The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #279: Mishka Never Sees It Coming...
Episode Date: October 3, 2018This is part 2 of the most recent James Inman saga. Doug butters road musician Mishka Shubaly up to be on a podcast where James Inman is waiting in the wings to confront the monster that had him banne...d from Twitter. James asked me to remind any of you reading this to NOT block Mishka on Twitter. Why not get back at Mishka through the purchase of a James Inman t-shirt https://jamesinman.bigcartel.com/ (This link redirects to James Inman's Merch page which is not affiliated with the Stanhope Store). Email your questions for the podcast to stanhopepodcast@gmail.com Recorded Sep. 21st, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), James Inman (@__james__inman), Mishka Shubaly (@MishkaShubaly), Mat Becker (@houdini357), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. This episode is sponsored by [DollarShaveClub.com](http://www.DollarShaveClub.com) - Head over to [DollarShaveClub.com/STANHOPE](http://www.DollarShaveClub.com/STANHOPE). to pick your own DSC Starter Set for just $5\. After your starter set, products ship at regular price. Check out the NEW DSC Video - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEU-MAZRhJs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEU-MAZRhJs) [Misen.co](http://www.Misen.co) - Join in on the fun in the kitchen! Stanhope Podcast listeners will receive 20% off their order of any Misen Knives by simply by going to [www.MISEN.co/STANHOPE](http://www.MISEN.co/STANHOPE) and using promo code STANHOPE. [MyBookie.ag](http://MyBookie.ag) - Log onto MyBookie.ag right now and double your money. Use promo code STANHOPE and you’ll get your first deposit matched 100 percent. You must use promo code STANHOPE . You play, you win, you get paid. Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org) Watch Chad battle 12 year old Norwegian thugs by subscribing to Chad Shank's Twitch stream through your Amazon Prime Account. Just go to [Twitch.tv](http://www.Twitch.tv) and search HD_Fatty and the instructions will be listed on Chad's page. Watch The UnBookables Trailer here - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooDJMmQbF0M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooDJMmQbF0M) Buy The UnBookables DVD here - [https://amzn.to/2xDu2RF](https://amzn.to/2xDu2RF) Closing song “This Road Has Tolls” by Mishka Shubaly. Mishka's new CD, “When We Were Animals” available at [http://www.mishkashubaly.com/store.html](http://www.mishkashubaly.com/store.html)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast
Transcript
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You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast.
The barking dogs are a harbinger of our very late guests.
They're almost two and a half hours late. And they're going to come in hot
straight out of their problems
getting here and go right
onto the podcast. Right from the Scooby
Mobile. Here's Hack Oddity.
He's the tour
manager.
Good to see you.
Hack, you know,
as our good friend from England.
Kyle Pogue is with them.
But the only guy on the mic
because there's too many...
We're on. We're live.
Too many of you have done it up. Bingo.
There's too many pigs for the teats.
Oh, hey.
No, you're on that side.
We're live.
I wanted you to come in.
Every time Decker has a fucked up trip,
you go, why don't you have a mic on him
immediately when he walks in the door
so he can vent all of his frustrations.
So Mishka Shabali, as you all know and love
from the podcast, from a million tours,
Mishka finally got here two and a half
hours late. What happened?
Fucking hell. I wish I was dead.
Jesus Christ. I've never
cut it that close in my life.
So we overheated
what? Eight times on the
way here. We were like
this. You're coming from Phoenix?
Yeah. Which is about three
and a half hours if you're in a normal car.
Or eight overheatings if you want a different increment of measurement.
Yeah, I know.
The next time we overheated, we were going to have to piss in the radiator because we were out of everything else.
Oh, we already talked about that.
Jack just had a story about that.
Go ahead.
Oh, I was watching your guys' pictures.
We were looking.
You got the cowling and everything off.
Oh, I was watching your guys' pictures.
We were looking.
You got the cowling and everything off.
And I told them we had, when I was younger, we had a deal where we had to piss in it.
And we were trying to make it back.
And it overheated again.
And we pulled over.
And the dude, before I could stop him, went over and opened it before he let it cool down.
And was just enveloped in a piss steam cloud.
I was telling, I started to tell a story. My second road trip ever was with Dickie Peterson and another comic who I couldn't, I was the opening act.
So I had to sleep in the bed of a pickup truck with the cap on it. So I was driving from Vegas to Santa Fe, New Mexico.
Long drive.
drive and at some point they pulled over to piss and dickie peterson pissed between the bed and the the the cab of the truck onto the hot exhaust pipe and it just filled my casket in the back
with hot fucking piss stink so i'll never forget that smell the problem we had is we kept harvesting
the piss and then i just kept drinking it before we could get it in the radiator.
You didn't put it on YouTube, did you?
God forbid.
So this is how many nights?
This is the beginning.
Anyway, let's back up.
You are driving.
Have you ever watched the Unbookables? You're driving that same van, which is what, 1975 or something?
76, yes.
76.
Yeah, first day of the tour.
Yeah, so far everything looks good.
That red light, that's a promising omen, right?
When it's fucking staring at you.
I would just unplug it.
76 with the original thermostat.
Jesus Christ.
You know, it's not the humidity.
It's the altitude.
It was a dry heat.
I looked at your tour schedule,
and were you planning on taking that fucking piece of shit?
You've got like three months.
I said to Chaley,
it's like one of our shit town tours without the money.
You think it's a bad idea?
No. We do have a mechanic but they're not open till monday and that means you'd have to do well your next gig you're playing here
tomorrow's which this won't go out till it's too late to plug this but uh mishka shibali.com
yes uh tour dates are mishka shibali.com in uh on t dates are on MishkaShibali.com. On Tuesday, we're in Albuquerque, then Amarillo.
Right.
Yeah.
This will be.
Do you have to be working our way to altercation?
Just go to Mishka.
You're on the road for fucking months.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It will be out by JT's altercation, punk altercation, comedy festival in Austin.
But yeah, just look up the dates. And for M-I-S-H-K-A
Mishka Shubali
S-H-U-B-A-L-Y
Wow.
I can't spell it. That was weird.
My bookie is our sponsor.
They make me spell out
how to spell my bookie.
And I go, you know, a lot of my fans might spell
bookie with a y i shouldn't
say this but i use miska shibali as my password on most of my stuff because nobody can spell it
it's not as bad as greg chaley uh so so you did two shows in phoenix and immediately you're fucked
yeah yeah the um it's well it's good you know and. Andy got fucking VIP game ball the first night.
Andy is hack oddity.
Yes, hack oddity got.
Not Andrist.
So, yeah, I feel like we should just wrap it up at this point.
The tour?
I'll be on tour in Bisbee for the next three weeks.
How fucking jacked are you?
Pretty fucking.
I feel like we're still moving.
Absolutely.
How long did it take to do the three and a half hour?
We left at noon. And it's almost eight. Absolutely. How long did it take to do the three and a half hour? We left at noon.
And it's almost eight.
That's good.
You could have walked it.
Yeah, we were ready to run the last six and a half miles.
It would have been faster and easier.
It was like the fucking last hill where I was like, this is the last of the water.
The radiator, it's fucking spitting everything out.
It's a big hill.
We pulled the doghouse off the engine.
So it's fucking, you can see down the road moving underneath you.
You know, it's just roaring in the fucking cab.
They said you were putting ice on the hoses.
And they said,
Shaylee asked me, well, will that help?
I said, well, it depends on what your goal is.
If you want to melt ice, it's very useful.
It's not doing a fucking
thing to cool down the vehicle.
It was like the opposite of a coke fuck
where you're like, let me just try
and keep this. I'm going to put my finger up my butt
to see if I can keep this going for another six miles.
Nobody combed their hair
for the next two hours. Everything and
anything I could think of just to keep that fucking
thing from overheating, but I fucking
did it. We thought
too late to tell you to go the other way and
avoid the mountain. You go the safe
way on 92 and there's no big
hills, but it's longer.
I put it in neutral.
We coasted the last 15
minutes into town.
Downhill. They actually have coaster races
there. That's probably how it started.
Somebody in your van on the 4th of July.
And your Unbookables van looks like
one of the coasters they race on 4th of July.
It's a cartoon car.
You would get a C-plus in shop class for building that thing.
When you said they were coasting
down, I thought I just pictured the mystery
machine on two wheels coming around
the pits.
I heard me the love bug trying to get across the line the last time.
