The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #244: SwapCast with Frank Mir & Richard Hunter's Phone Booth Fighting Podcast

Episode Date: February 14, 2018

Frank Mir & Richard Hunter make the trek to the FunHouse for a SwapCast with Doug, Chad & Jobi. Topics include MMA, starting standup, whorehouse stores & a new addition to the Celebrity Death Poll database.Recorded Feb 07th, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Frank Mir (@TheFrankMir), Richard Hunter (@Richard Hunter), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), & Jobi (@StanhopesCDP). Produced by Jobi. Edited by Chaille (@gregchaille).This episode is sponsored by Audible.com – Go to [audible.com/STANHOPE](audible.com/STANHOPE) to start a 30-day trial membership and download a title free and start listening. Or, text STANHOPE to 500-500. Order a SIGNED copy of Doug's NEW book, "This Is Not Fame: A "From What I Re-Memoir"" at - [http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/?category=Books](http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/?category=Books)Bingo's book "Let Me Out: A Madhouse Diary" is now available at [http://www.bingobingaman.com/](http://www.bingobingaman.com/)Closing song an edit of Frank Mir's entrance music, “Hate Me Now”, Nas - ft. Puff Daddy. Available on iTunes. LINKS:Audible.com – [www.audible.com/STANHOPE](www.audible.com/STANHOPE) or text STANHOPE to 500-500 to start your FREE 30 Day Trial Membership.Phone Booth Fighting Podcast - [http://phoneboothfighting.com/](http://phoneboothfighting.com/)Chad Shank Voice Over info at [AudioShank.com](AudioShank.com)Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org/](http://www.innocenceproject.org/)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast schools out for summer substitute teacher podcast swap cast chaley's gone for two months podcast swap cast chaley's gone for two months joby is filling in the chaley spot but this is a swap cast this is the doug stanhope swap cast and and uh phone booth fighting joining in uh with uh myself richard hunter and frank man i'm here too chad shank and joby yes it's a swap cast Chad Shank and Joby yes it's a swap cast and thanks for coming down here we were going to go to Vegas

which oddly is where Chaley and Brian Hennigan are tonight I'm like fuck I want to go to Vegas and I'm like fuck they they live in Vegas Frank Beer wait I missed a trip to Vegas since you guys came down here sorry man

we just became less likable at the moment right Frank Beer. Wait, I missed a trip to Vegas since you guys came down here? Yeah, sorry, man. We just became less likable at the moment, right? Well, next time. I mean, it's like teams that play each other multiple times. Your home turf, our home turf. Yeah, we're in the same division. We have to play each other a couple times a year. Neutral ground in the playoffs. If you don't know from my listeners,

your listeners will never fucking know who we are. But my listeners, Frank Mir and Big Dick Hunter are new comics. So we like to bring out new comedians. Up and coming.

Give them a chance to show their chops. Well, there's some truth to that there's some truth to that Frank Mir is a two time UFC heavyweight champion now you're you're gonna fight I can't pronounce that fucking guy's name

Emilienko fucking something I'm bad with the last name too everybody just calls him Fedor Fedor about to fight again what are you 38? fucking something. I'm bad with the last name too. Fador is easier. Everybody just calls him Fador. Yeah, Fador. About to fight again. What are you, 38? 39? 38.

Still fucking... Well, I'm like the third youngest guy in the tournament. So for heavyweight, not too bad. That's what I love about Bellator because I have Chad Shank, Joby, Shawnee, who's here. They know MMA inside out.

I just pay for it. I appreciate that. And then we bet. Yeah. Like, all right, I'll bet on that guy in the weird trunks. I enjoy it. Yeah, it's a sport. We're a niche sport.

We're never going to be mainstream. I know when people sometimes talk about us being like baseball, football, basketball, we're never going to be accepted on that level. It's just like boxing kind of really never became a mainstream. But it has a fan crowd. The crowd we have are very devoted fans. There's a lot of them, but we're never, I don't think we'll ever break into the fact of, you know,

everybody and their mom will go to a football game. You get tickets. All right, let's all go down. Going to a fight is a little bit more of a, you've got to be interested in what's going on. I really think it is mainstream compared to boxing especially. The fact that boxing exists baffles me. Because no one since Tyson in his retirement years,

when he's just a, I'm sorry, I didn't try my hardest. You'd still watch Tyson, but when he left, fuck it. Floyd Mayweather. No, it did lost a lot of interest. I think that's just the promoters themselves just cut it up too much. And the best fighters never fought each other in boxing. I think it kind of shot itself in the foot. And that's why you see even Floyd Mayweather, who's the biggest draw in boxing,

pulled on Conor McGregor from MMA to sell the most tickets. Which Floyd Mayweather being the biggest ticket sales in boxing is like a Cezanne Sari if he was the only comic left yeah take what you can get yeah yeah yeah and you know boxing too I mean you talk about that lull that it hit post Tyson Doug like that was also the UFC's entree because there was a void and that's that's when they really did such a masterful job of branding their product and and creating uh uh the characters out of their fighters and things like that so let me get right back to that but i have to also introduce you yes big dick hunter and i go way back to the dallas days we do we do you and i i i've never shared this with

you before doug i I'm going to tell you about the exact moment that I knew you and I would be lifelong friends. So Doug and I, you and I met through the unlikely mutual contact of Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild, right? And was it 12 years ago, probably that long ago when you did the DVD? It was 2004, I believe. So 14 years ago. Yeah. So Doug is out hosting the DVD and we're on the tour bus. It's after hours. And I had enjoyed hanging out, talking to Doug. He's leaning up against the tour bus wall, drinking a beer. You kind of forget for a moment that he's there because right in the middle of the tour bus floor are three 18-year-old girls who are totally naked and involved in some sort of triangular lesbian thing going on in the middle of the floor. What they think they're supposed to do to get the trucker hat.

Right, right. That's what was up for grabs was the trucker hats. And so they're doing all this in the middle of the floor. They say, kind of forget Doug's over there by the wall until from over my shoulder, I hear Doug say, so what do you ladies think of this whole Patriot Act business? I was like, that's my new buddy. I wish I had you around when I was writing the book,

because I do allude to the Girls Gone Wild chapter, where my sense of humor made not only them not laugh, girls who were going wild would stop and leave because of my jokes. Yes, yeah. You were like the cooler. You could... When the girls went too wild, you were the guy they needed to bring

around to throw cold water on the situation. Oh my god. Yeah, so that's how we met. That's great. Yeah. It was a terrible thing. Uh-oh. shit i don't know where it is

call it it'll ring bingo says she needs my phone for pics we need pics for chaley oh yeah i'm gonna get some all right we'll get it uh but uh so but we did a lot of shows together in Dallas. Yeah. Promoting. Came on my radio show all the time. And then you started the podcast, and I moved to Las Vegas, and Frank and I started this podcast together. You had some fucking gets on that show.

Was it sports talk, or was it whoever you wanted? Well, the format was sports talk. But the irony was I didn't really like sports except for combat sports so i liked uh every opportunity to talk uh martial arts uh but i what i what i did was because i had to play to the format i gravitated toward the the weirdos the oddballs of sports so that you had the biggest get ever, which somehow, unless I'm, and I kind of live under a rock, you got OJ Simpson right after he got acquitted. And I think it was a two-parter. Twice.

Yeah, I interviewed him two different occasions. And the best part was when- And you didn't let him fucking slide either. No, no. The interviews total, Frank's been dying to hear these uh the interviews total probably about four hours uh uh overall and he answered every question that i had about you know of course there's no tearful i did it confession or anything like that you asked him every time you brought this up you bring up that one oh the hypothetical hypothetical

so i gave me the chills i'm like oh man i said to him i said okay oj i'm gonna give you a hypothetical uh right now because at that point it did you know he had been basically walking the streets uh with the everyone assuming he's a double murderer and him insisting he didn't do it so i said okay here's the hypothetical oj tell me you didn't do this all right I said, okay, here's a hypothetical, OJ. Tell me you didn't do this. All right. So that means you are leading this singular existence of every day, everybody looks you in the face, believes you did something you didn't do. Here's the hypothetical.

I can wave a magic wand right now, and I can make all that go away. So you're going to wake up tomorrow, no one's going to think you did this. Here's the tradeoff. Right now, there is some poor black, destitute, innocent man wrongfully accused of a double murder. He's going to go to prison for life. OK, so he's going to pay for that pick. You can either exonerate him or and continue to bear the burden or, you know, you'll you'll be you'll be different tomorrow. Continue to bear the burden or you'll be different tomorrow. So the politically correct thing is to say, oh, I would never want anybody to go through what I've gone through. I'll bear the burden for him, right?

Without hesitation, he looks at me and he goes, you know, that is terrible if that were to happen to him. But let me tell you, I didn't do this for myself, for my family, for my kids. I would have to exonerate myself. And I thought to myself, okay, that right there is the honest answer of either a wrongfully convicted man or a sociopath. And we're right back to where we started. I say it's a sociopath.

We tried to get... You didn't say you'd convict the bad guy. You said just exonerate himself, clear his own name. To let another guy rot in jail? You're a fucked up human being. We tried to get him on the man show when our failed season of that,

where we were going to have OJ just close every episode like an Andy Rooney 60 Minutes, where he's just sitting at a cluttered desk complaining about ATM fees or something. We never mentioned the murder. We just say, and now, Heisman Trophy winner, O.J. Simpson.

You never notice. He just does some goofy thing, which you know he would do. Yes. But the producers, oh no, I knew Nicole Brown Simpson. I would still love to have him on. That would have been a great idea. The biggest elephant in the room I've ever seen.

That was a genius idea. Now, you could possibly... He's back in Vegas, and that's where you guys are from. Yeah. No, I was going to say, now the possibility exists. You may not have been able to do it on that last season of The Man Show. You might be able to do it on this podcast now. You know, he is available. The fact that you guys, and for the phone booth fighting listeners, who are we?

We're just three drunk half comics that live down on the border in Bisbee. And you guys came down here, which I love. Let me, because I've seen your praises on our podcast, the Doug Stanhope podcast, Doug Stanhope and Friends. Because it's so interesting. This is my first time to actually be here in Bisbee with you. And the cast of characters, because it's so interesting this is my first time to actually be here in bisbee with you and the cast of characters because it's an ensemble cast i mean your name is on the marquee but uh i mean the group behind us and then some yeah we don't get charo like you could get in vegas but you know to to be a long time listener to the podcast now i'm able to put all these faces with the voices that i've been hearing for a long time chad shank looks like he sounds doesn't he he does he really does yeah absolutely you actually do an

impression yeah we heard you do a an impression yeah i i and i understand i'm not an impressionist by trade but along the way i've picked up three voices that i can do chronologically conspiracy theorist alex jones singer Trace Adkins, and now I believe the most marketable of them all. Let me build this up just a bit. Yeah. Both you and Frank Mir have gone sidetracked from your fighting career and your radio career into both doing stand-up comedy.

True. So, obviously, you probably don't do chad shank on stage no anyone doug stanhope podcast the other guy the guy that people like chad shank anyone it's perfect yeah i can do a perfect impression of my landlord in Massachusetts in 1989, Mr. Minas. But it doesn't translate. Yeah, no, it's in development. Like, if there's a police blotter or something like that, I might be able to. Who's the best?

Who's your best? Alex Jones? Probably Alex. I don't know Trace Atkins for sure. With Trace Atkins, if you've just seen the Wounded Warrior Project commercials where he's raising money. And what he does is he just talks in a real low, dulcet tone and kind of whistles through his bottom teeth right about here. I know the commercials, but I'm crying so hard I don't listen to the voice. Yeah.

So that's, you know, Alex is probably the best because just he applies to anything. You know, whatever you're disagreeing with me about, you know, Doug Stanhope, we've got the documents. Infowars.com, Doug. You know, you're a smart guy, and I love your comedy. But obviously, if you haven't looked into the documents with Project Hummingbird, then you would know. We've got all the documents at Infowars.com. I'm telling you, Doug, this is something. Now, this is something not a lot of people are covering.

But my Chad and I got – Chad, just please say something. Like I'm really looking forward to your impression of me so they can balance it immediately. That was a fantastic Alex Jones impression. I really liked that. That was fantastic, Alex Jones. That was a fantastic Alex Jones impression. I really liked that. That was fantastic, Alex Jones. That was great. What I quickly realized about Chad was after listening to the audio book,

there was sober buttoned up Chad Shank, and then there was podcast Chad Shank. Because the version I do is not that audio book guy. That guy was on his best behavior. I'm with this guy about three the professional and with this i'm with this guy about three hours this is the podcast you know this guy is chad shank yeah i don't his blue apron as i said not an impressionist the the funny thing is margo does a better Chad Shank.

The lady who sold me this house sounds exactly like him accidentally. Oh, yes, yes. Hi, this is Margo Wallenberg. I was just calling to see if you're having that Super Bowl party again. If I was to do a Margo impression, I'd have to go way deeper. Hopefully you meet her tomorrow. And you guys are in town for a couple days yeah uh frank mirror how long you've been doing comedy uh well actually it was about a has it been a year about a year yeah about a year ago because you know richard told me he's done

stand-up and we were sitting there bullshitting one time and i was like you know what i love comedy i watch a lot of comedy and i've always had a lot of respect for guys who go up on stage because to me it's one hell of an expression of yourself because, I mean, you paint a painting and someone doesn't like it, you're not necessarily around when they're booing at it. You know what I mean? You go up there and you say something and everybody finds it stupid or if it just falls flat on its face, you're standing up there all by yourself.

And I have a lot of respect for that because of the background I come from. I have a good day at work and I'm everybody's hero. I have a good day at work, and I'm everybody's hero. I have a bad day at work, and there's an ESPN highlight of me getting my head knocked off. And I've got to walk past every bar on the way up to my hotel room watching the highlights. So at that moment, he's like, hey, would you ever do it? I'm all, well, shit, yeah, fuck, yeah, I'll jump up there. Let's go. Give me a few pointers. And so it happens.

