The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #279: Mishka Never Sees It Coming...

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

This is part 2 of the most recent James Inman saga. Doug butters road musician Mishka Shubaly up to be on a podcast where James Inman is waiting in the wings to confront the monster that had him banne...d from Twitter. James asked me to remind any of you reading this to NOT block Mishka on Twitter. Why not get back at Mishka through the purchase of a James Inman t-shirt https://jamesinman.bigcartel.com/ (This link redirects to James Inman's Merch page which is not affiliated with the Stanhope Store). Email your questions for the podcast to stanhopepodcast@gmail.com Recorded Sep. 21st, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), James Inman (@__james__inman), Mishka Shubaly (@MishkaShubaly), Mat Becker (@houdini357), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. This episode is sponsored by [DollarShaveClub.com](http://www.DollarShaveClub.com) - Head over to [DollarShaveClub.com/STANHOPE](http://www.DollarShaveClub.com/STANHOPE). to pick your own DSC Starter Set for just $5\. After your starter set, products ship at regular price. Check out the NEW DSC Video - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEU-MAZRhJs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEU-MAZRhJs) [Misen.co](http://www.Misen.co) - Join in on the fun in the kitchen! Stanhope Podcast listeners will receive 20% off their order of any Misen Knives by simply by going to [www.MISEN.co/STANHOPE](http://www.MISEN.co/STANHOPE) and using promo code STANHOPE. [MyBookie.ag](http://MyBookie.ag) - Log onto MyBookie.ag right now and double your money. Use promo code STANHOPE and you’ll get your first deposit matched 100 percent. You must use promo code STANHOPE . You play, you win, you get paid. Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org) Watch Chad battle 12 year old Norwegian thugs by subscribing to Chad Shank's Twitch stream through your Amazon Prime Account. Just go to [Twitch.tv](http://www.Twitch.tv) and search HD_Fatty and the instructions will be listed on Chad's page. Watch The UnBookables Trailer here - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooDJMmQbF0M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooDJMmQbF0M) Buy The UnBookables DVD here - [https://amzn.to/2xDu2RF](https://amzn.to/2xDu2RF) Closing song “This Road Has Tolls” by Mishka Shubaly. Mishka's new CD, “When We Were Animals” available at [http://www.mishkashubaly.com/store.html](http://www.mishkashubaly.com/store.html)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. The barking dogs are a harbinger of our very late guests. They're almost two and a half hours late. And they're going to come in hot straight out of their problems getting here and go right onto the podcast. Right from the Scooby Mobile. Here's Hack Oddity. He's the tour
Starting point is 00:00:35 manager. Good to see you. Hack, you know, as our good friend from England. Kyle Pogue is with them. But the only guy on the mic because there's too many... We're on. We're live.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Too many of you have done it up. Bingo. There's too many pigs for the teats. Oh, hey. No, you're on that side. We're live. I wanted you to come in. Every time Decker has a fucked up trip, you go, why don't you have a mic on him
Starting point is 00:01:13 immediately when he walks in the door so he can vent all of his frustrations. So Mishka Shabali, as you all know and love from the podcast, from a million tours, Mishka finally got here two and a half hours late. What happened? Fucking hell. I wish I was dead. Jesus Christ. I've never
Starting point is 00:01:31 cut it that close in my life. So we overheated what? Eight times on the way here. We were like this. You're coming from Phoenix? Yeah. Which is about three and a half hours if you're in a normal car. Or eight overheatings if you want a different increment of measurement.
Starting point is 00:01:50 Yeah, I know. The next time we overheated, we were going to have to piss in the radiator because we were out of everything else. Oh, we already talked about that. Jack just had a story about that. Go ahead. Oh, I was watching your guys' pictures. We were looking. You got the cowling and everything off.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Oh, I was watching your guys' pictures. We were looking. You got the cowling and everything off. And I told them we had, when I was younger, we had a deal where we had to piss in it. And we were trying to make it back. And it overheated again. And we pulled over. And the dude, before I could stop him, went over and opened it before he let it cool down.
Starting point is 00:02:20 And was just enveloped in a piss steam cloud. I was telling, I started to tell a story. My second road trip ever was with Dickie Peterson and another comic who I couldn't, I was the opening act. So I had to sleep in the bed of a pickup truck with the cap on it. So I was driving from Vegas to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Long drive. drive and at some point they pulled over to piss and dickie peterson pissed between the bed and the the the cab of the truck onto the hot exhaust pipe and it just filled my casket in the back with hot fucking piss stink so i'll never forget that smell the problem we had is we kept harvesting the piss and then i just kept drinking it before we could get it in the radiator. You didn't put it on YouTube, did you?
Starting point is 00:03:08 God forbid. So this is how many nights? This is the beginning. Anyway, let's back up. You are driving. Have you ever watched the Unbookables? You're driving that same van, which is what, 1975 or something? 76, yes. 76.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Yeah, first day of the tour. Yeah, so far everything looks good. That red light, that's a promising omen, right? When it's fucking staring at you. I would just unplug it. 76 with the original thermostat. Jesus Christ. You know, it's not the humidity.
Starting point is 00:03:44 It's the altitude. It was a dry heat. I looked at your tour schedule, and were you planning on taking that fucking piece of shit? You've got like three months. I said to Chaley, it's like one of our shit town tours without the money. You think it's a bad idea?
Starting point is 00:04:09 No. We do have a mechanic but they're not open till monday and that means you'd have to do well your next gig you're playing here tomorrow's which this won't go out till it's too late to plug this but uh mishka shibali.com yes uh tour dates are mishka shibali.com in uh on t dates are on MishkaShibali.com. On Tuesday, we're in Albuquerque, then Amarillo. Right. Yeah. This will be. Do you have to be working our way to altercation? Just go to Mishka.
Starting point is 00:04:32 You're on the road for fucking months. Yeah. Yeah. It will be out by JT's altercation, punk altercation, comedy festival in Austin. But yeah, just look up the dates. And for M-I-S-H-K-A Mishka Shubali S-H-U-B-A-L-Y Wow.
Starting point is 00:04:54 I can't spell it. That was weird. My bookie is our sponsor. They make me spell out how to spell my bookie. And I go, you know, a lot of my fans might spell bookie with a y i shouldn't say this but i use miska shibali as my password on most of my stuff because nobody can spell it it's not as bad as greg chaley uh so so you did two shows in phoenix and immediately you're fucked
Starting point is 00:05:19 yeah yeah the um it's well it's good you know and. Andy got fucking VIP game ball the first night. Andy is hack oddity. Yes, hack oddity got. Not Andrist. So, yeah, I feel like we should just wrap it up at this point. The tour? I'll be on tour in Bisbee for the next three weeks. How fucking jacked are you?
Starting point is 00:05:39 Pretty fucking. I feel like we're still moving. Absolutely. How long did it take to do the three and a half hour? We left at noon. And it's almost eight. Absolutely. How long did it take to do the three and a half hour? We left at noon. And it's almost eight. That's good. You could have walked it.
Starting point is 00:05:51 Yeah, we were ready to run the last six and a half miles. It would have been faster and easier. It was like the fucking last hill where I was like, this is the last of the water. The radiator, it's fucking spitting everything out. It's a big hill. We pulled the doghouse off the engine. So it's fucking, you can see down the road moving underneath you. You know, it's just roaring in the fucking cab.
Starting point is 00:06:13 They said you were putting ice on the hoses. And they said, Shaylee asked me, well, will that help? I said, well, it depends on what your goal is. If you want to melt ice, it's very useful. It's not doing a fucking thing to cool down the vehicle. It was like the opposite of a coke fuck
Starting point is 00:06:32 where you're like, let me just try and keep this. I'm going to put my finger up my butt to see if I can keep this going for another six miles. Nobody combed their hair for the next two hours. Everything and anything I could think of just to keep that fucking thing from overheating, but I fucking did it. We thought
Starting point is 00:06:47 too late to tell you to go the other way and avoid the mountain. You go the safe way on 92 and there's no big hills, but it's longer. I put it in neutral. We coasted the last 15 minutes into town. Downhill. They actually have coaster races
Starting point is 00:07:03 there. That's probably how it started. Somebody in your van on the 4th of July. And your Unbookables van looks like one of the coasters they race on 4th of July. It's a cartoon car. You would get a C-plus in shop class for building that thing. When you said they were coasting down, I thought I just pictured the mystery
Starting point is 00:07:20 machine on two wheels coming around the pits. I heard me the love bug trying to get across the line the last time. Yeah, the mystery van never broke down. You never saw him going, fuck. Did you take the van because you thought it would be funny or you had no choice? Well, I know that you've been a huge fan of the Unbookables movie, a staunch promoter. Loved it so much you insisted your name be all over it so i figured that uh that you would want to actually see the
Starting point is 00:07:53 the van itself no i i thought i i thought it would be a funny idea uh all right well hopefully funny to you guys anyway i knew chaley was gonna else is. I knew Chaley was going to fuck it. I was like, Chaley's going to be so happy with, like, my fucking, the leg, you know, the hair scorched off my legs. I was supposed to drive that originally from Seattle. Thanks, buddy. That would have been the best long-distance troll I've ever done. I just want to go inside to take a look at it, close up firsthand, and see where Pillow Barrier started, which is, other than Sean Sean Rouse is the funniest part of that movie.