Yeah, the mystery van never broke down.
You never saw him going, fuck.
Did you take the van because you thought it would be funny or you had no choice?
Well, I know that you've been a huge fan of the Unbookables movie, a staunch promoter.
Loved it so much you insisted your name be all over it so i figured that uh that you would want to actually see the
the van itself no i i thought i i thought it would be a funny idea uh all right well hopefully
funny to you guys anyway i knew chaley was gonna else is. I knew Chaley was going to fuck it. I was like, Chaley's going to be so happy with, like, my fucking, the leg, you know,
the hair scorched off my legs.
I was supposed to drive that originally from Seattle.
Thanks, buddy.
That would have been the best long-distance troll I've ever done.
I just want to go inside to take a look at it, close up firsthand, and see where Pillow
Barrier started, which is, other than Sean Sean Rouse is the funniest part of that movie.
It's Inman.
I mean, Brendan Walsh is trying to get Inman to watch him jack off.
Let's jack off together.
No, there's a pillow between us.
It's okay.
It's not gay.
Pillow Barrier.
Homosexuality doesn't pass through a pillow.
So how long are you on the road?
Well, I just
had like three weeks off in
Phoenix and then
out now for a month. Wait, let's back
up. Where the fuck do you live anymore?
I haven't had an address since
May. Oh, wow.
Tom Rhodes in it. Yeah, I left
Atlanta mid-May,
went up to,
hooked up with Jake Flores,
did a bunch of dates,
up to Detroit, Chicago.
I want to say I don't know him,
but I don't know if I know him
because when...
Kyle Pogue, by the way.
I'm with her.
That's you.
Kyle Pogue.
I go, I know that name,
but we're like,
am I thinking Steve P poji or kyle
canane who i definitely know i know you're not him but i go no i know him but i couldn't figure out
so we watched a clip of yours he's in the background there was again we only have so
many mics but we watched a clip and i go he's got a beard. He kind of looks like Kyle Kinane, kind of. If everyone with a beard is the same.
The dollar menu.
And then I scroll down two more clips.
And I go, it says, Kyle Pogue working with Doug Stanhope.
And we clicked on it.
We're like, oh, fuck, Fort Collins.
Yeah, I remember.
Yeah.
So, welcome.
But yeah, I did a big run around the US.
I went and taught for a week.
Then I was in the UK for a month against fucking World Cup.
Oh, how hard is that?
Anakin actually changed our tour because, oh, fuck World Cup.
No, we're going to end on the 17th.
He was like, we can dodge World Cup and fuck Mishka in the same
move.
That whole tour
was a fucking ghost town, dude.
You go over to the UK all the time.
Yeah, I've been going over like twice
a year. Because it sucks
less than here.
You toured with Bird Cloud over there.
How was that?
It was fine.
Could you be more vague?
They're interesting people.
We had a time.
Well, again, you're sober, by the way.
You are the opposite of them in your sobriety.
By the way, who gave me an intervention last night?
One of you.
Like you or you.
One of my fucking inner circle here sat beside me and said, hey, you're really drinking too much.
And I went, thanks, someone, for finally noticing and saying something.
Been fishing for that for years.
Well, it might have been a Chinese phone drill.
We all said, he's drinking too much, and it came back to you.
It might have been me because I don't remember last night I was drinking too much.
Whoever it was.
Thank you.
I said, thank you, and I knew you meant it, but I didn't know how much until this morning.
We're very hungover. The hot potato intervention.
The hot potato.
Oh yes.
So yeah
Bird Cloud.
Bird Cloud was good.
It was awesome to see
the perception
their interaction with the UK
folks over there because everybody over there is fairly polite
until they're fucking animals.
The first show in Bristol,
they came out in fucking diapers and titty tops.
5 p.m., the most overly polite.
And then by 9 p.m.,
they're throwing fucking glasses in the street.
Drinking vomit.
And they came in and were like,
we're bird cloud, motherfinking vomit. Yeah. They were like, we're bird cloud,
motherfuckers. Yeah.
Silence.
Just a polite,
appalled silence.
And it went downhill from there.
How were you traveling?
We were in Andy's
truck for most of it.
Hack. Hack. We were in Hack Oddity's
truck. Andy Andrist is too well known. Hack. Hack. We're in Hack Oddity's truck.
Andy Andrist is too well-known. Ah, right.
Right.
That's why it's Hack.
The lesser Andy.
And Hack Oddity is well-known.
And now that he's not born.
I mean, it's weird because Hack and I had to be fucking working security the whole time
to make sure that the fucking upskirt assholes and the covert fingerers were fucking kept
at bay. And the muslim and it
was what did you say did you just say that you were social justice warrior security yeah yes
absolutely that's that was correct the um signaling and uh so yeah it was just sort of
it was like near violence just about every night. But nobody got punched.
Nobody threw a punch.
It was...
Did anybody get fingered?
Bird Cloud does.
Not without wetting it.
They push an envelope of...
You're asking for it by the way you're playing a harmonica out of her pussy.
So you can see where...
This is a place where Jack the Ripper did really well.
pussy. Yeah. So you can see where Jack the Ripper did
really well.
Well, I
the best thing was that
they fucking turn it out
every night, no matter what, regardless
of whether there's fucking four people
there or 400. And there were a
couple of shows where there were four people there and
they're fucking dyking out on stage with
the fucking mandolin and the
harmonica. Those were my favorite shows just for the oddity of it all.
I saw them in Melbourne.
They were playing very walking distance from where I was staying.
And I walked down.
I was just shit-ass from the flight over.
And it takes me days to recover from a 14 hour flight which is
usually like a 25 hour flight when you have to drive to tucson get the layover in la and then
make the 14 hour flight yeah i and i just i went into the bar and it was one of those that it's all
standing and i'm short in the back and i'm like uh i'm not... I've seen your show. I can't do this.
Some dude
contacted me about doing shows
in Brazil. I was like, fuck yeah, I'll do it.
And then I looked at the flights and it's like fucking
30 hours. And also
you have to get a visa, which means
you have to go to a fucking
embassy or some shit. And you gotta bring a bag
and you can't look in it.
I drunkenly booked
a bag in your asshole.
I drunkenly booked
a flight to Brazil once. Hey, I love your music.
You can consider bringing a bag in. Fortunately found out
in time to cancel
the flight that you need a visa.
Because from here we have to drive to
Phoenix, which is shorter for us because we have
cars that work. That's a seven hour drive.
37 hour trip.
Jesus Christ.
What happened to...
A, we keep making it younger, your 11-year-old girlfriend.
She was 19 or something.
She graduated.
High school.
From you.
Got the braces off.
You know, right after that, they leave you.
I discovered that I was more in love with the road than with any person.
Okay, so you're not together.
I haven't talked to you in a long time.
Yeah, no.
Yeah, so we...
Wait, didn't you move to Atlanta to live with her?
Yeah.
Okay.
No, it was good.
When I was leaving Atlanta, the last thing that she said to me was, please don't go.
And then I fucking...
Broke into the song?
Yeah.
I turned and fucking got in my van and drove away just feeling like a fucking monster.
How far before you had to ask
her to push you seven hours later 100 miles down the road the uh no and then the first two drives
i had i you know i didn't have a couple dates so i had fucking seven hour drives the first two days
the second day i'm four hours into the the second drive And I looked at my phone, because that's what you do when you're fucking doing 80 miles an hour down the highway.
You look at your fucking phone.
And I don't know if the Germans...
That man couldn't do 80 miles an hour in a free fall.
Was it really windy behind you?
Yeah.
you yeah the uh i i wonder if the germans have like a specific word for this specific sadness you feel when the first time you see a picture of your ex on social media and she looks so beautiful
so happy without you and uh and i just started crying like like a fucking ugly cry like convulsing
and heaving and um road will do that yeah and i I must have like taken my foot off the gas for a second
because the car behind me honked.
And without even thinking about it, I just screamed.
Fuck you.
I'm crying as fast as I can.
And that's the name of Mishka's new album,
Crying As Fast As I Can.
It's the real-life story.
It's one of the same songs from 2007,
but now it's reworked into a whole orchestra behind it.
I'm pushing my van,
crying as fast as I can.
It's actually number two right now
in the New York.
It's better than anything that I'll write.
And yeah, that was how the tour started.
Okay, I want to ask you about your tour
because you have been touring with comics a lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like Bird Cloud.
