The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #137: SwapCast with Danny Lobell's Modern Day Philosophers Podcast

Episode Date: April 25, 2016

Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon and Barnes & Noble SwapCast with Danny Lobell's Modern Day Philosophers Podcast.   http://www.moderndayphilosophers.net/ Recorded April 20, 2016 in the Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), and Danny Lobell (@DannyLobell). Produced by Castle Rock Kenny (@Kenny4Mayor). Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille).   LINKS: Trailer Queen Band - http://www.trailerqueenaz.com/home   Castle Rock Kenny 4 Mayor Website http://www.kenny4mayor.com/   Rev. Derrick 4 Mayor Website - http://www.derrick4mayor.com Closing song, "Drift Away", by Dobie Grey. Available on iTunes.Pre Order Doug's book "Diggin Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon and Barnes & NobleDoug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

remember that chick fight with that really hot chick the ufc we watched i found her the next day i was tweeting like love tweets at her hey we are recording right yeah you always record i don't i don't want chad shank to hear this yeah fuck it doesn't matter i'll tell you afterwards chad if you actually hear this it's a it's a good thing but it's supposed to be a surprise and i think she fucked me over she didn't get back to you or or she yeah i'll tell you later all right anyway hey this is i'm on the uh this is doug stanhope i'm on the is it just the modern modern day philosophers podcast modern day philosophers well yours is themed and ours I'm on the, this is Doug Stanhope. I'm on the, is it just the Danny? Modern Day Philosophers podcast. Modern Day Philosophers.

Well, yours is themed and ours is whatever we can think of to talk about. But it's going to go like that anyway, because we're a few cocktails in. Right. I can't speak to people without it. And today was a day that normally, the first thing you think of is, maybe I should check into a rehab. Oh, shit. Danny LaBelle's coming.

I ruined it. It's my fault. I told Bingo. I go, fuck. I got to do like five days of just drinking a lot of water. Do you go through those after weekends like this? Because we hosted a band. They had the Americana Music Festival this weekend. And I told the guy running it that I'd host a band they had a the americana music festival this weekend

and i told the guy running it that i'd host a band and they were cool uh if you're a phoenix people or anywhere just find a a trailer queen was the band and i they said they don't like the term rockabilly but it's that kind of it's very accessible and it's fun music. And she's a hot chick, which always helps. And so we had just the last three days of just solid hanging with the band. Yeah. And I'd forgotten all about saying yes to you because that was before the three-day hangover. You go on three hours out.

I'm like, oh, fuck. I'm going to have to drink again. You go, I'm three hours out. I'm like, oh, fuck. I'm going to have to drink again. I'm glad I got in in that window before you realized. It's good to be here, man. This is my first time in Bisbee.

I love Arizona. I don't know. When did you first find this city? I found this 2000. I don't know. 2002, I think, was right after I had gotten fake married to Renee, and we played Scottsdale, and we had three days off, killing

time between Scottsdale and El Paso, so we're just taking back roads, and I think my friend from college moved to Bisbee. Let's go there. And when you drive through the tunnel, you're like, what the fuck is this? It's amazing. It's like Narnia or something. you just get through here and it's this magical land you have to see old bisbee before you leave i know you're and i'm glad you came because initially i said sunday

yeah i and you said well i have a show sunday night so i'll have to drive right back and that's an eight hour round trip and then do a show i'm like no fuck it make it monday i just yeah well yeah i gotta see it it's it was unbelievable since we got in here i was like i get it now i get why doug is here this is this is beautiful and it's it's not that far away from everything but it feels like you're a million miles away from everything and you are but when i remember when i moved we we had to move somewhere. My lease was up in Playa del Rey in LA. You were in Playa del Rey? It doesn't seem like it fits at all.

That was for a year. But if I ever had to move back to LA, that's the only place I'd live. Because it's so segregated from the rest of LA. And it's eight minutes from the airport. And that eight minutes total from putting the shit in the trunk. How many minutes is Bisbee from the airport? It's an hour and 45 to the airport. But the airport is on this side of Tucson.

So you have no traffic. I'd rather drive an hour and 45 minutes through the nothing blank desert than 35 minutes to the airport in L.A. traffic of stress and anger. Yeah. So you were saying about Playa del Rey, you're six minutes from the airport, you're segregated from the rest of L.A. You like being away from everything, which I totally get. Traffic. Honestly, one of the biggest things in life i was trying to avoid was traffic and i lived in la for so long and i go there's nothing i really want here i'm not here to be fucking tim ellen and have a sitcom i'm not an actor i'm a road comic so i can live anywhere so we played around with different ideas of where to move to,

and we kept coming back after we found this. Anytime we were driving in or out of L.A. to go on the road, if we had time off, we'd just stay in Bisbee because it's fucking great. They have great bars in old Bisbee and relic hotels. My dream as a kid was to move to Arizona. I've always loved it here. You grew up in New York. Danny LaBelle, I've known.

It's going to be almost 20 years. Like 14 years, something like that. I remember the first time I did, you had a radio show. The first time we met was, I think, at Sal's Comedy Hall. Oh, I remember that debacle. Yeah. Well, I played there once, and then the second time I was going to play there, they closed. So I'm in New York, and they go, yeah, that club closed.

But in two days, we put together, or maybe overnight, another, here's a venue. We found you a venue. Okay, so all the ticket holders can go there. That's the good thing about New York. Just anything can become a venue. That dude moved to LA and started a room, didn't he? Yeah, yeah. Sal?

Sal is there. He was a character. He sure is. Is he still there? He's still there. He's got the restaurant. I had my brother. Remember I was telling you my brother got him that pizza shop job?

Before that, I had him working for Sal. I said, you know, Sal might be connected, but he's a great guy. I don't know if he's connected or not. So everything that happened, my brother thought it was some kind of a mob. So everything. Sal said, do me a favor. I need you to go and bring this package to my friend up in this, I don't know what part of California.

And my brother's like, I don't want to bring the package. And he's like, because I had to bring the package and he's like he's like because i had him convinced that sal was a mobster so he goes he goes what's the big deal you're working for me just bring the package over he goes i prefer not to do that kind of work he goes just take the package to the guy he's at a cartilage so my brother takes the package he's so nervous the whole time and he gets there and uh and the guy opens it up it's like cannolis or something and he kept saying i don't know if he's uh if he's a connected guy gonna he's playing it down everything that happened like there was a knock on the door and so i was like can you get that

and the guy's like banging like crazy. He's like, oh, man, I'm going to get whacked. Because my brother, you know, I built this whole fantasy in his head that he was working for this big mobster. And he's like, open the door. He's like, I don't want to open the door. He's like, open the. So my brother opens the door, and it's like a tablecloth delivery. They just washed the tablecloths.

Everything was heightened in his head. Oh, so you were doing this on purpose. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, for a while while you didn't think sal's connected no no but but i just every every opportunity for for the first two weeks that he worked there i told him i said josh i think you might be connected you know it's fucking hilarious i i i remember meeting you. You had a radio show in New York. Mm-hmm. I don't know.

Was it like college radio? Well, it was the very first comedy podcast. That's what people don't all know. Oh, that was a podcast? It was a podcast. Because I used to ask comics to do my podcast, but I was the only one with a podcast. And then I have to explain for half an hour, I had to explain to them what a podcast was.

So I just said it's a radio. It was at a college i did walk i remember because i walked that day it was a day like today where you go if i don't move i'll die so instead of taking a cab i walked for like an hour and 15 minutes i remember that yeah because you can do that in new york because it's grid. Yeah. All right. I'm going to have to walk 80 blocks this way and then seven blocks to the left. Got it. Well, you were a kid.

I remember being there. And this is like a kid doing radio. I don't know how old you were, but you seemed like a chubby young kid. And now you're a fat man. Yeah. I grew into the fat man you knew I'd become. Yeah, I do remember that day. I remember a couple days where I was just that hungover.

I'm just going to walk through the city. Seattle was one. I went to an art museum. I'm like, why am I in a fucking art museum? You can try to cure yourself overnight. If I walk a lot and then do something cultural that I don't understand, I'll feel healthier. Oh, I should drink water, too. This should take about four hours.

But the night before, you were out drinking with my ex-girlfriend. I remember. Katie Olsen. Do you remember Katie? No. Anyway. You were drinking with her the night before. And she kept telling me, she's like, Doug, I convinced him.

He said he was too wasted. I convinced him to come in. And then you walked all that way. And then for a long time, she's like, you see that? That's the power. He walked all the way here. She's taking full credit for it. And I remember doing that

and, yeah, but that was a podcast. That was a podcast. Nobody else had a podcast at that time. So why aren't you Mark Maron? I told, I remember Mark came to me once at Comics and said, you do that podcast thing. You want to do one with me? I said, no,

I don't want to do one. But I think it's a good thing that I didn't do one with me? I said, no, I don't want to do one. But I think it's a good thing that I didn't do it with him. I gave him a few pointers on what I was doing at the bar. But I just, he said, hey, why don't you do it with me? And I said, no. And it would never have been WTF. It had to be him. It had to just be him.

