everyone in the house because you were plotting to steal her organs. It was the craziest smell when I got up. I disarmed her and came back in the house and the stove was on.

And it was on like 500 degrees. And there was, you know, I could smell the gunpowder it was like the craziest fucking smell i yelled what the fuck and then i went to go take care of jennifer and i said stay still because i knew she was going in a shock but she just started crawling and she's screaming call 9-1-1 it's like stocks on the fucking phone she was talking about this about crawling with her foot yeah i was dang and dragging, like hanging off of her ankle. Because when you say, oh, someone got shot in the foot down

on Black Knob, oh, that sounds like I mean, this is an expression. I shot myself in the foot on this one. Like Barney Fife. Exactly. Ow, ow, ow, ow. She holsters it and it shoots pinky toe. Yeah, put a band-aid on that, you clumsy nut. Yeah. I didn'taid on that, you clumsy nut.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't know, oh, there was a mass murder planned and initiated. Oh. There was an actual,

there was a fucking mass murder that she admitted to because at first, because when I went over there, Deb Stocks tried to make it all about her and oh my God,

I've changed my life and I'm never going to. I know. Oh my God. I like Deb. deb yeah if you see stuff other people don't see yeah she will she'll tell you all about and she'll ignore what happened to you to tell you she saw and now because of all the things and every time i come here and says it's like the universe is trying to have me killed because last time was this and now it's this. And I'm like, wow, there's another lady's bones and blood all over the carpet. My neighbor did that too.

She's like, oh my God, Natalie was, or Natasha was in here two days ago. I almost died. Could have been me. I know, could have been me. I have feet too. What about me? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there could have been me.

I was also sleeping at that same time if I was sleeping on that couch you were sleeping on with my hand on that side I'd be dead too so there was this was not just a crazy chick having a bad night

she had demons something happened when I was in San Diego and something turned not just a crazy chick having a bad night. She had demons. She had serious demons. Something happened when I was in San Diego, and something turned, and she was planning it. I thought you were going to harvest her organs, and you're like, I was going to take you to Oregon, bitch. Yeah. Okay.

I was reading Almanac of the Dead, and Silco, that's her last name. And there's a part in it. It takes place in Tucson and San Diego and Alaska. And there's a part where I was talking to Natasha about this book where they harvest cartel harvest organs, you know. And I'm just like, do people know about this organs you know and i'm just like do people know about this you know and um also i was massaging a border patrol that was talking about this that this is a thing now and i'm like do people know about this and i was talking you're a massage therapist yeah oh yeah for 20 years and

so i was talking about this to her when i can walk your calendar? When I can walk. Oh, I can wheelchair. People wheelchair. Our friend AJ, if you guys remember AJ, he's been on the podcast, came into town and now he's a massage therapist and I just give him shit at dinner. Everyone I know that's a massage therapist is pretty free. Oh, their calendar? Yeah. Yeah. pretty free. Oh, their calendar?

Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah. Okay. But, yeah, now you're probably not. You're probably, oh. Man, no, I'm good. Like.

You probably, I don't know. Can you get, like, I don't know how disability and shit works. Is there an upside to this? Like, everything. Like like the pandemic, I go oh, there's so many scams that are ripe right now. Like have you gone, oh, I have this. Like when my dad died

I'm like, oh, there's so much shit I can get out of. Like balanced with some grief, you know. A little bit. Like it wasn't a young man. Yeah, no, it was fucking 70 something, early 70s. Maybe we could sell the squares of my carpet to cut out. But no, I'm talking about disability.

Yeah. It's in Douglas. That's far to drive. We've got to drive to Douglas to check it out. We're going to try to go to Sierra Vista to check it out. We've got to go to Douglas. Yeah. I think we have to go to Douglas to find out about that.

There's no advantages out of it at all. What, disability? Permanent disability? I don't want to get permanent. I want to work. I like working. She's 61 and she wants to work. Yeah, I want to work.

I want to do comedy. I still want to do stuff. I don't want to, like, die. Well, you can still tell them that. She can file in a year and a half and get full Social Security, like a retirement. But she's still going to work. Yeah, once I get Social Security then I can work And make a bunch of money

You can make I think unlimited money She's 61 so it's not like she gets an early I thought you said 51 No I'm 61 I got a gobble chin She doesn't get like an early retirement or something That's why we need the GoFundMe Oh yes we have a GoFundMe No sorry I didn't mean it

That uh We'll set up a GoFundMe. No, sorry. I didn't mean that. A widow set up a GoFundMe that will be in the show notes. Yeah. Yesterday, I want to... And Samantha sent it up to my daughter. Yeah, I think we're going to call this

episode, I thought the title would be Footloose. Yep, it is. What was it? Shots Fired on Black Knob. Footloose.com. Oh, yeah. Stocks Almost Died.