You and Bird Cloud and the Matoid,
I never toured with Bird Cloud,
but they kind of fit into this weird genre where it was hard to work with you.
Because you have songs that have funny lyrics, but they're not comedy songs.
They're fucking dark, and they apply to my crowd.
But if people think comics and musicians don't work together, generally.
So if they're going to a comedy show and they see you
or the mat toy they go he's not that funny he's not trying to be that funny he's trying to be
somewhat funny but now you're touring with comedians a lot and you're doing more stand-up
yeah or more banter yeah i don't know what you do i haven't seen you know it's i it's bullshit and i
feel like a fucking poser all the time,
but I've had way more success faking it as a comic
than I have being a real musician.
That's how Henry Phillips started.
He really was a folk musician and then started being funny
and just went the comedy direction.
But to play with other musicians, then people are like,
well, why is this guy talking so much, telling these depressing stories between songs?
And then playing with comics, people are like, oh, that song was just bleak.
And it's not a fucking giggle every seven seconds, but it's been all right.
Not that you didn't do well or the Mattoid didn't do well on tour tour but it would just be a few people that would
go he's not funny and then I'd
fucking hate the entire audience
like that's my friend
I love that I played
my role just as your fluffer because I
saw like a bunch of nights you going into
a show like being in a decent mood
and then like fucking some girls walking
out drinking he's not funny
and then you fucking hitting the stage in a rage because somebody yelled your name during my set.
You know, anytime that happens.
Don't you ever fucking talk to me.
But is that weird, though, that people don't have that wherewithal?
He wouldn't be here if I didn't like him.
Like, I have control over all of this.
So if you're really my fan, wouldn't you just shut the fuck up and go, I didn't care for that guy, but whatever.
For the record, there are some gigs where a local kid did a lot of time flyering and Facebooking to promote the show.
And you go, yeah, well, he's new.
He's new.
But you still don't ever talk shit about my opening act.
You don't like it?
Go out and have a cigarette.
Yeah, have a cigarette.
I went to one of your shows one time and-
Sorry, I'm saying they're not there
because they don't deserve it.
If their comedy is new,
they busted their balls to get me to your fucking town.
So shut the fuck up.
What was Mitch's joke?
Now I'm yelling at specific, shapeless people.
What was Mitch's joke about,
he goes, I'm the guy you have to wait to go see.
Yeah.
I'm not the opening act.
I'm the guy that's going to make you wait longer to see Bill Maher.
I only remember Bill Maher because he got hired early to tour with him and then got
fired for bringing a bottle in a paper bag.
He goes, you're ruining the bag. You're ruining it.
I thought that's where Bill Maher draws
the line. That was backstage, by
the way, that he got busted doing that.
Oh, I thought it was on stage.
And that makes it even more egregious.
Like, fuck you.
He's still nobody talent
wise, but this is when he was
barely politically incorrect.
I mean, the show.
I feel like it goes over better
in the UK because I play a lot of
divey pubs where it's like,
oh, I have a magician, and now there's a juggler.
And now there's, you know, a fucking...
Okay, so you work with comics over there now?
I fucking work with
anybody who has me, Doug. I'm not gonna lie.
I, um...
I, uh... They'll. I've been done.
They'll put me with a comic.
They'll put me with another songwriter or something like that. Oh, over there.
Yeah, yeah.
It's sort of like fucking whatever sticks.
Because, I mean, obviously, you picked Kyle Pogue and flew Hack Oddity over from England
to pay his visitor.
He's not technically a tour manager.
He did such a great job
doing nothing as my tour manager.
I figured I'd bring him over here to... Kidding? He looks
like he can push a van. That's why I'd
bring him. Yeah, you lost
a lot of weight today.
Comics you've
worked with in the States? I know JT
probably. Yeah, I worked with JT.
I worked with Jake Flores.
That was killer.
Kyle Pogue's been my go-to because he's a great driver and also funny.
But I mean, a lot of times I just go out fucking solo because everybody's a fucking nightmare.
I mean, you know what I mean?
Like you put somebody in the van and the fucking worst
of them comes out.
Especially when the van has the worst
of it come out.
This was
going to be fun.
This was atypical.
It's not like we're living here.
The undriveable tour.
Just so you can vent, you were supposed to be playing at club congress tonight oh you're here
a day early but you booked the gig with christine levine we know and love repping the unbookables
reputation hard she didn't she didn't return a a crucial email and then they had two other bands
and that was that was fucking that was
that I mean I feel like there's one of those every
show but or every
every tour there's the fucking show that
kicks but
in the first day of tour
we've had the
breakdowns for an entire six week
tour and the kick show
I just I
I'm giving you a little bit of shit.
You should know better
than to have Christine Levine,
who her middle name would be
the voicemail you have called is full.
You cannot leave a message.
The voicemail has not been set up.
I took to fucking
tweeting her, like, call me.
But yeah,
no fucking, no dice.
Hack was giving me shit overseas.
Why do you book yourself into
this laundromat or wherever
the fuck we're playing at?
It's not exactly a fucking
seller's market for me over here.
I'm the fucking bottom feeder of bottom feeders.
And you have a posse.
So what does that make them?
Yeah, I brought my entourage.
Shitless plus one.
I want to go to break, but I want to give you shit about one more thing. you was i was probably a dick because i was the most hungover i've ever done the worst show i've
ever done was in atlanta that was a fucking you would just move to atlanta yeah so if i was a
prick i apologize but now that you work with comedians maybe you know there's a difference
we went out and partied all night with ron white hey
jump in my tour bus we did two shows in atlanta he did a guest set at the first show then we all
jumped on his tour bus went out to his fucking mansion on the golf course got fucking wrecked
he's like no the tour bus i'm leaving tomorrow on tour we'll drop you back off it's like, no, the tour bus, I'm leaving tomorrow on tour. We'll drop you back off. It's like, what, 40 fucking five minutes out of Atlanta with no traffic.
Yes.
Yeah.
No, the party.
Hang on.
Party till the fucking break of dawn.
Pass out for a few hours.
Then we wake up to get the tour bus back out of there.
And he goes, you guys got an Uber?
Oh, he said, you're going to drop us off in the tour bus.
Change of plans.
So we're stinking, just still violently drunk.
And we had to get two Ubers because there's so many of us.
Oh, well, all of us fit in a fucking tour bus, but not an Uber.
Thanks a lot.
And it's just them trying to get into his gated community without
security.
I did the worst fucking show.
I just phoned in this fuck you show.
I hate...
Erickson was raging on some woman
who was blathering the whole
fucking time. Chaley remembered that.
I didn't. All I know was bad show
and I remember you afterwards going,
hey, can I get paid now?
And I said, is there money?
I said, whatever it was, I snapped.
Because you said, hey, I just moved to Atlanta.
Can I do a set?
Because I want to establish myself here.
In comedy, when you ask to do a set, there's not money.
I know that now.
Unless it's a tip.
Right.
But I remember being really like i was at my last
try anyway i i know i was rude to you so it was i apologize but now since you work with comics
you know that in in comedy asking for a guest set is not a paid it was good now that that was one of
the first times i've gotten the like full 100 vitriol from you and uh man it was just like a fucking
fire hose full of bile i don't know what i said i just know that i could have handled it
i'm gonna leave it there it was the last time i saw you we're gonna do a quick break everyone
if you need uh drinks get them now get them. I'll do a usual. Oh, yeah.
Cocktails.
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I shaved today, Doug.
Is that a herpy or did you cut yourself with the Dollar Shave?
Did not cut myself with the Dollar Shave.
All right.
So we'll just leave it alone then.
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Well, the thing that you would have noticed if you would have actually picked up the knife,
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And don't forget to use my code Stanhope.
Oh, and also a few thank yous, and then we'll get right back to it.
Hi, Chad.
Steven Gruber.
What did I do with my glasses?
Steven Godber.
Fan of the podcast from the UK.
He sent Chad
Cards Against Humanity, which were
played at length last night.
And a book, Enemy of the State.
Thank you.
I got
that.
Mike
Sartori sent us more
vintage National Lampoons.
Thank you, Mike.
Oh, and those are going to go into the merch.
So if you buy merch, you might get them.
I perused my favorite parts, and then we put them in merch.
So buy merch, and you occasionally get a free bonus in the merch at the dougstandup.com.