Yeah, he got the president on his podcast saying nigger i would just quit i just go listen i nothing gets better than this i'm just gonna go sit on my couch and watch netflix yeah i'm doing that now and i haven't done anything yeah i'm ready to retire right now i didn't have i didn't know what it couldn't i couldn't never been mark maron because i didn't i was just new to comedy i was he came at it from this perspective of being at it for so many years don't worry there's gonna be a lot of dogs and cat sounds and clinking of ice you got two dogs and a tortoise and four chickens at my place love that so but you live in LA now when i met you you lived in new york city what your gal pal said you had chickens in new york yeah are they the same chickens did you have to drive cross country

with chickens in a car because that beats any cross-country trip i i drove cross country with the tortoise and two two dogs and my now wife were you racing the tortoise the tortoise every time we'd hit you know rough road his head would be shaking like crazy in the shell so i'd have to hold him we'll beat the tortoise i gotta stop at this flying j though they have a great chicken fried steak and the tortoise slowly beats you to la yeah he escaped three times in la three times he got away once for over a week and i had to track him down he's that is an irresponsible parent that is an irresponsible pet owner when you're tortoise for a week if you you want to know something being this fat and knocking on all my neighbor's doors and saying my my tortoise got away from me that's almost sounds like a euphemism hey sorry about last night i know

i talked a lot of shit but my tortoise got away from me you know sounds like let's adopt that kenny sorry i guess my tortoise got away from me sorry to call your wife a bitch yeah so yeah those chickens the one of them i i i got in trouble with the city was a rooster and i was raising this rooster with my ecuadorian neighbor cock sorry so that that one we hadn't ultimated we had to get rid of it or it was a two thousand dollar fine from the city. Someone ratted you out? Yeah, there was an Irish lady who was pregnant a few doors down. The rooster was disturbing her pregnancy.

It's a jinx! She was knocking my door. Your fucking rooster is disturbing my pregnancy. And she called the cops, and the cops came. And it was a whole to- and blanco the guy across the hall we had this joint owned rooster that we bought together and we hid it under the floorboards and this guy came in and the rooster went off it was like a whole situation hang on it was back up wait you hid a rooster under the floorboards yeah this crappy brooklyn building where the

everything was falling apart and the floors you could lift the floorboards up so we we didn't the inspector from the city came and i ran him like oh oh just for that yeah just keep them under the floorboards like that kidnapped chick that they may live under their bed for seven years i said it was like inglorious bastards because the guy was walking around over the floorboards asking where the rooster is and he's underneath and he's hiding and then he he went off at the wrong, and we got caught red-handed. What's the fascination with chickens and roosters? Free eggs?

Yeah, the eggs. I like chickens. They're like a fish tank. It's relaxing to watch them. Just watching chickens be chickens is... Everyone has a thing. Yeah. Yours is weirder. them just watching chickens be chickens is everyone has a thing yeah there's part of me

there's part of me that wants to be pablo escobar you know i'm just have you watched narcos no not yet it's fucking good i i definitely have like this uh fantasy of having like a drug dealer home with a gate and full of hippopotamus yeah so i took the rooster and i dropped it at a petting zoo that wouldn't accept it i just i had this guy who used to come out to my shows this guy jersey georgie we called him who used to run this gambling ring in the bronx in the 70s and then he was a heroin addict and then he was reformed he started coming out to all my show i actually met him through ralphie because i opened ralphie may through rie. Ralphie May. I opened for Ralphie at Bananas in Hasbrook Heights

and he was coming to all Ralphie's shows. And then he started coming to all my shows. And I called him up and I said, hey George, you still got the criminal in you? He's a fatty fucker. He's a fetishist. All the fat comics. I see them all. John Panette, God rest his soul. You're absolutely right because he also went to all the

Joey Coco Diaz shows. He only liked fat comics, this guy. Yeah, it's weird. And I've said this a lot as a joke, but it's true that I don't, people who say they don't see color, I do, but I don't see fat, because I grew up around a lot of fat people, and most of my friends were always fat and Ron Putnam. So Joey, I know he's a big guy, but I wouldn't call him a...

Well, he's definitely fat, but he's... I guess it's his swagger, but I found pictures when I was writing this book. I was going through all old pictures just to spur memories, and I have a picture of Joey Diaz when he was fat, but not nearly what he is now. And I used to think he was fat back then, but now he's like twice the size. It's the swagger. That's the thing.

If you can't lose weight, you build swagger. And eventually you get enough swagger so people think you're skinny anyway. Well, there's different places you carry fat. Joey Diaz has a head that's a character actor. swagger so people think you're skinny anyway with his different places you carry fat like joey diaz has a head that's a character actor so you're looking at his rubber face yeah he's kind of like almost like uh if todd glass didn't take care of himself but he still has those characteristics in his face so you don't really look at the body you hear him wheeze and you go oh he's probably unhealthy but i don't ever yeah interesting if you said name three fat comics joey diaz is not coming into my head

even though he probably weighs the same as you maybe yeah maybe the same or more you have this big moon face a sweet moon face thank you let me say i appreciate it. So the next thing I remember, I don't know if I actually I think I did give you shit about it, but I kind of wrote you off. You had a beef with Jim Norton and I just me. No, I never had a beef with Jim Norton. Are you sure? Yeah. Fuck. I hope I'm right about this.

Didn't he get upset about something you said about a girl from comic he was dating? Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah. He said, I think I just wipe my nose. And I think there's this crust of crushed up Adderall that I just brushed out of my nose. I don't do that. Generally about that. I did upset Jim Norton at one.

You did. And then I'm like fuck him fuck him in my eyes cause you know he's your buddy he has a beef I have a beef I love Jim Norton I never meant to upset him at the time either it was a long time ago yeah a long long time ago

I had a girlfriend of his on my show and I asked her questions about the relationship and he didn't like it he was upset for a bit. And I can see Norton blowing up, just getting really angry for a minute, and then being fine. Yeah, but I've always been fine with him. Since I didn't even realize it was that bad a thing at the time. I remember I apologized to him, and I said I didn't know it was a secret thing.

I didn't know it wasn't something I could bring up. Yeah, I don't think he has a beef anymore no i wouldn't imagine that they can't imagine but yeah i'm trying to my recollections of you i have bullet points yeah yeah it's interesting walking the one time jim this is the most i've ever heard about it because all i'd ever heard before that was just jim, Jim Norton's not too happy with that. And I remember going up and saying, I'm sorry. And I thought that was it. I'm gonna, thank you, Kenny, but I'm gonna switch to a vodka soda

splashing grapefruit. Yeah. But I love Jim Norton. He's so fucking good. I've talked about it too many times on my podcast, but when you're in the studio with him, he's tweeting, he's texting, and just out of the corner of his mouth

saying the funniest shit off the top. I've always thought he was one of the funniest guys in New York by far. Him, Patrice O'Neill, Bill Burr, and Colin Quinn were... Colin. I remember Colin I would run into all the time and go, hey, can I buy you a drink? He goes, how many times do I have to tell you? I've been sober for a million years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. I don't pay attention. I'm drinking. Yeah. I used to, if I had to go to New York, which everyone knows I hate New York, I would go to the comedy cellar. I'd get out one of the two outdoor tables so I could smoke. And then there'd be a couple of people to drink with.

Hang on. I'm getting a DeStefano. That's where I was going. DeStefano? Yeah, that's coming up. But I would go out and there'd always be a couple of people drinking. And then even Dave Attell quit. So I'd sit there.

Even recently, in the last couple of years, I'd go to the comedy cellar and I'm just this weird guy that still smokes and drinks. Everyone else is sober and going home to work on a script. Remember the drinking, smoking fun part? No, no one. Yeah. But when you're talking about that heroin addict guy, I always wanted DeStefano. Mike DeStefano was one of the funniest guys ever, and he was a sober guy. One of the few.

Dave Mordahl, Voss, Colin, guys that are sober that you don't feel bad being drunk around. You still feel like they're still with you. You don't feel like an asshole. And DeStefano was one of the... Because New York terrifies me. Not only am I claustrophobic. When you're in traffic, stop traffic on foot, that's not a fucking town to live in. You know what happens?

You become desensitized to it when you're there. And then when you leave and you come back, you realize, oh, man, this place is a shithole. Where I grew up is the same way. Worcester, Mass. Oh, I thought it was a great place to live. Now I go back as an adult. Yeah. But DiStefano was such a fucking badass hardcore i always wanted to have

him take me on a tour of the dirty parts of new york because i when i go there i stay in manhattan i'm like well i get the hotel that's closest to stern because that's usually the only reason i'm there or caroline's and but i wanted to have him take me to the fucking Bronx and just all the seedy places because I would feel safe with him. He was a great guy. Yeah, he was a fucking sweetheart. Yeah, I miss him a lot. You know, for years I never knew if he liked me or not. He's one of those guys that you always want him to like you.

Well, I did anyway as a young comic. I was like, I really want Mike DiStefano to like me. And then Mark Maron was doing these two podcast tapings at comics. And the first one was all like the Alty comics. And the second one was DiStefano and Voss and a few other guys.

Comics with the X. With the X, yeah. And DiStefano, he said, you ought to come to the second second one it's for guys like us and i felt like that was like the one of those great moments you get tapped yeah yeah guys like us i'm one of those guys that's fucking great yeah so what your podcast tell me about your podcast it's called modern day philosophers modern day philosophers so i did i started doing this podcast.

What do we do? I was going to say, what do you do? It's a swap cast, so what do you do? So I talk to a comedian every show about a different philosopher. And I don't know anything about philosophy. So I have a guy who does, and he'll pick out a philosopher he thinks will appeal to you or has something in common with you. And we'll discuss this guy,

and he gives us a little breakdown of the guy's ideas and just sort of toss them around and see what we think of them please hold can you get that fucking crinkly bag out of my fucking dog's mouth thanks so who's our philosopher today let's back up do you have sponsors do you have do we have to plug anything you don't have to plug anything right now i will plug who if you have sponsors? Do we have to plug anything? You don't have to plug anything right now. I will plug. If you have a sponsor, I'll plug them. Well, sometimes Stand Up Records.