So we got his first date booked, right? And so he's going to open my show at the Stratosphere. And so I come over to his house. And I told him weeks prior, I said, just sketch down some ideas you have and all that. We'll go over. So I go sit down in the living room, comes out with his legal pads. And I don't want to get in his – That's a big high five.

Break out a fucking – I write only in legal pads and i don't want to get in this that's a big high five break out of fucking i write only in legal pads these kids would they fucking put it on their phones i have a yellow legal pad and that's the only way i write and after 27 years i have stacks well so does frank he has stacks of them because he came out and i sit down in the living room you know audience of one and uh and i wouldn't get his head or anything so the living room, you know, audience of one, and I wouldn't get in his head or anything. So I just said, just spit it all out. Let me hear what you got. And then we'll punch up here or there. And he did about an hour and 10 minutes for me. And he said, do you think that's enough? And I said, well, what we're going to do is there's some good ideas there. We're going to take about 95 percent of that and concentrate it down to a good tight you know seven minutes yeah and frank said are you sure you think that's gonna be enough speaking

chinese like are you serious man he goes yeah you know you have like about 90 different ideas i'm like yeah he goes we're gonna use about five yeah yeah but but they were how long is it gonna last like 30 seconds he's all now about 10 minutes i'm like, shut up. There's no way. But they were good ideas. And he got up, and you were so committed. The interesting thing is he was competitive about it the way that he's competitive about fighting. So he didn't want to use any notes. He worked it enough to where he didn't need any notes, anything like that.

He had all his beats down and everything. And there was a unanimous decision among the uh you know the contrarian comedians back table where everybody sits with their arms crossed uh in judgment that of anybody i had my arms crossed the most at that table yes yes not yours in spirit yes but but of we we all agreed that of anybody we had ever seen try comedy that wasn't a comedian, because it happens from time to time, the actor, the musician, or the athlete, whatever. Yeah. Go ahead.

Frank was the best that we'd seen. It was a great effort. And he liked doing it so much, he wanted to keep doing it. So now you've got about four appearances under your belt, right? Yeah. Yeah. The first time fighting, say, professionally. Right, right.

What was more scary to you, comedy or fighting? Oh, definitely. When I was back behind the curtains. It was funny because earlier my wife afterwards, she's all, hey, that guy there was funny. He went on just before you. She named out four or five comedians. I'm like, I have no fucking clue. That's a dick move.

Not that way, but she was just saying like oh hey earlier we heard him i'm like honestly babe but you were sitting in the audience she didn't say follow that motherfucker but i was off in my own world you know just constantly i mean at that point a bomb could have went off in the room and i probably wouldn't noticed i was so like okay you know and now he's graduating to the next level because the first couple of gigs it was you know in in front of my crowd, our podcast crowd. I mean, they were Frank Mirren fans. I mean, I even introduced him by saying, listen, you don't have to laugh, but you're going to see him on the way out.

So keep it in mind. But now what he's done is his last appearance, he went up cold in front of just a random Sunday night, I've lost all my money in Vegas crowd of 30 or 40. No idea. No idea. I won't do that anymore. I go to L.A., hey, you want to do a set at Sunday night at the comedy store? No, I only play to my own crowd. I earned that, and they will fucking hate me.

No, it was bad. There was a guy up there that actually has a funny bit you know he's funny as shit he has this thing where you know he turns into an old black man he takes off his hat and he's funny as shit and about five minutes into it he starts already sounds terrible but go ahead he starts addressing the crowd

they're like you know are you guys not here to have a good time and I'm like watching I'm even taking notes like when I watch other people just Just fighting. Like, okay, I want to emulate that. And I was looking at it. I was like, the fact that he's pointing out that the room is not laughing. But him pointing it out made it even worse. I'm like, all right, so note to self.

No matter how bad I bomb up there, don't take notice of it. It's almost like if you land a good shot, I'm not going to tell you you landed a good shot. It's like, fuck it. You know it. I don't have to acknowledge it. We just gonna keep on fuck you i'm not gonna give you the credit or that type of no no i'm just gonna so i just kind of focus like i'm just gonna focus on different eyes and just no matter what because there's a couple i said stuff like that's funny man why aren't you laughing i'm like no no don't get caught up in that yeah we

we talked about this last night bingo had a q a for her new book and we talked about this last night. Bingo had a Q&A for her new book, and we talked about you never acknowledge that you're sucking on stage because the crowd might not know it. If you go, oh, you guys suck. Oh, I thought he was doing fine. He had confidence until he just broke it, and now we think he sucks because he told us he sucks. Yeah.

But as far as Chad Shank and I today listened to, it was a 10-minute clip of Bisping. Bisping. Has a podcast. Yeah. And he was, I have to assume it's Louie Gomez he's talking to because it's not listed in the credits but they're talking about you and uh job oh okay brendan's doing comedy now

and where louis i assume it's louis gomez if it's not you i sorry. At one point he refers to you as Louis and there's no fucking name listed but like how guys like you like he's been working forever and you usurp him immediately because you're already famous. But Bisping was really respectful about both of you.

A, because you know what? You can only fight for so long and then what are you going to go into? True. Fucking selling shoes? And also too, the only guys I mean, that might get you in the door but the only thing that's going to keep you

getting invited back is if you're working at it. Charlie Sheen. I didn't want to have that issue. This is where I'm going. Charlie Sheen issue. Comedy becomes this garbage dump. And again, I'm doing it 28 years or something, where all of these people who have 15 minutes of fame,

Kato Kaelin, went into stand-up comedy. And you're like, are you fucking kidding me? Again, they were respectful of you guys you're actually funny and comics even thought you were funny just like dick hunter saying but other people that they're just like weird like ellian gonzalez could have gone into comedy you know the other trap you know the other trap about that too, Doug, is that even if they want to start getting into comedy, okay, it's one thing if they're doing a five-minute guest spot or seven minutes somewhere at the top of the bill.

What's happening too, though, is a lot of club promoters will go, oh my gosh, we can fill a room with this name, Headliner. And all of a sudden they're up there trying to do 40 minutes when really they have a good five. Well, that's why I think that Brendan does a good job and I know why I think that I aspire to do a good job is because I haven't been paid for doing comedy.

I mean, if one day ever I could make money, I'd have a bonus. But it's kind of the same reason I got into fighting. I like to fight somebody. I enjoy fighting. The fact I get paid to do it just means that now my wife leaves me alone when I go to the gym. It's like, well, honey, you like that purse. I get to go to the gym.

We were joking about you and Chad because Chad is a different kind of fighter where he tries not to. But we were joking about you guys sparring together since you're going into training soon. Jokingly. But I thought, what would you rather do? Spar each other or do an open mic off on stage? Because Chad is also, he wants to do a stage time fight.

I think Chad would probably pick comedy in this instance. No, I would rather get knocked unconscious immediately than fucking look like an asshole for a lot longer than it would take me to get knocked out. I don't know, man. Don't worry, that's not going to happen on the podcast. Yeah. He is awful.

Brendan does it, I think, because he really enjoys it. And that's why I do it. And I think if you get into comedy for that reason, that's why I think all comics start off. I mean, I think if you start off trying to make money at anything, I see it in fighting. Back when I started fighting, you weren't going to make money at it. In fact, when you start dating a girl, I never told. That's the quickest way for me to get a girl to walk out on me. Hey, what do you do for a living? Well, I'm half naked.

I get locked into a cage and I beat people up. You know what I mean? Like, well, do you make money at that? I'm like, no, I have a day job. I just do it for fun. You don't mention the day job. They'll fuck you if you just start with the cage and beating people. Not even then, man.

No, people – Not back then. No, not back then. Now everybody shaves their head and tattoos and wears a tap-out t-shirt. They think they can fight. So we get guys that come in the gym and they do it just to try to have that moniker that, oh, I'm a badass, I'm a fighter. I'm like, all right, cool. We're going to spar.

We're going to wrestle. And that first day of actually having pressure put on them, it's like, oh, if you're here for money, you you're not gonna be thinking about money when the shit gets hard but if you're here because you like it i'm gonna kick your ass and you're gonna be and then you're gonna sit there and go oh fuck i want to be able to do that you know i i want to get better i want to improve and then it's the right path i opened my book with that about people who email me now and say hey uh i have uh i've written two hours of material, just like you did. You had an hour and ten that you did in his living room. But how do I get an agent? You're missing the point.

I did comedy just to see if I could do it the same way people do karaoke. That's the reason why I started fighting. No, totally. That's why I think there's so many similarities. Being an individual, being up there by yourself, representing yourself, success, failure, pressure, all the things. I think all the emotions a comic goes through, a fighter's going through the same thing backstage,

wrapping his hands, getting ready to walk out. So if you fight for any other reason besides to test yourself or to find out, there's like an insecurity to it. I was telling it to one of my high school friends that coaches my football team. I even made a joke. I was like, well, one thing that I've had to get over later in life is that if I'm injured, not to go train.

And it's the worst thing to tell a fighter that if you're not 100%, don't go in the gym because I'm worried in the back of my mind, still now at 38 years of age, if I cancel sparring because something's messed up on me, I'm like, ah, I bet you they think I'm a pussy. That's why I didn't show up. I didn't step up there. I didn't go in front of the lights.

He canceled the tour due to exhaustion. He's a drug addict. Right. So it's hard. Because inherently all fighters, or I think anybody, were extremely insecure. You don't sit up there. A secure guy that doesn't need anything to prove in life probably doesn't think, I want to go test myself as a fighter.

If somebody wonders, well, I wonder if I could do that, it scares the shit out of me. No one else thinks I can do it either, so you know what? I have to do it. But that was one of the things that Bisping was talking about in that interview, was every time he's backstage, he's A, insecure and going, there's always a beat in his head going, why the fuck am I doing this? This is- 100%.

I am- When I'm getting my hands wrapped, that's when I'm like, my wife, we make that joke, it'll be the day before the, the day of the fight, the morning of, I'll look at her, I've said it for the last 16 years now, professionally fighting, I'm like, why the fuck do you let me do this? Three months ago when I agreed to this, why don't you tell me this is what I'm going to feel like today? You know I don't want to do this. Why am I doing this?

But then it's just one foot in front of the other. Just something drives you where you can't keep from doing it. How did you meet Big Dick Hunter? Actually through mutual friends and because he's one of the top journalists in our sport. And so he'd interviewed me a couple times, and then we hung out, and then just some of the, I lost track with you at some point.

Yeah. Yeah. So, so because, you know, I started on that sports format station, I did genuinely love MMA. So I was always covering it.

So I kept enhancing my profile into that until basically a large part of my radio career was based on MMA. So I'm at all the UFC fights. I'm doing the press conferences, stuff like that. We interviewed a couple times. And we actually had another fighter friend, Dan Hardy. It was always telling me, have you ever hung out with Frank Mir? If you guys ever hung out, you would really get along.

You have a lot of calm and all this kind of stuff. And that always stuck in my head. And eventually we did. And actually, our podcast, I mean, the first great podcast didn't even make the air because they were just long conversations and it was frank's idea is that we have to start recording these and just put them out as podcasts so that's how we do it all the time there's times like something will happen because you know rich is a lot more savvy when it comes to politics than i am you know whenever like look that's one you know, being a good general is you

understand when people have things that are better than you, it's not a thing of insecurity. It's a thing of like, okay, well, I'm going to lean on that, take advantage of it. You know what I mean? Shit, you know more about this than I do. Well, fuck, we're a team now. You tell me about it. So I'd call him up and ask him questions about current events. Okay, so what does this mean exactly? And, you know, and then he could point me in the right direction. Like, well, if you want to look something up, go this way, go that way. Here's a contrary thought on it. And somebody that stayed almost kind of like unopinionated at the same time, where it wasn't like he was trying to ever try to cram any of his beliefs down my throat. You know, you talk to somebody and they have that agenda. Well, Richard just purely loved knowledge. And

that's how I've always been. I'm like, oh man, I just love knowledge for the sake of knowledge. And then after a while, I was like, you know what, dude? If we actually take these conversations, even though you don't drink, this is kind of like a bar conversation where two buddies sit down having a beer going, so what's happening today? And then the next two or three hours were just bullshit. All right. No, I'm listening.

But we have to break it 20 so we can both do our own commercials for each other's podcasts. Yes. Boy, what a champagne problem to have. You know, this is the part where we have to pause our Swapcast so we can handle our sponsors. Don't worry. We're just going to hit pause. Then we'll tape that shit later. Yeah.

And then we're going to go right back to this conversation. When you do it, since we're in here, can I be the one to say hold, please? Please hold. Yeah. Big Dick Hunter, you listened to our Audible book, Digging Up Mother. I sure did. I did the free trial. Your book was the first one that I downloaded, and I am hooked.

Audible has a new customer thanks to your audio book. I am hooked. Audible has a new customer thanks to your audio book. I always say the years on the road when I lived out of my car for three years. All right, I stink at this. You take over. I have probably close to 200 books in my Audible library. I have a subscription that I pay like 14 something a month for, I have a subscription that I pay like 14-something a month for,

but then I can download like 39-hour long books that would cost $60 with that $14 credit. And then if it turns out that the narrator really sucks, but usually it's in a sample so you know if it sucks or not. But if for some reason you don't like the – Very important. Yeah. If for some reason if you don't like it, you can return it and get your credit back,

and it's a fucking good deal. I don't know. If you like listening to audiobooks, it's a good deal. I fell for some clickbait today on Newser. Hey, Newser, stop making it more click bait than it should be but it was the 10 worst cities for traffic and la was first and they spend an average of 102 hours in traffic every year you know what makes that better just sitting there listening to audible just listening to audible books you're listening to a book you've been with us where we did this where we just sat

in front of the hotel because there's only 35 more minutes and we waited in front of the hotel to listen to the rest of the book there's so many good books rabbit is one i remember miss pat yep that was a good one a lot of times on those two you don't realize a book has come out that's going to pique your interest and audible learns your likes because based on the fact that I downloaded Doug's book, it thinks I might like this book or that book, and I'm turned on to something I didn't even know existed. It has kept us alive on the road. When we're driving from Bloomington, Indiana to Bloomington, Illinois,

and we don't know which way we're going, don't know which way we're going but we can't wait to get back into the car to listen to audible books it's so fucking hard to read a book anymore because you have all these gadgets and hey you get a text message and there's a Twitter. You're sitting in a car, which we do because we have to, and you do because you have to, because you got to get to work, and you live in San Francisco, and you think it's so fucking cool to live in San Francisco,

but you sit in goddamn traffic. So where are you going to click when you go to there? If you're not already a member of audible go to audible.com slash stanhope alright nice

or text that was pretty funny or text stanhope to 500-500. That's a new one. I didn't know you could do that. So you just got to text.

