The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DSP Ep#484: Honey, We're Home

Episode Date: March 27, 2022

Doug and crew are back home and he couldn't be happier. Recorded Mar. 24th, 2022 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), bingo, Raider, Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. Watch Stanhope’s latest special for FREE at AllThingsComedy YouTube Channel - Doug Stanhope: The Dying Of A Last Breed - Full Special http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVcxfRBO4-M LINKS -BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Policygenius.com - Head to policygenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. The World Record Podcast - The World Record Podcast is the third and final award winning podcast created and hosted by Brendon Walsh setting the World Record for the funniest podcast in existence. - https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/world-record-podcast Stay in the loop with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - EgglesterSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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They have thousands of five-star reviews across Google and Trustpilot. Head to PolicyGenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Honey, I'm home. Or, the podcast is coming from inside the funhouse. You must get out of that funhouse. That's probably too deep a track. But we're all back.

The Chalys are back. I'm back. Dave Rader's here. And yeah, I just not only got done the movie and then two days at home to unpack, repack, and then all of the California dates. But Chalys, you had to leave me all by myself. I was like a scared child when you left. I'm like, I don't know how to get out of here. That was after the first night in San Diego at the Comedy Store.

Yeah, we jumped off. Yeah, the last two shows were San Diegogo two shows two nights and then two nights two shows in la one two three four you didn't have a break and then gump showed up gump gump showed up he's in the navy he said oh i i i i forget how much it's not a stutter as much as trying to find his way through a sentence or have something to say. Cause no one ever talks to him, I assume. So he said he wasn't able to come to the show, but maybe we could do lunch.

So I'm like, yeah, come over. There's a breakfast place we can walk to. And, and, and then over dinner, he,

he, he said, I don't have to work tonight. Cause I got a COVID test and technically I can't. I work tonight because I got a COVID test. And technically, I can't. I'm like, get to the fucking point. Yeah, it was a hard day with Gump. We eventually, I'm like, let's just leave.

Let's go find sushi. We already had breakfast. So he stayed for the show. He's fine. It was just like, I'm alone. No one can come save me. I'm trying to just fucking wordle i'm sorry i wordle it's not gonna last long i don't share it online but i wordle and

he's trying to come up with things to say i'm like just do what you did when you were in the funhouse just be quiet and sit in the back and uh smoke my cigarettes He did have his own cigarettes. In fact, I bummed a couple from him. So if you were going to explain to someone like this really condensed version of who Gump is, for anyone who may not be with the podcast that long. No, it's not worth. I have a whole list of shit that happened in LA and fun stuff.

Yeah, it was fun to reconnect and see gump as a military police officer really that's where they have him in the navy he's military police down in san diego and uh and he's got a a wife what yeah he's got a wife now i remember my brother when he was in the marine corps to live off base he was dating a girl seeing a girl however you uh but they knew if they got married he could live off base with her and they'd give him more money to do that yeah i'm not saying that's what gump is doing but i'm pretty sure that's what gump is doing uh but yeah he seems happy and it was fun but it was also at the same time i'm like i have to leave here tomorrow and the chalice aren't gonna take me i have to find a train which i thought was like right there near the comedy store but no it's a 27 minute uber

to get to the train so i have to get my shit get get to a train, then get to the Union Station, downtown LA, and then get a fucking Uber or a ride all the way back to the comedy store. It's just silly. And then Annie Letterman was opening. It's the first time I've met her. You guys know her from the Death Valley post parties. Not to be confused with the actual legendary parties with the uh issues with andy reboot panamint parties yeah where it's an open invite on social media well those days are gone that that experiment didn't work yeah or it it proved fruitful in data so so annie shows up

the show and says uh the second show in San Diego. First night you had a local opener. While you were there. And then she's like, why don't you just drive back to LA with me tonight? I have a Tesla. And I'm conflicted. There's a train. I hate being on the 405.

She's debating because she had your hotel room. You can just stay. we could leave early i'm always up early or if i'm not i can be up early i'm fine and she's like yeah i think i'm gonna go i think i'm gonna stay and then on stage i just made it the through line like do i do i ride in a new tesla tonight back to la or do i uh with a lady behind the wheel uh it was yeah I was conflicted and I kept bringing it up but yeah I left I left with her in the middle of the night and what really yeah oh wow I'm like all right the 405 isn't bad if I leave at night. I can sleep on her couch and then Uber from Venice, which is the same as from downtown in the morning. And my God, she's got a new Tesla, but doesn't know how to fucking use it.