Starting point is 00:08:29 It's Inman. I mean, Brendan Walsh is trying to get Inman to watch him jack off. Let's jack off together. No, there's a pillow between us. It's okay. It's not gay. Pillow Barrier. Homosexuality doesn't pass through a pillow.
Starting point is 00:08:46 So how long are you on the road? Well, I just had like three weeks off in Phoenix and then out now for a month. Wait, let's back up. Where the fuck do you live anymore? I haven't had an address since May. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Tom Rhodes in it. Yeah, I left Atlanta mid-May, went up to, hooked up with Jake Flores, did a bunch of dates, up to Detroit, Chicago. I want to say I don't know him, but I don't know if I know him
Starting point is 00:09:16 because when... Kyle Pogue, by the way. I'm with her. That's you. Kyle Pogue. I go, I know that name, but we're like, am I thinking Steve P poji or kyle
Starting point is 00:09:26 canane who i definitely know i know you're not him but i go no i know him but i couldn't figure out so we watched a clip of yours he's in the background there was again we only have so many mics but we watched a clip and i go he's got a beard. He kind of looks like Kyle Kinane, kind of. If everyone with a beard is the same. The dollar menu. And then I scroll down two more clips. And I go, it says, Kyle Pogue working with Doug Stanhope. And we clicked on it. We're like, oh, fuck, Fort Collins.
Starting point is 00:09:57 Yeah, I remember. Yeah. So, welcome. But yeah, I did a big run around the US. I went and taught for a week. Then I was in the UK for a month against fucking World Cup. Oh, how hard is that? Anakin actually changed our tour because, oh, fuck World Cup.
Starting point is 00:10:18 No, we're going to end on the 17th. He was like, we can dodge World Cup and fuck Mishka in the same move. That whole tour was a fucking ghost town, dude. You go over to the UK all the time. Yeah, I've been going over like twice a year. Because it sucks
Starting point is 00:10:38 less than here. You toured with Bird Cloud over there. How was that? It was fine. Could you be more vague? They're interesting people. We had a time. Well, again, you're sober, by the way.
Starting point is 00:11:02 You are the opposite of them in your sobriety. By the way, who gave me an intervention last night? One of you. Like you or you. One of my fucking inner circle here sat beside me and said, hey, you're really drinking too much. And I went, thanks, someone, for finally noticing and saying something. Been fishing for that for years. Well, it might have been a Chinese phone drill.
Starting point is 00:11:27 We all said, he's drinking too much, and it came back to you. It might have been me because I don't remember last night I was drinking too much. Whoever it was. Thank you. I said, thank you, and I knew you meant it, but I didn't know how much until this morning. We're very hungover. The hot potato intervention. The hot potato. Oh yes.
Starting point is 00:11:50 So yeah Bird Cloud. Bird Cloud was good. It was awesome to see the perception their interaction with the UK folks over there because everybody over there is fairly polite until they're fucking animals.
Starting point is 00:12:08 The first show in Bristol, they came out in fucking diapers and titty tops. 5 p.m., the most overly polite. And then by 9 p.m., they're throwing fucking glasses in the street. Drinking vomit. And they came in and were like, we're bird cloud, motherfinking vomit. Yeah. They were like, we're bird cloud,
Starting point is 00:12:25 motherfuckers. Yeah. Silence. Just a polite, appalled silence. And it went downhill from there. How were you traveling? We were in Andy's truck for most of it.
Starting point is 00:12:42 Hack. Hack. We were in Hack Oddity's truck. Andy Andrist is too well known. Hack. Hack. We're in Hack Oddity's truck. Andy Andrist is too well-known. Ah, right. Right. That's why it's Hack. The lesser Andy. And Hack Oddity is well-known. And now that he's not born.
Starting point is 00:12:52 I mean, it's weird because Hack and I had to be fucking working security the whole time to make sure that the fucking upskirt assholes and the covert fingerers were fucking kept at bay. And the muslim and it was what did you say did you just say that you were social justice warrior security yeah yes absolutely that's that was correct the um signaling and uh so yeah it was just sort of it was like near violence just about every night. But nobody got punched. Nobody threw a punch. It was...
Starting point is 00:13:29 Did anybody get fingered? Bird Cloud does. Not without wetting it. They push an envelope of... You're asking for it by the way you're playing a harmonica out of her pussy. So you can see where... This is a place where Jack the Ripper did really well. pussy. Yeah. So you can see where Jack the Ripper did
Starting point is 00:13:44 really well. Well, I the best thing was that they fucking turn it out every night, no matter what, regardless of whether there's fucking four people there or 400. And there were a couple of shows where there were four people there and
Starting point is 00:14:00 they're fucking dyking out on stage with the fucking mandolin and the harmonica. Those were my favorite shows just for the oddity of it all. I saw them in Melbourne. They were playing very walking distance from where I was staying. And I walked down. I was just shit-ass from the flight over. And it takes me days to recover from a 14 hour flight which is
Starting point is 00:14:27 usually like a 25 hour flight when you have to drive to tucson get the layover in la and then make the 14 hour flight yeah i and i just i went into the bar and it was one of those that it's all standing and i'm short in the back and i'm like uh i'm not... I've seen your show. I can't do this. Some dude contacted me about doing shows in Brazil. I was like, fuck yeah, I'll do it. And then I looked at the flights and it's like fucking 30 hours. And also
Starting point is 00:14:56 you have to get a visa, which means you have to go to a fucking embassy or some shit. And you gotta bring a bag and you can't look in it. I drunkenly booked a bag in your asshole. I drunkenly booked a flight to Brazil once. Hey, I love your music.
Starting point is 00:15:11 You can consider bringing a bag in. Fortunately found out in time to cancel the flight that you need a visa. Because from here we have to drive to Phoenix, which is shorter for us because we have cars that work. That's a seven hour drive. 37 hour trip. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:15:28 What happened to... A, we keep making it younger, your 11-year-old girlfriend. She was 19 or something. She graduated. High school. From you. Got the braces off. You know, right after that, they leave you.
Starting point is 00:15:50 I discovered that I was more in love with the road than with any person. Okay, so you're not together. I haven't talked to you in a long time. Yeah, no. Yeah, so we... Wait, didn't you move to Atlanta to live with her? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:04 No, it was good. When I was leaving Atlanta, the last thing that she said to me was, please don't go. And then I fucking... Broke into the song? Yeah. I turned and fucking got in my van and drove away just feeling like a fucking monster. How far before you had to ask her to push you seven hours later 100 miles down the road the uh no and then the first two drives
Starting point is 00:16:34 i had i you know i didn't have a couple dates so i had fucking seven hour drives the first two days the second day i'm four hours into the the second drive And I looked at my phone, because that's what you do when you're fucking doing 80 miles an hour down the highway. You look at your fucking phone. And I don't know if the Germans... That man couldn't do 80 miles an hour in a free fall. Was it really windy behind you? Yeah. you yeah the uh i i wonder if the germans have like a specific word for this specific sadness you feel when the first time you see a picture of your ex on social media and she looks so beautiful
Starting point is 00:17:12 so happy without you and uh and i just started crying like like a fucking ugly cry like convulsing and heaving and um road will do that yeah and i I must have like taken my foot off the gas for a second because the car behind me honked. And without even thinking about it, I just screamed. Fuck you. I'm crying as fast as I can. And that's the name of Mishka's new album, Crying As Fast As I Can.
Starting point is 00:17:45 It's the real-life story. It's one of the same songs from 2007, but now it's reworked into a whole orchestra behind it. I'm pushing my van, crying as fast as I can. It's actually number two right now in the New York. It's better than anything that I'll write.
Starting point is 00:18:04 And yeah, that was how the tour started. Okay, I want to ask you about your tour because you have been touring with comics a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Bird Cloud. You and Bird Cloud and the Matoid, I never toured with Bird Cloud, but they kind of fit into this weird genre where it was hard to work with you.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Because you have songs that have funny lyrics, but they're not comedy songs. They're fucking dark, and they apply to my crowd. But if people think comics and musicians don't work together, generally. So if they're going to a comedy show and they see you or the mat toy they go he's not that funny he's not trying to be that funny he's trying to be somewhat funny but now you're touring with comedians a lot and you're doing more stand-up yeah or more banter yeah i don't know what you do i haven't seen you know it's i it's bullshit and i feel like a fucking poser all the time,
Starting point is 00:19:05 but I've had way more success faking it as a comic than I have being a real musician. That's how Henry Phillips started. He really was a folk musician and then started being funny and just went the comedy direction. But to play with other musicians, then people are like, well, why is this guy talking so much, telling these depressing stories between songs? And then playing with comics, people are like, oh, that song was just bleak.