Shots Fired on Black Knob. The incident that made Stock stocks rethink so many things about herself one foot in the grave so Whittle sent a clip of you going back to open mic right after getting out of the hospital

you basically fucking walked out of the hospital and said where's the first open mic and I was there and I was in chuckle heads and fortunately he has a couch right fucking walked out of the hospital and said, where's the first open mic? I know. I got some shit. And I was there, and I was at Chucklehead's, and fortunately he has a couch right inside the door, because there's no way to get you through that menagerie of, you know, Becker's fucking, it's lovely clutter.

He's a hoarder of the gods. Like, everything he has you want to buy, but there's so much of it. Fortunately, the couch, he's lazy like me. A couch, just put it right inside the door. It's heavy. You sat on the couch. They brought the mic to you.

Yeah. And you're just riffing shit about. There's one thing I want to give away, but I won't. It's okay. Because it's part of the bit, but where you say the fucked up thing I'm just kidding yeah go for it this isn't the first time this has happened

yeah the second time I've been shot you don't even know save it for the stage but yes but you delivered you delivered that like you were coming up with that like it happened in the moment. And maybe it did.

Maybe you had just realized, yeah, I was shot before. It's fucked up. And the other story is, not that this one's exceptionally naturally funny, but to us it is. And just having Derek as a hero. and just having Derek as a hero. Especially with his history of allegedly punching women.

Punch women? Well, maybe that's why when she saw Derek come out, she just ran out the door. Maybe that was helpful in this case. Derek's presence alone saved the case. I wonder if she ran directly to Bree's house. These are deep tracks.

These are deep tracks for podcasts. Long term podcast listeners. Whittles has sent some quick clips. If you have, I don't know what social media presence you have that people can...

But you go to Chuckleheads every week. Sunday nights. They can count on seeing you there. Wait, I want to say, if Jennifer wasn't screaming that she'd been shot, I would have just disassembled that chick on my front porch. I already, we're already getting hate mail

saying it's your fault for having an unlocked weapon and this is the problem. That's why we need more gun control. Yeah, but she would have stabbed me. She had gathered all... The gun saved her life. Yeah, it did.

She would have stabbed her and there's no way I could have fucking saved her. She had gathered all the knives in the house and put them in her backpack. And she would have stood over me. Yeah, it did. She would have stabbed her and there's no way I could have fucking saved her from that. She had gathered all the knives in the house and put them in her backpack. And she would have stood over me. Yeah. If you wouldn't have just went to sleep waiting for that

hand job, you would have saved the goddamn day. That's what I told the cop. I said, we could have been fucking. Yeah. I don't even like her. I'm disgusted by her. Jennifer asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend. I'm like, no. What else did you ask me? And I'm like, no. She's real pretty. I would even like her. I'm disgusted by her. Jennifer asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend. I'm like, no. What else did you ask me? And I'm like, no.

She's real pretty. I would have fucked her. I would have took that bullet. Any person taking a bullet. One moment. Have you ever considered driving a semi-truck for a living? Then rev up your engines and come on down to Ohio Valley Truck Driver Training School. There are companies out there right now that have 10 to 15 rigs

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I want to do a couple of things. We'll mash an ad in here at some point though it's probably already played i wanted to say uh hello i know you have a million things to say but we've we've done this podcast she actually does uh psychotherapy you know what you do you know that the person who shot her you You know. You're the profiler. I know you have a lot of opinions about that, but you're going to have to just do those with us after the fact.

AJ and Alyssa have been here. We haven't seen. AJ moved away in 2019, I believe. And a new addition and welcome. And it was a pleasure busting balls with you at dinner with Michael Biehn last night. I played tennis with Michael Biehn. Got my ass kicked. Fucking 6-0.

What? At least last time I won a few games. A couple at least. This time, yeah, I got skunked. But it was like 94 degrees. So it was good that it only took like 25 minutes to get the whole thing over with. So then we went out to dinner at Bandito Taqueria Outlaw.