So you made that decision while you were on stage, so you had to go back. No, she came back to the hotel, kind of looked around and went, yeah, I'm going to leave tonight. I go, all right, I'll go. At that point, I'm liquored up. I didn't know she doesn't drink. And she makes it clear in her act. Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I don't do drugs. So I think she was high as shit.

I called it the rumble strip drive because she was in every lane. Couldn't figure out how to fucking charge her Tesla. She was missing one thing. Well, I can charge it like this, but I need the thing to supercharge it quickly. Otherwise, we're going to sit here for four hours. It was a five-hour drive back from San Diego. I think we got in at five in the morning. It's a two-and-a-half-hour drive normally with traffic.

I was more happy to avoid traffic and take my life in my hands as she tried to find a power station in rural outside between San Diego, just driving all these weird roads. Anyway, it was fantastic. I was looking up. Passing through Orange County. And she let me smoke because I go, yeah, on stage, I'm going, going yeah i could get a ride in a new tesla but i'm not going to be able to smoke in a new tesla and then she yelled out i'll let you smoke in the car and i'm like oh so now now now we're bartering now now she's got leverage i had a fucking blast and got back and slept on her couch for a few hours and then we got up she had to do her podcast

and i get the fuck out of there uh and then she opened at the comedy store she's a fucking blast uh everything the san diego show was uh well received yeah all the shows both san diego shows san diego was a fucking monster like they're just great crowds uh and uh and la too uh that's the first time tracy and i had been to the la jolla uh comedy store yeah oh yeah we didn't get the tape yeah which is fine i don't think i said anything brilliant that was new it was just the response it was just a small room like that it's like 200 people and dense uh and then next night one as well and the comedy store by the way i'm looking at the map of all of the teslas this is all on the five freeway well it was these are the ones just like where you

were yeah where we were and she'd find one and oh, it's attached to this hotel, but there's two different parking garages. And then you're in a loop of parking garages. Haven't we already gone this way? It's all fucked up. It was funny, though. I had a blast doing it because, again, I was in my pints, so it was all funny. And post-show, so you're kind of up a little bit. Yeah, take your time.

I've got to go find something to piss on that's not got a security camera looking at it. I'm going to go find a dark bush that doesn't have infrared fucking security camera because I'm going to have to piss a lot. I've been drinking. And we did LA, and it's always overwhelming, but it's not back to the place where it was, where you're like, it was, it was, it was doable. Like there's usually so many comedians there that I'm, I'm scared to go out. I don't know. Is it, this is someone I know, but I don't remember their name. And this is someone I don't know if I know.

And then there's someone like, like, Oh, Chris rock. And I, I don't know if i know and then there's someone like like oh chris rock and i i don't know what to say i'm gonna say hi but i should probably walk away after that because i'll say something stupid because i don't know him enough and uh but yeah it was very doable the first uh the first night we did the show nickelback mike from nickelback we finally met him fucking just as much of a sweetheart in person. And not an overwhelming green room like we used to have. So I get to hang with him. And afterwards, a few people came in.

Mark Maron came in and was smiling. I'm like, I should get a picture of this. It's so rare he was did he think he had to do a set no why did he come back because a lot of people came back tim dylan came back right before i went on stage and like yeah i can't stay i just wanted to say hi and mark mariner how was your show no they're doing their own shows like in the or uh all these people and we went upstairs i had a fucking great show and uh went upstairs afterwards because uh uh is it not a roast battle not kill tony roast battle was on which is still huge this is like a tuesday night and this place is fucking just packed and

they just started the roast battle part i guess they do stand up first i walked up and they were saying something like all right that's a stand-up portion now we're gonna get ready for roast battle christine hodge was there with me a lot of people from the movie came out uh and i like i'm pretty drunk and you know how i i get where i can't watch a show without yelling out and it's not my place and they wanted me to be a judge but that takes you actually have to like pay attention and make notes and now i just want to i watched two rose battles and went all right i'm just gonna leave before i make an asshole of myself and wake up going oh why'd you have to make that show all

about you these kids are fucking killing it but the the the girl that was on it, Morgan Anderson, the second roast battle, I'm like, fucking, you're funny. You can do the five minutes up front tomorrow night in front of Annie. And that was great. She was just fucking crushed it. She's out of Sacramento, which was funny because uh this all i i heard all of this afterwards i forgot i'm just drunken like you're fucking oh well he um he wants you to do the five minutes up in front of annie tomorrow and uh she killed that uh and she said well i i'm from sacramento i don't have a place to stay.