That sounds like a phishing scam. It's not. It's not. It's real. It's swear to Buddha. Cut that out. Don't say that. Don't say that.

That's a real thing. It's a real phishing scam. It sounds like I've got to go to bed. Do one of your call center calls and convince me to text Stan Hope to 500. Hey, Big Dick Hunter. Hello? Yeah? Hi.

Hey, it's great to hear from you. Hi, I'm sorry. Who's this? I heard you used to be someone back in the day. Yeah. Your wife laughed so hard at that. Both so. That's a vague compliment.

I'm sorry, who was this? I used to be someone too. Yeah? Yeah, the call came up unknown, so I didn't... We both have to drive a long way to work. That is true, but how do you know my route? Remember when we thought we'd have a

private jet we don't we have to listen to audible books well now you're speaking my language i do enjoy audible mystery caller i'm not sure who this is or what you want but you're right on one thing we do both apparently love audible audible hit the bullet. Let's get the fuck out of here. Audible is offering our listeners a free audio book with a 30-day trial membership. Just go to audible.com slash Stanhope and browse the unmatched selection of audio programs. Download a title free and start listening. It's that easy. Go to audible.com slash Stanhope or text Stanhope to 500-500 to get started today.

Audible.com. All right, we're back. I was going to go back into what you were saying, but I forget. Oh, just me and Richard starting the show. And then it was basically the first premise of it. Richard came up with the idea of the phone booth fighting. And I liked it because it's definitely an analogy that everybody uses in the fight world. Explain that to me because I don't know.

Well, basically fighting in a phone booth would be first got used in boxing, meaning that two guys basically, especially if you fought like a Muhammad Ali type, a guy that was slick on his feet, moved around, well, they would always say, oh, you've got to fight him like you're in a phone booth, meaning that you've got to corner him off, stick him in the corner of the boxing ring and fight him in close, essentially like me fighting you in a phone booth where you have nowhere to go. So now no fancy dancing.

You can't slip out of the way. We're going to go blow for blow. And I thought that was cool because I thought that the idea of it kind of fit the mentality of how Richard and I are. It's like, well, I'm just going to ask you a question instead of, you know, let's just bring it up. I hate when, you know, you know. Oh, wait, this is in my notes.

Yeah. Nowadays time, there's so many things that you have to kind of avoid and skim around, especially how politically correct the culture has become. Let me, because again, the first thing you do is go to the Wikipedia page, but you have a quote on your Wikipedia page where you say exactly this. I'm not going to be politically correct. I'll just tell you what I want to say. I'm not going to be the guy that says, I respect him as a fighter.

Why is that coming out of my mouth if I don't believe it? I want to fight Brock Lesnar. I want to break his neck. I want him to be the first person to die in the ring due to octagon rules. Yeah, I said that. Yeah, lost my commentating job at the time at WC.

I got pulled out of, I think at the time they were selling my merchandise in Walmart from UFC and I got the phone call that they yanked it. That's more embarrassing. Yeah, they yanked my merchandise. And then my response again after that was, well, fuck you guys if you're too stupid to figure out

that I'm talking about intensity, this and that. And then that didn't go over well either. So finally it was like, my wife's like, yeah, less is more. Instead of saying something you don't believe in, just don't say anything at all. So that's what I kind of do now. That's my new montage. I hope your wife talks to Jenny, Chad's wife.

No, no. They'll be like baseball wives. Yeah, less is more. Less is more. Chad doesn't fight the rig. He does it in traffic. Don't lean out the window. He follows you home.

So the whole phone booth thing, that actually became something that we kind of fell on. And even though we start off always, you know, obviously it's a martial arts fight-based podcast. We talk fights, but we quickly drift off on different ideas. It really is a fantastic podcast.

I listen to a ton of them. Yeah, it really is. I encourage anyone to listen to it. It's great. What I love about it that I always tell people is it's the actual natural evolution and documentation of our friendship because it really kind of started at the beginning. And then a couple of years later, it's to the point it is now. So it's like if you could actually follow somebody through that. it's to the point it is now so it's like if you could actually follow somebody through that and like frank said i mean you know a lot of people will come for the fighting but we do talk

about a lot of politics music sometimes and that's part of the fun is just seeing surprises me sometimes like which direction it will go the greatest thing that's happened to me through this podcast so far is uh i was i was looking at frank's twitter, and I noticed that my childhood hero, Paul Stanley of KISS, not only followed Frank, but is a huge Frank fan, like posts these good luck messages to him before his fights and everything. So I'm explaining to Frank, because Frank's 10 years younger than me, listen, this guy had more influence on me than my own father. You know, DM him. I was hoping for a phoner.

had more influence on me than my own father you know dm him let's see if we i was hoping for a phone or one thing leads to another and he invites us to his house to set up just like this and do a podcast in his living room it was like the coolest thing ever and it was just a very uh accidental thing that happened because of the podcast i never get tired of when i get starstruck where that that person follows me on twitter for for for why what what yeah no saying when frank when i found out let's get to death pool since this segues yeah yeah because i understood we started jo, Joby started Death Pool. It's Doug Stanhope's celebrity Death Pool because I have more of a face than Joe Whitlock. But it was his thing.

So then he made it into a thing with Doug Stanhope. And then I saw Big Dick Hunter. I haven't seen him. And then Frank Mears in our fucking league. He was leading our league last year. He was. We were fucking killing early on. No pun.

Yeah, no, I've been playing since day one. So what are we, third year, fourth year at this point? This is the sixth season. So you might have. Since the website? Yeah. Okay, well, I got on when the website started. But I told Frank that I played in it, and he was instantly like,

that's the greatest thing I've ever heard of. Like, how do I get involved? I got to know. Did you actually have either of you looked at Frank Muir's profile on the Death Pool site, his bio, read his bio? I didn't know there was one. He's in our database. Oh, the database i was

actually when i first found out about it that was actually my first question i was like hey wait a minute am i in the death pool am i qualified to be a celebrity yeah would you or not that's right does not have a wikipedia page yeah yeah quick quick no and a couple of our fans actually picked me and i think it's cool and your your bio is a tow bar aficionado. That's what I put in on your bio. Nice. Let's just tell this story quickly because that's why when he told me the tow bar thing, two people, Tank Abbott and someone else, you tow barred out. My manager, Brian Hennigan, the filthy uncut Scotsman.

We watched UFC one night and, you know, like when you were a kid and you watch Rocky and you want to punch someone in the face after the movie in the street. Well, we were geared up and we tried to attack Hennigan who's got powerful legs. And we tried, we jumped. We jumped on him. He's not a fighter, but he had to be that

it was two on one but me and joey jumped him and without having and let's fucking tap him out and we both went for toe bars at the same time not knowing what we were gonna tap out yeah we got him to tap out but the next morning we woke up and we had bruises all over our body and we couldn't figure out how sore we were. I'm like, what happened? He had fucking Willie the groundskeeper fucking tree trunk thighs trying to beat us off.

But we tow barred him out, so we both have a tow bar under our belt. We're kind of the same guy. I see it. Frank saw what I was doing in Death Pool. He wanted to get in. have a tow bar under our belt. So we're kind of the same guy. I see it. I see it. That's what we're saying. When I started, Frank saw what I was doing in Death Pool. He wanted to get in, so we got him involved.

Just like fighting, just like stand-up comedy, uber competitive. I mean, it instantly turned into this, well, where am I ranked? I got to make a trade. I got to move on. In fact, I brought this for show and tell. I've got to make a trade. I've got to move on. In fact, I brought this for show and tell. This is a poster advertising one of Frank's seminars,

a jiu-jitsu seminar that he did in England. Just read that, if you will, Chad, or whoever, that first paragraph. Just read. This is the way Frank promotes himself on this poster now. Go ahead. Decorated jiu-jitsu black belt under Ricardo Perez. Record for most fights, victories, and submissions in UFC heavyweight history.

Fourth most UFC victories overall. The only person to win a UFC bout by toehold. The longest interrupted tenure of any fighter in UFC history. The first man to knock out and submit Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. The fastest kill in celebrity death pool history.

Oh, you got first blood! You got first blood! Right here on the poster. Do you remember who was your first blood kill that year? William Hurt. That's right. Yeah, yeah.

He killed him within 38 minutes of the season launching the guy who was dead. It was incredible. And four people have you picked site-wide. I'm just looking it up right now. Don't mention my name. No, no, there is not. But all four of them are in phone booth fighting. Oh, yeah. But they But all four of them are in phone booth fighting. Oh, yeah.

But they're all four different people. We have a show league, and there's like 100 and some people playing that. So what's your league? Phone booth fighting. Joby, take over this because I am fucking out. Yeah, their funeral home is phone booth fighting. They've been doing it for quite a while. On Doug Stanton Celebrity.

DSCDP.com. And they've been doing it for quite some time. And now you're up to 100 people in your funeral home. And then Frank and I play in the select league, if you will. Yeah, it's our flagship league, which is just like 10 of us, you know, just tight circles. Who's in first in that one right now? Chad Shank. And Shannon, a friend of mine, Shannon, she placed second in your

fighting last year. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Doug, you mentioned celebrities wanting to know if they're in and all that because I have a weird story about that. The first year that I was doing Death Pool, I had this other weird side gig where I do public relations for Dennis Hoff the guy that owns the Bunny Ranch

I know we're getting to that so I'm sitting in his house that's where we segue next but you know Dennis Doug he's not exactly a wallflower when it comes to the media spotlight he is second only to Ron Jeremy

of the biggest self promoters ever and they hang out oddly enough only to Ron Jeremy of the biggest self-promoters ever. And they hang out. So I just happened to be as I'm filling out my roster, I happened to be sitting in his house. And I was telling him what I was doing and I said, you know, Dennis, because I'm looking for inside information

and I had always had Ron. Until Ron had his heart attack, I had him and he flew under the radar. I used to always have him as a solo pick because he's the unhealthiest person I personally know. And so I was like, something's going to happen sooner or later. And sure enough, but then once he had his heart attack, it was like he went mainstream with Deadpool. Everybody takes him now. But I said to Dennis, I was filling up my roster.

Sucks his own dick to restart his heart. Very odd way to... It's like the old Model T you have to crank. So I said to Dennis, as I'm sitting there in his house, I said, hey, I'm filling out my roster, and you got diabetes, like you're in your 70s now. Would it offend you if I considered you for the roster? And at first he wasn't sure.

He didn't know how he felt about it but then i pointed out to him that he was not in the pool but air force amy was and that was it he was like get me in that fucking death pool what do i have to do now yeah oh yeah he's in now i mean i i think i submitted it on his behalf at that point because he he can't have one of his air force amy also in my book yeah he can't have one of his hookers. Air Force Amy, also in my book. Yeah. He can't have one of his hookers in there and him not be in it.

Dennis Hoff, because you... That's great. What's his fucking... Some Negro... I don't know if he's a basketball player or a rapper. Lamar Odom. Yeah. Lamar Odom.

Yeah. Basketball? Basketball. I don't know. You know about it much as I did about him, actually. But you were at the Bunny Ranch when he had some kind of... I was at the Love Ranch, which is the sister house.

Dennis owns... He's the Sam Walton of legal prostitution. He owns seven brothels total in Nevada. Which is like owning seven trailer parks in Nevada. This is like owning seven trailer parks in Nevada. Nevada. This particular one, though, is the one that's closest to Las Vegas. So I was in there undoubtedly drafting some completely legitimate press release about a very earnest media initiative we had, some story we were going to float out there.

media initiative we had, some story we were going to float out there. And I happened to be the only... I knew Lamar Odom was there because he had been there for a couple of days. Much like the Stanhope compound here, it is sprawling out there at the Love Ranch, and there's a lot there's a big house and a guest house

and bungalows and such. So he had been in the big high roller VIP house for a couple of days. Knew he was back there. house for a couple of days, knew he was back. We have a lot of trailers too. Sure. But I hadn't seen him. And so it was like a Tuesday afternoon or something.

And I'm sitting in the office on the computer and one of the hookers comes running into the office. Door flies open. Oh my God, Richard, come hurry. Something's happened to Lamar, something's wrong. So I jump up, go running all the way across the property to the back house. She's trying to keep up with me like wearing only heels.

You know? And... Yeah, exactly. We get into the room. He is on his back snoring like ungodly loud like something is very wrong like a coma kind of something's not good.

He had two girls in there. The one that came and got me and then another one who's equally freaking out when I get into the room. So I get up on the bed. You fucked him into a coma. You fucked him into a coma. I don't have insurance. We don't have insurance. We don't have insurance.

Dennis Hoff doesn't give us insurance. Yeah. Go ahead. So I get up on the bed. But first thing I knew is he shouldn't be on his back. So I got him over on his side. I actually employed a little jujitsu, went Z guard on him to get him over on his side. And when I did, shit just came out everywhere, like puke, blood, piss, just out of his. All holes evacuated?