Oh, Dan Schlissel. Yeah. Stand Up Records. That was where we found Dave Heddy. Oh, yeah. Dave is cool. He's a fucking funny guy. Wicked funny.

We listened to that on tour. I'm like, this guy's wicked funny. Yeah. We did a show together like this guy's wicked funny yeah we did a show together earlier this year in New Orleans he's a great guy one of the only Canadians I like you didn't burn any bridges there too that's the funny part

so I did one of these with him too which is coming out yeah I've been doing it for three years and So I did one of these with him too, which is coming out. Yeah, I've been doing it for three years. And I don't know. What else should I tell you about it? You want to just jump into the philosophy? Yeah. Who's our philosopher?

I don't know any philosophers, even if I've read a book by some philosophy person. Yeah. Well, I didn't know any philosophers either. That's when i got to be friends with carlin for the last four years of his life and i got that because i used to work for jackie mason on broadway selling his merchandise and jackie introduced me to george and we were friends and when george and then george and i became see the jews they all keep to the fucking yeah yeah no i well you Jewish, okay, you can sell my merch,

but try to upsell them. Get them into the T-shirt. He put me in competition with this 90-year-old guy, like Morty, I forget his name. Mort Saul? Not Mort Saul. This old friend of Jackie's from childhood who I had to fight for shifts.

It was me and this 90-year-old guy, and they'd always stack my sales against against his like a tally board so i used to do telemarketing and you run out and you put your sale on the board and whoever had the most was no i'd have a sit down and jackie jackie would we'd always go to auburn pan because at five o'clock all their pastries go on sale. So he would meet me at the Au Bon Pain at 5 o'clock. Sometimes they're giving away. I found out they give away the scones for nothing. And then the everything else, you're paying 50% off.

And if you tell them you're here with me, sometimes they say, all right, just take it. Oh, I love when people fit a stereotype. Perfectly. So we'd meet at like a bomb pan and be like, all right, I need to talk to you. Yesterday, Morty had more sales than you. He sold a lot more of these cassettes. Nobody wants cassette tapes.

You've got to push the cassette tapes. Get all these audio cassettes. That's fucking hilarious. I printed up a lot of these cassette tapes. It doesn't go to waste. I printed up a lot of these cassette tapes. It doesn't go to waste. That's how old I am is my first album recording that I don't even recognize or acknowledge exists came out on cassette tape as well.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I think there's no need to waste these cassette tapes. It happens to be your sales are better than Morty's's no need to waste these cassette tapes. It happens to be your sales are better than Morty's, but he's selling more cassette tapes than you. Well, you have two albums out now? I have one out and one coming out, yeah.

How long were you in comedy when you put out your first one? Nine years. Nine years. Yeah. So now the second one will be after 14 years. Do you hate the first one? Yeah. I sometimes want to stop selling Sicko.

It's just I was a fucking kid. It's mostly dick jokes, but I should keep it out there because you want people like it. You know, people keep I get emails from people and they say, oh, I love the album. Oh, thanks. I'm glad you love it. So I can't really gauge what I think of it because I've moved on from that guy. And that's growth as an artist, because if you're talking about real shit, well, the stuff that meant something to you and was funny to you when you were 25 is not going to be funny to you at 40. Right.

was funny to you when you were 25 is not going to be funny to you at 40. Right. But I also want to keep shit out there because new comics, someone just posted a video of me three months in a comedy on YouTube and I can't watch it. It's like 17 minutes long

and I heard the first sentence and I just immediately gagged. It's open mic. I was an open mic-er. Fuck you, mic-up church. I find it painful to watch anything I do, though. I don't blame you for putting that on YouTube, but you fucking should have just been decent and said, hey, I'm going to put this up.

Do you mind? And I would have said, no, I deserve it. You know, there's like this concept I was taught in Yeshiva as a kid where when you die they play they play your whole life back for you as a tape and and and it's you know it's painful to watch the parts where you you didn't do the right thing and i just i always thought it would be a very painful movie i always i always thought the whole thing would be painful for me i just can't watch even when i have a good set i have a hard time watching it the whole movie would be

painful the good parts the bad parts just watching myself i've grown to hate myself so much that when i see something that's not that bad i'm happy so i i like my recent specials because I think they're so much worse than they are that when they're mediocre, I go score. Is it true what you're saying or is it all just in general? You really hate yourself? Well, yeah, I have that Attell thing, except Attell has motivate that motivates him. When I don't like my set, it motivates me to never do comedy again. It's just the comedy part. Because I listen to a bunch of interviews.

Or your voice. Oh, my God. I don't really look that awful, do I? Yes, you do. I'm glad to hear you say it. Because, you know. See, we're going to bring it up later. It's in your notes.

Yeah. You look terrible. You sound like shit. Makes it a lot less awkward for me to bring no but you know i mean when i watch myself i think i look terrible i sound terrible which i probably do but you know when i watch you i think oh, oh, you look great. You sound great. So if you think you look terrible, it's a good equalizer. In a moment of clarity, I have to realize I've looked like this and sounded like this for 25 years in this business. Everyone knows.

It's not like, oh, my God, they're going to finally find out that my voice is irritating and i stutter and i'm ugly yeah they know that everyone already sees you every day yeah so yeah just be you but you're happy with yourself off stage is that what you're telling me i it's a roller coaster i wake up hating myself then i go through through, hey, three drinks in, let's podcast. I feel confident. And then later, I'm going to give you shit about something. Hey, why isn't your girlfriend drinking?

Skip me the grapes. And then I'll wake up going, oh, was I too coarse? I was trying to be joking, but I sound very coarse. All right. Philosophers. All right. So this is the philosopher. guy alex uh alex fussella very funny guy from new york picks them out uh and uh shout out to you alex hey thanks

he's great he's a funny comic long time listener first time emailer or tweeter uh let's see if i can even say the name i usually can't tweeter uh let's see if i can even say the name i usually can't pluntanus pluntanus well you're not gonna help me with my audio book version i'd be the worst i'm as bad as bill burr reading yeah writing the book i go i guess i'm probably dyslexic because i am but we decided we're going to do the audio version podcast style chad shankle read apart i'll read apart there's letters that were written to me about my mother the shit i didn't know i'll have tracy read that part but then we can go off script and fuck around with it what are the letters can i Can I get into that for a second before we get into the philosopher? She moved to LA to be an actress

at, you know, fuck, like 50s, in her 50s. I talked her into it. You talked her into it? Yeah. She was living in Florida. She was by then wretched. But she was doing local theater.

And I'm like, if you want to be an actress, come out here, because I don't want to be an actor, and I have to go for these fucking auditions, and I stink at them, and I don't even want to do them. And she came out. So she did a lot of independent films. So there's a lot of her life I didn't know about when she was supposedly still sober,

but she was drinking dollar store cough medicine for her emphysema and getting fucked up, but using it, the excuse of emphysema. So yeah, part of the book at the end is one of the directors. She worked on a few independent movies, like wrote all this shit.

Tamar Halpern is her name and she wrote this fucking beautiful very long letter that i spaced out in the book like parts okay and then when i've when i next used bonnie on the show i could tell she was off and then she offered me some dollar store wine and i'm like I thought you were so. But I'm going to have Tracy read that. And then we can kind of do podcast style director's cut of the audio book. Oh, that's great. Do you go back and rewatch the old video, the movies your mom did to connect with her? I have not. I have them.

Tamar sent me copies. I have not. I have them. Tamar sent me copies. When I wrote that book, I would start just crying, but not really feeling emotions. And I'm like, when you're a long-term drunk, it deadens your emotions, but I was still reacting as though i had them so i something would make me sad and i just start fucking crying but not really feeling it it's like if you couldn't feel pain but you would still scream if you're on fire wow and ever since this has been a fucking year that I'm overly kind of emotional. When I reread Bingo's book, I was coming to fucking tears at some point and then coming to rage at some point. I'm looking forward to reading that. Is it out yet? It comes out May 12th or something. I don't know.

I just the call I was taking today where I was looking at you going yeah giving the wrap it up sign to the guy on the phone my manager he's telling me so I'm going to like New York fuck it's it's funny because there's one just a paragraph in the book where I was so in love with my ex at the time I was so afraid to call her and I i likened it to how afraid i am to call stern to go on to promote something because i don't want to hear no i'd rather not call than go yeah we we don't like you anymore yeah and i was using that as a an example of how afraid i was to call this girl i was in love with and i just emailed stern to come promote the book i haven't heard back from gary like i should have just sent him the fucking paragraph about stern how afraid i was because

yeah anyway yeah it comes out in may so pre-order it because it means something for fucking sales and i don't know how it works but if you pre-order it it's more likely to make you know seller list or something yeah some whatever dumb promotion shit that i don't care about but i do want people to buy it so somewhere inside you there's all these emotions that'll come out physically but you know you can't feel them at this point yeah I don't know why I'm fucking bursting into fucking tears, but I am. I heard you talk on Stern about your mom dying and you doing comedy for her as she died. Yeah, well, you kind of roasted her. Yeah.

Which is like... And got her off the wagon. She had been four years sober at that point. And I'm like, you're not going to fucking... You can't take that AA chip with you. She's like,'re not you're not gonna you're not gonna fucking you can't take that a.a chip with you let's she's like yeah you're right yeah so it's me and bingo and uh and mother if you heard the bit the first chapter is the long version of the bit but then it goes back to how fucked up she was did you write out the roast in the book? Like the roast? Do you remember?

I don't remember any more jokes than were in the bit. Cause yeah, it was late at night. I'd already taken Xanax to go to bed. She's like, it's time. And I'm like, what the fuck?