And Hennigan told me, I was about to go all managerial. Well, these are the things you're going to have to learn. You're going to have to find a couch. And then Eleanor and Annie pulled him aside and went, she's a young girl alone in Los Angeles. Okay, I'll get her a hotel. But we had a rate at the hotel for the comedy store. So he was told he could get that rate. But he couldn't.

Is that her? That's Annie. What? Yeah. Morgan Anderson. No, that's Annie Letterman. Does she look exactly like Annie? Look.

See that? See where it says Morgan Anderson? Yeah. I know what Annie looks like. See that? See where it says Morgan Anderson? Yeah. I know what Annie looks like. Click on the little picture. Anyway. So then the rate is like five times what our rate is. Oh, yeah.

Walk up. Walk up. Yeah. He did get one night knocked off. The comedy store management tried their best, but it was fucking worth it. The comedy store management tried their best, but it was fucking worth it. And the second night, that's when all the movie people were there, including the executive producer who is fucking shit-faced. From the movie that you just created.

Yeah. The Road Dogg Movie.com or something like that. I don't know. There's not much up there. I heard they did a screening of a rough cut and it went well, but they should, you know what? No, you should get on my mailing list. Like I looked at their website. I'm like, you should have a mailing list.

So when this comes out, people, you can contact them. No, no, go to my mailing list, which is the only way that you're going to hear about shit. When we get kicked off of all the fucking social media things, fat Mike showed up the second night. It was fucking great. I did his podcast. I did Corolla's podcast.

I did Alan's podcast. How did that work out? Well, I took two days off. I did two nights. Oh, this was after the second night. I did two nights of shows, and then I stayed for two days to do all these podcasts and had a fucking blast uh fat mike's podcast fat mike has a compound that has a very similar feel to this place like he's got the fucking podcast house

and this house and and a bunch of dudes hanging around but he. But he came in with a guy named Danny that did a lot of stuff with Nine Inch Nails. And then a guy named Sam, all these fucking rock and roller, punk rocker guys. Sam is a co-host of his podcast. And he was telling me, yeah, I went to Bisbee and I shit-faced at the the what's the place with the thing i go that's the grand yeah and then i'm walking back to wherever my fucking hotel and i went down this alley and this i had to take a piss i think it was he's taking a piss we're in the alley and he says and this guy leans out of a second story window and points a gun at me and says, you want me to fucking shoot you now or something? And I'm like, no shit.

And he goes, yeah, he's this like magician guy that does seances. I'm like, Kenny Bang Bang drunkenly pulled a gun at you. I haven't got Kenny Bang Bang's number. That's an old phone I'd have to dredge up, but I want to call Kenny Bang Bang and go, do you know who you pulled a gun on? Allegedly.

Allegedly. Well, it's allegedly because it's someone else's story. I'm not saying it's true. I'm repeating gossip. But the fact that he knows it's a magician who runs a seance room he had to have some fucking lay of the land uh it was funny because hannigan was like all these musicians showed up and hennigan's going do you know what if you had to make a band out of all the musicians that are fans of doug stanhope you'd have donald fagan from steely dan

nickelback fat mike chris bote oh that's right yeah Raylan Nelson. Yes, Raylan Nelson. We've talked to her about... I came out of L.A., Chaley, with so much fucking piss and vinegar. Bingo and Raider picked me up at the airport, and I just had literally 10 pages from that old vintage Delta notepad of things we're going to do. This is the future. And I've been pretty good about keeping up with a lot of them. You were on fire when you got into the car. I've never seen you that ambitious.