Starting point is 00:19:33 And it's not a fucking giggle every seven seconds, but it's been all right. Not that you didn't do well or the Mattoid didn't do well on tour tour but it would just be a few people that would go he's not funny and then I'd fucking hate the entire audience like that's my friend I love that I played my role just as your fluffer because I saw like a bunch of nights you going into
Starting point is 00:19:58 a show like being in a decent mood and then like fucking some girls walking out drinking he's not funny and then you fucking hitting the stage in a rage because somebody yelled your name during my set. You know, anytime that happens. Don't you ever fucking talk to me. But is that weird, though, that people don't have that wherewithal? He wouldn't be here if I didn't like him.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Like, I have control over all of this. So if you're really my fan, wouldn't you just shut the fuck up and go, I didn't care for that guy, but whatever. For the record, there are some gigs where a local kid did a lot of time flyering and Facebooking to promote the show. And you go, yeah, well, he's new. He's new. But you still don't ever talk shit about my opening act. You don't like it? Go out and have a cigarette.
Starting point is 00:20:43 Yeah, have a cigarette. I went to one of your shows one time and- Sorry, I'm saying they're not there because they don't deserve it. If their comedy is new, they busted their balls to get me to your fucking town. So shut the fuck up. What was Mitch's joke?
Starting point is 00:20:56 Now I'm yelling at specific, shapeless people. What was Mitch's joke about, he goes, I'm the guy you have to wait to go see. Yeah. I'm not the opening act. I'm the guy that's going to make you wait longer to see Bill Maher. I only remember Bill Maher because he got hired early to tour with him and then got fired for bringing a bottle in a paper bag.
Starting point is 00:21:22 He goes, you're ruining the bag. You're ruining it. I thought that's where Bill Maher draws the line. That was backstage, by the way, that he got busted doing that. Oh, I thought it was on stage. And that makes it even more egregious. Like, fuck you. He's still nobody talent
Starting point is 00:21:40 wise, but this is when he was barely politically incorrect. I mean, the show. I feel like it goes over better in the UK because I play a lot of divey pubs where it's like, oh, I have a magician, and now there's a juggler. And now there's, you know, a fucking...
Starting point is 00:21:55 Okay, so you work with comics over there now? I fucking work with anybody who has me, Doug. I'm not gonna lie. I, um... I, uh... They'll. I've been done. They'll put me with a comic. They'll put me with another songwriter or something like that. Oh, over there. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:13 It's sort of like fucking whatever sticks. Because, I mean, obviously, you picked Kyle Pogue and flew Hack Oddity over from England to pay his visitor. He's not technically a tour manager. He did such a great job doing nothing as my tour manager. I figured I'd bring him over here to... Kidding? He looks like he can push a van. That's why I'd
Starting point is 00:22:32 bring him. Yeah, you lost a lot of weight today. Comics you've worked with in the States? I know JT probably. Yeah, I worked with JT. I worked with Jake Flores. That was killer. Kyle Pogue's been my go-to because he's a great driver and also funny.
Starting point is 00:22:57 But I mean, a lot of times I just go out fucking solo because everybody's a fucking nightmare. I mean, you know what I mean? Like you put somebody in the van and the fucking worst of them comes out. Especially when the van has the worst of it come out. This was going to be fun.
Starting point is 00:23:14 This was atypical. It's not like we're living here. The undriveable tour. Just so you can vent, you were supposed to be playing at club congress tonight oh you're here a day early but you booked the gig with christine levine we know and love repping the unbookables reputation hard she didn't she didn't return a a crucial email and then they had two other bands and that was that was fucking that was that I mean I feel like there's one of those every
Starting point is 00:23:47 show but or every every tour there's the fucking show that kicks but in the first day of tour we've had the breakdowns for an entire six week tour and the kick show I just I
Starting point is 00:24:02 I'm giving you a little bit of shit. You should know better than to have Christine Levine, who her middle name would be the voicemail you have called is full. You cannot leave a message. The voicemail has not been set up. I took to fucking
Starting point is 00:24:26 tweeting her, like, call me. But yeah, no fucking, no dice. Hack was giving me shit overseas. Why do you book yourself into this laundromat or wherever the fuck we're playing at? It's not exactly a fucking
Starting point is 00:24:41 seller's market for me over here. I'm the fucking bottom feeder of bottom feeders. And you have a posse. So what does that make them? Yeah, I brought my entourage. Shitless plus one. I want to go to break, but I want to give you shit about one more thing. you was i was probably a dick because i was the most hungover i've ever done the worst show i've ever done was in atlanta that was a fucking you would just move to atlanta yeah so if i was a
Starting point is 00:25:16 prick i apologize but now that you work with comedians maybe you know there's a difference we went out and partied all night with ron white hey jump in my tour bus we did two shows in atlanta he did a guest set at the first show then we all jumped on his tour bus went out to his fucking mansion on the golf course got fucking wrecked he's like no the tour bus i'm leaving tomorrow on tour we'll drop you back off it's like, no, the tour bus, I'm leaving tomorrow on tour. We'll drop you back off. It's like, what, 40 fucking five minutes out of Atlanta with no traffic. Yes. Yeah. No, the party.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Hang on. Party till the fucking break of dawn. Pass out for a few hours. Then we wake up to get the tour bus back out of there. And he goes, you guys got an Uber? Oh, he said, you're going to drop us off in the tour bus. Change of plans. So we're stinking, just still violently drunk.
Starting point is 00:26:12 And we had to get two Ubers because there's so many of us. Oh, well, all of us fit in a fucking tour bus, but not an Uber. Thanks a lot. And it's just them trying to get into his gated community without security. I did the worst fucking show. I just phoned in this fuck you show. I hate...
Starting point is 00:26:33 Erickson was raging on some woman who was blathering the whole fucking time. Chaley remembered that. I didn't. All I know was bad show and I remember you afterwards going, hey, can I get paid now? And I said, is there money? I said, whatever it was, I snapped.
Starting point is 00:26:52 Because you said, hey, I just moved to Atlanta. Can I do a set? Because I want to establish myself here. In comedy, when you ask to do a set, there's not money. I know that now. Unless it's a tip. Right. But I remember being really like i was at my last
Starting point is 00:27:06 try anyway i i know i was rude to you so it was i apologize but now since you work with comics you know that in in comedy asking for a guest set is not a paid it was good now that that was one of the first times i've gotten the like full 100 vitriol from you and uh man it was just like a fucking fire hose full of bile i don't know what i said i just know that i could have handled it i'm gonna leave it there it was the last time i saw you we're gonna do a quick break everyone if you need uh drinks get them now get them. I'll do a usual. Oh, yeah. Cocktails. Dollar Shave Club.
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Starting point is 00:28:15 So we'll just leave it alone then. You know what's great? I'm so glad mine are on my dick instead of my lip. You know, we went to LA.A. for the weekend, and it's so easy with Dollar Shave Club because I buy the little three-ouncers for traveling, and that goes right into the dop kit, and it goes right in my bag, and we're gone. And everything else stays here, like the large size of the shave butter, and I just take one small pack.
Starting point is 00:28:38 It's so good for flying when you can only have so many ounces of liquids. Or just if you're leaving for four days, you don't need a huge tube of something. I use the double razors. I use the shave butter. And then they've got the toothpaste and the toothbrush. Simple, direct to your door. And right now, you can get ready with an amazing deal on any one of their starter sets. I recommend the Daily Essentials Starter Set because I love the Amber Lavender Body Cleanser.
Starting point is 00:29:07 I love it. I can't smell lavender-y enough, but you can't go wrong with any of them. Head over to dollarshaveclub.com slash stanhope to pick up your own DSC Starter Set for just $5. After your starter set, products ship at the regular price and make sure you check out the new video too that's dollarshaveclub.com slash stanhope dollarshaveclub.com slash stanhope mizzen knives anytime i uh open a package and the first thing I see is a giant shiny chrome knife, I assume it's a fan gift to Chad Shank, but this is actually a sponsor, the Mizzen knife. You've been toying around with it.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Tell us, why is this the greatest knife of all time, Greg Chaley? Well, the thing that you would have noticed if you would have actually picked up the knife, because I know you were afraid it was something for Chad, is the weight. It's a substantial weight. I remember Chad when someone was trying to have him fire his gun and he's like, no, I'm not going to get my fingerprints on that. Same rules apply. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:30:15 It's a substantial weight in your hand. It's a well thought out knife. There's no reason to have other knives on your wall. I get a bunch of like, I buy those stupid colorful knives that you know suck, but they're purple and green and orange and shit. Yeah. And then I just have to have a knife sharpener
Starting point is 00:30:32 like every other time I have an electric sharpener because they go dead in a second. These knives, there's a 60% more carbon in these than regular premium knives. And Mizzen just really wanted to figure out if they could actually deliver a high quality knife for a cheaper price. And so they regular premium knives. And Mizzen just really wanted to figure out if they could actually deliver a high-quality knife for a cheaper price. And so they started a Kickstarter. They were offering a knife that would retail at $150 for $65.
Starting point is 00:30:53 And that's how they got a million dollars. And that's how they started their company. So now what they've done is they've created this line of knives. And they're definitely cheaper in price but not in quality. And it's the only knife you need. You don't need the block full of 18 knives and then trying to find the least dull one. That's right. Replace all the old dull knives in your kitchen.