Bandito. Same fucking thing. Back door mics. If you're coming to Old Bisbee, go to Taqueria Outlaw. If you can get in. Yeah, I had to... Well, fucking Michael Beans,

he got a painting of him on the wall as Johnny Ringo from Tombstone. So I go, if you're coming, then we'll get reservations. You can't make reservations, but for you, or you just take, you walk in and grab your

fucking painting off his wall and walk out fuck you so we we all went out and met for dinner last night uh i i after tennis i dropped him off his wife is having a yard sale uh they closed down their business and there's a bunch of shit and the only two things i go out you might don't fucking want a tennis but i'm gonna go like haggle and like low ball your fucking shit at your yard sale so the only two things there to uh roller bags and four-wheel good roller bags they don't uh and i'm like how much for those and she's like i just want to get rid of this shit just take them i go now i gotta pay i have to pay for them and she's a dollar a dollar each and i fortunately i didn't have a two dollar bill on me and so i grabbed my money and michael bean standing over me flip past the five he goes five five like a good five because i noticed one of them

the uh has uh michael Bean's name on it. It's his American Airlines, like this sticker last time he flew with that bag November 19. Michael Bean, American Airlines. And I'm like, I'm going to fucking lacquer that onto the bag. I'm going to have that as my ditch bag.

From now on, that's going to be my secret ditch bag is my Michael Bean bag. And I did. I immediately... Michael Bean bag, is my Michael Bean bag. And I did. I immediately... Michael Bean bag. Yeah, Michael Bean bag. And Michael Bean is out of his fucking mind, and I definitely want to podcast with him on some level, even if it's just like a five-episode run. I want to hear about this 6-0.

6-0? 6-0. I know he can play, but you're good. He beat you 6-0? Yeah. Anyways, I couldn't think about anything else. We're going to film the next one. The next time we film.

So he's notoriously, he lost his cell phone, what, twice just yesterday driving. Darn. Yeah. So when I get the luggage back to the house, I go, I said, I'm going to open up this luggage and we're going to find like three of his cell phones and one of his laptops, all this shit he loses, his ID.

We used to have a Michael Bean bucket. Bean bucket. Every time he came for Football Sunday, he would leave his wallet. He never left a hat or something that you don't care about. He left the most important valuable thing he owns.

So I open up the ditch bag and you know that one sheath in the middle that has a zipper you never use it because I just put it in the suitcase it's not like so I felt that

and I go this feels like a snot rag but there's something in it and I just unzipped it and I pull out a pair of fucking frilly fucking ladies underwear panties in a wad like clump a clump of this and uh so I call his wife I go hey you know you sold me along with that bag your Your underwear. I said, does the name Hanky Panky ring a bell? And she goes,

oh, something Slinky Pinky because it was a faded I was trying to read the label. Stinky Pinky? Yeah. Well, at first when she goes, she balked at knowing that, I go, it's your underwear.

She's like, what? I go, yeah, the brand name. And she goes, what? And I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, no. What if I did the bad, bad thing? And then she corrected me.

And I'm like, oh, thank God. And I said, I am going to frame these so I rub it in Michael Bean's face that I got your underpants for $2. But then today as you're coming over I thought I'm going to sell Michael Bean's

wife's underwear her sexy naughty purple underpants on eBay and give the proceeds for your medical bills no the link to that will also be in the show notes and I will be tweeting that we will be tweeting that cool Japan they have them you can get them in the vending machines she's got got some really hot movies that I may or may not have watched, but you can get a nice still frame

from those and put it with your ear. Hang on. Who's in management here? If I ask Jennifer, I bet she'd give me a copy of her. She was in Penthouse, Germany.

She was a centerfold oh it wasn't the last couple of weeks but i don't know if you can actually sell that on ebay i don't know because of adult stuff but i'll see if we can get something maybe jenn can chip in. A boomer photo. Yeah, something like that. She is one of the nicest ladies I've ever met. Something to autograph with it. And they're gonna come as the clump. Because... DNA. Everything is weird.

Every woman in here would probably... Her first question was, they're not dirty, were they? They're not fresh from the dry cleaner. Well, I mean, I don't think you describe... Yeah, you don't describe underwear as a clump if they're clean.

Yeah, they were packed in a hurry is what I said. Yeah, so I'm not going to clean them. I am going to sell them in the same wad, like when you buy a thrift store, a sport coat like you do. Like I do. From the 70s. And you find an old

handkerchief like tucked down. Yeah. Jennifer's underpants or possibly some prostitute from Paris. No she did get the brand name right. I fucked it up. She did verify that I wasn't ruining a marriage. She may have just

been correcting your pronunciation. Alright. Hey, thank you guys very much. Get on the Patreon. Again, any shows that I'm doing will only... Freedom Fest, yes.

