The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #310: Cycling Together with Kathryn Bertine and Kristen Becker - Part 1

Episode Date: May 8, 2019

The boys are getting feminated with Kathryn Bertine (Olympic Cycling hopeful, Author, Activist and Kristen Becker (Comic, Producer, Activist). Join the Doug Stanhope Mailing List at [https://www.dougstanhope.com/](https://www.dougstanhope.com/) All current Tour Dates available at [https://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates](https://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates) Recorded April 27, 2019 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Kathryn Bertine (@KathrynBertine), Kristen Becker (@beckercomedy), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. This episode is sponsored by Stanhope Store Merch - New online – the official Stanhope Shot Glass, a Podcast Coffee Mug, and, for a limited time, "THIS IS NOT FAME (Paperback) SIGNED with a PODCAST T-SHIRT! - [http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/](http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/) LINKS - Kathryn Bertine – HomeStretchFoundation.org - [https://www.kathrynbertine.com/](https://www.kathrynbertine.com/) Kristen Becker – SummerOfSass.com - [https://www.kristenbecker.com/]The only place for comedy in Bisbee - [http://Chuckleheadsaz.com](http://Chuckleheadsaz.com) Subscribe to Chad's Twitch channel at [http://www.twitch.tv/hd_fatty](http://www.twitch.tv/hd_fatty) We like what they are doing over at [http://www.FIRRP.org](http://www.FIRRP.org) - Check it out Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org) Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and Performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - [https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant](https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Hold on. Wait. Did Tracy tell you what time doors are? No, but I know.

It is 7.30. Well, the show is 8.30. I talked to Becker. Well. Matt Becker. Yes. Yeah, I know. But I confirmed.30. Well, the show is 8.30. I talked to Becker. Well. Matt Becker. Yes. Yeah, I know. But I confirmed that.

So we can just figure backwards from there when we want to get there. Tracy's going to leave at about 7. Yeah. Okay. So you're going by yourself? Are you driving? Kenny's driving. Kenny's driving back?

Yes. What time are you guys going? I missed that. Sorry. She's got to help him. I just want to make sure that there's somebody there for the door. Okay. All right. for the door. Okay. All right.

Four, seven, six, eight, nine. Gump, you're in the way back. We can have Catherine. Katie. Oh, I can ride with Fury, too. Sounds like a plan. Katie with an IE. Wilbur.

No, I had my intern. I said, skim through this. See what you find. I like the way she gets really upset at minor things. That's a good review. I'm glad you're playing your pirate. Are we going? We're going. Full house. Yeah, five mics.

Five mics. We need more. Alright, well we're just starting right now with Chad and Bingo and Chaley. Just recent shit. Because we opened Chuckleheads Comedy Club uh the grand opening was uh last thursday i don't know if we have any good stories about it i just wanted to mention that chuckleheads is up and running and uh we had a blast we had a bunch of tucson comics come down and Tony.

Bruin. That's his last name. Bruin. Joey Bruin. Yeah. And the other guy. Tony. Tony. Joey is.

That's how I fuck him up. Joey is Mamou's. That's right. Comic. And then the other gal. I didn't really talk to her. I can't remember. Yeah.

Rebecca Tingley. I love her a lot. Yeah. That's good. and then the other gal i didn't really talk to her i can't remember yeah rebecca tingley i love her a lot yeah that's good uh and then there was that one guy i forget his name now uh paul paul plum plum yeah yes was it paul yeah it's plum no it's not it's definitely plum well it's definitely paul i don't even know his last fucking tag team in drug. It was very funny because he was sitting in the green room, and I go, all right, we got a fucking full show, and he's in the green room, and he says hi to me, and I say hi like I know him because a million people I forgot.

And then I found out he's doing time, and I'm like, you're on the show? Because we had a fucking already full lineup and uh oh and mamu what was going up too she went up and then uh when he left to take a piss i asked becky i go is that guy on the show he said he went through matt becker's wife becky co-owner he said he went through becker to get on the show and she goes well let me go ask and then she came back said nope so we thought oh this guy's got some fucking balls which we've run into that on tour before yeah but i mean that guy was very calm and almost like he was telling the truth yeah are we talking about different people no he's the guy that and he came back in and it's not paul

paul came with tucson people, yeah. No. Oh, no. No, that's. Yeah, no, that's Paul. That's Rebecca Tingley's comic. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he wasn't on the bill. Here's the list. Doug opened the show.

There were Christine Levine, Brian Plum, Tony Brune, Josiah Ossego. Ossego. Ossego. Rebecca Tingley. Is there an S on there? it was written with no S I never talked to her so I didn't really meet her and then you did

yeah but we thought this guy he's full of shit so when he comes back on we go yeah you're not going up tonight and he said but I'm on the list and Mamu goes you want to watch me cross your name off the list? Because at that point, we thought he's just bullshitting his way onto this stage, if not just the green room.

And then he goes, I'm sorry. I got an email from Becker. I can show you. And he showed the email. All right, you're back on. Sorry to make you feel like an absolute fucking outcast. All right, you're back on. Sorry to make you feel like an absolute fucking outcast.

Before that last exchange happened, Becky said, you know what? I'll take care of it. I'm going to go tell him he doesn't have time tonight. So she went out in the audience, found the guy. With his friends. Talked to him and said, hey. Probably humiliated him in front of his friends. He goes, I know you expected you time tonight, but we don't really have room for it. He goes, oh, that's all right. That's cool.

And then Brian Plum comes back. She didn't talk. She told some stranger, hey, you can't do time tonight. And he goes, that's fine. He paid to get in. Ah! So then Brian Plum goes, Becky, here's Brian.

She goes, that? Who? I go, is this the guy you told that wasn't so then Brian Plummer Becky here's Brian she goes that who I go is this the guy you told that wasn't doing time she goes oh my

oh my and it's the guy who was wearing the Shaley Cannonball t-shirt he's been to like four shows yeah

and I'm like you when we were talking to him later I was kind of busting his nuts I go but like

you you like said okay that like I signed up by one time I was on the radio I. I was kind of busting his nuts. I go, but like you, you like said, okay, that like I signed up. I one time I was on the radio. I'm down here. And you're like, oh, that's all right.

It's like you didn't put any fight against it, which made me think the guy was lying when we thought it was another dude. And that guy came from Boston, the Brian Plum. He's a Boston guy. He's originally from Boston. Well, that sounds confusing. Well, tonight, that was all Tucson

comics for the most part last time, but tonight it's almost all Bisbee comics, including Chad Shank, who almost didn't make it here tonight. So now, what happened? I had a minor. I was just almost a little bit late uh

well maybe i probably wouldn't have been here i pulled up on my motorcycle to get gas and all of the gas pumps had people at them already so i had to get in line so it was a car that was already there and i was like i'll get behind that one this probably won't take that long right after i parked behind this guy uh he notices his friend over at another gas pump and just leaves and goes over there, and he's talking to his friend, and I'm like, oh, you're not going to fucking just sit here.

So pretty soon he goes, click, it's fucking done. He's all full of gas. He's just still sitting there talking. You motherfuckers. Hey, I think you're done over here, sir. He's, oh, yeah yeah i heard it click i go you know he goes okay and he looks at me walks past he goes over puts the gas thing away

puts the gas cap back on walks back across the fucking aisle and starts talking to his friend again so i was like and the one on the opposite side of him was out of order so i couldn't go to that but i was like, you motherfucker. So I just hauled my bike back and just zipped around the corner to that one. And I was going to string the pump around to the other side. Across his windshield? So, but as I fucking peeled out across the thing, I said, thanks a lot, asshole. And I fucking pull over there.

And I was only about two feet from him. So I didn't need to say it that loud. asshole and i fucking pull over there and i was only about two feet from him so i didn't need to say it that loud and uh so yeah i'm over there trying to get my thing to work and now i'm standing right where he has to get in on his vehicle as i'm trying to put my card in the thing and then i get nervous because he comes walking up and he goes i didn't know i had a time limit and i go you can see that there's a fucking line on every one man i go give me that shit and i just said fuck it i'm just gonna walk away and i'll just get another gas pump because now i'm blocking his door so i walk back around and he comes i don't appreciate being

called an asshole i go well i don't fucking appreciate you being an asshole so uh he i didn't seem aggressive he He was just talking shit. So I wasn't like, we weren't about to fight. So I was, you know, whatever. As far as he knew. Well, and I liked the fact that he didn't like that I called him an asshole. Because then I think, I don't give a fuck. Fuck Wad.

I think I called him Fuck Wad. And then he was getting in his car at that point. And I saw another one had opened up about the same time as he was sitting in his car so and he's like listen homie and i said i'm not your homie bitch and i fuck it was good i'm trying to tell you which one's gonna antagonize antagonize you into fighting me so i pulled around to the gas station to the other gas pump and i started putting gas in and uh he pulled around over and parked behind me so i was like oh okay so i turned around and looked at him look you know his car's got really shitty mileage suzuki suzuki swift probably had great mileage i was saying if you need the gas well he didn't pull in behind me pulled in

sideways behind me and was just staring at me so i was you know like i'm right here for you know we can't fight with you in the car and then he puts the window down and says either uh i'll get you later or i'll see you later or uh something about later and which is so that's why i was late because i hurried up and finished putting gas and i hauled ass to chase him so that we could meet up later i mean sooner sooner than later because uh he doesn't know I'm not out a lot so he's probably not going to see me later. So let's fucking get this done. A courtesy meet up.

But I lost him. I didn't find him. So I headed on over here. You know, I had that same thing happen once. It was just the one thing, that first thing that you said and everything else happened in my head. Yeah. That same thing happened once. It was just the one thing, that first thing that you said, and everything else happened in my head. Yeah.

Thanks, asshole. And then I avoided eye contact for the rest of the time. Oh, no, sir. There's no time limit. Take care of yourself. Can I? I'll pull it around for you. Watch your window.

I was kind of excited because he was a big dude. Because usually if it's like a little dude, then it's not, you know, fun. You feel like a bully. And I was like, this will be good. This will be fun. A little adrenaline? A little bit. Yeah? Yeah.