And I got this a vintage some people listen and they know that i like uh vintage delta airline stuff and this is a beautiful vintage
delta glass coffee mug and with a i'm gonna i'm not gonna read the whole letter but
hi doug i know you have a deep fondness for Delta
found it on eBay
thank you so much
she says I also know you get a lot of
bummer email
from us about suicide
I'm totally okay
but my boyfriend
technically ex-boyfriend at the time
turned out to not be okay
he took his own life the night
of this last St. Patrick's Day,
doused himself in
gas, and smoked his last
cigarette.
That's impressive. Yeah, I know
you get a lot of bummer email, but you topped
him.
So,
what's your name? Shelby
from Flagstaff, I think. Yeah yeah but to be fair in may gas prices
were as high as they are now at least he quit smoking uh by the way shelby if you're listening
that's uh the my dad died on saint patrick's day so here's to you he didn't he didn't burn himself
he wasn't protesting vietnam or. He just had cancer. So those
are the thanks and let's just get back
to this podcast already
late.
Your new album,
which you were kind enough to send me,
autographed and I
just, I pulled it out enough
to see that it was going to be a lengthy
autograph and I know you were going to be a snarky fuck about whatever you wrote.
So I immediately put it in the stack for eBay yard sale just to fuck with you.
I think what I wrote was, dear eBay user,
please enjoy this record that has not been listened to by Doug Stamho.
This is a one-off.
It's a fuck you, man.
We just recently plugged Carlos Valencia sent us his new cd
and he actually did write uh pretty much that the fuck i know you're gonna sell this on ebay so
whoever gets this thanks for bidding the highest the fuck thing is that that record went for like
three times what i'm selling them for signed on my website i know that's why i did
nothing to it it's like god damn it suddenly worth it some awful picture that we put up like
like a child who draws a giraffe and you go oh that's a giraffe i thought it was a tree
well we're gonna put it on the refrigerator anyway honey and we sold that for like $125. Because it fucks with them.
Any scam that works is a good scam.
Any fuckwits are...
Oh, that's what I...
You fucked with Inman hard?
For the record, I didn't know it was you.
Dude, I can't tell you how many times I fucking defended Inman in the last 10 years.
Everybody was just shitting on him.
Like, oh, that's not.
And I was like, no, I like Inman.
He's a good guy.
I'm a fan.
He's intelligent.
Let me back up for the listener.
Inman got permanently banned from Twitter.
And we mentioned it on a podcast.
And then Inman sent me an email.
He sent a lot of emails over the course we'll get into it but he sent me an email where his his wife thought it was you but i think it's because
i posted lyrics from the clash and it said they've you fucking none or something and someone reported me and now I can't get back on Twitter and I'm permanently banned
but then we mentioned
that on a podcast and then you emailed
me saying oh by the way
heard the podcast that was me
that got banned
moi
I didn't think it was gonna fucking
work
I mean to back up like he was fucking Jake Flores posted something about Roseanne.
And then Inman fucking went nuts.
And I was like, Inman, why don't you dial it back a little bit?
You know, fucking everybody has their opinion, you know, whatever.
And that was a huge affront to him that i that i direct
message him and to tell him maybe fucking just chill out for a minute and then he fucking went
off into the ether and i was driving this van 4 000 miles up to northern saskatchewan with my
family for our family reunion which is another van yes ridiculous. The same van? Yes. It fucking made it fine.
Like, no problems.
And so he was just spazzing out.
And I was like, fuck this.
And I have his number.
So I just called him.
And he was like, hello?
And I was like, James, it's Mishka.
And he fucking started to go off.
And I was like, James, relax, man.
It's just you and I.
I'm calling you.
I know you're upset.
And I'm like, I'm sorry that I said something that fucking hurt your feelings. And like, but I calling you i know you're upset and i'm like i'm sorry that i said
something that fucking hurt your feelings and like but i want you to know you're my friend and i you
know i value you and like just it's not it's just if if something i do fucking upset you have my
number just call me you know it's like and he was like okay okay and i was like i love you man you
know like just you know be well and like he, all right. He fucking twists and turns.
Okay.
The next day there's this long fucking screed on his way.
And Mishka, fuck him for having a hot girlfriend and for fucking having a good life.
And I was like, yeah, I'll take shit for that all day long.
Yeah.
You have a paranoid shut in fucking, you know, rip me up and down for having a life worth living.
Yeah.
Guilty.
and fucking you know rip me up and down for having a life worth living yeah guilty uh and um and then he um and i was just i was just like i don't fuck i can't you know the i was like i don't want to be
a part of this yeah inman is like him bragging about like oh the most downloaded doug stanhope
pod it's like an eight-year-old who is in a fucking a kiddie porn bragging about being
the star of the movie and it's like no it's not it's not what you did it's what they did to you
man and um and then he was fucking ranting and raving on Twitter. And he posted a thing that was like a veiled physical threat of like, well, one day I'm going to maybe push you or, you know, not like I'm going to flay you and fucking feed your living flesh to dogs or what.
Just like, well, I'll give him a sharp elbow on the ribs or something.
And I was like, oh, this is violence.
I'm reporting this.
And I thought nothing would happen.
They have all kinds of fucking white power assholes advocating the overthrow of the state on Twitter.
And they were like, no, this Inman guy, he's a fucking problem.
We've got the poor man's Alex Jones.
Yeah, James, it was me.
It was me.
Now you know, James.
I'll see you in the high school parking lot.
You are...
Well, again, fuck.
I'm trying to plug your date on Saturday
here in Bisbee, but yeah,
come visit the quarry and see
where Mishka, the same stage
Mishka performed at.
If my van makes it there.
There's no cabs here, so I hope your van runs.
We'll take Ron White's tour bus.
You guys did a duo together.
Was that live at the quarry or was that?
That was at Stock Exchange.
You did it on stage?
Yeah, yeah.
I thought you said you recorded it.
We recorded it at Joby's house.
We recorded it when I was on the record that you sold, you asshole.
Yeah, it was a secret track.
But we sang together at the Stock Exchange.
Yeah, yeah.
Same song.
What was the song?
Don't Cut Your Hair.
Oh, I thought it was a cover.
I didn't know it was one of you.
It is a cover.
Do you know who you should do a duo with?
Uh-oh.
Do you know any Elvis Costello songs?
James Inman, come on in.
Oh, shit.
This is to catch a breath.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Fuck you. He's been working on that baby moment. Fuck you.
He's been living on that baby monitor.
Fuck you.
Oh my God.
He did a veil threat.
Something about an elbow.
I did not.
That fucking.
That was a fucking lie.
That was a fucking lie.
I did not do any fucking threats of violence.
So they must not have banned you then.
You just quit?
I'm banned permanently because of you.
You stupid fucking cunt poser.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Alright?
Seriously.
Why?
I can't.
I lost 3,000 Twitter followers.
God, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh, and then he flipped out. i tried to call him and blah blah
you sound like you're in high school we had a nice conversation fuck you you fucking date a girl
half your age you fucking pedophile right write a letter to your congressman. Wait, take it to Twitter.
How about this?
I get flown out here
first class by
Doug Stanhope just to
stick my dick in your ass.
How about that?
And on the way back, it's first class
too, right?
On the way back, it's first class. After I the way back it's first class after i stuck my dick in your ass
and you won't have to push the blade i'm sorry you had to wait while we were late james
well you know i thought see the thing of it is doug is smarter than both of us put together
right because he saw what was happening and he's like, let's get Inman and Mishka together so they can make up, right?
Why didn't you do that with me and Jake Flores?
Obviously, I was having, by the way, I was having an intelligent conversation.
Your friend Jake Flores is a shallow idiot
because all he was doing was telling jokes.
He didn't back up his argument.
So he was winning?
None of those fuckers had any points to their debate whatsoever.
All I wanted to do was debate.
Hang on.
Did you print out the Facebook thread?
Oh, that podcast is already done.
You're part two.
Okay, this is a sequel.
This is a sequel.
Anyway, I might have got a little too mad but you know it makes
for the podcast fight stay mad because i was really i thought that was a horrible horrible
dick move on your part to call him no no get him because i had a stalker i have many but one that's
really irritating since you got him banned from Twitter,
I tried to have a guy banned,
and now I know the work
you have to put into it. You have to
give screenshots. I clicked one thing, I swear to God.
Well, I couldn't click one thing.