Yeah, all over me. And so I look over at them and I go, okay, first give me the phone. So I got the phone. He looked over at them and said, how much would you get paid to get shit puked and pissed on because i'm gonna ask for the same amount of money yeah i need to be cut into this party what would you do so so well i'll tell you i'll tell you what it had cost him actually uh it he we had run his uh amex black card for 75 000 and he was gonna run it for more if he hadn't overheated. I'm sorry.

I have to stop you because Amex is a sponsor. Oh, wow. It's not a black card for black people. Right. They have the same card for all races. Go ahead. No, thank you for clarifying that. And so I got him propped up on the guy's like 300 pounds i mean he's a giant so

i got i got him propped up on his side so we want to aspirate i got the phone under this uh uh ear if you're the 9-1-1 call you hear my voice on there and you hear me actually on the 9-1-1 call it's online asking girls radio voice hey 9 Hey! 911, what's your emergency? Real tight formatics. I'll tell you what my emergency is. What's your name? Caller? First-time caller?

Long-time listener? Ten minutes after the hour here at Love Ranch Vegas. Nicely done. Coming up at the bottom of the hour, we got traffic and weather. But so I'm on the 911 call. 911 operator answers. Tell her what's going on. She goes, okay, what is he taking?

So I say to the girls, okay, tell me everything he's taking. They point to like an empty bottle of Kavosier that he has consumed, but he is a giant. He's been in there for a couple of days, so maybe that's not the end of the world. They tell me that he told them he had done a small amount of cocaine before arriving, of course, because we would have the zero-tolerance drug policy. But then she holds up this packet of something. I do work in the PR department. She holds up this packet of something. Yes. I do work in the PR department. She holds up this packet.

It's a big room, so I actually can't see the packet of whatever she's holding up. She goes, and he took this. And she throws it to me, and I look at it, and it's one of these truck stop dick pill things. It's called Reload, and it actually has a picture of a woman blowing the end of a pistol, and that's where the red caplet is. And I go, I'm reading the dosage and everything to the 911 operator, and it says take one per day or something like that maximum. And I said to one of the hookers, I said,

One per whore? Yeah. Did you describe it to the 911 operator as a truck stop boner, Phil? Well, I mean, yeah, kind of. I think I said reload and, yeah, the dosage and everything. So I said, how many of these did he take? And she goes, probably like 12. So it turns out that is what really caused it because he started having many strokes.

So he's basically in a coma at this point. So the 911 people are on their way, a reader of the dosage and everything. When the paramedics get there, now keep in mind, this is out in the hinterlands. I mean, this is an hour outside of Las Vegas. No whorehouse. If you've never been to Nevada and you think prostitution is legal, been to nevada and you think prostitution is legal it is in the very outskirts of where they find ufos and shit yeah it's not oh i'll leave the bellagio and then go to the whorehouse next door no you have to go out into where it's scary well yeah it's not legal in clark county because it's

overpopulation 250,000. Anywhere outside of Clark County, so Nye County and all that, that's worse. Yeah, you got to get over the county line. For people who live in New Jersey where a county is 10 minutes away from the next county. It's a good hour drive. You're driving an hour. Yes. That's why we have free limo service, by the way.

And you get abducted by a UFO on the way. It's out in the middle of nowhere. So then the paramedics show up. So they come in the room. And at first I'm thinking, okay, they don't seem to be in a real hurry. So maybe this is good because I was worried about this situation. But maybe they're looking at him and going, this will be okay. He just over-reloaded.

He didn't over-reload. No. I later find out that they weren't in a real hurry because they assessed the situation and basically were proclaiming him a goner. So they were just kind of like, you know. I didn't want to step on your dick. I thought you were going to say that they were, like, sizing up the whores they could bang for free. Yeah. No.

So he's on this. He was dead. That's what they were thinking. Yeah. So he's on the bed. There's four of us. We each pick up a corner of the bed sheet, okay? And we hold it grip style like this and carry him like in a hammock out to the ambulance because he won't fit on the stretcher.

For the listener. There's four corners to a sheet. Yeah. There's three EMTs who I assume are Frank mirror size. Yeah. And then there's you who look like you failed at a deaf leopard. Sure. And, and probably did along the way. And that's it. Yeah, no,

you're absolutely right. There's four of us carrying the body out. Three of us are medically licensed to do so. I think, yeah. And you're wheezing. Oh, I didn't realize this guy's so heavy. So we start carrying it. Well, I'm the guy that's fake lifting his corner is what I'm doing.

You're the worst pallbearer ever. He has grass stains on his head. I don't know. Not my problem. Well, that actually, when we got him out in the daylight and I'm looking down at him, that's when I realized it really sank in. I think I might be looking at a dead guy or a nearly dead guy. We get him in the ambulance. I go to the with by now we have to go to perump because that is the closest

podunk town but that one that actually has a hospital ugly town yeah yeah i believe you did some uh some call some call centering out there didn't't you? For a minute. Yeah, yeah. But we've driven through there. It's the ugliest fucking trailer park town ever. It's rough. Can I understand something real quick? You were obligated to go along with this? Or you were just like a good guy? You're following the story? Richard's a notoriously good guy.

Yeah, I mean, I did feel a sense of obligation. Yeah, you stayed at the hospital with him, too. Yeah, I mean, I did feel a sense of obligation, and yes, I was. Yeah, you stayed at the hospital with him, too. Yeah, so that's right. So we did. So we get to the hospital, and they get him in the room. Now, at this point, this is where I find out how bad it is. Like, they come out, and the doctor probably wasn't even supposed to be telling me this

because I'm not, like, family or anything, but he's like, listen. But you look so upstanding. Yeah, I do. He goes, listen, there's, like, a really good chance he doesn't make it out of here. So I'm just processing that information. Now, get this. This is the really shady, weird part of this one part, is that this guy, this mystery figure shows up, this very large man of color, about Frank's size here. And he comes up to me.

King Mo's a middle one. Like, this guy was actually a legit hulking dude. And he calls me over, and he goes, listen, I work for the Kardashians and, you know, Mr. Odom. And no one knew we were there, by the way. So, obviously, he had been, you know, tipped off. He's like, you know, I'm going to need to get Mr. Odom's. He's got two cell phones, his backpack, some other things.

He had shown up at the brothel with nondisclosure agreements printed out for all the hookers to sign. This is where we're going next. So this guy wants to get a hold of all the paperwork and everything, right? This is the best part, though. And Doug, you'll appreciate this knowing Dennis Hoff as you do. That's where we're going next. He puts his hand around me, or his arm is the best part, though. And Doug, you'll appreciate this knowing Dennis Hoff as you do. That's where we're going next. He puts his hand around me, or his arm, and he goes, listen,

right now, no one knows that this has happened, okay? And I am sure that your boss, Mr. Hoff, would like to keep a tight lid on this, not have this get out. And I'm like, oh, boy, yeah, you know him, yeah. That's spot on, oh, boy, yeah, you know him.

Yeah, that's spot on. Yeah, he would not want any publicity off of this whatsoever. But so, yeah, how do we keep the world from finding out about this, right? So as he's saying this to me, thinking, you know, that that's going to resonate with me, my phone's ringing. It's Dennis, right? So I said, excuse me, hold on, I have to take this call. Answer the phone.

Dennis is like, okay. So I've talked excuse me. Hold on. I have to take this call. Answer the phone. Dennis is like, okay. So I've talked to TMZ. The National Enquirer is calling. Now, I've got an order here. I want you to talk to these guys first, okay? Because we told them they could have an exclusive. And then we're going here. And then we're going there.

I mean, he was already mapping the whole thing out. It hit me about 24 hours into it when I was on Nancy Grace's show. Oh, no. You're the biggest sellout ever now. I've always respected you kind of until now. Understand. Nancy Grace. Here's the thing.

I mean, not that, look, I don't mind doing media either most times. I actually did say tois that in a moment of naivete i said you know what we should do is write a tasteful statement let's just put that out and then decline any further comment that'll be the most respectful way of handling that and i even did when the the satellite truck started showing up because then the peru sheriff shows up this is the biggest thing this town's ever seen and the the Perum sheriff moved in with her parents. So the sheriff shows up, and he's like, hee-hee, all right. Now listen, there's a whole cavalcade of press coming down from L.A.

Here's how you pronounce my name. Don't fuck it up. He says, all the satellite trucks are coming. So within a few hours, we got CNN, Good Morning America. They're all out there. So the first interview I did with CNN, and I actually, after Denison said, no, we got to do these interviews because he was up in Reno. So I'm down here doing these on the scene. I asked the first interview to shoot me from the side because I was embarrassed to be on camera talking about this. And they shot me from the side and my cell phone went off as I'm doing it.

And it was a friend of mine going, dude, we can totally recognize that that is you. So at that point, the floodgates open. 24 hours later, I'm doing Nancy Grace. And that was rock bottom. I had the same feelings, Doug. And I'm like, oh, this is going to suck. This is going to suck. But I have a similar story that I'm not going to interrupt you. But I understand. bottom guy had the same feelings doug and i'm like oh this is gonna suck this is gonna suck but i have a similar story that i'm not gonna interrupt you but i understand here was the

best part though here was the best part she had dennis on split screen with me dennis is up in reno i'm down in bay because dennis was figured out whores on either side yeah crying on command absolutely because this was you know the the the worst day in the history of, you know, that. Yeah, exactly. On either side of it. So I'm thinking this is going to suck. She's going to skewer me. But she Dennis is the the the Washington generals to her Harlem Globetrotters. She wants to beat up on Dennis, who she keeps referring to as a smut peddler. she wants to beat up on dennis who she keeps referring to as a smut peddler so she beats up on him but then when she cuts to me she goes and now the guardian angel who saved lamar odom's life and i was like oh wait i'm one of the good guys on this show

she just spends ten minutes painting me as this good Samaritan. It was great. Dennis Hoff, when I we filmed up there for the man show. The Bunny Ranch. Yeah, you were there. At the Bunny Ranch and

Dennis Hoff immediately tells me and Rogan, I to talk to you about Rogan see I'm getting my fucking segues good says welcome hey you know what I think there's three days we're going to film there and he's like

you get a carte blanche I'm going to you can fuck any one of my whores and I'm gonna take care of your first one on the house and and then he starts telling us all Carrot Top has fucked my whores and this guy has fucked

my whores and I was in a relationship at the time and Rogan didn't care he goes goes, Rogan says I'll pass because I don't want to be in the litany of names you drop

of people who fuck your whores. And to Dennis Hoff's credit, he goes, I only mention names of people who are already public about going there. But it was still awkward. But I was in a relationship, and that's when I jerked off on Air Force Amy,

because she's so fucking funny. We hung out the whole time, and we just joked. I go, well, you're going to get paid if I go back to your room, so just dildo yourself, and I'll just jerk off. It's not cheating if I just jerk off, and you so just dildo yourself and I'll just jerk off. That way, it's not cheating if I just jerk off and you put a dildo in yourself. You want to keep it respectful. And then there was,

and I jerk off all over whatever T-shirt wardrobe had given me. And then I come out and there was this one asshole on the production crew assistant, fucking whatever. We all hated him. We called him man dick. And, uh, I come out, I'm fucking just withered in my own jizz on my shirt. It's just dripping off of me. And I go, Hey man,

that great shoot as he's collecting up all the gear and I hug him and then I start smearing my shirt into him and then other people who know where I just came from are laughing and he's like oh Jesus I'm on fire hashtag me too exactly

but Hoff just me too exactly uh but hoff just just the most relentless self-promoter and i don't know if you've ever had to do this which part was i going to mirror i've had to go on stern i've had to go on Stern. I've had to go on your show to promote Girls Gone Wild, where I go, I know this is a piece of shit, but I'm contractually obligated to promote this. So I have to go on. Have you ever had a fight where you go, yeah, this is a tomato can, but I have to.

Dana made me. Now, for good or for worse, it drives my wife nuts, but so far one thing that I've been lucky about is I've always picked the hardest fights I could possibly get. If they ever gave me an option between, all right, here's a safe route and here's a dangerous route, I've always chosen. You get an option.

Yeah, they usually come at you with a two because a lot of guys turn fights down. And then after a while, they just realized that I wasn't going to turn anything down. So they just call me up, all right, we're going to have you fight this guy. I'm like, all right, cool. You know where that,

I'll bet more like what Doug's talking about though. Like a lot of times fighters, because of their name recognition, will get cast in some like straight to DVD movie or something like that. And then sometimes the PR company might have you promoting that or some product or something like that. Have you ever had to promote something that you knew was bullshit?

You know what? Actually, sometimes it happens to us, and it's funny because... We all have sponsors. Well, here's the way I do it. Because of exactly what you're saying, you get in the back of the production, right? We do that whole montage where we watch a fight where you're sitting there talking shit about your opponent, right? And for a while there, it's like, well, I honestly don't have a problem with the guy on a personal level. But then I could figure out what I would say.

I'm kind of a smartass. So instead of me sitting there going, I'm going to kill this guy because I don't like him, that's not true. I like the guy, but you know what? He sucks at this. He's not very good at this i'm gonna call you on it you're not very good at this and then people started you know it was my way of sidestepping that fake animosity because i always hate that when i see two guys pretend they don't like each other and as soon as the fight's over with they're like oh we just did it to sell the fight i'm all all, that's kind of stupid. It seems like it's gotten a lot worse recently. UFC seems more like watching wrestling promotion a lot of the time.

Whereas there's a lot of truth. Like I remember one time I was in a fight, a guy named Chet Congo, right? Yeah. A French guy, good fighter, really good striker. And the guy's built like an Adonis. I mean, the guy has like a 34-inch waist and a heavy weight. The guy is shredded to the bone, you know. He's what I want to look like when I grow up.

And so getting ready for the fight, you know, I was like, oh, well, you know, he sucks on the ground. He has no ground game. And to the point where it was funny because – He's no toe bar guy. Yeah, he doesn't – but it wasn't like I was making shit up. Like, I'm strong, man. Yeah. It wasn't like I was making anything up to the point to where I remember he wasn't talking to me the week of the fight.