All right. I've scattered notes here. But last night, evidently, I guess I was asking you if we were, if you were away. What, you don't want to talk about this now? You don't remember talking to me last night, evidently, I guess I was asking you if you were away. What, you don't want to talk about this now? You don't remember talking to me last night? Yeah, I remember, but I don't remember how it came up. I think it was the fact that I think you were on the road. We were not podcasting that time where I was tweeting about it,

where I sharted watching Netflix in the morning and I was so hungover, I just sat there with it. And then it was two or three days before I finally showered. I think it was before we left. I think it was before we left. Tracy, didn't that happen before we left? Yeah. Tracy Rolodex's all the poop stories.

All right. Maybe that's what it is because we had the diarrhea podcast Tracee, didn't that happen before we left? Tracee Rolodex is all the poop stories. All right. Maybe that's what it is because we had the diarrhea podcast, and I couldn't remember if that was part of it. No. But then you said, well, I don't know if I've told my sizzler shrimp story. And diarrhea is always funny. You know that?

We're south of Ogden, just a little bit north of Salt Lake City. And we do that thing where we drive and drive and drive and drive. And you don't fucking with your cell phones and stuff. You just get a hotel room. When you get close, you do Expedia, see what's nearby, whatever. Oh, look, there's a Sizzler. I can't remember the last time I ate at a Sizzler. I go back now you can yeah i'll never forget it this backwater town this is probably you know fancy right i said south ogden right so we go in there and you know when you look at something on the

that salad bar and you're like like that uh tipping point malcolm gladwell or whatever we're like your instincts were probably right that's primitive man saying that lettuce looks too shiny to be good but i said hey mr sophisticated modern man goes all this stuff's fresh. It's at the Sizzler. There's rules for Christ's sake. Tracy and I shared. I got shrimp, and it was, Doug, your favorite, the flayed butterfly shrimp soaked in grease and dipped in batter. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I would have given you the whole thing gladly. But it came to the table. I really just wanted the salad. I just got the entree. but trace and i traded everything except the iceberg lettuce and within three hours i was like pacing watery mouth like i just did a shot of tequila or something and i'm like i don't know trace i don't know i don't know i started doing back and i look back like when was the last meal taco bell eight hours ago no way i'm going it's fucking i i don't know if i'm gonna get get sick. And then it fucking just, I was vomiting so violently.

For four days, I was taking ibuprofen because my rib cage hurt. Ow. And then the other end started happening. I was like a blow dart, you know, blowing out with this end. And this end's going, hold on now. You're loaded back here. And then something happened that i couldn't find the term on uh online but you know when you drop a stone or a pebble into uh like a

still water that force that fluid dynamic of that stone going down actually creates an upwards force and that little that perfect sphere comes back up right into my mouth more than three times while I was vomiting into the toilet. I don't know what that's called. I wish I had the term, but we all know what it is, and it is fucking. But after the second time, I said, it's coming out later anyway. It's not like I'm going to. Yeah.

Oh, my God. It's so gross. Yeah, that happened until five in the morning. I already got E. coli. Fuck that. I'm going to. Yeah, it's so gross. Yeah, that happened until 5 in the morning. I already got E. coli. Fuck that. I don't care. It was from midnight, 1224 to almost 5 o'clock in the morning that I was up, just throwing up. I've never had to cancel a show for illness.

and I would love to have that test my mettle where I think if I was vomiting and violently shitting, I think I'd continue to do this show just for this story. And that would be the one time I would tell people, don't have to keep your cameras in your pockets. Go ahead and film this one. I can't walk my audience with my material anymore. They're too calloused. But I think if I had a bucket on each end and a microphone in the middle.

Look like a squid inking. Sooner or later. Yeah. The only problem is a violent stomach cramps if you're doing squid inking sorry

the stomach cramps I think would throw you off your timing that when you're you know when you have

I don't know if everyone you know when it's the cramping is so bad it's because your body's

throwing everything out of every hole yeah I think that would be the flaw to your diarrhea show. I had one of those when we had to drive to the airport the next day,

and I go, if this keeps going, you always feel like you're done after the last one. You feel good. You get that cold sweat afterwards, and you go, I think maybe it's over. And at that time, it better be because I have to drive. Even in that kind of condition, I'm not letting bingo drive. The other day I had some, it was the first time I ever had it, mushrooms that were ground down into powder and then mixed into a chocolate bar.

So you just eat a chocolate bar of mushrooms. I never had that. That was fantastic. The problem was, inside of my toilet, it looked like somebody had a chocolate shotgun shooting the shit out of that. I'm trying to clean and angle that and lay down to see.

But it was worth it. All right. We're going to give a shout-out. Speaking of diarrhea, let's give a special shout out to our good friend, Chris Bodie, who's a jazz trumpeter, Grammy Award winning.

He probably heard me bitch about him a year ago. He came to both Los Angeles shows and one of the new york shows and bought like 20 tickets to each show he spent thousands of dollars to bring his all his friends and his full band to shows and i'm like it's the same show every night you can can't come to three shows in a row. No, but you're like he, the praise he heaps on me is you go, all right. Yeah, but when you see the second time, you're going to go, oh, he says the same shit every night. I'm the Miles Davis of comedy. No, I'm not. I'm a guy who gets drunk and I yell the same shit every night.

And if I do something different, it's because I couldn't remember what I did last night. It was a mistake. That's the jazz part of it. That's the improvisational jazz. What's interesting is when we see that on a will call list for the night, because we usually work the door, and we see Chris Bodeode plus 19 that's a problem seating night that's a fucking problem at any club to seat 90 people because they want to

sit together or you now you've got to put like you've got all this and who knows 19 he bought 19 tickets not knowing if 19 other people were going to show up we've had that happen too where i bought two tickets for all my friends and none of them want to go yeah you should have had him watch a couple youtube clips first but uh he's a fantastic guy and uh so he was playing tucson and we saw chris bode desert diamond casino they don't by the way, there's three different ones. So before you book your hotel, we booked the Desert Diamond Hotel Casino. He was at one in a different fucking town. It was a shuttle away. Yeah, it was a 20-minute shuttle that doesn't run if you're getting fucked up

with Chris Bode after the show. Right. It ends at some point. And then, well, obviously, we want to sit in the back. And they get us all-access badges and tickets. And so we wait till the last possible minute. I'm out smoking till I know, okay, show's starting, and the guy's doing the announcements.

And I said, hey, we just want to sit right back here. There's some empty rows in the back. We can't change seats at this hour. But no one's here. There's some empty rows in the back. We can't change seats at this hour. And I'm like, but no one's here. Can I just stand here? No. Just one of the fucking rule followers. You can't use any

kind of, you know... And you forgot about the backstage passes which you might have been able to use. Yeah. Thanks for paying off my story. Awesome. You want me to cut this part? No, no.

Yeah, cut it, cut it. No, the problem is, by the time I'm done arguing and I'm going to have to sit in my assigned fucking seat, the show has started. And to get to our seats the usher has to take us in front of the stage they've just started the show and here's and of course bingo's dressed in this giant fucking ridiculous orange and blue wide-brimmed fucking kentucky derby hat we're not small figures and into the middle row which we're halfway down and dead ends

so now i'm probably five tall go cup uh vodka sodas in so i get a bladder full and i'm the only way to get back out is to either go down the row ow ow excuse me out or go around the fucking front so i'm just nursing my drink then i grabbed hers which i noticed she's not drinking and i'm poured hers into mine i'm paying attention nursing that drink yeah it was a it was a great show and you know i'm not a big music guy but yeah but stand-up was all whispering um perfect pitch and circular breathing how-to's in my ear super i go the fucking bass player uh reggie was his name and he came up and he's playing bass with his bass guitar and his mouth at the same time, doing it perfectly. And I said, he learned this from my VHS how-to series called Perfect Pitch.

You were driving me fucking crazy. I know. So at some point he stops the show and says, I'll get to the band later, but I have to mention someone that's in the audience tonight, and it's the closest I've ever come to being a stalker, and he's the greatest comedian in the world. And then they put the lights up, and I gave a wave because this is my perfect opportunity to sneak out and take a piss and have a cigarette.

Hey, thank you. Thank you. And I still went the aisle way and stepped on some old lady's feet. Sorry. But at least I had street cred at that point. I pictured you stealing the spotlight and making him spotlight you while you walked in front of the stage, waving the whole time. I'm over here. Oh, hello. can you not see me

yeah it was not like that time when uh we went to the manson show and andy and i opened it as the uh fake radio station that's promoting the show and to bring them up yeah and then we'd fucked with the audience really hard and dropped in corporate commercials till they booed us off stage and uh jazz trumpet crowds not that uh pliable there's a lot of walkers there's a lot of yeah very stiff so i i only took advantage and then to get back in i'm like ah fuck i'm just gonna watch it from back here now. Probably only half an hour left. I can stand in the back. And then he came off stage to do a fucking trumpet number for someone in the audience. I go, oh, now I got the fucking diversion.

And I snuck around him as he's playing to this lady. I go, thanks for giving me a chance to piss. And it was fun. We drank the rest of the night away. He's fabulous, people. I just bought a couple of his albums. Great. I go, yeah, this is shit I can listen to.

This is shit I can write to. Instrumental. Yeah, except for that fucking opera singer. Carry it on. Move along. The opera guy came on towards the end. He had a few vocalists. They were great.

But the opera guy came on. And I'm giving a few vocalists they were great but the opera guy came on and I'm giving bingo the fucking the opera guy let's speed it up here alright the opera

handsome the opera guy fuck are we at 20? cause I thought we'd have raced through this stuff well we have guests we have two fucking

great guests so let's do you did say something about the road manager oh yeah that's in my notes. That's. You called me at 1 a.m.

Yes. To tell me this story and said, because I didn't even know you left. So it's 1 a.m. And you were just, hey, I'll just call you to check in. But I want you to remind me of this. So I'm reminding you. Yes. The tour manager.

