The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DSP #525 - "Don't K!ll Him Chad, It's Only Stanhope!"

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

Doug treats the podcast crew to a few nights at the Bass Pro Shop pyramid hotel in Memphis, TN and almost got himself killed. Thank You Patreon Subscribers. We could not do this without your ongoing support. Recorded July 14th, 2023 in the Governor's Suite of the Big Cypress Lodge located inside the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid in Memphis, TN with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille. Produced and Edited by Chaille. Signed copies of "This Is Not Fame" available while supplies last at Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - LUCY.co - Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off AND free shipping at LUCY.co Promo Code: STANHOPE . FACTOR - Support the show AND get 50% off delicious Factor meals athttps://www.factormeals.com/STANHOPE50 and use code STANHOPE50 Big Cypress Lodge in Memphis, TN - https://big-cypress.com/. Take the virtual tour of the Governor's Suite - https://my.matterport.com/show/?m=VVrJeSsWZL3 Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Support the podcast at www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast Join Doug's Mailing List - http://www.DougStanhope.com TOUR DATES - https://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates Photo by ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to start some things you have to start with because you'll forget them. It's not going to be part of the rest of the context of the podcast. As we drift into, is that too loud? Hang on. Don't react to me. I'm sorry. First of all, I'm going to react to you in that, why do we have these?

I have done a million. First of all, I'm not even supposed to be podcasting or even speaking because SAG-AFTRA, my union that I was forced to join over 30 years ago, forced to join, is on strike with the writers. Did you know the writers were still on strike? No, because nobody watches fucking Young Sheldon or whatever the fucking suddenly Susan is who gives a fuck. Yes, if AI can take your job, AI deserves your job. Do you remember, I remember doing that bit intermittently. We were Ohio Turnpike. We're on the road traveling and we go through the Ohio turnpike. You have to pay $1.30 or whatever to fucking drive

down the Ohio turnpike. But if that's not an affront enough, that's her fart ringtone. Don't worry. Don't worry. Farts are always funny. I thought somebody was dying in the hallway. They might be. We're going to get to that. We're going to get to our surroundings

after but we had to stop at a toll booth and it's a smaller than a photo map if you remember the reference and a man with a badge collects your dollar and 30 cents whatever and have a good day and i and i remember the bit was not only could you be replaced by a machine you should be replaced by a machine fiscally responsible government would have you like you don't you'd be out of a job but you wouldn't have to spend your life with a badge to make you feel comfortable. And you're you are a human fucking vending machine. You should feel. I don't know. I was experimenting with this light.

I get something to turn that off. OK, let me. I have to plug in a power source. Go ahead. Yeah. I'm trying to embrace the crazy people back into my life. The crazy fans. We had a couple of stalkers. I had to get a restraining order or two. But, yeah, we need to really fall back into who's our fan base the

crazies the suicides the fucking addicts and whatnot just not the meth heads but one of my favorite suicides we'll lean on that when i get my house back but But I still don't know if it's Lena G or Lina, L-Y-N-A, Lena G. Back in the day, Chaley hopefully will have opened this podcast with, I like your toes. I like your toes. My little storybook boy. Now you have to. Hopefully.

boy hopefully hopefully there's there's no label that's gonna fucking shut it down for illegal use like that's the number one hit single in the uk you can't use that without yes um back in the day and she sent that that she wrote about her dog ab Abu is the dog's name, by the way. And this is many years ago. And we played that on the podcast. And it was shortly after Bingo had released her album. And we were threatening to play. It's Lena. It's a very silly sounding song.

It's almost like your follow-up album to I'm a Little Teapot, short and stout. It's that kind of silly. And we were threatening to put it out on KBRP, our local Bisbee, as Bingo Biggaman's follow-up single to when you put out your album and just to torture you and we still to this day Bingo cringes yeah we go I like your toes my little story fucking boy I like your toes uh so uh she she started out and I i've met her several times she's come backstage at the the big shows in london and she's very sweet and adorable but she's kind of like a couple other friends i think you just need to be suicidal because you think that's the only way you garner attention

or broken or you or fibromyalgia. So she's suicidal again. Lena, I'm talking to you because you're being fucking silly and no one believes you anymore. But she's like, OK, I'm going to kill myself. She sends me eight emails in a row and seven of them are apologizing for the last one. I'm sorry I said that. You shouldn't even read the other ones. It says the fifth.

She says she's going to kill herself, but she had to write out the care for instructions of her dog. I'm reading the table. When you see the table of contents, see attached. So at what point... There's the first four.

There's 38 pages. And she has them chaptered and sub-chaptered. Registration and records. That's just the first four. The microchip number, the pet insurance. Then second chapter, health conditions. Number five, Abu's heart condition, early stage mitral valve disease. Number six, Abu's tracheal collapse. Number seven, Number seven, Abu's neck condition, sharii-like malformation, eight, Abu's previous eye accident, ocular proptosis, and the necessity of using a bungee lead with him as a result.