Like, every time he walked by me, he just kind of dogged me. And I'm like, hey, whatever you got to do to get in the mood, you know what I mean? Each to his own. I've always been more of like a sociopath approach. Like, I could be your best friend. Once you say go, I'm going to break your neck. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care, you know?

It doesn't matter. It's just like being a hitman, you know what I mean? If you're the mark, you're the mark. I don't care who you are. And so he obviously is one of those guys that thought, how do you get worked up? So I remember I sat in the seat, right? And they're like, okay. And at first they usually will feed you shit.

Now they're not talking to me. I'm like, hey, so what's up? They're like, oh, yeah, yeah. I'm like, well, and he did his interview before me. Like, well, what did he say about me? He goes, oh, and usually they'll try to make something up to try to get you fired up and now the guy i know the you know production crew and they're sitting there kind of doing like they don't want to talk to me i'm like wow you're selling this good man what happened like he says after he knocks you out he's gonna piss on you

i was like what yeah he doesn't like that you said that you're he's bad on the ground i'm like well hold the fuck up it It's a different thing. No, but it's the truth. I'm like, yo, if all of us in the UFC got into a ground fight right now, this motherfucker ain't beating anybody. I mean, like, if we had a tournament on jiu-jitsu skills, he's coming dead last. I didn't say he was fat, which would have been stupid.

You know what I mean? Like, you know, I gave him credit where credit's due, but you know what? Everybody has flaws in their game. I'm going to call you out on it because then that sells. You know, it's the truth truth i can stand by it that is exactly what we're talking when you have to sell yeah you have to you have you ever had to do the uh the pre-game thing well i i do get limited a lot and that part sucks because you Wait. So you like to do that pregame where you pretend to fight at the weigh-in shit?

No, I won't do it unless it's real. If I really don't like you, then I'm okay with trying to, you know, before. If we're okay with each other, we're okay with each other. But as far as, like, you know, his situation. Have you ever lied? No. No. In fact, if anything, I get cut back.

Like I said, my wife a lot of times'm like, I'm going to say this. She's like, please don't, God, don't say that. I'm like, oh, you know, this would be good. I'm going to go here. I actually asked your wife a couple questions while you were out smoking cigars. Don't go there. Don't go there. Yeah, she told me some stuff.

Well, no. And Richard now is my other guy. Because I remember I called him up to find out because I heard about the Lamar Odom thing, right? It's happening. It's going on. And I'm like, hey, manar odom thing right it's happening it's going on and i'm okay man are you all right he goes yeah i'm okay i'm all hey would it be funny if i tweeted that can we change it from party like a rock star to party like lamar odom and then he texts me back he goes can we at least wait to find out if he lives i'm like it's not gonna be as funny man so that's what he says you are a comic it's not uh not a good idea i'm like ah shit so half the time i'm up there like people ask me a question or something and then that's why you'll see me sometimes like i have

to do the stare at my wife this is my conscious oh yeah is that okay if i talk freely and she's like no no she's gonna remember, remember the Brock Lesnar thing? Yeah, I was still thinking at that point that there was just some minimal level, like some low bar that we wouldn't go below, like in the Lamar. I should have known better, though, because you actually reminded me, Doug, when you were talking about that. About two years prior to that, we'd done this contest with the Bunny Ranch with Stern, and it was get my grandpa laid.

This is awesome. Right? And so the deal was that you brought your grandpa on Stern, and you told him the sob story, you know, they were widowed, whatever, and then the saddest one got a free hooker at the bunny ranch so this guy brings his grandson grandpa johnny on his grand grandfather and grandpa johnny had been widowed for a number of years and all this so he ends up winning the trip stern sends him down to the bunny ranch guy comes in and he and the guy was in his 80s so he comes in he's excited, and he's picked his girl out that he wants, Caressa Kisses.

And so, you know, he comes in, where's Caressa? Hee hee! Come on, let's go! And his grandson, and she's there, and they're all ready to go. Well, his grandson says, you know, Grandpa Johnny, since we're here, and Tahoe is 20 minutes away, you know, why don't we not rush into anything? Let's go have a nice dinner before you do your business. So he's, all right, Chris, I'll be back for you in a little bit.

And so out they go. Bunny Ranch Limo takes them up to Tahoe Steakhouse up there. They sit down. He orders a big steak, takes the first bite of the steak, chokes on it, and drops dead right there at the table. The story gets better. The story gets way better. So I get this text from Dennis.

Now, this is a very high-profile contest, because obviously Stern is supposed to have Grandpa Johnny on for the exit interview, right, the next day. And so I get this text from Dennis, and it says, you know, Grandpa Johnny just dropped dead at the table at the steakhouse. He texts me this, and it's like 5 a.m. or something. And I look at it, and I'm like. Media gold. Well, here's the thing. I'm like, oh, my God.

You know, like, and I'm about to text, oh, that's horrible. I hope, you know, is his grandson okay? And before I can do that, I see the bubble coming up with the next text. And exactly, it says, get here right away. We've got to get the press release together. We've got to figure out what we're doing. So I go in there. I felt bad about it until I found this out.

This is the best part of the story. That as they were loading Grandpa Johnny's corpse onto the ambulance, the grandson reached in Grandpa Johnny's sport coat pocket and pulled out the voucher for the free hooker, took it to the Bunning Ranch, and redeemed it for himself a few hours later, claiming it as a tribute to his fallen grandfather, that that's how his grandfather would have wanted it. This is a good place to break,

would have wanted it yes this is a good place to break because we both both the phone booth fighting podcast and the doug stanow podcast have to break to bring you beautiful sponsors and we'll be right back after we all take a piss because we've been drinking quite a bit. Please hold. Hey, Pop-Off Vodka, we haven't, uh, our long term, our longest sponsor, we haven't pitched Pop-Off Vodka for a while. Hey, Pop-Off Vodka, people. It's a plastic jug so big you can crawl inside with all of your deepest fears and still fit comfortably. Pop-Pop Vodka. Go down to the bottomless shelf of your local barred window retail liquor establishment in that part of town. Get yourself a bottle of Pop-Pop Vodka. It makes you smile like you just got 500 surprise dollars in the mail.

And now back to the podcast already drinking Bop-Bop Vodka. All right. Jaylee, cut this out or leave it in. It doesn't matter. We did some due diligence.

Frank Mir. Just trying to interview the wife. Well, yeah, we did that. Interviewed the wife. Well, yeah, we did that later when she showed up, but I'm going to call Rogan, text Rogan, go, hey,

Muir's going to be here tomorrow for a podcast. Got Nathan to fuck with him about, and all he had was that you are well armed all the time but not right now i got off a plane yeah well both chad shank and jobey are overly well armed all the time so we thought last night still drunk three days later from the super bowl drunk three days later from the Super Bowl, let's just have

guns everywhere, wear guns on our back. Bandoliers. If you're in my home, if you're in my house or when I'm in Vegas, you guys come to Vegas, if you drive, I'll show you everything I carry with me. Perfect.

I'll have competitions with people like, who has more guns or knives on them? No, that's great because all my guns identify as super soakers. You know where that could work actually is because you tell that story about when you were on stage with the first time stand-up with all the guns and stuff. There's a good story if you want to. Don't burn your material on a podcast. Well, no, it wasn't. We've only done it four times. We're doing our part.

No, it happened. Well, we were doing a thing. He came up with an idea where he has to name that tune before I choke him out. Yeah, that was great. So I get in a position where I'm going to land a submission on Richie, and we'll start playing a song. And he has to name the song before I can crank him, right? On stage when we're doing stand-up.

So we go to sit down. He goes, oh, position. I go to get there. And I go to move. And I'm like, hold on a second. So I had to leave the stage real quick to disarm because I had too many knives and guns. And I'm like, ah, if we start rolling around on the ground. I'm like, the whole stage is going to freak the fuck out if a Glock goes sliding across.

So you know the table. Like there's the stool. And then there's always the table where you can set your drink or whatever. Frank just starts flipping out their gun. There's a couple of knives on the table, like there's the stool, and then there's always the table where you can set your drink or whatever. Frank just starts flipping out their gun. There's a couple of knives on the table and everything. It's okay, now I'm ready. I'm going to get down on the floor. It's safe.

No one's going to get poked. It's very strange where I will not own a gun because I know I have Napoleon complex. Oh, like if I'm drunk. Yeah. A drunk fucking weak guy should not have a gun because I'd use it inappropriately. You don't want to, you don't want to live out your golden years like Phil Spector. Well, but it's also odd that a guy that can fucking crush anyone in the street

generally has a million guns. Well, and that's because, I mean, growing up in Vegas, I learned really quick that, like, look, especially now, it's not like I'm unknown. If someone walks out and they see me, and they're going to be up to no good, they're not going to go fist cuffs with me. And

if they wanted to, then I won't pull anything out. It's like, all right, you just want to fist fight real quick? All right, let me show you the errors of your ways. But then you get arrested because you won. Well, that's if I'm still there and they can remember what happened. That's always the key is to winning the fight fast and leaving. Yeah. But, I mean, if you think about it, most guys don't carjack people fisticuffs.

They pull out a knife, a gun. And most of the time, I mean, I have my wife and my kids with me, so running from a situation, people are like, oh, you just try to avoid confrontation. I'm all, what if that's not possible? What if I'm in a situation? I'm at the gas station. A guy walks me at a pump.

My kids are in the car. You know what I mean? It's one of those things where it's like, well, fuck, man. It's either you die or I die. And if I die, what's going to happen to my kids and my wife? So I'm the last line of defense here. So losing is not an option. It's not a sport fight where it's like, ah, shit, I lost this one.

In a street fight, it's like, I can't afford to lose. You have to die. Absolutely agree. When Rogan and I were doing the man show, he was also doing Fear Factor at the same time. So he'd do 14 hours a day on Fear Factor, stop by the writer's room afterwards, chime in, and then go do an hour at the comedy store for nothing.

He's a fucking monster, just like you are, and trained. Yeah. It doesn't make sense to me what you fucking weirdo fucking freak people do but he'd come by and we'd go yeah we pitched this bit

and they won't do it he's like fuck em I'll choke that guy out he's always I'll fucking choke that fuck out the producer or whoever that's not frank style when no no wait wait yeah let's go somewhere yeah at some point i said rogan when when were you ever in an actual fight because he was always gonna choke some fucking guy out he goes like a real fight i've never been in a real fight because he was always going to choke some fucking guy out. He goes, like a real fight?

Nah, never been in a real fight. Because some fucking crazy guy will just pick up a beer bottle and cut your fucking eye out. True. We were doing a tape in a podcast one night in a bar. And we were sitting there

and this drunk guy comes walking by out on a patio. And he leans over to Frank, and he's like, ah, Frank, we're just leaning in. And he's leaning into the microphone, which is going on the podcast. Well, Frank takes podcasting very seriously. And his buddy had gone to the bathroom, right? These two guys together, one guy goes to the bathroom, and this other one's being this drunk asshole.

So Frank gets up. I mean, Frank doesn't like to be touched if you don't know him or whatever. And the guy's like got his arm around his throat and everything. Frank gets up from the podcast, excuse me for a minute. He walks over to the side and he goes, listen, that was very rude. Now we, if you see over here, we're taping a podcast and he goes, there's a lot of work that goes into this. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, there's a lot of work that goes into this. Yeah, yeah. He's like, there's a lot of work that goes into this. And what you caused is now this is going to have to be edited out. And someone has to do the work. Now, the meantime, his buddy comes out from the bathroom, recognizes Frank,

and recognizes his drunk asshole friend has obviously caused some sort of problem with him. So the buddy's like, holy shit, Frank Muir's going to kill my friend, whatever just happened. But instead, Frank's giving him this very sincere, so, you know, really, you should apologize for what just, and the guy, you know, do you remember that? You were giving him this, like, talking to you like it was your kid. Well, and that's also true because any time I've had, especially, like, I worked for eight years at a club, and I've always felt that if I'm going to get. Spearmint rhino, door man. the club and i've always felt that if i'm gonna get meant rhino door man so and i always made sure that if i ever got violent with somebody that when it was over with you knew you deserved it you know i mean i never wanted to be that dick that was just looking to cause a fight

i gave people alternatives to situation like we could solve the problem this way to solve the problem that way but if a guy just was going to be hard-headed and go in a certain direction there's nobody in the eight years that i worked there that ever got their ass kicked by me that the next day couldn't wake up going, ah, fuck, I had that coming. Yeah, fuck. Sorry. That's all me. I'm sorry.

Because I've seen guys get shot that way. And I don't care how badass you are with a gun, a knife. If you have some guy waiting at you by your car and he's already pointing it in, you're fucked. So my mentality was like, okay, I'm never gonna uh undeservedly hand out an ass whooping because that festers with people you know if i just whoop your ass and you're like dude you're just being a bully you're a fucking dick that guy goes home he sits there realizes who i am realizes he can't fuck me up in a fight anyways so then he goes and he grabs his little 38 and

he waits for me by his car to regain his manhood i'm fucked now you know what i mean like what am i gonna do that's why i don't know and frank's frank's discreet about it too like i remember the we went to the liquor store early on in our friendship and uh i made a run up there at night and we're getting out of the car and i knew frank always uh no no it was a nice part of part of dallas north dallas but or uh north vegas but uh we we get out of the car. Nice part of North Vegas going. Yeah. Summerlin. Summerlin.

Not North Vegas. Summerlin. That's a town hill area. Accurate. So anyway, we go to this liquor store, and I knew Frank had the other gun in the car, and he always has the gun on him and everything, but he's discreet about it. It's not like he's twirling it on his finger. So we get out of the car, and as he's readjusting his sweatpants, where he's got

his gun down there by his nether regions, and I'm getting out of the car, this guy comes walking by, and he goes, oh, hey, Frank Mir, big fan. Frank waves with the hand that's not down his pants. And I thought to myself, in that moment, that guy either thinks that Frank is making sure he's got his gun on him, or Frank just got a blowjob from that drifter that just got out of the car. Or Frank Mir jerks off every time he's recognized. I don't want to close this podcast without getting back to this. Yeah. Because we talked about this outside.