Starting point is 00:31:12 Save space because a better knife equals better cooking. Well, in the ad copy, it says endorsed by experts in the field. The New York Times calls it the Holy Grail of Knives. And I say, slow news day. But hey, the New York Times. We only have sponsors that we get behind. And if I didn't like it, I would tell you. And by selling directly to you, the consumer, Mizzen is able to cut out the middleman and
Starting point is 00:31:41 save you the money. All right. Well, here, just so I can read the call to action, I have an apple here, and here's your mizzen knife. So, yep, straight through. Call to action. I've tried the mizzen knife, and I don't know how I ever cooked without it. See, I'm not lying now.
Starting point is 00:31:59 I tried the mizzen knife. Cooking is faster and actually more fun, and now you can join in on the fun in the kitchen. My listeners will receive 20% off their order simply by going to mizzen.co slash stanhope and using my code stanhope. That's m-i-s-e-n dot c-o slash stanhope for 20% off your order. mizzen.co slash Stanhope. And don't forget to use my code Stanhope. Oh, and also a few thank yous, and then we'll get right back to it. Hi, Chad.
Starting point is 00:32:36 Steven Gruber. What did I do with my glasses? Steven Godber. Fan of the podcast from the UK. He sent Chad Cards Against Humanity, which were played at length last night. And a book, Enemy of the State.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Thank you. I got that. Mike Sartori sent us more vintage National Lampoons. Thank you, Mike. Oh, and those are going to go into the merch.
Starting point is 00:33:10 So if you buy merch, you might get them. I perused my favorite parts, and then we put them in merch. So buy merch, and you occasionally get a free bonus in the merch at the dougstandup.com. And I got this a vintage some people listen and they know that i like uh vintage delta airline stuff and this is a beautiful vintage delta glass coffee mug and with a i'm gonna i'm not gonna read the whole letter but hi doug i know you have a deep fondness for Delta found it on eBay thank you so much
Starting point is 00:33:48 she says I also know you get a lot of bummer email from us about suicide I'm totally okay but my boyfriend technically ex-boyfriend at the time turned out to not be okay he took his own life the night
Starting point is 00:34:06 of this last St. Patrick's Day, doused himself in gas, and smoked his last cigarette. That's impressive. Yeah, I know you get a lot of bummer email, but you topped him. So,
Starting point is 00:34:21 what's your name? Shelby from Flagstaff, I think. Yeah yeah but to be fair in may gas prices were as high as they are now at least he quit smoking uh by the way shelby if you're listening that's uh the my dad died on saint patrick's day so here's to you he didn't he didn't burn himself he wasn't protesting vietnam or. He just had cancer. So those are the thanks and let's just get back to this podcast already late.
Starting point is 00:34:54 Your new album, which you were kind enough to send me, autographed and I just, I pulled it out enough to see that it was going to be a lengthy autograph and I know you were going to be a snarky fuck about whatever you wrote. So I immediately put it in the stack for eBay yard sale just to fuck with you. I think what I wrote was, dear eBay user,
Starting point is 00:35:16 please enjoy this record that has not been listened to by Doug Stamho. This is a one-off. It's a fuck you, man. We just recently plugged Carlos Valencia sent us his new cd and he actually did write uh pretty much that the fuck i know you're gonna sell this on ebay so whoever gets this thanks for bidding the highest the fuck thing is that that record went for like three times what i'm selling them for signed on my website i know that's why i did nothing to it it's like god damn it suddenly worth it some awful picture that we put up like
Starting point is 00:35:50 like a child who draws a giraffe and you go oh that's a giraffe i thought it was a tree well we're gonna put it on the refrigerator anyway honey and we sold that for like $125. Because it fucks with them. Any scam that works is a good scam. Any fuckwits are... Oh, that's what I... You fucked with Inman hard? For the record, I didn't know it was you. Dude, I can't tell you how many times I fucking defended Inman in the last 10 years.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Everybody was just shitting on him. Like, oh, that's not. And I was like, no, I like Inman. He's a good guy. I'm a fan. He's intelligent. Let me back up for the listener. Inman got permanently banned from Twitter.
Starting point is 00:36:38 And we mentioned it on a podcast. And then Inman sent me an email. He sent a lot of emails over the course we'll get into it but he sent me an email where his his wife thought it was you but i think it's because i posted lyrics from the clash and it said they've you fucking none or something and someone reported me and now I can't get back on Twitter and I'm permanently banned but then we mentioned that on a podcast and then you emailed me saying oh by the way heard the podcast that was me
Starting point is 00:37:16 that got banned moi I didn't think it was gonna fucking work I mean to back up like he was fucking Jake Flores posted something about Roseanne. And then Inman fucking went nuts. And I was like, Inman, why don't you dial it back a little bit? You know, fucking everybody has their opinion, you know, whatever.
Starting point is 00:37:42 And that was a huge affront to him that i that i direct message him and to tell him maybe fucking just chill out for a minute and then he fucking went off into the ether and i was driving this van 4 000 miles up to northern saskatchewan with my family for our family reunion which is another van yes ridiculous. The same van? Yes. It fucking made it fine. Like, no problems. And so he was just spazzing out. And I was like, fuck this. And I have his number.
Starting point is 00:38:12 So I just called him. And he was like, hello? And I was like, James, it's Mishka. And he fucking started to go off. And I was like, James, relax, man. It's just you and I. I'm calling you. I know you're upset.
Starting point is 00:38:23 And I'm like, I'm sorry that I said something that fucking hurt your feelings. And like, but I calling you i know you're upset and i'm like i'm sorry that i said something that fucking hurt your feelings and like but i want you to know you're my friend and i you know i value you and like just it's not it's just if if something i do fucking upset you have my number just call me you know it's like and he was like okay okay and i was like i love you man you know like just you know be well and like he, all right. He fucking twists and turns. Okay. The next day there's this long fucking screed on his way. And Mishka, fuck him for having a hot girlfriend and for fucking having a good life.
Starting point is 00:38:53 And I was like, yeah, I'll take shit for that all day long. Yeah. You have a paranoid shut in fucking, you know, rip me up and down for having a life worth living. Yeah. Guilty. and fucking you know rip me up and down for having a life worth living yeah guilty uh and um and then he um and i was just i was just like i don't fuck i can't you know the i was like i don't want to be a part of this yeah inman is like him bragging about like oh the most downloaded doug stanhope pod it's like an eight-year-old who is in a fucking a kiddie porn bragging about being
Starting point is 00:39:26 the star of the movie and it's like no it's not it's not what you did it's what they did to you man and um and then he was fucking ranting and raving on Twitter. And he posted a thing that was like a veiled physical threat of like, well, one day I'm going to maybe push you or, you know, not like I'm going to flay you and fucking feed your living flesh to dogs or what. Just like, well, I'll give him a sharp elbow on the ribs or something. And I was like, oh, this is violence. I'm reporting this. And I thought nothing would happen. They have all kinds of fucking white power assholes advocating the overthrow of the state on Twitter. And they were like, no, this Inman guy, he's a fucking problem.
Starting point is 00:40:16 We've got the poor man's Alex Jones. Yeah, James, it was me. It was me. Now you know, James. I'll see you in the high school parking lot. You are... Well, again, fuck. I'm trying to plug your date on Saturday
Starting point is 00:40:37 here in Bisbee, but yeah, come visit the quarry and see where Mishka, the same stage Mishka performed at. If my van makes it there. There's no cabs here, so I hope your van runs. We'll take Ron White's tour bus. You guys did a duo together.
Starting point is 00:40:55 Was that live at the quarry or was that? That was at Stock Exchange. You did it on stage? Yeah, yeah. I thought you said you recorded it. We recorded it at Joby's house. We recorded it when I was on the record that you sold, you asshole. Yeah, it was a secret track.
Starting point is 00:41:12 But we sang together at the Stock Exchange. Yeah, yeah. Same song. What was the song? Don't Cut Your Hair. Oh, I thought it was a cover. I didn't know it was one of you. It is a cover.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Do you know who you should do a duo with? Uh-oh. Do you know any Elvis Costello songs? James Inman, come on in. Oh, shit. This is to catch a breath. Oh, my God. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Fuck you. He's been working on that baby moment. Fuck you. He's been living on that baby monitor. Fuck you. Oh my God. He did a veil threat. Something about an elbow. I did not. That fucking.
Starting point is 00:41:55 That was a fucking lie. That was a fucking lie. I did not do any fucking threats of violence. So they must not have banned you then. You just quit? I'm banned permanently because of you. You stupid fucking cunt poser. Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:42:12 Fuck you. Alright? Seriously. Why? I can't. I lost 3,000 Twitter followers. God, what the fuck is wrong with you? Oh, and then he flipped out. i tried to call him and blah blah
Starting point is 00:42:29 you sound like you're in high school we had a nice conversation fuck you you fucking date a girl half your age you fucking pedophile right write a letter to your congressman. Wait, take it to Twitter. How about this? I get flown out here first class by Doug Stanhope just to stick my dick in your ass. How about that?