For all the shit I give Chaley. And I know the tour manager is listening right now, as is Chris, because he knows we're going to talk about him. Yeah. Chris came out and met us. He's like, where are you? We're in the casino wandering towards the showroom. And by the time we were close to the showroom, he's out there. It's a fucking hour before the show.

I would never go out an hour. And this is a fucking like 2500 seater i'm scared to go out around my fans and fucking you know when it's a hundred seater but he has different fans but he came out i think there's some similarities street clothes introduced us to the whole band in the back oh Oh, fucking that Cassie. She's been here before. You'd have to see her to know her. She's been down here for, I don't know who she knew, but she came and I have her in my phone as Cassie Tucson Cool.

Because some people, yeah, some people you put in your phone. I know exactly what you're talking about. She's backstage. I don't even know why. And she lit up. She said, saw bingo. Bingo. Oh my God.

I think she's like a piano tuner or something. She's so sweet. She was, but I thought maybe she's someone that, cause he says, Oh, the, all the band are fans of you.

And he makes them listen to shit. Well, no, he listens and they have to. Yeah, they have to, but they were all at the a lot of them were at the la show and quoting bits back to me as cool as fuck and uh and she's there and then

on her way out oh so you're leaving yeah my friends are doing a show in town and then i got fuck oh i i know you and then we figured it out that it was her. That was cool. I don't know what the point of that was. But that was cool. One of the band members started doing one of your bits on stage. Oh, I left before the encore another chance to get out and get to the pisser before old people with bad prostates and have a cigarette.

But, yeah, they quoted a bit at the very end of the show. It was a lot of ego right here. Yeah, it was a big ego night for me. It was fun. We were going somewhere. Oh, the road tour manager, that's where we were. He said, do you want to go to a bar, Chris, and get some drinks? Or do you just want to come to the green room and have drinks back there?

I go, fuck, yeah, we'll do that. Because I know what green room drinking is like. They don't. The tour manager says, I'm sorry I'm busting your balls on this, sir. But next time you go on tour with Chaley, there is a full bar in the fucking green room. He went and got us two drinks, one for me and one for Chris.

Two of his band members came out, saw Chris having a cocktail before the show. What is that? What's in that? You're having a drink now. Can I have a sip? They're passing this fucking plastic cup of fucking vodka soda around like they're fucking teenagers behind Tatnick School. It's 11 a.m. drinking and one person orders Bloody Mary and no one else orders until that one's done. And they go, I want one of those too.

And it just goes to every day regular on the fucking bar. And they have to stop what they're doing 16 times to make those drinks. So instead of them having a bottle and mixers backstage. You want to get one. It was early enough that we go out. We're going to go hit the bar and we'll see you after the show. You got to get ready. And then we hit the buffet where for $22, Bingo had a plate of salad and then a bowl of bacon bits.

Because that's all she could eat on a keto diet. And you're really going to charge us fucking $22 for her. She just, yep. And then we started pounding drinks. Did you make sure you got a $22 pile of lettuce and bacon bits and then just eat what you can

and make them throw the rest in the garbage? She wasn't complaining. She goes, no, the bacon bits, they're real bacon bits. It's real bacon, so it's not bad. Real bacon bits. Well, bakos are soy products. Anyway, after the show, as 1,600 people

are leaving, he's like, well, do you want to go to a bar? And it's in a casino on a Saturday night and yeah, I want to go to a bar. it's in a casino on a saturday night and yeah i want to go to a bar chaley would have had a fucking seat seating arrangement stuck away from people and no he just walks out into the crowd and of course gets bum rushed by people which i started i go let's crash their photo and like oh my god chris moody and then everyone wants a fucking picture but they'll follow him to the only bar that's open that we're sitting in and a million

people one after another and then finally the tour manager comes back with the posters and shit that you know he has to bring with him like you don't have a fucking quiet place you're selling out a fucking theater here they don't have something set up for you? Chaley would have. I think I busted his balls in front of him. Yeah, you did. You did. Well, you know how to get in touch with me.

You know, it's interesting because casinos are notorious for hiring people. They don't give a shit. They don't even care if there were bodies in the room they we've done remember we did a with uh we did a up in the pacific northwest we did a gig and it was really there was no one in there was what's that guy's name andy or something andrew norelli was the opener all right and you guys had the it was the first time i went to see a comedy show in a casino i'm like like, oh, this will be packed. They got all these people playing games.

They'll go in there. Oh, wait, is that the one Trinka showed up at that was in kind of the middle of nowhere? It was in the middle of nowhere. All right. But it turned into this thing where like, there's no one in here. They don't give a fuck. They're just plinking their coins, or back then it was their coins. And it was just one of those things like, oh, they don don't care they just have a budget that they want something that someone's

got nothing to do to wander in and then leave it's really tantamount to someone going hey let's go to this thing where are we going i don't know it's just some comedy who is it i don't know let's just go that's the that's the comedy yeah it was completely unknown back then but now lived in washington then i mean now it's different a little bit in that they are starting to book things like 80s revival shows and stuff like that. And that thing you go to, they have that stuff all the time with cover bands playing and shit. The Indian casinos, you're right, though. Because in Globe, they had one out at San Carlos. And I'm trying to remember, but it was like Eddie Money or something.

And I'm like, fucking Eddie Money. And we went out there. I was embarrassed. I was like, I'm going to go. I'm the to remember, but it was like Eddie Money or something. And I'm like, fucking Eddie Money. And we went out there. I was embarrassed. I was like, I'm going to go. I'm the only one here. They don't care if it packs out or not. They just know people will show up and then maybe mill through and play a couple games. Right?

Or if they don't, it's a cause of doing business at a casino. Oh. All right. Let's break. Thank you, Chris Bodie. Thank you, Chris Bodie and your tour manager who did give us all the best seats in the house if you don't want to leave every 15 minutes for a piss and a cigarette.

And thanks for the shout out. And thanks for the all access pass that I realized too late that fucking cunt who wouldn't let me stay in the back, I could have just pulled out that all-access pass and go, see what that says? I'm going to access this back row fucking seat, you non-smiling fucking iceberg.

All right, we'll be back. We have guests, and we're excited. Click. Please hold. Cocktails. old cocktails. Hey, people, when you're finished jacking off to Chad Shank's voice and you go,

there's got to be something even more hardcore. Try RedTube. Not to be confused with RedBox, who I just excoriated on my last podcast, or this podcast. I don't know when this goes in. So go to RedTube and type in your favorite fetish.

And once you're done beating off to all of that, find their... They're all connected. Pornhub, HubTube, I don't know. PornTube, YouPorn. Once I switched from YouPorn to RedTube, there was no going back. porn hub, hub tube, I don't know. Porn tube, you porn. Once I switched from you porn to red tube, there was no going back. Yeah, that's true.

I'm still a red tube guy. Big fan, big fan. Big fan, big fan. I didn't know. Your world's about to change, sir. At one point, I don't know how you put videos up there. I think I was trying to submit to. I was trying to get my fans to put my clips up under different fetish names. But I should have learned my lesson when I did Girls Gone Wild.

And I thought it would be funny. You're just going to make people really fucking hate you. It seems like an anger thing. A crank-fueled pound session. And then there's you doing a fisting joke. You like fisting? Here's a bit.

No, no, don't do that. Anyway, RedTube. Watch RedTube. And they have new videos daily. But a lot of times I find myself beating off to that same old favorite. The classics. You go, I'm gonna go times I find myself beaten off to that same old favorite.

The classics. You go, I'm gonna go I'm gonna jerk off to, I remember that. The Red Badge of Courage. Humiliation handjob lady. Yeah, I'm gonna come back to you. And no, I could never satisfy you with that dick that small. Thanks for the cock ring. Red Tube.

Brought to you by the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Not affiliated with the color red or tubes. Or Redbox. All right, our two guests today are a good old friend, Kristen Becker, comedian from, God knows, I don't even remember where we met. Buffalo, originally. Yeah, yeah. The first time?

Yeah, Nietzsche's. Yeah, the first time. But yeah, we were sharing stories. I go, I don't know. She was at that fucking horrible gig. We were telling this story. Okay. When you say horrible.

Wait, wait. You're going to know the end. I know, I know. Shreveport. I believe it was a last minute booking. One of those Brian Hennigan hasn't booked a whole tour. No one could turn off above the stage. There was like a hurricane may or may not be coming in.

We stayed at a casino, but there was an actor there from some series that filmed there. And I can't remember his name. You can't remember his name because we went to the casino at 1 p.m and drank until like we were late no no this was after after hours we oh no no no first no first we started at the casino yeah yeah and then we were late there was a chance that the gig was going to be canceled is what i think i remember well what you said was it's shreveport let's get fucking drunk i mean it might have been the hurricane but now we had sold shit for tickets as a last minute you know hey we have the night off why not book

something maybe even one of those like hey if anyone knows a gig we have the night off in shreveport next week yeah it was uh it was a weird town it was the worst gig ever. You couldn't hear. It was a club. It was a dance club. It was a dance club with fucking beanbags, kind of like Medford Falls. We're like, this isn't cool to be on a couch watching comedy. Yeah, this is the place that you would find in the back of a giant dance club where you might be able to finger a girl in the dark

or do some blow. Or a boy. But no one usually sits there. But they decided, oh, we could do comedy there, and there's a football field beside you with no one in it of a dance floor. The worst sound, like, you know, titty bar DJ,

coming up to the stage now. And we went out afterwards with that actor guy and his posse. She remembered more of the story than I did. But I remembered that part because one guy tried to say that I was full of shit, that I was trying to crash their table because he's an actor, and he was over getting drinks. I go, no, that's not true at all. He goes, yeah, well, fucking how do you know him then? I go, however it went, I said, okay, you're wrong.