All right. She's honey. Wake up another cocktail hour. Yeah. Or more. But, but yeah yeah she was a weird woman and it's a lot of my life it's you know there's a lot of my how i got into comedy and she's the through line how was she involved in you getting into comedy she she was the first person to say you should do comedy you're funnier than these fucking cunts on evening at the improv at some interview i heard you talk about i

don't remember where now you talked about doing dice at work when you were that's the dice was the reason i got into comedy because when his first album came out i was 23 and he's saying everything that's hilarious to you when you're 23 fucking and then i stuck my thing up or cut shit fuck whole thing thang yeah and but i would i would quote his bits at my telemarketing job and the owner of the telemarketing company said hey that's funny you want to open he had a cover band uh that he'd do with his rugby league he goes you want to open for me i go that's not my material he goes i don't care well you wouldn't care because you're a fraud telemarketing owner so why would you have any artistic integrity but just the idea that i

if i had my own material i could get a gig that made me start writing and then your mom encouraged it no she had encouraged it years before it was but it was that moment where i go if i had my own material i could get a gig that easy so i started writing the fucking worst jokes ever after this podcast people will find that dumb fucking video just horrible fucking jokes it's the worst thing he could have done i did doug benson probably did it out of respect one of my first professional like real gigs was the las vegas improv steve at the riviera and uh i worked with doug benson and someone else uh an MC and I did Doug Benson's podcast he goes yeah I remember we used to call you Doug stand-up because all your jokes were just wrote stand-up I was I

would write what people would laugh at when I first started I had no character when I first started doing comedy I thought I didn't I only knew about Jerry Seinfeld. That's the only comedian. I promise you, I only knew about Seinfeld from the little clips in Seinfeld. I thought he created a new art form. So when I started doing stand up, I try to do it in that form. Like every joke had to be written. I thought this is the way to do this thing. You have to do it in Seinfeld form. Like all my jokes were like, what's the story with convenience store

well I I remember specifically like asking after I do an open mic I didn't sound like dice did I because I don't want to be like dice because that's what got me into it but when you see that video I have this New York

affectation that has never been part of my fucking lexicon i'm talking out of the side of my mouth and saying new york and i have this mullet and i look like i'm 15 and it's fucking embarrassing as shit but you gotta go off somewhere you gotta have some starting point to go from. When I put out Deadbeat Hero in 2004 in the extras, I put in early tapes of myself being horrible, looking stupid. Just to get it out there so you... It's important for young comics to know that you're going to suck at first. Right. Nobody's invincible.

It would give me courage. I know that. If I saw Carlin just stupid and eating shit and doing benign material, hey, dating's tough in the 60s. Yeah, that would go, okay, I have confidence now. I can suck for several years and I'll get there maybe. Did you ever get to work with Dice? No.

The only time, and I try to tell Dice this, Dice and I were on Opie and Anthony at the same time, and I try to tell him this story, but Dice is, and there hasn't been anyone since then that is that much of a powerhouse, like Kinison was, where he just comes in and takes over the fucking room. No one's bigger than me. No one's tougher than me.

Joe Rogan would have been, all right, I'll just shut up, because he comes in with that same energy. I'm Dice Clay. And he lights up a cigarette cigarette and Opie's going, oh, shit, Dice is going to smoke. If I walked in there and go, fuck you, I'm going to smoke, they're going, you're not that big. You're not that popular.

Take that shit outside. But that had that. And he's in. I don't know if he's in character afterwards i asked norton because norton used to tour with him i go is that that's in character right he goes you can never really tell yeah i had a short-lived friendship with dice uh met him years ago at the comedy store and he took a liking to me we had this you know the kitchen area there's like a table in there and and i was

with my little brother uh the one who was telling you i got the job for sal's and he has two sons and he just saw us and he's like you guys come in the back and we sat down with him and and he he just started he says he said he was with his girlfriend at the time he says do you want a drink i said no i just had a eleanor yeah eleanor and he said fucking love her yeah she's so good yeah he goes eleanor get me a drink you boys want a drink and i said uh i just had a drink so i don't need a drink he goes what'd you drink i said i had a i had a slurpee he goes oh oh eleanor what do i love she goes slurpees andrew he goes whoa whoa whoa wait a minute wait a minute what kind of slurpee did you have i go coca-cola he goes i don't know what do i love she goes coca-cola

andrew i like this kid already then i had this short-lived friendship where but dice was like calling me at five in the morning with these crazy things like hey i'll be asleep and the phone would ring anyway hello let me ask you a question this guy he's my neighbor he put a note on my door that my kid's drumming is too loud so what do you think should i take a pipe and break his fucking knees so i was like i don't know you're no help when he just like i get i get the Attell calls. Yeah. I used to be,

before I moved here, I was up all night, shit-faced, and he was drinking. So he'd call at three in the morning. Hey, I just, I just,

I just had a bender. I was, I drank for three days and I was shitting blood. And I thought the only way this could be worse is if I was shitting on somebody. And the old Asian man underneath me that was paying me to do it was going,

it's no good. It's all blood. I remember that specifically 4 a.m. phone call. And now he'll call or text now. Yeah. And it's like 11 o'clock and I'm asleep. Fucking living in a sleepy ass town i'm up at 6 30 in the morning with my dogs and fucking cats bothering me but yeah yes but dice uh yeah

it's kind of scary i remember following dice at the comedy store when I just got past the comedy store. I did my audition set, basically. And they go, ah, Mitzi was still viable. And, uh, you remind me of Sam Kinison or something. And, uh,

I don't know if it's the first night, but one of the first nights I played the comedy store, the original room, the OR, he followed me and he walked up and he goes, nice try. Like, well, the way I went over to Caroline's, he came to New York after the comedy store thing. We were talking on the phone a bunch. Then he comes to New York. He's like, what are you doing this weekend?

I'm like, nothing. He's like, come, like come come come doing i'm doing shows at caroline's i thought it was going to be opening for him at caroline's i was so excited i got to caroline's he's like you're gonna auction off my shirts at the end of the shows so so i did it you know it's like i'll'll pay my dues for dice. I'm taking these sweaty shirts with the sleeves cut off and going up. And I was really like auctioning them up. I took, I channeled this guy from my temple who would sell the honors on the high holidays. So I'd be like, I heard 700. Do I hear 800? 800.

Very good. This is a big blessing. Okay, we have 800. So I sold his shirt. I sold one of his shirts for so much money. I can't remember now. It was like $1,100 or something. It's fucking great.

One of these shirts. He's like, nobody ever sells those shirts so high. He goes, I'm taking you out. And did you say, well, can you call Jackie Mason and tell him? Yeah. I've sold everybody's shit. Tell Jackie Mason I'm better than the 90 year old guy that's how I got my training

from selling cassette tapes to old Jews so he says he goes I'll tell you you earned some Carnegie Deli tonight so we go to Carnegie Deli together and I was like oh this is great because I remember at the time Norton was opening for Dice and I told you I love Jim Norton

this would be so cool if I could get there. I'd be opening with Norton. I could learn so much from these guys. And then he's taking selfies with his camera. You know, before the phone selfies, he's taking pictures of the two of us at Carnegie Deli together. He's like, you're in the Dice camera. You know how few people have ever been in the Dice camera?

You know what this means, kid? You know what this means? Jim Florentine, Jim Norton, and you are the only ones on this memory card. The only comedians that make it to the Dice camera. But he never really broke character. Not with me. He didn't cry about his mother. He stayed pretty much in character with me.

And then I talked to a friend of mine, Brad Trackman. You know Brad Trackman? I can spell it. C-H Trackman. Yeah. I don't know if I know him. He'd been Bobby Slayton's opener for so long. And I called him up.

I said, look, I really want to open for Dice. He seems like he really likes me. What do I do? He goes, well, tell me everything what happened. And I told him, I said, you know, he took me to Carnegie Deli. I sold his shirts all weekend. He goes, you got to thank him. Call him up.

Get him in person. I remember he said, don't leave him a message. Get him in person on the phone and say thank you. I said, all right. So I start calling Dice all weekend. And I couldn't get, every time he wouldn't answer, I just hung up. And I forgot about caller ID. And it looked like I was a psychopath.

I called him like 10 times over a weekend. So I got it. This was MySpace was still a thing at the time. I got a MySpace message from him, from Andrew Dice Clay. Oh, you're not on MySpace? That's all I use. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I get this MySpace from Andrew Dice Clay. He's like, kid, you called too much. Lose my number. And then I literally lost my I'm kidding. I get this MySpace from Andrew Dice Clay. He's like, kid, you call too much. Lose my number. And then I literally lost my phone that day. It was like this magic power that Dice had. But he never broke character. He never, he was just Dice. No, that's just how he was with me.

You know, I wasn't in the inner circle. As my old expression goes, when did we become the people we used to pretend to be? Because now I am a fucking miserable old man. When I was 32, I was doing miserable old man material. Yeah, you keep making that face, it's going to stick like that. You grew into it. Yeah. I like a lot of parts of...

Fuck that dumb shit. Let's get to the philosophy. I like a lot of parts. Fuck the dumb shit. Let's get to the philosophy. We're probably at 45 minutes. Yeah, yeah. All right. Yes? Plotinius. Maybe that's how you say it.

I don't know. You want to take a jab at it? I need my... My houseboy is getting my... My mayor, I should say. Castle Rock, any for mayor. I got to get my reading glasses. Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

How would you pronounce that? Platonus? Platinius? Platonus. Platonus? Or Platinus. No one fucking knows who he is anyway. Do you have some kind of like skull and bones following? No one knows who the fuck this guy is.