And then teeth, liver care, anal gland expression is number... Okay, at what point do you say don't kill yourself kill the dog don't kill yourself kill the dog olina yes she's a young adorable lady and and her family and she she reminds us of other people in our life that we had to go, I wish you the best, but Derek will bring your groceries. It was 38 pages just for the character. Wait, this is that much? Isn't it fucking abu? She's very organized.

Yes, I know. And then that's what she wrote in the email. Maybe if I was this organized in my own life, I wouldn't be to my end of days. He's like 35 years old. Stop it. She was trying to leave me her flat. I go, well, that's kind of the storyline of when I did that Carl Pilkington show where someone died and left me there flat

and we were going to use that as a anyway you're adorable Lina but as I told you I got my own shit going on let's get back to where we are now I just didn't want to leave you out of this

you said you prepared for this podcast. I do. I have fucking notes. Is it the Outlook? We're about ready to close. What's the name of the in the Shining? Oh, the hotel? Overlook? The Overlook Hotel.

We're here at the Overlook. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. The cheerleaders? Yeah. Maybe they're doing the fish feeding or something. I don't know what they do during that. I haven't heard of that one yet. Do they sacrifice a goat or something?

That was an hour ago. Yeah. I found, and I'm sure we've said, I found this hotel. Hey, come to Freedom Fest, libertarian function. Come to Freedom Fest in Memphis, tennessee in july and i went in july yeah you know what maybe i'll have wanderlust but probably not but let me google the closest hotel to the convention center which is the reticent renaissance resonance that it's a fucking convention center with a name that doesn't make sense the only one in downtown memphis

one tenth of a mile which is a block away according to every fucking rule i know about booking travel one block is a tenth of a mile is this giant stupid pyramid that uh yeah go in the show notes there'll be the virtual tour on the in video i will put up a picture right here all right but i'm saying that just the scope of the virtual tour will save you that i go this is the stupidest hotel i've ever seen and it's bass pro shop owns the fucking sponsors the hotel and Wahlburgers is the main it's fucking dumb as shit and this is the governor's suite cost $1,500 a night and they go okay I'm gonna book this and they have a comedy show at the libertarian convention I'm gonna charge them what it costs for three nights here to do that and i'm

a fly all of us out on frequent flyer miles in theory it's a free vacation yeah and to spend some i always said i i just don't want to die ironically or with frequent flyer miles i want i want to be out of miles i don't want to die stepping on an aids needle on my way to buy condoms i don't want to die in a stupid way that everyone laughs unless it's funny you know on my own terms and i so we spent a lot of frequent flyer miles and we got this dumb fucking there's more dead animals i like dead animals. I know, but... Yeah, that's one of my favorite parts is all the dead animals. This would be a way different place if all these animals were alive in here.

Well, there's alive animals down there. Tiny alligators and giant sturgeon. Seven foot long, that one? Seven or eight. You said it was eight, but it turned out to be seven. I guessed about eight. It's about... She said it's seven.

There's blue catfish, giant blue catfish, alligator gar. There's all kinds of shit down in there. 174,000-gallon open tank is what that is. Yeah, downstairs is a Bass Pro shop. What's the other company? It's Cabela's and Bass Pro combined, but Bass Pro 1. Redneck Mecca. Yeah.

I am amazed at how interested Chaley and even the wives are like, let's go look at outdoor gear. You're not... You're an outdoorsman. Chad is. We go camping? Yeah.

Yeah, but... What is outdoor? Do I kill things? He kind of lives outdoors. Yeah, well... There's varying degrees of outdoorsmanship. Andy Andrus is more of an outdoorsman than you. Because he sleeps in his car at rest stops.

No, he's... I asked him. I've been trying to reach out to people. And I go, hey, what's your summer plans? Because we're thinking about going up north, road tripping in August. And I go, what's your, do you have any summer plans? And he goes, just this, glamping. And it's him with like a pup tent, dome tent on a patio that's probably his house.

It is. Yeah. Just this. And I go, are you? And then I just trailed off with the text. I didn't know if he meant he's homeless. I don't know. He's probably airing out his tent.

No, there was lots of shit around it. There's laundry and stuff. It was in use. Maybe he moved to the streets of Portland. You know, when you see homeless people live here or homeless people used to live here, he lives there.

It was current. So, I don't know. I worry about folks. This place was funny at first. And now it's feeling like a movie set of who's going to kill who first. Oh, Clue?

I was thinking more like Saw. Or what's the one? Hercule Poirot. Was it Agatha Christie? Poirot? Poirot? I don't know how to say it. It's a whodunit.

Whodunit. Murder on the Orient Express. When you write a fucking memoir, it's going to be called, I don't know how to say it. It's possible. That's everything. Oh, yeah. Let's cut to the first night here in this uh well hold on a second before

that what did you expect when you rented a place that was that looked like this online you know what an impulse buy is i saw the uh virtual tour online of Big Cypress Lodge. I'm like, it's a pyramid, like the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas. But if Ted Nugent bought it and did the interior design and put as many dead animals everywhere, I thought this was going to be like every... We're on the third floor, and I'm like, oh, I guess the big suite that we're in, the governor's suite, the governor that should be impeached.