And when he comes back, he's going to tell you you're wrong, and then I get to punch you in the face. Now do you remember this? He took the bet. Oh, no, I remember the guy. I don't remember his name no the guy that i said his friend that thought i was some douchebag hanger on because he's a fucking oh because he was a douchebag hanger on with the yeah he was his like friend yeah i'll play security yeah and i so i said no that's a bet though if if if you're wrong i get to punch

you in the face i do know a bet's a bet and you. If you're wrong, I get to punch you in the face. I do know a bet's a bet, and you make sure people stand by that. Yeah, and I can't remember if I... Somebody got punched in the face because I got a text. He got punched in the face. Yeah, I got a text the next day that said, somebody got punched in the face. Yeah, I'm sure I just did it real soft.

Like when I try to do it hard. I was going to say, you mean as hard as you can? Like when I punched Hack Oddity in the face because I thought he was fucking with me and it didn't really work remember when we took turns punching the door in your bedroom you don't remember that oh

that's because I can't tell you I there was a domestic issue let's say that that makes it sound worse than it really is. It really does. And I was very upset at Bingo. And so I tried to... Those doors, my bedroom doors,

they're paper thin. Holocaust, is what they call it. And I punched it as fucking hard as I could. Didn't leave a dent. So I punched it as fucking hard as I could. Didn't leave a dent. So I punched it again. Didn't fucking do a thing. Did it open? Did someone answer it?

So I tell Chaley about this. I mean, Chad and I go, come here, punch this fucking door as hard as you can. because I want to see if it's me. And you fucking wailed on that door. Well, the front left some knuckle marks because the front part didn't notice this till later. The front part was almost metal.

They had like a metal inside of it to where it left. I mean, it was pliable. I think it was a thin sheen of metal in the front hollow plaster, you know, wooden door. But it was light as shit. You were surprised too. It hurt. But then later we saw the thing.

On the other side of the door, I hang my coats, and one time I picked up a coat, and it was like a Kennedy exit wound. The other side of the door was shattered. Hey, Shreveport was 2014 last guest tour, and it was the Phoenix Underground. Anytime it says underground, except for the comedy underground, it's a dance club. Our other guest i i was just putting out the usual spread that i always put out for all the podcasts with the uh assortment of high-priced cheeses and fancy crackers and fruit plates. Like, I always do.

It has nothing to do with you, Catherine. I was waiting politely to have some caviar after everybody else did. Like, I usually do. I usually hold back. Yeah, I always put out a little tiny spoon for the lumpfish caviar. Does that mean we can use the guest soaps in the little house? Catherine Bertine is my new best friend. Met her at Tucson Airport when I was flying over to England.

And we talked for about 10 minutes. Yeah, that was awesome meeting you there. Do you remember how that unfolded? I do remember how it unfolded because I was sitting there at the bar waiting for my flight, and a guy stopped and went, oh, man, I just saw you out of my periphery. I love your work, whatever. Can I get a picture with you? And it wasn't just a guy.

It was a black guy. It wasn't just a guy. It was a black guy. It was a black guy with dreads. And when black guys recognize you and think you're cool, there is nothing better in the world. And she took the picture for us. I did.

I did. When I was taking the photo, I noticed that, first of all, you were wearing this cream-colored suit, which was fabulous, and it had a delta pin. Yes, of course. Right? And I, you know, being a stranger and I don't know you, I couldn't figure out. I'm like, hell, I don't think he's a pilot because he's drinking. A lot.

But I was, you know, so I'm taking the picture, and I noticed that from the collar of this tag is this tag hanging down. And it was either like TJ Maxx or Marshalls or Goodwill. Price tag? Goodwill. Goodwill. Like Minnie Pearl? Like Minnie Pearl?

He's got a fucking tag hanging off his jacket? Off my shoulder. You know, I think it was in the photo with the guy, right? And I was just having this moral conflict. Like, okay, do I tell this having this moral conflict, like, okay, do I tell this person that they've got this tag from Goodwill hanging down, or do I not? You know, like, God, what would Gandhi do? You know, eventually I was thinking about it,

and pretty sure that Gandhi would have been like, bitch, tell the guy he's got a tag hanging down. You know, like, be the fucking change. You know, it's like, okay, okay. And I knew that you were famous, but I was having a hard time placing face into all that was happening here. I didn't know who you were. Were you talking to the black guy?

How do black people know you? That was not what I was thinking. But it was, he also referenced referenced when he looked at you he said louis ck right which is a huge turn on to the ladies but i'm sitting there and i'm like wait a minute well i know that that's not louis ck and i'm confused and eventually i figured out that he was referencing that you've done work with him in the past, right? But that's what kind of snapped me into this. I'm like, wait, I'm confused by all of this.

Anyway, then you introduced yourself and we started talking from there. And you were on your way to speak. Yeah. Catherine Bertine is a former skater, pro cyclist, now an activist. Former skater, pro cyclist, now an activist. And you were doing a speaking engagement at William & Mary in Williamsburg, Virginia. Where we have a friend that we talk about quite often. Let's say he's stationed there.

So I said, oh yeah, check in on our friend. He's running an open mic in the Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity ward. It's going well, too. Only you didn't give me all of that information. You just gave me his name. And as soon as I Googled his name, a different guy with that name popped up. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And it was like somebody who's in like a holistic medicine. And like it was, I don't think it was the person. And then. He might have a couple of different scams. Yeah. And it was like somebody who's in like a holistic medicine. And like it was, I don't think it was the person. And then. He might have a couple of different scams. Right. We're not sure. But then figure that out too. It was great.

It was like you just kept giving these clues to all of these dynamic facets that you have. But we decided to be best friends right away. And so now we're best friends. We are besties for life. It's so awesome. It's been so fun getting to know you and how authentic and awesome. Well, I assumed that, A, you'd Google search me and that you told me you're a speaker, not just an activist, but a feminist activist going to speak to college kids

about equal wages and the et cetera. We'll get into that. So I figured you'd find two clips at tops before you went, oh, I can't be friends with this fucking animal. Absolutely the opposite. I was just sitting here wondering which part of you she takes offense with as an activist none none i mean it's for me especially

when you wear these like very public hats like oh an activist for equal rights blah blah you know um there's a lot of you know deep darkness that I harbor too. And Doug just speaks to that. It's great. I call it impossible to argue with. It's the way I refer to it. Does Stan Hope just have a way of putting things? You're like, you're right. I don't know.

I don't have any fucking rebuttal. Right. Good job. I don't know. So wait, I could have hidden this deep darkness and like just ran marathons instead of drinking myself into a fucking early grave? Oh, you didn't have a bike. Holy shit.

You totally just figured it out. Wow. There's a reason why we do these endurance sports. We're trying to vent. You've endured every sport. You've endured every sport. I just got your latest book today, The Road Less Taken. Sorry, Road Less Traveled is the famous one, so you've got to figure it out.

Road Less Taken, Lessons from a Life in Cycling. But just briefly, you started out as a skater when you were a kid you skated till you were 23 and then you go all right i'm not making the olympics so fucking i read where she said well it's either uh i can coach and teach the new generation or i can join the fucking ice ice skating? I thought it was skateboarding I don't think Rickards has skateboarding you said skater I was thinking of ripping up the half pipe as well cranking a grind off the lip and then smoking a bowl

that's next got it and you wrote in your second book when you were with the Ice Capades, and then it was Holidays on Ice, where you had to dress up like an elephant. Yep. Those were the glory days, for sure.

Was that a weight gain thing? Oh, that was so funny. I think probably because I was one of the more opinionated ones on the tour they were just like let's just shut her up and put her in the elephant costume i think that was definitely part of it they also put me in a chicken costume well technically it was a rooster and it had feet that you had like like fake feet that went over the skates yeah and that's like deadly first of all yeah that sounds terrifying uh the toe yeah yeah right exactly and you got that like weird nubbin in the back of chicken legs it's like you mean the break yeah i guess this is for national geographic like did you need the nub no no no but costumes sewed it in for sure. I love it's like safety be damned. This fucking rooster outfit is going to be fucking exact.

That's exactly how it was. It's exactly how it was. When you quit, did they let you keep the uniform? No, no. In fact, they almost didn't let me quit because I didn't know this at the time. I was 23, right? And they held on to our passports so that we couldn't escape. That's some human trafficking shit right there.

Were you on a ship? Were you giving hand jobs to Robert Kraft? Because that's what they do. On cruises, they will take your passports. You're not leaving. When that boat leaves port, you guys are going two or three miles

offshore in international waters so people can gamble and then when people come like especially the workers there after a couple nights so i'll fuck this but then they can't because they're in macau or somewhere you know we were in most of this tour happened in in central and south america so i was i think i was in chile or argentina at the time and you know i was so naive too at 23 that I just figured, oh, this is my employer and they want to hang on to my passport. Sure. Here you go. No idea. But eventually I got it back. And then, yeah. And got it back and did what? Went to Hollywood on ice. Oh, that was Hollywood on ice. Sorry. Yeah. There were so many.

Yeah. Where they paid you in IOUs on Post-it notes. Yes. And held onto your passport, right? That was a journey for sure. So the rooster, was it part of like a cockfighting scene? I'm trying to think why it had to be a rooster. No, I actually, I don't know. Oh, I do know. So that was on the holiday on ice tour, which was in Paris.

And I was part of a Christmas show. And whoever wrote this christmas show whatever it was the famous jesus chicken oh my god i might have been it was whoever wrote it was definitely high as i don't know i mean i've never actually seen any sort of public production or play ever written this way it It was so bizarre. I've never seen a manger, but you'd assume chickens are around. Yeah. Never represented. Staying in the barn.

Never represented. Yeah. It's always goats in the livestock. It was crazy. And the chicken had a baby chick, and the baby chick was shot in this production. That was a Christmas show for children. By Monty Python? I think so. It was unreal. in this production that was a Christmas show for children. By Monty Python?

I think so. But like, it was, it was unreal. We do not hold back the truths of life. Was it then the dinner? Shoot the baby. Like,

was that Christmas dinner? Because that's okay. You're right. Was it like, did they use it? Was there like, Gone to good use, right?