Anyway. He was a Greek guy. He lived from 204 to 270. He was a major philosopher of the ancient world. In his philosophy, there are three principles. The one, the intellect, intellect and the soul his teacher was ammonius sacus it doesn't matter if i get the names right nobody cares about the name right yeah just skip the name just put in uh just castle rock kenny and uh reverend derrick just

change every greek name because we got to promote this male right uh greek what was the name castle rock kenny and reverend derrick reverend derrick yeah so his uh his teacher was reverend derrick that works there you go and he's of the platonic tradition historians of the 19th century invented the term neopolitism and applied it to him and his philosophy i love that ice cream i was trying to make fat fat guy it worked it worked because as soon as you said it i i was more into it all right so what's this uh philosophers so we're gonna get to he says what you have in common doug's a fan of drugs and so is platonius His choice was opium. I'm really not a fan of drugs. I rarely use drugs. I had to do a takeaway.

I did a bump of the girl crushed up a fucking Adderall last night. And I did a half a fucking bump just to be polite. He said also he heard you talking about how you love ecstasy and other things like that. At this point, I rarely do drugs. I do cocaine if it's medicinally required to be up for a show and i do such a small amount uh ecstasy i'm afraid of all the drugs i like because i have so much emotional baggage now that mushrooms ecstasy or acid it hurts yeah i'm afraid to do i've never been a drug guy but i've always been a fat guy as you know so i've always you know every fat guy who's ever done drugs didn't last very long

kids come down here and they think it's gonna be like all hunter s thompson and then they see me all fucking like when you showed up i'm like give me a couple drinks and then i can make social i can just just talking to you who i know uh-huh so yeah they think it's gonna be fucking crazy and it's funny i said to alex i don't know how much doug loves drugs i know he loves to drink i don't know when you do drugs that's when weird shit happens and that makes it into your act so people think you do that all the time. No, I just, when I do it, fucking. And by the way, the original guy he picked for you was Hunter S. Thompson.

I said, I don't want to do Hunter S. Thompson. Yeah, it's a little on the nose, as they say. Too much. Bukowski more than Hunter S. Yeah? As I age. Why? Well, because I'm a bitter old miserable drunk

that does nothing but sit in a bar and think of things and never do them. Hunter S. Thompson actually went out and did crazy fucking shit, and I'm the scared old man now. Uh-huh. That's why I have this fence. You have to be vetted to get in here.

That's what the fence is about. All right. Plotinus, if that's how you say it, is concept of the one, is the unique quality that all things share. Animals, objects, concepts, etc. It is the drive that creates all things. It is also part of its creation.

So creation is the one reflecting itself. Take your time and read this like you're talking to me. I'm not catching what you're saying. Wait, your fucking wife's a writer. She can read, probably. Can you read that better than him? Yeah, find the bullet points.

Kira? Kylie. Kylie, fuck. I made Gene Connors introduce himself because I couldn't remember Bullet points. Kira? Kylie. Kylie. Fuck. I made Gene Connors introduce himself because I couldn't remember your name. All right. Try that one. The whole thing? Well, just get to the point.

Just skim over it. I'll kill time while you skim over it. But find the bullet points where how it... What's this got to do with me? What the fuck? i don't know philosophers comics are philosophers one of the best jokes or you know the when a comic has a bit that you go why the fuck did i never think of that it's so simple but louisK, he did a special where he's talking about why men are attracted to tits. And they go, well, because you're weaned on the breast. He goes, so are girls.

That's so fucking obvious. I never thought of that. Girls aren't going, oh, I want that titty. That's not his bit. He's far funnier. But the whole point of the story with Jackie Mason and George Carlin is when the day Carlin died, Jackie called me up and he said, you know, he was really more than a comedian. He was a modern-day philosopher.

So that's what sparked this whole show. It was him saying that and me thinking you know if that's the ultimate thing for a comic to be is a philosopher i gotta i gotta go back to the roots i gotta start talking philosophy with comedians we had this conversation one of the last three nights because they're all blended together but where headberg was funny. Yeah. Maybe there's a little philosophy, but you don't have to be a philosopher. There's different types.

You don't have to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, Stephen Wright's not much of a... Right, he's just funny. But what about Patrice O'Neill? That guy was a philosopher. Carlin was a philosopher. Fucking Patrice.

Louis is a philosopher. There's one beat of my meeting patrice who's fucking terrifying but i saw him live and it was fucking brilliant uh but some comics get into well that guy's not really even saying anything well if he's making people laugh i've become so pro-comic yeah even dane cook who i love to have as a comedy nemesis we have a long history of but listen if i was in an airport bar with 10 of my biggest fans i'm your biggest fan yeah and dane cook i would sit with dane cook of course he knows the business and even though and he doesn't even drink but i would talk to him because we'd have something in common

right and your biggest fan would just quote all your bits back to you you go by the time i put that on an album i was so tired of fucking saying it that you bringing it up and doing it wrong right all right okay your lady take it away yes um basically he is not a believer in god he thinks that god is it's he calls it the one and he says that the closest thing we have to god is possibility the possibility to create things this is the line i don't get he says the one is not god because god would create with a sentient mind and therefore be subordinate to the one so what makes that's why comics are better philosophers because they talk in modern day terminology i don't know sentient what does that Oh, geez. Here comes the shout out, Kenny. Sentient ape.

One of my probably top five guys that tweets back at me every day. Hey, sentient ape. I never know. I don't know what the fucking word means. I cannot grasp the one rationally because we have finite brains and must trust that it exists. I think it means like living is sentient, I think. Put some roller coaster in reading it

say that same sentence again where you're delivering it we cannot grasp the one rationally because we cannot grasp the one rationally the one is the god because we have finite brains and must trust that it exists alright boom

and I I'll get hate mail for getting the wrong guy. It's either... It's not Timothy Leary. It's Aldous Huxley. Oh, yeah. We did Huxley on this. When I...

I'll read a book, and if I glean one thought from it, I'm a happy man, because I forget everything. I'll read a whole book. It takes me two weeks to read the thing but one of them i think it's huxley had some kind of idea that the brain is not the source of knowledge it's the filter of knowledge where you have ultimate knowledge available to you, but you can't handle all that. Because if you have to fucking work at Payless Shoes

or Chili's Bussin' Dishes, you can't know the ways of the world and still be able to just... And that was my DMT story with Rogan that I won't tell again because I've told it so many times. But yeah, it was like ultimate knowledge is immediately available to you. You know everything and you're calm.

And then we had to go back to writing man show monologues. This is stupid. This fucking whole show is stupid. And now I know the meaning of life. It makes it a little bit worse. You had too much information there. Is that kind of what he's saying? Yeah.

Kylie? Did I get it right? Kylie, yeah. And sentient, by the way, sentient means conscious, like a conscious being. So the guy, what's his name, Sentient Monkey? Sentient Ape. That's his Twitter handle. He just tweets me a lot.

He's a conscious ape. That's it. Aren't we all? I think that's that's his twitter handle he just tweets me a lot he's a conscious ape that's it so aren't we all i think that's probably his point so here i got a paragraph what i what i do with these is i just try to i don't i don't understand any of this stuff on my own so i just try to understand it with a comic every time yeah no go ahead so i'll do my best to read it your wife just helped us out quite a bit all right The undivided soul is divided among living bodies. Let's start with that. Don't you have philosophy for dummies where you just write it like a fucking gangbanger and say it? That's what I try to do here.

I try to break it down like a gangbanger would. All right. So say it again. The undivided soul is divided among living bodies. That guy was such a pompous cunt. I got it. He was the fuck. You know what?

If they had Largo in Greece, that guy was headlining. David Cross would get bumped for this guy i don't know what that means i figured it out go go go to another sentence i got this one all right the undivided soul would be god right or the the the everything and the one the one is divided amongst living bodies so if there's one consciousness and it's divided amongst all of us that's what it would that's probably yeah i don't get that and i've done a lot of hallucinogens and i never understood the bill hicks and what the fucking we're all one consciousness i don't i don't get that i'm fucking dumb and that's why i attract a great dumb fan base because i'm this a smart dumb guy i think it was uh greg barrett had a bit

that was and it was kind of close to one of mine and in the early days in the 90s he goes we have a bit that's kind of similar his was better but i'm just smart enough to realize that i'm dumb was his bit and mine was about kofka about not getting it the guy turns into a bug that's what i get out of fucking right yes he turned into a bug what's if you have a fucking hidden message don't make it hidden because you need to you need to talk to dumb people actually another bit that i ripped off from myself and made more clear on another special 20 years later yeah if you have some smart shit to say say it in a way dumb people understand it because those that's what i'm trying to do anyway all right well then keep going but but by the way

that's the best thing for me as a comic i love being able to look at an old bit that I was like, I couldn't articulate this thought well enough at all. And then I come back at it now and I'm like, all right, I can make something out of this. That's good. I wasn't an idiot back then. I just didn't know how to tell. Say it.