I go, I want to talk to you about this off the air. But you brought it to a place where talk to you about this off the air. But you brought it to a place where we can talk about it on the air. Now you're with Bellator. Instead of UFC, Chad Shank smokes

a lot of pot. I'm not calling him out, but it's been known Chad Shank smokes a lot of pot. So we both said we're going to smoke outside my cigarettes and his pot. So you don't test dirty. Yeah, you guys are talking about us right now. And that's why I informed you, not that I.

But you were talking about other fighters that will do drugs that. Taking Xanax. Other fighters will do drugs that... Taking Xanax and... It's an old comedy tome of... Hey, they... Why would you smoke pot to be a better athlete? It doesn't make sense, is the hackneyed premise. But he was talking about...

Yeah. Well, people have panic attacks yeah yeah well so pot and xanax and stuff that you would never think would be uh yeah performance well i guess how the conversation started because you guys are worried about i smoke weed around you'll test positive like well they don't care if i have recreational drugs in my system or any fighter leading up to a fight they have two types of drug testing, in competition and out of competition. Out of competition,

PEDs, steroids, all that stuff is always illegal in both. Then in competition, there's certain drugs they feel alters your mind and might get you hurt. So you can smoke weed up to a fight and then a couple days out

you have to stop because you have to have such a, only allow so many nanobytes per milliliter in your blood. Basically, you don't want you high in a fight. So like Diaz smoked too much weed whenever he would, because he kept being busted for that. So, and the problem with that is when guys sit there and go, why are you smoking weed before a fight? And that's what I told you guys. It's like, look, man, a lot of fighters panic their ass off.

They have, like for the Diaz brothers, they're not stressed about fighting people. They like to fight people. If you go see one of them in the superstore right now and you want to fight him, he's not going to have an issue with fighting you. It's not going to stress him out. Start talking to him with three people around you. Go, hey, it's Nate or it's Nick. Talk to him. He's going to panic the fuck off his ass.

They have social anxiety. So people don't realize that that's another aspect of fighting. Just like in comedy, you're not just fighting somebody and it makes me nervous too you're walking out in front of 15 000 screaming people live cameras that idea can build social anxiety or stress the fuck out it's like you know it's like giving a speech at the front of your class you know and so guys sometimes a thousand right so that's why a lot of fighters when it comes to weed get in trouble because they actually do it to calm the fuck down they're trying to relax like oh fuck i'm stressed out of my mind it's the night before the fight i can't sleep i'm sitting there jittery as shit and if they

already have a crutch upon they found a system of self-medicating where it's like well a little thc mellows me the fuck out i'm not you know out of my mind then they do it again and then now they're too close to the fight win a fight it's not helping you win a fight. It's helping you get through a fight. Right. It's helping you get a good night's sleep the night before, relaxing. But in sports where, oh, performance, as a comic, I could not do comedy without being drunk. And sometimes Adderall, if i'm too drunk where you like if they put the same rules on

comedy uh that's actually my opening bit he he pissed negative he's not really a funny comic no i have to do a lot of yeah different drugs to get through a fucking show that's the first 30 seconds of my stand-up where i sit there and talk about basically like hey i don't know if comedies will be a new career for me but at least i know i won't be in trouble for failing a drug test in fact in comedy the only way really to fail a drug test is like the od very true right but uh and i'm sure someone's done a bit about it i don't want to be a carlos mencia here but if they didn't force those rules on art the same way they do sports where oh uh no he yeah he seemed funny that night but yeah he was on a lot of drugs we do have a weird obsession in our culture i mean jesus we had fucking uh baseball players

in front of a fucking uh congressional hearing answering questions which i thought was odd i'm like hey wait a minute man my kids play. These guys just get paid to play baseball. This is something our government should be wasting time on. I'm watching on CNN right now. But Kane tried to do something with boxing. Fucking No-No, the documentary. You had to have seen No-No. No-No is a 30 for 30.

The no-hitter on LSD. No-hitter on LSD. Yeah, he threw a no-hitter on acid. Oh, I know that guy. Doc Ellis. Doc Ellis. Doc Ellis, yeah. I did see that, yeah. It was fucking fantastic.

We have a strange obsession with the athletes, and I think it's weird being a fighter, and I don't know if you guys deal with this the same way we deal with it. It's such a love-hate relationship when you're a professional fighter. In one sense, we're idolized because we're like a real-life fucking action character. We go out there and fight people. And fighting, I think, is one of the largest stigmas in our society. Like, wait, you're going to punch another person in the face and you're not even mad at them?

Yeah. People have a hard time. I mean, you see guys in a bar. I mean, like I said, I worked for many years in a club. I'll see a guy get another altercation with another guy. Spearmint Rhino, Las Vegas. And he wants to fight, and they sit there, and their hands are clenched by their side,

and they're twitching, and they just don't know how to flip that switch because we're taught all violence is bad, violence is bad. And then now you have this group of guys that are able to go up there and exemplify being able to be violent. And people just have a hard time wrapping their brain around it. And at the same time, it's almost like they hate

you too it's like wait a minute you like me but you hate me at the same time like because it's like oh that guy's a badass ah fuck that guy's a badass he's something I wish I could be and I'm not him and not being comfortable with that it's like well but we're all different things stand up comedy is always named

the number one public speaking is always named the number one. Public speaking is always named the number one fear of people. Yeah, so you guys, that's why you get that heckler in the crowd probably. It's like, I wish I was that guy. So this is going to be my 15 seconds. I heckled before I did stand-up. Really? Yes.

But at least you became that guy. I don't feel proud about it. But I'm saying everyone has a different fear. And people would say to me, well, I could never do what you do. That's so scary. Well, yeah, it would be scary for you because you would suck at it. You're good at fighting. That helps.

I would be way worse at fighting someone in a ring because I suck at it. So, yeah. But you are right. Fear is all individualized. Different people have different fear sets. When people say, oh, you're fearless. I'm like, well, no. You just found something that you're proficient at so it helps get rid of some of that fear.

But if we found something like, I mean, shit, man. I mean, I'm afraid of heights. You put me up on a high enough dive board and I freaked the fuck out. I one time went on the three meter or was it like they have a five meter, the 10 meter, the 20 meter. I couldn't even jump off the lowest one. It took me 20 minutes. And there's some 10 year old heckling me at the bottom before I jumped.

Frank, we have, I don't know what your podcast is about, but we do feet and yards. So meters too much international travel. For a British audience. But I in yards so meters too much international travel for a british audience yeah but i can't be in a restaurant that's too busy because i take on the stress of the angry waitress where i'll be with

you in a minute i'll be where i'll just go home and eat at home i couldn't be a good waitress you know what you're good at yeah you punch people in the face dick hunter talks to oj yes gives good cpr that shank has good fucking elbows when he's fucking collecting money it's uh audiobooks It's my new thing, remember? You know, the thing is, though, like, this is actually speaking audiobooks, but you know, I also think, too, like, things you bring from your... Not audiobooks, audible. Yes, audible, which is where I heard Doug's audiobook,

Digging Up Mother. But it's like, but the reason I bring this up is because, you know, I think a lot of times, and I see this with Frank, like, skills that he has from not only the fighting fighting but the pr aspect of it and public speaking aspect of it things like that that are actually helping him now in stand-up like as long as i've known you doug i didn't realize until i'd read your book all the uh the rich background of uh uh cold calling and all the call center stuff and everything which had to be i mean that that's training you to be a performer well frank born and raised vegas which i hope you don't brag about i do a little bit come on come on vegas is a good place to live bisbee does that too

i'm bisbee native well that that means you don't have a choice. I hate tourist towns that hate tourists. Well, without Bugsy Siegel, you'd be fucking sucking water out of sand. Coconuts in Cuba. White people in Hawaii. Oh, you know what? You have to respect it. You're white. You don't belong here.

Anyway, I'm very drunk. I was going to ask you a question, though, Doug, about your call center stuff. Because you mentioned that guy that you worked for in Vegas that ran a call center, Steve Sisolak. He fucking runs the fucking town now. You know he's running for governor. Yeah. Yeah. He owns that fucking town, Steve Sisolak.

Surely his gubernatorial campaign is in need of a celebrity endorsement. Have you been contacted formally by the campaign? My listeners know. Yeah, yeah. Lives in town now. Yeah. Reconnected after 30 years. We reached out to Steve Sisolak.

He did not get back to us because he ran a telemarketing place of dubious integrity. I did not know this about him. This is the guy that started up the Vegas... He got the fucking...

The shooter fund and all that. Oh, yeah. We did the benefit. He was on the city council. He's a good dude. Yeah. He fired he fired doug from a like a call center where they tell you you've won a major prize he was running that right yeah it was again of dubious integrity but i stepped over the line where i went you know what fuck you i get your master card number on this old lead.

I'm going to fucking send a lot of Ginsu knives to your house based on your MasterCard. Yeah. So to me, that's an illustration of the fact that he's got integrity and he knows where the line is. Yeah, and he's the guy that brought the Raiders to Vegas. Yeah. I was fascinated to learn that from your book. He won't accept our acknowledgement. Hey, I'm for Steve Sisolak.

Please vote for him. Please don't do that. He hasn't contacted you to headline that black tie fundraiser yet? Dennis Hoff also supports Steve Sisolak. No, please don't help me. I got this. Dennis Hoff also supports Steve Sisto. Please, don't help me. I got this. All right.

Funny story that ties two of the things you actually brought up real quick. Guns and name dropping, right? One time, my wife, she was about nine months pregnant, and she wanted to pick up. It was right there, right? So she wanted to pick up this device that made it easier during sex, you know, so I didn't have to be on top of her. She's big.

She's heavy. And so you sell it at these adult stores, right? So I pull up in front of the adult store, and it's all windows, and I can see in. So I sit out there, and she's looking at me. I'm like, okay, go ahead. She's like, what do you mean? I'm like, well, go in there and buy your device, you know, take care of it. She goes, well, you're going to let me go in there?

I'm like, babe, I can see inside device you know take care of it she goes well you're gonna let me go in there i'm like babe i can see inside there she goes what if something happens i'm all i have like three handguns and an ak-47 in the trunk you're the safest person in this zip code ain't shit gonna happen i have like over 120 rounds trust me you're good she's like well you're not gonna go with me i'm like no i'm not going with you she's what do you think's gonna happen the guy's gonna sit there go oh shit it's frankont. Yeah, that's exactly what I think is going to happen. You know what I mean? I think I'm going to walk in there and the guy's going to recognize me. So she finally convinces me not to let my pregnant wife to walk in there by herself, so I walk in with her.

So I walk in. As I walk in, the guy's sitting there and he's watching fights on his fucking TV. I'm fighting Tank Abbott, right? And he looks over at me and he goes, over the bar well I swear to god and he looks over at me and he goes oh shit it's Frank Mayer now the whole store stops they look over at me I like my head just drops I'm like I'm just gonna walk over like to the big fucking black dildo section because I'm gonna at least make this story good for him you know so you know so I'm walking around the store and she gets her thing and she like walks up to me she goes oh well come on you know

other people come in here all the time. I'm sure there has to be some discretion here. And I'm a little convinced. I'm like, yeah, you're probably right. You can't run a business and you start name dropping who's in here, right? So we walk up to the thing and she's like, oh, Frank. He's like, hey, big fan. Like, yeah.

Frank was nervous to come in. He goes, oh, you shouldn't be. Carrot Top's been here. And he starts rattling off. to come in he goes oh you shouldn't be carrot tops been here and he starts rattling so then he starts rattling off about 15 names of people i recognize in vegas i'm like and then as he's saying i just start looking over my wife i'm like i fucking hate you right now because you know now i'm on that list so 12 years ago is uh you're 12 years older than me. I started in Vegas.

Do you remember the first comedy show you saw in Vegas? What was the first comedy show live? First bar you drank at in Vegas as an adult. Velvet Lounge at the

Venetian. Nice. That was quick. Yeah. Because I finally waited because I was kind of a nerd growing up. I never really bought alcohol or anything. You're still a nerd. Yeah. And so I'm 21 and I walk in and I'm sitting there and at the time I was dating a cocktail waitress who was a few

years older than I am. And I'm sitting there and I'm like oh, like Jones and you know know I had a 21 year old kid like it's my birthday like ID me and I'm like oh okay I remember I think I ordered a Guinness oh I'll try a Guinness and he sets it down like walks off I'm like oh fucking bullshit man I've been waiting this whole time I didn't even get carded

my first legal drink was in Vegas at a place that I had the worst fake id forever and then the day i turned 21 my regular bartender i go hey look at my real id i'm 21 like he'd be hey that's so cool you fucked me over and almost ruined my job. You fucking hated me. Family Billions on Maryland and Trop or Maryland and Flamingo. That's an area town, Maryland and Flamingo.

But yeah, my Vegas years when you were... You were still a kid. Yeah, it was 12 years ago. I started at the Rhino. 12 years younger. 2001. So yeah, you could have stopped in the Rhino and seen me. I was a Crazy Horse 2 man.

Avoid getting your neck broken. It was called Industrial Boulevard back then. Before now, it's called fucking MLK or fucking JFK or something. Frank, you know where Doug lived for a while when he was in Vegas? No, no, no. Naked City. That Fun City Motel across the street from the Stratosphere. Yeah, we dropped by it when I worked the Stratosphere.

You lived in there? Fuck you, that's where I first lived. He lived in it. Holy shit. Oh, you've got great stories about that. I guarantee you have great stories. That's like hooker crackhead. I was in the Fun City Motel when Tyson won his first heavyweight championship

in like five seconds against. Who was it that you knocked out? Michael Spinks? No, Trevor Burbick. Trevor Burbick. That's who he knocked. We knocked him out and he kept getting up and falling through the ropes. That was Trevor Burbick.