Use every part of the chicken. Yeah. Did they just dump a bunch of baby chicks out? Was Ted Nugent in this? No. Maybe. I don't know. I was in the elephant costume i couldn't see anything the eye holes of that so looking through the trunk right how do you how do you leave this gig quickly um i think i only did it for about a year total oh yeah yeah good getting out of there we've talked about i've had a job that lasted an

hour and a half that wasn't nearly that bad. Only a year. But I had this determination, right? Because I thought like, oh, getting to the pro ranks of skating. It was going to be awesome. And I would actually get to skate like a skater. And then it was not what it appeared to be. Yeah.

Nancy Kerrigan played an otter before she made the Olympics. I was so close. Oh, it was close. But yeah, definitely a segue from that. But was so close. It was close. But yeah, definitely a segue from that. But you did get to skate every day. You were in production. I mean, there's a lot of positives to that. I mean, the road is like that.

It fucking sucks, but grinding it out, you end up getting something that you can't get by reading a book. Very true. Trying to make you feel good. No, you do. You are. You are. This is life experience. No, this is different chaley this is where she had already realized she's at her

peak in skating and will not qualify for the olympics so now she figures at 23 if i play a chicken in paris for a while maybe that will get me back. It's like a desperate move. I got it. She saw John Travolta do Pulp Fiction and come back from obscurity. And maybe I could do that by wearing an elephant costume and being the last one trying to catch up

with the line of skaters. And one just can't catch up because it's an elephant. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. Oh, that was exactly what happened. The only elephant in the Church of Scientology. All right, so at this point, you switch gears and you got your master's

in something pointless, creative writing or something. Yep, correct. Fine arts it was, I believe, at U of A here in Tucson. Yep. And then somehow you get a job with ESPN. I'm speeding this up because there's other shit I want to get to. You get a job writing for ESPN.

And they say, hey, here's a goofy idea. It's 2006. You have two years to go out and try to make it into the Olympics in any sport and write about that journey. Is that? That is exactly what happened. So take it from there.

See, I have notes. I'm like a real interviewer on this one. That was pretty impressive, yeah. Man, so I had this two-year window to try to make the olympics and and i had zero direction from espn other than go try to do this so at first i thought okay well let me try some of these quote-unquote fringe sports that we don't know well in america but are big huge international sports like modern pentathlon or team handball or oh this is summer yeah sorry uh beijing 2008 i was thinking skull or luge or something i know well that's what they're archery like everybody was writing into

espn you gotta do the luge i'm like that's not in the summer olympics but it didn't matter i went there anyway to try the luge because so many people that sport kicked the shit Olympics. But it didn't matter. I went there anyway to try the luge because so many people... That sport kicked the shit out of me. It's amazing how hard luge is. Wait, you did it? Yeah. Oh, shit. I just threw something out there. Oh, no. I did because so many people wrote in, like, you've got to try the luge.

You did the luge in the summer? No, I went in the winter. It's on sand. You had a lot of road rides. She had a lot of free time. I had two years, so I went in the winter. I get scared watching the luge. you had a lot of road rides I had two years so I went in the winter I get scared watching the luge I got a lot of respect for you skeletons head first yeah it was actually

luge is in some ways more technically difficult than skeleton because if you think about skeleton even though you're head first your shoulders and your center of gravity is your eyes your brain is right but on luge you're on your back and your center of gravity is super. Your eyes, your brain is right there. But on luge, you're on your back and you can't see properly, right? More foot and lower body.

Your center of gravity is totally different. So I didn't know any of this, of course, but they sent me to try. And I just figured, oh, this is going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. I work for ESPN, la, la, la, la, la. nothing bad's gonna happen i work for espn la la la la does lou does being able to see on the luge help you any more than if you had your eyes closed in a plane crash i can't imagine that you really have much control anyway it's yeah the control is so um so fine tuned it's like if you're driving,

you know, 100 plus miles an hour, and even if you just tilt the steering wheel in the tiniest way, you feel it in the car, right? So it's the same thing. If you just like twitch your shoulder one direction, that will send you flying into one side of the loose track, which then pinballs you into the other side.

And I came out of there with like wrecked knuckles. Like oversteering to turn. Yeah. Like boom, boom, boom. I didn't know you could steer it. You have to rely on the feeling in order to turn yourself anyway, right? Absolutely. Oh, wow.

Right? The thing that's going to fuck you up is the thing that you rely on to... But the risk reward on this, like the risk-reward on this, the risk-reward for going face-first, like either you kill your brain and smash your face, you don't get that much more for doing it head-first. You just said, it's actually not that much better, so you're just risking decapitation for fun

when you don't really get much more control. It's pretty scary. Both sports, skeleton and luge, are equally scary, I think. But you have to keep in mind, it's not like there's a wall at the end that you're going to necessarily... No, but if you mess up, there's a hundred of them all the way down. Not yet. They're going to bounce back and forth. You've got to throw your chicken claw out real quick.

Exactly. I think whoever went face first the first time was just an asshole. Man. It was a fine sport. It might have been an accident, you know, like, whoops. Okay, so now knowing that you do actually have control and steering, when you learned what you learned from Luge, do you kick the shit out of a water park?

Yeah, I mean, what can I say? I'm a pretty badass. You do, like, fucking full barrel rolls and stuff spinning around going past fat kids i mean i can't i can't lie i'm going up over you laughing down at them as a fat kid that's not how gravity works that kid will always be the first ones down i love that doug knows what luge is but somehow until just now he didn't think there was any steering or any control at all you just jumped on it and you just shut your eyes

and you got down to the bottom yes a lot of Olympic sports I think this is just it's genetic I've done it I'm not doing the bit I'll tell you afterwards I'm not gonna but yeah fucking Michael Phelps is genetically built to swim faster.

There's no room for guile or cunning or you got a crafty plan how to beat him. No, if you're the fastest fucking fish, you're the fastest fish. And it's all dumb sports. And cycling will get to, too. I don't understand why you did that. Why anyone would do that? Much less watch it or why anyone would sponsor it, but it happens.

So you did this podcast. You did the lose. You did the lose as a try. You did the lose as a try. I did. I tried to get back to this. What was the actual, Doug's going to ask this. What was the sport that you went into? Well, you had 32 to choose from.

Yeah. So you went with the ones that are, where I don't, I don't know where you made the jump. Was this part of the original plan was you could do any sport to make the Olympics. Was the part that you could do it for any country part of the original plan? Oh, no. We'll get to that part. All right. Good.

All right. Let's go through the sports that you tried. Right. So a number of those fringe sports that I just mentioned, and the luge didn't work out, right? But like the handball and the modern pentathlon, these sports that we don't know so well in our country are actually incredibly popular throughout Europe and all the other continents, you know? So it was really, really difficult to try to qualify

in any of these sports that I had absolutely no idea how to play, but I did know how to ride a bicycle and I had been doing triathletes prior. Oh, I've been doing triathlon. I blame all of you for that influence. Um, but yeah, so I was doing triathlon for many years as a triathlete and, um, cycling was my best discipline within swim, bike run. So it made sense to me,

okay, why don't I try cycling and see if I can get to the Olympics by this time, there are only 18 months technically almost less than that, uh, to try to qualify for the games. And I had to call up USA cycling. And can you imagine being on the receiving end of this phone call being like, Hey, uh, so I'm this reporter and I'm trying to get for the games. And I had to call up USA Cycling. And can you imagine being on the receiving end of this phone call being like, hey, so I'm this reporter and I'm trying to get to the Olympics. And I'd like to do this in cycling. And how can I get there in a year?

And rather than actually laughing at me, somebody very kind said, hey, well, here's the system. You start out in category four, try to get up to category one. If you get to national championships and you place in the top three the year before the Olympics, so that would have been 2007. If you place in the top three, then you'll be on the Olympic team. I was like, oh, okay. That sounds crazy difficult to do. And I'll shorten the story to the fact that I was actually able to get to race enough to get to the categories to go to national championships. I had strength on my side, but I didn't have tactics yet, or any of the mental preparation that goes into cycling at that point. But I did get to nationals in 2007. I was still so new to the game that strength couldn't get me to the line in the

top three. And I finished in the middle of the pack. So roughly about 35th out of 75 women that were there. So I was like, oh, well, I guess that's it. I guess my Olympic journey is done. There aren't any more sports. I've tried everything possible. And that must be it. And I went back to ESPN and they had this plan laid out. And they said, well, we never said that you had to get there for the United States. And that's when things got a little bit crazy. And they said, you know, go see if you can try another country. See if you can qualify for another country.

How does that work? Yeah. Like, I'm going to use, like, France now. Right. Exactly. And it was. Come on. France has a team.

We're talking Uganda. I mean, that's what we're talking about. African nation. Don't get ahead of yourself. Sorry. I didn't read ahead. No, no. So we, you know, we being like the collective voices in my head,

we're trying to figure out exactly what this meant. But what I didn't like about this. How do I marry a Ugandan? No, they don't. That doesn't even fly anymore, right? You can't even have that type of citizenship. You have to qualify. And also in just about every sport, at least back then,

you can't just be part of a country and go to the Olympics. You still have to qualify within that sport, right? So the objective was, for me, was like, okay, here's what I'll try to do. I didn't like the assignment, though. I thought, like, I think that's really shitty to say, oh, I'm just going to push into some country. But it's the American way. Right, I know.

Exactly. Are you an American or not? Go get a medal from some other country. Right? Manifest destiny. Yes. I know. Exactly. Are you an American or not? Go get a medal from some other country. Right. Manifest destiny. Yes. So true. That did not feel right to me at all. I was like, that's not okay. So I kept thinking, well, what would make it feel okay? And to me, I felt like, what if I can build a federation, a cycling federation in that country that is specifically for women and for kids so that they can come up

through the program. And when my time here is done with this assignment, like there are real bona fide athletes coming up through that country. But in the meantime, I'll qualify for the Olympics for you. That was the assignment. Right? So long story. It's true true that was that was the thing it's like that's the assignment that's what i have to see if i can do and so um i i the reason i know about a lot of this is because i read how what the assignment was and how kind of how it ended but i didn't know a lot of details but after i i read the excerpt from this book, As Good as Gold, on Amazon, and then, of course, being me, or after I get done reading it,

I'm going to look at the reviews. And you only had one one-star. The only negative review you had was someone who was very upset that you would go living in America to another country where she was prepared to put her hand over her heart and sing their national

anthem where her bread and butter is here in the United States. It was fucking hilarious that someone was that upset. Oh, Amazon reviews. Turned out to be somebody from whatever country you went to that was just missed how does that person find you wait hang

on that's a dedicated ass fan i'm looking for something yeah let her get to them because she's the one who said she sent over 300 letters i'm, roughly. To every fucking country. Go ahead. To every country that had a cycling federation. My first research was how many countries out there belong to the cycling federation. Wait, there's 300 countries? About. Just about.