And, yeah, LA always kind of did that to me. But, yeah, once I figured out fucking Annie Letterman's driving a Tesla from podcast money, yeah, we need cameras on this. We're going to have to do, we're going to retool this over this summer. That's great. April 13th is our 10th year podcasting. April 13th. It's the anniversary.

Yeah, I don't know if we can get it done that quick, but we'll see. I have a lot of notes. The Chaley's just got back today, so I'm not going to unload too much of my long shot ideas. And I erase some. I go, all right, that's stupid to think about right now. But I have my list. Oh, fucking Ellsworth showed up. Who?

Ellsworth from Dead from deadwood oh yeah i'm so easily starstruck but when fucking i and hennigan just found a random tweet going to see doug stanhope not even at me that's how hennigan finds it with sarah spiegel who gave me a cd that's now stuck in the the red van i put it in listen to it if you like world war ii music yeah actually i do uh more than anything current now it's stuck in the red van uh should we break are we around 20 because i have i have stuff that I have poop coming up. That's a good tease, I guess, for after the commercial spot. Yeah. We'll save poop for after the break. Hey, let me

sell some things that we're going to be selling for higher dollar margins after we bring this podcast to a new level. Please hold. Hey, this is, again, the podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. You ever been playing the comedy store and you go, hey, I haven't booked an opener yet.

And then you go, hey, why don't I book all these fucking giant headliners and see if, like, Bert Kreischer will open for me? Hey, will Bert Kreischer open for me? He's always hanging around that place anyway, as far as I know. Why wouldn't he? And then he goes, oh, what days? And you say it's a Tuesday and Wednesday and he doesn't ever get back to you. He fucking ghosts you.

And you go, does everyone hate me? And am I diseased? And then you go into a spiral where you're sitting at an off track betting in fucking Irvine. You go, does everybody hate me? And then it just gets worse and worse. And then you want to do the bad, bad thing. Don't do the bad, bad thing. Do what I did. Call betterhelp.com. Relationships take work. A lot of us will drop anything to go help out someone else we care about. We go out of our way to treat other people well, but how often do we give ourselves the same treatment?

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And that's creepy sometimes. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy. And you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used BetterHelp Online Therapy. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Show listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P. BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. Okay.

All right, here's the sad news one of my favorite jokes i was doing that i did steal from a a loud bloviating fucking nutsack at a bar it was at a a sports bar in philly that played all the games so when walsh and I were playing there, I think Walsh was it? No, it wasn't Walsh. It was someone else. Walsh. Anyway, so I'm in Philly back during football season doing helium. And I went to this bar where I was watching football and this guy that you could just hear over eight different TVs blaring fucking football. And he was just loud and drunk and irregular. And he said a joke with his friends.

Like, one guy said it, and then another guy came up with the tag. And I go, that was purely coincidental. They don't even know they said a funny joke, and I'm stealing it. And I stole it saying, hey, I stole this joke from some fucking blowhard at the bar, but I think I'm keeping it because they didn't know it was funny. And I was doing that joke. It developed. It's still just 15 seconds out of my act, but I have a post bucket list is how I wrote it. Where I have a list of special places that I want my remains spread after I die. And this is one of those places.

The only thing is I'm not going to be cremated. I'm just going to have Chaley come in with a slop bucket and a ladle and hurl my fucking rendered fat and pieces of limbs at the stage and then run out of here. And then I found out Carlin actually did have his remains spread at some of his favorites. So I added the fucking I'm going to outdo Carlin. I'm not going to be cremated. And then fucking Paul Prevenza, after he saw me, he came to the show in la and then when i get home he's like fucking look at this and it was a someone tweeted that same thing basically uh and i can't take credit for that that's just out there in the ether and someone else tweeted to him no that's a dana gould joke and fucking i go well there's 15

seconds of my act gone and prevents is like just call dana gould or get a hold of him he'd probably let you do it because uh i like if some fucking schlub that doesn't even know me knows this joke and i i should have known you don't fucking steal a joke from a blowhard at the bar because he probably already stole it himself and when i thought oh he doesn't even know he's doing a joke that's because he probably couldn't repeat it uh but i fucking love that bit and uh yeah i'm sorry it's gone i'm gonna have to come up with something of my own. But yeah, even Prevenza was like, oh, that's so sad.