He was 19 when he did that. Yeah. And I was cooking on a two-burner stove in the Fun City Motel. We would make 39-cent spaghetti where you'd get a little tiny can of tomato sauce and ramen noodles. can of tomato sauce and ramen noodles 20 cents for the can of tomato sauce and 19 cents for ramen noodles get and you'd boil them up in one of those aluminum pans and one time it set on fire because we used the aluminum pan too many times and it busted a hole yeah that neighborhood has not gotten any better no that's an awful fucking neighborhood i worked that club in the stratosphere like twice a month and

there's there's actually a community who's got a great joke about because they got those rides at the top of the stratosphere you know where you hang off the side yeah and he's got the greatest joke he goes you think the ride's scary when that car hangs you off the side, you see the neighborhood you're going to fall into. That's fucking hilarious. This ride goes to shit. What did we call that guy? He ran for mayor and he went fucking ballistic. It was Bob Stupid's Vagrant World, we called it. Vegas World, it was called.

Beside the strategy. Oh, the world's largest souvenir store where that little whole thing is? Yeah, yeah. Bobak's Vegas world. And we called it Bob Stupak's Vagrant World. And that's where they finally absconded my fake ID. Because I kept going to that goddamn casino because it was close to Fun City. And I was lazy.

And they kept fucking throwing me out. But I kept going back. Anyway, all right. That's a scarier time to walk around so no gun walked around there being drunk nothing bad happened to you? I was a young kid with a mullet I was adorable who would touch me

there was people there that would touch you you dodged a bullet I fucked women that would touch you. You dodged a bullet. I fucked women that would be called cougars now and now I would call young girls. Amazing how you age. Dick Hunter.

Hopefully 48 you say me 47 September 18th 1970 here's the deal I'm actually throwing Richard Hunter into the database right now I make the rules

bingo's in the database because of this appearance thank you 1978 yes I'm now officially available oh no the year is 1970 he looks exactly like he did 15 years ago when I met him he's not dying anytime soon

Fort Worth Texas this fucking vegan is the worst fucking bet you could have my philosophy never had a drop of alcohol never never smoked, never done a drug. I didn't know that. You didn't know that about him? No. He just showed up to Dallas Improv.

No, I always make jokes about that because here the kid grew up around, your grandfather owned a liquor store. He grew up in a liquor store but never drank alcohol. Then gets into music when he's 16, travels with a band where everybody's 60. Musicians are scumbags too, right? So you're sitting there going, okay, he doesn't do anything there. Then goes into a comedy career where he's doing stand-up comedy, which I'm pretty convinced are kind of some of the most degenerate human beings

you could fucking be around. And now he works at a fucking brothel. He's around the worst human beings in the world comics are really the most intelligent people of any art form that's why they're the most miserable intelligence and misery go hand in hand but when it comes to uh mma well not so intelligent boxing when you would watch boxers that are your age or a little bit older, I'm going to do a disservice to a hackneyed bit, but I remember Butch Lord talked about boxers back when boxing was a thing. And he goes, they shouldn't talk in interviews.

I knew evidentially, Bob, i would become a container yeah well for me and then i remember sorry ken shamrock talking when i first started watching mma and he's like what i'm working on now is not so much expending energy it's the economy of motion like and he's like 42 at the time where any boxer would be going evidentially I will become a container no the brain damage between MMA

on a more serious note it's because standing 8 count in boxing they get hit dropped with a concussion and if you can get back up in 10 seconds they send you back out there after a guy's gonna try to knock your head off again in mma you get a concussion fights over with and the more we learn about you know trauma you see football players gronski you know two weeks ago you know you get a concussion you're out of the game football players

you know of the past and then 10 years later years later, shooting yourself in the chest. That's because they play through. Studying my brain. This is not going to work out well. No, I think they did that thing where there was about 130 of the athletes that have donated their brains. Like 129 of them had the brain damage. 90-something percent.

No, that's true. Get down with CTE. I hope not. You know me. No, that's true. People see the momentary totality of MMA, like in a knockout, and to them that's the most brutal thing they've seen. But what they don't realize, like Frank just said, is that's actually better than getting punched in the head 300 times through the course of a fight and not getting knocked out,

but staying just conscious enough to take the blow. No, and I actually took a test that they get boxers. There's a lot of things that they don't have. MMA, because we're a fairly still new sport, we get a lot of the holdover stuff from boxing. Like, well, you've got to pass this exam and pass that exam. When I turned 35, I had to pass a neurological exam. They give boxers. And I remember I was kind of nervous about it. I'm like, well, fuck, I've been fighting at the time, you know, like 14 years. I'm like, shit, you know

what I mean? Like if something shows up, I'm going to lose my livelihood, you know? So that's a nervous situation. So I, my wife, the night before I didn't sleep well, you know, I got up, you know, I ate a good meal. I'm sitting there. Okay. I'm going to be focused on this. I go to the test and I'm sitting there. I'm amped up, ready to go. I'm like, all right, go. And they started talking. About halfway through, Jen calls me. I'm like, babe, it's cool.

It's all right. I even told the guy, I'm like, if I couldn't pass this test. I'm like, are there people that can't pass? He goes, yeah. We have boxers in here all the time that can't pass this test. I'm like, if you can't pass this test, fuck fighting. You shouldn't be driving a car. You're a liability. At one point, they were like, okay, I You shouldn't be driving a car. You're a liability.

At one point, they were like, okay, I'm going to ask you a question. Okay, it was pencil, paper, penny, table. I'm like, all right, cool. And then about 10 minutes later, like, hey, the four things I asked you about, like the pencil, paper, penny, table? He goes, yeah. I'm like, shut the fuck up.

Then they handed me a piece of paper. Can you fold it in half and make the edges match? I'm like, Jesus Christ fuck up. And then they handed me like a piece of paper. Can you fold it in half and make the edges match? I'm like, Jesus Christ, man. Are you serious? Really? These are PsycheVal questions. Yeah, I'm sure. That's the same thing they do in PsycheVal.

Okay, yeah. I'm sitting there. I'm like stunned. The whole time I'm like so in shock. I'm like, is this a trick question? Are you serious? I mean, then I took like a test on a computer. There was like a kindergarten game. I go, all right, I took a test on a computer. There was a kindergarten game.

All right, here's a triangle and a circle. Here's a square. Would it fit into one of them? I'm like, dude, I feel like, what was that movie? Idiocracy? You know, taking the exam? I'm like, shut the fuck up, man. Are you serious right now?

I'm like, I walked out feeling like a million bucks. I'm like, all right, I got no brain damage that I know of. Maybe it just depends on how good at defense you are. Because while I'm talking with Frank here, I'm looking at him. He has really great ears. There's not a lot of MMA fighters that have regular-looking ears. I'm looking at the cauliflower one on this side. Maybe he has a gorgeous one on that side.

cauliflower one on this side. Maybe he has a gorgeous one on that side. Here's the thing, too, on that note, is that anytime I get my ear busted and it fills up with blood, you have a window of a day or two where if you stick a needle in there, you can drain it. But a lot of guys don't when they're younger

because it's like a badge of honor. Oh, look, my ears are fucked up. Yeah, Iowa. My thought was, I'll show you I'm a badass. I don't need to necessarily Because it's like a badge of honor. Oh, look, my ears are fucked up. Yeah, Iowa. Yeah. Yeah, you've been wrestling. Iowa wrestling. My thought was, I'll show you I'm a badass. I don't need to necessarily look like a badass. Let me tell you something.

There is a million-dollar idea for the first plastic surgeon that starts offering free collagen injections to make artificial cauliflower ears. The want-to-be-tough guys will start getting those, like girls get boob jobs. I'm so surprised it's actually not a thing. The guy that will do it is the first guy that made tribal tattoos. No, you're exactly right. There are guys out there that would do that. Because I see guys out there get a little bit of a knot,

and I've had them in the gym, and I'll be like, oh, hey, man, you got a problem there? I can fix it. What do you mean? I'm like, oh, you know, know like fuck it's 39 cents go buy a syringe down at the pharmacy and i'll drain it i'll drain your ear for you no i'm okay i'm like you want your ear to look fucked up like yeah i'm all all right all right cool yeah you know hey each to their own jovi and i saw the one fight it was female fight where the the her cauliflower ear exploded when it got oh yeah that was uh that was wesley sm ear exploded when it got budged.

That was Wesley Smith when that happened. It actually split. That's so brutal. That's the thing. It causes you to lose fights. They'll call it. Let's go in that direction because Joby and Chad. I've only been to Chad's house.

Chad scares me. We do the podcast, but in reality, he scares me. So I only went to his house once to drop him off after a scary trip we took together. But they will get together and watch chick

fights on... We're huge Invicta fans. Oh my god. I don't know if they jack off on opposite corners of the room. Or they jack each other off. It's like the Bellagio... Oh, like the water show.

I grew up... My father's from Cuba, so I got raised in a very much like... Men are better than women in the belief system, but it's like, okay, this is the man's job. Just like if, you know, if a guy came to your yard and started screaming, it's the man's job to go out there and address him. Now when it comes to, if you go into this house and it's messy, you blame the woman.

Well, why isn't your house kept? You know, there was a certain order to things. And so honestly, I was very late to the game of fighting amongst women, but now I think it's a good idea. You know, like, oh, women can be empowered to have a daughter who's going to be a professional fighter now and you know like now i'm all for it which i think is kind of strange because it's like now i get to see these two worlds collide right because you have these girls in mma now that are empowered females that are fucking you know right and they step in there but then you still have the old school girl who

walks on the outside of the cage of the ring card girl who has no discernible skill whatsoever besides her sex appeal that she wants to get fucked by everybody, right? Professional hot chicks, what Joe Rogan called them. That was hilarious. When we were watching Invicta,

one of the first times watching Invicta fight, my wife's like, why is there not men walking around in Speedos? I'm surprised you're not going to make a change. They did it in the race car. Well, no, it's even to the point not where like I was before I was like, oh, that's that's the woman's job to be the ring card girl. It's a man's job to walk in there and beat each other up. But now because things have changed and now, you know, I'm growing older and learning. OK, well, no, that's not the way to think about things but we still have that holdover i

remember just seeing something recently where i think ariana celeste they put her as like the the queen of the octagon i'm like bitch you never even bit inside the octagon like what are you the queen of the octagon like amanda nunez fucking misha tate ronda rousey like those are the queens of the fucking octagon. They fight. You just sit outside and put on your makeup. It is funny to hear the ring card girl interviewed that has a real sense of self-importance

because I remember hearing one of them interviewed, the UFC bought a competing company, right? So they're going to absorb it into their company. Well, she had worked for the company that was getting purchased by the UFC. And I heard an interview with her. She went on this long soliloquy about what the transition and the adjustment to her approach of carrying the ring card was going to be like now that she was moving to the UFC. And in my mind, I'm thinking, okay, in the old organization, you wore a blue bikini, and in the UFC, you wear

a red one. So once you switch those out, I'm thinking the style will pretty much be the same. They use a completely different camera angle on her ass. It's a completely different scenario. And the thing is that all of us know that when that girl's talking, we're like, dude, you're just fucking hot. That's it. That's the only discernible

skill that you're bringing to the skill. Well, some of them have outside things. Like the girl Brittany Palmer. She's like a fucking really accomplished artist on the outside, right? A painter, right? Yeah, a painter. You can use it as a springboard, but if that's your only claim, I'm a ring card girl and I'm super hot, I'm like, yeah, in 10 years you're fucked.

You know what I mean? You're not getting, You know what I mean? Like you're not getting, you know what I mean? To close this out, because we listened to that, uh, Bisping thing. It's like,

Hey, it's tough when you're a fighter. I don't blame anyone for going into standup comedy or anything else. Cause it's tough to leave fighting and going to fucking al's not here anymore but uh so what are you gonna do next oh well you know what honestly look i'm 38 now and there's fighters in the heavyweight division they're fighting 43 44 and still very successful so at least i'm blessing them in a division because of just the way humans are. The bigger guys, we mature older later.

You know what I mean? 38, if I was a 125-pounder, I'd be ancient. As a heavyweight, I'm still actually in the middle of the pack age-wise. But that being said, look, 45 is only six years away. I'm probably not fighting past that. So I do commentary now for the ACB. And then I like commentating, breaking down fights and the simplest.

This thing did say, you know what? Frank mirror is a fucking guy on that. Yeah. And the reason why I like that, I take that too, as a, as a, I don't go like,

well, I'm a fighter. I'm here. I've won a couple of world championships. So my name recognition is what's going to give me this job. I actually want to do a good job. Every time I commentate, Brian Lacey, who's actually a comic over in England, is my co-host with that. I want to do a good job.

And I look for that compliment. I remember the first time I got a compliment that made me go, oh, I really want to be good at this. A guy came up to me and goes, hey, man, I love everything you're saying i learned a few things but you know what my mom finally sat down and watched one of the fights and she heard you breaking it down and explaining what was going on she's a fan now i was like oh that's fucking huge that's a huge compliment that if i can break it down in simplistic in a simplistic form that a non-combative person who never wrestled in high school never took a karate class doesn't know shit about jujitsu thinks it's a cuisine in japan or something right could watch it and go oh so they're not just laying there like well why is he between his legs oh that's the guard look he's

actually controlling his wrist oh he's pushing he's going for a triangle he's going to choke oh the other guy's posturing up. See, now he needs to drive forward. Oh, now he's driving. And then explaining that has always been something. And then now the comedy thing, doing the podcast with Richard, doing this, talking. I thought you were going to say that you were going to go back to your roots at Bonanza High and throw a discus. Wow, you did go old school on me there. That was fun, man, throwing a discus. Wow, you did go old school on me there.

That was fun, man. Throw a discus. I was wondering if you would be willing to be a ring card man for Invicta. Yeah. I don't think I've ever got... If it ever comes down to where the kids and the lights are going to get turned off, I'll do what I got to do, man. 20 bucks is 20 bucks, right?