They're asking me for screenshots,
evidence of this, like filling out a
fucking police report. Do you think
it's maybe possible that James
may have pissed off
more than one person on Twitter?
It says, and I don't have that one,
but it must have been Jake Flores.
He copied.
Did you just deflect it to somebody else
that you already admitted to it?
You already admitted it.
You fucking gaslighting motherfucker.
Yeah, that.
You already admitted to it, so... The point is...
Yeah, I don't give a fuck.
You don't care that you...
That you lost your Twitter account?
I don't give a shit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why do you not give a shit?
About your Twitter account, James?
It's a fucking game.
All right, so let's get rid of your Twitter account.
No.
Exactly.
Oh!
Oh!
I don't threaten people on Twitter, James.
You've already been found guilty of this.
You threatened to push you. Yo, fuck you
so much for this. Yeah, that was a lie. Fuck you for this.
You set it up with the apology.
I was
so fucking livid at you
because imagine if, as a
joke, someone got your
Twitter account taken away, where that's how you
fucking put asses in seats that's too far wait when's the last time james did a show
uh actually uh in colorado springs that's my last show i headlined at a real comedy club
and there were like you know 250 people there and how is a friday and saturday night when's the last time you did a show tonight that you had scheduled
and you tweeted about it first first of all you do the soundtrack from the redux of the unbookable
yeah you the only guy promoting the unbookables is James Hidman. That's bullshit.
I'm driving the van.
I'm fucking promoting him like you never did.
Your name is on it.
I'm promoting him.
I'm fucking pulling him up by his bootstraps, you motherfucker.
You had to hit rock bottom before you knew.
Hey, good job with that promotion.
Where do I find him on Twitter?
You know, it doesn't help. I thought that was a bridge too far to take away an outlet where he can reach people.
That was by far your douchiest social justice warrior thing I've seen you do so far.
All right.
So what's behind door number two?
I'm reading what I wrote to you.
Oh, you wrote to me.
Your nickname. What did I say?
What was the nickname I said?
Your nickname would be Mishka, hey, I hate to ask, but Shabali.
You go, hello, boys.
I'm rolling into the town for a show on the 22nd.
Can you put up my opening acts?
I'll be crashing with Joby.
Blah, blah, blah.
By the way, I heard the podcast.
I was the one who got Inman kicked off Twitter.
Now, was it you that was there?
I was just, I kept drinking and seething.
Like, fucking.
The internet was out.
God forbid I make you angry.
We fuck with Inman, but we don't take away
one of his vague
hopes of
revenue streams.
Livelihood.
Inman makes money.
You don't cut a cowboy's hat.
You don't cut a ponytail off a biker.
He builds websites and he builds computers
from fucking scratch.
Can I say this?
Let me finish reading.
I was really fucking pissed at you.
And I wrote, you fuck.
You broke the knob on our wind-up toy
by getting him off Twitter.
This is why you've been so nice
for the last couple of weeks.
You're like, yeah, when are you getting in?
Yeah, we got a fucking Airbnb.
I thought you had a fucking Airbnb. A fucking long con.
I thought you had a fucking brain tumor or something.
I was like, I don't think Doug's all right.
It was the long con.
Because Inman's going to be the hero for once.
You owe me, James.
What?
That's what he wrote on the fucking signed album that he sent me that I left in the fun house that probably got thrown away.
We probably sold that too.
Because to recap for you, the listeners know from the podcast with him, Bingo and I were on a train trip for 10 days when all this shit was going down
we have no fucking idea what's going on and i didn't i don't use facebook and i i'm really not
invested in uh but i said it would be funny if because he's all wound up and that's always funny
when inman is wound up i go let's double down and block him on Twitter just to see what he writes on Twitter.
Not knowing you got him fucking permanently banned.
It was like two clicks.
They will not fucking.
I'll show you.
I can read you.
I'm wondering.
I'm wondering who else I can get banned now.
No.
God.
I didn't know I had this power to wield.
Don't wield it. I had this power and he will get to that.
I said, I wrote you back.
You broke the knob on our wind-up toy.
What an incredible dick move.
And then I go, wait.
Oh, it was the night the internet went out.
And I go, this saved me because it gave me time to think.
Let's do the long con.
And then I made it softer.
When you asked if you could put up your opening acts,
they're doing a remodel on the house.
I said, the main house will be under construction while you guys are here.
They're blowing the walls out of both bedrooms to extend the house, but I'll get your openers in an Airbnb within walking distance. Remind me
closer to then. And then I wrote, I was going to try to get people to petition Twitter to bring
Inman back. I didn't know it was an inside job. Get your defense presentation ready for the podcast.
job get your defense presentation ready for the podcast unconscionable unbookables three should just be you and inman on the road and a third person to fan the flames and this is you already
said it this is what you wrote back hey fuck you buddy i picked up the phone and actually called
him you have no idea what i endured i'd rather rather drink two pints of Andrus hot piss than go through that again.
Oh, God.
No, this is the part.
This is the rub, Edmund.
He says, seriously, though, and you heard him on the baby monitor.
Did you see what he said about me?
He accused me of having a hot girlfriend and being successful.
And you know I can't take that shit lying down so he's already piling sarcasm on the fact that he ruined one of
your only fucking places right to reach people well i mean the that rant there was more to that
rant i i i thought that was kind of a lame slam but but I mean, I was, fuck, I can't even think.
That's all right.
We're here to fucking, we're defending you for once, Inman.
Here's the deal, Mishka.
I've known Doug since like 1995, and our relationship is he makes fun of me, and I laugh at myself.
Then that kind of grew, because Doug got more famous, and and he got more fans and so all of his
fans and friends started making fun of me and I had to laugh at it and it was fun for a while
until I get these people I don't even know mocking me and guys like you on Facebook every
fucking thing you write on Facebook to me is snarky and bullshit. Everything I write on Facebook to you is like a compliment joke.
I mean, I rarely say anything mean to you
on Facebook ever.
And you always write snarky bullshit to me.
And finally, I just snapped.
I'm like, fuck it.
I don't care.
And that argument was with Jake Flores, not you.
All right?
You sent me an email. You said, hey, you're embarrassing yourself. I'm like, so what? Iores not you all right you send me any you said hey you're embarrassing
yourself i'm like so what i'm not saying anything to you i'm talking to jake flores i'm making good
points you know and you're like uh so you call me and go facebook doesn't matter well if facebook
doesn't matter then it doesn't matter get your nose out of my business just it fucking doesn't
matter why do you care but then you had to unfriend me and like that's
exactly what i did right like it doesn't it doesn't matter it like so if it doesn't so i
so i unfriended you so what's the big are you a 12 year old girl no so this is what i did it's a
fake game you're the 12 year old girl for unfriending me all right that's what made you
so this is what i did so i called you like a friend right you piece of shit. So this is what I did.
And so I said, okay.
And we had a good conversation.
And then something happened. Don't interrupt me, okay?
Sorry, Dad.
All right.
So after you unfriended me, this is what I did.
Oh, I'll show Mischka.
First off, I'm unfriending everybody.
You think I annoy you?
Everyone fucking annoys me.
I fucking told Doug to fuck off
because I knew that he would know it was
a joke. And then I unfriended
all of his friends just to show
you that I can unfriend everybody.
You're not the only guy
who can unfriend people.
Did you take your ball and go home,
James? I fucking created this
entire scenario right now.
Because of my third fucking eye I knew I would get Doug's attention
when I said I'm done with you
we're not friends anymore just like
what you did to me we're not friends anymore I with you. We're not friends anymore. Just like what you did to me. We're not friends anymore.
I didn't say we're not friends anymore.
I unfriended you and then I fucking called you.
I called you and we had a fucking nice conversation.
Whatever.
And then you freaked out after that.
Why do you think?
Let him talk.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Go ahead.
Let him talk.
I mean, those are serious questions.
I've fucking stood up for you a million times in the last 10 years.
All right, then keep standing up for me, because I've always stood up for you, too.
All right.
This was a brilliant...
Listen to me.
What?
This was a brilliant play.
Right.
Well done.
All right, so...
I mean, this will surely be the best, most downloaded podcast ever.
Mischkus.
I got my turn.