Shows like Freedom Fest, Skank Fest. I'll put on the website. I don't even know what I'm doing at Skank Fest. I am going as a fan, but I think maybe I was thinking about running an open mic at Skank Fest. Hey, listeners, run this past them. I thought, because I love doing the daytime shows, the noontime shows that we've been doing or morning shows even and I thought to run a skank fest because it's Vegas a skank fest to open mic at 6 a.m. at the Plaza or 9 a.m. not at that what's the bar at the Plaza the

one that just moved in recently the last couple of years the famous one the sand dollar we could do open mic at the sand dollar they'd probably be really cranky waitresses who the fuck are we doing at 9 o'clock in the morning

but skank fest open mic, I think there's going to be so many comics that are just coming in from the night before at 9 a.m., just getting back from partying that would go up. Really

fucked it. I think at 9 a.m., 8 a.m. even. Someone pitch that to, uh, I don't even know who's in charge of Skankfest. Is it Louie Gomez or is it or is it well yeah I know the gal always runs

everything but I don't know who's is it Big J? That's the answer to your question. But Big J Issues with Andy has a name. Skankfest, like the whole, their podcast. Like someone's always the fucking captain

of the team, but I don't know who's the captain of the team over there, which is why I like it. Alright. Thank you very much for being here, Derek. Great story. I hope you just you know what I even

the only time I've written a possible new bit in my notebook since I've gotten off the road was about you is based on this it's mostly

it's about tweakers where I I've had this I hate tweakers so badly like in a murderous way, that when this happened to you, I go, I saw a different angle.

That bit never worked. It was just strict hate and murder and fuck tweakers, and they never die. That's the problem with them. Like every other addict dies, but tweakers just get stronger and keep coming at you, and they can stay awake longer and eventually you're going to have to go to sleep and they're going to

pick through your teeth for valuables and stuff but that like where it didn't have and then when this happened to you I go oh I see a different way too so you gave me a pen oh thank you I mean yeah I mean

but yes thank you for taking it somewhere I hope Whittles cherry picked the best bits out of that open mic so they'll see that now coming up Chadshank is going to be around more often we're going to Freedom Fest in Memphis July

we'll be there 13 14 15 I think is us Freedom Fest yeah but we'll be there yeah we'll be there 13, 14, 15, I think, is us. Freedom Fest. Yeah, but we'll be there. Yeah, we'll be there, except for the fucking RFK Jr. is going to be there, but he's going to be there on the Saturday, and we're leaving on the Saturday.

We're going to miss... Afro Man is going to be there. I heard that. We get invited to a lot of shit. And I said, listen, there's six of us. We're running six deep. We got me and the whole podcast crew and our wives. And we're not making any plans except I have to do one 45-minute set.

Otherwise, we're going to do targets of opportunity. And Reason Magazine. Oh, and I'll be interviewing with nick gillespie from reason magazine and i think i might have interviewed with him in 2016 during a book tour but the reason is the only news source that i i read with confidence that it's right and i still try to avoid it because it's still all really depressing shit. I just don't have to wonder if they're lying for a reason. I can feel Shaylee's tension about how this is dragging on.

Bye now. Hey bingo, scoot around and take this out live. We love you. Thanks for the help. Yeah, just look into that camera or that camera or that camera. Okay, bye-bye now. All right. Alright, three weeks ago I got my heel shot off. Foot lifts.

I am really lucky to be alive. Everyone's like, Jennifer, you're lucky to be alive. But also, I'm really unlucky to have my foot shot off. Assault and battery it's what you put on fish sticks not for flesh and blood humans. People go if you have a foot injury you're afraid to move forward in life, but I can fucking crawl. Oh my God, I'm scared of you to like, oh cool, now I can legitly sign up for ketamine trauma therapy. The person that shot me, Natasha, we'll call her Natasha,

accused me of wanting to harvest her organs. And I said, fuck, you've been harvesting your organs for 15 years on tequila, meth, and cocaine and ivermectin. It makes sense why you mask paints your face every day like the Egyptian god Sekhmet. I thought Natasha had hit rock bottom, so she hit crack rock bottom. Her mind was a brain hole to an inner reptilian mess concert early she could hear. But this is not the first time I've been shot.

Yeah! It's the second time I've got shot. The first time I got shot, I was like so angry and I wanted justice. Or just ice, because getting shot hurts.