Starting point is 00:42:58 And on the way back, it's first class too, right? On the way back, it's first class. After I the way back it's first class after i stuck my dick in your ass and you won't have to push the blade i'm sorry you had to wait while we were late james well you know i thought see the thing of it is doug is smarter than both of us put together right because he saw what was happening and he's like, let's get Inman and Mishka together so they can make up, right? Why didn't you do that with me and Jake Flores? Obviously, I was having, by the way, I was having an intelligent conversation.
Starting point is 00:43:36 Your friend Jake Flores is a shallow idiot because all he was doing was telling jokes. He didn't back up his argument. So he was winning? None of those fuckers had any points to their debate whatsoever. All I wanted to do was debate. Hang on. Did you print out the Facebook thread?
Starting point is 00:43:56 Oh, that podcast is already done. You're part two. Okay, this is a sequel. This is a sequel. Anyway, I might have got a little too mad but you know it makes for the podcast fight stay mad because i was really i thought that was a horrible horrible dick move on your part to call him no no get him because i had a stalker i have many but one that's really irritating since you got him banned from Twitter,
Starting point is 00:44:26 I tried to have a guy banned, and now I know the work you have to put into it. You have to give screenshots. I clicked one thing, I swear to God. Well, I couldn't click one thing. They're asking me for screenshots, evidence of this, like filling out a fucking police report. Do you think
Starting point is 00:44:42 it's maybe possible that James may have pissed off more than one person on Twitter? It says, and I don't have that one, but it must have been Jake Flores. He copied. Did you just deflect it to somebody else that you already admitted to it?
Starting point is 00:44:58 You already admitted it. You fucking gaslighting motherfucker. Yeah, that. You already admitted to it, so... The point is... Yeah, I don't give a fuck. You don't care that you... That you lost your Twitter account? I don't give a shit.
Starting point is 00:45:12 Are you fucking kidding me? Why do you not give a shit? About your Twitter account, James? It's a fucking game. All right, so let's get rid of your Twitter account. No. Exactly. Oh!
Starting point is 00:45:24 Oh! I don't threaten people on Twitter, James. You've already been found guilty of this. You threatened to push you. Yo, fuck you so much for this. Yeah, that was a lie. Fuck you for this. You set it up with the apology. I was so fucking livid at you
Starting point is 00:45:40 because imagine if, as a joke, someone got your Twitter account taken away, where that's how you fucking put asses in seats that's too far wait when's the last time james did a show uh actually uh in colorado springs that's my last show i headlined at a real comedy club and there were like you know 250 people there and how is a friday and saturday night when's the last time you did a show tonight that you had scheduled and you tweeted about it first first of all you do the soundtrack from the redux of the unbookable yeah you the only guy promoting the unbookables is James Hidman. That's bullshit.
Starting point is 00:46:25 I'm driving the van. I'm fucking promoting him like you never did. Your name is on it. I'm promoting him. I'm fucking pulling him up by his bootstraps, you motherfucker. You had to hit rock bottom before you knew. Hey, good job with that promotion. Where do I find him on Twitter?
Starting point is 00:46:43 You know, it doesn't help. I thought that was a bridge too far to take away an outlet where he can reach people. That was by far your douchiest social justice warrior thing I've seen you do so far. All right. So what's behind door number two? I'm reading what I wrote to you. Oh, you wrote to me. Your nickname. What did I say? What was the nickname I said?
Starting point is 00:47:10 Your nickname would be Mishka, hey, I hate to ask, but Shabali. You go, hello, boys. I'm rolling into the town for a show on the 22nd. Can you put up my opening acts? I'll be crashing with Joby. Blah, blah, blah. By the way, I heard the podcast. I was the one who got Inman kicked off Twitter.
Starting point is 00:47:34 Now, was it you that was there? I was just, I kept drinking and seething. Like, fucking. The internet was out. God forbid I make you angry. We fuck with Inman, but we don't take away one of his vague hopes of
Starting point is 00:47:52 revenue streams. Livelihood. Inman makes money. You don't cut a cowboy's hat. You don't cut a ponytail off a biker. He builds websites and he builds computers from fucking scratch. Can I say this?
Starting point is 00:48:07 Let me finish reading. I was really fucking pissed at you. And I wrote, you fuck. You broke the knob on our wind-up toy by getting him off Twitter. This is why you've been so nice for the last couple of weeks. You're like, yeah, when are you getting in?
Starting point is 00:48:23 Yeah, we got a fucking Airbnb. I thought you had a fucking Airbnb. A fucking long con. I thought you had a fucking brain tumor or something. I was like, I don't think Doug's all right. It was the long con. Because Inman's going to be the hero for once. You owe me, James. What?
Starting point is 00:48:43 That's what he wrote on the fucking signed album that he sent me that I left in the fun house that probably got thrown away. We probably sold that too. Because to recap for you, the listeners know from the podcast with him, Bingo and I were on a train trip for 10 days when all this shit was going down we have no fucking idea what's going on and i didn't i don't use facebook and i i'm really not invested in uh but i said it would be funny if because he's all wound up and that's always funny when inman is wound up i go let's double down and block him on Twitter just to see what he writes on Twitter. Not knowing you got him fucking permanently banned. It was like two clicks.
Starting point is 00:49:33 They will not fucking. I'll show you. I can read you. I'm wondering. I'm wondering who else I can get banned now. No. God. I didn't know I had this power to wield.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Don't wield it. I had this power and he will get to that. I said, I wrote you back. You broke the knob on our wind-up toy. What an incredible dick move. And then I go, wait. Oh, it was the night the internet went out. And I go, this saved me because it gave me time to think. Let's do the long con.
Starting point is 00:50:09 And then I made it softer. When you asked if you could put up your opening acts, they're doing a remodel on the house. I said, the main house will be under construction while you guys are here. They're blowing the walls out of both bedrooms to extend the house, but I'll get your openers in an Airbnb within walking distance. Remind me closer to then. And then I wrote, I was going to try to get people to petition Twitter to bring Inman back. I didn't know it was an inside job. Get your defense presentation ready for the podcast. job get your defense presentation ready for the podcast unconscionable unbookables three should just be you and inman on the road and a third person to fan the flames and this is you already
Starting point is 00:50:54 said it this is what you wrote back hey fuck you buddy i picked up the phone and actually called him you have no idea what i endured i'd rather rather drink two pints of Andrus hot piss than go through that again. Oh, God. No, this is the part. This is the rub, Edmund. He says, seriously, though, and you heard him on the baby monitor. Did you see what he said about me? He accused me of having a hot girlfriend and being successful.
Starting point is 00:51:26 And you know I can't take that shit lying down so he's already piling sarcasm on the fact that he ruined one of your only fucking places right to reach people well i mean the that rant there was more to that rant i i i thought that was kind of a lame slam but but I mean, I was, fuck, I can't even think. That's all right. We're here to fucking, we're defending you for once, Inman. Here's the deal, Mishka. I've known Doug since like 1995, and our relationship is he makes fun of me, and I laugh at myself. Then that kind of grew, because Doug got more famous, and and he got more fans and so all of his
Starting point is 00:52:05 fans and friends started making fun of me and I had to laugh at it and it was fun for a while until I get these people I don't even know mocking me and guys like you on Facebook every fucking thing you write on Facebook to me is snarky and bullshit. Everything I write on Facebook to you is like a compliment joke. I mean, I rarely say anything mean to you on Facebook ever. And you always write snarky bullshit to me. And finally, I just snapped. I'm like, fuck it.
Starting point is 00:52:37 I don't care. And that argument was with Jake Flores, not you. All right? You sent me an email. You said, hey, you're embarrassing yourself. I'm like, so what? Iores not you all right you send me any you said hey you're embarrassing yourself i'm like so what i'm not saying anything to you i'm talking to jake flores i'm making good points you know and you're like uh so you call me and go facebook doesn't matter well if facebook doesn't matter then it doesn't matter get your nose out of my business just it fucking doesn't matter why do you care but then you had to unfriend me and like that's
Starting point is 00:53:05 exactly what i did right like it doesn't it doesn't matter it like so if it doesn't so i so i unfriended you so what's the big are you a 12 year old girl no so this is what i did it's a fake game you're the 12 year old girl for unfriending me all right that's what made you so this is what i did so i called you like a friend right you piece of shit. So this is what I did. And so I said, okay. And we had a good conversation. And then something happened. Don't interrupt me, okay? Sorry, Dad.
Starting point is 00:53:31 All right. So after you unfriended me, this is what I did. Oh, I'll show Mischka. First off, I'm unfriending everybody. You think I annoy you? Everyone fucking annoys me. I fucking told Doug to fuck off because I knew that he would know it was
Starting point is 00:53:48 a joke. And then I unfriended all of his friends just to show you that I can unfriend everybody. You're not the only guy who can unfriend people. Did you take your ball and go home, James? I fucking created this entire scenario right now.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Because of my third fucking eye I knew I would get Doug's attention when I said I'm done with you we're not friends anymore just like what you did to me we're not friends anymore I with you. We're not friends anymore. Just like what you did to me. We're not friends anymore. I didn't say we're not friends anymore. I unfriended you and then I fucking called you. I called you and we had a fucking nice conversation. Whatever.