My snuff film. They'll start claiming that
Yeah
I don't know
Well
Listen
I
Thought it was a really
Dick move
It was a
I didn't think
Don't open your mouth
If you don't know the shot
We fuck with Inman
Cause it's a controlled environment
But
As we said on the last podcast with Inman
he was very upset when they
drew dicks or swastikas on his
forehead when he was passed out
I didn't even know those people
yeah
but it was like alright
they shouldn't be fucking with you
Inman is our old school friend
and like Windy City Heat we wind him up you fucking over
his twitter account is again unconscionable basically a war crime yeah and i i would hope
that you would do some due diligence to uh talk to twitter however you get a hold of him, and say, hey, I was wrong about that.
I didn't understand. It was comedy.
However, and I hope
the listeners... Wait, you didn't just apologize
for him? No. Because he's only defended it
so far. He hasn't apologized for what he's done.
No, no, no, no. He doesn't... That was a douche move,
man. No, to me
is, I don't really care
about apologies. I just care if
your behavior changes.
Because anybody can apologize.
All right, seriously, what part of my behavior would you want me to change?
Well, don't ban people off Twitter and Facebook.
How about that?
Keep an open mind.
You know there was no threat.
I wish I had that, but I threw all that.
He had the quote from Twitter.
You incited violence and you are thereby banned permanently.
Which, by the way, is right up your alley these days.
Yeah, I've never done that.
I mean, I've never done that on my Twitter feed.
Let me add another thing, because we gave him the option on this podcast.
What if we asked all of our listeners that follow you because of us to block you?
I'm in, I'm in.
No, I'm in.
That sounds great.
I'm in.
I'm totally fucking in.
I'm totally in.
I like, I like James original.
If it doesn't matter, delete it.
James said no.
James said no, don't do that to him.
He needs to. No, no't what i'd rather wait you mean he's a fucking decent guy and not a fucking asshole i
personally i don't think him calling up twitter going hey that thing was a mistake you know i
called 9-1-1 for no reason i don't think because you know i don't think they're gonna change it
fucking pay some amends well Well, how about this?
We do a show or something, or maybe people listening right now will just...
Hang on.
I didn't read the end of that.
When he wrote me back, Mishka said, let's make that tour happen.
Did I read where I said you guys should go on the road?
Yeah.
He says, let's make that tour happen called the unconscionables i'll see
if i can get you to do a couple songs up front but don't try to cash in on my name again
oh shit i'll have the van when i'm down there
jinx yourself get shank a bald wig and we can shoot Unbookables 5, the musical
in the van. You can sit in
Sean Rouse's seat and not call
him back.
I get the callbacks.
Maybe you should go on the road together.
Maybe Kyle Pogue sits here
and flies first class back to
Kansas City. It's only a seven-hour
drive to the gig here in Bisbee tomorrow.
No, I'm not.
A seven-hour push.
They do need extra guys pushing.
Wait a second.
No, I meant like if I was to get more Twitter followers,
I mean, it would have to be from people that listen to this podcast
because that's when I get my most followers is after I do a podcast.
And, yeah, I'm just like I don't think I'd get that many. my most followers is after I do a podcast and yeah
I don't think I'd get that many
I don't think I'd get
very many followers
you should have to give you all of his followers
no that's not going to work
how about
how about you
how about you give me all your Adderall
oh my god
he immediately low balls the whole deal.
He goes, all right, how about a handjob and a beer?
Adderall and an apology, and we're buddies for life.
How did I not predict this?
Fucking, you know, I can forgive people for all kinds of shit.
You tried to start, you do have a new account on Twitter.
Yes, I do.
And I don't know if saying this on the podcast will get that canceled.
No.
I got a new...
So what is it?
Because your last one was...
Yeah, this one is under slash James, under slash Inman.
Okay.
And they don't know it's you?
Well, they gave me a little.
His last one was so fucked up.
They gave me a little crap when I first started to make it because I changed it.
It used to be a Twitter account for my dog, Arlo.
And then I just changed the name to James Inman deleted all the Arlo tweets and I you know
so you're basically saying
it was a victimless crime
no he's saying he's a dog
I've got 8 followers now
I used to have 3000 when I'd write
a tweet I'd get 50 likes
so listeners please
do us a favor
do James Inman a favor
and especially Mishka Shabali a favor.
Please follow at underscore James.
Underslash.
Is it underscore?
It's underscore.
Okay.
Underscore James.
Underscore Inman.
Can I do a plug for it?
Yes, you can.
This is Mishka Shabali on the doug stanhope podcast inviting you to follow
james inman on twitter it's at underscore james underscore inman and uh hopefully do i need to
hold a newspaper up to get you over three blinking in morse code Like fuck you Doug Yeah just don't be afraid of ideas
I mean if you want to do comedy
You know Mishka
We should close this while we're talking
You know I mean
You're a writer and you're a musician
And now you're doing comedy
You gotta understand that comedy is
You gotta be accepting of all kinds of ideas
No don't Quit while you're ahead James to understand that comedy is you got to be accepting of all kinds of ideas.
Quit while you're ahead, James.
Alright. So I mean, especially debate.
Learn how to debate. Honestly,
I apologize that I got you kicked off
Twitter. I didn't think that
doing that one thing was going to
do it. I figured that there had to be a
host of complaints. I did it out
of anger. You hurt my fucking feelings. If I could take it back, I would. I'm that there had to be a host of complaints. I did it out of anger. You hurt my fucking feelings.
If I could take it back,
I would. I'm sorry.
God, I love it.
It's a special...
I have Asperger's.
It's a special
episode of the Doug Stanhope
podcast.
I thought you were going to...
I thought you were going to write something.
Wait, hook is that?
I don't know.
I seriously have Asperger's.
Because I did
not listen to the new album,
so I'm going to let you pick your favorite
track off to close this out.
With the new, plug
you get the Altercation Comedy
Festival. Mishka's going to be there.
Doesn't it, it says 7 p.m., but no date.
No, September 26th.
It's the 29th.
I'm on the 29th.
But you're there the 29th of September in this year of our Lord, 2018.
Altercation Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas. 7 7 p.m at the kick butt club and the
new album is called uh the new album is called when we were animals and i'm gonna play a song
that's not on that album oh you're gonna play it live is that let me fuck it i got a guitar right
here hey here we go hey hey you don't play any music just. Just kidding. I got to tune off.
That'll take me a second.
Do you need a tool, Mike?
Here's a good spot for a quick segue.
Before I get to the commercial, James Inman, you remember the podcast where we talked about all the money that Chad Shank is going to make for playing.
For reading my rants.
Yeah, reading your rants.
Right.
You know what he's doing now?
He's playing video games on Amazon Prime through Twitch.
Twitch.
Dot.
TV.
Dot TV.
He doesn't know how to play video games.
You.
Right.
Spend all your life.
No, not all my life.
But I do play Halo.
I was old school Halo 2.
Now I'm playing Halo 5.
I got an Xbox One.
Chad challenged me.
He was like, he got in my face and he's like, step it up, bitch.
You want to come at me?
And I was like, yeah yeah you want to do it
Halo 5 I've never played it before
he destroyed you on that podcast
so I think he might destroy you
right but I think he was talking
shit so I'm going to teabag him
I'm going to teabag him I'm going to hit him
with a plasma grenade
and then hit him with the
BR rifle
I hate to say it but I think he's right.
I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about.
I'll show you.
Well, look.
Listen, I'm going to win the shit-talking contest is what I'm saying.
Oh, okay.
All right.
You can win the shit-talking contest.
Can I still talk once I die?
Because I'll talk shit still when I'm dead.
Yeah, yeah.
What we'll do is we'll play teams.
You'll be on my team.
Oh, that'll be good.
I'll protect you.
I can be like your bitch. We'll get her out. It'll be fun. You'll be on my team. I'll protect you. I can be like your bitch.
It'll be fun.
Jake Dill, another friend of mine
who's a radio disc jockey
from LA.
He'll play with us.
He's big into Halo 5.
How do they find this
on your channel, Chad?
It's free with Amazon Prime.
You just go to Twitch TV or however.
If you have Amazon Prime, you already have a free subscription to this.
You just have to click buttons.
And you don't have to play.
You can just watch.
Here's the thing.
If you want to watch it, that'll be funny.
But even if you don't want to watch it, that's the grift,
is that it's something you already pay for and you can
just give me $2.50
of it. So if you want to watch
me and Chad Shank
play Halo 5
at Rumble Pit,
if you're so fucking good
at this, you can learn a game
that he's just learning. Oh, what does he want to play?