That's only on the third floor. So there must be, oh, no, the third floor is the top floor. Well, but at, I counted 22 floors. They say it's the largest largest tallest freestanding elevator they sell tickets stay with me they sell fucking tickets to the largest tallest freestanding elevator which is as far as i can count 22 floors That's not the tallest elevator. It's going to be 28. Okay, whatever it is. I counted the blocks, and 28 is not serious. Howard Stern is on the 33rd floor of not even close to the tallest fucking.

But that's where they say. Freestanding means, oh, there's no floors in between the bottom and the top, I guess. I don't know. I think it's that there's really no structure that is surrounding, that touches the elevator. It's attached to the top and at the bottom. Yeah, but it's not, like, with a glass front, it's not even the tallest. It's nowhere. But they're selling tickets to these fucking Rubicons down here.

but they're selling tickets to these fucking Rubicons down here. Jenny was talking about, she's, Wahlburgers is the breakfast down, or the restaurant downstairs, the one that serves breakfast till 11. If you ask anyone from the, here,

chuck me that, Jenny. Yeah, just hand me that. Yes. Boink. Yeah. Breakfast till just hand me that. Yes. Boink. Yeah. Breakfast till 11 on the website.

Breakfast till 11. You go down there at 1055. They go, we don't serve breakfast after 1030. No, it says everywhere. Well, yeah, that's in-room dining. No, no, it says you. Now, that's the biggest thing that I was surprised because this is really fancy shit like fancy well stanhope said how much it costs it's fucking fancy they don't treat you fancy oh it's well i mean not at walbert's but not even here like when stanhope tried to open his

smuggled canned goods which is a whole other story well because i looked and i have lived out of hotels where i now i know okay i need a full kitchen if i'm going to live out of a hotel room oh this i see online four burner stove twice as much as i'm used to in my fucking home living. Yeah, but no can opener. Dog shit. And you call down, hey, well, we don't have can openers, but room service will take it back to the kitchen. We have one of the industrial ones.

I had to send a small can of tomato sauce to make jambalaya and they had to put it in one of these giant things to go, done, and then walk it fucking three floors up. Four ounces of tomato sauce. Everything is fucked from the, when we showed

up, hey, we scheduled a shuttle that took me two days and then when we got here, we don't know nothing about no shuttle. Okay, we'll get two Uber rides, and you're going to reimburse that. And they're like, okay, yeah, just send us the receipt. To where?

The front desk. You can't just, is there an address? Everything's been. But remember, you couldn't get a hold of the manager forever. The manager was busy. They couldn't get the hold of the manager. Miss Mia, whatever. I love that. I love the South when they call everyone.

Miss Daisy, Miss Mia, Miss so-and-so. And so on the third floor here, the VIP bar, they had a... And Bingo was saying, I'm ready for bow and arrowing. She wouldn't say archery. She'd say bow and arrowing. And they just happened to have on Thursday night, well, Wednesday night when we checked in, bow and arrowing. And they just happen to have on Thursday night, well, Wednesday night when we checked in, bow and arrowing. But it's a

blow-up thing, like a goofy... It's the way you do it at a kid's birthday party. No arrows. They have big balls, like racquet balls on the end. And they have air... The ball that you're aiming at is

aloft by a column, like a vacuum in... A vacuum in reverse. It's blowing it up. Inflatable. No, no, it's not that. It's a blowing air... No, the target is a ball, a light ball

that's being held aloft by a column of air. Oh, I got what you're saying. What do you call the thing that the showerhead should fit in but doesn't that smashed my fucking head open and left a big gash in my fucking bald spot i go there's a collar that as i'm going oh am i bleeding i thought shaley would know the word for this when i fucking give them a one-star review and sue them. But I don't know.

It's missing a collar that makes it fit into the sleeve. That's it. I would have said colander. That's right, too. That's the other thing that's not in the cabinet. Yeah. But yeah, the manager that they couldn't get on the phone for you yeah was finally got oh oh i heard you were trying to get a hold of me this is miss mia or i'm sorry i was upstairs

bingo went to the fucking bow and arrowing and she tried it once and she hit the fucking target and then said oh we'll put that in the uh the show notes that video because she turns around with that's not the one i was aiming for yeah but you got it so so then when miss me she goes i'm sorry i was busy i was upstairs running the archery booth. That was the general manager is running up and down. She's manning a carnival game that no one's attending. She couldn't take care of the

dude who rented the most expensive fucking place in the joint because she was running the free archery booth. Yeah. And even the front desk, they're so nice. Percy downstairs, they're so nice.

And then you're like, hey, the fucking ironing board, which I'm not an ironer. Get out of town. You sleep iron. So I'm like, but I... I don't brought one pair of underwear. I'm not an ironer. Get out of town. You sleep iron. Settle brought one pair of underwear. I'm not an ironer.