Starting point is 00:54:35 And then you freaked out after that. Why do you think? Let him talk. All right. All right. All right. Go ahead. Let him talk.
Starting point is 00:54:40 I mean, those are serious questions. I've fucking stood up for you a million times in the last 10 years. All right, then keep standing up for me, because I've always stood up for you, too. All right. This was a brilliant... Listen to me. What? This was a brilliant play.
Starting point is 00:54:53 Right. Well done. All right, so... I mean, this will surely be the best, most downloaded podcast ever. Mischkus. I got my turn. My snuff film. They'll start claiming that Yeah
Starting point is 00:55:08 I don't know Well Listen I Thought it was a really Dick move It was a I didn't think
Starting point is 00:55:16 Don't open your mouth If you don't know the shot We fuck with Inman Cause it's a controlled environment But As we said on the last podcast with Inman he was very upset when they drew dicks or swastikas on his
Starting point is 00:55:31 forehead when he was passed out I didn't even know those people yeah but it was like alright they shouldn't be fucking with you Inman is our old school friend and like Windy City Heat we wind him up you fucking over his twitter account is again unconscionable basically a war crime yeah and i i would hope
Starting point is 00:55:56 that you would do some due diligence to uh talk to twitter however you get a hold of him, and say, hey, I was wrong about that. I didn't understand. It was comedy. However, and I hope the listeners... Wait, you didn't just apologize for him? No. Because he's only defended it so far. He hasn't apologized for what he's done. No, no, no, no. He doesn't... That was a douche move, man. No, to me
Starting point is 00:56:20 is, I don't really care about apologies. I just care if your behavior changes. Because anybody can apologize. All right, seriously, what part of my behavior would you want me to change? Well, don't ban people off Twitter and Facebook. How about that? Keep an open mind.
Starting point is 00:56:39 You know there was no threat. I wish I had that, but I threw all that. He had the quote from Twitter. You incited violence and you are thereby banned permanently. Which, by the way, is right up your alley these days. Yeah, I've never done that. I mean, I've never done that on my Twitter feed. Let me add another thing, because we gave him the option on this podcast.
Starting point is 00:57:06 What if we asked all of our listeners that follow you because of us to block you? I'm in, I'm in. No, I'm in. That sounds great. I'm in. I'm totally fucking in. I'm totally in. I like, I like James original.
Starting point is 00:57:20 If it doesn't matter, delete it. James said no. James said no, don't do that to him. He needs to. No, no't what i'd rather wait you mean he's a fucking decent guy and not a fucking asshole i personally i don't think him calling up twitter going hey that thing was a mistake you know i called 9-1-1 for no reason i don't think because you know i don't think they're gonna change it fucking pay some amends well Well, how about this? We do a show or something, or maybe people listening right now will just...
Starting point is 00:57:48 Hang on. I didn't read the end of that. When he wrote me back, Mishka said, let's make that tour happen. Did I read where I said you guys should go on the road? Yeah. He says, let's make that tour happen called the unconscionables i'll see if i can get you to do a couple songs up front but don't try to cash in on my name again oh shit i'll have the van when i'm down there
Starting point is 00:58:18 jinx yourself get shank a bald wig and we can shoot Unbookables 5, the musical in the van. You can sit in Sean Rouse's seat and not call him back. I get the callbacks. Maybe you should go on the road together. Maybe Kyle Pogue sits here and flies first class back to
Starting point is 00:58:42 Kansas City. It's only a seven-hour drive to the gig here in Bisbee tomorrow. No, I'm not. A seven-hour push. They do need extra guys pushing. Wait a second. No, I meant like if I was to get more Twitter followers, I mean, it would have to be from people that listen to this podcast
Starting point is 00:58:58 because that's when I get my most followers is after I do a podcast. And, yeah, I'm just like I don't think I'd get that many. my most followers is after I do a podcast and yeah I don't think I'd get that many I don't think I'd get very many followers you should have to give you all of his followers no that's not going to work how about
Starting point is 00:59:17 how about you how about you give me all your Adderall oh my god he immediately low balls the whole deal. He goes, all right, how about a handjob and a beer? Adderall and an apology, and we're buddies for life. How did I not predict this? Fucking, you know, I can forgive people for all kinds of shit.
Starting point is 00:59:44 You tried to start, you do have a new account on Twitter. Yes, I do. And I don't know if saying this on the podcast will get that canceled. No. I got a new... So what is it? Because your last one was... Yeah, this one is under slash James, under slash Inman.
Starting point is 01:00:06 Okay. And they don't know it's you? Well, they gave me a little. His last one was so fucked up. They gave me a little crap when I first started to make it because I changed it. It used to be a Twitter account for my dog, Arlo. And then I just changed the name to James Inman deleted all the Arlo tweets and I you know so you're basically saying
Starting point is 01:00:28 it was a victimless crime no he's saying he's a dog I've got 8 followers now I used to have 3000 when I'd write a tweet I'd get 50 likes so listeners please do us a favor do James Inman a favor
Starting point is 01:00:44 and especially Mishka Shabali a favor. Please follow at underscore James. Underslash. Is it underscore? It's underscore. Okay. Underscore James. Underscore Inman.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Can I do a plug for it? Yes, you can. This is Mishka Shabali on the doug stanhope podcast inviting you to follow james inman on twitter it's at underscore james underscore inman and uh hopefully do i need to hold a newspaper up to get you over three blinking in morse code Like fuck you Doug Yeah just don't be afraid of ideas I mean if you want to do comedy You know Mishka We should close this while we're talking
Starting point is 01:01:33 You know I mean You're a writer and you're a musician And now you're doing comedy You gotta understand that comedy is You gotta be accepting of all kinds of ideas No don't Quit while you're ahead James to understand that comedy is you got to be accepting of all kinds of ideas. Quit while you're ahead, James. Alright. So I mean, especially debate.
Starting point is 01:01:52 Learn how to debate. Honestly, I apologize that I got you kicked off Twitter. I didn't think that doing that one thing was going to do it. I figured that there had to be a host of complaints. I did it out of anger. You hurt my fucking feelings. If I could take it back, I would. I'm that there had to be a host of complaints. I did it out of anger. You hurt my fucking feelings. If I could take it back,
Starting point is 01:02:08 I would. I'm sorry. God, I love it. It's a special... I have Asperger's. It's a special episode of the Doug Stanhope podcast. I thought you were going to...
Starting point is 01:02:23 I thought you were going to write something. Wait, hook is that? I don't know. I seriously have Asperger's. Because I did not listen to the new album, so I'm going to let you pick your favorite track off to close this out.
Starting point is 01:02:40 With the new, plug you get the Altercation Comedy Festival. Mishka's going to be there. Doesn't it, it says 7 p.m., but no date. No, September 26th. It's the 29th. I'm on the 29th. But you're there the 29th of September in this year of our Lord, 2018.
Starting point is 01:03:02 Altercation Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas. 7 7 p.m at the kick butt club and the new album is called uh the new album is called when we were animals and i'm gonna play a song that's not on that album oh you're gonna play it live is that let me fuck it i got a guitar right here hey here we go hey hey you don't play any music just. Just kidding. I got to tune off. That'll take me a second. Do you need a tool, Mike? Here's a good spot for a quick segue. Before I get to the commercial, James Inman, you remember the podcast where we talked about all the money that Chad Shank is going to make for playing.
Starting point is 01:03:46 For reading my rants. Yeah, reading your rants. Right. You know what he's doing now? He's playing video games on Amazon Prime through Twitch. Twitch. Dot. TV.
Starting point is 01:03:58 Dot TV. He doesn't know how to play video games. You. Right. Spend all your life. No, not all my life. But I do play Halo. I was old school Halo 2.
Starting point is 01:04:13 Now I'm playing Halo 5. I got an Xbox One. Chad challenged me. He was like, he got in my face and he's like, step it up, bitch. You want to come at me? And I was like, yeah yeah you want to do it Halo 5 I've never played it before he destroyed you on that podcast
Starting point is 01:04:30 so I think he might destroy you right but I think he was talking shit so I'm going to teabag him I'm going to teabag him I'm going to hit him with a plasma grenade and then hit him with the BR rifle I hate to say it but I think he's right.
Starting point is 01:04:45 I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. I'll show you. Well, look. Listen, I'm going to win the shit-talking contest is what I'm saying. Oh, okay. All right. You can win the shit-talking contest. Can I still talk once I die?
Starting point is 01:04:56 Because I'll talk shit still when I'm dead. Yeah, yeah. What we'll do is we'll play teams. You'll be on my team. Oh, that'll be good. I'll protect you. I can be like your bitch. We'll get her out. It'll be fun. You'll be on my team. I'll protect you. I can be like your bitch. It'll be fun.