You've done, you've played
video games for as long or longer.
You did Asteroids before you did comedy.
I've been doing this for 75 years.
I played Space Invaders, Borderlands, Borderlands 2.
I've seen some of that played.
Halo.
Here's the thing.
The new one that everybody's playing and that everybody thinks that it would be hilarious to watch me play it because I'm...
Against you.
Is Fortnite.
Do you play Fortnite?
No, but I don't either.
Just log on to...
That would be a fucking level playing field.
Yeah, that would be level.
Is there a...
Do they have to go to your...
Is it HDFatty on that?
HD underscore Fatty on Twitch.
Harley Davidson, HD underscore Fatty that? HD underscore fatty on Twitch. Harley Davidson, HD underscore fatty.
I'm sure Inman will get an account.
If you play me in Halo 5, I will play one of your games that you're good at.
Deal.
Deal.
Yeah, that's fair.
Yeah, just go to your Amazon Prime.
If you don't have it, then you're probably not going to get the unbookables either
because you don't know comedy dynamics.
Hey, let's get to that.
Let's get to that.
Let's get to that ad.
Sure, football is fun.
But is it really any fun if you don't have money on the game?
Mybookie.ag.
Bet with us.
We're starting to get
a little bit crazy
with this. I am now
3-1 on my
picks of the week, and that
one that I lost was by a
goddamn point. One point.
I'm almost 4-0, and I'm
hitting the other ones, too.
This week, let me just get it
out there. My lock of the week
and you can always bet against kenny because i think he's uh one and three he lost again i'm
looking up on his uh his player history since i turned over my account he took the browns last
week and they get demolished well actually they didn't get demolished they played the Raiders. Oh, he had a straight bet, and he lost. Yeah.
He lost.
Again.
And he's taking the Browns again this weekend, plus three against the Baltimore Ravens.
I am definitely betting against him, and my pick of the week to go four and one is Denver, plus one at the Jets.
I don't get it.
I might have missed something.
Did all of their players get injured?
Did Joe Namath come back?
I don't know.
But yeah, there you go.
Go to mybookie.ag. You don't have to just bet with me or against Kenny.
You can bet parlays, teasers, other sports.
Conor McGregor is fighting.
You know what?
That's a great one to bet.
Bet your heart.
Just don't watch the fight because that guy's a piece of shit,
and he just acts like he's a fake pretend asshole like John Taffer just to sell tickets.
Don't buy the hype, but bet the fight.
MyBookie.ag.
Dog parlays.
Take some dogs and bet them on the money line.
You bet a few dogs on the money line, and then it aggregates.
You get three underdogs with no points.
You can make some money.
I thought you said dog racing.
I thought, do they have dog racing now?
They probably do.
I didn't see it in here.
That's what I was looking at when you said that.
But you meant underdogs, which is what you love to bet.
Yeah, football.
What fun is it?
Yeah, I don't know if you can bet
on the players taking a knee
or shit like that.
Go into the prop bets
and the futures
and look at the weird shit you can...
I think you can bet on like
dancing with the stars
and shit like that.
There's just endless opportunities to bet.
Spend a couple of bucks
and make life a little bit more fun. Log on to MyBookie right now
and double your money. Use promo code Stanhope and you'll get your first deposit matched 100%.
That's promo code Stanhope. MyBookie.ag. You play, you win, you get paid.
So here it is, Mishka live, playing his favorite
track from his new
album, When We Were Animals,
Mishka Shibali
Redeemed. The name
of this song is
at underscore
James underscore Inman
on twitter.com
It better not suck I pulled on
yesterday's t-shirt
some jeans
from the day
before
I got every
single color
black rock and roll
skull t-shirt
now remind me
what I'm dying
for
I feel like I'm losing
the narrative
Speaking a language I no longer understand
Hammering it out on the highway
Crying as fast as I can
This road has tolls
has tolls
It eats up your tires your time
your mind
your soul
The free drinks
The free drinks ain't free
And if I ever make it home
Or find home
Has lost everything
Made it home to me
Remember that corny old poem
About Jesus and footprints in the sand
Jesus and footprints in the sand.
Well, you can hold me a middle seat on the greyhound of hell.
Cause I'm not gonna understand.
They say God protects fools and drunkards
That hasn't been my experience at all
Only one set of footprints in the hardest of times
Cause you poked me with a stick while I crawled
This road has tolls.
It eats up your tires, your time, your mind, your soul.
And the free drinks, the free drinks, the cocaine Honey, this hotel room wasn't free
And if I ever make it home or find home
Has lost everything
Made it home to me
And if I ever make it home
Find home has lost everything
Made it home to me
At underscore James underscore Inman on Twitter.
I was just going to say, if we want to do like after chatter as Easter eggs.
I don't know.
I don't know if you want to.
I should have said it before.
It just doesn't make sense.
Like director's cut.
You weren't recording, right?
If we want to talk right now about how...
The mic that's on is his.
No, I'm saying we can kill it there.
But if you want to do like director's commentary
and how we set this up as an easter egg
after the song plays.
We're going to fade out real quick.
We can do that with like three mics, right?
You know, this to me doesn't
sound fair. No, no, just
the fluffy
aftermath. The nice parts.
Yeah.
Alright.
This is the happy part where we all make up
if people listen past
the song.
Fucking great song, Mishka.
Fucking great.
I think it was actually a nod to James.
fucking great well we
I don't know if it was Becker that said
something about
one of the lines in that song
was something we just talked about
crying as fast
as I can
and then you burst into song
Becker was very prescient
last night.
What was the...
Come into the mic.
James Inman flew in
first class and he got a hot towel.
I said, they're getting a hot towel
and they come in and it's that car overheats.
Prescient.
That's a big word I learned.
I have a present for you
a hot towel drenched in
what would be funny is if
do you have a show on Monday
Mishko? I do
no Tuesday
25th so are you going to have to fix
the car before
Monday? I really did
you got to get on mic because we're trying to record this.
Yeah, sorry.
This is just the Easter egg if people keep listening after the podcast.
I don't have a show on Monday, but I have a show on Tuesday.
If you want to join us on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Fuck no.
He's flying first class on Monday.
Yeah, I'm flying first class on Monday while you're in that van that smells like piss.
But I was worried about the van.
Like, maybe we can find a way to get it fixed.
You know, is that what we're going to do while you're here?
No, we got that.
I mean, it's not your guy's problem.
Like, I'll deal with it.
You know what I mean?
I got to figure it out.
I mean, we got to fix that fucking car. Miska, I want you to know that we had to make James Inman mad again.
I didn't want to be mad.
They wanted you to be mad.
Right, you told me to be mad.
That's why I was so mean, because I was as mean as I thought he should be.
It's the same way.
My thing is the Innocence Project,
and when someone gets released after 77 years in fucking prison because they don't get mad yeah they go i'm just happy i don't
harbor resentments yeah harboring resentments for you well i mean i was you know it was like
i was drunk and i caused actually i started drinking after you unfriended me.
And then that's when I was.
What was that in 1978?
So you were drinking alone?
Yeah.
So after you unfriended me, I started drinking.
And it just occurred to me that I was like, I'm dealing with so many of Doug's friends.
And it's just so hard.
Listen, let me explain.
We talked a bit on the first podcast that he has heard
that a lot of people fuck with him.
You must get the same shit, Mishka.
Yeah.
People think they're being dark and funny.
Today, I got an a email this subject was
nigger retard cunt yeah and then it was hey i really like your podcast you're friends with
trump yeah he knows how to email yeah and point is like when people, we fuck with Inman, and we have purpose, and generally we tell him how much he needs to know, but we want him to get wound up, because it's fun, and it's easy to do.
But then other people fuck with him that they're just going, you're a fucking nigger retard cunt.
But I mean mean two things
you know I get a lot of that shit too
from those same fucking jerk offs
and the other thing is I'm not
one of Doug Stanhope's friends
you and I are friends
you're not one of Doug Stanhope's friends
you know what I'm saying though I'm not some like
some fucking hack you know
on Twitter with fucking you know with 40 followers
you and I are friends you and
i have history i came to visit you in kansas city in fucking panaman dude i don't know if you
remember this but andy was fucking riding you like crazy and i didn't know that i knew and i didn't
know you and i didn't know that i didn't know that it was a thing and i told you i i said james i
like you i because and i didn't know why everybody was fucking riding you i don't know if you remember
that but i remember that.