Four days. The one shirt, I go, I should iron this. Bingo had to hold up one side. Chaley had to find the stolen Bible. Bonus. He goes, that's the only way you should fit

perfectly. It was a miracle. So the ironing board, I know it's petty shit, but $1,500 fucking dollars a night. I didn't even know about your guys' ironing board. I didn't tell you when I pulled our ironing board out, it was flopped completely

apart. It was broken. I had to assemble it back together well we have gone downstairs a couple of times to get things in the bass pro shop that they didn't have up here like i got the can opener the camp oh yeah the one you used to get in world war ii to open a can of rations yeah that one p58 p Okay, so I got two of those for $3.25. Not bad. Not bad. And then if we do need food, we can always go down to the freeze-dried camp goods down there.

And I bet you would before you'd eat my cooking. We ate your food last night, Doug. Yeah, I know, because you were drunk. Tell them you were drunk, Chaley. Everyone be quiet. Oh, I don't have to yell. I have a fucking lavalier. Hey, is that coming through on the audio?

Loud and clear. I don't hear anyone talking over it. Oh, my God. There's still asparagus in there no way hang on you know what that reminds me of this commercial break hey it's our good friends at Lucy there's nothing worse than being at a great party or an event or someplace where you have to constantly walk away to go get your nicotine fix. With Lucy Breakers, you can get your nicotine fix anywhere and still be the life of the party. The breaker pouches are incredible. They contain a liquid flavor capsule that bursts to moisten the pouch and get you your nicotine even faster. With flavors like espresso, apple ice, and mango,

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and also where you can get the album. It's called Sports Illustrated Comedian Edition. I look forward to it. All right, now back to the show. How did you come walking out while I still heard pee going in the toilet? It is shooting from the door. That was weird. I archive.

Julius Irving. On the world's tallest elevator ride that they sell tickets to. When you get on it, to distract you from the reality of this is just a fucking elevator ride that a lot of people... There is a restaurant up there

that we wanted to go to, but a lot of people are just there to go all the way up on the tallest thing in the world. 300 something. It's the Guinness Book of World Records without their whatever they think, that they're actually paying money to go up an elevator. I actually had a bit about this on the dying of the last breed. Like, when I was, as a premise, when I was talking about trying not to hit kids

at a fucking dance mom competition, 2.5 star hotels, that bit. And just as an aside, I'm talking about them crowding the fucking elevators with kids that are too broke to afford six flags, so they think an elevator's a thrill ride. And now it became true. There's people buying tickets

for this, and there's a voiceover of, what's his name? Bill Dance. Bill Dance. The boat, he's the fishing boat guy who's known for like, oversetting his hook on the fishing boat show where he hooks him really hard.

But he hooks him really hard for show? Where he leans way back and throws his rod way into the air. Bill Dance. Makes it exciting. That is... I thought it was Jim Norris, though, was the guy who... Listen, in the show notes, say,

Bill Dance references, so we bring in a... Chad can bring us a different demographic. Oh, in the Meditex, yeah. The people that know who fucking Bill Dance is. But isn't Jim Norris the guy that started Bass Pro Shops, though? Yes, yes.

But Bill Dance is doing the voiceover. Oh, he's doing the voiceover for... Okay, yeah, of the story about Jim Norris. When we first got on that L, which, by the way, there's nobody monitoring these lines. We have this pass, fast pass that didn't get us a fast pass. Oh, wait, well, yeah, for the listener, they say, included in this package of shit you think you're not going to care about. Value-added things. You can cut the line and no waiting. You cut the line to get on the world's fucking greatest... Elevator ride.

Serious fucking elevator or something. And you go, okay. And then they tell you when you check in, oh, yeah, you can just... You don't have to wait in line. You just go first. You're first to go up there. And that's where the...

Whatever restaurant is, the loft or whatever. I don't know. Shitty food up high. Then they start talking to you. As soon as you get on the elevator, you go, I question the veracity of the value of this ride. And then they go, well, don't think about something. I'm Bill Dance. And look to your right and look to your left.

This would have never been created. God damn, you do a good build dance. That's good. It's a timed ride. If I said, if I catch a catfish that's over 30 pounds, we're going to build a bass pro shop and a pyramid right on the bank from this river. And ain't it shit if it didn't happen, motherfuckers. Whatever you do,

don't question it. I don't know what they charge for an elevator ride. Because we have the fast pass bracelet. So we're like, fuck these fucking half-fucking-inbred motherfuckers.

We're rich white people with parents that weren't relateduckers. We're rich, white people with parents that weren't related. I mean, we're all white people here. Unless you work here. Yeah, but my fucking one eye isn't keeping an eye on the other eye. You know what I mean? Until I get drinking.

So, then we get upstairs. We look out over. It's the lookout. You can see all of Memphis. And you go, wow, it's just as shit as it is ground level. Yeah. I can see Memphis.

Yeah. Ugly. Murder capital. But you can't see the murder from here. But they don't monitor you to like be like oh you have a fast pass get on there's just an uncoordinated line we finally shoved our way up to the front but then nobody monitors you so we just kind of got pushed into a way too many over capacitated elevator ride which i was way like me and two other people should have been on this elevator.