Starting point is 01:05:09 Jake Dill, another friend of mine who's a radio disc jockey from LA. He'll play with us. He's big into Halo 5. How do they find this on your channel, Chad? It's free with Amazon Prime.
Starting point is 01:05:26 You just go to Twitch TV or however. If you have Amazon Prime, you already have a free subscription to this. You just have to click buttons. And you don't have to play. You can just watch. Here's the thing. If you want to watch it, that'll be funny. But even if you don't want to watch it, that's the grift,
Starting point is 01:05:43 is that it's something you already pay for and you can just give me $2.50 of it. So if you want to watch me and Chad Shank play Halo 5 at Rumble Pit, if you're so fucking good at this, you can learn a game
Starting point is 01:05:59 that he's just learning. Oh, what does he want to play? You've done, you've played video games for as long or longer. You did Asteroids before you did comedy. I've been doing this for 75 years. I played Space Invaders, Borderlands, Borderlands 2. I've seen some of that played. Halo.
Starting point is 01:06:19 Here's the thing. The new one that everybody's playing and that everybody thinks that it would be hilarious to watch me play it because I'm... Against you. Is Fortnite. Do you play Fortnite? No, but I don't either. Just log on to... That would be a fucking level playing field.
Starting point is 01:06:34 Yeah, that would be level. Is there a... Do they have to go to your... Is it HDFatty on that? HD underscore Fatty on Twitch. Harley Davidson, HD underscore Fatty that? HD underscore fatty on Twitch. Harley Davidson, HD underscore fatty. I'm sure Inman will get an account. If you play me in Halo 5, I will play one of your games that you're good at.
Starting point is 01:06:54 Deal. Deal. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, just go to your Amazon Prime. If you don't have it, then you're probably not going to get the unbookables either because you don't know comedy dynamics. Hey, let's get to that. Let's get to that.
Starting point is 01:07:07 Let's get to that ad. Sure, football is fun. But is it really any fun if you don't have money on the game? Mybookie.ag. Bet with us. We're starting to get a little bit crazy with this. I am now
Starting point is 01:07:29 3-1 on my picks of the week, and that one that I lost was by a goddamn point. One point. I'm almost 4-0, and I'm hitting the other ones, too. This week, let me just get it out there. My lock of the week
Starting point is 01:07:46 and you can always bet against kenny because i think he's uh one and three he lost again i'm looking up on his uh his player history since i turned over my account he took the browns last week and they get demolished well actually they didn't get demolished they played the Raiders. Oh, he had a straight bet, and he lost. Yeah. He lost. Again. And he's taking the Browns again this weekend, plus three against the Baltimore Ravens. I am definitely betting against him, and my pick of the week to go four and one is Denver, plus one at the Jets. I don't get it.
Starting point is 01:08:25 I might have missed something. Did all of their players get injured? Did Joe Namath come back? I don't know. But yeah, there you go. Go to mybookie.ag. You don't have to just bet with me or against Kenny. You can bet parlays, teasers, other sports. Conor McGregor is fighting.
Starting point is 01:08:44 You know what? That's a great one to bet. Bet your heart. Just don't watch the fight because that guy's a piece of shit, and he just acts like he's a fake pretend asshole like John Taffer just to sell tickets. Don't buy the hype, but bet the fight. MyBookie.ag. Dog parlays.
Starting point is 01:09:02 Take some dogs and bet them on the money line. You bet a few dogs on the money line, and then it aggregates. You get three underdogs with no points. You can make some money. I thought you said dog racing. I thought, do they have dog racing now? They probably do. I didn't see it in here.
Starting point is 01:09:19 That's what I was looking at when you said that. But you meant underdogs, which is what you love to bet. Yeah, football. What fun is it? Yeah, I don't know if you can bet on the players taking a knee or shit like that. Go into the prop bets
Starting point is 01:09:31 and the futures and look at the weird shit you can... I think you can bet on like dancing with the stars and shit like that. There's just endless opportunities to bet. Spend a couple of bucks and make life a little bit more fun. Log on to MyBookie right now
Starting point is 01:09:47 and double your money. Use promo code Stanhope and you'll get your first deposit matched 100%. That's promo code Stanhope. MyBookie.ag. You play, you win, you get paid. So here it is, Mishka live, playing his favorite track from his new album, When We Were Animals, Mishka Shibali Redeemed. The name of this song is
Starting point is 01:10:15 at underscore James underscore Inman on twitter.com It better not suck I pulled on yesterday's t-shirt some jeans from the day before
Starting point is 01:10:44 I got every single color black rock and roll skull t-shirt now remind me what I'm dying for I feel like I'm losing
Starting point is 01:11:04 the narrative Speaking a language I no longer understand Hammering it out on the highway Crying as fast as I can This road has tolls has tolls It eats up your tires your time your mind
Starting point is 01:11:53 your soul The free drinks The free drinks ain't free And if I ever make it home Or find home Has lost everything Made it home to me Remember that corny old poem
Starting point is 01:12:37 About Jesus and footprints in the sand Jesus and footprints in the sand. Well, you can hold me a middle seat on the greyhound of hell. Cause I'm not gonna understand. They say God protects fools and drunkards That hasn't been my experience at all Only one set of footprints in the hardest of times Cause you poked me with a stick while I crawled
Starting point is 01:13:30 This road has tolls. It eats up your tires, your time, your mind, your soul. And the free drinks, the free drinks, the cocaine Honey, this hotel room wasn't free And if I ever make it home or find home Has lost everything Made it home to me And if I ever make it home Find home has lost everything
Starting point is 01:14:38 Made it home to me At underscore James underscore Inman on Twitter. I was just going to say, if we want to do like after chatter as Easter eggs. I don't know. I don't know if you want to. I should have said it before. It just doesn't make sense. Like director's cut.
Starting point is 01:15:10 You weren't recording, right? If we want to talk right now about how... The mic that's on is his. No, I'm saying we can kill it there. But if you want to do like director's commentary and how we set this up as an easter egg after the song plays. We're going to fade out real quick.
Starting point is 01:15:30 We can do that with like three mics, right? You know, this to me doesn't sound fair. No, no, just the fluffy aftermath. The nice parts. Yeah. Alright. This is the happy part where we all make up
Starting point is 01:15:51 if people listen past the song. Fucking great song, Mishka. Fucking great. I think it was actually a nod to James. fucking great well we I don't know if it was Becker that said something about
Starting point is 01:16:12 one of the lines in that song was something we just talked about crying as fast as I can and then you burst into song Becker was very prescient last night. What was the...
Starting point is 01:16:28 Come into the mic. James Inman flew in first class and he got a hot towel. I said, they're getting a hot towel and they come in and it's that car overheats. Prescient. That's a big word I learned. I have a present for you
Starting point is 01:16:45 a hot towel drenched in what would be funny is if do you have a show on Monday Mishko? I do no Tuesday 25th so are you going to have to fix the car before Monday? I really did
Starting point is 01:17:02 you got to get on mic because we're trying to record this. Yeah, sorry. This is just the Easter egg if people keep listening after the podcast. I don't have a show on Monday, but I have a show on Tuesday. If you want to join us on Tuesday and Wednesday. Fuck no. He's flying first class on Monday. Yeah, I'm flying first class on Monday while you're in that van that smells like piss.
Starting point is 01:17:26 But I was worried about the van. Like, maybe we can find a way to get it fixed. You know, is that what we're going to do while you're here? No, we got that. I mean, it's not your guy's problem. Like, I'll deal with it. You know what I mean? I got to figure it out.
Starting point is 01:17:41 I mean, we got to fix that fucking car. Miska, I want you to know that we had to make James Inman mad again. I didn't want to be mad. They wanted you to be mad. Right, you told me to be mad. That's why I was so mean, because I was as mean as I thought he should be. It's the same way. My thing is the Innocence Project, and when someone gets released after 77 years in fucking prison because they don't get mad yeah they go i'm just happy i don't
Starting point is 01:18:13 harbor resentments yeah harboring resentments for you well i mean i was you know it was like i was drunk and i caused actually i started drinking after you unfriended me. And then that's when I was. What was that in 1978? So you were drinking alone? Yeah. So after you unfriended me, I started drinking. And it just occurred to me that I was like, I'm dealing with so many of Doug's friends.
Starting point is 01:18:44 And it's just so hard. Listen, let me explain. We talked a bit on the first podcast that he has heard that a lot of people fuck with him. You must get the same shit, Mishka. Yeah. People think they're being dark and funny. Today, I got an a email this subject was
Starting point is 01:19:07 nigger retard cunt yeah and then it was hey i really like your podcast you're friends with trump yeah he knows how to email yeah and point is like when people, we fuck with Inman, and we have purpose, and generally we tell him how much he needs to know, but we want him to get wound up, because it's fun, and it's easy to do. But then other people fuck with him that they're just going, you're a fucking nigger retard cunt. But I mean mean two things you know I get a lot of that shit too from those same fucking jerk offs and the other thing is I'm not one of Doug Stanhope's friends
Starting point is 01:19:53 you and I are friends you're not one of Doug Stanhope's friends you know what I'm saying though I'm not some like some fucking hack you know on Twitter with fucking you know with 40 followers you and I are friends you and i have history i came to visit you in kansas city in fucking panaman dude i don't know if you remember this but andy was fucking riding you like crazy and i didn't know that i knew and i didn't
Starting point is 01:20:14 know you and i didn't know that i didn't know that it was a thing and i told you i i said james i like you i because and i didn't know why everybody was fucking riding you i don't know if you remember that but i remember that. Well, I think that there's certain things about our personality where we're total opposites. And I think opposites attract. You're retarded and he's an egomaniac. So you have polar opposites. Yeah, opposites attract.