Right? Crazy. There were roughly 180 countries that had a cycling federation. So that was the first step. Which means someone has a program. If even it's only one city in that country, it's established. Exactly. It's almost like every sports federation has a federation, right?

So name a sport and they have a worldwide federation. And if you're going to try to get to the Olympics, that sport has to have a federation. There's someone who picks up a phone and goes well this is what you need to do yeah yeah pretty much i mean there's a lot there's a lot you know the politics of course that would be it's practically its own podcast it's crazy but the the short answer being that we had um you know about 180 cycling countries out there. Quick question. Were there countries where you go, no, not North Korea? No, I didn't.

I was like, show me all the countries that are out there. Yeah, you just want to complete this task, which means you have to get on one. That's right. And the big part of that- No Muslim countries. I wore a chicken suit skating. I'm not wearing a burqa on a bike. My hijab gets caught in my chain. It's a pain in the ass.

That never crossed my mind. I had totally forgotten about the chicken and the elephant by that. It was nuts. There were so many countries, actually, that had a men's federation, but so many that didn't have a women's federation. And to me, that was the key, because I did not want to barge into a country that had a women's federation, but so many that didn't have a women's federation. And to me, that was the key because I did not want to barge into a country that had a women's federation and be like, oh, no, no, I'm going to the Olympics for you. Like, that's not right. So I said, okay, I'm only going to email the countries that have a men's federation, not a women's, and then we'll build a program there for women.

And so I sent out about 185 emails. Out of 300, it boiled down to 180 immediately because you crossed those other ones off. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, you know, that's not enough countries had a women's federation. That's, that's an issue in itself. Right. So I just sent out all these emails. And back then I was, I was still on AOL and I don't know how many of those emails actually. I'm still on Hotmail. Oh, okay. There you go.

It was out there and a lot of them were no response at all. Some were countries that just wrote back kind of laughing. Were there any that were like, yes, but only with tandem bikes so you can put a man on the back to ride with? Look, look, look at this. We want to win.

We want to win. If we're going're gonna bring you in we need a man oh my god that's totally how it felt you americans right well fast forward to the country that actually saw this email and said you know what i get it i was also very honest i was like look here's what i'm doing this is an assignment i'm with espn but i fucking love psych i. I was also very honest. I was like, look, here's what I'm doing. This is an assignment. I'm with ESPN, but I fucking love cycling. I didn't put that in there, but I was like, I really love cycling. You know, and the sport-

So you were up front in the beginning saying I am on assignment. So you weren't catfishing or- No, exactly. I was very upfront, but I also said, hey, you know, but here are my results, my race results. So I kind of have something going here.

I'm not just like a total, you know, wash. There's something here. Bonafides, I think. Yeah. I'm not a goofy back page story. Exactly. Well, yeah. I have credentials.

Maybe a little. This isn't for my new zine I'm starting. No, no, not at all. Pulls off the breakaway suit and it's like all. Right. An agenda. Yeah.

So the fabulous country of St. Kitts and Nevis, which is in the Caribbean. Oh, St. Kitts and Nevis. Yeah. Yes. Awesome.

You just happened to have to train in a tropical destination. It was actually, most of the training I did was, was in the states um oh of course you wanted to win is nevis like the bar funkel of saint kitts nevis so many times

the whole island is a velodrome pretty much it was because the island of nevis is quite small and the paved road around was um a little bit less than than 25 miles. So it was like, you know, it did feel like a velodrome in that setting, which is why I did a lot of training back in the States. But long story short, you know, the request for citizen citizenship wasn't just like the Cyclingeration, like here, here's a paper license. Here you go. You know, it actually had to be, I was granted dual citizenship by the government to race for,

for them. And it was something I decided if this ever happens, then no matter what happens with this journalism assignment, no matter where I go in the sport of cycling, I will always represent St. Kitts and Nevis. Cause I'm not going to just swoop in and do something and then bail. I didn't think that was right. Fuck. You can always always represent St. Kitts and Nevis because I'm not going to just swoop in and do something and then bail. I didn't think that was right.

Fuck, you can always go to St. Kitts as a citizen. It's a way out of this motherfucker. Why are you still here, actually? Have you been paying attention to what's going on? Oh, my gosh. I ask myself that every day. I know. I know. I know.

It's in the works. It's in the plan. But following that, so I'll give you the spoiler alert that by the time I got the citizenship and I was able to get into some races, time had pretty much run out. And I was still so new to the sport that I didn't make it. Can you imagine that after like a year, I didn't make it. Can you imagine that after like a year, I didn't make it to the Olympics? Oh, I know the thing is ranked. The country itself didn't make it. Correct. Because you have to qualify as a country. Exactly. I would have had

to qualify St. Kitts and Nevis for birth to the Olympics in cycling. And what I did find out though, and this is where it kind of turns the corner into activism, is how many of those rules were really, really antiquated and backdated, not just for St. Kitts and Nevis, but for any of these smaller countries that might not have had the finances to send athletes around. All of the qualifying races were in Europe or maybe a few over here, over there. But there were no qualifying races. Huge dollars. Exactly. Right. And multiple times races. Huge dollars. Exactly, right? And multiple times. Right, exactly.

And what's really sad about that is when we think about how many amazing, incredible athletes are out there, but they can't show what they have because the infrastructure is broken. That was one of the big things. The other thing was how cycling treated women in the sport. Again, one of these really really old school sports it's been around for you know hundreds of years hundreds of years or at least over a hundred and uh it was so steeped in this tradition where they were only letting men race certain events

women weren't even invited to certain races um and if they were if we were invited we were only able to race half the distance the prize money was pennies on the dollar. And on top of that. You got money? Well, if you win, right? Okay. But at the professional ranks, and we're talking about like, you know, in the NHL and NBA and football, you've got major and minor leagues, right? So I'm talking about even at the most major, major league in in cycling women were still not deemed worthy enough to receive a base salary so okay let me ask because

this is probably the most common first of all uh when it comes to professional cycling versus olympics like olympics they don't really give you shit right you're just out there doing car washes and lemonade stands yeah and between skis down the slope yeah a lot of um individual athletes if they're if they're metal potential they might have private sponsors or personal sponsors that come in and are able to back their careers like phelps or someone like in the media you're not making money in the olympics but on the professional circuit yep how much of it comes down to how much people fucking pay to see it or like with college college you know college football is paying for all the fucking field hockey and you know exactly girls cripple ball or whatever the fuck they play.

The other unattended sports. It's true. It's all part of that crazy machine, like the chicken and egg or who's going to disrupt that cycle. So basically what's interesting about cycling is that the athletes at that pro level for women and being pro means you are actually on a team and you're paid to race um and a lot of the the backward thinking there is that we are still not allowed access to so many of these races where there

are televised um there's televised or you know live stream coverage in some way. And the Federation is kind of dropping the curtain on us, not actually including the women of the city. As me being a stand-up comic that works for nobody, I have no sponsors, I don't have a network I work for, I just, I always think of, okay, if you, male or female, are another comic that's not making as much money, it's because not as many people want to pay that much to see you.

Right. So how is it different? That's accurate. I can say that. With cycling. Even on this tour, that's incredibly accurate. Great, great point. And in cycling's biggest area of exposure and popularity is Europe.

That's a huge area where it's big. And people- Oh, they're in every boring sport over there. It's true. They do pay over there to watch cycling or to be connected with cycling. And the sponsors pay for the visibility that the cyclists carry. So there is an actual demand for it. But we're only seeing that kind

of demand if it's actually shown yeah right so if you don't get the tv coverage right so if we're not getting the tv coverage then how are we able to share a piece of that pie and i can tell you because i've been in that sport and i did race professionally for five years um the women are so freaking badass like watching them compete it's, it's fast, it's amazing. It's not like some dumbed-down version, you know? But the assumption is that no one wants to watch it. It's the same thing with women in comedy, right? Like, no one wants to see them,

so the assumption is we won't give them airtime because no one will watch it. No, it's not no one wants to see them. No one's tuning in. I mean, there's a... You have to hit a demographic, and you have to... The TV has to turn on for them to

the station to actually make it worthwhile right but if i mean we're talking cycling pants and women so like i think if you just give it a shot like there's still a shallow society here way to find an angle i find it i find it interesting that you're like how this available is it available to women. And the whole thing is new to me. So I'm thinking, even in this country, a lot of poor people don't know you can make money riding a bicycle. I grew up with a lot of people who all they knew how to do was ride a bicycle. But it seems like you have more, like, I'll just do this better. I'm dumb as fuck, but I can ride a bicycle.

Like, if people knew they don't teach that at job court when she was talking about that where she realized she had the strength but she didn't know tactics and stuff I always thought well for any sport you watch there's someone that doesn't do it that's better than the best that does do it UFC there's probably a million guys that could probably walk in that ring and kick the shit out of someone but that's probably wrong because but i've i've always been in that mindset yeah okay you box but that's because you you had the opportunity there's probably some guy in a bar right now i know it works with chicks people magazines 50 most

beautiful people there's bars they go into there's 50 better looking people than the people in that fucking magazine they're just not in that business but that's probably different it's probably a terrible point go ahead follow that terrible point well you know it's it does come down to exposure like we've talked about for sure and the right media packaging of that stuff and i can tell you that the women that um that i raced with and they're still racing they have really interesting personalities it's not just like that they're just don't show up on a bicycle. You can call them ugly on this podcast. We're real here.