Well, I think that there's certain things about our personality where we're total opposites.
And I think opposites attract.
You're retarded and he's an egomaniac.
So you have polar opposites.
Yeah, opposites attract.
Yeah, that's why burn victims hang out with supermodels.
I mean, I'm...
Yeah, I mean i i opened my mind
i opened my mind uh to different ways of thinking after i read the data aging and so when i met
doug doug was like i'm a libertarian i was like i'm a socialist i was like that's like yin and
yang and so then ever since then we've've been friends. I learned that I didn't know anything about libertarianism as far as...
But you used to be in a libertarian.
...70% of it.
Well, yeah, I was libertarian.
But I, at one point, realized, oh, I don't know most of that shit, but I...
My girlfriend...
A couple issues, I'm libertarian.
My girlfriend, Brenda, is a very serious therapist i mean she has to talk
to people all day long i don't want to repeat it but you also think yang is in a chinese laundry
feel like you've forgiven mishka yeah because i mean i i i've met other people like him where
he's like my opposite you know like there's things I would never have done what you did.
But whatever you did, it opened.
It made us kind of open our minds and go, what the rule?
You know, and, you know, and I made $1,000.
So thank you.
Yeah, he made $1,000.
I still haven't opened his mind enough to read the fucking thing that I wrote, which I thought was funny.
But I've had to help
inman bring it no i've given him bullet points to hate you because actually i remember can i say
this one thing inman really is a genuinely nice guy all right can we shut dog out for a second
all right so so um this is i mean i wrote the first rant towards Doug where I broke up with him.
I'm like, I'm breaking up with you.
And then the second rant was, hey, everybody on Facebook,
I'm breaking up with everyone that's friends with Doug and fans of Doug on Facebook
because that's after you unfriended me.
I was like, I'm going to unfriend everybody.
And then the third, that's when the GoFundMe page started.
And Chad got $1,000.
So I wrote this thing about Chad licking balls.
And the-
Can I cut this short?
Let me just shut that.
So this guy that did the GoFundMe page-
I know.
You have to prove you're right from the-
No, I'm not.
He just said-
He did ask you to write more rants. One more. He said, write one more rant. I know, you have to prove you're right from the beginning. No, I'm not. He just said, he said, one more.
He said, write one more rant.
And so then that's why I wrote the rant on you.
See, I knew something happened, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
And so I was like, okay, Mishka's a writer, and so I'm going to try to impress Mishka
with my funny words, and I'm going to try to take all those words out like you taught me.
Mishka bought his mother a house.
From what I remember of his book, it got a little fuzzy when he got sober but he bought his mother
a house from his fucking 10 right right right and i asked him a long time ago i go what was that
list of words buy a van that runs what was that remember mishka when i asked you what was that
list of words i'm supposed to take out that people use way too many times?
Oh, yeah, all the shit words.
And you gave me that list of words.
So when I was writing that rant, I was like, I'm going to try to impress Mishka with this rant.
You used every word.
And I thought you were going to write something just as evil back to me.
I mean, by that point, I'd been on the road for three months.
And, like, I don't need to break down for you where my fucking head was.
Yeah, you didn't have the time.
And also, I was in that van with my family, my sister's four little kids.
And you know what I mean?
I was just in a totally different space.
But dude, I felt horrible with fucking Rouse just having died.
And I knew you were in pain because of that and like i knew there was other shit going on i honestly didn't think
unfriending you on facebook was like drawing blood it was just a thing i did for my own sanity
you know and i didn't mean it like to be punitive or anything like that well i've i've had the whole
point of this podcast is to fucking air our differences so? You want us to keep arguing? No, I'm just...
This is an Easter egg
at the end of the podcast where everyone knows
that we all love each other
and we're all friends. Can we goof on
them about conversing
and being serious on Facebook all the
time at least? Am I too
serious on Facebook? I don't
use Facebook. I'm serious on Facebook
all the time.
Look at you, Chad, fucking standing next to your best
buddy over there. Fuck you, man.
Listen, I would have
never imagined you would do such
a fucking douchebag move, and
I would have to fucking make fun of you
the way we have. It was two clicks.
I can't believe how easy it was.
Well, Chad's been mean to
me before, and I stepped the fuck down.
I mean, there's times that Chad went,
blah, blah, blah, James, shut the fuck up,
and I shut the fuck up.
Wait, you shut up for him, but not for me?
Yes, because I know Chad.
I don't know you as much as I know Chad.
We've known each other for 10 years.
Yeah, but...
Longing you had that hat.
We talked about this on the podcast.
Anyway, it was nice to bring you guys together.
It's nice that it was a month in the planning.
You're blocked, motherfucker.
I'm going to unfriend you on Facebook, you asshole.
I like that you guys are here because i
would feel like a complete douchebag busting your balls on facebook so i would prefer to do it
face to face and it's nice to have james inman as the hero for once yeah yeah
yeah inman wins one one one thing one thing i want to share with you that I don't know if you saw or not, but I'll show
it to you later in the van, but I actually have a picture of this.
I did a thing that I wanted you to see.
Was she underage?
We don't want to see those pictures.
You want me to go into the van with you?
Yes.
Don't worry.
It doesn't rhyme.
It's a picture, like a a photograph it's not going anywhere
it's now called the inman tour van god damn it it's gonna come up in a minute i swear it's
fucking worth it if you go to my facebook here the um so i i had this made for rouse and uh put
up in the van explain it to a listener who's still listening. What's it say?
Because I can't read it.
It's a little brass plaque that I put on Rouse's seat.
It's a quote from Unbookables.
And it says, I'm going home tonight.
This is ridiculous.
It's insanity.
With his name.
I figured that was the right thing to do.
Sean Rouse.
Let's close it out.
Oh, well, can I top you and tell you what I did for Sean Rouse?
Yes.
Okay.
So I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead.
So when someone dies, I have to read the Tibetan Book of the Dead.
It takes two and a half hours, right, of intense meditation.
Wow.
You should do that for audible.com.
Because mine took me fucking three weeks.
And so sometimes after I read it, weird things happen.
Weird things happened after Doug's mom died.
After I read it for her, the TV just came on out of nowhere with Doug's mom's face on it.
Were you sitting on a remote?
No.
No.
So it was an auspicious sign.
No, no.
So it was an auspicious sign.
So at the end of when I was reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead for Sean Rouse,
I had this image of Sean, and this giant monster came at him,
and Sean was looking at the monster laughing at him,
because that's the meaning of the tibetan book of the dead is to be one with everything and monsters don't even bother you and so sean is in heaven or he's in a tibetan heaven
of not having any problem with any fucking monsters okay i like the plaque i'm gonna i'm
gonna i'm gonna
since you over-closed...
Fuck, now I think I lost my thought.
That's a weird thing to do.
Last night, we did a podcast with James Inman.
We had to hurry it because we thought we had an extra day,
not knowing your gig was canceled.
You're coming in early.
So we had to hurry the James Inman podcast where we fucked with him,
segueing and fucking with you.
And we gave him an Adderall.
If you go back to the Las Vegas podcast with James Inman, I'm not doing this without an Adderall. If you go back to the Las Vegas podcast
with James in it, I'm not doing this
without an Adderall. So we
gave him an Adderall.
And go, James,
he's rightfully
paranoid that we're fucking with him.
Because we've always
fucked with him. Yeah.
And we gave you an Adderall so you'd be awake
because he had to fly from Kansas City and do the podcast that night, And we gave you an Adderall so you'd be awake because he had to fly from Kansas City and do the podcast that night.
So we gave him an Adderall after the podcast where we go.
It's not like a party where everyone fucks with you.
He's like, I want another Adderall.
Oh, I'll trade anyone a morphine, an oxy, or methadone for an Adderall.
Like, James, everyone's being nice to you.
Why is that weird?
I forget my point.
Sorry, cut all that out.
Yeah, cut that out.
But it's free trade i mean you know you taught
me to be a libertarian and to pay for all my shit if we go back to the last podcast with just you
you i read where you're like i told you libertarianism was fucked i have racist fans
all right don't cut it out all right thank you for listening to the Easter egg, if you did.
All right.
What?
You can ask it off the air, because we're done.
That's done.
Mizzen knives.
It's the one knife that does it all.
I guess all the shit knives do.
It's a great knife.
It's sharp and it cuts through shit.