Starting point is 01:20:39 Yeah, that's why burn victims hang out with supermodels. I mean, I'm... Yeah, I mean i i opened my mind i opened my mind uh to different ways of thinking after i read the data aging and so when i met doug doug was like i'm a libertarian i was like i'm a socialist i was like that's like yin and yang and so then ever since then we've've been friends. I learned that I didn't know anything about libertarianism as far as... But you used to be in a libertarian. ...70% of it.
Starting point is 01:21:12 Well, yeah, I was libertarian. But I, at one point, realized, oh, I don't know most of that shit, but I... My girlfriend... A couple issues, I'm libertarian. My girlfriend, Brenda, is a very serious therapist i mean she has to talk to people all day long i don't want to repeat it but you also think yang is in a chinese laundry feel like you've forgiven mishka yeah because i mean i i i've met other people like him where he's like my opposite you know like there's things I would never have done what you did.
Starting point is 01:21:45 But whatever you did, it opened. It made us kind of open our minds and go, what the rule? You know, and, you know, and I made $1,000. So thank you. Yeah, he made $1,000. I still haven't opened his mind enough to read the fucking thing that I wrote, which I thought was funny. But I've had to help inman bring it no i've given him bullet points to hate you because actually i remember can i say
Starting point is 01:22:11 this one thing inman really is a genuinely nice guy all right can we shut dog out for a second all right so so um this is i mean i wrote the first rant towards Doug where I broke up with him. I'm like, I'm breaking up with you. And then the second rant was, hey, everybody on Facebook, I'm breaking up with everyone that's friends with Doug and fans of Doug on Facebook because that's after you unfriended me. I was like, I'm going to unfriend everybody. And then the third, that's when the GoFundMe page started.
Starting point is 01:22:46 And Chad got $1,000. So I wrote this thing about Chad licking balls. And the- Can I cut this short? Let me just shut that. So this guy that did the GoFundMe page- I know. You have to prove you're right from the-
Starting point is 01:23:02 No, I'm not. He just said- He did ask you to write more rants. One more. He said, write one more rant. I know, you have to prove you're right from the beginning. No, I'm not. He just said, he said, one more. He said, write one more rant. And so then that's why I wrote the rant on you. See, I knew something happened, but I couldn't figure out what it was. And so I was like, okay, Mishka's a writer, and so I'm going to try to impress Mishka with my funny words, and I'm going to try to take all those words out like you taught me.
Starting point is 01:23:23 Mishka bought his mother a house. From what I remember of his book, it got a little fuzzy when he got sober but he bought his mother a house from his fucking 10 right right right and i asked him a long time ago i go what was that list of words buy a van that runs what was that remember mishka when i asked you what was that list of words i'm supposed to take out that people use way too many times? Oh, yeah, all the shit words. And you gave me that list of words. So when I was writing that rant, I was like, I'm going to try to impress Mishka with this rant.
Starting point is 01:23:52 You used every word. And I thought you were going to write something just as evil back to me. I mean, by that point, I'd been on the road for three months. And, like, I don't need to break down for you where my fucking head was. Yeah, you didn't have the time. And also, I was in that van with my family, my sister's four little kids. And you know what I mean? I was just in a totally different space.
Starting point is 01:24:20 But dude, I felt horrible with fucking Rouse just having died. And I knew you were in pain because of that and like i knew there was other shit going on i honestly didn't think unfriending you on facebook was like drawing blood it was just a thing i did for my own sanity you know and i didn't mean it like to be punitive or anything like that well i've i've had the whole point of this podcast is to fucking air our differences so? You want us to keep arguing? No, I'm just... This is an Easter egg at the end of the podcast where everyone knows that we all love each other
Starting point is 01:24:51 and we're all friends. Can we goof on them about conversing and being serious on Facebook all the time at least? Am I too serious on Facebook? I don't use Facebook. I'm serious on Facebook all the time. Look at you, Chad, fucking standing next to your best
Starting point is 01:25:08 buddy over there. Fuck you, man. Listen, I would have never imagined you would do such a fucking douchebag move, and I would have to fucking make fun of you the way we have. It was two clicks. I can't believe how easy it was. Well, Chad's been mean to
Starting point is 01:25:23 me before, and I stepped the fuck down. I mean, there's times that Chad went, blah, blah, blah, James, shut the fuck up, and I shut the fuck up. Wait, you shut up for him, but not for me? Yes, because I know Chad. I don't know you as much as I know Chad. We've known each other for 10 years.
Starting point is 01:25:43 Yeah, but... Longing you had that hat. We talked about this on the podcast. Anyway, it was nice to bring you guys together. It's nice that it was a month in the planning. You're blocked, motherfucker. I'm going to unfriend you on Facebook, you asshole. I like that you guys are here because i
Starting point is 01:26:06 would feel like a complete douchebag busting your balls on facebook so i would prefer to do it face to face and it's nice to have james inman as the hero for once yeah yeah yeah inman wins one one one thing one thing i want to share with you that I don't know if you saw or not, but I'll show it to you later in the van, but I actually have a picture of this. I did a thing that I wanted you to see. Was she underage? We don't want to see those pictures. You want me to go into the van with you?
Starting point is 01:26:40 Yes. Don't worry. It doesn't rhyme. It's a picture, like a a photograph it's not going anywhere it's now called the inman tour van god damn it it's gonna come up in a minute i swear it's fucking worth it if you go to my facebook here the um so i i had this made for rouse and uh put up in the van explain it to a listener who's still listening. What's it say? Because I can't read it.
Starting point is 01:27:06 It's a little brass plaque that I put on Rouse's seat. It's a quote from Unbookables. And it says, I'm going home tonight. This is ridiculous. It's insanity. With his name. I figured that was the right thing to do. Sean Rouse.
Starting point is 01:27:19 Let's close it out. Oh, well, can I top you and tell you what I did for Sean Rouse? Yes. Okay. So I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead. So when someone dies, I have to read the Tibetan Book of the Dead. It takes two and a half hours, right, of intense meditation. Wow.
Starting point is 01:27:37 You should do that for audible.com. Because mine took me fucking three weeks. And so sometimes after I read it, weird things happen. Weird things happened after Doug's mom died. After I read it for her, the TV just came on out of nowhere with Doug's mom's face on it. Were you sitting on a remote? No. No.
Starting point is 01:28:02 So it was an auspicious sign. No, no. So it was an auspicious sign. So at the end of when I was reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead for Sean Rouse, I had this image of Sean, and this giant monster came at him, and Sean was looking at the monster laughing at him, because that's the meaning of the tibetan book of the dead is to be one with everything and monsters don't even bother you and so sean is in heaven or he's in a tibetan heaven of not having any problem with any fucking monsters okay i like the plaque i'm gonna i'm
Starting point is 01:28:39 gonna i'm gonna since you over-closed... Fuck, now I think I lost my thought. That's a weird thing to do. Last night, we did a podcast with James Inman. We had to hurry it because we thought we had an extra day, not knowing your gig was canceled. You're coming in early.
Starting point is 01:29:10 So we had to hurry the James Inman podcast where we fucked with him, segueing and fucking with you. And we gave him an Adderall. If you go back to the Las Vegas podcast with James Inman, I'm not doing this without an Adderall. If you go back to the Las Vegas podcast with James in it, I'm not doing this without an Adderall. So we gave him an Adderall. And go, James,
Starting point is 01:29:33 he's rightfully paranoid that we're fucking with him. Because we've always fucked with him. Yeah. And we gave you an Adderall so you'd be awake because he had to fly from Kansas City and do the podcast that night, And we gave you an Adderall so you'd be awake because he had to fly from Kansas City and do the podcast that night. So we gave him an Adderall after the podcast where we go. It's not like a party where everyone fucks with you.
Starting point is 01:29:55 He's like, I want another Adderall. Oh, I'll trade anyone a morphine, an oxy, or methadone for an Adderall. Like, James, everyone's being nice to you. Why is that weird? I forget my point. Sorry, cut all that out. Yeah, cut that out. But it's free trade i mean you know you taught
Starting point is 01:30:26 me to be a libertarian and to pay for all my shit if we go back to the last podcast with just you you i read where you're like i told you libertarianism was fucked i have racist fans all right don't cut it out all right thank you for listening to the Easter egg, if you did. All right. What? You can ask it off the air, because we're done. That's done. Mizzen knives.
Starting point is 01:31:04 It's the one knife that does it all. I guess all the shit knives do. It's a great knife. It's sharp and it cuts through shit.

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