We don't show your question. No, wait. They're beautiful. They're awesome. They're incredible in all regards. It's pretty cool. But they also have so – they carry interesting stories with them, too. So it's kind of this – if you're into sports, we like athletes who win, yes,

but we also like athletes who have a personality. And that's where we're sitting on this untapped gold mine of amazing athletes who we can't see. You're talking about women cycling in this St. Oh, I'm talking about women cycling everywhere. Okay. But what I was wondering too is like you started in this thing and you started a cycling program where there wasn't one for women. Are there young women who can get the fuck out of there? I don't know if it's nicer than here, but are there people who can up through your program there?

We did. And there's a really great Arizona connection to that, too. Because when I came back from the Olympic assignment and wanted to make good on this promise of saying, Hey, we need to get more stuff down there. They don't have enough bicycles. They had a youth program, but you know, on an Island, something breaks. You wait a long time for something to get fixed. Right. So I put out Puerto Rico. Yeah. They're still driving around 1950s Cadillacs or Chevys. Yeah. Haiti. They're still trying to get rid of Sean Penn.

or Chevys. Haiti, they're still trying to get rid of Sean Penn. Oh my God. We put out word about what we were doing, saying, hey, can people in Arizona or anywhere donate anything, gear, bikes, everything. And within a week we had something like 800 pounds of equipment

that we were able to send down there. And there was a federation in place that had just started a youth program. So now there was a true upward trajectory of where it was going. There were young women getting into the program. So in 2009, that was a year after the 2008, I didn't make it to the games,

but we were able to hold our first national championships there. And from there, some of those young men and women, actually from their finishing, they then gained those elusive points that were needed to collect for the next potential Olympics. Nice. So look, if that's just me,

if that's just one person being able to do that, we can all do that, right? What's the name of the cartel that runs that cycling program now? The two Escobars referenced 30 for 30 ESPN. Once they discovered it was profitable and manageable, who took it over? Is this the same foundation or this is your new foundation?

This is a new foundation. This is the new one. This is what she's – I was trying to – Yeah, yeah yeah yeah no i was going somewhere i know home stretch but i know that that wasn't around in 2009 it has nothing to do with kid you worked with she basically does what a lot of us do in comedy is uh yeah try to house broke-ass comics when they're driving from LA to Austin. Yeah, you can stay a few nights and we'll cook you some food because you ain't got shit and you're living out of your car trying to follow your dream.

And that's what you do with Homestretch with bicyclists, female bicyclists who are trying the inevitable. Yeah. That's not the word. word see this is what happens when i don't smoke on a podcast i'll blame that no you got it that's unattainable that's what i was looking for yeah you help out yep we are tell go through some of your brokest moments trying to make it as a cyclist oh my god mine personally um well i had a lot with fucking harvey weinstein sorry

you should have a cigarette i can definitely say that from the time... So, okay, I spent... Hang on. Kristen Becker will match you comedy for bicycling. Oh. Fucking brokest, starving artist, starving... Yeah, yeah, sign me up.

I'm that kid. Let's go. Yeah, yeah. You can stay at Homestretch anytime you like. Yes. I have a bike. Awesome. Man, so I spent five years at the pro level and and only one of those years was i paid above the

poverty line and the poverty line is like you know eighteen thousand dollars so all the other years and the men of course had a guaranteed base salary and i thought this has to change this isn't this isn't okay and we have to make that change from within our sport so um uh my business partner and i decided like okay let's do this let's find a residence in tucson which is where everybody goes to train if you're a pro cyclist and you live in the states because of tucson's um mountains and the the climate everything right that's where everyone goes for at least six months out of the year so i said we we've got to do it in tucson and you know, house anywhere from eight to 10 athletes,

but not sandwiched in like kids at a day camp type thing. You know, actually like a livable place. And we won't charge any rent. They have to be a pro cyclist who has qualified to that level already or might be just on the cusp of earning that first pro contract. And I know from, you know, from my time there, what really turned the corner for me was probably the second to last year of my career. Like I needed that personally too,

because I fell into one of those places where I had to work two jobs in addition to the pro cycling career, which I wouldn't have had to work so many jobs if the women had the same base salary as the men. I could have at least survived. So the men weren't having to take jobs. Correct. They could live on the salary. You know, come to think of it, Sandhope used to do that for shitty baseball players

that would come to town. And they were all men too. He didn't have any female baseball players. And for the record, when they asked me for advice how to get baseball actually going here where people would watch it i said get a chick on the team this is a heavy gay community get a chick on the team and lesbians will come out and fucking support women but mostly lesbians because most women don't watch wnba

but lesbians will i think that's a great idea. We'll record it. The closest thing we have to lesbian baseball is Castle Rock Kenny. Oh, shit, he's not in here. That joke was only for Kenny. I liked it. Sorry, I was hoping you'd match worst places he had to crash on the road oh oh yeah oh um uh i can give you the almost ran out of money and we it was like when the gas

prices went up we were in tour and i had a touring van that was you know a 92 and it was old and crunky and like two gigs just cranked like just shit the bed and we got to california and gas was four4 a gallon. And, like, literally, me and Ava's Dykes of Hazzard and two other lesbians were, like, pulling up the carpet in the van just trying to find fucking coins to get to L.A. It was the fucking worst.

And then, like, when you have, like, three lesbians in a van, like, who's going to give the blowjob? Do you know what I mean? Like, how do you get out of this fucking situation? Because there's a way out for a lady like yourself. You'd be able to get yourself out of that situation. Mine's definitely not as cool as that. What is it?

I wish I could say mine was as cool as that. Oh, that's cool? I think so. I do. One of the ones that we had, we were on these pro teams, but again, the whole salary thing and the teams are not even paying for hotel rooms, right, for us. And we were in California and the race that we were going to had a homestay program, which

means locals would take in one or two athletes from each team and, you know, put you up in a guest room, right? Yeah. So my teammate and I went to this one house and the loveliest couple two young kids like four year old and a baby and they're like we'll keep the kids in our room and you can have the kids room and i walk in there and the bed is a four-year-old's pirate ship bed yes that's can i say it that way and i'm sitting there and you know and it's it's all decked out with pirates of the caribbean there's this comforter with, like, Johnny Depp, you know,

Jack Sparrowing and doing his thing. And I have to, like, climb into this bed. And my limbs don't fit. They're, like, port and starboard, jetting off in each direction. And, you know, and I'm supposed to race professionally, like be a pro athlete. It's like sleeping in this bed, you know. Yeah, yeah.

But you're trying to put it in this, like, special place of denial and be like, no, no, I got this. But this would be the difference if it was a comedian in a pirate ship bed. It helps your career because you have a new five minutes the next day. If there's no roaches, I'm in. You're worried about the sheets.

And if she was a cyclist, she wouldn't be fucking sucking dick for gas money. I was going to say that. No, I'd be doing it for fun. So suck a dick for the better room. And I don't see cyclists sucking a dick for the better room. All right, let's go. No comment on that.

Because we are getting close to show. Do we do have a show in an hour, but we're eight minutes away. I got something I really want to bring up, and I want to say that when we became best friends, and we are best friends now. We are. I might say some things when I'm drinking,

but I'll stand by them. I did have an ulterior motive the more i talked to you because even bingo said today when i was bringing out ginger beer for you in a small bucket of ice like i do for all our guests every podcast every week every time she goes is this for val and i go no it's for katherine she goes is katherine val are you fucking with me? Cause you're very, our friend Val has been on the podcast.

She has her own project, the Florence project. Uh, you're so similar. And, uh, you being a professional athlete, I thought,

yeah, there's a good chance you might be gay. And, uh, maybe Val being very similar people with very similar passions, maybe you'd make a good couple and you went out for coffee and says you're not

a gay. Where's Val? Wait. I don't understand why I'm here. You're not kidding. You went out for coffee with Val and you're not gay yet? Conversely, Kristen Becker is not a professional athlete, but happens to be. A professional lesbian.

Yeah. But since you were both on, I wanted to ask you how you feel and i was about uh transgender in sports i'm all for it yo no i mean yeah i mean that's a bad question if you were a cyclist and a man transitioning into a woman but could still like keep up with lance armstrong without the juice so i've raced with transgender athletes, and I think that they're amazing athletes. And I also think that there's this common misperception that every transgender athlete is just going to throw the hammer down and beat every woman.

And that's actually not what's happening. And the transgender athletes, especially, at least I know this in cycling, right? They have to be tested for their hormone levels, and they have to be under a certain percentage of testosterone. I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. To qualify as female in the competitive sense. Ah, all right. So, and then I also had this one fantastic experience racing.

I told you this was going to be very feminist. We are going to learn something, Pat. We just did. The only insight I have on this conversation is from, because when I used to watch a UFC, and they would have the same conversation, and it was so extreme, though, because I'm like, yeah, that's a dude.

You're still going to have the muscle. And I don't know if that's different in cycling. I wonder if they're also tested for their hormone levels and regulation. A lot of them look a lot like dudes. I wonder if Catherine Bertine had a different opinion until she beat a trans person in cycling. They're fine. They're fine.

I won. I had this one race where, and in cycling, it's very typical to crash. There are crashes that happen. Oh, shit. We've got to get to your TBI. Fuck. Oh, yeah. I fell on my head.

No, finish. Finish. Okay, short story with that. If a crash happens in the middle of the pack, we call it a peloton. That's the group of the riders, right? If somebody crashes in the middle, then you get it. We call it the fun part. The fun part.

We call it why we watch. Fine. crashes in the middle then we call it the fun part the fun we call it why we watch so if you're if you're log jammed behind that crash then you have to chase like with all your strength to get back to the group that has you know carried on up the road so in one of those situations i was um trying to get back to the main peloton with a transgender athlete. Another woman, myself, is the three of us trying desperately hard to get back. And I watched how hard she was working. She was going her full limits. And so was I. And so was the other woman that was with us.