Looking for the right word. So go ahead. We inevitably think of the soul. And one more point on what you said, by the the way because i've never done hallucinogens and i've always thought maybe i could be like bill hicks or george carlin or john lennon when they change how they changed the way they thought when they did some hallucinogens i talked to arty lang about it on the podcast and he said yeah stay away from it's not worth it man he's because he says you're better off not getting into that stuff because it's hard to get out and it's hard enough and it becomes a nightmare

but it's good to hear that somebody did it and it didn't it didn't have that you know otherworldly yeah well hicks died at 32 yeah and i looked now as i hit 50 i look at how i was at 32 and i was like what dumb as fuck and bill hicks read a lot of books and he was sober you're like bill hicks bill hicks was a aa guy that was reading a lot of noam chomsky and then figuring out how to finagle a dick joke into it I always thought I understand it is I'm not saying he's wrong and he did enlighten a lot of people a lot of dumb people I thought it was brought him up a bit that people compare you to Bill Hicks I never I never would have put you with Bill Hicks no one ever compares me to chris rock where i of all the contemporaries i'm more like chris rock than anyone else but no one would ever go across the fucking racial lines like yeah he's

gonna he's got a bunch of fuck jokes but he also has a lot of social commentary yeah and he's loud and irritating voice abrasive like i was never like i'm not like kinnison where yeah but i'm loud enough like chris rock is i think that would be the best comparison i could see that yeah no one has ever said he's like the chris rock and i think it's a racial it's a racial thing for sure if i had to describe myself and i never do when i do when i have to do interviews how would you describe your comedy i go that's your job am i writing this piece for you you describe it i just i just say what i think is funny and uh if they don't like it i'll quit yeah eventually i'll just stop doing it if they stop laughing i don't i just say what i'm thinking i've never heard anybody do the the interracial comparison like oh that guy's a lot like eddie

murphy a white guy exactly never but there's a lot of white guys that were influenced by eddie murphy but but it's always a black guy's like oh you know that guy influenced by eddie murphy but but it's always a black guy's like oh you know that guy's like eddie murphy or that guy's like chapelle yeah yeah it's interesting i say all right anyway no no no you're right i'm trying i was trying to i was trying to come up with other examples of that but anyway let's get back to this we inevitably think of the soul though undivided as present to bodies in division i have no idea what that means i'm we think about the soul though undivided like as one as present to bodies in division divided into different bodies kenny you can come grab this mic if you know what he's talking about.

I don't know. I don't think about it. I'm not a guy who sits around and thinks about the future, the infinite, or the soul. No, I don't, because I don't know, and none of us know. So to have some kind of conjecture as to what it all means, have some kind of conjecture as to what it all means it's a you know when you you fuck a girl with a lot of self-help books on her bookshelf and the more she has the more fucked up she is we just don't know so just go with what pleases you but you've never had these kind of like real

introspective moments where you try to... Yeah, about how much of a douchebag I am for saying stuff like that. I look back at bits where I was so, this is how the world works, kind of. You must think about souls at some point, right? You must think, is there souls or what happens or anything like that. at some point right you must think is there souls or what happens or anything like that well i i'll think about it but i don't ever come to a point where i think i have an answer because none of us know and that's the beauty and that was that dmt trip was the beauty of you know what i don't want to know the end of the story while i'm still reading the book for another fucking 20 years you don't want to know the meaning of life that's what i got out of dmt you know everything and then

i tried for years i still say that one day smoking dmt with joe rogan altered my life in such a bad way where rogan finds the positive and i go, I already heard the punchline and I have to sit next to some old drunk telling me the long version of the joke where I already know the punchline. I got to sit here. What was the punchline you got from it? You had to be there.

No, I can remember. The point is when people say, you know what? It's indescribable, and that's the jumping off point where they try to describe what's indescribable. And I've done the rat analogy enough. It's like if you had a rat's life, you are a rat. And you see, now I'm doing it, Gino. I'm fucking going to describe it. If you were a rat, lived a rat's life,

and you ate garbage out of dumpsters, tried not to get hit by cars, and you're filthy, and then you smoked some shit with joe rogan and then you had the consciousness that we have as humans and then five minutes later you're back to being a rat but you have that memory yeah and you're like oh fuck i eat out of dumpsters i'm filthy i carry lice so that's what i can't get rid of that i can't get rid of that knowledge that's what it was huh pretty much like that yeah uh it gives new meaning to too much information yeah well what about when your mom passed away were these thoughts all going through your head then? No. No, no.

When she died, it was so, like, finally. She was only 63, but she had fucked herself over so much. She suffered for a long time. Yeah. And she turned into an awful person, just hateful. And I fight every day against becoming her her but i see it every minute of my life i'm like i'm like mother i hate people for no reason my whole day is consumed with one guy that fucking didn't stop at a complete stop at a stop sign and i'm i take down their license plate

and memorize it in case that's why i fucking love chad shank so much but he he could he would honestly go hurt people i just know knowing i could go kill your kids is enough i think we're just doomed to become our parents whether we like it or not but my dad was the sweetest guy in the world and uh so i i i try to focus on that he was just the most welcoming beautiful human being ever and that's why i'm a good host gino what is my dad yeah what's your dad what would your dad do he was a biology teacher and then then became the superintendent of science in the he's in the massachusetts science scholars teachers hall of fame he's just a it was just he was like richie cunningham's dad and happy days only dumber just the sweetest.

It's in the book. Hey, I got a piss. It's not much. Do you break on your? Let's take a break. Let's take a break. All right. Please hold.

Hey, you miserable cunts. You want to ever see me again? You go to the Stanhope store at DougStanhope.com. We have new vinyl. Something to take the edge off on vinyl. That's right. Something to take the edge off on vinyl. Drunk with power pint glasses

and Stan Hope shot glasses as well as t-shirts. Pop-Off Vodka Presents, which is coming out as I believe we're going to put that on iTunes. We filmed that in the Funhouse. So Pop-Off Vodka Presents, which is coming out as I believe we're going to put that on iTunes. We filmed that in the Funhouse. So Pop-Off Vodka Presents.

We have to sell those before we put the shit out because we will get the cease and desist. The Doug Stano podcast t-shirts. Abortion is Green is back by popular demand. Death of a Salesman as well. And we got stickers, CDs, DVDs. And now the Doug Stanoff store at DougStanoff.com. Open 24 hours. People are doing methamphetamine and staying up.

You never know what hour. So please go to the merch store at DougStanoano.com and buy some shit it keeps chaley here it keeps the podcast going and uh you want that shit and anything else you want we'll make bye we're back yeah no no but always just record anyway because you get off mic and you stop being aware of the microphone and then you start talking like we're talking. Yeah. You go, fuck. It's better.

In your head, you're on stage once you see you're recording, but then you talk real shit. Yeah. Without the... It's really great to be here, man. I've always heard about this. This is like a place of legend you know i'm happy to have you here i'm glad you're staying too me too nice to see you ann marie

nice to meet you all right we gotta get back to we're about to finish up this podcast with philosophy so if you want to chime in on shit, I just read it. I don't understand it. We have Kylie here, my wife, and she's looked over the philosophy during the break. And what do you think it means, Kylie? Okay. He says, we inevitably think of the soul, though undivided, as present to bodies in division. And I think that means there's one undivided soul that we all share but the soul is present which is the bill

hicks thing about we're all one consciousness thing i never got it basically this is sticky what do you think this is stop you're not on a microphone we're actually podcasting now sorry you can stay in here i'm just like you don't insofar as any bodies are animates the soul has given itself to each of the separate material masses i think that means the one soul is divided into every living being again including humans plants animals etc and then he says it appears to be present in the bodies by the fact that it shines into them it makes them living beings not by merging into body, but by giving forth images of itself like one face caught by many mirrors.

I just think he said we see the soul is real through the fact that we see that every person has one. I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you one thing. That dude didn't have Netflix. He had a lot of time alone in a fucking igloo or wherever he lived thinking about stuff did we glean anything off of that yeah i'll tell you what i got from i had a moment with my tortoise man i

was is that the name of your new special a moment with my tortoise i did because i was looking we have them walk around the the living room i put this into a stand-up bit so i feel cheesy saying it now but i said i you know to make myself feel like a colombian drug lord i started letting my tortoise walk around the living room and and we had this stare off where i'm sitting in the chair and he's staring he hates me the tortoise he likes my wife but he hates me always nips at my at my toes and because she feeds him and i don't and we were staring at each other's eyes and i was looking at him i was like there's a spark of life in there that's the same spark of life that's in me and we were just basically the same energy divided into two different creatures that's i don't know yeah i need i need really more stuff to do. No, no, no.

If you glean, even if it's fake, even if it's wrong, if you glean something that gives you life energy, Anne-Marie is not on mic, but she's a massage therapist. You can jump on this one. My name is Anne Teeters, And I'm a super genius. Good to have you here. She's a fucking crazy person. But she exudes life. I think to myself.

And I trash her all the time. I have my own value structure that he doesn't really understand. I know. Crazy people are the most entertaining. She'll walk around when everyone's hammered and force people to drink water like a dominatrix. You need more water. Drink, drink, and pour it into people's mouth. And she's just...

You got to. It just really helps everything. She's batshit crazy, and I give her shit because I'm jealous. Crazy is the N-word for strange women. I live with crazy. Yeah, by the way, I spent a week with this guy in hospital i got a this was a sweet gig for me i got three thousand dollars to spend a week 24 hours with this guy who um who's like this bipolar schizophrenic who almost had his legs amputated because he

went off his meds and went homeless and he had gangrene all over his legs, and he kept pulling the IV out. And somebody said, you want to do this thing where you've got to convince him to keep his IV in for a week for $3,000? I was like, oh, yeah, I'll do that. And we became really good friends. The guy's absolutely nuts. And then we saved his legs. They were going to amputate his legs. And I said, look, just keep your IV in.

And it was all about bartering with cigarettes. I was like, I'll give you two cigarettes to keep the IV in for another 20 minutes. Nice. Nice. And this was an entire week. And my brother, Josh, was there, too, who I was telling you about. The two of us took the gig together. We split the three grand.