The capacity was eight. Yeah, and it was, that's without me. Yeah, on your way off. Yeah. You did the math, and it was 13, and you were four. Yes, yeah. Alone, you were four. I mean, I'm not that big, but I'm like 250.

But I shouldn't be. Well, maybe it's eight people from here. Yeah. Well, that's true. Yeah. But I shouldn't be. Well, maybe it's eight people from here. Yeah. Well, that's true. Yeah. But. Memphis people. Well, it's eight Memphis people.

You want to go nana, nana, nana to Chad Shank. Chad Shank and I went for a romantic interlude on the upper lookout. That's the name of the place. The lookout. We went outside to look out. Because you can exit the pyramid at the top. They call it a glass floor, but it's like

double, triple layer, plexiglass. It's all opaque. It might as well just be a fucking regular floor. If you did fall through it, you would still slide all the way down to the bottom. He was a Nancy. He's like,

I don't want to step on glass. Listen, fat people should not walk on glass floors when you're way the fuck up in the sky. That's just common sense. Also, they have stanchions around. It's all redneck. They have like a broken part. Yeah, they have like just stanchinctions around like a broken part right there.

That's not right. Don't step here, partner. Yeah. Like this part's all shitty. Imagine Chad Shank going, yeah, I don't want to fight Jamie Kilstein. He's younger and he... I don't want to... Like what if he popped out my eye

or something? It was like him showing weakness or... or smarts. Listen, yeah, that's just common sense. I totally wouldn't fight Jamie Kilstein. He's been doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu for a long time. I would look stupid when that little guy beat the shit out of me. That's just smarts. Yeah, I know, but you don't tell people that look up to you as a bodyguard my bodyguard

well I mean well I would hit him with something and knock him across the room for fuck's sake but I wouldn't get into a cage with him push him off the pyramid yeah I mean there's no need for me to get on that glass is what I'm saying

next time I'm worried about Chad saying, it might beat the shit out of me. I don't know. That's a good segue. I'll just run out over glass. Yes. I will wait by that door until you get hungry.

Or thirsty. Don't kill Stanhope, your wife's scream. Well, let's take a break and then come back. All right. I got to check the batteries. Okay. Yeah.

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factormeals.com slash Stanhope50 to get 50% off. You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. And we're back. When we last left you, well, back a little bit more,

the elevator, where they talk to you about, we never would have built this without, it seems like they built the Luxor in Las Vegas, where someone had an inside track guaranteeing the city council is going to pass this gaming thing. Because this could be a casino, but instead it's a fucking Bass Pro Shop. And it's got everything about a casino. It's permanent midnight here.

If you look at it, and please do the virtual tour of the governor's suite in, because there's one suite that we're paying for that I thought, okay, what a great way to go out before I kill everyone in my entourage and myself. And let's do this right on the way up where we get the wristband to cut the line you get to cut the in disneyland this is a a draw you get to cut the line for all the rides yeah here you get to cut the line for an elevator and you still feel cool because you cut the line but on the way back down you go there's a huge line to get back down out of this overpriced shit restaurant where chad shank's afraid to step on glass and let's just get back down oh you can't

cut the line on the way back down you're fucked and you have to stand behind every retarded person and I you can call him in bread or and be politically correct but I call him retarded yeah you have to wait in that line and there's no fucking platinum you can't you can't get frequent flyer miles and status to get

back down from the retarded outlook and there's no manager up there no you can't talk to anybody. And the manager down here, she's running the archery booth. So that was the first that we explored a little bit.

Some of us explored further than I would have liked. Yeah, well, I and you have to understand, I don't think I brought this up on the last podcast. We had some company come over, AJ and his gal pal.

So I came down from my north lodging at the... Your hotel home. Yeah, my hotel. Month number nine, I believe, of living in an insurance-paid airport hotel. And I came down, and I normally stay at Bingo's house, a quiet house. And now we have company there, so I stayed in the guest house, our 300-square-foot guest house that we put bunk beds in.

Mattresses by who? Who gives a fuck? They dumped us as a a sponsor but not before we got two mattresses very comfortable still but i slept two nights on the top bunk and two nights in a row i fell out and splattered like a bag of wet garbage onto the newly tiled floor. And not just, I didn't fall out. I consciously, the first night, I go, oh, I'm in the top bunk. I'll just glide out where I think my feet must be this close to the floor. And then I let myself go. But I was way wrong.

And then flump, bingles in the bottom bunk. And both his ears be slapped to the tile. wrong and then flump bingos in the bottom bunk and both the second night i just thought i was in bed getting up to pee and i thought oh i didn't even i just oh Both times being like, oh, my God, there you are. I still have a bad hip. It might just be age, you know, hips and knees are things that go, but I will always blame this hip on that second fall. I hit hard. I know you did. You know, when we were putting those together

What happened was When we got the mattresses on trade They don't give you the low end They give you the high end So we got the extra tall ones And I'm putting that mattress in there And I'm going like There's like no guardrail

Because it goes up above It's flush But I know that So when i go to bed i do you talk to the sheet yo i tucked the blanket in so like i can't roll out of this okay you need a seat belt and then i knew i was getting up to this and i knew to take the blanket off this first night i knew i was in a top bunk. I just misjudged. I never got out of the top bunk before. So I go out.