But poop. Let's get to the poop story. I know everyone's on edge waiting for it. Olivia Grace, who I haven't seen in forever, shows up out of the blue right after the second L.A. show. I'm there for a few more days. She's been gypsying it for the last several months. Is that going to cause any flack? Yeah, she's been.

So she's out in L.A. And I'm like, do you have a place to stay? Because I have a second bed in the hotel. All right, no problem. She stays there. She's trying to get her shit together and get landed in LA and do whatever she's doing in the next leg of her adventure. And it was one of those nights I woke up in the middle of the night and I went down to smoke. I'm up at three o'clock in the morning. I had gone to bed drunk after fucking 15 podcasts in a row

and woke up at like 1 a.m. Maybe I should go back to the comedy store and see who's around for last call, but they're all leaving. They're shutting down. I smoke a cigarette and then I get in the elevator and I go,

yeah, I'm pretty sure I have to take a dump. And thank God she was sleeping. Because I had an overcoat on and I whipped that off. I still think I got this. And your body knows when it's time. You're right by the toilet. Well, it's that one second of delay. I flipped the fucking lid up.

This is why you never share a toilet with a lady, because they'll put the fucking whole lid down. I whip the lid up, turn around and shit. The lid had fallen back down. By now, I'm already shitting and have to whip around to open the lid. So now I have shat from the floor into my underpants, which are at my ankles, spun around, and shit on top of the tank. On the tank?

Yeah, because I'm bent over and swiveling. Yeah, yeah. So there's a bit of energy on the uh the uh the exit there is a line of demarcation from the first splatter to the last it's a whole and it wasn't diarrhea this was muck this is where you go to clean it off the top of the lid and it just smears. It's not like you wipe it up, uh, like muddy boots that you have to like really use a hose to spray it off.

And then I had to get in between where it got behind the seat and lid. Yeah. And that's not, I, it took me like 35 minutes of using towels and toilet paper and tissues like and then i'm gonna clog the toilet if i keep using tissues so i have to use towels and then try to spray those out why did you have to use a towel because i don't have to use a towel well i didn't want to clog the toilet with all this paper and i can't throw well i mean i was rinsing the towels out in in the tub like i had to fucking

it just made it so much worse yeah but i i had to get in the tub anyway because if i was a baby you'd have to hose me down on the lawn because i've shit all over myself as well like i had to smell all my clothes to see what part of my clothes might have been hanging low yeah i didn't i didn't tweet the picture i got the picture and that's why when we have a podcast that's you know not just audio i can show the pictures of this show that thick mud why that's how you get demonetized that's how you that's how you get blocked showing scat pictures well there's gonna be a learning curve yeah for me to get in this this new millennium they call it i heard and did she ever wake up no no she slept like a baby the fucking stink was incredible

i just can't imagine yeah all the movement is just throwing like like you have to everyone smells are like they seem invisible but a smell is a physical thing that that that is emanating i was surprised it didn't set off a smoke detector. Fucking Chernobyl. Fucking DEFCON 1. It was, yeah. Wait, did you keep those pajamas in? Yeah, they didn't.

You know what? Stage man underpants. I ruined them. But the next morning when I was packing up, I fucking, I got in the shower again again which i probably needed to for safety wait and i i rinsed out those stage men until there is no more visible poop and yeah stage man underpants that good yeah i did not throw them away and then then i had told bingo the story like it was one of those stories i'm like i'm i'm on such a good role i don't need to talk to people about shitting all over myself again and look the fool when i'm kind of on a role uh but i did tell bingo and then when i get home and i go hey i gotta do laundry she's like do i have to do your poopy underpants i'm like i can do it i'll do it just tell me which ones

they are so i can wear rubber gloves. They're not poopy anymore. They're just damp still. Glad I wasn't there for you to stick your fucking shitty under. You know what? There's so much I have to live down in life. That's not really even on the list. Oh, no. We're warned now.

We know. Oh, yeah. Please hold. All right. Please hold. All right. Policy genius. If someone relies on your financial support, whether it's a child, aging parent, or even a business partner, you need life insurance. And on a side note, if you're an anti-vaxxer, hedge your bet and get life insurance.