He made him pizza. It's just like... This guy's tearing his ivy out for the pizza we were playing good cop bad cop anything we could do to keep him you know because to make sure you get that to make sure the three thousand dollar check cleared you're doing everything you can but we became really attached to him and he thought he was the messiah and everything else you know and he was screaming and he was he was crazy. And and then he got put into a lockup facility in Artesia, which is like this weird Indian neighborhood in L.A. an hour away from us. going to visit him and we were playing like lightsabers with with these sticks that we found on this on the on the floor at the lockup facility and then we did uh we told him his name is steven we're like it's national steven day and we brought in these hats and and little uh fun-sized candies and everything and and we were just uh giving everybody in the mental facility we became

friends with everybody at the mental home and and it was really fun we did this for like two years uh the first two years in la and then he got transferred and i lost touch with him and then i took this cafe job on sunday mornings working at this cafe and in la from from 9 a.m to 2 p.m and then all these weirdos were coming in and then in comes steven and he's clean cut and he's dressed nicer than i could ever afford to be dressed. And he comes in, and he goes, oh, hey, Danny, how are you? He goes, tell me about the, what's the difference in price between the cream cheese and lox spread and the lox and cream cheese bagel? And I was just perplexed.

That's the same dude who was drooling all over himself. And I was negotiating. I don't know. I go, I don't know what the price difference is. I could look it up for you. He's like, how are you? You doing well? This is the same guy who I went to visit in a lockup facility,

and he told me all he wanted was a chicken sandwich from McDonald's, and I brought it, and he threw it, and it stuck to the light. from McDonald's and I brought it and he threw it and it stuck to the light. And now he's coming into the work and I'm like the, the, the dude who's, you know, and I was like, I don't know.

I look up the price difference. He goes, how are you? Are you doing okay? He's worried for you. He's worried for you. The locks and cream cheese. It's eight 95.

He's like, okay. He pulls out a wad of twenties. He's flipping through it. I'm like, cream cheese, it's $8.95. He's like, okay. He pulls out a wad of 20s. He's flipping through them. I'm like, how the hell did Steven beat me, man? This is like fucking Jack Nicholson faking crazy and one flew over the cuckoo's nest. Yeah, like if that was a fake out, then that, you know, a three-year fake out that he pulled on me. what i what i got from that story is it's nice to be at an age or stage of comedy where you can brag about how much money you made because at some point then you look like a dick

like bill burr would never go i made sixty thousand dollars for doing 30 minutes because at some point you can't brag about and i my mother she was the only one i could brag to about meeting famous people or making a lot of money she's like i told you i was i was the one that fucking told you you should do fucking comedy. And then you lose those people. Because once you're surrounded by only entertainment people, then you just look like a dick. Where I'm still as enthused as I was when I was a fucking open mic-er. When something nice happens, I get a call from my manager today. I'm like, really?

That happened? And I go, I want to tell someone but there's no one to tell because now you just look like a braggart because i still feel like i'm a bag of shit open my current it's because you moved to bisbee man you you got away from all the bullshit and you you're here and you're you're part of real life nobody ever brings up comedy here i'll come back from a tour someone Someone will go, how's your tour? Anyway, did you hear about Margo? She lost a lung.

I'm so happy to not talk about my career, and no one brings it up. And I fucking love that. I'm like my dad here. Hey, nice to see you. How's everything at the Safeway? You meet everyone at Safeway. It's the common place where you run into everybody. That's why I like being part of the Jewish community in L.A., because it's like the Jewish community that I'm part of

is not like the showbiz Jews. They're the ones who are actually into the philosophy of Judaism and all that kind of stuff. Speaking of Jewss do we have to do a plug for your podcast this is a swap cast everyone if you don't know what a swap cast is when two comedians both have a podcast you do a podcast you both put it out on your own as your own thing yeah steal that do that because it's dumb to not do that absolutely modern day flat this is modern day philosophers

check out the pot the last one i did was with uh professor erwin cory 102 year old comedian so there's a plug i'll tell you a story after we get done all right uh and this is the doug stanhope podcast and i i hope we didn't answer your fucking question about the philosopher. We still have three or more quotes from the guy. Let's bang him out. Let's bang him out. Bang him out, Danny. Bang him out, Danny. But I'll say this.

When I went to go get my equipment from the car with my wife, we came here. We're hanging out. We're having a few drinks with you. And I said, okay, let me go get my equipment. And I said, this place is so cool. Like, look at this place. This is amazing. We're in the fun house.

And I was like, Doug did it, man. He's got this great compound. He's away from all the bullshit. He's in the middle of the most beautiful part of America. And then right across the street. But this compound is like, it's just pure fun. And it's kind of hidden. You drive up, you go, 212 like it's just pure fun it's just and it's kind of hidden it lights you drive up you go 212 it's on the mailbox right and then but it's hidden it is sunk it

ignites the comic soul when a comedian walks in here you feel it you're like oh i'm in i'm in a i'm in a comic atmosphere there's all kinds of weird shit in this room there's tiki bar glasses and you know air fresheners of of topless women and little helmets from but it's like you know comedians were just like kids that are that that that held on to our childlikeness and became older i love getting old because i've never done i i've been a comic for longer than I wasn't a comic. I started at 23. I've done comedy for 25 years. I've been a comedian for longer than I wasn't.

When I was a kid, my greatest joy was going to garage sales and picking up old shit like this. Like what you have behind you. I remember getting old air fresheners with with naked ladies on them i remember getting a monk that when you push the back of him a boner pops up those glasses do you remember those they might be before your time the girl where you put a cold drink in and then the broad disappears yes i remember those yes someone brought those so this is like that great environment that ignites the comic soul and i said to my wife as we were going to get equipment across from the car i said

and here's this amazing atmosphere that gets you excited and right across the street there's just another house with a person who lives in it okay i'm sure they're a great person, but that's just a regular house. We do our best to make our neighbors. Hey, sorry, was it too loud last night? But right across the street, there's real life. And here's fantasy life. But yeah, the weird life around here are the people that vote. Where you go, why could Trump be president while all these houses where the lights

go out at 730 at night those are the people that vote there's no fun here so Bisbee's one of those towns where in old Bisbee where all the cool hipsters and fucking homeless and all the artists

live and they do they keep bisbee weird like keep austin weird and so we live in the boring section of town where our our slogan is keep warren boring warren is this and we're the only we only... Only noise that happens after 8 o'clock at night is from this house. And I'm sure a lot of people hate us, but I have a fence. I have a giant corrugated steel fence, so I don't meet those people that hate me.

And the ones that are in the closest earshot, I try to make nice with all the time my neighbor across the street once they were shutting off his gas because he hadn't paid it and I fucking walked out in the street and I fucking paid his bill on the spot that's great

neighbors are important alright anyway yeah the last part of the show is the quotes. And I always ask the guests, which will be you in this case, to read the quote, and then we discuss the quote. But before we do that, did you get anything out of this guy so far? I get nothing out of this. I feel really stupid. But don't feel stupid.

Nope. Just so you know, nobody gets. Nope. No comedians that I talk to have real philosophy. I don't feel stupid in a debilitating way where I'm going to wake up sad tomorrow. I have enough problems of my own. The whole point of this is really to get into your philosophy.

It's just to bounce off of this guy to get into what you're thinking. So read it to me. I'm reading it and it doesn't make sense. Here, I'll give you the quote. If you don't mind, read it out loud and then I'll go over it with you. It is in virtue of unity that beings are beings.

Who the fuck knows what that... That's got to be the oneness that we were talking about. I know, but I didn't understand that. So let's go to the next quote. All right. In turning towards itself, one the god it is this seeing that constitutes the intelligence caps so in turning towards itself the one sees and it's the seeing that constitutes the intelligence even anne marie who talks all this fucking holistic mumbo jumbo all

the time to me is going i don know what the fuck they're talking about. Anne-Marie, what do you think of that? I think the one is in the masculine, just like Doug read it. But I don't think it states that. And then the intelligence is kind of presumptuous. I think that there are multiple intelligences. But in turning toward oneself, that is when you see. All right, let's move to the last one.

When you turn toward yourself, you do see. The last one. No, I do get this. Wait. There's three more. Wait. She says she gets it. No, I get this.

She's lying. I don't get it. She lies all the time. Here, this one. Listen, Anne-Marie, listen. I am striving to give back the divine in myself to the divine in the all which i understand that of inner inward and outward on that that makes you it's kind of like a cohen in the buddhist tradition where you kind of just turn inside out

like a roomy quote where you just kind of it's not necessarily that you have sorry i knew this pit bull was rabid when i opened the cage the next one yes i'm trying i'm trying i'm trying to give back let me ask you have you ever had moments with the divine have you ever had any thoughts of the divine no never no never in your whole life you ever prayed once ecstasy like when you're just like at one and brett erickson has a great joke he goes i'm an atheist but i find myself faltering in my uh in my belief in tight spots yeah like oh jesus oh please don't let her be pregnant or that's not his joke but but is that true do you find are there moments where you pray or where you look for something more in your life? Never.

No. All right. When I was younger, I was, you know, it's kind of cliched and hackneyed at this point is, I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. And I'm trying to get less atheist because I like to believe in a lot of things that are just illogical. But yeah, hey.

I definitely believe that God is a oneness within everybody. I feel like life is a spark and that we're all part of the same spark. That's where I'm at. And you have no basis for that belief. It just makes you happy. Well, even the Christian book says God is love. I'll tell you what, it does make me happy, but that's all I care about is my own happiness.

And whatever makes you happy, whether you believe in fucking hip-hop or scratch tickets. Kenny comes over and plays scratch tickets all day, and he thinks that $500 winner is going to change his life and whatever makes you happy. And I like to believe in, oh, it's more than coincidence, and it's fate. But it's based on nothing other than making you, you're deluding yourself because we don't know. Right. And that's the horror of the emotionless logic of being a long-term drunk where you lose emotion, you lose...