Plop. Second night, I forget I was. I took the blanket off. Forget I'm upstairs. Plop. Why did you push back? What are you doing? I said plop really hard.

I want you to be in frame. Sit back on that. Yeah. Come back. Yeah, you know what we could do? I just thought of it. We go to Harbor Freight, and we get one of those cargo nets that go on the back of your truck. Yeah, just tack that to the ceiling.

We have already talked about that. Oh, great. Yeah, definitely. Well, you know what? Sometimes it takes a horrible injury yeah it's true for you know the real mother of invention why is there a red light here no one even drives down these two roads why would they put a red light because one fucking asshole fell out of a bunk bed twice and now you have to now you have to have a ceiling net

every time you have a bunk bed you know they now you have to sit in a bunk bed. Now you have to have a ceiling net every time you have a bunk bed. You know, they say the same thing about warning labels. Yeah. Kind of a moron inspired this warning label. Well, first of all, we've had bunk beds in there for fucking a year, and I'm the only person who's ever slept in the top bunk.

Oh, wait, no. The fucking... The turd cloud. Turd cloud. Whatever youd cloud I don't know Whatever you call it, McKenzie and Taylor I think they stayed one night or two nights Because you can't call them bird cloud

because So turd cloud is Taylor and bird cloud Yeah, that doesn't work It does kind of work. Speaking of sleeping, glass can opener. Speaking of sleeping...

You got people coming down the elevator looking at us, if that's on your notes. Okay, so you don't get out of the upstairs. Oh, you can cut the line, but coming down, yeah, no, you're fucked. And once you get on the elevator down, it goes, hey, I'm fucking Clyde again. And don't worry about how much you just spent up at that lookout lodge.

And yeah, there's cracks in the glass. You might slide down the goddamn that's your own fucking fault anyway look over there there's the governor's suite it costs a lot of fucking money and there ain't even the goddamn can opener yes look right in there so when we're looking out and going hey hey, look at the fucking view. The elevator is looking in at you. Every motherfucker coming down is getting directions to look at us. Stare at this one specific room.

It costs $1,500 a night. What fucking goober is going to pay that for a fucking facade of a hall? It's a... Oh, you're in the great outdoors. No, you ain't. You're in a fucking mall, you fucking faggot. The customer service is shit here. These people are assholes.

Hey, how late is Wahlburgers open for breakfast? As long as they're... Fuck you. I told Stan, we need to do pressed hams on the window next time when the elevator comes down. Here's the problem with pressed hams, my friend. Back long ago in Bisbee, there was the ghost tours. There was a guy at our friend Steve Drew's establishment, Best Day Drinking Bar, perhaps. The Grand in Disney.

Best Breakfast, too. And it does have a fucking great breakfast. There was a cantankerous old local that saw the ghost tours going past the Grand and he pressed a ham no he didn't like fucking tourists or a sham any fucking town that has a ghost tour means we have nothing else I'm with him so so the guy moons them and he got arrested no stanhope let me finish and then you correct me okay shut your fucking i know you're fucking civil here he pressed a hand and they were gonna uh they arrested him and they were gonna charge him as a sex offender and make him register because there were kids in the tour. And he exposed himself indecently.

And this has changed every time I hear someone had to fucking register as a sex offender. I think, all right, how much bullshit is involved? As your attorney, Mr. Stanhope, I would like to say in your own private residence that you paid quite a bit for, I think you're allowed to press your ham all you want if people want to look uh from that fucking elevator well that's their own fucking problem i think i think that uh i think that if you pay fifteen hundred dollars a night strictly to press ham on that window all day long that's your own fucking business. If I could get Joe Pesci to come down and defend me in a court of

law strategically as a Yankee, go ahead. Tell me where I was wrong, Bingo? No, you got it right. People got in trouble continuously after that for wearing the plastic

butt cheeks. They got in trouble as well for the same thing. Simulated pressed ham. Yeah, yeah. All right. So it did slow up the flow of my story. Sorry. That's a good point, though, that it wasn't even, after that,

it wasn't even pressed ham. It was fake pressed ham. Fake ham. They don't give you a fake arrest.'s that yeah carl buddick yeah buddick remember that fucking the shitty yeah it gives me hiccups look at my notes because oh my you have a beat yeah here we go part where you don't kill stanhope well it was the first night the first day oh my gosh everlasting permanent midnight yeah the governor's sweet yeah doug continues his uh his penchant for early fucking morning uh flights yeah

we had flown all day and been here and went up the long elevator and went over and listened to Daryl Davis jam out with some jazz already. It was a long day. We came back here.