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day I had here by myself, I'm like, I'm going to take a day off before I get in all this. And I took a half an edible, a five milligram. You took a half of a five? No, no, a half, which is five. Yeah yeah which you do all right more manageable and as soon as i got high we're sitting here and it's afternoon and uh we hear

bingo talk and we think she's talking to uh awesome back to our mike's dog i go no one talks at that level to a dog you talk like this to a dog and bingo, especially that's going to be a person. And I'm getting pretty high right now. And, and bingo comes running and she goes, the cops are here. I'm not kidding.

The cops are here saying there was a report of stolen property. Like, all right. And I walked out and they're walking in with their like, what Bisbee cops? I know. know yeah it's good to be safe but when they have the full regalia of fucking kind of swat team bulletproof vests and the whole armament uh yeah yeah okay you need to be safe but and they said uh yeah do you have any uh stolen someone called in that you have stolen i go look around here most of this stuff might be stolen like i mean we have all these street signs and shit i buy off ebay and you know flea markets and yard sales and thrift stores like i don't i don't know the origin

of that stop sign or that like we'll come home and stuff will just be leaning up against the fence that's what biggo is saying like is it a gift drop it off yeah like i don't know where that fucking uh they go was specifically some cart that's from one of those easy carts or whatever they call them that you rent at the airport. Smart cart. Yeah, whatever. That was what someone called in about. lease because i have some old janky ass fucking cart that god knows where it came from but it does help us fucking unload groceries and shit they're useful yeah it's useful oh this is the funny part is uh they go well they said you have a a couple of carts and i go go, well, no, I have the other, like this

old fucking what's Costco or something? Sam's Club. Sam's Club. And these are so weather-beaten, and they said, how long, smart car, how long have you

had it? And I said, I don't know, a year? I go, take a look at the tires it's been many years the fuck look at the tires you can tell how long it's been here and uh afterwards they were very cool bisbee cops are always cool and uh but then she goes do you mind if i take some pictures and so she took a picture of the she goes oh sam's club like that's not even from bisbee like and then she took a picture of that neither is the smart car she took a picture of the yeah exactly the from the bisbee airport community uh regional airport and she even took a picture of that old hair dryer that's sitting in the fucking window with the anonymous mask on i go let me know when i have to lawyer up and that dude's like we're

getting a comedy show right now uh yeah they were very cool and uh and then afterwards i called chaley and i i tell him i said take a look at the wheels he's like shouldn't have said that i just had to replace the wheels on that because they were almost non-existent like all right well it's got new wheels i said hey if if they want it back at the tucson airport i'm i'm flying out early april i can bring it up for them because even she said yeah i don't think they i was just flew out of tucson that's like an old they don't even have those carts anymore. Probably wouldn't fit into the rack to get your quarter back. But you know who called that in? I'm not saying, and I'm not saying they told me.

Well, so, like, to see that, you'd have to, like, be looking over the fence, like, with your, like, Kilroy looking over a fence, you know? Because it's right up next to the fence because we use it to to move luggage and and groceries so yeah i said i think i said that i think i might be like when bingo said people just leave shit here all the time for us fans and uh i go yeah i might be drinking stolen booze now. People leave out fucking jugs of pop-off vodka like it's Princess Dies Memorial where they leave stuffed animals and stuff. A new offering. But, yeah, it's nice to see. We haven't had a cop here since Officer Bob Friendly.

So you're always welcome. And then I came back and I go, these things only happen when you're high. We have a report of you having a stolen fucking luggage cart 100 miles from the airport yeah do you think maybe they i accidentally packed it and when i when i got from the airport to my hotel i must have thrown it in with my luggage fuck yeah oh narcs do you think they they came over just because i will check it out but i mean if you called on someone else down the street they'd go yeah you know that's not really our thing that's there's i i talk about this on stage when i called the cops on you as a joke complaining about your

music next door and they go is it loud no it's not loud it's just shitty music and i've talked about that on stage and like i i hope some fan isn't like well it wouldn't be a fan anyway because they wouldn't know that i have a fucking old easy cart uh anyway yeah she goes i'll just give you a call when i wrap this up and she hasn't called called, so maybe they're going to storm in here in those outfits. Hey, it was nice talking to you, but we really need to use these outfits. So we're going to riot here. Yeah. Battering ram.