And it was a really beautiful moment for me to be like, look, she's not just sitting here, like, coasting along. Like, oh, this is easy. Like, she was kicking her ass like we were all kicking our own ass. And really solidified for me like okay and then she went on this is a race of let's say um round numbers it was 100 people and she finished i think like 24th right so she wasn't like there's that misconception people are gonna be like to me that's a small that's that's the wrong sample group that's a because like a weak-ass dude is going to be a weak-ass woman on the same bicycle ride no matter which gender they choose

you would have to have the strongest woman and the strongest transgender man race and see how they compared uh i don't know maybe not didn't like billy jean king already deal with this like a while ago? Yeah. And that's it. We're still, it's like we're- Well, there's biological differences is my point. You can't ignore that.

And when you're doing a competition, I wouldn't- But how have those biological differences been framed for us? I mean, I don't know. I just feel like there's definitely, there has been lack of opportunity, right? Yeah. For women. I don't know. I just feel like there's definitely, there has been lack of opportunity, right? For, for women. I don't, I don't know.

I just, if it means more people get to go make money bicycling, I'm definitely all for it. I don't have an opinion one way or the other on the whole thing. I was just curious as how it would be like Icarus where Russia did a bunch of fucking shady shit. Oh yeah. That was crazy.

On bicycling and like, oh, that's shady shit going on and like yeah we didn't get into lance armstrong shit could but could the future of cycling be non-gendered races where like men and women race each other the same distance uh on the same routes at the same time you know it would be an interesting thing to see i mean that has to happen in sport where men and women are racing the same distances just just because that should be how it is it's that way in all the other sports.

Why isn't it that way in cycling? But with the transgendered side of it, I think that's just one of these areas where I think a lot of people are projecting the fear that, oh, all of these men are going to transgender to women and come over and kick everybody's ass, and it's just not happening. But I'm on this thing of, like,

why are we gendering something like riding a bike? Like why can't there just be a race and if everyone has a bicycle and you've trained and you want to get on it then you do it instead of separating it well i guess i feel i i like that there are different um uh classifications classifications thank you in the sport because right now i think that that is something that highlights what the women can do well and what the men can do well. But what's interesting is that the longer a sport gets, whether it's running or cycling or anything in the endurance family, women actually show that they excel more at greater distances.

So it might be really interesting. Having balls has to be a disadvantage in bicycling over long distances. Oh, totally. I definitely think. Now I have a few questions because I wanted to segue back from Chaley's opening Sizzler story. I know runners often shit their pants. Have you shit those bicycle, what do you call those? Singlets?

Oh, we call them chamois. Snugbugs? Snugbugs. They call them chamois because they absorb a lot of shit. Pretty much. They absorb a lot of stuff. It's very, very common for cyclists, both men and women, to urinate during a race because they have to. I said shit.

We're talking about shit right now. We're easing into it. Wait, where does the pee go? It goes into the chamois. It goes down your leg. Wait, where are you? If you're behind her, it's hitting you. It's hitting those spokes and those wheels, and it's flipping up.

It's like work erases. It has to be done, you know? Because you've got to hydrate. It has to make more sense now. You've got to go somewhere. Smoke screen, smoke screen. There are ways. You don't know the text.

But for shitting, I haven't had it happen. But, I mean, if you're out there and you have some serious bowel stuff going on yeah you either have to go you're gonna write that in there on the bike but i think that hide behind a bush yeah basically and that's what i've seen more people take time you know and then all of a sudden she's not complaining about tv coverage yeah how many times how many times did you shit in an elephant costume? None. I'm sure that was going to be it.

None that I'll share with you anyway. But no, that never happened. That show was an hour long. I don't know your diet. Thanks, Bingo. It's too late to get in i had other notes but you're uh you're uh you're falling on my head no trying to change alcoholics which is so off topic but you mentioned that and as good as it gets but i i'm i don't know i can change every gear chain brake thing on a bicycle but i can't change an alcoholic boyfriend you were talking about you were oh it was i had to do some it was it was it was a relationship that went south in boulder colorado so you couldn't stomach the

thought of going back to boulder and this is when you moved to arizona you couldn't do new york and but no i think where i was going with that was that like i i and he was an alcoholic and i was like well shit i know that you can't change somebody yo you take a bike apart and put it back together in front of a lesbian she'll quit drinking i'm just telling you if you're striking out you have options oh my gosh that is so awesome that is so awesome I don't know where to go

with that you need a wrench yeah oh my gosh the point is we don't have time to get into a bunch of the notes

okay but your foundation is the homestretchfoundation.org.org yep which bingo do you even know the brand of that bike explain the bicycle that bingo oh the the trike the trike yeah that is so fantastic can we talk about what we'd like to do with the trike yeah well bingo bought this as we all buy something that's gonna change our lives yeah i bought an amc pacer that allegedly had only 4 000 original miles yeah you spend a lot of money sometimes on dumb shit and you never use it again

bingo had this beautiful tricycle i don't even know no no no it's a tricycle yeah I don't even know. No, no, no. It's a recumbent. Yeah, it's a recumbent trike. It's called a trike. It's three-wheeled and it's a recumbent and it's awesome. This thing has disc brakes,

SRAM shifting, and it's carbon fiber. Like, this is a serious trike. It's awesome. It's pretty fun. Bingo was about to say the same thing describing it. Hers was going to be, it's orange.

It's orange. I remember when she texted me about the SRAM brakes. That's right. Are these worth it, Chad? Are these worth it? Do I upgrade to the SRAM? So it's a very expensive unit. And after a while, you did take it that the whole airport road we went down to the

the golf course you got to the end of that and then called andrew to drive her back up because it's kind of uphill the way back and it's sat here and it's beautiful and we've tried to sell it and there's not a real market for it down here. What it costs is probably the annual income of most of my friends on selling weed or SSDI. So Bingo has donated it to Homestretch Foundation. Oh, right on. Bingo, you are the best. Thank you so much. So great.

And you will auction it off. We'll keep you updated on the podcast and you through your bicycling connections. Absolutely. We are going to auction off the fabulous trike that Bingo has donated. And that will help all your

people. Four bicyclists. All your broke comics trying to get ahead in the world and get a free lunch and not have to blow someone out of, because there's no change in the carpet. That's an analogy to them. Unless they want a top bump. We are very thankful for that. Is that you?

Oh, that's me. Oh, yeah. Well, you, I've blown past this who's you who's you oh kristen becker okay yeah kristen i because i i know you both do activism and i heard you outside before the podcast going yeah this tour i just want to tell fucking jokes oh no i mean for a moment yeah and then i glossed. I mean for a moment but then I glossed over because you have a you're going to be here tomorrow.

Yeah. I'll crank out another podcast with you. Okay. Do that. I'm sorry. But plug your upcoming dates. I don't know what he has up there.

That's my second. That's a fundraiser for Summer of Sass. The Stonewall Inn's doing a big build up to the anniversary of the riots. Oh, yeah, the gay bar in New York. Yeah, and so we're doing a fundraiser for Summer of Sass and a project called the Generations Project.

It's not a gay bar in New York. It was a turning point in New York. It is a gay bar in New York. Oh, it still is? Yeah. Okay, well, for people who just think I'm – it's not a benefit for – No, it's a benefit for – well, it's – No, it's a benefit for these two organizations.

Mine works with LGBTQ kids that are 18 to 20, and then the Generations Project works on saving stories of older queer folks. And so – Yeah, I didn't want my people to think I'm just trying to, like, build an addition on a gay bar to Stonewall. Stonewall is a big turning point in gay rights history. There's a riot and police fucking raid, awful, horrible shit. So, yes. So we started the Feel Good Cabaret. And so we're going to do

these events in New York and try to raise money and we're trying to buy a house for the program. But we can talk about all that. That's amazing. Good for you. It's really important. It's fun. Good for you. It's really important. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Also, Doug, we do have sponsors from the GCBL, the Girls' Cripple Ball League,

the BisbeeBleeders.com, and the GimpGals.net. GimpGals! GimpGals! Those teams, sponsor them as best you can. The GCBL, the new sponsors of the Doug Stanton podcast. Kenny, our driver,

is waiting in the... Oh, yeah. He's waiting in the Suburban to take us to the second night of comedy at Chuckleheads. ChuckleheadsAZ.com. Coming up after this podcast,

Brendan Burns. Check out... Oh, Burns is booked. I didn't even know that. It's a one-nighter. So it's Chuck, Burns is booked. I didn't even know that. It's a one-nighter. So it's chuckleheadz.com. Go there to check out the dates.

And yeah, a lot of those shows I think I'll be back for. I think a lot of May I'm going to just be working like middle week. So I'll be there for a lot of them. So come down to Bisbee Hangout and enjoy our town. Enjoy Chuckleheadz. Enjoy the podcast. Thank you, Catherine Bertine, my new best friend. Sorry, all my old best friends who are very angry.

Chaley is hurt. Chad Shank never wanted a friend because he doesn't want to let anyone down. Chad left. He went to the gas station. I appreciate all the knowledge that I got tonight from you ladies. Thank you very much. Thank you, Krista Becker. I love you.

We'll talk tomorrow. Good night. Thank you. Cigarettes. Thank you. Check your mic, Doug. Check test. Hello. Thank you. I don't know where all my fucking reading glasses went.

I used to have a thousand. Are there any down there? I don't see anyone. Oh, you have some on your face. I know. I'm saying I had to go on a deep search to find them. He doesn't even feel across his nose now. Time for that prescription to be retaken.

Oh, air? Well, I guess it doesn't matter. I already did a floor noise. I don't remember saying it, but evidently when Kenny was dying on his ass on stage in here, I go, yeah, Chaley will use that for room tone. It's great, Kenny. I've never gotten five minutes of room tone.

It's fucking fantastic. Even the crickets shut up. It's funny because Kenny is getting laughs. Everybody looked at Kenny. I turned around and looked to see who was in here laughing. What the fuck are these people? looked at Kenny I turned around and looked to see who was in here laughing