The next podcast will be about Freedom Fest. We haven't even really participated. Not much. Oh, shit, that's tonight. You have a show in a couple hours. Several hours. So, well, okay, so we go to bed.

I took two Benadryls and a Xanax. I knew you took something. You had taken the Xanax the last time I talked to you and said you were going to take the Benadryls. I went to bed. I took three muscle relaxers. For the listeners, if you didn't already, go through

the virtual tour at bigcypresslodge.com, Governor's Suite. There's a bedroom with two beds on one side, one bed on the other. You're're in the king bed suite the Traleys and Bingo and I are in the two queen on the other side. This where we're

podcasting is community and the fucking gorgeous balcony that you always wait for the sun to come up and it never does. It's permanent midnight. So you're quietly in bed. I'm passed out, sleeping nicely.

And in the middle, about almost, I think it was almost two in the morning. And I hear a man's voice in my room. And I'm not used to sleeping in other places. I know Stanhope's used to sleeping in other places. And all you guys are used to sleeping in other places. I'm not used to sleeping in other places. I know Stanhope's used to sleeping in other places, and all you guys are used to sleeping in other places. I'm not used to sleeping in other places. So when I wake up, I'm thoroughly confused.

But to wake up and hear a man's voice... On the tail of a podcast where Derek woke up and had a gal, you know what I mean? That's so fresh. I'm talking about their outside door, too. They have a door directly to the hallway outside where people walk by. Well, yeah, both bedrooms have separate doors. That's technically 358 and 350, whatever.

Yeah, there's three ways to get into my room. There's the glass door to the porch, there's the exit to the way, and then there's the living room entrance. So I thought all of those doors were locked and closed. Apparently that was not the case. And let me add, Chaley locks even these doors to the balcony. Well, rightly so. I came through last night and did a security sweep while I was drunk.

And this gate over here was wide open. There's a gate to the hall. This is a gun shop. Basically, we're staying in a pyramid-shaped gun shop that no one stays in. And he locks these doors like someone might hop over like Spider-Man and come in and don't you get it? They can come from the hallway. You can get onto our balcony.

But why would they? Who would do that? That's more ridiculous than crazy. I don't think anybody would in their right mind. That's kind of the fun. It's permanent midnight when he shuts the blinds in the living room well what kind of weird area i wake up and i like well ask yourself i'll answer your question

what kind of weirdo stays at the big cypress lodge launch. Us? It's so stupid that I had to fly every one of us out here because how else are we going to remember each other? Well, what other kind of weirdo stays at the base? Are you getting a phone call on one of our batteries dying?

I have an alarm. Sorry. So what happened, Chad? So we go on this first night and we have our separate bedrooms with the fucking interior all the neutral switzerland territory and i i don't i don't know if i fell asleep on the couch or where i fell asleep but i woke up i wake up to a man's voice in my bedroom. And I look, I sit up and I look over and I see Jenny just snuggled up, sleeping in my bed next to me like I would expect. But then I look beyond Jenny and there's somebody else snuggled up, sleeping under the covers next to Jenny. Someone's been sleeping in the living room.

And immediately I said, what the fuck? And Jenny then looks at me and says, it's Stan Hope. Don't kill Stan Hope. Evidently, Jenny's not going to fucking testify here. Jenny's not going to fucking testify here, but her retelling says they came in and said

hey, move over it's cold. And not in a kind way. Move over, it's cold. And so she moved over. And that's what Well, she said she woke up and still obviously, we don't, like she's same as me, used to being at home.

So she was still trying because my first question was, why the fuck did you wake me up? And she said, well, she was still confused trying to take it in because she woke up and you were standing at the foot of the bed. And then you walked over and said, move over. I'm cold, which was the man's voice that I heard and by that point you had already snuggled into bed and Jenny being Jenny moved over

because you were cold can we find consensus we all agree that the bedrooms are fucking cold if you woke up and it's always dark, especially when Chaley shuts all the blinds

and turns off all the lights. Okay. Yeah, the left and right. And this is how it continues once I realize that that's... Because I'm wondering why Bingo's making weird noises like, ah, ah, ah.

Well, I'm just grateful that Jenny sleeps in her pajamas. I did have full garments on. Stanhope was in the Big Cypress Lodge robe. Swinger's robe. Yeah, the official Swinger's robe. He didn't even know that.

I thought it was my button-down white shirt. Either way, I don't ever sleep naked. Not since the incident with Chaley. So Stan immediately mimics what I said. What the fuck? And then jumps up out of bed and immediately heads into the bathroom. It's completely fucking pitch black in here. So now it's, by this point it's funny.

Once Jenny has diffused me from murder mode and said, Stanhope, don't kill Stanhope. And I'm like, okay, Stanhope, you know, no harm. Even if Stanhope came over to fuck, we're not going to fuck. I'm still in control here. We're still in control. We're out. No harm, no foul.