You did say most of this stuff might be stolen, so we're using that against you. We're using that against you. We really want to use all of this shit that we've gotten from the government, but we have no reason for. But I want to, it's Bisbee privilege when you fucking know the cops, or even if you don't know them, you know, small town, being a fucking decent person try that narc maybe they just wanted to borrow the luggage cart well we have uh we have a couple weeks get on the mailing lists i don't know what's going on with the tour thing but we do have we have a lot of plans in in place it's going to be a productive summer i think that's uh the hold steady is that their song that i loved positive jam it's a no it's a productive summer or something like that um it is the whole state is who you're

talking about yeah i don't know that song and we're talking about maybe doing another party i made a lot of phone calls yeah farts fest with a new name uh and some new faces god damn it constructive summer constructive productive constructive i was thinking of uh joe vernon turned me onto that band and i there's two great songs from that album. And once you know two, Productive Summer and Sequestered in Memphis, both alliterate well. So that's a good start. If the title alliterates well. Oh, and Hennigan promises that I will have that new book out by May.

Oh, not the new book, but the fucking hard copy. The hard copy of the last of the one that yeah no encore for the donkey is the one i'm most proud about but that's the one that actually is better read than than listened to and and i i'm as guilty as him in fucking it off because you don't think about that till someone says yeah yeah, listen to some of your books on Audible. And you're like, ah, fuck. Or I read some of your books. And you're like, ah, fuck. You didn't read that one.

You had to listen to that, which is not bad. Are we going to get ready to wrap up? I just had, I wanted to get this shit out before. Why don't you give a plug to the All Things Comedy release? Oh, that was the funniest thing after Chaley goes, I just put new tires on that.

I go, well, you know what? That's good too because if you put new tires on it, you'll have a receipt. You can prove you just put new tires on that because Chaley is really good with receipts and logging information and knowing the date and day uh milwaukee is on the books now i'm going there may 15th we were going to try to continue a run from there and hennigan was just not getting uh calls back from venues and i'm like all right at this point let's just push it and we can do what we were gonna do that whole run that we did

in 2019 we'll do part of that before uh um i go to the uk in august and then do the warmer parts when i get back from the UK. UK's in September, though. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We'll do the upper Midwest, northeast, the whole through Buffalo, Albany, from Detroit through there, and then Pittsburgh, Cleveland, all that. And then afterwards, we can hit the south, go into Atlanta, and then do that whole roundabout through Nashville and Louisville and down through the Carolinas, all that shit we normally do. But be on the mailing list at DougStanhope.com.

I mean, that's where I get all my information. I get my fucking information from you that are on the mailing list because he doesn't do it globally. Like when you get on my mailing list, they give you the rough area that I'm in. So you don't get fucking slogged with, hey, I'm in Australia. Well, why are you bothering me? So if you're not like if you've moved since you signed up for the mailing list, then fucking sign up again. I don't know how it works. And always check your spam folder.

Yeah, check your junk mail folder. Because, yeah, I want to see. I'm excited to get back out on the road, even without the fucking spreading my remains joke. I don't have a lot of short jokes like that, and it fit in somewhere really well. Well received, too. Everyone thought it was very funny. Yeah, I know. Then it wasn't mine.

Thank you, Dana Gould. Dana Gould, check out on YouTube Hanging with Dr. Z and it's fucking hilarious. Second season. Really short interview show and Dana Gould has something to do with it. Check it out. There's also a documentary

I have to do with it so check it out there's also a documentary i have to find uh with uh bobcat and dana gould go out and they uh like working out new material driving around the country doing gigs together hit the road it's'm going to hit the road. And also, my special Dying of the Last Breed is now available through All Things Comedy on YouTube. So, yeah, find that. It's free now. We told you we'd put it out for free eventually. I just forgot. And now it's out for free. And I got my first hate mail in seemingly years.

Oh, all right. I must have done something well on it. It was a guy with a very white name, Seth, saying I was a Dougie boy, you're a bigot because Hinduism. I'm like, I never said Hinduism in that. Indian gang rape. Anyway, enjoy it. Hey, bingo. Tell us to hit the road. Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� 🎶