Big Dick Hunter. Once you, because once I get done with comedy, I'm going to get into fighting. Yeah. Our legends league. Yeah. You're in Vegas now.

Yep, yep. Doing the podcast with Frank, uh, doing standup, which is Vegas actually really kind of kickstarted that for me. I mean, I started doing some standup when I was still in Dallas, but the nice thing about Vegas is,

you know, it's like, like, I mean, there's a lot more gigs around if you will. So, uh, there's that.

And then my oddball job doing the, uh, public relations for the, uh, for the, the whorehouses. You guys are both having fun. It's not hard to get people to come visit us.

No, no. That's true. You know what? That is true. Not hard to sell, right? Come to Vegas to the podcast with us. Listen, my goal has always been I may not end up in the nursing

home with the most money, but I'm going to have the best stories in the day room. You know, like I wouldn't be able to. I'm like to me, I'm like, you know, the embedded journalist that's just collecting those stories. And even the weird ones that you don't expect, you know, the curveballs through the brothel and stuff like that end up being this great resource of material. You know, I mean, i probably are one of our most downloaded podcasts that i'll tell you this real quick we uh they they love the brothel stories you know they come for the mma but they they love the brothel story so so our most some of our most downloaded podcasts are when we sit down and frank's like you know how was work today i'm like

i got a story for you we had a dude we had some stories. We had a dude. We're all nodding in agreement. Where do we go? Yeah, we didn't think this was a big story, but that's our most downloaded podcast. Right. No, totally. And that's the way it happens. We had a dude come in. I'll give you this one more.

We had a dude come in, I don't know, nine months ago, something like that. This is my favorite story. Told the story of the podcast. So the guy comes in. Frank's like, how was your day? I go, well, we had a problem. And understand, all I'm really supposed to be doing there is writing press releases, coming up with the stunt, getting it out there, and crafting the message, if you will.

But being there, embedded, when duty calls, I do try to help out any way I can. And one particular random afternoon, just like with Lamar Odom, there's a disturbance at the cashier's window. And I walk out there, and there's an Asian dude, and he is very upset with the cashier. And I said, what is wrong? And the cashier says he wants a full refund. This is after his interlude. And I said, well, sir, what is the problem? He proceeded to tell me that his customer complaint was that he had hired his prostitute to act dead while he fucked her, and he could still see her breathing.

And so it ruined the experience for him, and he wanted a full refund. Now, this was an hour after they entered the boudoir so i said well here's the problem so first of all we don't offer refunds but i said you basically had your whole experience this is like polishing off the entree and then saying you didn't enjoy the meal right and so uh we do a little back and forth and and I said, all right, tell you what, and I get Dennis on the phone, you know, get the okay. I said, I tell you what we're going to do, just as a good faith gesture, we can give you a 50% refund, which we never do. So he accepted that. He leaves and goes to the Beatty small claims court and files a complaint against the brothel for the other 50% of his money.

He has to show up to court. About three weeks later, I have to go to Beatty Small Claims Court to defend the brothel's good name against this malcontent. So we go into the courtroom, and we're sitting there. Courtroom, there's the old lady stenographer tapping out her nose. There's the old judge with his bifocal readers on. Understand, too, the only other thing on the docket in this courtroom that day is somebody trying to get a title to an abandoned boat.

So this is the kind of business they're used to dealing with, like the Bisbee police blotter, right? Abandoned boat and a breathing hooker. Yeah, yeah. So our case comes up, and this guy comes to the courtroom, and he has made exhibits of evidence. He's got big things blown up on poster boards, and the exhibits are labeled. Her name is Susan Blackford in this town, but go ahead. He's introducing things into evidence.

He's got his exhibits. He's using quotes from Dennis in the media. He's basically trying to infer that this whole thing is a scam. So then I have to get up and present the defense. And I said, listen, and I see the matronly stenographer, and I said, ma'am, apologies. I'm going to have to use some Frank language. And I said, you see, what Mr. Lee had requested is what we refer to as a necrophilia party, and that is a premium price level so what he knew exactly what he was getting into he completed the experience and then wanted his money back the judge by the way really liked my

uh consumed entree restaurant analogy by the way and uh so i i i've laid all that out. He had also tried to subpoena her to testify, but he only had her fake Candy Sunshine name or whatever. And she had hightailed it back to rural Tennessee by the time he was trying to serve his subpoena. So his case was thrown out. They found in favor of us. And I got to tell you, it was like one of the greatest days of my life. I didn't

know i was gonna get to have that experience but i was like you know how do you put a price on getting to say that somehow this works its way into your job description it's uh the life we've led just the story value alone where I don't remember half of them and I love running into people who go, you remember that? Oh, fuck, we did that. Oh, shit. What do you ladies think about this whole Patriot Act business?

You see? Which was very topical material at the time, by the way. I mean, that was... I hated being there. Anyway, we're going to close this goddamn podcast. All right. I've got one couple of things. Yes.

For phone booth fighting fans and Death Pool fans, trade round is coming up. It is. For the first time of 2018, our first trade round is coming up. So get on it. Richard Hunter is in the database now. Available for your trade consideration.

Yeah. Big Dick Hunter. Big Dick Hunter is in the database. Don't ever let him live it down. And we've got, what do you think of the new t-shirts? I love these. Yeah, thank you for gifting me this. We've got new Death Pool t-shirts coming out.

They'll be on the website soon. You went with black. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Skull shocker. Frank Mir, how much focus do you put into showing how big your dick is in your trunks when you fight? Because a lot of people, when they're UFCing, just like, do I have to see how big your dick is?

No, that's you, Stan Hogan. No, that's bullshit. Ladies, come on. They wear a cup for fuck's sake. You're looking at a cup. They don't look like they have a cup. Well, that's to attract your audience

of you. Tell them the one about when you're- All right, I'm the only guy beating. Go ahead and fucking finish up. But a lot of the guys look like they fucking try to show off their- That's a pair of socks, you fuck. Tell them the one about when your cup moved. Was that the crow cop fight when it shifted and one ball was out and one ball was in?

Oh! Yeah. I was fighting against Miracle Crow Cop. He threw a knee. He hit me inadvertently in the groin. And, you know, guy hits hard, kicks hard. And so a knee from him shifted my cup quite a little bit over and not all of me stayed inside the cup and my cup i try to cinch it real tight to me so now he's moved it over and somebody's

falling out so i'm trying to reshift the cup and now i'm getting the point to where i mean if you go back and watch it you see me actually like lay on the ground trying to move in every direction because i have my hands are wrapped and have gloves on. They don't necessarily make for the most dexterous ability to move. So I'm trying to, without just being completely obscene on camera, because there's no angle I can go where there's not going to be a camera on me, basically pulling my junk out, trying to shove it back into the cup. You know what I mean? So that was a moment where I'm looking in the corners, looking at me.

I'm just like, how do I tell you right now? There's mics everywhere too. Like my balls are on the outside of the ground. The beans and the frank are on the same spot, man. There should definitely be an MMA safe word for my balls are out. I just love

that you would actually go back and watch. Would you more rather watch your first four appearances doing stand-up comedy versus watching you fight with your balls hanging out? I can't watch myself doing anything. No, I don't watch any of my own stuff. Well, you did watch you.

No, no, I'm aware of it because people pointed out. No, because someone else pointed it out to me afterwards. I've seen a couple of my fights and glimpses, but no. Is it hard to watch? Yeah, I have a hard time seeing myself on TV. In fact, I'm on a video game with the UFC and stuff. That's the quickest way to clear me

out of a room. If you put the game on, first of all, the music kind of gets me fucked up a little bit. It's like Pavlov's... If you pick me as a character, I've had people do that before, thinking it's going to, oh, look, yeah, I'm picking you. I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm out of here.

Well, when we came in, when you finally, finally showed up, by the way, I am shit-faced because you guys were three fucking hours late. We start drinking at a certain time for a podcast. We were too. But for sure, I knew we were in trouble when I texted Joby and I said, hey, we didn't account for the time change. We didn't account for the time. I think it was you.

No, I don't mean you. I mean me and Frank. Joby said 4.30 at 7 o'clock. Gumps are making hamburgers and they 7 o'clock. Yeah. Gumps are making hamburgers, and they're not here yet. No. And Joby said, we'll be drunk by then. That was his heads up to me. And you're going to eat first.

Yeah. So someone found UFC. Happened to be on TV on Fox Sports 1. So they have Fox Sports on the TV. Frank shows up. And I said, the worst thing, if I traveled several hours to the fucking middle of nowhere to do a podcast of a guy I don't know,

and they have stand-up comedy on, I'd go, oh, jeez, I don't and they have stand-up comedy on, I'd go, oh, jeez, I don't want to stand-up comedy, but Frank, he was fucking into it. He was doing commentary. Not enough for all of us to hear. I was trying to lean in and listen. The fact that there was other people on there, I'm okay.

If I'd have walked in, you guys would have played my fights. I'd love to watch Invicta with you. Yeah. I love doing this stuff. We have such a good time with Invicta. It's just such a blast. When you guys come up, because now you owe us the Swapcast on our home field. We were going to do that first. Yeah.

Okay. Well, we'll do that next. Maybe we'll all sit down and watch a fight, too. Yeah, we could do that. We do a little fight companion. We'll do it all with fight companions. Yeah, yeah. That would be good.

Yeah. Absolutely. Sounds good. We were Absolutely. Sounds good. We were going to do it. You guys balked? No, no. We're going there next because we're all retarded. Yeah, but the –

And gambling addicts. The seal has been broken. The door is open. And as I – I actually said this to Doug off the air. I now know what it feels like when, you know, Sticks calls up Night Ranger and says, let's get together and, by the way, get Ted Nugent over here.

Is REO Speedwagon available? Styx were in Night Ranger. Tommy Shaw was in Night Ranger, so it's really... He wasn't in Night Ranger? No. When? Tommy Shaw was in Night Ranger. No.

I don't know who the Night Rangers are. Frank and I both look like the dude from Revenge of the Nerds who goes, Nerds! Hey, hey, hey, hey. You can't say that word. Only we can say that word. But I swear, Tommy Shaw was in Night Ranger. All right, we'll settle that off the air.

I don't know about that. Yeah. Everyone will settle it for us on Twitter. Yes. At Frank Mirror. Yeah. M-I-R. At The Frank Mirror on Twitter. At Frank Mirr. M-I-R. The Frank Mirr. The Frank Mirr.

Yours? At Richard Hunter. And we also have at Phone Booth Fighting. At HD Fatty for Chad Shank. Harley Davidson Fatty. And Stan Hope

CDP. Doug Stan Hope, CDP. Doug Stan Hope, Celebrity Death Bowl. You should have your own fucking thing. Why? Well, because it confuses people. No. Yeah, but he hates what he has to do already with it. Right.

I hate it too. That's all I need to do is Death Bowl. Have you ever won money on someone dying? I got close. Yeah, you got close. That you knew? No, so far no one. Well, I wish I would have.

Well, I remember when we went and visited Ralphie May. Okay, Ralphie May. I watched him walk in, and I'm looking at him, and I'm a fan. Loved his comments. It's about two months before. Yeah, and I'm like looking at him and I'm a fan, you know, love his comments. It's about talk motherfucker. Yeah. And I'm like looking at him.

Like I even told Richard, I'm like, Hey man, he doesn't look right. His lips are blue. Like he doesn't, you know what I mean? And he was talking highly intelligent guy.

I'm just sitting there going, wow, that guy's, that was the first time Frank had ever met him. I mean, you know, I've known Ralphie for years and I told Frank, I said,

you know, even for Ralphie, that's the worst that I've ever, I mean, it it did not look good but at about the same time i had explained to him doug puts him on death pool every year uh ralphie knows he's on there when i took him out one year when we got really competitive he goes you can't take me out buddy i'm always in your death pool right put me back in coach it was a gentleman's agreement's agreement. He knew he was in there, but yeah, I know. And he basically, you know what? That was like his last gift. I mean, he won that thing for

you. Finally paid off. Yeah, I've never won any money on it, but when Ron Jeremy had his heart attack, that was weird because I had him on my team. War machine. Yeah, yeah. War machine. No! That's the problem.

That's the fucking problem. Richard had him on his list. He tried to commit suicide. Was going to die when he was in jail and prison. And someone brought him back. And someone brought him back. Prison guard. If I ever meet the prison guard that cut him down.

Yeah, when he got convicted, now he's going to do like 35 years. War Machine is not my I just said I understood the situation Deadpool changes your perspective on a lot of stuff tomorrow night I have to take these faggots down to the cafe roca for dinner I have to sleep hang on let me shake it Cafe Roca for dinner. Yeah. I have to sleep. Yeah. I have a... Hang on.

Let me shake it. Seroquel. I'm going to have to do a long 12-hour Seroquel sleep, but tomorrow night we're going to Cafe Roca. Nice. Yeah. For dinner. That's Bisbee's finest, you were saying. Yeah, yeah.

It's really great. They can still wear our pajamas. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's really great. They can still wear our pajamas. Yes. It's expected. If you don't have a pair of pajama pants on, they give you

a pair. Nice. Bisbee's good like that. Yeah. Alright. Thank you guys. Thank you for hosting us. This has been fantastic. We look forward to having you in Vegas. Big Dick Hunter. Yes.

Do you prefer Richard Hunter now? No, here's the thing. Now that you're a man of a certain age. New friends call me Richard, but my old friends like you call me Big Dick. They still do. Big Dick Hunter. I'm going with Richard because I'm a bit older. Chad Shack, Joby stepping in for

Chaley for a while. And the wives and other people that have wandered out. The ladies auxiliary. Shut the fuck up. Cheers. Thank you guys. Thanks for having us. I can't stop now. But I won't stop now. Outro Music You can hate me now You can hate me now You can hate me now You can hate me now

But I won't stop now