Yeah. But, you know, Stanhope heads to the bathroom. And I'm like, that's the bathroom, buddy. And Stanhope heads out and then heads to the exit door. And I'm like, that's the exit, man. And then he turns around and goes, this is not the same hotel as last night. I'm like, no sir, indeed. It is not.

And then he headed out the correct door and made it wherever. I don't know where he went from there. Not your problem. I probably should have gone up and escorted him out, I guess. I felt bad for that. But I was pretty fucking tired. You know?

I'm ready to go back to bed. Even when you're fucking roofied, they don't know to fucking walk you out properly. Hell yeah. All right. I'm looking at the... Yeah, everything else is going to be on the next podcast because we're still

going to take in the rest. Fuck, we might even do that. RFK, where it's fucking 3.30 in the afternoon. In our heads, it's midnight because it's that fucking dark all the time. Casinos

make you unaware of the time but you don't know what if it's night or day here you just think it's night all the fucking time i can tell it's it's not between 10 a.m and 9 p.m if the elevator's not running that's the only way you can tell when chad the other morning this morning I woke up at like 8 o'clock, and Chad said he was out on the deck with the rocking chairs where they tell all the tourists to look on their way down the stupid elevator. And he said at 8.59, pop music started playing. And I'm like, I'm going to be out there for that.

But instead I ate breakfast. Pop music, the song pop music? No, not to talk about. Just pop radio. Their music started out. The store music comes on at 8.59. When they open the gates at 9, 8.59, they start that music. We have so much to fucking talk about.

Again, soon, the redo, the new podcast, get your fucking cheap Patreon fucking kicks in now because we're going to the Nickelback story, going to see Nickelback and fucking Salt Lake.

That's an entire podcast. We have a lot of shit and just Freedom Fest. We have a lot of shit and just Freedom Fest. We have a lot of... Tracy's birthday. Smoking bar. Oh my god. I do have, before we sign off, maybe it's another story, but I do have a small

thank you to the Memphis police. Oh, I watched that. Actually, I tried to cock block for you. Walking down Beale Street, I wanted to smoke some weed and couldn't find it. I was like, the fuck, I can smoke some weed on Beale Street. It's a blocked off street, the Propanod. Yeah, the distance seems pretty open.

There's a thing, hey, Beale Street. On both ends of Beale Street. We saw some guys smoking weed early on up there. We get down to the end and I saw three bicycle cops weed early on up there. We get down to the end, and I saw three bicycle cops rode away into the distance. Yeah, and Tracy, Bingo, and I are right under the arch or right past the arch that says Beale Street, and there's a cop car with two cops.

Well, there was a cop car from my perspective. From your perspective, exactly. We thought it was one of the like the dummy ones where like they parked the car there with smoked windows so you would think unless you were standing right next to it seeing two cops of separate one blue one brown uniforms so i see a cop car over there parked and thinking it's an empty cop car and shaley goes oh look right over here so i go over here and you were doing spark up a joint i lie i smoke an entire joint underneath this thing and then realize oh look i was underneath the police sign

so i told jenny take a picture of me under that police sign smoking weed i go stand under it to pose for a picture smoking a joint you were blowing it one of the cops gets out of the cop car and walks over and just looks at me like, you done, asshole? Really? Fuck. I just put that joint out. Like, thank you, sir. Sorry. So I both apologize.

There's no such thing as white privilege. Yeah. I both apologize and thank those Memphis police for my assholes. If you saw us while you were smoking the pot, and maybe you can put this in the show notes, is one of your pictures of me just posing under the Beals sign. Like, take pictures of me. So they stop looking at you. Because we're watching the cops watch you.

And I'm like, oh, I'll do this. I literally was doing Dancing Monkey for them to not look at you going like this at their face without you knowing they were. Under their big giant police sign. Oh, fuck. I did not know there was cops in that cop car. I thought it was an empty cop car. I've got video of them dancing like that.

And you can see, you can't see into the cop car from our vantage point that you can see bodies in there. We know that. I'm just saying, even from the video footage, you cannot tell that there's cops in there. Why would you do that bodies in there we know that i'm just saying even from the video footage you cannot tell there's cops in there why would you do that you wouldn't do that we would have gone around this is what happens on your day-to-day listener the level where you go you're you hit a four-way stop at the same time and you go go ahead like this with your hand not knowing they can't see because the sun is reflecting off your windshield and you're like go fucking asshole and you have no idea they can't see the thing are you a fucking retard

jenny was taking pictures of like i told jenny i go i when i walked away there was i noticed that there was a police sign right there and i go oh, oh, I was smoking weed under a police sign? Take pictures of me smoking weed under the police sign. That's so cool. And I went over there to pose and that was when the cop walked out. And then Jenny got a picture of me, but she didn't take, she tried to get me in the picture instead of the police sign. So it just says lice with me.

Is that the one where you're going but then but then she's like one more one more but it's really just a picture of me putting out the weed with my jaw open going all right take us out of here bingo we have to fucking i have to be funny in fucking six and a half hours oh my god take a. Take a nap, Stan Hope. Yeah. How about you shut your fucking mouth? Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.