And you just see things through instinct and basic logic and it's an empty fucking world. So I want to be dumber. But the thing you said earlier that I liked and I'm probably repeating it wrong was that the not knowing is the thing that that is the excitement of the mystery of life exactly right yeah why would you why would you want to if you watch a fucking murder mystery you're gonna guess at the ending but you don't want to know it right and that's why fucking christians i say christians

because that's who we're surrounded with but anyone with a dogma that says well you know jesus and this like then how do you go through life if you know that that's what it is and you're gonna fucking farm in iowa and fucking cut corn and do 16 hour days in this quotidian, awful fucking lifestyle. And that's a payoff. But that's the same reason you were saying you're trying to be less atheists is because the atheists are saying they know also, but there's other things that you go,

Hey, you know what? I just thought about that song and, and it came on the radio when i was depressed and i thought i fucking and dobie gray fucking drift away comes on the radio when your fucking first wife just left you and you go the only thing that could make me happy right now is that song and you just moved to fucking idaho and all your friends left you because you thought it'd be funny to move to Idaho and you think specifically Dobie Gray Drift Away

would be the only and it comes on as you're thinking it and you go yeah I know I want to think that's God but that's dumb but I want to I still want to enjoy the moment I don't want to sit there like Penn Jillette and go coincidence I want to enjoy the moment i don't want to sit there like pendulet and go coincidence

i want i want to find some dumb joy even if it's irrational in all that silly stuff that is not like religion where where when laws are based on religion and people your whole life When laws are based on religion and people, your whole life, you can't buy beer on Sunday in Massachusetts. Maybe you can now, but when I grew up, you couldn't. Right. The oneness really, really relates to the way I feel about the world. I just really feel it's all the oneness. And even when I was coming here, I was thinking.

What is the oneness? We're all. It's just one frequency that we're all on. Except for fucking douchebags. They just messed with the dial a little bit. We're all on the same frequency except for all those fucking assholes out there. But they can get back there.

They just need a little bit of an engineer to work the board, you know? Well, and then you go back to, without good there'd be no bad etc yeah if it weren't for bad luck there'd be no luck at all and it's just a bunch of dumb fucking bumper stickers and cliches what you try to do is you try to make yourself happy and you try to make those around you that you care about as happy as possible and douchebags you try to enlighten them to not be douchebags and you're gonna fail and if that's your mission you suck but if you're gonna just give it a honest shot is that what keeps you going in the end of the day like when this i i always wonder about every

guest i'm talking to like what keeps them what keeps them doing this crazy thing we do you know when you're doing when you're going out there and doing comedy and i've heard you in interviews saying i hate comedy that's why i gotta get drunk to go on there but you do but you're giving back something when you're doing it at the same time and i wonder if that's the thing that's driving you at the end of the day. Fear is driving me. And I hate it. Dave Attell, I apologize for even likening myself to you. But I did it out of there was ego for the reason I first went up was ego. And then once I got a fan base, then I felt like, oh, shit, I owe them.

So now I'm just trying to keep up with the reputation that a few people think that I have. And I don't want to disappoint you. So it is really just a giving back. It's still ego. It's all fucking ego. Really? Which is, yes, it's terrible. I don't want to just a giving back. It's still ego. It's all fucking ego. Really? Which is, yes, it's terrible. I don't want to be a failure now.

But you're already not a failure. If you said tomorrow, I'm Doug Stanhope. I don't want to do comedy anymore. I gave you what I gave you. You can listen to it a hundred times if you like. Goodbye. Nobody's going to be mad at you. I know, but I'm not rich.

What do you need to be rich for? You everything you possibly need here and busy but what if i live for 20 more years i'm i'm with everyone else where i go i'm dead in a couple years probably with my lifestyle i really hope not but if i live for 20 more years and I retired, you go, oh. God, I hope you get old, man. I really do. I want to hear old Doug Stanley. Oh, my God. And I apologize to David.

Modern day philosophers. When I talked about the guys earlier who in New York really inspired me, I forgot to mention David Tell. And when you brought him up, not that anybody gives a shit, but David Tell also. David Tell and Mitch H headberg in my generation there's no question we're the best and they're completely different animals but oh no all i do is tell jokes you have social commentary every time i see dave i tell him how much i love him and he and he doesn. And it probably makes it... Makes him uncomfortable.

Yes. The same way I can't live up to all your expectations. Yeah. I don't have a huge fan base, but the ones I have that niche fan base that are so loyal, and I know on some level I'm speaking to them, I don't get it, and I know on some level I'm speaking to them.

I don't get it, but I feel like I owe them to the point where I don't think I could ever live up. And then you have that one guy that goes, you used to be funny. And you're like, oh, you can't believe that still affects you. Yeah, it does. Wow. That's why I don't Google myself. Do you know how loved you are, Doug? I mean just yeah till one guy says they fucking hate you and you go i'm i'm living a delusion but they all hate me but you

know i was telling you about the the engineer man that guy's just he needs the dials changed a little bit you know that we're the real frequency that's out there people love you what is the frequency kenneth all right we have Alright, we have two more quotes. Go ahead. I think this is the next one. I'll move it up so you can read it. The sensitive eye. Put it in layman's speech. Okay, the sensitive

eye, we all know, can never be able to survey, can never be able to Look at the sun, dude. The orb of the sun. Like, if you're a sensitive dude, can you really grasp the orb of the sun like if you're if you're a sensitive dude can you really grasp the the orb of the sun unless strongly induced with solar fire i feel like that's just him trying to this goes on all right i thought that was the only quote i didn't know it went on and participating largely in the vivid ray everyone therefore must become divine and of godlike

beauty before he can gaze upon god and the beautiful itself I don't fucking get it I'm never gonna get it I'm not gonna get any of this stuff this is a lot of fucking mumbo jumbo I think he's really just trying to talk about you know what else stinks? Shakespeare

try to read that shit. I don't know what the fuck he's saying. Did you ever try to read the Bible just as a joke? You're taking a shit and there's nothing else in the fucking... Sheraton four points and... It doesn't make sense. All right, how about this one? Life is the fight of the alone to the alone.

Can you make anything of that? Life is the flight of the alone to the alone. No, I don't get that at all. Yeah, I don't get it either. Good, good. Someone just rewrite this shit. Someone who gets it, like your wife. She's a writer.

If you can make sense of that, rewrite it and go, Kylie, do you get it? I guess that we're all just alone. We're all lonely souls. Why are we even giving this guy credit? We can't pronounce his name. He probably wasn't even famous back then. He was the Bill Hicks of fucking Greek philosophy.

He probably wasn't even funny. I'm smarter than you're giving me credit for. We just don't get it. Too many big words. We're drinking grog exactly what do you get the world is well that one's an easy one world is harmonious knowable and good you're just saying it's a good world you can get to know it and it's it's in harmony all right last quote let's block this guy's email address wherever it lies say it wherever it lies under earth or over earth the body will always rot. Exactly.

But that's so obvious. Yeah, we're all fucking dying. Yeah, we get it. I've got it since I learned about death as a child. Well, we're constantly dying. Who were you as a kid? Who was the young Doug Stanhope? I was a dick. I was a kid? Who was the young Doug Stanhope? I was a dick.

I was a kid that got picked on, so I'd find weaker kids and pick on them worse. I was a fucking awful child. I'd torture animals that I didn't find cute. So we'd shoot fucking birds and frogs with BB guns, and we'd put firecrackers in Kiver's mouths when we caught kiver i don't know what you call them fucking goldfish not goldfish but coy shitty little ugly no no they're smaller than carb anyway i was a dick i was a dick and i feel bad about it still well you got a lot of animals now to make up for it right and they're assholes they fucking hate me probably because of their ancestors no i didn't fucking hurt kittens

and dogs i have you messed with the oneness doug yeah everyone has that cut off do you stop on cockroaches of course you do uh-huh I didn't for a long time in Brooklyn. I had like 200 of them in the apartment at one point before I hired an exterminator. I'm weird like that. When I walk from the fun house to the kitchen and there's ants everywhere, I walk around them and make sure I don't step on ants. I feel like I have some karmic debt, but I don't write fucking ridiculous shit like this and act like it's some kind of this guy is more out there than even the usual ones usually we can make some heads or tails of

what he's saying i don't know yeah that last one was yeah we're gonna be dead someday as joe rogan said i think that was a name of his first i I'm going to be dead someday. Yeah, you summed it up. Thank you, Joe Rogan, for putting clarity to a fucking obvious thought that this guy makes you go. What does he mean by that? Oh, the obvious. Maybe that's how they talked. All right, let's get done with this and have real cocktails. Yeah.

Make a sandwich. You do a sandwich. I'm excited to hang out here tonight with you. And I want to tell you, to wrap up this podcast, before we started recording, you were talking about the Doug Stanhope death poll and all that shit. I really hope you get old, man.

I really hope you're around for a long time. I love you. I really do. I find little things that make me happy. But if I fucking die tomorrow, and this is where you say, if I say this, it's going to happen. But I'm happy with it. If I die tomorrow, there was nothing else I was longing for in life. You don't want to do another one of these?

No, but if you were Bert Kreischer, I'd fucking tough it out another day. Wow. That's a podcast. Thanks so much for being on the show. Thank you for being on my show. Yeah. And that's the end of the show. I'm more confused Yet I look for the light Through the pouring rain

You know that's a game That I hate to lose And I'm feeling the strain Ain't it a shame? Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul I wanna get lost in your rock and roll And drift away Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul

I wanna get lost in your rock and roll And drift away. Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away. Now, now, now, won't you take me Take me